#im meeting some friends this evening and i am incredibly anxious about getting triggered
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ive been ok but i have been dissociating really hard. i feel a bit overwhelmed
#my posts#im meeting some friends this evening and i am incredibly anxious about getting triggered#i have to walk home in the dark and someone is coming with me so it should be ok#but it just feels like a recipe for me leaving the planet and vanishing forever#i hope not. im just afraid#maybe itll be great. maybe itll end up being all about me because i have a visible breakdown#i dont really mind either of those possibilities because at least i exist#im just afraid that ill go and never come back#dissociative disorder is frightening to me. i am afraid#if i really have to i can cancel but. i dont know#i dont want to#so ill go afraid#but im so afraid#and im afraid itll be too much and i shouldnt have been brave#i wish my boyfriend was here i need grounding contact#maybe i can hold my friends hands#maybe i can regress to feel safer (and ill take a stuffed friend)
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