#im never gonna try to become friends with anyone ever again now that I'm thinking about these situations | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

phoebehalliwell · 2 years ago

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I mean, if you want gossip, welcome to my tale of questionable decisions! Let me set the scene for you. The relevant players are me, my female friend, and a guy who we've both been befriending. (The setting, mostly irrelevant but must be added to emphasize the Questionable Decisions of this tale is a church group. As in we're all in the same church group. What the fuck at me) Anyways, friend has gotten some flirty signals from guy and is interested but not willing to do anything unless he's explicitly into her.

Meanwhile, I end up becoming closer friends with this guy bc we went to an arcade a weekend night, accidentally had too much, and then had a full on breakdown on how my ex bf almost definitely sexually assaulted me. The guy (nice guy not ex bf, he has no more relevance to this story besides my ~trauma~) ends up hanging out with me a few more days, in part bc I am Not Handling this well. (ha ha, i'm repressing it atm again, this seems like a better idea!) We end up being better friends tho, and I find out that he is into my friend which great!

Issue is that my hormones are fucking stupid as hell and I. haven't even kissed anyone since said ex bf and guy friend is nice to me and I am reasonably sure won't be weird about it. So basically: we ended up making out on my couch. for a while. Additional context: I outright told him beforehand that I didn't want a relationship with him and this would be a one-time thing that I would almost definitely never bring up again. Which: not wrong. He's a great friend and I like hanging out with him but we're fundamentally incompatible and I'm just not into him that way. (Seriously, the entire thought process on my end is that he has proven multiple times that he won't hurt me, will stop if I ask, and is chill enough that it won't need to become a thing.)

He had to leave after a while, because y'know time and I basically talked him into asking out my friend. So please, imagine this scenario. Me and him, having just spent two hours making out on my couch with the full understanding this was a one-time thing, now standing on my porch at midnight as I try to talk him into asking her out while he expresses doubt that she's into him. I've done it tho and he's gonna ask her out tomorrow. This is the current situation as of fifteen minutes ago.

My expectation is frankly that while we may talk about it in the future, bc he is currently only person alive who knows about my trauma, it will never happen again. (Like I said: I'm really not into him like that.) Admittedly, not totally sure on what'll happen with him and her but a legit possibility that they end up going out (and he's already promised me to not tell anyone about it, which he won't bc of who he is as a person) and it going well. Honestly, idk if I really need advice bc I do legitimately think that this will work out fine for everyone but may I get an f in the chat for what the fuck was I thinking. Any advice about the situation will be gladly accepted tho! (Also anything about dealing with said trauma bc like I said. I am. not handling it v well oof.)

The most ironic thing about fucking all this is that I am normally the most drama-free, chill person ever and never get into trouble and then I did this. To repeat: what the fuck at me!

legendary behavior on your part honestly like. like?? idk i'm with you i think this could turn out fine maybe. like obvs there are good odds it doesn't but like. ❤️❤️❤️❤️. like aint nobody gotta know like first off i totally believe in like the principle of making out with your friends. granted i rarely do it for like two hours with the homies but like making out for two hours with someone that you're into is also like not that weird of a thing either imo like making out with someone at the club!! you guys are both just there it's both just vibes like!! idk it's normal!!! i feel sooo hashtag phoebecoded rn i do feel like this is incredibly dumb advice but im also hashtag team you. i think this is gna be fine. but also yeah like really don't let her know. like. that's just business between y'alls just silly haha business and it's like if you get it you get it but if you don't it's really confusing and hurtful bc it's harder to get it if you already like the guy you get what i'm saying. but yeah. hope things work out for your friend and homeboy. homeboy sounds chill. also they're both so relatable for refusing to do anything until they know for sure it's reciprocated the amount of the times i have had to hold my homies at gunpoint (and vice versa!) to ask out the guy who clearly likes them... well it's a modern (?? or not idk i'm not old) rite of passage. wishing u all luck. keep me posted im nosy owo.

#fun fact i have friends! who. okay jake and rebecca went to hs together then started dating afterwards or whatever.#rebecca worked with wilmer who would sometines give her rides home bc public transportatin scewy. wilmer didn't know rebecca had a man #rebecca gets jake the job at the same place but he hasn't started but wilmer's heard of him but like doesn't realize #Anyways!! jake's out and about (somewhere he shouldn't have been imo) and wilmer and rebecca are just like. chillin watching a movie #jake comes home and finds them just chillin wilmers like wait why is he here and rebecca's like he lives here #and wilmer's like oh. and rebecca's like yeah he's my boyfriend. and wilmer's like oh!.#anyways that was five years ago now wilmer and rebecca are getting married jake is literally one of the groomsmen #love wins!#askphoebe #thank you for sending in a thrilling little narrative mwah #💌

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songbirdtayler · 5 months ago

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Im posting this here since no one will see it and I don't want my brother to find it in my journal. I still want to die. I keep thinking about it every day. It's been this way for months on end and it's at the point where I'm not scared to die. I already have things mostly planned out. I know when and which day would work best, Im gonna write a will soon and then letters to everyone and maybe do some videos in case the letters are unreadable. I just need to get that all done and choose how to go out. I do want a bit more money before I go so my family has less to worry about but they can sell all my stuff im not giving to people. They won't have to worry about another mouth to feed or the upstairs being too hot, they can move my fans downstairs to help keep things cooler and hopefully make the electrical bill go down some. They also won't have to worry about another person getting COVID. I won't weigh them down anymore. I won't weigh anyone down. I won't ever have to be in pain or cause anyone more pain again. It will be my last act of pain. Sure it's a big pain but they'll be okay. Everyone I care about has people there for them. They won't see me become a bigger monster, they'll be able to have some good memories of me. I don't want them to have more bad memories of me. I don't want to hurt them anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt. Everything hurts so much. My heart hurts so much. I'm not strong enough to keep going on. I'm so tired of being hurt all the time. Things just keep getting worse. I've managed to hurt my best friend so much that he doesnt even love me anymore. We're still friends but it hurts ya know. And it hurts more knowing that I'll never even be close to the one he likes. I can't make him comfy anymore, I can't make him happy or laugh or support him etc. I just hurt him it seems like:/ he used to really love me but I ruined that. I ruin everything I touch. That's the other reason why I gotta go. I don't want to ruin more things. I just want everyone to be happy and okay. I don't want to make the world a darker place. I think I've done all I can, I don't see what Im needed here for anymore. I don't think I really matter. Its hard to see why I would. How can a monster matter ? Not only that, people don't really talk to me...I'm ignored a lot so I stopped really reaching out. I'm pretty lonely most of the time tbh. I'm not someone people really check in on or want to spend time with. I'm just here. Im not even good at what I used to be good for so I don't even have people really reaching out for those reasons now. It's pretty funny people always tell me they love me and care but they don't really reach out or try to talk to me one on one yet they always will for other people. I can't even be treated kindly when I'm clearly worried about someone else yet they love me. The irony of it all. If you care then why don't you try with me!!! Do you see why it's so hard to see why I matter? If I matter why don't people try..I don't get it. People know I'm going through a rough time yet they still don't even reach out. IM NOT THAT STRONG IVE BEEN THROUGH THE RINGER OF PAIN I NEED SUPPORT AND CARE GODDAMNIT. So I gotta be a monster it's what makes sense. Maybe I would have been stronger if I had more support and if things stopped getting worse all the time. But I don't have either of those things. All I have is more pain and suffering and loneliness and seeing myself further descend into being a bigger monster. I try so hard to do good and be kind and happy and a good friend but I keep fucking up. I can't even do something simple. I was too greedy letting myself live this long. If I was gone noone of the pain I caused would have happen and I wouldn't have to experience all this pain. I would be at peace and people would be happy but I'm foolish and hopefully. I won't let that get the best of me now tho. I'll be gone soon enough

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bb-dot-move-daisies · 6 months ago

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HI TUMBLR !!! IT'S TWO AM SO IM DOING RANDOM PINTEREST OTP GAMES AS IF ANYONE CARES!!!! 🫶🫶🫶 BE CRINGE!!! BE FREE!!!!

1. Who's the one to wake up the kids? DAISY, definitely. Kylie's too weak. she'd feel bad.

2. Who makes breakfast? KYLIE. I'm interpreting this as "Who Cooks (in general)", by the way. It's Kylie, 100%. (SOURCE: Mediterranean Parents; Culinary School (Dropout); works at a bar; friends with people of color who would Kill Them if they were caught calling salt and pepper "Adequate Seasoning."; knows what a lumpia is)

it's not that daisy CAN'T COOK, it's just that most of her food is either mid or straight up weird, textureless comfort food, so the kids get more excited about kylie's cooking.

3. Who's the more disciplined parent and who's more lenient? I feel like this depends. The easy answer is "Daisy's the mom. Kylie's the dad. hope this helps." But i do feel like they might disciplined about different things and more lenient about others??? Daisy's definitely more about education, and skill building, and the kids' ~~~future~~~, while Kylie focuses on the health and needs of their kids— not in like a hedonistic sort of way, but more in a...if someone was sick or just had their heartbroken by some stupid boy, kylie's the first to get them on that road to recovery, and (softly) makes sure they don't get sidetracked.

4. Who helps with the science fair? IDK, let's ask the AEROSPACE ENGINEER

5. Who does baby talk? Daisy. She had to be "an adult" pretty early on. So now all children look like newborns to her— she doesn't mean to talk down to them, she just never realised her kids have grown up.

Kylie casually cusses around the kids. They talk to them like small roommates.

6. Who wakes up for midnight feedings? This depeeeends... They're both nocturnal.

7. Who's the one that always worries? Both of them. BOTH OF THEM. Daisy, again, might look more "neurotic" about it, but Kylie's worries too. Kylie's afraid they're gonna fundamentally fuck up their kids— and when they inevitably grow up to become stand up comedians, they'll tell only 'my lesbian mothers were terrible' jokes.

8. Who picks up the kids early for fun? Kylie's the only one who has time for this. So. Kylie.

9. Who's the competitive parent? I feel like...neither of them are??? Donnie, their older daughter is competitive, but that's of her own volition

10, 11. Who kisses the ouches? Who's a sucker for the puppy eyes? Daisy. Kylie. Daisy and Kylie.

11. Who makes the dad jokes? Daisy. She's so out of touch with the teens :(

12. Who embarrasses their kids for fun? Not on PUUUURPOSE... they know what it's like, so they try not to. But they can't help the fact that they are extremely cringe.

Donnie in particular, (as much as she loves them), I imagine, feels embarrassed of the fact that THESE TWO are her adoptive parents. school is hard enough as the only queer foster kid within a seven mile radius, but the fact that daisy and kylie are the way that they are makes fitting in all that much harder.

Maisie was kinda raised to love herself unconditionally, so I don't think she feels shame, ever. (sometimes to her detriment)(but yeah)

13,14. Who's the overprotective one? Daisy. Cased closed.

#ottororin #simsposting #🏠: daisy & kylie #daisy reilly #kylie french francardi #donnie #maisie francardi #random #infodumpie

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shshshshshowrunner · 2 years ago

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14, 18, 29, 32, 38, 4, 20, 23, 24, 33

oh went really went for the jugular here friend.

14- biggest turns offs

it's more of a vibe than any particular thing. i can't pinpoint what happened most of the time but sometimes i will just entirely shut down and start spiraling. so i guess sometimes my brain just does the Big No and makes me smack my head into a wall

18- most traumatic experience

probably when i lost Rion and Steri. I was fully feeling then, i wasn't numb like i was when i was created. Rion and Steri, they were both cursed by a witch to be deer, and I managed to uncurse Rion most of the way. Most. he ended up being murdered by townsfolk in front of me. this was before i learned necromancy, and actually what drove me to do so. promised myself i'd never be caught off guard and lose a friend because of a skill issue ever again. steri, he... he ran off into the woods. i was driven away. i never did find him.

29- reason i've lied to a friend

wouldn't you like to know *xigbar dying in kh2.gif*

32- what words upset me the most

i super don't like when people insult me but for whatever reason it sets me on f i r e when people insult me as a (ex)wife or a mother. like bitch hello. i'm gonna insult you as a breather. the fuck do you mean you think i was a bad wife i was the best wife now shut your bitch ass mouth before i punch your teeth so far down your throat the tooth fairy's gonna need to do a colonoscopy. not fucking budging on this i was the best wife it just so happens that he was an atrocious husband. anyone would have ran, and sooner. cunt ass bitch. perish.

38- my childhood career choice

"childhood" "choice" lmao

4- do you drink

swamp sauce babie when i am stressed and crisis-ing or when xigbar becomes silly with it involved.

20- what i hate most about myself

i can't stop trying to help people and it never works and they never want it and i make everything fucking worse and i need to s t o p but i can't fucking stop because i was made to do this i can barely- if- if i don't try to help i feel like tearing my skin from my face its- literally not to quote supernatural here but the very damned touch of me corrupts i fuck everything up always.

23- my relationship with my siblings

i think about this. see, i don't have siblings, or even siblings in law. unless you count... um. gods my family tree is fucked up. if you squint and ignore the turning in your stomach, paph and arme are my half siblings. and now im trying to do math for... but no, i won't, anyway things are okay with my kids i think

24- my relationship with my parents

i killed my husband actually and i intend to do it again (date night!) and i've never seen aphrodite in the flesh after the very first time. xigdad though we watch x files on the regular it's great

33- what words make me feel best about myself

when people i care about engage with me in shared interests without it feeling like they are tolerating me or humoring me. the narrator teared up with me about destiel over lunch that was pretty great. as for specific words i like 'doll' but only coming from xigbar anyone else can die by my blade. i like 'friend' also and 'bestie' and that can come from anyone im kh-close with (have talked twice). 'bestie' can also be used by other fans of supernatural as is customary. uhm i also like being reassured that im not colossally fucking up at every turn so when people go 'yes' or 'great' or 'good job' in genuine ways it's like 'oh thank the gods i didn't just throw my whole life down the drain by fumbling that interaction'

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sugawarassoulmate · 2 years ago

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im foing thru a bully!osamu brain rot so imagine samu pissing reader off somehow (like collaterally: i imagine him fucking up and KNOWING he fucked up) n is trying to do some damage control by being the sweetest he's ever been I JUST WANT TO SEE HIM GROVEL

i Imagine him to be piss scared at the prospect of u ever breaking up w him over smth he did jendkd

i am incapable of not writing a happy ending for these two idiots

words: 805 cw: fem!reader, post-love confession bully!osamu, jealousy, arguing, insecurity, implied breakup, sfw but minors dni always

honestly, bully!osamu's biggest problem is his jealousy and it's something he still struggles with even after you become official. at first, you kind of deal with it, but as his girlfriend now, you wish he'd trust you enough and get over it.

"i'm tired of having the same argument with you, again and again, samu," you finally said after so much back and forth.

he really did it this time.

you and a classmate were working on a project together worth a big part of your final mark, which obviously meant spending a lot of time together. of course, osamu had a problem with it since it was a guy.

you tried to be understanding—you texted samu every time you were with him and you always did work in the library so you two would never be totally alone. but that wasn't enough for osamu. he still found a way to get upset and grill your partner to the point where he was considering talking to your professor about working with someone else.

when he apologized for it, you, you'll admit you blew up on him a bit.

"it's not just about the stupid project, samu. but thanks soooo much for making that situation harder than it needed to be," you snap, taking him by surprise since you've never raised your voice at him.

"but what's gonna happen in the future? do you just not trust me? i'm sick of feeling guilty about something that it's my fault." after stopping for a moment and catching your breath before sighing. "sometimes i think you're never going to change..."

and osamu doesn't like that. the way the tone of your voice changed just then. panic immediately sets in when you leave the room without looking back at him.

he goes into damage control, but he isn't sure what to do. osamu's never been one to apologize before and if he did, it wasn't in words. he's pretty sure cooking a meal or fucking you won't get him out of this one.

he asks no begs for your forgiveness. it's so stupid, of course, he trusts you. sometimes osamu gets in his own head and doesn't want anyone to have you, but that's immature of him.

osamu gives you some space before he apologizes—holding onto your waist as he tells you how right you are and how he's going to make things right. first, he goes to your project partner and apologizes to him as well (it stings to do so, but osamu knows it's right)

your partner accepts and agrees to continue working with you so neither of your grades is jeopardized. but osamu knows it's not enough.

it starts with breakfast in the morning because hey, he's gifted with amazing cooking skills and he's gonna use them. osamu makes your favorite and serves it to you in bed.

the stern smile on your face tells him that you appreciate the gesture but you're still upset, which he expected.

for the record, miya osamu does not grovel, but he'd be lying if he said your words didn't scare him a little bit. sucking up his pride, osamu kneels next to the bed and takes one of your hands.

"i do trust you, baby," he breathes, choosing his words carefully so as to not upset you.

you pick at the food sitting on the tray. "it doesn't feel like you do sometimes. and it's not just my project partner, but it's our friends. i can see you getting uncomfortable when suna's around and — fuck, samu sometimes i swear you think i'm gonna run off with your brother or something."

ok, that hurt, but he deserves it.

he takes another deep breath. "i will work on it. yer my girlfriend and i trust ya," he says with a steady voice. "and next time i'm bothered by somethin', i'll talk to ya instead of lashin' out."

that perks you up a bit. "and?"

"and...i'll be better about you hangin' out with tsumu and suna. they're yer friends too and i shouldn't be so possessive."

finally, finally you give him a smile, leaning over for a quick kiss. "samu, was that so hard?" you said, running your fingers through his hair. "that's all i want to hear."

for the first time, osamu can breathe easy. the sweetness in your voice is back and you're actually eating his food — a sight he'll never get tired of. "shit, baby, ya had me scared for a second,��

your eyes harden for just a moment. “don’t get too comfortable, samu. changed behavior means more than just an apology.”

and just like that your smile is back, the revolving door of emotion gives osamu whiplash that he’s never experienced before, but he’s more than willing to work on himself if it means you’ll stay.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #osamu x reader #osamu miya x reader #miya osamu x reader #osamu #osamu miya #🍑#🍑osamu #bully!osamu

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goldrushzukka · 2 years ago

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aidays playlist breakdown: chapter 3

writers block is kicking my ass right now so instead of fulfilling my promise to finish aidays by november im just gonna churn out a couple of these. sorry. (end of the year. probably. writing is really hard.)

here's the fic

here's the playlist

the one by carly rae jepsen

ms carly slay jepsen back at it again with another song about casual sex with absolutely no strings attached at all ever. easy breezy. don't even worry about it.

(ID: "Truth is I never thought of us together / You're just a friend of mine / We should know better, this can't last forever / But kiss me one more time". End ID)

this is sooooo them bc they should know better! they do know better! but here they are anyway! sokka and zuko entered into this thing with the intention of it being unserious and temporary. theyre just people who have sex, and then they become friends who have sex, and then friends starts to turn into something...else. but they've set these boundaries, so they can't be something else, so they pretend it's not happening. they keep saying casual and acting like their feelings aren't there, just to hold on to what they have, in the hopes that it'll be enough.

(ID: "Romance is fine / Pour me some wine / Tell me it's just for the fun of it / Thoughts in your eyes / Hard to deny, but / I don't want love, don't want none of it". End ID)

this part of the song is the most applicable to chapter 3 i think. the scene where sokka asks zuko to catsit while he's away at yue's wedding is so thick with romance it's a wonder they don't fucking choke on it. that whole exchange is so. like. they're lying to themselves. sokka gives zuko a key to his apartment. 24 hour access. a promise not to turn him away, that he is welcome and wanted always. and they both somehow convince themselves (and each other!) that this is a normal thing to offer your casual sex friend. olympic level mental gymnastics happening in that scene.

(ID: "If you want to, you can stay the night / I don't want to be the one, the one / IF you want to, you can hold me tight / I don't want to be the one, the one". End ID)

this is the mindset. sokka gives zuko a key to his apartment, but they're super casual. zuko sleeps better beside sokka than he has his entire life, but they're not dating or anything. they talk every day even if they don't see each other, but it's not like they're in love, right? right. they can do all of these romantic things, make all these gestures and be there for each other, and it's completely fine as long as they remind themselves that it's casual, it's casual, it's casual.

valentine (what's it gonna be) by rina sawayama

another casual relationship banger, but this time it's anxious!!! this song just scratches something in my brain. idk how to describe it i think there's drugs in this

(ID: "I don't think about the future (It doesn't matter) / Or whether we'll stay together (Whether we'll part) / Making promises is dangerous (I'm just a phase) / I'm just your valentine". End ID)

they're casual, right? because anything else -- dating from the start, admitting feelings when they're in the thick of it -- is setting themselves up for failure. they met in a dirty bar and hooked up in the bathroom before going home together, this can't last. this can't be the great love story of their lives, right? right? so this is again, still, the lie they tell themselves. it doesn't matter, it's just a fling, i'm just your valentine.

(ID: "Nowhere else to go / Turn to you but I hope you know / This love is just for show / One night and nothing more". End ID)

the contradiction of "nowhere else to go" and "this love is just for show" is exactly the kind of bullshit zuko and sokka are trying to get away with. this isn't a relationship and there are no real feelings involved and we're just having fun, but no one else would have me and i don't want anyone but you. god. they're so fucking stupid.

house key by scott helman

YEAHHH BABY LET'S GET YEARNY!!!! LET'S GET SOME PINING IN HERE

(ID: "I wanna back splash and a house cat / I wanna make a home for you / I wanna T.V. and a settee / I wanna live alone with you / And when you wake up in the middle of the night / I won't complain if you turn on the light / Beside me you'd be happy you'll see / Can I get your house key? Can I get your house key?". End ID)

this song was not inspiration for this chapter bc i didn't know it existed until i'd already published, but it very well could've been written about this fic. this song is the dead of night, when it's too quiet and dark for anything but the truth. it's all the cards held close to the chest, all the secrets kept even from yourself. the agonising knowledge that this is real, this could be something, it could be everything, it probably already is.

lover by taylor swift

let's just get into it i can't talk about what this song means to me without sounding even more deranged than i already have in this post

(ID: "And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear / Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?". End ID)

this is the thing with zuko and sokka in this fic. they hit it off immediately. they click. the "getting to know you" phase doesn't feel like learning, it's like remembering. it's just like carly rae jepsen says in her smash hit single call me maybe, "before you came into my life, i missed you so bad". always right. anyway this line makes me want to bite my own fingers like carrot sticks

(ID: "Can I go where you go? / Can we always be this close? / Forever and ever, ah / Take me out, and take me home / You're my, my, my, my lover". End ID)

this is what love is. this is it. can i go where you go ("i wish you could be here to see it"), can we always be this close ("do you want to take the long way?"), forever and ever ("i wouldn't want to be stuck with anyone else"). that's love.

(ID: "My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue / All's well that ends well to end up with you / Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover / And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me / And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover". End ID)

this is what i'm TALKING ABOUT!!!!! like!!!! all's well that ends well to end up with you equals nothing safe is worth the drive equals every moment of heartache is worth it to be together at the end!!!!! they have each been through so much, both separately and together. i have personally forced them to have so many problems. but this is what it's all for. this is the goal. this is what they get to have, when the dust settles and the sun finally shines on them: dirty jokes and a spot beside their lover. simple pleasures made grand by true love.

#once again i do not know how to end this #whatever this is the internet i can just say things it doesnt have to make sense #anyway! had a breakdown writing this bc i listened to lover and realised i am deeply deeply lonely #so i might get some good prose out of that bottomless pit of despair #mine #aidays #my writing #zukka #i always forget how to tag this

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xpeachesncream · 4 years ago

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perfectly wrong | one

summary: there were rules that had to be followed: no one could know about you two, there was no ‘getting to know each other,’ and there was absolutely no emotional attachment allowed. if this could be done, there should be no complications. but somehow, the rules always get bended.

pairing: reader x fuckboy!kth

genre: college au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 2301

chapter warnings: cussing, mature language, very slight angst, some hints of jealousy, alcohol consumption

notes: pls remember that this is set a few months after you and tae have been going at it, so it will seem like things are happening a bit fast. i’m not trying to prolong this series. also most importantly, i tend to usually write shorter chapters > shorter, but more chapters published. enjoy!

> series masterlist <

Jungkook decided he was going to see if he could jump over your couch and land perfectly in a seated position.

"Wait, wait, wait. Absolute silence everybody." He says as he's stretched over, trying to estimate the timing and height of his jump. He had always been super athletic and competitive since you two were small, so there was really no changing his mind on this. He always had to prove something, even if that meant creating his own competition of jumping over the couch.

"It's just me and you." You watched him from the kitchen, making sure the pizza in the oven was baking properly.

"I have an audience, okay? Don't be rude, Y/N." He says as he points over to the fake audience clapping and laughing during a 'Friends' episode.

"Whatever, as long as you don't go breaking my shit, Jeon Jungkook." He was 22, but his mentality was 8. That was for damn sure.

"Siiiiiiilence." He says at a whisper, his eyes shut as he puts a finger to his mouth. He lets out a huff and a puff before he gets the courage to throw himself over the couch and land a perfect landing. "And once again, he sticks the landing!" He stands up with his hands up in the air.

"You're annoying." You laughed, getting paper plates ready for the pizza that was about to be done because you were in no mood to do any dishes tonight.

"Thank you! I'll be here again tomorrow, same time." He calls out to his fake audience.

"No the hell you're not."

"Ouch, nevermind. Someone apparently doesn't want me here." You laugh at how dramatic he is. At this point, you just let him be because that was something you always loved about your bestfriend. He embraced the kid in him and always brought good times. You had similarities, but you also had some major differences. You liked being in your comfort zone & you were labeled the innocent nerd amongst your friends. You just like to consider yourself simple, though. A 'take it day by day' kind of person. Kookie was fun, adventurous and childish at times. He was also shy, but loud at the same time? An introverted extrovert, you could say.

But you loved each other nonetheless, that's why you've clicked so well since you were young. You taught each other things & grew together.

"Here, fool." You placed the pizza in front of him with the paper plates.

"Set it up, I'll grab us the drinks. You want anything in particular?"

"That bottle of Stella Rosa, please." JK knew you loved that Stella Rosa, so he happily grabs the bottle and two wine glasses. He plops back next to you on the couch, pouring your glasses and grabbing a heaping serving of 4 slices of pizza.

You both decided you want a good laugh, so you throw on Kevin Hart's newest installment: Zero Fucks Given. It isn't long before you both are rolling on the floor, almost gasping for air at how much you're laughing at Kevin Hart's stand up. The pizza is gone, the wine is gone, and you're still feeling pretty tipsy. The whole thing sounds nice, until your head starts to wonder what Taehyung is doing and if he'll text you to come over tonight. You know he probably already has plans with another chick though, and that hits you.

Curse this fucking alcohol.

Let's get this straight - the only time you 'talk' is when he's trying to fuck.

And yes bitch, you let him do this to you. You're out that door before you can even fully slip your shoes on. Dick is just that good. It's something about Taehyung that makes you addicted. The way he gives you a stupid ass smirk when he opens his door, the way he touches your skin and gently lays his shit on you until you both become really invested in the moment. So invested that shit hits the roof. It gets messy. It gets rough. It becomes unspeakable.

You aren't friends. No one knows about you two, or that you even know the other exists. You don't know shit about each other. The only thing you know is that he's fucking other girls. He has a whole roster, you'd imagine - a starting five, at least.

He doesn't care about you, and for the most part, you don't either. At least, that's what you like to portray because it's been some months now since this whole thing started and you can't help but feel some kind of emotional tie to him. You're leaving your house between 12-2am in the morning and sleeping in his bed until 6-7am. It's a routine; a routine you've become used to. You skip out on some late night kick-its with your friends cause you anticipate a text to come through from him.

But, he doesn't care. You aren't the only female slipping into those sheets, and boy does it fucking make it hard to swallow. Reality hits hard when you think about it and you feel this huge pit in your stomach. You try to be different, you try to stand out one way or another. But it doesn't work that way. You knew what this entailed going into it, so it makes zero sense as to why you're hurting and getting jealous from time to time.

You know it still doesn't matter to him.

He's only fucking you over cause you let him. You know damn well you're not gonna change and let this go, though. You love thrill of it too much. It's the most thrill your life has had. You're not perfect and you're only human. You make mistakes, but this one definitely puts the cherry on top. Because not only do you refuse to learn, but you let it repeat itself over and over again.

"Aishhhh, my stomach hurts from laughing too much." Jungkook laid his head back and patted his belly. "But that was good though. I needed that."

"Yeah it was. Thanks for coming by to watch that with me, Kook." He tilts his head over to look at you and smiles.

"Sure thing." He checks his phone and sits up. "Yoongi is blowing up the group chat." You check your phone to see multiple unread messages from none other than Min Yoongi himself.

[yoongi] 10:37pm: aye

[yoongi] 10:45pm: all of a sudden, everyone is ghost in this group chat?! you all had a lot to say not too long ago.

[yoongi] 10:52pm: even though you guys are fake as fuck, does anyone wanna come with me to the bars tonight? meet at my place so we can head out.

You and Jungkook laughed at how butthurt Yoongi was in the groupchat. Yoongi definitely was the most serious and blunt one in your group, but he still liked to party and have a good time. It was just how he was. Hoseok was always full of energy and probably the most extroverted one out of all 4 of you. He was never shy. You and Jungkook met Yoongi and Hoseok your first year in college and became inseparable ever since. You all just click with your different attributes.

[jungkook] 10:53pm: lmaoooooooo

[yoongi] 10:53pm: fuck you dude lol

[jungkook] 10:54pm: i'll come through in a sec, i'm at y/n's right now. not sure if she's gonna come though?

[y/n] 10:55pm: i'll pass, i'm tired and wined out.

[hoseok] 10:55pm: ahahahah yoongi shut up, blowing up my phone for no reason. i'm passing on tonight too. im tired from working that overtime *cries*

[yoongi] 10:56pm: you both are boring. i'm especially offended at how i didn't get an invite to your little powwow, y/n. and now you don't wanna hang out?

[hoseok] 10:57pm: she mentioned she was going to watch kevin hart's thing yesterday and offered us to swing by if we wanted to though....... selective hearing, maybe?

[y/n] 10:58pm: ^ okayyyyy and that's on period! thank you hobi <3

[hoseok] 10:59pm: anything for the baby

[yoongi] 10:59pm: lmao you're a brat, y/n. whatever, i'm still hurt by you both! kook, hurry on over so we can drink

"Fuck I regret this, I'm gonna die." Jungkook laughed as he stood up and stretched. He quickly helped you clean up before he figured it was time to go or else Yoongi would have a fit.

"I feel like it has to do with that one girl he's been talking to on and off."

"Perhaps." Jungkook shrugged before putting on his shoes. "We shall see." he sighs before giving you a tight hug. "You sure you don't wanna come out?"

"Nope."

"You don't even have plans tonight."

"Yes I do."

"Doing what?"

"Laying in bed." Jungkook snorted as you shook your head and shrugged. What else did he think you were trying to do? He should know you by now, at the very least.

"Alright, I'm not even going to argue. I'm off."

"Be safe, have fun, text me if you both need anything, okay?" He nods as he shuts the door, leaving you to your lonesome. You swirled the teeny tiny drop of wine leftover in your glass around before picking up your phone.

No new texts. Well, let's be specific: no new texts from taehyung.

You did forget to respond to your oldest cousin though, when he was just trying to check up on you.

[seokjin] 8:35pm: pssst y/n

[seokjin] 8:35pm: psssssssssst

[seokjin] 8:35pm: oyyyyyyyyyy

He was damn near 30 years old and hated talking on the phone so much that he decides to blow up your phone this way. But, he was the cousin you loved dearly and you had a very tight, sibling-like relationship with him. He was like the older brother you've always wanted. He watched you grow, protected you, kept you safe, supported you and cheered you on - especially when your family talked so much shit about how you and him weren't gonna get anywhere with your goals. You know, the fucking stupid ol' saying of 'chasing your passion isn't going to bring you money & wealth.' Your family was all about the titles and money, but Jin was passionate about cooking and wanted to open his own cafe. You, on the other hand, wanted to pursue your art. Jin was the biggest role model for you because he was the first to defy your family's wants and wishes. He was the black sheep of the family with a huge 'I don't give a fuck' mentality and he taught you that along the way.

Don't ever be afraid to do what you're passionate about. Fuck 'em.

[y/n] 11:13pm: hi sorry, jungkook was over and we were watching kevin hart's new thing on netflix over some wine and pizza.

[seokjin] 11:15pm: that sounds fun! sorry, i just wanted to check on you but i see you're doing okay lol

[y/n] 11:16pm: i am. :) i'll hang out with you tomorrow

[seokjin] 11:16pm: how sweet, my freeloading baby cousin is coming by

[y/n] 11:17pm: hahahah shut up! although you're not wrong, i am going to steal some food. but most importantly, i do want to hang out and see my bestest oppa <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: awww y/n, you're so full of shit <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: go to bed

[y/n] 11:19pm: haha love you tooooo

And so, that's what you did. You got yourself all ready for bed, believing you wouldn't be leaving your house tonight. You pampered yourself, put on a face mask and got yourself all lathered up in lotion just to lay down. You're in Jungkook's shirt that he left behind (and never looked for, so technically it's yours now) when the guys had stayed the night and some Vicky Secret panties.

You're scrolling through your Instagram feed, seeing Jungkook's newly posted story with him and Yoongi already at the bars, acting a damn fool. You laughed at the video he took of Yoongi trying to dance in a tight, awkward space on the crowded dance floor even though he was never the best at dancing. It lowkey made you wish you went out with them so you wouldn't be stuck here thinking about your feelings and how lonely these hours get.

And then you see Jimin's story from an hour ago. He knew you were friends with Yoongi, and although Yoongi wasn't fond of their group too much, he was still an avid party-goer and mingled with people there. You've only spoken to Jimin once because you had to work with him in the same group on a class assignment. You tried to keep it that way though because he was Taehyung's bestfriend. They went everywhere together, did everything together. He, too, was very popular among the ladies and across campus. I guess it was just their thing.

You assume they were at a party cause Jimin quickly flashes the camera at Taehyung, who's in front of him getting a lapdance from some chick. Jimin quickly turns the camera back to his face as he's laughing uncontrollably then abruptly cuts it off.

Great.

She's forsure going home with him tonight.

You set your phone down on the night stand and put on a show on your laptop to help you fall asleep.

Just as you're about to get some shut eye, your phone vibrates. You let it slip at first because you thought it could be one of the guys playing around, but it vibrates again, signaling another text coming through. You pick up your phone just to make sure Yoongi and Jungkook aren't in any trouble and need you to bail their asses out.

[taehyung] 12:17am: hey

[taehyung] 12:20am: come over.

You scoff at how he assumes you're still up and that you'd be coming over. You hated that. He knew he just had your ass.

youtube

track two: hit different - sza & ty dolla $ign

#bts #bts fanfiction #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #writing #perfectly wrong

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jaesvelvet · 3 years ago

Text

precious — park jeongwoo

warnings: lowercase,grammartical error,mention of death,nightmare

words: 1.8k words

pairing: jeongwoo + fem reader

it's nothing strange when jeongwoo stays with your family during holidays or school days. you guys' bonds are really strong, besides your parents are also best friends since high school so that's why both of you are close to each other.

it's usual summer breaks, jeongwoo hanging with you at your house, binging some netflix series. jeongwoo who is already bored watching the vampire diaries for thousand times, secretly glancing at his best friend.

he never thought of having a girl like you as his best friend (beside haruto of course) for him, you're perfect. sometimes he has a thought that he would never bored live in this world with you only. sounds creepy but that's how he loves his friendship with you.

turning 17 is a lot harder than jeongwoo ever imagine, he thought going through puberty is a lot easier. but trust him, it's not.

when he gets older, he realized that he saw you not as a best friend but as a girl he wants to date. he doesn't know when or why he fell for you but for sure he head over heels towards you.

"woo, stop looking at my pretty face"

"am i supposed to look at your damon then?" jeongwoo scoffed, flustrated you caught him looking at her

"um, yea?" you answer, grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl and stuffed into her mouth, without breaking the glance from television

jeongwoo let out a small laugh, seeing you, really into that show although this is their thousands time watching it

"im tired of these vampires, i'm bored" he confesses, lean back on the beige couch, once again he glances at you hoping you would respond to him

"you can't get tired of this, we're gonna binge this show until we're old," you said

"old? are you gonna be old with me y/n?" jeongwoo asked

without looking at the brown-haired boy, you nodded

"how about your future husband? doesn't he be jealous when his wife binge her favorite show with her guy best friend?" jeongwoo asked, when he sure his feelings towards you, he can't help but think about their future, if they ended up with someone else, does their friendship will last long? or they're gonna be like a stranger?

jeongwoo's question finally made you pause the show and turns her back to jeongwoo, staring at his relaxed face

"what?"

"i don't want to be married, no-one can't stand if i'm having one of those ruthless nightmares" you frowned and pout at the same time, jeongwoo can't help but smile as a response, he just wanna pinch your soft cheeks.

you suffer from nightmares, although it happens occasionally, when it's happened, you will call jeongwoo, face-timing the sleepy boy until the next morning because you're too scared to return to sleep and spent the rest of the night, crying. and jeongwoo is the one and only who accompany you till the next morning no matter how tired he is.

he never sleeps when you having a nightmare, he will take care of you and calm you down, you will keep apologizing to jeongwoo and treat him with good food the next day, and of course, jeongwoo didn't mind at all, because he hates seeing someone he loves suffering.

"so do you want to get married to me then?" jeongwoo asked, if haruto is here, he will screaming at the top of his lungs cause jeongwoo finally got some brave to make his move.

you let out a big laugh

"nope, i want to marry with damon" you stick out your tongue at jeongwoo, making the boy tickles your body.

the house filled with your and jeongwoo's laughter, although you guys didn't notice you guys are really at your highest of happiness now.

+.*

it's 4 am and you once again woke up because of the nightmare. however, this nightmare felt different, it made you shaking so bad and out of breath, your body all covered with cold sweats, tears slowly falling to your cheeks.

quietly you sobbing in your blanket, although all of your nightmares seem real, this nightmare felt too overwhelmed for you— usually, you would call jeongwoo but today you didn't, it because your nightmare this time is about him.

you never dreamt about anyone else, never! but tonight you dreamt about jeongwoo, you dream that he is dead. his soul left his body because saving you. all the scenarios from your dream keep playing in your heads and you want to forget it but you can't.

and that time you realized,

you and jeongwoo fit together like a puzzle piece.

+.*

you didn't sleep after the long night. you calmed yourself by watching some of your and jeongwoo videos together. you cried when you realized you fell way too deep at jeongwoo. his laughs are loud and annoying, he's too talkative, and he's too clingy. for others, he may be annoying but not to you, you could listen to his laugh, he's never-ending story while he clinging onto you every day and you feel weird if he didn't do that for a day. he also always put others first before him, he always cares about the people he treasure. how can you not fall for this boy!?!?

you grabbed ices cube from the freezer and put it on both of your eyes to get rid of the swollen eyes. although you knew so well jeongwoo would notice your swollen eyes but it's never hurt to try.

minutes later you heard jeongwoo's voice across the living room, greeting your mother. quickly you threw the ices into the sink and wipe your wet eyes using your sleeve.

you grab your mom's morning coffee and greet jeongwoo who already enter the kitchen, smiling widely as he saw you.

"jeongwoo, your voice is so loud my ears hurt!" you said trying to act normal.

jeongwoo grins and side hug you, jeongwoo frowns when he saw you drink a coffee? you hate coffee, even the smell made you mad.

"you drank coffee y/n? are you a real y/n?" jeongwoo look at you with a suspicious look and hit your head

"you ghost, get out from y/n's body, she sleeps and watching the vampire diaries all days it's no hope for you to control her body" he hit your head once again

"ouch! ya, park jeongwoo!" you slap jeongwoo's chest and put down the mug on the counter.

"that was my mom," you said making jeongwoo mouthing an 'o'

you and jeongwoo are now in your study room, studying for your guys' upcoming exam after summer breaks end. the room is so quiet, and it made you nervous. whenever you with jeongwoo, you guys are never this silent. usually, jeongwoo would sing or throw some stupid jokes that could lighten the darkroom.

you glance at jeongwoo, you lowkey surprised seeing the male is so focused on his study, jeongwoo is indeed a smart boy but you never see jeongwoo study so seriously???

"woo, you okay?" you asked

jeongwoo drops his pencil and finally look at you

"why?"

"um, the silence is too loud, you know"

"yeah"

jeongwoo continues his study after the short answer. his short responses making you shocked. never in your life he treat you like this

"woo, are you okay?" you asked again

jeongwoo sighed and his eyes bore into you.

"your eyes swollen, i thought we have no secrets at all? but i think we have now" he said and crossed his arms.

he felt upset when you didn't tell him why you were crying. he saw your eyes red and swollen in the kitchen but he didn't wanna ask, usually, you're the one who would tell him from a to z, what happens.

you bowed your head, you bite your lips. how you're gonna tell jeongwoo about your dream? you start picking your nails, all of a sudden you remembered your dream crystal clear, you recalled how jeongwoo's body full of blood, exited from his chest and his face so pale, mouth shaking while try to said his last words

'be safe y/n'

you shriek when the image of jeongwoo's death felt too real for you. you cover both of your ears and your face buried down between your knee.

"y/n are you okay?" jeongwoo asked, panic, he goes to your back and rubs your back, whispering 'everything is okay. he shocked and clueless since this is his first time facing this kind of situation but he copied everything you do whenever he felt blue.

after a moment you finally raised your heads and look at jeongwoo who worriedly stare at you. your face pale, trying so hard to forget about your dream and the fact that your dream feels too real not to help you at all. you quickly hugged jeongwoo, you buried your face in his chest, crying, and begged him to not leave you. jeongwoo froze at your sudden action but he still ensures you that he would stay.

"i got a nightmare yesterday" you finally speak up, your face still buried deep in jeongwoo's chest, too scared to face him.

"what? y/n why you didn't—"

you make a little space between you and jeongwoo

"the dream is about you woo! i dreamt you died last night and it felt too real! i scared, the dream wouldn't go away so i cried all night, i– still clearly saw your dead body in my dream. it all felt too real woo"

jeongwoo face become soft and his unsettle towards you faded away, he hugs you tightly and kiss your head

"i won't go anywhere, those dreams are devil trying to hurt my precious best friend," he said, rubbing your back to calm you.

you let go of the hug and look at jeongwoo with shy looks

"because of that nightmare, i realized something"

"what?"

"i don't love damon anymore, i love you" you confess making jeongwoo giggles

"finally i beat damon! come here bestfr—"

"no woo! i love you as a boy, man, or whatever it is. i love you not as a friend!" you said

jeongwoo froze, his smile faded

"i,i— you what? y-you love me?" he asked again

you shyly nodded

jeongwoo froze

his brain still processing all of your words. it's kinda strange when your crush has the same feeling as you

"woo, you're making me scared. say something"

jeongwoo looks at your red and swollen face, he smiled at how he is so lucky to have this girl as his girl?

"i love you too, i love you a lot and it's hard to keep it since you're my best friend," he said making you smile and tears falling on your cheeks

"please stay tonight i'm still scared," you said

"of course, now come here precious girl" jeongwoo said, wrapped his hand around you and kiss your head.

#treasure imagines #treasure scenario #treasure blurbs #park jeongwoo #jeongwoo imagines #jeongwoo fluff #treasure jeongwoo #jeongwoo scenario #jeongwoo x reader

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animereaderinsertwriter · 3 years ago

Text

Cupbearer (Eren/Reader)

Part III

Part I

Part II

Part IV (in progress)

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (im watching you, if you see this, begone!), vampire!eren, hunter!reader, fem!reader, smut, some amount of predator/prey dynamics but only kinda?? there is also a significant age difference but only cos eren is immortal and all that jazz. we're all adults here. there will eventually be smut.... and do i really need to say that there's gonna be blood in a vampire fic?

Description: A story of falling in love in 4 parts.

Eren is a bad man (well, a bad Creature) who has done bad things. When he meets the great-great-great granddaughter of one of his former friends in his favorite blood bar, however, he thinks it might not matter so much what happened in the past, so long as he can make the future something worth living to see.

Ao3 link here

After that night, it became increasingly hard for (Y/N) to leave, and for Eren to let her do so.

Something between them had changed. There were moments— when Eren would press feather-light kisses against her forehead, when he would casually leave a cup of her favorite tea where she would find it— where (Y/N) felt as though her heart might burst. It was all the little things that baffled her, all the ways in which he seemed to understand exactly how she felt; it was as though he knew her more than she knew herself. On the mornings that she would wake in his bed, sleepy and sticky and wholly content, (Y/N) wondered what it would be like to have this life forever.

Other days— on days like today— she was reminded exactly why that could never be, and it broke her heart.

Today, they had planned a romantic dinner in the park, an evening under the stars. It was supposed to be something special, a little getaway just for the two of them; they had wanted to leave as soon as (Y/N) was relieved from her patrol, so Eren had moved her things to his place, hoping that they could leave together from there for their evening alone.

In and of itself, that was fine… but when (Y/N) came in, covered head-to-toe in viscous Creature blood, Eren was furious.

“And you call me a monster,” he growled, looking her up and down with hate in his eyes. “I can’t believe you.”

He stood from his seat on the sofa, and (Y/N) began to back away, still wary from the fight she had narrowly escaped from unscathed. Her every instinct told her that she should run, fire a round of silver bullets into his chest, but she steeled herself, doing neither.

“It’s not my fault— they were attacking a civilian,” she told him as he stalked towards her, his face twisted into a horrific scowl. “I tried to stop them— tried to find out what was going on— but then they came at me with their claws, and I was left with no choice.”

“There is always a choice,” he snarled, and it was then that anger filled (Y/N) from the soles of her feet to the crown of her head. "They were probably terrified of you— how could you possibly blame them for lashing out?"

(Y/N) grit her teeth.

“This, from the man who thought genocide was his only option to the same problem?”

Eren made a low, warning sound in the back of his throat, but (Y/N) pressed on.

“You would rather me have died?” she demanded, stepping into his space. “Would it have pleased you more for my body to bleed out on the pavement, ripped to shreds by an aggressive werewolf? Would you even care, or would you just find the next blood bag and move on with your life?”

“Maybe so,” he shot back, “Then I wouldn’t have to deal with your insufferable mouth.”

That stung— but if there was one thing (Y/N) knew how to do, it was to strike back twice as hard as she had been struck.

“Fine then,” she said, turning on her heel. “I won’t bother you any longer. I’ll go out and find someone who actually wants my company, someone who’ll fuck me good and proper over the counter at some hole-in-the-wall bar over on Easy Street, someone younger, with a nicer cock and less fucking baggage— ”

She didn’t get to finish the sentence, or even walk a single step further— Eren grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to him, his fist painfully tight against her scalp.

“Wanna say that again, to my face?” he asked, tilting her head back.

“I’ll go find someone else to fuck me,” she spat, struggling in vain against him. “I’ll spread my legs for the next available schmuck in the closest bar I can find, so you can hear me scream his name and not yours.”

It was a low blow, to threaten a vampire’s claim on something they had previously assumed had belonged to them, but (Y/N) didn’t care. She had almost died today, and she’d be damned if she was going to take shit from anyone about what she had to do to survive. If Eren wanted a fight, she would damn sure give him one.

“Like hell you will,” he told her, pulling her head back so that she had to strain to remain standing. “You’re mine. Flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood— you are my Companion.”

"I belong to no one!"

Those words ripped from her throat and echoed throughout the empty house, and it was then that Eren stopped, looking at her with calculation in his gaze.

"You're right," he said, releasing her hair. "No mortal can serve two masters, lest they love one and despise the other; an archaic religious concept, but an accurate one nonetheless. You've made it abundantly clear where your loyalty lies. I was a fool for thinking otherwise."

(Y/N) began to tremble. "Eren, what are you saying?"

"I release you from our pact," he replied coldly, his eyes so dull and lifeless that it sent a chill down her spine. "No longer are you bound to be my wine-press— I free you from me."

"Eren—"

"Go," he commanded, and (Y/N) felt terribly, horribly empty.

Once, he would have told her to come freely, go safely, and leave something of the happiness she brought him; now, he gave her a cold dismissal, and it frightened her more than she was willing to admit. Still, she went, feeling hollow and used, and she didn't bother to shut the door behind her as she turned to walk home, weary from the day and sick from fighting.

***

Armin had lived for a very long time, but even so, he had yet to meet anyone so foul of temper as Eren when the Hunger was on him.

"Eren, you have to feed."

The vampire, as ill in health as in temper, glared weakly at him. "I'm not hungry."

"But you are Hungry, and don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. Look, if this is about that girl—"

"I told you not to speak of her!"

Ah, so it was about her. By the looks of him, it had been two weeks since Eren had fed; Armin would bet that he hadn't seen her in the same amount of time.

"If I need to, I'll drag her here to make up with you myself," said Armin testily, "I refuse to watch my best friend starve himself because he refuses to feed on anyone else."

"You will not touch her."

Armin rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything further. He just patted Eren's arm in farewell and set about finding the little lady who was the root cause of his current consternation.

It took longer than Armin had anticipated to find the young woman who had, for all intents and purposes, completely unraveled Eren's composure; her scent, while thick and memorable in Eren's apartment, was hard to track otherwise. Armin spent two hours just wandering the city while trying to catch a breath of it here or there, and when he finally did manage to catch a whiff of her scent and follow it to her, he understood exactly why it had been so hard to track her down.

The girl was a Hunter, of all things.

When Armin found her, she was knee-deep in sewage, her knife embedded to the hilt in the skull of what appeared to be some species of winged reptile. Armin, having been a tad desperate and not actually having been expecting to find anything when he lifted the lid to the man-hole on 32nd and Main, was surprised to say the least— and when (Y/N) ripped her knife free and readjusted her stance into a defensive one directed at him, his surprise turned to intrigue.

“Er, hello there,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t suppose you’ll take my word for it that I just want to chat, will you?”

Curiously, the words gave the woman pause. She relaxed her stance ever-so-slightly, and then her eyes lit up with recognition.

“Armin Arlert?” she queried, craning her neck up to see him. “Is that you?”

This one grows curiouser and curiouser, he thought, but responded affirmatively.

“Can you give me a bit, then?” she asked, kicking the corpse of the Creature she’d just killed. “I’m not exactly fit for company. Perhaps we could meet later for a discussion over tea?”

“I’m afraid it’s urgent,” he said as she knelt to decapitate her prey— likely for proof of victory. “I think you know why I’m here, so you understand that time is of the essence.”

She didn’t look up at him as she replied.

“If this is about Eren, then I don’t have time to talk.”

Her tone was hard, bitter, and matter-of-fact, and it reminded Armin so much of Jean that it hurt… but just like Jean, Armin would bet that she could be won over by appealing to her inherent sense of human decency

“He’s suffering (Y/N),” he said, awkwardly crouching above the manhole so that she could better see the truth written in his eyes. “He won’t feed.”

“That’s hardly my problem.”

And oh, how well Armin knew that state of mind. If there was one thing Eren Jaeger knew how to do, it was push away the people who loved him most. Armin had dealt with that particularly lovely quirk of his for centuries, and it never got easier to deal with no matter how much time passed. If anything, it got more difficult the older they both got.

“When you’re the solution to a problem, you become a part of it whether you like it or not,” Armin replied, patient and understanding. “He cares for you.”

(Y/N) looked up at him then, fury in her eyes.

“He hurt me.”

Armin shrugged. “He hurts everyone he cares about. It’s just who he is. Nothing comes for free— least of all the love and loyalty of someone as old and as powerful as Eren.”

“Your heart may be toughened to his meanness,” she told him, the head of the creature she’d slain in her hands, “But mine is not, and I don’t like him well enough to willfully remain for him to use as an emotional punching bag.”

At that, Armin couldn’t help but let loose a wry grin.

“No,” he said, “I should think not; but I do think you love him well enough to make sure he doesn’t starve himself to death because he can’t have you.”

(Y/N) was silent for a long moment, then she crossed her arms.

“I won’t come crawling to him. He’s going to have to come to me.”

Armin grimaced. He wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

“Is that at all negotiable?”

(Y/N) shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

Well, there was nothing for it.

“And you will let him feed if he comes to you?”

(Y/N) thought, then nodded. “If he proves himself deserving.”

Armin couldn't help himself; he laughed. Eren might have met his match in this one.

"Very well. I'll work my magic, and you work yours."

She nodded and bade him farewell, but before Armin left, he paused.

"Hey, (Y/N)?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

With that, he left her, ready to take Eren by the ear and throw him at her if he had to.

***

(Y/N)'s heart was racing as she opened the door, knowing good and well who would be behind it.

After her little talk with Armin— and the near heart attack he had given her in the process— she had called in to Zeke and told him she needed to go home to deal with an emergency. A replacement for her patrols had been sent, and she had come home to wash the grim from her skin, making herself as presentable as possible with the time she had. (Y/N) was worried, so worried, that the filth she had been wading in earlier would have left a lingering stench, or even that it had affected the taste of her; she had scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin was raw, hoping to erase every last remnant of her day from her skin…but as it turned out, she needn't have bothered.

Two, three, four hours later, and Eren hadn't shown— it was only now, right at the six hour mark, that he had decided to come to her.

Needless to say, (Y/N) was… less than pleased, but when she opened the door to find Eren pale and drawn, with dark circles beneath his eyes, her heart softened ever-so-slightly. It seemed that Armin was right; he had been suffering.

"You look like shit," she told him quietly, opening her door widely to let him in.

"I assure you, I feel worse," Eren grumbled, but stepped in as she closed the door behind him.

For a long, awkward moment, they just looked at each other, silent and unsure. It was unsettling how unlike himself Eren seemed; he was almost soft when he looked at her, and (Y/N) didn't know how to feel about it. Eventually, though, like two opposite ends of a magnet, they were drawn together, and Eren brushed a piece of hair back from her face.

"Hi," he said, his voice low and rough. (Y/N) caught his hand in hers before it could fall from her hair, and she pressed it against her chest, keeping it trapped there, touching the skin above her beating heart.

"Hey."

They watched each other a moment more before the dam broke between them, and they both spoke at once.

"I'm sorry."

A shared grin, a shy laugh— and then (Y/N) said what they both were thinking.

"You need to feed first, and talk later," she told him, her hand still clasped in his. "You're not off the hook, but I doubt we can have any real conversation with you like this."

Eren nodded gratefully, tugging at her wrist— his usual biting spot— but (Y/N) shook her head, indicating her neck. The thickest, richest blood, she knew, would come from there; and if there was ever a time to be generous with the placement of Eren's bite, she figured that it would be now.

The worst of it was over quickly. There was a brief sting at the intrusion of razor-sharp fangs, and then the vaguely uncomfortable feeling of having something poking down into places that decidedly should not be poked at all, but then (Y/N) quickly eased into the rhythm of the act, focusing wholly on the way Eren's lips felt against her skin. In a few moments, she would become pleasantly light-headed, and then Eren would pull away and look at her like she'd hung the stars. Oh, how she'd missed that look! (Y/N) found herself longing for it even before she quite realized it.

And then, without warning, a vision came, and (Y/N) was swept into another world entirely.

The evening sky rolled endlessly out towards the horizon; it seemed to go on forever, sparkling with more stars than (Y/N) had ever seen before. The full moon was so bright that it cast the whole world in what seemed like silver sunlight, and (Y/N) wondered how anyone could sleep on a night such as this. It was far too beautiful an experience to miss.

Alongside her— alongside Eren, through whose eyes she saw the world— strode Armin and two older-looking cadets who she recognized from previous memories as Reiner and Berthold. Eren was feeling anxious over something, and Reiner and Berthold were… well, they were kind. Reiner especially seemed to be like an older brother, and Eren admired him.

"You'll do just fine tomorrow," said Reiner, placing a large, warm hand on Eren's shoulder. "I'm certain of it."

The memory ended, and (Y/N) came back to herself as Eren's tongue laved over the wounds his fangs had left in her neck, sealing them.

"See anything?" he asked, his breath warm against her skin, and (Y/N) nodded.

"You loved them, too," she said softly, remembering the fondness Eren had felt as though it had been her own. "You loved the Hunters that tried to take everything from you, and— and I think they loved you, too."

Eren pulled away from her, and it was then that she saw the tears shining in his eyes.

"Yes," he replied, his voice broken. "We were children. How could we not love each other as God intended? Hate was never in our nature; it was an inheritance that we couldn't escape."

He paused for a moment, then spoke again.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he told her, cupping her cheek in his hand. "I lost my temper. I forget— I forget that you're not them."

And (Y/N) understood. She understood that no matter how many centuries passed, there would be wounds that just wouldn't heal for Eren. He would lash out at things that wouldn't make sense to anyone who hadn't experienced the horrors of war as he had. Suddenly, she felt petty for having lashed out as she had, and guilt threatened to rise up and choke her.

"You're forgiven," she replied, leaning into his touch. "It takes two to tango— I shouldn't have baited you like I did. I knew how badly that would hurt you, and that's exactly why I said it."

At that, Eren cracked a grin.

"I expect nothing less from a Kirschtein. Your grandfather would have punched me square in the jaw— and as big as that bastard got when we were older, he probably would have put me on my ass."

(Y/N) couldn't help but laugh, and Eren joined her, their combined joy swelling until there was nothing else in the world but their happiness.

How they started kissing, neither one of them would be able to say afterwards, but in the grand scheme of things, it hardly mattered. Their love was too large to contain, too much to hold back— and it was love, (Y/N) realized, though she hadn't quite put words to it yet. She loved Eren Jaeger, a Creature, a monster, as much as her grandfather before her had and more. She loved him with a desperation that felt like being knocked over by an ocean wave and plunged into depths where her feet no longer touched the sand. She loved him more than she had ever loved anyone before.

And, as he placed her gently on her bed that was barely big enough for two, divesting himself of his shirt above her, (Y/N) thought that maybe she didn't mind it so much as long as he loved her in return.

"I missed you," said Eren, dropping kisses by her ear as he unhooked her bra. "I missed this."

"Me too," she gasped as his mouth wandered to her nipple, her hands fisting in his hair. "Oh, God, I missed you too."

The time for words was soon gone, however; Eren's sinful, sinful mouth traveled lower and lower until he was kissing at the insides of her thighs, parting them to access what lay between, and (Y/N) threw her head back as he spread her open with his hands and sucked brazenly at her clit.

How long he spent there, worshipping her sex, (Y/N) had no idea; all she knew was that she came once from his mouth on her and a second time from his fingers inside her, and when he finally, mercifully withdrew, she was broken down to the simplest parts of herself; there was nothing left but an affection so deep that it threatened to overtake her if she didn't let it out, and she did the only thing she knew to do to release the overwhelming pressure that was building in her chest as Eren pushed his big, veiny cock into her.

She told him what she should have said a long time ago.

"Oh, Eren," she gasped as his cockhead shoved deep inside her. "I love you."

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Eren went unnaturally still. He looked at her with pupils blown wide inside emerald eyes, and his fangs slightly distended; in any other situation, (Y/N) might have laughed at how surprised he seemed, but it seemed as though she were frozen in time, unable to do anything but stare earnestly up at them, hoping he understood how much she cared for him.

"You… what?"

"I love you," she repeated, her body moving without her permission to roll her hips up into him, moving his cock even further inside her. "Please, Eren, I need—"

He cut her off with a forceful, bruising kiss, and his hips started making slow, deep thrusts inside her, her legs hiked up over his shoulders.

"Again," he said against her lips."Say it again."

"I love you."

Another thrust or two, a hand circling her wounded throat.

"Again."

"I love you, Eren."

"Again."

This time, it was only a whisper.

"I love you," she said, and Eren began fucking her in earnest.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he told her as he thrust hard and deep inside her. "You're every man's dream, a nirvana the damned such as myself were never meant to reach. (Y/N), you are everything, and I—"

He seemed to choke on the words, and (Y/N) kissed him as he tried to regain his composure.

"I don't deserve you," he said, shaking with the force of their passion. "I don't deserve your love."

It's not about deserving, she wanted to say, It never was, but then she was coming again, her climax contracting her walls around her lover, and it was all she could do to remain conscious as Eren fucked her relentlessly through it all, chasing his own high.

It was only later, after a shower and something to eat that they finally spoke again. They were back in bed, and Eren's arm was wrapped around her, as though he were afraid to let her go for even a moment; truthfully, (Y/N) thought he was asleep, but then his breath tickled her ear as he said,

"I love you, angel."

And that, (Y/N) thought, had been worth it all, in the end.

#aot x y/n #aot x reader #aot #aot fanfiction #eren x reader #vampire!eren jaeger #aot smut

38 notes · View notes

khaleesiofalicante · 3 years ago

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HI, IT'S ME! YOUR LOCAL CHAOTIC WEIRDO!!!!! I'M BACK AGAIN LIKE I AM TWICE EVERY WEEK

IT'S MY BOY DAVID THIS TIME! WHY AM I SO HYPER! MAYBE BECAUSE THEY KISSED! AND I HAD TO SUPPRESS MY SCREAMS BCAUSE IM IN CLASS AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY IS OUTSIDE MY DOOR (NOT LITERALLY OFC)

OK OK OK OK OK OK

MAX AND DAVID ARE AT THE LONDON INSTITUTE YESYESYESYES

He rather liked that part in a story – when the hero fell, and everything seemed bleak. It always meant that hope was just around the corner. Because darkness never lasted. It was always followed by light. There was nothing more beautiful than that kind of sunrise.

THIS

I literally live my life by this analogy

AHHH DAVID IS ON HIS TRAVEL YEAR AND MAX IS WITH HIM

SCREAM

well i can't scream because my mom is sitting right there and I have class in 4 minutes so imma smile really wide

“Are you planning to read the entire library during your travel year?” Max chuckled.

“Of course not,” David replied. “I will need longer than a year to accomplish that goal.”

Me.

Wait

does max not being able to make portals have something to do with his lineage?

demon parent

ok so my programming class started 2 minutes early but screw programming I'm gonna be studying minds not this shit

ok that's a very bad attitude for someone who needs good grades in this year

Max was always hungry.

this is so me

KIT

THEY MENTIONED TY

also if David doesn't become an institute head in the future THEN WHAT'S THE POINT

“Where is the kitchen?” Max interrupted.

max is such a mood

He had told Max that he had centuries to perfect his magic, that there was no need to rush it. Max had given him a noncommittal nod and nothing more.

HE'S GONNA MAKE THE BEST PORTALS YOU'LL SEE

“I won’t tell the Consul,” Kit winked.

At the mention of the Consul, David straightened up. He had been trying to get into Alec Lightwood’s good graces for years now. He didn’t think sharing a room with his son would do him any favors.

DAVID UDUCDFUHKDUHVUHSDH

PLEASE IF WE DON'T GET A CUTE ALEC AND DAVID SCENE SOON

KIT CALLED TESSA MOM

oh my god

Word was that Mr. Herondale had gone back to his obsession with brewing tea.

JACE

I have so many emotions right now but all I'm gonna say is that I'm so so proud of Rafael

“Do you not want to sleep with me?” Max asked.

UH-

WELL-

DAVID STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE AND ALL THE SHIT

STOP IT

OH MY GOD THE ONE BED TROPE

MAX IS IN HIS ARMS I'M ABOUT TO-

takes a deep breath don't scream. everyone outside this door thinks you're taking programming class

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY

AWW JULIAN PAINTED PORTRAITS FOR THE INSTITUTE

The one of Will Herondale and Tessa Gray – A love that had transcended reality and lasted a lifetime.

The one of James Herondale and Cordelia Carstairs – A love that had started with a lie and then blossomed into nothing but happiness and devotion.

The one of Lucie Herondale and Jesse Blackthorn – A love that had been so powerful that it rewrote the past.

The one of Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild – A love that had walked through hell and shaken up the heavens.

And then there the final one. The one of Kit Herondale and Tiberius Blackthorn – A love that had survived distance and darkness and doom.

This omg...

He wanted a love story. The kind he read in the books. The kind he saw in these portraits.

But he wasn’t a Herondale. He wasn’t sure if he was destined for that kind of love.

HEY

DON'T THINK LIKE THAT

The first part though

same

He might have been a little too excited. It was biologically impossible to control yourself when you find a stranger reading your favorite book in the whole world.

SO TRUE

“I see you already made a new friend,” Max said.

He sounded a little…odd. As if he was not pleased that David had made a new friend.

honey...

take a guess

can I jump in and bash their heads together?

“You are thinking of conjuring chocolate syrup, aren’t you?” David chuckled.

“How do you always know what’s on my mind?” Max chuckled back.

Because I know you, David wanted to say. I just wish I knew what’s in your heart too.

OH MY GOD I CANT WITH THIS

“You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup!” Max was yelling, standing on the chair.

They residents laughed harder, and David shook his head fondly. He hoped one day Max would pursue a career in theatre. He was a born showman.

can I have chocolate syrup?

also, the way David is just so fond of him like DYUSDGYJCDYUJM

“By the angel, do you have to be a drama queen about everything?” the boy next to them muttered – not so quietly.

David blinked. That was uncalled for.

But Max being Max was completely unfazed. “Of course I do. My Bapa would be personally offended otherwise.”

exactly you rude little shit

Max often pretended like people’s words didn’t hurt him - just as he pretend that fire doesn’t burn or wounds don’t bleed.

wow ok stop calling me out

Is max jealous??????

is he??????

how are people so good at languages like damn

“Oh my god,” Max groaned. “Is he already telling people to check on me?”

LMAO

using mundane medicine...

that's risky

but it's also something that WILL help

can't warlocks tamper with the blood samples?

A part of him wondered if that’s why he had agreed to send Max away to London – at least for a week. Because sometimes you didn’t want other people to see you were hurting.

alec I really goddamn hope you're dealing with this well

some of whom had even decided to die than get help from a warlock.

alright then gets my knives but you chose this :D

Nobody brought a book down for breakfast if they didn't like to read.

yes but sometimes also to seem busy so people won't bother you or you won't look alone.

“I know,” the boy said as he walked past them to the gate. “I sat on the stairs and thought about life for a few good minutes.”

his family is the one who took over David's previous institute (i can't spell that. marse- marselli- wat??) methinks.

The gang always visited whenever all of them were in the city together. They would have so much fun! Of course, the 'fun' mostly entailed Rafael stopping Georgia from drinking random potions she found in the stalls, Selena stopping Lexi from opening a psychic booth to help people talk to Raziel and of course David stopping Max from running to the gambling booths.

LMAO, I CANT WITH THIS-

Rafe: I am anxiety.

me at any given moment

EW TESTICLES HE'S EATING THOSE-

ok maybe I'm the only person who's really picky when it comes to food and doesn't eat the majority of things

“Anything on Magnus Bane?” Max asked.

“No,” the woman snapped and shoved some of the letters into a bag and hide it under the table. “Leave Magnus Bane alone!”

“Appreciate your loyalty,” Max winked at her and started examining a diary.

I like her.

"Everyone should be participating in this" -my programming teacher

me, an intellectual: participating in what?? goes to the class web THE FUCK IS THAT

“Something for the shadowhunter?” the woman smiled. “Perhaps an unpublished snippet from the Beautiful Cordelia?”

“Do you have any love letters?” David asked.

“Hmmm,” the woman went through the pages. “I do have a correspondence between an Iblis demon and Christopher Lightwood? Would you be interested in that?”

if u don't mind I would love to see both of those-

you know I just remembered I have a computer assignment I need to submit by the end of this week fml

“Never fall in love with an immortal,” she giggled again. “We don’t like staying in one place.”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

MAX WHERE ARE YOU

why are we using x and 3 in programming class what the heck is going on

“I’m not just some warlock,” Max said, his voice low. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.”

GIVE HIM THAT NECKLACE BACK

we usually have programming once a week on our physical school days and those are fun because my and my friend are continuously passing notes and talking to each other through writing

The scene where Max fought off all the evil people who tried to steal his valuable belonging. He would fight without breaking a sweat and throw magic fireballs at everyone and then get his necklace back. And then he would kiss David in front of everyone and it would somehow rain all of a sudden.

But life wasn’t a movie or a book. Life was just life.

life's boring

fuck life

I just heard a student ask "why are we not taking out the values of b and c" BESTIE I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING PROGRAMMING AND NOT ALGEBRA?????

“I know there wasn’t anyone to protect you before,” Magnus Bane had said. “But we are here now. We will protect you. This will protect you.”

He hadn’t wanted it back then. He didn't even want it even now.

He didn’t want something to protect him. Most importantly, he didn’t want to cover his scar. He didn’t want to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of it. It wasn’t a mark of a victim. It was the mark of a survivor.

So, David had smiled and given the bracelet back.

“I never wanted to be protected,” David had replied. “I only ever wanted to be loved.”

The warlock had smiled at that and given David a hug. It had felt different than other hugs he had experienced since he had come to New York.

It wasn’t just the magic. Magnus Bane carried so much love inside himself you could literally feel it through him.

I'm gonna cry during my programming class (where we're doing variables apparently all of a sudden??)

this is so beautiful

“I wasn’t talking about Bapa,” Max said now. “I was talking about the other one.”

David chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah. He is definitely going to kill you.”

what flowers would you like at your funeral?

so Jackson has family troubles

I've definitely got that

yeah I know what it's like to be jealous of someone else's perfect family

JACKSON WTF

Is he trying to ruin max's relationship with his family???

oh hell no

JACKSON THE AUDACITY

“One stolen necklace, One broken nose and One bruised cheek,” he said. “And you’ve been in London for less than a day.”

kit seriously? but is he wrong though?

“This is what I get for falling for a Lightwood-Bane,” David sighed and walked through the portal.

WELL AT LEAST HE'S SELF AWARE

Jackson...

in some ways, I can empathize with him. my younger self anyway. but Jackson this is not how you do things

There was a moment of silence and then Magnus Bane giggled.

“I do love it when the quiet ones go feral,” the warlock grinned.

MAGNUS

NOT.THE.TIME

(me too)

“David!” Mr Herondale gasped. “Is your hand okay?”

yup that's Jace y'all

David hated violence. He hated fighting – which he was often not allowed to say out loud considering he was a shadowhunter.

But it was the truth. He hated hurting people – or even things. It made him feel sick.

“It’s alright, Chouchou,” Mr Herondale ran a hand through David’s hair. “Next time, just-”

“Use my words?” David asked.

“Just don’t get caught,” the man winked.

and that is why I would never want to be a shadowhunter.

I know saying that doesn't do anything but when I first read tsc I wanted to be a shadowhunter really badly and damn that was some time ago but now...violence of any kind is my biggest trigger idek why. and I hate that so much because what kind of a person gets triggered by loud voices and fighting EVEN ON SCREEN??? I usually just push myself to watch stuff because it's dumb. I refuse to see trigger warnings before reading a book or watching a show because damn it, I should be able to stand those things I'm, not a child. and it may be doing me more harm than good but I shouldn't feel like this in the first place

okay...that was long

ANYWAY

“David, I appreciate you standing up for Max,” the Consul said. “But next time, please try not to punch anyone in the face.”

“Yes, sir,” David nodded. “Because it’s wrong.”

“Because it means more paperwork for me,” the Consul groaned and then straightened up. “But yes. Absolutely. Very wrong. No punching people!”

LMAO ALEC

Jackson...

I was wrong then

He was grinning. Magnus Bane must have raised hell in the shadow market.

that must have been fun

Max was doing that thing where he was not trying to pout but he was mostly definitely pouting. It made David want to kiss him. But then the Consul spoke, and David reminded himself he didn’t want to be the third person to get punched in the face this evening.

well-

“I understand that Jackson has been through a lot. But that’s not an excuse for him to hurt those around him. I learned that lesson the hard way. So, you shouldn’t excuse his behaviour.”

someone's trauma and pain is never an excuse to hurt others

but that doesn't mean we should invalidate their trauma either

“You can stay back and try to help him. I won’t stop you,” the man got up now. “But if he tries to hurt you-”

“You will unleash hell?” David chuckled.

“Worse,” the other man grinned. “I will unleash Lexi.”

that is much much worse

Books brought him comfort in so many ways. Just holding one in his hands automatically made him feel better.

oh my god

he gets it

I always have a book with me when I'm out even if I'm not gonna get the time to read it because just the weight and comfort of it in my hands or in my backpack brings me so much comfort and helps with my social anxiety so much

no one understands when I try to tell them that

you get it...

someone gets it finally

AYYY IRENE

“David, it’s very sweet that you want to protect Jackson,” Kit pointed out. “But literally no one is buying that. Not even Irene.”

The lynx purred on his lap as if she agreed with Kit.

“I could break into a liquor cabinet,” David said a little indignantly.

David is the nicest you can get

David wouldn’t. Apparently, everyone already seemed to know that - even the lynx he had met five minutes ago.

we are solving something in class and it's really quiet because we're all doing our work (I'm reading the fic so-) and this one person had their mic open and they kept on whispering their steps and it was so weird I cant-

BUT YES DAVID IS A CINNAMON ROLL. EVEN THE LYNX KNOWS

“We were talking about shitty fathers,” Jackson pointed out. “You’re welcome to stay.”

“I’m gonna need something stronger than red wine for this conversation,” Kit chuckled.

I remember that bitch

David used to do it when he was a child. He used to pretend his life was a story. He used to pretend everything that happened to him was happening to some other boy – a boy who wasn’t real. A boy who lived inside a book. Because it hurt a little less when you pretend like it wasn’t happening to you.

But the pain was still very real.

OK YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME OUT NOW

“I fucking hate ogres,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Was your father an ogre too?” Jackson asked.

“He was more like a harpy,” Kit snorted. “He was always flying and fleeing. I didn’t know how deep his talons were in my head until it was too late.”

you really like traumatizing all your characters, don't you?

I really fucking hope the ogre got what he deserved

and if the angel is dead then fuck everyone

“I mean, there was that time when Sebastian Morgenstern turned my father into the endarkened, and then he went around killing people. So, I would say he was more like a zombie,” the man was explaining now. “The zombie father tried to kill me but my brother killed him first.”

“Good lord!” Jackson said in shock.

Kit chuckled softly. “Boy do shadowhunters need therapy.”

they really do

He knew about those from New York. He knew Mr Herondale and Miss Fairchild went for one together.

YES GET THEM THERAPY

“Yikes,” Kit chuckled. “I’d prefer something classier. How about London Boys?”

“None of us are from London though,” Tiberius pointed out.

“The Beatles are not actually beetles, Ty,” Kit chuckled. “It’s just for pizazz.”

damn guys

Then the idea of a band turned into a possible YouTube channel where they would react to cute animal videos.

YS DO IT

“When people do awful things, really awful things, at one point we stop being surprised. Like what Valentine did to his children or what our fathers did to us or what those women did to Rafael. We might have been shocked or disgusted. But it wasn’t unrealistic, was it?”

“I guess not,” the boy said.

“Even when they did the most unimaginable acts of cruelty, it somehow managed to fit into our imagination. We accepted that the world can be unrealistically cruel. The kind of cruelty we will never understand. But why isn’t it the same for kindness? Why is that when someone is too kind, we automatically feel uncomfortable? We judge their intensions or think they are just pretending to be nice. We think they are being unrealistic. Why is that?”

we get so used to cruelty that kindness feels weird

“But that’s how our life works, doesn’t it? It’s a giant ball of what ifs and could have beens and if nots. What if my father had loved me instead of hurt me? Could I have been kinder if I was hugged instead of being abused? Would have I been a different person if not for my trauma? Our lives are an endless collection of theories about our real selves. The one didn’t we never had the chance to become.”

THIS

I used to spend a bunch of time on the what-ifs but those are useless. so screw the what-ifs and live in the present

“I guess we’ll never know, Jackson. None of us will never know how we would have turned out if things had been different for us. We never got the chance to be who were meant to be. Instead, we became who we had to become to survive what we went through. We will never know our true selves. We only know the version of us that made it through all the trauma.”

“Christ, that’s depressing,” Jackson said.

“It is,” David nodded. “But we made it through. We survived. I think we should focus on that.”

you survived. that's what matters

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued,” David smiled.

I wish I had heard this before...

maybe I don't always have to be strong. maybe it's ok sometimes just want to be saved.

I'm so happy that both Jackson and David found each other

David had learned Gaelic. Jackson had learned how to play the piano.

They had laughed and lived and loved and learned.

And they had survived – one day at a time. The London Boys.

they survived.

I know I'm always key smashing and screaming but these words, these lines, all these chapters mean so so much to me.

“You’ll write to me, won’t you?” David asked, hugging Jackson closely.

“No,” Jackson replied. “I will FaceTime you like a normal person, you weirdo!”

David laughed at that. “I prefer letters. They are more emotional.”

“I’ll text you,” Jackson countered. “With emojis.”

oh to have someone write me letters.

I love writing letters

once at the end of a school year, I wrote little letters to everyone in my class anonymously. even the people who had been mean to me. that was like 1-2 years after my transfer to that school and everyone practically hated me but I wanted to do something nice because who knows what someone is going through. I ended up not putting them in people's desks...

I threw them all away :)

but writing letters is superior

I often write my feelings down and give the letter to someone rather than talk to someone

if you receive a letter from me or a custom-made gift...you have reached my ultimate friendship

oh my god. THIS IS HOW I SHOULD TALK TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS ABOUT MY FEELINGS

It's kind of been a mess between us and I want to talk to her but I didn't know how to.

this is why i shouldn't send asks-

JACKSON CATCHING UP ON MAX AND DAVID

“You know what it means,” Jackson grinned harder. “Also, if that wanker tries to break your heart, I will break his face.”

“You know he is the Consul’s son?” David giggled.

“I’ve done it once and I will do it again,” Jackson shrugged. “He better treat you right.”

"wanker"

I HAVE A BRITISH ONLINE FRIEND AND THEY CALLED OUR AMERICAN ONLINE FRIEND A WANKER

AND OUR OTHER BRITISH FRIEND JOINED IN

WHILE ALL THE NON-BRITISH PEOPLE WERE LIKE "huh"

Lexi had cut her hair even shorter. Her girlfriend apparently got something called an undercut.

“Just in case someone dared to assume we were straight,” she had winked at him.

how many years has this fake dating been going on...

CENTURION SELENA

fterA the twins went to bed, David stepped out of the institute and went looking for his heart.

"went looking for his heart"

OH FUCK I FORGOT TO JOIN MY CLASS

MAX STOP DEPLETING YOUR SELF GODDAMN

And then somewhere along the way, Max’s heartbeat had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

Max, with all his chaos and drama and danger, had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

oh my god that's a parallel from canon

“Tell me why.”

“Ain't nothing but a heart break!!"

Max-

Max could make fireballs that killed demons on the spot. He could summon things from anywhere. He could heal people with his eyes closed. He was one of the youngest warlocks allowed to visit the spiral labyrinth.

Max was a warlock in every sense. A good one. A great one even.

he is so talented...

Only idiots would underestimate Magnus Bane’s power.

EXACTLY

He is probably going to be Consul like next week.”

David chuckled. “Next week?”

next week????

“Yeah, his smoking habits,” Max rolled his eyes.

Rafael wasn’t the smoker in the family. He knew who it was, but David would never open his mouth. It wasn’t his secret to tell.

this keeps on getting better

“It’s my hair!” David laughed.

“And you’re my David!” Max argued. “I say you are not allowed to grow your hair.”

MY DAVID

“I don’t want to downworld-splain it to you.”

Max blinked and then laughed. “You don’t want to what?”

“Downworld-splain,” David mumbled. “It’s when shadowhunters explain downworlders how to be downworlders.”

they were SO close to kissing

I'm gonna get in there and lock them in a closet together and tell them to FUCKING GET WITH IT

Remember who you are. Remember where you stand.

remember who you are. remember where you stand...

I know this is supposed to be about portals.

OH MY GOD THEY KISSED

THEY KISSED

IM SO CLOSE TO SCREAMING CLASS AND EVERYONE OUTSIDE THIS ROOM BE DAMNED

OH MY GOD DAVID FELL

reminds me of when alec fell down the stairs-

OH MY GOD I'M GONNA SCREAM

WE'RE GONNA GET MORE MAVID CONTENT SOON I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY UYDRVFY7VSDU7UYVFSDUYGCADUYIGJCDSHJKGDVCSUGISDVHVF

ok, I have a computer assignment to get to and tests to study for. BUT I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO MUCH!! THEY FINALLY KISSED I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!

Also I know I tend to go off track and you can totally ignore that. i just go crazy. BYEE

This live blog gives me so much life you don't even know. I am go glad you enjoyed the chapter. I love hearing you rant about it. It's refreshing lol.

And I looooooove the lil anecdotes you share in between. Also wtf is a programming class like nobody wants to learn programme what kind of hetero nonsense I-

FINISH YOUR ASSIGNMENTS AND STUDY FOR YOUR TESTS I'LL SEE YOU SOON :)

#lbaf

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dolokhoded · 4 years ago

Text

me starting to actually write this even though it still very obviously has some plot wholes

that ralbert au where race commits war crimes

i think it's really cute

so pulitzer is the big bad guy here for i'm basic reasons

has created some,, weird ass dumb ass evil empire

destroyed a couple towns

caused some battles

divided the world

y'know. stuff like that.

starting off with some spicy unfinished plot 🤩 but lbh it doesn't really matter anyways we're all just here for ralbert

anyways, race and al's families? pretty big part of that.

they're both supposed to take over their fathers' jobs when they grow up

said jobs basically being,, in charge of,,, unleashing people to raid entire towns and burn them to the ground

they grew up side by side, have always been best friends, never seen without each other

but understandably when they started growing up and understanding what was going on around them it,,,,,,, troubled them

and they dealed with it Very Differently

albert did Not like it

he was angry, and he was sad that this was what he was supposed to become and he was already never close with his family so it wasn't really hard for him to decide he didn't want anything to do with them anymore

race,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, okay look

deep inside him race knew what was going on was,,, s o wrong

but race was also from a big tight family, it was so much easier for him to just,,,,,, shut all of that out and pretend he was just doing what was better for them

it was hard for him, it was his family

still you can understand how well it went for them when albert left and race refused to go with him

they were 17 at the time

people against pulitzer's whole thing were obviously not very,,,,,,,,, well appreciated?

the moment albert ran away he was art of the defiance. he was a traitor.

but he was also still dasilva's son and they wanted them on their side, so they wouldn't seriously hurt him

doesn't mean they stopped looking for him

he shared an apartment with romeo and finch for a while, it was in a pretty lowkey neighborhood and they covered for him

and through them he met the rest of the newsies :) who actively helped in trying to help people who's homes were destroyed by pulitzer

there were people actively fighting him too but the newsies were mostly in charge of that

well, until albert and his non-existent impulse control arrived anyways

cause look,,,,, race was being trained for a reason, and eventually he took over

so when you see this ur ex-best friend who you're in love with but have a lot of repressed feelings for, both good and bad, that you decide to dump in the 'im angry' pile and just pretend you hate him and no longer care about him,,,,, fighting occurs

and there was a bit of controversy about albert joining them because "it's the dasilva boy romeo he was specifically trained to kick our asses" but that slowly turns into "yea ok he's very legit but for the love of god someone s t o p him the next time he tries to kiLL SOMEONE-"

that's a hyperbole, of course. even as rivals, albert wouldn't kill race. he barely even hurts him.

if anything, he even kind of looks out for him

he knows he's not supposed to but somehow he still can't bring himself to let race get hurt

besides let's be honest, most of their encounters are just an excuse to bitch at each other, they'd never do anything they know would seriously hurt the other

they know each other pretty well, they grew up together, they know each other's strengths and weaknesses

which is a pretty big advantage for them, honestly

enter,,,, albert dasilva's galaxy brain and the newsies' favorite game

Is Albert A Strategic Genius Or Is He Just In Love With Race

"no i've got this i know race!! i can use that against him!!!! i can guess his every move!!!! that's how well i know him!!!! i can recognize him in a room of like a billion people!!!!! it's my ultra strategic mind!!!! i can tell the sound of his voice from miles away!!!! it's because im so invested!!!!"

specs is like "in the mission or in race"

and albert is like "WHATEVER ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IT'S MY STRATEGIC MIND"

"I AM A MACHINE SPECS"

"you're chronically dumb"

"S T R A T E G I C M I N D."

albert really came in like well race's plan's gonna be ruined cause IM IN LOVE WITH HIM >:) what a fuckin loser

all this aside,,,,,,, albert never stops trying to get race on their side .

now RACETRACK,,,,,,,,,

we have a WHOLE LOT of being an asshole as a defense mechanism from this boy

in race's eyes, albert abandoned him

in race's eyes, he was given up on. he just wasn't enough to keep him there.

he can't see anything but that and never in a million years would he bring himself to believe albert still cares about him

he'd be getting his hopes too high and letting down his guard, and he can't afford to do that.

race doesn't notice albert trying to help him, he doesn't notice albert very carefully avoiding injuring him, he doesn't notice how albert will never say anything that would hurt him

albert's always protective of race, regardless of if he's beside or against him

which leads us to how once race eventually does get hurt, seriously hurt, literally no one bats an eye when albert returns with race unconscious, demanding they get him help

which they do, cause albert has not shut up about race for like one second, the newsies might as well know as much about him as albert did

naturally when race woke up he,,, had questions

and then he saw albert

he was sat on a chair next to him, sleeping

and this is the first time he's seen him like this in ages

and he gets a little chocked up because holy shit he almost forgot albert was,,,,,like,,, a person

and it wasn't necessary to only see him when fighting

he still had a life and friends and people he loved and he wasn't just this dude who left them because he didn't give a shit about anyone

he could genuinely care for people and he could love people and race just remembered how much he wished he could be one of those people

and how much he wished he could be albert's favorite person again and just sit and talk and laugh with him like they used to

cause that's a part of albert he'd forced himself to just forget about

and then al wakes up and he sees him looking up at him and he's like

"how're you feeling"

and then he's sad cause it's much harder to know albert is a good person with real feelings and he's capable of loving so much and race thinks he's just one of the people who will never get that side of him and he just

"fuck off"

they fight

because of course they do

they're not really sure on what terms they are at this point, and there's so much they need to get out there

at first race is just,,,, stubborn

he won't listen, he demands they let him go back

"we can just let you go, idiot, i shouldn't have ever brought you here in the first place!"

"then why did you?"

and al just shrugs it away as if he hasn't been in love with him for years and would never forgive himself if he left him there to bleed

they just go yelling at each other back and forth for a while until inevitably albert's non-existent impulse control makes his return

and he,,,,, very angrily tells him he loves him

and everything just stops cause that's the one thing race though he'd never hear him say again

and race is literally holding his breath cause he's scared he'll ruin it if he moves in the slightest and it'll all turn out to be in his head but it's not cause when he tells albert he loves him back he's still there and he just,,

takes race's face in his hands and kisses him so softly it's like they weren't just screaming at each other's faces

romeo just fuckin pokes his head in like "i heard yelling but i also heard i love you so i'll assume some of those unresolved feelings were let out and we're all ready to have a nice long healthy chat, yeah? :D"

so they do

they talk. for,,,,,,,,, a long time.

needless to say, race stays

he loves his family and maybe he'll be back for them, maybe he'll help them but he recognizes what's the priority here

plus it's a little clearer now that he doesn't have all those feelings to worry about, and it's been a while since he was actually accepted and loved, which the newsies did instantly. it's pretty obvious where he belongs now.

this au still has,,,,, SO much to unpack, holy shit, but i decided to leave this post here cause,,,,, i can't do all of that now. i might at some point though, if people actually are interested, there's a lot of hurt/comfort from this point. there's the nightmares part which is v soft and i adore it, THERE'S JUST A LOT TO UNPACK. so yeah, i'm finally posting this, ralbert stans, come get y'all's juice.

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