#im never going to change who i am because it doesn't someone's views ever again

[thealphabard]

I feel like I've said this quite a lot the last few months, but as far as anyone in my past is concerned, I'm a whole new ass person. I'm happy and have found myself in the best way possible and, for some reason, that infuriates the toxic people who have long since left my life.

[velvetvexations]

i would love to know more about npd, i have suspected my mother has undiagnosed npd for years now. i'm not one to self diagnose at all or to diagnose people with surface level knowledge. i have been doing my research for ages, i am 99% sure she has npd. she is so abusive and awful, i thought all people with npd were like this ngl and now i feel bad because i have been reading ur blog and been looking at actually npd tags on here and trying to understand more. i know not all npd ppl are abusive but they can be. i feel bad even more cuz i think shes evil, and cuz i am sure she has npd i guess i associate everyone else with npd as evil. i'm trying not to now, i guess i was uneducated on the topic. it's hard when u have bad experiences with ppl with npd and bpd etc.

i guess the point of this is to thank you for sharing your thoughts & feelings and showing me a diff side to npd through ur blog.

also wondering if she can ever change. she will never accept she has npd i know that, she's only getting worse and i cant deal with it. i want to cut her off badly. should i? i guess im asking you because you are someone who has it and i just need to understand from someone who has it, i can read all the academic sources in the world but i think it helps to talk to someone real as well. sorry if this is too much or if its triggering, i really don't mean for it to be. i'm just so upset today because she's rehomed my cat and i can't take it anymore.

People with NPD can most definitely be abusive and you have nothing to feel bad about. Most people who obsessively hate narcissists are not even themselves actual victims of people with NPD. The fact that you so heavily suspect your abusive mother is but are still this open to learning more and empathizing is a beautiful thing.

Undiagnosed NPD is well and truly a bitch. If your mother does have NPD, she's certainly suffering on some level as well, but that doesn't excuse the way she treats you. Whether or not she can change is...difficult to say. I discovered I have NPD when I was a teenager and there were a lot of particular things about me and my life and my worldview that made me adapt exceptionally well to it. To go past middle-age with it being undiagnosed, that's very, very difficult. My own mother was an abusive narc and no matter how I tried it always felt impossible, literally, bleakly impossible, to get her to understand anything from my point of view or to treat me more fairly.

Ultimately, though, it doesn't really matter if she can or can't. You don't owe her that generosity. She's treating you awfully no matter the reason, and if you want to sever that relationship, do it. You don't need that in your life and it's her loss.

When my mother died, I was let down that I didn't get the chance to leave and tell her I never wanted to see her again like I'd looked forward to doing for years. I wasn't sad that she died but I was sad that I wasn't sad, that our relationship had gotten that bad. If I had left at your age I may still never wanted to see her again but would have at least had a much better opinion of her to look back on, because it only got exponentially worse as the years marched on. You aren't your mother's therapist. You come first.

[martyrbat]

Hi! Um, I thought I would offer you these panels from utrh of Dick with a knee brace, as per your last few posts about disabled representation in comics. Also indirectly answering that other anon who said that representation in comics isn't exciting and can't work with them being superheroes...

And I mean, you can totally write intriguing and interesting stories about a character coming to terms with their disability and figuring out that while it makes them different from who they were before, they're still a fucking hero. (Like Babs becoming Oracle after losing the use of her legs. Making her walk again and be Batgirl again... Idk how you can call that anything other than ableism?? She's seriously cool as Oracle, that def didn't need any retcons.)

Anyway, I think the problem is that many people associate being disabled with ableist prejudices of helplessness, without even being fully aware of it. Which is exactly why more rep in any type of media would help!

my friend! your post is as wonderful and insightful as always and thank you so much for the panels, i forgot which comic they were from! this it was exactly what i was referring to and imagining when talking about his knee brace, thank you again!! i love how its something that allows him to continue being a hero and that it just exists instead of being a big plot point. just casual and normalized use of mobility aids my beloved <33

and absolutely agree in it creating interesting stories of them adapting and handling the changes they need to make because of their disability and how it doesn't make them weaker! i think to this panel from the batman chronicles specifically:

[ID: Barbara Gordon smiling at white birds as she's in her wheelchair. Behind her un-detailed people are walking as they go about their lives. Her hair flows slightly in the wind and her internal narration boxes read, "A little over a year has passed since my old life ended, since I died and was reborn. The shadows remain, but only to give contrast to the light. I am no longer a distaff impersonation of someone else. I'm me - more me than I have ever been. My life is my own. I embrace it, and the light, with a deep, continuing joy." END ID]

the entire issue is so well done in her voicing her discomfort and fear and anger at her sudden disability and the change. because of course its frustrating to have that sudden change. of course she feels lost when she based her purpose on being batgirl, something that depended on her being physically abled. and seeing that voice and feelings being represented alongside of it highlighting and showing that she still has purpose and is just as powerful and capable of doing what she loves is so <3 she found her identity, not as an extension of anyone else but just as herself, as a disabled woman. and how happy she is!

i think abled people tend to be so uncomfortable with the idea of disabled people (especially physically disabled people) being happy or still being powerful. they hate the idea of disabled people not being weaker to them while also hating the anger and frustration that can come with being disabled. they hate seeing us successful and just as capable and hate seeing us as human rather than a "poor victim" to put up on a pedestal for inspiration porn that makes them feel better about themselves.

we're allowed to "motivation" to them as they simultaneously think its unnatural for us to be happy or successful on our own. we're either looked down at or held to standards that abled people arent - never to be equal. im allowed to be just as pissed off as someone that can walk and move around freely. i should be allowed to be as messy or rude as someone thats neurotypical without being viewed as a child to pity or as someone that should be better than them in my behaviour. i should be allowed to be smart and sexy and funny and complex as anyone else. my disabilities doesn't make me more or less of a person. it just makes me a person thats disabled.

disability is such a broad spectrum. from paralyzed, needing canes or wheelchairs or any mobility device, needing hearing aids or anything that's physically noticeable. to chronic pain and neurodevelopment disorders and other invisible disabilities. and everyone's experience is different with each one and its so vast. the opportunities it allows and how fascinating and empowering it'll be to see this range and how these characters handle it is unbelievable and such wasted potential. from dealing with the sudden frustrations and limitations to it just being part of them.

it can literally be one panel in a random comic that says nightwing needs a knee brace because of worn cartilage and have it be part of his character casually and consistently. have an ongoing arc and theme of random brain injury side effects because of the head trauma hes taken and have a moving moment in being reassured and how he struggles with it. have something.

theres so much they can do and just refuse not to. the only reason disabilities isnt represented is pure ableism, there is no excuse.

[genderqueerdykes]

I'm sure you may have answered something similar before so feel free to ignore this but do you have any tips on how to deal with social dysphoria? When I look at myself in the mirror I don't really see a woman, if that makes sense but then when I'm out Im mostly getting misgendered and referred to as one and it kinda sucks (though there are very few rare occasions when someone doesn't know which is a high I wish I could hold onto).

I'm not sure if I'll ever medically transition and I don't quite want to cut my hair because it's important to me. I do dress in men's clothes but it obviously isn't doing enough. Am I just going to be stuck in this woman box forever unless I do something medically or something? Would vocal training help? I'm just, the social dysphoria is the only thing that is really painful lol, I wish I could just not care how strangers view me since I'm never going to see them again most likely.

social dysphoria is one of the hardest parts and i understand it completely, i've known a lot of people who feel like they want to just give up being trans or transitioning because the social transition aspect is so hard and i don't blame you at all for feeling like you're struggling so hard for nothing. it can really feel hopeless at times because of how many people make assumptions

i wanted to say that other people misgendering you is not a sign of failure at being trans, or that you're not who you think you are. i think social transition is so hard because so much of it is out of our control, you don't have a whole lot of control over how someone else is going to perceive you and that can be super overwhelming to deal with

i think vocal training could definitely help, and it could ease some dysphoria as well! strangers tend to really weigh heavily on the tone and pitch of the voice to address one another for whatever reason. they think they're being polite when they heavily gender you to match how your voice sounds but it's not polite, it's just a guess. most of the trans men i know get misgendered due to their voice, so if you are able to take the time to train your voice lower it can definitely help

what helped me in my social transition was having even 1 local queer friend who could go places with me and do stuff with me. even if a stranger misgenders me, i have my friend there who knows who i am, and can even stand up for me if i require it. it really can help to have someone there for you. even if it's an internet friend you can text while you're out and feeling shitty, sometimes that can make all the difference

i hope you're able to feel better soon. regardless of how a person who knows nothing about you addresses you, it changes nothing about who you are truly. it doesn't change the fact that you're not a woman just because people may address you as one. i hope you are able to get to a point where people will address you correctly more often very soon. take care of yourself, good luck out there

[yondzone]

Bungou stray dogs relationship headcanons

sfw very sligth nsfw

those under 16 please do only read the sfw part

↰             𓂃              ⌲                   ⌂.

⋆ ☄.⠈⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠂* ; ☔

𝕱𝖎𝖔𝖉𝖔𝖗 𝕯𝖔𝖘𝖙𝖔ï𝖊𝖛𝖘𝖐𝖎

▚ 𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗ If you managed to have your way to his heat, then you are definitely one special fellow to him, so only to you and around you he will show is soft persona that he never let anyone see in decade.

⌗ If you end up living together, the little time he his at home he will he bring your breakfast at bed to make up for the fact that he his basically never here.

⌗ He prefer kissing you on the cheek rather than on the lips. And in the morning (if by miracle he didn’t already leave) he’ll automatically kiss you cheek to wake you up. And if he his here before going to sleep he’ll ask for a kiss on the cheek.

⌗ He also like night cuddles (of course he won’t admit it.) he never touched anybody so you give hi this feeling of constant novelty.

⌗ He loves when you are jealous and he is gonna tease you with those word : "you seems jealous, is everything fine ? :)" in fact he hates people but if it means seeing your jealous face he don’t mind playing the womanizer for some minute to just tease you.

▚ 𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗Fyodor is definitely a top this bitch will rather die than being a bottom.

⌗ He know the effect it have on you when he tie his hair up so you can be sure that evrrytime you do the deed he while have is hair up ✨.

⌗ Low key have a master servant kink that get him going for hours.

⌗ Hes not someone very vocal when you both do it.

⌗ He doesn’t look like this but he his really touchy in the bed.

⌗ Bed is his favorite place he is quite traditional in fact he does not want it in other place rather than the bedroom.

⌗ But he lost his traditionalism the day you introduced to him ‘sex toys’ oh so a new way to torture you without killing you? he’ll take this opportunity gladly.

⌗ One day you tried to be on top and your ‘master’ did not like that so he destroyed you for the whole night.

𝕮𝖍𝖚𝖚𝖞𝖆 𝕹𝖆𝖐𝖆𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆

▚ 𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗ Chuuya is very romantic, like very romantic.

⌗ He likes kisses, giving and receiving, he does not have a favorite place to kiss or to be kissed because he loves hems all.

⌗ When he is stressed or tired (or both), he likes to cuddle you, wine and cuddle are his comfort things.

⌗ Speaking of cuddling, he likes to cuddle you while taking a shower (hot water and rose petals) after all he his very comfortable with you and love your presence

⌗ He feels more confident when you compliment him, and he will shamelessly admit it ‘please compliment me more’

⌗ Chuuya is quite jealous and possessive. If someone tries to hit on you or make a move, he will go feral on this person and make sure everyone in the future who you belong too

⌗ A whore for PDA in public, he will always hold your hand or put his arm around you, so that everyone will see that you are taken.

⌗ He won't tell you that he loves you often, because he prefer action out of words. He's the type of person willing to do anything to drown you in gifts and make you happy.

⌗ If you find something nice or cool, he will buy it for you, just to see you smile. Needy Chuuya want to see you smile

▚ 𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗ He his totally a switch, one day he can feel like a total top and the day after will feel the need to be dominated.

⌗ He like being on top yes, but he prefer it when you are riding him he really love seeing you body from below, its exquisite.

⌗ He is an hips man, he love them. So you being on top of him gives him the opportunity to admire and explore your body.

⌗ Chuuya likes your moans very much, he finds them adorable and it shows that you feel good, which makes him happy.

⌗ Chuuya is vocal, way too much vocal in the bed.

⌗ He his considered as the king of aftercare trust me, its heaven.

𝕯𝖆��𝖆𝖎 𝕺𝖘𝖆𝖒𝖚

▚ 𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗ Do not lie to yourself, a relationship with Dazai have high chance of ending not well because of some toxicity he may develop as time goes on.

⌗ He his really possesive, once he got you he wont let you go,never ever.

⌗ He love to kiss you. He loves the taste of your lips and the feeling of kissing you makes him feel something he never had.

⌗ In public, dazai will be the dork he his but… in worse. (yes its possible) he will be playful to death with you.

⌗ While when you are alone, he is much more sentimental but he will continue to remain slightly playful.

⌗ He loves teasing you, if he manage to make you blush, it will makes him continue even more because he finds you oh so adorable when you are embarrassed.

⌗ At night, he will cuddle you while holding you tightly, so that you can feel safe and loved.

▚ 𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗ Dazai doesn't really feel the need to have sex he have better thing to do and never really tough about commitment wit anybody.

⌗ But when it's with you, he will have sex with you after-all all opportunity to your body, he’ll take it.

⌗ Slow and passionate sex over here! He his rarely pn the fast and rough side but if you ask he’ll comply to any of your desire.

⌗ He don't really have favorite position, nor kink except maybe some bondage

⌗ Did I forget that he have a praise kink? Of course receiving and giving,

⌗ Dazai is very vocal, im not talking about moan they are relatively low, but about praise, when you both are doing the deed, praise are overflowing (🦋🦋🦋)

𝕾𝖎𝖌𝖒𝖆

▚ 𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗ Sigma never had anything except his casino which his his whole life so at first when he get implied in a relationship he will be clumsy not knowing how human relation work

⌗ He will need guidance from you, he wont make first move simply because he does not know how it work.

⌗ He his kind, really really kind to you. He view you as something very fragile and it will take time for him to comprehend that you are not weak.

⌗ Because he his always in his casino the only moment you can see him his when he his in his office, he barely goes to sleep too occupied maintaining the casino.

⌗ You finally gave him what he desired : reasons to live, you are very much cherished by him.

⌗ And you also need to cherish him and make him gain confidence in himself.

▚ 𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗ He his a bottom he have no social skill and does not know anything about how the society or relationship work as I already said.

⌗ You basically need to do everything and engage everything.

⌗ Your kink are his kink, you’re favorite position is also his favorite.

⌗ The man cry a lot out of pleasure in the bedroom, he his utterly beautiful when he cries.

⌗ As time goes by he will gain in assurance and try to be on top but out of habit he just revert back to being bellow. But please praise him, he tried.

𝕹𝖎𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖆𝖘 𝕲𝖔𝖌𝖔𝖑

▚ 𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗ … how did you get yourself into this relationship again?

⌗ do not go out with him I repeat to not go out with him,  at home its okay but when in public he start to theatrically declare his love to you, I promise dying would be better than having to support this embarrassment anymore.

⌗ you know that he love asking rhetorical question right? Just let him be, read a book or play on your phone while he monologue

⌗ the number of nickname you have can’t be counted on two hands

⌗ he forces you to call him by nickname and pet name he himself thought of ‘from now on call me the pineapple of your ocean eyes’ …. the fuck is wrong with his brain, where your first tough

⌗ He always kept on repeating that he wanted to be free and first say to you that you should not hope for him to be sweet or be present but every time you come home he his here patiently waiting on the couch.

⌗ his change of persona really surprise you every time they happen, even after years of dating it’s sill hard for you to grasp his true self, a playful sadistic idiot, or a serious full of guilt person aware of his cruel crime.

▚ 𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖜 :

⌗ he his so sadistic, he love to see you cry

⌗ definitely into cosplay and role play in the bedroom ‘today I am the pirate and you my parrot look at those beautiful costume’

⌗ you have an enormous box with all of your disguises

⌗ he have every sex toy possible, may or may not have already bought every sex toy from a store

⌗ usually rough, very rough, and sometime he break the mood with his goofy attitude, he does not mind the mood being broke because he’ll restore it in no time

⌗ they are time he his acting like a narrator as he fuck you ‘then gogol slowly slap her pink ass-’ this is really disturbing

⌗ you can have a little of respite when he decide to have sex with his serious personality respite.

when it happen it’s fast but passionate and stop the joke and the room become silent only filled with both of your moans

[beerecordings]

Okay, it's 3:55am uh tomorrow, if I can, I'll make that catalogue and send it to you

Damnit I'm always too late to fandoms

I hope that you've enjoyed my never ending asks

You have changed the way I view fanfiction

I 1000% will have to make a dedicationary work for this

I also spoiled the very end of chapter 5 for myself?? what the hell, it's 3:57 already

The warning for permacharacter death was like a shock and I was so sure you were going to take someone our and I'm praying you'll have mercy in this last chapter

no, but also, on a more deeply personal note than overdone shaky apologies and incoherent screaming, a lot of what you wrote brought me great comfort and happiness, as someone who did not get a chance to escape the one who was hurting them for a long time

this meant a lot to me, the journey, the failures, the pain and the love, the way that the askers tried their very best and the way your writing wrapped everything up so beautifully

between the major set changes for every chapter (norway house, peru or lima (i don't remember, sorry) house, split up, new house, and hopefully, for chapter five, somehwere they can call home)

to the character consistency, the way you wrote healing and trying was deeply realistic, there were so many scenes that just made me so happy and proud for these fictional characters, so excited and exasperated and admirin your askers, and you bought it all together with characters that had natural progressions

your representation was very good, and your nuance in characters was also very good

it's been an absolute honour to go on this journey with you, and hopefully now you'll never have to open your tumblr to find an overwhelming amount of content ever again- until chapter 5, maybe then ill be back

and im not even really on this journey, am I, I'm just someone who came after, right? I'm retracing the old path you paved, through the darkeness, and that's also beautiful, how this can be revisited over and over, story shared in awe and grief and amazement

i have had a funky, funky time for a while, so thank you for helping me find a new line to live by:

getting better. hope, hope hope

<3/p

thanks so much for your kind words!! i means a lot to me that you enjoyed it and even more that it was comforting to you. I hope one of the messages of MBC is that there's still value and love and progress within situations that seem hopeless, even if they lost a long time, or you backtrack, or even if an attempt to get away fails. i'm not a believer in 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' - sometimes the painful times are just painful, and might even leave you hurting long-term. but that doesn't mean there wasn't value to surviving them. it was valuable because of the way they held each other through it, or the way they kept on going even if they were completely alone and hopeless. even the times when they lost all stamina for survival, there was still value and importance to their lives.

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon back again. I had a sort of writers block for the last like 2 days which made it really hard to do some questions, but I got em done finally. Sorry about the wait. This one is split between the numbered questions, and next ask is the other questions you asked!

I think I accidentally skipped a question in the last one. I honestly don't completely remember but in case I did skip it by mistake, the groups first travel out of the city's limits and even further beyond in a carriage. When they reach the end of how far the driver is willing to go they then get out and start walking. With Jackie screaming about how their finally going on a adventure. 

1: It thankfully doesn't get to to bad before the others notice. And he immediately told them about Dream, wanting to be very clear with what happened and what they where getting themselves into. But they accepted him anyway and helped him. 

2: Isaac is the leader cause Cletus is too much of a wildcard and too impulsive to lead safely, Charles is too shy to lead, and while Benjamin is perfect for leading he doesnt really like leading and is more of a follower than a leader. But Isaac can joke around and gets along with everyone but also be able to take things seriously and know when something needs to be handled.

5: They do not, they last for a few minutes and unless its a healing or regeneration potion (in which it can take a few days for it to fully go away) they have no long lasting affects. They do know of eachothers past to an extent, they know enough to avoid triggers and enough to know what not to do when around eachother. They know through telling eachother, and they feel awful Grievous and Jackie had to deal with that, but leave it in the past and focus on making their current life better. 

6: Yes and no, while Jackie did mean to throw it at Ran, he ment for it to just hit nearby him, not directly hit him. It was ment to be more of a scare/intimidation tactic than anything else honestly. Grievous's luck is for basically everything, he has won the lottery twice before actually but only those 2 times, he's correctly guessed how many items are in a container more than a few times as well. 

7: I use the height charts and they help mostly for comparison, problem is I have trouble applying it to real world stuff and because of that I still have trouble knowing if something or someone is to tall or short. Jackie can get very mean, like he can make fun of someone who just lost a loved one or experienced a traumatic event at the worst. But he usually doesn't get nearly that mean, most he does normally is making fun of how someone looks or how they do certain things. The others comfort him the best they can when he gets sad, and when he gets mean they either encourage it (Grievous), or discourage it and stop him (Watson. Ran is between either encouraging or discouraging it).

8: He was! He spent most of his life adventuring actually! He misses it somedays now since he lives in Subbin, but he believes giving up his adventuring life for a family and friends who needed him is a more than far trade and would happily pick his family over adventuring again. For around 4 years after Ran left Mizu (including the day he left), Ran traveled everywhere, and learned how to survive himself and taught himself different things, like sewing. Ran has made new socks, fixed clothes, and made blankets for everyone at least once. Watson also designs bows and arrows for show, for top functionality, and for just simple (training) gifts to the others. Ran (and Watson) has visited the nether, though Ran tended to stay in it longer than Watson cause he could withstand the temperatures better. And while digging a new tunnel across the nether he ran into ancient debris, which he then messed with until he figured out to mix it with gold and coat his sword in it. He tried to find more ancient debris but sadly hasn't found any, leaving his sword permanently damaged and at risk of breaking. Jackie isn't good at all at painting, its more of a hobby he's trying out. They try to camp out there at least once a week, where Grievous will sometimes build a pillowfort and either force everyone inside or play a game of capture the fort with them. Sometimes Ran will also read during the pillowfort nights, but not to often. Jackie wants to vist a Snow, Savanna, Jungle,  Tagia, and if possible, a Ice Spike biome. He also wants to vist the nether but he'll have to fight Ran on that. Ran and Jackie's secondary titles are in Javanese!

9: Ran just kinda went "Hey Jackie, stand still for a second." "Ok?" And then he just picked him up and threw up. 

10: When he's first given dinner after already eaten lunch, he just kinda stares at the food. Then asks if they meant to give him food, and when the others say yes, he asks why because he thought people only ate once every few days. His answer shocked the others and they ask him to explain, and he explains futher that he was only allowed to eat and drink once every 3 days. Their horrified by this answer but explain to him how theres 3 meals a day and he can drink whenever, he doesn't believe them at first but eventually accepts it. 

11: When the fishermen first come to Ranbob about their worry, he expresses the same worry as them. But says that it's unlikely Ran will hurt the fishermen specifically, because Rans haunting are already friends with them, and Ran wouldnt risk breaking the friendship unless he deemed it necessary for their safety. 

12: Ranbob is sad that Ran goes to such lengths to avoid him and keep people away from him, but he has resigned himself to it. As he knew that if Ran was alive it was greatly unlikely that he would trust him and knew he would be avoided. Which is actually particularly why he believes Ran will never trust him again and why he views Ran as a kind of lost family member. One he'll never get back no matter what he does.

13: Their first stop is a nearby flower biome, and after that Watson has planned to lead them to a waterfall he found with a shattered Savanna somewhat close to it. They plan to travel for a minimum of 6 months, they can actually travel for as long as they want to, but Prokius made them agree that they must be back before the next General Pit Battles (which happens once every 5 years). 

14: He would 100% run himself into the ground until he's barely alive while searching for them. Benjamin compares Ranbob wanting to go back to Dream, to an abused person wanting to go back to their abusive lover. They believe they've changed and that they truly do love them and want the best for them, but in reality that's not it at all and others have to help them see thats not true and help them save themselves. So it doesn't surprise Benjamin or Isaac that much (it surprises Charles and Cletus though), and after its explained to them, their all more than willing to help Ranbob get over Dream and help him be himself again.

15: Oh definitely. Once they hear the Green-Eyed Enderman is back from hiding they all set out again, and after the group gets attacked and once word spreads that its in a group and there's another enderman with them, they all get targeted. With the Gladiators and Fishermen being targeted as bait or hostages to try to trick the enderman into following a trap. Ran wasnt affected like his brother was. Im talking about trauma and maybe even a bit of PTSD that came from Mizu, caused by Dream. Though both of the brothers have gained different amounts of trauma and PTSD from Dream. I may give the raven to either Watson or Ran, I think its fits both of them really well. I want to have them come across ruins of other Tales but im not sure which ones. Maybe they could find the remains of the Wild West Tale and the Haunted Mansion?

Glad to see you, Brothers Anon, and excited to read!

1: The perfect start to an Adventure. And a funny mental image. Imagining these two groups cramped into carriages is pretty amusing. How ready was everyone to get out by the time they could?

2: The fishermen are really great, and Ranbob is very lucky. I love them.

3: Isaac sounds like he’s a pretty good fit for it then. But nobody’s perfect! What are some flaws of his, leadership-wise?

5: Interesting. What makes Regeneration and Healing last longer? I suppose it’s not relative to the AU, but I am a bit curious. What’s the world’s potions mechanisms, if you don’t mind me asking? And that’s good! They may not know everything, but they know what to avoid, and that’s important. Everyone’s moved forward and are making the best of life, and honestly, that’s pretty cool of them.

6: Welp, Jackie, it seems intimidation tactic failed. However, you have managed to anger Ran, so..there’s that. He won the lottery? Dang. Well, if they ever need money, they can just send him to the nearest casino, I suppose.

7: Aight, so I may have a solution for you there. Whatever height you’re going for, find something in real life that’s just about the same height. Like a tree, or something. Or not, we can always just leave it at short enough to be tossed and tall enough to be the tosser. Jackie sounds like he knows where to hit to make it hurt, honestly. It’s good that they comfort him, though I am curious why they all react as they do to him being mean. Why does Grievous encourage it? And is it more of a depends on the day thing for Ran, or a depends on what was said to Jackie, and what Jackie’s saying thing?

8: Nice! What kind of places did he go? Does he have any particularly interesting knickknacks from that time period? And Ran personally sounds like he knows what he’s doing. Watson’s weapons sound really cool, where did he learn to make them? Is visiting the Nether not a common occurrence these days? Or is it simply that the others never got around to it before? Well, hobbies are always fun to try. Does Jackie keep at it and get better or get bored and try something else? How does Capture the Fort go with these guys, considering they’re gladiators? Why does Jackie want to visit those particular biomes? Is there a reason, or do they just sound cool to him? And why would Ran not want them going to the Nether? Because of the danger?

9: FDXGHJ- He just- tossed him?? No warning?? Oh my gods, I’m dying. How did Jackie react to that? Heck, how did Porkius react to that? I doubt anyone was expecting that display.

10: Oh, no. Now I really want to punch Dream in the face. What the heck, Dream?! He legit asks if they meant to give him food...If one of the fishermen or gladiators doesn’t eventually find a way to punch Dream, I will be forced to travel realities and do it myself. 

11: Kind of sad that Ranbob was equally concerned about it. But hey! He won’t have to be, one day!

12: Poor Ranbob. I hope he’s proven wrong, eventually. Do the fishermen know that he thinks this? If so, how do they feel about it? Or does he kind of just keep those thoughts to himself?

13: Flower biomes are really pretty. What did everyone think about it? Did they bring any flowers with them? So this roadtrip could possibly go on for a few years. Did they leave just after a General Pit Battle, or do they have like, less than five years? Speaking of General, is Jackie still the General in this AU? Does he have extra duties because of it? Or is that not something that happened in this AU?

14: Yikes. Reactions to this? Why does Ranbob believe Dream’s changed, as you put it? Is Dream still able to talk to him, or is it because he just misses being there? So Benjamin and Isaac aren’t all that surprised about it. Do they take the reins in helping out? And how do they all do so? It’s good that they’re helping him though.

15: Well, this sounds like it can’t end well. They try to use the hauntings as bait? Is anyone actually captured? Rescue missions? And alright, that makes a bit more sense. I can see how they’d both be effected differently, and honestly, they’d probably both have very different perspectives of the event, all things considered. Ravens for the win! And it’d be really cool for them to come across the ruins of old Tales buildings. Can you imagine the kind of things they’d find? Diaries, faded photographs, moth-eaten clothes, blood stained floors...Like a walk in the past, but they’ll never know what came to be for the people of that time.

[survivor-ingary]

Episode 9 - "I GOT A SUPER IDOL AKJSDNKSJANDKJ" - Kenneth

At the last tribal, Toph was voted out. During the past round, Keith found an exile ticket in the idol hunt and is in exile this round. The individual immunity this round is a 'chop the rope' style of Touchy Subjects. It will be followed by an instant tribal council.

ANNA OU- the execution of the vote was an absolute mess this is embarrassing y'all... i'm really starting to not trust ellie more and more considering the way this vote went! the way we were originally gonna vote toph but all this mess led to us flipping votes to brayden, which was a fail cuz he played the idol to himself and not toph LOL and not babs giving the idol to ellie cuz she would've gone home tonight!!!!! thank god the end results were still in our favor, getting rid of toph, but raffy is pissed once again lmao. this twist is very interesting, because i knew ahead of time that keith was gonna poof this round but i played dumb and whateva! it's kind of concerning cuz it might actually be a 4-4 split this time which SCARES ME so the extra vote consideration might be even higher. I really wanna win this Touchy Subjects challenge so the votes don't pile onto me (even though I fully believe it'll be either Dennis or Ellie lol)

my bestie toph just went home and im so sad :( he was literally my closest ally in the game and i am literally sooooo sad that he’s gone. but i did use my idol on myself which ended up being good bc if i didnt i would have gone to jury. just like everything is going wrong for me at this point and im on the bottom pretty much with raffy and anastasia. we needed to flip 2 people to have majority, BUT KEITH LEFT TO EXILE ISLAND AND HE WAS THE MAIN OPTION WE WANTED TO FLIP, so now that leaves kenneth and babs and we have to flip both of them or we are out of here. so we have our work cut out for us, but i really think we can flip babs because like they would just get like 6th place without us, and i just gave i think a pretty good pitch to kenneth so i really hope he considers it and doesn't just run and tell his majority alliance like he did with anastasia. anyways the challenge is touchy subjects and im nervous and i kind of am wishing i voted kenneth for biggest goat but i think i put riley and i regret ut. i hope someone says kenneth as biggest goat or something so it opens his eyes and he realizes he is literally number 4 to a solid 3 and should flip and be number 4 in our not at all solid 3. anyways i really hope i live this round

Captain Exile's log, Entry #58. I have been on exile island for an hour. it seems like forever... my mind is slowing turning into mush. I fondly remember the days I would plot Raffy's demise. Those days now seem like a lifetime ago.

I wonder why the 3 time keeping hosts have forsaken to this island, making me a fool by calling it a vacation. I also will never forgive them for not having an exile island hidden immunity idol. I should have asked Jay to send her cat to keep me company. . opportunity missed.

my favorite hobby is writing checks i can't cash

raffy realllllllly seems to trust me

babs realllllllllyyyy trusts me

ellie reallllllllly trusts me

kenneth realllllyyyyyy trusts me

keith reallllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy trusts me and i trust him right back

a+b do not trust me so im gonna have fun with this.

i love that idols just naturally attract themselves to ellie.

i love that keith and i are doing an amazing job as undercover kings and it makes me laugh that raffy completely believes that keith is perfectly in his back pocket. king of delusion.

i stirred up a lot of paranoia but its believable that ellie is the one thats mainly on dat.

excited for touchy subjects would love to win

I'm too nice for orgs. I reload video games when I accidentally select the mean dialogue options because I don't want to hurt any character's feewings. Which... is NOT the same as genuinely thinking everyone is a pleasant person.

Well, as the only person playing this live challenge sort of "remotely" ahead of time I feel like I'm in a really weird position. I guess I'll wake up tomorrow to... something? A clusterfuck most likely.

Brayden round 9 is already over but im pretending im writing this while its round nine

hey everybody its round 9. i played my idol to save myself which was so cool but im sad that i had to do it bc now im really vulrunable and have no protection in this world. my only alliance left is anastasia and raffy and i dont even know if i can actually trust raffy bc he just voted toph off, but like i have no other options. also i jut realized i thimk i actually did send a confessional this round but its ok. the challenge is touchy subjects and i know i have pretty much no chance of winning but i hope i get asked whos a goat so i can say kenneth and maybe he’ll flip. the plan is to go for riley this round since they arent a huge player and hopefulyl anyoen who flips would be fine voting them. i really really really hope tonight isnt a hands up tribal bc that would be really bad ;)

GUESS. FUCKING (freaking for the kids). WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A SUPER IDOL AKJSDNKSJANDKJSANDJKNASKJDNAKSJ I HONESTLY ALMOST LOST HOPE ON GETTING SOMETHING FROM THE SHOPS AT THIS POINT... The only other time I got something from the shop was my first ever purchase which led to an extra vote! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE because I feel like I have more options moving forward now, and I can make risky, but game-changing moves!! I will absolutely be saving the super idol as much as I can, hello?!?!?! I wanna make it to FTC so bad and ensure my spot in Final 5, so I just have to hold on until then!!!

soooo who's callin' me the fourth wheel to Ellie, Dennis, and Riley? oh? it's Brayden? okay king, step up then <3

holy fuck I hope I can explain this mess to Brayden kljfjkdlsahjkb WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Who is that girl I see?

Staring straight back at me

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside

I was completely over Toph's vote out. Like, it just is another demonstration of my "allies" not trusting me. They thought that I told Toph all about the plan to vote him instead of Brayden. They think I ratted to Anastasia and Brayden about the whole deal. It was incredibly frustrating to wake up from a nap with my allies not trusting them. And then they wanted me to vote for Brayden which would have landed Ellie in the jury house. Like, the plan was perfect, but Dennis, Babs, and Ellie just talked themselves into a paranoid mess. After the vote, I managed to talk myself into the good graces of Brayden and Anastasia after voting out Toph. What I said was "If y'all still want to work together, I'm down, but I didn't necessarily trust Toph. Additionally, I was approached like last minute to vote him because of Ellie's idol (they told me about it just before the vote). And I didn't want Brayden to go (didn't know about your idol)." They seemed to buy it?

I went on call with Dennis afterwards and basically asked for Riley to get voted out this round because they are Ellie's immoveable ally. They will never want to work with me. That's dangerous. It could give Ellie a lot of power in this game. Dennis seemed to agree. I also realize that Dennis has a crystal clear view of my game. He knows the type of game I am playing. That scares me. I need to play this game with the knowledge he can turn on me at any time.

My current position is in the middle. I am working with the heads of both sides in this game. I am working with Ellie, Dennis, and Babs on one side. And Anastasia and Brayden on the other. Kenneth is on the Ellie side, but I think my avenues with him are currently closed. What's the most frustrating is that Anastasia and Brayden are so misted by Babs that they can't see that they are LYING. Straight to their faces! Talking about wanting to be allies. Like, I need them not to spill to Babs about anything cause then I would be exposed.

Pray for me y'all.

Kenneth uh this tribal was... literally not in our favor at all... riley was gone the whole time and we didn't throw raffy under our bus when we should have... rip well riley wasnt in my end game plan anyways but its still pretty unfortunate to not have them around for the next couple of votes... i wouldve pitched for raffy harder but it didn't even matter because riley already submitted the vote for brayden :/// just a lil' unfair but it's SURVIVOR i guess!

Keith I woke up to a surprise. I was expecting to be another day on this island but it wasnt to be... This was a round came with a surprise tribal after the challenge. So yayyyy me.... bye bye Exile.

[pokefanbri]

Im still fucking fighting, i keep telling myself im not gonna let go & Fuck everyone else who thinks I should. But sometimes there's the opposite, im just lost & idk what to do....hes not gonna come back...so why should I bother to keep fighting 😔 If someone asks me...

Are they worth it? Absolutely. Because theres always room for improvement & growth, & we've been doing that apart for ourselves now for 7months. Did they give u the respect and attention u deserved? Are we not more valuable than that? Hell no & hell yes lol. Look I was happy just doing that for him but yea when it came to me honestly it was like nah im good 😒 & i know how fucked up it is that id go along with his selfishness but I did. I did deserve better & he knows I did... i just didnt wanna lose him & did anything he needed me for... but I ended up losing him anyway 😔 theres a reason why u work on that kinda shit & grow together as you go so everyone is happy, its fair to say we both lost sight...I was eager to learn everything about him cuz I wanted to be closer...but I was blocked out & pushed away, he wouldn't open up & talk to me or show feelings for anything, even of me when he used to all the time...like he was scared of being too attached or didnt want to get hurt..he didnt trust me or was afraid to show his true self or show any emotion that'd be viewed as weak due to the typical be a man complex. Idk I was confused & didnt know what was needed to help fix things so yea i walked on eggshells & me showing affection of my own free will was out of the question most of the time...I couldn't touch him unless he wanted me to & rare occurrences for my own satisfaction. Its the reason why I cried all the damn time, I felt avoided & unwanted because my own attention lacked pretty badly. How tf do I love a fucknugget bobblehead like that lmao, cuz I dont give 2 flying fucks he was my man ok! & being close enough to him made me happy enough I guess, I still looked at him like he was my world even if I wanted to slap him for making me feel so lonely at the same time. I admit his needs came b4 mine, he liked it more that way & I took care of him more than I did myself. But if he had more effort to take care of my needs in turn & I were happier than I was, & us happy at the same time, then maybe I wouldn't be so hard on myself...cry all the time & smoke like a chimney 🙁

I still don't fully understand why he held back, communicating with me on a deeper level is supposed to be natural & pretty much all normal couples show an appropriate amount of affection & understanding to eachother....but it was kept burried...was he afraid id hate him, judge him, make fun? No, id love him even more! Idc how dark he may think he is or whatever past bs he's gone through or even if he was lying about anything...its okay it can't hurt u anymore dear & we can overcome it just tell me what it is thats lacking & let's fix this. Id say "sit down babe, tell me everything, whats on your mind, what can I do to help 😊" & id give him the most gentle kiss on the forehead. I'd do anything to see a smile from that face & it makes me smile too. I want to help him, he needs somebody to hold just as much as I do cuz the fact of the matter is babe, he's just as broken as I am, we both need someone to put back our pieces & become whole again...after we try doing it solo it can only go so far b4 u want that physical presence of another again to help u more so. He keeps everything bottled up & especially didnt let me see what was happening to him I had no clue, if he didnt like talking to anyone he at least had me but still kept me away from him, whatever it was festered in him & he changed his whole demeanor toward me, he became colder & shut me out for good 😔 Making me feel even more unwanted. We didnt help eachother through our problems & I really wanted to, I wanted to save us for the longest time way b4 the end. Idk maybe if he put in as much effort & we knew how to function better together instead of a Corolla with just 2 wheels then we'd probably be fine...& our suspension wouldn't be dragging on the asphalt 😂 Its not all on him for fault, I take equal amount of responsibility, we failed eachother, we didn't know wtf we were doing & 9/10 it was just friends with benefits with only 1 of us in love & attached, & the other not really caring with side pieces to chat with 🤷‍♀️

U know what 🤬 They're right, he's right, & now I'm actually starting to accept it the more I write. Maybe just maybe,HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME AT ALL. Im still upset and frustrated. To answer the question again from earlier no maybe he's not worth it. I suffered through his bs and 10fold heartbreak afterward!! If he can't own up, right his wrongs & bring us both peace then no he's not worth suffering for afterall, and ive been loving the wrong soul this whole damn time 😣 He kicked me to the curb cuz he a fucking coward! He cant admit his wrongdoings, ask for forgiveness, say im sorry or actually put the tiniest bit of effort into a relationship to make it work, but instead disposes of me so he wouldn't have to confront any of it & just continue on like nothing happened are fucking kidding me!!?? I thought u were smarter than this, its beneath you to just run away & pretend I never mattered to you when we both know I did!!!....& im crying again. Im still feeling the betrayal apparently, ill never be able to trust him fully again anyway, let alone other men now. I dont hate you, I love you very much. But I hate the evil from you that you've shown me. I should've known honestly, I was naive to see all types of disrespect but this was the worst part. I still love him but i do deserve better than that & I hope he's changed his ways. Trust a guy with a high track record of ladies & a handful of em in their hand..what u think 🤔 can trust be gained back? Can I get over the bad uncalled for lying shit he's said about me to other women to make himself look better? Idk 🤷‍♀️ I haven't been able to rest without closure for so long, but enough is enough im making my own. You're absolutely right, you'd just manipulate me further, I thought maybe we could be better than before...round 2 at some point in the future...but maybe we're not salvageable after all. Thats up to u, I did everything I could, but now if u were to ever come back idk if I'd jump into your arms or slam the door in your face, I just dont know. Its better that I try never speaking of u again, or think of you for as long as I can so that I can heal better....cuz loving you even after the fact is tearing me apart & making me lose focus on what matters more, myself. I fought valiantly as long as I could, 7 months is a long time to not shut up about u lol.. maybe you've been hearing me I wouldn't know. I have to force it or ill never be able to, ill still silently grieve but as much as it hurts, Its time. U were my rock, an asshole but a good one, the best gamer I got to know, a boss at alot of things, with the cutest lil butt, & somehow the love of my life. Other than maybe something valentines or anniv related in Feb ofcourse....Ur getting what u wanted, I have to do whats best for me now, I have to let u go. I held on for so long but Im really tired & emotionally drained, im just torturing myself when i need to stop, im defeated, nobody won anything, everyone got hurt in 2020 why should our relationship be any different, id say we gave it our all be we both know we didnt. This hurts me so much to do, like my heart is breaking again. Bye babe, I love you with all my heart. 💋💞 💟

I tried to do what I could but if he left, I just gotta try to move on. If I take him back, I gotta consider how that's gonna look like & if I really got past the damage he did....obviously theres some I still haven't 😔 Its what im telling myself while trying to move past this. Others going through the same...We're in love and they ain't. We can't control their actions but we can control our actions. Im not a toxic person..only to myself, I love with all my heart, nobody bothers to understand...they just judge

[deuce-duce]

Back Story

So if you have been following along then I have previously mentioned my stint in jail for a dui and what was going on... let me add i was on the medication the entire time while in custody that the doctors prescribed to keep me from essentially dealing with what we all know i deal with... not anything I seek out on my own accord but literally something I deal with.. i had an inpatient stay before turning myself in. Once again giving everyone a clean slate! While there i met a woman that i fooled around with that was married. When she left we exchanged info.

when i got out of jail i stayed in an air bnb and since i was concerned about not dealing with what I had dealt with in jail i got addicted to meth for about 2 weeks. I got the meth from the woman and her husband that I met in the psych hospital. They had expressed to me that they liked having threesomes primarily with other men. Her husband expressed how much he like to give head so on and so fourth. I explained to them my situation and how I needed to experience a either bi or gay experience in a conscious state. Since the wife told her husband about our behavior in the psych ward a bi experience it was going to be. One night after getting high I experimented... unnerving to say the least I was asked if the husband could give me head... i agreed but at no point did I ever get hard. The whole time I was getting felatio I was knee deep in trying to get his wife involved but she just wasn't into it. After about an hour the husband said all the times i have done this I have never gotten anyone to cum... so i started fingering and eating out his wife while he blew away. About ten minutes later I finally came. Still never got hard but that doesn't necessarily mean that constant stimulation won't make you cum, especially when. You neck deep in some vagina! After that i stopped doing meth and nothing happened for a while.

This didnt stop the constant surveillance... and the Truman show ensued. it wasnt until i met a woman on pof and asked her if she knew who I was because everyone lies to me about it that she said yes it made me livid! Ill post the the screens hot at the bottom. And i started flipping shit about wanting anonymity and a clean slate like I had given to everyone so many times before... this caused for everything to start all over again... but 10 times worse at this point. Which is why i went on a bail Mary of a mission to get the fuck out! I'm sorry but I really dont know what I did to be everybodys form of entertainment. im glad you enjoy yourselves carry on...

Today I asked for some help... it will probably end up being something I regret, just like it's always been but like my momma always said... life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what gon get!!

I dont know if i have mentioned this before but it occurred to me today while presenting a condensed version of my story. When I consider whats occurred and the usual reason people bulky others... its usually because the bullying party is jealous of the individual that they are bullying... what is it that makes you jealous of who I am...? I mean cmon...! From your point of view I fucking suck and I'm stupid so whats the deal!! But on a previous stint in jail when I got in trouble for my fight or flight night i explained to you previously, i received a letter for my brother saying oh i miss you so much blah di blah blah! But one thing that still is concrete in my mind is his reference to how everything literally everything has been taken from me and it still hasn't changed who I was!! Idk what you think but if what im telling you is true remember that essentially is up to you... but that mother fucker is amazing!

When i mention the basis of jealousy i had never heard from my brothers mouth such words until one specific occasion. I was being careless one night. My brother was a painter and had paint buckets around the house. When i was walking into my room one night I tipped one over and spilled exterior house paint all over the carpet. I knew I was in it at that point. Immediately I was like oh shit! Bro I'm sorry man what should I do?? He was like WTF! Im sorry bro what should I do?? He's like idk its in the fucking carpet!! I was like shit your right... i thought for a second, then was like do you have a shop vac??!! Yea...?? He said!? Ok one sec, go grab it, I said. He went to grab the vacuum. And i went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of 💧. When we both got back to the spill he was like what are you going to do...?? I took the water, poured it over the paint and then vacuumed it up. After a few pours and a couple vroom vrooms the paint was gone! As my brother walked away he said quietly, thats why I'm jealous of you...

although i understood what he meant, it really disappointed me. I dont want anyone to be jealous of me! It fucking sucks! I cant help it that what I have been through has shaped my mind the way it has and geared my thought process differently. What kills me the most is that he's the one thats caused my different mindset, yet causes people to resent me... do you know how messed up that is??!! Although I had been told by my mom on countless occasions that my brother did what he did to only because he was jealous of me. It wasnt until that moment that I had heard it from his lips. I hate that people feel the need to implement destruction and chaos into my life simply because they are jealous of who and what i am... is it sad...?? Yes do i understand the answer is also yes.. it just fucking sucks! Why can't there be some kind of middle ground where brilliant minds from both sides work together to make the world a better place!?

Another controversial subject is whether or not a human is born innately good or innately evil...?! I really couldnt tell you all I can say is that I have been told since I was young that I was special. My grandma would tell my mom along with others I was always the head of my class and social group until I moved away from my hometown. When I think back knowing what I know now about different personality types and peoples mental capacities that they are born with one be sociopaths. Id have to say people born that way definitely aren't heading down a path of philanthropy if you catch my drift... now no matter what someones mental condition is, that doesn't stop them from being extremely intelligent! Now my parents had four kids two daughters one from each of their previous relationships but when my parents met eachother they had two boys 18 months apart. Both with an unexplainable grasp of life and an inconceivable amount of intelligence. Now although during my years as a teenager and into my twenties I didnt really do much with said intelligence other then try to be something I wasn't (drug dealing thug...), i knew there was an insurmountable amount of intelligence a lurking! One song i really shouldn't share with you because it speaks to me and my situation by 100%. I dont like sharing my favorite songs because they are part of my fabric and dont want them used against me. But one you should ✔ out, is Rose Golden, by Kid Cudi. With that ill end the evening have a good night.

[hiselanne]

7 Essential Questions to ask thyself

Talking to yourself is not a weird thing but generally a good thing to get to know more about yourself. It is how you nourish your intrapersonal communication that affects everything that you do in life.

What are the questions that you can ask yourself to deeply understand how you feel and what are things you think would give you fulfillment?

This blog may be helpful to those who are lost and confused about what they really want or want to do in life.

There are possible ways on how you can recreate yourself to keep growing and become the best version of yourself because the reality is, we are all unique in every way. To go deeper into your inner self and discover a lot of possibilities, you may write down and try to answer the following questions that will help you achieve your wants, needs, dreams and aspiration in building yourself. (It'd be better if you have a journal for this.)

1. Who and what do I want to become?

This question may be quite broad but through your past and current experiences, you can list down all your likes and interests.

I know each and every one of us have a dream. It may be wanting to becoming a successful engineer, a young-billionaire, a UNICEF- Ambassador, or maybe someone who only wants to own a farm. Whether small or big, it still is a dream. It sets us to become determined, directed, inspired and motivated. After all, our self-fulfillment varies individually.

Imagine who you are, and what you possibly would be doing 5 to 10 years from now. Dream and visualize. If you don’t know where you are right now, think about the things that you love and begin with them.

2. What are the things that you want to learn?

We know that education is a continuous process. Whether you already attained the highest degree of education, we should never stop learning because learning is always associated with growing. You stop learning, you stop growing.

Choose any field of knowledge that you would like to add up to your credentials to help sharpen your mind and improve your cognitive,affective, and performance skills.

You may also list down any experience that you want to acquire like, attending musical workshops, art class and so on. This is also beneficial in many aspects of our being.

We should always be driven to gain and learn new things.

You may also add this question to be more specific:

Aside from the skills you have right now, what are other skills that you wanted to acquire?

List down as many as you can and you may also classify them whether it is a business skill, leadership skill, creativity skills and etc.

3. What are the good things about you that will remind yourself that you are good enough and worthy?

In identifying ourselves in the midst of our goal and aspiration, sometimes it may be overwhelming because nothing worth comes easy. Before we get to accomplish big things, we have to try and work hard for it, to keep us motivated and avoid being drowned in our own negativity, self-doubt or overthinking, enlighten yourself by writing all the good things you know about yourself, you may refer to your own character,positive traits, past experiences,current achievements and learnings. Creating and refocusing a brighter mind-set is the key to keep you driven and feel good about yourself. As much as possible avoid comparing yourself to other accomplished people. (I myself am quite guilty of this) But this is normal and completely fine and as much as possible, try not to think about it often. After all, it is just a temporary sign of vulnerability and a proof that we are all just human. So forgive yourself for that matter. Focus on what you are up to.

4. What is/are your specific dream/s? Are you committed to make it/ them real?

(I haven't literally written down my answer yet but I have it in mind.)

In achieving a goal we always apply the principle of SMART ( I’m neither a financial adviser nor a successful preacher but in my P.E class we always apply these principles in physical training of students, for them to achieve their target fitness goal)

SMART stands for:

S-pecific

M-easurable

A-chievable

R-ealistic

T-ime bounded

These principles are general and can be applied in anything that we want to achieve, may it be about your business venture, results in exam, or career goals.

Yes, it’s important that we should be specific in our goals to set a clear direction and procedure to attain it, and we can only have a certain chance of success if we commit ourselves to it. It may require lots of attempts, a lot of sacrifices. But these are things that make success a lot more worthy in the end.

If it’s a dream, you do what ever it takes to take it. If you don’t, it’s just a wish.

5. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

We are all guilty of our insecurities. Insecurities attack in many forms according to psychology but since this is only a personal view of mine, I will not elaborate it.

In embracing oneself and to fully understand where we are coming from, we should be aware and be truthful about our ups and downs. Nobody is perfect and what we can only do is to embrace that we are perfectly imperfect!

When we take note of these things, we are able to realize and accept our whole self and when it happens, nothing can go wrong and against us.

Tip: Try to write them in a chart so that you will be able to think about ways to enrich your strength and deal with your weaknesses.

6. What is stopping you from doing what you want to do?

When we don't have full control of ourselves we easily get distracted, frightened and discouraged to do the unknown things.

List them down so that you can pinpoint your "do's" and trim down your "donts" that takes you away from being the GOLD that you are meant to be.

7. What do you hate and love about yourself?

We have to face it, that we have a side of us that we love and the side of us that we don't. The only way to conquer ourselves is to accept our nature and limits and use them to be limitless.

Yes, you've read it right, it's quite contradicting but the only way to go beyond our limits is to accept it and when we already know how to deal with it, we become free and feel limitless ( in a sense that the things we hate will never be used against us to restrict us from doing the things we love and dream)

By the way, if you have already listed the things you love about yourself,give yourself credit, compliment yourself, (ex: I am artistic,I can dance and write songs, I'm also good in Geometry,I am so creative) and about the things that you hate, feel what you want to feel but always remind yourself that it is totally okay. Forgive yourself for being so hard and try to loosen up. Cry or lament about it, but always remember that it doesn't make you worthless and a bad person, so again, IT'S OKAY. Give yourself a time to heal and accept what you cannot change and improve what you can.

These questions are only guide that may help you when you feel like you can't figure out yourself in the middle of circumstances that are beyond your control, and after dealing and trying to answer these, you will feel a lot better.

In difficult times, it's not bad to put ourselves first above everything else. We only have one life and the only way to live it well is to do what makes and would make us happy, fulfilled and at peace.

Make it a habit to say or write something good about yourself every time you wake up or before beginning your daily routine,whatever you're doing, as long as it makes you happy, go for it. There is no small or big effort because we've got our own purpose in this world.

We've got different lives to live and path to take but what truly matters is the love we get from one self and other people who are dear to us.

Love,

[ready-press-start]

Mega Dump of Content Because, I Mean Look at This Blog, It's Just Full of Neglect, It's Like the Bastard Child That No One Likes, and It Just Stays in Its Corner, And Doesn't...I'm Droning On, Aren't I? 😓 Oops...MEGA DUMP OF HISTORY!!!!

Jesus Christ, look at all the cobwebs and shit in this place! I'm obviously not a very good Tumbleweed, or whatever the young ones call it these days... (Tumblyolo, Tumblswag, Tumblame, whatever it is 😂) I started one of those 30 day challenge things in the birth of this blog, literally, the first post, and I've only gone up to Day 6! 😅 I should be finished by now, jeeze I slacked off! But anyways, let's try and finish this challenge in one sitting, and then upload this on the shitty Internet that exists in Portugal, shall I? 😂 (I swear, Portugal actually has absolute shit Internet, it makes me miss that crappy McDonald's wifi everyone uses but is super slow...but it's blazing fast, compared to here. 😫 I almost miss decent Internet as much as I miss Banana ❤️ but anyways, LET'S DO THIS!! 👍)

Day 6: How I'd Spend $10000 (not pounds, fuck Britain! (Thank you for helping discover Canada, much appreciated, Papa bless))

I'd invest in stocks! Stocks are guaranteed to succeed every time! (What? No! They don't! 😅)

In reality though, I'd probably spend it all on Banana, or I'd just give it all to her for her to take care of. If I spend it on her, I'd just travel with her everywhere, I know she would love to travel, and you can travel to a lot of places for 10 grand, right? ❤️

(Oh, and btw, Banana is my girlfriend/bae/future wife 😋❤️ shes not an actual banana, even though she says she looks like a banana in a dress. I don't think that's true though, in fact, I think she's smoking in a dress 😍😉❤️) Day 7: Things I Like/Dislike About The Way I Look

Likes: MY HAIR! I can do whatever, cut it short, grow it out, use product and style it, this mane of hair just comes out looking like a million bucks, every time! 😂 But yeah, I also like my upper body, and my legs.Oh, and not to brag or anything, but I gotta say...my butt. I think I got a pretty great badonkadonk. 😏😋

Dislikes: I got a gut...I'm rockin' the dad bod'! I'd like to lose the pillow a bit though.. 😅 Day 8: My Last Night Out In Detail

My last night out? I'm an old fart, my nights out here in Portugal are always the same, I go for a walk/run at the park, and I talk to Banana. 👍❤️ And then I see all the other old farts walking while I'm doing my walk/run thing, and it makes me realize how much of an old fart I am now.. 😂 I need to go back to Canada, and go back to people that are my age, then I'll have some variety in my life. 👍 Day 9: Something That Makes Me Sad When I Think About It

That I'm here in Portugal when I want to be with Banana... 😔❤️ but it's only a month left until I go back, soon enough, we'll be in each other's arms again! ❤️❤️

Plus, she made me a couple videos to cheer me up whenever I miss her, and those really help! 😊❤️ Day 10: One Thing I've Lied About

That I'm the best...I'm not the best...I'm such a liar...I'm only second best...I've been living a lie...how can I be the best if Banana is the best? 😋❤️

But yeah, if you really want something I've lied about, ask my parents when I was a teenager. It was just lie after lie at that time. If I wanted to hang out with my friends at the time, it had to be. So many "projects" that I had to do with them then. Those were the days... (I don't miss them 😂) Day 11: Would I Rather? Desert Island. Someone I Love for 10 Years. Someone I Hate for 1 Month. Survive. Discuss. Long Question. I Make Short. Go Me. 👍

Someone I hate for 1 month. No question. I can survive on a desert island for that long, I'll just drink my own pee or something. That'll both give me nourishment and chase away the person I hate, because I SEE THOSE JUDGEMENTAL EYES YOU'RE GIVING ME, YEAH, I'D DRINK MY OWN PEE LIKE BEAR GRYLLS! I GOTTA SURVIVE, AND THAT'S ALL THE SURVIVAL SKILLS I KNOW! 😂

(Btw, if this was a "dessert" island, I'd bring the person I love for 10 years. An island full of desserts?! We'd both enjoy that! 😂❤️) Day 12: Something I'm Currently Worrying About

I'm worrying about Banana. ❤️ I love her, and I'm always gonna worry and care for her, so it's just a natural thing that'll always happens. I'm sure she can relate, I'm sure she's always worried about me too. ❤️ Day 13: Name one person off Tumblr that I'd throw off a cliff, one I'd marry, and one I'd shag

Banana for all three. 👍😋 The marry and shag, well duh ! ❤️ But the throwing off a cliff, she's probably like "WHAT THE HELL?! 😤" But I can explain! .....don't you wanna go bungee jumping sometime? 😂😂 Day 14: Something Disgusting I Do

Everything. I fart, I pick my nose, I grab my crotch, whatever, I'm a dude! Dudes are disgusting!

(Banana, if you're reading this, this isn't true, I'm as clean as can be! This is just to keep up appearances, make sure they guys still look at me like another guy, but you know me, why would I do any of that stuff I just said?!?! 😂😂) Day 15: Lyrics That Apply To My Current Situation/Mood

Pace Is The Trick by Interpol, great song, and I think the lyrics apply to the situation I'm in too. I'll just put the link --> https://genius.com/Interpol-pace-is-the-trick-lyrics <-- 😋👍 Day 16: A Drunken Story

ST. PATRICK'S DAY! I'm sure Banana can recall that day. 😂 Let's just say someone consumed a little bit too much, and the other someone had to help that first someone out a little bit. 😋 All in all...not a bad day. 👍😂 Day 17: Something you Regret

NO RAGRETS!! I'm not really one to regret many things, a lot of what I've gone through, I've learned from, and it's helped shape me into who I am today. 👍 Day 18: To-do List

Finish this post, go back to Canada, get a proper job that pays well, get a place to live, have Banana move in, get married to Banana, travel with Banana, have kids with Banana, grow old with Banana. 😊❤️

Oh, and another to-do...Banana! 😉😏❤️ Day 19: Post a Picture Without Makeup/Hair Done.

THERE YOU GO! Day 20: My Best Sexual Experience/My Sex Life or Lack Thereof

Sex? Never heard of him... 😂 Day 21: Press Ctrl+V and Post

OH NO, IT'S TWO PICTURES OF ME WITH NOTHING DONE, I'M HIDEOUS!! 😂😂 Day 22: Post a Bit of My Last IM Conversation

Nononononono, no thanks, I'd like to keep the conversations between Banana and I private, thank you very much! And then with my friend, James...he just gloats about how much farther he is than me on Diamond Dynasty in MLB The Show 17...it's like...how rude... 😂 Day 23: 5 Things That I Want to Change

1) The fact Banana isn't with me! ❤️ 2-5) See number 1. 😋👍 Day 24: My View on Being Tumblr Famous

Oh, it's amazing! I wake up every morning and just feel so honoured! I'm so thankful for each and every one of my follower!

That's not a typo.

I have 1 follower.

Tumblr famous, my butt... 😂 Day 25: Someone I'd Like To Be For a Day and Why

I'd probably be Banana for a day, and why I would is pretty simple, I just wanna know what it's like to have boobs and stuff, you know? I'm sure every guy thinks that, I mean, it's all guys think about, boobs, right? HIGH FIVE GUYS!! (Again, Banana, if you're reading this, this isn't true. Like I said, appearances, need to seem like a dude, you get it... 👍😂) Day 26: 5 Things Within Touching Distance Right Now 1) My Phone 2) My Tablet/Laptop Hunk-O-Junk 3) My charging cable for my phone 4) My Wallet 5) ...you know... 😏 (My basketball, wow, think dirty much, jeeze! 😂) Day 27: Name and Shame from Facebook Or Whatever

Facebook? Never heard of her... 👍😂 Sounds ancient anyways 😅 Day 28: An Embarassing/Socially Awkward Situation You've Found Yourself In

Stripping down in a men's change room at a gym or swimming pool with no stalls. I don't know, I just can't do it...there's just so many old man balls hanging out...and then I just start thinking to myself...how can my new man balls ever compare to all those years of experience?! 😅😂😂 Day 29: Something I'm Not Proud Of

I can finish two bite brownies...in one bite...Oh hell, what am I saying, I'm proud of that!! 😂

I'm probably not proud of how I behave under pressure though, I panic, I become all flabbergasted, and I don't think clearly, it's pretty embarassing... 😓 Day 30: The Last Argument I Had

Should I have that last piece of chocolate? No, you shouldn't, you're trying to lose weight. Yeah, but I've been doing so good... No, you don't need it, just let someone else have it. *Eats last piece of chocolate* I told you not to eat it, what are you doing?! What? I really wanted it! Oh my god, you're so weak! Shut up, I'll do better next time! And that was an argument I had with myself when I wanted to eat some chocolate... 😅👍 AND BOOM, I'M DONE! SUCK IT TUMBLR!! 😂😂 (In all reality, Tumblr, if someone accidentally deleted their post, why don't you have a way to retrieve that goddamn post, I had to do this twice! Twice! You trying to kill me or something, Tumblr?! I am disappoint. 😑) But yeah, this was my mega post of epic whatever I said at the top, I don't remember, it was ages ago, and I'm an old fart. 😂 Tune in next week for more cobwebs! Buh-bye! 😋

[adventurousrecovery]

"Friends"

(I had met with my ex to exchange items after my chiropractor appointment. My lengthy speech days before was not enough clarification so he sought further, questioning our status. I smiled at the stupidity of the question and responded, "Friends." My answer was not the one he wanted and I received numerous messages before I had returned home. He wanted to make sure all items had been returned.)

Me: Yes unless I come across something else.

Ex: super great

Ex:I removed myself from your artist page

(I had made him an admin when he questioned my loyalty after my previous ex and his wife had messaged me.)

Me: Ok. I don't think I'd know how to do that lol

(I wouldn't.)

Ex: ok

Ex: pictures.

Ex: i need to remove tags and pictures

Ex: fucking facebook

Ex: its all like oh something went wrong

Ex: im about to just block you and see if that takes care of it

Ex: did you do a thing or did it work?

(He was looking for a response and I wasn't going to give it. I was more so stressed that he wouldn't leave me alone.)

Me: idk?

Ex: did you delete pictures on your end?

Me: No?

(I responded in the form of a question because I had deleted pictures of us weeks before we broke up, but not from social media. I felt he would not respond well to my confessing of the prior.)

Ex: oh ok

Ex: ok i think I got them all

Me: Good job lol

(What did he want...a pat on the the back?)

Ex: thanks LOL

(LOL was his common response when upset or not in control while seeking the last word in an attempt to feel in control. I find it to be the equivalent of "I'll pray for you" when Christians argue.)

Me: *sends a GIF of A. C. Slater and Zack Morris from "Saved By the Bell" giving themselves a pat on the back*

Ex: I take that as sarcastic

Ex: im still debating blocking you lol

(He was still looking for a response.)

Me: If you wish

(Encouragement in hope that he does.)

Ex: k bye

(I saw an opportunity.)

Me: There is one thing you should know.

Ex: ?

Me: *sends a picture of the Joan Jett and Styx concert tickets*

Me: Hahahahahaha! Bye

Ex: wow.

Ex: im glad you think thats funny

Me: You threatened me with Journey. I got the tickets the day after Indy.

(We went to Indy for my appointment and had both looked forward to getting out of town. On the way he questioned my delay in response to his questions the day before. Eventually he suggested, "Maybe we should break up", which was his go-to when things got rough. I took his offer. I went to my appointment and he sat outside. During that time he managed to convince himself that I had been using him the whole time. We left and got in the car where he proceeded to drive recklessly while being verbally aggressive. His excessive fidgeting had me worried he was going to hit me. I sat in silence as he brought up every concern and emotion he had ever tucked away. He attacked my sexuality. He put me down. He spoke on my behalf, answering his own questions. We were halfway back to Terre Haute before we began to communicate appropriately. By the time we returned to my apartment he was convinced we could work things out. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I told him if we were to further pursue this relationship I would have to see changes made, but that did not guarantee permanence. We went to DD for coffee. I knew he would pay. I didn't order. He was surprised. I didn't want him to think I was using him. We returned to my apartment and I got out of the car and walked away. It was only a matter of minutes until I received phone calls and messages.)

Me: But, still...its funny?

(He doesn't deny his threats.)

Me: This whole conversation is ridiculous.

Ex: I get that you got tickets to something

Ex: im glad you did

Ex: I hope you have a good time

Ex: but honestly I didn't expect you to tell me like that. I assumed you were a little better than that.

Me: I am certain I will. I didn't want to tell you like that but you weren't being nice.

(It was a dick move, but it was a good one!)

Ex: sure

Me: Threatening me with Journey tickets is an attempt to get an emotional response and gain some sort of control was a dick move, but then I quickly realized joan jett was the same night and I can still make it to work. I tolerated your harsh words and irrational behavior. I hoped things could be nice but it was clear that was not gonna happen, especially now.

Ex: ok

Me: I do wish good for you and believe you are better than you present.

Ex: ok

Ex: When did I threaten you with journey tickets exactly?

Ex: How so?

Me: In the car, "I think I'm gonna sell the tickets."

Me: "Okay"

Me: "Try to get my money back"

Me: "Okay"

Ex: that wasn't a threat, that was me hoping you would offer to buy them

(I offered to, but then I realized it was symbolic of all the times he pulled the "Maybe we should break up" card and me finally responding as he wished by begging and pleading no. I am not that person. I will not be that person. Instead, I bought tickets to Joan Jett and Styx after remembering they were to be performing in Noblesville the same night Journey was performing with Def Leppard in Louisville. Plot twist, asshole.)

Ex: call me.

Ex: please/

Me: I can't right now cause I'm still with my sis and packing up kaine to drop stuff off at work before going to the dog park

Ex: ok

Ex: well, nevermind then.

(I thought the conversation was finally over. Nope.)

Ex: I have $240 in the tickets, and at that moment i was frustrated and it was becoming clear we wernt going

Ex: I apologize that you lack the ability to see things outside of your scope and also lack the ability to recognize that sometimes people have moments.

(Again, he was speaking on my behalf. What I experienced was not a moment. It was the red flag I needed for the others had been bright enough. It was not just a "moment". It was an indicator of what I would experience if the relationship continued.)

Ex: Especially for someone who has so many. You complain so much about people not understanding you but it seems like you also arnt willing to take the time to understand other people.

Ex: and im sorry that you view everything as an attack on you, i know that sucks for you.

(Seems my voice was never loud enough and I admit that. I do fail to understand things. Ya can't teach a know-it-all. I do not view everything as an attack, but a potential attack. Trust is a HUGE issues and I didn't have that with him. I admit there are people I do not understand. I have become better at recognizing when to take time to understand because I know that whatever behavior or words were present were not of that person's character and who is actually an asshole that I cannot and do not have to fix. I understood that it was more than a moment and I was not going to stick around to "understand" and be manipulated and brainwashed to think otherwise.)

Me: I told you the truth of my limitations upon entering the relationship.

Ex: I know.

Me: School, work, mental health, recovery etc.

(I was extremely thorough with all that surrounded my mental health and placed great emphasis on my education and limited availability. I suggested he build relationships with those around him, staying in communication, and even attend counseling because there would be times I could not give him the support he was seeking.)

Ex: right

Ex: well, congrats.

(Congrats on my newfound freedom and reduction of stress? Yes!)

Ex: I guess the whole friends idea is done then?