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myownprivatcidaho · 3 years ago

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hi all, @theecholyte has been a dear friend of mine for a few years and now they need help to reach their goal of $800. im gonna put the info from their gofundme here, please boost this and donate if you can.

Hello, my name is Echo, I'm a non-binary, disabled (temporarily), Nerodivergent 21 year old who is currently living in a very stressful and toxic environment. I live with and financially depend on my mother and her husband (technically my step-father) who have both verbally, mentally and emotionally abused me ontop of my already existing trauma and mental issues from years of this kind of treatment from others, including them. They do not accept that I am non-binary and consistantly arise arguments/fights because of it, resulting in them giving me anxiety attacks and triggering my PTSD simply because they don't want to call me the name I prefer to be called by, ontop of driving away my other family and friends they have invited into their home due to their behavior. They have blamed my step sister (who is 2 months older than me) as well as myself on the trauma they have caused us to the point where they drove her to live across the country and will never see my step sister's daughter (my niece) ever again, in order to keep the baby from being exposed to the violence they have shown us. We were both physically abused by them as well, but once we started becoming young adults roughly around the ages 15-17, they stopped hitting us as much and eventually stopped completely after that (for reasons unknown) and my step sister got the worst of it. My youngest brother is also transgender, and they treat him the same, but he has outside help that he's getting from friends he knows, so im not too worried about him, since he's tough and will be able to get out soon enough.

Currently, I feel like I am fighting for my life. My stress levels have gotten to the point where I've gained many migranes (stress-induced as well as random migranes run in my family, but they're happening more often than normal as of late) and a fever because of it, which would go away after one night of rest so i knew i wasnt sick with anything really concerning, that i know of, since im fine now.

I feel as though I am at my breaking point, and my depression has gotten significantly worse as well, despite the medication i take for it as well as the coping mechanisms I use to ease it. I try to tell my mother the stress and pain im in, but she threatens to take me to a mental hospital every time i express that she makes me feel like i should... take my own life, basically, because of how she treats me, ontop of feeling like she wishes i were gone, among other reasons. She prefers to get onto me rather than try to comfort me and try to hear why I feel the way I do with concern. I feel as though she resents me for some reason unknown, resents all of her children... she seems like she has no sympathy for our mental health regardless of how she might actually feel, and will never understand that people deal with things in their own unique ways, and that no one else in the world operates completely like she does.

On multipule occasions, my mother has expressed that if I feel like I want to end my own life, that she wont try to stop me if it means I'll be happier that way, and almost encourages it. She's also stated to my brother when he was 16 that she knows she will bury me one day, and is content with that fact considering how I've been dealing with su*cidal idiations since I was very young.

Ontop of those interactions, when my step-sister was little and was crying to my mother about how she makes her want to end her own life, my mother replied by saying "Is that all? If you don't try to end your own life at least once as a teenager, that makes you the weird kid. It's a phase, I've tried it and so has all of my kids."

Her husband on the other hand, is a dog abuser and has thrown/kicked puppies and our older dogs, including one pit bull we had named Pepa, who was thrown over the fence and landed hard on her side when she somehow got out of the backyard (she was a huge sweetheart and would never hurt a soul). He has no sympathy what so ever for animals, and when I confronted him about throwing Pepa when she was vulnerable and weak after just having a littler of 14 puppies, he stated that he could have done so much worse. He also has a habit of yelling/snapping at his kids when theyre in pain or take his attention away from his video games simply because it annoys him and he "doesn't want to hear it". Once, before my first knee surgery several years ago, I fainted out of the diningroom chair (I deal with low blood sugar issues sometimes) and bruised my ACL, crying and screaming for help while everyone was asleep. He has woken up to see what happened, and while i was on the floor clutching my leg, crying for help, he stated that "I need to learn how to do it myself" and went to go back to sleep. I had sat there for another several minutes screaming and crying before my brother woke up and helped me onto the livingroom couch and made sure I was okay. (my mother was at work at the time so she didn't find out about this until I called her when I was finally on the couch. she also doesnt believe what her husband did even happened, because I didn't think to tell her about it until some time later.)

They both also believe that my step-sister deserved to be hit and punched in the face as a young teenager, simply because she has an anger/attidude problem. (She is now the smartest, most strong and mature woman I've ever known, She's a wonderful friend, and an even better mother who deserves the best.)

Just a few reasons I need to be away from them both, and examples to explain to you all how severe this situation is.

I'm at a loss, and just need to get away. I have a friend in Washington State (where i used to live) who is offering to help house me, and I just need the funds to get there considering i'm in Texas, as well as provide for my dog. My dog Remi (He's a 13 year old Schnauzer) currently has two ear infections and has had them for over a month, yet my mother refused to take him to the vet no matter how much I begged her since im unemployed and cant provide for him at the moment, I have ear drops that I used to temporarily help relieve his discomfort, but his contition continued to get more severe and the ear drops stopped working. (She's had no problem providing for him until recently, especially when he was the family's dog first before he became mine several years ago.) She constantly says how they have no money but its very hard to believe when they have recently had the funds to go to an expensive amusement park twice in two weeks and spend all of their money on merch. Luckily, a long time friend offered to pay for his treatments with what little money she does have, so my dog has finally been treated after having to stay overnight at the vet and is home now, taking madications and resting as he should. His vet bill was only $117, and my mother could have easily afforded it.

Now for as what I'll need the funds for, I had found out that the most efficient way I can get myself and my dog all the way up to Washinton State (Seattle/Everett area) from Boyd Texas, is to rent a car and drive up there myself. Now, I've had my licence since I was 16, and started driving at the age of 15 with a permit, and have taken many long road trips on my own before, so I'm rather confident in my abilities to travel that far. Also with my issues only being in my left leg, I've still been able to drive perfectly fine as long as I take breaks to stretch.

I have looked into many different airlines I possibly could for the cheapest tickets I could get for myself, as well as for my dog.. problem is, he's just a little too big to fit in the cabin of any plane I've reserched, I even called around and tried to recieve quotes and advice from airlines, but to no avail. I've also contacted animal transportation and shipping services, but they're all just very expensive and too complicated. I will also not put my baby boy in cargo on a plane, as it is dangerous.

For renting a car in my area, I will need to be able to find a place that will let me rent a car for 4 days so that I will have wiggle room to rest, make stops for gas/take my dog potty, and also get food while im on the way, considering my ideal route takes 1 day and 7 hours, minus the time ill need for stops and to rest, as well as traffic. The cheapest I could find while doing reserch is between $70-$90 a day for either a renter's choice car, or just any cheap car they have available, and for four days, that rounds up to be close to $300-$360 total for the trip. Ontop of that, gas for the one-way trip will cost roughly $300 or more depending on the car's milage.

Tomorrow (11/01) since it'll be a Monday, I'll be calling around for offers for my specific need to see if they'll have anything available for the end of this week or next week up to a month. I'm honestly willing to wait for this trip at least a month, but I'm not sure I could stand staying here longer than that at this point, since I'm wanting to leave as soon as possible for the sake of my mental health and well being, as well as the well being of my dog.

I appreciate any donations anyone makes no matter how much it is, it would mean everything to me to get out of here and finally be happier and feel safe for once. Thank you so very much if you read all of this, my situation may not be as severe as some peoples, but its certainly something worth addressing, I'd think.

I'll happily answer any questions anyone has for me regarding my situation, as I believe in the power of reassurance and cooperation, especially when it comes to strangers providing money for me which they absolutely do not have to give, out of the kindness of their hearts. I'll give as much information as I can to truely strengthen your trust in me that my situation is as genuine as I have stated.

Thank you so much for reading all of this, it means the world to me and more to have anyone take me seriously. Regardless if you donate or not, I hope you have a wonderful day, and to have a restful sleep every night this week.

#signal boost #mutual aid #donate #donate trans/nonbinary

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shadyteacup · 3 years ago

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Hi! Im the one req 7 for chuuya sorry i didint specified, i just realized it. Can i get angst prompt 7 for chuuya?

Hiya! This pained me to write, so I made it fluffy at the end... sorry if u were looking for pure angst! I can't go to sleep peacefully peacefully after writing angst, I need to clutch my soft toys and cry myself to sleep..

Warnings: Angst to fluff, maybe a swear word at the end.. dw, it's just "bish", but like the actual word.

Word count: 2006 😳yes, I got carried away

Nakahara Chuuya + “Please wake up”

Forewarning

“Don’t move, Chu.”

You grumbled against his chest. It was yet another lazy morning for the two of you. Lazy mornings consisted of waking up late, cuddling on the bed till lunch time, getting dressed and having dinner at some exotic place, going for a long drive, then coming back home. It was a perfect day for a traditional lazy day, except for the fact it was a weekday.

Chuuya sighed. He had to get to work, and so did you. You both couldn’t afford to miss any workdays, considering that you both worked for the same organization, one that didn’t hesitate to punish for untimely work. Chuuya was an executive, and so were you. You both had multiple solo missions planned out for today and one mission wherein you both had to team up. It was going to be quite a busy day, and Chuuya wanted nothing more than to just get it all over with. He was looking forward to some lazy cuddles in the evening, after both of your jobs were done.

“We have to get dressed, dove.”

He tried reasoning with you. You were a workaholic, just like him. It surprised him to see this lazy side of you. But then again, you must be tired, he thought.

“I know. But let’s bunk today!”

You looked up at him with wide eyes, hoping to convince him.

Chuckling, he pet your head affectionately.

“The mafia isn’t some school that you could just bunk. Besides, don’t you love working?”

You frowned at that. You were feeling weird today. It’s like something was forewarning you. But about what?

“I just have a bad feeling about today. I don’t know why, but I feel like something bad is going to happen.”

He sighed. He was never one to believe I such things. That was why you weren’t telling him until now.

“We work in the mafia. How worse can it get?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

You smiled, getting up to get ready.

....

“The target is in the warehouse.”

Chuuya said to you. You both were currently seated in Chuuya’ s car, parked on a hill. Your stakeout point had a clear view of an abandoned warehouse. Apparently, it was the location where a rival gang was coordinating with some members of the mafia and stealing their goods. You both had already executed the moles and had sent in one of your trusted members as a pretend mole. He would send you both a signal when he felt that the security was the weakest at the entrance. You both would then attack. He was supposed to cause a commotion in there, resulting in majority of the guards to rush inside and leave the entrance wide open for you two. Your men had already sealed all exits to ensure no one got out. Now you were both waiting for the signal.

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

Chuuya pouted at your jab.

“I was just being thorough!”

“By stating the obvious?”

“You’re so mean.”

“Says the angry redhead.”

“What has my hair got to do with anything?!”

“Your hair has got to do with everything! I-”

A sharp sound was heard. Both you and Chuuya were blinded for a second as white filled your vision. You felt your torso pinch a little. It almost felt like someone was sticking a few needles into your tummy. You heard screams. They sounded frantic. A few moments later, your vision cleared, and you saw yourself floating in the air, a frantic Chuuya saying something to you. It all sounded mangled and mixed up. If you could have laughed at the moment, you would have laughed at how funny he sounded.

The screams had turned to cries, now. You were so confused. Who was crying? And why was Chuuya pressing down on your stomach?

Looking down, you saw the blood. There was blood everywhere. It had completely soaked your shirt. Chuuya was using his ability and his hands to keep it in. He seemed hurried. His eyes were watery, and streams of tears were flowing down his cheeks.

Finally understanding the situation, you realised that you were injured. Looking down at your torso, you saw the two bullet wounds. And now, you finally felt them. The pain was overwhelming. It rushed in like water at the breaking of a dam. It completely filled you up. You now realised that those cries of pain were actually your own. You wished to have never woken from your daze. You wanted to remain oblivious. You wanted the pain to go back to mere pinpricks. It was too much. Succumbing to the enormous pain, you let your eyes shut close. You realised that your body was going to sleep. Maybe for the last time.

....

Chuuya sat in a chair next to your sleeping form. You were lying unconscious on the clean white sheets of the hospital bed. Your entire torso was covered in bandages. You had taken two bullets, one in the side and one right next to your belly button. The doctors were able to save you in time, and it was a matter of time till you gained consciousness.

Chuuya held his face in his hands. The memories of just moments prior to visiting the hospital kept running through his head. He kept seeing flashes of your blood oozing out of your body. He kept remembering the way your eyes had glazed over while he tried to apply pressure on your wounds. There was so much blood. His mere two hands were proving to be inefficient. So, he had activated his ability to push the blood back in. He had no clue if that had helped. He remembered activating his ability the moment you had let out a blood curdling scream. He had levitated you both out of the car and high up in the night sky.

He should have listened to you. Your forewarnings were right. Something terrible had ended up happening. The mole he had sent inside was found murdered by the backup team, and the head of the organization had fled. His men had taken up sniping positions all across the hills. Two of them had shot you at once. He remembered going on a mad spree and pelting boulders at all the men in his sight using his ability right before he flew to the hospital with you in his arms.

“Has she gained consciousness?”, the doctor asked as she peeked in. Chuuya had asked all medical personnel to leave him alone with his sweetheart, a little too passionately, after they were done treating you, and hence the poor doctor was a tad bit scared to check up on your vitals.

Chuuya whipped his head up.

“No.”

The doctor scrunched her brows in worry. Rushing in, she did some tests.

“I’m sorry, sir, but if the patient doesn’t wake up in another hour, we will have to declare a coma condition.”

“What?!”

The doctor jumped at his outburst, but answered him, nonetheless.

“The body is behaving as if it is already in coma. This can also be because it is repairing itself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be coma.”

She sighed.

“But, if the patient retains this state of unconsciousness, we will have to rule out a natural healing process. I suggest you try to communicate with the patient. Sit close, hold hands, maintain physical contact. Try speaking. That way, maybe the body will react to a familiar scent, touch or voice, and gain consciousness.”

Chuuya gulped, worried, and nodded.

“I understand.”

He shakily made his way to your face, observing your serene features. He hesitantly put your hair behind your ear, breathing unsteadily. He felt immense guilt and anger. He was guilty of not paying your uneasiness an ear, and he was angry because he couldn’t save you. If only he had been more vigilant, more aware of his surroundings, he would have been able to smell a rat.

“I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have been able to protect you.”

He gasped inaudibly, trying to keep his sobs in. He couldn’t stop the tears. They flowed freely down his cheeks, a symbol of his immense fear of losing you. He couldn’t bear the idea of loosing you. It might be selfish of him, but he wanted you to live, because God-forbid, if you didn’t, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. He knew that if such a devastating situation ever occurred, he would lose all sanity and go mad. He would lose his mental balance and completely fall off the edge. He couldn’t bear to be separated from you for two days, forget the rest of his lifetime.

He caressed your cheek, smiling bitterly at your sleeping form. Nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck, he let himself truly cry. He let out all his emotions into your hair. He found comfort in your warmth. He has always felt the safest in your embrace. That’s where he could truly be himself.

He didn’t realise how long it had been when he began talking to you. Telling you how much he loved you and how he couldn’t live without you. He pondered on how he would take his life if you left him.

“I’d have to go to that stupid mackerel for guidance. But then again, he has been unsuccessful in killing himself for 22 years. He’s probably the worst suicidal guy out there.”

He was lying next to you now, cradling your frail form in his arms.

The doctor waltzed in, a serious and sorrowful expression straining her pretty features.

“Nakahara-san, I’m so sorry.”

Chuuya gritted his teeth, holding onto you tighter.

“No! There’s still a chance that-”

“Its hopeless. The patient has already been in this state for 16 hours.”

“16 hours?”

The doctor smiled sympathetically.

“I gave you a lot more time. I thought maybe the constant contact would help. But sadly, it’s out of our hands now.”

Chuuya sat up, holding your face in his large palms.

“Wake up! Wake up, damnit!”

He shook you gently, desperate to get any kind of reaction out of you.

“Nakahara-san! Please get away from the patient! You mustn’t cause any harm! Security?!”

The doctor rushed forward to pull Chuuya off of you, but he held onto you. He grabbed your arms, looping his own around them and pulling you towards him.

“Wake up!”

He rested his face on your chest, sobs escaping him.

“Please... please wake up...”

The doctor reached forward to clasp his shoulder, trying to pry him off of you.

A large gasp followed by couple of coughs were heard.

You took in a large breath, trying to swallow. Your throat was dry and scratchy.

“Y/N!”

Looking up, you saw Chuuya holding you in his arms, a relieved and surprised expression on his elegant features.

“Hey.”

Your voice sounded raspy, but it was music to his ears.

He engulfed you in a hug, one that knocked the air out of your lungs.

“She’s still a patient!”

The doctor reprimanded as the security guards pulled Chuuya off of you.

You smiled at the tiny ginger.

“I’m alive, Chu. Stop being dramatic.”

Chuuya laughed at your carefree attitude. He didn’t resist the men as they pulled him out of the room. He was relieved to see you awake. He didn’t care about anything else. Just as he was about to leave, you spoke up.

“Call Gin and tell her that I’m not dead!”

“You don’t need to call me, idiot. I was waiting right outside.”

You smiled as she walked in, giving you a hug.

“Why does she get to go in but not me?!”

Chuuya whined.

“Hey Gin, guess what?”

Gin smiled at you, sitting at the edge of your bed at the nurses did their check-ups.

“What?”

“I’m alive, bitch!”

Your snickers could be heard till the hallway, where the rest of your friends were seated. Shaking his head, Tachihara snickered.

“Good ol’ Y/N.”

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nol-an · 4 years ago

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it was good until it wasn’t || n. patrick

inspired by the prompt, “please don’t make me choose.”

2k worth of A N G S T!! um yea haven’t written in over two years and this is my first hockey fic so bear with me. feedback is always appreciated! (this is not proofread and im sure there are probs some plot holes- oops)

__________

For so long, everything had felt too good to be true. Nolan finally accomplished his dream of playing in the NHL, and you had gotten into your dream school in Philadelphia. To you, there was nothing more important than pursuing a career in the medical field and being able to do that with Nolan on your side.

At times, the long study nights, missed plans, and occasional stressed-induced breakdowns made you question if you were ever going to meet your end goals. That feeling was definitely not foreign to you, but it didn’t necessarily make coping with the thought any easier. It was a weird feeling — four years of undergraduate school almost felt like too much yet not enough time. There was so much you wanted to accomplish, and you sometimes wished you weren’t so ambitious because the days where you felt incapable of being successful were the days that you wanted nothing more than to wallow in your fears alone.

Luckily for you, Nolan was incredibly understanding of your fears. While he knew his life as an athlete was drastically different from your life as a student, he tried his best to understand your thoughts and always told you how much he admired your drive to reach your goals. No matter how often you tried to internalize your emotions, Nolan knew better and never hesitated to be your rock. Be it in the form of verbal or physical reassurance, his presence radiated a sense of comfort that always brought you out of any illusion of doubt you may have conjured.

He doesn’t tell you enough, but you have a similar effect on him. Your gentle touches, cute pre-game texts, and warm hugs never fail to bring a smile to his face. If he’s being honest with himself, he’s not quite sure what he would do without you. It’s not really a thought he has to worry about, though, because for what felt like a blissful eternity, the stars aligned for you two. There were undoubtedly times when Nolan and you would run into disagreements, but the desire to make things work seemingly mended any issues in the relationship.

That was, however, until everything seem to come to a head. With your MCAT exam date approaching very soon and Nolan’s season with the Flyers starting just as quickly, it was hard for the two of you to bask in each other’s presence like usual. It wasn’t something either of you really noticed, as you both understood how important the other’s career was. You knew how important this comeback season for Nolan would be, and you tried your best to let him know that you would support him no matter what. He didn’t have to say it, but you knew a lot of doubts were rushing through your boyfriend’s head and you almost mistook his increasingly reserved demeanor as nerves.

In fact, you didn’t really give it much thought until Nolan came home from his fourth game of the season. As badly as you wished you could have attended, the remaining hours you had to prepare for the MCAT were previous and you reassured Nolan that you would be his number one cheerleader again as soon as you got the dreaded test out of the way.

Your nose was stuffed into a psychology textbook until your trance was broken with the slam of the front door to you and Nolan’s shared apartment.

“Hi, baby,” you greeted as you got out of your seat to hug your freshly-showered boyfriend. If the sound of the front door was any indication, you had a feeling that the game didn’t go as desired, and you didn’t want to push any touchy subjects. On more than one occasion, Nolan had told you how much he liked how he could escape from hockey in your presence. He loved that he could escape from that part of his life, loved how you made him feel like a normal guy. You thought this would be one of those nights where even the word “hockey” wouldn’t be uttered, but you were wrong. So wrong.

“You’re not gonna ask how the game went?” Your boyfriend pressed, his tone bitter. Pulling away from your hug, he turned his back to you all too soon and he walked towards the kitchen.

“I-I mean, you know I’m always here to listen about your games, but I just thought you wouldn’t want to talk about it?” you meekly replied, unsure of where he was going with the conversation.

You weren’t entirely sure what the outcome of the game was, but you were definitely confused. Nolan usually didn’t like talking about the Flyers’ losses, but you were so sure something went wrong based on his dramatic entrance into your shared home.

Prompted by his silence, you continued, “Um, so was it a win?” you uttered, regretting your words as soon as they slipped off your tongue.

Slamming his water bottle on the countertop, Nolan’s actions caused your words to dissipate. Silence filled the room, the tension almost palpable.

“Well you would know if you were there, wouldn’t you?” he replied, clearly annoyed by your seemingly stupid question.

Alright, so definitely not a win.

“Nols,” you tried to reason, “You know I wanted to be there so badly, but I couldn’t. The MCAT is almo-” you were abruptly cut off.

“I know. The MCAT is only two weeks away and it’s super important for you. It’s been the same thing for weeks now, you don’t have to remind me,” Nolan finished your sentence, his monotonous and resentful tone making it clear that he had already heard the same words from you numerous times before.

Had it not been for this same tone, you would have brushed off his comment. You would have instead attributed his harshness to tonight’s loss, which would have been the third one in a row. However, his response felt condescending — like he was downplaying how important the MCAT actually was to you.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you quipped. It felt like you just recited the most cliche line in the book, but your brain and heart had already started functioning at two different rates. If you attempted to say any more, your stress from the upcoming exam mixed with the rising argument you sensed would have surely sent you into a pool of tears.

“It’s just exhausting you, know?” Nolan started, “I know you’re busy with your own things, but it sucks seeing all of the other guys getting to hug their girlfriends and wives at the tunnel at the end of games while I know I can’t have the same with you. I mean, is it so much to ask of you to just be there for me? How am I supposed to believe that you want the best for me when you aren’t even acting like it?” he argued.

“‘So was it a win?’” he bitterly recited your earlier question, scoffing at it. “You could have at least Googled the score and pretended like you were keeping up.”

You didn’t know what to say. Your confusion immediately turned into anger and shock — you thought Nolan, out of all people, would have understood your situation. Not being able to wrap your head around his current state of irrationality, it felt like hours passed before you willed yourself to reply.

“I've attend almost every game of yours. I’m sorry I haven’t been so good at that recently, but you know how much I want to do well on this exam,” you seethed.

You were trying to stay level-headed, but anger consumed any possibility of making the discourse calm. “My life does not revolve solely around your career, and I’m sure as hell not going to always be able to put my life on hold to make sure I know what the scoreboard of every game is.” You couldn’t help but let every one of your words become coated in frustration. You thought everything you were saying was so obvious, and you couldn’t help but become more upset with the fact that you even had to reiterate these points to Nolan.

“Sometimes it feels like I’m not even dating someone,” Nolan dryly responded. “Feels like all you do nowadays is drone on and on about this test. Is this what the rest of our relationship it gonna be like? I mean, I can’t imagine what things are gonna be like once you’re in med school,” he hastily commented, pacing around the kitchen.

Every one of his words felt like a punch to your gut. His words hurt more than your face let on, every instinct in your body asking —no, begging— you to flee your current predicament.

“I don’t know what to say,” you truthfully replied.

“Is there even room for me in your life anymore?” he questioned, adding fuel to the fire. “It feels like I’m always second to your fantasy life as a doctor.”

This was your last straw. Sure, you could have tried to see the validity in his initial argument if you gave yourself time to cool down. But now, it felt like he was mocking you. The same person that made your goals feel attainable was starting to break down your confidence. The confidence that he helped you construct was now crumbling, brick by brick.

“Nolan, you mean so much more to me than that. Please, I would never want you to feel this way, and I know we can work this out we just need to tal-” you were cut off once more.

“I don't know if I can do this anymore,” he cryptically stated, letting your worst fears fester around the kitchen that felt way too cramped now.

“Nol, please,” you pleaded. Your anger immediately shifted to dread.

“I want you to achieve your dreams more than anything, but I don’t know if I see myself in these future plans if this is what the rest of your career is supposed to be like. Do I even have a place in your future plans?” Nolan sighed.

Your stomach dropped. Even though he didn’t explicitly state it, you knew what he was hinting at. It was your career or him, and he was making it clear that having both in your life wouldn’t be feasible. As if he pulled out the last brick, you finally let all of your walls down. Tears freely flowed down your face, as you tried to convince yourself that you were hearing wrong. You wanted to scream it at the top of your lungs. Of course you saw Nolan as part of your future. Hell, he was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. However, his seeming disregard for your career aspirations was off-putting and made you reconsider everything.

Your eyesight, blurry from your tears, tried to focus on the hockey player. Your dejected state urged you to reason with him, but you were unsure of what to do.

“Please, Nolan. Please don’t make me choose,” you pleaded. In comparison to your vulnerable state, Nolan was composed. It was as if he rehearsed this, his blank stare void of emotion. You tried to come closer to him, but his body language told you that your touch wasn’t welcome.

“I don’t have to,” Nolan pushed himself off the counter, “The fact that you don’t already know your answer already tells me what I need to know,” he stated. Grabbing his keys off the kitchen counter, he headed to the front door before you could gather your emotions and form words.

Your anger, confusion, and hurt seemed to weigh you down, gluing your feet to the ground. As much as you wanted to stop his exit from the apartment, your body kept you in place. With a second slam of the front door, the gust of wind from the heavy door whiffled through your long-forgotten textbook, the sound of the pages ruffling mocking you. The silence following Nolan’s exit was deafening. You never thought Nolan would make you choose between your relationship with him and your career. You thought you knew a lot of things about life, really, but this was certainly something you were not prepared for.

Your world was spinning, orbiting into a field of anguish and heartbreak. As if your brain hadn’t quite registered the turn of events, you almost thought about calling for Nolan until you were cruelly reminded that reaching for him was no longer an option. Your rock was gone, and you were lost.

#nolan patrick fic #nolan patrick imagine #nolan patrick #nhl imagine #nhl fic #my writing

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firelord-frowny · 3 years ago

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so, i’m back in my I Need To Start Therapy Again mood.

Which I mean... technically I’m ALWAYS in that mood lmao but sometimes I’m able to go several weeks feeling comfortable that I’m doing all the good things I can do for myself in my current circumstances, and that it would be unrealistic and unfair if I asked any more of myself. These are usually the weeks where I’m practicing violin like crazy - I’ll never get into the quality of graduate program I want to get into if I don’t practice hard and long.

But like WOW the kind of depression I get when I think too hard about the fact that my current level of success in my ~professional life~ is not at ALL congruent with my high skill levels and tremendous potential... is probably my least favorite kind of depression I’ve experienced so far. I mean, it’s not totally soul-rending and helpless like my transness/gender dysphoria. It doesn’t make me want to die, and it doesn’t make me fear that I’ll never find true comfort and happiness and companionship in life.

but it DOES make me feel... pathetic. Like, people that aren’t half as good as I am at things are world famous for it. People are making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, sometimes more, doing the exact same shit I’m good at. Musicians who are not nearly as skilled as I am are off getting graduate degrees and becoming professors and founding regional orchestras. people are getting their writings published.

and i’m just?????

not.

and i know I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW that the main reason for this is because I don’t even give myself the chance to try. Literally, I’m not DOING the things that could lead to me actually reaching my full potential and enabling myself to make an actual living. I don’t have any writings published because I’ve never fucking sent anything to a publishing company, or a literary magazine, and I’ve never put any genuine effort into actually finding an agent. I don’t have an advanced degree in music because i haven’t fucking auditioned for any programs. i’m fucking broke because i don’t actively seek out gigs because i’m too full of myself to want to play the kinds of gigs that are easiest to get, aka, I’m Too Stuck Up To Play With People I Think Are Bad Musicians. i can’t drive because i’m too scared to learn*. I’ve never put real, sustained effort into capitalizing on any of the professors I’ve had who have offered to help me advance my education and my career. I mean, I’ve emailed people about it, but they don’t reply (EVEN IF THEY’RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO EMAIL THEM???) and then i’m too self conscious and embarrassed to try to contact them again, even though i KNOOOOWWWWW that they’re not going to be a dick to me about it.

i remember in a Divorce Court episode, one of the litigants suffered from anxiety so bad that it kept her from even leaving the house on a regular basis. So the judge brought in a mental health expert to talk to her about what, exactly, is the cause of that kind of anxiety, and why it requires treatment. the expert said something along the lines of: “Anxiety only gets worse over time, and it does not get better without treatment.” which i mean, i am SURE it’s not quite that simple, but it certainly rings true. I’m more of a terrified, self-loathing wreck now than i was when I was like 17.

So like... it’s totally unreasonable for me to just white-knuckle my way through life and just Hope that someday I’ll suddenly manifest the ability to be proactive in building a good life for myself.

so i KNOW i need help. and a lot of my frands in real life and on tumblr have encouraged me to start therapy again, and assured me that no, my therapist is not going to roll her eyes at me and call me stupid and lazy for having quit therapy with her all of a sudden over a year ago.

But I still can’t make myself do it. :( And one reason, I know, is because I have new insurance, and the fact that I don’t know how insurance even works makes me feel so overwhelmed. like, how do i even tell her what my insurance is?? what sort of Actual Information am I supposed to give her?? does it pay the entire cost, or just a portion?? and if i do have out of pocket costs... how do i even pay those???

OBVIOUSLY this is all stuff that the therapist (or her secretary or whatever???) would explain to me. she’d tell me what information she needs, and where to find it, and then all i’d have to do is just... obey! follow her instructions!

but im like LITERALLY almost in tears right now just thiking about how much i don’t want to experience the undue and irrational embarrassment I’ll feel when I have that conversation with her.

it’s so fucking stupid!!!!

i don’t feel quite this awful about this shit all the time, but the fact that my mind even puts me in this place at all is just??? SO unhealthy. and i deserve treatment for it, just like i deserve treatment with any physical/medical ailment i may ever have.

tbh at this point i have half a mind to just... ask a friend to pretend to be me and call my therapist and schedule an appointment for me, bc right at this moment, i REALLY don’t feel like i can do it. :(

or maybe i can draft an email and then just have someone else hit send.

idk.

im having a bad night. :(

i was about to type that i just want to be normal. but i don’t want to be normal. i like being fucking ridiculous. what i want is to be FUNCTIONAL.

#*though tbh when it comes to the driving thing #i kinda do literally actually genuinely feel it would be irresponsible and reckless of me #if i actually tried and succeeded at getting my license at this point in my life #like #lmao i know that there are a LOT of bad drivers who get licenses despite being bad drivers #so i don't doubt that i could actually get my license #but i ALSO know that A LOT of accidents are caused by people who are like me:#short attention span #easily distracted #freezes/clams up under pressure #unable to make snap decisions quickly enough to safely navigate a sudden hazard #easily frightened #easily overwhelmed #which lmao i'm aware that those are all traits associated with adhd #and i don't think it would be responsible of me to try to start driving regularly before i work that shit out #bc there honestly is NOTHING that could justify me making a choice that would put myself and others #at a disproportionately high risk of injury or death compared to the average driver #JUST to be able to easily transport myself from place to place #i literally would rather die homeless and broke than endanger anyone's life #so like #driving on a regular basis is flat out NOT even under consideration for me right now

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oh-for-fic-sake · 5 years ago

Text

Quarantine kink conversations

Henry Catches you watching porn and quickly discovers you both share many kinks.

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult situations +18 ,Smut, Daddy kink, Bondage, Overstimulation

A/n So I haven't been posting much as I've been struggling sorting things out over this stupid virus but I'm back but will post a little slower then I have been, even if Im not posting I'm writing. And as a side note Diamond Blackfan Aneamia is not made up, its a very rare form of Aplatsic Anaemia that basically means your bone marrow does not make enough haemoglobin (red blood cells) in some cases none at all its a horrible condition that I was born with and the reason that I am now confined to my house for a minimum of twelve weeks as the treatment destroys your immune system. Hence why I have been away trying to sort out food and medications ect which has been hell!! Any way enough of that I hope you enjoy xx

Taglist: @thatgirly81 @two-unbeatable-beaters

"Oh darling...look at all of that hm? Its dripping on the covers, such a messy girl" he said shaking his head a little tutting you watched embarrassed as he let it drop to the bed your arousal forming a small wet puddle beneath it. He crawled up the bed stretching out beside you and snatched your tablet from you.

This was hell..you decided..absolute hell you were stuck indoors on lock-down, now usually you didn't mind being stuck home with Henry ,honestly you preferd it but you normally found yourself tangled between the sheets or watching tv. Then again normally when Henry was home it was a break from filming and he had nothing to do but this time Henry had been down in the gym everyday keeping up his work out routine making use of his new glute drive or as you had dubbed it 'teasing thrust machine'. You could understand in some ways he wanted to make sure that he was still in shape for season two of the witcher when ever that was going to start.

But you were bored Henry had chuckled saying he would play with you after his work out....which you knew would last most of the day, you had been watching him earlier but got kicked out for 'pOuTiNg LiKe A SpOiLt BrAt'..you had bristled at him when he called you that..you wasn't a brat..you were a good girl, most of the time. Ok so you'll admit you had been sulking a little jealous of the equipment I mean the only thing that man should be thrusting was you and he had brushed you off then the little shit started teasing you with unnecessary grunts groans and a wink as he worked out.Bastard. You huffed kicking at the mattress below you growling and pouting in a small tantrum 'twelve weeks, twelve fucking weeks of staying inside what the fuck are you supposed to do for twelve weeks? that's like quarter of the year!' you was one of the 1.5 million who had to stay indoors for twelve weeks due to your diamond blackfan anaemia which is basically anaemia caused by bone marrow failure as a result you was on a corticosteroid that surpressed your immune system...Yay you just hoped that your blood count doesn't drop to far it'd just be your luck to need a transfusion and catch this fucking thing in hospital.

Tv was a no go every channel reminding you of the virus with the latest bullshit statistics and politicians giving the same ' we followed expert advice' reply to every question disregarding state that the nhs has found itself in. But this was driving you crazy just the idea of being stuck here for three months didn't sit well with you. You sighed rolling over on your back on the bed spread eagle in one of Henry's tshirts tho tight on him you drowned in it. You could hardly believe how bored you was there was so much you could do in this house yet you just stayed there staring at the ceiling.

You huffed again looking around the room your eyes locked on your little red bag stuffed haphazardly between the bed and side table, you smiled slyly you knew he wouldn't be pleased but he was preoccupied and wouldn't even know, its not like he was going to be finished anytime soon and you could always have a shower afterwards. Slowly you crept up the bed towards your naughty little bag of goodies. You had made full use of the valentines day sales in February and bought some new toys online intending on using them whilst Henry was away filming, however there was still a few you hadn't yet tried.

You pulled the 'makeup' bag from beside the bed dumping it on the pillow on your side of the bed and got up closing the door grabbing your tablet from the dresser. If you was going to do it might as well do it properly already knowing what you was going to watch opening an incognito tab going straight to your favorite video which wasn't actually a video, it was an 'erotic audio for women' you didn't really want to see some women ooing and ahing rolling their eyes to the back of their head like some fucking exorcism video as they got plowed by some stick figure 'stud'. You settled on the bed near the head board unzipping your little treat bag pulling out your new fully charged mini vibrator with tiny flicking rabbit ears sprouting from it .

Quickly getting to work you dragged it softly between your folds laying back with your knees up spread, letting yourself get lost in your fantasy one that you hadn't dared let Henry know, it was too early in your relationship to be going into kinks yet especially yours , you was still coming to terms with them yourself let alone letting him know ,hell he would probably run for the hills. No instead you let your mind wander images of Henry teasing you,praising you how he'd call you a good girl before caging you underneath his huge form asking if you was going to be still for daddy. Fuck. You twitched hips jerking lightly you bit your lip and lowered a hand to your lips pulling them apart running the toy to your opening teasing yourself into wetting the toy with your arousal then bringing it back towards your clit as the deep voice on the audio spoke low commands ordering his babygirl what to do.

You shivered as you fell into a slow rhythm of circles on your clit before flicking on the vibrator gasping loud as the ears came to life trapping your swollen clit between them. Oh yes this was money well spent you summarized when you unconsciously curled your toes digging your feet into the bed below trying to keep yourself still determined not to pull the toy away from your throbbing clit as your pussy came to life ,muscles rippling and clenching begging to be filled,you gyrated moaning out as your legs tensed turning up the vibrator you bucked as the voice on the audio praised you growling out just what they were going to forced your body into. You threw your head back as you slowly inserted the small length into you a tiny stretch nothing like Henry but still pleasurable with the tip angled slightly towards your gspot lightly grazing it , you cried out as you rocked the toy side to side within you rubbing it harshly across your gspot forcing shock waves of pleasure through you as your tummy tightened.

So lost in your own fantasies you fail to notice the door open quietly. You moaned loud finding that perfect rhythm obeying the audios instructions. Flicking it up a notch determined to force yourself to cum you let out a sharp squeal as the new intensity almost burned your clit, the little pain sent you over the edge your whole body shuddered as your back almost cramped as it arched your hips wriggling into the small powerful device ,you bit your lip trying to be quiet as your hand let go of the toy hovering uselessly between your legs as you jerked against it still having waves of your climax wash over you as the toy abused your almost raw clit.

Not able to take anymore you swore as your fingers searched blindly for the toy wanting to turn it off before you got to tender. You screamed snapping open your eyes as you grabbed a hot wrist instead. Mortified you stared at Henry making to move away Your squeak of surprise became a high keen as the vibrator shifted when you tried jerking away throwing your head back as another onslaught of pleasure overcame you, some how your humiliation of being caught made it more intense as you release over the still vibrating toy swearing loud. You couldn't believe he had caught you,he was hovering over your form one hand moved grasping the toy between your still quivering thighs twisting it slowly forcing you to buck you clit twitching as the flicking ears moved slightly. His eyes were dark and he had a wicked grin.

"I thought I'd told you to wait? I wasn't going to be long" his deep voice brought you out of your shock. You quickly made a move for the vibrator wanting to pull it out and hide under the covers.You mewled as he batted your hand away holding down the button stopping the assault on your clit, having sex with him was one thing but this was the first time he'd caught you masturbating and you was extremely embarrassed thankful that the short video had finished, thank god for small mercies. Your eyes widened and you quickly flipped the tablet cover shut putting it to sleep desperate to hide your kink. You flushed as he raised an eyebrow at you still amused then without warning he pulled out your new vibrator making a fuss over the now soaked rubber.

"Oh my god Henry no!" you slapped your hand on it trying to tug it back panicked desperate to hide the video from him not ready to explain to him, he chuckled prying your fingers off and easily wrestled your arms into one hand holding them away from himself pinning you with his body weight ready to snoop at your open tab.

"You know I have always wondered what little kinks you have babe" he said flipping it open, you struggled against him

"Henry love please don't!" but it was to lat he had already begun to scroll threw the page clicking back a page looking at exactly what you had searched tucked your head into your chest feeling even worse then you did before. He was quiet for a moment ,you held your breath waiting for him to make fun of you but he didn't instead he closed the tablet again sliding it across the bed and tugged you beneath him growling.

"Fuck I should have known, shit babe you might just be the perfect woman for me" he grunted pushing his bulge against your still sensitive clit ignoring the damp patch you made on his bottoms you yelped jumping away only to be dragged back down onto him he found your neck quickly suckling at it kissing and biting.

"So tell me what other little secrets does my baby girl have?" You shivered relishing in being called his baby girl he groaned rocking into you.

"Hm? You know if you don't tell daddy what you want he cant provide it,come on baby girl tell me, I want to know everything" he grunted you moaned out as he tugged his tshirt off of you leaving you bare below him.

"P-pleease please I want you" you made to wriggle your hands out of his grasp but he just pulled them to his mouth laying a delicate kiss on your palm. Whimpering you pouted at his devilish smile.

"Ah ah you should ask daddy nicely" you flushed gasping at him "I-I but you and I'm not sure-are you sure Henry I don't want to force anything if your not comfortable-" he smirked at you enjoying just how cute you was stuttering over your words, it was so unlike you normally you were blunt and to the point, his grin widened and he leant in close running his nose along the new bite mark adorning your neck before whispering hotly into your ear

"Now now baby girl this is perfect i always fantasized about you being daddies little girl, letting me take care of you..why don't you tell daddy what you want ask nicely and I might just reward you" you trembled feeling your inner walls clamp tight you let out a breathy moan still uncertain of yourself he encouraged you again

"come on baby, if you don't ask you wont get tell me.. tell daddy what you want"

"I-I want t-to play daddy please? Please play with me I'v been a good girl" he chuckled sucking your earlobe into his mouth running his teeth across it then pulled back looking you in the eye

"Good? Oh baby I dont think so" you whined at him pouting tugging on your hands grinding your his on his bulge making him hiss he just squinted stareing down at you as you argued in a high whining voice

"Yes I haaaave I left you alone when you told me tooo don't be mean" he tutted tilting his head looking at you from the top of his eyes unconvinced

"And why did daddy have to make you leave the gym hm?" You stuck out your bottom lip pouting kicking your little feet at the bed he smiled at that knowing full well you was giving into one of your fantasies, unknowingly giving him one of his he felt excitement bubble in his chest knowing that he was going to enjoy himself, brat taming it seems was something you both had in common. He struck your hip lightly making you gasp and squirm beneath him

"Don’t be such a brat" he growled out at you, his stern voice made you pause a little before you grunted at him facing away from him nose in the air.

"Im not a brat" He chuckled sitting up using his thick thighs to keep your legs spread for him releasing your hands crossing his arms at you unconvinced.

"Oh really? So you wasn't pouting down stairs? And I didn't just find you up here trying to fuck yourself silly out of spite? because daddy told you to wait? And you didn't just kick your legs at me? Hm? if you were standing I'd bet you would have stomped a tiny foot Oh no baby girl you are definitely being a little brat" you blinked at him innocently he just tilted his head at you. The reached over you grasping your small bag you gasped he wouldn't...he fucking would"No henRY- ouch!" He fixed you with a small spank to your inner thigh holding your embarrassing private bag up in one hand.

"Oh no little girl you dont say no to me.... now lets see what we have hear.... oh my I knew you had some toys stashed somewhere but baby theres quite a bit in here isn't there" he shook the bag slightly making the contents rattle a little you flushed panicking a little not wanting him to judge you, but so far he had seemed to be on board. He unzipped the bag going still at what laid inside, you cringed covering your face with your hands hiding feeling him stare at the top of your head you refused to look at him, in doing so you missed the grin that had formed as he noted what was inside.

Slowly one by one he began removing things his grin getting wider with each toy as he place them on the bed beside you, You snuck peaks at him as he pulled them out. First was a set of four pink leather cuffs with frills on each a big lobster claw on each to connect them as you see fit at the moment they was connected in a pair designed to cuff your wrists to your ankles holding your knees bent and spread they looked secure, you doubted they would actually hold you properly then was your wand vibrator a pastel blue this was followed by two more vibrators one just some rabbit ears on their own the other a red dildo that was a little larger than the one Henry had caught you with he held it up to you looking sympathetic

"Henry what are-" he gave you a heated look making you clench and whimper shrinking into your shoulders a bit.

"oh baby no wonder your so desperate when i come home...this is the biggest you have? my poor baby don't worry daddy will think of something to help you when he is away" you blushed as he spoke he gave you a smug smile then continued routing threw the bag, an o ring gag and ball gag then what you had really dreaded him seeing your new paci-gag the pink leather was decorated with small jewles here and there, it was something you'd always wanted to try and in the sale you'd thought what the hell and got one. he held the paci-gag in his hand blinking at you

"now this is very cute, but I’m not sure if we should play with this today, maybe you can ware it tomorrow for me in the gym when I’m working out" you closed your eyes groaning but at the same time you shivered in anticipation the thought of him gagging you and forcing you to sit and watch him work out was both cruel and delicious. He placed it back and unbuckled the cuffs with deft fingers stroking the soft padded insides making sure they would be soft enough running his thumb across it. Your eyes snapped open flinching as you felt him slip one around your ankle buckling it tight before slipping the top of his pinky underneath it

"Ah ah don't start young lady, its daddys turn to play and he want's to play with your new toys now stay still" you squirmed a little still uncomfortable but you let him carry on until your arms were pulled down your sides attached to your ankles knees bent high and pulled apart you quivered thrilled and frightened all in one, he sat back again admiring his work also wanting you to get used to it.....He could defiantly get used to you like this his mind already creating a shopping list... tho he wasn't sure if a sex shop was considered as essential but fuck if he wasn't going to check online to see if anything could be delivered,he was ecstatic that you was a secret baby girl and couldn't wait to treat you like one, he smiled as you tested your new bonds uncertain eyes darting back to him every so often finally you pouted a little huffing.. you didn't look impressed and he regarded you carefully

"I can't get out of 'em" he through his head back laughing loud so that was the problem? you thought you'd wriggle free and it turns out you really was at his mercy, it was clear that you thought you would be topping from the bottom Henry on the other hand had other ideas

"I think that's the point baby girl" he said running a large hands along your thighs pressing them apart slightly his heated skin warmed you casting goosebumps on your flesh you wriggled again

"I thought I could get out...but I really don't think I can" he leant over between your spread thighs meeting your lips sucking them lightly before kissing you encouraging you to open your mouth for him you did letting him in, his tongue licked at yours coaxing it out to play twisting and tasting passionately tilting his head kissing you rougher and deeper making you moan melting into him then he pulled back you tried to follow lifting your hands to catch him, to bring him back you whined trying to fight the cuffs wanting to touch him. He chuckled at that placing a hand on each thigh massaging the insides slowly kneading the muscles with his fingers.

"I think they will work perfectly don't you? I didn't do them to tight did I?" You shook your head before trying to twist your hand free again growling now realizing the down side to the small restraints you wanted to touch him, kiss lick and bite at him... especially bite in that moment when he was sitting back watching you in a smug amusement. You felt giddy with excitement just laying here spread open knowing that there really was nothing you could do to stop him made your tummy flutter feeling your clit throb erratically at the mere thought of being at his mercy. You relaxed a little you couldn't help wriggling now and then trying to free your wrists on impulse he shook his head at you.

"Oh honey your not getting out of those until I say but before we move on your word is going to be cherries you know what that means?" You blinked at him and nodded slowly he looked at you waiting for you to agree verbally

"S-safe word?" He nodded eyes lighting up knowing now that you knew more about this then you was letting on, he turned his gaze back to your half empty bag

"Now lets see what else should we play with today? I don't think we will use gags today...will make use of them tomorrow I think" He said moving the remaining items in your bag about he smiled then you watched as his hand pulled out a slim jeweled butt plug still in its packaging he quickly rid it of the bag twisting it to the light letting the gem catch the light making it flicker onto the ceiling

"Oh look princess isn't this pretty? Don’t you think it would look cute in your little bottom? I know I do and you haven't used it yet" he stated happily you squirmed pulling at your cuffs again feeling nervous

"Have you ever used one before baby girl?" he asked noting your unsure expression you shook your head a little . you had never used one before you tried to convince yourself you got it on a whim but you was actually curious he brought the slim purple plug to your pussy coating it in your arousal you flinched as he directed it down to your pucker

"D-daddy?" unconsciously trying to wiggle away making him hold you still with one hand on your tummy

"Don't worry baby I'll take care of you I promise now take a deep breath baby its ok that's it good girl, your being so good for me, my special little princess" you did as you was told on auto pilot warmth bubbled in your chest at his praise. Taking a deep breath in when he bent over your vulnerable form again this time kissing your cheek one hand between your legs tweaking your clit then rubbing your opening tracing circles with your wetness the other holding the plug firm against you he rested his head next to yours whispering

"Now out and push with your bottom good girl, so good for daddy hm?" you tried breathing slow pushing with your bottom but you hissed out your breath sharply when he pressed the plug into you stretching,you whined a little as it stung when the largest part pushed past the ring of tight muscle you tried to push it back out yelping as he pushed past finally then you felt a small popping feeling as your ass hugged the plug tightly holding it securly in your bottom

"Ah! Fuck...Oohh shit that's weird" you panted feeling full as the plug pressed against your insides in a strange pressure he kissed you again tapping the jewel on the small plug

"Such a good girl look at how pretty you are! you took that much better than I thought especially for your first time,I must warn you that I will be getting a set of these for you some will be for play like now and others will be for a naughty little girl who needs to remember to mind her daddy" you twitched moaning imagining being punished with a larger plug when he was unhappy with you

"Oh you like the idea of that I see? the idea of me putting you in the corner with a well spanked plugged bottom? even better if the pug is keeping it full of daddies cum?" gasped at the thought twitching you had no idea just where all this dirty talk was coming from but it was driving you crazy you rocked a little feeling your throbbing walls contracting left disappointed when you was left empty you winced trying not to move so much as your ass felt... strange, tight you wasn't sure clenching and unclenching you moaned tilting your hips down almost trying to escape the uncomfortable yet fulfilling stretch. You whined withering still tugging your wrists. He moved closer fingers grazing your pussy lightly tapping and flicking at your clit toying with the red sensitive bud, you arched as high as you could trying to rock into him gasping feeling the plug touch something deep with in you

"Ah! ohnonono! I don't-daddy? Whats going-ugh!" You squeezed your eyes shut at the feeling your pussy weep onto him he pinched your clit at the base before rolling it around in his fingers tightly, you cried out feeling the warmth of his skin tugging and twisting at you panting shallow breaths

"Ah oh GOD da-daddy please I'm sorry I FUCK! I didn't mean to be a brat Ple-please!"you begged squirming around as much as you could. Feeling your body shiver as your pussy wept onto the bed below wetting your ass as it ran down in a steady stream he continued toying with you building you up towards a slow but incredible climax, being so vulnerable was giving you a brand new high feeling yourself get hotter as liquid heat raced through you rocking lightly against his fingers chasing your orgasm wanting him to hurry up... you wasn’t one for edging you wanted to get this show on the road, wanting to feel him brutalize your insides with his cock whilst calling you his good girl, wanting him to choke you whilst praising you for be so sweet for him. Your thoughts were cut off as he began growling into your ear as he pushed you closer and closer to the edge

"I know.... I know baby.... you just cant help it can you? So needy and wet for me... but you should have waited for me shouldn't you? You should have waited for daddy but no you wanted to be a brat, you wanted me to find you up here with your toys Didn't you? Well what ever my princess wants she gets you want to cum?...I can tell by your little whimpers..don't worry baby daddy will make you cum heh..I'm going to make you cum until you cry and even then I might not stop, no I might just carry on and fuck you until I think you've got exactly what you deserve for being a horny little brat, fuck you until your little pink pussy is red ,sore, swollen and messy with daddies cum" You whimpered as he growled out his words and placed one thick finger at your entrance before plunging it in rubbing around your walls you yelped as he pushed down massaging the thin wall separating him from the plug wedged in your ass you bucked crying out loud widening your thighs as his large digit ran across the bulge of rubber, you cried rearing up shaking as you came over him panting trying to kick your bound legs he chuckled still knuckle deep

"Oh baby that was quick.... you know good girls say thank you we shouldn't forget our manners now should we?" you groaned feebly

"Th-thank you daddy....Thank you oh god no no more please" he tutted shaking his head a little and pulled back starting a slow rhythm finger fucking you curling down to run the tip of his finger around the plug. He slid to the side slightly trapping on of your knees between his thrusting vigorously into you using his strength to rock your body along the bed adding a second finger as he went. You grunted and yelped at him as he began moving faster scissoring the fingers stretching your still shaking muscles as he went deeper trying to massage every spot he could find. You froze tensing as he lifted his thumb rolling it around your clit in harsh strokes, your breath caught in your throat clenching and squeezing his fingers you moaned throwing your head back mouth open letting out loud lewd noises the sound of his fingers dragging in and out of you with wet slapping sounds.

"Oh god that's it baby, yes good girl are you gonna cum? Huh? you want to cum for daddy? Don’t you? Fuck that's it good girl are you ready princess daddy wants you to cum all over his fingers again baby can you do that for daddy?" You body trembled and you shook violently as you felt yourself try to grind down on him reaching your third orgasm of the night quicker than the ones before, a slight twist of his wrist was all it took hitting that soft spot inside of you making you cum screaming arching and withering below him you tried closing your leg on impulse it was too much! but the cuffs held strong making you wail as you was still held open for him unable to avoid him, he didn't let up pressing his fingers harder against your spot forcing your pussy to spasm again flooding over his fingers once more so intense it was almost painful you tightened around his fingers forcing them still enduring the longest orgasm of your life, you could barely breath through your moaning and panting.

"No nononono! I cant please I need a break PLEASE PLEASE!" He pulled his hand back showing some mercy and watched you go lax humming as your body trembled in the aftermath, dazed looking through half lidded eyes at him. You was greeted with a cheeky smile

"Oh princess that was so cute...but you did forget to say thank you I suppose I could let you off for the way you were whimpering and trying to rock onto my fingers so sweetly, heh you didn't know of you wanted more or wanted me to stop did you? tho that only makes three tonight and your not crying yet" He teased licking his lips taking in just how flushed and sated you looked. It wasn't enough. You just laid there panting trying to calm down completely exhausted, and you hadn't even had sex yet he was still just playing enjoying himself.

"I-I need a nap, or a break something fuck" he grinned showing off his prefect teeth reaching slowly for your wand

"Oh baby girl no what did I say?" You lifted your head not trusting his sly voice, your eyes widened and you wriggled desperately to get away shaking your head as he brought the wand towards your tender clit your insides still contracting from the powerful climax's he had pulled form you

"No nono daddy not yet please Im not ready-I cant daddy noOOAH!" you tried to plead with him but to no avail squealing when he flicked on the wand powerful vibrations tickled your engorged clit and labia making you tense fighting your bonds having the opposite effect as the tugging on your wrists just widened your leg revealing more of your sore clit to the offending rubber

"Ohh yes baby girl I told you your going to cum until you cry and I meant it" he growled as you screamed out, still far to sensitive to handle the torturous wand yelping when he laughed flicking it higher. Unable to hold back as another climax tore through you this time was different you felt a strong gush of wetness leave you for a second you though you'd pissed yourself but no you had infact just squirted for the first time in your life you looked at him gobsmacked weeping as one last stream of cum gushed from you making you wail twitching and rocking against the wand shaking your head vigorously embarrassed by what had happened wanting him to stop but at the same time wanting more. He pulled it away leaving you to heave deep breaths weeping quietly

"Fucking hell baby I didn't know you could do that.....again I want to see it again" he grunted looking like a man possessed caging you below him as he reattached the wand to your pussy this time rolling it in tight small circles pupils blown wide as he watched you intent on getting you to squirt a second time you withered arching and tensing your stomach clenched tight and you jolted as he flicked up another setting

"No no I cant FUCK!" You cried low and loud

"That’s it baby one more, just one more and then I will fuck you, doesn't that sound nice? I will fuck you nice and deep and full" you moaned grunting out protests biting your lip trying to keep quiet, he wasn't having that quickly moving his hand to your opening rubbing it lightly forcing you to clench you cried fat tears rolling down your face you blinked sniffling trying to arch away from him crying out in a hoarse

"Open your eyes little one...look at me that's it oh such a good girl you want it? You want to cum again for daddy?of course you do now cum!" You looked at him watching threw blurry eyes as he praised you, screeching and thrashing around as he forced that rubber band to snap again as you released again one long stream of hot cum washing over the evil toy. You panted gasping aching a tired he put the wand back in your bag. He returned between your legs tugging on your plug lightly then eased it from you, hissing sharply as it stung as it breached your pucker again he placed that back in your bag opting to wipe them down later. You whimpered tears still streaming down your face as he slowly unbuckled your wrists and ankles pulling your legs to lie flat against the bed rubbing away the ache you sighed as his hot hands massaged the ache away watching as he pulled his clothes off slowly winking at you teasing as he revealed himself to you slowly stripping down to nothing before kneeling on the bed kissing his way up from your ankle swapping legs lathering them with soothing licks and sweet kisses.

"God I love you woman, your just to perfect, I'm so proud of you love" he muttered running his hands in soothing circles on your tummy moving them down to your knees pulling you down the bed you cringed as your embarrassingly huge wet patch was now at your back. You blushed as he kissed you again slow and hot this time wrapping your arms around his neck deepening it he grunted hoisting your heat to his erection, skimming it across your slit teasingly before settling it at your opening you pulled back quivering "Fuck your so hot baby girl" you moaned at him tilting your hips trying to engulf him smiling sweetly at his gasp. Without wasting anymore time he pushed forward embedding himself fully you gasped swearing as he grit his teeth no matter how many times he fucked you open he was always amazed at how tight you was. You hissed enjoying the slight pain that always came with him.

"Sh-shit Henry fuck, that's so good hah fuck" he placed his forehead against yours closing his eyes tight locking his jaw loosing himself ,this has got to be what heaven felt like nothing could compare to your hot walls coiling tightly around him he pulled back before plowing back into you his cock rubbing across your insides teasing every nerve inside of you caressing your depths unlike any toy ever could you moaned trying to rock with him groaning in frustration when you couldn't quite match his movements, he chuckled tilting his head kissing you again sweetly before raising himself on his arms above you

"Aw baby your just to tired aren't you? stay still let me do it" you nodded balling your hands into fists hugging him feeling his back muscles work as he started a fast deep pace hitting your cervix with every thrust of his hips you mewled widening your legs lifting them high on his hips opening your eyes looking down watching as his perfect abs contracted with each brutal pound of his hips, he foĺlowed your gaze smirking smugly feeling the way your body tensed below him.

"That’s it baby look at how well your taking me, how hungry that little pussy is swallowing me whole even when it hurts" he thrust harder holding still a few seconds against your cervix making you grunt uncomfortably before he resumed his pace holding below your knees pushing them beside your torso tilting you up the new angle meant he was dragging the tip of his cock along your most sensitive spot inside of you you kicked your legs out a little squealing high as he continued to batter your insides.

"Ah oh fuck ‘Im gonna cum again, shit Henry fuck I cant stop it" he grunted loud with each thrust growling low in his chest as your pussy tried to trap him inside with all its might trying to milk him for all his worth he lost him self hanging his head fucking you harder then ever before unable to hold back as he chased his own end

"Good I don’t want you to now cum one last time NOW!. AH AH FUCK OH SHIT YES" you cried out as his hips stuttered forcing you to release around him as he fucked his cum into you, painting your insides with his seed groaning loud trying to prolong your orgasms by thrusting against your twitching walls grinding on your sore clit then gasping for breath he chuckled low making you twitch around him. Collapsing on top of you leaving open mouthed kisses and soft bites on your neck.

"I love you so much...so so much" It wasn't long before he rolled off of you knowing he was to heavy for you swapping positions holding you on top of him feeling his cum leaking from you he smiled kissing your damp hair.

"So I think its safe to say that we both enjoyed that,I never thought you’d be a baby girl tho, but the signs were all there I should have known the way you keep yourself fully bare, your lama teddy on the bed, don't think I haven't caught you cuddling them and your collection of cute oneies, it all makes sens" you grunted softly going a little red

"Y-you don't think its weird do you?"

"I think its just about the sexiest thing I've ever fantasized about, now that I've fucked my very own baby girl I don't see my self stopping anytime soon. What else are you into, ever thought of pet play always wanted to try that." You lifted your head shocked

"Really? You don't think I’m a freak?" He laughed hugging you tight kissing your head

"No not at all in case you didn't notice I may have a slight daddy kink and size kink and spanking kink fuck I just about want to try everything with you, now like I was saying pet play? Yes or no?" You blushed pulling away from him opening your bed side draw his jaw dropped when you showed him your fluffy kitty ear hair clips and small choker with a bell on it. He smiled wide before pouncing on you pinning you beneath him kissing you

"Fuck my very own sex kitten, here all this time? You sneaky little girl what else have you been hiding?" You giggled at him shrugging

"Nothing that's it, I-I like other things to but haven't got anything for it. I thought you'd be put off so I couldn't risk you finding it and didn't want to talk about it I was embarrassed." He tilted his head at you

"There’s nothing to be embarrassed about love, you enjoy kinky sex so what your not the only one I do to, I enjoy dominating my partner pet play daddy kink, slave and master you name it anything like that, anything where Im in control, I love being bigger and stronger than you being able to just man handle you." you tilted your head a little

"Soo roleplay? like teacher student or boss and sectary....in the study or something.... and maybe spanking me when I'm bad? I mean just saying now you can spank me anytime" you twiddled your thumbs as you asked blushing letting out a few more of your fantasies

"Defiantly all of the above but I think you may regret telling me I can put you over my knee when you deserve it..but no being naughty just to get one you hear me little girl? you don't have to bad be to get a spanking if you want one you can just ask.... but in all honestly one of my biggest kinks is squirting I found that embarrassing but when you did....oh fuck knowing I did that to you I couldn't get enough, just wanted to see it again and again.... but honestly my most embarrassing kink is well... I've always...shit this is quite difficult actually" he stuttered rolling off of you sitting up smoothing over his hair you sat up placing the ears and collar on the bed before placing a hand on his thigh.

"You can tell me, we can try anything once to see if it fits us both" you encouraged lightly he sighed blushing a little before continuing.

"well I've always kind of wanted to fuck someone in character" you blinked at him slowly not really seeing the problem

"Hold on... you mean to tell me that I've fantasied about getting railed by August walker and all I had to do was ask? How fucking dare you keep that from me you little shit" you scolded slapping his chest lightly his face was comical it was very rare to catch him off guard but by the look of shock on his face you knew you'd done just that.

"S-seriously? You wont mind doing that? you wont find it strange or anything?" You scoffed

"Fuck no, why the hell do you think I'm on tumblr?! ninety percent of the time Im reading about you in some way shape or form. I do have two conditions tho ,first you can fuck me in what ever character you want when ever you want just give me a little heads up so I know if I'm dealing with a scary Marshall or sweet Clark and two when you finish filming witcher get your ass home as Geralt and fuck the living day lights out of me deal?" You held out a hand he looked at it then saluted"Yes mam" before throwing himself at you

"GOD I knew you was the one for me" you squealed giggling as he tickled you with kisses soon you both got up stripping the damp bed you blushed seeing just how much mess you had made

"Don’t worry babe I will get some towels specifically for this type of thing, maybe microfiber they might not chafe when I’m fucking you, after all now I know your a little squirter its my new goal in sex, orgasms are good but I wont be happy until you’ve gushed all over our bed, hell I’m gonna find a way to make you squirt on my cock" you groaned covering your hot cheeks making him laugh.

"Lets not and say we did?" You answered he shook his head lowering his face to your ear grunting into it

"Well kitten we have got twelve weeks together lets not waste them might as well learn a few new tricks any way where did you get all of that stuff?" You groaned smiling as you got up again ready to tidy up.

"Bondara I think"

"Are they still delivering through this pandemic" you pulled on Henry's tshirt bundling the sheets in the laundry basket

"I’m not sure I will have to check-hey what are you doing?" you quickly stepped up behind him as he sat on your tablet going on to bondara

"Holy shit they are!? ok babe lets do this so plugs, yep oh look this set has heart jewels on them add to cart... oh here look if I spend forty five pounds I get a free dildo worth one hundred pounds now lets see paddles oh I wonder if they have that clone a willy kit that would be good for you when I’m away..... what type of paddle to you want babe? never mind it doesn't matter you wont like it anyway it will be for when your naughty anyway" you froze watching as an amused Henry sat on the bed happily scrolling through the site maybe this quarantine shit wont be so bad after all.

#henry cavill x reader #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fic #henry cavill smut #henry cavill #quarantine writing

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dontshootmespence · 4 years ago

Text

Through It All

Part 31

Summary: Now married, Spencer & Y/N navigate the D/s lifestyle. How will their relationship change?

Words: 1,469

Warnings: Exhibitionism, p in v.

A/N: The next entry for @cm-kinkbingo run by my beautiful girlfriend @heycasbutt. This fulfills my sex in a car square.

Somehow, Morgan and Blake are already two months old. They recognize your faces now, their gazes trailing yours and Spencer’s movements. Colors are starting to get more cemented in their view. They get bigger and bigger each day. It’s astounding how quickly they grow. But man do you need a break.

Spencer’s orchestrated it yet again, inviting his mother and your parents over to the apartment to watch the kids. Your parents have met Blake and Morgan before, but it’s Diana’s first time and she’s in awe. “I know they can’t technically look like you, but they have your eyes,” Diana laughs. “When you get home will we be able to spend a little time together before I go back?”

“Absolutely,” he says, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Her medication is stable but he still sees twinges of her losing her memory, so even though he knows you’ll both be tired after your little day away, he assures her they’ll have dinner together before he drives her back. “We’ll be back tomorrow night, okay? For now, bask in the babies.”

“Oh, I will,” she coos.

---

As soon as you get in the car, you ask Spencer where you’re going, but he refuses to let you in on his little secret. He just assures you that it’s going to be a fun time and allows you to drift off to sleep in the passenger side seat.

A little over three hours pass before a bump in the road wakes you up. It’s probably the most peaceful sleep you’ve had since the twins came home. “Are we near Virginia Beach?”

“Yup. I know you said you used to go when you were a kid, so I figured you’d enjoy going back.”

You practically start to cry. “When the babies are older we should bring the whole family here.”

Spencer reaches over with his free hand and slips his fingers in yours. “Family. Never thought I’d have that.”

When you look over, you see his eyes wet with tears. “I know, but you do. It’s real. We’re real.”

“That we are,” he smiles.

---

After sunset, you pull into the hotel parking lot. It doesn’t look like a normal hotel. It’s not a Hilton or a Marriott. It’s a smaller-in-comparison place called The Tapestry that looks like a small winery. Rain-worn wood and white-trimmed windows. And it’s just a short drive to the beach so right after checking in you get back into the car and make the drive.

Most people are leaving because the sun has already set but instead you allow the gentle lapping waves to beckon you toward the shore. You sigh as Spencer cracks open the front windows and turns off the ignition. Though the waves are soft, no white caps indicative of an incoming storm, the second the world goes quiet around you, the sound of the ocean begins to almost purr, lulling you into contemplative relaxation. “Wanna cuddle in the backseat?” You ask hopefully.

Spencer is all limbs and smiles as he fumbles his way into the back of the car before holding his arms out to welcome you into his embrace. Even though you aren’t standing up, you somehow trip into him, smashing your face into his chest which causes you both to lose your breath in a fit of laughter. “This was necessary,” Spencer sighs.

With lithe fingers, he strokes up and down your arm, fingernail grazing your skin just so, sending shivers down your spine. Gentle or firm, his touch drives you crazy and suddenly a dirty thought enters your mind. “Sir?”

Immediately, you feel him stir. “Yes, love?”

“You never got to do any impulsive teenage things like have sex in the backseat of a car?” You give him a big, shining smile, knowing the answer and how the idea will roll around in his head.

Spencer takes a quick glance around before replying, his hands skimming under the hem of your shirt as he does. “No, too busy with school. Help me?”

Without a thought to who might see, you slip your shirt up over your head and throw it on the floor next to you, before dipping your lips to his neck to trail along behind his ear. He shivers and gathers you close, breathing heavily into your ear.

Reaching between you, you unzip his jeans. He sits up ever so slightly to allow you to push his pants down below his knees before sitting down again. When he grasps your waist and pulls your sex flush with him, you grind slowly against his cock, losing yourself in how quickly and easily you affect him.

Spencer bits down on your ear as you line his cock against your entrance, sliding down with ease, the mix of pleasure and pain shooting straight through you. “As most teenagers, I’m probably going to shoot off like a bottle rocket,” Spencer says, laughing into your mouth, his hips thrusting upward of their own accord.

“Me too, it’s okay.” You’ve had sex in front of a room full of people before and yet the idea of getting caught is revving you up in ways you hadn’t thought possible. Out the back window, you’re keeping an eye out for incoming headlights. “I think someone’s coming.”

Spencer grabs your face and tongues at your mouth. “I don’t care. Let them see.”

You laugh and begin to swirl your hips in figure eights just as the car pulls up a few spots away. Thankfully, it’s not a cop, it’s only a horrified older couple that quickly backs up and drives away upon seeing you. Laughing, you throw your head back and caress your breasts, offering them to Spencer as he latches on. “I think you liked that a little too much,” he teases.

“Not me,” you say playfully, whimpering as he nips at your taut peaks. “Why would I like that?”

“Because you’re my little slut,” he replies. With both hands, he grasps your hips and holds you in place as he thrusts upward with no abandon, crying out your name as you tighten around him, shaking. Spencer rakes his fingernails up your back as your trembling subsides. “Why don’t we do this more often?”

“What? Exhibitionism?”

“Yea,” he laughs, kissing along your collarbone.

“I don’t know, but I suggest we do more of it. How about a movie theater? We’ll go to one we know won’t be packed, sit in the back and try to get each other off while being as quiet as possible.”

“You’re so kinky,” he says, pulling you in for a kiss.

“Just one of the many reasons you married me.”

Disentangling yourselves, you both redress as much as possible and drive back to the hotel, quickly stumbling into your room where the clothes once again fly.

---

The next morning, you lazily make love in the shower before going to grab breakfast. He brings you to the same restaurant you used to go to as a child, reveling in the big buffet and stuffing yourself full. “What’s next?” You ask happily, practically jumping up and down. Not that you aren’t still young, but having children puts your life in a different perspective. Having this time to breathe allows you to just be again, filling you with childlike joy.

Spencer reenacts your trips with your family step-by-step, first taking you to the Virginia Aquarium. You’d always loved watching the sea turtles, so you sit there for nearly two hours, in silence, with Spencer’s arm wrapped around you.

The entire day is planned. He takes you to lunch and then for a walk through the state park before driving you to the Norfolk Botanical Gardens. As you glide along the path hand-in-hand, Spencer leads you through a maze of colorful flowers, butterflies fluttering delicately all around you until you reach a gazebo practically crawling with red roses.

Underneath the sprawling ivy and red roses, Spencer gathers you close and pulls out a smallish velvet box, definitely not a ring, but something sparkly. “You proposing again?” You laugh.

All he does is smile.

When you open the box, the gleaming metal catches the sun’s rays and brings attention to the heart lock. It’s sterling silver with rose-gold accents and has a key sitting just beside the heart. Spencer steps closer, slipping the bracelet out of its box and around your wrist. “With three babies, I know life is hectic and we don’t always get to do the things we used to do, so I bought this. Every time you look at it, I want you to take comfort in knowing that you’ll always be mine.”

As your eyes fill with tears, you pull him into a heated kiss, only breaking away when you hear someone else approaching. “Thank you, Sir. I’m where I’m meant to be.”

@heycasbutt @ultrarebelheart @katherineisagubler @proud-slytherin-ghost @randomwriter23 @fandom-queen67 @sixx-sic-sixx @xqueenofthecraziesx @aofay02 @groovyreid @criesinreid @jdougl-love @xreider @cringeemospntrashassbutt @prettyboyeffect @prettyboyreid @themanip @spencerreidsthings @augustgraceful @whollytaciturn @prisonreid @factualfic @jasmine-negron @snitchthewitch @ellabobella051419 @crazyforsstuff @kaatelyyynn @jane-dough @dreatine @bitter-post-millennial @adlerorzel-blog @hallieedrew @psychedelephantt @krisymccall996 @4ueijos @mclaujac @ray-likes-starwars @nurseemilyblog @slightlyvicked @she4567 @guesswhosback129 @princessdolan @happycreatorfangirl @fallwhisper @nyemadowell @sammy-jo1977 @sin-bin-and-tragedies @imsuperawkward @ahhahahaheehee @crispygiantsaladgarden @reputay-swift @pizzarollsfordayz @andiebeaword @timey-wimey-lovi @garbagecanfics @friedparadisetale @dereksbetaa @idontevenknow2 @holyfishloverfarm @nohemi2500 @typeshitbih @sadgirlhan @kmc217 @bigbuttsowhatuniverse @charmedfandomgal @im--blushing @dangerouspersonllamabagel @fichoe21 @yes-sir-hotchner @thefandomallrounder @mrsenos08 @walkerchick007 @letsdisneythings @winchesterqueenie @specialagentleigh @spn-wheresthepie @haileymew @bitchyoulied @geniusgub @urdicksmol @6lack6erry @slutlanna976 @downondilaudid @baileysb1tch @la-vie-en-amour1 @letsdoit-tomorrow @eideticprettyboydrreid @lazynoodledragon @shybaby231 @aimzonicles97 @grace-superpowers @softestlavender @ssa-dr-ladylock @drprettyboy @patricks-fabulous-face @tearosaria @shxdowofdarkness @marvels-gurl @gublergirls

#through it all #the most natural thing in the world #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #dontshootmespence

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5typesoftrash · 3 years ago

Text

warning: this is going to be a long post. transphobia and bigotry under the cut

I am posting this rebuttal of a person who got (hilariously) angry at someone who Does Not Care (me) and wrote an entire-ass essay on this post because apparently this is how I spend my time. Defending my identity which does not need to be defended because it is immutable from transphobic trolls who won’t even see it cause they’re blocked from this account.

Anyway. Be careful looking under the cut.

TERFs, gender-crits, radical feminists, transmeds, nb-exclus, anti-mogai, and anyone else whose ideology promotes transphobia and/or trans erasure, please kindly do not fucking touch this post. I am not kidding when I say that I will report you all to tumblr for hate speech if it takes me all fucking night.

Image Description

Two screenshots of a reblog from tumblr user homosexual-means-gay. The post reads:

please tell me how literally every single gay man being repulsed by ppl with vaginas hurts you! tell us why it’s a problem gay ppl aren’t attracted to the opposite sex like straight and bi ppl are!

homosexuality isn’t a political movement it’s a regular natural innate sexuality. gay men aren’t attracted to biological females and it hurts gay ppl when you side with conversion therapists and it hurts bisexual ppl who actually are attracted to both sexes when you erase them for your homophobic agenda. you’re not a victim. you’re happy to eliminate homosexuality from existence as long as you’re able to reinforce heteronormative gender roles the gay community has always opposed. your bigotry harms trans homosexuals too, not that you transhets care about the gay trans ppl either.

erased from history? you want gay ppl correctively raped out of existence bc you love socially constructed gender roles more than human rights. you deserve all the hate you put out into the world. im sorry our innate orientation and culture prove how flimsy and useless the gender roles you define yourself by are, but homophobia will not improve your self esteem. you’re driving away ppl who would be happy to support your made up identity by attacking how we were born same sex attracted. sorry you can’t relate bc you’re straight. sorry you think you can use your privilege against us. but it’s not something we’re doing to you. it’s not something we can change and it’s not something we want to change. there’s never been a gay man in existence who likes pussy, not even the gay trans women like marsha p johnson and sylvia rivera. you’re a sad little straight girl alienating all potential allies.

hurting us doesn’t validate you. it doesn’t hurt you that no gay man will ever like pussy.

End ID

(If someone wants to do a better ID that’s fine, I just wanted to put everyone on an equal playing field when it comes to understanding the content of this post.)

I’m going to go line-by-line and refute every single bullshit thing this person said.

> please tell me how literally every single gay man being repulsed by ppl with vaginas hurts you!

factoid actually just statistical error. TERF Tommy, who has committed multiple transphobic hate crimes, is an outlier and should not have been counted. I know many cis gay men who are attracted to trans men because they are MEN, not because of the genitalia they have. And I know you want to say ‘that makes them bi’, but no, it doesn’t. You want to accuse me of homophobia? Telling another gay person that their identity is invalid just because they express it in a different way than you do is literal homophobia.

> tell us why it’s a problem gay ppl aren’t attracted to the opposite sex like straight and bi ppl are!

because... some are? And you don’t speak for the entire gay community? Especially not the other side of it, for the opposite binary gender than yours.

> homosexuality isn’t a political movement it’s a regular natural innate sexuality.

and transness isn’t a political movement either, it is a regular natural and innate gender identity. You know that gender identity is inherent, right? When people say ‘gender is a social construct’ all that means is that it is not a natural thing. Humans created the concept of gender and assigned value to it based on what we could perceive as a means of giving order to the world around us. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t important and it doesn’t mean that there aren’t parts of it that are inherent to individuals.

> gay men aren’t attracted to biological females and it hurts gay ppl when you side with conversion therapists and it hurts bisexual ppl who actually are attracted to both sexes when you erase them for your homophobic agenda.

I’m sorry this is literally incoherent. To reiterate: some gay men ARE attracted to assigned females. Yes, siding with conversion therapists hurts gay people. No, I am not siding with conversion therapists. I have never once stated -- in fact, the entire point of my post was the opposite of this -- that anyone should EVER have sexual interactions with a person they don’t want to. Even if the reason for that is because they have a genital preference, which is NOT the same thing as a sexuality.

(I know I’ve been over this before but here it is again. A sexuality is a measure of what GENDER/S you want to have sex with. A genital preference is a measure of what genitalia you are willing to get all up close and personal with. Both are innate, one can be manipulated. They are not the same thing.)

Hurting bisexual people... hey, fellow bis, am I hurting you by *checks notes* existing in time and space?

> you’re not a victim. you’re happy to eliminate homosexuality from existence as long as you’re able to reinforce heteronormative gender roles the gay community has always opposed.

I am literally A GAY PERSON. Even by YOUR MEASURE I am a victim. And I do NOT want to eliminate homosexuality, I just want people to acknowledge that language evolves and definitions can change as our society does. Also, have you ever met a trans person in real life? Because like 80% of all the trans people I’ve ever known have been gender non-conforming, so like. That invalidates that point. The trans community opposes gender roles as well.

> your bigotry harms trans homosexuals too, not that you transhets care about the gay trans ppl either.

Please point to where it says I’m straight. Please. I want to see it.

> erased from history? you want gay ppl correctively raped out of existence bc you love socially constructed gender roles more than human rights.

At this point I’m just repeating myself. Please see the above points for rebuttal.

> you deserve all the hate you put out into the world. im sorry our innate orientation and culture prove how flimsy and useless the gender roles you define yourself by are, but homophobia will not improve your self esteem.

Says the person berating a minor for *flips notecard over* agreeing with them that people shouldn’t be forced into sex. I’m sorry that you’re so hurt and angry that you have to push your pain onto other people just to feel better. I genuinely am. It makes me so sad to see how much some people are hurting. But I won’t just sit and take this kind of verbal abuse. I don’t deserve it, quite frankly.

> you’re driving away ppl who would be happy to support your made up identity by attacking how we were born same sex attracted.

I doubt anyone calling it a made-up identity wants to actually support me. Next.

> sorry you can’t relate bc you’re straight. sorry you think you can use your privilege against us. but it’s not something we’re doing to you. it’s not something we can change and it’s not something we want to change.

Again. I am not straight. I do not have any straight privilege to use against anyone. Even if I was cis I still wouldn’t be straight because I’m aroace and attracted to anyone and everyone. My gender identity isn’t something that I can change, either. And even if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t want to. I love being a man, and I love being a trans man.

> there’s never been a gay man in existence who likes pussy, not even the gay trans women like marsha p johnson and sylvia rivera.

I’m sorry, WHAT. Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera can’t be both gay men and trans lesbians. Which one are they? You gotta pick, babe.

> you’re a sad little straight girl alienating all potential allies. hurting us doesn’t validate you. it doesn’t hurt you that no gay man will ever like pussy.

So am I a transhet or am I a straight girl? Also I’m not sad, I’m quite happy with where I’m at in my life. I do not feel validated by hurting anyone, because I don’t enjoy pain. I’m not masochistic or emotionless, I am in fact hyperempathetic due to my autism, and I don’t like it when anyone is hurt. This can be evidenced by this post here where I wish well upon a group of people who have directly hatecrimed me in the past.

I will repeat that. I have literal trauma from physical violence as a result of the actions of this group of people, and I am still wishing them good things.

Nor does it hurt me that ‘no gay man will ever like [AFAB genitalia]’ because this isn’t even a true statement. As I have mentioned previously, I know personally multiple gay men who are attracted to trans men. And reader, please note the fact that this person uses a slang term, a deliberately vulgar one, where in my original post I used the medical term ‘vagina’.

Hope this clears some things up.

TERFs, gender-crits, radical feminists, transmeds, nb-exclus, anti-mogai, and anyone else whose ideology promotes transphobia and/or trans erasure, please kindly STILL do not clown on this post. I am once again not kidding when I say that I will report you all to tumblr for hate speech if it takes me all fucking night.

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aries-writingblog · 4 years ago

Text

Atlas (4)

Summary: After years of being imprisoned on the Raft, Tony negotiates freedom for his sister Tessa. When she’s free- so is her past, and it will never stop hunting her.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OC(Stark)

Chapter Word count: 1939

Warnings: PTSD (subtle ish), trauma, torture (in later parts), suicidal behaviors and thoughts, mentions of death, character death, injury, violence, angst, and a lil bit of fluff in there

Disclaimer: Atlas is my own, original work with characters belonging to Marvel (except Tessa and Dr. Clifton). Plagiarism is not cool kids.

A/N: this is my first work Im posting to this platform and I’m really excited and nervous about it. Hope you enjoy- constructive criticism is always helpful as well!!

Tony stared at the screen, wondering why he was God’s choice of boxing partners. He had been decoding the intel all night, only becoming increasingly concerned as the data rolled through. There was a surplus of data that encrypted with the title ‘Project Maelstrom’. From what he could tell, it was centered around Tessa. The head of the project was a Dr. J.R. Clifton- the one who was dicking around with things he didn’t understand and caused his baby sister a lot of pain.

What Project Maelstrom seemed to have as a goal was to create more of her. This time on purpose. There were samples of her blood that were torn apart. X rays and documents of medical visits labelled T. Stark. There was even detailed descriptions of the only two missions Tessa had been sent on before she was thrown in the Raft.

Tony would admit- he was curious, burning with the need to read every detail of why she was locked away. Tessa wouldn’t tell him. Ever. And the army never gave a clear reason, just that she was a danger and her whole squad had been killed on a mission. Nothing more, nothing less. When Tony threatened them with a lawsuit, he was told that Tessa would get the death penalty if it went to court. So, he had to play nice.

Instead, he called a meeting at the ass crack of dawn to decide how to play this. He was slightly wary of breaking the news to Tessa, as it was all based around her and her powers, but he figured if he had enough fire extinguishers on hand, everything would be fine. As long as she was contained on one floor. To one room. Maybe we should meet on the roof.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“So... what’s the move?” Tony asked, hesitantly. He was trying to gauge reactions around the room, mostly focused on Tessa. She seemed to lock down as soon as he mentioned the mission reports. She wasn’t surprised or fazed by much of the other intel.

Bucky had also instantly switched his attention from Tony to Tessa as it was brought up. She hadn’t spoken to him since the incident in her room- three days ago. She remained on her floor, although Wanda had convinced her to come down to eat with her, Steve and Vision every day at lunch. Wanda seemed to have that persuasion on her.

He noticed her clam up, keeping her eyes low while Steve began to form a plan, with the help of Natasha and Tony. Bruce was sifting through the medical records produced from the intel, gleaning information to research his own. He had been curious about Tessa’s enhancement but the woman wouldn’t let him near her with any medical or scientific equipment. So, he agreed to wait until she was ready for it.

“What about the mission reports, what do they say?” Steve asked, reaching for the papers. Tessa immediately leapt up, snatching the papers before he could reach them. She looked down at them, seemingly trying to confirm her suspicions before lighting them on fire, letting the ash fall at her feet. She swallowed harshly, meeting Steve’s shocked eyes.

“There’s nothing important in them.” She snapped, dropping the last of the papers. She turned to Tony, anger in her stance. “Did you make more copies of those?” He blinked and shook his head.

“There’s the original on the drive Wilson brought back.” He answered, already aware of what she would ask him to do next.

“Delete it.” She hissed, spinning on her heel and stomping out of the room. Tony nodded, even though she had already slammed the door shut.

“Anyone want to check on her?” Tony offered. There was a hesitance in the way Bucky stood up, pushing his chair back. Tony’s eyes narrowed and zeroed in on the hulking mass of a man. “Anyone else- cause, not to be petty but he’s already killed the rest of my family and I’d like to keep what I have left around for a while.”

Bucky’s expression didn’t alter but he felt the sting of the comment. Nevertheless, he sat back down, pulling his chair in, clasping his hands on the table and keeping his gaze on them.

“Tony...” Steve chided, anger and self righteous indignation in his tone. Tony rolled his eyes before turning back to the papers. None of them could refute the obvious. Everyone was aware of the obvious- the Winter Soldier responsible for the death of the Starks- and they were aware of Tony’s less than forgiving attitude toward the recovering soldier himself.

“Whatever- just let her go, maybe she’ll blow up the top floor and set fire to my belongings.” He responded, grumbling as he began the presentation again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Days later, Tessa was still being temperamental. Bucky had not spoken to her, Tony had been locked out of her apartment. The only ones she let in were Sam and Wanda. Sam attempted to soothe her, trying to help her make sense of her head and emotions. Wanda ensured she was eating regularly and trying to help her make sense of her powers. She knew a thing or two about out of control enhancements.

Bucky had been upset, moping around his shared apartment mostly because he was unable to talk to the person he had feelings for. The one person who he felt actually wanted him around. Steve took notice after the umpteenth sigh and ensured him that he would try to set it up for him.

“What’s that supposed to mean, jackass?” Bucky’s nose scrunched up and a wrinkle presented itself on his forehead. Steve rolled his eyes and tossed his paper to the table.

“I mean, on the mission. I’ll make you two partners. Someone has to be responsible for her, a guardian when she’s on the field, and you two got... close.” Steve began folding towels, turning his back to his roommate. Bucky blinked twice before snorting. Steve turned back around to see him pouting. “Oh- what is it, you’ve been moping around for days now- what happened between you and Tessa that’s got your panties in a twist?”

“First off- what the fuck my guy?” Bucky’s hands flicked toward him before resting on the table he sat at. “And second, it’s none of your business.”

Steve almost called bullshit. He could see that Bucky was bursting at the seams, almost exploding with his problem. The guy was the best at sneaking around to find intel or perform his espionage but ask him about a girl he had a crush on and the man would spill like a can on a car. Steve knew just what to say to get him to talk- it would only take him asking once more and Bucky would spill his guts.

“Okay... all I’m saying is that you two were helping each other. The progress you made when you started hanging out was phenomenal- exponential almost.” Steve commented, nonchalantly and kept folding his towels. Only a few more seconds now and...

“She doesn’t sleep well.” Bucky started. Steve mentally congratulated himself on being able to manipulate Bucky into talking- the same way Bucky was able to manipulate Steve into doing his share of chores. “And so I’d see her in the kitchen at night when I couldn’t sleep and we started talking. Then she gave me her dog tags, because I said I never got mine back. And my heart exploded. Steve- I’d never thought I’d feel like this again. I just want to make her happy- I want to see her smile and I want to be around her- I want to talk to her.”

Steve knew the importance of the relationship when Bucky stressed that point. Bucky never went out of his way to join a conversation or even speak to someone. It always had to be initiated by the other party and even then it was one sided. Bucky hated talking to other people. So to actually want to talk to her... Steve felt that progress was being made.

“And then, after the mission... she let me touch her.” Bucky sat back in his chair, remembering how he held her tightly. Remembering how she latched to him, like her was her life line. In a way, he was in that moment. “She let me comfort her and hold her... then she fell asleep and had a nightmare and set my shirt on fire.” Steve’s eyes widened as he whirled around to face him. Bucky was quick to defend her. “It was an accident- she apologized but... I think it hit too close to home for her. She kicked me out and she hasn’t spoken to me in days. What am I supposed to do now? I’ve grown so close to her and now... she won’t even look my way. I thought she had the same feelings but, maybe I was just caught up in my emotions, remembering what it felt like to have feelings for a woman.”

“I don’t think it’s that, Buck.” Steve assured him. He’d seen the glances Tessa gave him. She’d greet him with a ‘good morning’ and already have his coffee mug down with coffee in it. “Maybe she’s just scared. She doesn’t have a good control over her powers and she set you on fire. She just needs time, you both need to be patient with the other. It’s not gonna be easy.”

“I know that... I just- I want to jump straight into this feeling but she’s holding back... and I don’t know how to help her.” Bucky muttered. Steve had seen this before- granted it wasn’t the same reason. It was when they were teenagers and a senior girl had been stringing Bucky along because he was the best looking in the sophomore class. Poor Bucky actually had feelings for the girl but she was just trying to prove a point to her friends. But he knew Tessa was holding back for a different reason. A selfless reason.

“Just try and understand her side. If she gives you the chance, explain how you feel.” Steve couldn’t believe that he was giving Bucky girl advice. It used to be so different went they were younger. “Maybe flowers- buy her flowers to show that you’re not pissed about catching fire.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Everyone suited up?" Tony asked, tossing his glasses onto the seat beside his iron man armor. Steve and Natasha were sitting in the pilot seats, switching buttons and levers, preparing for takeoff. Sam was doing last minute repair work on Redwing, while Bucky sat beside him trying to hold back on jamming his finger directly into Redwing’s circuit board- just to annoy Sam. Wanda and Vision were sitting together reading a book they had borrowed from Laura the last time they had visited Clint. Bruce decided to stay behind, as he usually did. Tessa was the last one on the jet, taking a seat in the far back, hooking herself in and just sitting quietly.

Everyone gave Tony a response- whether it be a grunt, nod, or a ‘fuck off, mom’ from several of the passengers. Tony spared a glance back to Tessa when he didn’t hear a response from her. She was wearing the design he’d made for her. Completely fire proof, black tactical pants with a long sleeved black spandex shirt and black combat boots. She wore a Kevlar vest over the top. She was also decked out in weapons- knives in her belt and boots, a hand gun on each hip and an AR- 15 sitting by her side. He’d wanted to go for the dramatic but Tessa practically cussed him out when she saw his first idea.

“Hey, kiddo.” Tony scooted in beside her, bumping hips as he buckled his harness in. Natasha had announced take off in two minutes so he settled in beside his loving sister for a pep talk. “How you feeling?”

“Did you read those reports?” Tessa questioned, forgoing formalities and small talk. Her dark eyes landed on his face, worry and irritation building up in her brows.

“No, I didn’t. I wanted to because you never talk about it but I didn’t.” Tony sighed as Tessa relaxed slightly into her seat. “I just want to be here for you and you don’t make that easy when you hide things from me.”

“If it makes you feel better I also lie to my therapist.” Tessa cocked her head to the side.

“Well that I can understand.” Tony scoffed, gently elbowing her. Tessa smiled, looking down at her fingers, playing with a string on her fingerless gloves. “I love you, you know that right?” She nodded. “Good. So, just keep your cool this mission, alright? Don’t be afraid of your powers. Don’t be afraid that you’re putting us in danger. We can handle ourselves. And you’re paired with Barnes so just... keep your head down and follow his orders- even though I’d personally like to jab his eyes out.”

“He’s a perfectly nice guy.” Tessa muttered quietly.

“That murdered your parents.” Tony pressured, trying his best to not throw himself into a tirade. “He’s responsible for so much death and destruction-“

“Well so am I...” Tessa shot a glance at Tony, shutting him up instantly. It was the first time she had ever admitted it to him. “He isn’t the only one here with blood on his hands- the whole team is morally grey when it comes to the lives saved and taken. Besides, he wasn’t in his right mind... he’s a good guy.”

Tony could see it- the light blush on her neck and ears. He felt a pit forming in his stomach- she wasn’t falling for the guy, was she? There was so much he didn’t know about his sister from the past six years. That made him feel even worse. She had gone through so much, too much for someone her age to deal with and she wouldn’t even talk about it. So why wouldn’t she fall in love with the first person that actually listened to her- that made time for her.

“Tell you what-“ Tony told her, unsnapping the buckles and standing up. “After this mission- we go to that pizza place you and your friends used to terrorize in high school. Just the two of us. Catch up on everything we’ve missed.” Tessa looked up, meeting his eyes. The dark brown eyes of Howard Stark, passed down to both of his children.

“Sounds nice, Tony.” She agreed. “Stopping for doughnuts on fifth?”

“As many as you want.”

“It’s a deal.”

#james barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x oc #bucky x oc

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littlebitoffanfic · 5 years ago

Text

Playing The Part

Fandom: The Hills Have Eyes Characters: Lizard, others mentioned Relationship: Lizard/reader Request: Hm, maybe following the typical she was kept from one of their wrecks, and being trapped. Maybe she had some sort of skill that provided something to the village, or she was one of the few to have a successful delivery and was kept alive? I'm not sure. Yes, but like full textbook Stockholm Syndrome. He would kill her if she weren't needed and convenient to him, and she starts to cling to his rare moments of tenderness thinking he loves her maybe? A.N: im have some ideas for a part two as well.

You couldn’t pinpoint the moment that you fell completely into the role you were playing. You couldn’t tell when your feelings went from pretend to real or when you genuinely started to believe that you really wanted this life. That you really wanted him. In that start, it was a game of survival. You played your part well, so well that even you began to believe it. You couldn’t remember much between standing at the gas station talking to the old owner to waking up in a dark room, your ankle tied to the bed.

---------------- flashback ----------------------

You were awaken by a pain in your head. The world around you felt like it was spinning and, for a moment, you thought you were just waking up from a bad night of drinking. But nothing felt the same. The bed was uncomfortable, the smell unpleasant and your skin felt grotty and dirty. Lulling your head to the side, you blinked, trying to focus your eyes. The room you were in was dull, with only the tattered old bed with no bedding on it which your ankles were bound to, a dresser unit and closet in the corner. You had little time to take in your surroundings as you heard heavy footsteps coming from the other side of the door. It swung open to reveal a large man who you later found out was called Pluto, followed by a skinner, smaller man, Lizard. Both were deformed, making you wince a little when you first saw them. Lizard stood at the door, waiting impatiently as Pluto unbound your legs. “C’mon.” Lizard snarled at Pluto, who huffed, pulling you to your feet and pushing you out of the room. You stumbled, barely able to comprehend what had happened as you were roughly guided through the hallway and down some stairs. At the bottom was a young looking girl, Ruby, watching you with wide eyes. Lizard pushed you down the last few steps, making you nearly fall into her. Pluto, protecting her, grabbed your arm and hauled you into the living area, where you met Jupiter. “First things first, we will kill you if you don’t do as we say, so don’t think of runnin’ or trying to fight us.” Jupitar grumbled as he, like the other two, towered over you. Nodding your head, you confirmed that you wouldn’t rebel. “Good. Look, we aint gonna hurt you if you’re useful.” Jupiter sat down on the edge of a chair, watching you carefully. Both Pluto and Lizard stood behind you, in an intimidating fashion. “How, how can I be useful?” you asked, your throat so dry that you had to start again. “Heard you’re good with cars. Got limited transport out here so we gotta keep on top of the cars we have. But the new ones are provin’ harder for us to fix. Plus, some medical knowledge would certainly be handy.” His eyes darted to Pluto, who you had noticed had a nasty infection in his eyes with a lot of puss. You assumed by the way his face and skull looked that he was deformed, but seemed to have a bit more swelling than normal. “How do…” you trailed off as you suddenly remembered the gas station owner. You had spoken to him for a bit and you told him about your medical background as well as your interest in cars. You had laughed with him, making a remark that a body is just a machine and can be fixed most of the time. Somehow, he was part of this. Somehow, he had told them about you and, somehow, that had kept you alive. “The human body is just like a car. It can be fixed if you know what you’re doing.” You nod to yourself, suddenly understanding exactly why you were here. Why you hadn’t been slaughtered. A voice whispered in the back of your mind. ‘play the part’. Keep yourself alive, play the role they want you to for now.

------------

And so you had. You had played your part well. So well that you had somehow managed to fool even yourself. As you fought to earn trust from each of the family, you found a sense of joy when you realized it was working. Pluto and Ruby had been the easiest since you had spent the most time with them at the start. You cleaned up Plutos right eye, ridding the infection and allowing him to see slightly out of it. At first, his size and stature had intimidated you the most, but you quickly realized that he was a gentle giant, only looking out for his family. Ruby followed you wherever you went, with strict orders to report if you escaped. But you ended up watching out for her more often than not. Like when she had stumbled and nearly fell. You had managed to grab her arm, saving her. She thanked you but you waved it off, not knowing Goggle had seen the whole thing and reported back to the family that you had saved Ruby. That certainly helped your status. Lizard, on the other hand, had kept you at arms length when he wasn’t pushing you out the way. He would sneer at you, often leaving a room when you entered. You had seen his anger in full swing and tried to keep out of the way of it, but something else drew you to him. It was almost like a challenge. Like when you find a stray dog that barks and bites at you, but you could see something other than a deranged dog. That was Lizard. At least to you. you started small, with baked goods. Ones which you would give to everyone just to ease him into your new presence within the family. Then you moved on to more direct ways of helping him. When you were dropping off a new radio at Jupiter request, you found Lizard passed out on the sofa. You had slowly managed to remove his gloves from his hands. They were tattered and wore with massive holes in them. Taking them back to yours, you sew the holes shut and washed them, so they were clean. When you took them back, you didn’t both trying to put them back on. You left them on the table as well as pull the blanket over him. Lizard never acknowledged what you had done, nor did he ever. Not when you had mended his trousers or tops, or when you had managed to fix his spikes. But he did allow you to get… closer to him. He would stay in the same room as you, and even listen to your rambling while you were doing something rather than just cutting you off with a cruel “I don’t care”. That didn’t mean he had gone soft. Once, when you had been trying to figure out if a car was working again, you had turned it on and taken it for a drive to test it. And you hit spikes. Once you had managed to stop the car, the door swung open and you were hauled out by your hair. A hand wrapped around your throat and instantly began to cut off your air flow. You clawed at Lizards hand, thrashing as you tried to free yourself. In a moment of desperation, you threw your elbow back, swiftly jabbing him in the face and causing him to stumble back. Lizard, now with a bloody nose, managed to regain his footing. In three long, powerful strides, he walked up to you and slapped you across your face, so hard it caused you to fall to the ground with a cry. “Jupiter asked me to fix it. How else can I tell if its done?! You want Pluto taking it out and it exploding or some shit!” You cried out, adrenaline pumping through your body as you realized exactly what had happened. You placed a hand over your now burning cheek. Daringly, you look up at Lizard who was trying to wipe the blood away from his nose. But he wasn’t coming after you anymore, which meant he knew you weren’t trying to escape. Or, at least, had good enough reason to be in the car. “Tilt your head back.” You mumbled, stumbling to your feet as you rubbed your cheek. You were quite proud in some strange way. You had certainly gotten your own back, even if Lizard had landed the final blow. At least you weren’t bleeding. But you knew you had to make the next move. There was no point keeping any grudge or letting this carry on, especially after how far you had come. Pulling off the cardigan, you approached him like you were approaching a wolf. You kept a close eye on his movements as his attention was fully on yours. Gently, you used the cardigan sleeve to wipe away the blood from around his warped lip. He watched you like a hawk. Suddenly, he grabbed a hold of your wrist, squeezing it so tightly that you winced. “I’ll kill you if you ever try to escape.” Lizard suddenly growled but something felt… off. He had threatened you a thousand times before with real hatred in his voice. But this time, he sounded like he was trying to convince you, or maybe himself. “Im sure you will.” You nod, not daring to doubt him despite the change. “But, if Im not trying to, I’ll argue my case. In any way I can.” You look up at him, right into his piercing blue eyes. The bleeding had stopped, but you used the opportunity to be this close to him physically to speak to him. It felt a lot more intimate and maybe that would drive home what you said. “I might listen.” He partly sneered, but again, it was different. It felt almost as if it were a friendly joke as he let go of your wrist. A smile spread across your features as you laughed a little, but the adrenaline of the situation plus the blazing heat of the dessert plus your empty stomach seemed to have truly taken its effect as your giggles turned to full on laugher as you stepped back. “Yer insane.” Lizard remarked, but a small smile twitched at his lips, as if he found it endearing or something. “Look whos talking.” You giggle as you start to walk towards the car, throwing the bloodied cardigan in the open door. You didn’t see Lizard looking after you, or how his eyes travelled down your body, lingering in certain areas. But something snapped your attention in the distance. “Shit.” You mumbled, backing towards Lizard who followed your line of sight. A car was travelling down the road. “At least you have some bait.” You try to lift your uneasiness at the situation. You never got involved with kills. Never. “Get up tah Goggle. Don’t fuckin’ run. Yah hear me?!” Lizard demanded as he grabbed your arm, shaking you slightly. “Yes.” You nod, your eyes darting to the wrecked car before Lizard let you go, allowing you to run into the hills. Of course, Goggle had alerted everyone and within 3 hours, it was all over. The event did open a new level in terms of your relationship with Lizard. You quickly found that you actually preferred his company out of everyone elses. He had a dark sense of humour which only you seemed to be able to bring out. And you loved that. As you gained more trust in the village and, in turn, gained more responsibilities. Big Brain still hated you, but after some sharp looks from Big Mama (who had taken to you after she saw how much the children, Pluto and Ruby adored you), he became quieter. Of course, he would mumble to himself every time you entered the room, but you started responding as if he were speaking to you in normal conversations. “Breakfast.” He sneered one morning when you had been looking for Big Mamas brush. “Good morning.” You called, chirpily. “Do you want the curtains open?” “Weak, filthy.” His eyes followed you round the room. “How about just the back ones. so you don’t get the sun in your eyes when it hits 11.” You nod to yourself as you briskly walk across the room and pull open the curtain. “Crazy.” He sneered. “I slept well, thank you.” You smile and nod, using the time to pretending that you were having a conversation with anyone who would actually cared. But slowly, over time, you noticed he stopped with the truly nasty names. He started making demands like “open those curtains” or “I want water”. You always fulfilled the requests because, despite his nasty personality, you did feel sorry for him. He was trapped in this little room, unable to do much. “What if we painted this room?” you suddenly asked one morning, looking around at the faded wallpaper. “Don’t care.” He sneered, a little too quickly for you. “Well, how about florescent pink?” You asked, smirking at him, getting an immediate and resounding “NO!”. But he thought about it when you left, and when you returned that evening, he said one word to you. “Blue.” “Im sorry?” You ask, having been in a world of your own. “Blue. Like the sky.” He tried to spit the words at you, to make it sound like he was berating you for not listening to him. But when you looked at him, he couldn’t hold your gaze. “Do you want the ceiling done as well?” you ask, genuinely happy he seemed to be responding well to you. He barley tolerated his own family, so this was a big step. “Yeah.” He wheezed seeming a lot more relaxed from them on. OF course, when you walked up to Jupiter who was standing talking with Lizard and Goggle and asked for blue paint, you got some strange looks. “Why the fuck you want that?” Lizard snapped, obviously in the middle of a heated discussion with his father and brother. “To decorate Big Brains room. He didn’t like florescent pink so blue it is.” You tell them. Goggle cackled at the idea of painting the room pink, and you were honestly scared that he would get his hands on pink paint and do it just to piss Big Brain off. But he didn’t. Within the week, you had done the room. You never got a thanks, but Big Brain showed you he was grateful in other ways. Like not interrupting or snapping at you. Of course, once he was on your side, there was a change. And you started to be included in the killing. First, you joined Goggle as look out. And became fascinated with something you shouldn’t be. Watching Lizard as he killed. There was something so strong and primal about it that made your insides turn. He was violent and you noticed he was worse when you were around. As he was trying to prove something. Goggle told his brother about how your eyes never left him. Somehow, he fell into a pattern of coming up to you after a kill, where his hands are bloody, and touching you. Normally on the cheek and just in passing, leaving blood smeared on your face. What was worse was that you wanted more. You started to crave that touch which you knew would happened. The first few times, you and winced and rushed away to clean it off, but then you started getting to obsessed with Lizard to notice till he had left. He had just killed someone with his bare hands, in the most violent ways, but he was gentle when he touched your cheek. Almost affectionate. The touches started to send shiver through your body as you craved him more than you had ever know possible. Then, Jupiter made an announcement. On the next kill, you were to accompany Ruby down to the wreck. She would normally scout things out, running around and figuring out who had what but not getting her hands dirty. You could do that. It was late, nearly midnight, when Goggle called in a car coming along the road. It was a race to get ready before the others and meeting them at the edge of town. As you all raced to the road, Lizard had grabbed your arm. “Don’t do anythin’ stupid or get in the way.” He hissed in your ear, squeezing your arm a little too tightly, but you nodded anyway. “Good. Aint worth losing your head over ‘em.” As if to emphasize his point, Lizard pulled out the gun, letting the moonlight catch the silver before following Jupiter and Pluto while you were left to Ruby. She showed you the places to hid and sneak between as she gathers her information. “Wait here.” She whispered to you before disappearing into the hills, leaving you behind the bolder. You kept peeking out, keeping an eye on the situation. 5 males, mid 20s and they smelt stoned out of their heads. It should be pretty easy for Lizard and Pluto. Of course, Lizard got to one of the guys quickly, making him cry out of Lizard wrapped the spikes he had gathered back from the road around the mans neck. The friends when into panic and that allowed Pluto to get in and grab one, dragging him over to Lizard who dropped the body of the first. Shots filled the air as Lizard shot two in the leg for attempting to run. So one was dead, the second with Pluto and the third and fourth injured. But the fifth ? You had blinked and he was gone. Stepping out from behind the bolder, you looked around wildly. He had been near you, on the road. Where had he gone? Shit. Then your eyes caught the movement and saw the guy scramble behind the rock on the other side of the road just past the car. That didn’t worry you. What worried you was the knife in his hand. Shit, you had to follow him. That’s what you were there to do, right? You moved towards the road, your only motive to find out where the guy had gone. What if he snuck around the rock? What if he was watching for someone? Ducking behind the car, you didn’t think the other two had noticed you. You should have called out where you were going, but you wanted to please the family. Three more gunshots filled the air as Lizard headshot each of them remaining ones. If you bought home a kill, or at least kept tabs on a victim, that would certainly do you a favour. It would impress them. It would impress Lizard. Then you saw the man run to the next rock, and you panicked. He was making his way around. Taking off in a sprint, you knew if he got into the gap in the hills, it would be hell to find in the low light with only the headlights of the car to work by. No, you had to keep close to him. A hand grabbed you by the hair and hauled you backwards. You let out a screech of pain, your hands flying up to try and free yourself. “Where yah goin’?” Lizards voice hissed in your ear and you felt your blood run cold. No, no, no, this was going to earn trust, not break it. Panting slightly, you could hear the anger in his voice. And he wasn’t one you could reason with easily. “I-I was going to help you.” You stammered, tears starting to prick your eyes. “Liar.” The voice condemned your statement and then you felt a sharp pain in the back of your knees. Lizard kicked your legs, making you collapse to the floor as he let go of your hair. A click made your heart stop as you look up. Lizard moved in front of you and stood over you, a gun pointed right at your forehead. He had stepped in front of you, blocked your view. You had to think quick. “You’ve only got one bullet left, and I’d suggest saving it for the guy hiding behind that rock.” You tried to keep your voice from shaking, but failed half was through your sentence. The barrel of the gun pressed against your forehead, the metal cold against your heated skin. “Liar.” Lizard snarled, his voice low as he glared down at you. But movement from behind him caught your attention. Glancing past him, you saw the man. Except, instead of running away, he was running toward you with a knife in his hand. Oh god. You realised that it looked like you were a victim, just like his friends. He was going to get Lizard while he was distracted with you. Oh god. You acted quick, so quick that you didn’t get a chance to think. Your instincts kicked and took over your body. With a quick slapped, you managed to knock the gun away from your head and you moved quickly upwards onto your feet. Grabbing the knife from Lizards belt, you used all the force from your quick movement to knock Lizard to the side just as the guy got within a foot of you both. Raising the knife, you brought it down and into the side of his neck. All this took place in the space of seconds as the man starts to splutter. The knife he had was dropped to the ground as he gasped for air. As if to finish the kill, you pulled the knife out of his neck and stumbled back. The full weight of what just happened hit you. You were now a killer. There was no going back. But you had killed to save Lizard. This was all just meant to be a game, an act to try survive. But then why did you feel a genuine concern for him that went beyond just feeling it, but to the point you would kill for him. Your mind raced as you forgot where you were. Until you felt a palm on your cheek. jumping, you saw Lizard standing in front of you, his eyes trained on your face while his hand moved over your right cheek. You felt his thumb brush under your eye, making you think he was just wiping away tears, but as his hand pulled back slightly, you saw blood. Some blood must had splattered on your face during the kill. Lizard stepped closer, his other hand coming up to grasp at the back of your neck as his front pressed against you. The thumb with the blood lowered to your lips and you felt him gently brush your bottom lip as he silently commanded something of you. Opening your mouth slightly, you allowed him to push his thumb past your lips to meet your tongue. Closing your lips around his thumb, you gently sucked and licked, cleaning it. Lizards eyes never left your own, but his mouth opened slightly and something much more primal stirred in both of you. Pulling his thumb back, he ran his hand in to your hair as he grabbed a handful and crashed his lips onto your own. Rough and dominating, you allowed yourself to completely submit to him in a selfish desire for something completely fucked up and insane. You… wanted him. kissing him back, you pressed against him, raising your hands to his chest as you grabbed fistfuls of his top. A soft snarl left his throat as he pulled away from your lips, simultaneously pulled your hair to tilt your head backwards. Ducking his head, Lizard slowly licked the side of your neck, where more blood must have splattered. Looked up at the stars above, you couldn’t help the coy smile at pulled at your lips. “I don’t mind it when you pull my hair like this.” You said, playfully, like the two of you were in some nightclub or bar, not standing beside a body. A body that had been forgotten about. You felt Lizard smirk against your neck and a soft chuckle left his lip. You didn’t know what you had gotten yourself in for, but the thrill of the moment silenced any doubts or worries you had.

#lizard #the hills have eyes #lizard x reader

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