#im missing a puzzle live for this shit
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Tips you probably shouldn't know about someone's brain but I'm going to say anyways because I have to do something with all the work I'm putting in for this shit Part One:
If you want someone to rethink their answer or stance on a topic, simply look into their eyes. You don't need to say anything. A lot of social species perceive prolonged eye contact as threatening, and it applies an uncomfortable pressure on someone, making them rethink what they just said.
#psychology tricks#please dont actually do this#its rude and mean#unless their stance is fucked#then go ahead#psych majors be wildin#also no this wasnt the subject of the lecture rn#its just a discussion someone started up with the prof#let the man speak about the intended subject please#im missing a puzzle live for this shit
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Because Of You
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!AphroditeCabin!Reader
—-
synopsis: years after your rite of passage, the boy who’s heart you broke just won’t leave you alone. clarisse, your girlfriend, quickly decides she’s not a fan.
a/n: should i stop procrastinating and then forcing myself to write shitty fics quickly? probably. but not today!! this is kinda just like an au of dont delete the kisses but… you guessed it… IDC!!!!!!!! from this ask
thank you all so much for patiently waiting i love y’all soooooo muuccchhhhhh 🫶🫶💋 as i mentioned on my acc i have the next week off from school, pls expect more content then!!
Because Of You - Lana Del Rey (Unreleased)
warnings: NOT PROOFREAD, this sucks so bad y’all sorry lolllll, y/n is a year round camper!, starts out very background heavy but i really don’t care 😭, creepy men UGH, ugly bitches not being able to let shit go, im gonna say sexual harassment just incase, swearing, usual demigod stuff y’all know what you’re getting into, jealous!clarisse YESSS, possessive!clarisse ik i screamed!!, protective!clarisse too, slightly graphic makeout scene, i think that’s all, tell me if i missed anything!!
—-
When you were young, you were thrilled by the thought of love.
The idea of belonging not only with someone- bodies fitting together like puzzles pieces- but belonging to someone- wrapping around you like a warm blanket.
Later, your half-siblings would describe mostly similar experiences to yours- an overwhelming desire to be loved, wanted, needed. Ever since you ran into camp with a monster hot on your heels and satyr shouting encouragement next to you- everyone’s stared at you. They poke and prod, they act like they’ve never seen a daughter of Aphrodite before.
It’s annoying, but it makes you feel good- but not quite.
Until Alek came along.
You were both 13, you still believed in soulmates, and you wanted nothing more than to be with each other for the rest of your lives.
You were 13, and he felt like the only one for you.
And when you had to break up with him to fulfill your rite of passage- it felt like the world was ending. You cried for days and begged your sister Phoebe to say it wasn’t a true, it was just a mean, mean prank.
But she couldn’t tell you that, and there were more types of love that romantic.
While you longed to hold someone, to be held- you also craved your mother’s approval like you were starving. You wanted her love, you wanted her to visit you in your dreams, you wanted gifts from her, you wanted everything and anything she could give you.
So, it hurt like you had never known hurt before, but you did it. Alek seemed entirely indifferent to it, almost ignoring you and pretending you hadn’t said it- but you felt a warmness around you, a dove flew between trees, you knew your mother was there and she approved.
Breaking up with Alek felt like the sun had exploded on top of you.
Being with Clarisse felt like the sun was wrapped around you.
—-
After Alek’s initial denial, he went through all the other stages of grief, mourned your relationship like you did, and you came out on the other side with a one-sided agreement to forget it ever happened.
Alek got stuck. Or went back. He started to believe that you were still meant to be, that much you could tell.
Until that day at the training fields when your hand slipped at archery and you almost shot Clarisse in the head- and she had glared at you so harshly while you ran over and examined her head, gushing out apologies and fretting over her.
She pushed you away, hand lingering for a second, eyes softening before she quickly looked away.
“Just… be more careful,” she had said, almost like a question, like she wasn’t sure the words were coming out of her mouth.
And, Gods, were you terrified it was all some secret plan. Make you think it was alright only to corner you in the woods and probably kill you, or something.
And when she asked the next day to teach you how to shoot a bow, you agreed with tears in your eyes, knowing of her reputation, and it took a lot of trust and a lot of swapped secrets for her to prove to you it wasn’t all some elaborate plan.
But even if her plan was to kill you the entire time, you fell in love over her fixing your stance, hands brushing as you accidentally grabbed the same arrow, stolen looks across the pavilion.
It wasn’t until a random kid bumped into you, making you fall and twist your ankle. Clarisse had this look in her eyes that was so genuine, so full of love and care for you, softly caressing your leg after she had punched the other kid in the face.
And you realize as she said you were doing great, limping while she helped you to the infirmary, that this was something.
And as much as you hated the violence being committed over you, it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, and the warmth in your chest was all you had ever wanted. This was what it was like to belong with someone, to someone, with her, to her.
This was what it was like to be admired. Loved. Wanted. Needed.
And when she softly told you goodbye, you had kissed the corner of her lips and thanked her- turning to walk into your cabin, ankle already feeling better thanks to the ambrosia.
She grabbed you by the wrist and turned you around, pulling you against her tightly and kissing you so harshly like she had just found the secret to the world in her lips on yours, her hands on your hips.
And when she finally pulled away, embarrassing strings of spit connecting your lips, she said she was sorry. Probably the first time she had ever said that to someone, and you smiled.
“Sorry. It’s just… once your lips were on mine, I don’t think I can ever stop. I don’t wanna stop.”
And she kissed you again and it was all you ever wanted out of this life- to love and be loved, to hold and to be held, and it was all because of her.
—-
The welcome back campfire is your favorite time of year.
It’s when the camp comes alive, when the Gods themselves seem to return to this place- even Mr. D is a bit more lively with all the pure infectious energy running through the first few days of camp. Everyone’s getting settled, classes haven’t started quite yet, and the year round campers get a much needed break.
As much as you and Clarisse wanted to keep things private, when she punches someone in the middle of the pavilion for accidentally bumping into you, it’s not hard to figure out Clarisse cares for you more than she does anyone else.
And after one of your younger siblings, Cara, a 12-year-old notorious for staying up late, saw you and Clarisse kissing that first night- it spread like wildfire.
But it was the winter, so it still felt secret, until summer rolled around and Clarisse kept getting more and more annoyed by every camper who entered the gates. She would grab at you in the middle of meals, drag you into her bed, even kiss you in public- do all these things that seemed so out of character for her, but she was a different person when she was with you.
Everyone had been looking at you oddly all night, shocked, confused, even Clarisse has cracked a genuine smile at someone who dropped their drink- squeezing your hand.
Maybe they had all heard the rumors. Maybe they didn’t believe them.
But it’s all cleared up when Clarisse leads you to the best seat, the log not too far from the fire but not too close, wrapping her arms around you and kissing your temple.
Your cheeks heat up, only because Clarisse is never this touchy in public, and never around this many people before.
All of the eyes on you feel weird- they feel so judging.
And you’re not used to that, however vain it may be.
“Everyone’s staring at us,” you mumble, shuffling closer to Clarisse so your legs are pressed together.
She leans her head against your shoulder. “‘S okay. Don’t worry about ‘em, baby.”
You huff. “Did no one ever teach them it’s rude to stare, though? Like… c’mon.”
She sighs dramatically, lifting her head from your shoulder.
“Stop fuckin’ staring,” she says. Not quiet shouting, but her voice is loud and forceful. Her voice carries weight.
And eventually, at the risk of Clarisse’s wrath, all the wandering eyes stop.
A few of Clarisse’s siblings laugh from around you, commenting that the stares were getting a bit ridiculous, everyone just grateful that you all might get a little reprieve from the overwhelming stares and whispers.
But, you still feel uneasy. Clarisse kisses your shoulder.
And while you look around at the faces very pointedly not staring at you, there’s one person who still is. You roll your eyes, open your mouth to comment on it- but your mouth quickly snaps close at the sight of Alek.
—-
You don’t mention it to Clarisse. Maybe because breaking his heart haunts you, maybe what could have been haunts you.
You try not to think of Alek or that night, you try not to think of the entire age of 13. You always knew that Alek never quite let you go. He still sort of believed that the two of you would come back together- subscribing to some abstract belief soulmates.
You don’t think about Alek. Everything you do is because of her, because of Clarisse.
Sometimes, knowing you have secret admirers makes you feel all happy, but now that Clarisse sneaks you into her cabin every night- it makes you feel weird. You really don’t want anyone except for Clarisse, the idea of even being near someone else kinda disgusts you.
But, you choose to believe that maybe he was just shocked, and he’ll get over it in a few days.
You spend your days in the summer sun with Clarisse, holding her hand on walks through the strawberry fields, still using your archery lessons to spend time together, staring at each other from across the pavilion at meals, dreaming about a future together when it gets dark and you’re forced to whisper softly.
Alek is just always lurking. Is it coincidence? Is he stalking you? Every time you’re with Clarisse, trying to enjoy a nice date, he’s there- staring at you like a lovesick puppy.
And if it wasn’t because of her, you would probably be flattered. But you have Clarisse, you’ve moved on, you’re in love and happy.
It’s the late afternoon, you’re trying to enjoy a long moment with her, breathe in the sweet smell and just feel how happy you are, know it’s because of her.
The fields are still crowded with kids who pushed off their chores until the end of the day, so you and Clarisse stay on the outskirts. Not too far into the woods that’s filled with satyrs and nymphs who have grown very hostile towards any two campers who make their way into the woods. But not too close.
You don’t even register that other people are there. You’re going on about your annoying half-brother, she’s pretending to listen intently- but it’s just enough to be here with her, and at least she’s listening to the sound of your voice. At least that brings her some comfort, and that makes you feel good.
“And then, he said-” you trail off, feeling like something’s crawling all over you, practically being able to feel the anger in the air.
“Hm, what?” Clarisse asks, snapping out of her reverie at your silence.
Alek is glaring at you, of course. It just feels so juvenile. You had received letters from him for years- ones that he didn’t sign- but you knew. He said that the two of you had so much more to give together, that a second chance was all he needed to make you forget about the rite of passage, about pleasing your mother.
Clarisse squeezes your hand, leaning closer to you.
You used to like the feeling of getting those letters, of knowing you were loved and wanted. But now, with Clarisse, because of her- it feels wrong.
She follows your eye line and Alek quickly looks away, back down at the strawberries he’s supposed to be picking.
Clarisse’s hand tightens around yours.
“Who the hell is that?” she huffs.
You suck in a breath. “Alek.”
“Al-huh?”
You smile, despite how uneasy you feel.
“Alek, Clarisse. From my rite of passage?”
“Oh,” she nods, nose scrunching ever so slightly. “The one who left you those creepy letters? Has he left anymore?”
“No, no,” you say, risking one more glance at his back- just to assure yourself. Maybe you’re just making it all up. “Not since last summer. I mean, he was staring at us the night of the bonfire too, he’s always around on all our dates- it’s just creepy, at this point.”
“Sounds like the fucker has a death wish,” she drawls. “I’d be happy to help him with it.”
You bump her shoulder with yours. “Yeah, yeah Miss Violence.”
She smiles back, but she searches her eyes and you can tell she doesn’t like what she sees.
“Hey, c’mon. I’ll kill him if he pulls some shit again.”
“Clarisse.”
“Beat him up?”
“Clarisse.”
“Physically threaten him?”
“Clar-”
She smacks her hand over your mouth. “Shhh,” she smiles. “Don’t stress. I’ll take care of it.”
“Clarisse!” you shout, laughing, but her hand is still pressed tight over your moth.
“Oh, sorry, baby, I can’t hear you!”
“Bitch,” you hiss, and she frowns.
“Mean.”
—-
Clarisse, unfortunately, is true to her word.
Alek finally leaves you a note. It’s simple, unsigned, but obviously him. You recognize his chicken scratch scrawl.
All it says is:
I miss you, we could be something
She writes him a note back, a long one- first talking about all of her accomplishments as a daughter of Ares, then detailing all the ways she’ll make him regret thinking about you.
She tells you now, whispers in her bed, she laughs and your mouth hangs open.
“Clarisse!” you gasp, scolding her with a soft hit to her shoulder.
She rolls her eyes and moves closer to you.
“What else was I supposed to do? Ignore it? You don’t know me if you think I could just ignore some random dude flirting with my girlfriend. He’s a fuckin’ weirdo, and hopefully that note will teach him somethin’.”
“I mean. I doubt it will,” you mumble after a moment.
She smiles, your heart squeezes- because her smile is so beautiful- and because Clarisse never smiles like this. It’s bloodthirsty. It’s almost inhuman. It’s Godly.
“Then I’ll have to teach him in… other terms.”
—-
Dinner this evening is slow and relaxed. It’s Friday, so you’ve all made it to the end of the first official week of camp. Chiron let’s the rules fade away tonight, cabin tables have been abandoned and everyone sits where they want.
A few Hermes kids volunteered to start a fire, Mr D is busy trying to get the new kids to sneak him some alcohol- but he’s hard pressed to find ones who haven’t already been warned not to.
The energy in the air is infectious. The promise of a late wake up tomorrow, a fun night, the feeling of the moon and the fire, warmth on your skin- it’s a recipe for lowered inhibitions, for everything to come a little easier.
Clarisse sits next to you a table in the pavilion. You’re surrounded by Silena and Beckendorf, a few Hermes kids, a few Ares kids- a big mosh of random campers squeezed together at this one table- but it works, for whatever reason.
There’s nothing like laughing at someone’s shitty joke and feeling Clarisse laugh with you, pressed close to her so you can feel her chest rumble, feel her arm squeeze around you.
“He did what?!” Silena screeches, looking at you with wide eyes.
You laugh at her shock, at the audacity of Alek.
She sneaks a quick glance at Clarisse, who seems entirely engrossed in her siblings’ arm wresting tournament at the next table over.
“Yeah,” you sigh, feeling sort of complacent with it now. It’s not like anything will change. You’re here because of her, because of Clarisse. Everything you do is because of her.
Breathing, eating, sleeping. Basic human functions and the need to survive has only strengthened with the motivation of staying alive for her.
“Anyways,” you smile. “Clarisse left him back this big, long note. All about how she’s the strongest girl at camp,” you roll your eyes, but you’re smiling too big to be anything but joking. Besides, everyone knows she’s probably right. “And then threatened him a whole bunch. So, hopefully, he’ll just get his head out of his ass and then everything will be good again.”
You breathe out at the end of your small rant, and Silena smiles sympathetically.
“Hopefully,” she echoes.
But, because of Clarisse, because of her arms around you, you don’t feel anything but peace.
—-
Of course, life is not straightforward for demigods.
At the end of the day, you’re doomed to fall in your parents footsteps- except there is no immortality for you to fall back on. You’re vain and you’re proud, just like your parents, and you step too far, jump too high, and you’re as left dust on the floor.
Even though the same path had been left out for you to repeat, doomed footsteps to follow in, you step where they stepped and expect a different end.
The night is pitch black, besides for the brilliant stars and the bright, bright moon. It makes everything feel so private and secret. It makes Clarisse relax, makes her hold you closer but looser.
It feels good to feel her arm loose around you. She’s not afraid of you disappearing, because she knows of someone dragged you away you would rise up from the waves and straight back into her, into her arms.
The Apollo kids are playing music, voices hum along, the night is on fire with the crackles and the rising smoke, on fire with the peace, the content.
It feels like nothing can hurt you here.
But you’re a demigod, and life is not that easy.
The seat next to you is abandoned, and you barely even take notice as it’s quickly filled again- but you take notice of the eyes on you, of the body leaning forward to speak softly to you.
The fact that he’s here, the fact that he blatantly didn’t listen- you suppose you could have felt some sympathy for before, craving a life that wasn’t his anymore. Living off of memories made him too hungry.
Your mouth presses into a thin line as you recognize the voice in your ear.
“Y/N, I jus’ wanna talk.”
The rest of the table has fallen silent, and you realize everyone had almost immediately taken notice of his entrance- and you could tell by the way Clarisse’s body was tense against yours- he would regret ever coming over here.
“Clarisse,” you mumble, shifting closer to her.
She hooks her head over her shoulder, shifting completely so she’s straddling the bench, pressed up against your back.
Her tone is genuinely confused.
“Are you, like, okay in the head?”
The table, previously silent with fear, now bubbles with forced laughter.
“It’s not of your business,” Alek says, staring directly into your eyes. You feel like a deer caught in headlights, just completely shocked, too scared to move like it will all become real.
Clarisse puts her hand on your forehead and floats it down across your face, and your eyes voluntarily flutter shut.
“You’re not even worthy of being looked at by her,” and you can hear the smile on her voice. She confidence seeping from her pores- you can feel it all with the way she’s protectively wrapped around you.
“Y/N,” he says again, ignoring her through gritted teeth. “I just want to talk.”
“If you say one more fuckin’ word to my girlfriend I’m gonna kill you.”
There’s no smile on her voice, no edge of a joke. Not even angry. She’s deathly calm. She’s focused, like a 20 pound weight sinking to the bottom of the sea. She cuts through whatever she has to and everything else knows to avoid her.
You don’t know why the hell Alek just can’t let the 13 year old version of you go, why he’s looking something where there’s nothing, and you’re just so done with all of this.
You open your eyes, sitting up, letting Clarisse’s arms fall around you in confusion.
“Alek,” you start, softly. “We dated for a month when we were 13. That’s all it was, that’s all it’s ever gonna be. It’s over, okay?”
“Exactly,” he breathes. “A month when we were 13- and we were that good together? We could do so much more now, I wanna show you.”
“Okay, I’m done,” you mumble, standing up.
And without you in between, Alek finally gets a good look at the daughter of war. She’s pure, streamlined muscle. Every inch of her body has been meticulously trained to kill monsters- Alek knows that killing him would be easy.
Clarisse cracks her knuckles and you almost laugh at how cinematic it is.
—-
You hum as you run the alcohol pad over her split knuckles. Clarisse likes to leave the scars like this, the small ones, let them heal on her own. Even though she winces at the feeling, you know she’ll be walking around, proudly showing off her scabs until they finally fade away. She’ll cross her fingers and hope they scar, probably.
Clarisse watches you with admiration, admiring your movements, your voice, even though you’re really not doing anything special. But, to her, everything you do is special.
“Did you see how bad his face was?” she asks, trying to remain calm, but eagerness slips into her voice.
“I did,” you laugh. “It was real bad, baby. Good job.”
She huffs, as if it’s common knowledge.
“I always do a good job, just matters what level of good I’m on. I think this was one of my best works though, huh?”
She admires her split knuckles and you roll your eyes, finally starting to put some bandaids on the clean wounds.
“You’re crazy,” you mutter.
She shrugs. “You’re the one who let me. You’re the one who loves me.”
“Yeah,” you mumble after a moment, not really wanting to lie to her, tease her right now. She smiles soft and sweet, placing her fingertips against your jawline and leaning forward.
“Did you like watching me?” she breathes, her low voice hitting you right in the stomach, breath against your lips.
You circle her biceps with your hands and run them up and down the tense muscle.
“You know I did.”
“Three months no dessert,” she smiles.
“Three months of sharing with you,” you laugh. She smiles wider before finally, mercifully, putting her lips on yours.
Everything you do is because of Clarisse. It feels so good to be close to her like this- practically in her lap- fo feel how strong she is, to know what she did for you today.
It feels so good to know she loves you.
When you pull away, trying to chase her, she dodges you and kisses your jawline, your neck, and you throw your head back and release the most unladylike sounds as she leaves hickies on your neck, seemingly determined to make them as dark as possible, as easy to see. And a lot of them.
“Jealous?” you say, biting your lip to keep in a moan.
“Just want everyone to know you’re my girl. Want everyone to know who makes you feel good, feel loved, huh?”
You stomach twists and your mind goes blank.
“Huh?” she repeats, sticking her face in your neck to breathe in and out, catching her breath. “Why you feelin’ like this, baby?”
“Because of you,” you breathe. “Because of you, Clarisse.”
—-
y/n walking around the next day looking like she got attacked by a vampire
silena trying to be happy for y’all but also concerned for your health
clarisse just being proud as hell
—-
this was small so idk if y’all picked it up but clarisse was jealous before alek even came along- jealous that there were more campers coming! like? she just doesn’t like unworthy losers looking at her girl 🙄
—-
possessive!clarisse i love you so much baby
—-
taglist:
@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex @luvrrish @rebecca37 @saltair-and-palemoonlight @ace-spades-1
#clarisse la rue#clarisse la rue x reader#clarisse la rue x y/n#clarisse la rue x you#pjo tv show#pjo x reader
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Hi! IDK IF YOUR TAKING REQUESTS BUT IM GONNA SEND ONE ANYWAY AND YOU DONT HAVE TO DO IT IF YOU ARENT TAKING REQUESTS
Can you do Lucifer, Alastor and whoever else you wanna add with a reader who just swallows/eats anything/weird things?
A piece of tissue? Sure! Plastic? Yippee! A pebble? Why not! Keys? Yummy! A rubber duck? Quack quack! A piece of Alastors cane? Don’t kill me!!
I'm not currently taking requests but I'll do this for you hon <3 I apologize if it doesn't live up to your expectations!
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫, 𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 & 𝐯𝐨𝐱 𝐟𝐭...
𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬
🐤 - 𝚕𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛
➳ when you two first started dating - scratch that, first started talking, he picked up on the fact that you had random quirks. bored? you'd make random noises. sometimes, you'd lay on the floor just to lay there. for no reason, you'd hang upside down on the couches in the foyer. —he once questioned you and you said, I quote, “ I want to feel the blood rush to my head, it's fun. ”— to say the least, you puzzled him, but he brushed it off because who wasn't an oddball in hell?
➳ now, when you actually started dating and you got more comfortable is when he noticed some of his rubber ducks missing - and not just the ducks, but rather some of the things he used on them as well. glue, for example.
➳ “ hey, um, sweetie? ” he approached you one day, quite confused from where his things were suddenly disappearing to. you hummed in reply, looking up from your phone. lucifer blinked at you slowly, trying to come up with a way to word his sentence without seeming like he was accusing you of anything. “ have you seen my glue? the kind I use for- ” — “ no. ” you had answered too quickly for his liking.
➳ as the days carried on, more of his shit would vanish. it got to the point where it'd frustrate him. it wasn't until one day, where his latest creation knocked off of his desk and rolled under it, did he find one of the ducks he had been looking for. except... it had a bite mark taken out of it...
➳ lucifer was dubbed shocked. his eyes widened, lips pulled down in a duck-lipped press. what in the seven rings of hell? he's never seen anything like this, and he doesn't own a hell hound, so who-
➳ and then his mind drifted to you.
➳ he recalled your weird behaviour; the way you were sweating nervously and avoiding eye contact. he should've known you had something to do with it.
➳ but to eat his rubber ducks? he's going to have a serious talk with you about your diet.
+++
📻 - 𝚊𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛
➳ this radio demon didn't really show interest in you at first. you seemed innocent - too innocent, but still innocent, and that just didn't catch his attention in the slightest. if anything, you seemed bothersome.
➳ I'd like to think he first took interest in you when vaggie found a corner of the end of her spear broken off. no one dared touched it before, and you were new to the hotel - it didn't take a genius to put two and two together. but I guess, in a sense, no one else suspected you since you never bothered anything else.
➳ one night, when almost everyone was asleep, you snuck off to the kitchen to find something to eat. you were starving since you hadn't had dinner and couldn't really bother to just fall asleep on an empty stomach. a certain radio demon had followed you, startling you out of your wits as you turned around only to spot him there. “ funny to see you awake, dear! ”
➳ you explained to him, nervously, that you couldn't sleep. he hummed, pretending to show he was listening, before skipping right to the point of why exactly he was there. “ I couldn't help but realize that, earlier today when our dearest vaggie was rather upset, you hadn't moved an inch from your spot on the sofa. in fact, you seemed almost... ” he paused, pretending to ponder, his smile widening. “ guilty. care to explain the reasoning for that, hm? ”
➳ at that point, you were avoiding eye contact. hands twined behind your back, thumbs twiddling out of anxiousness, you searched for an excuse through your jumbled brain, attempting to think of absolutely anything just to slip away from alastor. but knowing him, he'd probably see right through the charade - he's been around way longer than you, and is a mastermind at getting into people's heads. no doubt he'd figure out you fibbed. — “ I just felt guilty that I couldn't help at all. vaggie is a close friend, I hate to see her upset. ”
➳ instead of buying the lie, like you had predicted, the bob-wearing demon leaned down and gave you a close-lipped grin; half lidded eyes flashing dangerously beneath the light that gleamed from atop the stove. “ or is it because, perhaps, you had something to do with it? ”
➳ that's when you blurted out. “ I ate it. ” and, much too afraid to gouge alastor's reaction, you turned and took off running out of the kitchen.
➳ if you would've stayed, however, you would've seen the way alastor's eyes momentarily widened. he was.. shocked, to say the least. he didn't think he had heard you right at first, but he knew for certain his ears didn't deceive him.
➳ with his narrowed eyes now staring after your figure, he straightened his posture, folding his hands behind his back and humming to himself. “ interesting creature, they are... ”
➳ you have now caught his attention. expect more interactions with the infamous deer!
+++
📺 - 𝚟𝚘𝚡
➳ picture this; you're one of velvette's models. you're dating vox, her business partner. they're both aware of how weird you can be, and yet, they both seem to favorite you - hell, even val (but let's face it, he just wants you for your body, which isn't going to happen).
➳ you're in the middle of getting your hair prepped and straightened when you had the sudden urge to just chew. it always came on randomly, but most of the time when you were bored. sitting in a chair, with sprits blasting into your face and hair utensils tugging in your hair, and hell forbid you weren't allowed to move- it was not exactly fun. so you started to eye the new collection of makeup sponges that were just set upon your personal vanity.
➳ they looked squishy, flimsy, chewable... oh so tempting. so while rachelle, your hairstylist, was busy talking her head off, too busy to notice you stretching your arm forward, you snatched one up.
➳ velvette came strutting down the midst of the aisle with a firm hand on her hip and a ripple in the center of her brow, shouting at many of the other stylists on what to do, what not to do - what looked better on her models, what looked cheap. she could not afford to have her best women looking as if they escaped the hands of a hellhound, it just wouldn't do. but that's when she turned, pointing a demanding finger at rachelle to amp up the heat on your straightener because the ends of your hair were curling up. that's also when she noticed you not only chewing on the newly bought sponge, but eating it.
➳ “ oh for fuck sake! ” the dark-skinned demon spewed, catching your attention and making you freeze. velvette reached an arm forward, only to wrap her digits around what was left of the sponge and rip it from your grasp. your chair turned on cue, showing you sheepishly smiling at the fuming female. “ I told you not to stuff your damn mouth full of random shit! especially my new makeup equipment — ” she turned away, stomping her healed foot to the ground. “ fuck! ”
➳ it wasn't long before vox had arrived before the demoness due to her calling him and shouting profanities over the phone. you were left to sit in the chair, huffing nonsense under your breath, while rachelle finished with your hair in silence.
➳ when the overlord made his presence known, rachelle excused herself — and thankfully she had finished your hair. “ y/n, dear.. ” vox smoothly spoke, for once not sounding like an overly cocky twat. it's usually only in the presence of others, but given that not many people were around, he dialed a softer tone with you.
➳ “ I didn't do anything, ” you rolled your eyes, looking away with a puffed out frown. yes, you were spoiled, but who wouldn't be, dating the owner and inventor of voxtech?
➳ vox sharply looked down at you, eyeing you with a sense of irritance —for angering velvette— but fondness —because you're his—. “ don't be like that. how many times have we talked about eating random things, hm? ”
➳ “ ... about- fifty nine? I lost count. ”
➳ “ around there. ” the tv demon moved, placing his hands on the back of the swivel chair you sat upon, while now holding eye contact with you through the mirror to your vanity. “ and what have we talked about, sweetheart? ”
➳ you were silent at first. staring him down, eyes hooded and ghosted over with annoyance. it was irritating how he was speaking to you like a child. “ well? ” vox impatiently, patiently, questioned; his claws dragging along the back of the chair, only to glide over your nape. closing your eyes out of bliss from the movement, you sighed. “ don't eat random things because they're bad for me... ”
➳ “ exactly. ” vox mischievously smiled down to you, squeezing the back of your neck gently. “ now, don't you think you owe velvette an apology? ”
➳ as you nod your head, vox releases his grip on you, letting your hair fall back down against your skin. “ good. come now, we have to get that out of the way; I have things to discuss with you. ”
➳ your discussion ended pretty well :).
#this is so bad and all ovwr the place i'm so sorry 😭#I was rushing 💀#ask skullz#hazbin hotel#hazbin vox#hazbin lucifer#hazbin alastor#lucifer morningstar x reader#alastor x reader#vox x reader#hazbin hotel x reader
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hey im so sorry to just pop in here but i have been LIVING for your s14 takes!!! the precise way you've been deconstructing sam's treatment of dean and how that arc in general leaves dean's feelings and needs so deeply unaddressed is so important to me. i guess i just wanted to talk about one thing that really devastates me in 14.12. twice sam is like let me talk about, in detail, what being in the ma'lak box will be like.
first he says, "We know we could die, uh, doing what we do. It’s always a possibility. But what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could literally keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever." and then later, talking about Donatello (but clearly meaning it's also about Dean), he says, "Trapped. Trapped in his own body, somewhere between life and death. It’s just tough to think about somebody going through that."
and both times he says this as though dean hasn't thought about that? or like as though he can scare him into not going through with it? Dean pushes back both times at first saying he never said he wasn't scared. and the second time, after Dean says not to think about it and Sam says that's easy for Dean to say, Dean says it's NOT!!!
idk those parts just crush me so much. cause of course dean is terrified out of his mind at this choice he feels like he has to make. of course the psychological weight is pounding down on him. and yet sam just keeps prodding at that fear and those feelings as though... somehow dean isn't feeling them??? or he can scare dean out of doing the right thing????
sorry to just yap at u but im just so excited to see people talking about these eps this way!!!
no apology necessary!!! omg i love asks like this. thank you!!! and thank you for being so so kind :') (also i love your spreadsheet so so so much thank you for that too!)
i'm glad i'm not too far off the mark with season 14. i think part of it is that i am approaching it for the first time, for better or worse. it's interesting because i have the basic summary that i've picked up from tumblr in my head, and i keep noticing what events i don't really see people talk about. they feel to me like missing puzzle pieces slotting into place to form my understanding. knowing how s14 ends...i can see how we're getting there. i can see how dean is getting there. (i'm not going to make a judgment on dean's behavior until i actually see it, but i see what looks like a breadcrumb trail!)
the first bit of dialogue you cite - i can't get over the fact that this is the sequence of events: dean has a nightmare -> sam asks if he wants to talk about it -> dean says no -> sam keeps talking anyway. it's not just that he launches into horrifying detail, it's that he does it after dean has very clearly said he doesn't want to talk about it.
and the bit about donatello happens because dean reaches out! dean extends an olive branch and asks if sam is alright, and sam uses that opportunity to make this pointed comment about how hard it is for sam to think about that happening to somebody. again, dean has said he doesn't want to be talked out of this. he wants to be allowed to talk about it on his terms (ie, his "deathbed apology" to sam), but sam shuts that shit right down. if sam wants to talk, sam is going to talk, regardless of what dean wants.
and that is what i find so frustrating. that sam is prioritizing his own wants and needs, that he will do and say whatever he wants, regardless of the effects on dean. and the implications of this are deeply troubling to me. because like you said: is sam saying all this because he thinks dean is too stupid to understand what he's getting into? does sam think dean hasn't thought this through? sam thinks it's easy for dean to not think (this is the "easy for you to say" / "no, it's not actually" exchange).
maybe sam doesn't think dean is stupid. maybe he thinks dean is fully aware of the ramifications and is just so "self-destructive" that he doesn't care. okay, fair. but how is it going to help at all to try to guilt him into caring? like you said, to scare him out of doing the right thing?
i understand sam's coming from a place of care and he doesn't want dean to die - very reasonable! but the way he is expressing his care is by bombarding dean with things that are designed to make dean feel fear, guilt, and shame. fear of what michael will do to him, guilt over "leaving" sam, shame over "giving up" and doing things the "wrong" way. he doesn't give him one affirmative reason to abandon the plan - he's not saying dean is strong enough to beat michael, or dean is good and doesn't deserve an eternity of torture, or dean is making a difficult but right choice and his sacrifice is honorable. it's all about how bad this is will be.
and then sam takes it a step further and makes it about dean not believing in sam enough. if dean does this, it's because he doesn't think sam can save him. if dean doesn't think sam can save him, it cannot be because they're up against impossible odds, it must be because dean doesn't believe sam is strong or smart or dependable enough to save him. that is a monumental leap, in my opinion. and in a bass-ackwards kind of way, sam is taking responsibility here. he's suggesting that if dean does this, it's sam's fault for not coming up with another plan. it's self-centered in a very weird way. it's almost like sam thinks dean can't be trusted to make his own choices, and sam has to make those choices for him, and if dean tries to make choices it's because sam has failed. (not 100% solid on this, gotta think about it some more. but it's weird right?)
i do believe that sam is doing all this because of the enormity of his feelings. he is afraid of dean giving himself up like this and afraid he won't be able to survive without dean. he feels guilty for not "saving" dean. i can have some sympathy for sam having a very very bad time. but he's taking it out on dean. it's not like he's saying to cas, "wow, i don't think dean has thought this through" or asking mary to comfort him. he is doing everything he can to make dean give up this plan, and he either does not realize that this is potentially very harmful and unfair to dean, or he does realize it and doesn't care. he keeps reminding dean of how bad it will be. he encourages dean to doubt himself. he doubles down on the guilt dean already feels for everything by emphasizing that dean is giving up, abandoning his family, etc. he creates situations where dean, who is facing down an eternity of torture, comforts sam.
that is a very fucked up thing to do. like i can't emphasize enough that it's fucked up to treat a human being like this. especially one that you care about. i said it last night but i'll say it again: i wouldn't wish this kind of treatment on anyone. i am definitely more sensitive to it because it's dean and i love him but i don't want anyone to be treated the way sam is treating dean. and i'm kind of stunned that sam gets away with it. i think it goes to show how beat down dean is at this point and how he's so crushed by the psychological weight of everything that he accepts this as if he deserves it.
#i'm sorry if i went too deep on this apparently i have a lot of feelings#thank you again for the ask!!!!!!!!#spn#14x12 prophet and loss#spn rewatch#cw suicide#tw suicide#suicide mention
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𝔅𝔞𝔠𝔨 𝔗𝔬 𝔜𝔬𝔲
Pairings: AU!Street fighter Hook x Fem!Reader
Warnings: +18, adult language, angst, fluff
A/N: Special thank you to @theworldofotps for providing me the support I needed to finish this 💋
Tags: @theworldofotps , @writtingrose , @aerynscrichton , @daddyhausen , @melissahausen , @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin , @sophiewolfheart-blog , @sultryfandoms , @new-zealand-chic , @crowleysqueenofhell , @thealliasylum , @legit9thlunaticwarrior , @baysexuality , @josiewrites , @seeingstarks , @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch , @whenimakeitshine1234 , @moxkindagirl , @sunshinevirus , @im-just-a-mississippi-girl , @wickedval
Her mind constantly pulled her back to that night every time she looked at his face. The crushing feeling of disappointment was always present, no matter how much he smirked or tried to tease her, it was constantly there. Like an invisible mountain placed on top of her chest, constricting her lungs and preventing her from breathing properly, deception and betrayal made itself present within her whenever she came face to face with him.
His hands were tucked inside the pouch pocket of his gray hooded sweatshirt, undoubtedly hiding the fresh bruises on his knuckles. The New York harsh winter wind hit her face the minute she stepped out on the street, it blew her hair on her cheeks as she pulled the cream-colored woolen cap further down her ears.
Her attentive eyes did not miss the way the corner of his mouth lifted in a satisfied smirk when his eyes landed on her face. He seemed so relaxed, almost at home, leaning back against the streetlight that faced the front door of the building she worked in. So much so that he seemed out of place there, his relaxed posture was a loud contrast to the hurriedness of New York, he was like a curved edge puzzle piece amid straight-cornered ones. He didn’t fit in the most beautiful way, *yet it was that very same beauty that fucked me up*, she thought to herself as she reached the last step of the concrete stairs and was now facing him.
“What are you doing here, Tyler?” Her voice held that impatient tone he was already so used to, and the familiarity made his smirk turn into a full grin.
“Was just passing by” He shrugged casually
“Just passing by? And coincidentally enough you stopped in front of the building I work in. Sure, just a casual encounter” She huffed a bitter laugh as Tyler pushed himself off the streetlight to get closer to her “Don’t believe me?” He asks, containing himself to not touch her the way he dreamed of for the past two months, although he was trying, Tyler knew it was all a matter of time before he gave in to his body’s needs.
The loud noises of engines, honking and cursing filled up her ears, blocking anything Tyler said afterward. *Gosh, I hate rush hour!* Her thoughts were interrupted by Tyler’s hand on her cheek “You’re too cold” His purple knuckles brushed against her skin “You have lived in New York for the past three years and still don’t know how to properly dress yourself for winter?”.
She could hear the teasing tone beneath his words, and she couldn’t help but let a faint “Fuck off” fall out of her lips as he only chuckled in return, “C’mon, tiger. Let me buy you a hot chocolate to warm you up, I don’t want you to get sick”.
Her heart tightened with his offer. *And of course he remembers that I hate coffee! God, can he stop being so sweet so this is not so difficult every single time?!* She quickly stopped her thoughts before they could delve into a realm she does not wish to go back to.
“I won’t!” She sighed before stepping away from him. Distance, that’s exactly what she needs from him, otherwise she’ll make the huge mistake of forgiving him and her brain does not allow that, at least not now.
“A hot chocolate won’t solve shit, Tyler! It won’t change a damn thing”
“Tiger” He began, and the sound of her pet name coming from his lips had her gulping hard.
“Don’t” She shook her head and began to walk away from him. Tyler ran after her, closing his fingers around her wrist softly.
“Tiggy, please” Tyler’s gritty voice pleaded against her ear “It’ll be quick, I promise. We don’t even have to talk if you don’t want to”. He turned her around so she was now facing him again, “Please? You’ll freeze to death before you get to the subway”.
Tyler’s eyes held that raw honesty she loved, but sadly enough, it didn’t prevent him from keeping the truth away from her before she found out on her own about the street fights. The one thing Tyler knew she would never accept was his fighting career, the violence, and danger was too much for her to take and inevitably enough that was the reason why she left. She couldn’t live with both the disappointment the lie had brought to their lives and the fear of what this meant to them, to him. Fear of what could happen to him during one of those horrid, bloody fights. The mere thought of something bad happening to him because of it and her having no power whatsoever to stop it was enough to make her pack her bags and leave.
But she knew this is where they would end up, this back-and-forth bullshit that caused nothing but pain to the both of them. Tyler’s persistence is what made it all so difficult, his focus and determination made it impossible to ignore him, and she did not doubt that those very same personality traits were responsible for his fame in the underground world of street fighting.
“Why do you keep doing this, Ty? I told you to stay away-”
“But deep down you don’t want that, do you? I know you like no one else, tiger. I know you’re still as crazy about me, as I am about you.” Tyler’s hands cupped her cheeks again, only this time he brushed his lips against hers “I love you, tiggy. So fucking much. I’d do anything for you…I’d give everything to have you back”.
“This is wrong” She muttered more to herself than to him, but that didn’t stop Tyler from answering:
“No, it’s not. You want this and I want this too, so why shouldn’t we be together?” His fingertips caressed the sides of her neck, drawing a pattern of small circles on her skin. “Don’t you miss me? Not even a little bit? Because I sure as hell miss you, tiggy”.
She felt her breath hitching in her throat with the feeling of Tyler’s tongue tentatively tracing her bottom lip, tasting her skin with a satisfied groan. Her hands naturally roamed up his arms, until they stopped at the nape of his neck, fingers fumbling with the shorter dirty blonde strands she could reach.
“Come home with me” Tyler’s whispering voice caressed her wet lips, the pleading tone in his voice made her heart clench in her chest.
“Ty…it’s not that simple”
“Yes, it is!” He started with a clenched jaw, brown eyes staring deeply at her as if to make sure she saw the truth in his eyes “I love you, tiger. And I regret every single day for hiding the street fights from you-”
She pulled back abruptly, needing to settle some space between them before she gave in to him “You lied, Ty! You did the one thing you promised me you wouldn’t do”
“Yeah, I omitted it, but I didn’t have another choice! Be honest to yourself for once, tiger. Would you have reacted any differently if I had told you the truth from the beginning? No! You would’ve left either way, so can you blame me for omitting shit when I knew that if I told you the truth you would’ve left me?”
Tyler tugged on her winter coat, I’m pulling her closer to his body to both shield her from the harsh wind and have her pressed against him. He had a point and she knew it, she would never have dealt with the subject well, not even if he had told her the truth from the start. It would still lead them here, to the front of this building, arguing over their feelings and actions.
“I was madly in love with you, and you know that I still am” Tyler’s warm hands cupped her full cheeks, she was always impressed by his warmth, how could anyone be so warm even after standing outside in New York’s winter for several minutes?
“I don’t want to lose you, tiggy” His lips brushed against her lips, lightly pecking the corner of her mouth he continued to murmur “Please, just come home with me. Let’s talk this through, I know we can find a middle ground to this”.
Tyler never pleaded with anyone, but this was desperation in its final stages. It was brutal on his soul to come home every night to an empty apartment, and even though it has been 10 months since she left, the pillows still smelled like her, he could still hear her laughs and moans throughout the small apartment, could still see her drunk self singing ‘The Phantom Of The Opera’ while sitting on the kitchen floor because ‘it has a great acoustic there’, he still felt her body pressing against his every night when he lays down in bed.
She wanted this, badly. A part of her always regretted ever leaving in the first place, but she was prideful and too rational to let her emotions get the best of her. Tyler knew that, being equally stubborn and prideful he would never let his feelings get in the way of anything but this was different. This is that type of love that’s able to change you completely, the one where you can’t do anything but feel, and all the things you once promised yourself you’d never do, simply don’t matter anymore. Again, Tyler never begged anything from anyone, yet here he is.
“Are you coming?” Tyler asked, fingers lacing with hers, trying to grasp every chance he had to touch her. “Come back home with me, tiggy”.
*There it is* She thought *The only thing that will always make me forgive him*, the mix of vulnerability, love, and pleading would always give Tyler an immense advantage that she could never have. This would forever be the cause of her ruin, the crumbled pathway back to her heart.
“Fine” She bluntly answered. Tyler was having a hard time controlling his excited smile and upon seeing it she quickly added “Just for a talk, Tyler. The only reason why I’m agreeing to this is because we need to settle this like adults and because it’s fucking freezing out here!”
“Sure, sure” He smiled widely before lacing their fingers together as he took her back to his motorcycle. “Whatever you say, tiggy,” Tyler said once she was settled in the back seat of his bike, he stole a quick peck from her lips before buckling the helmet chin strap for her. She gasped in shock as Tyler started the bike with a loud laugh.
The apartment looked the same as 10 months ago, Tyler hadn’t changed a thing. Everything was in the same spot as she had let them. Even the fall-themed couch blanket she loved so much was placed the identical way she always let it sit on top of the black couch.
“It was waiting for you” Tyler whispered in her ear, “Just like me”. He turned her around to face him, his hands cupped her cold cheeks as he leaned down to kiss her lips.
Tyler’s lips were warm and welcoming, his tongue danced around hers in the most beautiful ‘welcome home’ kiss. “I missed you so fucking much, tiger” His arms closed around her, holding her in place in the tightest bear hug he could give her without breaking her ribs.
“I missed you too, bud” She smiled against his lips, laying a soft peck on his delicate lips as she continued “I’m still upset that you hid the fights from me though”, her lips silenced Tyler before he could protest, “But” She starts again “I understand why you did it. Just promise me two things, please”
“Anything” Tyler quickly nodded
“Firstly, you won’t hide things from me again and secondly, I know how much you love the fights and whatever comes with it. I could never ask you to drop it but please, Ty, at least try to start a professional career in fighting or, I don’t know, get into fights that are somewhat safe enough to not get you killed. I can’t stand the thought of something bad happening to you because some asshole decided to take it personally. At least in a more controlled environment, they’ll stop whoever it is that you’re facing if they take it too far”
Tyler couldn’t hold back his happy grin “Consider it done, tiggy”, he states proudly, burning his face on the crook of her neck and inhaling the scent he had missed the most in the last 10 painful months.
“Now, if I remember correctly, you promised me a hot chocolate, Mr.” She giggled when Tyler’s warm breath tickled the sensitive skin below her ear.
“Oh, tiger. I’ll give you your hot chocolate. But first” He gently pushed her back on the couch until she laid flat against the velvety cushions, “I’ll give you some warm milk” Tyler smirked once she realized his pun.
“Ewww, that sounds like something a perv trucker would say” She chuckled loudly when Tyler cupped himself through the baggy jeans “Are you thirsty for some milk, Miss?” He teased until she burst out laughing.
“I already regret forgiving you” She cackled as he covered her body with his.
“I’ll make you change your mind, tiggy” Tyler winked before unzipping her winter coat.
#hook x reader#hook imagine#aew hook#aew hook x reader#aew hook imagine#hook#hook aew#hook fanfiction#tyler senerchia#masochist writes
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WOTFI 2024 SPOILERS!!!
CHAT I TRIED LIVE BLOGGING BUT I GOT WAY TO CAUGHT UP OMG
THE SONGS??? THE ANIMATION??? THEY FUCKING ATE BRO OMG THIS YEAR WAS SO MUCH FUN ICH LIEBE!!!!!
ALSO PUZZLES TRYING TO PULL A "IM A CHANGED MAN" ON THE SMG4 CREW AND GETTING HIS ASS BEAT IS SO FUNNY OMD
BUT I HAVE A FEELING... A TINY LITTLE FEELING THAT NEXT WEEK... SHIT IS GONNA HIT THE FAN PRETTY FAST GIVEN THOSE TRAILER SCENES THAT NEVER HAPPEND... OR STILL HAVE TO..
ALSO THIS IS THE CYRRENT STATE OF MY BINGO CARD MADE BY @midnight1nk!!
I DONT THINK ANYONE HAS BINGO??? BUT IDK MAYBE I MISSED A FEW
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POETRY ISNT ALWAYS PRETTY
I didn't call because
I didnt want you to hear
the sadness in my tone
I can't let you see the madness
In my mind
As I try
to accept
the fact that
I
Am
Alone
But I won't go back
to a
bro
ke
n ho
me
I can't come over because
I cant let you smell
the bar and the cologne
All on my clothes.
The women I had with me
the night before
When you had supposedly
broken Your phone
But still
I had to hear your voice
You made your choice
But I cant move on
As try to allign myself
With the idea
That this is real.
Smoke, drink and fk the pain away
Until the memory of her face
Fades from my horizon
And my mind
is completely thrown
And made insane this way
forgets the lies and
My body is paralyzed
With your level of toxicity
Admittedly
I am not very good
with this grief
Or these memories
Searching desperately for symmetry
Trying hard not
to remember our stars
Lest the sadness within
Cripple me
Like how we would always
be together
Like a pair of dice
Or you were my puzzle
And I was your missing piece
Forever searching for paradice
A paradox behind a pair of eyes
And you've likely ended my life
When you took yours
And I'm not sure I can compare a time
Where I didnt swear Im fine
I am an unspoken paradigm
Praying that prayer of mine
Hoping that that theres a sign
A direction I can take
With someone that can relate
To elevate my mental state
To a place I can repair my mind
Always threatened
to do more
Would it be you
Wondering what did I ever
fuck with you for
Stealing food from grocery stores
To provide you more
Of what you couldnt afford
Honesty on a severe decline
And always so rare to find
Pushing through the storm
Anything to keep you warm
Remove the sheath from my sword
As I sleep in that 2 door ford
You want more
You gotta do more for it
Feeling like Hugh Jackman
In that movie swordfish
And I've been letting someone live
rent free in my mind
that can't really afford the mortgage
And I'm trying to evict
But since buying the lies
I really don't have any
money left this time
to take you to court or go to war with
Holding you accountable
just resorts to more shit
and your so called friends
can't seem to see you transform
Until you go to war or forfeit
And these whores support it
Meanwhile I'm Confused
as his muse ignores him
And I choose to light that fuse
And use to get more lit
And I take over
the natural order of things
And try to force shit
As a result my views are morbid
And I see death as the only thing
that soothes the war
But the warrior inside
Refuses to lose
I avoid the noose
Take another sip
from my bottle
of poisoned and poor choices
I let destroy him
- Devine Theory
#13cupsofteareblog#spilled poetry#writerscreed#poetry#twcpoetry#bad love#spilled words#writeblrina#quotes#addictsinrecovery#devinetheory2#devine theory 2
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I’m trying to write a poem but I can’t get it to go right. I keep writing lines like
I make myself tea/tomorrow my sister/dead dog in the driveway/depression is
A cicada is trying to kill itself against the window glass of my kitchen - which isn’t a metaphor but it sure as hell sounds like one. I’m trying to write about depression and how it’s a cold room with a single warm spot on the floorboards. That’s not right, though. My poetry instructor would say i was unfocused, distracted (by the cicada, if I’m being honest) or at least probably if I’d ever had an instructor that’s what they would say.
poetry has always been about the smallest amount of words to create the biggest, brightest picture. It’s always been a way to put a feeling into words - look, it’s a river I’m pouring into your hands. Do you get it yet?
In the simplest words, the fewest lines, the rawest sketch of an image, imagine me young and sad. Now imagine me now, older and happy. Now pretend that the two images are exactly the same. Did I move forward or did everything else just move away from me? Bead on a string, is the bead moving or is the string? But how do you write that out? How do you make it something digestible?
The cicada is very loud. Bugs skeeve me out.
when I was young I thought happiness was bigger than the sky (do you get it? how big the sky was to me when I was seven years old? the sky was an ancient whale going to swallow me out of the wildflowers. what did that make happiness?)
young went away. now only I remain (I don’t know what to make of this; i shed my youth like a skin. a cicada shell, if you will, now that the thing outside in the dark has finished its fitful dying)
when young had me, I was sad. These things were not connected, except by knots I tied (i wasn’t sad because i was young; young was a well i dug to hold all the sad I already had)
but the sadness went with the child. they live together in the hollow green garden (where the birds sing, you remember the poem about lost children? child me wrote it on her arms and legs. she looked for birds to chase)
I drink tea (and somehow, even though my seven year old self will never believe it, this is happiness)
Idk tho. im still missing an important part of the puzzle. sadness leaves and there’s room for something else in your life suddenly. happiness sneaks up on you. happiness and sadness aren’t opposites (they’re yuri) not like in inside out, but like in a ‘happiness is a survival technique’ way. once you grow up you can’t be sad the same way a child is sad anymore, because you’ve got defense mechanisms in place
sometimes you miss the sadness, the way it just swallows all of you up, but then you make some tea and remember that child you would have killed to be where you are right now, and things are better. the whole (that was a dark time once) (this will be a dark time someday as well) things get better - not things get better, but things are better. child me was wrong about what I needed. what I have now is enough to get by. optimism?
is the point optimism? idk. something something, savor what fulfills you instead of trying to satisfy the ideals you came up with when you were young, because child you doesn’t know shit about a good cup of tea or a four hour conversation with a friend. you don’t owe your past self the satisfaction of all their unrealistic dreams.
child me wanted to get stolen by a bird
like. i don’t know. i’ll come back to this
#crowdsourcing like a true tumblr-assigned poet tonight#yall are welcome#shit like this is why im not a poet yall. i don't know first thing about organizing these thoughts#my friend was like 'oh#youre a poet now. write a poem about it'#not in my job description! but here i am#whatever#persnicketypoem#persnicketydraft
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MORE random hcs that will potentially appear in my rewrite
not all of them are headcanons, some of them are lore drops that i decided to throw in for funsies
ive had this sitting in my drafts for so long
[ link to my last hcs post in case ya missed it ]
aphmau is obsessed with dating sims (this was inspired by me discovering blooming panic)
aphmau is a compulsive doodler. to the point where she keeps a little notepad in her bag so she doesnt draw on her hands
laurence is visually impaired/going blind
travis, garroth, and katelyn have all gotten their tongues stuck to frozen lightpoles in their lifetime
dante & travis are childhood friends and travis had a crush on dante in highschool
katelyn and lucinda met in middle school and have had a weird love/hate relationship since
cadenza, kiki, and zoey live in a neighborhood close to the main cast
nana goes by [kandi/honey/sugar] not kawaii chan (there was no way i was keeping that stupid nickname. havent picked which nickname shed go by)
aphmau loves dating sims and got katelyn and nana hooked on them too
nana is actually a magicks user just like in mcd
she uses her little maids to do her chores around the house (katelyn and aphmau hate her for it)
aphmau had a fnaf hyperfixation and infected the entire group with it
aside from nana, who hates anything even remotely spooky
during halloween on mystreet, aaron has dressed up as ghostface
everyone lost their minds
aside from aphmau and katelyn, who laughed at everyone losing their minds
nana actually has an intense fear of relationships which is why she obsesses over other people's relationships because she romanticizes them in her head
garroth, despite also being of the fruity variety, is the friend who buys anything rainbow and gives it to his gay friends
laurence has been and will continuously be the main victim of this
garroth also has no idea what a lot of the flags mean despite everyone reminding him
katelyn has bpd
and he frequently wears crop tops to show it off too
travis is a lil sleepy guy. if hes not doing something important, you can and often will find him curled up snzzing
and we love him for it
aaron is the friend that carries around shit for his friends
specific stim toys for specific people (chewables and clicky keyboards for aphmau, a puzzle ball for zane, soft weighted plushies for nana)
hes got a man purse /hj
aphmau has two long, jagged, faded lines on her back that she was born with. they look like were once deep scars
but theyve never went away and only seemed to have gotten bigger??
while not a big practicer of the craft, travis seems to be really good with witchcraft and magicks
no one knows what his magicks is though because both lucinda and nana have said it feels off
aphmau used to scare zane in a weird way. which is why (aside from just hating everyone and everything) he avoided her for so long before they got close
that fear is gone though
...mostly
travis has dressed up as spiderman for several halloweens in a row
aphmau and zane have gotten hyperfixated on beetlejuice together and dressed up as bj and lydia for halloween and cons
not at all inspired by myself and my best friend wdym
okay this hc list is even longer. i was supposed to be writing but i ended up... not doing that.
anyway thats enough for today!! sorry for my absence im focused on actually pushing out the fucking rewrite instead of just yapping about it
#aphmau#mystreet#aphmau mystreet#aphverse#aphblr#aphblur#aphmau shalashaska#laurance zvahl#travis valkrum#zane romeave#nana ashida#katelyn aphmau#aaron lycan#garroth ro'meave#zane ro'meave#aphmau dante#rise of the phoenix#rotp
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god the FUCKED UP amount of shit that went down the past 10 days i dont even know what happened on which day (assume furniture stealing + waystone stealing + innumerable mines are also taking place) 1. eggs show up dirty and dishevelled. they don't remember the previous day 2. eggs disappear. their accessories are left on their beds 3. a lot of havoc is wreaked (bad tears shit up + tubbo creates mega drills + random holes and mines???) 4. forever gets drugged by cucurucho (he is Happy with capital H now (he is also going MAD) 5. pac gets himself drugged to make an antidote (it works because pac is awesome and a genius) 6. phil comes back (election tower is lavacast) 7. capybaras??? spawn is fucked up 8. fed workers start fixing up spawn (tubbo names the blue-capped one Fred) 9. phil, bad and cellbit manage to trap forever and pac and give them the antidote (pac recovers by the next day + forever enters a coma) -> forever hallucinates cucurucho and tells them cucurucho said "the eggs ran away from something worse than the federation and the codes" 10. fred discretely communicates with tubbo (a book in a hidden chest) 11. the next day roier, charlie and tubbo are grouped up to find something (sewers in the wall + ladder up to missa's base + huge maze (cellbit found a map for this maze with attached binary reading A1)) 12. they find evil cucurucho (cucurucho but with black skin and red eyes and smile) leading them to a room with a roulette wheel (I-VIII) in its center with the eggs' accessories scattered around it, encased in barrier blocks 13. tubbo glitches in and spins the wheel (rolls a 5 i think) -> lava starts falling from the ceiling (the pendejo trio have to GTFO while avoiding lava and mobs) 14. maze is sealed and fed posters are put up along with a countdown (egg accessories are now missing from their beds) 15. countdown ends after the mexican independence day event -> half the server enters the maze as it opens up. they find an archive room where a story about 12 eggs in a similar maze is written in a book. 2 eggs live at the end of the story. 16. they return to the room with the roulette wheel but its no longer there -> only chayanne's floatie remains 17. when everyone goes back phil finds a book in his basement that tells him to drop everything and haul ass to some random coords near uppies in the form of a story about a crow 18. phil does so and is trapped in a birdhouse by cucurucho with (seemingly a duplicate of) chayanne's floatie and tallulah's beanie. 19. bagi joins the server (forever wakes up) -> the players group up at the dome and a roulette wheel (yes, same wheel) shows up and is spun, spinning a 2 -> everyone is teleported into a forest surrounded by a glass dome with puzzles to solve -> after they solve the puzzles they free bagi from an underground area where she had been with walter bob 20. today. IS THIS EVERYTHING? DID I GET EVERYTHING?
edit: at 15. they also found an old conversation between two people about the eggs, and at 3. im pretty sure etoiles killed another code and got not only the full code sword but also a book telling him to "PROTECT"
#qsmp#qsmp discourse#literally wtf is going on#sir its my exam week#i am literally having exams#im crying#DID I MISS ANYTHING??? please tell me if i did#eugh
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illicit affairs | kiri sully
summary: reader struggles with her asshole of a boyfriend, ao'nung. kiri wants you to know that she could treat you better than he ever did — but she's too scared to do so, until she gets the little push she needed by an event in particular. but things don't go exactly as planned. pt two here!
genre(s): angst. a little bit of fluff if you squint
warnings: toxic relationship (i tried to make it not too heavy), kiri is a jealous gal, a little bit of angst and comfort, cheating from both parties, reader and kiri have an homoaffective friendship from the start, they're all 18-19 in this since it's a little mature, lmk if i missed something, i don't think ao'nung would act like this in a relationship so it's a little ooc
you wonder how things ended up like this. ao'nung used to treat you like a princess: gifts, sweet words, loving dates and kisses, the whole package. 9 months later you found yourself screaming at each other after he got caught with another girl. again.
"this is your fault, you know. if you gave me more attention instead of being with that sully girl, i wouldn't be doing this. YOU ruined this relationship, y/n. this is on you."
"i'm the one to blame for? really? because as far as i can remember, everytime i try to aproach you now, you're too busy for me. it's like i don't even exist anymore! you just talk to me to make my life a living hell! you're losing me, ao'nung."
"what the fuck is wrong with you? you should really take a look at yourself, you know. stop thinking you're all that. im not losing shit, y/n. you're the one losing me. do you really think that someone besides me would want you?"
his voice was lowered down, almost sounding like a growl. the boy was so close now you could feel his unsteady breath, angry eyes piercing at your skull; feeling small and fragile next to your boyfriend, you had no comeback for this. because deep down, you knew he was right. you couldn't do better than him. trying to hold your tears, you quickly pushed ao'nung away and left the marui, not letting him say another word to you.
honestly, you had no idea where you were going. you just needed to feel safe. loved. understood. only one na'vi in pandora would get you like this. but as it was the middle of the night, she probably was fast asleep now. so you went to your usual meeting place instead, hoping that maybe the great mother would send her a signal that you were needing help.
an isolated place at the beach, far from the all the gathering of na'vi. you lay your back in the sand and close your eyes, letting the tears roam free on your face. eywa, what have you done to deserve this? you gave everything you could to ao'nung, you really did. but nothing seemed to be enough to fix your broken relationship, the shattered pieces too small to be collected. lost in your own thoughts, the young girl didn't notice the approach of her best friend.
"y/n?" the familiar voice warmed your whole body, making you feel like all the problems in the world disappeared. now, it was just the two of you. maybe the goddess heard your prayers, after all.
you quickly wipe away your tears as you get up, an action that didn't go unnoticed by the other girl. she sat beside you and put an arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to her. your arms are wrapped around her waist, and your head resting on her chest. kiri was always like this with you: so caring and understanding. it's almost like you were made for each other, two completing puzzle pieces.
"what are you doing here? it's the middle of the night. you should be asleep." you said, choking a sob.
"i couldn't sleep. being here brings me a peaceful sensation, so i came." she said circling her thumb on you, letting a sigh escape. "he did it again. didn't he? y/n, come on. you're better than this. stop letting him ruin your sanity like that." kiri's voice sounded hurt, like she was feeling your pain too. "i can't stand seeing this asshole treating you like this. you deserve so much better than him, sweetheart."
you lifted you head to look at your friend in the eyes. oh, those eyes. sometimes you felt like you just got lost in eachothers looks, you had no idea how she got you feeling like this. it was wrong. you knew it was, but you couldn't keep yourself from saying the words that left your lips:
"someone like you would be perfect. actually, you, kiri sully, would be perfect for me." your hands left her waist and where now resting on her face. "if only i could date my best friend!" you jokingly said, the forest na'vi letting a smirk form on her lips that quickly faded and got replaced with her classic eyeroll.
"stop joking. i'm being serious, y/n! you can't let him keep treating you like this, it's getting ridiculous." she removed your hands from her face and looked away. "you need to have more self respect. you're young, pretty, and independent too. you don't need him."
"i won't find someone better than him. and it's not that bad too... i'm sure we can work things out, kiri. he's just in a bad place right now."
"do you even love him?" the jealousy was visible in her voice, but you didn't notice, like every sign that could led you to think that she was into you.
the silence was loud. the truth is: you didn't. the ao'nung you loved was long gone, but for some reason, you got attached; you couldn't let him go, even though he was deeply scarring you. at this point, you found a little bit of comfort in the sadness he made you feel.
kiri laid her back in the sand, letting out a deep breath. "don't lie to me now. i know you don't. why do you keep fighting? what do you see in him?"
your mouth opened, and then closed. and then it opened again: "i don't know. i don't love him. but i... i can't leave him, kiri. nobody besides him would want me." it sounded like a whisper, but it was enough for your friend to hear.
your words kept repeating in kiri's head like a mantra "you would be perfect for me". and the way you looked at her too, like she was the most precious thing in the world made her wonder if she could shoot her shot.
fuck it. she thought.
"y/n. look at me." she said as she sat down again, looking at your face. her tone was demanding, and you couldn't help but feel nervous. kiri had her hands on your shoulders, a serious expression on her face.
"i know that you're in a complicated situation right now. i know that it's hard to leave the place you're in. but i can't keep seeing you suffering so much–" she paused for a moment, thinking if this was really worth it. it was a shot in the dark, she could lose your friendship forever if things went wrong. but it was too late to turn back now. "–and i think... i mean. uhm. we form a good pair. and i really like you. i know right now is not the best time but if i don't do this now i'll never will and–"
"kiri." you interrupted; she could feel her heart drop to her knees. oh no, you didn't feel the same, and now she had screwed up everything. "i see you."
that was the confirmation she needed: your hands made their way to her waist as she cupped your face, locking your lips with a sweet, loving kiss. tears streamed down your face, but now they were happy tears — because you felt loved, cared for, cherished, desired. something you haven't felt in so long.
but it didn't last. kiri separated the kiss and looked at you in disbelief, regretting her previous actions. she just realized what she did. she confessed to you. and kissed you. right after you said you couldn't leave your toxic boyfriend. now, her vision was the one blurred with tears. she felt like the other woman. the na'vi quickly got up, not knowing what to do: "i have to go. good night, y/n."
"kiri, don't do this. don't leave me here after doing this, please wait."
but she didn't listen to you.
authors note: so... this is gonna have a pt two! i wasn't planning on making it a series but i thought that it was best to leave you guys on a bit of a cliffhanger (also i didn't want it to be too long). this is my first self insert fic ever so i apologize for the amount of repetitive words!! im brazilian so my english vocabulary is not the best too
likes + reblogs are appreciated ♡
#kiri sully#kiri sully x reader#atwow neteyam#atwow kiri#jake sully atwow#jake sully x reader#avatar the way of water#avatar 2#jake sully smut#neteyam x reader#neteyam smut#loak x reader#avatar#atwow loak#ao'nung#aonung x reader#atwow angst#kiri sully fic
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Ep 5 reactions
spoilers beneath the cut for s1e5 and minor spoilers for most of the books, but I censored the traitor's name. mostly positive tone.
ANNABETH SAW THE FUCKING FATES
"Im the last one to realize this aren't I" A LITTLE BIT
I love Percy admitting there he was really ONLY in it for Sally. Poseidon does ONE good thing and all of a sudden it's "wait I think the conspiracy to start war betten the gods is... important?" SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MEET REASONABLE PARENTING EXPECTATIONS? A certain god could be taking notes, specifically the patent of [REDACTED]
go off Percy with the emotional intelligence. A for effort
and an A PLUS to Annabeth for the sharing important info and being vulnerable.
I see that coat covering the bike seat. there's human skin on that thing, isn't there?
LIVING the portrayal of Ares as man-baby who starts twitter fights. average maturity level of anyone who likes war.
"there's no fear in you, is there?" STAWPPP
THEY KEPT THE MANHUNT PLOT🎉🎉🎉🎉 also the Gabe is Gabe-ing. Manipulate mansplain manwhore on the most literal level. except disney probably cut the womanizer bit.
the whole "Im immature as shit but my threats are real, I hold all the cards" THE GOD OF WAR IS GODOFWAR-ING
"can I walk them to the door" IS HE GONNA RUN FOR IT? they're really letting Grover miss out on this quest, huh? I mean I guess it makes sense. PLUS it means more Grover-exclusive scenes! MY BOYY
that's a lie. there HAVE to be corny movie nights at camp, right?
ALSO botl movie date, anyone?👀👀👀👀
is that? a JOKE I HEAR??? poking fun at Percy? a little. Genuine? ALSO TRUE. If you told me that "amusing" line was Liften from the book and I've just forgotten about it all five million times I read it, I WOULD BELIEVE YOU
Annabeth who complimented Circe's loom when Percy got cursed🤝 Annabeth who complimented Hepheastus when Percy got trapped
the way she says push before telling him what it is😭😭😭
WE'VE MET BEFORE. I'M 24. A FAN!? GROVER WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT
songs about feelings that was PERSONAL
*insert Coach Hedge talking about nature*
Annabeth asking what Ares need the kids for if he wants the bolt/thinks their quest means nothing🤝 Grover gaslight girlbossing : doing detective work under Percy's nose
OOOH good detail with Percy being caught up with all the "3000 year-old goss" because HIS MOTHER TOLD HIM hi sally i fuckign love u
"don't even try to tell me not to be weird about this" we love an honest queen. While I kinda miss book Annabeth being a bit stompy and whiny at this part, I do think that the show version suits its own characterization of Annabeth, saying whatever she thinks needs to be said.
this whole show, I've been able to see everything. episode five DO NOT be the one to let me down! PLEASE!
THE SONG omg i wasnt expecting that. miraculous movie flashbacks fr.
W CONVO. DOUBLEYOU CONVO. nothing to add. perfection.
Also. don't shoot but the song choice unironically fits Hephaestus's story.
SWIMMING
is that a giant gold naked statue of Hera? to taunt them for cheating on him? hypocrite.
"they like to ignore what doesn't fit their narrative" [REDACTED] APOLOGISTS TAKE NOTES.
also, SMOOTH AF
okay there's no way Annabeth doesn't know that story. there's ONE way to take a god's power and she doesn't know it? at least let them tell it in tandem! a little "Yeah I recognize the chair, what of it?" THEN let the touchy-feely boy present the bargain. AT LEAST.
SHE'S NOT LEAVING WITHOUT HIM
"do you need some help?" "FUCK OFF" that's Annabeth
in the one hand, I am not a fan of depriving Annabeth of her super wisdom hero moment. on the other hand, placing responsibility to fix things on the perpetrators instead of those kids from Season ONE queen shit, and showing people can change. slay, but PLEASE let Annabeth do some more puzzle shit!
THE SHIELD LOOKS SO BIG IN HER HANDS
THESE FUCKIGN TWELMVE YEAR OLDS
OH so [REDACTED] and Ares conspired to make sure the trio never makes it there, not just using the magic things that activate at a certain place, but also by DIRECTING THEM TO THE TIME FREEZE ON PURPOSE
TO SUMMON WHAT
that interaction. SO THEM
YOU KNOW WHO WHATTED THE WHAT
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my dear esteemed friend & colleague can you tell me a bit about torksmith... my layman's impression is that a. peter tork is an angel b. mike nesmith is even taking into account the extenuating circumstances ie the horror show that is the average workday of a Monkee kind of an asshole so i feel like i have more than a few puzzle pieces missing..
gerry you would not believe how crazy this makes me okay i don't even know how to explain it you. okay listen
the thing about Peter and Mike is that their role in the monkees was the same: they were The Musicians, the guys who knew what they were doing when it came to instruments and songwriting and performing and had capital E Experience with that side of things. they were the most frustrated with the monkees situation and The Horrors etc. Peter in the sense that he was a free spirit with TONS of musical talent and classical training but was bullied in particular, mostly because The Powers That Be thought he couldn't sing (untrue) and also was a hippie freak who didn't deserve nice things, and Mike in the sense that he was hot headed and a genuinely talented songwriter with Every Disorder who just was full of hatred and always had somewhere better to be. and Neither Of Them Signed Up For This! like literally they didn't know they wouldn't be allowed to play their own music until AFTER they'd signed the contract.
unfortunately, instead of this bringing them together and having them make out sloppy style about it, it's generally believed that this just caused more tension between them because despite the fact that Everything About Them aligned perfectly with each other, it didn't align perfectly *enough* and there were enough differences in personality and beliefs that there was a lot of friction between them. but i do believe they still made out sloppy style about it, just with a lot more tension.
Mike, being the grade A insecure asshole that he was who probably suffered from proximity envy of Peter and was maybe a little threatened by him, decided to make Peter's experience worse. normal! he's the epitome of the post that's like "guy who is attracted to another guy and decides to psychosexually torture him about it". this insane mike interview quote sums it up really nicely. Still can't believe he said all that. In 1972.
Peter IS an angel but i don't think he was innocent in all this, but it *is* disproportionate in that there's a lot more recorded instances of Mike being a horrible freak than Peter, BUT there's this 1982 moment which makes me LOSE my mind he is so Ex Wife Coded here. He was a bitch at times and good for him because there's a lot of accounts that say mike would sometimes make life pretty miserable for him. BUT on the flip side mike was also really nice to him which is what makes it so crazy! in like, early 1966 or whatever, when they were filming the pilot, Peter lived with mike and phyllis nesmith ! mike let peter live with him! for like, a good couple of months! and in the early early days when Peter was asked who he got along best with, Peter said mike, because of how nice living together was! Im holding a gun in my shaking hands. AND there's another story of mike insisting that Peter get to play guitar on one of their early tracks when everything was done by studio musicians, and AGAIN later when Peter was told he wasn't allowed to sing on their record, mike was the one who stood up for him! whats that all about!
i think there's a lot of factors to their weird rivalry. a lot of it comes from the two of them but also other parties, like its pretty common knowledge that the Big Producers, bob rafelson in particular, were like. Stirring shit up and keeping it "interesting", like the whole thing was a social experiment to them. the point for me is that they had their On Again and Off Again eras, and it's pretty well documented. sometimes you can tell from a press conference or a music video or a photo if it was during a period that they loved each other or that they hated each other, and it's all over the place because THEY were all over the place. the most married era was the 1980s when mike joined them for the reunion, particularly 1989. this press tour conference video. please watch from the 6:40 timestamp. "who's your favourite monkee" "peter" <- not a seconds hesitation fuck my entire life . What did he mean by this.
anyway if you want to see more, my monkees sideblog comrademonkee has some good stuff in my #Peter & mike tag. and then there's my pinterest board for photographic proof. if u even care. my esteemed mutual and president of torksmith, tumblr user levon, is currently making a torksmith timeline master doc and you will ALL be seeing that as soon as its done because i will never shut up about it . so there you have it. im REALLY Normal about these people I PROMISE. This is all purely academic.
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No one else I know has the same issue as me.
Over the years, my unmedicated mentally ill adhd ass has been raw dogging every awful traumatic event, and it's taken its toll.
School as an adult is difficult, a lot of courses are "condensed" these days because of the need for the students to join the workforce due to lack of employees(medical).
I have this worsening issue where I need to read sentences a few times because they come into my mind wrong.
For example, the way someone writes a sentence could make or break my understanding of it.
Ex: 'The effect of a parasitic infection in a minute portion of the population causes the digestive process to decline by an average of 10%'
How I read it the first time:
'The effect of of infection parasite population causes digestion decline 10%'
AND I DONT SPEED READ.
It gets even worse when I read sentences from ESL folks(it's not their fault, I don't blame them) because the arrangement of words and missing verbs makes it like a puzzle for me when for normal people its a quick easy read, and I have to read it at least twice to ensure I understand correctly.
Don't even get me started on tests, I need to go over each question 3 times and then come back to it to make sure my fucking brain didn't misinterpret the question. This is hell when the instructors don't give a shit about plain language or proper communication so they make these vague fucking questions that have so many possible answers but yet they expect you to know the specific type of answer they want. School is hell for me, and I fucking love the sciences! But learning things and RETAINING THE INFO is an impossible challenge, my memory is fucking garbage so studying is like a game of memorizing important bits of info. It's bullshit when the instructor decides not to be specific about what the test is on because then I have to memorize entire chapters of data just to ensure I don't miss anything just in case.
I just wish my brain functioned like everyone else's! It's so fucking hard to focus on tasks at hand, reading is something I love doing but oh boy is it a massive struggle for me. It's the same thing for listening to people talk, if it isn't about something I'm super passionate about, I miss like 50% of what they say and then they get mad when I ask them to repeat certain parts.
I live in neurodivergent hell, and as much as the people in my life sympathize and support me, they do not understand what my brain is doing... ITS FUCKING FIRING NEURONS IN THE WRONG ORDER AND AT 600x THE NORMAL SPEED.
Anyway, I just wanted to rant about this because it's just been a sore spot for me for my whole life and I feel alone and people who don't experience this shit tend to make it out like I'm incompetent.
Let's get this right, I AM COMPETENT AND CAPABLE. IT JUST TAKES QUADRUPLE THE EFFORT FOR ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT YOU FIND EASY.
Ok, im done now. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
#what ya thinkin#neurodivergent#adhd brain#neurotypicals dont get it#mental health#rant post#maybe im just unintelligent by design#my brain is a beautiful hellscape
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A Deep Dive Into The Beat-Tape "reflective" By Aerate and Areyetee
Written by Me, Malik (aka kingmalik)
On November 3, 2023, the beat scene world was shocked by storm when rising producers aerate and areyetee dropped their surprise collaboration project "reflective". Till this day the project stands as one of the most cohesive and groundbreaking projects of the post-dirteesoulhop era beat scene. And with aerate (aka PSICOSE) gaining some extra traction in the scene after winning Dibiase's beat battle, I think it's about time we shed light on, in my opinion, one of his best projects to date, a partnership/collaboration made in heaven resulting in "reflective"
We are introduced to the project with what sounds like clips of random vhs samples, and then a sampled house track, which instantly lets you know what the inspiration and direction of the project will be.
Words from the producers :
Malik - “so what was the thought process behind the tape?”
Aerate -” Honestly like i was in the mindset of like trying to keep it as coherent and smooth as possible. From my POV it was like putting pieces of a puzzle together”
Areyetee - “i kinda just sent chops and made beats and let roy do the busywork so yea what he said lol”
Malik - well it definitely did come out cohesive. With that being said was there any moments in the tape, whether it be transitions or sample choices that were purposeful?
Aerate -"Im glad you asked that cuz frankly i rarely see appreciation for like skits or transitions
The art of finding random vhs rips on youtube and finding that little piece of audio gold is most of the time completely accidental LOL
you never really know when youre going to find a little piece of audio that sounds absolutely perfect and i live for that really”
Areyetee - “yea all the transitions and skits n shit were heavily scrutinized i would say. i did do all the transitions and skits on my side of the tape so I guess that's my contribution to keeping it cohesive. just making sure it sounds clean and there's a good balance between music and downtime was all basically”
On sample choices
Aerate - And as for this i mean.....im a house fanatic so most of the chops and samples i sent were of house songs LMFAO”
“im on a road to making sure everyone flips house at least once”
Areyetee - “on the other side of that though i feel like you’ve carved your niche in this scene with to the point where to me it sounds like im biting u most of the time i try to flip house LOL
Aerate - “Its kinda funny cuz like whereas im not that great at flipping rnb and i dont flip it often, most of the niggas in this scene are like fuckin pros at it
"Its the status quo atp”
The first track, whatsmissing is what sounds like a soul sample accompanied by fast kicks & heavy sidechain, giving it a stutter-y feel. as if the voices on the sample are struggling to breath, but just pushing through and the catchy drum pattern guides u through it with a bounce .
Appealing to the cohesion of this project, onme is seamless transition from what’s missing, the beat takes you aback by its complete abstractness. you just got hit by surprise. and just as your getting used to the beat , the drums disappear and the beat is broken down and there's a tv ad esque transition into the next beat
The third track righthere is a simple flip of the airy intro to singer Olivia's "its on again” from the early sounds of 2000’s r&b gives the audience a moment to take in what was just heard. this is probably my favorite out of the whole tape as the snare rolls keep the accelerated beat pattern thru the first few beats continue, and what sounds like bird sounds give off the feeling of being one with nature, floating.
getyou is another fast kick heavy beat, drum pattern carrying the groove of the track. and throughout you hear what sounds like a female voice coming in and out which reminds me of that house/disco sound. To further the musical ride we are on with this project, the beat is broken down and a vhs rip is brought in to transition to the next beat
The track fun sounds just like its name, I might be reaching but the voice in the sample it sounds like he’s saying fun at some moments, one of my personal favorites off the tape.
On sequence we get a lowpassed sample that is a pleasurable contrast to the chaos heavy part of the tape. not much to say abt it but its repetitiveness was addicting and you get lost in it's sauce, one of those tracks you upload an extended version of 10 minutes up on YouTube to.
Next up, the beat for spring is introduced gradually with a spaced out sample before we get those avant-garde drum patterns we all know good and well from aerate. as the beat ends we hear the words “spring” shouted out as it dissolves to nothing but white noise..
The track aura, brings what sounds like a more jazzier approach to the sampling in this project, with the closed hat and snare combo clashing against each other it feels like the drums are having a conversation with the sample, with more drums being added to the track as the song progresses, definitely one of those tracks you have to put both earbuds in to fully grasp what's happening. This track feels like the beauty behind chaos.
The interlude marks the end of the first half of the tape, where aerate’s distinctive drum and mixing style flourished.
On Excellentmecha we instantly hear a change in mixing choices, the drum pattern sounds completely new. We’ve reached areyettes side of the tape
On Wayward the beat starts with just the kick and the sample before the rest of the drum pattern comes in one by one. And once it reaches a climax, white noise is introduced, the drum pattern is taken out and the kick and the sample are left in. the detailed yet simple sound of this beat is reminiscent of the “soulhop” sound like that of ohbiliv, yet with a house inspired take on it.
The track heaven is a house sample chopped and sidechained by the kick in a way that keeps you hooked and addicted to the weird vocal placement. The vocal sample makes it one of the more standout tracks from this tape.
On Incomingfire areyetee shows off his crazy side with a groovy chaotic beat that quite literally sounds like.. incoming fire
With the track Deject, this might just be my ears making its own comparisons but this track has a heavy benja influenced sound to it.
And continuing the common theme of cohesiveness, the stuttering end of Deject takes you into backhere .
off the strength of the stuttering transition, backhere's never ending snare rolls work well with the beat and the transition as it all feels in one with each other. With this track the project got somehow even more experimental, with the snare rolls acting as ear candy reminiscent of gun shots. The piano and ambient sounds coming in and out keep u hooked, before the beat is slowed down and video game esque transitions come in flowing through both backhere and the next track
glad (remix) marks one of the only tracks where we get a definitive female voice present in the track, a noticeable contrast in aerate’s sample choices . fun fact, this was a spin on a previous beat called “glad” by aerate. The reason for the remix - “I just felt the original beat was lacking in its impact and i knew areyetee could do the chops way more justice than i did so i sent them his way” - aerate
The track aqua comes as one of the more laid back calmer beats of this project, the (as what i like to call them) “michael jackson chords” keep u relaxed throughout the track. Before the beat ends and the transition comes in. Looking at this track and its placement retrospectively it could be signaling the end of the road-trip this beattape serves as.
The penultimate track Train feels like the accumulation of all the inspiration the project pulled from. after all the house samples and influences throughout the tape, we finally get that staple “kick on the 1 2 3 and 4” drum pattern on a track.
On The outro the tape closes out with yet another vhs rip and brings to an end to a very cohesive and smooth tape.
To me, this tape sounded like a statement, aerate and areyetee staking their claim as one of the best producers out, this project was the result of chemistry and synchronization between the two. In my opinion the tracks aura and heaven are the defining tracks of this project as they serve as aerate and areyetee's coordination at it's finest points.
If you haven't heard this project yet, this is your sign to check it out.
Peace, Malik
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we're IN castle town!
zelda has only been missing a week...please...that's so tiny and cute compared to 10,000 years in totk........
been stolen away like all the others...nintendo you have my attention
adding the phrase "resentment list" to my vocabulary immediately
LADY IMPA MENTION
i feel like i knew she was here but Still
i have broken my first pot. this little old lady was so startled :(
KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and what if i am thoroughly exploring the town before i trigger the next bit? i can do what i want. also, again: kitty. not since twilight princess have we had cats in a zelda game...eow is coming for tp's cat superiority
ohhh, ok, the others who got stolen away were sucked into the rifts...so this has been going on since before zelda got kidnapped?
bottom of the well 💀
ok, ok, i'm going in the castle
got my first rupee! i am still murdering pots
this music is interesting - i don't think i hear any old tunes in it...no, wait, i got like one STRAIN of alttp hyrule castle. there it is again! and a hint of the main theme! ok, i'm satisfied. i know allowing musicians to compose new themes is important, but this is HYRULE CASTLE.
IMPAAAAAA
ok she's the old lady version in this one and not the hot warrior version. sad but i like both
ooh i can detour to my room...
I HAVE A CAT??????????????????????????
EOW SUPERIORITY I HAVE A CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg pls and the little toy horse...
FIRST BED FLEX
ok, throne room...
GENERAL WRITE AND MINISTER LEFTE...PLEASE...
wait...they keep calling link a swordsman...do they not know his name 😭 i kind of assumed zelda had met him prior to this moment in the prologue but omg what if that was the first time..............
the rifts have been appearing for a long time...girl, how long...you just live like this??
AND THE KIDS JUST DIE? LIKE THEY JUST DIE? THIS GAME IS MADE OF TOYS!
omg PLEASE they literally don't know his name 😭😭😭 omg shes gonna have to find HIM now 😭😭😭😭😭
actually, i kind of love coming into the middle of the story like this...it's very unlike most zelda games which begin with link waking up to what seems like a normal day that quickly gets fucked up. it almost calls back to the storytelling in botw where you have to piece stuff together bc you're fucking amnesiac
OHHHH THE EVIL CLONES THIS IS HOW SHE GETS FRAMED
holy shit theyre gonna EXECUTE her??
i can't believe they're allowed to talk about death in this tiny adorable game
oh i like tri's noises
and i LOVE their theme, if thats what this is
oh time for me to get my big fucjing gun (staff)
PUZZLE CHIME >:)
AND now i can make pots to break >:) game of the year
goddess statue from the trailer. hi, hylia
omg nobody but me can see tri bc im gods specialest little princess
YAAAAY OMG my boyfriend cloak!!!
laksjdfh it smells like a musty dresser
oh no way...is impa about to pull a yoda...
HOLY SHIT SHE IS LMFAO I LOVE HERRRRR
YES IT'S FINALLY BED FLEX TIME
omg the crickets and night sounds...what a great touch
aw wait so tri's whole job is fixing this shit...i wonder if we'll see more of the little fairy guys later
oh back at it in the krispy kreme
okay i am OUT of castle town...and waking after being washed up on a beach :') don't think i missed the link's awakening shoutout, grezzo
NEW POST!!!
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