#im not even sure why because my life isn't very similar to her situation at all

[ibrokeeverything]

🌈Inner Steel

[ratgrinders]

hello tumblr user ratgrinders... appreciate the work you do even in these trying times (post onscreen homicide). i think the fact that kipperlilly is like, annoying and reminds people of girls they didnt like in high school ppl miss out on a lot of interesting stuff going on w her!

like, the "power hungry teen girl who is just evil and tbk kill her" thing has already been done in fhfy with penelope, & its much more interesting to think about how & why the ratgrinders are doing all this suspicious stuff tbk are noticing-- like the fact that they have been very cagey about showing their combat abilities, the weird stuff going on with various deities, and even kipperlilly's stolen therapy files (lol) are very intriguing!! and imo writing that off as assuming they'll be straightforward, incompetent villians (popular assumption due to their lack of friendship, even though it's famously the weakest magic) is far less interesting. like... they got into this situation for a reason and got involved w all this stuff somehow, & i don't think all of this would happen if they were a normal adv party, even a shitty one. how did they get here! why!! thx

thank you so much, its getting hard out here but nothing can stop the rat grinders stan grind!!!!! (<- is coping. im coping)

yeah but fr, kipperlily is FASCINATING to me. i truly believe that she thinks everything she does is justified in service of her larger goal, whatever that may be. yeah, stone cold murder really isn't the fairest thing you can do to your academic rivals, but writing all of that off as "oh she's just always been a jealous hypocrite who never believed in what she was spouting" i think is an inaccurate interpretation of her own motivations. she clearly believes in something.

cuz the thing is, we're still not really sure was kipperlily wants? ("egg on my face for wanting something"). sure, she's trying to run for student body president, but what exact rules is she hoping to implement, and how does that relate to trying to resurrect a rage god? plus, grix attacked ruben because he/his ritual were a direct threat to the existence of the school, which seems counter productive if you're trying to become president of it.

and what cause would kipperlily specifically have to be tied up with a rage god anyway? there's nothing that clearly on the surface ties a little type A halfling rogue to a fiendish god of rage and conquest, hell some of the other members in her party seem like on the surface they would have a closer tie to it (like both of their now dead clerics, mary ann who literally harnesses rage, ruben who is full of teen angst). kipperlily's apparently been filled with rage since freshman year, but why? (is she like riz, who spent his whole life infected with an aspect of the nightmare king and literally grew up with this seed of doubt inside him? did something similar happen to kipperlily?)

ankarna is the goddess of justice and the conviction to act when they see something unfair. no matter what, i think kipperlily truly believes that she's witnessed something unfair. and it feels significant to mention that this last murder is an escalation on the rat grinders' part. the other people who have ended up dead around them (lucy, yolanda, the original hosts of frosty faire) all seemed to have died indirectly as a result of the rage crystals and the uncontrollable rage it inspires. this is the first time we're seen stone cold premeditated murder, done with simply a blade and betrayal.

honestly, this transition seems to mirror what ankarna herself went through, starting off as the goddess of conviction and justice but slowly transitioning to one of conquest and war. brennan said something about ankarna, "yeah its nice to have someone like that on your side who will stand up for you, but you better hope that person is always right". i think what we're seeing now is someone with that same conviction, but with a misguided cause.

kipperlily's crossed a line now and i wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't end up redeemed by the end of the season, but i'm still interested in how she and her party were motivated to do this in the first place, because like you said i don't think a normal adventuring party would've ended up here. it takes a lot to transition to multiple murders!

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

AITA for taking my younger sister out of a toxic home environment?

[Conficcare magically gets reddit for shits and giggles, written with brainfog & having never spent much time on reddit so mmv]

I [m30] have been getting into arguments with my sister [f21] recently, about my choice to once i moved out of the house at 18, getting her to spend at first the time between school and sleep in my flat, and eventually having her stay the night more and more.

She says this caused a breakdown in her relationship with our mother and half siblings, and made her weird to other kids because she was being practically raised by her older brother. Our older sister [f39] agrees with her, saying I took her away from the family and my issues with our mother shouldn't have affected our younger sister.

Part of the reason our older sister didn't like it is because I didn't live alone, I was sharing with my boyfriend at the time, best friend and my best friend's little brother. While I agree a cramped flat with a bunch of 18 year olds isn't the best place for a 9 year old kid to spend time, my older sister, mother, and two youngest siblings were also sharing a similarly tiny flat. My sister was left with the bulk of the child care, and I became the ‘man of the family’ when my two older brothers both left for better jobs up north and cut contact. I thought that taking one of our siblings would give less work to our older sister and because we were splitting rent, it didn't reduce by much the money I sent to them.

My other reasoning was that my mother is verbally and emotionally abusive to me as i failed to live up to her idea of what a man should be- which is why i needed to get the fuck out. Her vitriol was mostly aimed at me so my siblings don't understand, and I made sure my younger sister never got the chance to. Sure it wasn't the best plan but I was 18 and desperate to spare my younger sister from the hell I went through. I would apologize to appease her but she would know i was lying and it would make our relationship worse, i cant get her to understand I thought i was doing the right thing and it was better for her.

So reddit, AITA? 

EDIT: My best friend was also raising his younger brother in a similar situation, except their mother had recently died, which is why me and my boyfriend at the time moved in with them. I had half lived there anyway and my boyfriend is very close friends with my best friend. I trust all of them around my sister, my best friend stepping up and helping out massively with looking after my sister and i had communicated very clearly that if she ever feels uncomfortable to go to me and tell me everything, and that she's my no.1 priority over anyone else

EDIT2: Some of you have trawled through my past posts and noticed I mentioned a younger brother in a similar situation. Yeah my little sister is trans, its why i needed to get her the fuck out of our house and away from our mum. I didn't know she was trans at the time but I recognized that like me [a gay physically weak man] she started to fail to live up to the masculine ideal and that our mother was starting to notice, so that's why when I moved out I did everything to stop them spending time together regularly. I don't care that she hates me, i just wanted her to have a happier childhood and not have to deal with her loving mother turn into a raging homophobe and transphobe

EDIT3: I'm a nurse, simple as that. Just because im italian doesnt make me a fucking mobster and sure my at the time boyfriend has since served jail time, but that was for self defence and we are not even together anymore. Sure we have kept in touch because its a tight knit community but a photo together doesn't mean i'm working for the mafia even if he makes shit life decisions- and my best friend died shortly after, caught in the crossfire of a hit gone wrong, so suggesting my dead best friend is a crime boss is insulting to say the least.

EDIT4: In not sure why the mods are letting a convicted terrorist post on reddit but @/cherryb💣mb stop wasting your time arguing with a random guy from your hometown. Track down my sister to show her this post and i'll do the alphabet spaghetti cans worth of agencies on your ass a favor and take you out

[here2bbtstrash]

hi, eonni! i dont know if you still would keep me in your thoughts. better if you do, or even if you don't, i’d be glad both the ways. maybe if i’m being so dumb and vague, im yun.. hello :')

i disappeared suddenly, because life has never been good on me. i miss you dearly, and i don't have the guts to come infront as a non anon, aka someone with a true blog. of the many people i met in my previous blog, you're the one with whom i felt the most safe with, so i just wanted to drop in..

is it too awkward or sudden to drop in?

i read ldomlt chap 10, and it absolutely broke me. of all the things ive learnt so far, i know it's okay to mess up, because we're all humans. but the avalanche of everything which went on..im alright, because it's just common and we're all humans. but one thing for sure is, yoongi and oc are both idiots, complete idiots, lacking proper communication. with jk, he's an amazing guy, is he single? askin for a friend, obv, ty ty

i do so realised that maybe they won't ever share that golden bond they did, but maybe they can improve and develop with time (: (:

and one thing for sure is, that yoongi totally is gaslighting.

i do know that one shouldn't presume anything, and me myself am, because i do know that yoongi is scared. yoongi is scared that he loves her, and she deserves someone who's better than him, and even some stances of past relationships which is making him gaslight everything, even his own emotions. i do get it, it's the human nature afterall. he's scared, but i hope he understands that life is all about feeling it..

don't know, if im logical for it, but it's, i suppose, oc is in the stage of grief and denial, as well as anger. it's okay, the storyline was great, and i absolutely appreciate you for keeping it so clean and natural, because (having faced some so similar situation myself,) some novel shit absolutely doesn't occur in real life, like they appear when you want them to. life makes you lick your shoelaces and taste the bitterness, and sometimes it burns you out...she has gone through a lot..

but however, i truly hope that the story has a good ending: i know some things can't be mend even after years of exile, but they can be better. i know that yoongi loves her, cares about her, which is why he even came to the party.. and the part when he said

“ i just want you to be happy ”

my heart broke too.

but i hope these idiots take upon and talk, and things get better.

and i hope everything is smoother on your side too, eonni (:

YUN BABY MY DONGSAENG OMG 🥺 it's so good to hear from you!!!!

of course you have been in my thoughts!! i have missed talking to you but i know life is hard and i don't take it personally when people take breaks/walk away from tumblr or i just don't hear from them for a bit!

i do hope things are looking up for you or will soon, if not now then definitely in the new year, bc you deserve good things!! 💜 and you are always welcome to say hi to me no matter how long it's been 🥺

oh god 😭 chapter 10 was so so much i know.... all the emotions and flaws and failures to communicate. so much humanity and MESS between these two. at least we have jk 🫠 who is single but i think you have an entire army of baby star candy stans to fight for his love 🤣

you are so so correct about both yoongi and reader. she absolutely called him tf out when she said he was scared. and i love that you pointed out he isn't just gaslighting her but also himself - that's soooo real. he thinks if he can just shove it down, push her away, and get back to work, the way he's feeling will dissipate.... 👀 guess we'll have to see how that plan goes lmao

i'm so glad you're enjoying the story and that you feel it's natural!! i loved putting in that little end moment even though it's obviously VERY sad... as a lover of tv shows/books and the many tropes that come with them, i have sadly had that moment far too many times myself. it can be so crushing when the imagined scenarios in your head don't come true 🥺 but she's off to start a new life.... and we have to see how it all wraps up!! 💜

ugh it makes me so so happy that you reached out, and that you're still enjoying this series!! i really wanna hear more about your life and how things are going - i'm pretty sure you have me on discord so pls don't hesitate to message anytime!!!

wishing nothing but the best for you in 2023 and beyond, and i'm manifesting that shit, so you know it'll come true 😉✨💜

[woodlandscab1n]

I love overthinking these movies messages/stuff that they probably DIDN'T intent.

Like this girl I forgot the name of, she's very obviously so a parallel to Leon's self before and during the RC accident. And he knows that too, which is why I think he's so quiet; in my delirious mind, this guy is one, reliving RC through the airport outbreak and Claire is also there so, even more of a "haha trauma loop" and two, it's like he's watching himself go through it, by watching this girl go through it.

People shit on degeneration Leon a lot and I see why, he's very, very dry and then he gets a random love interest based out of... zero chemistry (honestly it would've been much nicer if they just stayed like, that? with that dynamic they had, the shadow of the other. The representation of the person the other was. Aka IM FUCKING ARO AND THIS SUCKS!)

But I think the dryness is... honestly very on character, lol. We are seeing him working. He is working with others, it isn't just him alone and only himself to worry, or he isn't with someone with someone he feels he can relax with. The situation is dire, and action needs to be taken immediately; there is no time for being a silly goofer like what he's known for. And while he does do mistakes (cough cough, not at least informing these guys who've Never dealt w BOWs before ... HOW TO DEAL W EM OR WHAT TO EXPECT cough cough), I think he's too in the zone/survival mode to be himself...and that's so him 😭

But anyways, those ramblings aside and the reason why I'm yapping about this again... in the end of this damn movie, the girl ends up in a very similar situation as... — The Moment — with her brother and she's not willing to let go even tho they're gonna fall together if she doesn't. Eventually, she does, but Curtis (i only remember his name bc i thought it was such a dumb name, whos fuckin named curtis bro LOL) grabs onto her, dragging her with him.

So, Leon ends up in the same situation, again, but now he knows what to do. He shoots Curtis, who then lets go of Woman TM. He successfully saves her even if they both fell together.

YES, you figured it out this is anti-a//eon propaganda. HAH! GOTCHA.

He saved himself, let her fall and willingly so... but he still falls because of her, because of himself, because of this "if you don't try to save a single person, you won't be able to save anyone else" being Carved into his morals that has tainted how he sees himself. He might try to let go as much as he wants, but in the end he's gonna keep falling, and falling and falling if he doesn't save himself from falling in the first place, if he doesn't drop this idea that he has to forever make up for all of the people who he couldn't save, who he CAN'T save.

And this is a very, VERY obvious fact, from everything of his but most people simplify it too much. He is Literally haunted by this, it is killing him from inside out. He based his whole morality and sense of self on being Able to save people, that's why he is who he is in the first place. To dedicate his whole being to saving people and preventing people be in the situation he was as a kid in the first place (which btw, I feel like his family being involved in crime in the first place is why he puts such a HEAVY moral expectation on himself, he NEEDS to make up for what they did wrong).

But, he will never fucking stop being in this vicious cycle if he doesn't fucking cut off this dumb idea that he's inherently a bad person because he can't save people, even tho he thinks he should be able. He trained this hard, this much, he spend his whole life to make sure he was Capable of preventing it... and yet, instead, he gets used to be a weapon, to be forced to be a weapon for the people who could end it all right here, right now and they won't, in fact they make it worse. They kill innocents even tho they could've been saved, at least some of them.

...SO, I know the person who wrote this movie probably didn't mean ALL that, and it's probably more along the lines of "Leon is finally capable of saving her, when he couldn't before". Which, yayyy woooo! you go dude, you did it. Now please get therapy bc that alone won't fix ya.

ah yes, re: degeneration, the movie where leon hits on a parallel of himself. and also Claire kicks ass and is the protag actually .

[danothan]

im hoping i didnt misread your tone reading the tags and you do want to hear violyn shippers out but if u were /gen the reason that they appeal to me so much is the fact they are very different in every single way down to how they were raised but at the same time they are very similar with their motivations and goals in life they both want to help people and do good and while they certainly have quite a few hurdles to jump over they work together well and clearly trust each other very much despite their contrasts and differences and how they do have to jump a few hurdles to have a strong bond and might not click instantly but that doesn't mean the potential isn't there. also yeah youre right im a basic bitch and like tropes when ur a lesbian you gotta settle sometimes when it comes to rep. anyway hope u enjoyed the rant because it was a struggle to not make this longer

yes i was being genuine! i like getting other ppl��s perspectives, esp if it’s on smth i don’t understand. warning tho, i get pretty negative and definitely wordy underneath the cut

i think “potential” is the keyword here. i get the whole oil vs water metaphor in concept, but the execution leaves more to be desired. like you said, they’re fundamentally opposed in their upbringings and values. i mean after all, the first scene in arcane is the destruction caused by enforcers, ending on a shot of young vi glaring at them as she’s being carried away from her dead parents. that’s the kind of thing that sets the tone for the rest of the show, so it makes me wonder why we never feel the weight of that trauma after act 1. you’d think being wrongfully imprisoned for 6-7 years would make vi’s resentment grow even MORE, but i feel like she’s just toned down from her younger self if anything. before, she’d have a shouting match with vander over his betrayal of making deals with enforcers. couple episodes later, she’s teaming up with an enforcer herself? what changed?

i feel like they don’t have many shared goals either, esp not anything to bond over. so far all they really have in common is that they want to find jinx (for very different reasons) and they want to stop silco, which isn’t very romantic common ground lol. i’m not even sure i’d agree that they have the same motivation to help people bc vi is completely out of touch with the current political state of zaun and pretty much only has tunnel vision for finding her sister. and while caitlyn definitely wants to help people, she isn’t willing to listen to vi or ekko’s criticisms bc she gets too defensive over the idea that she might be part of a corrupt system. they’re barely ever on the same page

you say they clearly trust each other despite their differences, but i don’t think they should given this history. OR, if they did, it should be like my bookclub partner said and have vi fall headfirst into the relationship. and if this were to be the case, it would have to lean into vi’s emotional immaturity + lack of experience and give caitlyn growth + more awareness of their situation. but neither of these options happen, so caitvi toes the line without being able to commit to either side. it makes their relationship feel inconsistent and trivial to me

my bookclub partner and my sibling also brought up separate but enlightening points on the portrayal of their dynamic. f0r mentioned how they would be generic and frustrating to watch if the main conflict of their relationship was internalized homophobia, so it was a good writing choice to not include homophobia/sexism as a part of their society, and i agree with this. it’s an overdone trope used in place of actual substance, fantasy bigotry being a 1-to-1 with the real world just feels lazy. then my sibling noted that even though they technically don’t use this particular trope, their dynamic still carries the same story beats. their struggles and resistance towards each other feels subjective instead of being based on core themes of the story, like it’s a personal issue or a difference in personality and not the fact that they represent opposing sides of a class war?? this is why i don’t get what the big deal is over their break up. it felt like forced tension bc i wasn’t all that convinced they were in love after a few days, not to mention the breakup didn’t even last, so narratively i don’t see the point of having them separate if they were immediately going to get back together

again, if you’re going to use the oil vs water metaphor, lean into their differences. it shouldn’t be brought up when drama calls for it (“what, you don’t have parents?”), it should be the foundation of all of their interactions. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, jayvik represent the oil vs water metaphor better with the way external forces play into the difference in their values and create a divide between them despite their history and compatibility. hell, i feel more of that zaunite vs piltovan conflict between cait and jinx bc at least jinx’s trauma is written into their interactions

it almost feels like they’re having fun on their secret mission until vi remembers she’s supposed to hate cait. it’s the whole forbidden lovers trope that doesn’t actually feel forbidden bc there are no consequences for them being together. everything is just inferred because, well, they’re supposed to be opposites! so of course they’re on-and-off! but drawing conclusions from character fun facts is not the same as seeing those elements being purposefully utilized. this is what i mean when i say shippers have to rely on speculation. ultimately, caitvi is an underdeveloped on-and-off relationship that doesn’t commit to being either enemies OR lovers. it just feels like a messy high school love story in the middle of more interesting politics, found/unfound family, xenophobia/classism, magic, drugs, and terrorism

it’s a shame you say you have to settle, especially in a show like arcane where they don’t pull their punches for heavy and nuanced subjects. i feel like they set the bar too high to settle for a basic shipping trope. the other relationships in this show are intrinsic to and enhanced by the plot, and vice versa: you know they love each other but external forces play into their personal values and dynamics. caitvi deserves the same complexity and chemistry given to these other relationships

and for the record, i like both characters individually. i can see myself enjoying their relationship as it gets more developed. i think they have a lot of good moments in the show. but as of right now, based on canon only, caitvi is the weakest part of arcane’s writing

[faeriejukyung]

True Beauty’s Gaping Mother Wound

*disclaimer*: I understand that all the listed traits are things which are often very common in Asian households, and it may seem that rather than being concerning, these are just a part of Asian culture. That is why, I feel that it’s necessary for me to make it clear that I am, in fact, Asian (Indian to be specific), and parental abuse is something that is extremely normalized here. As someone who has experienced it firsthand, I want to say that just because something is common/normal, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is correct. If you or anyone you know is in a situation like that, it’s very very important to speak out. And it’s not your fault, i know it’s easier to believe that way but it’s really not. We deserve to be in a loving environment, regardless of what culture we are born in.

Throughout the drama, Jukyung’s mother shows many traits of an abusive mother. I have been able to outline 4 of them. I don’t mean to write her off as an evil character,, because overall she is well intentioned, and just like any other mom, she does love Jukyung. This is shown in episode 8 too, where she shows remorse for her actions. That however, doesn’t justify her abusive behavioral patterns in any way. Because we can see how badly it affects Jukyung, her self esteem and her overall view of herself.

-

Act 1: “I’m going to kill you today and go to jail” -- Physical Violence.

Throughout the series, we see Jukyung's mother being very violent. But one scene which particularly stood out to me was the scene where she finds out about Jukyung's dad getting scammed. (in episode 1). While it is true that her dad caused a huge financial loss to the family, and anyone would feel angry in a situation like that, it is also true that there is never a good reason to physically abuse someone.

After hearing the news, Jukyung's mom is overcome by anger. It's completely okay to feel frustrated, but the way she violently jumped at her husband, clearly intentioned to hurt him, and the way she needed to be held back by juyoung and heekyung highlights her abusive nature. And this isn't a one time thing where she momentarily lost control of herself. She constantly shows similar behavioural traits throughout the drama.

In the scene where we see Jukyung's mom and dad together properly for the first time, their relationship dynamic is established. He's meekly massaging her shoulders while she orders him around. Their is an obvious power imbalance in the relationship, and the way Jukyung's dad cowers in fear around Jukyung's mom is a proof of that.

-

Act 2: "Why would you kill my precious son?" -- Conditional Love.

We see examples of Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love in the kdrama AND in the webtoon. Conditional love is when a parent or a parental figure makes their child compete for love. They withhold their affection until the kid acts in ways that are desirable to them, and if the kid fails to do so, the parent often punishers them through different methods. This is their way of maintaining control over their children.

Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love manifests itself in the form of favoritism towards her eldest daughter Heekyung, who’s not only conventionally beautiful but also very smart and has a high paying job, and towards her youngest child and only son, Juyoung, who is also written to be very attractive. Both Juyoung and Heekyung have gifts that Jukyung does not posses -- beauty and brains. The conditions that are established in order to attain their mother’s affection are getting good grades at school, and being conventionally attractive, which is why Jukyung often gets the shorter end of the stick

In the scene where we are first meet Heekyung is the drama, their mom’s affection towards her is very evident.

This is shown in the webtoon too.

She displays this favoritism towards Juyoung too, and even more so. In episode 1 where Jukyung tries makeup for the first time, and gets ridiculed by him for doing a bad job at it, she naturally feels angry and yells at him, “do you want to die?!”, but instead of telling Juyoung to stop, their mother yells at Jukyung for yelling at Juyoung (”why would you kill my precious son? why?”). It’s already very evident that Juyoung has picked up the habit of constantly taunting Jukyung for her face from his mom. In the webtoon, when Jukyung decides that she wants to pursue makeup arts and asks for her mom’s support and fees for academy, her mom flat-out refuses, saying that they don’t have enough money. However as we find out later, money wasn’t the problem, because she had enough money to send Juyoung to a cram school for acting.

I find it hard to believe that any good parent would constantly compare their children and pit them against each other like this. In the webtoon and the kdrama, it is made clear that Juyoung doesn’t have particularly good grades either, but he doesn’t have to face his mother’s wrath by the virtue of being good looking. Jukyung on the other hand, does not have any redeeming qualities.

-

Act 3: “I’m going to throw all your makeup away” --Excessive Anger.

Another sign of parental abuse is display of excessive anger. It’s usually used as an intimidation tactic to keep the child in line. Sometimes, it can simply happen because they lose control of themselves. Either way, parents who get angry more often than what is supposed to be normal, and hurt their children (physically or verbally) in the midst of their anger, repeatedly, are abusive. I feel like I don’t even need to elaborate on this one. Jukyung’s Mom is angry during half of her scenes. And the way she acts upon that anger crosses the limit too. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to express your the way you feel, but the way Jukyung’s Mom does it, is extremely unhealthy and hurtful to others around her. Whether she’s jumping on Jukyung’s dad or talking down on Im Jukyung, she’s very inconsiderate of how her anger affects others. She almost always expresses herself in an extremely volatile way.

Jukyung described makeup as a hopeful light opening up a new life for her. There’s even a whole music segment of her discovering the powers of makeup, characterized by pastel and bubblegum tones, and the segment has a magical feel to it. Suffice to say that makeup brought an almost magical kind of hope and optimism to her life. In episode 6, Jukyung's Mom goes to her school to get her report card. When she sees her low grades, she gets so angry that she threatens to throw away her makeup, without once considering why Jukyung is so attached to it. In my eyes, she's actually very similar to Soojin's dad who also uses intimidation and physical violence to keep his daughter in line. If we put the same background music for the scenes where we see Jukyung's Mom threatening her, as the ones where Soojin's dad abuses her, they'd practically be identical. The only difference is that the show often plays Jukyung's Mom's behavior as a joke.

In episode 7, after seeing that Jukyung didn't improve as much as she wanted her to, she actually threw away all her makeup. Even though Jukyung did try, and did improve, it still wasn't enough for her mom. Jukyung's restlessness after not seeing her makeup on her table was palpable through the screen. Finding out that her mother threw all her makeup away sort became her breaking point. We see her yell at her mother and express her feelings for the first time.

I think it's important to note that Jukyung, who's already finds it very tough to reach out to her courageous side, was inspired by this incident to stand up to her mom, to express her outrage. Saying that makeup meant a lot to her is an understatement.

-

Act 4: "What's the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on if you're ugly underneath?" -- Verbal Abuse.

We all get into arguments with our parents from time to time, and I’m sure we’ve all been yelled at by them at some point. Verbal abuse however, is not something that is normal, and the two shouldn’t be confused. A parent who constantly humiliates their child, yells and screams at them, talks down on them is in simple terms, an abuser. 

In episode 1, when Jukyung tries makeup on for the first time and goes to school, she gets ridiculed by her bullies and her classmates. Crestfallen, she returns back home after school and goes to her mother for reassurance. Instead of providing that, her mother ridicules her even more and calls her makeup “Ghost Makeup”. This is something abusers often do. Under the guise of teasing the victim, they often attack the victim’s self esteem, appearance etc, to make them feel insecure and to maintain their position of power over them. Jukyung’s mother isn’t very different from those bullies who told Jukyung that she was ugly and made her feel like she could never amount to anything. 

Another example that irks me a lot is from episode 3, when Jukyung’s Mom is chewing her out for being late, and suddenly the conversation turns to cosmetics and makeup. This is also one of the traits of verbal abuse. Instead of arguments surrounding the basic issue, they branch out and turn into character assassination. Her mom accuses Jukyung of wasting all her time on makeup instead of studying, even when Jukyung clarifies that she got late because she missed her bus, not because she was out buying cosmetics. But her mom doesn't listen and says to her, “What’s the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on when you’re still ugly underneath?” 

Jukyung’s face after hearing her own mother say that was heartbreaking. Unfortunately, this type of mother-daughter relationship dynamic isn’t something  that is rare. Mothers frequently project their own insecurities on their daughters and put them down. Jukyung’s Mother’s behavior explains her self esteem issues, it gives an insight about where her insecurities really stem from. Sometimes our abuser’s thoughts and image of us start maligning our own self image. Frequently hearing them tell us that we are worthless, and that no one will ever marry us or love us, makes us believe that we are in fact, worthless and incapable of being loved unless we change something about ourselves. We frequently get an insight into how Jukyung thinks of herself throughout the drama. 

“It’s not my fault that I was born dumb” (In episode 7, after finding out that her mother threw away her makeup.)

“You know that I’m messed up” (In episode 2, referring to her face, while asking Lee Suho to keep her bare face a secret)

The drama is yet to end so I don’t want to completely write Jukyung’s Mother off as an abuser. I hope she becomes a better mom in the show, I really do. Because Jukyung deserves a loving mother. And Jukyung's mom does in fact have a few redeeming qualities, however, simply love and caring isn’t enough, you need mutual respect, reassurance and effort in each every relationship. We know that Jukyung’s mother is also often labelled as an ugly woman, and she believes that she could only get by through studying well. (“It’s going to be okay as long as you study well” - episode 1). In a world where a woman either has to a exceptionally beautiful to be considered worthy, or be exceptionally intelligent and professional lest she isn’t blessed by beauty, it’s very easy to internalize self hatred and direct it on to other individuals (especially if those individuals are your children). That is why i genuinely find myself rooting for Jukyung’s mother and hoping for a character development arc -- because i understand where she comes from, and because i can empathize with her. 

-

Fin.

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

it may not mean much coming from me because i don't know your situation, but i want you to know you deserve to be happy. you're an intelligent, empathetic, and artistic person. what crime have you committed that's worse than what any given man has inflicted on women? if they can live their whole lives without feeling the need to off themselves then why do you deserve to feel like that?

you say people think you're repulsive when they look at you but i dont' fucking believe it because i can count on maybe one hand how many women i've found actually unbearable like if you're not balding in your 20s, you haven't raped anyone, and you're not a psychopath then you're already miles ahead of most men like why should they live their lives without ever questioning their own worth while you feel like shit just for existing and having flaws and sometimes hurting people?

and for the love of god don't wear long sleeves in the summer i'm getting hot just thinking of that if ur sis wants to come over unannounced just let her walk in on you with your sweaty titties hanging out that's a bigger rush than offing yourself <3

-this does mean a lot to me though, i rlly appreciate you and your thoughts ;w; <3 it's very sweet that you would read through my emo text-posting and take the time 2 respond so kindly

its nice 2 know that u wld think of me that sympathetically, and maybe I’ll try to think in a similar way abt things. I think im still having a hard time feeling that I’m an immoral person, bc of agreeing with radfem ideas and only rlly knowing ppl who don't agree with those things. at least, I guess I’m not a bad person. I do my best with the information i am able to find, and thats the most i can do, right?

and bc of being a neet and such, i feel like im morally 'bad' for still leeching off my family, even though i'm still young enough that it isn't abnormal i guess (such is the life of the millennials, i suppose) . and then i have issues with my apprearence but thats a different kind of issue ahaha

also yeah ur right lol, i shld probably not wear long sleeved things in the summer (god that sounds like it shld be common sense, but i'm so used to wearing long sleeved things that i dont think abt it). i mean its still england so im sure it gets warmer than this in america - its like.. the equivalent of 90 degrees fahrenheit here today? but thats the warmest it usually gets tbh

[rainbat]

Even though we'll never see it on screen/know for sure how do you headcanon TJ's parents reacting to him being gay? Like from what we know of Cyrus' his parents would be supportive but with TJ its been implied (albeit very subtly) that his home life isn't as good with the "your the only person i can talk to like this" about his feelings and "classic TJ" driving the good things away from him lines

I have two dividing HCs, similar to how i see his family life.

On one side, I draw TJ’s family life/parents off of the ever hoping Kippen siblings. Obviously Amber’s parents fight a lot, that’s canon. She said on the phone that she wasn’t going to go home because it made her upset to see them fight and they .. didn’t seem to care. Her dad lost his job and she has a job as a 14/15 year old  to help compensate. Throw TJ into the mix then, a kid who has dyscalculia, didn’t know how to do 3rd grade math in 7th grade and NO ONE knew or even THOUGHT he might have a learning disability? I don’t see their parents as very...aware. They have marital and job issues, their kids have jobs to try to support them, and they don’t care if their kids are struggling socially/in school or if they even make it home for the night. I think TJ being gay would be the LAST thing they would care about at that point. I will always hc TJ’s parents as emotionally neglectful, that they just honestly don’t care THAT MUCH about him (or Amber). Him being gay is just something he’s known for a while and just...never really cared to tell his parents. It’s not something he ever feels he would get satisfaction out of.

In that retrospect, how I can see the situation going down is: He’s with Cyrus, they hang out at TJ’s house a lot since his parents are never there, they’re on the couch together and maybe Amber is there too, just watching a movie and his dad comes home and Amber and TJ are..unbothered, don’t care to even look up. And their dad is like ‘who is this? Why is there another kid in our house?’ and TJ is just like ‘That’s Cyrus, my boyfriend’ and his dad is just like ‘Okay well don’t give him any of our food, I just went shopping’  and huffs off. And Cyrus is like *blink* ‘your dad knows you’re gay?’ and TJ just shrugs, ‘I guess he does now’

OKAY other hc, which is assuming it’s been proven TJ and Amber are :( not siblings.. i’ll try to keep it a little short oops it is long

TJ’s parents, again, are emotionally neglectful. His mom has remarried and he has a couple younger step siblings that she, and his step-father, spoil and adore, while TJ is a glorified, free babysitter. They instil proper, catholic values which, surprise, surprise, means they aren’t super huge on gay rights. Ironically, learning about the existence of gay people in church is what made him realise he could like boys like that, and that he does. So he stays silent, suffers through church, avoids ever saying anything because it’s not a conversation he knows is going to go well.

Cue Cyrus, finally a boy that he just..would give the world to. He’s met Cyrus’ parents, he’s out to most people. But they still avoid his family. He has to be careful to keep it from his siblings and his mom and step dad, which is a little toxing for Cyrus, but he doesn’t complain. Of course TJ can tell though. He wants to say something, wants to  show off his boyfriend so badly, if maybe it slightly is in spite. There’s a point where he just..does it. Just snaps. Maybe something escalates to it but he’s just like, ‘Well guess what, mom? Cyrus is my boyfriend. Yeah. Boyfriend. Like, really fucking gay.’ and she’s just kind of like ‘stop it, Tname Jname. Stop making stuff up just to make me mad.’ and TJ  would literally have to prove he was dating Cyrus. He’d pull up pictures of them together, show her text conversations. Just reveal EVERYTHING and yeah.. i don’t imagine it going well. 

She’d definitely just try to push the ‘you just want attention/youre just trying to make me mad’ route. Since he was..already pretty neglected i think they’d just live in passive aggression. He’d still have to  babysit and do whatever she asked, but it was with  more anger and spite. I  think, hope (lol this is my head but ok) that over time things would get a little easier..but idk i live for angst i don’t see her ever being like ‘bring Cyrus around for dinner’ i think more just like ‘he’ll grow out of it eventually but im not gonna deal with it if i dont have to’ ‘as long as he’s still at church’ etc. Somewhere..far down the road she would end up attending his wedding, to a man whoever that may be..and maybe sort of apologising for his childhood

WOW that was a lot im so sorry but .. TJ just. .. really makes my brain start chugging..also i just got out of a final an hour early and have an hour to kill.. so  you get this!

wow i love angsty tj

[chibinekochan]

Hi💗I wanted to thank you for your amazing work and that I am so glad for finding your blog. This is my first request ever Could you write a fabric with MC x Jumin, where Jumin's dad doesn't approve of her first and because he thinks MC isn't enough for his son and tries to persuade him in marrying an other powerful heiress. But the plot is that MC is a trust fund kid but in an other country but she hasn't told him. I hope this is not too specific and you can change the story if you want 💗

Im glad you like my writing and I´m glad you found my little space.I´m thankful for all your support ! I know you liked a lot of thethinks I made it really means a lot to me.

Thatgoes to all of my lovely followers of course. I would benothing without you !

I´m honored to do your first request ever.

Its not too specific at all. I can picture that Sr Han is doingsomething like that.

I´ll do it as au since it would not make much sense after Juminsroute it also makes it more fun to write.

1,5k words

You had kept your upcoming as a offspring from a wealthy family asecret from the RFA. It was part of the agreement that you had withyour father. You wanted to be independent from him and from him andfrom his money. You wanted to prove him and yourself that you coulddo it without him. So you left the country and your more thensheltered life to life in Korea. It was really hard for you to getused to the commoner ways. You where more then happy that you atleast had a grandmother that lived in Korea she was the main reasonwhy you wanted to live in this country in the first place. She alwayshad told you about the country and you where eager to find out more.Of course you messed often up but you always tried your best. Youthen got leaded to the apartment from Unknown. It was easy for himsince you where naive enough to believe him.

You liked the apartment though and you had some experience withplanning partys thanks to your mother. You liked the lively people inthe RFA and you wanted to tell them the r´truth but you knew that ifyou did your father would force you to return home. It became harderby the day.

Specially after you fell in love with Jumin. You really not hadplanned to like him that much specially when he came from a richfamily himself the exact world you wanted to escape from. He feltdifferent to you though you felt a connection to him like with no oneelse. Maybe it was because you both where that similar. Your feelingsonly grew after you met on the RFA party. You kept on calling eachother when times got hard and before you knew it you wanted to meetmore and more. You knew you should tell Jumin the truth even whenthat would mean that you eventually had to return back home. It madeyour heart feel heavy but you not wanted to lie to Jumin.

Then one day in the chat he told everyone about the plans his fatherhad for Jumin. It was so bad to hear that he was suppose to marry awoman that he not loved and on top of that you secretly regrettedthat you not told Jumin earlier that you are also have a wealthybackground.

You thought that if Sr. Han knew that your family was rich he wouldnot oppose it but to say it now of all times was also not right toyou. If Jumin thought that you where just after his money or hisstatus that would be very awful to you.

What could you do though lie or tell the truth and risk yourrelationship ?

You had a hard time to figure it out you seek guidance from yourgrandmother she always was wise in such situations. This time she gotkind of angry at you though. Since she really not liked it that youkept it hidden for so long that you where in love. You feel terribleabout that. Then she tells you that you need to follow your heart andthat she would take care of your father in worse case scenario afterall you are an adult and she would be their to support you no matterwhat.

You are glad about that and you plan to tell Jumin the truth afterall he been really open about everything with you. You call him andask if you can come over. Jumin has nothing against it since hewanted to talk to anyway about the engagement that he not even agreedto.

You end up talking about Jumin´s  feelings about this wholeengagement think and he really does not like that. He talks about howhis father just decided that without him and he is strongly againstit. You know how he feels your father was also ever like that to you.

Jumin really dislikes it how his father tries to persuade him and youagree with him you really not want him to marry anyone that he doesnot love. Jumin then asks you what you have on your mind since itsounded really important to him but just when you want to tell himeverything his father calls him and tells Jumin that there is aImportant Business party in the evening and Jumin needed to attend toit. You where worried about it and Jumin not wanted to go either. Henot really had a  choice it sounded really important so he asked youto come with him. You could talk at the way their if you wanted to.You where surprised by his sudden invitation and where wondering ifit really was okay for you to join Jumin like that.

He said that he wanted you to come along since he had the feelingthat his father was planning something and he wanted you to be theirto support him. You agreed even when you where not sure how yousuppose to keep your calm if his father really planned on somethinglike to announce the engagement to the public. You where afraid ofthat moment.

You arrived with him at the very extravagant party it looked way tofancy to be a simple business party it looked like your fears wouldcome true. You where afraid of the announcement of Jumins engagementhow would he react to it if his father would tell it to the wholeworld in all public?

Your heart was pounding. Jumin introduced you to his father who waspleased to meet you but he did not like the fact that Jumin broughtyou to this party. He wanted Jumin to meet the woman who he hadchosen once again even when Jumin always disagreed on it. His fatherhad invited her too and it was the exact kind of woman that Jumindisliked. She was like all these people that you knew too goodyourself. It made you mad that Jumin was suppose to marry that kindof woman. Just for her money too it was terrible. You where sighinglightly at the woman her presence took your energy away. You justwanted to get out of the awkward situation.

You excused yourself to the bathroom. You hated this whole situationso much why couldn´t you just tell Sr. Han that if he is looking forsomeone with money he could just let you marry Jumin too. You couldat least make him happy. You where quietly scolding yourself forbeing that weak.

If you only could tell Jumin the truth then this whole situationcould had been avoided. No that was really not the right thing tofocus on. You where sighing and prepared yourself mentally for thenext round.

When you looked up you saw Jumin right in front of you. You panicked, did he heard what you where just saying ? You where praying that hedid not. “You really should tell me the truth I thought you trustme by now.” Jumin looked really sad. “I do I really wanted totell you  but if I do then I will have to leave…”You wherelooking down to the ground. “If it´s about your father I´malready aware of that situation.” Jumin looked at you and you wherereally surprised. “You knew … but how and since when ?” Youcould not believe your ears. “707 found it out right after youjoined I found it out after the first party. 707 told us all to keepquiet so we would not loose you.” Jumin sounded extremely calm. Howcould he be that calm about the truth that you kept hidden for solong ? “So all of you knew this the entire time ? But why are youtelling me that now ?” You where more then confused. “As I saidwe not wanted to risk that we loose you or that we destroy yourfuture by forcing you to stay.” Jumin came closer to you and youfelt your heart was pounding. “And the reason why I tell you thisnow is because it does not matter  to me I really love you for whoyou are I never cared about the money that your family has.” Juminlooked deep into your eyes and you where blushing. “I love you tooJumin and I am sorry that I not told you this earlier.” You stillfelt extremely guilty about this. “I know you wanted to tell methis you where trying it a few times  when I recall it right.”Jumin was smiling slightly. You where nodding and it was reallyembarrassing. “You don´t need to worry about this woman either Itold my father that I already choose who I marry and that is ofcourse you. I know you might need some time to think about it andthis is not the proper place to do so but I will diffidently marryyou no matter what.”  Jumin left that statement and then turnedaround and walked back to the party before you could give him anyreplay.

End note : This turned into a very cliche romance movie or soap operaso its still Jumins route.

That is how you get someone to marry you the Han way -!

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