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beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year ago

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Hiii, I know you just got a yoonmin ask and I know you disagree on the timeline but I wanna chat cause as a yoonminer who watches jikook and follows your blog I love chatting about the similarity and differences between the ships.

I think they all love each other and I maintain that something has happened (duh) with both ships romantic/sexual whatever. I think I just am confused as to how jikookers can wait and wait and wait until something eventually happens for their ship but yoonmin content flows non stop? Yoonmin sit next to each other in videos, they touch each other, jimin is always talking about how cute he finds yoongi and vice versa. 2023 in particular has been filled with mutual yoonmin moments with them visiting each other and actively supporting each other. Yoonmin flirty live, jimin saying yoongi has a lot of stamina in yoongis comments. Jimin and yoongi being the only two to hold each other after the d-day concerts. Yoongi visiting jimin at his face show. The list kinda goes on and on.

Where with jikook currently I see jung kook mentioning jimin a lot, them attending sugas concert with tae, and the flirty live and new york and some ig posts. Which is cute and I understand they have tons of history but it just doesn't feel like a current love story? It feels like a relationship that's off an on to me but maybe that's the beauty of it. That it portrays what it's like to grow and love someone and how that love can change and progress.

I know im rambling and I like your blog and you're one of the few jikookers I respect I just push back on the fact that yoonmin are no longer close or that their closeness would never indicate any type of love connection because as 2023 would show it they're around each other constantly and letting us in particular know that.

I also think that yoonmins love and bond isn't some grand love story gcf Tokyo video kissing necks on stage giggly shirtless live type of vibe but it doesn't make it less like beautiful? Real? It just makes more sense to me and I see how they care for each other out loud albeit not overly flirtatious to this day.

I'm sorry if any of this comes across as offensive by the way! You just so rarely talk about yoonmin and jikook in the same breath I had to shoot my shot 😭

***

No need to apologize, it doesn't come across as offensive to me. I think I understand what you mean, what you see in yoonmin's relationship in 2023... I just weigh some of those things differently.

You're right Yoongi and Jimin are one of the closest pairings even now. This is probably controversial to say, but I think Jimin really didn't like that his FACE promotions were only for nine days. I mean think about it. Everything about FACE screamed grandiose. Expansive and elaborate, that's what Jimin envisioned in FACE. And then he agreed to squeeze all that into nine days? Nah. He would have been really miffed about that. For good reason too. But I think a big reason he agreed to that timeline is because it's Yoongi that it would've impacted, and he knew Yoongi had tour commitments that made many things difficult to reschedule. Looking at their joint promotion activities too, the resulting response from Korean media and the general public was the most positive I've ever seen it. Something about their dynamic translates very well to mature audiences in the general public in Korea, for both men and women. It's really interesting.

Thanks for sharing your point of view. I really can't say I agree with your assertion that "something happened" though. I mean, something must've happened for a sexual relationship to occur (which I assume most of us here take as a given) between any of them, but I don't think we're in full alignment over what that something is. On the other hand, it's not like any of us really know or that it really matters.

Anyway, you're right about how real and beautiful Jimin's relationship with Yoongi is even today, but you know... Jikook is my favourite pairing in BTS.

They're just it. :)

#jikook #yoonmin #jimin #park jimin #yoongi #min yoongi #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts #bangtan

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cakemousse · 1 year ago

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you @emsylcatac for the tag! (here's the link to their post, please check it out, fics and answers and all that, the fics are so good!) haven't had any active wips for a while now lol, will this continue? let's find out

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 27

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

100,230

3. What fandoms do you write for?

only miraculous ladybug!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

cataclysmic creations, #clownbug, Unstained, forbidden silence, and with you, everything and nothing makes sense

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes of course i do! to show my gratitude for them taking some time out of their day to read what i wrote! there are some which i really don't know what to reply with so i don't but know that i appreciate everyone who comments (nice ones) and read my fics

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

a malevolent affair has no happy ending lol it's rated M for reasons, definitely not for the faint of heart

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

err, prolly this is us trying? i've no idea man

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not hate but there was one that was minor criticism on how i write and i didn't ask for it and i was still kinda new to writing (still am) so it affected me a bit i mean i still remember it now so it says something lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

... yea. idk, anything that comes to mind ig lol (please don't ask me about it, i won't share it, it's on another account for a reason)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no? at least as far as i know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nah

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Lovesquare!! with some bias towards ladynoir of course lol

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i did plan a multichapter ladynoir fake dating fic from earlier this year and some have heard of it already but i haven't touched it for a loooooooooooooooong while fjdskljfsd

16. What are your writing strengths?

i've no idea fdslfdsjkl

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

maybe i can make use of more descriptions in my writing?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

ig if it's there to confuse the readers then it's fine? i've read one where the writer is learning japanese and they started their dialouges with a few japanese words only but then it got to the point where it's whole sentences in japanese and this was before i learnt japanese so im like wow this is annoying...

19. First fandom you wrote for?

miraculous ladybug!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i believe it's sunset; sunrise, cause i remember i kept reading it even after it's published lol idk if i can say the same about it today but i remember i definitely liked it a lot

i feel like almost everyone has been tagged at this point, but if you aren't and wanna be tagged, let me know! alternatively you can also just do it! it's an open tag

#tag game

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yuzhousky · 3 years ago

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Hi bummie🤗

The post about vsm225 has really rubbed me the wrong way and I have a few things to say.

First, I have a message for the person who submitted the ask to you: if you are going to bash somebody like that behind the safety and comfort of your keyboard, the least you can do is NOT post it anonymously. Show us your name and your face. How do you expect to be taken seriously for tarnishing someone's name anonymously?

I myself have been her long time follower on instagram. Does that make me and another 1300 people stupid? Shallow? Retarded?

However, the fact that i have been her follower will not make me biased to what i have to say.

Now, on a serious note, I like what she posts on her instagram, also i like what meimei (the girl who is looking after her account at the moment and posting stuff for vsm while she is struggling with covid) has been posting for the past month as well. Well, im lying. I dont like it, i LOVE IT. I love the vibe of posts, i love how spicy and sassy they are, and that is one of the instagram profiles i have the most interaction with. Because we are all there to have a good time, NOT to state facts. Vine is a very respectful person, she never throws hate or shade towards anyone, she never forces anyone to believe in anything she posts, and she never pushes her content in the as-a-matter-of-fact manner. Yes, there are sometimes hardcore bad translations from weibo, but i never take that stuff too deep, im able to get the point of what was behind it. Also, if she posts anything misleading for whatever reason, the moment she realises that she will own up to it and apologise.

Everything else is not meant to be taken seriously, but as fun and good time. Only things regarding zz and jy work and what THEY allow US to see regarding their private life can be called FACTS, the rest is all product of our delulu, speculations, wishful thinking etc, and we choose what to do with it. Im a 39 year-old man, with a master degree and more than 2 brain cells in my head and a full on life going on, yet in my comments on instagram i will refer to zz as "queen", "wifey", "madam huang" all in the name of funny banters and light hearted content and not because i find it to be the FACT. The fact is that i have enormous respect for that boy, not that i find his sole existence to be the wifey queen of jy. The FACT is that we can all learn from him how to behave mature, be strong, stick to your guns and believe in what you do, do stuff you find to be good for you, not bowing down to anyone and losing your integrity will result in success, not whether he wore the same tshirt as jy. The fact is that zz has always remaind humble, well behaved and he never allowed the success to take the best of him, not whether or not him and jy spent 2 hot nights in sanya in february. I could go on forever with this.

Vine, and everyone else on the internet are NOT here to please the crowd but because they post the things that make THEM happy and make THEM feel good. Those are THEIR accounts. The rest is up to us - who do we find at the same wave length, whose vibe matches ours, whose posts we like, and so on. Therefore we choose who to follow, and we all should be respectful to any other work anyone else posts online. Because, behind each and every profile is someone who takes time of their busy lives and puts a lot of work to provide the content for us. I personally cant stand the profiles dedicated to johnny and reba ship, but i dont go around barking online that they suck. I simpy DONT GO THERE. I stay in my own lane, i follow the content i like and let others live. Im not going around saying, or as the person in the post casually said "POINTING OUT"- hey everyone, dont follow that person because it doesnt align with MY OWN taste level. What qualifies anyone to say that? What right does anyone have to say that? Does any of us live or spend time with the boys? Using the FACTS logic, i could come to bummies profile every so often and be like - listen girl, you have to stop leading people on with your "hints" and "coincidences" and stick to the facts only tyvm. Right? Instead, i choose to visit your blog every day, LIVING for the content you put here.

Of course, there is always the responsibilty towards what you post publicly for everyone to see, but as long as there is nothing harmful or malicious im not being nit picky about it.

There are so few profiles dedicated to yuzhou left. There is bummies blog and like another 10ish instagram profiles still actively posting about them as one. Why having any bad vibes about any of them? Why showing any negative energy to anyone? Throwing shade or hate? What is the point like? Aren't we all here because we are supporting the boys for ALL the work they have done in the last 5 years, watching their growth in life and careers and having some light, fun time while doing it? Why creating any bad blood? I mean, we are basically being gossips girls, sorry everyone, we are not saving the world here or curing pandemics to take things so seriously.

As usual bummie, im ending this by thanking you yet again so much for everything you do, keep up with the good work! 🤗🤗🤗

Thanks for sharing your opinion. However, I just wanna make some points clearer here:

Tbh I'm not biased towards anyone in this case so I'm just gonna say what I'm thinking now. The previous anonymous ask about vsm was somehow pretty harsh towards vsm and I really don't want anyone to throw shade on her at all because I know she's a lovely fan of YZ and she's just trying her best to share the latest info about the boys. I know not all of her posts are about the facts; many of them are just delulus and jokes among fans, which are normal, and of course it's her own account so she could literally share anything she wants. However, I myself prefer the clarity in news/info delivery more, I mean if the post is just a delulu or joke, it should be stated clearly in order not to cause misleading or misunderstood things, because many interfans do not have Weibo accounts to double check the info, not to mention those new fans who might get confused even more. I have to say that this isn't the first time someone asking me about the reliability of some vsm's posts on IG because of her "vague" words and translation, and then I had to find the original posts on Weibo again or double check the info with Chinese cpfs then told vsm to correct her words.

So my opinion is that we are all sharing info with a big love for our idols but we also need to care about the clarity and reliability of our content as well. Of course we do not need to please anyone on the internet but at least we're responsible for what we post and those who might read it.

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littlebabycrybtch · 4 years ago

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bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality.

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person.

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !!

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

#long post//#i would like one free ticket to pop off please. thank you #can i cash it in immediately if you dont mind

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m-jaem · 7 years ago

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Summary about Ten's Black Card

I KNOW this is gonna be a messy thread but i just wanna share some adorable moments which other thai men who went to draw a black/red card have experienced

there was a man (whom i thought might be a soldier) touched ten's hand and he uploaded that photo on his fb account, saying 'at least i got to touch his hand' and the comments are mostly saying how cute and fluffy he looks. and that soldier went on asking others in the comment section 'he is famous?' and there is this one man replied with 'yeah, pretty famous as a boy who dance very well' (i think he problably doesn't know ten is now debuted as nct) and fans replied with the BDS mv lol

when he came back from getting his pee pee in the bottle to be checked, he kept it hidden in his shirt and shyly smiled to the ground

from what i've read on twitter, he seems to gain many fanboys from that. others kept saying how adorable and discipline he is that he follow the rules. when another user on fb asked why did ten not take off his shirt, the other replied with a photo of ten that he took 'he did. and he has that lil cute tummy too.' and some said he has a very pure skin and that his chest is so white (idk if this sounds creepy when translated in english but in thai it gives a feeling like he still obsessed with how cute a man could be, if you know what i mean. and white isn't a racist word here since thailand is especially hot in almost every seasons and most of thais are tan skinned or so)

another funny story happened to one twitter user, she tweeted 'congratulations to ten for getting his fanboys, including my older brother' and in her thread she screenshotted the convo between her and her boyfriend which happened to be her boyfriend sent ten's photo asking her who he is and she told him ten is someone she like in the boygroup which she had mentioned to him before but he never knew lol. she asked him why and his response was 'nothing. just think he's quiet adorable'

twitter user, @dwjay96, was asked by soldiers who ten was, 'is he a celebrity?' and she explained that ten is thai but debuted as a korean boygroup and after that they were busy searching for his korean name and the boygroup he's in on their phones lol. good news is that many wants to know who ten is and where can they subscribe to get ten's news.

one fan posted ten's photo which he scretly smiled on her ig story while fans teased him not to worry when a soldier said something about height that a man needs to be taller than 160cms since he's taller than that and her friend which is a boy replied to her ig story with 'shit, that's cute. he secretly smiled to himself'

those men looked at him and smiled (in a nice way when you see someone adorable)

twitter user @irene_15212's older brother came home complaining to her that he didn't know why there were so many ppl screaming and that was so annoying and she told hom maybe someone famous come? he said 'well yeah problably since there was a boy who has white skinned with adorable face and he seems pretty cute' and it was just that.

he sent a message to bambam saying 'im saved' 😂

some said ten was so handsome he wish he was a girl

after all, these are just some of the reactions when they saw ten and most of it are in a good way (i barely see one in a bad way tho) anyway, please keep supporting this lil boy💕

#sorry for my terrible english #ten #ten's black card #he seems to be even more popular among thai men now lol #and he acted so cute jdjshehwjkw you should see that #nct ten

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mjeoppa · 8 years ago

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a story i told my friends

it’s long so. also contains malay words, if need translation dont use google, ask me. Quick summary: im actually happy (???questionable) but its all rather bittersweet

Maybe a quick intro to the characters of the drama

Me:awkward but living Raja: someone i kinda grew close through wanting to go to the same places together, a smart girl who's understanding and talks a lot, went to an agama school so she has that conservative part of her Afiq: a guy who lives in my neighborhood who's like probably the good samaritan of our malaysian organization, hobbies include playing video games, watching anime and cooking Hakim: afiq's housemate, doesnt really talk to people much but likes to get involved, hobbies include creating short films

So, i met all 3 separately; raja, since she's in my batch, earlier on, in fact she actually flew to michigan with me halfway, then we had different flights. Afiq i met when he came over to my house once, then later he came by bc my housemates said he could help me put my table together, and even then we were chatting comfortably. Hakim i met on a bus home after orientation, and i recognized him immediately; the guys from damansara i saw in the malaysian organization yearbook. But i didnt say anything bc how would i know he's malaysian lol

So after awhile i became friends w raja and afiq, progressing quite well in the friendship statuses, both of them having common interests w me. Then i found out that they were close w each other too. By the end of the semester, it was pretty obvious that afiq has a thing for raja, by the way he treats her.

Hakim on the other hand i kept having accidental meet ups w on the bus, n i could only officially say i know him after the first mso (malaysian student organization) meeting, but after that i didnt have a chance to say a thing to him. But after that meeting, i could also officially say that i have a crush on this guy. Afiq had talked about him, my friend's housemate talked about him, n from what i learned this guy has a weird charm where he does the most unexpected things, or maybe bc hes so quiet no one really knows what hes thinking

Im close to one of my housemates (who has graduated last semester), kak tipah whom i confessed i have a thing for hakim, and she told me that he has a girlfriend 🙃this was rather early in the semester, so i ended up shuffling crushes a lot throughout, but ofc hakim was still my first crush, also my first heartbreak in michigan

Another one of my housemates, kak su, recruited me to join her for her winter break trip, and when she asked whom i think would wanna join, i suggested raja. Another person who was already in on the plan w kak su was a guy named mirza. At this point i knew nothing about him. There was a phase where i would continuously confirm w my housemates whom mirza is through pictures until i could officially recognize him myself

It was thanksgiving, or maybe a few days before when mirza finally confirmed that the fifth and final member of our trip is hakim (jeng jeng jeng). I was happy, but i had to remain calm. He has a girlfriend, after all.

Okay so winter trip. That was so freaking fun. Funny thing is that we were 5 random people w different backgrounds, and yet we managed to make it work. It was awkward in the beginning, but later we learned how each other worked and after a few forum sessions we were more open w each other. Yes i did get to know hakim, but i also got to know so much more about raja, and mirza is a person that i didnt expect when i first came here to be someone that would be cool w being friends w me.

The ridiculous thing is that it was very early in the trip that we established that both kak su and hakim werent available. I didnt know when it started, but hakim started to talk more, and i liked that he didnt mind sitting around me, he was comfortable w stuff like giving me food he couldnt finish and asking what i wanted to order (dinner is usually the time we could talk, otherwise we'd be in the car and we cant really have a one on one conversation)

Raja on the other hand couldnt stop talking

She asked weird questions, and at first it was just to me, but later i fell asleep a lot so she started asking mirza, and so it became a thing that when theyre bored they would be listening to raja's epiphanies about life

Somewhere in between the first and second week of the trip i was texting afiq a lot n he said "aku susah nak rapat dengan perempuan" so to prove to him how bad i am at making friends w guys i told him that he's the closest guy friend i ever had, so ever since that i guess we had this agreement that we were somewhat close friends and we can kinda tell each other stuff

And believe me, i tell afiq stuff i dont even tell raja

So anyway at first i was kinda happy, and we had fun talking bout stuff, but later i saw that he was chatting w raja, so i felt a bit suckish bc he said he was bad at making friends w girls, so was he just saying it for the sake of it?

So there was a time where we were staying at separate houses, the girls and boys, so we decided to go out to eat, and there wasnt anything else to do in tulsa anyway, so we sat and ate and talked for 3 hours. So i asked mirza when did he finally recognized me as "elyna" and he said actually the first time he heard of me was from afiq who told him that i knew a bunch of animes, and yea actually this was before i told him hes my closest guy friend but i just realized that this was when hakim started to talk to me more than usual

Hmm there were times when he says stuff that i was thinking, n i think i say stuff that hes thinking as well bc when it happens he kinda glanced at me weirdly in the beginning, later when weve talked to each other more we finally say things like "hey i was about to say the same thing" or something like that. Example: we were eating at a thai restaurant n the menu was kinda simple, and i was thinking to myself "ape lagi. Pad thai jela." Then mirza asked hakim what he was gonna order, and he literally said the exact same thing i was thinking. Once mirza asked for an extra bowl of rice (also a thai restaurant, but this was a lot later) and he was saying "mahal doh, 2 ringgit" then hakim asked "brape?" "2 ringgit" then i glanced at him and he glanced at me and i said "murah gak tu. 2 ringgit kalau dollar 50cent." Then we laughed and he said he was about to say the same thing.

Theres this thing during dinners that he does, starting from this gyro place, where he would want me to sit somewhere near him, like either across or next to him, probably so that he can crack jokes w me, but after awhile we ran out of things to say. So sometimes we kinda order similar things just bc. Im not sure. Sometimes he follows my lead, sometimes i follow his, then when what i wanna order is too far from what he wants he just orders wtv he wants. I guess later he realizes that im really bad at first orders haha my food always turns out not that good a dish.

Okay so if i go on and on about the trip this story will never end. Basically we had fun, for a bunch of awkwardly matched 5-some. Raja really liked opening forums and asked weird questions and one of em was what were their first thoughts of us, and hakim said that i came to his house several times to play video games so he thought he'd have that to talk about w me. Raja, he said talked way too much for his liking in the beginning, he said he would like his peace lmao. Both of them knew kak su beforehand so they didnt really think of anything. Thing is, raja actually felt hurt at hakim's comment, even tho it was evident that even if he didnt like all her talking, he wouldnt actually stop her from talking. Except there was a time we wanted to play a game in the car n he said "jom main game senyap, siape paling lama diam die menang" n we all laughed n we asked whats the prize n he said that person can get to talk for an hour n kak su said lets let hakim win so that he has to talk for an hour. I take too much time explaining details ugh.

So for the next day after that confession by hakim raja didnt talk to hakim at all. She literally asked everyone what their glasses power were except hakim. I laughed at him quietly in sympathy. But later she was okay w him again. Just that whenever he talked to her she would complain to me.

She also complained that hakim took a long time to follow raja back on instagram but for me it was on the same night. I said it was bc i followed him when i saw that he was on ig, but she said she saw him going on ig after she requested to follow him but he hadnt approved.

Also both raja and kak su knows i like hakim since before the trip.

It was in new orleans that i really felt like he was making me expect too much from him. He wanted to buy a hot dog for himself, but kak su n raja were sharing, n i didnt want one whole hot dog, so he ended up sharing w me, n he even followed me to the counter when i ordered, n it really made me happy, my heart was bursting, thats the only way i can explain it.

So after that everything was rather mediocre. I theorized a pattern in his ig picture liking in which he would like pictures i post that did not include myself in it, except one. After we got home i kinda felt that feeling of "so thats it?"

But it wasnt. My housemates were saying i couldnt move on, but it really wasnt something to move on from. 3 weeks of just them gave me a lifetime of memories. So when I went out w raja on the sunday before classes start, i guess i shouldnt have been surprised whem raja confessed that she has a crush on mirza.

She went on and on about how they had been talking ever since the morning after we arrived home, and all i could talk about was how i felt like hakim treated me like something more than just another girl, n raja said she saw it too, n i couldnt hold on to those feelings bc he has a gf.

Talking about his gf, throwback to new orleans, second night, 1am. It was just me, mirza and raja, n before mirza had mentioned that hakim's gf went to mirza's mrsm before he got there, so he kinda knew who she was, n he told us that night that the girl's previous boyfriend wasnt like hakim at all, so he was surprised. So me n raja were making all kinds of conclusions. Maybe hakim came into the picture right after mimi, the gf just broke up w her prev bf so she was more accepting of him. Maybe mirza didnt really like the girl. Maybe the circumstances of their relationship is not as it appears, but theyve been together for 3 years, and for 2 of those years hakim was in the states n she's back home, so who r we to say if their relationship is good or not? Speculation wasnt even decent, but we speculated anyway.

But yea semester started n in the first week the only time i saw hakim was through a snap of him sleeping in between classes. Raja was moving into our apartment, bc 2 of my housemates were graduating, so she was taking over one of the leases. When hakim found out he was like "alaa nnti jumpa raja dalam bas." N raja was half kidding when she said "okay la kalau jumpa dalam bas aku tak tegur kau".

On that sunday afiq was being real weird. He's close to one of my housemates, one that i havent revealed until now, kak sj, n i dont know if it has anything to do w her graduating. she was the one who told me to ask him to help w the table n she invited him over several times to cook w her. But he was asking me if i had classes he could join in n in the first week, i saw him every week day. We talked a lot about mso n classes n common interests. One day i was saying youre old afiq, and you havent even confessed to ur crush, whatre u gonna do? Then he told me that hes actually confessed to her, a month ago. I was so surprised. I mean, if it really was a month ago, it had to be someone from my batch, probably, n it couldnt have been anyone but raja? But i didnt wanna assume, so i offered a trade - my crush for yours. So he told me about confessing to raja, n i told him about hakim.

That night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours about feelings and shit. I was pretty dumbfounded. He confessed to raja before the trip, and she kept that from me all the while, i know its probably not my business, but i wonder if she thought it was better that i didnt know? Bc she tells me almost everything about her life, n i tell her almost everything about mine, so why this secret?

I couldnt keep all this to myself. The night before kak tipah's flight home, i told her everything. She said that she shipped mirza w raja, n me w afiq. I told her that me n afiq cant be more than friends, especially not now. And imagine, im actually one of the last ones to know about this confession. Both of them must know that i felt left out? Kak tipah asked, if afiq suddenly told me he likes me, what would i do? I said i probably wouldnt accept him, bc i feel like im just the second option. Then she asked, what if he confessed to me, not raja? Then i said i probably wouldnt accept him immediately, but eventually.

I also felt that afiq's confession was off in timing- it was way too early. We hadnt been here for even 6 months, we barely know everyone in mso, u really couldnt expect her to have accepted him immediately. But later afiq did say that he didnt expect anything from her, he just wanted to know that he likes her. One of the things that we mentioned during the 2 hour talk was what was his previous girlfriends like, n he said him n his friends concluded that there were 3 main components in the girls he liked; 1. Wears glasses 2. Is introverted and 3. Has common interests w him. I was being so slick at not pointing out that all these descriptions fit me, but instead i avoided it by comparing it to raja, n she only wears glasses at night, is extremely extroverted, n common interests w her is very general.

But yea, he dropped out of the classes he was planning to take w me, but we still talked a lot about stuff, n two wednesdays ago i went to his house for fun, n it was hakim's turn to cook, n i think that was the third time this semester i saw him, n he invited me to eat and said "makanla, aku masak untuk kau kot" n it was a happy moment, even if i knew he was just kidding. Later all his housemates left me n afiq to our geeking out session.

The first time i saw him in the semester was during an mso gathering. We didnt talk. The second time i saw him, i didnt actually see him, altho he probably saw me. Raja had been complaining about meeting hakim on buses n being awkward about it, so one day I was helping raja move her stuff, n we were carrying big plastic bags of pillows onto a bus. Raja mentioned beforehand that she hopes she doesnt see any malaysians, n especially not hakim. The bus we got on was rather crowded, so me n raja had to sit separately. I wanted to sit at the back, but it was too much effort to squeeze in, so i just sat somewhere in the middle. When we were almost home, raja kept giving me signals, but i didnt get it. As soon as we got off, raja went all "DAH CAKAP DAH. MULUT AKU NI MASIN SANGAT." So hakim was on that bus, n i didnt even notice him, even after all my previous efforts to get on a bus w him, when i finally did i didnt even see him. I probably did, but i didnt recognize it was him. Raja kept complaining about it but i was just frustrated, so she ended up pissing me off.

Okay so one day i told him that i had a theory for why he likes raja, a girl who doesnt fit the usual description, n it was bc he didnt want to get broken hearted by girls who are as such again, so he opted for someone who's different, bc srsly his exgf treats him like they never came around to broke his heart so thats mean, but it was also a hint i was giving that he should probably stick to being friends w me so that he wont get broken hearted again, but he was all "hahahah you just made my day" and it was bittersweet

This whole thing is bittersweet- liking hakim is, too. Bc i feel like he's someone who treats me better than he treats raja, n that feels so good, even if it sounds mean, but when was the last time i ever felt like i was someone who was preferred over another girl?

Back to the story, things kinda got lost in between my own life of working and classes and doing design stuff for mso n never doing what they want me to do, so when raja suggested we made a batch gathering in our new house, i thought it was an awesome idea bc i havent hung out w kids in my batch for awhile now, n after having a short lunch w one of em the other day i realized that theyve been spending their time living their lives awesomely as well, n i kinda wanna hear all about it.

So yeaa after many discussions on when we should do it n whos free when we finally decided to do it last friday night. Thing is, that morning was my first shift ever, so right after i had to go buy stuff to replenish the household resources. when i was on my bus home, i saw afiq somewhere near the bus driver. I waved at him, hating to sit in front bc those r usually reserved seats n i dont like hesitating to stand up to offer an older person the seat, so i went all the way to the back w my bags of groceries n there he was, abdul hakim bin zazli.

When he saw me he asked "pegi meijer ke?" And i said yea and our conversation stopped there. I was wearing earphones, but he wasnt, but he was looking at his phone. Afiq messaged me "have fun" n i hated him. After awhile i noticed he wasnt really on his phone, he was just bored n that was his escapade, as usual, a habit of his ive noticed since the trip. So I wanted to make conversation, but when i called out "kim" he wasnt responding so i looked away, but suddenly he turned to me but i was already looking somewhere else, so he didnt say anything. He didnt say bye, but after walking a bit i noticed afiq turning around n grinning at the bus. I still hate him.

So that night was pretty awesome. Even most of the guys came. All the girls came. It was tiring having to make sure there was always food for the guests n that they werent bored, but everyone was pretty chill n i loved it. My batch is pretty awesome. I think one of the best feelings after thinking that u suck at befriending guys is having guys laugh at your jokes. intec guys sucked. period.

Saturday night. I was supposed to be studying for a monday exam. Suddenly afiq asked if i wanted to play left4dead2, which is a game we casually play together w sal, a chill sarawak girl who i have a friend crush on (she loves video games too n owns a ps4). We also managed to get mirza to play w us. After losing one round too many times, mirza quit n the cpu sort of saved our ass. It was 2am n we were still talking while doing our own shit. I have a feeling us 3 would make a pretty awesome trio.

Anyway i ended up being the last one sleeping bc i was editing jongup's bday video, but they all said they'd wanna come over to the ceramics studio to play clay from my wheel throwing class. So the next morning i told them it was pretty empty, so sal came n made an awesome mug for a first timer. She had fun. Afiq had a meeting so we met up w him for pizza after, then he came back to the studio w me bc he wanted to play w clay too. He told me that hakim brought the car to campus, so if i still had a lot of work to do n would probably miss the last bus at 5.30 i could ask him. So i did. He said he was going back at 10, n afiq didnt wanna go back that late, so he ended up have someone pick him up at 7. At 9, hakim was in front of the art building.

I keep forgetting to tell u guys that raja has met hakim on buses several times but he wouldnt talk to her, or like, he ignored her, which was something he did even to me before the trip, which is why when he talked to me first on friday, it felt great really. But raja hated it. She questioned it - why does hakim talk to me but not her? Why is he the only person she knows who wouldnt talk to her? I guess what she hated was his ego, but it also made it sound like she wants everyone on earth to love her, n i couldnt really stand that. But i didnt say a thing.

So when he initiates conversation during that what felt so short trip home, i was happy. As i described it to raja, it was a give n take. He would ask a question then talk n I would ask a question then talk n we were still cracking jokes when we were at the front door of my apartment. Unlike afiq who likes long goodbye n attachment, hakim's goodbyes were short n sweet, n i wonder why he's so chill w me, n some parts of me says that he probably thinks i have something going on w afiq, n i kinda hate that.

-tbc-

#personal #hz

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