#im not ashamed to admit i was getting turned on while drawing this

[watchmegetobsessed]

SAUNA SESSION

A/N: im not saying i wanted this to happen to me on my wellness weekend last week... but i did. so i wrote it for you and for myself.

WORD COUNT: 3.2k

WARNING: sexual content

SUMMARY: All you wanted was some relaxing time alone in the nude sauna cabin, but that one mysterious and ridiculously handsome man had to be there at the same time as you. Things get hot, but not just because of the sauna.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

Theoretically it was a good idea. Coming down to the wellness area of the hotel after dinner when everyone is already gone so you can use the nude sauna alone, without having a freaky old man staring at your boobs and bare pussy. 

And as you walk past the pool that’s now perfectly still, you truly think there will be no one in the back. There’s a pep in your step as you fic your robe, smiling to yourself before turning the corner and reaching the saunas, but it vanishes from your face when you see a robe on the hanger next to the cabin and a moment later the restroom’s door opens and the man walks out who has been occupying your thoughts for the past two days.

You first saw him when you checked in. He strode across the lobby with so much elegance and grace, you couldn’t get yourself to look away and stop staring. He was on the phone and his eyes fell on you for a split second before he walked out of the building.

You swear that one glance was the single most sexual thing that has ever happened to you. There was this aura that was around him at all times, dominance and passion oozes from every inch of his tall, muscular body. Since then you’ve seen him a handful of times, at dinner or breakfast, sitting at the bar when you were leaving. Every time his eyes found you, as if he was looking for you and when they found you… it took everything in you not to drop to your knees. You know nothing about him, but he appears to be a man in power, not quite your type, but there’s just something about him that’s different, that draws you in every time you lay your eyes on him.

You’re ashamed to admit that you even had a wet dream about him. A man whose name you don’t even know. 

This man is now looking at you in only his swimming trunks, his bare chest a view you’ll never forget as long as you live. You’ve only seen him in button-ups and suits, they hid the many tattoos littering his fine body and you fight the urge to trace them all with not just your fingers but your tongue as well.

For a moment he seems surprised to see you, but then a tiny smirk tugs on the corners of his mouth.

“Some late night sweating?” he asks and it’s the first time you hear his smooth voice, it’s sweet like honey.

Your throat has gone dry, so you can only nod as you fumble with the belt of your robe that’s covering your bikini clad body. You snap your eyes away from him as you step to the hangers and slowly peel yourself out of the robe, all while feeling his burning gaze on your body.

When you turn around, he doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s been staring at you. The raw hunger in his eyes has your blood boiling and you’re glad you put your black bikini on, because wetness is rapidly pooling between your legs.

He opens the darkened glass door of the cabin and holds it open for you.

“After you,” he winks and you almost forget grabbing a towel as you walk into the steamed up cabin.

You’re quick to climb up to the top benches, laying your towel down before sitting on it, acclimatizing to the sudden hotness. 

The man opts to sit across you on the middle bench, close to the rocks, he shoots you a questioning look at you and when you nod he pours some water on the rocks, increasing the humidity of the cabin. It takes only a minute for you to start sweating.

You’ve completely forgotten about the fact that it’s the nude cabin, but when you see him stand up and untie his shorts, your lips part for a moment.

“You don’t mind?” he asks, hooking a finger into the elastic, giving it a gentle tug, teasing the V-line that dips under the band.

“N-no. It’s the nude cabin,” you manage to say before clearing your throat.

He nods and then pushes the shorts down so easily, as if you weren’t just a stranger only a few feet away from him.

He’s huge. And already halfway hard.

You need to swallow as he places the shorts onto the bench and sits on his towel, a smug smirk playing on his lips, his eyes glued to you from across the cabin.

But you can’t get yourself to avoid looking at him for long, your gaze returns to his form and you steal short looks at his crotch.

“Feel free to undress,” he adds smugly and you know it’s a challenge. 

Normally you’d be too prude to do it, getting naked in front of strangers is not quite your thing, but the fire inside you is making you do crazy things. So when you reach behind your back to untie your top, you make sure to keep your eyes fixed on him. 

You pull it over your head, not caring to untie the strings behind your neck and then drop the top beside you, catching his eyes wandering down your chest. The rush of confidence that takes over you is surprising, but you’re determined to live off it in the moment. You lazily pull your legs up and roll to your stomach, holding yourself up on your elbows so he still has a clear view of your breasts as you try to pretend like you’re just lounging in the cabin without a care. 

“I’m Harry, by the way. I’ve seen you around the hotel a few times.”

The way he strikes up a conversation while he’s completely naked, his hardening dick between his juicy looking thighs is maddening, but you want to play along and see where it will go.

“I’m Y/N.”

“Are you here for business or pleasure?”

“Pleasure. I like to take some time for myself this time of the year.”

“Sounds nice.”

The conversation ends here, but the staring match has just begun. As the minutes pass by and your skin is fully coated in sweat, the intensity of the way you look at each other gets progressively shameless. Breathing is starting to appear to be a hard task and not just because of the hotness of the cabin. Every time you take a deep breath to fill your trembling lungs you catch his eyes wandering to your expanding chest and when you turn to lie on your back he barely even looks anywhere else than your breasts or face.

All while his cock gets harder, proudly saluting between those strong thighs.

It’s so insane, you can barely think straight and you have no idea where this will head, the tension, the hunger, the unspoken dirty thoughts that keep racing in your mind are driving you over the edge. And then the breaking point happens.

You’re looking straight into his eyes when his hand, with a swift and confident movement, grabs the base of his cock, giving himself a hard tug. A moan slips from your mouth and you know it’s game over. 

Without an ounce of hesitation you reach down and push the bottom of your bikini down, wiggling your hips to get the fabric off and you drop it to the side, baring yourself fully to him. When you turn your head to see his reaction you see some pain on his handsome face, one that roots in an insufferable passion, you catch him running his finger across his lips while his hands start to work steadily on his erection. 

“Fuck.” The word slips out of your mouth as just a whisper, but he catches it with ease. Your hands start to move on their own as you cup your breasts, your palm slipping easily on your sweaty skin, your nipples poke against your touch, in desperate need of a pair of foreign hands to handle them, but it’s only you for now. 

Your core is dripping wet, both from your arousal and sweat, your clit throbbing for even just a touch, so you don’t torture yourself and move a hand down between your legs and start playing with it.

“Start slow,” Harry speaks up, breaking the silence and when you look at him you’re met with a pool of dominance in his eyes. It forces you to obey, not that it even occurs to you to go against him in this moment. 

You place two fingers on your clit and start to move them in circles, slowly, but with quite some pressure, your lips part and you struggle to breathe under these conditions, but you won’t stop. Harry starts jerking himself off faster and his hips sometimes buckle up into his grip, making you wish it was your mouth or cunt around his cock instead of his hand. 

“Now go faster,” he tells you as if he was giving you permission to do it. 

You obey at first, but when you hear a grunt roll out of his throat, you gain confidence and yearn to have more control. 

Sitting up you put your feet to the bench under you and spread your legs, giving him a clear view of your glistening pussy as you run your fingers up and down, smearing your arousal over it while you watch him fall apart. His eyes darken and his bicep flexes as he goes faster and harder than before, even his toes curl when he watches as you push two fingers inside you, moaning with no shame. Your free hand moves up your stomach until it reaches your breast and you grope it imagining that he is touching you. 

“Fuck, I’m–” he starts, but then you hear a door slumming shut somewhere outside and you jump up right away, your heart hammering in your chest from the fear of getting caught. You check the time outside through the door of the cabin and realize how long you’ve been in here. The fog clears a bit from your mind and you remember that this man is a stranger and he just watched you pleasure yourself while jerking himself off.

“I have to go,” you breathe out and grab your bikini and towel so fast, he doesn’t even process your movements, only when you’re slipping out of the cabin.

You want to go straight to your room, but you’re so sweaty that you just need to shower it all off with some cold water, so you move to the area where two showerheads are installed on the ceiling and start the water in desperate need of cooling your body down in every sense. 

What has gotten into you? You have never let your desires take control over you like it happened just moments ago, you totally lost your cool and all because of a hot guy you met barely twenty minutes ago. You shouldn’t have played along, it should have never…

But it felt so good! He ignited things in you no one has ever and that scares and excites you at the same time.

The sauna door opens and Harry rushes out holding his swimming shorts in front of his crotch, but when he sees that it’s still just you he drops it to the floor as he walks up to you.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped a line, but I just couldn’t stop myself, I’ve been seeing you around for days and you completely–”

He doesn’t get to finish his apology that sounds genuine, because you smash your lips against his despite the remorse you’ve dealt with the last couple of moments. 

You grab his face desperately, pushing your naked body against him, his erection wedged against your stomach and the feel of it makes you throb for him. He’s quick to react, one hand coming to the back of your head, fingers tangling into your wet hair while his other grabs you by the hip to pull you closer, even though not even a piece of paper could fit between your sweaty and wet bodies. 

Cold water rains down on the two of you, yet your whole body feels like it’s on fire. Even though you initiated the kiss he has taken over control fully, his mouth devouring yours with so much force and passion, you’re seeing stars. He pushes forward, making you walk back until your shoulder blades meet the cold wall of the shower. He bites into your bottom lip, tugging on it hard before his mouth moves to your jawline and neck, some his kisses turn into bites as he tastes you, sweat and water mixing on his tongue as his hands grab onto the back of your thigh and he urges you to lift your legs. He holds you up with ease, your legs wrap around his waist and the position brings the tip of his cock to your clit, nudging it as he thrusts his hips forward to keep teasing you.

“I want to fuck you, Y/N. Right now,” he grunts against your collarbone before licking up the column of your throat.

“Do it!” you exhale desperately. “Please, do it!”

“You won’t freak out on me?” he asks and you notice the hesitation behind his words, how he doesn’t want to make you do something you don’t feel comfortable with.

“No, I promise,” you answer, your words dying into a whisper as your chest heaves against his and you move your hips to feel more friction, but you feel so painfully empty without him. “Please!”

“Begging looks great on you, baby,” he smirks before occupying your lips with his mouth again while he reaches down and grabs his cock by the base, dragging the tip back and forth between your folds, making sure to pay extra attention to your clit when he’s at the front.

“Protection? I promise you I’m clean.”

“I’m clean too and I’m on the pill,” you nod eagerly and the thought that you’re about to feel him raw already makes you clench.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” is all he says before he pushes into you so hard and fast, the air gets knocked out of your lungs in an instant. 

He only gives you a few seconds to adjust to his length and girth, he’s bigger than anyone you’ve ever been with, he starts moving without warning and he doesn’t start off soft. He goes fast and hard, pushing his whole length inside you every time he thrusts forward and you swear for a second you’re afraid you might pass out, but you don’t want him to stop either. You hold onto his strong shoulders while trying your best to keep your legs wrapped around his waist, though they start to turn into jello.

“Oh fuck!” you almost scream when he manages to push even deeper inside you and one of his hands is quick to snap over your mouth.

“Shh, we don’t want anyone to hear us,” he lets out an airy chuckle and when he pulls his hand back he kisses you before burying his face into your neck.

He’s going at an insane pace, stretching you out so well, your walls grip his cock as if it was made for you. From time to time he whispers against your neck or lips.

“You feel so fucking good.”

“Yes baby, you like that, huh?”

“Love the way I’m fucking you?”

You can only mumble an answer, that is if you even find the ability to talk, because he is fucking your basic skills out of you. 

“I want to feel your pretty cunt coming all over my cock, Y/N. Now. We don’t have much time, someone might come in soon,” he urges you.

“I want… Can I…” The words die on your tongue every time you try to tell him what you want.

“What do you want, Beautiful?” he asks, noticeably slowing his movements down so you can find your voice again.

“I want to ride you so badly,” you whine and he is quick to act and please you.

Holding with secure arms, he pulls you away from the wall and walks back to the sauna cabin so he can sit down. The hot air fills your lungs and you want to protest against it, but when you ease down on his cock you forget about everything that’s not perfect.

Like how you start sweating again or how hard the wooden bench feels under your knees and shin. It’s all nothing when you start grinding against him, getting what you wanted.

“Come on my cock, baby. Use it as you want.”

You hold onto his shoulders, head rolling back as his palms find your breasts, giving them the attention they needed all along. Then he wraps his arms around your torso and replaces his hands with his lips, licking and sucking on your nipples, sending shockwaves through your body.

“Harry, I’m gonna come!” you cry out and maybe even a tear rolls down your cheek too, but it could easily be sweat as well.

“Give it to me, baby! Come for me!”

He leans back and holds onto your hips before he starts thrusting up into you, your movements come to a halt and you can’t hold it together any longer. Gripping his shoulders you come harder than ever, your orgasm washing over your body in waves and it feels like it will never stop. 

Then Harry’s hips fall out of rhythm and he stops for a few moments every time he thrusts into you as he comes with just as much intensity. Feeling him come inside you might trigger another orgasm in you, or it’s the first one that’s still lasting, you have no idea. 

Slowly, his movements stop, but he remains buried deep inside you as you both try to catch your breath, but it’s hard in the hotness of the cabin. Harry must feel the same way, so he wraps you in his arms and stands from the bench, exiting the sauna before he returns under the running water in the shower. 

“I’m gonna put you down, can you stand?” he softly asks, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. You nod, but you might have overestimated your strength, because as he lets you down to your feet gently, your knees buckle underneath your weight. “Easy, I got you,” he hums, grabbing you by your waist before you could facepalm the tiled floor.

“Sorry,” you breathe out as you finally stand up straight.

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

You shower lazily, both of you taking your time, Harry keeps touching you under the stream, keeping physical contact with you at all times. He even wraps you in your robe when you’re finished.

“If it’s not too late… Do you want to have a drink with me at the bar?” he asks with a shy, but charming smile when he has put his swimming shorts back on, his robe hanging untied over his frame.

“I would need some time to recover,” you admit with a chuckle and it brings a smirk to his face.

“Alright, maybe next time.”

“Or… you could come over to my room and we can have that drink there,” you offer, his face lighting up right away.

“That sounds fantastic. Lead the way.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[butterfliesinmyguts]

A Helping Hand

summary: reader always helps around and levi wonders why.

warning : fluff, angst, and happy lovely stuff(may or may not turn into a series)

“ you did better today...” Mikasa breathed pushing my body off of hers. I finally was able to take her down. before dinner, she’s been helping me train to get better at combat.

a smile fell on my face, getting up and dusting myself off, “ keep it up and I’ll be more scared of you then those titans are..” I was able to keep up with Mikasa in ODM training, which was nearly impossible for everyone else. i felt at home in the air- as soon as my body begins to float, everything thing else zones out. my swords were just an my arms extended and I felt so powerful killing titans- scared yes- but powerful, but on ground I’m a clumsy wreck.

“ now let’s go eat before our meals fall victims to Sasha” letting out a laughed, I quickly remember a promise I made earlier today.“ could you save me a potato or something? I promised Jean I’d cover for his stable shift...” My friend sighed, “ again y/n?” quickly nodding, I set off to the stables.

I didn’t mind helping, if it was me I would want someone to offer to help me. sometimes I helped hange with mission plans, the days we go into town a lady sometime needs help carry supplies in her store, at the end of the week I help armin with reading, and at the beginning of the week I help captain levi organize his papers.

helping Levi is my favorite part of the week, if I’m in his office late enough he’ll set a cup of tea in my face with the words “ drink “ following after. while in my focused trance of replacing the water for the horses, and daydreaming about my captain Levi- two feet come into my line of vision. looking up my eyes were met with cold grey ones and then his trademark frown.

“ why are you out here, this is Jean’s punishment” dropping the buckets to the dirty stable ground, I wiped the sweat off my palms against my pants- fucking Jean, you told me this was duty.

“ just giving him a helping hand” my voice cracked, trying to laugh off the pure nevrousness that his presents brings me. I admit that im extremely fond of captain levi. he’s was the only guy that has ever made my stomach go crazy just by looking at me. the way he holds himself, short- yes- but never looked down on. he is humanity greatest soldier, during training I swear that he watches me. I feel his eyes burning my skin, the one time I did catch him Levi’s eyes widen and his breath hitched. I would kill to even be able to hug him, sometimes I imagine what it’s like to kiss him-but know that’ll never happen, hange told me that he thinks I’m silly and child like - he’d never feel that way about me.

“ - and now you’re standing there looking stupid, are you going to answer me y/n?” I realized that I’ve completely blocked out everything he said.

“ i.. please repeat the question- I’m sorry.” pinch his nose, my captain shook his head toward the ground. “tch, I asked you why your doing his punishment ?” shrugging, I began to brush the horses. “ I like being a helping hand, -“ before he got the chance to scold me I continued with “ it’s the only thing that makes me feel happy..”

looking up to catch him staring at me, our eyes locked together and for the first time ever I saw his eyes soften. taking him in, cause I may not ever be allowed to do it again, my heart ached. Levi is beautiful, breathtaking. his youthful glow made those dark orbs glow,if lips werent in the plain straight line- they would be puffy and pinky- so kissable. pulling my eyes away I finally breathed, trying to focus on the brush going through the horses hair while Levi still watched me. “ if that’s the case I need help mapping out the next expedition, hange told me your quite intelligent.” my cheeked warmed and a smile began to creep up on my lips- hange is getting so much praise next time I see them.“ I’ll find out for myself..” that smile dropped. “ come to my office after you clean and change from your filthy clothes.” nodding I watch the man walk towards the dining hall. On the inside, I was doing leaps. more time with levi, and we’d be talking to each other- I get too share my thoughts with levi.

“let the horse boy have fun with his siblings, and if I catch you doing other’s chores I’m making you run until the sunsets...” and you giggled.

during dinner levi couldn't help to think of you. why did you look at him like that, was there something on his face? maybe you were just scared, but no he’d always caught you looking at him. rather it been during training, in the dinning hall, and even doing expeditions.

Recalling back to when he first saw you, that smile you had permanently planted on your face- stupid what made y/n so happy? he was even more stunned when you got your ass handed to you by reiner during training and yelled “ again!” with that grin. that beautiful smile, y/n was beautiful- everyone knew it. levi heard eren, jean, connie, armin, and even hange talked about what they would do to have you in they’re beds, they all ranted about you body- Levi will admit that he has imagined your shy breath as his hand roamed your skin but It's more than looks with you, you care so much and you're gentle with him.

y/n would make sure that you take off your boots when entering his office ( which is tedious a job in itself ) but you did because Levi hated it when his floors were dirty and when on missions you squeeze all you cadets hands just to comfort them. no one ever has been gentle to him, it made him feel important but more importantly, why couldn't he stop thinking about you.

after showering, you changed into you nightclothes and headed to levi office. you knocked softly to quick “ come in..” I opened the door to Levi pulling two cups of tea. “ your late, I hope you didn't finish the stables...”

pulling your shoes off placing them beside his door you watched him pour, “ I didn’t” assuring him. moving towards the desk, examining the maps- Levi’s notes were so oragnized and neat. each note had so much detail about the surrounding area. while familiarizing with the map, Levi placed the tea cup infront of you. “ drink.” Brushing passed you, he set down in his chair.

why would he risking going in the open field for 740 meters, “ wouldn’t it be better to use this patch for cover?” expressing my concern, levi leaned up and listened to me rumble about the how it’ll be longer but it’ll save more cadets- every change I got I took a peek to see if he was still listening.

those sliver eyes watched me draw circles and point at the map, bottom lip between his teeth. i imagined how good it would feel to push my lips against them, the relief and pleasure that would rush through my body. I craved him “urh- but those are my thoughts..” finishing pushing away from the desk, distracting myself by sipping the tea.

“ where would we stop ?” Levi questioned, my heart warmed up, I stood over him to explain better “ over there would be a great rest point..” pointing to it, my neck completely in front of levi. I felt his breath hitched, clearing my throat i grabbed the pencil marking the on the map. “ I notice a cabin the last time we traveled...”

“ tch, impossible that’s a bit of the trail, with those tree you couldn’t have seen anything..” looking down in shame “ well while everyone was sleep I explored, even found a waterhole..”

I knew the risk of exploring, but I couldn’t help myself. while setting up for camp I saw a stream pulling down and I just had to see.

“don’t ever do that again...” nodding feeling ashamed, does this mean I have to go stay in the dungeon like eren? his eyes lighten a smirk playing along his lips.

“ just don’t go alone okay?” smiling at his words. sitting across from him I continued to tell him my discoveries - making sure he took notes of the waterhole and fields filled with berries. Levi forced me to write all my finding down, and he promised to even follow me on one of my ventures next time.

as time flew by tea cups were spilled, by me of course, and I was forced to re write the papers I ‘ ruined ‘ leaning my head on this desk my eyes flutter - wake up y/n - yawning I turned to levi still writing, how is he still writing? that tea was not keeping him up. so much energy, my eyes trailed his toned arms- the veins moving every in each stroke. blinking I distracted myself from my dirty thoughts.

“ you need to sleep levi” stretch my bones, the pop and crack give me a shot of adrenaline so I can actually wake up. “I’m fine” he muttered.

Levi eyes sunk from the lack of sleep, he was fighting it- too focused in his work to care that his eyes were burning and skin was red with an indention on his finger from the pen. “ they’ll be there tomorrow I promise..”

I reach to grab the papers, placing my hand softly on his bicip- he stiffened instantly and pushed my back into his bookcase. my ass landed on the ground,“ owe!” I cried, rubbing my back. fuck he is strong for a little guy, wow.

“y/n!”

levi rushed over and I swear his eyes were widen, like he was worried that he actually hurt me. Levi quickly leaning down watching me.“ I didn't mean to that y/n” a couldn't help but smile at him. were so close right now, my nose filled with his fresh scent- mint and tea leafs.

“ don't worry captain I-” levi’s hand pat my head. I could fucking scream in joy right now. did he just pat me? he never touches anyone. what does this mean, pulling away I watch his hand close as his finger tips carcassed his palms. as if he was trying to saver the feeling of my head, huh?

“your being gentle with me, why?” questioning him- levi set down in front of me. “ why not, your gentle with everyone else..” my eyes widen, he notices me In that way? planting his hand on my cheek, my heart stop, It felt so warm- his thumb wipe the tiny tear from the corner of my eyes. I’m blushing “I just flung you, and your still smiling why?”

shrugging “ I should have known that what’s going to happen” breathing out, I stared at his lips. “ y/n..” nodding not looking up at him. just kiss him, Levi is right there.

“ l'm going to kiss you..” he leaned and pushed my hair out of my face. repeating those words in my head, “ is that okay?” nodding quickly our lips came together as Levi took me in. I felt his chest against mine, and I couldn’t help but to grip his collar pulling him closer.

our lips begun to dance with each other, levi hands landed on my waist pulling me on top of his thighs. that smile still planted on my face between the kisses, while my hand combed his undercut.

my daydreams weren’t even a compare to the real deal, gently rubbing the back of his neck, Levi groaned into my mouth. With each movement we gained a slow rhythm,our body flowing against each other. I couldn’t help but to moan in pure pleasure I was feeling.

levi pulled bac slowly and watched me with my smiled in a drunken daze. replaying the moments in my head, Levi just kissed me, Levi my captain levi thinks of me- he thinks I’m gentle. a “ wow” left my mouth as he got up, leaning down quickly to steal one last kiss. my smiled never left my lips as I stood up leaning against the bookcase as finger tips brushed over my lips, hope the tingling sensation never went away. Im buzzing, I’m buzzing- all because of him.

watching the man, pick the fallen books up his eyes went to the window . “ it’s almost dawn, go get some sleep” Levi ordered coldly , point toward his bed.

fuck, “it’s dawn already!” I darted around Levi’s office trying to clean my area and while getting myself together. Levi stood there confused, as my actions all clicked in his head- arms crossed tightly along his chest.

“ I promised sasha that I’d help her with her hair this morning- I hope she’s not up already- oh no” slipping on my shoes on. opening the door to walk out, I give him a warm smile. “ I’m so sor-“

“ don’t worry, thanks for the helping hand..” leaning in to kiss him I was met by a closing the door. dumbfound I stood there, “what?”

part 2!

[thotantics]

✗ warnings — description of sex, do not read if you’re underage, unprotected sex, oral sex (female receiving), brief mention of overstimulation, slight dirty talk

✎ words —   3.5k

[A/N] wooooow i miss him so much it actually physically hurt to write this :((( like my heart aches :(( i hope this turned out ok for everyone bc i really really REALLY loved writing this im sad lmao. unedited bc im garbage

He looks more handsome every time you see him, you think. When you’re sitting across from one another, it’s striking and altogether distracting just how good looking he is. Kyungsoo was complimenting the way you prepared the steak, his brows knitting as he makes an appreciative hum at the back of his throat. Sitting there in a plain white tee, his hair just long enough that it’s starting to lay flat on his head, making a sound that’s near-sexual as he tastes the meal you just made together...he’s never looked more attractive to you than he does right this instant. So attractive and so distracting, that you find yourself speaking without fully thinking over what you’re about to say before it comes out, long before you ever touch your utensils.

“I could spend the rest of my life like this.”

A millisecond after the words leave your tongue you know you fucked up. Why in the world did you say that?! The implication of that statement alone is so embarrassing that you feel the heat of shame rise to your face as Kyungsoo, sipping from a bottle of water, chokes just a little bit in surprise, eyes narrowing slightly as he looks at you from across the table incredulously.

“What did you say?”

You shrink back in your seat, eyes darting nervously around the room as your brain entirely malfunctions, attempting to think of a reason for that statement that didn’t end up with you confessing your feelings to your friend. It takes ages and your face, you know, is beat red by now. Kyungsoo is blinking at you, brows raised, waiting for an explanation and a heavy sigh is the only response you can manage to get out. 

It’s embarrassing how much you had meant what you said, and that’s why you feel so ashamed as he just stares across the table at you, patiently as ever. You really could spend the rest of your life like this; in the kitchen making dinner together, laughing, listening to music...just being with him, is the main thing, though. Doing literally anything as long as you could spend the rest of your life like this, enjoying Kyungsoo’s company. 

You can feel your cheeks burning as you continue to avoid his stare, looking at the table, the ground, your untouched food, the wall, literally anywhere except for the man in front of you. The implication in your words was out there, now, though you’ve felt this way about Kyungsoo for pretty much the whole of your friendship. How could you not have developed feelings for him? He was a genuine and kind friend who always was willing to offer you his time, at the very least. He was funny and laid back, he didn’t have any expectations of your time together and his gesture of friendship had been very welcome.

Plus the fact that Kyungsoo was quite possibly the hottest guy you had ever laid eyes on... it was inevitable that you would grow to have these deep feelings for him.

Across from you, Kyungsoo cracks a short smile of disbelief, coupled with a breathy sort of chuckle before he clears his throat, steadies his expression, and says, “No, really. Do you mean that?”

You don’t expect that tone in his voice. The tenderness, the hope, his voice low as if this conversation had suddenly turned into a shared secret between the two of you. Nobody else was home, your roommate was out for the weekend, and Kyungsoo, upon discovering you were alone and bored, had invited himself over for dinner and the two of you had gone grocery shopping together earlier in the day.

The more you stare at him across the table, leaning into it a bit with both his hands gripping the side as he waits for your reply, the more you know there’s no way to deny what you had just said to him. So you give him a small nod in response.

He smiles wide, holds it back, and the tension visibly leaves his shoulders as he stops clutching the table, relaxing back into his seat with a sigh. “Really?” You nod again and this time, it’s Kyungsoo that avoids your eye contact shyly. He smiles at the table between you, shaking his head a bit in disbelief before he takes a short breath and stands.

You aren’t expecting it when he leans over the table towards you, or when he gently cups your chin and lifts your head so that his lips can gently meet your own. It’s over so quickly and he’s sitting back down before you can even register in your brain to blink, looking across the table at your shocked, frozen expression.

“I can arrange that.” Kyungsoo states. You blink in confusion for a moment before it clicks that he’s responding to the words you originally blurted out, about wanting to spend the rest of your life like this. Warmth blooms in your chest, spreading out from the center of your being to the very tips of your fingers and toes.

The tension in the room is so thick from the sudden shift in your moods from calm to embarrassed and now...whatever this is. Kyungsoo locks eyes with you again and you find yourself smiling, biting at your lower lip because he’s looking at you just gave him his Christmas and birthday presents early this year.

He glances back at his plate and uses his chopsticks to poke around at his food like he’s looking for the right bite, but he laughs and drops them again with a quick clatter. “You know, I uh...suddenly can’t focus.” He tells you, and when he makes eye contact with you he admits, “All I can think about is how badly I wanna kiss you again.”

You straighten in your seat, staring across the table defiantly at him. “Ok.”

He smiles a little, moving as if to stand out of his seat again but he hesitates, “Yeah?”

You laugh a little, nodding your head. “Yeah.”

Kyungsoo stands and then kneels by your chair in the floor, eyes unwavering on your expression as he leans in closer. Growing impatient, you wrap an arm around him, a hand in the hair at the nape of his neck and draw him into your lips. It’s the sort of kiss you had always imagined sharing with him; soft lips that sends butterflies flapping like mad in your gut, the kind of kiss that both of you have to pause from not only to catch a breath but to smile at one another before you dive right back in, hungry for more. Kyungsoo keeps a grip on your hair at the back of your head as he deepens the kiss, and you melt into him, nearly tumbling out of your chair but he manages to help you get steady in your seat again, both of you breathlessly chuckling.

You’re about to suggest moving things into your bedroom when he speaks first, “Should we um, finish our dinner?”

“I’m not hungry anymore.” You state, clutching his shoulders to prevent him from standing yet, because you can’t stand the thought of him pulling his body heat from you, not yet.

He smiles, it’s coy and charming and coupled with his teeth capturing his lower lip before he asks you, “What did you have in mind?”

“We can go somewhere with more room,” You offer, “Preferably, somewhere I can lay down? So I don’t fall again.”

“Because I make you weak in the knees?” He asks playfully but you’re dead serious when you nod in affirmation back at him. He falters, but only for a second before he finally matches the urgency that you feel and he stands, tugging your hand until you’re standing chest to chest with him.

He kisses you again, but it’s chaste and he cuts it way too short for your liking, then he steps back so you have room to escort him to your room, lacing his fingers with yours so that you can lead him by the hand. It’s a short walk, but it feels like miles because while he’s clutching your hand tightly, occasionally his chest brushes up against your back or your shoulder, but you can’t see him unless you turn around and you’re thankful when he speaks again so you can peer at him over your shoulder.

“This wasn’t what I had in mind when I came over tonight, you know.” He says and your heart clenches, pulse racing. Does he regret it already? But he continues, “I had hoped...for a long time, actually, but I never wanted to pressure you.”

“There’s no pressure.” You tell him, pushing open your bedroom door and walking in backward so you can look into his eyes, “I’ve wanted this for a really long time.”

“God,” He sighs, stepping forward and eliminating the space between your bodies once more, “I have, too. From day one.” He admits, tilting your chin so he can press a short, sweet kiss to your lips.

He lingers only long enough to feel your tongue reach out to him before he pulls back with a smile, eyes dancing as he tucks your hair behind your ears, brushing it away from your shoulders as he speaks again, “I’ve always wondered how you looked like this.” He runs the pad of his thumb over your lips and you kiss it briefly, “You’re so sexy.” He whispers, then he asks, even quieter, “Do you want me, y/n?”

“Yes.” You breathe, “Please, Soo..”

He doesn’t wait any longer at that, crashing his mouth against yours in a fiery kiss that nearly knocks you right off your feet, your knees dangerously wobbly. He holds you by the face as he kisses you, walking you back until you feel the edge of the bed against the back of your knees.

You hold him, arms around his shoulders, fingers carding through his hair as he kisses the breath right from your lungs. It’s a stark contrast, the frantic way he’s kissing you and the slow, tender touch of his hands moving from your cheeks, brushing his knuckles down the sides of your breasts, your ribs, and finally settling on your hips. He crushes you briefly in an embrace that makes you feel small and precious, and you moan into his mouth, hands smoothing down to flatten on his chest where you can feel his heartbeat pounding in time with your own.

He grazes his thumbs under the bottom hem of your top, feeling for your skin and finding goosebumps spread in his wake. Smirking ever so slightly, he continues to draw little shapes up higher on your sides, lifting your shirt inch by inch, grazing your skin so gently. Mouthing frantically down your throat, licking and nipping at your over-sensitive skin, his hands feel like they’re running in slow-mo and in an attempt to clear the fogginess in your brain from the distinction, you grab his hands and move them to cup your breasts under your shirt and over your bra. 

He exhales sharply, smiling against your skin before he pulls back to admire the sight of your shirt bunched up and your breasts fitting into his palms, “Eager?” He smiles at you. 

You refrain from pouting, though you really want to, opting instead to stare defiantly back at him as you simply reply, “Yes.”

Kyungsoo inhales with an almost tremble, his smirk fading fast. “As much as I’ve thought about this,” he says, thumbs passing over your nipples through the material of your bra, “I always imagined it slow, and I would take my time and worship every inch of you if you ever let me get to that point. I didn’t anticipate you being like this.” You flush, biting at your lip, and Kyungsoo bows his head down and captures that same lip with his own teeth, moaning briefly before he mutters hot and thick against your mouth, “You’re so sexy, it drives me crazy.”

“Are you hard for me?” You ask him while he licks into your mouth, your teeth bumping when the question catches him off guard and you take the opportunity of shocked silence to ask, “Can I touch it?”

Panting, Kyungsoo pulls his hands from under your shirt and hurries to undo the strap of his belt, letting each half fall around your hands as you hurry to help him with the zipper of his jeans, your bottom lip caught between your teeth. 

Kyungsoo cradles the back of your head and makes you tilt back to look at him before he moves to kiss you, your hands now feeling blindly for his dick. Once you find the band of his boxers, he’s unmistakably hard in your grip, skin taut, and velvety as you attempt to stroke his shaft with the barrier of his boxers still in the way. 

He stops breathing for a few seconds, mouth open while you tongue at his plump lower lip, pumping his cock with shallow strokes of your soft hand. It’s when your thumb grazes over the tip of him, collecting a thick droplet of precum that he snaps out of it. Then he’s everywhere. One hand fists in your hair to keep your chin back and your mouth easy to access, the other hand grips the waistband of your pants, tugging twice, a silent request for permission that has you both looking like dummies for a second, hands fumbling, pushing clothes off and aside, panting, giggling when you make eye contact and then eventually, somehow, managing to make it to the bed.

You tumble side by side, fully nude on top of the duvet and there’s the briefest moment of awkwardness when you stop giggling and look each other over naked for the first time. He’s more muscular than you had anticipated him to be and apparently he likes your breasts, though you had felt insecure about them. Something like pride floods your veins when he leans over you, his chest meeting yours until you lay back flat under him, and his mouth moves to kiss a path down your neck until he meets your pert nipple with a brief kiss. 

“So beautiful..” He smiles up at you, waiting for you to give him any indication that he should stop, but you’re suddenly panting again, pupils blown out, lips parted waiting for him to continue, so he does. By now, Kyungsoo reasons that you wouldn’t have gotten naked for him if there was any doubt in your mind about continuing on with this, so there’s no need to be as cautious as he has been. So it’s with abandon that he tastes your breasts, biting, licking, sucking. You arch into him and the sweet sounds you make as he kisses his way down your body make his blood pump fiercely, turning his cock rock solid.

Your thighs are trembling when he spreads them to make room for himself to settle between them, and he sends you a quick glance to make sure you’re not uncomfortable. But you’ve wanted this so long, and the sight of him a breath away from your weeping pussy and staring up tenderly at your face is all too much to handle. 

“Do it,” You encourage him, lifting your hips up so your sex is right against his mouth and he responds immediately with a hungry swipe of his tongue and you gasp, hips jerking involuntarily, “Yes!” You whine as he follows you back to the mattress, one taste and he’s a goner. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t stop until you cum for him. He’s relentlessly claiming that first orgasm from you, ignoring the way your hips jerk and your thighs tremble, palms keeping you spread open and mouth working you over experimentally until he finds the right rhythm in the right spot that has you singing for him until you release against his face, bucking wildly and keening as you grip the bedsheets. 

He’s so good at feeling your body out and taking note of your responses, he manages to keep your orgasm prolonged by drawing away from your clit with a heavy, final suck and then pressing two fingers inside you deep, pumping in time with the clenching of your inner walls, his body flexing as he moves up to suckle your breasts as your orgasm goes on and on. 

You’re wailing for him, unable to believe he can make you feel like this without even using his cock and when you finally can’t take anymore, you slap at his shoulders and head, shoving his hand away from between your legs, thighs clenching shut tight. 

He meets your eye with a laugh, face messy with the remnants of your arousal, but as he sits back on his haunches to watch you regain control of your lungs and thundering pulse, you can’t help but notice he’s got an impressive erection jutting in your direction. 

Kyungsoo notices you noticing his erection and he tells you good-naturedly, “If you wanna stop, or take a break, that’s fine.”

“Can you get on top?” You ask him quietly, “My legs feel like jelly.”

He smiles brightly, moving to lay over you, body stretched out fully, and his hands brush your hair from your face tenderly while he peppers kisses over your chest, avoiding your sensitive nipples. He stays like that for some time, occasionally moving to kiss your lips languidly for a spell before he goes back to your neck or chest, giving you time to relax, hands rubbing your outer thighs as he helps you raise your legs back up. That first orgasm knocked you out and you need all the help you can get, but he’s incredibly chivalrous about it, flexing his biceps as he hooks your knees into the bend of each of his arms as he moves to sit low on his knees. 

“Put me in you.” He tells you under his breath, “When you’re ready.”

But you’re more than ready, hand shaking with anticipation as you wrap your fingers around his shift and guide the blunt head of his cock to your entrance. You rub him up and down, spreading the gush from your incredible orgasm around so it gathers on him perfectly when he begins to nudge his way inside of you, finally, for the first time. 

Your moans echo one another when he finally seats himself balls deep inside of you, and Kyungsoo bows his forehead to bump into your temple while you clench involuntarily around his shaft. “So wet,” He breathes, hips shifting minutely as he builds up a steady rhythm, slowly increasing his pace, “So fucking good.”

The slick sounds are borderline embarrassing, you’re so wet and he keeps snapping his hips hard at the end because he loves the way the audible slickness of your sex is making you blush. You’re rag-dolled, limbs limp and it takes all the last of your strength to just lay there and take his cock, but Kyungsoo is generous with his thrusts, bouncing you up the mattress gently with each downstroke and he angles his pelvis so your swollen clit is stimulated by the contact. 

Your moans are choked, high in pitch and your throat is raw but you can’t stop yourself, especially when he frees one arm, your leg hooking around the back of his thigh, holding him in close, and he brings his thumb between your bodies to roughly circle your clit.

“Soo!” You cry out, “Oh, god, oh, god, you’re-”

He grunts in response, watching your face contort in pleasure as he fucks into you just that little bit harder, hips stuttering as he nears his own end but it’s yours that he’s focused on. “Give it to me,” he murmurs down to you, panting and beginning to sweat above you as he races with you to the finish line, “Cum for me again, baby...let me have it.”

And you do, with one final grunt he slams into you, finishing you off even as he withdraws to spill his cum over your belly, replacing his cock with his fingers. He lets out a breathless, happy laugh as you cum together like this, your face flooding with relief as the final orgasm bursts in one glorious peak and slowly begins to fade. 

Kyungsoo, doubled over you, briefly admires the mess he left on your stomach before he leans in, careful to avoid the streaks of his cum, and presses a kiss to the side of your head while your eyes are blissfully shut. “Let me get something to clean you up,” He says, “Stay right here.” He runs off to the bathroom and you stretch out languidly, your thighs aching and your pussy still sporadically clenching with aftershocks. 

He cleans you up thoroughly with a damp rag, blushing as much as you had been earlier in the evening as your fingers affectionately card through his hair as he does so. “That was really amazing, Soo.” you tell him quietly. 

“Yeah, it was.” He agrees, finally lifting his gaze to see you smiling tenderly at him. He moves up to kiss you, sweet and slow, before he pulls back and says, “I could spend the est of my life like this.”

[dokoni-mo]

Far Away, Together || Darth Vader x Reader (Chapter 6)

(A/N: I had originally planned to do post this friday, but I was just on such a roll last night that this bad boy practically wrote itself! Im very happy with the turnout as well :)) I hope y’all like it too!!! I also realized while writing this that the series will have to be one chapter longer than I had originally intended, but that’s just good news in my book!! As always, please feel free to ask to be put on the taglist for anything or send me asks about anything!! I love interacting with yall and making content for yall!! enjoy more time with our favorite sith ;) ))) 

WARNINGS: cursing, old man kinda creeping, breif mentions of violence, otherwise none!!! 

Key: (F/N) = first name 

Word Count: ~5600

Chapter One: [x]

Chapter Two: [x]

Chapter Three: [x]

Chapter Four: [x]

Chapter Five: [x]

Chapter Five and a Half: [x]

~~

You hadn’t meant to be late that morning, but nonetheless, you were. Unquestionably so. 

Waking up in the silk sheets that morning had been one of the most difficult things that you had ever had to do. For one, the bed was quite comfortable compared to the cot that you normally slept upon in your quarters back on the Super Star Destroyer. The cot that the Empire provided you was almost exactly like the Empire itself. Cold, hard, and not comfortable at all. The bed there on that planet, however, was the opposite. It was warm, inviting, and very comfortable. You would have simply cocooned yourself back in the covers and fallen back asleep were it not for you remembering your duty. 

Alongside leaving the comfort, waking up that morning meant that the time you had spent with Lord Vader the night prior was officially over. For a brief moment in your groggy, freshly woken-up state, you had thought that the dance you shared with Lord Vader must have been a dream. A wonderful, yet cruel dream of what you knew could never be. However, contemplating it a moment longer, you knew that it was, in fact, very much real. Sitting up to look sleepily at your surroundings, you felt the phantom touch of Lord Vader’s arm around your waist, his hand within yours. Going back further, you replayed the conversation you had had with him in your mind, cementing the thought within your memory. 

You smiled to yourself then. You knew that you would cherish that moment forever.

After picking up your uniform and pulling it's cloth upon your body, you decided that it would be best to simply just cut to the chase and go downstairs instead of stalling in your room for an indefinite amount of time. As you opened the door and clacked your boots down the hallway, a yawn escaped from behind your lips, making you raise your hand to your mouth to muffle the sound. As you drew closer to the stairs, you started to hear muffled voices from below you, your ears unable to decipher what exactly the voices were saying. 

Your curiosity taking over you, you slowed your steps so that you could concentrate on the voices, your ears perking as you honed in on what they were picking up. After a moment of investigation, your mind was able to process the tone of the voice you heard, but not necessarily the words of which it was speaking. Your brow furrowed as you searched your mind for where exactly you had heard that voice before. The memory seemed so distant from your conscious, yet so very close. 

The face that matched the voice hit you like a ton of bricks. 

That face was old and nasty. 

That face had blue eyes. 

Shit. 

You were late. Very, very late. 

Adrenaline pumping through you, you bounded down the stairs faster than you had ever before on any set of stairs. You cursed how loud the sound of your boots stomping quickly on top of the surface of each step sounded, eliminating your chances of joining the meeting quietly and undetectably. Drawing quickly down the stairs, you were greeted with a sight of confirmation of exactly how late you were. About 50 feet away from you stood a handful of palace guards, another handful of stromtroopers and officers, one king, and, of course, one extremely tall sith lord, looming above the rest as he always did.

Walking quickly over to the group to assume your position at Lord Vader’s side, it was extremely difficult to not notice the stares you got from the officers and, more-so, the king. Meeting his blue gaze for a moment, you felt your cheeks rush with embarrassment. It was only then that you had allowed your mind to go back further into the events of the past night. 

The king’s hands on you. 

The conversation you had. 

The broken glass. 

You should have been ashamed to show your face. But, you weren’t. You were proud that you had put that old man in his damn place. 

You were ashamed, however, of exactly how much you suspected you would be chewed-out by Lord Vader for being late two days in a row. 

Oh well. 

Standing with your arms crossed over your chest, you found your position by Lord Vader’s side, shooting up a small, quick smile at the sith Lord. He turned briefly to acknowledge your presence before returning to his original position of staring down at the old king. This made you puff your cheeks slightly, disappointed that he didn’t do anything else. Thinking it over a moment longer, you decided that you shouldn’t be too upset. This was technically a meeting, to be fair. 

Returning your gaze to face forward, you were met by the sight of the king’s gaze trained upon you. The look he gave to you was one of an odd flurry of amusement and daggers, his lips in a slight smirk. Your eyes hardened in return, refusing to let you submit to the old asshole’s gaze. 

“Well,” the king said, a breathy chuckle in his voice, “Look who has decided to join us! Good morning, Miss (F/N).” 

You put on the best half-friendly smile that you could before formulating your response, “Good morning, your majesty.” 

If you had simply trained on his words, you would have convinced yourself that perhaps the king had decided to continue on like the previous night’s actions had never occurred. However, you knew that his eyes had told a different story. Yet, you were confused. It was hard to tell what exact game he was trying to play

 Furthermore, it was hard to tell if you really wanted to play. 

“Well,” the king said, clapping his gloved hands together, “Now that everyone is here, allow me to guide the way.” 

Turning on his heel and walking the other direction, you figured that you must have missed the details of the day while you were getting ready that morning. Sighing silently to yourself, you picked up your boots to follow the king, as well as the barrage of guards, stormtroopers, and officers that tailed him. 

This had been your original plan, until it was sharply and swifty interrupted by a large weight throwing itself upon your shoulder, simultaneously pulling you back and keeping you in place. Your mouth opened to let out a yelp, but your lungs prevented this with a moment's more worth of constipation. 

You recognized this weight. 

“You are late again.” You heard the weight’s owner say from behind you, your cheeks turning pink.

Turning your body to face the sith lord behind you, you crossed your arms again as you looked up at him, a small smile on your features. 

“I like to think that I’m just fashionably late again, my Lord.” You quipped back at him, “What do we have to do today?” 

He gave you a strong pat on the shoulder before walking past you, slow enough for you to keep up, “Our host will be showing us what his planet has to offer the Empire, along with its natural resources.” 

 You walked to catch up with Lord Vader, letting your arms fall to your sides. 

“How exciting…” you mumbled out. 

You continued to walk in silence for a long moment beside the sith lord, unsure of what to say. You desperately wanted to say something, anything, but the words just would and could not come to you. Every now and again, you would open your mouth to say something, but would quickly second guess what it was, causing you to shut it again. You began to grow somewhat frustrated that you couldn’t find the words. You hoped that you didn’t look as dumb as you felt. 

Lord Vader must have sensed the frustration growing inside of you as he looked down at your small frame, noticing how your brow was furrowed as you stared at your feet in compilation. He would never admit it to anyone, but he found it to be… 

Amusing. 

Returning his gaze to it's original position, you heard the sound of his respirator pick up in rhythm before he spoke. 

“(F/N),” Lord Vader said, “I sense that you are frustrated.” 

You felt your gut sink as you processed the words, shooting a look up at him. Damn, you thought to yourself, is it that obvious?

“I… I don’t know what you mean.” you responded. This was a half lie. You had known exactly what he meant by the words, but not what exactly he was trying to say. So what if you were frustrated? Every time he came to visit you while you were working on his TIE you were frustrated. What made now so special? 

Lord Vader paused again before rumbling out his response, the metal of his armor gleaming in the light of the day. 

“I enjoyed our night together as well.” 

Oh. 

That’s what made now special.

Your heart had skipped multiple beats at his words. Your nerves were firing off a mile a minute as waves of joy rippled through you. You had not realized that you were nervous about whether or not he actually wanted to be with you last night, or if he was simply doing it to get away from the mingling he had to do. Your doubt quieted, you looked up at Lord Vader’s mask, a big smile painted on your features. Sensing your gaze, Lord Vader pointed his mask to look down upon you. 

“I’m… glad. Really glad.” you said up at him, your eyes crinkling in delight, “I… hope that it wasn’t the last one.” 

You shot your gaze down back to your feet after you finished talking, your smile fading into a soft, faint stretch of your lips. You were surprised how bold you had been just then, admitting your true feelings to the sith. Where you should have felt embarrassed, you felt instead… content. You didn’t regret your actions at all. You felt comfortable even. If you had been anyone else, you knew that you would have been sliced in half or choked to death right then and right there. Yet, by some grace that was far bigger than you, you knew deep down, you were lucky enough to be excluded from that fate.

You thanked your maker above silently and unconsciously. 

Lingering his gaze upon you a moment longer, Lord Vader drank in the sight of your flushed face before turning his armor-clad head to face forward again, as if he were looking something very, very far away. His words came a moment filled with nothing but the sound of birds, the breeze, and his respirator allowing him to inhale and exhale later. 

“As do I.” 

~~~

The places that the King had taken you, Lord Vader, and the posse of troopers and officers were pretty, but not all that interesting. A tour of the city, a look at the forest, a look at the sea, and a look at the sports colosseum. Again, all very beautiful to look at, but not too interesting to talk about. 

You had been able to avoid any sort of contact with the king as you trudged through the sights of the city, keeping your mouth shut and your eyes trained on the view around you. Every now and again, your group would begin to walk without you even realizing. You were always broken from your trance by Lord Vader, either by him calling out your name or leading you on by the small of your back for a brief moment, his giant hand nearly taking up the entire expanse. Both would always make you smile up at him, and the latter would make you blush. 

You were currently atop of a platform that looked over a medium-sized waterfall, the sound of the water falling off the edge filling your ears. The air was thick with the smell of salt, and the dew that emanated off of the falls making the atmosphere humid, but pleasantly so with the breeze that fluttered your hair. Across the stretch of rock that you stood upon was the entrance to one of the largest mines on the planet, the cave so large you had to crane your neck to look atop it. The few stalactites and stalagmites that stuck out of the entrance gleamed and littered in the sunlight, emanating many hues of the rainbow. If you weren’t here representing the Empire, you would have almost thoroughly enjoyed the setting. 

“I will give you a few moments to look around, my Lord. I have to discuss something with my advisors for a brief moment.” The king had said to your boss after blubbering on for a long while about the history of the mine and the resources that were found inside. With a nod of approval from Lord Vader, the king gave one last snake-like smirk and walked off, giving you some sort of look. You felt a sour taste on your tongue as you rolled your eyes, making sure that the king’s gaze was turned away before you did so. 

You had hoped to take a short walk with Lord Vader while the two of you were on break from mingling, but you were disappointed to see his attention be taken away by an officer who demanded his attention. You would have been saddened, were it not for you remembering that the visit to that damn planet wasn’t just a get away for you and Lord Vader to hold hands all day and walk into the sunset together. There was work to be done and deals to be made, and that always seemed to involve him in some way.

Awesome. 

Deciding to not try and make friends with the guards or strike up a conversation with the stormtroopers, you placed a hand on your hip as you started to slowly walk around the stone platform. You had eyed some of the members of the posse as you walked by, quietly wondering what their daily lives were like or what their thoughts on Lord Vader’s visit. Sighing to yourself, you realized that they must be just as boring as your own. 

As you continued to stroll about the platform and gaze absentmindedly at the people that littered it, a certain sight had caught your attention. You didn’t mean specifically to look at the king, but your eyes had somehow fallen upon him. Just as he said he would, he was currently talking to a few guardsmen who seemed to have a few more matches and medals than the rest. Captains and generals, you took it. 

Lingering your gaze a moment longer, you felt a jolt rush through your spine as your lips parted. While the king was whispering to his guards, he had taken a moment to look over his shoulder at you, a glint of venom in his eyes. This glint quickly dissipated, however, once he realized that his blue eyes had made sudden contact with yours. With this, he quickly let his gaze fall as he continued to talk quietly with his advisors, as if he had hoped you did not notice this action. 

However, quite the contrary, you had noticed as plain as day. Processing what had just happened, you allowed your brow to furrow.

What was that for? You wondered to yourself. The obvious answer, the one you wanted so desperately to believe, was that the look you had exchanged was by pure accident, the tone of his look being from the king’s residual loathing from the night prior. However, as much as you wanted to believe that, you gut told a different story. You felt… odd. 

You decided to do something about it. 

Marching past all the other people dispersed in the crowd, you only stopped when you were within conversation distance between the king and his huddle of guards. You had noticed that their voices had grown quieter and quieter as you had approached. 

“Did you want to speak with me, your majesty?” you asked, raising your voice so that you could be heard over the bodies of the guardsmen as you placed a hand on your hip. 

A moment of awkward hesitation loomed over the air as the king exchanged a few glances with the guards, causing you to raise a brow. Smirking and stepping forward, the king placed his hands behind his back as he looked down at you. 

“Now where would you get that idea, my dear?” the king asked you, his tone so sickeningly sweet it made you wince. 

We made eye contact, dumbass. 

“I saw that you were looking my way, your majesty,” you responded, “and I just figured-” 

“What? That I would ever want to speak with the likes of you again?” 

Your mouth opened slightly in shock at his sudden change of tone, your legs moving to shift your weight. Excuse me?

“W-What?” you stammered out, the shock still in your veins, “no, I just-” 

“Don’t get smart again with me, missy.” the king hissed out, stepping forward and glaring down at you, his finger in your face, “Don’t think that I have forgotten how you embarrassed me in front of my entire entourage last night.” 

Oh. 

This was what this is about. 

Not letting yourself back down, you placed both hands on your hips, your brow furrowing again as you shot up a glare right back at the blue-eyed old man. 

“Embarrassed you? How about when you embarrassed me?! Looking at me like that, talking to me like that, are you out of your-” 

“Shut up,” the king spat, cutting you off. Suddenly and without warning, he reached out and grabbed you by the collar, making your eyes widen. You wrapped your hands around his wrist and tried to pull away, only for him to pull you closer to his glare. 

“Do you really think that you could pull that sort of stunt and get away with it? I swear, I will-” 

“Is there something wrong, your majesty?” 

The voice that came from behind you was comforting to you, but only sparked fear within he eyes of the king. Letting you go almost instantly, you stumbled backwards, your back bumping against the hard, firm surface of a panel of buttons. Before you could look up at the owner of a panel, a pair of hands wrapped themselves around your shoulders, grounding you and making you feel safe. Looking at the king again, you had noticed that his face had morphed from one of anger and hate to one of fear, only masked by a forced friendly smile. You smirked softly to yourself as you noticed the beads of sweat starting to form upon on his old, wrinkly brow. 

“O-Of course not, Lord Vader!” the king said, a waver in his voice, “Miss (F/N) and I were just having a, erm, little… chat.” 

“Is that so…” Lord Vader rumbled out. You opened your mouth to object, but you were quickly cut off by the old man before you. 

“Y-yes! Yes of course!” the king chuckled nervously in response. 

“Good,” rumbled Lord Vader, taking his hands off your shoulder and stepping closer to the king ever so slowly, his head tilting to the side, “It would be quite the shame if my prised mechanic were to be harmed.” 

Gulping silently and taking a few steps back, the king responded, “Yes… quite the shame indeed.” 

Clearing his throat, the king placed his hands on his hips, assuming a new look of attempted friendliness. 

“Well, I assume that we are all done here, yes? Excellent! Let us head back to my palace now, my Lord. There we can talk more about our entrance into the Empire.” 

Before Lord Vader could do anything in approval, the King pushed past both  you and the sith lord, the cape on his shoulders fluttering at his pace. As the troopers and officers began to follow suit, you began to mimic their actions, only to be stopped by a familiar hand upon your shoulder. 

“(F/N),” Lord Vader spoke to you, making the pair of you linger behind the group, “Are you… alright?” 

You didn’t know how to respond instantly.

Were you alright?

You frowned slightly as you thought about what your response should be. You didn’t know whether or not to tell him about your interaction with the king, or how you had seen him look at you and whisper with his guards. The feeling in your gut had not dissipated, and it plagued the back of your mind. You wondered if that was worth telling Lord Vader, however, since he already had so much to worry about. Was that just normal behavior? Lord Vader did do similar things with the officers on the Super Star Destroyer… 

“Yeah, I’m fine… thanks.” you decided to respond. Shooting up a small smile at his mask, you lifted up your own hand to rest upon his own briefly in order to cement your gratitude. 

He looked at you in silence for a long moment after you responded. You wondered if your answer had satisfied his curiosity. His pause said no, even the aura around him said no, but he did not poke the subject any further as he removed his hand from your shoulder. 

Deep down, you really wanted him to question you further. 

~~~

The walk back to the palace was excruciatingly long. 

You didn’t realize just how far you and the little posse had gone until you passed by literally everything that the king had taken you to see. By this point, the sun was starting to set, and your feet were starting to ache in your boots. You were somewhat grateful for this, however, since it meant that the second day on this planet was finally drawing to an end. 

Just one more day of having to deal with this shit, you thought to yourself, then I can go back to my station. Funny… I never thought I would miss that place. 

But there I can be by myself, and not worry about having to deal with creeps. 

There I can be with…

You shook your head to dislodge your thoughts. Now was not the time nor the place for you to indulge in such things. 

Staring to grow bored with your walk alongside Lord Vader, you began to let your eyes wander once again for some people-watching. You watched as the stormtroopers marched along with their guns held tightly to their chests, and how the officers walked with their heads held high. There was no doubt that this was an empirical entourage. 

Looking deeper into the crowd, you allowed your gaze to fall upon the king’s guardsmen. Their uniforms were somewhat silly to you, but you figured that you must be biased in that regard. Training your eyes on them a moment longer, you started to notice small things that the guards would do. 

Every so often, one guard would whisper to another, then another, then another. Sometimes, the guards would even steal glances of you and Lord Vader as you were fixated by his side. Your brow furrowed again at this, making your mind try and piece together what you were seeing. 

He must have sensed your shift in mood since he looked down at you without warning, his respirator as loud as ever. He took note of your facial expression before he spoke. 

“You seem on edge, (F/N).” Lord Vader said, making you look up at him a brief moment. 

“Yeah,” you said back quietly, your fingers twitching in a faint sense of nervousness, “It's just… Do you see them looking at us? It’s… weird.” 

Lord Vader looked at you a moment before responding. 

“Yes, I am aware.” 

“Should we… do something about it? Or is this normal?” 

“It happens periodically upon my visit to certain systems. Besides,” he continued, “Any attempt to conspire against the Empire shall result in failure.” 

You would have smiled at that if it weren’t for the pang of nervousness that still resided in your gut. Instead, you looked down at your feet and frowned to yourself, your lips stretching into a brief line. 

“If you say so, my Lord…” 

You desperately wanted to believe him. But, a pit of doubt and anxiety in your stomach kept you from doing as such fully. You hated the feeling. 

It’s just me wanting to get off this damn rock… you tried to tell yourself. 

You didn’t fully believe yourself, either. 

You didn’t know which feeling to hate more. 

~~~

Upon your arrival back to the palace, you were allowed 30 minutes to yourself to freshen-up before the day’s closing meeting. Relieved to get a moment to yourself, you headed up the stairs almost too quickly as you were relieved to go by Lord Vader. 

‘Do try not to be, how do you put it… ‘fashionably late,’ again this evening, (F/N)’ he said to you. 

‘No promises, my Lord.’ you had giggled back to him. 

Locking the door and kicking off your boots in your room, you sat down gingerly upon the freshly made bed, a wave of relief washing over you, so strong that it made you lie back upon the plush surface. Reaching your arms above your head, you arched your back as you let yourself have a big stretch, your muscles turning cold from the rush of blood-flow. Letting out a big breath, you closed your eyes as you let relaxation flow over you. You figured that since you needed energy to continue on with the night, now was as good a time as any to get in a quick cat-nap. 

Just as you had settled into your quick nap, a startling yet soft sound made you snap your eyes open, because of course something had to take your relaxation away from you. Laying there silently for a moment, you tried your best to hone in on the sound. Your ears prickling, you heard the noise again, only this time it made you sit up in your bed at attention. Finally able to decipher where the noise had been coming from, you snapped your head over to the knob on your door. 

Sure enough, it was twisting and turning at a feverish pace. 

Someone was trying to come in. 

Oh hell no. 

A sense of anger and frustration washing over you, you quickly marched over to the door, throwing it open as quickly as you could. 

“WHAT THE HELL-” 

Nothing. And no one. That’s what meat your gaze as you looked out in the hallway. 

Your face fell from one of anger to one of sad confusion as you stood there a moment, your hand sliding down the surface of the door. Sighing to yourself, you slowly went back into your room and closed the door behind you. You closed your eyes and pointed your head at the ceiling as you leaned your back against the door, allowing yourself to slide down into a kneeling position. 

Great, you thought, now I’m going crazy. 

I just want to go home. 

I hate it here. 

~~~

Deciding to humor Lord Vader a little, you had arrived at the night’s closing meeting on time. This had proven to be the correct choice, since you didn’t get any stares from anyone upon your arrival. The gut feeling from that morning still inside you, and this did little to appease it. However, it made you wonder if the king had given up on whatever he was trying to pull with you from earlier. 

But, of course, you had no way of knowing. 

The meeting was just as boring as all the other ones you had been to. Again, you were sit speechless by Lord Vader as he discussed the topics at hand with the king or one of his advisors. As he did so, you would try and find anything you could do to entertain yourself. This often involved counting tiles or trying to play back a holovid you had seen long ago back in your mind. 

This meeting, however, had a big surprise in store for you. 

“Miss (F/N),” you heard the king’s voice call out to you, sending a shock of get your head out of your ass down your spine, “You look dreadfully bored over there, my dear.” 

Looking over to the king, you hid your scowl as best you could as you tried to ease your sense of deja-vu. 

“Well, there isn’t much I have to add to the conversation, your majesty…” you responded back. You hadn’t meant to sound snarky, yet you couldn’t help yourself. 

The king laughed, an odd glint in his eye, “Yes, of course, my dear. I understand perfectly. Yet, I feel so bad just watching you sitting there. Here, how about we have my guards here escort you to the mechanical department for the time being? You can get a good look at the place whilst me and Lord Vader discuss, hm?” 

Your lips parted in confusion as you looked into the king’s blue eyes. What the hell? Did he suddenly feel bad for being such a dick to you? Or did he simply just feel bad? Or could he just not stand the sight of you anymore?

Deep down, you didn’t care. Enticed by an opportunity to leave the boring meeting behind, your mind was fuzzed from any thoughts of doubt that plagued your conscience. That offer did sound… appealing. 

However… 

“I… I would love to, your majesty, but…” you began to say, turning your gaze to fall upon Lord Vader for a moment, “I wouldn’t want to go against my Lord’s wishes if he required me to stay.” 

This was a silent plea, but you wouldn’t know it yet. 

“Oh, I’m sure that our dear Lord wouldn’t mind at all! Am I right, Lord Vader? Won’t you allow our dear Miss (F/N) to be relieved of our boring conversation?” the king asked, propping his boots on the table. 

You shot your gaze over to Lord Vader, unable to tell what emotion your eyes emanated to him. The sith looked right back at you, the sound of his respirator allowing him to inhale and exhale filling the room. 

Deep down, you wanted him to say no. 

Deep down,you prayed he would say no. 

He spoke after one of his trademark pauses. 

“I will allow it.” 

Why did that sting so bad? You should be relieved… 

“Excellent!” the king exclaimed, “Guards, please take Miss (F/N) to the mechanical department for the time being. I will comm you when she is to return.” 

The guards grasped their blasters tightly in response, standing at attention. Slowly but surely, you stood up from your chair and pushed it in. As you turned, mumbled out a quiet thanks, and began to walk past the dark lord you knew too well, you felt something large and leathery wrap around your fingers. Sure enough, when you looked down, he saw his hand wrapped there, making you look up at his mask. 

“(F/N),” he said slowly, just enough for you to hear, “be… careful.” 

You smiled and nodded at him like you didn’t need his caution.

Why did it feel so wrong? 

With Lord Vader eventually letting you out of his grasp, you walked over to your guard escorts and gave them a nod to signal to them that you were ready. Nodding in return, they turned on their heels and escorted you out of the room. 

You gave one last glance over your shoulder at Lord Vader before you exited. 

Deep down, you prayed that this wouldn’t be the last time you saw him.

~~

The palace was eerily quiet with no one else but you and two guards walking the halls. Even though you had never been to a palace before, something inside you told you that this was wrong. 

You ignored it. 

The sound of footsteps echoing off of the walls made the goosebumps raise on your arms. It was so eerily quiet. And so eerily cold. You thought about striking up conversation with the guards, but you took them as not the type for conversation. 

Looking past all the doors that you saw on your walk, you took brief moments with each to see the contents inside all of them. You felt a lump in your throat as you saw a door with half-broken ships and blasters in the doorway. A feeling of unease washed over you. 

You ignored it. 

There must be some other way into that room. 

You held your biceps as the guards led you down a long hallway, only for it to end with two long, dull, menacing doors. A pit bore itself into your stomach. 

You ignored it. 

“Is this… it?” you asked. 

“Yes.” One of the guards responded. 

“But…” you said, “I-I saw some ships back there and-” 

You were swiftly and rudely cut off by an action you barely had any time to process. 

The guard had lifted his blaster, pointed to butt-end at you, and slammed it against the side of your forehead. 

Instantly, your vision blurred, your brain just barely able to process what was happening as your sight started to fade to black. 

You heard the doors to the room in front of you open. 

You felt your weak body being dragged inside. 

Your body weak, you felt yourself roll onto your side to face the fall without you even telling your body to do it. 

You were met with one final sight before everything went black. 

There was no mistaking it. 

You had seen it countless times before. 

From news briefings.

From posters. 

From propaganda. 

That brilliant crimson.

The symbol of the rebellion. 

~~~

TAGS: @spaghetti-666 , @soullesstaco , @arsonistvoyager , @robin-obsessed , @glitter-rian , @captainrexstan , @easterncryptid , @deviatedwinter , @roseangel013bf , @danicalifxrnia , @dartheldur , @finest-trashbag​ , @yeah-boiiiiiiiiiii​ , @elongatedmusk-rat​ , @shads121​ , @muffinbeliever​ , @sakuramadae​ , @padme-parker​ , @missmannequin​ 

[babysizedfics]

hi not to bother or anything but i was kinda curious if you still had this draft//concept "i wrote out a few weeks ago about the first time remus meets the littles and something happens and he tries to look after one of them without permission and it’s Very Chaotic and Not Very Safe" its from augustso pretty sure its lost//outdated but stil curious no pressure though!!

oh my gosh i DO remember that !!!! i have a feeling i actually write a lil idea for it in my main l/b notes doc

its definitely out of date and not canon compliant with how the au has developped but i fuess i'll copy paste it here jsut for the same of closure 😭

i suppose this is more like a general agere au ?? especially because of the whole summoning and poppin up stuff !

...

first here were some general remus hcs i had at the beginning

REMUS HCs

remus being teasing and not knowing where to draw the line

putting on Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared for the children and virgil freaks out and roman gets scared too but won’t admit it

maybe roman is usually really happy to be a little hes not ashamed at all its just fun but as soon as remus is around he is really torn between mindsets?

also remus being way too rough but not on purpose hes just a rambunctious bitch

its so intersting seein where my ideas started hahsjs

and here is remus trying to get in on the babysittin

OH MY GOSH i just read it and uhh tw for suggestive , swearing, alcohol mention, and a phallic object ???

reminder that this is NOT canon for this au this is so not canon shshshsjs but its funny to share

REMUS FIRST COMING IN

* one day remus appears while L and P are talking to J about how to take care of the boys, roman is on big brother babysitting duty

* remus is not invited at all but just shows up and r and v immediately freak out

* virgil shuffles under the table to hide from him but remus sees him (and remus isnt there to be mean he actually wants in on their dynamic but hes not subtle at all and doesnt ask or discuss it with them he just tries to insert himself into it)

* so when he sees virge scared hes like 'awwww poor wittle baby youre stuck under the table! here lemme help'

* and he grabs v's hands without asking and hoists him up but he pulls way too hard and Virgil flies upwards and his head bangs on the table so hard the sound echoes - he immediately falls back to the floor and is silent for a moment before he starts whimpering

* remus' eyes fly wide and he looks at roman who is staring at him im shock with his mouth wide open

* rem: 'f*ck he's really light' then virgil's whimpers turn into cries

* 'what the heck did you do that for!!' roman seethes,

* remus is like sassy 'I was being a good brother and helping him!'

"you're not his brother!!' roman yells.

remus frowns 'but we're twins and youre his brother so-'

"it doesnt work like that!' roman collapses by virgil 'vee does it hurt bad?' v cries, his hand secured protectively over his head and his eyes firmly shut, he nods lightly

* 'shoot,' roman growls and rushes out to go get their CGs (who are having a discussion with janus) yelling 'don't touch him!' then he goes ‘Mom! Mommy!’

* remus is frozen in place staring between the doorway and the crying boy on the floor

* remus wants to help but is really lost for what to do. he knows that the others are always really close to v when they comfort him so he jumps and lands on his butt right in front of virgil

* v doesnt even notice hes there because of the crying and his eyes being closed

* 'uh hey, how about something to dull the pain?' remus summons a bottle of whiskey and sloshes it in front of the baby

* vee looks at it through tears and just cries more and wails ‘wo-wo’

* when the logan rushes in he looks at remus angrily as he crouches to hug virgil 'you hit him??'

* remus is offended and sees roman glaring at him 'what no! i tried picking him up but he was really light so he just,' remus summoned a frying pan and hit his own head with it with a resounding thwang, 'on the table'

* logan doesnt respond he is busy feeling around virgils head for any bleeding or bumps and checks virgils eyes for concussion, virgil is squirmy and doesnt like the strange attention he just wants to cuddle ‘Mama’ he whines

* but logan is keeping him at a distance while he checks him over 'shh shh what a brave boy. You're being so good for Mama. We can have lots of cuddles in just a minute'

* 'I need you to be a really clever baby for me now. Can you tell how many fingers Mama is holding up?' holds up three fingers

. 'F-fee' virgil cries.

* ‘Good boy, now can you tell me what we had for lunch?’

"dinos’ (patton cut up their sandwhiches into dino shapes)

* logan sighs in relief and holds his arms open, virgil immediately collapses into them and buried his aching head against his Mama's chest.

* 'Roman can you please get an ice pack for vee?"

'i can do it!!' remus yells then summons a flaccid penis shaped piece of ice and logan looks at him incredulously.

remus is genuinely confused 'what you said an ice packer didn't you?'

...

DO U SEE WHY I DONT WRITE REMUS /lh /nm

[nlsetsumuri]

BNHA QUIRKS!!!

I'm organizing my notes for a character-insert story I'm writing and I felt like sharing them here!!! I think people would be interested in what I came up with.

FEEL FREE TO USE ANY OF THESE FOR YOUR OWN CHARACTERS!!

No credit needed. I made Flourish specifically with Shigaraki in mind because I know a lot of people would like to have a quirk complimentary to Decay so that Tomura can touch them safely.

and hey, self-shippers? I love you so much!! you're so awesome, pls send me some self-indulgent stuff sometime soon!!

also! Quirks that are present in my stories will be marked as IN-USE. this just means that what the quirk entails might change in the future.

FLOURISH - EMITTER (IN-USE)

touch-based quirk. complimentary to decay, rendering the user immune to decay. decay users are unaffected by flourish (cannot be healed). touching something with all five fingers heals/reverses any damage

i like the idea of decay and flourish canceling eachother out because they're complimentary quirks. shigaraki can touch you and??? you don't die?? and???? you touched shigaraki but he's not healing????? fun times

BOND - EMITTER(?) (IN-USE)

user has the ability to use a diminished version of someone's quirk if they share a strong bond with said person. Most commonly found in mutated individuals with animalistic features.

This isn't really a stand-alone quirk but more of an ability, but I still decided to include it because it has really specific requirements.

JACK OF ALL TRADES - EMITTER(?)

user can give themselves ANY quirk they desire (meaning that they can copy someone else's quirk, or create a new one entirely) this ability requires a lot of energy and while in-use, will tire the user out until the stop using the quirk or pass out. (think of it like charging your phone. eventually, the battery power will lower and you'll have to plug it in. Or you're one of those people who doesn't plug it in until it dies.) The more powerful the chosen quirk is, the longer the user will be out for. "OP" quirks like take more energy to replicate/use, and consequentially, will require a longer recovery period. Quirks like Overhaul or Decay will put the user into a comatose state. This quirk is literally just All For One Juniour Edition.

so basically like? all for one but fair. also the quirks aren't "saved" or anything, so if u want to use bakugou's explosion quirk, but ur already using tsuyu's froggy quirk to restrain something with your tongue, you'd have to stop using it and let go so you can use explosion instead.

NULLIFY - EMITTER

Touch-Based quirk. Touching someone with all five fingers will render them quirkless for 24 hours. Only works on one person at a time, and cannot be used on the same person twice in a row. Made with Shigaraki in mind.

i made this purely because i want to hold shigaraki's hand without turning into dust. also... imagine having to constantly remind yourself to keep ur pinky/middle finger off of whatever you touch. idk about you, but that's too much work for me. I'd rather just wear those gloves made for drawing tablets.

GRIM REAPER - EMITTER (IN-USE)

Touch-Based quirk. touching someone with all five fingers immediately kills them, allowing the user to harvest their soul (souls manifest as little cheeseball sized lights. they're all different colors, depending on who's soul it was.) souls can be eaten (they taste like gummi bears) whoever eats it has their body revitalized instantaneously, each and every individual cell replaced by a new and perfect copy. souls can only be captured in jars. they act like fireflies.

firefly rave... also this is literally decay but it only works on living things and also u get a snack. and a corpse. although idk i guess a corpse would count as a snack to someone. also if someone doesn't have a soul, they just die. lol

VAMPIRE - MUTANT TYPE

user is easily sunburnt, does not have a reflection, allergic to garlic (regardless of genetics) and cannot be killed unless the heart is damaged. User must drink a certain amount of blood regularly to avoid loss of inhibition (will attack nearest person to feed) and severe malnutrition, known as "bloodthirst."

honestly? this isn't really that beneficial... sunburns, no garlic bread, if you cant get enough blood you suffer and go apeshit... but I mean at least you've got circumstantial immortality.

HIGH ELF - MUTANT TYPE

user has pointed ears and is considerably taller than regular humans. naturally skilled archers, and have a strong connection to nature.

i couldn't help myself, i love DnD.

BETTA - MUTANT

fish subtype. user has fully-functional gills. The user's hair reflects the different kinds of tail types (plakat = short hair, crown tail = dreadlocs/separated strands, rose tail = long and flowy) and are naturally bright colors like red or blue. lethal close-combat skills and impressive speed. natural beauty is also a bonus

im surprised i'm not including this in my character insert story. it's my personal favorite so far. fishy!!!

WEREWOLF - TRANSFORMATION

exactly what it sounds like. full moons trigger the shift. user cannot control the shift. it's basically like periods except instead of bleeding out of your uterus, you turn into a wolf.

... yeah, i don't know what influenced this the most. the fact that i made vampires and felt obligated to also include werewolves, that i'm a furry, or that this gives me an excuse to push alpha beta omega dynamics onto bnha

GHOST RIDER - TRANSFORMATION

based on that one marvel comic series. when transformed, the user takes on the appearence of their skeletal structure engulfed in flames. the user is able to control flames and a vehicle/form of transport of their prefrence. when user establishes eye contact, the opponent will suffer the pain they have caused for others (if any.) cannot transform in direct sunlight.

i am incredibly ashamed to admit that it was only yesterday that i saw the 2007 ghost rider movie for the first time in my life. i fucking loved it. it was funny, freaky as hell, and so fucking awesome. i love ghost rider, i mean, cmon, like? that's literally what being a punk is about in a nutshell. skeletons. fire. leather jackets. metal spikes. chains. motorbikes. anti-heroes. also i really enjoyed the addition of genuine demon names. i got so excited when i recognized the name mephisopholes. the movie also gave me ACAB vibes so bonus points for that. and the little details like how johnny's fire turned blue whenever he focused on roxanne. god fuck it was a great movie i will be thinking about it for the next week or so. TL;DR THE 2007 GHOST RIDER MOVIE IS AWESOME I CANT BELIEVE I NEVER WATCHED IT. i always end up getting more attatched to the manga instead of the anime and this was no different.

P.S. lmk if you wanna know more about my character insert! i post a lot about him on my twitter account and i'm generally more active there anyways!!

[love-killed-the-superstar]

i havent been drawing or writing pokemon stuff for ages and im currently too busy to make something new in time for drew appreciation day so i thought id post some wip respectshipping stuff under the cut that i dont THINK ive posted before?? if i have im sorry, im a bit dry on drew content rn!!

for context the scenes are taken from a sequel to my respect oneshot, sparks, set during a pride festival!

Ash slipped his hand into Drew's, and Drew glanced at him rigidly.

“What are you doing?” he asked. He didn't need to look to know that May and Brock had noticed, and were giving each other knowing smiles.

“Holding your hand?” Ash said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“I know that. Why?”

Ash furrowed his brow. “Why am I holding your hand? We're... well, together, Drew.” It felt weird to say it out loud, and his frown melted into an elated smile. “We're boyfriends. And this is a festival celebrating the kind of relationship we have. Isn't this the best time to do it?”

Drew's cheeks began to burn under the unspoken pressure. Of course, he liked to touch Ash in private, hold his hands and cup his cheeks and kiss him, but public displays of affection had never been his thing. Giving out roses was different, of course – it was part of the charming persona he put on. He wasn't ashamed of his sexuality, and he certainly wasn't ashamed of Ash; but there was a time and a place for physical affection, and in the middle of a crowded street wasn't what he considered an opportune moment.

“We... we don't do this out in the open, Ash,” he reasoned. Ash shrugged.

“If you're sure.”

Ash dropped his hand, and at first Drew felt relief. But just moments later, he realised how cold his hand suddenly felt without the familiar warmth of Ash's.

With a huff, he grabbed it back.

“Jerk.”

...

“I'll only enter this contest if you enter the battle tournament.”

“Like hell. I don't get my kicks from raw power battles, sorry.”

“And I don't get my kicks from showing off how pretty my pokemon can be, but I'm willing to compromise. This is like, a couple activity. You know, so we can bond.”

“You know contests are about so much more than beauty, Ash. For the record, they say it's healthy for couples to not do everything together.”

“And we don't! We hardly see each other when we're travelling, so this'll be a special occasion!”

Ash and Drew were bickering again, as usual, though Brock had to admit it was far more entertaining seeing them argue over trivial matters such as 'couple activities' than having to watch them stew in their own feelings for the past few years. Getting to see them comfortable around each other was refreshing.

“Look, battles aren't romantic – contests aren't romantic! It's about you and your pokemon, not about you and your pokemon and your annoying boyfriend and his pokemon.”

“But I already told my mom we'd be battling together! She's recording it!”

“Your mother needs a new hobby that doesn't involve snooping on our relationship at any given moment,” Drew quipped, but he seemed a little less defensive at that. “She's really gonna be watching us?”

Ash patted his shoulder. “I told you she's trying to be supportive. She was excited when I mentioned the festival to her, actually. She asked me to pick her up a souvenir, like a badge or a wristband or something? And she was all, 'tell Drew I said hi!' so... yeah, she said hi.”

“And you're only mentioning this now.” Drew threw up his hands in exasperation. “Didn't it cross your mind to tell me earlier?”

“That she said hi?” Ash quirked an eyebrow. “My bad? Look, she asked me to call her tonight. If you want, I'll let you listen in.”

Drew clasped his hands together. “Maybe I'll... say hi back,” he said, licking his lower lip nervously. Ash grinned.

“You know, I think she'd like that.”

“This is heart-warming and all,” Brock smirked, finishing the last of his coffee, “but if you guys don't hurry up and compromise, you'll run out of time to sign up.”

And with that, their bickering was back to square one.

...

Delia's face appeared on the screen and she smiled warmly.

“Well hello there, Ash! Are you enjoying the festival so far?”

“Oh yeah! It's amazing. I never knew how big Sinnoh's gay community was until now.”

“Well, I'm glad you're having a good time. You're participating in the tag team battle tournament tomorrow, right?”

Ash's face fell slightly.

“I don't know. I was meant to be taking part with Drew, but he isn't so big on battling, so we haven't signed up yet.”

“Well, I'm sure you'll work it out,” Delia said with a sympathetic smile. “And how is Drew doing? Did you tell him I said hello?”

Ash's eyes lit up.

“Yeah, he's doing great! Actually... he talked about saying hi back. If you wanted to speak to him.”

Delia blinked in surprise.

“Oh, he wanted to talk to me?”

Ash smiled consiprationally.

“He'll never admit it to me but he really wants to make a good impression on you, Mom.”

Her cheeks were pink with pride and she chuckled lightly.

“Very well, hand him over.”

Unsurprisingly, Drew stepped out from just beyond view of the camera – Delia realised he was listening in the entire time, but decided to keep this revelation to herself for the time being.

“Why hello there, Drew. I suppose this is the first time we've talked since you two made the announcement.”

He nodded sheepishly.

“Yeah. Um, Ash and I don't travel together often. We parted ways after the visit, so... yeah. You're looking well, ma'am.”

“Oh please, call me Delia,” she said with a dismissive wave, then smiled. “I'm so excited to see the two of you compete in the tag battle tournament tomorrow!”

If Drew had been on the fence about it prior, he certainly wasn't anymore.

“Yes! Uh, we're looking forward to it, aren't we, Ash?”

Ash, looking both flabbergasted at the turn of events and also ecstatic at the news, nodded hastily.

“Yep! That's right, and the day after we're entering the pride contest! Since we're trainer and coordinator, we thought we'd do both!”

Ash grinned at his mother (mouthing how did you do that?? towards her) and she gave him a knowing wink in return.

“How wonderful! I've heard your coordinator skills are marvellous, Drew! I'm looking forward to it. It's a shame I couldn't be there in person.”

“Not sure this is your kind of scene, Mom,” Ash said with a laugh. “But it's been great! I got you a wristband, it's rainbow like a pride flag!”

“How sweet! Did you pick one up for Mimey too?”

Ash beamed and fished a pair of wristbands from his pocket.

“You know I did! Nothing but the best for you guys!”

“Mimey's been so excited for you too, dear. We'll wear them with pride!” She giggled at her own joke, and then clasped her hands together.

“By the way, you two, I was wondering how you would feel about the three of us sitting down for a meal in Pallet Town after the festival.” Her gaze flickered between the two of them. “You know, so that Drew and I can get to know each other better.”

Ash found the scar on the end of his ring finger suddenly very interesting to stare at.

“I don't know, Mom. I mean... maybe the timing isn't-”

“Sure, Mrs – uh, Delia.”

Ash glanced up in surprise at Drew, whose facial expression didn't give away his nerves like his shaking hands did, carefully out of Delia's view.

“Drew, you mean it?”

“Of course.” He offered Ash a quick smile. “Delia, I look forward to visiting again.”

“Wonderful!” Delia clapped her hands together and beamed. “Well, boys, I have to be going, but I'll be taping the matches! Good luck, both of you!”

The moment the call ended, Drew trudged back up to the rooms and headed over to his bed, flopping down rather ungracefully face first. Ash perched on the end of his own bed.

“Your mom is nice,” Drew said after a while, face emerging from his pillow. Ash chewed his lower lip.

“She means well, she really does want you to know each other now we're dating, but... we don't have to do this dinner if you're not ready for it.”

Drew opened his eyes to peer at Ash incredulously.

“What? No. I didn't just agree to it because your mom was giving me the same look you give me when you want something. I'm ready for this, you know? I want your mother to like me. I want to know the person who helped make you who you are.”

He took a deep breath.

“May finding out about us... it opened my eyes. For years I worried about what people would think of me if they knew. Then I realised, the world isn't one big contest. When it comes to who you are, the only one whose judgement matters is you.”

“Drew...”

“You mean a lot to me, Ash. I want to be a part of your world, and I want to introduce you to mine.”

“You sap.” Ash moved over to Drew's bed and rested his head against Drew's shoulder. “I'd really like that, though. I know our journey has been pretty rocky, but I just love being around you. And now we can be open about it, I've gotten so excited.”

Drew pressed a kiss to his forehead, and grinned.

“Now who's the sap?”

[benscaligraphyset]

Chapter Three

(Finally I’ve been able to update this fic! I got a little disheartened when the other chapters weren't getting much engagement and then my other pic, Unexpected, was getting attention so I focused on that a bit more but Im finally back with a new chapter if Starward! Hope it was worth the wait :) Please let me know what you think, I love reading your comments!)

Also! If you get the chance visit https://blacklivesmatter.carrd.co and sign their petitions and see other things you can do to help!

It had been a few months since your arrival at Luke’s training temple and you and Ben had already fallen into old habits.

His lightsaber skills had certain improved, you noted, but so had yours. You were constantly teasing him while sparring, trying to get him to break, but Ben was completely focused whenever fighting was happening. It’s like he slipped into a trance with the hum of his lightsaber driving him. You found it adorable, but it worried Luke. He said that he noticed him using Dark Side methods during his training, but it wasn’t as if all of those methods are truly bad, just different from Jedi techniques.

And there you were, back to defending him. But, Ben wasn’t alone in thinking that the Jedi had some major flaws. You think his mood would improve if he was allowed to express his emotions instead of keeping them bottled inside. That’s not to say you believe in the Sith’s way of using your emotions to fuel you and bring you power, but, there had to be some sort of healthy balance to these things. You wished Luke would teach you grey methods of using the Force, and not just the Light side that the old Jedi’s had preferred. After all, Darth Vader had started out as a Jedi and they allowed him to rise to power, so maybe their methods weren’t as perfect as Luke pretends they were. You just didn’t see what was wrong with a little Dark.

It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for the two of you, though. Ben still struggled with his feelings of self worth and it was sometimes hard for you to convince him that you truly cared or that his family cared. His insecurities caused him to lash out and seek to self isolate instead of reaching out to his friends like you and Tai. You knew he also held residual anger at the fact that you left all those years ago, not that he’d admit it. 

It’s not as if Luke did much to dissuade these insecurities, and you made sure to tell him as much, but you didn’t know if Luke truly knew how to help Ben. He didn’t understand him like you did and for the most part, that wasn’t his fault.

The side that you had the privilege of seeing, the joking, carefree side of him, was not something everyone got to see. It was easy to see him as a resentful and sad boy if he didn’t let you in.

Overtime, Ben stopped showing this side to Luke as much as he used to. You don’t know what changed but at some point after you left their relationship deteriorated and you didn’t know if it could be repaired. If it could, you certainly weren’t the one to do it. You made a note to ask Leia about it the next time you spoke to her.

You both had also kept the habit of bickering like an old married couple. You were constantly butting heads and it didn’t help that you both were relentlessly stubborn. In Ben’s defense, it’s hard not to be stubborn after being raised by the two most stubborn humans alive.

“There they go again,” another student groaned.

“Shut up, Bactar,” Ben snapped before turning back to you.

You scoffed. “You’re honestly telling me, that you think you could beat me, in my starfighter and you, in your dad’s old light freighter—that’s constantly needing repairs— in a race?” you asked in disbelief.

“That ‘old light freighter’,” Ben retorted, using air quotes, ”made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed at the phrase you’ve heard enough times to last a life time. You looked around at your audience in disbelief and Jannik shrugged. People had learned to not get involved in your petty disputes.

Ben leaned over to get back in your line of vision. “I’m not gonna say it’s not a piece of junk, because, it is, but I am saying that I am a good enough pilot to beat you any day, in any ship.”

You threw your head back in a loud, obnoxious laugh. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“Okay, now I really know you’re messing with me,” you scoffed.

Ben came closer to you and you raised your head in defiance, but also because if you didn’t you would be staring at his chest. You know he uses his build to an advantage, thinking if he towers over you he has the upper hand, but you never gave him the satisfaction. Maybe this would work on his sparring opponents, but not you. And maybe you liked it a little too much when he was a little too close.

You looked up at the man before you through your lashes; you also knew your own strengths.

“So, what do ya say, Flyguy? You wanna test your theory?” you asked in a low voice.

You watched his adam’s apple bob nervously and you knew you were succeeding. You smirked up at him and his jaw shifted in irritation.

“Pick a time and place, Starward,” he replied cooly.

Your smirk grew and you opened your mouth to retort but you never got the chance. Luke’s force presence alerted you to the fact that other people do, in fact, exist and you had a whole audience watching your and Ben’s—well, whatever this was.

“Kriff, would you two get a room already?” Voe snipped and you instantly retreated from Ben, warmth flooding your cheeks.

“Language, Voe,” Luke said, finally arriving to the training grounds.

Students instantly straightened their backs and wiped the grins off their face at his arrival. Voe’s body crumpled at Luke’s sharp reprimand and you suspected her cheeks were also warm.

“Y/N, Ben, stop whatever ridiculous feud you have going on and get into a ready position,” Luke commanded and you both obeyed, along with the rest of the class.

Ben seemed...uncomfortable would be the only word you knew how to describe it. He kept shifting his legs in between forms and you caught him conspicuously moving things around under his belt. You knew boys had to move things around down there sometimes, but you’d never seen Ben quite this bothered.

Maybe you could press inside—

“Y/N, focus,” Luke snapped, bringing your attention back to the task at hand.

“Sorry, Master,” you apologized and resumed the stance that the other students were in.

It might’ve been your imagination, but you thought you felt Ben’s eyes boring holes into you, but you didn’t dare turn and check.

After training you went straight to your water bottle, relishing in how good it tasted. You weren’t ashamed to admit you might’ve moaned audibly. You couldn’t help it, water after training was like spice. You felt Ben’s presence brush against yours and you went to greet him, but he was already hustling towards the huts and didn’t stop, even when you called his name.

“What the brix?” The question was really to yourself, but that never stopped people from butting into your business before.

“Oh, he’s got it bad for you,” Jannik quipped, suddenly next to you.

“What are you on about now?” you asked, too exhausted from your workout to deal with whatever he was saying.

“Come on, I know you’re not that stupid.”

“Can you get on with whatever you’re trying to say or move along?” you asked, taking another needed sip of water.

“Come on, everyone knows he’s practically in love with you.”

Water shot out of your mouth and nose and you suddenly couldn’t draw a proper breathe in, having sucked water into your lungs. Jannik instantly patted your back and asked if you were all right.

“I-I’m f-fine,” you sputtered, eventually gaining the ability to breathe again.

“Did you seriously not know?” he asked, incredulous.

“There’s nothing to know,” you croaked, risking another sip of water. “We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, friends who get hot and bothered when you argue.”

“What?” It was your turn to sound incredulous.

“You didn’t notice how he was shifting around during training? You had to have.”

You grabbed Jannik’s arm, much to his loud objection, and dragged him away from any prying ears.

“Of course I noticed,” you hissed. “But, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Wow...you really are oblivious,” he said and you punched his shoulder, hard.

“Ow! Well, you are—Wait!” he exclaimed, holding his hands up as you raised your fist to land another blow.

“I’m sorry! Listen,” he said, waiting for your hand to lower. Reluctantly, you did lower it and then gestured for him to continue.

“Look, I’ve hid many a boners before—“

“Jannik!”

“Well, I have! And trust me, that’s exactly what Ben was doing out there.”

“He was not. Besides, even if he was how do you know that has anything to do with me?”

“Because I saw how he looked at you. And when you moaned into that water bottle,” Jannik gave a low whistle, “he booked it to the huts.”

That would explain why he bolted just after that—no. What were you saying? Maybe Ben had feelings for you when you were both young and naïve, but now? It just wasn’t a possibility. You’d shut down any hope for that before you’d left.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” you deflected.

“Ask anyone and they’ll tell you the same thing,” he insisted and you scoffed.

“I don’t need to ask anyone else’s opinion about my friendship, but thanks for the tip,” you replied sardonically and placed a hand on his shoulder before turning away.

“Come on, Y/N!” he called after you.

“I’ll see you at dinner!” you called back.

You laughed off his comments on your way to your hut. He doesn’t know Ben like you did, so who was he to tell you what he felt—hell, you didn’t even know what he was feeling most of the time.

But he was right that Ben was acting strange, and you needed to figure out why. You’d ask him at dinner, you decided. Right now you were in desperate need of a shower.

Dinner finally came and you went to your and Ben’s usual spot with a full plate of food. After today’s training you were famished and you didn’t wait for Ben to arrive before chowing down on what tasted like the most delicious meal you’ve ever had in your life. It wasn’t until you were almost done with said meal that you noticed Ben still hadn’t shown up. You pushed yourself up in your seat and looked around the cafeteria, hoping to spot that bushy head of black hair, but you didn’t see him. You slumped in your chair and pouted. Ben has never missed a dinner with you.

When it was nearly time for dinner to be over, you’d given up hope that he was going to arrive and had planned to wrap something for him to go, but then you finally saw him come through the doorway, Luke at his side. Your shoulders sagged in relief that Ben was okay, but why was Luke holding him up? He has always emphasized the importance of showing up on time to meal times so this was very out of the ordinary.

“Hey,” you said as Ben finally came to sit at your normal spot, looking disgruntled. “What were you doing with Luke?”

Ben gave you an unhelpful shrug. “He needed to talk to me about something.”

“Well, what was it?”

“If he wanted you to know he would’ve told you, wouldn’t he have?” He snapped.

You recoiled at his retort and you felt as though you had been punched in the gut. Your first instinct was to press and see what the other man was feeling, but you quickly realized he had shut you out completely.

You pushed away from the table. “Fine, I’m sorry I waited up for you.”

Without waiting for a response, you made your way to the exit of the cafeteria, thrusting the doors open with the Force. Hot tears pricked at your eyes but you refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry because of him. You needed the sanctuary of your hut for assurance that you wouldn’t be disturbed.

“That, half-witted, nerd herder,” you spat, flopping yourself down angrily on your bed.

You let the warm tears slip down your face now, frantically wiping them away as if it would stop them from coming. You wished that you wouldn’t cry so easily, that a boy snapping at you wouldn’t cause you to crumble.

But, Ben wasn’t just any boy was he?

You relentlessly tossed and turned that night, desperate for rest. You just wanted to sleep and not have Jannik’s words flying around in your head. His comments shouldn’t have bothered you as much as they did but the thought of Ben having feelings for you turned your stomach into knots and you couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Ben’s words had also made residence in your head and you kept wondering what it was that had caused him to snap at you like that and what was it that Luke and him had been talking about.

Had you done something wrong?

The cover of your hut was suddenly thrust open and you instinctively reached for your lightsaber. You relaxed when you realized who it was.

“I can feel your anxiety from my hut,” Ben grumbled, making his way into your hut and coming over to the left side of your bed. He looked at you expectantly and you stared back at him blankly before he made a scoot-over gesture with his hands and you wordlessly complied, letting his large frame into the bed and under the covers with you.

“What are you doing?” you asked in a whisper and pulled the covers up higher to cover your body that was scantily clad in only your under garments.

“This is the only way either of us will get sleep. Unless you have a better idea?”

You were silent. You were inclined to agree with him, after all this had always worked when you were kids. But, after the way he treated you today? You weren’t going to just let him comfort you like nothing was wrong.

“I don’t want you here if you’re just going to be a dick.”

Ben stared at you without a response.

“Fine,” you retorted and started to push him out of the bed with the Force.

“I’m sorry,” he said almost so quiet that you missed it.

You stopped pushing. “What was that?”

Ben sighed. “I said, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”

“Are you going to tell me why you snapped at me?”

“I let my uncle get under my skin.”

“What did he say?”

Ben hesitated. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” he answered honestly.

“Well, that’s all you had to say,” you replied, shoving him softly. “I would’ve understood.”

“I know, I...I’m sorry,” he repeated and you knew he meant it.

You looked into his dark eyes in the pale light and communicated your forgiveness without even having to open your mouth.

“Are you going to tell me why you were acting strange after training?” 

You felt him tense beside you and he turned his gaze down. “What are you talking about?”

“Look, it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but it’s not like you to just bolt and not even say bye.”

“I just...” He cleared his throat awkwardly. You reached forward and grabbed his hand above the covers and his eyes flew up, surprised.

“I just want to be sure you’re okay, Ben,” you said earnestly. You didn’t want to press too much and make him retreat, but he needed to know that you were there for him.

He smiled that smile that fills your chest with warmth. “I promise, I’m okay. I was just in a rush to take a shower.”

You almost joked about the fact that Jannik thought he had a boner, but you thought better of it. After all, there's a good chance Jannik was right, just not about the part that the boner was because of you.

“What if Master Luke catches us?” you asked, back to the original topic.

“I’ll wake up just before sunrise and leave,” he answered simply.

You chuckled softly. “You haven’t changed at all have you?”

He raised a brow at you. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“As kids, you would always come lay with me if I couldn’t sleep.”

When you both were little and your thoughts got too loud for your head, you would sneak over to Han and Leia’s to find comfort in Ben’s bed. When his strength in the Force grew, he started to be able to sense when you were upset and he began coming to you when you needed him. His Force presence next to you always had a way of silencing the noise in your head.

On the other side, sometimes—a lot— Han and Leia would be fighting late into the night and Ben would sneak over to Luke’s hut to climb into bed with you. The first few times this happened, Han and Leia were worried Ben had run away, but then Luke would always come knocking on the door with little Ben hiding behind his legs.

If the voices in tiny Ben’s mind got too loud, either you would sense his turmoil and come to him or he would scurry over to you and vise versa. It was honestly a good system the two of you had and Han and Leia debated just making the guest room into your room, but Luke didn’t like the idea. He was over protective in that way, not that he could be blamed, given your past.

“Well, you obviously haven’t changed either if I’m still having to do this,” Ben teased and you rolled your eyes.

“Goodnight, Ben,” you said through a giggle and he smiled softly.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

When you woke up, Ben was gone, like he had said, but the other side of your bed still smelt like him. You took a whiff of the pillow he’d slept on and smiled.

He really hasn’t changed at all.

(Again I hope this was worth the wait!! Please let me know what you think and if you get the chance sign the petitions in the link I posted!)

Taglist: @lover1307 @bepo-is-sorry @snakelaufeyson @supervengerslock @shockwavee @kilo-wrench @ohhh-boo-tiful @serenityofbeingascintilla @ladyzirkonia @fandomshit6000 @i-am-lokii-of-asgard​​ @siren-queen03​ @dark-night-sky-99 @nickangel13​​ @girlyisthatweirdkid​ @edwardspaghedwardtozier​ @irreverent-dream​ @amberkay284​ @struggling-writer​

[cptablovegood]

Absolutely no one asked for this or probably even wants this but I’m less than a hundred pages in to Fool’s Errand and Fitz and Beloved are already ruining me so I’m literally just going to make a note of every time they’re being super in love (even if Fitz is constantly obtuse and refuses to admit it) just for my own (in)sanity..

———————part 1————————

Apparently only original posts show up in tumblr searches some imma just have to keep adding on to this rather than reblogging hope you’re ready for a shit so guys!

“I see a love that wends its way in and out of all your many years. That faithful heart has been absent for a time, but is soon to return to you again.” A witch reading his LOVE LINE! She also makes a direct comparison to Molly. Fitz foolishly thinks it’s about Starling but Beloved arrives soon after so we know its about them. HIS LOVE LINE GUYS!

“Your one true love is stitched in and out and through you life. Love will return to you.” You could interpret this as being about Molly as I think they end up getting back together after Burrich has died but I’m way more inclined to believe this is about the Fool. For one its the same witch says its right after the above. Fitz himself also dimises Molly. But mainly the phrasing. The White Prophet and his Catalyst are often described as being interwoven and bound together despite of any distance and time. Like the metaphors are parallel making me think this is about the Fool. Which means… Beloved is Fitz’s one true love! Guys can Robin Hobb just give me a fucking break please!

*a whole paragraph admiring a horse* “The rider was fully worthy of the horse.” He thinks his mans is fine ok!

“He smiled. Something turned over in my heart. I moistened my lips, but could find no words, no breath to utter them if i had. My heart told me one thing my eyes another.” Ummm how fucking in love is Fitz? He hasn’t seen the Fool in 15 years and he’s speechless and his heart is doing somersaults? His eyes are saying wait that’s not how i remember the fool but it doesn’t fucking matter he KNOWS its the fool HIS HEART KNOWS.

“I open my mouth, then helplessly spread wide my arms. At that gesture that said all I had no words for, an answering look lit his face.”Again he’s literally speechless but that doesn’t even matter the Fool can fully understand him. Soulmates don’t need such trivial things as language to communicate!

“He glowed as if a light had been kindled in him” Im sorry thats some romantic shit.

“He did not dismount but flung himself from his horse towards me.”  Hi the Fool literally launched himself off a horses back into your arms!

“The horse shied away but none of us paid her any attention.”  They’re so absorbed in each other.

“In one step i caught him up. I enfolded him in my arms as the wolf gambolled about us like a puppy.”

“‘Oh Fool,’ I choked. ‘It cannot be you, yet it is and I do not care how.’” Emotions are literally choke him he’s about to start crying, I-

“He flung his arms around my neck. He hugged me fiercely. … For a long time he clung to me like a woman.” Yeah we know Fitz has some old misconstrued ideas about love and gender so for him to even parallel that is a lot ok…

“Until the wolf insistently thrust himself between us.” Ok so not only would they have carried on clinging to each other if Nighteyes hadn’t have forced them apart but also the wolfs reaction is super fucking important as well. Like Nighteyes is Fitz’s Wit beast. He has never loved another person other than Fitz so loyally and without question. When he first meets the Fool he trusts him straight away and calls him pack long before anyone else. Fitz even gets jealous of their bond in the first trilogy until Nighteyes explains that why shouldn’t he trust and love someone so fiercely if Fitz already feels this way about them.

“…wiping away tears. I did not think less of him for them. My own ran unchecked down my face.” Urgh thank you Robin Hobb for letting men cry! But they are both so overcome with emotion and not ashamed or embarrassed to show the other person that they’ve been brought to tears by their reunion like wow they’re so in love.

“He flowed to his feet, every nuance of his grace as familiar to me as the drawing of breath.” He likens simply seeing the fool moving to something that is habitual and that sustains his life I-

“He cupped the back of my head and in his old way, pressed his brow to mine.” I would argue more tender than a chaste kiss.

“He stared at me, his eyes touching the white streak in my hair and running familiarly over the scares on my face. I stared just as avidly…” they’re drinking each other up after so many years apart committing each other to memory again.

“The wide grin that lit his face erased all years and distance between us.” something as simple as a smile can bring them right back together like they haven’t been separated for 15 years.

“I felt something from him; the thinnest knife-edge of of shared awareness. … ‘All down the years’ his voice going as golden as his skin ‘you have been with me, as close as the tips of my fingers, even when we were years and seas apart. Your being was like the hum of a plucked string at the edge of my hearing, or a scent carried on the breeze.’”Maybe I’m smoking crack but I think this might be the most romantic thing ever? ‘his voice going golden as his skin’ why does that warm my heart so??

“‘Had I possessed the Skill in truth you would have known I was there. At your fingertips, but mute.’ I felt an odd easing in my heart at his words, for no reason I could name” Fitz mate thats love. Love and the confirmation and realisation that you had never and would never truly be alone or lonely.

“It was a boys thing to do, this immediate offering to share a prized possession and my heart answered it, knowing that no matter how long or how far apart wed been nothing important had changed between us.” Like you might be men full grown now, having lived completely separate lives, not knowing each other for the last 15 years but your love is so pure it has not been marred by age or distance!

“I blinked my eyes and for a minute I was back in the Fool’s hut in the mountains, healing from my injury while he stood between me and the world” he remembers how the fool protected and shielded him and nursed him back to health.

“He created reality around himself, bringing order and peace to a small island of warm firelight.”

“Light ran up his cheekbones and dwindles as it merged with his hair.”

“‘In the space of a sundown, you show me the wide world from a horses back and the soul of the world within my own walls.’” Before the Fool came Fitz was feeling listless and suffocated by his own life. Is there a more beautiful thing than being renewed to vigor by someone you love? The Fool basically brings him all the possibilities and life that he had forgotten he could have. Also he calls the Fool ‘the soul of the world’ how fucking beautiful is that. and the fool is so fucking happy that he could do that for him.

“We are whole.” This said by Nighteyes which I again think is super important. He feels the same about the Fool as he does about Fitz. And although him and Fitz are Wit bonded and him and the Fool not he does not feel that they have been truly complete without him.

“Like sundered pieces of crockery that snick back together so precisely that the crack becomes invisible, the Fool joined us and completed us.”

“The Fool’s presence was in itself an answer and satisfaction.”

“That evening remains for me always a moment to cherish as golden and fragrant as brandy in crystal glasses.”

“I stayed away from you as long as i could. he offered the words like an apology.’ He literally cant keep himself from fitz. “Any time that you returned to visit me would not have been too soo” And Fitz doesn’t want to be left alone Beloved he wants your company!

“Nighteyes and I spoke as we did was not an effort to exclude him from our circle. It was that our circle made us one in a fundamental way we could not share. ‘Yet once we did and it was good.’” Even the wolf wants them to all be joined again and share their thoughts and feelings!

“He extended his hand to me as if he proffered an invisible gift on those outstretched fingertips. I closed my eyes to steady myself against the temptation. ‘I want it as i want breath itself Fool take it away please.’” He is having to ask the Fool to remove the temptation because he wants that wholeness, that one’s again so badly but he knows it’s a bad idea. It is taking all his will to decline it and I think of the Fool offered again he wouldn’t be able to resist a again. Also this is the 2nd time he has likened the Fool to something as fundamental as breathing.

“‘I dreamed of you once. You were sick or injured. A man leaned over you, I felt he wanted to hurt you so I-’ ‘It’s quite likely ou saved my life.’” Even when the Fool was Amber and Fitz did not know her his subconscious was looking out for her and protecting her. He fucking skill pushed someone to leave her alone without even realising it was her.

“‘Sometimes when I was most alone I mocked myself that I could cling to such a hope. That I could believe I was so important to anyone that he would travel in his dreams to protect me.’ ‘You should have known better than that.’ I said quietly.” Ok so this hurts my heart a little because Fitz always denies that he loves the Fool the way in which he wants to be loved by Fitz. I mean I don’t think that’s true at all because their love is way more intense and intimate than any woman that Fitz has ever been with Molly included the only boundary between him and the Fool is sex which arguable we know Fitz doesn’t always think is related to love cos he slept with Starling. And it fucking kills me that when Amber was in her darkest place she clung on to the hope that Fitz did truest love her but at the same time laughed at herself cos Fitz himself had told them otherwise previously. And here he has the audacity to contradict her. Like how could you ever doubt it? Cos you told them to doubt it mate! Why are you so fucking obtuse Fitz!

“‘Should I?’ He gave me the most direct look I have ever received from him. I did not understand the hurt I saw in his eyes nor the hope. He needed something from me but I wasn’t sure what it was.” Urgh again Fitz is so blind! You just need to hold him and admit to him how much you love him get over yourself and your whole ‘I can’t love you like a man loves a woman’ bullshit cos like the Fool rightfully said you didn’t love Molly cos of what was under her skirts!

“‘Were you expecting me to leave tomorrow?’ ‘I thought you might I didn’t hope it.’ ‘That's good then for you could have hoped in vain.’” They’ve finally been reunited after so long and neither one of them wants to leave the other.

“I suddenly realised the immensity of what i had asked him … like all direct questions I had ever asked the fool I both dreaded and longed for the answer.” This just feels very fucking intimate to me lads sorry to say

“‘Good night Beloved we have been apart for too long.’” Umm the Fool fucking gave Fitz his own name. His true name that he had never told anyone. His name that his own mother called him. They’re gunna ruined me these two.

This is literally only the first chapter that they have been reunited in and my heart already can’t take it!!

[lil-papaya-tifosi]

henlo¡ i've recently found your works and they are amazing, i hope you guys can write more in the future and become bigger since everyone deserves to read your stuff. i'd like to request a ANGST one shot (it can be with either jk or jm, or with... whoever you want tbh) with chubby! reader, i feel like that minority is left out in the ff world and even if im not chubby myself i want to read different stuff and understand different feelings. hope you guys can take me into account! love you lots💜

A/N: Hey Sweetie! Dezzy here. Thank you so much for making this request. We loved working on it and love talking to you! I hope you like it!

Planning: Sunnie, Bunny, Dezzy

Writer: Dezzy

Word Count: 1837

Spring had always been your favorite time of year. The flowers blossoming, the beautiful weather, it was all so wonderful to you. For the first time in a while, your idol boyfriend, Park Jimin, was on a break, which meant he spent every second with you. You loved how caring and clingy he was, always being a cuddly person yourself. He loved showing you off and telling people about your relationship, which made you uncomfortable sometimes, but he was just proud to be yours. You were a little on the chubbier side, so you were very self conscious and insecure and mainly wore clothes that covered your body, making sure not to embarrass him by your appearance.

Today, however, you felt great. You wore a flowy sundress with a light cardigan. The weather was gorgeous so you decided to get out of the house and do a little shopping at the outdoor mall. Hand in hand, you and Jimin had scoured the racks to find summer clothes for the both of you, finding a bunch of things that looked amazing. You decided to take a little shopping break and get some ice cream in a little shop. You sit by the window, enjoying the view as you eat, making small talk as you people watch. “Aw, look at that couple. They’re so cute.” You say, pointing at a couple wearing matching light blue sweaters. “Yeah, well, we’re cuter.” He smiles at you, making you blush.

“Excuse me, miss.” You turn your head to see an adorable little boy looking brightly at you. “Hi, sweetie. Can I help you with anything?” You ask softly. “Can I feel the baby in your tummy?” He asks, and your heart sinks. Your face visually drops, but you put on a small smile, still trying to be sweet to the kid. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but there’s no baby in there.” You reply softly. “Kwongwoo! I’m so sorry, ma'am. He doesn’t have any manners.” The mother rushes over, grabbing the little boy by his arm. “It’s okay, don’t worry.” You smile, hiding your hurt. She pulls him away, and Jimin gives you a sad look, but you brush it off, not wanting to ruin the day with your insecurity. You can see the woman kneel to talk to the boy, trying to keep her voice down, but it doesn’t work.

“Darling, you can’t ask women if they’re pregnant. Some women are just a little more…” She trails off, hoping he gets the message. Apparently, he does. “Fat!” He says, proud that he finished her sentence, but sending a dagger through your heart. Your fake smile fades, and you set your bowl of ice cream down on the table. “I think I’m done.” You say, looking out the window. “Baby, you only eat half of it though.” Jimin whines, but you shake your head in protest. “I’m not hungry anymore.” You say, pulling your cardigan tighter around your body. He nods in understanding, leaving it at that.

“Ooh, let’s go in here. It looks cute.” He says, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and guiding you towards a small boutique. “Jimin, I kinda just wanna go home.” You admit, not wanting to be in public anymore. “Just a few more stops. Please? I’d really love to spend my day out with my love.” He begs, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Alright.” You sigh in defeat, remembering that you can’t let your low self esteem ruin his day. He guides you into the shop, you standing back as he searches through the racks. “This would look so cute on you!” He says, grabbing a flowy flower print tank top. It is cute, but you know your arms wouldn’t look good in it. “I don’t know.” You say, looking away from it. He holds onto it, intent on purchasing it. He looks through the pants too, finding some cute high waisted shorts. “These are perfect! And they’d go great with the tank top.” He says, holding them up. All you can think about is the way your legs and all your cellulite would ruin the look. You say nothing, and he pouts a bit.

“Excuse me, ma'am?” He says, and you watch as he calls over one of the employees. “Can I get your opinion on something?” He asks her. “Jimin, please don’t.” You beg, not wanting to draw attention. “Yes, how can I help you?” She asks, and you just hide behind Jimin. “Don’t you think these would look amazing on my beautiful girlfriend?” He asks. “Oh definitely. She’s gorgeous, she could pull off anything. That dress you’re wearing is super cute, miss.” She says, and you peak out from behind his shoulder, seeing the genuine smile on her face. “T-Thank you.” You say softly. She helps Jimin check out the clothes and you’re on your way to one more store he’s been dying to take you to, full of beautiful gowns.

“Jimin, don’t you think these are all a bit too flashy for me?” You ask, looking around at all the dresses. “No way. Just like that lady said, you look amazing in anything.” He smiles, taking your hand in his as he looks around. He gasps and turns to you, smiling. “Baby, close your eyes. I want this to be a surprise.” He says with the biggest grin on his face. You shake your head softly, but do as he says, closing your eyes until he tells you to open them, the dress he chose already paid for and in a bag. “Alright. We can go home now.” He says, still smiling.

Once you get home, he brings all the shopping bags to the bedroom, calling you in there. “Now, can you please try this on? I think it’s gonna look gorgeous.” He says, holding the bag from the dress shop. You nod, and he leaves the room, leaving you alone. You pull the dress out, and it’s incredible. It was a light pink color with a ruffle top, spaghetti straps, a long skirt, with soft lace on the torso. It’s beautiful, but you’re afraid to try it on. No, you have to. He wants you to. You nod in determination as you strip your clothes off.

The dress is beautiful. You absolutely adore it. There’s one main thing you don’t love though, the way you look in it. It shows too much skin for your liking, the waistband squeezing at your love handles. You make it look lumpy, and you can’t help but tear up. It’s such a gorgeous dress you’re ashamed that you make it look terrible. It was probably expensive too. You hate wasting Jimin’s money. Maybe you can return it. The little tear drops turn into you fully sobbing as you sit down on the edge of the bed. “Baby, is everything alr- Sweetheart.” Jimin pushes the door open, rushing over you. “What’s wrong?” He asks, kneeling before you and wiping your tears. “It-its the dress.” You sob, completely breaking down.

“What about the dress, my love? What’s wrong with it? It looks amazing.” He cooes, trying his best to calm you down. “It is amazing, but I make it look horrible.” You sob, holding your face in your hands. “No you don’t. If anything, you make it look even better.” He assures you, his voice calming you down just a bit. “No I don’t. My fat arms are just on display now, you can clearly see my muffin top, my thighs are stretching out the top of the skirt. It just, doesn’t look right on me.” You tell him, not crying as much anymore but still upset. He cups your cheek, rubbing the tears away while giving you a sad smile. “Come here. I wanna show you something.”

He grabs you by your hands and gently pulls you up off the bed, guiding you to stand in front of the mirror, his toned chest pressed against your back. You see your reflection, but turn your head to avoid seeing it. “Baby, please look.” He begs, hugging you around your waist. You cave, looking in the mirror and tearing up again at the sight of you. “No no, sweetheart. Please don’t cry.” He says, reaching up and wiping your tears again before placing small kisses on your bare shoulders. “You wanna know what I see when I look in this mirror?” He asks. You nod, his chin resting on your shoulder, his hands slowly and gently running over your body.

“When I look in this mirror, I see the love of my life, the most beautiful woman in the world. Maybe not the definition of beauty to everyone else, but absolutely perfect in every single way to me. I see my girl, that looks amazing in any outfit, has the cutest smile, the sexiest curves. You give the best hugs too, you know? It’s like, with you, I can hug you as tight as I want, and I’m not afraid to break you like those toothpick hostesses on TV. I can squeeze you and kiss you and cuddle you as much as I want and I’m not afraid.” He tells you the last part while squeezing you tight, peppering kisses all over your cheek, making you giggle. “And that laugh, God that laugh is music to my ears. Y/N, do you remember when I was struggling with image issues and an eating disorder?” He asks, the memory of it breaking your heart. “Do you remember what you told me back then?”

“That you were much more than your appearance and your health is more important that your looks.” You recall. “And that you loved my cheeks being chubby because you could poke them a lot.” He chuckles. “Yeah, I remember.” You giggle, relaxing a bit. He turns you around to face him, still holding you around your waist as he brings his hand up, wiping away the rest of your tears. “Y/N, you are so much more than what’s on the outside. You’re beautiful inside and out, and I couldn’t think of a better woman for me. I just want you to see the perfect woman I see.” He says, placing a small kiss on your forehead.

Now, your tears aren’t sad, but happy. “Someday, hopefully. It’s gonna take time though.” You smirk, but he just smiles back. “Well then, I’m gonna do whatever I can to move the process along. That dress really does look amazing on you.” He tells you, looking over your body. You look back in the mirror, your newfound confidence from his sweet words making you realize you do look incredible in it. “Now, how about you take it off and get into some comfy clothes so we can have a little movie night.” He suggests. This man really does know you so well. You nod in agreement, grabbing some comfy PJ’s and changing into them before joining him on the couch for a comfy night in with the man of your dreams.

[adelesbian]

Reed Richards let out one large puff of smoke staring at it as it disappeared wanting to explain it, but he was too distracted by Victor stroked his hair thoughtlessly. Victor was also high; they were a couple of high fools together smoking some weed that Victor had stashed away. Reed didn’t usually smoke socially mostly because he didn’t do much of anything socially, but here he was in Victor von Doom’s dorm wishing he hadn’t gone.

Victor’s fingers crawled down to his shoulders. It felt like he was playing music on his body as he thoughtlessly ran his hands on Reed. “Are you playing me?” Reed asked taking one of Victor’s hands in his own and staring at it.

“No,” Victor said softly drawing Reed’s hand up to his lips kissing his fingertips.

Reed stared for a moment then kissed Victor. It was sloppy and frantic and rough, there was too much tongue, he missed at first and had to move to actually find Victor’s lips. Reed crawled into Victor’s lap grinding his hips against him. Victor tore off Reed’s shirt and threw it onto the floor.

“Ben is gonna be pissed,” Reed mumbled as Victor sucked on his neck. That would leave a mark.

“Why should he be worried of our doings?” Victor asked as Reed slipped his shirt off of him.

“He hates you, remember?” Reed said as Victor pushed him back onto the couch.

“Take off your pants,” Victor commanded, and Reed obliged fumbling with his zipper and finally kicking them onto the floor.

Victor straddled Reed then took Reed’s chin in his hand and drew him to him. He bent down and kissed him. His teeth clashed against Reed’s at first as he decided how he wanted to take Reed’s kiss. He finally placed his lips on Reed’s more gently than Reed thought he would. Reed reached up and drew him towards him until he was crouching over him.

“Fuck me, please,” Reed whispered in Victor’s ear.

Victor stood up to discard his pants on the floor. “But first,” he said as he slipped himself out of his boxers, “on your knees.”

Reed woke up sore next to Victor with no memory of the events of the night before. Obviously, he knew what happened because it didn’t take a genius to realize that he and Victor fucked, and he was a genius. If his clothing strewn around the room didn’t give it away, Victor’s hand on his ass definitely did.

“I have to go. I have class,” Reed said getting out of Victor’s bed and grabbing his clothes off the floor. Victor mumbled something after him but didn’t make any moves to get out of bed.

He raced to his dorm to shower and change out of his clothes which smelled awful. He bumped into Ben as he rushed inside.

“Ya look terrible,” Ben said catching Reed by the arm. His eyes drifted to the hickeys and bite marks all over Reed’s neck and his eyes widened. “Who did all this?”

“I need to shower and change and get to class,” Reed said.

Ben let him go, and Reed slipped inside their dorm to grab some clothes and his shower caddy then rushed to the showers. While he showered he inspected the marks on his body from his night with Victor. They were many, but that was what was to be expected from someone like Victor. He looked up into the hot water and closed his eyes. What was he doing? God, what was he going to do?

Apparently, what he was going to do was ignore the issue. He avoided Victor when he could which did not please Doom. This went on for weeks. Reed found every way to avoid Victor, but it could only last so long. Victor was pissed.

Reed was going to class when Victor cornered him. “Would you please get out of my way,” Reed said cooly which only made Victor seeth more.

“So, you have chosen to ignore what happened between us,” Victor said crossing his arms.

“And what happened between us?” Reed asked.

“Do not play ignorant with me. You are not a fool,” Victor said.

“We had sex. Is that what you want me to say? What is there to talk about?” Reed hissed.

“I will not be used,” Victor said. His eyes narrowing.

“I was high. I wasn’t in the position to use anyone,” Reed said.

“Then why did we not speak afterward, and why did you choose to avoid me?” Victor asked.

Reed winced knowing that what he did was not right. “Because I was scared,” Reed admitted and his voice shook. “I’ve never had sex with a man before.”

“Is that all?” Victor asked dropping his arms to his side. His face grew as soft as it could for a moment.

Reed looked away. “Look, I have a lot of things going on. I don’t need another distraction,” he said lying.

Victor took a step towards him, and Reed flatted on the wall. “I am a distraction to you?” he asked running his finger along Reed’s chin. Reed’s eyes widened.

“Ben has a class for the next couple hours,” Reed blurted out.

Victor smirked. “Willing to skip class for a taste of me, I see,” he said leaning down and catching Reed’s mouth with his. Reed strained to hold onto Victor’s lips as he pulled away.

Reed ripped off his sheets and tossed them into his hamper. He looked around his room at everything he just cleaned partly proud of himself for cleaning up their mess in so little time and partly ashamed of what he and Victor did. Ben walked in and took a moment to admire how even his side of the room was neat.

“What, uh, brought this on?” Ben asked.

Reed shrugged not trusting himself to lie to Ben about something like this. Ben dropped his bags and sat down on the couch getting comfortable. Reed winced thinking about how he sucked Victor off right where Ben was sitting. He couldn’t hide this from Ben forever; he had to tell him.

Unfortunately, Ben found out in the worst way possible. Reed put a sock on the doorknob like they said they would if they ever brought someone back to the dorm, but back then Reed never imagined needing to use it. Ben must have gotten accustomed to not having to worry about Reed having sex because he came in despite the warning.

At first Ben didn’t know what was wrong. “Some joker put a sock on tha door…” he said blissfully unaware of what was going on, but that blissful ignorance didn’t last long enough. Reed and Victor were fucking on the desk which was partially out of the way of the door so he didn’t see them until he turned to look towards Reed exclamations of surprise.

“What tha fuck!?” Ben shouted.

“Get out you clodding oaf,” Victor shouted.

Ben got out of the room as quickly as he could wishing he could rip his eyes out. His only comfort was that both Reed and Victor were partially clothed.

“So,” Reed said as Ben finally came back to their dorm. He stood as far as he could from Reed glaring at him. “I'm sorry you saw that.”

“Cut tha shit, Reed. Where?” Ben said looking around the dorm.

“Where?”

“Where all have you two fucked?”

Reed turned red as he thought of all the places he and Victor fucked in the dorm room alone. “Are you sure you want to know?” Reed asked.

“Just tell me, Reed,” Ben insisted.

“The, uh, couch, my bed, my desk,” Ben let out a grumble when he said the desk. Obviously, they fucked on the desk he was there, “I think, that’s all…” It wasn’t, but he wanted to spare him some of the discomforts of knowing all the places that he and Victor fucked.

“Outta all people,” Ben asked, “why him?”

Reed rubbed the bridge of his nose. “It wasn’t planned,” he said.

“He’s such a jerk,” Ben said.

“He’s not bad high, I guess,” Reed said under his breath. Ben’s head jerked around to look at him.

“You fucked while high?” Ben exclaimed.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Reed said.

“Are you datin’?” Ben asked his disapproval was all over his face.

“No,” Reed said, “I believe the term is friends-with-benefits.”

“That’s disgustin’,” Ben said shaking his head.

Reed tucked a strand of Sue’s hair behind her ear smiling. “You’re beautiful,” he said bending down to kiss her. It was barely a peck, but it was enough to make Reed feel like he was on top of the world.

Reed went back to his apartment thinking about how he was the luckiest man alive. His phone was ringing off the hook so he answered it. It was Ben on the other line.

“Your pal Victor did somethin’ really stupid. Ya better come fast.”

Victor’s whole face was bandaged up, and he laid out in the hospital bed weak from the accident. Reed sat in the chair next to him so that he would have someone to wake up to when he finally regained consciousness.

“Reed?” Victor’s voice was soft and strained.

Reed stood up placing his book to the side and leaning over Victor’s bedside. “Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked.

“I feel as if I were hit by a freight train,” Victor said reaching his hands up only to find that he was connected to all kinds of drips and cords.

“I’m glad you’re awake,” Reed said touching his hand gently.

“My face, it sears,” Victor said. “I’ve never known such pain.”

“Do you want me to call a nurse?” Reed asked.

“No, I do not wish for anyone to see me like this,” Victor said.

“How did this happen?” Reed asked pulling a chair up.

“I don’t wish to speak of it,” Victor said looking away from Reed.

Reed and Victor sat in silence for a while. Reed stood up grabbing his book and the rest of his things. “I have to go. I have class,” he said. Victor mumbled something after him seemingly dozing off.

Ben met Reed outside of the hospital. “Did ya tell him that he was expelled?” he asked.

Reed shook his head. “I didn’t have the heart. I’ve never seen him that vulnerable before,” he said.

“Hey, you’re with Suzie now,” Ben said.

“I don’t have feelings for him. I just feel terrible about what happened,” Reed said.

When Victor’s bandages were taken off, and he looked into the mirror and his heart sunk. A scar ran across his face ruining his once attractive face making him disfigured and in his eyes ugly. He beat his fist into the mirror, and it shattered under his strength. Pieces of glass ripped at his skin and blood ran down his hand. He sunk down to the floor holding his hand and let out a strangled sob.

No one came to see him for days and he stewed in his misery. Reed finally visited knowing that he was the closest thing Victor had to a friend. He found him sunk on the floor, his hand unbandaged, and him unwashed.

“Leave,” Doom said his voice stronger than he looked.

“Let me look at your hand,” Reed said kneeling down next to him and touching the blooding hand.

Doom snatched it away. “I said leave.”

“Victor, it could get infected then you could lose your hand. You have enough to worry about already,” Reed said taking his hand and inspecting it.

Victor looked up at Reed, and Reed finally saw the scar that disfigured one side of his face. He made no comment as he drew Victor up and to the sink to clean the cut. He ran hot water over the cut washing off the blood so that he could get a better look of the cut underneath. Victor winced. Reed sat him on the toilet and grabbed some alcohol from under the sink which he put on a cotton ball and dabbed gently on the cut. Victor cussed under his breath in what Reed assumed was Latverian. Reed found some bandages and wrapped Victor’s hand tightly.

“Now, you need to bathe yourself,” Reed said. “Can you do that on your own?”

“Yes,” Victor said his voice softer than when he demanded that Reed leave. Reed started the bath for him then made a move to leave before he saw how Victor struggled with his clothing. Reed helped him take off his shirt and pants but left him in his boxers.

Reed left the bathroom before Victor sunk into the bath. Victor emerged half an hour later in a towel. His hair was still dripping wet, but he looked better than he had been curled on the ground in anguish. Victor sat next to Reed and leaned his head on his shoulder.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

“It was nothing,” Reed said tucking his arm around Victor’s waist in an awkward half-hug.

Victor sat up and leaned in to kiss Reed. Reed winced and moved away. Doom reached for his face and moved away from Reed his eyes wide.

“Even you recoil from me because of my hideous scar,” Doom said.

“It’s not that Victor. I’m seeing someone,” Reed said softly.

“So you’ve moved on so quickly just when I needed you the most,” Doom hissed.

“Moved on? From what?” Reed asked confused.

Doom’s face grew hard, and he pointed to the door. “Out!”

“Victor, I-”

“OUT!”

Seeing Reed was torture. Victor blamed him for everything, the accident, getting expelled… breaking his heart. If he weren’t so obsessed… in love with… Reed, none of this would have happened. He would have done the calculations right, he would have been successful, he would have freed his mother… So bitterly he held onto these feelings following a path that was forged with hate. It was years after that he saw Reed again and despite the time his anger had not faded, but rather it grew and grew until it was something monstrous. Any love that he knew for Reed was long gone and replaced with abhorrence. Reed was his most hated rival but once his only friend.

[your-iron-lung]

The Language of Birds

A man saw a bird and found him beautiful. The bird had a song inside him, and feathers. Sometimes the man felt like the bird and sometimes the man felt like a stone- solid, inevitable- but mostly he felt like a bird, or that there was a bird inside him, or that something inside him was like a bird fluttering. 

This went on for a long time.

-Richard Siken

available to read on A03 HERE

Sometimes love manifests itself as a disease; nigh incurable and invariably fatal. Hanahaki, they call it- the disease of flowers. 

Steve has lived his entire life with it, managing the symptoms as best he can until he simply can’t any longer.  He’s never met anyone else who’s suffered the same way until Billy Hargrove.

Pairing: One-sided/unrequited Harringrove

Word Count: 2349

Rating: Non-explicit

so um. an overwhelming amount of people wanted a sequel to ‘The Language of Flowers’, or at the very least a happy ending variant but uhhhhh

:^)

i am a creature that thrives off of sadness and misery im sorry

The first time it happens, he doesn’t understand why the rest of his elementary school friends run from him screaming ‘cooties!’ at the top of their lungs.

Steve holds the yellow flower petal in his hand and cries because he doesn’t understand what it means, or why it came from so deep within his itchy throat. His mom thought he’d had something called ‘strep’, but when the beautiful, kind Ms. Julia takes him to the school nurse he finds out she was wrong.

Both Ms. Julia and the nurse share a worried glance when he presents his flower petals to them. The nurse calls his mom, and for a moment Steve believes he’s in trouble, but if being in trouble means he gets to spend some extra time alone with his teacher, then, well, maybe getting into trouble is worth it.

His mom picks him up from school early, but instead of going home she takes him to an emergency doctor even though he doesn’t feel sick. She looks so scared that Steve becomes scared, worried of what he’s done wrong to prompt this trip.

He asks her what’s wrong, why the strep is causing flower petals to push up out of his throat, but she doesn’t answer; only attempts to comfort him by repeatedly saying: “It’s nothing, sweetheart, don’t worry. You’re okay.”

But the doctor disagrees with her when they finally arrive.

The doctor is young, but is already outstanding in her field. She’s the only doctor close to Hawkins that treats Hanahaki Disease, but she’s never had to treat it in a patient as young as the little Harrington boy.

“It’s rare, but not entirely unheard of,” she says to Mrs. Harrington, who has tears in her eyes and won’t take her hand away from her mouth, already grieving. Steve watches them talk from atop the examination table, holding a few of the yellow petals in his hands. They’re soft and velvety; smooth to the touch, and he doesn’t know why they should be causing his mother so much distress. “Children fall in love with things all the time; just because they’re young doesn’t mean they’re immune to their feelings.”

The doctor turns away from his mother and smiles at Steve, coaxing a shy smile from him in return.

“What’s the name of your favourite teacher at school, Steve?” she asks, and Steve’s shy smile transforms instantly into one that is so much more genuine; he even starts to giggle.

“Missus Julia.”

“Is she nice?” Steve nods, fingers tightening around the petals. “Pretty too I bet, huh?”

“Yes,” he replies. “She smiles at me every day.”

The doctor turns a knowing look to his mother, who finally takes her hand away from her mouth to speak.

“Is it- will he be okay?”

“Hanahaki is 100% treatable, but I’d like to take some x-rays to get a better idea of what we’re dealing with here.”

Steve’s mother nods, and the doctor takes him by the hand and leads him out of the room.

The technicians take the x-rays, cooing over how adorable little Steve is. The doctor of course agrees that he is, but this is a medical practice, so could they please not get too distracted? The x-rays come back quickly enough after their exchange, and the doctor is dismayed by what she sees. Steve’s condition is abnormal in more ways than one, which is saddening, because his capacity for love is so strong.

Even still, she understands his life is on the line, and the disease must be treated.

“In most cases, Hanahaki manifests itself in the host’s lungs,” she begins, speaking slowly as she pins up the x-rays to the light board for Mrs. Harrington to observe, “but in Steve’s case, it appears to have taken root in his heart-”

“His heart?!”

“Yes,” she replies calmly, aware that Steve is monitoring their reactions. “Again, it’s not untreatable, but the usual recommended surgery to remove it is invasive, and not generally recommended for a patient his age.”

Mrs. Harrington starts to cry, and the doctor really wishes she hadn’t. It’s not an ideal situation, but it’s not like her son is dead. On the examination table behind them, Steve shares in his mother’s grief and also begins to cry.

He sees the doctor off and on throughout his life. His unique condition requires routine monitoring to adjust medication doses in order to keep the flower from completely harvesting his heart, because no one wants to have to put him through the open-heart surgery to remove it. They become friends, in a word- about as good of friends as a doctor who treats a patient with a chronic heart condition can be friends- and he’s never really been unhappy to see her until his break up with Nancy.

His medicine stops working. The flowers and pain in his heart become more persistent, and he’s ashamed to admit that he breaks down in the exam room over it.

“Bullshit,” he mutters, spitting Nancy’s words out with disgust. He reaches into his mouth and pulls out a petal that’s been caught in his throat for the past hour. “It was all just bullshit to her.”

His doctor smiles a bit sardonically, and she wishes she could tell Steve that first loves often are just bullshit, but she’s not a therapist and doesn’t want to invalidate his feelings, although she knows that Nancy is just one of many in a long series of heartaches for Steve.

“How long have your symptoms been persisting?” she asks, kindly ignoring his tears as he wipes them away.

“Couple of weeks. A few months, maybe.”

“Steve.” She doesn’t bother hiding her disapproval, her brow furrowing as she admonishes him. “Months? You should’ve come sooner; you can’t afford to go months without treatment!”

“I didn’t want to believe it, alright?!” he says angrily, though most of his anger is directed towards himself for believing everything was fine in spite of the evidence. “We were happy; she told me she loved me, kept telling me she loved me, so how could I be choking up those fucking flowers if that were true?” He sniffles and looks up at the ceiling for a moment, collecting himself before he can address his physician again. “I mean, would you believe it, if someone kept saying that to you?”

Her professionalism keeps her from answering honestly.

“I would have come to see me the minute I realized my medication stopped working,” she says and sighs, studying him for a minute. That great capacity to love that he’s carried with him since he was a child is still strong, and she’s comforted by that thought, but at the same time it’s worrisome. “The growth in your heart could have advanced; we need to make sure it hasn’t.”

He touches his hand to his chest briefly, still wallowing in his sadness, and she sympathizes for him, she really does, but he’s treading a very fine line: to let the disease advance any further could result in surgery. Steve stays quiet while the x-rays get taken, and his doctor is relieved to see that the flower’s growth has been minimal. The roots have spread, yes, but it isn’t gotten to the point where he needs the surgery just yet, though there isn’t much point in fighting the inevitable.

“Don’t do this again, Steve; you’re really pushing your limits here.”

She ups the dosage on his medication and prescribes him an anti-depressant and releases him back into the world he can’t afford to love too strongly.

When Billy goes down hard on the court after being shoved violently aside in what should have been called out as a foul, everyone expects him to get back up and start a fight over it, but he doesn’t. No one’s sure what to do when he starts coughing, and Steve swears the whole gymnasium goes quiet just so they can listen to each strangled intake of breath.

His teammates cast nervous looks at each other, but no one makes a move to help him. As captain of the team, Steve takes the initiative and jogs over to his side to try and help him up. Billy brushes him aside but he persists, reaching out his hand for support but stalls when Billy throws up, a horrific mixture of blood and flowers spewing across the midcourt line.

“Holy shit dude,” he says, brown eyes blown wide at the familiar sight.

“Fuck off,” Billy hisses before fleeing the scene, leaving the mess for the Belleview High janitor to mop up so they can finish their game.

Steve watches Billy’s health deteriorate rapidly over the course of the next few weeks, and it’s like he’s seeing an alternate version of himself that decided to rot instead of seek help with treating the symptoms.

It’s agonizing seeing him like this; suffering to maintain an image that is losing value the more time that passes.

So he tells him about his doctor; about the options she provides so that maybe he doesn’t have to die if he doesn’t actually want to, because despite what he says, there’s a spark in his eye that shines when he looks at Steve that suggests he isn’t seeking death quite as hard as he lets on that he is.

In the end, he gets the treatment. Goes to see Steve’s doctor and comes back to school healthy as ever, physically. He does a good job of hiding it, but Steve can tell that, emotionally, Billy hasn’t healed, and there’s something about his sorrowful looks and how beautiful his personal tragedy is that draws Steve in, compels him to care despite his best efforts not to. Billy’s not the first boy he’s managed to develop strong feelings for, but when the flowers come back, again, he tries to tell himself that he’s wrong: there’s no way in hell he’s fallen for Billy Hargrove.

Except, the flowers are different this time.

For as long as he can remember, the flowers he’s been infected with have always been the same colour and texture: for his elementary school teacher, for his middle school crush, for the French foreign exchange boy that came to Hawkins freshman year, and even for Nancy, the flowers in his heart have always manifested themselves as soft and yellow. But the flowers he coughs up for Billy aren’t yellow, or velvety soft to the touch- no, instead he finds himself coughing up husks. Paper-thin, dried up, brittle petals that cause tears in his throat when he coughs that give the little grey shreds some colour.

When he coughs up flower petals this time, they’re dead.

He panics; what does it mean? What could it mean? It’s related to Billy in some regard, but his fear prevents him from thinking too much about it.

His medicine stops working and the coughing gets worse. Steve heeds his doctor’s prior advice and immediately goes to see her, but she isn’t as surprised as he thought she’d be.

Just like with the rest of the circumstances surrounding his variant of the disease, it’s extremely rare, but not entirely unheard of.

“It happens, from time to time,” she explains, studying one of the petals that Steve coughs up. It falls apart easily in her fingers, but has hard edges that’ve been tearing up her patient’s throat.

“Why?” Steve asks, and his voice is hoarse from the abuse it’s been enduring. “It’s never been like this before.”

His doctor tilts her hand over the little garbage bin in the room and lets the fragile petals fall in. She wipes her hand clean of the remains and then takes a seat on a little black stool, flipping through Steve’s file.

With a deep intake of breath, she sets the file aside and looks Steve in the eye. “When a patient exhibits symptoms like this, it’s because the subject of their affection physically isn’t capable of reciprocating.”

“What does that mean?” He feigns ignorance, but he understands the implication of her words.

Billy. Billy had liked him; had had real, genuine feelings for him that had eventually begun to kill him, and Steve had so callously rejected him- told him to get them cut out and to move on.

“I mean, why let yourself suffer over someone who doesn’t even like you back, right?”

But how could he have known? How could he have possibly known?

There was nothing, never an indicator that Billy could have ever liked him- except, except for all the side-long glances Steve had pretended to ignore. The way Billy always sought him out after their team won a game to softly touch him on the back in shared congratulation with a hand that always lingered a little too long. The smiles, the goading, the pathetic attempts to always be in Steve’s periphery to just be able to look at him.

His chest feels heavy, and his heart aches like the roots of his disease are strangling it when he remembers the gory mixture of flowers and blood Billy spit out for him.

“You know what it means,” his doctor says with a soft voice, watching him somberly as he blinks out a few tears. “We’re going to have to remove it now, Steve, do you understand? It’s in its final stages now.”

Steve nods, shakes his head, lets out an abrupt sob and nods again.

He lets her call his mom from her office to talk about his progress and to schedule the surgery.

Because of the severity of his operation, Steve is benched from playing in any of the remaining games his team has left in the season, but that’s fine; Steve finds it very hard to care about the sport when Billy won’t even look at him anymore. The asshole doesn’t even try to rile him up the way he used to, and half the fun of playing on a team with a man like that was the competition between them.

But now there’s nothing left.

Steve’s chest still hurts, but it’s only because he’s recovering now.

[aurumacadicus]

YEAH OPEN ASKS! Previously in the four-score au Steve slapped Tony on the ass during a video sex call with Clint, do the guys actually experiment with spanking Tony eventually??? Or do they TRY some sub/dom thing?? (Also in the four-score au it's mentioned that Tony doesn't like scenes why is that?? (If the answer to that question isn't really nsfw, feel free for ignore!) Love you bye!

Anonymous said:4 score!! When Clint was away on business trip and the other 3 were having phone sex, and bucky spanked tony, which was new? And Clint yelled that they were going to explore when he gets home! Can we hear about the exploring?!?!

So the short answer of the scene thing is: Tiberius. The long answer is: Tony was very young when Tiberius took advantage of him, and not very experienced, so when Tiberius suggested playing some scenes, he went along with it, and Tiberius basically used it as an opportunity to abuse Tony and then gaslight him by saying ‘babe, it was just a scene!’ It fucked him up about scenes (and sometimes even role play to be honest) and so he doesn’t really want anything to do with it. It’s not that he doesn’t trust the boys–it’s just that it was ruined for him, and he’s really not interested in trying anything ‘scene’y again, and role play has to be pretty fucking vanilla.

THAT BEING SAID.

Clint is exhausted when he gets back from Rio and sleeps for a solid sixteen hours. (Tony cuddles with him for twelve of it and Steve and Bucky think it’s the most adorable thing they’ve ever seen, their two omegas all warm and soft and curled together in sleep.) Then Clint wakes up and he’s ready and raring to go. And at first Tony is too!!! Except then Clint wraps around him and growls into his ear, “We’re gonna talk about that spank Steve gave you,” and Tony tries to escape, blushing tomato red.

Eventually, after much uncomfortable squirming and loving, patient cajoling from his lovers, he quietly admits, “I liked it.”

“What did you like about it, babydoll?” Bucky coos, and Tony presses his hot face into Clint’s neck to hide it.

“It felt–um–good. The sting. The way it didn’t–didn’t really hurt.”

Clint growls again as he gets his hands under Tony’s shorts and briefs and pushes them down, over his soft cheeks, to bunch against his thighs. “Do you want Steve to spank you again, honey?”

Tony’s breath hitches, and he clenches his fingers in Clint’s shirt as he whispers a quiet, ashamed, “Yes.”

“Just once?” Steve asks, to be sure.

Tony squirms a little more before he mumbles, “No. More.”

“Shit,” Clint groans, and rolls onto his back, dragging the other omega on top of him. “You want ‘im to smack you until you’re pink all over, honey?”

Tony whines helplessly and nods a little, whispering, “’til I can’t sit without remembering him.”

Steve, Bucky, and Clint all groan, low, guttural things that have Tony shivering in anticipation, before Bucky begins tugging Tony’s shorts and briefs down his legs insistently and Clint grabs a handful of his ass in each hand.

It takes a while for Tony to tell them he’s ready and a little longer for Steve to be comfortable with it. He doesn’t want to hurt Tony, after all, especially after all the trauma he’s lived through. Tony relaxes on top of Clint as soon as Steve admits it, thighs spreading wider, and moans, “Steve, please, you’re nothing like him, you’re so sweet,” and Clint peppers the other omega’s face with little kisses as Tony helplessly ruts against him. And, well, with assurance like that, Steve has no problem drawing his hand back and giving Tony a sharp swat. Tony gasps, back arching, cheeks flushed. “Oh!”

“Oh,” Clint agrees, jerking up against him.

Tony gasps and moans with each swat, jerking away from Steve’s hand before pressing back for more. Bucky and Clint take turns kissing him, swallowing all of his sweet little noises, until Bucky gets impatient and reaches down to finger Clint’s dripping hole. “You like that, doll? You wanna be next?” Clint groans and jerks his hips up, eyes rolling back, and Tony yelps as the force of it shoves him up for a moment before dropping back down.

Steve snorts. “Okay, baby, we’ll get ya next. Gonna look so pretty, our two pink-cheeked omegas. Tony’s already drippin’ wet.”

“Please,” Tony begs helplessly, shoving his hips back again. “Please, please, I need–”

“We know what you need, darlin’,” Bucky drawls, drawing him into another kiss.

They just roll the two omegas over when Steve finishes with Tony, because they know they like to cling to each other (mostly because they love each other, but also because it makes them feel safer). Tony squirms uncomfortably, ass stinging hot and tingly against the sheets. “Ngh!”

“I’ll kiss it better for you when we’re done with Clint, sweetheart,” Bucky murmurs against Tony’s ear, and Tony gasps and throws his head back, panting, at the thought.

Clint yelps the first time Steve smacks him, and Steve pauses, concerned. “Too hard?”

“Yeah I don’t think I like this as much as Tony does,” Clint admits, and Steve draws back immediately, frowning.

“Oh, Clint, I’m–”

“Don’t say sorry and don’t stop,” Clint snaps. “You got your sketchbook, right? I’m no artist but I know it’s gonna look pretty.”

“…Do you want me to draw you and Tony like–”

“Yeah!” Tony giggles at how flabbergasted Steve looks.

Steve doesn’t get right on top of drawing them, though. He mostly just grabs Clint’s hips and swivels him around so there’s just enough room for Bucky to settle between Tony’s thighs and coos, “Open up for me, pretty boy.”

Clint flushes like a tomato, much like Tony had in the beginning, and obediently spreads his legs, even if he hides his hot face against Tony’s chest. “Clint likes being called nice things,” Tony says softly once they’re knotted and enjoying the afterglow, carding his fingers through Clint’s hair. Clint just blinks up at him, soft and sleepy, because he’s still shaking off the last of his jet lag and exhaustion.

Steve and Bucky hum, affectionate, gently running their fingers down their backs, over collarbones and shoulders. “Guess we’ll just hafta find all the sweetest pet names we can for him.” Clint mews and tilts his head into Tony’s hand, nuzzling into his chest.

(Steve agonizes over the shade of pink to use and in the end he’s not altogether happy with his picture. “Oh no,” Tony deadpans. “Guess you’ll have to spank me again. What a hardship.”

“Come here you little snot,” Steve says, and then chases the squealing omega through the penthouse to give him tickles as Bucky and Clint laugh from where they’re lying, knotted, on the bed.)

((Tony winces as he sits down for breakfast. Steve pretends it doesn’t make him as hot and bothered as it does. “You can use my face as a chair,” Bucky offers immediately, and Clint chokes on his cereal.

“I don’t think it would help,” Tony tells Bucky snidely, but some of the sting is taken out of his words at how pink his cheeks are. Clint grabs a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and makes Tony sit on that.))

(((Steve and Bucky buy a special pillow for Tony (and Clint, when he feels like it) to sit on after a spanking. “Clearly my face is the better option,” Bucky says as Tony settles on it. “But this was the next best thing.”

“Why are you so obsessed with eating us out,” Steve complains, because he’s just trying to be sweet for their omega, damn it.

“I dunno. Why are you so obsessed with drawing us? Don’t kinkshame me, Steve.”

“If I was going to kinkshame you it would definitely not be your oral fixation.”)))

[nursexpeditions]

i’m bracing for the worst and hoping for the best, trying to make sense of the madness in my head

I felt so much that I started to feel nothing. One of the hardest battles we fight is between what we know and what we feel. It’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply. I withdraw from people and places from time to time. I need space from a world that is filled with millions of mouths that talk too much but never have anything good to say. 

These thoughts, they’re sharp enough to tear through my bare skin, through my muscle, then slowly eat away at my bones, and before you know it, they’re cutting away at my heartstrings. My heart beats, so loud and so fast that you’d think I was running for the gold medal at an Olympics event. Anxiety so fierce not even a Xanax or a bottle of liquor would be able to calm the storm I’m fighting. All i see is the slow erosion of self, as insidious as cancer, and like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience, a room in hell with only my name on the door.

I hear “what's wrong” or “you’re overthinking.” A blank screen appears in my head and I think to myself who have I become? What has made me into this monster? I look in the mirror and only do I realize that it’s been me this whole time. How inconvenient when you’re the firestorm burning everything in your path. 

“But he that dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose.”

In these instances, I wanted to tell you how impossible it feels in these situations. It’s like trying to hold water in the palm of your hands, like trying to prevent an ice cube from melting in the summer, like attempting to run through the water. It’s not possible, yet here I try so hard. 

Someone with anxiety is inclined to assume everyone is going to leave. So much so that sometimes they might be the ones to ruin a relationship. I ruined many things that could’ve been amazing just because I was sad. 

The truth is, I battle something I can’t control and there is a sense of insecurity within myself when it comes to relationships. It’s hard sometimes. I create stupid fights of scenarios that I created in my head. I’m going to jump from point A to point B without even knowing all the details, and sometimes you’re not even going to understand how I got there. The best thing you can do for me is understanding how I went off on that tangent. Even if there’s no solution, the act of listening helps. I know in your eyes, it might seem irrational; but to me, it’s something that actually keeps me up at night, and I probably won’t sleep through the night because of it. It’s definitely not that I don’t trust you, but because I’m more scared than anything. 

It’s every worst-case scenario automatically playing out in my head and trust me, I already hate myself for it. By now you’ve probably noticed how fast i answer you, and for example, it helps when you say i can’t talk right now and this is why i’ll text you later. Silence kills anyone with anxiety and creates a hostile environment for problems that aren’t even there. It ends in apologies that aren’t even needed and adds layers of stress to my life that I wish i could control. 

I’ve realized my anxiety manifests in two ways, i’ll either be quiet and awkward, or you’ll be carrying me out as I choose my poison to ease my worries. Whether its a night out gone wrong, or an essay of a text saying or doing the wrong thing, I’m very observant and pick up on the slightest shift in behavior.

I would rather have meltdowns biting off more than I can chew because I have a hard time admitting I can’t handle something. I will always say yes and I will never turn anyone away which is my biggest weakness. I say help when you can but know when you can’t because I’m inclined to not ask for help since I’m used to dealing with things on my own.

..But that’s exactly where i’m flawed. The deepest pain i ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable. Just because I bury something doesn’t mean that it stops existing. I was willing to suffer as long as you had what you wanted in life to make you happy. Where do you draw the line in sacrificing too much of yourself to make a relationship work? 

For a while, I kept telling myself I was dealing with it the way that i am currently and doing this for the success of our relationship and that was enough for me at the time, but if i’m being honest, the more I think about it and the more time i spend with you, the more i want to move on with my life with you and if you feel the same, i need to feel or see that you’re taking the steps to as well. 

I get that the situation itself is complicated, but lets face it, that will never change. It’s like we’re waiting for it to miraculously uncomplicate itself one day, but in reality, it never will. I realize now i’ve been waiting for a day that will never come. Because at the end of each day, what are we REALLY waiting for? What will taking more time do for anyone? You and her will forever have history. You and her will always be close friends. You are a part of her life just as you are a part of mine and that’s something i’ve accepted just as she’s accepted that I am your significant other now (so you say). IThe most important question here is, what will waiting or taking up more time do for anyone? More time to be prepare ourselves? More time to be “ready” to face the inevitable? If anything, we are only prolonging the inevitable. 

But hey, you did have a point, there is a certain justified amount of “time” we should take before going to the next step, but that justified length of time for that window, in my opinion, has certainly passed.

I continually feel like the bad guy whenever i tell you that i’m uncomfortable with your interactions with her. It first started just as hanging out with her, but then it got more complicated to having to switch off being butters caretaker, traveling from city to city, at times having to be okay with your stay over for your own health and well being, and honestly the hard truth is that i’m just expected to deal with it. I know you ask and try to do things that will help alleviate all my anxiety but when will enough be enough? now family interactions? i didn’t even think it could get worse, and i must sound like the most fucking horrible selfish devil human being on this fucking planet because who in their right mind is even uncomfortable in a situation like this? I mean that takes one special fucked up person??? 

If we put all the cards on the table, its clear that I don’t think anyone will ever truly be prepared or ready for this, but it’s a bridge that needs to be crossed for the health of this relationship and i hope that you agree with me. I need to know i’ll be set up for success moving forward in this relationship because it’s absolutely nearly impossible to be supportive of you, trying to be supportive of her, let alone someone that has always been a threat to me. Its just not a good feeling for me. If she’s not a threat to me, then please help me see that. I want to be able to communicate with the people that are closest to you without feeling like i’m in the shadows. I don’t know how i’m supposed to go on knowing there’s this microportion of you that i want to know that i know nothing about because we aren’t ready to face the music. I need some sort of assurance that there will be steps taken to facilitate this change i think is essential to our relationship.

My thoughts have driven me so far that I’ve had completely absurd thoughts where there’s an instance where I can’t go out with your chino friends with you because she’s there but then when she’s not its absolutely okay to come. I used to make excuses that would validate me not going because i dont know them, but i’ve met and hung and talked to all of them and i’d say we all get along. But what do you do when those “overthinking” thoughts actually turn into reality? I don’t think i’ve told you but I’ve been in situation that I presumed worst-case scenario in my head that has permanently scarred me and has worsened my anxiety episodes since. In a perfect world, I imagine a future with both my friends and your friends in one room regardless of their relationship to you or i and i think thats why it’s so important to me to move forward and finally get some peace of mind. 

I know my feelings are valid and it has been reinforced many times. We have plenty conversation about its importance and therefore I know that my feelings matter and are important. I’m continually uncomfortable in this situation and something has to change. Im not proud of any of this because i know that it’s so fucking ugly to feel and be this way and it’s unattractive more than anything and i feel so fucking ashamed of myself having to even stoop this low. I feel an itching desire to tear off my own skin on my body to get myself out of the outfit i hate most on myself, on my own person. I itch to be better for you and constantly feel like i’m failing myself, failing you, failing us for not being able to get over my fucking self and tormenting thoughts. 

As i dig deeper into my core, i find that it’s most terrifying for me because I’ve never met someone capable of calming my storm. Those overwhelming anxious grey heavy clouds weighing over my shoulders or those lonely strikes of anxiety and depression. But you hold my hand and I swear my breaths come easier; maybe you make me feel safe, or maybe your smile pushes the hurricane out into the ocean.

If there’s something I’m good at in this life, its love. If there’s something I will stand for and be proud of in this body of mine, it’s my ability to show you how much i adore and appreciate you. It took a while to build trust, but now that we’re in this place, my hope is that my capacity to love you will fill you in ways you didn’t know were empty or even missing something. My one hope is that you can see past my imperfections and fight to help waver through them with me. I endure because i love. I survive because I endure. I win because I love.

[toddcowardd]

Mad About the Boy (Probst Wyatt x Reader)

Prompt: Taken from this post: playing joyous and silly music to dance around the living room to

Rating: G 

Warnings: badwriting NONE

A/N: whale whale whale,,,, look who finally got her shit together to write something,.,.,., so im real fuckin rusty on both writing and my Wolfenstien TNO knowledge (i tried to replay last night and well,,,, my console is a piece of shit) also i have never written a songfic before so blease be gentle (T⌓T)

The song (i was listening to the FONV soundtrack while writing) 

A low knock snaps Wyatt from his thoughts. He looks to the door as another low knock echoes through his room.

“Wyatt, are you in there?” You ask, voice muffled by the door

“Yeah I am just give me a second!” He calls back to you while walking to the door. You wait patiently on the other side, rocking on the backs of you heels, the box you were holding was starting to feel slightly heavy.

He opens the door slowly, giving you a nervously smile. “Hi”

“Hey,” You smile back “can I come in?”

“Of course!” He says almost a little too fast, stumbling back to open the door wide enough for you to walk in. Theres a small skip in your step as you enter his room. You spin in a small circle as you look around, taking in everything about his living space.

You look over to him, “Do you mind if I set this down on the floor?” you move the box in your arms.

“Not at all! Here.” Wyatt takes the box from your arms and set it on a small table. You hum softly as you open it. He looks over your shoulder to see the contents inside.

He points to the biggest object inside it. “Whats that?”

“A record player aaaaaand some records!” You pull out the items to show him, a gleeful smile gracing your face.

“Where did you find a record player?” he inquires with a puzzled tone, stepping back to give you a little bit of space.

“I was looking for some medical supplies and I found it in this box buried under the pile of boxes. You’ve seemed really sad lately so I figured I’d share my discovery with you.” You explain with a small shrug, starting to set up it up. “Have you ever danced before?”

“Gosh, a long time ago! Before,” He waves his hands slightly “before all this…”

Wyatt watches as you delicately pull one of the records from its sleeve, setting it on top of the turn table and dropping the needle on the perfect spot. The soft hum of violins fill the air while you stand and face the man staring at you. He looks away to the floor shyly, making you giggle quietly.

“Wyatt?”

He looks up from the floor to you, heart pounding rapidly in his chest as you both lock eyes.

You hold out your hands to him, “Dance with me?”  

Wyatt gently grasps them with a loving smile, “Of course.”

~‘I’m mad about the boy

And I know it’s stupid to be mad about the boy

I’m so ashamed of it but must admit the sleepless nights

I’ve had about the boy’~

You both start to sway gently to the music. A foot or so of distance separate you both. He makes the first move to get closer, his left arm draping casually around your waist. You feel your face grow hot at the sudden amount of contact, resting your now free hand at the top of his shoulder.

~’Lord knows I’m not a fool-girl

I really shouldn’t care

Lord knows I’m not a school-girl

In the flurry of her first affair’~

Wyatt draws you closer to him, completely closing the gap between you too. He spins you both slowly as you continue to sway to the music. The corners of his mouth twitch up into the most adoring smile anyone has ever given you in your life while you both gaze at each other lovingly. There was heavy feeling of bliss hanging in the air, as if all the vile things that have happened to you both suddenly vanished from your lives. There was no more violence or cruelty.

~’Will it ever cloy

This odd diversity of misery and joy

I’m feeling quite insane and young again

And all because I’m mad about the boy’~

You wrap your arms around his neck as his other arm snakes around your waist. Foreheads pressed together as shy looks are exchanged. The last hums of the music disappear as the song ends, the room was silent. You both stop moving but, don’t detach yourselves from one another. True be told you were both afraid of what would happen when you separate yourselves. Could a moment such as this ever happen again?

Wyatt gently bumps his nose against yours slightly, he brushes a small lock of hair behind your ear. You bring a hands to his scarred cheek, resting it hesitantly against it. He leans into your touch, softly whispering an “It’s alright.” with a tender smile. Using your hand on his cheek you tilt his head towards yours, steadily places your lips to his. He leans into you with a delighted groan, pressing his lips to yours without a moment of hesitation. The kiss was enthusiastic and loving, you were both pouring out every ounce of your feelings for one another into it. You pull away just a tad for air before feeling his lips reattach themselves to yours. You moan his name against mouth as he catches your bottom lip between his. His grip around your waist tightens as you cradle his face in your hands.  

A loud, pounding knock rings out in the room, causing you two to jump.

“Wyatt?” BJ’s gruff voice calls out

Wyatt detaches himself from you instantly “Captain Blazkowicz?!”

“Yeah, I need to talk to you.”

“Sure! Just, uh, give me a minute.” He says while looking to you with an apologetic look. You respond with a small shrug.

“We’ll do this again,” you give his hands a reassuring squeeze “I promise.”

Wyatt nods, pressing one last kiss to your lips before following you to the door. He opens its wide enough to let you out and BJ in.

“Wyatt, goddamnit what are you do-“ BJ stops himself at the sight of you leaving.

You give him a grin and a friendly shoulder pat. “Hey Blazko.”

“Hey?” He watches you walk off before turning back to Wyatt with a questioning look.

Wyatt merely beams “We were just dancing, Captain.”

sorry if theres any grammar or spelling errors

Tagging: @madelyne-pryor @paperclipmac @dicckgrayson I know yall arent apart of this fandom but ill still tag you!!