#im not even naked in the photos just in a form fitting outfit so i can examine my shape

[moshieee-but-evil]

God I feel so weird having to study my own body shape much less the uncomfy feeling taking photos so I can use them as refs...

But looking at them does make me realize how little curve I have.

Thanks for slightly less Disphoria genetics???

[hiddenclawsof]

aesthetic tag game

tagged by @yutopiada (one of my fav ptg writers out there still notices me to this day im emo--)

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold.

(soft!) baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night |

(dark academia!) neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story |

(edgy!) closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humour | accidentally very dramatic | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks |

(seventies!) colourful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | DIYing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding |

(preppy casual!) collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time | frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colorful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairy-lights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details

(by @masterninjacow!) rainy mornings | sweet steaming tea | cats’ purrs | daydreaming about fantasies | back hugs | glinting necklaces | loud video games | grumbling thunder | constantly chewing gum | wearing nothing but a t-shirt and underwear to bed | watching horror movies at night | nibbling on chocolates | talking to yourself | short hair | sad lofi music | messy sketches | sweet-scented body wash | spicy noodles at midnight | hating physical affection but craving it at the same time | ending all texts with lmao or rip

(by @cherriigguk!) dried flowers | painting at 2 am in oversized sweater | up until sunrise | abundance of blankets and plushies | minimalistic colours | writing when you can’t sleep | warm banana bread on a winters day | stroking a sleepy dog | big eyeliner | butterfly clips | lo-fi hip hop | glossy lips and rose tinted cheeks | afternoon tea with old friends | oversized cardigans | herbal tea | dainty jewellery | self-care evenings | messy low bun or ponytails | dark hair | too many sketchbooks |

(by @iniquitouspoppy!) cuddling with pets | collecting art | journaling at night | flower dresses | raccoon eyes | thunderstorms | listening to music in bed | gaming | anything (pastel) rainbow | jumpsuits | taking pictures with an old camera | pictures everywhere | spending time with friends until the sun goes down | being alone and loving it | being alone and hating it | reading in the train or bus | just reading all the time | biking everywhere | buying flowers | biting your lip | blue skies, white clouds | big tattoos | piercings | stargazing |

(by @sweetae-tae) zoning out when talking to someone | travelling with friends | concerts and music festivals | doing something just because it makes others happy | being happy when loved ones are happy | mom-friending everyone | buying new flowers you know nothing about | baking for others | trying out new things | listening to one song on repeat for hours | not being able to find one specific song to listen to | doing things to keep your mind busy | a cool breeze during warm days | staying up for “just one more episode” | wishing on dandelions | collecting four-leaf-clovers | dimples | contagious laughter | decorating your room with photos and postcards and posters | winter nights when it snows heavily

(by @actuallythatwaspromise) bookstores | pearl necklaces | wishing on the first star at night | messy room | tall lace up leather boots | never breaking the rules | thigh high socks | peppermint-mocha frappes year round | no jackets in winter | standing outside in the rain | the scent of pine | watch documentaries for fun | navy blue room | knitted Blankets | eyes that are multi-colored | cool morning mist | perfectly formed sentences | reading poetry to learn new words | swords with golden hilts | wish anklets on so long that you forgot what you wished for

(by @kodabodaa) all black everything | vampire-esque | sitting outside on quiet nights | winged eyeliner | fucked up sleep schedule | standing outside during a downpour | meme photo folder | tattoos | piercings | loves to make people flustered through flirting | first meal not till after midnight | looks like could kill | laying in bed all day | majorly independent | playlists for everything | prince zuko trash | could read you to filth | lack of emotions | once i love, i love hard | not afraid of really anything |

(by @seoultraveller) intense eye contact | deep discussion about passions | naked dance sessions alone in the bedroom | learning foreign language through poetry, song, and history | studying historical dynasties | not studying out of pure disinterest | nervous lip biting | patience | having one drink alone at a hotel bar | pancakes or waffles on a weekend morning | driving down an empty road towards a roadtrip destination | a tryst over the summer that turns into a romantic storytime | traveling to put your school knowledge to use | mellifluous speech | does not speak unless spoken to first | peppermint hot chocolate by the fireplace | wine on the balcony | unknown intensity | crying in bed at night |

(by @daybreakx) hot drinks in tall mugs | glitter eyeshadow | the sensation in your mouth from peppermint + cold | the scent of roses | red lips | talking to yourself in another language | old disney movies | unsolicited information dumps | messy handwriting | cold days with lots of wind | listening to a song you love in public | a playlist for driving even if the drive is 10 min long | heart skipping a beat from happiness | the feeling when a concert is about to start | crime shows | sarcasm | drinking coffee while waiting for your flight | horror stories | scented candles all over the place | daydreaming as an escape |

(by @thelilyshope) sliding on floors wearing fuzzy socks | tennis shoes with dresses | loves horror | making your own coffee | lost in thought while in nature | staring at the night sky | loves the sunrise but doesn’t like feeling tired | falling asleep while bear hugging a plush | the feeling of excitement when discovering a new place | mysteries in old places | learning through travels | slowly reading books | longing for the future | fashion you love but could never try | interested in many but passionate only for a few | warming up under blankets after playing in snow | turning fear into excitement | embarrassing others in public | trying on weird things at the mall for fun | the go-to comfort friend

(by @yutopiada) morning runs through the sleepy neighbourhood | cutting your hair on a whim | clothes that are too big | podcasts and breakfast | writing letters to yourself | the sound and feeling of pressing the keys of a keyboard | songs that remind you of a precise memory | wanting to be different | scared of being forgotten | procrastination | body hair positivity | having a collection of wired earbuds in case one of them breaks | saving empty notebooks because they’re too precious to write in | claiming things as yours by putting a sticker(s) on it | that artificial strawberries and cream flavour | it’s not dessert unless it’s chocolate | white trainers | big, chunky shoes | staring at paintings/artifacts in museums for too long | enjoying old architecture

(by @hiddenclawsof) walking at night to look for something interesting | collection of mystery/murder books | eyeshadow palettes that will not be used | highlighters | converse | not good at giving advises | vintage bracelets | old philosophical movies | peppermint | cries watching animals are being rescued | fidgets when thinking | instruments | typos | kaomoji | observes thoroughly | googles simple words just because | eyeglasses | black earrings | rain | strolling around the bookstore

@yunwoo, @wookikun , @hojinhoe (hi no pressure in doing this but if you want to do this you are welcome to do so ((: )

[winterstormgoddess]

On growing up in Los Angeles

I would like to start this off by saying thank you. Thank you to my parents, for never ceasing to embarrass me. To my Mom for continuing to wear tie die no matter how many times I asked her to wear jeans and a black shirt, to my dad for dancing in the bed of his pick up truck when I was walking down from the junior high campus. Thank you for never giving up on trying to hold my hand in public, thank you for not buying me the 6 inch stilettos when I was 16 even though I saved up my allowance and bought them myself. Thank you for not being the PTA, dinner party, socialite parents I wanted you to be. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but because it was never either of you. You two taught me true self awareness and confidence before I even knew thats what you were teaching me.

I didn’t realize the effect of being a Los Angeles bred teenager until I left for college. Despite the fact that Orange County is arguably more of a bubble than Los Angeles, I managed to make friends who were from outside of Southern California. I was a full force weirdo in Junior High. While my peers were wearing juicy across their asses, I was wearing a skort from limited two and turquoise pumas. The Occasional gauchos or as I like to call them, pregnancy pants, also made appearances. My closest friend from this time of my life was forced to be my friend, by me. I persistently annoyed her until she gave in and invited me to sleep over in her impeccably clean, light pink, room in the valley. We made embarrassing videos on Photo Booth that we still geek out about to this day. Shoutout J, I will forever be grateful for my fellow junior high weirdo who has accepted me exactly how I am for almost 11 years now. 

When I was in 8th grade the school schedule gods put me in every single class with the coolest (scariest) girl in school. I entered our friendship by trying to advertise that my mom was a sit-com actress, little did I know that her father was a hugely famous athlete. There is problem number one with growing up in Los Angeles, thinking that your value is dependent on who your parents are. I also managed to annoy her into being my friend. There were years of my existence, that every outfit I picked out was to make myself seem cool in her eyes. This little colorful hippy child entered a full force Los Angeles all black everything diva wannabe phase. Over time I was graced with the sensitive, authentic, goofy, loyal side of this beautiful human and our friendship was able to transition from queen and subject to two equals.

Luckily for me, I was never debilitated by girl drama, it also helped that I had an all out army (above mentioned cool girl & posse) on my side. Problem number 2. The modeling of reality television. I can not tell you how many times I was “confronted” by a bunch of girls speaking like they were sitting at a Real Housewives reunion. Im all about my girl gang, but not about the girl gang ups.

It is fitting that no was my first word because using it always came easily for me. The concept of peer pressure and how to avoid it is shoved down your throat as a teenager but “just saying no” was never my problem. My struggle was that I never knew what I wanted to say yes to. I had very little idea of who I was and what I actually wanted. This is obviously not something that only I struggled with. Being a teenager is never a time of complete self awareness but there is something about Los Angeles that really diminishes the ability to distinguish between what you think you should be doing and what you actually want to be doing.

Los Angeles is a city with the industry at its center. Either you’re in the industry or you’re connected to someone who is. Or you’re like my dad who really just wanted to be able to go to the beach, the desert, and the mountains with equal travel time. I remember him telling me that when he came to LA he promised himself he would NEVER date an actress, then my mom came into the mix. My mother is the antithesis of the typical actress. She doesn’t like to be the center of attention, she is humble, she is generous, she doesn’t brag, she very rarely even advocates for herself because she is too busy advocating for everyone else. I am absolutely an industry baby, I took my first steps on the set of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, and most of my earliest memories are on the Warner Brothers lot. My mom was on set consistently from the time I was born until I was 8, but the interesting thing is that for the majority of that I was there with her. She nursed me in between shots and as I got older I found quite a bit of enjoyment playing dress up in her dressing room. Neither of my parents were absentee which I feel is quintessential in my growth as a well rounded human being surrounded by industry.

I spent my childhood daydreaming about being a famous singer and dancer, staging singing performances in my living room, or my personal favorite what I called “Naked Ballet” where I had a full on nude (with the exception of ballet shoes) dance party. I love to sing, and competing as a dancer was a very transformative part of my young adult life. I am a performer by blood, but there wasn’t much room to explore the ways to perform outside of the basic 3, singing, dancing, acting. When I was a teenager everyone around me wanted to be famous, wether that be youtube famous, a famous singer, a famous actress, a famous dancer, a famous model, everyone wanted to “succeed” and that success was equated to being known. I loved what I did but I knew in my heart it was not what I wanted to be known for. Fame is shoved down your throat as if it is the only way to be important.

I notice this phenomena even more, with the rise in social media usage and the constant pressure to be liked, both literally and figuratively. I look at my sister and her friends, beautiful and intelligent, witty and capable without half a clue about their true value because so much of their time is spent on what theirs or their friends Instagram feeds look like. Disclaimer, if you follow me on Instagram I am also an avid user of the platform, my feed has a theme, and I post my fair share of selfies. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that, it is a new and fun way to express oneself. My point is to say that when social media serves as a way to define and determine ones value instead of being used as a form of expression that is when it becomes detrimental.

The pressure to be known, liked, and famous keeps young people from figuring out what is actually fulfilling. My performer gene didn’t leave when I decided I didn’t want to be famous, I just realized that public speaking and facilitating was the type of performing that really brought joy into my heart, I found true happiness instead of constantly striving for a superficial and often unattainable goal.

As I pack up to leave Los Angeles and move on to the next chapter of my life I find myself looking back on the past 21 years. While I feel sad to leave my beautiful family, the sunny winters and my long drives down the pch with the windows down I wave goodbye with a smile on my face to the years of pretending and empty performing. I actively surrounded myself with 5 weirdos in college who reminded me who I was at my core, they allowed me to be exactly who I am, a mixture of weirdo, granola, and diva, a combination of both my nature and the nurture of my hippy family and the highly complex city that raised me.

If I have anything to say to young people growing up in LA, parents raising children in LA, or anyone who lives in the city of angels, it is to find your own definition of success outside of the masses. If you want to perform, perform your truth, and if you do anything at all- actively surround yourself with people who allow you to be exactly who you are because if you don’t do that the expectations of the city will eat you alive and you won’t even be able to enjoy the beautiful weather.

You will forever be a part of my heart lala land, but I’m leaving you for the big apple. PEACE