#im not aro but a very dear friend of mine is

[totally-lyrical]

aro besties, people who think they might be aro, people who used to be aro, cishet aro men, all people who are anywhere on the aro spectrum

i would like to wish you a very good and warm soups for all of time 👍 your worth is not defined by your label, you are queer and we love you

[mai-sau]

if you're still taking them: russingon + 34?

!!! thank you so much for prompting (and for your patience, this has taken so long im so sorry!!) and i really hope you enjoy it!! i admit this one stumped me for a while because every time i tried to think of smth it was like, romance brain empty aro thoughts only. and then i went. oh. aro thoughts.

:3c

set in aman, pre-kinslaying.

Prompt: “It’ll never be enough.”

“Nelyo, please!” Findekáno hissed. Snatching one of the many plump pillows off his bed, he whipped it at Maitimo’s head. It landed right on target, smacking him  in the back of the head. It hit the floor with a soft plop.

“What?” Maitimo teased. A lazy grin stretched across his face. His eyes, sparkling blue, twinkled in a way Findekáno decided he most definitely did not trust. “Afraid dear uncle will see me trotting about his halls?”

Findekáno crossed his arms and shot him a look. “If it means that I will have to explain why I have let a Feanorian into said halls, then yes. Consider me very, very afraid.”

Maitimo merely snorted. With a grand sigh, he let himself fall backwards onto Findekáno’s bed, his body bouncing a bit on the downy mattress. Findekáno tried very hard not to notice how his hair lit up in a glowing amber in the light spilling from the window. And he most certainly did not notice how the locks  framed his freckle-dusted cheeks or his plush lips, now pulled into a pout. “Fin, please. Have a little courage.”

Findekáno raised an eyebrow. “And I’m sure you would love to explain why you’re roaming about these halls to my dear uncle?”

Maitimo groaned and threw an arm over his face. The rich ruby silk of his sleeve pooled over his face, obscuring it from view, though Findekáno was sure his expression aptly matched the theatrics. It was as good a surrender as he was going to get.

Sighing, Findekáno couldn’t help the fond smile that smoothed across his face. He joined Maitimo on the bed, sitting down next to where his friend lay. Gently, he laid a hand on his forearm, pulling it away to reveal Maitimo’s grumbling, pretty face.

“Come now,” Findekáno soothed. “Is it really so terrible to practice a little subtlety?”

“A little subtlety? You would have me creep about these halls like a burglar.” Maitimo huffed.

“It’s just for our families,” Findekáno reasoned. “You know I would love to spend time with you freely, as I’m sure you do too. We both know that isn’t possible, at least -” He paused, gingerly tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. At least while our fathers still quarrel like two wet cats in a barrel. “At least, not right now.”

“Fin,” Maitimo said. “You wanted me to climb out the window.”

“Well, yes,” Findekáno said. They paused, staring at each other. “Okay, maybe that was a bit much.”

“Maybe,” Maitimo said. They looked at each other a moment more, before his friend broke out into a grin again. “Or maybe I could stay a little longer? We were out for quite a bit today. We could both use a nap, don’t you think?”

“Well,” Findekáno considered it. They had gone out for a walk by a babbling brook Maitimo discovered while out the other day and had wanted to show him. It was quite lovely, and more than a little playful splashing was done, so they spent the next few hours sprawled out on the rocks chatting idly while their clothes dried in the warm air. Eventually, they made their way back to Findekáno’s home, managing to slip unnoticed through the halls despite Findekáno’s anxiety over the whole thing. 

They had spent the past three hours talking over everything and everything, Maitimo occasionally running his hands over all the bits and baubles in Findekáno’s room, examining each one with a casual yet intent gaze. Were it anyone else, Findekáno might have been a bit antsy about letting them touch the little treasures he had acquired over the years that lived all about his room. 

They were small things, though each close to his heart: a wooden whistle he had whittled as a child, a violet he pressed from one of their walks together - Maitimo had pulled him into an entire field of them and they had rolled about in the grass for hours, talking and playing and laughing - and a sea-smoothed stone Irissë had dropped into his palm during a trip to the beach when they were younger, among other things. 

But as Maitimo brushed his fingers against the stone, admired the misshapen whistle, tapped the violet left out on the pages of his sketchbook - Findekáno felt nothing but a quiet joy, a deep contentment and pride unfurling in his chest at sharing what he cherished with who he cheris-

Well. That was where things got complicated, didn’t it?

Because Findekáno saw it. Even now, he saw it - that playful glimmer in his friend’s eyes, tender and touching and so, so confusing, because Findekáno didn’t know-

“Well?”

He blinked. Maitimo still lay before him, curiously looking him over. Distantly, he noted Maitimo’s fingers drumming a careless beat against his wrist - that’s right,  Findekáno was still holding his arm. He should probably let go now.

“I…” He really should.

“I… suppose it would be alright.” Findekáno said.

Maitimo’s brows furrowed slightly. He sat up on the bed and took both of Findekáno’s hands in his. “Finno, it’s no problem if you would rather not. If you’d be more comfortable if I went back out for now, then I’d gladly do so. Anything you want.”

“It’s okay,” Findekáno smiled. And this - indulging his heart, enjoying Maitimo’s presence for just a bit longer - this was okay, wasn’t it? “I love spending time with you. I want to spend more time with you.”

Maitimo still looked uncertain. “Are you sure? If you’re tired, and would like to rest on your own, really, it’s no trouble-”

“Nelyo,” Findekáno said. He placed both hands on Maitimo’s chest, gently pushing him back on the bed. Findekáno snuggled into his side, resting his head on his chest. No matter the confused whirl of emotion he felt whenever he thought about it too hard, Findekáno adored laying with Maitimo like this, especially after long trips out in the forests. Like this, he could hear the steady beat of Maitimo’s heart, pulsing against his cheek. “Don’t go home yet.”

He felt a hand lazily card through his hair. “Of course,” Maitimo murmured.

Findekáno wasn’t sure how much sweet time rolled past them, curled up together and dozing in his bed. All he knew was the slow, tender brush of fingers through his hair, and Maitimo’s heartbeat gently pulsing under him. 

“Finno?”

“Mm?”

“I love you.”

“You-” Findekáno felt the blood freeze in his veins. In his mouth, his tongue turned to lead, and he carefully chose his reply. “I… love you too. You are a dear friend to me.”

“Yes, but -” Maitimo choked off. Findekáno forced his head up, and saw Maitimo gazing at him helplessly. “Finno, I love you.”

“Ah.”

And looking at Maitimo, whose eyes bored into him with love and longing so plain and bare, Findekáno was struck with a terrible wave of guilt. Fondness. Shame. Want. Confusion. It washed over him, twisted up his insides, until the world was a blurry mess.

“Fin? Are you alright?” He heard Maitimo’s voice ask worriedly. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Ah. So that’s what it was. Findekáno felt the warm, wet tears rush down his face. Trembling fingers touched his cheek, and Maitimo brushed away his tears as they came.

“I’m sorry,” Findekáno whimpered. “I’m really sorry.”

“Shh,” Maitimo hushed him, though his own voice seemed strained. “It’s okay, Finno. It’s okay. I just wanted you to know. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. It’s okay. I’ll still be here for you.”

“No, it’s not - well, it is, but it’s - it’s -” Findekáno tried to explain. “I love you, Nelyo, I do, I do, it’s just - I don’t think I love you the same way - I don’t think I love the same way.”

Maitimo frowned in confusion. His thumb rubbed against Findekáno’s damp cheek. “What do you mean, Fin?” He asked gently.

“I mean…” Findekáno took in a deep breath, took in every bit of confusion that swirled inside him over years and years, and let it spill. “I love spending time with you, I love being around you, I love you, but when I think of, of love, I think of my siblings. My father. My mother. My friends. And you. And you feel - different, closer, I think you’re wonderful and beautiful, I do. And maybe we could make it work; it’s close enough, isn’t it? I love you, and I am attracted to you, so maybe this is just a big fuss about nothing, it’s close eno-”

“Finno,” Maitimo said softly. “Let me hear your heart, not what you think mine wants to hear. I want to hear you.”

Findekáno breathed in, once, twice. Considered. It was close enough. He could do it, go on with close enough and compensate for the rest, but… “I don’t want to perform, or pretend. Not to you, and not to me.”

“Perform?”

Findekáno sighed. “When I think of romance, I - I don’t know what I picture. I’m not sure I even understand it, to be honest. Which sounds silly, I know. Romance is two people in love, right? But I don’t know what in love is supposed to entail. I can’t even picture it. I try to, I do. I think of what it might be like to fall in love, and I try to think of what it might feel like, what could possibly make it feel different from the love I feel for my family, or my friends. And for the very life of me, I just… can’t.”

Findekáno slumped then, the tension releasing from his body at the admission. It felt like defeat. It felt like truth.

“That’s alright, Fin. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult or confusing that must be,” Maitimo said. “Thank you for explaining it to me.”

“Mm, it’s…” Findekáno trailed off. “Nelyo, I’m so sorry. You’re here comforting me, when you put yourself out there and it must hurt and all because I’m the one who’s… broken.”

“Fin, you are not broken!” Maitimo insisted, eyes wide. “You live, and you feel, and you love in your own way. It sounds like you are perfectly whole, just… differently shaped?”

Findekáno couldn’t help it - he barked out a laugh, and felt another curl of fondness in his chest for the nér beside him. “Well, I suppose that’s a more optimistic way to put it. And… when I think of you, I feel…”

Even as he trailed off, Maitimo was silent. He would let him take all the time he needed. Findekáno knew it.

“I feel love. I love you like a dear friend, I love you like something I can’t describe; I grew to love you as a friend, and every day I know you I grow fonder. And I do find you - well, beautiful. But the love I feel hasn’t changed, per se. It’s still the same kind of love I felt when we first became friends. And maybe one day it will change, who knows? But I know that right here, right now, I see you as a dear friend, closer than any I’ve had before.” Findekáno took a breath, felt it fill his lungs. “I love you. But to say I’m in love with you would be… untrue. And I never want to lie to you, Nelyo, not ever. And… not to myself, either.”

Findekáno breathed in deep once more. Maitimo smelled of the forest, the brook they had delighted in together, with just the faintest notes left of his own home: warm spices and smoke. If he could lay like this for just a few more moments, a few more moments until Maitimo realized he was much better off pursuing his heart elsewhere than on a hopeless case like Findekáno, then he would take all the time he could get.

“Thank you, Finno,” Maitimo finally murmured. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me. And I… would like to ask you something.”

“Yes?”

Maitimo swallowed, closed his eyes, opened them. Looked right at Findekáno. His eyes were crystal blue, Findekáno thought, and yet they were so warm.

“Can I… stay by your side?” He asked, voice soft as a feather. “Not as your lover, or anything you’re not comfortable with, but just… as whatever we will be.”

Findekáno sputtered. “But - Nelyo, you deserve to be happy. With someone who can love you in return. The way you deserve to be loved.”

“Do you not love me? You said it yourself,” Maitimo hummed. “Finno, your love may not be the same, but it is love. It is you.”

“Nelyo, please,” Findekáno begged. Please, please. Maitimo needed to understand, so they didn’t get their hopes up, so that they would be spared the inevitable disappointment, the unavoidable heartbreak. But my heart already feels like it’s breaking, Findekáno grieved. “It’ll never be enough - I’ll never be enough -”

“Finno,” Maitimo said. “You are enough. Your love is enough. Maybe one day I will fall in love with another, but my love for you is not so easily lost. I want to be by your side: as dear friends, as partners, as anything. You bring me so much joy, Finno, so much, and when we are together I feel as if my heart is at peace and ready to burst at the same time - I want to see you happy, and cherished, and loved. Because I love you, deeply, and Finno, that will not change simply because you love differently. I love you.”

Oh dear - Findekáno’s vision was going blurry again. He felt warmth in his chest, through his whole body, blooming through each vein.

Maitimo made a helpless noise. “Oh, you’re - stars, Fin, I’m so sorry -”

“No,” Findekáno said. Knowing he could say the words without any pretense or performance, true and raw, he smiled. “I’m just - I love you. I love you so much.”

Slowly, sweetly, Maitimo’s lips curled into a smile, as if enjoying the most wonderful treat he had ever tasted. “I love you too.”

[aro-culture-is]

sorry if this isnt the right place for it, i just need some good vibes directed toward me rn. i tried dating a dear friend of mine for just over a year (helped by the fact that he moved to another state so a lot of it was long distance) and his family is now back in my state visiting for 2 weeks. im breaking up with him tomorrow because hes Very romantic and im not, and also we just want very different things out of life. pls send good vibes cuz im worried how itll go

oh goodness, that’s a hard position to be in. sending lots of aro love your way 💚💚💚

if you need someone to talk to afterwards, my dms are open. I’ve been in a similar position, though admittedly more mid-distance than long-distance, and she was Super Romantic and I am uh. very not.

no matter how it goes, know that I’m very proud that you can recognize that the best thing in your situation is to end this relationship. you deserve to acknowledge your feelings, and even if he’s hurt by it, you are doing what is best for him as well in acknowledging that this isn’t working for you.

💚💚💚

[renardsilencieux]

my life in 1129 words.

TW : acephobia, arophobia, drug use, anorexia, the process of queer self-identification and its hardship

        Sexual and romantic attraction is weird.

You grow up for 20-ish years thinking that love is only between a man and a woman, that they create an entity and boom, that’s what your life is supposed to be like. I’m making an exaggeration out of it, but basically, this is what a majority of the population has been told. 

I didn’t really have blinders that big, I was told about gay cismen when younger because one of my cousin was gay. 

To really be honest, I started to question myself when I was around 15-16 years old. It was the start of high school and I had been talking to this girl for a really long time. We were living almost 700 kilometers away from each other but she was saving my life. I don’t know if I ever had a crush on her, but she had one on me, and at that time, it was something I needed. It was a really toxic relationship but, to be honest, I only ever had toxic relationships in my life so far. 

I kissed someone for the first time, weeks before turning 23. Its not something I talk about openly to people, because,,, society expectations you know?

It was under influence, so that really is the number one reason I must have done it. But it was really great. Since then, I sometimes get the envy of wanting to kiss someone. When the kissing happened, it was nice but like,,,,, weird? I was into it but I didn’t wanna go further than that. The girl did want it, she told me, but she also knew I’m ace. So she didn’t push it, and it might also be the reason why I let it happen. Because I knew I was safe. 

I identify as aromantic and asexual since around January 2019. This is also the time I got to know that this kind of sexual and romantic attraction/sexuality existed. Before I used to identity myself as a bi ciswoman, but without any sexual/romantic attraction. I just knew gender didn’t matter to me and I could date anyone, regardless of what they identify as and what was between their legs (i was 15, alright). 

Knowing about the A part of the LGBTQIA+ changed my life. I had a breakdown for about a month, questioned myself pretty hard, thought I needed some help (therapy/meds) and even thought of fucking everything up. It was a really hard time. Looking back at it, I don’t really remember much of it, except the pain of it all. I cried a lot, I fell back into my anorexia habits, my self-confidence was nearing the -79920, I was living alone and cutting myself from the world. Anyway. 

I don’t really remember when I started to think « I’m ace. And I might also be aro ». Its all very blurred but I know that I first came out in march 2019. First to my queer group of friends, and then to my closest friends by a text (worst thing ever, don’t recommend). Its still a bit hard with them, they accept it while not understanding it. Its always a bit weird, more so when im talking to others people in a « flirty » way. I’m confusing my friends a lot. Anyway. That’s a « I need attention but don’t like when ppl are too close to me so I push them back but I need to find someone new to like me so they can give me attention again » problem for myself.

I wrote this long ass text to my friends so I could put my thoughts in words. About how I never find people sexually attractive, how I never wanted to be in a relationship, how I forced myself to go on dates, how sex involving another person repulses me, how I have never wanted anything that society was telling me I wanted/needed. This was the turning point. I realized I have never wanted anything that was on ads, in tv shows and movies, that my friends/relatives were living. 

When this realization come, and no one around you has ever talked to you about it, you question yourself. Or, at least, that’s what happened to me. Hence the breakdown part. Searching about it online, talking to some people, helped me. I can’t say I’m 100% ok with myself being aro-ace, but im starting to talk about it to other people. I’m not embracing it, how could I when I’m still hating myself for being that way?

Realizing that I was not heterosexual might have been easier. Coming out as bi also. Because it was becoming more normal at that time(what is normal, what normality are we talking about blabla). It was easier for me. I came out to my parents when I was in my senior high school year. They kinda knew it already, they just thought I was lesbian. Looking back at it makes me smile.  So far, they’ve really been accepting of me not fitting into the heteronormative bullshit. I’ve also been dropping some clues about me not being interested in relationships. They don’t understand it, like 95% of my people that are close and dear to me, but they understand that this is me. And they don’t push it. 

I’m really lucky. I notice it by writing this long paper. I always had people loving me for who I was, am, even when they can’t really understand and get me. They support me, they push me to be better, at recognizing my mistakes, my flaws but also my qualities. 

I know that I can never truly come out to my parents. I already know what they would tell me, and that would just be hurtful. I’ve found other ways to feel accepted : friends, social media, myself. Loving you for who you are is not easy everyday. But just trying can be enough sometimes.

I am aromantic and arosexual. I don’t ever want to be in a romantic relationship with someone, this doesn’t interest me. I am a sex-repulsed ace ciswoman. I like to cuddle, touch and play with peoples’ neck and knees. I don’t want to see someone private parts in a sex way. I don’t want to touch someone’s sex just like I don’t want them to touch mine. 

This might change. Gender, sexual and romantic attraction are on a spectrum. I never thought I would like to kiss someone. But a year and 2 months after identifying myself as ace, here I was. 

        Being queer is weird. Acknowledging it changed and saved my life. 

[belllaculllen]

Edwards POV when he thinks Bella killed her self

It was a pretty dull day  but my life has been pretty dull since I left forks, since i left..... i could feel my face wince with pain, if i could cry i know i would. Speaking her name, the one who holds my heart so dear, only tortures me, i try everything to forget her but its like someone slowly tearing me limb from limb and feeling that pain when they light me on fire, which i wholey deserved after how i treated her.... but it had to be done, it was for her safety! I'm to dangerous for her..... i deserved to suffer. As I sit in this dingy and abandoned apartment looking over the city, i missed her..... her hair, how beautiful it was, long just past her shoulders, shiny and so soft, the way it shined in the light you could see a tint of red. Her lips such a beautiful heart shape, the color of a light pink rose i could almost still feel them in mine. her skin almost as soft as her lips i could hold her all day, i shook my head trying to shake her memory from my head, its wrong.... i can't think of her..... it only makes it harder to stay away.  

Its been hours, i should probably move..... i don't know why i have no will for anything, i have nothing to live for, the only thing i lived for if you call what i do living was for .... her. i leaned forward and put my face in my hands, what to do with my self, just as i was sinking to deep into my own self pity i heard my phone ring, the only people to have this number was My family, i looked at the caller ID, ugh i sighed, Rosalie, i wonder what insult she has came up with today, as much as i didnt want to answer the phone i begrudgingly pressed the talk button “Hello Rosalie how can i help you today” wow hearing my own voice i sound so pitiful and then i hear Rose on the other end with slight panic “Edward! Alice just left for Forks...... Bella is gonna try and kill her self” the moment i heard the words, her name, the first time i have heard it in months, then i realized the sentence Rosalie had said it in, I froze in such anger, how could this happen, i had to make sure for my self i had to interrupt Rosalie from saying my name repeatedly “Rose.......i have to go.” she replied “Edward don't you dare do any-” i cut her off my voice so low, i felt like i didnt even have a voice “Thank you for youre call” i slammed the phone down, i knew i had to make the phone call.... i dialed the number i knew so well, it rang a few times until a familiar voice answered on the other end, i couldn't tell who though, maybe it was charlie, i realized i needed to respond “Hello is Charlie home.” in a very quick and angry response on the other end i hear “No, he's arranging a funeral” then the dial tone... i felt everything in me freeze, if i had a beating heart i would feel it drop....  it must be true. My Love... My Bella..... what have i done. I crush the phone in my hands, so much anger and emotion in me that i never knew possible..... I did this, this is all my fault ...... there is only one thing to do. 

As I ran through the forest, at the speed of light, i knew i would make it to Volterra by sunrise, perfect timing just enough time to talk to Aro for my request.... to die. 

Running feeling the earth move underneath my feet, i tried holding back screams, for screaming is how i release the emotion of crying ...... for the anger and pain i could feel in every core of my being, she's not here, how come i am here and she is not, she's not here..... she's not .... i couldnt take it any more i let out with such force and anger “SHES NOT HERE!” I stopped running, i couldn't help but collapse, holding my knees to my chest i cried “BELLA!” wishing the screaming would bring her back .... that some miracle would happen.... as i sat cradling my legs in the pitch black forest, my voice cried, i pleaded with god to bring her back to me, and apologized for all things Ive done if i could just have her back..... I knew i needed to get up and keep running .... for if i wanted to get to Volterra in time i would need to get on my feet now, but i couldn't move .... I wish i could hold her again ... 

Around 4:00 AM i got back on my feet, a little behind schedule but that wasn't gonna stop me, i couldn't live any longer .... knowing she isn't on this earth any more, then why should i be.... 

I got to Volterra around 6:00AM, i don't think i have ever ran as fast in my life, as i approached the doors to the home of Aro, Marcus, and Caius ... I became .. eager to get this over with. The gaurds looked at me with caution, they probably though i was som rabid new born with how i looked, i hadn't changed since her birthday party, My blue button down shirt completely torn in a few places, i had dirt everywhere, Animal blood stains on my pants, I looked at them “Hello, Im Edward Cullen. Carlisle Cullens son” with out a word they separated to let me through, I slid through very quickly, i saw they had a new Secretary, Human of course, i just nodded my head to let her know i was cleared and walked in.  The last time i was in this room, I can't even recount, i didnt visit the volturi very often for i wasn't very fond of Aros ways... i felt he was unfair and cruel... but i would not dare think those thoughts if i wasn't planning to die already since Aro can hear and see every thought you have ever had just by touching you. My thoughts were interrupted my Aros loud and overly excited tone “AWWW HELLO EDWARD MY OLD FRIEND!” he sat up and walked toward me “To what pleasure do we ow your visit today friend” I hated this man with every being in my body ..... I almost hated him as much as i hated my self, no need to appease him for there was no point “Aro, i wish to die” Aros face dropped, he was so confused when one of us wanted to die, he didnt understand for he thought being one of us, a monster was so amazing, He looked at me and stepped a little closer “Edward, now that would be a waste wouldn't it, why don't you join us” he paused and smiled so big and opened his arms in a welcoming way to look at all that was a round us, i didnt think it was so great at all, he continued “Here! in the volturi, youre gifts are much to powerful to just kil off you see” As much as i tried to pay attention to what anyone was doing, i couldn't... All i could do was see her face “Aro i wish to no longer live, i do not wish to join you” Aro clasped his hands together and looked at me with disapproval and pity “Im sorry Edward” and with that i walked out of the room.... I had to come up with a plan to make it where they would have to kill me. some thing that they would have no choice. 

I Sat underneath a tree, it was pretty shady which was good because it was so sunny, as i thought i saw a young girl walk by... and then it hit me, Its was the festival! and it was sunny. A rule that the volturi have never forgiven is showing our selves in the sun to a group of people, exposing us really, they would kill me instantly, its perfect, ill do it at noon. now where is there most sun.... I looked around the grounds and there it was, the clock tower, it was most sunny and most visible by the people over there, it was sure to work, I stood up and ran faster then anyone could notice so i could inside the door and sit until it was time. 

I kept looking at the time, for the first time in forever time was going slow...all i could think about was her, my dead heart ached, I've tried all day to distract my self so i could get here to get the job done, i shouldn't be on this earth,  but finally as i looked, it was 5 minutes til noon. I stood in preparation, I took off my button down..

 even though i didnt need it, i took a deep breath, 1 minute. I stood by the door and got ready to open it, i heard the commotion of the festival out side, and then i opened the doors. I could feel the sun on my skin, it felt good, I whispered “Bella, i love you” as i said the words i felt something slam into me, i smelled a familiar scent, strawberry shampoo, and then i realized what i had been hearing, the most amazing voice i have ever hear “Edward! Edward open your eyes!” I opened my eyes and there she was, my love, It happened they did it, and so fast, I'm with my love, what did i do to deserve.... Heaven, what did i do to deserve Bella, I spoke “Heaven” and i grasper her hair gently, while gently stroking it, then i felt her push me and it wasn't light anymore, and i realized i didnt die, and she was actually here, coming to the realization i had no control I grasped her hair and pulled her closer to me and crushed my lips into hers, she was so warm, so soft, just like i remembered but better, i held her so close i never wanted to let go, she responded the same way i was reacting, and in the moment i realized i needed her and she needed me ..... forever as our lips separated i looked in her beautiful deep brown eyes with all the joy capable in the world i said “Youre alive”

[wondercookieunicorn]

1/? ASDHSASDFHV tumblr really has something against us talking huh? :( but yeeeessss i agree nct is a treasure and i am damn happy i found out about them (albeit late i could have stanned since predebut i am salty towards me) yay!!! another Soft stan and person!! Giving love is important to me as well! And your bff crush on johnny is relatable! Im not crushing on him romantically (im aro) but I have this major crush on him that's somewhere between platonic and romantic so i feel ya!! - 🌱💚

2/? and i cant stop thinking of how amazing his hugs would be bc he’s so tall and big and im around ten’s size? so there’s this huge height difference and i should really stop rambling about this bc now i want johnny’s snuggles but i cant and it makes me :( BUT ANYWAY im glad you slept well thou sucks from the rude awakening. I tend to get cranky when im woken up by loud noises, do you have that too? But yay for making money!!!! I hope you’ll like your job!! And good luck with calling… - 🌱💚  

3/? your dad and I hope you get to go to your friend (and freakin yikes if she ditches you for het boyfriend you dont deserve such treatment :

           4/4 and to answer your final question! my fave nct songs in no particular order: highway to heaven, end to start, boss, baby dont stop, my first and last, 1 2 3, sun&moon, knock on, dream in a dream, new heroes, dont need your love, we go up, take off, come back, fly away with me, dear dream, regular to irregular, candle light, simon says, whiplash, the 7th sense, replay (pm 01:27) (i think saying “their whole discography” would have been easier…. oh well) what are your fave songs? - 🌱💚                                                                                        

 I GOZ ALL UR ASKS OMG I`M QUAKING THIS IS SO GOOD!!!

So first of all, my friend ditched me. That´s why I´m here man! I make too many jokes on jeffreys costs, I should stop. Poor man gotta suffer so much

Anyway, the call went great tho, so that´s a plus. Also thank you :))! ❤️ 

Ok but I lOve “The Arcana”???? I mean truth be told, haven´t played it in a loong time and I saw that the three new routes are available and- omg death is crawling to me, I can feel it. I only check in for those daily things tho because I currently am not in the mood for reading idk. Who´s your fav? :S

also yehs yehs, I´m pretty much Ten´s height I think? like 1,70. And I geddit, I geddit! Cuddling him must be a friggin heavenly privilige dkskdksk my wildest dreams are about hugging Johnny ngl.

And that is very interisting!! I think I´m Asexual, but ppl always tell me that that´s just cuz I´m still a virgin so I- I dunno man, some people just really can´t overstep their own believes/Beliefs (dunno how to spell sksks)

I get VERY crancky too, if someone wakes me up and/or dares to actually talk to me in the first 45 minutes after waking up! I could take a pan right then and there and just- no no no, I´m a very soft person! Just not right after waking up

AND AHHH BRACES REMOVAL, YOU´LL MISS IT BUT ALSO VERY MUCH NOT!! I´M TELLING YA, I STILL REMEMBER WHEN I GOT MINE REMOVED AND IT´S A FUNNY FEELING IN THE FIRST FEW MINUTES. But yeh, good luck on that! :)

You- Yeah- “Their whole discography” would´ve worked too lmao, tho I understand where you´re coming from!

Welp, Boss is my all to go bop as well as Simon says! New Heroes saved my entire life! Else I really like Baby don´t stop, 1,2,3, Dream in a dream, Dont need your love, come back, take off, regular and whiplash too.  

now ones that you didnt mention: I rlly like Blow my mind, Baby dont like it, la la love, go, Timeless, we go up, Paper Plane, let me love you, Mad city and yeah let´s stop here lmao.

You have a good taste in music, do you come here often? ;)) Someone stop me, I´m getting too comfortable 

Wakey Wakey will always hold a special place in my heart since it always manages to crack me up (I hope you know what I´m reffering to lmao pls)

And i  getchu, I got into dream right in chewing gum?? For some, to me unknown, reason and then after ´my first and last´ I completely rolled out of kpop, then got back in the “full nctzen” settled in like….5 Months ago? idk. But imma stay and that matters….Right??? :”) hbu?

ALso please, if you want to go to sleep do that!! Dont stay up too late :) ❤️

also what movies did you two watch, that sounds hella cute!?

[freakurodani]

im gonna just ramble under the cut about romantic orientations and shit, specifically mine 

so like, ive known i was on the aro spectrum for a LOOOOONG time, and whether it was a product of trauma or just how i built is beyond me, but i honestly have a difficult time developing serious romantic emotions and like in the moment i have a hard time telling the difference between infatuation and actual love

(which is kind of this shit cause AHAHAH can u imagine realizing that the person you were dating actually adored you and you hadnt had the time to actually develop real feelings and u were stuck on infatuation but things were going to fast emotionally and you started to resent everything but u also have communication issues and a soft heart so you had no idea how to tell them so u felt like you were drowning under their affection???????????? and u kno ur in the wrong and u just dont know what to do) 

And so then when I’m with my friends, i’m not sure if i just feel a close intimate friendship with them or im romantically attracted to them. I can be a very physically intimate person with my friends. I’m happy to kiss and hug and cuddle all of them. and so for me finding the line between “youre a very dear friend to me, i love you” and “youre a very dear friend to me and I am in love with you” is so difficult. 

and back when I was 16, i had two friends i was very close with and I had a crush on both of them, they had a crush on each other and we all knew all these things. that was the truth at the time and the first time I had even dabbled in the idea that I was anything other than monogamous. These were also friends i was happy to kiss and stuff and they were happy to kiss and stuff me but a-fucking-las like all things, lack of communication fucked us up, and my relationship with one of them practically ended for around a year and a half 

those friends DID start dating and me and the friend i lost have patched things up. There is still hesitance between us because in the end we always were tragically similar (our poor mutual friend has to deal with us being The Worst(TM), and the friend who i patched things up with’s partner (this si so hard omg,) is a best friend. a real bro. We never stopped talking during me and friend #2′s fight. (i call it a fight but TBH it was absolutely more of fight in the breakup sense)  

and i needed to exposite all that bc now that the three of us are all friends again i realized i would still absolutely date them. 

but at this point actually figuring things out has tired me out so im just like, wishing i had someone to casually make out with while we watched just the most awful movies 

(i think it is good that im not as touch staved as when i was 16, because that caused a lot of problems with me. my friends who arent very open emotionally, i think they figured out that i need assurance by way of touching my arm or holding my hand and stuff. and i appreciate that so much. and honestly because of them i find myself referring to the phrase “hey thottie” as a term of endearment bc ive also figured out how they show affection so im in a much better place with that and my self worth)

[ghostfart69]

Hey so im seeing a HUGE amount of like. ‘ace/aro discourse’ posts and a lot of just generally aphobic/exclusionary posting and attitudes. ive been unfollowing anyone who is posting those kind of sentiments but like. fuck. 

this is coming from an nb queer person who is allosexual (if thats the right term?) with a partner and several very dear friends who are ace, aro, or somewhere on the spectrum. Some are nb, some are cis, some are gay/bi/pan and some are otherwise straight. 

they are all just as deserving of safety, security, and recognition. yes, some people will see more bigotry, oppression, and trauma comparitively to an outside eye, but that does not and will NEVER negate that everyone has their own struggles and battles even if theyre ‘just a cishet ace’. i wont go into detail into the respective issues ive seen these people go through because its not mine to share, but more importantly, i shouldnt have to. they shouldnt have to. 

theyre still queer, and just as deserving of safety within the queer community as me, you (if you’re also a part of the community ofc) and like. again. FUCK. 

do me a favor. please. if this is an issue to you, and you dont believe that ace/aro people have a place in the queer community, unfollow me, block me. if you have no openness towards them or see them as an enemy, as people faking/wanting attention, i want our paths to be as separate as possible becauseim fucking sick to death of hearing people’s worth being ranked over ‘how queer they are’