#im making these last few tags a month later and I can’t remember

[theworldofotps]

Eight Months Ago

Pairing: HOOK x Reader Word Counter: 5242 Description: Eight months ago Tyler did one of the hardest things he’s ever done.

Slight angst(?), fluff, little hints of smut and some sad (sorta?)

A massive thank you @omg-im-such-a-masochist babes your support, ideas and just everything is always so appreciated. This wouldn’t have been possible or turned out the way it did without your help. Love youuu xx

I really hope you guys enjoy this it’s a little long x (I also hope it makes sense because I’ve edited it so many damn times) _________ Tag list:

@omg-im-such-a-masochist @melissahausen @new-zealand-chic @writtingrose @sjwrites22 @sassymox @mrsacklesevansmgk @xladyxfatex @biforrollynch @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @demonqueen29 @itsicantbelievethis666 @lilred91 @rebellious-desires @claymorexpunisher @letsgivethisonemoreshot @ava-valerie @shortyiceheart @serpantscorpio8497 @thatpanpal @thatnerdwriter @wrestlersownmyheart @vebner37 @auburnwrites @aews-four-pillars @seeingstarks @whenimakeitshine1234 @legit9thlunaticwarrior @blaquekitty @ironshamelessyouth @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @ripleyswhore @melblacc @alliwant456 @elevennbloom @xbreezymeadowsx @mcreignsera If you wanna be added to the list lemme know. _________ Taz hesitated outside his son’s locker room, normally he wouldn’t think twice about knocking but lately Tyler seemed like he was on the edge. He wasn’t sure when it had all started, but he had a few faint ideas, one he could for sure almost bet was a big part of the reason. After another brief pause, he knocked and waited for the okay to step inside.

“Who is it?”

“Your father.”

“..Come on in.”

Pushing the door open, Taz closed it behind him and leaned against the wall his arms crossed as he eyed his son. Tyler was laid out on the couch, an arm covering his eyes and the other lying across his stomach, he hadn’t even changed out of his gear yet.

“Sit up we need to have a talk.”

“Can’t this wait till later?”

“No, no it can’t.”

Waiting until he was sat up and his attention was focused on his dad, Taz sat on the only other chair in the room. Rubbing his hand over his chin he took the time to really look at his kid, he had dark circles under his eyes. His hair was even wilder than usual and not because of having just finished a match. Taz had started to notice the slight differences in him, and to be frank he was getting worried.

“Look son.”

Taz started slowly trying to figure out the best way to go about this situation, he figured coming right out was best.

“I don’t know what’s been going on lately, but we really need to discuss whatever it is that has you feeling or acting the way you’ve been.”

“Nothing is going on I’m just a little tired.”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it come on Ty I wasn’t born yesterday; you know you can talk to me about anything. But for the last couple of months, you haven’t been yourself. You show up late for training, you hardly return any calls to anybody or when the guys invite you out you always decline. Your matches are still amazing, it seems the only time you’re really yourself is when you’re in the ring. Maybe it’s because it comes like second nature I don’t know. But what I do know is something ain’t right and it seems like it hasn’t been for a while.”

“I’m fine dad really just a lot on my mind but it’s nothing. We’ve been traveling a lot and it’s finally catching up.”

Taz eyed him for a few minutes then spoke once again this time with more caution.

“How long has it been since Double or Nothing?”

“Eight months give or take.”

Nodding, he stood and walked over patting his shoulder then made his way over to the door Taz knew his gut feeling was probably right.

“Well, if you do want to talk, I’m here remember that please.”

“I will dad thanks.”

Tyler said and flopped back down on the couch resuming his previous position, Taz watched him for another moment before leaving the room. Pulling out his phone he scrolled to the bottom of his contacts and hovered over the call button before clicking dial. Listening to it ring he walked away from Tyler’s locker room and headed for the parking lot. This was a long shot but like he’d told Tyler, he knew his kid and he’d bet money that the thing making him behave this way would be on the other end of the phone call.

“Taz?”

“Hey firefly it’s good to hear from you again, listen I know it’s been a while since we chatted last, but I really need your help.?

*Eight months ago*

“Ty wait stop you’re going to drop me!”

Taz followed the sound of laughter and made his way to where the ring was being set up. Chuckling, he crossed his arms watching as Tyler carried Y/n around the barricade that was set up.

“Oh, come on you know I’d never drop you baby just hold on tight.”

Tyler chuckled back to her as he walked around a barricade and then started jumping up the stairs. The sound of Y/n’s screams being muffled as she pressed her face against his shoulder. 

“Be careful Tyler you have a match tomorrow last thing we need is you getting injured because you tripped going up the stairs. And we don’t want y/n getting hurt either.”

Taz called out and made his way down the ramp towards the ring, Tyler huffed but turned and walked back down the steps. Y/n still held tightly on his back as they made their way over to stand with him.

“I wouldn’t drop my girl she’s safe as could be.”

“Not the point son.”

“Thank you, Taz.”

Y/n said slipping off Tyler’s back and adjusting the HOOK shirt she was wearing a grin on her face.

“You’re welcome, you two look just the way you did when you were fifteen and making your way around the arenas waiting for me to finish a match.”

“Except this time, she’s mine and I don’t have to worry about her leaving me for an older man.”

Tyler teased causing Y/n to gasp shoving his shoulder as she crossed her arms.

“I didn’t leave you for another man I just wanted an autograph from Stone Cold and you were busy munching your chips while sucking your juice box.”

Y/n said as Tyler took her hand kissing the back of it lightly then kissed her lips chuckling afterwards.

“When I found her, she was busy drooling over him clutching the photo to her chest listening to him ramble about whatever.”

“I was not drooling!”

“Okay children okay it’s getting late Tyler needs to get some rest for the show tomorrow you can argue about this another time. Head back to the hotel and no funny business I mean it he needs to get a good night sleep.”

“Yes dad.”

Taz watched as the two walked off whispering and giggling as they went, he loved seeing his son so happy and the fact it was with someone who was already treated like family because of his connection with her uncle was just the cherry on top.

*Present* Pushing the hotel room door open Tyler threw his bag on the floor and made his way over for a quick shower. He was ready to just get clean and lay in his bed the exhaustion from his match was finally settling in. He was more than glad he didn’t have anything to do tomorrow so he could just keep to himself. Digging through his bag for a clean pair of pajama bottoms he walked into the bathroom showering and getting ready for bed. Plugging his phone in, he shut the light off, laying down on the bed and waited for his vision to get adjusted to the dark.

He still wasn’t completely used to sleeping by himself even after eight months alone, the bed always seemed much colder without her there. Tyler couldn’t help but shut his eyes tightly, the image of her drifted through his mind as it did almost every night. He couldn’t help playing that last scene back repeatedly like he always did. Sure, he may have been the one to bring this all upon himself, sure he knew that he could have gone about things a different way. But it was too late to try and change the past, now all he could do was unwillingly dwell on it.

*Eight months ago* Tyler rubbed a hand over his face as he sat on the bed, he was supposed to be resting up but he couldn’t help it. What he was about to do was making it impossible for him to go to sleep. Hopefully once it was finished, he’d be able to just push everything off and maybe things would go back to semi normal.

“Hi babe, I’m back sorry it took so long but Renee wanted help deciding on some outfits for the show next week.”

Y/n called out as she closed the hotel door behind her, making her way to the bedroom after removing her coat and shoes. Spotting Tyler she frowned softly and made her way over to the bed slowly.

“Hey are you okay?”

Tyler shook his head and got off the bed. He needed to have a little space between them before he did this. Swallowing back the nervousness he took a moment to collect himself, letting a neutral bored look settle on his features then turned back to her. Y/n the girl who meant more to him then anyone else, his light in this fucked world. They’d known each other all their lives and yet over the course of the time they were dating, his feelings hit fast.

“Look I know this is sudden and out of nowhere but I just I don’t think this is going to work out anymore. And by this, I mean us. I’ve given it some thought and there’s not really any point in letting it drag on. It’s better if we just end on good terms as friends or whatever.”

Tyler glanced over, seeing the shock on her face and the tears welling up in her eyes as he spoke. He knew this was going to devastate her, but he needed out. He couldn’t handle all this emotion and feeling, everything else that came with having a serious stable relationship.

Y/n stared at him and swallowed the lump in her throat as she tried to process everything he was saying. He was right this had come out of nowhere, she thought that they were doing amazing at the present time in their relationship. Sure, they had spats like every couple, but they always managed to work through them in the end.

“Where is this coming from? We’ve been together for nearly eight months. What changed, what went wrong? What did I do to make you feel like you needed to end this?”

“You didn’t do anything there’s no point trying to explain it I just know that it’s best to end things where they are before one of us ends up getting hurt…worse.”

“I thought you loved me. How can you say you love someone then go and do this without giving me a real reason as to why. I don’t want to lose you Ty please baby there has to be something we can do to work this out.”

“We’ll always be friends you won’t lose me completely this is just for the best; I do love you Y/n..in a way but I just know we can’t continue this it has to be over. I got you another room, so you don’t have to go to the airport this late.”

Grabbing the new key, he held it out looking at the wall to avoid watching the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. Tyler knew she was hurting but he couldn’t let this relationship go on and it was best that she hated him for now then for things to continue as they were. In the end he was worried about breaking her even worse.

Sniffling Y/n stood up and quickly went about gathering her stuff, Tyler watched her pack everything. His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He wanted more than anything to stop her, but he knew he couldn’t. When she had everything, she went to the door stopping with her hand on the knob just hoping he would change his mind. Sure, she could yell and scream but the thing she wanted most was for him to be happy. And if ending their relationship was going to make him happy then she wasn’t going to stop that. Walking out she closed the door behind her, leaving Tyler alone with the memories and a empty feeling in his chest.

*Present* Y/n stared at the tickets that laid on the table in front of her in an envelope. After the call she received from Taz a few days ago she was dumbfounded. She couldn’t understand why he would want her to fly all the way out to Chicago because Tyler wasn’t acting himself. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since the night she left his hotel room. After having her cousin grab the few things, she had at his apartment she hadn’t had any contact with him. Of course, she had asked after him and even tried to send a text, but it failed to deliver.

Taz had told her he couldn’t figure out what else to do, Tyler wasn’t talking to him like he normally would. He wasn’t talking to anyone or being himself, and this was the last thing Taz could think of. Tyler and Y/n had been close as could be even before they dated so he was hoping that she could help. 

Honestly as much as she loved Taz and wanted to do this for him, she couldn’t just forget about all the hurt and anger she had felt at the way Tyler ended things between them. He couldn’t even be decent enough to give her a straight answer as to why he was breaking up with her. She’d spent weeks and months afterwards trying to think of what could have gone wrong and she kept coming up blank. 

“Tyler made his choice he obviously didn’t want me there anymore, he ended things between us why should I care if he isn’t acting right?”

Standing she felt all that old anger coming back to the surface as she stared down at those tickets.  “I really think he needs you Y/n”

Taz had told her; she had never heard that desperate tone in his voice before and knew that he must be really worried about Tyler.

“If he really needed me then he never should have left.”

Y/n turned her back on the envelope and made her way into the bathroom to have a hot bath. Maybe she would know what to tell Taz after spending some more time thinking. The flight was for tomorrow evening. Slipping into the hot bath y/n rested her head back on a towel, her eyes closing as the water gently swirled around her. She couldn’t help her mind wandering when she closed her eyes, thinking about Tyler brought back memories that she tried her hardest to keep buried in the back of her mind.

*A year ago* “Ty what if we get caught by someone?”

“We won’t baby, nobody ever comes down this it’s too far in the arena so we’re safe.”

Tyler whispered holding Y/n’s hand as they made their way down a dark hallway. He had just finished a match and despite still being in the arena; Tyler needed her now. He just couldn’t wait until they got back to the hotel. Stopping short Tyler turned pressing her against the wall, Y/n gasped at the contact of cold cement seeping through her shirt making her shiver as his warm body covered hers. Tyler’s lips met hers in a hungry kiss, his fingers pressing into the skin of her hips, Y/n let out a soft moan as he rocked into her. 

“Been thinking of doing this all-day angel ever since we got out of bed this morning.”

“Ty please I need.”

“Shh I know baby just be a good girl and wait. I’ll give you just what you need.”

He kissed across her jaw and down her neck, his hands slipping under her shirt touching as much skin as he could. Her nipples pebbled under his touch and soft moans fell from her lips as he worked them between his fingers. Tyler couldn’t help the smirk that covered his lips at the sounds she was making.

“As much as I love playing with your tits my dad will be looking for us soon.”

He chuckled softly before yanking her pants down to her knees a soft gasp falling from her.

“Fuck you’re already wet for me and I’ve barely done anything.”

He whispered in her ear as he rubbed her core through the new panties he just bought her. Y/n whimpered and whined as he pushed the fabric to the side. Pulling his own shorts down he fisted his cock stroking it a few times before slowly sliding into her. Y/n moaned head falling back as he laced their fingers together, rocking his hips forward.

“So, fucking tight.”

He hissed giving her just a few moments to adjust to his size before he pulled out thrusting back in.

“I love you Ty baby so much.”

Y/n cried out her legs wrapping around his waist as he moved in and out of her, Tyler’s eyes met hers a gleam of happiness in them.

“I love you too starfish, forever.”

*Present day* Wiping the tears away Y/n huffed and reached over grabbing her phone sending a quick message to Taz.

‘I’ll be there tomorrow evening.’ ~ Taz watched the flights flash across the board, she should be off the plane and walking over to the baggage claim any moment now.  Looking around Taz smiled mover making his way over when he finally spotted her, waiting till she grabbed her suitcase and turned around.

“Taz!”

“Hey firefly it’s so good to see you kiddo!”

Hugging her tightly he kissed the top of her head and grabbed her suitcase offering his arm for her as they made their way through the airport.

“Thanks again for coming Y/n I know that things haven’t been good between you twos but I’m worried and nothing else is working.”

“Are you sure he’s going to want to see me?”

“Honestly yes I do. You should have seen the way he was after you left, I don’t know why he ended things, but he was a mess afterwards. He doesn’t know that I heard him every time I passed his room or went to his door. I’ve told him more than once that breaking it off with you was stupid but he’s a grown ass adult. Here we go let’s get in and head for the arena he has a match tonight, so we’ll keep you hidden until afterwards.” 

“What are we going to do if he gets mad and tells me to leave?”

“If you knew how miserable he’s been for the last eight months or so especially these the last few weeks even. I think seeing you would be more than good for him even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Maybe the two of you could finally talk and you can find out why things ended the way they did. If he really doesn’t, well then you can explore Chicago for a few days before going home. Or there is a ticket for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, having some closure would be really nice if I’m honest.”

“Closure yeah.”

Taz nodded holding the door for her to get in the car and walked around getting in the driver side.  Nodding y/n went silent for a moment she had tried to figure out once again why he had left but she couldn’t and unless Tyler told her she would never know. That was another reason why she had eventually agreed to come all the way out here.

Taz really was hoping that this would be good on both ends for the two of them. Making the drive to the arena they talked about a bunch of different topics, the closer they got the more nervous Y/n became. Yes, she had always hoped to see Tyler again, but didn’t think she would. Y/n also hoped she’d be able to keep her cool when she seen him. But part of her couldn’t help arguing that he deserved her anger after all. 

Parking the car, they slipped in through a back door and made their way down a couple hallways. Opening a door that was labeled HOOK, Taz stepped inside setting her case down and stepped to the side so she could enter. 

“I have Tyler in my locker room for now he won’t be in here until after his match if you need me at all just send me a text. Here’s the remote, and this is the wifi password I’ll talk with you soon, sorry to rush but I need to get to commentary.”

Watching him leave, y/n looked around and sat down she couldn’t believe she was here again. Turning the tv on she searched for the channel that would play Dynamite. She hadn’t seen one of Tyler’s matches in a few months, so she was intrigued to see where his storyline was... 

When his music hit Y/n’s breath hitched as she waited and then there he was, Taz was right he wasn’t himself. The rest of the world may not be able to tell very well but she could she knew Tyler better than she did anyone. Or at least she had, that’s why she was hoping he would be willing to see her tonight. The expression on his face and the lifelessness in his eyes. Shaking her head Y/n focused her attention on the screen watching as the match played out he was still just as fantastic as he’d always been. 

“Come on Tyler.”

She whispered and smiled when he got the pin, Tyler stood up lifting his title then slipped out of the ring. 

‘He’s on his way back just give it a few moments, good luck kiddo text if you need something’

‘Okay thank you’

Putting her phone on silent Y/n stood up and took a few breaths to calm herself down as she waited. When the door handle turned, she prepared herself and watched the door swing inward. His head was down so he didn’t see her right away until she spoke.

“Hello Tyler.”

Tyler’s head shot up quickly, he blinked rubbing the back of his head okay he must have been hit in the head too many times. Either he was hallucinating or Y/n was actually right in front of him.

“Y/n? What are you? Is it really you? How are you in my dressing room? What are you doing here?”

“Your father got ahold of me he said you haven’t been yourself lately and was hoping I could help somehow.”

Y/n shrugged her shoulders biting her lip as she watched him the door finally shut closing them in together. 

“And you came here just for that? I didn’t think..I mean after everything I wouldn’t have expected you too.”

“Well, I hadn’t really planned on it at first but I was hoping for some closure but yeah, he said he thought you really needed me. And well I have some of my own reasons.”

Of course, it was his dad that got ahold of her, the thing he’d wanted to do for weeks and couldn’t bring himself to.

“What’s going on Ty, what’s the matter with you?”

Hearing that nickname sent a wave of sadness over him and a lump in his throat he had to swallow around. Tyler ran a hand through his hair, an action that was all too familiar to y/n he walked over until she was in arms reach. 

“Feels like everything is crumbling around me I can barely sleep; I just feel so lost and I can’t seem to catch a break mentally.”

He mumbled as his eyes ran over her features, he couldn’t believe that she was actually in front of him right now.

“Have you ever felt like everything around you was just fine? The world in your immediate vicinity is doing rather well.  But for you internally, mentally whatever it feels like nothing will ever be right again, and you can’t block out the world completely, so you just try to ignore it.”

Nodding her head slowly as she listened to him speak Y/n watched his expression.

“Yeah honestly I have, still do at times. How long has it been like this?”

“The night after Double or Nothing, when I…broke things off between us it was hard for a while then I thought it was getting better. But it wasn’t nothing has been good since that night and it’s just getting to be too much at this point.”

Y/n felt her heart break at the vulnerability in his voice. If there was one thing that never changed it was the way she always responded to his emotions. She wanted so badly to reach out and hug him, but she couldn’t bring herself to. The feelings of hurt and anger were still welling up inside of her.

“Before I do my best to try and help you, I need to know something. Why did you end things Tyler? If things are so bad, why did you end it between us? And I want the real reason because after talking to your dad I’m starting to believe what you were spewing before wasn’t the whole reason. We were doing amazing at least I thought we were, and even the six months before that when you were training a lot. But then suddenly, it’s not working? I want the truth. I at least deserve that.”

Y/n said and searched his face she wanted to know, she needed to know the real reason. Needed to know the reason that caused her to lay awake at night, her tears falling on her pillow as she tried to think of what she did or said that made him leave.

“I told you already we just couldn’t-.”

“Don’t lie to me Tyler and tell me the truth and I mean the whole truth!”

Y/n snapped and cupped his face making him look at her and not allowing him to break eye contact. The feeling of his skin against hers still sent a spark through her but she ignored it.

“Before I was your girlfriend, I was one of your best friends, we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. And we almost always knew when the other was lying and that is what you’re doing. Now why did you leave me? Why did you end things between us when they were going so well? You just dropped me, Tyler. Like I was nothing. Like our whole relationship was nothing.”

She said letting him go and paced the floor in front of him she didn’t mean to snap but she couldn’t help herself. She was pissed, and still hurt. Swallowing she blinked back the tears and continued.

“Instead of being a man and talking to me about whatever was wrong you just tossed me to the side and didn’t even have the decency to try and fight for what we had. You may not have cared or thought I deserved a reason, but I do. I just want to know.”

“Because I was scared Y/n. You’re right, you know me better than anyone and you know that fear is not something I feel too often but when it came to our relationship, I was scared shitless. My feelings got too real, too intense so fast and I didn’t know how to handle it, so I just swept it all under the rug and ran.”

Tyler admitted, his head dropping, he didn’t know what else to say but he knew she had every right to know. It felt good being able to admit this to her and he didn’t know why the hell he hadn’t done it sooner. Then again, he’d grown up a lot during their time apart and realized that just because his feelings seemed to be too much too fast that it was okay.

“I’m sorry, I truly am I wanted to reach out to you a couple months after I wanted to make things better, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I know it doesn’t seem like I cared, especially with the way I went about everything, but I did. I loved you more than I ever had another person. You were everything to me. I wasn’t emotionally mature enough to handled everything. I know that’s not an excuse either but I’m laying it all out like you want.”

He was not used to being vulnerable and hated how it made him feel but maybe letting this all out would be the start of him getting back to normal. He knew that Y/n didn’t owe him anything so to say he was completely surprised when she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly was an understatement. Tyler’s arms wound around her waist and held her just as tightly to him and felt like he could finally breathe for the first time in a long time. 

Y/n wasn’t sure how long they stood together like that just the two of them holding each other tightly but it felt good. Tears slid down her cheeks as she held onto him, this was something she’d been dreaming of. The relief of finally knowing it wasn’t anything she did, the anger knowing if he would have just come to her about everything they could of worked on it together. The sadness of all the time they had lost whirled around inside her. But for the time being she pushed it away and just focused on the fact she was getting to hold him again. 

“You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to do this again.”

Tyler mumbled into her neck and reluctantly loosened his grip so he could look at her.

“Probably as badly as I’ve wanted to, I can’t believe that all this time.”

“I know I’m really sorry.”

Taking his hand Y/n pulled him to sit beside her on the couch and rubbed his hand that was still clasped between hers. Tyler shook his head and leaned back against the cushions a soft smile on his face.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here, how long for?”

“Well, we weren’t sure how this was going to go so I have two tickets one for tomorrow and the other is four days from tomorrow.”

“Would you be willing to keep the second one, I really think we need to sit down and talk all of this out more.”

“I wouldn’t have come all this way if I didn’t think that we could talk afterwards if you were willing. So yes lets get your stuff together and head somewhere maybe we could get some food because you really look like you need something to eat after that match.”

“You watched?”

“Yes, I always used to love watching your matches and I haven’t seen any in a while, so you have a lot to catch me up on.”

Tyler’s smile widened as he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, he knew this didn’t fix anything, but he still couldn’t help himself. They gathered their suitcases and made their way out of the arena to the parking lot where his rental car was. While putting their suitcases in the backseat Y/n sent a quick text to Taz then climbed in the passenger seat.

‘Going to get something to eat and then talk with him we have a lot we need to deal with’

Taz pulled his phone out since it was a commercial break and smiled as he read over the message sending a reply wishing her the best of luck and then sent one to Tyler.

‘If it works out treat her right this time boy don’t let your fear get in the way of what or rather who you love most.’

*Seen*

[jackietaylorsghost]

nooooo i can assure you im NOT joking. you’re still not saying anything that’s rooted in reality lol!

like layla lies to everybody?? are YOU joking, im just completely flabbergasted by such a statement. as soon as she kissed spencer (which im not defending btw) she told asher. remember that happening? meanwhile she was lied to for months about asher/olivia. she was lied to for months abt why olivia dropped her as a friend without reason. later she was lied to AGAIN about spencer and olivia lol.

let’s dig into that a little bit shall we, since ive mentioned it. interesting that when spencer and olivia were beginning to happen, simone actively encouraged it and was excited. she didn’t care about girl code then or her ‘close friend’ layla. now that’s human to feel differently when it’s YOUR situation, but we can still acknowledge it’s hypocritical af, we can still acknowledge she was harsh to layla who did nothing with jordan until after she and jordan had broken up when she had no issue with olivia/spencer lying to layla for so long. especially when you factor in how much she was about damon whilst still with jordan. let’s also acknowledge that simone gave layla more grief than she did jordan, even though, y’know, JORDAN was the one in a relationship with her. mad double standards there.

let’s talk about how nasty the layla tag is and how almost all of the hateful takes correspond in some way to her mental health. ive seen your take on how layla (always lying apparently except that she’s the one always being lied to lol) is dragging jordan down with her which is just. a shitty thing to say when she’s made it very clear she wants to protect this thing that’s so special to her — makes sense, given what she went through with carrie and makes sense given how she’s been cheated on multiple times. she wants to stay in a safe bubble where it can’t be touched. to say about someone with severe depression she’s ‘dragging down’ another person is just ugly. ive seen someone write about how her studio must stink cus she’s always holed up in there when her doing that was CLEARLY related to her mental health. like??? its always care about mental health until it’s not done in a way that’s palatable to you (general you, not specific you) or it’s a character you don’t like 🤷‍♀️

layla HAS NOT spent two seasons lying lmao. point me out these lies! layla always makes ppl leave, she pushes them away???? again, show me where lmao. she spent last season, as in one out of four, isolating herself bcus someone she trusted tried to kill her. a pretty normal response, no? but again, that’s mental health shit and we don’t care about that, do we. not when it’s layla, who isn’t liked. jordan pulled her out of it and she immediately apologised lmao. in fact, 9/10 its layla who apologises, even when it’s not her in the wrong. she rectifies she apologises she tries. she has one season where she acts not the best because she’s traumatised and she’s a devil though, i know. as soon as she got to bringston she went to talk to simone. again she didn’t lie lol. she’s not keeping jordan a secret bcus of any maliciousness, it’s out of fear. and fear she’s right to have given what jj said and how most of this god awful fandom have been agreeing with him left right and centre. you slut shamed her too in your other post lmao like wtfffff. jordans just pants down walls up you said?? again FALSE. it’s def more serious than that but ok.

y’all live in another reality i swear. it’s called the ‘i don’t like this character lens’ but there’s no truth to it however much you say. sucks to lose your fave ship, i get it, but im so tired of the tag being clogged up with complete nasty rubbish. we are never going to agree but ive seen a lot of ppl commenting the past few days abt being upset the tag they go to for their fave characters is full of hate. so for the love of god stop tagging it! you don’t need to put layla keating in the tag. at the very least you could do anti layla keating so ppl can blacklist it.

My thing with Layla is she pushed everyone away and is like everybody left me without accountability. Everyone reaches out to her and she pushes them away over and over until they say fuck it and leave. She had to literally go on an apology letter tour for her own behavior of treating the people that care about her badly. This whole everybody leaves me thing is not on other people but rooted in the fact that she was the one who was insufferable to others but she manages to flip it like why does nobody stay and not I make people leave. Jordan himself told her that. She is her OWN problem. She’s hard to be around. And now she lost Simone doing the same thing. Being hard to be around.

Simone considered her a friend. She was her bridesmaid at her wedding to Jordan and she was hiding the fact that she’s been fucking Jordan. She didn’t give her the decency of a heads up before it started or felt bad for Simone. Layla cared more about the boys in beach houses opinion than Simone, HER FRIEND. Now she lost another person. She keeps losing people and that’s on her. How you treat other people matters. People drop dynamics that don’t serve them. 

Simone handled that so fucking well. Jordan wasn’t just some boyfriend, that was her husband. And she was kissing the same week they broke up? She was nicer than I would have been.

[feralwaff1e]

Parental!Betrayus AU rewrite

So, quite a few things changed since I started this AU and I figuredi’d make a post addressing that. So in the readmore tag below i've added the almost complete rewrite of this AU. I’ve also added some pictures of the characters at the bottom. One of them done by the wonder @rottennssoldier

The basics are still the same. When they had stripped Betrayus’s army and him from their bodies something went funky. I'm not sure how it happened, but around 100 pacworld children had been sent to the netherworld with all these convicted felons.

This is where i've got to explain why Pacworld didn't go after these children. So after Betrayus completely almost shattered the government of pacworld there was basically nothing in the form of government. This inself lead to a group of valuable people in the war making a council before making it a democracy. These people don’t have their names yet because honestly they're not important. The only names you need to remember are Stratos Spheros and Iden McDine (Pronounced Eye-Den Mc-Dine. Stratos for obvious reasons, being that he is Betrayus’s brother, but why Iden?

Iden in this AU is going to be out semi main antagonist. Iden had fought in the war and was Colonel, he’s a very strict and old man at that period. He had a wife who had passed away and a daughter (Unnamed at this time) whom he did love. Though his grandson? Not so much :/ Iden’s daughter had a lover and they had their child together. Iden hadn’t been approving but as long as he didn't have to take a role in raising his Grandson he didn't care…..

Until he had to care. Iden’s grandson, who at this time was named Mac, was born 2 months before the war had ended. It was right before it ended did Iden’s daughter and her lover had died. At this time im not sure how they died, but i'm thinking a car crash? Either way, Iden had found himself with full custody of Mac, which he didnt want. He was done raising his daughter and now he had to raise his grandson? No thank you, so when Mac had been taken in the aforementioned accident and the council had to talk about it?

Iden had done everything his power to manipulate the council into leaving the children in the netherworld. Not caring at all that other children had been forsaken in the netherworld, much less Pac the last yellow one. The only one who had cared was Startos who had found the whole thing fishy from the start. Unfortunately he had been the only one who had voted against not getting the children from the netherworld.

So that leaves the question of what the everloving heck was going on in the netherworld?

A lot.

In this AU Betrayus had never committed the genocide against the yellow ones. He had simply taken the credit for it to gain some more power for his cause. Not only that, but he’s also engaged to someone! Ezra is is finance and his rock to be honest. This comes to play later in the AU.

At first everyone, including Betrayus, thought the kids coming to the netherworld was a saving grace. These were children ranging from infants to 12 year old kids. So obviously they were coming to save them right? Then when they came to save them then they could rush the entrance to the portal and invade and get their bodies back. So what Betrayus had assigned willing ghosts to a child. Under the condition that nothing bad would happen to the kids. He’s a war criminal not a monster.

Betrayus and Ezra had taken Pac of course. Obviously because he was a yellow one and Betrayus and Ezra knew his parents. Then after everyone had taken a child there was one baby left, who was around Pac’s age. This baby being Mac. Betrayus and Ezra really didn't know who Mac’s parents were or his name because obviously babies can’t speak. So Mac soon became Silas while they waited for a rescue that would never come.

Soon hours became days, days became weeks, and then weeks became months. Betrayus had a sneaking suspicion that after the first day the pac worlders wouldn’t come back for the kids. He didn't want to believe it, though Ezra reaffirmed that, yes, this is happening, and yeah…. They're basically dads now. All the ghosts who had been assigned kids were parents now. This of course didnt come without repercussions on the kids, especially the younger ones.

It had soon become apparent that the children had been evolving to adapt to the netherworld. The older ones between 8 and 12 were not as severe in the changes. Maybe brighter eyes and keener sense of smell and sight but that's about it. The younger ones between infant and 7 were where the changes were very apparent. Instead of rounder pupils they had devolved slit pupils, they had also grown four sets of fangs. Two on the bottom and two on the top as they had lost their baby teeth. Their eyes also developed a brighter, more unnatural hue to them.

I’ll add more to this later as this is getting quite lengthy, but I hope yall enjoy it!

[spencers-renaissance]

Shovel Talk

Summary: Hotch and Emily find out about Derek's relationship with Spencer and decide it's time for a chat.

Tags: fluff, humour, est. rel., protective!derek, emily, and hotch, relationship reveal, mentions of past hurt spencer

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 1.5k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

Inspired by this post by @penemily that I couldn't stop thinking about. Honestly I love this fic so much lol.

Derek isn’t quite sure how he’s found himself in a vacant office after hours, crowded into an office chair with broken wheels as the two most intimidating FBI agents he knows stand over him.

“Either of you want to tell me what the hell’s going on?” Derek asks, bewildered by how quickly his evening had changed. One minute he’s sneaking looks at Spencer over his computer screen, and the next he’s hauled off to a private room like some sort of hostage.

He’s not scared, but he’s definitely a little pissed off. It’s nearing 10pm and all he wants to do is go home with Spencer, curl up on the sofa and eat take-out in front of the TV as they celebrate closing a case in their own way. He used to celebrate by going out for a drink, falling into bed with a stranger if the opportunity arose, but a quiet evening on the sofa with his boy in his arms is surprisingly satisfying these days.

Hotch raises an eyebrow. “We know,” he says simply, something fierce behind his words.

Derek’s heart skips a beat. It’s not hard to figure out what it is he’s talking about. He and Spencer had started dating a couple of months ago but had decided to keep it under wraps for now; something so young and beautiful was too precious to expose to all the inevitable eventual complications just yet. They’re so ridiculously smitten, though, that he’s not exactly surprised two profilers paying close attention had figured it out.

Ignoring the quietly humming nerves starting up in his stomach, he mirrors Hotch’s raised eyebrow, trying not to look as affected as he feels. “So… what? You wait for Spencer to go to the bathroom to lure me to an empty office to beat me up?”

“Maybe,” Emily replies, voice dry.

Behind the nerves and the posturing, Derek can’t feel a small twinge of hurt. “Look, guys, we expected it to be a bit of a shock, but we thought you’d at least be happy for us—”

“It’s not a shock,” Hotch interrupts.

“What?”

“It’s not a shock,” Emily repeats. “Everyone saw this coming a mile off. We’re not surprised.”

Now, he’s even more lost. “Look, can you guys just sit down? You towering over me is creeping me out, man.”

“Good,” Hotch says easily.

Irritation takes over, and he stands up. “You know what, if you’re gonna be funny about it, I don’t actually have to be here.”

Before he can actually make to leave, though, Hotch is shoving him back down into the chair, old metal and plastic creaking under the force of his caught-off-guard body hitting it again. “Stay.”

“What is going on?” Derek explodes. Maybe under different circumstances he’d be able to profile the situation but as it stands, he’s stressed and confused, desperate only to be allowed to leave this dark, cramped room and take Spencer back to his place. It almost surprises him that all he craves in such a weird and unfamiliar situation is cuddles and a nature documentary, but he’s been with Spencer long enough for it to be approaching normal. The younger man’s probably back at his desk by now, wondering where he is, and Derek would hate for him to be worried. He just wants to go home.

“Derek, we are happy for you and Spencer,” Emily finally explains. “But we couldn’t in good conscience let this go on without having a… chat.” Her face twists into the faux charming expression he’s watched her use to disarm unsubs countless times. It stings a little that she’s using it on him.

He splutters a little as a realisation dawns on him, equal parts bemused and offended. “This is… this is a shovel talk!”

“Yes,” Hotch says with a straight face, his expression tight and intimidating as he tilts his head to the side slightly, clearly entirely unaffected by Derek’s emotions. “This is a shovel talk.”

Derek feels himself relax, tension easing slightly. “Guys, I appreciate the sentiment, but Spencer’s my boyfriend; nobody wants to protect him more than I do. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m pretty sure we could give you a run for your money,” Emily says, her expression quickly transforming into something far more dangerous and challenging than only moments previously. “Spencer has something every single member of this team would die to protect. And if you get in our way, then we’re going to have a problem.”

“Emily, what, we’re friends.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, shrugging easily, “and I love you. But Spencer is my little brother, and I would do anything to stop him from getting hurt. As long as you don’t interfere with my primary mission, we’ll be fine.”

Hotch speaks before Derek can get a word in. “Derek, I knew Spencer long before you did. I remember the first time Gideon brought him to one of our lunches, and I saw something in him that made my heart ache. It didn’t take me long to realise that what I saw were the scars left by incredible deep-seated pain. Spencer has been through hell and back throughout his life, and he’s been hurt repeatedly by people who were supposed to protect him, including Gideon. I would do anything to prevent him from getting hurt by someone like that again, you hear me? Anything.”

As confusing as this all is, Derek can’t help but feel touched by Hotch’s earnest, emotional speech. Most of his nightmares these days revolve around Spencer getting hurt, and it’s kind of reassuring to know that he has so many people in the world who will stop at nothing to prevent those horrible dreams from spiralling into reality.

He can’t help but smile a little. “I’m glad he has you two,” Derek says honestly, looking between them, “but I can assure you that if I ever hurt Spencer for some unfathomable reason, your services wouldn’t be needed. I would hate myself enough for all three of us.” Even just considering the hypothetical possibility of hurting Spencer makes his stomach turn: it’s enough for him to know that he wouldn’t need Hotch and Emily to hold him accountable to that, his own self-loathing would be punishment enough.

It seems to appease Hotch and Emily, who Derek realises look sort of like intimidating twin mafia bosses standing over him like this, and they finally step back a little, posture relaxing.

“Well, what are you waiting for then?” Emily says, smiling for real this time. “Get your boy and get home. It’s getting late, you know.”

He rolls his eyes at her as he makes his way to the door.

“Oh, and Derek,” Hotch says, laying a hand on his shoulder, turning him before he can leave, a genuine smile on his face too, “I am actually happy for you and Spencer.”

Derek grins at that. He really is a lucky, lucky man. “Thanks, Hotch.”

“What was that about?” Spencer asks, his features twisting in curiosity as Derek makes his way across the bullpen to his boyfriend, Hotch and Emily emerging from the same room moments later.

Derek doesn’t answer properly, laughing instead. “You got some good friends, you know that?”

Spencer nods, still looking a little confused, but clearly deciding to let it go as he slings his messenger bag across his body, standing up from his desk. Derek slings an arm around Spencer’s shoulders, leading him towards the exit as his insides twist at the adorable blush that colours Spencer’s cheeks so prettily.

“Derek,” he hisses, “shouldn’t we be leaving separately?”

“I think it’s a little late for that,” he chuckles, looking over his shoulder. Spencer does the same, blushing even fiercer as he spots Hotch and Emily leaning against the railing, overlooking the bullpen with all-knowing looks on their faces.

“Oh my god,” Spencer mumbles, clearly embarrassed, but Derek just laughs again as they leave the bullpen and approach the elevators.

“Come on, pretty boy,” he sighs happily, sliding the arm around his shoulders to rest at his waist, fingertips pressing into the small frame of the boy he’s already falling in love with. “Let’s get you home. That penguin documentary awaits.”

“You’re gonna watch Emperors and Kings with me?” Spencer’s happy exclamation and the delighted expression on his face only warms his heart further, and in that moment he decides that he wants a happy Spencer and another nature documentary within his reach for the rest of his life.

Surprisingly, it’s not as terrifying a thought as it might once have been.

(If Derek thinks the shovel talk from Hotch and Emily is bad, though, it’s nothing compared to the one he gets from Penelope. By the end of the next day, he’s somehow reduced to tears that are both happy and the product of extreme terror, on the receiving end of a ‘baby girl’ ban for keeping it from her for so long. In the end, he decides that it’s probably an alright price to pay for everything beautiful that his life has blossomed into over the last few months.)

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @jellejareau @reidology @i-like-buttons @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @goobzoop @marsjareau @garcias-bitch @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @anxious-enby @queerminalminds (taglist form)

[highqueenofelfhame]

no tag list bc im posting this from my phone and am too lazy so pls reblog so this gets traction! thank you for reading and follow @highqueenofelfhamewrites for better and more frequent updates and turn on post notifications! i might do away with tag lists soon idk. the whitethorn kids are headcanons from @musicmaam and i so i hope you love the babies we love them very much and becca is a mastermind

masterlist

Outside, it was a still and quiet morning. Despite the sun having risen hours ago, the sky remained a murky gray. Dew clung to the grass and a light fog remained settled over the landscape. It looked cold and like the kind of day that would usually have Aelin curled up in the study, a roaring fire warming the room while she sat in one of the oversized leather chairs and reread a favorite book. Rowan knew that once outside, the cool air would be a sharp bite at his skin. It’s how Terrasen always was in early November.

Instead of reading, though, Aelin was staring at her side of the closet. Her fingers nervously tapped above her elbow while she surveyed dresses and pantsuits, jackets and turtlenecks. More than once she had murmured that she never knew what to wear, and more than once he had told her that it really didn’t matter and she would look beautiful all the same.

A level below, Rowan heard the front door open and close, followed by their oldest son, Arden shouting up the stairs that they were home. They referred to him and his boyfriend, Jamie, and Aelin and Rowan’s oldest, Evalin. The three had driven from the University of Orynth on the other side of the city to the family’s house on the outskirts of town.

Genevieve, Declan, and Endymion, the younger half of the Whitethorn kids, were all getting ready. Genny had been up with the sun to make breakfast for everyone, her hands sticky with cream cheese frosting and cinnamon by the time she had finished. Declan and Endy were down the hall, fighting for counter space in their shared bathroom while Genevieve finished up at the vanity Rowan had built her last year in her bedroom.

More noise followed the voices downstairs turned to a quiet murmur as Rowan approached his wife and rested his hand on her lower back. Aelin leaned back on her heels and into his touch, turning her head slightly. Rowan pressed a kiss to her temple and she shivered, reaching out for the dress that he knew she’d end up picking. It was his favorite.

“Perfect choice, fireheart,” he murmured, rubbing his hand across her middle back as she sighed and pulled it off the hanger that she dropped to the floor. Rowan chuckled to himself, nudging it toward her pile of shoes as he followed her back out into their bedroom.

Rowan was already showered and dressed. He wore a simple black suit with Aelin’s favorite dark green tie— one that she claimed brought out his eyes, though Rowan hadn’t noticed a single difference as he tied it around his neck.

“You are worrying about nothing,” he murmured into her hair, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. Aelin shuddered a sigh, licking her lips as she turned to look at Rowan over her shoulder. Their eyes met for a single heartbeat before moving to the door.

“I hope Arden and Evie remembered to pick everything up this morning.”

“I’ll go check,” he promised, squeezing her shoulder before walking away. Rowan paused in the doorway, turning to look at his anxious wife. She stood in front of the window, dress draped over one arm while she twisted her wedding band around her finger. It made his heart squeeze in the most painful way, but he left her and jogged down the stairs to where the rest of his family mingled in the kitchen.

Entirely typical of his children, none of them looked up when he entered. Gen was dressed in leggings and an oversized sweater, manning the stove to make everyone else eggs. Endy and Declan were arguing over who got the cinnamon roll in the center of the pan: it was the most gooey and beheld more icing than the others. Declan won out in the end, but only because Genevieve pointed a spatula at Endymion to remind him of a petty crime he’d committed against her the day before.

“You don’t deserve that cinnamon roll. You know what you did.” Endy snorted, but relented, allowing Declan to eagerly swoop in for the golden treat. A large dollop of icing slipped off the side, barely making it onto his plate as he did. Endymion sighed wistfully, likely dreaming of how good that would have been in his stomach instead of his brothers. Rowan laughed to himself, ruffling Endy’s hair as he walked by. His youngest shrugged him off with a shiver, lips pulling down into a frown while he looked over at his father, then to his older sister as she walked into the room.

“Has mom been down yet?”

“She’s still upstairs,” Rowan said, while the other kids mumbled that she’d yet to come down. Arden and Jamie slid into the empty barstools at the counter, accepting plates of bacon and eggs from Genevieve. “Can someone go check on her?”

“I’ll go,” Evie decided, heading up toward Rowan and Aelin’s bedroom, stairs creaking with every step.

Genevieve was watching Evalin up until she disappeared at the top of the landing, her lips twisting to the side as she shifted to turn the stove off. The kitchen settled into a comfortable silence, the scraping of forks the only disruption. Genny poked at the cinnamon roll she’d chosen for herself before pushing it away, toward Endy.

“I can’t eat,” she said quietly, tapping her phone screen, the time blinking up at her before it went dark again. It seemed that Endy could eat, however, because he pulled her plate over and dove into her cinnamon roll immediately after finishing his. It was almost enough to make her smile but she seemed to be fighting it off. Rowan moved to wrap his arm around his daughter, but she shrugged out of his embrace and disappeared up the stairs. If he had to guess, she was joining Aelin and Evalin.

“I’m worried about her,” Rowan and Arden said at the same time, the former cracking a half smile.

“Me too,” Endymion agreed, fingernail tapping against the counter while he looked over his shoulder. Rowan opened his mouth to speak, but the soft closing of a door followed by the squeak of the top stair silenced him. A moment later, his three girls were filing into the kitchen. Aelin hugged each of her babies, pressing kisses to their cheeks that they didn’t shy away from.

“We ready?” Arden asked, picking up the bag he’d brought in with him. Aelin nodded and rubbed her hand over Genny’s upper back.

Genevieve had always been the most anxious of their kids in the worst way. Over the last year, her panic attacks had only gotten worse and nobody really knew how to help her. A few months ago, she had finally caved and agreed to start taking medicine for it when she needed to. Judging by the way she stood, worrying her lip and twining the ends of her silver hair into tiny braids, Rowan wondered if she was already debating taking one of those pills to keep the monsters of the day at bay.

The ride was quiet. The only conversation consisted of Aelin and Rowan asking Evalin, Jamie, and Arden about their college courses. The youngest three Whitethorns stayed quiet and listened while looking out the windows and tapping on their phones. No music filled the empty silences— the last five minutes was nothing but garbled road noise and turn signals, the occasional sniffle of a nose, or a small sigh.

When the car was put in park, nobody moved immediately. Aelin stared through the windshield, fingers drumming on the gear shift. Rowan lay his on top of hers, but she didn’t look over at him. Instead, she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and, after several heartbeats, nodded. Only then did the kids file out of the back seats, Genevieve going to take her mother’s left hand while Arden took her right. Rowan walked beside Endymion and attempted to steady his son when he stumbled over a rock that was hidden in the grass.

They walked through the cemetery, moving by headstone after headstone. Some of them were large and ornate weeping angels, others were crosses jutting out of the ground. A fair few were simple concrete rectangles in the ground with a vase for flowers. The one they came to stop at was something in between.

It was about two feet high in the middle of the graveyard, simple text embedded into the shiny quartzite stone. A large hawk had been carved into its surface, wings spread wide mid-flight, beak parted as though it were releasing a fierce battle-cry. There was no vase for flowers anywhere near it. Instead, piles of stones were left all around it. They were in all shapes, sizes, and colors. One had a painted hawk on the surface that he knew Genevieve’s boyfriend had left behind at the funeral last year.

Arden placed the bag he carried on the ground and they let Aelin be the first to pick her stone. She picked a large smooth one, a paler gray than the headstone itself that fit perfectly in her palm. She folded her legs beneath her body as she knelt before it, trembling fingers tracing over the name.

ROWAN M. WHITETHORN

JULY 16, 1970 - NOVEMBER 11, 2020

HUSBAND. FATHER. HERO.

TO WHATEVER END.

A breeze shifted through the air, moving Aelin’s hair across her face and she could have sworn it was warm. She could have sworn she smelled the familiar pine and snow scent that she would always and forever associate with her husband. Aelin could have sworn it felt like a lover’s caress, like fingers brushing away the tear that slipped down her cheek.

Aelin wasn’t sure how long she sat there, surrounded by their children. Each of them swapped their favorite stories about their late father, about what they missed most. All of them cried enough tears that Terrasen could hit a rare drought but the patch of grass they held each other in would still be green as ever.

When they finally stood, the air had dropped a few more degrees because the sun had never come out to keep them warm. It made that fleeting warm breeze even more bizarre, the one that smelled like him, considering the one that rustled the leaves on the nearby tree was cold enough to bite.

Out of the corner of her eye, she swore she saw him. She swore she saw a head of silver hair sock his head in her direction, but she blinked and he was gone, her oldest son stepping up in the place she thought she saw him, felt him, smelled him. Silver hair faded into a golden blonde that matched her own, but the eyes that peered down at her were as bright green as his father’s. Aelin felt her face crumple as she leaned into him, resting her temple against his shoulder. She inhaled hard, desperate for that pine scent to feel her lungs, desperate to erase the last year of her life without him. Desperate to pretend that he was still alive and it was his shoulder that she put her weight on.

But it wasn’t. And it wouldn’t be.

Still, as she looped her arm through his and started to walk back toward the car with their kids, she spared a last glance over her shoulder, projecting their vows into the void of the world: to whatever end.

She wasn’t sure what it was, but Aelin was almost positive she heard his voice whisper it back as another strange, warm breeze wrapped around her and left her completely breathless.

[haik-choo]

request: i read your haikyuu as boyfriend headcannons and 🥺 they were so cute!! if you don’t mind can i get some hcs of your first kiss with noya and hinata 💞

a/n: yess!!!! YES!!!!! your mind...i decided to do all of the first years and add in noya because i really wanna,,,ALSO THESE ARE KIND OF LIKE SCENARIOS??? AGAGAG

@dearkozume because you wanted me to tag you in posts!!! <3

[FIRST KISSES WITH KARASUNO FIRST YEARS + NOYA]

-nishinoya, hinata, kageyama, yamaguchi, tsukishima

nishinoya yuu.

he’d kiss you when walking with you, his mind would probably already be filled with thoughts about kissing you when he realizes you’re giving signs of wanting to be kissed and he. panics

has probably been dating you for a week and keeps on thinking about how to kiss you

he doesn’t want to be pushy and kiss you when you’re not ready, but baby really wants to kiss you

but he won’t if you’re not ready! 

but you’ll be walking back from practice with him, hands intertwined as he complains about tsukishima being an ass or something

and all of a sudden he notices that you aren’t responding like you usually do, not even an ‘uhuh’ or a ‘mhmm’

and he just looks over at you to see if you’re okay, and he notices that you’re literally just staring at him, seemingly not even noticing that he’s stopped talking

and he stops walking and realizes that you’re not just staring at him,,,,,,you’re staring at his lips

WHEN I TELL YOU HE ALMOST SHITS HIMSELF. HE’S BEEN PREPARING AND EVEN TOLD HIMSELF THAT IT WOULD BE LIKE A MONTH BEFORE YOU WERE READY BUT YOU’RE GIVING THE SIGNNNNSSSSS

he takes his hand from yours and grabs your shoulders and pulls you in really close, and his breath shakes when he opens his mouth; you’re a little shocked, but in a good way 

“can i please kiss you?” 

it’s a whisper, and his eyes are wide and his cheeks are painted red; you can even feel his fingers twitch on your shoulders, which is cute because he never gets nervous

and you just...nod

and he nods back at you, closes his eyes, and you close yours. and his lips gently press against yours in the middle of the sidewalk, it’s nighttime, and it just feels so right

he pulls away, his face a mixture of “did i just fuck up” and “OHEIHGroigerngrGUvk” and it has to be the most endearing thing you’ve ever seen. and you wanna see it again sometime soon

just not when he looks like he’s about to pass out from the nerves

“w-....was that good?” he’d nervously ask, his hands still gripping your shoulders, and you’d just nod and laugh, kissing his cheek and intertwining his fingers with yours again before starting down the street

“it was perfect, yuu. let’s do it against sometime.”

“yEAH o-OKAY” (he says as his voice cracks)

hinata shoyo. 

you’d kiss him at night, in his room with no one home, it’s a chaotic kiss because he probably doesn’t see it coming, like at all, and he does something stupid before melting

you guys are used to being at one another’s house like,,,,all the time

you’ve been friends since his middle school says, and when he told you he was going to karasuno, you decided you’d go too

and now that you’re dating, it’s all basically the same. except you wanna kith him and he wanna kith you but you guys are each other’s firsts and just.awkwardness pursues

you’re at his house, but natsu is out with his mom getting groceries for dinner that night (you’re staying over for the night because it’s a friday)

and you’re waiting for hinata to be done with his shower, just finishing up the homework for the weekend so you can 1) spend time with your boyfriend and 2) so you can help him with his homework later

“y/n, have you seen the lotion anywhere?” he calls from the bathroom

“oh, yeah, give me a sec” and you get up and open the door, remembering you put it in the cabinet instead of on the counter, and you just stop,

his hair is wet and he has a towel on his shoulders, his cheeks red from the heat of his shower, his eyes raking over the counter and shelves

“i-its in the bottom cabinet” you manage, and he smiles and opens to cupboard, laughing, “why’d you put it there?” 

his voice is just. perfect. it’s smooth from the steam and yet it’s still a little grainy

and you briefly wonder what it would sound like after a make out session bUT YOU STOP YOURSELF

“what’re you staring at???” he tilts his head to the side and just. doesn’t realize your heart is beating out of your goddamn chest

and you decide to just go for it

in one swift step you’re right up next to him, both hands on his cheeks to bring him down and kiss him, his eyes are wide, not really processing what’s happening, and he’s pretty shocked

so shocked, in fact, that he drops the bottle of lotion on your foot

“OW whAT THE HELKE”

“AH IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN TO --”

you sigh and hold your foot, jokingly saying “you could’ve just told me you didn’t want to kiss instead of smashing my big toe, shoyo --” but he doesn’t even let you finish before he dives in for a second kiss, lips tightly pursed together, inexperienced, but eager, hands squishing your face

and he pulls away, his large eyes staring straight at yours, breath ragged and ears glowing red

“hehe, shoyo, you’re getting your wet hair all over my face”

“sorry i just really wanted to kiss you again” 

kageyama tobio. 

he kisses you because he just can’t take it anymore. it’s probably out at a park after he’s done practicing, and it’s unexpected because he doesn’t know how to do anything; but he goes for it anyway because he just wants to let you feel how much he loves you

i’m surprised he even has an s/o anyway--

he texts you saying ‘hey can you come to the park with me. i was practicing with the idiot but he left because it was late and now’

‘now???’

‘i’m lonely :(’

and now here you are, sitting on a bench, laughing with kageyama as he tries to practice by himself 

“kageyama! it’s already nine pm, take a break and then let’s get something to eat”

he reluctantly nods and moves to sit next to you on the bench

you smile up at him and lace your fingers with his, resting your head on his shoulder and staring at the night sky, peacefully thinking

and kageyama is sure you can hear his heart beat like a drum against his chest

he texted you because he wanted to kiss you but he didn’t know how to say that, and chickened out and just said he was lonely

kageyama knows that he’s not experienced, and that if you were in a relationship with someone like tsukishima or sugawara you’d have already kissed by now

and he’s just...so thankful that you’re so patient with him, and that you respect his boundaries

and he knows that you’ve probably been wanting to kiss him, and damnit, he wants to kiss you too

so he just tests the waters...and just kisses your temple, causing your head to shoot up in shock, because he never kisses you

and you can’t even say anything now because his beautiful steel blue eyes are staring at you so intensely that your breath is stolen from you 

before you know it, he leans down and firmly presses his lips against yours

but he doesn’t pull away for a few seconds, which you don’t mind because fuCK hE”S KISSING YOU YES

but then a few more seconds go by

and then a few more 

and then you finally pull away, “kageyama?” but he doesn’t respond and then you get a good look at his face and almost burst out laughing because it’s literally SO RED

his brows are furrowed together, his lips are tight, and his cheeks are so pink and he just softly mutters out, “i didn’t know how long to kiss you for and then i freaked out because i thought it was too long and i froze up please don’t break up with me i’ve never done this before--” and you cut him off with a kiss that, this time, only lasts for a few seconds

“there. is that better?”

and he can barely manage a nod with how hard and fast his heart is beating

tsukishima kei.

he’d kiss you the morning after you’ve slept over, both tired and lazily watching tv with a cup of joe in his hand and breakfast in your lap, a warm atmosphere taking over you both

it’s probably a sunday morning, and you and tsukishima are sitting on his couch with the tv playing a documentary on dinosaur fossils after you wake up from spending the night 

and he had a cup of coffee in a white mug with a stegosaurus decal on it, and you have a finished plate of toast on your lap 

“did you know that a stegosaurus’ brain was the size of a dog’s?” he mindlessly says, taking a sip of coffee

you hum and look up at him, taking him in with all his glory. his hair is messy and slightly curled at the end now that let it grow out a bit, his glasses were slipping from his nose and his typical piercing eyes were less so, now seeming just a little tired

but your eyes got caught on his lips, and how the coffee left them with a wet sheen

it had already been a month of dating, you had met him when you both took the same extracurricular class in college (’art before the modern ages’ it was called, all about art from the cavemen period and around there) 

after suffering through the boring lectures from a rather untalented professor, he ended up asking you out to coffee one day (surprising you) 

and now here you were, sitting with your sides touching, heart beating in synch

‘well. might as well kiss him’, you thought

“hey, kei, put your mug down real quick” “???okay, weirdo.”

he gently places his cup on the coffee table in front of you both, and he looks over at you expectantly “why'd you wan--” but alas, his words are cut off as you pull him down on top of you, your back hitting the cushions with a soft ‘thud’

but despite having the confidence to initiate pulling him on top of you, his honey eyes are wide and right in front of yours and you didn’t plan for them to be so mesmerizing

needless to say. it’s silent and awkward before he opens up his mouth to tease you

“so you aren’t going to kiss me?” he’d say with a smirk, before rolling his eyes and repositioning himself so his lips are hovering right over yours

“guess i’ll have to do it myself” 

and he laces his fingers with yours as he kisses you passionately. the sun is filtering in, and it looks like he has a halo of light coming from behind his blonde head of hair. it’s so breathtaking that you just close your eyes and lose yourself in the feeling of him on top of you

he pulls away from you with eyes filled with love, something you’ve noticed he’s giving you a lot lately, and gives you a small, genuine smile

“god, i have to do everything around here”

“oh my gOD shut up” 

yamaguchi tadashi. 

he’d kiss you when you’re doing something domestic together, like making dinner together when you both are blaring music in the kitchen and you’re crushing him with the back hugs you love to give

“tadashi, the salt is in the cabinet above you head!”

“thanks, baby!” 

he’s stirring the pot for the spaghetti, putting salt in the boiling water before he puts in the angel hair

and you’re finishing up the homemade sauce, deicing to let it simmer for a few minutes while you decide to go and bother tadashi 

“mmmm, that smells good, baby!” you say as you go behind him, peering over his shoulder. he laughs and shakes his head, “it’s just pasta” you shrug, “still smells good.”

the domestic scene just fills your heart with so much content that you’ve just GOT to let it out

and you want to let it out on your wonderful boyfriend, tadashi 

so you press your face in the back of his olive green sweater, letting your hands slowly slip over his sides and across his stomach, interlacing your fingers together before letting out a sigh of satisfaction

you almost giggle at the way his body tenses up and he twtiches in your hold

“wha-what’re you doing! you’re going to make me burn the spaghetti!” 

“you can’t burn spaghetti, tadashi”

“watch me!”

“i can’t help it, you just smell like...”

“like what?” he’d ask, his face red as he finally pours in the pasta, the corners of his mouth poking upwards

“like my future husband~” CUE HIM DROPPING THE BOX IN THE WATER, BABY BOY IS SO SUPRISED

“w-WE’VE ONLY BEEN DATING FOR TWO WEEKS, I--”

“i”M KIDDING TADASHI AGAGAGAA CHILL OUT” 

a few seconds pass, and his heart is still going a thousand miles per hour, you know because you can hear it thumping against your hands that are now on his chest

you start to giggle, face propping up on his shoulder

he can’t help it, and he starts to laugh too, laughing at how he gets flustered so easily when it comes to you 

and after a minute of loud tear-inducing laughter, he finally just turns around and wraps his arms around your waist, his eyes staring down lovingly at you and your dazzling smile

time slows to a stop, and you both just lean in at the same time, lips connecting at the halfway point, perfectly. he’s smiling against your lips, scrunching up your shirt in his grip. :(((( this is so cute

and his heart jumps a little at the way your hands fist his shirt, and he thinks about how he could do this all night (which he will) before he separates from you with hearts in his eyes, placing his chin on the top of your head

“uh, i think you burned the spaghetti babe??? how the hell--”

“i TOLD YOU THAT YOU DISTRACT ME” 

[hollyhomburg]

Sweet like Honey (Break like Glass) (KTH)

Summary: Taehyung knows there’s something wrong with his girlfriend; the way she can’t look at herself in the mirror sometimes or the countless other bad days. He makes it his mission to make her feel as beautiful as possible.

Tags: mentions of body dysmorphia, Self-esteem issues, Dysphoria, internalized self-hate, picnic dates, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, barely referenced eating disorder, angst over Taehyung being an idol, mentions of weddings, proposals, and wedding dresses, mentions of nudity and sexual scenes/themes. 

A/n: This was mostly inspired by Taehyung in his green suit and my own experiences with my body. This is a relatively short and less descriptive than my usual au’s. don’t forget to comment and RB if you liked it! also my grammarly kinda crashed while writing this! so i apologize for more grammatical errors that usual. 

Song rec: Electric love~ Pravi cover

W/c: 6.7k 

- There is something wrong with Taehyung's girlfriend. With you- and Taehyung just can’t figure out what it is. 

- Taehyung and you have been dating for a few years, though it was a little on and off in the beginning because of a few world tours. Now you live together, and every day Taehyung lives the fantasy of coming home to someone who loves him. You standing in his kitchen with Yeontan running around your feet begging for little bits of food. 

- But The small things are always there; the way you look at yourself in the mirror with a hint of hate. The way you are always so particular about how clothing fits you and won't wear anything that properly shows off your curves. 

- Sometimes you barely react when Taehyung puts his arms around your waist, bunching up his extra-large shirt that you sleep in. Taehyung loves the feeling of getting his hands on you, his palms so wide on your form. You have The kind of soft cuteness that makes him want to take you and hold you close and never let go. Sometimes in the mornings- he actually does pull you back into bed with him.

- But Sometimes, when Taehyung puts his hands on your waist you do freeze, he feels the way your body is taut and stiff like you’re trying to suck in or something. But when he looks at your face- he doesn't see any of the strain or anything else unpleasant or unhappy in your smiling face.

- Taehyung wishes you felt as comfortable with him as he feels with you.

- Tae would say that you’re both completely happy. Would say it- if he didn’t notice your insecurity sometimes. More than once He sees you excitedly set out an outfit on the bed. Getting dressed for something a little more interesting than sitting on your couch, only to see your expression fall the second that you see yourself in the mirror. 

- Whatever's going on in your head- it hurts you, hurts that you don’t see yourself in the mirror the way that he does. other days you know before you get dressed, You’ll avoid looking at yourself in the mirror and instead ask him if you look okay. 

- “Just turn around and see for yourself” he says- unthinking. More worried about getting to your destination on time. This time it’s a dinner with the rest of bts, a private room in a restaurant to celebrate the end of their last comeback. You aren’t going to be the only s/o or guest in attendance and you just wanted to make a good impression. 

- Taehyung is more excited for a few days of break that will proceed the dinner than the dinner itself. Days that he will probably spend catching up on the sleep that he’s lost over the past few weeks and spending quality time with you. He realizes a moment too late when he looks back at you. A hand suspiciously rubbing at your cheek, a little damp. That dark- unhappy look fitting your face like a glove. 

- You put a very baggy jacket over your dress and call it a day. During dinner you bunch it up in your lap like it will help cover you and say that your legs are just cold when Taehyung asks. But he isn’t fooled- though he was, a little, at the beginning of your relationship.

- When Taehyung first meets you he barely thinks that there’s something off about the way you view yourself. That revelation comes later once he gets to know you better. Taehyung dreams of a time when he’d known from the beginning, if only so that he could have started helping you with your body image sooner. 

- When you and Taehyung first met you were both a little broken, both a little too lonely for words. Your type of loneliness that was left for rotten nights, the kind where you bunch up a blanket or a pillow just to have something to hold onto. 

- When Taehyung first bumps into you at a bookstore You don’t outwardly look like the insecure type. Your cute glasses on your nose and your ankle length knit dress chic and oversized. You’d sat on opposites sides of a very long velvet couch to enjoy a coffee and a book in Taehyung’s favorite bookstore. A hair too close at your separate tables to be completely accidental. 

- You look at the handsome stranger, (or at least you think he’s handsome- most of him is covered by a facemask) thinking that just maybe There was only one reason why he didn’t take the table by the window; that reason being a desire to be close to you. “Is that one any good?” you’d asked, voice rough and quiet in the empty cafe. 

- When Tae looks over it’s to see your legs have been pulled up and underneath you- your shoes off and hidden under the table. Your stocking legs bare for him to look at and drink in. It feels too intimate for a stranger, but all at once in a moment, Taehyung daydreams of what your legs might feel like in his hands. And a little stirring in his gut says ‘oh- you like this- you like this one.” 

- “The coffee or the book?” he asks, perplexed and trying not to lose his cool. all the stadiums in the world couldn’t unnerve him and yet- one pretty girl in a coffee shop has him worried, holding on to his coffee and book like it will anchor him. You smile like his response is some sort of secret. “Either is fine.”

- Running into each other at the bookstore turned into sitting close on one of the many velvet couches. Which turned into Tae inviting you to a different coffee shop with better coffee and fewer books so you could openly talk without fear of getting scolded. 

- This leads to dinner dates and kisses and your back against his sheets in his apartments. Looking up at him like he’s still trying to tell you some sort of secret. You’re a secret that Taehyung just can’t figure out but wants too. And Tae has a feeling he could spend years getting to know you and still want you just as much as he did then- as he does now. Hovering on the edge of a relationship with you. 

- What had started out as coffee dates, turned into hooking up and then when his life got busy again- late night booty calls where he was barely awake enough to properly reciprocate. Those nights ending when you woke up to his empty bed and a text on your phone thanking you for coming over so late. It’s kind, but it’s so formal you read between the lines. Assuming deep down- that Taehyung doesn't want any more than a late night booty call and an occasional friendship from you.

- Taehyung had just assumed you wouldn’t want a relationship with him if it had to be this way, every six months or so when he gets so busy he can barely find time to take a proper break let alone go on a date. You’d assumed he just didn’t want a relationship with you but you where already desperately in love with him and unwilling to let go of the little bit you had of his time. Even if you knew it was a little toxic. 

- He still remembers looks back on that night often. Just after the comeback-  he’d been strung out on that restless energy he often gets after they’ve finished. another cycle of their career. All keyed up with nowhere for his energy to go. It had been late into the night and nearly morning when you’d finished enjoying each others company. Taehyung leaning back against the pillows, so deeply stated that he felt the ache in his bones. Eyes already fluttering closed he’d reached out to touch you, only to find you not there already pulling up your pants by the door. 

- And Tae’s serotonin and oxytocin high brain hadn’t been able to look past much more than your jiggling ass for a moment before he realized that fuck- you’re not staying. “What are you doing?” he’d asked, a little scathed, and you turned around like you were trying not to get your hopes up.

- “Going home to sleep? like i usually do?” Taehyung feels the stinging in his chest like a wound. Dreams of sleeping with his arm thrown over your waist, holding you close and trying to fit you into the lonely space in his chest- extinguished in a violent moment. (Tae had a feeling you’d fit there perfectly- and now to have you snatched out of reach feels like disappointment) “aren’t you just going to sleep here?”  

-“Nah im kinda hungry” you lie. He shrugs not getting it “I could always make you breakfast in the morning,” his words are interrupted by a yawn, “or now?” 

- “You don’t need too” “but what if I want to” all at once you’re frustrated. “Tae- what are we doing here?” you throw your jacked down with an upset humf, “we both know you’re not going to date a girl like me so why- why are you making this harder than you need too-”  

- “hold on-hold on” he jumps out of bed, suddenly so awake that his heart is pounding. “who the fuck told you that i don’t want to date you?” Your hand hovers on the doorknob an inch away from your relationship being nothing, and Taehyung is brazen and unshy, nearly proving your point when he just gets out of bed all of himself on display. At least he has the good grace to pull on a pair of boxer shorts. “you mean? you do?” 

- “Of course i want to date you!” he’s an inch away, and his large hands just barely brushes yours “you like all the same things as me, i love talking about books with you and cuddling with you and having you here when i get home- things have just been so busy lately- i didn’t want to make it feel rushed. but i do- i do want you to be mine unless you don’t want-”

- You’d hated how unsure he looked in that moment. Most of the time- you’re so unsure yourself that you forget how it must look to Taehyung. But in that moment you can see your own expression on his face, and you hate it there just as much as he hates it when it’s on your face. 

- That night had ended with you soft in Taehyung's clothing, smelling like him. talking it through with him until the sun actually had come up. “I guess I just got so caught up in giving you what you wanted because I thought that was all I could get.”

- He touches you so delicately, his fingers stroking down the line of your throat as you talk so that he can feel the words in his fingertips as you say them. “tell me how I can be better- please, I want to be a good-” taehyung swallows against the hope in his throat. “I want to be a good boyfriend for you.” 

- Your more giving nature didn’t stop there, and you were always determined to give taehyung more than you took in your relationship. Like your very presence in his life was enough of a gift in itself. But it’s something that Taehyung has always been able to see through. In the same way that you feel like you’re not enough for him. The same way he feels that he can’t give you everything you want or need. Like a date out in public or Anonymity if you were ever to take your relationship public.

- You’ve been mobbed more than once just because you came out of the same apartment complex he lived in. And even though no one knows you’re dating Tae besides those who know you personally, Taehyung fears that one day you’re going to want something he can’t give you.

- Like others he’d dated in the past. The girls (and one boy) who had all told him after a few months “either go public or we’re through” or gotten tired of not being able to partake in the same things all their friends did, like getting walked home or going out for dinner on a Thursday without making an expensive reservation. You were never like that.

- At the beginning, you’d just smiled when Tae had told you he couldn’t be seen with you out in public. You’d just given him a soft but understanding smile and volunteered your apartment as long as he brought his most comfortable pajamas to stay the night incase he got too drunk to drive home.

- Those nights, you’d often ended up drunk on the floor of your bedroom and Taehyung remembers looking down at you from above, his hand unintentionally wound in your hair. Somehow you’d ended up in his pajamas and he didn’t mind at all.  

- “You know- I can’t give you a lot” it had taken Tae a long time to open up to you after his last break up, but then he’d felt the dizzying smoothness of your skin against his- more intoxicating that the alcohol. You’d giggled up at him, equally as drunk. “Just give me you, Tae, and that will be enough.”

- it was around then that Taehyung had made a promise to himself. He may not be able to give you everything a boyfriend should be able to give you. but he’d give you himself fully, and anything else he could give without endangering his career.

- Sometimes you can’t believe that you’re dating an idol- let alone someone as genuinely beautiful as Taehyung. Sure- knows one knows you’re dating him. But only someone who didn’t know your relationship would think he was just a status symbol or something. You don’t need to show each other off to know your love is real.

- Though you do partake in couple items fairly often- Taehyung has a certain love for things expensive. And he does like to spoil you in the small ways- accessories are the best for you- Taehyung knows they don’t trigger your body dysmorphia in the same way clothes do. He still has the first couple item you ever got- a beat-up scarf in coordinating colors, the edge of yours torn- hanging over the doorway that leads to your walk in closet. The fabric too worn to wear out normally.

- Early on- he’d fucked up and gotten you a skirt that was a size to small. He’d tried to help you into it, and helped you try and zip it up. But after a moment when it was clear the zipper wasn’t going to go over your hips (one of Taehyung’s favorite parts of you and the whole reason why he’d bought you the skirt)

- You’d slapped his hand away, and Taehyung had looked up- miffed for a moment but knowing he’d fucked up when he saw your eyes fill with tears. He’d apologized again and again, And you were careful to make sure he knew it wasn’t his fault but the skirt had ended up thrown to the back of the closet and shoved in a bag meant for donations.

 - Now Taehyung knows Some days your body genuinely doesn’t bother you, but others you live a much more dire reality that you try to hide from Tae. he also knows that you don’t like talking about it. He might enjoy telling you the minute details of just exactly why Namjoon pissed him off today during practice and hashing it out again later when his temper has dissipated. But you don’t like to talk about your insecurities in so many words. 

- Sometimes the words hover on the edge of his tongue because he should tell you that It genuinely doesn’t bother him when you flip flop between needing to spend hours of your time on your makeup and being okay with your face as it is. And if hours are what you need to feel okay then fuck- Taehyung will learn everything about how you like to do your hair. 

- The other days when you change 5 times before it becomes clear that it’s not the clothes That's making you feel so distressed. your side of the closet torn apart. When you can’t meet Tae’s eyes when it feels like nothing fits you anymore. More than once you’ve decided that you don’t really want to leave the apartment if the only thing you feel comfortable in is a pair of his sweatpants and a baggy tee-shirt. Tae only wants to make sure you get what you need. You don’t need to hide your bad days from Tae.

- but Taehyung hates those unhappy days when there's not more that he can do than let you hide your body underneath the baggiest blanket possible on your couch. Calling to cancel your plans, and then join you there. You tell him he should go hang out with your friends without you but if you don’t go with him- there’s really no point. 

- He knows it's just a little unhealthy- but he’d miss you the whole time and want to text you through all of it. And your friends would end up annoyed that Tae was on his cellphone. Better to spend the night here, even if you flinch when he touches you later that night. 

- And really- he doesn’t mind at all, all of that stuff, it only makes him worried about you. The person he loves more than anything. And he tries to help you through the little things. Complimenting you whenever he can (and do it while being genuine so they don’t feel hollow to you) and feeding you from his own chopsticks at dinnertime. Gently gripping your chin in his hand and murmuring “it’s my job to keep you healthy.” 

- for what it’s worth when Taehyung does have more free time than usual- he keeps track. More than once he’s had to worry and wonder if you’re actually eating anything when he’s not around. He looks for the evidence of a lie on your face and in the kitchen to see if it takes the form of untouched or spoiled food. gone before you could convince yourself to eat it.

-  And even though he can’t find any evidence of this- the threat still lingers on the edge of his mind. He’s had his experience with unhealthy behaviors and he knows the starting signs.  

- But it comes to a head one night when he sees you looking through a bunch of catalogs. You might struggle to find things that you feel comfortable in on your worst days but you do like to help Taehyung shop. It’s a game that you play. Competing to see which one of you can find the weirdest outfit or the strangest prints. Though you win more often then he does. Leaning over your computer to laugh and say “okay- but actually, it’s terrible and I want it and I don’t know why.” 

- For as hard as your relationship can be- there are also countless moments of happiness, more than taehyung could ever properly appreciate. but god if he’s not going to try to treasure this love he has with you. The kind of love that's sweet like honey regardless of the broken glass mixed in. 

- It’s one of your lazy day activities. Both of you sit on the couch under a fluffy duvet with matching glasses of wine. A drama playing in the back round. His hand alternating between hovering on your knee and reaching for his wine glass.  

- Tae gets wrapped up in looking at a strange line of weird art neveauy Dress shirts and when he looks over he sees to his surprise- that you’re looking at dresses. These dresses are the long kind- the kinds that are white and flowy with beaded sleeves or shear mermaid designs, most in blush and cream tones.  

- You notice him looking and quickly tilt your screen- but it’s too late he’s already asking to see. You’re shy but eventually, tae wrestles it away from you with a kiss and a chuckle- you complain that he almost made you spill wine on the couch. His eyes widen more as he clicks through your tabs of which there are eight. And he commits the name of the designer to memory Because these...these are almost like wedding dresses and you’ve never expressed much interest in Dresses like these. 

- As if the drama you’re watching seems to fortel this conversation; this episode is the wedding episode. taehyung watches you as he checks through the tabs and you watch the bride and groom with a far away look in your eyes. As the characters go through the antics of losing their rings and the evil stepmother spilling wine onto the bride's white dress.

- When you do speak, it’s so soft that Taehyung has to lean in to hear it. your secret whispered into open air. “Sometimes it’s easy to think- that I’ll never get married. Get to wear a dress like that. It’s not that I don’t think you love me,” you’re quick to reassure him. his stricken expression melting away as his words die in his throat. “-or that you wouldn’t- won’t ever propose. And this isn’t me trying to guilt trip you into it either but-” 

-Taehyung rubs a reassuring stroke down your arm. Your eyes locked on the dress on the screen, eyes so hungry and wanting but sad too like you know it’s futile to want something so simple. It’s so ordinary to taehyung but to you it feels unreachable. “Dresses like that- princess dresses and wedding dresses- are things that other girls get. Girls that have the perfect body and the perfect hair- the perfect everything. Things that I don’t see when i look in the mirror.”

- Taehyung is soft when he touches you, guiding you to set your wine and your computer away, closing the screen too so that the picture of the dress goes away too. Leading you to sit across his lap. Touching your face gently like you’re the most beautiful thing that’s ever graced his fingertips. 

- “That’s what they get and i-” you rest a hand on your chest and for a moment- Taehyung can see how much it just aches. Whatever hole has been left in your heart by your trauma, Tae feels it as keenly as you do. “I get to feel like this all the time.” 

- Feelings of powerlessness fill him up. He wishes he could make you feel as beautiful as he views you- but he knows that the words of another only do so much. But he can’t say nothing He feels so tongue tied. he’s so painfully aware that he might say something that just makes you feel worse. he swallows through the lump in his throat. “I know this won’t make it any better, but I think you’re beautiful, and you deserve the world- and all the pretty dresses you want.” 

- He bites his lower lip, mindful of not making promises he Doesn’t know if he’ll be able to keep. He’d propose to you right now if he thought it would magically make you feel better but he doubts that would fix the issue. Your self-esteem issues run deeper than that. through wounds that are older than your relationship and too deep for Taehyung to heal with a few words.  He touches your face softly “let me try- to make you feel as beautiful as you are to me” his kisses get hotter and you return them “let me try” he promises. 

- That night you make love on your couch and for that moment of ecstasy you let yourself believe you’re worth the touch of Kim Taehyung. That alone is something that’s hard for you to believe every day. And you try to compensate for the ways that you feel lacking sometimes in the worst ways. he still doesn't like to think of the beginning of your relationship for that reason. 

- but Something about that day with the wedding dresses weighs on him though, bothers him in a way he just can’t articulate. And it’s not until he confesses to Jungkook about what happened and how he feels strangely futile about the whole thing, that Jungkook gives him the simplest answer. 

- “If she wants to feel beautiful in a wedding dress hyung, why don’t you just buy her the dress?” Taehyung starts to try and backtrack but Jungkook shakes his head. “I didn’t say marry her- just dress her up like you are and take her out on a date- make sure she knows beforehand. But there’s no reason why you can’t make her feel like a princess.” 

- So Taehyung does just that- picks out a dress not unlike one of the ones that you mentioned you liked. Layers of lace and delicate tulle, perfect for you. Yes it’s from a wedding line but it is more of a light dust pink. A dainty and dreamy color perfect for the day that he aims to create. He double and triple checks your measurements because the dress is made to fit and he doesn’t want to repeat the skirt experience. 

- Your actual date is a picnic set out on a thick knit blanket on a hill overlooking the ocean. He gets the picnic basket made for you by a restaurant. Delicate pastries filled with sweet meats, freshly cut figs and sweet berries and fruits. More than you could logically both eat in a sitting but sue him- Taehyung likes going a little overboard. All paired with your favorite bottle of wine. Wildflowers and delicate blooms too- all set out on the blanket. 

- He Gets you booked for a private appointment at a hair stylist and makeup artists and surprises you. Tells you to keep your Saturday open for him, you level him with a look over dinner. “What are you planning kim Taehyung?” he smiles into his glass. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see princess?” you raise your eyebrow at the unintended and unusual term of endearment and let it slide as he pales at the unintended slip up. 

- At first you’re a little skeptical- this isn’t the first surprise date he’s planned (and it probably won’t be the last). So you humor him with a small smile when he sits you down in the stylist’s chair late Saturday. You face away from the mirror, the stylists under orders to keep your look hidden from you until they’re done. 

- before you start, He puts his hand on the back of your chair and leans in to press a quick kiss to your forehead “are you okay here while I go and get things ready?” the stylists buzz around you spoiling you with mimosas and fruit too, making sure you’re comfortable before they start. Tae really did bring out all the stops for this. 

- You are okay with this, or at least you think you are until you finish with your hair and makeup- you can feel it, the layer of the expensive products on your skin and the faint burning in your hair as they set your hair in delicate fairy like curls, small pins with little flowers that you see out of the corner of your eyes, you see the swatch of red on the lip brush when they paint your mouth- and it starts to feel like too much when they lead you to a changing room- and you see the dress hanging on the hook. 

- “She won’t come out Mr. Kim.” one of the assistants informs him when Taehyung comes back to get you. Everything is set up, the weather is perfect, the flowers in the field blooming when Taehyung stopped by to make sure that everything was all set out. Jungkook is in place too- ready to be your private photographer.

- That’s the little surprise- since Taehyung hopes you won't see him if he manages to hide well in the bushes and snap photos while you have lunch and lounge in the grass. Jungkook promised to leave if it looks like things where about to get steamy. And thinking about the dress- Taehyung can't say that’s not a possibility. 

- There is something incredibly alluring about the idea, hiking up your delicate skirt. The way it might just look if Taehyung had you pull the thin straps down. Getting you out of it just enough to slip close to your warmth. you could even rollplay it- Taehyung some night who had no business touching someone as beautiful and you; a princess so sweet and ethereal hidden in some forgotten stretch of palace garden.  Like something out of the stories you used to both read when you were just inches away in a coffee shop. 

- But right now all he wants to do is make sure you’re okay as he barely calls your name before he rushes through the satin curtain in to see you. Sitting on the velvet poof in nothing more than a silk robe, leaning your head on your hand as you look at the dress with more than a little apprehension. 

- He’s polished himself up since he saw you- his dark green suit the perfect color swatch against the dusty pink of the dress. you turn to see him and tae- oh Tae is in love with the way that they’ve outlined your lips like two petals of a perfect rose. The faint sparkle that dusts your cheeks. Taehyung’s whole body thrums as he looks at you. 

- “Taehyung” even the way you say his name is a question, “why did you get me all dressed up like this?” 

- Taehyung lets out a deep shaking breath, taking your hands in his, “im not proposing to you today,” is the first thing he says, and he can tell the words shock you a little- that can’t have been a thought far from your mind. But he presses on before he can get too nervous to continue. 

- “But the other day- when you talked about never getting to feel pretty- like a princess. I wanted to give you that. Even if we never get married- or at least can’t for a while- you deserve to feel as beautiful as a bride on her wedding day every day and I guess-“ he stumbles forward over the edge of a carpet and you catch him a little. His large fingers tumbling through your small ones. tangling and untangling. “I guess I just wanted to be your groom for a day too.” 

- “So you thought you’d take me out on a date and get me all dolled up for what?” Taehyung can tell you got the idea of what he’s going for now, a small smile tugging at your lips and Taehyung feels like he’s won a prize. He nudges your shoulder with his; leaning close like it’s a secret, “I even have a picnic basket.”

- You giggle at his wink and Tae directs you to the dress. But you kick him out. The stylists give him a look, shuffling around with their things and cleaning up. But he holds up his hands. “Apparently I’m not supposed to see her until the grad reveal” they nod- like this is some sort of unspoken rule but sue him- Taehyung wants to see you look pretty in the dress he picked out. 

- Taehyung thinks he’s prepared to see you in the not-wedding- wedding dress- but he’s not. You knock the breath out of him. The shade of your lipstick the same tone as your dress just more saturated. It fists you better than Taehyung dreamed it would. And truly- you look like a princess at a ball- or at the very least a fairy. 

- Taehyung holds out his hand, The picture of a gentleman. You still look unsure, but you take his hand anyway. You stop when you see yourself in the mirror. Unable to believe that really you look this different in makeup, but the makeup artists really are talented. You look ethereal. The blush on your cheeks just enough to feel like a natural flush. Your lashes long and pillowy and thick, your lips bitten looking and buttery red pink. 

- You walk up to the glass and touch the surface, certain for a moment that this really is a fairytale and you have fallen down the rabbit hole like Alice. You don’t say anything, and neither does Tae- he just takes your hand and spins you under his arm, your dress flares out around you- swishing with the heavy weight of many layers of fabric and tulle. And you let yourself fall into his arms like some damsel and tae your knight in his swept back golden hair. 

- “I’m going to buy you every dress like this in the world if it makes you smile like this my love” normally he wouldn’t refer to you as my love- but today- when everything is a fairytale- it almost feels fitting. You are smiling, and you give yourself another long look in the mirror before you turn on him. Dimly aware that some of the makeup artists are swooning at the picture you paint. 

- for once, you have to admit- you look well matched. 

- “I was promised a date Kim Taehyung” you say, a smile toying at the edge of your lips. Taehyung holds out his hand, bowing at the waist. “It would be my honor of having you accompany me Ms. Y/l/n.” 

- “That’s ‘your highness’ to you” and both of you can’t help but let out a giggle at the ridiculous farce. Your ‘chariot’ is nothing more than Taehyung’s car. The one you’re used to taking. And the drive isn’t all that far away. an hour at most. 

- Far below- the ocean turns the sea spray and distant rumbling the only clue to the shore below you. You almost want to swoon at the picture that Taehyung had set up, flowers laid out on the white blanket, food and other things, a Bluetooth speaker set up playing soft music. Taehyung makes sure to lay out the food. And feed you mouthfuls of sweet figs that taste sweeter when he licks the juice off of your tongue. 

- After lunch Taehyung takes a few polaroid’s of you. Because even if Jungkook is doing what he promised, Taehyung still wants ones that are taken from his hands. He gets a few of you, stretched out against the white blanket, your arched enticingly without your shoes on, discarded in the grass. It could be a boudoir photo-shoot with the way it makes Taehyung’s mouth go dry, if not for the way the lace clings to your body. Covering the bits Tae wants to see. His hands hot and heavy on your calf, and sliding up.  

- He thinks of actually doing a boudoir photo-shoot with you, considers the likelihood of you agreeing to it. he imagines your body bare against heavenly silks, hips hiked up to show off the curve of your ass. one day- Taehyung will convince you to model for him that way. Even if he suffers through the whole thing feeling as strung out as he does now.

- After lunch you take the stairs down to the water's edge and take your shoes off. Running in the sea spray, Taehyung gets a few more photos of you like that. Laughing at a joke he’s said, holding your dress up and out of the water. Collecting little shells that you shove into the pocket of his suit. 

- All in all- by the time you get back up the rocky staircase and back to clean things up- your lipstick is kissed off your mouth, you have sand in the bottom of your shoes, and you smell more like sea spray than expensive perfume. But you feel pretty and delicate in a way that you’ve never felt before. And you’re certain that it’s all because of Tae. Taehyung’s used up all of the rolls of film that he brought- and he’s sure jungkook has too. between the two of them they’ve probably taken over 300 photos of you. 

- “Did I do a good job today?” Taehyung asks on the drive home, always a good sucker for some good old words of affirmation. Stopping for fast food because- what his princess wants- his princess gets. “The best” you say. Head tipped back against the seat, already looking sleepy, Taehyung’s suit jacket pulled across your shoulders. “You really are my prince charming Tae.

- And he is- even if the dragon that needs slaying in one firmly locked inside of your head. Taehyung will help you defeat it, even if it takes 100 days and 100 different dresses. 

- Taehyung ends up buying you more dresses. Every color. And your new game becomes finding more of them. taehyung collects pointlessly pretty things to make you feel more beautiful, and he loves every moment of it. 

- When the photos come back from Jungkook (a secret they had actually managed to keep) your eyes go wide as you take in the photos, so much clearer than the ones that tae had taken on his polaroid camera. You paint a gorgeous picture together, him in his green that matches the grass and you- as delicate as the flowers around you. 

- But your favorite thing about the photos- isn’t how you look (though you have to admit for once- that you did look beautiful) it’s the way Taehyung is looking at you. He’s looking at you like he’s aching, like It hurts to be parted from you even an inch. 

- There is one series of three photos that you like the most. Where you’ve closed your eyes and are leaning back in the sun and his hair is shining, one moment he’s not holding your hand and he’s frowning, looking so jaggedly honest and thoughtful, and then next your hand is in his and he’s smiling brighter than the sun. 

- You hang the photos in your living room. And next to the other photos you have, you don’t look nearly as happy as you do in those. It’s your smile that's different. When you look at the polaroids that tae’s taken of you. You’re smiling at him behind the camera, and you think even if it weren’t for the makeup and the dress- you still think you’d look beautiful in the photos. 

- happiness- the kind that comes unburdened by insecurity- looks good on you, and if you can get that by love- by being in love and being loved with your pain instead of despite it, then it’s all the more beautiful. 

- you go on more ‘pretty dates’ as you like to call them. and Taehyung watches you change slowly- but it’s for the better. As you don’t shy away from your reflection, wear longer dresses and prettier things without thinking. Wear that shade of lipstick again, and even go out wearing nothing at all on your face and seem not to feel anything. Taehyung knows it’s a struggle some days still- and yet you make it look so effortless. 

- it's the worst when tae comes home and he finds whatever outfit you picked out for yourself already hung back up- and he’ll whine and beg you to put it on again until you eventually concede. Capturing them in black and white, in technicolor, in isolated swatches of red and blue. he loves taking pictures- especially if theyre of you.  

- The picture wall gets added to in the future, until there is no more space in your living room. You call taehyung an obsessive flirt when he insists on hanging them up and he calls you his muse. You go on more not wedding wedding dates. And it’s no surprise to either of you when one-day someone- a fan spots and you soon pictures of you are plastered all over the internet- stories about a secret wedding between taehyung and a mystery girl. 

-  And in the end- it doesn't feel like you give up much with the unintended outing of your relationship. Taehyung couldn’t take it back even if he wanted to and he doesn't. now he gets to hold your hand and go out in public. “No- we’re not married yet. But we have been dating for a while so please respect our privacy.” He tells the reporters when he gets ambushed. And after a few stressful months where you lean into each other more than ever, things calm down. 

- You have to be a little more secretive after that, careful when and where you plan your ‘pretty dates’ or so Taehyung has liked to call them. A sudden rush of seaside weddings this season makes that difficult and is entirely due to you and your pictures. it seems that you have become an unintended trend setter. the dress you wore selling out too. 

- The hits of his love are always there, in every photograph, in every dress that appears in your closet, in ever tender moments. other hits are there too- hints of more love to come. when Taehyung asks you out for another pretty date, careful to make sure you get your hair done and your nails too. His nervousness written all over his face and his actions. 

- And when you find a ring box, hidden in the pocket of one of Taehyung’s sweatpants the morning you’re supposed to go on your date, You’re not surprised in the slightest. 

- You keep your discovery a secret. After all you only have a few hours to wait.  

-------

Please Reblog and Comment, Likes are nice, but they do little to support content creators! 

Kofi 

[marvel-sluts]

please don't go.

request: Can I request prompts 3. Please don't go & 16. Enemies to lovers with Tom Holland? 😊 - @palna (sorry it won't let me tag you)

prompt list

pairing: Tom Holland x reader

warnings: swearing, emotional abuse, angst, fluff

summary: you worked with Tom on set and ever since the first day he hated you. one day he overhears a phone call between you and your Dad, making him feel horrible for how he treated you.

a/n: im planning on making a masterlist soon so look out for it! anyway, enjoy lovlies!

***********

you opened the door to your apartment after a hard day at work. flopping onto the sofa and turning on the TV, not really paying attention to the six o'clock news.

that bloody Holland kid thinks he has the right to make your life a living hell. from the moment you met him he hated you.

you walk into the room flashing a smile to the people in there. you had been chosen to play a part in the new spider man movie. having quite a few successful movies under your belt you were well known.

you went round shaking hands with people, each one of them greeting you with a small smile and a hello. that was until you reached a certain individual.

"hi, I'm y/n" you say holding out you hand.

he looked you up and down with a grimace and looked at your outstretched hand, taking it in his and shaking it roughly.

"Holland, Tom Holland."

the buzz of you phone wakes you from your trance and you looked down to see your best friends name flash on the screen.

you quickly answer the phone and her voice can be heard throughout the room.

"sorry to bother you like this y/n but can we go out tonight? I had a shit day at work and need someone to take my mind off of it." she said.

"you read my mind, where do you want to go?" you ask, relieved to have an excuse to leave the house.

"how about the bar down the road from your house?" she said.

"sure, let me get changed out of my clothes first."

"okay I will be at your house in half an hour." she said hanging up the phone.

you run up the stairs and put on a black skirt and a pink shirt, touching up your makeup from filming and pulling on a pair of boots.

a few minutes later b/f/n (best friends name) rings the doorbell of your apartment and you go to greet her.

you reached the bar and grabbed one of the only remaining tables.

"so, what made your day so shitty?" you asked taking a sip of your gin.

"just my dickhead of a manager. he has given me about 5 projects and is expecting them all done by next week." she sighs rolling her eyes at you.

you snort into your drink "like your gonna get all of that done in such a short amount of time." you say.

"I know right. anyway whats going on with you?" she asked, knowing something was up. "is it that Holland guy again? I swear to god I will punch his nose in if he's done anything to you." she said, knowing how much he bothers you.

"there is nothing that you can do. he just gets on my nerves. I don't know what his deal is with me." you say.

"what does he do?"

"glares at me alot, won't speak to me unless its to criticise what I'm doing and just overall makes my life miserable." you say with a sigh.

"and you dad...?" b/f/n asked.

"same as usual, he still hates me and continues to tell me how much of a failure I am." you say rolling your eyes. your dad was a dick, you and him had never gotten on.

"I know, you just have to ignore him. he just doesn't see how amazing you are." she said smiling at you.

"I guess..."

after a few hours of talking and forgetting your problems. b/f/n drove you home.

after getting undressed you collapsed on your bed, exhausted. falling asleep within seconds.

******

you woke up with a start and checked your phone. shit. you had slept through your alarm and you were going to be late for filming.

quickly pulling on clothes and fixing your hair and makeup you ran to your car and got to set only 15 minutes late.

"oh here she is, finally decided to show up did you?" came a chastising voice.

you sighed, knowing immediately who it was, choosing to ignore the comment you walked to your trailer.

the hair and makeup team quickly got to work on you, making you look amazing within minutes.

after throwing a quick thanks over your shoulder, you rushed to set and got told what scene they were filming and where to stand.

half an hour later you heard a "and cut, great job guys. go and get read for the next scene."

you quickly checked your script and realised that you were needed for the next scene, opting to go to your trailer and wait to be called.

suddenly your phone rang, making you jump. you picked it up before checking who it was, assuming it was b/f/n.

"oh you've finally decided to stop ignoring my calls have you?"

shit, it was your Dad. "hey dad, and for the record I wasn't ignoring them. I was working."

"yeah, what job again? that acting thing of yours? how many times y/n, thats not a job."

"okay" you whispered quietly, just wanting this to be over.

"your such a worthless bitch you know that? even your Mum thought that before she died. it was probably you who killed her. admit it y/n. you killed her." he said, trying to press your buttons.

"how many times Dad, the doctors said that she died of a heart attack. it wasn't me." you say.

"pfft, your just covering for yourself. how about you buy me a new house to make up for it?"

"Dad, I just bought you a new house, and a new car. surely you can't need anything bigger." you say, knowing he is just using you but feeling guilty for saying no nevertheless.

"well I want new house, maybe somewhere by the sea. or some big mansion." he said.

"but Dad i was planning on giving some of that money to charity and the rest was going to s/n (siblings name) school fund. so that they can go to a good school."

"fuck s/n, I want a new house. and if you don't then you really would be as fucking annoying as your mother. your no good for anything." he said, hanging up the phone.

a tear trickled down your face. you should have known all he wanted was a new house, new car. why not get a new fucking kid while he's at it. you bought him a new car last month and a new house the month before that, surely he doesn't need another one.

a knock was heard on the door of the trailer that you had accidentally left open. you spun around to see Tom, worry etched across his face. he walked into your trailer.

"hey y/n, are you okay?" he asked, putting a hand on your arm.

"get off of me" you say, shrugging him off. "why would you care anyway, you've had this grudge against me ever since I started here."

Tom's face fell. "I'm sorry y/n I didnt mean to treat you like that."

"then what did you mean to treat me like because it was pretty damn obvious that you hated me. everyone saw it." you said.

"it wasn't you." he said looking down shamefully.

"look if this is about what you overheard with my Dad, don't worry about it. don't tell anyone and continue treating me like shit." you say, turning away from him again.

"no y/n what I overheard made me feel really guilty for treating you how I did. what I did was wrong and it wasn't your fault for how I treated you." he said, grabbing you and forcing you to look at him.

"then why did you do that to me?" you asked, confused.

"just before we started filming me and my girlfriend had broken up, she was toxic and would hit me and scream at me." he said, tears clouding his vision. "the day we started filming was the day I ended it with her, so I wasn't in the best mood. but when you walked in I could of sworn it was her. your hair and eyes are similar but your face is completely different."

"so from a distance I looked like her?" you asked, beginning to put the peices together in your head.

"yes. you had such a kind personality, always caring about others and everyone else loved you. but I couldn't get it out of my head. I guess that's why I treated you so badly, because you looked so much like her."

"Tom you could have just said something, I would have understood." you say, looking at him.

"I know I'm sorry." he said. "how are you, what happened with your Dad?" he asked.

"he keeps asking for new stuff, I just bought him a new house but he wants another one, and he wants a new car when he has the newest model. but at the same time he's always telling me how worthless and stupid I am, and how this acting thing isn't a proper job." you say, "maybe I'm just being selfish."

"no y/n, your not being selfish. I heard what you wanted to put that money towards instead of buying him stuff that he doesn't need. a selfish person wouldn't give to charity and help with paying for s/n schooling."

"are you sure?" you asked, doubt seeping in.

"very sure." he said, "is there anything you need, I could say that you are ill or something, give you some time to think over what happened with your Dad?"

"no I'm okay." you say.

"how about you come round to mine after work, we could talk everything out."

"yeah okay, I'd like that."

******

after filming was over, you drove over to Tom's apartment. he answered the door quickly and let you in.

you sat down on his sofa and admired the little things he had "borrowed" from the sets of different movies.

"do you want a drink?" he called from the kitchen.

"can I have a f/d (favourite drink) please?" you call back.

"sure."

he came back in with your drink and a coke for him.

"look about what happened today with my Dad, I never meant for you to overhear that and I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone." you say, looking down at your drink.

"your secrets safe with me, and if you don't mind me saying. your Dad is a bit of a dick." he said, smiling kindly at you.

"tell me about it." you laughed. "he's been like that ever since I can remember, he's always favoured my siblings over me." you say bitterly.

"well don't tell them but I prefer you." Tom said, trying to cheer you up a bit. "and I'm glad I overheard that conversation, because it made me think about I had treated you. and I'm starting to think that there was maybe another reason I didn't like you." he said sheepishly.

"and whats that?" you ask.

"I kind of liked you. I still do. after what happened with my last relationship I was scared I guess but I don't want to fuck anything up. I really like you y/n, I never meant to treat you like I did but I was pushing you away so that I didn't fall further than I already have." he said, blushing furiously.

"well Tom, maybe I like you too. thats why it hurt so much when you were horrible to me." you say. "do you just like me because I look like her?"

"no no no, that's not it at all. I like you because you have this sort of aura around you, people love you and your so nice to people." he said. "I like you because of your personality, the fact that you look slightly like a toxic ex has nothing to do with it." he added as an afterthought.

"aura?" you asked, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.

"yeah, people sort of want to protect the innocence you radiate. your aura makes everyone love you and it's how your smile brightens up a room and how you look when the sunlight hits your features." he said, gently placing his hand on your cheek, forcing you to look up at him.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you, and it's my fault, but maybe we can start again?" he asked.

"okay." you say smiling up at him. before pulling away from his hand and sticking out your own. "y/n y/l/n, nice to meet you." you say.

"Tom Holland, pleasure." he said shaking your hand.

you turned around as the shrill sound of your phone broke the brief silence, checking the called ID this time you saw Dad appear on the screen. you look over at Tom in fear, showing him the screen.

"answer him y/n, maybe he wants to apologise. and I'll be right here with you" Tom said, flashing you a reassuring smile.

"okay" you said picking up the phone and putting it on speaker so that Tom could hear better. motioning to him to be quiet, him nodding in response.

"hi Dad." the fear in your voice evident.

"how's the new house you were going to buy me coming along? don't forget I want a big one." he said.

"actually Dad, I've thought about it and I just bought you a new car and house. the money is going towards s/n schooling and charity. I don’t think that you need anything else." you say, smiling weakly at Tom who gave you a thumbs up. egging you on.

"I don't care what you think, I'm your parent and you should listen to me. you are such a selfish bitch I don't even know why I bothered with you." he spat down the phone. "you are just a waste of space and I don't know how you made all of this money, who would ever want to employ you?"

"Dad you're not guilt tripping me into buying anything for you like you did last time. I'm not doing it." you say, tears beginning to cloud your vision. Tom noticed this and put his hand on your leg gently. in order to calm you down.

"you're such a fucking bitch. I never want to see or hear you again." he spat, hanging up.

as soon as he had hung up the phone, tears started falling down your face. Tom reached up and wiped away some of your tears before pulling you into his chest.

"hey hey hey, it's okay calm down." he said kissing your forehead and pulling you back into his arms.

"he hates me and its all my fault." you choke out before collapsing into tears again.

"its not your fault, your Dad is just being selfish and is only using you for your money. don't listen to him." he said, stroking your hair to comfort you.

"do you want me to go and get you something? ice cream maybe?" Tom asked.

"no, please don't go. I need you." you say.

"okay, I'm right here love. don't worry I'm not going anywhere." he said.

eventually you fell asleep, with his arms around you and your head on his chest. before Tom drifted off he kissed your temple and whispered "I'm so sorry y/n, I love you."

[oppabimbab]

are you mine? | jeon jungkook

genre: smut, fluff

starring: jungkook x reader

synopsis: jungkook knows how to shut you up and make you scream nothing but his name

words: 3648 words

tags: jealousy, daddy !kinks, handjob, riding! humping! car!fuck, slight dom jungkook, clit tease, unprotected s*x

side notes: this is originally from jinyoung’s fic but i changed the character to jungkook to fit the bts version. ignore this im bored.

**

You sip the remaining champagne inside the tall glass that you have been swirling for god-knows-how-long. Just as much as you love that alcohol, today it tastes like a motherfucking poison in your throat. It’s burning your tongue every time you swallow a drop—like a fire. Just like your heart.

From afar, You look at your boyfriend, Jungkook ,who is talking casually to bunch of his friends that he bumps to at the bar counter, not too far from your seats.

He looks as majestic as he always does—broad shoulder, long and toned legs, long and wavy hair, muscular arms and delicious torso.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with how your boyfriend behaves with his friends but what bothers you the most is that one bitch, who is always clinging to him from the first minute you come here to the party. And you had no idea why would you witness that in the first place.

Rose. That beautiful bitch. She always stands there beside him, chuckling at every words that come out from his mouth like he is some kind of comedian—moving her ass and exposing her boobs just to brush them against him while she gives the endless refilled wine to him. Let alone, staring at him while he smiles and laughing, like you don’t exist here. Fucking annoying.

Damn, is that a friend should do? You know for the fact that she is one of Jungkook’s acquaintances. He has been chanting that to you and you’re convinced enough but you can’t remember that, a friend should grind her body to her colleague like she wants to fuck him—that much. You’re positive until today when you clearly can’t hold the anger anymore.

When the last drop of the champagne touch your throat, you met her eyes. Her bitchy eyes along with the foxy smile, plastering all over her face before she scoots closer to Jungkook and on purpose, she ‘accidently’ makes herself fall on him—making her exposed boobs slightly brush on his arms.

Just how gentleman your boyfriend is, he looks shock and immediately helps her to get on her feet. Making her smile becomes wider, at you.

Seeing that, you can’t help but feel extremely intimidated and pissed. Not sure if it’s solely on that bitch Rose or your boyfriend. You inhale some air to calm yourself from the sight. You try to look unbothered by not giving any piece of damn at her, who is having fun drooling at your man.

For a matter of fact, Rose is extremely gorgeous. You can’t deny. She is a famous model that have her face plasters everywhere across the country. You know people swoon over her because of her beauty and sexiness every time she passes by, doing the bare minimum—or to simply said, she is the main star of this party. Everyone loves her. Everyone worships her. She is the definition of perfections. Just like him.

Now, that thought bothers you the most.

**

The ride is filled with silences from both of you and him as he drives back to the apartment that you have been sharing with him for the past 9 months. You’re not very keen to know whether he notices the changes in your behaviour ever since 30 minutes ago.

Well, You don’t feel like talking to him. At all. He asked you to come along to this party but why the fuck did he make you feel less—like you don’t belong there, as his girl. You’re not sure what he did wrong but when you saw him walking back to you at the table after almost touching other girl’s boobs, you immediately feel upset. Extremely upset. You’re pissed, annoyed, jealous and angry. You can’t bring yourself to talk to him at this moment.

And he seems like he doesn’t care about that. Good thing because all you want to do is to go back to sleep with this anger. You stare out of the window, completely silent.

“You’re giving an attitude,” he breaks the silence between you and him as the silence happens way too long. You cock your eyebrow and glance at him slightly before looking back out of the window.

“Excuse me?” you reply—trying not to sound annoyed or pissed even honestly, you want to scream at him.

He exhales some air before tilting his head at you, looking at your obvious frustrated face. You can feel his big hand snake on your exposed thigh, giving it a slow rub while the other hand is on the steering wheel.

“Mind to explain why you’re acting like this?” he sounds calm and serene—unlike you. You push his hand away from your skin without looking at him.

“Focus. I’m not in the mood, Jungkook,” you stop calling his pet names that he likes the most.

You see his face changes, from the corner of your eyes but you don’t care. The least thing he can do is stop being such an asshole at this moment. You don’t want to talk, not to him.

“Why are you always acting up without reason at times like this?” he says as he clenches his jaws. His voice sounds hardened and tense. You can’t believe he just said that.

“What? Me?”

“Yes, you,”

“Are you serious? I said i’m not in the mood. Just drive us home and leave me alone, Jungkook. You’re such an asshole,” you can’t help your anger anymore when he is pointing the arrow back at you. Sure, he said something harmless but at times like this, everything pisses you off. You’re fucking pissed when he stares back you like he did nothing.

“Wow, that’s rude,” he scoff.

“Whatever,” you did something he hates the most. Rolling your eyes.

Before he could say anything, he stops the car at the side of the road. Your eyebrow furrowed at his gesture as you look at him, confused and pissed. Jungkook looks back you, completely mad.

“Alright. Why don’t you tell this asshole, your problem? For fuck sake baby, I don’t know if you don’t tell me,” he runs his hands through the hair, sounded frustrated at your moody ass tonight.

You shrug.

“I don’t know. Ask Rose,” now, you know you sound like an immature bitch but you don’t care. He is being such an asshole.

“Rose?” he raises his eyebrow.

You don’t reply anything.

“What does Rose has to do with this topic?”

God, He is dumb.

“That’s fine, Jungkook. I want to go home. I’m tired. Let’s talk about this later,,” you heave a small sigh, rubbing your head as you ignore his question because you don’t feel like explaining shit like this. Or both of you will get into a serious fight. Both of you know how severe it can be once it happens. You just don’t want him around at this moment.

You look at him and his eyes changed. They are darkened and hooded—piercing in fire as he glares at you. They are the same eyes when he is mad and pissed.

“Fucking sit on me now,” he commands. Your jaw drops at him as he unbuckle the seat belt around his body. Which part of going home that he doesn’t understand?

“Jungkook! I don’t wan—“

“I said sit on me. Make me repeat and I’ll make you regret,” his eyes burn with fire, you can see the popping veins along his jaw and neck. He really needs to show his dominant side at times like this, huh? You’re not sure why and you shouldn’t feel this way but he looks fucking delicious when he is mad.

You heave a frustrated sigh as you unbuckle the seat belt before you climb all over him and sit on his lap—facing him with your back only few inches away from the steering wheel.

Both of you stare at each other before you look away from his eyes when you can’t content with the jealousy and anger in yourself every time you think of what happened earlier. It upsets you so much that you can feel your heart is aching.

“Now, tell me why you’re behaving like you miss my cock,” he utters the words as he brings both his hands on your hips—looking up to find your eyes. You hiss at his touch, making his eyebrow lifted.

“I’m so pissed,”

“You can’t be pissed in this dress. Definitely not in this dress that makes me want to fuck you hard,” his voice is so deep and low that it makes your heart races like crazy. Jungkook trails his eyes to your neck, your exposed chest and to your ass. You know he is good at dirty talk because you can feel butterflies all over your stomach.

You scoff at him.

“Sure but I think Rose wants you to fuck her harder than me. Sure, Jungkook,” you can’t look at him on the eyes as your heart hurts at the thought. You try to get off from his lap before you feel his grip tightened around your hips. His bites his lower lip.

“I see,” he nods.

“Baby, are you jealous?” he looks at you, hiding his beautiful smile behind his bitten lip.

“Yes. Very much,” you stare back at him—telling him how the pain and jealousy have made you like this. A whiny and jealous bitch.

His grins gets wider—showing off a small dimple under his cheeks. Probably satisfied enough that you finally admit something you’ve never done before.

The silence starts to build between you two before you speak up again.

“Everyone can see that she wants you. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice that,” you roll your eyes, annoyance starts to build when you think of her. Jungkook chuckles.

“Do you believe that?” he asks and you had it enough. You squeal at him, to let you go back to your place and end this night but he wouldn’t budge as he grabs your hips tighter to keep you on his lap. He is so strong that you barely make any inches of move.

“How do I make you realise that I’m all yours?” he squeaks, rubbing your clothed ass along with your inner thigh, causing you to whimper softly.

“Fucking you here, in this car, hm?” he hums before he leans closer to your body and starts to trail sloppy kisses on the sweet spot while he chants the dirty words. You can’t help but squirm at his touch as you bring your hands to hold on to his shoulder.

“Jungkook, don’t,” you whimper at his touch even deep inside, you know you want this more than him. A mocking chuckle leaves his mouth, your words.

“I can feel your juices on my thigh, then you’re telling me no? Should we stop, kitten?” he bites the soft skin on the collarbone as he calls your favourite pet name. When you no longer can hold the sudden adrenaline in your body, you start to grind on his thick and muscular thigh, rubbing your pussy on nothing but his thick muscle.

Thanks to all the work out sessions and sports, they make this grinding feels like a heaven on earth.

It makes him groans in raspy tone while staring at your pussy. He grunts in frustration when the thin underwear covers your throbbing cunt.

“Jungkook....,” you moan his name and he hums at your calls while biting his lips—completely amazed at the throbbing clit under such thin clothe. He must be thanking God for letting you to wear such a short dress so it makes it’s easier for him to hover the pussy.

“Come here,” he grunts as he pulls your hips, to make the move becomes faster and wilder, eventually growing the huge bulge that is starting to touch your throbbing clit. You moan out loud at the touch, throwing your head to the back while keeping the same pace on his lap as he pulls your closer with his big tattooed hands.The feeling—oh so fucking good. The car is filled with hot breath from both of you as sweat starts to prick.

“Ah! Ah!” your breath hitched as you feel a familiar knot inside your pussy and lower abdomen—making you to look at him while moaning his name. He likes it when his name comes out from your mouth when he is abusing the pussy. He feels like a sexy dominant and he will make sure the scream gets louder when he finally pumps his cock inside you.

“How the hell I want to fuck her harder when I have this pussy, wet and juicy—just for me? Tell me how, baby,” he grunts through gritted teeth, rubbing his index finger on your clothed clitoris, circling and pinching it while looking at your moaning mess face, when you’re coming to the climax.

He hisses—completely mesmerised at your beautiful cunt.

“Ah! Daddy!” as he rubs your clit and forcing you to grind on his huge bulge, you let out a small squirt on his jeans—soaking it wet with the juices. He hums in approval at your submissive reaction—licking the sticky liquid around his finger while staring at you, like a provocative beast.

“Sweet cunt,” he says while chuckling.

“Is that enough?” he adds, cocking his eyebrow at you. You pant on his shoulder, slightly confused at his question. Isn’t he going to fuck you?

“I want more,” you whisper, looking breathlessly into his lusty eyes. Needy and desperate, completely different than you were few minutes ago.

“Again,” he commands.

“I want more, daddy,” you whine like a real kitten.

“Good girl,” His chest vibrates as he giggles.

Before you could say anything, he lifts the hem of your mini dress and pulls it above of your chest—leaving your boobs bounce to his sight. You squeal in surprise. In just a blink of eyes, he unclasps and throws your bra to the back seat. You look outside—you sure don’t wanna let anyone see you this erotic.

“Fuck,” his eyes darkened when he brings his eyes to your boobs—chanting a trail of curses and compliments before he gropes them, roughly. Your body jerk at the touch, making the boobs bounce.

“You’re fucking beautiful, do you know that?” he says under his breath before taking one of your nipples into his mouth—sucking the bud hungrily. Your chin is up—moaning even louder than before, as you press your body closer to him—deepened his mouth to your hardened bud. Your run your hand through his hair while the other one, holding on the car seat.

Every words that come out from his mouth, sounds like an ecstasy and it’s making your cunt pools with liquid. Skin tingles a lot and all you wanted is to feel him inside your body. He hums, biting the nipple, causing you to fill the car with his nothing but his name. His warm and playful tongue—goddamn it feels like heaven.

“Ju-Jungkook, get inside me,” you whine when he stop abusing your nipples. 

“Hm?”

“Daddy, Please....uh ah!” you repeat.

You can see a boyish grin all over his face as he stares at you like a motherfuckinh predator. Your pussy clenches at the sight. What a view.

You can’t say anything when he trails his fingers to the strap of your panty before he rips it—exposing the raw pussy to his eyes.

“Babe!” you scream. He giggles, throwing the panty to the passenger seat as he slaps your ass.

“I’ll buy you a new one later,” he says, impatiently while staring at the pussy as he gives it slow stroke. You whine at the touch. It’s slow and addicting, now you suddenly miss his big cock.

Impatient, you push him against the car seat before you unbuckle the belt around his jeans and slightly pull the jeans to his knees—leaving his boxer alone. He says nothing as he watch you get the touch of his cock by yourself. When you see the throbbing bulge, you immediately pull the boxer—making his dick slapping your lower abdomen. You moan at the contact.

“Come, baby. Do whatever you want to do,” he gives a small kiss on your neck before he leans against the seat to let you take over. You catch his eyes for a few seconds before you look down and starts stroking his member from up to down, smearing the pre-cum all over the veiny cock. He groans at your soft touch, making you look at him while bitting your lower lip—seductively.

Jungkook throws his head to the back while slapping your ass over and over again as you please him. His dick is damn big and hard—you wonder how would he feels like inside this tight pussy of yours? Your cunt is screaming for the fill.

After few more strokes, you stop. Lifting your ass up while you rub the tip of his cock on the wet entrance, increasing the sensitivity. Both of you and him moan like crazy. Slowly, you sit down on him—completely burying his dick inside your tight and slippery pussy and making his dick disappear from the sight—causing you to scream to the air. Your man hisses, breathing hard as he looks down where his dick get buried.

“Goddamn, baby,” a breathy moan leaves his mouth—gripping your juicy ass so you can move in sync with him. You hold on his exposed muscular arms while the other hand is palming his chest before you start riding on the hard shaft. For the fact, you know Jungkook has been really big since day 1 but why the hell he makes the sex feel so damn good even you already had hundred sex with him? You open your mouth and moan while staring at each other’s eyes.

“Are you mine?,” you whisper, bouncing up and down on his dick—slapping his balls with your ass like tomorrow won’t come. His eyes pierce into yours.

“Yeah, kitten. I’m all yours” he bites his lower lip, grabbing your breast with his big hand and squeeze it roughly. The cold metallic from his ring increase the pleasure to all over your body. A gush of air leaves your lungs at the sensation. You scream his name.

“Da-daddy. Uh oh,” your body jerk. The sound of slapping skin fills the car, you’re very sure the car is shaking like hell. But, your mind is too busy to think about that. His big cock in your tight cunt. What a perfect combination.

“Fucking sexy. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen in my life,” he grunts through gritted teeth as he gropes the breasts while he watches you humping on his dick. His eyes never leaves yours like his life depends on it. Your system goes error that you barely can process what he just said. Throwing your head to the back, know nothing but his touch. When he notices your move becomes slower, he grabs your hips and quickened the pace up and down. Letting your wet pussy coating his member with white substances. A wet sound fills the space.

“Ah! Ah! More, more,” you lean forward and breathe on his neck, moaning, whimpering while he takes over the pace. Jungkook grunts in every thrust. He will make sure your pussy will be swollen.

“Fuck me harder, baby. Harder,”

“Of course,” he grunts. The pace quickened and the thrust deepened—making he hits your G-spot over and over again with no mercy. You clench around him just to hear his hot moan in your eyes. Tears prick on your eyes when the head is reaching your walls several times. It feels so good. So damn good being in his embrace while he is pumping inside you.

“Good, isn’t it?” he finds your eyes.

“Y-yes. Ah! Please, don’t stop,” your body twitches.

“You’re the only one who can make my cock becomes this hard,” he whispers to your ears.

“You make me want to bang this pussy harder every time I see you,”

“So,” thrust

“Fucking” thrust

“beautiful,” thrust

“and,” thrust

“hot,” thrust

He grunts in every words. You scream erotically and pant heavily on his sexy neck. Eyes rolled back, making you blind. Your legs becoming weak and shaky that you have no idea who are you going to walk.

“Even Rose can’t make me this horny. Only you. I’m all yours, baby girl. I’m yours,” he kisses your shoulder, still taking your pussy while chanting endless I love you’s. You can’t help but feel extremely loved. Sex is great but his words and reassurance—oh it brings you to another wonderland. You moan his name, moving your hips to reach the climax.

Breath hitched, endless moans, steamy car and rising chests.

“Daddy...” you calls him. He hums in shaky breath.

“Cum inside me,” you beg.

He chuckles, staring at you as you pulls away from his neck—pumping for few more times as you can feel his dick is twitching inside you. You clench around him—making him groan like a beast.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck,” he moans and growls when your pussy clench around his cock. His breath hitched and shorten.

“Ah! Ah!” a lewd moan escapes your mouth when he pumps his cum inside you, making your body bouncing and jerking at every shot. Your nails claw on his chest , biting down the lower lip while you stare to his darkened eyes. The eye contacts—so sexy. You scream as you reach the intense climax. Jungkook grunts as he keeps grinding your ass on his cock to fill every part of your pussy with his warm semen, making it drips out of the pussy and stain the seat.

You bury your face on his neck, nuzzling his strong scent from the perfume and sweat while panting hard—to let yourself calm. That was amazing and intense.

“I think I have my favourite kink now,” he says, stroking your head.

“What is it?” you squeak, tired from the intense fuck.

“Car fuck. I should fuck you at the back seat next time. Let’s see how loud your scream is,”

“Asshole,” you slap his chest playfully and it receives another sweet laughter from him. He knows you’re joking.

“Wow, that’s rude,” he mocks.

When you both finally calmed down, you clean the mess on his seat before you climb back to your seat, looking completely mess. Smudged make up, missing panty. Jungkook is indeed a beast when it comes to sex.

As the car starts to move, he glances at you. His raspy voice starts to fill the car.

“Keep the pussy wet. I can’t wait to eat your sweet cunt when we get home,”

“So, you know nothing but my name and dick,”

**

side note: send me requests and i’ll make it happen (no pressure)(also sorry for any errors and typo)

[thespianbooks]

A Court of Nightmares and Starlight //Chapter 26//

Masterlist

(tags: @thron3ofbooks, @df3ndyr, @courtofjurdan, @art-e-mis, @herondamnn, @the-third-me, @im-still-trying-here, @emikadreams, @paytin77, @mis-lil-red, @sleeping-and-books, @lucieisabooknerd, @amandaraey-sunshine, @easy-p-lemon, @azymondias05, @dagypsygirl, @makeshift-utopia, @fantasyshadowhunters) *bold tags don’t work ;-;

I hope this chapter finds you all well, please enjoy some fluffy Feysand and baby vibes! ❤️

"He's breathtaking," Rhys said quietly from his place beside me.

After the maelstrom of labor had passed, Sebastian entered the world with a resounding wail—the most heartwarming sound I had ever heard in my life. The minutes after passed in a blur; the midwife placing him on my chest as she and Madja worked on cleaning him off with damp washcloths while Rhys and I stared at our newborn babe. We were both too completely and utterly stunned to speak in those first few minutes but sobbed the second he opened his eyes and were met with remarkable violet-blue.

Every part of him was truly incredible; resembling his father in nearly every feature except for the blue in his eyes and the tiny, perfect, shape of his mouth—even better than my own. I touched the soft, dark tendrils of his black hair as I nodded in agreement with Rhys's sentiment.

"He's amazing," I said, my voice still hoarse from my cries of agony.

But, as our gazes lingered on our son, the overwhelming relief I felt outshined my earlier anguish—any I felt before this moment. All the worry that had grown over the last several months, all the pain I had just endured, now vanished the longer I held my son. As I touched his cheek with a tentative finger, my tattoos a stark contrast against his perfectly unblemished skin, I felt a new bond snap into place.

Rhys must've felt it too, because the kiss he pressed to my temple was tender before he whispered to Sebastian, "Cauldron save you, Mother hold you. I, High Lord of the Night Court, vow to shield you with my body, protect you with my sword," I saw his throat bob as he swallowed before carrying on. "And keep you in my heart. My son."

The tears I had been battling to hold back finally fell as he finished those sacred vows, identical to the words we exchanged when he swore me in as his High Lady. My mate pressed another kiss to my brow but didn't pull back as I met his silver-lined eyes.

"Thank you, Feyre darling," he murmured softly, brushing away my tears with his thumb.

I beamed in return, my throat still thick as I touched his face with my free hand and swept away his own tears. "I couldn't have done it without you, Rhysand," I whispered.

Sebastian mewled quietly from his place on my chest, his wailing having ceased shortly after being placed on my skin, my mate and I returned our attention to him; that all-too familiar gentle and soft glimmer pulsing through the bond that now connected the three of us in the flesh.

XXX

"We call it the Dawn of the North." Rhys began, both of us settled in bed, Sebastian covered in a light blanket and still curled up on my chest for the precious skin-to-skin contact the midwife deemed crucial for the first hour of his life.

In this first hour following the birth, my scent and touch was pivotal in aiding Sebastian's development and especially in triggering his first few instincts—nursing being the most important. It was also a vital part of the new and delicate mother-baby bond between us. So, after the midwife and Madja had cleared away the mess from the delivery and provided me with my own postpartum care; instructing me to rest and recuperate after the undertaking my body had just been through, Rhys joined my side in bed; making sure the warm blankets I had been draped and covered with remained intact. With an arm wrapped securely around my shoulders, he waved a hand, his magic turning the bed in the direction of the window opposite of us. When I met him with a questioning stare, he simply smiled and motioned to the window again; urging me to look for myself.

The sky was painted in delicate, rippling curtains of green and blue light. The stars shimmering as the veils of light transitioned from one color to the next; multiple hues ranging from pale green, to red, to pink, and varying shades of blue shining through as they moved in soft waves across the sky. Set against the mountain, Ramiel, those three stars that only appeared on rare occasions in our court now shone bright while the rest continued glimmering in the patterned light. The look of astonishment on my face caused Rhys to grin as he went on to explain its origin.

"In the ancient texts, it's said that one of the first elements that came into being was night. Nyx, the primordial, and often forgotten, goddess of night was the prelude to the creation of our world-to Prythian itself," Rhys continued, his fingers brushing along my shoulder gently as we stared out at the sky.

"She was rumored to have wings and was powerful enough to be both feared and idolized by the ancient beings of Prythian and the continent. One of the many stories I heard growing up was her love of flying. My mother used to tell me that whenever Nyx would take to the skies, she would rattle the stars just from the mighty flap of her wings as she soared through them. In the early hours of dawn that would follow, the sky would look like this," he went on, his hold around me tightening slightly.

"It could only be seen in the Northern territory of Prythian. When the lords and the courts came to be, the sky would shimmer like this almost every night, but like Starfall, it soon faded over time and became a rare occasion—only appearing the night a new heir to the Night Court was born...as a sign of Nyx's blessing and approval." Rhys finished with a smile, bringing a hand up to wipe at a tear I hadn't realized I shed.

"It's beautiful," I breathed as I turned my head to look at him. "So, it can't be seen in the other courts?" I asked, thinking of the snowfall that had appeared in all of the territories following Eira's birth and how it must have compared to the storm that ravaged the Winter court instead.

Rhys's grin was crooked as he shook his head. "It's exclusive to our court alone, but our allies are being treated to a shower of stars similar to Starfall, minus the spirits" he explained, his eyes returning to Sebastian as the newborn let out a small sigh.

I brushed my fingers along Sebastian's back lightly, afraid that anything more might cause him to disappear, or worse. Through the bond, I could feel Rhys's equal level of apprehensiveness.

"He almost doesn't seem real, does he?" I asked as I continued my feather-light touch along my son's spine.

Rhys shook his head. "I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not dreaming," he said. "That I have a son, here in the flesh, and it's not some cruel trick of illusion crafted by the Cauldron as punishment for my sins…"

My fingers halted before reaching over to grasp my mate's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "He's real, Rhysand," I said softly. "Do you remember what I told you all those months ago? How our son, our little Bash, is the culmination of all the best parts of you; of all the good you've done and are?"

The silver lining his eyes returned as he brought his lips down to meet mine with gentle ease in a chaste kiss. "All because of you, Feyre darling," he responded, his voice barely above a whisper before he kissed me again.

I smiled as we pulled apart and turned startled eyes to our son as he let out a tiny grunt. "Do you disapprove of my affection towards your mother, Bash?" Rhys asked softly.

I saw his hand twitch as if he might reach out and touch him, but changed his mind at the last second. You can touch your son, Rhysand, I promise I won't bite.

My mate's chuckle was quiet, but I felt his lingering trepidation. "It's okay," I encouraged.

His throat bobbed as he reached a shaky hand out and placed it gently on the back of Sebastian's head—so tiny and frail in my mate's large hand. Sebastian remained unfazed, eyes still closed and breathing even, as Rhys brushed a thumb along the light wisps of his blue-black hair.

"He is so small," Rhys murmured, voice still thick with unshed tears as he admired our son up close. "His nose, his lips, his eyes...they are the tiniest I have ever seen in my entire existence."

"He's perfect," I echoed before leaning in to press a breath of a kiss to my son's brow.

Sebastian let out another soft sigh at the contact and twisted his head back slightly, prying his eyes open to meet mine and my heart nearly stopped as I stared back at him. Tears immediately sprang back into my eyes as I smiled.

"Hello Sebastian. It's me...it's mommy," I said, near sobbing. "I love you so much…"

Sebastian's eyes slipped back closed, head cradled in Rhys's hand, already spent from our short interaction. Rhys let out a shuddering breath as I turned to look at him, tears of joy still falling.

"I don't know how I'll ever thank you for this, Feyre," he said, shedding a few tears of his own. "For this gift, this life."

You don't ever have to, Rhysand. He is our son, our gift. I said through the bond.

He pulled me closer as he kissed me again, his brow lingering against mine as we relished in this new familial tie between us.

XXX

Once our uninterrupted hour had passed, Madja and the midwife knocked on the bedroom door, causing both of us to tense as I held onto Sebastian more securely and as Rhys sat up in the bed; wings appearing a second later and curling protectively around Sebastian and me. I laughed when I realized just how soon those feral instincts had kicked in for us and touched Rhys's arm gently.

"They aren't a threat, they're just our caregivers," I reminded him.

He nodded, tucking his wings back in as he called the healer and midwife in, but kept a hand on my back as they entered. The two females came to my side, Madja pulling back the blankets I had been covered with in order to survey my recovery—mostly making sure no post-delivery complications were arising as the midwife began instructing me on how to nurse Sebastian. Both Rhysand and I paid close attention to the midwife's direction, taking extra care to the details on how I should position him on my breast and where Rhys could help should the need arise.

It took a bit of maneuvering, including Sebastian's adorably furrowed brow that resembled my mate's own look of frustration and confusion, but he latched on and was suckling in a matter of minutes. The sensation was strange and foreign, but something deep inside of me warmed as I cradled him to my breast, running a finger along his cheek lightly as he nursed. That warmth turned to a deeper understanding of the love I had for my son, and pride in the fact that I was able to nourish him. I was enough—had been enough in order to grow him safely inside of me, and now had the ability to provide him the sustenance he needed to survive outside of my womb.

I was enough.

You have always been more than enough, Feyre darling

I gave my mate an amorous smile, realizing he had been watching me with a level of devotion I hadn't seen before sparkling in his violet eyes. His hand rubbed loving circles into my back as we turned our concentration back to the midwife, who gave us further instruction on the nursing protocol. I briefly recalled seeing Viviane nurse and thought of how easy she made the process look, but as the midwife explained that I needed to switch Sebastian between breasts every so often and make sure he burped in between the feedings that would take place every few hours; all the while taking care of myself during my own convalescence, I couldn't help but feel a bit overwhelmed.

As if she could read my thoughts, Madja placed a comforting hand over mine. "It may seem like an impossible task now, my lady, but we will help you get accustomed and make sure all of your health needs are met," she said.

The midwife nodded in agreement, and so did Rhysand as he stroked the length of my shoulder. "You know you have plenty of support, my love," he said, and I knew he didn't just mean himself or the midwives.

We had our friends, a whole family, waiting for us back in Velaris once Sebastian and I were strong enough to go back. I stared at my newborn babe, wondering how they might react when they first laid eyes on him—only to be surprised when just the thought alone made me recoil, a sense of panic rising in me. Rhys chuckled at my plight, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Welcome to my world, Feyre darling," he teased. "Having that irrational, primal urge to keep him away, protected from everyone else, is akin to what I felt when our bond snapped into place."

I blinked; my instincts much further along than I earlier realized. "It's so odd," I mused. "I couldn't wait to introduce him to our family before, but now?"

I looked at Sebastian again as he suckled sleepily and rubbed his cheek gently in order to coax him awake. "I don't think I can let them anywhere near him yet," I admitted.

The midwife offered an empathetic smile while Madja laughed. "That is normal, my Lady, and will go away, to a degree, with time," she reassured.

"We should tell them though," I said to Rhys. "Let them know that he's here, and that we're both safe and healthy."

Rhys gestured to the window, the sky still painted with sparkling veils of pale blues and greens. "They know," he said. "I sent them a message via Az shortly after this appeared in the sky."

I sighed contentedly as I stared at the beauty of it, imagining what color paints I would need to mix in order to achieve those specific hues and what size canvas I would need. Nyx's flight I would call it, in honor of the ancient night goddess and my son's birth.

The midwife and Madja left after Sebastian completed his first successful session of nursing, wherein I reluctantly handed him over to their care for his first wellness examination. The midwife weighed and measured him, tested his reflexes and checked his overall wellbeing, all without much complaint from him as Rhys remained close to his side and talked him through the duration of the exam in soft murmurs. I watched from my place on the bed, propped up against a mountain of pillows after Madja performed her own examination of me and wiped my sweaty body clean with a warm damp towel. The magic of the Cabin presented a new shift at the foot of the bed, and the healer helped me change into that as well before helping me settle back into my semi-sitting position.

My eyes stung as I watched the midwife instruct Rhysand on how to properly place and secure a nappy on our son, before offering to show him how to properly swaddle a newborn babe. I saw my mate's enthusiastic nod, realizing he'd get to hold our son for the first time during the demonstration, and glanced in my direction for approval.

I can't do all the work, now can I? I teased through the bond.

His answering smile was just as warm as mine before he set about his task, the midwife only correcting his technique once before Rhys lifted and cradled the babe in his arms. The bundle that was now Sebastian looked impossibly tiny in my mates muscled arms; the Illyrian warrior, the High Lord of the Night Court, now enveloping his newborn son—the son he never thought he'd have, or deserved. I wiped the tears that spilled over as the older females dismissed themselves, and Rhys crossed back over to my bedside, eyes never leaving Sebastian's face as he stood. My heart squeezed as Rhys brought a hand to touch Sebastian's cheek hesitantly, his eyes growing silver lined as he marveled at our son.

"I don't think I'll ever grow tired of this feeling," Rhys murmured, gaze returning to mine.

"No, I don't think we will," I agreed, resting my head back against a pillow as I watched him.

Rhys paused, realizing. "Do you want him back?" he asked, knowing full-well that my maternal instincts were in full effect.

I shook my head. "I love seeing him in your arms Rhysand," I said. "I don't want you to leave my sight while you have him, but after months of imagining what it might look like to see you hold him...I can't picture anything better."

My mate softened at the sentiment before returning his gaze to Sebastian. "We better enjoy this time together while we still have it Bash, before your mother keeps you all to herself," he joked with a wink at me.

"I hope you warned the others," I quipped, a sleepy smile on my face as I watched Rhys make a small lap around the room, staying in close proximity to the bed.

"Mor and Cassian are already begging to come up here first thing in the morning, but Azriel, Amren and Nesta are keeping them leashed."

My laugh was quiet as I thought of their eagerness, but in reality, they all knew that it would be a while before they could be properly introduced to the newest addition of the inner circle. The midwife explained that the newborn bond was the most intense during the first week, and though I wouldn't be completely healed for another five following, we would at least be able to invite our family to meet Sebastian without the overwhelming need to safeguard him threatening to consume us and bare our teeth at our loved ones.

"They are going to love him," I said as I continued watching him move around the room, eyes growing heavier and heavier with the need to sleep.

Rhys heard the exhaustion in my voice and offered a sympathetic smirk as those adoring violet eyes turned to me. "You should sleep, my love, you've more than earned it after your efforts," he said.

I turned weary eyes to the bundle in his arms and he chuckled. "You can trust I won't leave your side, or even this room."

"I know," I said with a long yawn as he crossed back over to my side, taking a seat on the small space provided on the edge of the bed.

"I'll stay right here while you sleep," Rhys promised. "I think I can placate him until his next feeding."

I grinned languidly. "It can't be too hard if he continues to sleep like this," I said, glancing at Sebastian, who had fallen asleep almost immediately after being secured in his swaddle.

"My thoughts exactly, Feyre darling," he purred.

I was too exhausted to laugh, and instead brushed my fingers along Sebastian's cheek as he remained at peace in his father's arms. My heart squeezing as the full weight of realization hit, that our son was being held by Rhysand—his father.

To the stars who listen,

I brought my hand to his and squeezed it as his words echoed through our bond, both of us sharing a tender smile before admiring the sleeping bundle in his arms once again.

And the dreams that are answered.

[spencereliotwinchester]

Red Stud (Part 1/3)

Title: Red Stud

Author:  Kat

Reader Gender:  N/A

Word Count: 8700

Summary: A look at how Jensen met Misha and began their journey. Partner to Submissive but can be read by itself. 

Warnings: AU, Sub!Jensen, Dom!Misha, Humiliation!Kink, 

A/N:  Seriously, not for the faint of heart. No hate. Inspiration belongs to @impala-dreamer

Thank you to @deansbxtch for being my beta

Character: Jensen Ackles x Misha Collins

--

Tags: 

@dr-dean @drarina1737 @zombitch-cas @teamfreewill92 @winecatsandpizza @bees0are0awesome @sierra-grace1227 @chenshemesh1 @weepinghollywoodatsupernatural @im-in-every-fandom-fangirl @rosescarlett @pandazombie69

--

“What are you doing this weekend, Jensen?” Jared asked as they walked to their ten a.m. biology class. 

“Nothing. Maybe doing that ‘American Ideals’ paper for the capstone class,” Jensen responded, heaving his backpack into a more comfortable position. “Why did we take half our classes on Friday?” 

“To have Mondays and Tuesdays off,” Jared laughed. “Anyway, there’s a rave happening at this club I know of. Wanna go?” 

“A rave? Like, an actual rave, not a house party?” 

“Yeah! They have strippers until Midnight, then it turns into a Rave. It goes until the morning I’ve heard. They also have some BDSM rooms, supposedly, but you have to be a member to go in there.”

“What’s the cover?” Jensen asked. 

“Fifty,” Jared said. 

“That’s cheap for Vegas.”

“That’s the whole point! Anyway, what do you think?” 

“As long as you don’t kidnap me into a BDSM room, I’m fine,” Jensen joked. 

“Ugh,” Jensen groaned. The taste in his mouth made his stomach turn over. It was like something had crawled in there and died. He sat up, careful to extract himself from the unknown man in his bed. His ass still had a dull throb from the previous night. 

Slowly getting out of his bed, careful not to wake up his partner from last night, Jensen made his way to the bathroom of the apartment he shared with Jared. He could hear the sounds of throwing up from inside. 

“Jare, I’m coming in to brush my teeth!” He hollered, opening the door. 

Jared wasn’t the one in the bathroom. A brunette was heaving over the toilet. 

“Oh, shit, sorry!” He said. She looked over at him. 

“You’re naked,” She stated. 

“Sorry,” he said again, and shut the door. 

The door to the apartment opened and Jared came down the hall with a drink holder of coffee. He handed one coffee to Jensen, who took it with a word of thanks and took a drink. 

“Still throwing up?” He asked, nodding to the bathroom. 

“Uh, yeah,” Jensen responded. “I’m gonna go put on pants.” 

As he pulled on a pair of soft sweatpants, the man still in Jensen’s bed stretched and then sat up. Jensen handed him his coffee. The man took a deep drink and handed it back. 

“Thanks,” he said, getting up and stretching again. “What a party, eh?”

“Wild,” Jensen agreed. The man’s deep voice and electric blue eyes brought a memory of last night to Jensen’s mind. 

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard. I’ll bet that’s all you want, filthy slut!”

“Yes, Sir! Please fuck me!”

“Oh, fuck, it’s nearly three!” 

He stood up and quickly dressed, gathering the pieces of clothing that had been tossed into various parts of the room. 

“Got any cologne I can borrow?” He asked. 

“Yeah, on the dresser,” Jensen responded, watching the man get dressed. When the man came up to him, Jensen realized he was nearly as tall as he was, with dark, disheveled hair, and those electric blue eyes that made Jensen feel as though he could see right through him. 

“Thanks for last night,” He whispered, Jensen smirked and they kissed.

“See ya around,” Jensen said when they broke apart, though he knew he wouldn’t. 

“That party was insane,” Jared said as they sat down on the couch in the small living room. 

“I don’t remember much,” Jensen grunted.

“You’ll get some pieces back like usual.” 

“Did we… Take anything?” He asked. 

“Besides a shit load of alcohol? I don’t think so,” Jared responded absently, scrolling on his phone. “Why?” 

“Just wondering.”

“We gotta do that again,” Jared sighed, happily. 

“I won’t,” a female voice said. The girl had come around the corner, purse in her hand. “Sorry for spewing my guts out.” 

“You okay?” Jared asked. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna go,” She turned to Jensen. “You should get on a pole more often.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You don’t remember?” She asked, then continued. “You got up on stage and swung yourself around the pole like you’d been doing it for years.” 

“I did what?” He asked, incredulous. Jared snickered. 

“It was pretty awesome,” Jared muttered.

“Shut the hell up!”

A few days later, he got a text from an unknown number. He was studying in the library. 

I can’t stop thinking about you stretched around my cock, those green eyes rolling up into your head.

He looked around, worried, but no one was nearby. 

Who is this? 

It could be any of his one night stands from the last few weeks.

I’m offended, we had such a good time the other night! - Sir M

It must be that blue eyed man he met at Frenzy. What did he say his name was? It had been something strange. Another message came through. 

You were such a good slut for me. I’d love to have you for myself. - Sir M

Jensen blushed to himself. He didn’t usually sleep with the same person twice. He thought briefly about making an exception. It had been an amazing night. Most of the pieces of the night had come back. The blue eyed stranger had dominated over him, easily taking complete control of their time together. Jensen had thoroughly enjoyed it. As the memories floated to the forefront of his mind, Jensen could feel that his cock was hardening. Another message. 

I’ll bet you’re so hot and bothered right now, thinking about the way I owned you. - Sir M

Jensen finally texted back.

Yes, Sir.  

It became tradition, each month Jensen and Jared would go to a Rave night at Frenzy. They would stay until the place shut down at 5 a.m. and then crash until late afternoon. Sometimes they brought dates home, sometimes not. Sir M and Jensen continued to message each other. Sir M could be very domineering, even over a simple text and it sent thrills of excitement through Jensen’s body.

About a week after his one night stand with Sir M, Jensen walked into the studio shyly, it was his first time here. He’d been curious about pole dancing ever since that girl had told him how well he’d done. 

“Shoes off please!” The teacher, Jaz, behind the desk said sharply. “No outside shoes on the studio floor. Please sign this waiver and set your yoga mat down next to one of the poles.” 

Jensen ended up loving pole dancing, going to class three times a week in between his college classes and working a part time job. One day after class, about six months later, Jaz called his name as he was walking out the door. 

“Yeah?” He said, walking over to her, his bag slung over his shoulder and a yoga mat in his hands. 

“You’re still pretty new, but I know you like to go to Frenzy every so often. They get a lot of their talent from this studio and they’re holding closed auditions for a new male act. I was wondering if you wanted to audition? You’re one of my only male students and I think I have just the song for you.” 

Jensen stood there for a moment, his mouth hanging open. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” He said eventually, “I mainly do this for fun-”

“Strippers there, especially males, make upwards of $500 a night.” 

That was more than Jensen was making now, way more. He thought for a few moments, then relented. 

“Let me know what to do.” 

Three Saturdays in a row, he practiced one on one for three hours with Jaz. On the fourth Saturday, they ran through the entire routine twice. Jensen was sore, tired, and out of breath. 

“You’re ready,” Jaz said excitedly. “I think you’ll take the job easy.” 

“You… Sure?” Jensen said between gulps of air. 

“I’m damn sure. You’ll knock ‘em dead this afternoon!” She gave Jensen a quick hug and began to ready the studio for her next class. “Make sure you drink plenty of water-”

“And eat plenty of protein,” Jensen finished, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance. “I know.” 

That afternoon, Jensen arrived outside Frenzy at 1:30. Auditions started at 2. He showed his paperwork to the bouncer at the door and was let in. The place was a little unnerving when it was mostly empty and the lights were all on. He made his way towards the Rave Hall and saw a check-in table. He walked up to the two women. One looked up as he approached.

“Here for an interview for the bouncer positions?” She asked. 

“Uh.. no,” he said, caught slightly off guard. “I have an audition for pole dancing.” 

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “Sorry! Um, name?” 

“Ackles,” He said. 

“Got it. Locker rooms are that way,” She pointed. “Follow the signs. They’re still doing female auditions, so they may be running slightly late. Do you have a song?” 

“Yeah,” he handed over a CD with his name and audition number on it, then made his way to the locker rooms. 

As he got dressed, his nerves started to send butterflies to his stomach. He pulled on a pair of tight black cycling shorts and a plain black t-shirt. He had decided to go barefoot for this audition. From the information he had received, there would be a panel of judges and they would ask him a few questions before he danced. Jensen noticed as he waited for his name to be called that most people were doing slow and sensual songs, sometimes even emo. This made him slightly more nervous since Jaz had chosen a fast song for him. 

“Next up is Ackles! Ackles to the stage!” 

Jensen took a deep breath and then stepped out of the curtain onto the stage. He stood next to the pole and blanched slightly. It seemed like most of the auditioners were staying in the room after they’d auditioned to see the rest of the performers. Jensen only saw three other men in the audience. Then he looked at the panel of judges. Two men and a woman sat there. 

The man in the middle had electric blue eyes. Electric blue eyes that made Jensen feel as though he could see right through him. Electric blue eyes that Jensen recognized. Sir M. It knocked the breath clean out of him. 

“You used your real name?” The bearded man asked, rolling his eyes. “What’s your stage name?” 

“I..I don’t have one,” Jensen stuttered, shrugging. 

“Oh boy,” he said in annoyance. “Any tattoo-”

“Red Stud,” the blue eyed man interrupted. 

“What?” the bearded man snapped. “Collins, are you in-”

“No, I’m just giving him a stage name. Red hair and just look at those muscles! Yummy.” 

“Red Stud, I guess it works,” The man turned back to Jensen. “Tattoos?” 

“N-No,” Jensen sputtered, he started to think this had been a mistake. He grabbed the pole, noticing it was on spin. He could do the routine either way, but doing it on spin was harder. 

“Why do you want this job?” The woman asked, speaking for the first time. 

“I love to dance,” Jensen said smoothly, he was aware his voice had become more even and slightly huskier. “I can dance, and I want to make money doing what I love.” 

“Well, I think we’d love to see!” Sir M clapped his hands together. “Go on.”  

I saw him dancin' there by the record machine

I knew he must a been about seventeen

The beat was goin' strong

Playin' my favorite song

And I could tell it wouldn't be long

'Til he was with me, yeah, me

And I could tell it wouldn't be long

'Til he was with me, yeah, me, singin'

As soon as the music started,  Jensen felt right at home. As if he were back in the studio practicing with Jaz. The loud guitar strums and drum set blasted through the speakers and Jensen opened “I Love Rock N’ Roll” by flexing his biceps, rolling his hips, and showing off his muscles, visible even under the t-shirt, to the various parts of the room. People started clapping along with the beat. When the lyrics started, he climbed the pole to the top, stopping at the end of each line to do various hangs to show off his strength, flowing with the hard rock. 

I love rock n' roll

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby

I love rock n' roll

So come and take your time and dance with me

Ow

Once he reached the top of the pole, the chorus started and Jensen folded over and around the pole, holding an attitude position before quickly hip-switching to a sundial. He pulled up and inverted into a Fang, spinning quickly with the music before doing a cartwheel dismount. 

He smiled, so I got up and asked for his name

"That don't matter", he said, "'cause it's all the same"

I said, "Can I take you home where we can be alone?"

And next we were movin' on

He was with me, yeah, me

Next we were movin' on

He was with me, yeah, me singin'

He pole walked once, before unveiling his next climb. Jaz had spent the majority of their first session teaching him this complex no legs, hand-over-hand climb until Jensen could do it perfectly without falling. Jensen was surprised to hear cheers. He climbed, doing a pull up at the end of each line of music until he was at the top of the pole again. He quickly maneuvered into a cross-legged sit so his arms were free.

I love rock n' roll

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby

I love rock n' roll

So come and take your time and dance with me

Ow

Jensen tore his shirt in half splitting it down his chest, then took it off and flung it at the blue eyed judge. He then inverted into a crucifix and nose dived down the pole. Jensen gracefully dismounted as the music faded. He took a bow to the cheering audience before turning his attention towards the judges. Jensen became all too aware of the sheen of sweat covering his face and chest and felt his cheeks reddening - it had nothing to do with the workout he’d just done and everything to do with Sir M staring at him. 

“I...I thought Jaz said you were new to pole dancing,” the woman said in awe. 

“I mean, I’ve only been pole dancing for about six months,” Jensen responded, shrugging. “Should I go?” 

“Can you dance like that tonight?” Sir M asked, his voice deep and vibrating. 

“I- What?” 

“Can. You. Dance. Like that. Tonight?” He asked again, more slowly, like Jensen was hard of hearing. 

“I’d need a new black t-shirt… but yeah, I can,” Jensen felt even more blood rushing to his face. 

“Then the job is yours. You’re on at midnight,” the bearded man said. “Be here no later than 11.”

As he was walking out, he heard his name called. Turning, he was shocked to see Jared. 

“Since when do you dance?” 

“Six months or so,” Jensen said, looking away from Jared. 

“Dude, you’re insanely good!”

“Uh...Thanks. Why are you here?” 

“Got hired as a bouncer!” He said excitedly. 

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Jensen exclaimed. “I gotta go call Jazzy and tell her I got the dance slot and then get ready for tonight.” 

“I’ll see you tonight! It’s my first night too.” 

Jensen was able to meet most of the other dancers that night in the locker room. It turned out that there were only three other male dancers, so everyone shared one locker room. A girl came up to Jensen. She was dressed in a red thong and red corset. She had blonde hair that was curled in large spirals. He recognized her as the female judge from earlier. 

“Hi, Red,” She said, smacking some gum and winking at him. 

“Hey,” He nodded. 

“Come on, I’m gonna show you the ropes and rules. I’m Cherie by the way. So, tonight. They’re just going to have you open the Rave with your routine, but people will still throw tips at you. Each of us also has a jar at the bar where people can place tips, too. Don’t forget to empty it before you leave for the night. If you have any problems with patrons on the floor, grab one of the bouncers. After a couple weeks, you might do some dancing for tips, or they might have you out on the floor to do lap dances and such. I dunno, Mish will let you know.” 

“‘Mish?’” Jensen asked. 

“Misha Collins?” She looked at him incredulously. “Big blue eyes, stubbled jaw, orgasm inducing voice?” 

“Oh, him.” 

“Yeah, him. Let's get some makeup on you.”

Jensen fidgeted as midnight approached. His butterflies were even bigger now and he worried he’d mess up the entire routine. As the acts neared his, the music got faster. Cherie was just before him in the lineup, her song started, ‘Cherry Pie’ by Warrant. Jensen warmed his body and put grip aid on his hands. Cherie came through the curtain. She had removed the corset during her act and was down to her red thong and pasties. 

“Good luck, Red,” She winked at him. 

He swallowed hard and entered the stage through the curtain. A few whistles met him. 

“Please welcome to the stage, our newest dancer. His debut performance right here, right now! RED STUD!” the emcee announced. 

‘I Love Rock N’ Roll’ started and Jensen began his routine. He only slipped once and it was barely noticeable. Cheers and applause met him and he bowed. Then, he quickly picked up the cash tips that had been tossed onstage and exited. He’d made nearly $250 from tips he’d picked up off the stage.

Jensen made his way to the bar after he put on another black shirt from his locker. The lights shut off completely and black light turned on. Glow sticks lit up the room. A thumping bass beat blared through the speaker. Jensen sat down at the bar in an open seat and waited for the bartender to see him. The bartender came over to him. 

“What can I get ya?” He yelled over the thick bass beat. 

“Shot of whiskey!” He yelled back. As he went to hand over a ten, a hand caught him. Jensen turned to see Misha standing right next to him. He was wearing a red t-shirt that was a size too small and stretched dangerously over his shoulders. Up close, Jensen was able to see just how handsome the man- Misha- really was. 

“On the house!” He yelled to the bartender. “And make it two!” 

Jensen and Misha tapped glasses and took the shots together. After four more shots each, Jensen was feeling much more free and relaxed. Misha tapped his hand against his shoulder. 

“Come with me!” He yelled. 

Misha dragged Jensen into the Rave and they began to dance together. After the second song they were both drenched in sweat and the alcohol was really hitting Jensen’s head. He hadn’t eaten anything in a few hours. Misha raised his hand to his mouth and swallowed. Then raised his hand to his mouth again. This time he grabbed Jensen’s face and began kissing him. Jensen opened his mouth in surprise and Misha shoved his tongue in and Jensen felt a small pill. Guessing what it was, he swallowed and continued to make out with Misha. 

Within ten minutes, the drug was taking effect. Jensen began to feel remarkably loose, happy and floaty. Misha was grinding against his ass and Jensen didn’t mind one bit. The music thrummed heavily through his head, his heart speeding up to match the rapid music. The bass beat dropped and Misha was reaching around palming Jensen’s half hard cock through the shorts he was wearing. His moan was lost in the music as he leaned back into Misha’s solid body. 

Then, Misha was pulling him along, through the waves of people. They reached a door on the other side and Misha pushed him through it. They were in a back hallway and Misha pushed Jensen into another room. The lights flicked on. Noise was completely silenced when the door closed but Jensen’s head pounded with the remnants of the bass line. 

“Should we be in here?” Jensen asked, eyes widening as he took in the sight of the room. It was a smaller room, but it was beautiful and dangerous. The walls were red, the carpet was plush and black. A few sex toys were scattered around and Jensen could only imagine what was in the armoire at the other side of the room. There was also a double bed in the corner behind the door. 

“It’s my private room,” Misha said. 

“A private room?” 

Misha came up behind him and began kissing and nipping at his neck. Misha grabbed the hem of Jensen’s shirt and dragged it over his head before going back to kissing his neck. Jensen moaned lightly. 

“Owning the place does have its perks,” Misha growled, his voice low and lust-filled. 

Jensen turned to face Misha and pulled the other man’s shirt off. Misha pulled Jensen over to the bed and pushed him down on it. As Misha kicked his jeans off and leaned down on top of Jensen, something clicked into place. 

“Are you a Dom?” Jensen asked. 

“You could most certainly say that,” Misha laughed. 

“I’ve never really… Except that night with you and I don’t remember everything.” 

“Well, it’s up to you, but I promise I’ll make it worth it if you stay, Boy,” the voice slipped down a few notes and Misha reached a hand into Jensen’s hair and pulled lightly. A rush of pleasure flowed through his body. Jensen moaned. “What are your limits?” 

“Nothing too crazy, I’m, uh, pretty vanilla you could say.” 

“Vanilla it is, but next time we do things my way,” Misha smirked before kissing Jensen again. Blood rushed to his face and his cock, making his brain spin. He laughed into Misha’s mouth, the feeling of euphoria enveloping him again. 

--

As Jensen began to swim into consciousness, he squeezed his eyes shut more tightly. His head was pounding, his muscles ached, his ass hurt, and his mouth was as dry as the deserts surrounding Las Vegas. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked around the room. He had no idea where he was. The room was lit softly through thick curtains. The walls were a cool grey and matched the bedding. An unopened water bottle was sitting on the nightstand and Jensen grabbed it, cracking it open and taking a deep drink. 

“I was thinking I was going to have to come wake you up. It’s nearly five,” Misha’s voice startled Jensen, and he looked around to see Misha standing in the doorway. 

“I’d have been up at three if you hadn’t slipped me Ecstasy,” Jensen grumbled. “Where are my clothes?” 

Misha walked over to the closet and stepped inside. He threw a shirt and a pair of jeans on the bed. 

“You only had on those pole shorts when we came home,” Misha answered. “Take those. They should fit okay.” 

Jensen got out of bed and stumbled sideways. Misha caught him. He became suddenly dizzy and shut his eyes trying to clear the feeling before it made him hurl. 

“You okay?” Misha asked. 

“Just a bit dizzy… Stood up too fast,” Jensen grunted. He slowly put weight back on his legs and got dressed in Misha’s clothes. They smelled like leather and cologne. An image of Misha pushing his cock into Jensen’s mouth came to mind. 

“We should get some food in you,” Misha said. “Do you want to have dinner with me?” 

“Sure,” Jensen said, his stomach snarling at the thought. 

--

“Everything okay?” Misha asked. 

“When you said ‘have dinner’ I thought you meant a dive bar or a diner or something…”

“Oh no, Sweetness, when I dine, I dine in style.” 

“I’m not really appropriate-” Misha cut him off. 

“Nonsense. Come on.” 

The maitre’d greeted Misha by name and led them all the way to the back of the restaurant to a private booth. A waitress dropped off water, smiling at them before gliding away to the kitchen. Jensen fiddled with the menu, slightly uncomfortable. 

“What’s wrong?” Misha asked in his low, gravelly voice. 

“Just nervous,” Jensen mumbled. 

“Listen, about last night-” It was Jensen’s turn to cut off Misha. 

“I don’t regret anything.”

“Well… Good, then,” Misha said. “Are you good to go on tonight?” 

“Of course,” Jensen waved a hand at Misha.

The waitress arrived with an appetizer. 

“The usual, Sir?” She asked Misha. He nodded, then the waitress turned to Jensen, but Misha interjected. 

“Let me order for you.” It wasn’t a question. 

Jensen, shocked, nodded at him jerkily. Misha whispered into the waitresses ear and she gave him a nod before vanishing again. He turned back to Jensen, and put a hand on his scruffy face. Jensen suddenly had butterflies in his stomach again. 

“So what are you into?” Jensen blurted out the question. 

“Huh?” 

“You know, like you have a private room at Frenzy- Hell, you OWN Frenzy. You’re a Dom, you asked my limits…” Jensen trailed off. 

“I’m into things you couldn’t even dream of,” He said, darkly. Jensen shivered. It was strange, the way Misha could make him feel both scared and aroused at the same time. “But for the most part I’m into Dom/sub.”

“Like, whips and chains and ‘Master’?” Misha chuckled at the look on Jensen’s face.

“I’m more into the relationship, the power exchange, not the punishments, and I prefer to be called ‘Sir,’” He responded. “You know nothing of BDSM if you’ve just watched porn.” 

Misha began explaining the mechanics and the true BDSM scene. Jensen became much more interested, and aroused, as Misha explained the true relationship between Dominants and their submissives. He never figured this sort of scene would be up his alley, but the way Misha had made Jensen beg for release last night… 

“You’ve barely touched your food,” Misha stated. “Eat.”

Jensen did so. Misha smirked at him, his eyes were filled with lust and approval. 

“What?” He asked. 

“You absentmindedly enjoy being told what to do. I just had a very intriguing thought,” Misha said in a hushed voice. 

“What?” Jensen was even more confused. 

“Let me introduce you to being submissive. I think we’d be a good match. We like each other and damn you’re just yummy. I can’t get enough of you.” 

Jensen looked down at his mostly empty plate, his mind was hesitant, but his cock was thoroughly interested in the idea of having sex with Misha again. 

“Try it,” Misha pressed. “If you don’t like it, no harm no foul… But I think you’ll fall in love with it.” 

“Fine,” Jensen relented, telling himself he could try something new. “We should get going. I need to go home and shower. I also need to work out a little. I missed my afternoon class today.” 

“Want a ride home?” Misha asked. 

“That would be welcome,” Jensen whispered.

Jensen finally got back to Frenzy at ten pm. He opened his locker and saw a jar of tips. The jar from the bar. Jensen groaned, knowing he would probably be in trouble with the bartender for forgetting to pick them up. He then pulled his phone out of his locker to check it. He had a message from Sir M. 

I need you to open and close the dance acts next weekend. Open with a slow, sensual song for me? Then close with your regular routine. Next week you work Wednesday thru Sunday. W & Th & Sun 7p - 3a.m. Fr & Sat 7pm - 12:15 am, then you’ll join me in the Member’s Club -Sir M

He immediately texted Jazzy to find out if she could help him with a new routine. 

We can practice this week, I’ve got a good one for you. I’m here btw! To see you perform. 

That week was one of the hardest of his life. He even skipped a few classes at the college trying to get some rest between the club, school, practicing a completely new song, and texting Misha. He barely even saw Jared except at Frenzy. 

Friday evening came and Jensen was a ball of wrecked nerves. He was exhausted, but got a jolt of excitement at the thought of performing a slow song just for Misha. The emcee was beginning to announce the acts and Jensen’s whole body buzzed with nervous excitement. 

“Let’s open up with Red Stud!” The emcee yelled. 

Jensen took the stage and a few whistles broke out above the chattering crowd. He sat down in front of the pole, back pressed against it and nodded toward the emcee. “You’re the Best” by Wet played through the speakers as Jensen began to go through the choreography Jazzy taught him. It was slow and sensual, just what Misha had asked for. Most of the choreo had him on the floor, using the pole as just a prop, instead of being on it the entire time. He ended the song on the floor, in a shoulder mount with his legs split. People clapped, cheered, and whistled. Jensen collected the money on the stage and went back to the locker room, to rest and get ready for the closing act. 

After the closing act, Jensen got a t-shirt on and went out into the now Rave Room. As he approached the bar, he saw Misha talking to a few patrons. One girl was draped over his shoulder and a hotness spread through Jensen’s body. Jealousy. They had never said they’d be exclusive, Jensen reasoned, but he still wanted to toss the girl into what was now becoming a mosh pit. 

He grabbed a couple shots from the bartender, downing one right after the other. His eyes were trained on Misha at the other end of the bar, the jealousy burning through his veins, just like the whiskey he’d shot down. He finally shoved himself from the bar, deciding he could play the same game. He disappeared into the rave to find a partner for the evening. 

As he was grinding with a stranger, he felt a hand fist the back of his shirt and yanked him back. Jensen was shocked, he looked around and saw Misha was the one who had his shirt. He was surprised at the roughness and then saw the look on Misha’s face. 

His jaw was clenched and eyes were narrowed in anger. There was fury written into his face. He caught Misha’s eye for just a moment and saw only rage in the flashing blue. Misha shoved him through the same door as last weekend and into his private room. 

“Think you’re funny?!” Misha spat as all other sound was drowned out. Jensen opened his mouth but a single flash of Misha’s eyes and his voice died in his throat. “Grinding on some stranger right in front of ME? You’re mine!” 

Something strange happened at Misha’s words. He was slightly scared, very much confused and then a shooting feeling of arousal coiled through his belly. Jensen found his voice. 

“You had women all over you at the bar! We never said we were exclusive,” He strained his voice to keep it level. 

“I wasn’t the one out on the dance floor practically having sex!” 

“You were last weekend!” Jensen cried, aware that his words were making less sense. 

“You’re MINE, Boy!” Misha barked. The arousal came back, harder and stronger than before. 

“Promise?” Jensen breathed. 

Anger melted from Misha’s face. He looked confused, then a grin broke across his face. 

“What?” Jensen snapped, but the anger was melting completely and being taken over by desire. 

“You liked it.” 

“Liked what?” 

“Being called names. When I called you ‘boy’ I saw your cock jump in those tight shorts. You like being humiliated,” Misha looked at him fondly. “I’ll tuck away that information for later.”

They ended the night a lot happier than it had started, the fight completely forgotten, like the clothes all over the floor. 

--

Jensen was sitting at Misha’s kitchen table. A laptop, books, notebooks and folders were spread out around him. Jensen had his forehead pressed to the cool wood. He’d spent the better part of three hours trying to write a paper for his english class. What does each room color symbolize in Mask of the Red Death? Discuss. Jensen then thought of the two ten-page papers due at the end of the semester. A Topic of Your Choosing Using Compare and Contrasting Methods and How are American Ideals Still Relevant in Today’s Day and Age? 

He groaned and lifted his head up. He found Misha standing against the counter to his right. Misha was wearing a suit, crisply ironed, with a khaki top coat over it. From the looks of it, Jensen figured it was probably cashmere. 

“Looks like a tornado came through,” He indicated the mess on the table. 

“More like a typhoon. I’m drowning in this.” 

“I wanted to talk to you about some things, but it can wait if you’re too busy.”

“Please, I could use a break from this.” 

“Now that we’re going to delve into this relationship, I want to lay out a couple rules for you to follow,” Misha sat down at the table and looked at Jensen seriously. Jensen nodded. “Number One, you call me ‘Sir.’ Number Two, you don’t cum unless I say so. Number Three, do not lie to me, EVER. And Number Four, is this.”

He took a small, leather-bound book from the inside of his topcoat and set it in front of Jensen. Upon further inspection, it was a journal with lined pages. Jensen cocked an eyebrow at Misha. 

“I want you to keep a journal. At least one page per day, more if you feel like it. On the first page,” Misha flipped the book open, “I’ve written some prompts I’d like you to start off writing about, so we can hone and mold our relationship together.” 

“So, I’m drowning in homework… And you give me more?” Jensen said, indicating the haphazard papers that littered the table. 

“I guess so, yeah. Got a problem with that, Boy?” Misha’s voice dipped into a commanding voice. 

“No,” Jensen responded. 

“No, what?” Misha’s voice dripped with venom.

“Uh, no, Sir,” Jensen looked down at the table. 

“Failure to follow my rules will result in punishment, and trust me, punishment does not equal pleasure.” 

“Yes, Sir,” Jensen said, nodding his understanding. 

“That’s my good slut,” Misha said, patting his hair. Misha and Jensen had found out fairly quickly that the pet name turned Jensen on to no end and Jensen felt a swell of happiness each time Misha used it. “I have a meeting. Be good.” 

As Misha left, Jensen looked at the table. He rolled his eyes in frustration and grabbed the journal. Opening it to the first page, he saw Misha’s handwriting. It was slanted, neat, almost calligraphy

What are your likes and dislikes in the bedroom? Discuss. 

How are you currently feeling about our relationship? Write this subject weekly

What do you want from a sexual partner?

What do you need from a sexual partner?

There was a hard line penned into the page

Only Jensen may write, unless he gives permission for me to respond. 

This is Jensen’s safe space to write what he needs.

Jensen will never be judged for what is written. 

Jensen looked between the journal and the three college papers he was working on. He groaned and pulled the laptop towards himself, deciding to write a little more about Mask of the Red Death before trying to fill out his journal. 

The first room is blue, which symbolizes Poe’s own depression…

“You know, maybe he just liked the color blue!” Jensen yelled at the empty house. He tossed The Works of Edgar Allan Poe across the kitchen. 

I’m honestly not sure how I feel about the relationship with Sir. I’ve barely met him but I feel like I’ve known him for a long time. I’m nervous and scared, but also aroused…

Jensen felt extremely weird writing in the journal at first, but once he got the first few sentences out, a bunch more were written. He ended up with three pages. By the time Jensen finished his journal as well as the Poe paper, it was nearing 5 pm. Jensen stood and stretched. It was Monday, so he didn’t have work and he didn’t have class: college or pole. 

He felt like he hadn’t seen Jared in forever. At least, the last time he saw Jared outside of work or school. They never really had time to talk while busy studying and working. Jensen texted Jared. 

Where are you?

Video Games was the response. 

Jensen was getting ready to head over to his apartment when a thought struck him. He quickly texted Misha.

I’m going over to the apartment to hang with Jared. 

Home by 2am came only a few seconds later. Jensen set an alarm on his phone to go off at 1. 

Jensen had only been by the apartment a couple times in the last two weeks and that was only to grab some clothes, his toothbrush, and school things. Jared hadn’t been home. He was splayed across the couch, playing COD. Jensen grabbed a controller and joined the game. As they played, he couldn’t help but feel a sort of tension between them. After about half an hour, Jared shut the game off. 

“Drink?” Jared asked stiffly. 

“I’m gonna drive back to Misha’s later,” Jensen said. “Is something up?” 

Jared finished his own beer and grabbed another one from the fridge. He scoffed. 

“What?” Jensen pressed. 

“You know, dude,” said Jared, turning to him. “I don’t even know what to say. You get this job at Frenzy, end up in the back room WITH THE OWNER, and then disappear for three weeks. What the fuck, Man?” 

“It’s not like that-” Jensen started before Jared cut him off. 

“That’s how it looks from my angle! You’ve never been that kind of whore! Tell me, is it true? Are you Collins’ new bitch? I have never known you to sleep with a partner more than once, but now that it’s some rich dude...” 

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Jensen tried to explain, but he realized Jared must have been drinking most of the day; he wasn’t usually this hurtful. “What?” Jensen was taken aback as he comprehended the last sentence. 

“That’s what I heard. That’s what everyone at Frenzy is talking about. You hopping in bed with the owner. Man, I knew you liked to sleep around but this...” 

“Jared, I’m sorry, dude. Let me explai-”

“Explain what? Just answer the question, Jensen!” Jared yelled. 

“We’re in a relationsh-” Jensen started to yell. 

“It’s been three weeks and you’re basically moved in with him! Do you know how worried I’ve been? I would’ve called the cops if I hadn’t seen you at Frenzy!” 

“I’m fine, Jared! What? Can’t bear me actually being happy?!” 

“You’re a goddamn idiot! You have no idea what this guy’s intentions are! Sure, we’ve all done one night stands, but this… This is a whole new level, even for you,” Jared had gotten right into Jensen’s face. Jensen didn’t back down. The hurt was pumping through his body and he stabbed Jared right where it hurt. 

“You’re the one who almost killed yourself over Gen leaving you!” Jensen shoved Jared hard. He didn’t react fast enough to the fist that connected to the side of his head. 

“Get. The fuck. Out,” Jared snarled. 

Jensen had to sit in his car for fifteen minutes before the dizziness finally passed enough for him to drive to Misha’s...To home. When he pulled into the driveway, he could see the lamp on in Misha’s bedroom. He felt relief at the sight, not wanting to be alone after his fight with Jared. He let himself in the house and went down the hall to Misha’s room. He hesitated for a few seconds before knocking on the door. 

“Enter,” Came a distracted response. 

Misha was propped against the headboard, wearing only his boxers. He was reading Things Fall Apart by an author whose name Jensen couldn’t begin to pronounce. He felt that, in a way. That his life was falling apart around him. The room began to blur and shift and Jensen clenched his hands at his side. It had been a long time since something like this had happened. His head began to buzz loudly, like angry bees. 

“Jensen?” 

The room began to come back into focus, but then thoughts of the night and the last month of his life overwhelmed him and the room spun wildly, his heart raced, and tears fell from his eyes. Misha was at his side, steadying him. 

“I need. My medicine,” Jensen was almost hyperventilating. “In my bag.”

Jensen curled up on the floor, holding himself until Misha came back with a prescription bottle. He popped it open and handed Jensen one pill. When shaking hands, Jensen put the pill into his mouth and swallowed. It would take about ten minutes for the effect to settle in and calm him down. With arms stronger than Jensen imagined, Misha scooped him up and set him down in the large bed. 

“Shh, just breathe,” Misha soothed. 

As time passed, Jensen felt his heartbeat begin to slow and his breathing evened out. He became aware of Misha holding him with one arm, the other carding through his hair. The feeling was soothing, comforting. When he felt he could, Jensen sat up and faced Misha. 

“Panic attack?” 

Jensen nodded. 

“That may have been something you should have told me about.” 

“I haven’t had one for two years,” Jensen whispered. 

“Did it have something to do with the bruise that’s darkening on your face?” 

“I had a fight with Jared,” He explained. 

“Obviously. What about?” 

“This. Us,” Jensen said, apologetically. “I should go lay down. The medicine makes me insanely tired.”

“Stay. I want to keep my eye on you.”

Jensen hadn’t stayed the night in Misha’s bed since their second night together. Jensen felt a swoop of anxiety, but then Misha brought a hand to his face, and it melted away. He leaned into Misha’s touch. 

After a moment, Misha got out of bed and beckoned Jensen to do the same. He set the book carefully on the nightstand and pulled the covers back. He indicated to Jensen to get into bed, then slid in after him. 

“Why do you have panic attacks?” Misha asked. 

“When I was little, and my Mom and Dad were still together, they fought, like, all the time. Downright screaming matches. Their fighting started causing panic attacks. So, now whenever there’s arguing it can cause an attack.”

“I guess the fight just really affected me. I shouldn’t have said some things,” Jensen sighed deeply. 

“We’ll have to be careful. Everything will be okay,” Misha soothed.

The light clicked off and Misha spooned Jensen, his arm wrapped around his waist comforting him. Jensen pushed himself back into Misha’s chest and within minutes, the exhaustion from the day as well as the medicine pulled him into sleep. 

Jensen woke the next morning, groggy and feeling like his head was too heavy to lift. He was alone in Misha’s bed. Slowly, he sat up. He noticed a small piece of paper on the nightstand on top of the book that Misha had been reading. He grabbed it. 

I will be in my office when you wake, taking care of some work. Eat some eggs and toast and meet me when you’re through. -Sir

Jensen went to the guest room he’d been calling his own. He slipped into the bathroom attached and did his morning routine. He then made his way to the kitchen, wishing he knew where Misha kept the Tylenol. 

As Jensen ate breakfast, he scrolled through his phone lazily. The group chat he was in with the other guys and girls had blown up the previous night. Jensen scrolled through quickly, getting the gist of what had been discussed. He paused, however, when the chat shifted.

Cherie: It’s almost Mish’s Birthday y’all. What are we doing this year? Another showcase? 

Brad: Maybe, he never gets tired of watching us dance. 

Ariel: What if we did a choreographed routine with all of us? We could do it on the weekend of his birthday.

Michelle: Ooo I like that. Unless @Red Stud has a better idea? 

Brad: That’s a good idea. Everyone meet at noon at Frenzy tomorrow. Come with song ideas. 

Cherie: Great idea! See everyone then?

Shit. It was almost eleven now. He quickly finished breakfast and packed a bag. Then he went to Misha’s office. Jensen knocked on the open door. 

“Enter,” Came a reply. 

Misha was sitting behind a large carved desk, looking through a stack of papers. He glanced up at Jensen. 

“Where are you off too?” Misha asked. 

“Uhh,” Jensen hesitated, not knowing if the birthday party was a surprise. 

“Don’t lie to me,” Misha reminded him suddenly, fixing him with a blue-eyed stare that seemed to read his mind. 

“Okay, I’m meeting the other girls and guys at Frenzy-”

“Ah, yes. My birthday,” Misha rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I just wanted to give you this and ask you to fill it out. I’m filling one out, too. We will compare them and make necessary changes before signing.” 

Misha slid a thick packet towards Jensen. He walked to the desk and picked it up. Standard D/s Contract - Misha Collins was the title. Jensen felt his cheeks heat up. 

“Okay,” Jensen said, slipping the contract into his gym bag. 

“Okay what?” Misha snit.

“Sorry. Yes, Sir,” He amended. Jensen walked around the desk, so he was directly next to Misha, who had gone back to his report. He gave Misha a soft kiss on the cheek which he accepted. 

“Tell the girls and boys not to worry too much. I think I’ll be getting exactly what I want for my birthday already,” Misha threw him a quick, dirty look. 

“Yes, Sir.”

“Be good, Slut.” 

Jensen closed his eyes for a moment, letting the heat pool in his belly. Then, he left to get to Frenzy. He seemed to be the first one there, surprisingly. He changed, then warmed himself up quickly. He walked out to the stage and placed his phone off to the side, hitting the “Play” Button on the song he wanted. The slow guitar started and Jensen began swaying his body to the music, body rolling on the pole, doing slow spins. 

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am home again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am young again

Whenever I'm alone with you

You make me feel like I am fun again

“I think Red should do the choreography!” He heard the yell, it startled him and he lost grip on the pole, landing painfully on his elbow. 

“I have no idea how to do choreography,” Jensen said tersely, sitting up and rubbing his aching elbow. He looked around and saw Brad, Cherie, and Michelle, who seemed to be the one who’d yelled. 

“Yes, you do,” Cherie said. “I know you can. Just by watching that performance, I know you can.”

Everyone filtered in and then Cherie called for silence. 

“I think Red should do choreo,” Michelle said again. 

“All in favor?” Cherie asked. Everyone except Jensen yelled ‘Aye!’ 

Jensen groaned. 

“Now, what song should we do? Fast or slow?” 

“Slow,” Jensen said. “I’m a lot better at slow choreo. Jazzy’s the one who usually choreographs for me.” 

It took nearly an hour before they’d settled on a song. Jensen huffed, it wasn’t a very slow song, but he could work with it. 

“Give me a half hour to figure out what we’re doing,” He grumbled, grabbing a pad of paper from behind the bar. 

Jensen played Breathe on Me at least five times, stopping and starting and writing the choreography on the pad. He called Cherie over and went through it with her. That way she could teach group one and he could teach group two. After about two hours, Jensen called it quits for the day. 

After a long shower, Jensen settled down at the kitchen table to do his homework and try to go through the large contract Misha had given him that morning. He’d gotten his english paper done, his journal written in, and was just staring at the front page of the contract when Misha arrived. 

“Slut,” He greeted, flashing a smile his way. 

“Sir,” Jensen nodded at him, a smile spreading across his face. 

“I’ll be in my room. Have fun.”

“Yes, Sir.” 

Jensen, in his limited free time, had been doing a lot of research into proper BDSM etiquette and rules. As Jensen read through the contract, filling in the blanks, he was all too aware of his cock hardening. He palmed himself as he went through the listed kinks and fetishes and circled ones he’d be willing to try. One line of the contract kept playing through his mind.

Above all, the primary duty of this submissive is to please.

Jensen grinned to himself. He had a sudden idea, and it sent warm heat through his body as his heart sped up. He hoped this would work, because if not, he’d be having a hard time following Misha’s rule not to cum without permission. 

He walked down the hallway, his heart pounding in his chest. The door to Misha’s room was open and Jensen dropped to his knees just outside the threshold. He put his hands on his thighs and bowed his head, closing his eyes. He’d seen this pose on a website as one of the accepted sub poses. He itched to call out, call attention to himself, but he pushed the urge down, stubbornly. Jensen waited. 

A calmness washed over him. His breathing and heartbeat slowed, the thought of pleasing Misha helped him ignore the numbness in his knees. Finally, Jensen heard an intake of breath and the swish of sheets rubbing against pajama pants. Jensen kept still, unmoving. He fought the urge to snap his head up. To meet those blue eyes that could read his mind. 

“How long have you been here?” Jensen couldn’t help the shiver that ran through his body at the soft, loving tone. Misha was right next to him. A hand rested on Jensen’s head. Jensen leaned slightly into the touch before remembering to keep his pose. Words were lost to him. 

“Speak,” Misha’s voice was still soft, but had an authoritative tone that Jensen couldn’t ignore. 

“I don’t know,” He answered honestly. It could have been five minutes or three hours. The time had melted away, had become meaningless. 

“What do you need?” Misha asked. 

“To please you,” spilled from his mouth. 

“Good Slut.” 

A sense of pride swelled inside him and a jolt of arousal coursed through his cock. 

“Crawl in here and take your position,” Misha guided him to an open space in the bedroom. 

When Jensen had resumed his pose, he listened intently, trying to figure out where Misha was and what he was doing. Misha’s hand curled into his hair, lifting his head. Jensen struggled to keep his eyes closed, but his lips parted slightly as his breathing quickened. The soft, velvety head of Misha’s cock brushed lightly against his lips. A shiver went down his spine. Sure, he’d sucked guys off before, even Misha, but never like this. 

“Is this what you want?” Misha asked, his voice low and growly. 

“Yes, Sir,” Jensen whispered. 

PART 2

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

(Prompts with boxes have been taken, highlighted have been written)

Requests for this card are closed, thank you to anyone who sent in requests! If you don’t want to see these you can block the tag #false bthb. As always shoot me an ask if you wanna be tagged in future stories, whether it be for bad things happen bingo or any of the other series, one shots or in general!

I’ve been picking at this particular request since early December as the person who requested it had a lot of details they wanted put in making the writing process a bit more challenging. As a disclaimer, note that the chapter is split between present time and the past; with Logan recalling things in his past in an attempt to make the details requested for the story flow better. I received this request from AO3.

General taglist: @im-an-anxious-wreck

Experimental Socialization

Summary: Logan was raised by the government to be nothing more than an experiment and a weapon, utilizing his unique abilities as a mutant. When he finally escapes things are much different than he imagined they’d be but thankfully finds others like him willing to help guide him right where he needs to be.(Happy Ending)

Warnings: allusions to abuse, physical punishment and human experimentation, tw for weapons and fire, panic attack. If there are more please let me know

Prompt; Not Used To Freedom (requested by AngstyEmoGal on AO3)

Ships: Intrulogical, Logan x Remus

WC: 3432

“You just gotta breathe, Logan. In four, hold seven, out eight remember? You’re doing great, just keep going.”

Logan felt himself slowly coming back to reality as his breathing evening out, the raw panic that had gripped his chest easing slightly as Virgili continued coaxing him through the exercise. He felt the other slowly rub up and down his arm in a slow, steady beat that helped ground him further in reality and he smiled up at his friend gratefully and nodded to let xem know he was okay. Gripping his knees as Virgil’s voice trailed off he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and let out one last calming breath.

“Thank you, Virgil. I-” He struggled to find words, gesturing flippantly in the air making Virgil grin.

“It’s okay. Take your time, L.”

Logan puffed his cheeks out in frustration, thoughts swirling too quickly for him to comprehend anything but the apprehensive fear he held for the plans Remus had made for them later that evening. “I am- not used to being outside. Given my history and the threat I pose as a potential compromise to our place of hiding I fail to understand Remus’ reasoning for going out when we could just as easily celebrate our relationship here.”

“Hm.” Virgil leaned back on xyr hands and looked up at the low ceiling of their underground paradise. “Can’t really see the stars from here, no matter how many stickers Princey finds and puts up it can't really be compared to the real thing.”

Logan had made the mistake of going on a tirade of space facts a few months into his stay in the hideout, Remus patiently listening to the extensive infodump of constellation facts and space physics and planetary rotation. Having a limited amount of books to entertain oneself with for extended periods of time meant memorizing entire books on one subject, which Logan had used all too happily as a figurative escape from his situation in the past until he had actually managed to escape when he was 16. Hearing Logan speak so passionately about the subject had apparently made his mind up that he was taking Logan outside for their first “official” date to view the stars, which had then landed Logan in his current state of panic as he realized that date was today and he was decidedly not ready for what might lay in store outside of safety of the hideout.

“I can stay close by if you want. I won’t spy or anything and Remus won’t have to know.” Logan looked over as his thoughts were interrupted by the offer, Virgil turning invisible and reappearing a couple seconds later to emphasize xyr point. Smiling Logan shook his head, knowing the other derived as much joy from going outside as Logan felt about going himself.

“Thank you for the offer though, you’re very kind.” Letting his thoughts drift again he idly wondered when Virgil had discovered xe could disappear and reappear at will and if xyr parents had tried to hide it before the government had found out. His own parents-

-----

“Logan?” A very small Logan turned at his mother’s voice, losing his concentration which made the hidden jar of Crofters fall from its suspended place in the air and smash to the floor. His parents hadn’t known he possessed any sort of powers, and even as small as he was he still understood the position he’d put them in if they ever found out. Fearfully his hands dropped to his sides as his mother covered her mouth in shock, tears rolling down her cheeks as she took a step back.

Men in suits and long coats were there just a few hours later, speaking in hushed voices while both of his parents cried and he was ushered out the door and into an unmarked car, quiet as he understood yelling and crying would do him no good now. What’s done was done, all he could do was be compliant and hope to be treated gently.

-----

The room suddenly brightening with a flickering light brought him back out of his thoughts, Roman entering with his signature bright flame held proudly in his hand. The image of him in his rather scrapped together Princely outfit posing subconsciously in the doorway was almost enough to make Logan roll his eyes but he didn’t want Virgil to think it was because of xem so he managed to restrain himself.

“My dearest brother has been pacing in the same spot for two hours now and I haven't been able to calm him down soooo I thought to check on our resident nerd.” Roman declared with his usual flare. Logan actually did roll his eyes this time but Virgil did as well so he figured it was fine.

“The ‘resident nerd’ is doing fine, Roman. Though it's concerning to hear Remus is nervous as well considering he’s the one who suggested the date.”

Roman waved his hand at Logan dismissively. “He’s just a sap- moreso than me surprisingly. He doesn’t want to do anything to put you in danger but he wants to do something nice, so he’s worried that’s all. Remus is an idiot but I trust him with my life; believe me when I say you have nothing to worry about except his terrible sense of humor.”

Logan merely hummed in response, staring at the way the flame moved around as Roman gestured with his words.

-----

He panted as he rolled out of the way of another flamethrower, singeing the tips of his hair in the process but he couldn’t afford to slow down enough to worry about that. Years of training with different fighting styles had earned him incredibly fast reflexes but a good portion of his accuracy in knowing where to step and when was owed to him working even harder to focus his powers. Thoughts from others constantly surrounded him on a regular basis, getting more and more prevalent the older he grew. Learning to block out the constant string of stimuli was a useful skill to keep him sane but learning to hone in on specific thoughts to predict actions was what had kept him alive.

He ducked below another bullet and brought up his leg in the same motion, kicking a throwing knife to the side and sending it to clatter harmlessly between one of his assailants feet. A twirl to the side and a tilt of the head let another bought of flame boil the air beside him while another knife just barely brushed his ear. The constant bang of bullets and roar of flames and whistling of knives was overwhelming and made the air so thick he could barely draw a breath and it was becoming a struggle to concentrate the way he needed to and-

A high pitched alarm sounded one, twice, three times- a blaring flash accompanying it that left him blinking painfully. His shoulders slumped as the barrage finally ended, another successful training day completed. He watched as everyone began putting their weapons away, laughing and congratulating each other, clapping themselves on the back and discussing whatever they had planned after this. No one even spared the thing they had been firing at seconds before a spare glance, save for the director of the branch, who took long steps forward to stand in front of him only to snap his fingers and motion forward no doubt to see him back to his room until dinner. Absorbing the sounds around him he drank in as much praise as he could that wasn’t his and would never be for him; people rarely congratulated weapons after all.

-----

“Is this where we all decided to hide today?” Logan looked up to see Patton sitting cross legged on one one of the beams in the ceiling, grinning happily down at them even as their fluffy ears twitched nervously and even fluffier tail whipped back and forth in agitation. They must have come back from trying to calm Remus as well, Logan mused; Patton had never done well being in the same room as Remus who tended to voice his thoughts abruptly and without much care to how they might sound to others which always managed to set Patton on edge no matter how hard they tried not to show it.

Patton was a rare mutant in that as opposed to being born with abnormal traits or abilities they had been a science experiment from the start- an effort to create super soldiers rather than stealing them away from families and training them. Even rarer was the fact that the DNA splicing had taken extraordinarily well by pure chance as Patton was born with a mutation that left their DNA incredibly malleable- a mutation that never would have been discovered had cellular manipulation not been the reason for them being in the experimental branch that they were. They had tried cloning Patton at first to see if their power could be duplicated but when that failed to work they began trying to combine them with different animals to see if desirable traits would come forward. By manipulating them on a physical and anatomical level they were able to change some parts of them to be more cat like, intending, Patton had guessed, to turn them into a kind of stealth soldier but they got away before they completed it, leaving them with heightened agility and surgically coaxed cat ears and a tail. They were only a child when the lab had done this but somehow they were never bitter, simply preferring to leave their past alone and embrace whatever future they could make- a trait Logan greatly admired them for even if their unending optimism could be somewhat grating at times.

“Did Janus brush your tail out Pat? It looks fluffier today.” Patton preened at Virgil's compliment, their tail beginning to wave in a more relaxed manner as their mind was distracted from whatever it was Remus had been ranting about.

“He did! He found a cat brush and got it for me so I could finally get the undercoat out!” Jumping down and landing lightly on their feet they posed a little and flashed another wide grin.

“Beautiful as always, Patton.” Roman said genuinely as he lowered his hand into a barrel to light up the paper scraps and wood in it for the night, the dim sunlight that had filtered through the grated having long since died. The home was a modified branch of a sewer system, thankfully the part most removed from the city where it flowed without the stench and was sealed off inconspicuously enough that in the ten years Janus and Remus had been using it no worker had ever found it.

-----

It had been Janus and Remus who had found him, beaten and bloody from an escape attempt he had made just days before his real one. He had made a weak attempt to coax the scientists into a false sense of security, holding back the full scoop of his powers during training for a year in anticipation for his final escape. He had punished severely but had simply thrown him in his regular cell, assuming he wasn’t strong enough to do any more damage than they had seen him do already and trusting that they had beaten him down enough that it would be a while before he tried again- if he ever did. Not six days later the mangled metal of the front of his cell was tossed into a group of guards, walls torn apart in a straight line to the exit and the huge buzzing gates leading to the outside world thrown open wide and stuck there with varying amounts of heavy debris.

The outside world, as it turns out, was a lot bigger and louder and downright terrifying when you weren’t being sent out as a personal assassin or field missions or training sessions- all controlled on some level to keep him from being killed and compromised. Without the begrudged protection from the labs and moreover having to hide from said lab was another story entirely. The times they searched for him and how closely they came to his spots were random and made it incredibly hard for him to pick out their thoughts from anyone else’s in the city and figure out how close they were. On more than one occasion they passed right by him crouched under piles of garbage or laying low under a hedge, his breath held as he tried desperately to keep himself as still and quiet as possible, thoughts of what they would to him once they found him pounding against his head and making him squeeze his eyes shut to keep his terrified tears from falling.

That was how Remus had found him. It had been dark and hours had passed since the searchers had left that park he had been hiding in. He had still been hiccuping down his sobs as he rolled out from under the hedge that he hadn’t bothered to scope the area for anyone’s close by thoughts, having shut out as much as he could after they had left to try and block out any other hate fueled thoughts that may send him spiraling again. His heart had leapt in his throat so high his breath caught painfully, immediately shifting to offense as he tensed, ready to fight as long and hard as he could. He couldn’t go back- he wouldn’t. No matter what they did or promised him or punished him with; he’d go down fighting or not at all.

But Remus had only raised his hands in the air in a motion of peace, eyes widening as he locked onto the government issued bracelet that marked him as an experimental mutant. He had grinned impossibly wide then Logan remembered, briefly disappearing from his sight and reappearing a moment later, setting him even more on edge but curious nonetheless.

“I’m like you.” Remus had said quietly. “Basically I run real fast and the government hasn’t figured out how to get me yet.”

Logan had watched as he jiggled his wrists a bit for emphasis, bare save for colored chords that he assumed didn’t associate him with any government branch since they didn’t look official.

“Are you okay?” Remus had asked next and mutely Logan nodded, unsure of how to react to this fellow mutant who had never been caught by any sort of lab, apparently living as free as one could when you were as different as they were. He stepped back as another man appeared behind him, Janus he later learned.

“Liar.” Janus had hissed, making Remus reach around and smack the back of his head.

“It was a polite thing to ask that he tried to dismiss Jan. Let the adults speak for a second.”

Logan had noted the faint pout on Janus’ face though he was still trying very hard to look intimidating. And then all at once his eyes had turned cold as his attention was once again focused on Logan, glaring menacingly from beneath a black bowler hat. “I’m younger than you and yet I’m the one that has to put my foot down. He’s being chased clearly; we are not bringing him back with us.”

Remus has turned, Logan seemingly forgotten for the moment. “That’s not how it works! He needs help and we’re not leaving him to starve or be found in the middle of a park! What would Patton say?”

“Patton is a soft fool who needs to figure out where their morals stand. I myself am choosing not to compromise our place of hiding and three other people that you know those power hungry idiots would love nothing more than to get their hands on!”

Remus rolled his eyes so hard his head had lolled with it, face going pale as he watched something in the sky. It was then that Logan heard the telling sound of a helicopter flying low and getting closer but he had barely tensed before he found himself gripped around the middle and held vertically with the ground flying underneath him. They stopped abruptly and he was set down, blinking in rapid confusion as Remus grinned sheepishly at him.

“Welcome to the hideout?”

Logan’s eyes had widened and his breath had caught yet again, chest tightening as he shook his head vehemently. “You can’t- I need to go back! They’ll do anything to get me back-!”

He was stopped from going forward with a finger to his chest, his blue eyes locking with beautiful brown as Remus held his gaze. “And we will do everything to keep you safe.”

Safe. With that one word Logan was his. He hadn’t known why and he still didn’t quite understand it but he had trusted Remus with everything he had- and he still did. Even as Janus had stalked off grumbling and Virgil and Roman had kept their distance at first Remus had kept him close and showed him how much better his life could be, even if they were living in a modified sewer system.

Back in the present he looked up as a hand was thrust under his chin, smiling softly as he took Remus’ hand and let himself be led away from the others’ idle chatter. He counted himself extremely lucky in the end that Janus had eventually come around to him, seeing how happy he made Remus and how Remus made Logan feel it had been him to finally talk to Logan about it and get the two to officially talk about how they felt, going on about the being “hopeless gay idiots” when they had finally started to date officially. Logan wasn’t sure what he’d do without Remus at this point, just a year later and he was so attached to their small group of hideaways he wouldn’t trade for the world.

They approached the exit to the sewers, Remus swinging their hands between them. Logan held his breath right before they crossed the threshold, closing his eyes and letting it out slowly as his feet met grass and he opened his eyes to the darkened field. There were a few tunnels that lead out to different places depending on where they needed to go and this, Remus had told him, was his favorite because of how empty it was. The city lay far in the distance so there was almost no light pollution to block out the sky. Soft grass and flowers brushed his ankles as he scanned the area carefully, seeing nothing but trees lining the far end of the field with a road so far away he could barely, make it out in the darkness. Remus tugged his hand softly to get his attention, searching his eyes for any hint of discomfort.

“Is this okay?’

Logan took another breath and let it out, the last of his nerves fading away as he took in the quiet. “It’s perfect Remus.”

The other grinned and tugged a little harder this time, walking fast to the middle of the field where he stopped suddenly and raised Logan’s arm up to lead him into an impromptu twirl. Logan laughed quietly and then louder as he was dipped, secure in Remus’ strong hold as he reached up to grip the back of his neck. He was safe. He was free and safe and happy finally with someone who truly loved and cared for him. His breath caught in his throat again but this time in awe, Remus chuckling as he was laid down carefully tucked into his side, till with his arms around his neck.

The stars shone bright and winked lazily while swirls of color dusted faintly behind them. The moon was waning, a barely there light that let the beauty behind it show fully as the wind whisked away any clouds that dared to try and cover it. It was everything Logan had ever hoped it would be and more, excitement thrumming through him as he squeezed Remus tightly in an attempt to convey it. He felt Remus grin against his scalp where his face was buried in his hair.

“It’s beautiful isn't it?”

Logan looked back at him, light from the stars reflected in his eyes and wild brown hair framing his face. He leaned up slightly and kissed him, a faint brush of their lips that left them both grinning like the idiots they were. Placing a hand on Remus’ cheek Logan smiled at him, thumb brushing over his cheek in adoration.

“Absolutely stunning.”

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[savoies]

Tutus & Treats - Kirby Dach.

Summary: Your daughter finally convinces Kirby to go as a princess with him on halloween night.

Word Count: 707.

Warning: fluff? You might want a kid after this…. Also he isn't 19 in this just to clarify, he’s a bit older.

A/N: to the anon who requested this, I like the way your mind works. Also for my kirby anon. i hope this can make your day a bit better. I'm not using a specific name for the child just in case anyone that reads this is named that. (: i blame @stfukie for giving me baby fever earlier today.

taglist: @vincecdunn @quintnsbyfield @frostythegoalman @bigboigritty @thelionkingpw @kaitieskidmore1 @mitch-slap @boesxr @hartsyhart @aria253264 @damn-dunner-29 @puckshitbitch.

 fall blurbs taglist: (let me know if you wanna be added) @bestestbenn @celestialblae @softboybarzal @laurenairay @nhlandotherimagines @wednesdayaddamshasreturned​

tagging some hockey buds. @kempe @starkeysdunn.

(*credits to gif owner*)

The whole month of October your five year old daughter was begging Kirby to dress up with her. Her exact words being “daddy can you please wear the pretty tiara and fluffy tutu with me?” At first Kirby wasn’t sure about it. I mean him walking around the neighborhood in a tutu? Would definitely get some chirps from the guys. He kept on asking you why you couldn't go but sadly you had to go to work and she specifically asked for Kirby. “Honey why can’t your mom dress up with you and i can carry your candy bag.” Kirby tried to negotiate with the tiny five year old but knowing that she was as stubborn as Kirby she wouldn't budge that easily.

“Mama has to work silly daddy.” she’d say and then skipped off to her room. Kirby looked at you pleadingly hoping you could get him out of this situation but you weren't about to pick sides with two of the most stubborn people you knew. “Are you sure she doesn’t want to wear her t-rex costume like last year?” he asked, slowly running out of options.

“No Kirby, she specifically asked me to buy you a red tutu because it’s your team's main color. Now come on it will only be for a few hours, suck it up big boy.” The month went by rather quickly and before you knew it it was the morning of Halloween. You laid in your bed and slowly stirred awake when your daughter came and jumped on your bed. “Hi honey, good morning.” 

“Hi mama, you think daddy will dress up with me?” she asked as she looked down.

“I don’t know baby, I'm pretty sure, how about we ask him when he gets home from practice huh. She shook her head and buried her head into your side. You wrapped your arms around her and began to tickle her. “Here comes the tickle monster.” Giggles were heard throughout the small home. “There's the smile I know and love, now let's go make pancakes before daddy gets home.” She shook her head excitedly and rushed down stairs. The sound of the door opening stopped you guys from making a mess in the kitchen. 

“Daddy.” your daughter ran to hug him. “Are you dressing up with me tonight?” You looked up at him cause you had yet to hear the answer. How can he say no to the little girl that had him wrapped around her little finger. “Only for you princess.” Your daughter jumped up and down as excitement coursed through her veins for the events later tonight. 

“Hey babe.” he leaned in to press a soft kiss to your lips. A loud eww was heard from behind you as you pulled away. You continued to make the pancakes and then had a halloween movie marathon before you had to get ready for work. You got your daughter ready in her costume and then helped Kirby force the child sized tutu up his waist. After ten minutes of trying and successfully not ripping the tutu it was on. “This is ridiculous.” he said as he placed the tiara on his head.

“Well remember this is for your daughter.” you said as you pulled out your phone and prepared to take some pictures of the two. “Come on now let me get some pictures before i head out.” You took a few and then prepared to establish some rules with both of them. “Ok hold on to daddy’s hand at all times ok,” Then you looked at Kirby and prepared to tell him more bigger rules for him that he needed to follow with your daughter. You looked at him up and down and stifled a laugh. “Im sorry, it's just that you look great. Ok no candy with peanuts or almonds remember she's allergic and she can stay up a bit later today. I love you guys.” You told him as you placed a quick kiss on his lips and placed a kiss on your daughter's forehead before heading out.Once you got to the car you sent one of the pictures to the group chat between the wags, boy was this year memorable to say the least. 

[peggyrose19]

Gone

hehe I am back with another heart-wrenching story for you all. Who’s ready to cry?? *innocent smile* Wolfstar this time :) Not all of this follows canon, mainly because I was too lazy to get my book and look through it for continuity’s sake. You guys will live, right? It still makes sense. This is for the @hpbrokenhearts festival so, if I broke your heart or made you feel things (ew) leave a broken heart emoji in the comments!! Thank you all for reading! <3 tagging @donttouchmycarrots since she asked and @im-oknutzy-trash cause I want to torture her :) 

All Remus can hear is silence. 

Somewhere in him, he knows that Harry is screaming in his arms, knows that the battle is still happening around him.

But none of it is registering. 

It takes everything in him to not sprint forward. To not throw himself through the veil. The only thing holding him back is Harry, struggling against him, reaching out for his godfather. 

His godfather who is now gone.

The love of Remus’ life. 

Gone. 

 ~

He remembers the very first morning they woke up together. 

He’s not sure why it’s the first memory that surfaces. 

It’s their sixth year at Hogwarts. Remus crawls into his bed that night, broken and exhausted. He appears without a word, climbing in beside him and curling his body around him. Remus stares into steady silver eyes and immediately feels better. Without a word, he presses a kiss to Remus’ lips, and leans into him, pushing him gently against the mattress. Remus sinks into it, body heating up with each touch. Without saying a word, he gives Remus what he needs and Remus has never felt more loved.

They wake in the morning curled around each other, blankets tangled at their feet and Remus never wants to move. This is home, he thinks dimly, watching his sleeping face, feeling his warm breath on his neck, the arm wrapped around his waist. He remembers the feel of fingers trailing across his skin, a soft mouth on his, the pleasure pulled from his body. 

“You’re smiling.” 

Remus grins widely. “I’m happy.”

“I’m glad.” 

With a laugh, he leans forward and kisses him lightly.

“What about James and Peter?” he murmurs against his lips. 

Remus pulls away a bit and pulls the curtains closed, reaching for his wand and spelling them shut. 

“And class?”

“It’s Saturday. Relax, baby. We have all morning.” 

His boyfriend’s smile turns mischievous. “Hmm, then I can think of a few things we can do.” Remus just laughs and lets himself be pushed back against the mattress once more.

~

When Harry faces Voldemort, Remus nearly can’t stand it. His heart is broken, shattered into pieces on the ground, left behind the veil in that underground room. Left with the man he gave his heart that night in the bed they used to share, then gave to him again in the dark dusty house of his family. He knows he’s not getting it back again. 

The flashes of light remind him of battle. Of the battle he fought for the same fucking reason over a decade before. The battle that took his friends. 

He cannot lose anyone else that day. 

~

Remus arrives back at 12 Grimmauld Place hours later. Maybe even days. He’s no longer aware of time passing. 

The house is eerily quiet, all sounds of life gone from the dim hallways. There are no more voices or footsteps, no one cooking in the kitchen or cleaning out one of the many empty rooms. He can’t even hear Kreacher anywhere. 

The stairs creak familiarly under Remus’ feet as he slowly makes his way to his bedroom. It’s dark. He doesn’t bother with the lights, using only the faint moonlight to make his way across the room. Remus sinks onto his bed, head in his hands. There are so many memories from this room, from this bed. Late nights and early mornings, pacing the floors just waiting to hear, making love in the dead of night, screaming and fighting against the world, for the world. He wishes he was here, to gather him up in his arms and hold him tight and tell him everything will be okay. 

But he’s not here. And Remus doesn’t know what to do. 

He isn’t sure when he last slept. 

He isn’t sure he’ll ever sleep again. 

~

“Remus,” the soft whisper says.

“Hmm.” 

“Wake up, love.” 

“Hm, what is it?” 

When Remus rolls over, Sirius Black’s grinning face meets him, mere inches away. His hair is messy, cheek imprinted from the pillow. He’s never looked more perfect. 

With a quick kiss, Sirius says, “It’s Christmas.”

Remus grins at the childish joy in his voice. “It is.” Sirius kisses him again, soft and sweet, pulling him close and tangling a hand in his curls. 

“We should get up,” Remus mumbles eventually. 

Sirius groans, but rolls away from him to stand, flinching as his bare feet hit the cold floor. He stretches leisurely, back cracking as he reaches for the ceiling, shirt riding up a bit. Unable to stop himself, Remus reaches out and runs a finger along the exposed skin of his stomach. Sirius shivers.

“Don’t be mean,” Sirius murmurs. Remus just smirks. But he pulls his hand away, sitting up and pulling the blankets around himself. 

“Wait.” Remus grabs Sirius’ hand before he can walk away and tugs him down into another kiss. He smiles into it, carding a finger through Sirius’ long hair. This might just be paradise. 

But then a crash comes from downstairs and the shouting begins and they both remember where they are. 

“Some other time, then,” Sirius says and pulls away. Remus smiles at him sweetly. 

“I’m holding you to that.” 

Sirius’ gaze flashes to him for a split second before it’s gone as he turns back towards his dresser. 

“C’mon,” he says as he pulls a drawer open, fishing for a sweater. He finds one and pulls it on. It’s Remus’. “We should go start breakfast.” Remus nods, although Sirius doesn't see it, and clambers out of bed. 

“I’ll see you down there,” he says as Sirius heads for the door. He kisses him one last time. 

“Happy Christmas, Remus,” he whispers. 

“Happy Christmas, Sirius.” 

~

Remus wakes with a start. 

It takes a moment for him to gain his bearings as he looks blearily around the room, lit dimly by the moonlight shining in from the small window. 

His face swims through his mind, long hair and bright eyes smirking at him. He forces it down, the image too painful for his exhausted brain. 

The dream is still clear in his mind, the memory even more so. That had been one of the happiest mornings of his life. Waking up with his boyfriend, warm and happy and safe by his side for the first time in 12 years. He hadn’t thought he’d ever get that again. 

But now he’s lost it all over again. 

The events of the past 24 hours come crashing down all at once.

He remembers Harry’s screams, his tears. Remembers watching long black hair disappear behind the veil, silver eyes never to be seen again. He remembers the crack in his heart, just starting to mend, bursting wide open all over again. 

Harry is going to be okay, that was the most important thing he told himself. Harry and all of his friends, they are going to be okay. They are all going to be okay… 

Between one breath and the next, Remus is sobbing and he can’t stop himself. 

He told himself he would be strong. For Harry, for the Order. Except he can’t do it anymore. Alone in this empty house, filled with so many painful, wonderful memories, he can’t hold it together anymore. So he lets himself break apart. With nothing but the ringing in his ears and his memories as company, Remus lets himself hurt. 

~

Eleven years old, standing before him on the train, silver eyes piercing his soul. Dark hair cut short, curling around his face. 

A hand outstretched. He takes it. 

“I’m Sirius.” 

“Remus.”

“Gryffindor!” the hat calls and the boy’s face falls. 

Years pass. 

Friends and fights and pranks and laughter. 

Full moons with Padfoot by his side.

Love. Joy. The pure bliss of being known. 

Graduation comes. Fear looms over them. 

War. Pain. Secrets he can’t share. 

“Don’t you trust me anymore?”

James, Lily, Peter, all of them gone. Sirius. Gone. 

Betrayal. He falls to his knees. 

The full moon comes and he’s alone. 

Years pass in a blur. 

A headline in a newspaper that sends chills up his spine. 

Moonlight, cold wind on his skin. The man before him on his knees, begging for the world. 

“I love you.”

The two of them curled in bed, a low voice whispering in his ear, “Happy Christmas, Remus.”

“Please don’t leave me.” 

A flash of light.

Silence. 

~

Remus slowly walks towards the room at the end of the hall. He’s not even sure he can go in. But he has to try, he tells himself. He has to try. 

The door swings open silently. Remus steps into the room, footsteps kicking up the thin layer of dust on the floor. It hasn’t been disturbed in nearly a month. Everything is exactly as he left it, nothing out of place. It’s as familiar to Remus as the scars on his skin. He stands for a moment, scanning the room, remembering. Everything is a reminder of him. 

Slowly, so slowly, Remus begins sorting. He finds clothing thrown haphazardly into the dresser and he sighs. He never did learn, did he. There are socks on the floor, a few t-shirts along with them. Remus begins folding, placing each item carefully back into the dresser. He doesn’t have the heart to get rid of it all. 

He finds his favorite jumper, one far too big on him, and presses it to his face. It still smells like him, of dog hair and smoke. Remus sinks to the ground, holding it close to him, as if it will bring him back. He knows it won’t, but he wishes for it anyway. With a deep breath, he pulls it over his head and continues folding. 

In one drawer he finds not clothing but objects. Small trinkets and mementos from their years at Hogwarts. There’s a Gryffindor flag, now faded and dull. He finds the mirror, twin to the one James had, given to Harry a year prior. He stares at himself in the reflection. Nothing happens. With a sigh, he sets it to the side. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it was a let down nonetheless. 

The next thing he pulls out is a telescope. He runs his fingers along the smooth surface, the cool metal bringing back memories of the night sky and a warm body beside him. The telescope was his, originally. Somehow it had ended up here. As he stares at it, he remembers the night he learned what love felt like.   

~

It’s dark when the boy finds him on the balcony of the tower. Remus escaped there after classes for a bit of fresh air. And some space, from the man now sitting beside him. The air is unusually warm for the March evening. He doesn’t say anything, just sits beside Remus, and watches the sun set. 

His heart constricts painfully as their shoulders brush. Remus wants to reach over, to touch him. But he doesn’t dare. So he stays silent, staring at the sky.

“You okay, Moony?” he asks quietly as the last strands of sunlight sink behind the mountains.

“Yeah.” Remus doesn’t look at him, keeping his eyes front. “Wanted to be alone.”

“You want me to go?”

He smiles a bit, fighting the longing in his chest. He doesn’t have the heart to turn him away. “No, you’re okay. You don’t count.” 

Remus feels him looking at him. 

“What?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know whether I should be flattered or offended.”

Remus glances at him, “About what, that you don’t count?” He nods. “I meant it as a compliment.” 

They fall silent again. 

“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs. Remus flushes, glancing over at him as his heart speeds up. Does he dare to hope?

Grey eyes have turned to silver in the moonlight, hair blowing in the soft breeze. He leans into him. There’s a look in his eyes that Remus can’t read. 

“Pads,” he begins. He reaches out hesitantly, resting a hand against his cheek. He sinks into the touch, and Remus feels his courage grow.  

“What, Re?”

“Can I kiss you?” The words come out in a single breath, barely audible over the light wind. But the boy nods as if he’s heard. 

Their lips touch quickly, messily. Remus’ heart stops. It’s not perfect, not at all, but it feels like the world has frozen. They break apart. Remus presses their foreheads together, feeling their breaths mingling. He looks up at him, eyes soft and full of longing. He reads the silent question in Remus’ face. 

With a breath, he leans in again, pressing their lips together, hands snaking around Remus’ neck and pulling him closer. This kiss is easier, less messy. They fit, their bodies molding together as Remus wraps his other arm around his waist. He sinks into his arms and Remus wonders why he didn’t do this sooner. 

“Sirius,” he whispers against his lips. “I really like you.”

He smiles. “I really like you too.”

They pull apart, after a moment, arms still wrapped around each other.

“Wanna look at the stars with me?” Remus asks. 

He nods eagerly and pulls away, and Remus grabs the telescope sitting beside him, lifting it to his eye. The boy points out the Canis constellation, grinning proudly.

“Look, Re, it’s me!” He’s grinning, arm wrapped around his shoulder, pointing up at the Sirius star, shining brightly down on them. Remus smiles at him, handing him the telescope and watches as he looks up at the sky. He never wants to leave this moment. 

~

Remus shakes his head at himself, dragging himself out of the memory. His heart constricts painfully as he remembers the feel of soft lips against his, arms curled around him, fingers in his hair. A feeling he’ll never get back again. 

He digs further in the drawer and finds a stack of letters. They give him pause. He surveys them, trying to figure out why they seem so familiar. It’s then he notices his own handwriting glaring up at him. 

Breath catching in his throat, Remus pulls out a letter he wrote, over 12 years ago. Tears form as he reads the words from his 15 year-old self, lonely and scared, faced with a full moon alone and the knowledge that his boyfriend is trapped in this house with his abusive mother and neglectful father. He can feel the longing through the paper, the need to be there, to kiss him and make everything better. It’s a feeling that never left. 

Heart constricting painfully, he sorts through each letter, reading the words he’d put there all those years ago. They’ve been lovingly preserved, evident from the careful creases in the paper and the neat organization. Every letter he’d ever written is now in his hands again. But the man he’d written them to is not. 

Remus begs himself not to cry, not to break down again. 

He lasts only a minute. 

~

Later that night, Remus climbs out onto the roof where they would always sit together, staring at the sky. He looks up at the stars that had always brought him comfort. His eyes find the Canis constellation almost immediately, drawn like always to the brightest star in the sky. The air is cool around him, the sky a deep deep blue. 

He sits there for a long time. 

Memory after memory flashes through his mind. The pain in his chest only grows with each passing second until he nearly can’t bear it anymore. Even being betrayed was better than losing him completely. Tears spill onto his cheeks until he’s crying, whole body shaking with sobs. He doesn’t want to feel it anymore. He wants the pain to go away. He wants him back. 

It’s nearly dawn when Remus moves again. The sky has lightened and his tears have dried on his cheeks. As he stares up at the disappearing constellations, heart in his throat, he whispers to the stars,

“Sirius, I don’t know how to say goodbye to you.”

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Day 7: “Is that vodka? At 7 in the morning?”

masterlist

Non-descript, non-canon compliant AU

This fought with me the entire time so im sorry if it seems a little all over the place 

Piper Mclean hated the club. It was loud and noisy and full of people who smelled like they bathed in tequila and coconut rum every evening. She didn’t understand why anyone enjoyed the dense atmosphere with music pulsing into the very fibres of your being and rattling your bones till they ached the next day. She much preferred close gatherings with a few friends, low music, and conversation that doesn’t involve screaming “YOU GOOD?” in someone’s ear every few minutes.

Despite all this, she found herself standing in the middle of Vibe with liquor and smoke clinging to her hair, trying very hard not to look like she was having the worst time of her life. It clearly isn’t working.

“Don’t look so glum Pipes! It’s not my fault you lost our bet.” Percy Jackson leans into her, a lopsided grin on his face.

“Oh I’m enjoying myself thoroughly,” She puts on a bright smile, fakeness leaking from between her teeth. “I hate you so much. You couldn’t have chosen any other consequence.”

“Sorry Pipes,” He looks too gleeful. She can’t wait to get him back. “It was either this or dive naked into the infected pond and Annabeth banned me from that because she didn’t have time to go to the hospital.”

Before she could even process the elements of that statement, the blonde mentioned saddles up to them, a pretty smile lighting up her face. “Hello girlfriend.” She kisses Piper’s cheek, leaning into her so their bodies pressed together.

“Hello traitor.” She grumbles, but wraps an arm around her waist.

“Traitor?” Annabeth frowns, confusion and distraction making the grey of her eyes look like rain clouds.

“Apparently you’re to blame for my being here instead of at the hospital being treated for pond infections.”

Her girlfriend pulls a face that is equal parts disgusted and adorable. Her nose scrunches up so the small smattering of freckles from various archaeological digs disappear entirely, and her eyebrows scrunch together so the crease in her forehead deepens. “I have a dig next week. I can’t afford to be watching you puke your guts out in a hospital.” And then she turns a sobering glare towards Percy, who is still standing there with an amused look on his face, “I’ll make you and her jump in that stupid pond. Then you can be bed-pals as you throw up into the same bucket.”

Piper and him let out a groan of disgust at the vivid image. She shoves her girlfriend's shoulder, scowling playfully. “Go spread your propaganda somewhere else! I want to wallow in peace.”

“Orrrrr,” A gleam enters those grey eyes and she knows instinctively that whatever would come next would be tomorrow’s regret. She is ready. “Or we can do shots until the liquor tastes like water?”

“Are you serious?” She is shocked at the suggestion. Annabeth has never really been a ‘let’s get wasted’ kind of person.

“Come on, don’t be a downer!” She waggles blonde eyebrows.

Percy chimes in with a splitting grin of his own, “First one to fall has to-”

“NO!” The blonde cuts in, “No more dares you two. I’m banning you for the rest of the month. We all need a little time to relax.”

They both give her indignant looks, “What? Who’s we?”

She glares at them, “The rest of us who have to look after you two whenever you decide to do something dumb that is going to get one or both of you inured.”

Their twin looks of dismay are almost comical and Annabeth’s lips twitch like she’s holding in a laugh. “Let’s do shots before you keel over and die.”

Piper doesn’t have time to protest before blonde curls are whipping past her vision and a hand is tugging hers towards the bar, which is crowded by people and makes her want to run in the opposite direction. But the warm hand in hers gives a squeeze as if her girlfriend had known what she was thinking, and suddenly everything doesn’t seem so overwhelming. They hit the wood of the counter with a thud and she knows she’ll have a bruise on her hip tomorrow, but Annabeth turns to her with a light like gilded rain and fine beauty and she knows she’d throw herself off a cliff to see that smile.

“What’s your poison?” Percy looks to them, mischief gleaming in his emerald eyes.

They share a look that crackles like midnight and trouble and turn to their friend. “Choose.” Piper winks.

His face lights up like fairy lights and he turns to the bartender, rattling off an order that is guaranteed to put them in the grave. Minutes later a line of shots, some of which she recognises and some completely foreign, is set up in front of them. Four different liquids swirl in the tiny glasses and she can smell the liquor like blood in a trainwreck.

“This is a terrible idea.” Her girlfriend grins.

“Yes.” She winces, “It is.”

“Well then,” Percy looks to them, already holding up the vodka, “Shall we?”

And so they do, and it is burning, and it is lightning, and it is gleaming, and it is fun. And when they’ve finished Annabeth orders more, and they go through those even faster than the first. The alcohol sweeps over them, like waves of gentle haze.

Piper smiles all lopsided as the neon colours blur together. The lights she hated so vehemently now bounce across her vision in a dance that she is all too happy to carry on. A warm hand slips into hers and then they are heading to the dance floor. Bodies writhe against each other to music that is so far away, sounds up in space.

They have more shots, dance even longer, everything is nothing but time and light and liquor and wonder. Annabeth pulls them together and she can feel every soft curve of her girlfriend, and every corded muscle alongside. Their lips meet in a chaste kiss and it makes them laugh for no reason. They try it again and it goes deeper, sweeter, more the taste of each other than the feel of lips. They are eternal.

When they go home, drunk, stumbling, laughing like they mean to remember every second, they are still in each other’s arms. They wave goodbye to Percy who is more sober than they could ever be, the little minx, and crash to the couch with no energy to spare. She finds the blonde’s mouth, presses feather kisses to the corners. Annabeth is already sleeping.

***

Piper Mclean wakes up to the sun directly on her eyes, and a pounding like anvils behind her eyes. “What the fuck did we do last night?”

There is no reply which sets in a mild panic that forces her to open her eyes. They burn like she decided to stare straight into the sun and she sucks in a breath that rattles her brain.

“Annabeth.” Her voice is so croaky. 

“In the kitchen love.”

She groans as she pictures the walk through the apartment, which suddenly seems as large as the Grand Canyon.

“Are you alive?”

She takes stock of her body which feels like it’s been through a washing machine, “No.”

“You want my hangover cure?”

“Yes, get me out of pain!”

And then the blonde is walking into the room and offering her a mug of something she doesn’t bother to analyse before taking a large gulp. Big mistake.

She splutters as the contents hit her tongue, and scorch the back of her throat. “Is that….vodka?” She gasps, “At seven in the morning?”

Annabeth smirks, and it is rude how adorable she looks while she’s ruining people’s livers. “The best way to cure a hangover is to drink more.” And with that she shakes her own mug and downs the rest.

“I hate you.” Piper grumbles, “Get over here so i can hold you and sleep off the blacksmith in my head.”

“Want tablets?”

“Want death.” She squeezes her eyes, “But i guess that’ll do too.”

“Come on Miss dramatic,” Annabeth laughs, “Let’s get you to bed.” 

So Piper is lifted up bridal style by her girlfriend and gently tucked into bed. They sleep the rest of the day off and have deliciously greasy food for dinner. If nothing else, at least she is content. At least she is happy. At least she is home.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Tags:

@spoopylucy​

@leydiangelo​

@nishlicious-01​

[hopelikethemoon]

Coffee (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Coffee Rating: PG-13 Length: 2700 Warnings: A brief discussion about abortions.  Notes: You can find the Maybe Today, Maybe Forever Timeline here. And release order here. Set early February 1998. My personal headcanon for Reader/Annie is Phoebe Tonkin and Elena is Camilla Mendes. They are supposed to look strikingly similar. And if you don’t know my backstory for Reader it’s alluded to in this chapter.  Summary: Reader meets up with an old acquaintance. 

Taglist:  @grapemama  @seawhisperer @huliabitch @pedropascalito @rogrsnbarnes @thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns @gooddaykate @livasaurasrex @ham4arrow @hiscyarika @plexflexico @readsalot73 @hdlynn @lokiaddicted @randomness501 @fioccodineveautunnale  @roxypeanut @just-add-butter @snivellusim @amarvelousmandalorian @lukesrighthand @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @exrebelshocktrooper @awesomefandomsunited @ah-callie @swhiskeys @lady-tano @beskar-droids @space-floozy @cable-kenobi @longitud-de-onda @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes @findhimfives @pedrosdoll @seeking-a-great--perhaps @frietiemeloen @arrowswithwifi @random066 @uncomicalhumour @heather-lynn @domino-oh-damn @cyarikaaa @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl  @yabby-girl @xqueenofthecraziesx @punkass-potato @coredrive @pascalesque @theduchessofkirkcaldy @queenquazar @sabinemorans @buckstaposition​ (if I forget to tag you, I’m sorry)

Elena greeted you with a warm hug, “It’s so good to see you again. It has been such a long time.”

“I know.” You squeezed her back, before you released her and sat down at the table. “You look good.”

“So do you.” Elena assured you as she sat down across from you. “I did not know you and Javier were here in Miami. What a small world.”

You laughed, “When Connie mentioned someone from Colombia who bore a resemblance to me…” You gestured between the two of you, “I was shocked.”

She nodded, “As was I. When Connie found me on Monday and told me about the connection, I was floored.” Elena rested her chin on her palm, propping her elbow on the table. “Of all the people I knew in Colombia.”

“I tried to get Javier to come, but…” You shrugged, chewing on your bottom lip. Javier couldn’t understand why you were so determined to meet with one of his informants — especially since that part of his life was well and truly in the past. But it wasn’t that. You had actually liked Elena. There were no hard feelings towards her. 

She deserved better than the situation she was in in Colombia. 

“The last time I saw him, you had just told him you were pregnant.” Elena mused with a slight smirk. “I had never seen Javier scared before. After everything he’d endured, it was the promise of fatherhood that brought him to his knees.”

You smiled wistfully. “It wasn’t the best situation.”

“No,” Elena shook her head slowly. “I told him years before he should’ve acted on his feelings. But he ignored me.”

“What?” Your brows furrowed. 

Elena gestured between the two of you, “The first time I met him, I could’ve sworn he’d seen a ghost.”

A knot coiled in the pit of your belly. You weren’t a fool — you had known that your similarities with Elena were no coincidence. He hadn’t just sought her out for her the information. “I remember walking into that motel room and…” You frowned. 

Years later, you still didn’t know how to explain your feelings on that situation. It wasn’t like you and Elena were identical, but it was close enough that if you squinted the similarities were all there. It had left you with a strange fire in your veins. 

“He adored you.” Elena stated firmly. “I was almost jealous that there was a good man like him left to pine after someone who didn’t want him.”

You shook your head, “I wanted him, I just… You know how Javier was.”

“I do.” She agreed. “I’m glad things worked out for the two of you. Javier was one of the few good men who came through the doors of the brothel. He deserved a happy ending.”

“He’s the best father. Those girls are his everything.” You told her. 

“Girls?”

You laughed and nodded, “We have two daughters now.”

“Connie didn’t mention that.” She laughed. “Javier is a father two times over?”

“Sofía will be one in June.”

“Congratulations.” Elena smiled at you. “What do you do now? I assume you are not with the DEA.”

“Javier teaches,” You explained. “And I’m contracted with the Miami PD to handle narcotics training.”

“Still kicking ass.” Elena brought her coffee cup to her lips and took a sip. “I’m impressed.”

You grabbed your purse off the back of the chair, pulling out your wallet. “This was our family photo for Christmas.” You said as you slid the picture across the table.

“Look at the four of you!” She grinned at you, “You have a beautiful family.”

You beamed, “They're pretty cool, I guess.” Elena passed the picture back to you and you stared down at it. “I can’t believe how big Josie is getting.” 

The photographer had been so frustrated with you. He was determined to get the classic Christmas card picture with the tree in the background and one of the kids holding a present. But that wasn’t your style. You both wanted a picture that represented your family. 

 Javier had worn a pair of dark blue slacks with a white shirt.  He’d rolled up his sleeves to his elbow and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt beneath a tie Josie had picked out. Neither of you were the Christmas sweater type. You had, however, gotten the girls matching dresses, navy blue with silver snowflakes. And your own silver maxi dress was meant to tie the four of you together. 

 You loved all the pictures from the shoot, but the one you carried around was your favorite. Josie was sitting in her father’s lap, cheesing for the camera, while you sat beside him with your cheek against his shoulder as you helped Sofía balance on her feet in front of you. It wasn’t a picture-perfect Christmas card family — but it was all yours. 

 “Are you living with your cousin?” You questioned, lifting your gaze back to her as you tucked the photo back into your wallet. 

“You remembered! Santiago lives in Tampa. I lived with him while I went to school, but I’m on my own now.” Elena explained with a polite smile. “He visits when he can.”

“That’s great. I’m glad you have family nearby.”

“He helped a lot when I first arrived.” She shook her head slowly, “I just knew I couldn’t stay in Colombia.”

“I’m glad you got out when you did.” You assured her, “Things were heating up near the end.” 

“I’m sure it was.” She nodded, “What prompted the two of you to leave?”

You tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, leaning your elbow against the table as you looked out the window to your right. “The DEA wasn’t exactly thrilled that I was pregnant,” You explained. “They did everything in their power to make me miserable and it worked. After Josie was born, Javier and I came clean about who the father was and I was let go.” You shrugged. “He quit and we left the country.”

Elena rolled her eyes, “I’m not surprised the rest of the DEA are swine.”

“They certainly were.” You laughed, “And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’m actually working on exposing them.” 

“Really?”

You nodded. “Javier requested all of the files my name was in. It’s a stack of them.” You sank back in your seat, glancing out the window again. “We’ve got a reporter covering it. The first article is supposed to drop in the Washington Post next month.” 

“Holy shit.” She leaned against the table. “You’re really trying to take them down, aren’t you?”

You rubbed at the back of your neck as you looked back at her, “They omitted me entirely from the reports about Escobar. It’s just Steve and Javi.” 

She frowned, “But you were right there.” 

“Yeah.” Your brows furrowed and you shook your head. “They essentially redacted me from the history books, simply because I had Josie.” 

“That’s bullshit.” She took another sip of her coffee, staring at you. “You were so dedicated to your job. Not only was that plain to see when we worked together, but Javier…” She pressed her lips together. “He was proud of you.” 

“Did he really talk about me that much?”

Elena shrugged, “I did not expect to see him again after the first time you and I worked together. I don’t know if he realizes how much he said without really saying anything. But it was clear he cared about you more than as just a partner.”

You sat up a little straighter then. “We’ve had a lot of discussions about that period in our lives. It’s just nice to hear from an outside source that I wasn’t alone in my… feelings.”

Elena pushed her hair behind her shoulders, smiling a little at you. “I really thought he was an idiot for not saying something to you. I did try to get him to.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Luckily we are better about talking things through. It’s an uphill battle sometimes, but we try.” You leaned against the table. “So, how’d you get into social work?”

“It felt natural. I wanted to do something to give back. Ideally, I would like to work with women who are in difficult situations, but the hospital is a stepping stone to that.” Elena took another sip of coffee. “I’ve been volunteering at a women’s shelter downtown, which has been really fulfilling.” 

You smiled, “I wish I had more time to help the community. Javi’s got a full class schedule this semester and Monica is juggling a lot on her plate.”

“Monica?” Elena questioned with an arched brow. 

“Oh.” You laughed softly as you grabbed your wallet again, shuffling through the pictures before you produced a picture that had been taken at Thanksgiving. “Monica is one of Javier’s students. We’ve essentially adopted her into our family.” 

She gave you a look. 

“Her parents are not… understanding. To put it lightly.” You explained, “She’s been helping us with the girls, but she just started dating a really sweet girl and I don’t want her missing out on that.” 

Her eyes widened, “Ah.” 

“Exactly,” You shrugged with a short laugh. “We tried to get her to join us for the family photo at Christmas, but the lure of Nadia was too strong. They have this arcade they go to all the time.” You rolled your eyes. “I don’t get the appeal.” 

An incredulous sound escaped Elena as she stared at you, “You really did it, didn’t you?” 

“Did what?” 

“Domesticated Javier Peña.” 

You laughed loudly, much to the annoyance of the older couple sitting at the table behind you. “Sorry.” You offered, before looking back at Elena. “He’s extremely domesticated.” You grinned. “The man has a favorite coffee mug.”

Elena chuckled, “That’s the sort of life both of you deserve.” 

“I appreciate that.” You smiled at her. “Honestly, I thought I’d end up married to my work. Javier and Josie changed my life and I couldn’t be happier.” 

“You’re a stronger woman than I am,” Elena said with a warm smile. “If I had been in your situation, I don’t know if I would’ve chosen the motherhood route.” 

You took a sip of coffee, nodding your head slowly. “I didn’t even consider the alternative.” You admitted quietly, “I was ready and willing to do this alone if Javier didn’t want to be involved. It would’ve broken my heart, I think, but… she was the best accident.” You bit down on your bottom lip, thinking for a minute. “My own childhood wasn’t great.” 

“Really?”

You rubbed your lips together, giving a slight nod. “I overcame it, I came out on top, but… I don’t want my girls to have to work that hard to be loved. No one should have to feel like love is conditional. Monica, Josie, Sofía deserve better than that.” You raked your fingers through your hair. “I think that’s why, with Josie… I didn’t even consider having an abortion. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be the mother I never had.” 

Elena reached across the table and squeezed your hand, “And look at the life you’ve built from that decision.” 

“We should have coffee again sometime,” You suggested. “There’s no reason to be strangers in a city that is clearly small.”

“I would like that,” She patted your hand, before reaching for her coffee cup once more. “And please send Javier my best. He was a good man and he finally has the life he deserves.” 

“He’ll appreciate that.” You finished off the last of your coffee. Your eyes flickered to your wristwatch, “Shit. I need to pick up the kids.” You said as you got up, pulling your purse across your chest. “Thank you again, Elena.” 

“I’m glad we reconnected,” Elena said as she stood up, “I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” 

You exchanged a brief hug with her, before you ducked out of the coffee shop and headed for your car. You were relieved that the meeting had gone well — though you had expected it to. You’d worked alongside Elena a handful of times back in Colombia, where it was necessary that you play a part to get intel and she’d always been gracious to you. 

Outside of the first time you met her at the motel room, there was no lingering awkwardness there. Though you had a sneaking suspicion that more of his informants had known about you than just Elena. Considering how bad Javier was at keeping your second pregnancy secret, you figured he’d had a case of loose lips when it came to you. 

This was definitely going to come up with Nancy. If not straight from you, from Javier’s sessions. You were certain, with each passing session, Nancy was finding the two of you more and more unusual. Especially given the fact that Nancy had devoted an entire session to try to work out whether you held resentment towards Javier for sleeping with informants — as if you hadn’t as well. 

It was just never something that concerned you. It didn’t affect your relationship with Javier whatsoever. Sure, Elena bore a striking resemblance to you, but Steve had made you aware of the fact that you’d gone after men that even reminded him of Javier. 

Gotta love a good proxy. 

As you settled into your car your phone started ringing. 

“Hey,” You said after you pulled it free from your purse. “I was just thinking about you.” 

“Oh yeah?” Javier countered with a short chuckle. “I was thinking about you too, baby. You done with coffee?”

“Just got in the car to head over and pick up Josie.” You told him, shouldering the phone so you could buckle your seatbelt. “What’s up?” 

“I just wanted to see how it went.” He cleared his throat and you could practically feel his nerves through the phone. “How… How’d it go?”

“We spent the entire time gossiping about you.” You teased, trying to allay his worries. “We just caught up, Javi. It was nothing deeply profound.” 

Javier grumbled, “But you did talk about me?”

You rolled your eyes, putting your keys into the ignition and starting the car off. The radio came on, blasting Los Del Rio’s hit, and you quickly turned the knob to turn it down. “Of course we talked about you, Javi. Did you think you wouldn’t be brought up?”

“I just…” Javier trailed off and for a second you thought the call had dropped. “I used to tell her a lot more than I should’ve.”

“I gathered this.” You laughed softly. “But I also recall you told another informant that I was pregnant.” 

“Yes.” 

“You were a terrible agent Javier.” You said lightly. “Loose lips sink ships.” 

“I just couldn’t tell the right person.” He remarked, sighing heavily. “At least I’ve made up for it.” 

“Have you?” You countered, chewing on your bottom lip. “Do you have any plans this weekend?”

“Working on next week’s slides. Why, baby?”

“We should go out.” You suggested. “We haven’t really had a date since Sof was born. We could give Le Mystere a try.” 

Javier hummed, “The new Mediterranean place off Washington?”

“I know you’ve been dying to try it.” You smiled, “Come on, Javi. We deserve a kid-free night.” 

“I’ll give Steve a call after we get off the phone.” Javier drawled out, “See if I can get us a reservation tomorrow.” 

“I thought you’d jump on this opportunity.” It had been a long time since the two of you had actually had a real date. It was hard to balance two careers, two kids, and still manage to get a decent night of sleep. 

“How could I say ‘no’, baby?” He chuckled. “What’s the occasion?” 

“I love you. Do I need an occasion, Javi?” 

“No, you don’t. But you’ve got me looking forward to the weekend now.” He chuckled, “Alright, lemme get off the phone and get us a reservation.” 

“Perfect. I’m gonna go get the kids.” 

“See you at home, baby.” 

“See you soon.” You smiled as you hung up the phone, tossing it into the passenger seat beside you. 

Sure, you both had been more than willing to try new things, but the old thing — just the two of you — was pretty good too. Dinner out, the house to yourselves… Hopefully this time you won’t accidentally fall asleep after dinner, because you were breaking in the newest lingerie set you’d bought.