#im making the most obvious take instead of studying for exams

[nehruid]

Yk before I was always curious as a heavily whitewashed filipino high schooler that why was works such as Ibong Adarna and Florante at Laura in this layout where it was in this stanza form while Rizal's works such as Noli me Tángere and El Filibusterismo were in a more novel form despite the both of them talking about a narrative.

Now I just realised while studying for exams tomorrow that the reason why is based on the upbringing. Sisiw and Balagtas was taught in the country, Rizal was taught with outside sources, and unlike the two I've listed earlier is that Rizal was far richer in the status he was born in which would've mostly influenced how he wrote his books.

Conclusion: Rizal was a nepo baby that became our national hero

(Rip Rizal, you would've loved ao3 and twitter)

[zhaosbin]

what about fwb with gyuvin?? AND MAYBE HIGHSCHOOL AU!! like everybody thinks that you are just friends but in private it's something else..

ohhh i'm obsessed with this idea...THANK U ANON🫡

just friends — k. gyuvin

summary: to your peers, you and gyuvin were the best of friends...only you and gyuvin knew how far that friendship really went

reader: gyuvin x afab reader

warnings: fwb, dom!gyuvin, sub!reader, sex in a janitors closet lol, MINORS DNI

-

the dreaded day had finally come...monday. to make this particular monday more bearable, you and your friend hanbin had decided to meet up at a cafe before school started. you both order a small iced coffee and sit down at a booth nearby for a few minutes.

"did you study for mrs. choi's exam yet?" your friend asked you curiously. you quickly snap your head to look at him.

"we had an exam?" you say with an almost terrified look on your face. your friend, being used to ur laziness when it comes to school, simply laughed at you and offered to help you study as he always did.

"maybe if you weren't so busy with gyuvin, you would've known" hanbin says while giggling. you roll your eyes at your friend. everybody knew you and gyuvin were best friends, almost inseparable these days. it didn't stop them from teasing you both about it though.

"i already told you, there's nothing going on between us. we're just best friends"! you semi shout while hitting hanbin with you bag.

of course, you didn't like lying to your best friend. but you couldn't exactly tell him you were fucking one of his closest friends, could you?

—

you walk into your fourth period class exhausted. of course you got stuck with gym first period and had to go the rest of the day sweaty and tired. you take your seat next to your desk mate gunwook and you two casually talk about your days before the teacher comes in and begins the lesson.

unfortunately, the subject being taught right now was math. you couldn't care less about fractions and exponents right now. not when your phone was blowing up with text messages and calls. you knew right away who it was.

from: gyuvin 👹

y/n

y/nnnnn

can you come to the west wing?

please

it's important

answer me

from: y/n🫣

gyuvin i am literally in class

you were surprised when your needy "best friend" didn't immediately answer your message. putting your phone away, you went back to trying to figure out what ur teacher was even teaching.

a few moments later, a rather hard knock on the door snapped you out of your trance. the teacher looked annoyed until he opened the door to see his favorite student. kim gyuvin.

"im sorry sir, may i borrow y/n for a yearbook picture"? gyuvin says with a perfect smile on his perfect face.

you have to stop your jaw from hitting the floor. you cannot believe the nerve of this guy. the teacher, who absolutely ADORES gyuvin, immediately nods and motions at you to gather your stuff.

you both leave the classroom as gyuvin shoots the teacher a wave and another award winning smile. when the door finally shuts, you immediately slap his shoulder.

"are you crazy! what could possibly be this important?" you shout at him in the empty hallway.

gyuvin immediately pulls you to the closest janitors closet. he takes your hand and you look at him confused, until he places it on his very obvious boner.

"im sorry, i just couldn't stop thinking about being inside you again" gyuvin says casually like it's something normal.

you shake your head in disbelief, but you couldn't lie to yourself, just the thought of you making him hard was a huge turn on.

gyuvin could tell you were slipping into your submissive role already, the state he most adored you in. he placed a stray hair behind your ear and smiled at you.

"do you wanna help me out?" gyuvin asked with those beautiful puppy dog eyes. although u could tell he really needed this right now, you know he wouldn't force you into anything you didnt want to do.

instead of responding, you pull him in for a long and heated kiss. what started out slow and innocent turned into gyuvin shoving you against one of the shelves in the closet.

you gasp as your back hits the shelf. while part of you wanted gyuvin to publicly be yours, you couldn't deny how exciting it was having these secret sessions only the two of you knew about.

gyuvin moves from your lips down to your neck, being careful not to leave any noticeable marks there.

growing impatient, you nudge your knee against his crotch as he lets out a deep groan. gyuvin giggles at your lack of control and quickly gives in and lifts up your skirt. yeah, this was definitely his favorite part of the uniforms you guys had to wear.

he moves your panties to the side and immediately feels the wetness between your legs. you let out a sweet whimper, possibly one of gyuvin's favorite sounds in the world.

he slowly rubbed circles around your clit just to get you to relax a bit more. this only continued for a few minutes because he was simply too impatient. he needed to be inside you again.

helping him undo his belt, he quickly gets rid of his pants and throws them somewhere behind him. he then takes out a condom and rolls it onto his length, fingers fumbling due to his speed.

gyuvin gives you another sweet kiss as you feel him finally enter you. he groans at the feeling of your tight walls around his throbbing cock.

knowing the last time he was inside you was only two days ago, he wastes no time in fucking you mercilessly against the shelf.

your latch on to him and rest your forehead on his chest, his strong arms holding you up.

"fuck, you always feel so good around my cock baby" gyuvin pants almost breathlessly.

you moan in return, barely able to speak a sentence due to his cock hitting all the right spots inside of you.

trying to focus on something, you glance down at his hands. those veiny fucking hands.

as of gyuvin could read your mind, he wraps one of them around your throat. you knew it was game over for you.

"gyuvin i-im cumming" you're barely able to spit out before your orgasm shakes ur entire body. knowing you can get loud when you cum, he takes the hand that was around your throat and places it over your mouth.

"hold on baby, im almost done" gyuvin says as he kisses your forehead. he only manages to get a few more thrusts in before he's cumming with a deep moan.

he pumps into you a few more times before finally pulling out and helping you to stand. when you guys make eye contact again, you both let out a laugh. you couldn't believe this was your life.

after you both clean up the best you can, you exit the janitors closet together. when you step outside, you see hanbin standing on the other side of the hallway, a look of disbelief but also humor on his face.

"I KNEW IT!" he shouts loud enough for anyone passing by to hear. you and gyuvin look at each other and he grabs your hand.

"let's just make it official" he says with a look of adoration on his face.

[leonspretty]

message in a bottle

you and spencer are best friends, but you both want more

masterlist

pairing: spencer reid x reader

tags: intern tech analyst! reader, no use of y/n, literal taylor lyrics as speech, academic inaccuracies (im british), rushed ending (and all throughout tbh), not proofread (it's 4:35am), season 5 reid, boyband hair reid, fluff!!!

notes: bro. the amount of times i rewrote this before i finally settled on the idea i actually liked. and as i write these notes before actually writing out the fic listning to this song im getting more ideas. hopefully this one is quite a bit longer.

wc: 1,550

"I'm reachin' for you, terrified, 'Cause you could be the one that I love, I could be the one that you dream of, Message in a bottle is all I can do, Standin' here, hopin' it gets to you" - Taylor Swift's 'Message in a Bottle (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)

It was clear to everyone that there was something between you and the BAU's resident genius. So clear infact, that even the two of you knew it. Many times your brain had danced on the idea of confessing, or even just going up to Spencer and asking for sure if he liked you, but you already had that confirmation from Morgan through a voice message he had sent you of Spencer admitting his feelings one time when they had gone out.

At first, the thing you had found frightening was the fact that your best friend liked you. You didn't know what you were supposed to do with that information. But the more you thought about it, the more you realised that what actually frightens you is the fact that those feelings are reciprocated ten-fold, you just weren't sure on how you felt about them being out in the open to him -- and so, you found other ways to show your feelings. You wanted to ensure that Spencer knew you cared for him more than a normal friend did, but you also wanted to make sure that it could still be played off as a friendly gesture if anyone asked or if he was to find someone else.

You always thought Spencer was beautiful, both in the way he acted and especially the way he looked. When he had come in slightly late to a briefing with a brand new hair cut, it's safe to say you were hypnotized. Then when Hotch made his comment about Spencer's new haircut making him look like a boyband member, you could see Morgan's face waiting for your comment, as you had many times mentioned about how certain boyband members were attractive. But you couldn't pull your eyes from Spencer. He hadn't noticed, but when it was your turn to make a comment on the case, you were tongue-tied, stumbling over your words. This then prompted Spencer to later pull you to the side to ask if you were okay because for you to stutter in front of people like that was an extremely rare occurrence.

Realising you definitely wanted more out of yours and Spencer's relationship, you went for leaving him more obvious hints. You wanted to make sure he knew what you meant by your gifts so you'd write flirty notes and leave them on the front pages of books you'd give him, or attach little comments to the cups of coffee you'd buy him. You were sure this would work, but then work took over.

As an intern, you had certain times when you weren't in the office helping Garcia out and were instead in classes and study sessions to prepare for exams. Usually, you would try your best to help Garcia and the team from her office while also studying there, however, you had your biggest, most important one coming up, and Hotch had given you the time off to allow you to focus on it, ensuring you that the team would be just fine without you for a few weeks.

At the beginning of this break, you'd study in your apartment and Spencer would come over with take-out to help where he could and to just keep you company, you studying while he read on your couch. However, the team had been called to Las Vegas on a gruelling case, so times for you and Spencer to talk were very limited. Even when they got back, Spencer had vaguely mentioned that he had seen his mother while in Vegas and wanted to see if he could get her into another programme. You still had about a week to your exam so studying became more frequent and time to talk and hangout with Spencer became very sparse, sometimes going days without talking at all.

Eventually, your exam had passed and so came the long wait for your result. You were back at the BAU, and even though they had hit a dry spell of cases, paperwork and training did not. The mornings would drag, but when it would come to lunch, you and Spencer had decided to take it together everyday, often heading to a local cafe for an hour to talk and just have a break.

On a seemingly endless workday, a day where you didn't get a chance to stop for lunch, there was a knock at the door of yours and Garcia's shared office.

As the door opened, you both looked up, your smile immediately widening at the view of your best friend holding a tea and a bag of what you assumed was something from a bakery the two of you had found a while back.

"To what do we owe the pleasure Doctor?" Garcia's teasing tone was unmissable as she gave you a side look with a smirk, knowing exactly what had prompted the visit.

"Well, someone, skipped out on me for lunch today so I decided to bring it here, and don't worry I got you some too Garcia."

Garcia took her food and made it seem like she went back to work but in reality she was watching as you and Spencer chatted.

Spencer soon left to get back to his own pile of paperwork and you watched the door a few seconds too long after he left, your daze only breaking at the sound of Garcia's voice. "Girl. You need to tell him, I know you said you were leaving him hints but I don't think he got them, I think you need to be clear and just tell him."

The only word going through your head was 'disaster'. Not in the terms of your relationship, but in the terms of you knew you were going to go through with it and risk everything.

At the end of the work day you made sure to be ready to leave for when Spencer also would be leaving. Running a little to catch up to him by the elevator you shouted his name. "Spence, hey."

"Hi, you didn't have to run, I would've waited for you." He said, laughing a little as you regained your breath now on the elevator.

"Yeah yeah, anyway, movie night?"

Spencer's smile grew even wider than it already was as he nodded and followed you to your car when you got to the parking lot.

It took a while for you to finally gain the courage to confess. In your head as you left the BAU, you had told yourself to do it as soon as you arrived at your apartment, but that nagging part of your brain told you to be a little selfish and enjoy what could be the last few hours of normalcy between the two of you if this were to go downhill.

Two movies later and Chinese take-out on your coffee table, you turned to Spencer.

"You could be the one that I love."

There was silence.

You weren't sure why you had phrased it like that, knowing Spencer would be confused, and this was evident in his face: his eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he finished chewing his food, turning to you.

"And I could be the one that you dream of."

You cringed inwardly at yourself again, willing yourself to just express your feelings normally, but just as you went to speak again, Spencer beat you to it. "You're already the one I dream of. My every thought is consumed by you. I've noticed your hints, pretty girl, all of them, the notes, the extra gifts, which by the way, I love but you really do not need to be spending that much on me, I know how much limited book editions cost and you've bought me five in the past two months. Anyway. I am in love with you and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier but you seemed to have a lot of work and I wanted to make sure I wouldn't add to that if those 'hints' turned out to just be friendly."

You were stunned, and your lack of response seemed to invite Spencer to continue.

"You are the one that I love. You have been for a long time. I think I've spent more time being in love with you than I have just thinking of you as a friend."

Stupidly, instead of saying anything, you just looked down at your lap. You didn't know what to say. You weren't entirely sure what you were expecting to come out of your 'confession', but Spencer's words were not an expectation in any of your many thoughts of how this would play out.

"Please say something, if I've got it wrong, please let me know so that I can leave-"

The idea of him leaving seemed to pull you from your stun. "No! Please don't leave. I'm sorry, I just never expected you to say anything like that. I played this all out in my head so many times but I never expected you to think of me that way. I am so unbelievably happy and in love with you Dr. Spencer Reid."

Cringing at the use of his full titled name, he muttered out a "Shush you," as he cupped your cheek, pulling you into his lips.

Your message in a bottle got to it's destination.

i won't lie, this is so rushed and i actually kind of hate how it turned out, but it is 4:31am and i am tired but i just really wanted to get this out. at least it's longer than my last two fics. i might come back and edit it but for now, here it is. either way, i hope you enjoyed and please send requests, the people i can write for are in my masterlist!

dividers by @cafekitsune

thank you for reading!

[tolerateit]

It's 5am and I can't stop thinking about the 20-something that hit on me on New Year's when I was 16. We danced a bit and when the music died down we started chatting. As soon as he learned that I was 16, he said I was too young and stayed away for the rest of the night. Unlike the other guy, that was even older than him, that kept bugging me for months after. I found that first guy on Facebook a few days later and he didn't even accept my friendship request. I mean he was the first guy that actually properly hit on me irl, instead of just liking posts on Facebook.

Anyway, I graduated high school, enrolled in University, and during one of my first exams, I saw the guy that told me I'm too young. Turns out we ended up studying the same thing at university. He just had trouble with some of the classes. At least that's what I assume happened because it was a first year exam and he was significantly older than me. We finished the exam around the same time and walked out of the exam room at the same time but it was obvious he didn't remember me when I said hi.

Anyway, all this to say I hope he has an amazing life. Back then it was really rare to find someone who wouldn't have taken advantage of the situation. I mean the second guy is a great example of that. I wish my younger sister had a similar experience at the same age, but the guy immediately started taking advantage of her, and he was a decade older than her. He was older than me. And my parents somehow saw no issue with a 27 year old trying to date a 16 year old all under the guise of if she dates him, he'll buy her all the stuff she wants. I called it out and was called weird by most people for doing so. I was made out to be the bad guy for saying "what the hell do you two have in common to talk about?! is he discussing your math homework after he gets off work?" to highlight the point.

Anyway, I sincerely hope that the guy I originally mentioned has an amazing life and never thinks of me. I will continue to cherish the experience and be grateful for what he did and for making my standards high on random sleepless nights like this one.

it's so rare to see instances where people like him do right by young kids because like!! it could have been so easy to take advantage of the situation and then diffuse responsibility later!! Im so glad he didn't do that, need so many more people like him!

[baconlettucetomatoeggs]

lest reality may gaslight me...........

i admit there's this growing jealousy of mine when she talks about her escapades in coding. it kinda reminded me how little i know, when in fact i should know this.

now the semester's coming (yep i got enrolled, thank god) i did what most people do when they're dunno what the heck things would do: ask their nearest person

"so, honest question, do you think we're work-ready?" "i dont think so. why's that?" "if beginners nowadays can code RISC-V like it was nothing, what's left to us? sure we can say we studied this course for like 4 years but... isnt that a waste?" "i mean... yeah? i mean even the webdevs of our course were really cocky. no one even taught us AI. heck, our classmates are working on BPO. nothing wrong about it but it's such a waste of skill" (some context on the text above: the mate's specializing in AI. also some of us know webdev. at least we can deploy XAMPP and call it a day. others feel fancy with their javascripts. the second person also has a knack of wanting to make a RISC on their own. welp) and i'm still here being jealous with even seeing double colons on code, or even a simple coding example. i just cant do this anymore. it's filled with spite and i dunno where to channel that frustration: i need to learn this. but i cant. and i'm demotivated.

then she started planning on making a compiler.

we never had that kind of stuff in my course. so in confusion, i asked my mates who were studying outside of my cooleg

"hey y'all made compilers in your course?" "yeah." and idk what to say. i just wasted 4 years of my life. just. gone

"why didnt you take a course that has a license? i mean, with that entrance exam score you're set to every course" because i liked it here. but now it's just a lie.

and i wasted 4 years of my life here.

i remembered the Cult Leader (my prof, not really a cult leader but their messianic complex is HARD) said to us: "what's the use of learning low level? everything's done in web these days" as my mates and i were doing system calls on our devices.

and the worst of it all was the fact that my bff told me a real cold hard truth accidentally:

"hey did you know? your course is just a minor on this other engineering course"

lol i have no pride left in my what is essentially me, my hobby, my joy, my life. not only im dumb, but i know nothing

so, there are two options left for me:

just cry about it.

accept that everything is mediocre and you need to walk on your own, spite and all

while eating my lunch today, i told to myself i need a focused learning of all the things i wanna learn to. no i wont speak it beacause im afraid it wouldnt come to fruition

i wanna apologise to her tbh. not only she didnt know, i just dunno what she talks about 80% of the time. i like it when she's around, and i like it when she's eager on something. sorry ><

kinda disappointing that i'll go back on 4th year instead of 1st year. i definitely need that introductory class.

all i got in the end was... please dont tell your hobbies, because if you do you'll feel insecure about it when you find you dont hobbied hard enough

or maybe stuck myself reading philosophy books, whatever.

P.S.

so i asked myself wtf are we geared upon??? and welp it was obvious in hindsight, and in that one startup i worky on: it's all about building systems, the macro scale. hell we have prereqs for software engineering and another one for the Master's course

and while washing the dishes, i though like: COME ON, THAT'S EASY! IT'S EASY TO FOLLOW PARADIGMS AND JUST MIRROR IT AS IS! ANYONE CAN BUILD A MODULAR SYSTEM, OR EVEN A MONOLITHIC ONE, COME ON!!!!

sorta like the disconnect between businessmen talking about their plans 10 years (they always talk about this) vs friends planning a vacation 12 hours in advance. the first one dont need that much mental flex, only daydreaming.

...probably this is why the trend seems to be microservices, where they all struggle to keep their modularity in check. and now they removed the ethics board. they wanna think about futures, but not the present. may they rot in peace.

p.p.s

ok if you ask me what i wanna learn, it'll be HDL (verilog?) on the mondays, C/Rust on the tuesdays (cant decide. fuck it PSP time), RISC-V on the wednesdays, MIPS on the thursdays (fuck it PSP time), and friday's just Cebuano. saturday and sundays are for dumb time. cant decide how to tho. you can prolly do algorithms on any of those but that would be silly unless it's higher level i seriously wanna learn like functional languages, or languages near the theoretical side of things. we dont have the math touch in our hands and in fact we only have like 2 semesters of calculus.

this isnt prolly gonna be in fruition considering i laze around and dont have the will for anything than breathing and living

im kinda excited what shits will do in our embedded systems class. they said it's all arduino and stuff, why not go nuts? i guess.

there's 2 days of Neural Networks. no we wont build exotic stuff like GANs or something.

sigh. even with all this, i'm still dumb.

[ctrlaltsoob]

13. phone calls are useless - take a hint (csb)

summary: worrying about anything else couldn’t matter less to huh y/n, who cares so desperately at beating the one and only choi soobin in absolutely everything she can. although maybe there are some things than only can take the trophy for first…

or where two people fail to realise that the line between love and hate is very thin, even though they might be the smartest in their studies.

warnings: angst??? idk if u can call it that, swearing, mentions of violence

a/n: HAPPY HYUKA DAY !!! im sorry for the slow updates i’ve been applying for stuff all week and have to plan for a bunch of things it’s a Mess but i hope u like this chapter

12. minecraft vs. roblox | masterlist | 14. not funny

more under the cut [sns, wc. 3.1k]

“what the fuck are you doing in front of my house at 10 am?”

“i wanted to see odi.”

choi soobin must be another level of stupid. but then again, you must be too considering how you actually listened to him and opened the front door. he’s dressed in the most basic outfit possible and it pisses you off that he looks a lot more than just presentable.

but you’d rather die than admit that out loud.

“are you going to let me in or…?”

“no,” you smile and he scowls. “have a shitty day!”

you shut the door in his face. or at least, you try to, because he wedges his knee between the door and frame to prevent it from closing. and although he’s successful, he majorly underestimated the force of you slamming it shut because he’s positive that a bruise will now form on his knee due to the impact.

despite the obvious pain on his face, you still glare at him like he’s a piece of gum stuck at the bottom of your shoe. it’s almost pitiful the way he clutches his knee in pain — it’s just a shame that you’re already annoyed at him for disturbing your otherwise peaceful morning. he looks up at you expectantly, like he’s waiting for you to feel bad and invite him inside, but instead you say nothing and wait for him to leave.

“are you done yet?”

“you’re cruel,” he frowns at your unbothered demeanour. “it’s been nearly a month since i last saw him. don’t be so heartless.”

“honestly, i couldn’t care less about how you feel,” you say, hand creeping towards the edge of the door to try and shut it again. “if you wanted to see him you should’ve let me know at least two weeks in advance.”

soobin stands up straight, wincing as he straightens his leg. “yeah well, you would’ve found a reason to avoid me,” he states matter-of-factly, eyes rolling at how you blink at him innocently. “and then before i know it, you’ve kept my son as a hostage.”

“firstly he’s my son now,” you’re genuinely offended by what he says, and he clenches his jaw because he can tell you mean what you’re saying. “secondly, i would never avoid you. what on earth are you talking about?”

“haha very funny,” he deadpans. your eyes meet with his and soobin finds himself in absolute disbelief at how you look like the epitome of purity, as if you weren’t the person who locked him in the school’s supply cupboard because you wanted him to miss his exam and fail. it’s strange though, how your wide doe eyes make his irritation subside and he stares a little longer at your face than he should, but he shakes his head and reminds himself that he’s here to see his hedgehog and not you.

“come on, y/n, please just—“ he stops himself as the smug glint in your eyes makes him realise that he’s begged you for something twice now. he sighs and shuts his eyes. “please just let me see odi.”

“if you were polite from the start, i would’ve let you in straight away,” you say, a little too cheerfully that it throws him off. you open the door a little wider so he can walk through, but not too much so that he still has to open the door himself. you don’t bother to offer him the fancy guest slippers as he removes his shoes like you would to any other guest because, well, he’s choi soobin.

as you shut your front door, he wanders off deeper into your house like he’s been around a million times, which to be honest, he has. but that was a millennia ago and you don’t want to think about that right now. soobin’s apparent comfortability in your own home hurts you slightly because you know that he knows the layout of your house like the back of his hand, and that he recognises most of the furniture arranged here. even so, you pretend to be none the wiser when soobin goes into your kitchen and pours himself a drink, partly because he knows you wouldn’t do it for him, and partly because he’d rather do it himself than bother you any further.

you pretend to make yourself busy as soobin gushes at the hedgehog, or whatever he does with him. you’re not entirely sure why he came over because you’ve heard stories from beomgyu about how odi practically ignores soobin’s existence and does his own thing, so him traveling all the way to your house seems completely unnecessary. the extremely awkward silence that fills the room every five minutes makes you regret letting him in, and the small talk that he uncharacteristically starts here and there makes you want to disappear into thin air.

“so…” he starts, and you freeze in place, dread washing over you. “are you going anywhere this summer?”

you don’t bother replying to him. instead, you just stare at him like he’s got two heads and he stares back at you with equal confusion. it’s the fifth time this has happened in the span of twenty minutes, and for some reason he still goes for it despite the obvious hesitance on your face.

“no offence, well actually full offence, but um, why do you keep talking to me?”

soobin blinks at you in shock. if you saw hurt in his eyes, it’s quickly masked up with a scoff. “forgive me for wanting to be courteous then,” he grimaces and you tilt your head further in confusion.

“no i was just wondering why you had to come here,” you reason, suddenly hyperaware of his feelings. “couldn’t you just, i don’t know, call me or something?”

“then this guy wouldn’t be able to see me,” soobin cups the hedgehog in his hands and brings him up to his face. he’s so cute — the hedgehog, not the man — and you momentarily forget that he shouldn’t be in your home, sitting on the floor of your living room.

“right then,” you say, unimpressed with his reasoning. “how long will you be?”

“wow. you really don’t want me here do you?”

“was i too obvious?” you tilt your head and bat your eyelashes at him. he rolls his eyes and resumes what he was doing, essentially dismissing you, which annoys you slightly because you think it’s supposed to be you who ends the converstion.

thankfully soobin has learned that you would rather endure the awkward silence between you than suffer from any small talk, and so after a few minutes of nothing, you wordlessly make your way to him and drop a plate of fruit on the table beside odi’s cage. it’s a harmless gesture, one that you thought nothing of as you prepared some for yourself, so for a moment you’re taken aback when he stares at you.

“what?” you pop a piece of fruit into your mouth as his eyes flick and forth between the plate and you.

“thanks?” he eyes you cautiously as he reaches for a slice of mango on the plate, wary in case you’ve poisoned it or something along the lines of that. “this is just… fruit, right?”

you’re almost offended by what he says. “what else would it be? rice? soup?”

“i was checking to see if you spat on it,” he clarifies and you frown. “not surprised if you did.”

“and you’re still gonna eat it despite not knowing if i did or not?” you watch as he eats the fruit and shrugs, reaching for more as he swallows.

“don’t care,” he mumbles, mouth full of food. “tastes good anyways.”

“disgusting,” you find it unbelieveable how he’s so content with stuffing his face full of your food, when he has no problem using you as his punching bag. “lock the door on your way out.”

as you make your way to the stairs, you hear him mention something unintelligible. he’s quick to catch up to you and bother you once more. the request he makes is absurd. it makes your brain hurt, but for some stupid reason you comply and let him follow you up the stairs.

letting soobin into your home was one thing, but having him in your room is something else completely. it feels like an invasion of your privacy, but that strange feeling you felt while he fed you snacks during the drive home from the airport has made its way back again, and it leaves you to contemplate your feelings on your own.

you know damn well that if any of your friends were to find out that he came over alone, much less into your room, you would never hear the end of it. yet for some reason, you don’t think much of it as he takes a look around, eyes repeatedly settling on your wardrobe.

“what is it?”

“huh? oh,” he shakes his head as you stare at him with wide eyes. he clears his throat before he speaks. “do you remember the winter event we held two years ago? the one with the bake off challenge?”

your stomach twists again as he forces you to recall the events of that damned fair. it’s not a question specific enough to make you feel sick inside, but you know what he’s alluding to and you can feel your head start to spin.

you see, your little rivalry didn’t necessarily start two years ago, but rather that was during the peak of it — if there was ever such a thing. you’re sure that even the teachers had gotten involved at some point during that time. and yet, although there wasn’t an hour where the two of you weren’t at each other’s throats, when it got too cold and it was just you and soobin alone in the school’s hall preparing for the next day’s award ceremony, he had offered you his fleece. well, more like silently chucked the piece of clothing at you in the most unceremonious manner possible, but you suppose it’s the thought that counts.

it might have taken you several minutes to accept it — several minutes that made soobin feel like dying right then and there — but you took it and put it on nonetheless. did you look nice in it? who knows — soobin refused to look at you wearing his clothes anyways, because he knows that if he did, it would be over for him. but as always, you don’t need to know that.

“yes i do,” you say slowly, praying that he doesn’t repeat the sequence of events that just flashed before your mind. “what about it?”

“nothing,” he shrugs, like what he’s just asked you is something that you discuss daily, which by the way, is far from it. “just wanted to see if you still have my hoodie.”

this is new. you two may have been each other’s sworn enemies back then, but even now that you’ve grown more used to each other in recent years, this relationship is still not something solid enough to reminisce in. his audacity never fails to stun you. sure, things have been more civil in the past few weeks, but this? this is just something else.

you’re back is facing him as you process what he’s just said. “y/n?”

“sorry, but why do you keep bringing it up?” you hope your voice is as firm as you think, and that it doesn’t represent the chaos in your mind.

“bringing what up?” the tone in his voice makes it clear that he doesn’t understand what you’re trying to say. it frustrates you, that he’s so quick to engage with you like nothing’s ever happened, that he doesn’t think twice before giving you souvenirs from abroad like he wasn’t the person who made your school life a living hell.

“do you seriously have memory loss?” you’re facing him now, eyes burning into his with a look that he can’t decipher. it seems like determination, but there’s something else with it that he can’t put his finger on. “stop fucking with me. why are you acting like this is all okay?”

you’re more aggressive that you’d meant to be, and you start to regret it when he furrows his brows like he does when he feels as if he’s been rejected. perhaps you’re being too cruel to suddenly just spring this on him out of nowhere, but it’s been bothering you ever since that phone call two weeks ago, and your brain can’t think of one reason why he pretends like this is the norm.

“well, i just,” he pauses, and you feel your frustration growing as the seconds pass. “wanted to be the bigger person?”

the look on his face has you floored. choi soobin? the bigger person? you doubt he even knows what that means.

“is that even possible?” you wonder out loud, and the sour look on his face fuels your ego. is he being serious about that? who knows. if his personality were an animal, you wouldn’t hesitate to condemn him as a snake.

“let’s just let it go, y/n,” he sighs as he leans back on your desk, ignoring the look you give him. “aren’t we meant to be grown now?”

“well i’m not seeing you ever again after this summer since you’re not going to my uni,” you point out and he finds himself unwillingly agreeing. “i don’t see why we have to sort things out.”

this sudden ‘heart-to-heart’ has you screaming in your head. it’s safe to say that you crossed whatever normal was when he entered your home alone, but with every passing second, you can feel that line slipping further and further away. your words are honest, though, and he can tell, but for some reason he keeps pushing this agenda.

“true, but isn’t it better to end it, like,” he coughs, words suddenly stuck in his throat. he takes a minute to right himself, exhaling before be speaks again. “on a better note? or something like that.”

you have a feeling that beomgyu is behind all this, because now that you think about it, he’s been saying this repeatedly over the past few weeks. still, you find yourself shrugging and slowly nodding your head, which surprises soobin, because he didn’t think you would agree with something that he said.

“no thanks,” you scrunch your nose in disgust as he puts forward his hand to shake yours.

“don’t say that you’re not gonna shake my hand just because you think i have cooties,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes as your face falls because you know he’s seen right through you. “so childish.”

“was not gonna say that,” you mumble, hesitantly slotting your hand into his to prove him wrong. it feels like a crime to have his hand in yours — even if it’s only for less than five seconds —, and as you detach your hands, you hope that yours wasn’t as clammy as you thought they were. “go home.”

it’s obvious that soobin’s amused by your suddenly reserved behaviour. his mouth is twisted into something like a smile while his eyes crinkle as they look at you. but despite your incredibly strong urge to just shove him out of your house so that you never have to see him again, you already agreed to being more civilised around each other. you really need to learn to stop holding grudges though, because it hasn’t even been ten minutes since you shook on it and you feel the regret already crawling in.

“are you not gonna walk me to the door?” he asks, tilting his head. his question is a joke, but it still annoys you nonetheless.

“do you want me to punch you?” you mumble half-heartedly, sinking down onto your bed. you hear him scoff as you lie on your stomach, burying your face into the pillow. “go home, i’m sleepy.”

“it’s literally only eleven thirty,” he points out, and you crane your neck to look at your wrist watch. there’s a pregnant pause after you mumble out incoherent words and reposition yourself on your bed.

“glad you liked the bracelet.”

your head shoots up at his words. when you meet his eyes, you expected to see him all cocky and proud, but for some reason there’s a genuine smile on his face.

weird.

you clear your throat. “yeah, well, it’s cute, i mean, the flowers and stuff,” you mumble, looking anywhere but at him. do you thank him again? you don’t know what to say, especially when he’s staring at you with an undecipherable look on his face.

“that’s nice,” soobin nods his head, speaking after a while. you nod your head too, unsure of what to do now. he waves his hand in the air and walks towards the door. “go back to sleep. sorry that i disturbed you.”

for a moment you’re completely stunned, mainly because a) the choi soobin just said sorry, and b) because he’s suddenly being accomodating. you have to force yourself back into reality as you shake your head.

“no, no, it’s okay,” you reassure him and he presses his lips into a thin line, dimples appearing on both sides of his face. “don’t forget to lock the door on your way out.”

soobin only puts his thumb up as he leaves your room, not forgetting to close the door behind him. you definitely won’t be able to sleep easily now, with the way your mind is swirling with thoughts, but you swear it’s only like that because you’re convinced he’ll forget to shut the door properly. yet when you hear the clicking of the lock from downstairs, it does nothing to ease your thinking. instead, you swear it only gets louder.

you sigh, face planted into the pillow again. you just hope no one knew that he was coming over, because that in itself would just be another can of worms that you’re not ready to deal with and get rid of again.

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[thcweasley]

Yours

PAIRING : George Weasley X Y/N

SUMMARY : George getting jealous of his twin brother for being closer to you .

WARNINGS : none? Make out? implying things? hehe

WORDS : 1.7k

A/N: lol this hits too close to home, growing up i was shadowed by heather sister :(  I was going to turn this into smut but im not sure.. cos i never wrote a smut before lol.

“Focus on your work Weasley” Snape smacked George Weasley’s head with the book he was holding, causing the whole class to look at his direction.

George was already an easily distracted person to begin with. but today especially, he got his mind somewhere else.

He was looking at you and his twin brother Fred, giggling while trying to figure out snape’s task. All of his life he never thought that he would feel this much jealously towards the older twin. Sure, sometimes it bothers him a bit that people pay more attention to him, or the fact that people always refers them as “Fred & George”, not “George & Fred”. But he knew it’s a silly thing to be bothered about so he always managed to brush it off.

But not today, Fred had been assigned with you. The girl George met on his last solo trip to honeydukes. It shocked him how he never saw you around before, despite being in the same house and grade. But hes glad that he met you. George didn’t like to be cheesy, but he was so sure that you were made for him. Whenever youre around, he just felt so happy. You’re funny, kind, and on top of all you’re prettiest thing he ever seen. Sadly, for him, other people seems to think that way about you.

He introduced you 2 weeks ago to his brother and friends. You seem to get along great with everyone. He liked that, his brother and friends is everything for him. But he cant help it but feeling a little bit jealous. He didn’t wanna admit it but this jealously is most probably because he was insecure about his feeling for you. Before everything he was sure that you fancy him the same way he fancies you. But now, hes not sure. And he hated it, youre supposed to be his girl.

The class that felt so long was finally over. George quickly stood up, walking towards the common room. he just want to burry his face onto his bed now. He felt an arm linking his. “Hey you” it was you. He let out a big sigh, not knowing how to feel right now.

“Hey, did you have a good time today?” He hated how catty he sounded. Knowing you, he knew you wouldn’t able to tell.

“Yeah it was fun. Your brother is hilarious you know that?” He rolled his eyes, feeling his face getting hot.

“Well yeah hes a clown” George answered shortly. Wanting you both could just drop this conversation. He didn’t like this, being jealous of his twin brother.

“ahah yeah true, youre also funny too you know” You leaned your head onto Georges arm. At this point it was hard for him to not just pulls you into a big hug. “Whats your plan for the rest of the day?” You asked looking up on him.

“Im not sure, probably just sleep” George answered looking down to you. You looked so cute leaning on to him.

“Wanna have a study date? Snape’s test tomorrow right?” George’s ears perked up at the word date.

A smile creeps on his face. “Yeah sure”

“Brilliant! I’ll see you in 2 hours then!” You gave his arm a squeeze before you go. Leaving George all smiley by himself.

2 hours later, George found himself getting ready for his study date. He finally going to make a move on you. Its obvious that you fancy him now right? At least you were the one who refers their study session as a study date.

He tried to look around for Fred but he was nowhere to be found. He feels weird do anything without asking for the older brother’s advice. But it was time to go to meet you at the Library and he didn’t want to make you wait, so he just decided to cross his fingers and hope for the best.

“Hey” George greeted you, big smile on his face. You look up at him from the book you were reading, smiling back at him. “You got a lot of stuff here” He sat down beside you, looking at paper and pens in front of him.

“Oh its not mine” You answered. “So, do you have anything you’re particularly struggling with?”

Whilst you tried your best to explain the things that he was struggling with. George was doing his best to stay focus on what youre saying instead of you. He cant help but admire your face, your cheeks, your lips. He wonders how would it feel like you press his lips against yours.

“Are you listening to me George?” You asked, knowing the answer pretty well.

“Uh yeah, im sorry I got distracted” he blinked.

You brought your hand on to his head, messing with his red hair. “you’ve been a bit distracted these days. didn’t you got smacked on your head earlier today by Snape?” you chuckled a bit running your fingers on the back of his head. “Did it hurt?” You tilted her head closer to him, rubbing the back of his head.

He couldn’t seem to think straight at this point. The fact that youre so close to him right now, he could smell your scent. He took a deep breath trying to be brave and make a move. He put his hand on top of yours, pulling it away from his head. “Y/N..” He started, linking his fingers with yours. “I think I like you”

“Yeah?” You chuckled feeling. your cheeks starting to get warm. “Whats going on George? Why are you suddenly so serious?”

“Well, Im not sure how you feel about me. But I got nothing to lose so here I am. I like you” Surprised by his words, you didn’t say anything. So he thought he could just make a move then. He leaned in closer to you getting you lips closer to each other. Not knowing what to do you just close your eyes. He smiled, taking this as a greenlight to proceed his act. Until all of the sudden-

“Your tea is here!!” Fred walked in, causing them to pull away from each other. “Hey that’s my seat George, do you not see the stuffs on the table?” He said as he sat down filling the gap between You and George.

“Fred what are you doing here?” George asked, clearly  frustrated with the situation.

“That’s not how you greet people, my dear brother” He said handing you the tea he was talking about. “Besides, youre not the only one who got invited to this study group. Right Y/N?” You just nod at him feeling flustered, thinking about what could’ve happened if Fred didn’t just walk in.

The next day, George has been avoiding you since last night. He thought you guys shared the same feeling. But yesterday proved him wrong. He was just another friend to you

Snape’s exam was a group work, being Fred’s partner obviously made you work with him for the exam. You looked so happy, George wishes it was him working with you instead of his twin brother. He hated this so much, it’s ridiculous how jealous he felt towards his twin brother right now.

The exam’s finally over, George saw you coming up to him from the corner of his eyes. “Hey” you greeted him. “Wanna go to Three Broomstick later? I haven’t really seen you all week”

“Who’s coming?” He asked, hoping this time its just the two of you. And everything that he thought about last night wasn’t true.

“Uh everyone. Fred, Lee, Angelina and others im not sure” George snickered. How stupid of him to think that you wanna be alone with him. How stupid of him to think he got a chance with you.

“I think im gonna pass on that” he took a deep breath. “Im tired. Ill see you around” He left you dumb folded, walking away towards his room.

The night comes around. The common room feels empty, his friends had left him for Three Broomstick. George just chilling alone on his bed when he heard someone opened the door.

“George?” You walked towards him, sitting at the end of his bed “Hey, im just.. I just wanna make sure everything is okay”

“Why you here” George answered bitterly. “Arent you suppose to be out with your friends, with my brother?”

“Well yeah but I wanna check up on you. And talk about last night..”

“What do you wanna talk about Y/N?” He took a deep breath. “I already get it, you see me as a friend. If anything, you like Fred more than me. I get it don’t worry. Everyone always picks him over me, im used to it”

“George…” you scotched in closer too him, trying to stop him from rambling all these nonsenses.

“Im not even sure why I thought you like me, he is the better twin. Im just me. I just thought I have a chance with you. Throughout my life, ive always get hands down from my siblings, share with my siblings.” He realised how ridiculous he sounded but it didn’t stop him. “I love how you get along with my friends. But, i just thought, I thought youre my person. Finally someone I can proudly say mine. I thought you feel the same way as I do…” Georges voice was getting quitter when he felt your hand grabbing his. “I like you a lot and I get that you don’t feel the same way. So if youre coming here to explain that i-“

His words were cut off by your lips crashing to his. “You never let me speak Georgie”  You murmured against his lips “I don’t know how you got it all wrong” you kissed his cheek lightly. “I didn’t know you felt that way. George. I like you, im your person. Ive always been“

With a big smile he pulled in for another kiss. He held on to your waist pulling you closer to him, positioning you onto his lap. You threw your and around his neck, deepening the kiss whilst his hands lazily griped your waist.

You can feel something poking between the inner part of your legs. With a slight smile you press your legs more on to him, grinding it against him. Earning a low groan from him.

He held your hips down on him, so both of you can feel more of the friction. His lips travelled to your jaw and to the back of your neck. You could feel his hot breath, sending shivers down your spine as he moved his lips closer to your ears. “Prove it” OKAY SO Let me know if you want a part 2 smut off of this HAHAH.

hehe part 2

this was quite hard to write cos i feel bad for him ahaha. this is loosely based on a true story. but i never got my Y/N :’)

MY OTHER WORKS follow me / send request / talk to me! im lonely (if u send me anonymously maybe click here) my collaborative ford anglia playlist Christmas with the Weasley playlist

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17. “How is any of this ok?” with Joe and Sara maybe?

dude im gonna be completely honest i havent written anything in like a month so i think the quality isnt gonna be great but here goes nothing

God, Sara missed the feeling of home.

Every semblance of familiarity and comfort she’d once found in the town she’d grown up in, the house she’d spent her childhood running through, now felt chillingly foreign.

Perhaps it was the heavy burden of knowledge weighing fresh upon her shoulders: ASUNARO’s corruption seemed now to peer slyly around every corner, no matter where she went. She still didn’t know how much of the town had rotted away under its grasp, how much of the town its poison had pervaded… but she was probably better off not knowing.

Whatever was left of Midori, that miserable mix of pulsing blood and electronic emotion, had been ground to bits inside that coffin… but Sara couldn’t ignore the creeping fear that his burning, ever-present gaze would appear out of nowhere and terrorize her again.

But he wouldn’t. The death game was over, and they’d promised they would never hurt her or any of her loved ones again.

Most of the loved ones she still encountered day-to-day, gruesomely blood splattered and sitting like corpses propped up hastily in a corner, would be safe no matter if ASUNARO was fresh on her tail or a thousand miles away. What a cruel price to pay for safety, to never be hurt again.

They still lived on if Sara closed her eyes tight enough, if she listened to the twisting words of the hallucinations and let them convince her she was monstrous. But the second she dared to open her eyes, she knew they’d be dead again. Life worked in terrible ways, and that was all there was to it.

Joe’s house had always been a second home to her, ever since the two of them became friends. Joe was the farthest cry from Sara in terms of social interactions- it had taken at least 3 months for Sara to trust Joe enough to invite him over, but Joe had insisted she hang out at his house the very same day they became friendly enough to exchange more than a sentence with each other.

There was a certain sort of comfort to the warmth of his house, the constant scent of cooking food pervading the air and the little trinkets scattered in every corner. No surface of his house went without decoration, in its silly little way. It was full of pictures, too, some carefully framed and some dangling from the wall by pushpins, but Sara got the sense that none of the photos went unloved. Most of them were occupied by an orange-haired man, often carrying a younger Joe (back when he was still sporting that atrocious crew cut). Sara always assumed it was his dad, but thought it would be impolite to ask… particularly when the weeks stretched on and Sara had yet to meet that mysterious orange-haired man.

Eventually, pictures of Sara began to join the collage on the wall- pictures taken as she butchered yet another pop song during karaoke, or when they went out to get food, or when she mistakenly sat down on a traffic cone during gym (after many protests from Sara, he took that one down). As silly as the pictures were, and as obvious as it was that Joe had waited for the most embarrassing moments to take them, it was sort of sweet in a way.

Joe’s mother was always kind to her, though there was a constant weariness in her eyes that Sara always felt a bit uneasy about questioning. Sometimes she’d let the two of them cook things in the kitchen, but more often than not they’d go up to Joe’s room and screw around in there, with video games or music or the 50 times Joe tried to persuade Sara to climb out the window and sit on the roof with him before she finally agreed.

As rare as it was for Sara to agree to sit on the roof, it was even rarer for Joe to agree to study with her, much to Sara’s chagrin. Joe had always walked a fine line between passing and failing, but Sara had to admit he walked it well. When she did manage to convince him to study, though (usually the day before final exams), they’d sit on the cushy couch in his living room and somehow manage to bother each other as much as possible while feigning concentration.

The couch hadn’t changed after several years- Sara could tell that much the minute she sat down on it and avoided the urge to break eye contact with Joe’s mother. It was still well-worn, a couch that likely should have been replaced at least a decade ago but had never really been disposed of. Loose threads were protruding from the cover, drawn out from years of visitors fidgeting with them.

Sara shifted uncomfortably in her seat, the slight motion making her sink deeper into the couch’s soft cushioning. She’d only spent one minute in the house and was already sweating, whether from the heat of the home or the thousand-yard stare of the woman sitting across from her.

Ryoko was there, too, sitting to Sara’s left and gazing listlessly at the well-trodden carpet beneath her feet. …Ryoko.

Sara cast a hesitant glance around the room, duly noting the photos covering the walls. Not a single one of hers had been taken down, but several more photos had appeared with Joe’s beaming face featuring prominently in them. Joe’s presence was always enough to fill a room even when he wasn’t speaking; it took a lot to fill in the gaps left by his absence.

God, she missed him.

The wind whistled against the window-screen; Sara had memorized the familiar creak of the wooden window frame being lifted up to welcome in the mild autumn air. Sara had always thought of autumn as a beginning- she loved summer as much as any other kid, but as the haze of the weather began to wind down she was quick to grow impatient and look forward to the school year, to being productive again. Joe had always disagreed with her.

“Fall is the literal death of fun,” he’d complained once, walking home with Sara after finishing the first week of school. “Couldn’t they have pushed back the first day of school by, like, another week? You think if we got enough people to sign a petition, they’d give us an extra week of summer?”

“Oh, come on, we both know even if you had an extra week of summer you’d just be complaining a week later,” Sara had teased back.

The death of fun. It certainly felt like that, Sara decided. She’d never feared the looming darkness of fall and winter quite so much before. But now, she supposed, there was no sunshine who’d weather it with her.

“Well… Sara?” Joe’s mother spoke up, voice hoarse with the sound of repressed tears in her throat. Sara recognized the sound all too well.

There was no resentment in the woman’s eyes when Sara made eye contact with her. No anger, no frustration, nor had there been any in her measured motions when she welcomed Sara into the home. It didn’t take any words for Sara to tell that there was no blame to be foisted upon her.

She was still Joe’s best friend.

“I’m sorry to have dragged you out here on such short notice.” The woman’s voice was weak. “I don’t know all the details of what happened, of course. Haven’t heard anything, aside from the little tidbits the police told me when I dropped by the station.”

Sara’s shoulders stiffened at the mention of the police, at the idea of them pleasantly answering her questions as though they weren’t just as complicit in that tragedy as ASUNARO had been.

“And…” the woman glanced down at her hands, toughened from a lifetime of working. “I know something terrible happened to you. The circles under your eyes are darker than midnight, I know it’s so selfish of me to be dragging you out here, but… I haven’t slept a wink for weeks. Been so worried about Joe, and about you too.”

She nodded in the direction of the black-haired girl who hadn’t spoken a word the entire time. “Ryoko’s been worried about the both of you, too. Your parents weren’t answering the door, so she went to me. I hope you’ll forgive the two of us for disturbing you, Sara, but… you have the answers the police won’t give us, don’t you?”

God, her gaze was piercing.

“...Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

It was taking everything in Sara’s power not to look at the vacant seat to her right. If Joe was there, he would have been laughing and lightening the mood, completing the circle that had been left so jarringly empty.

But they wouldn’t have been having this conversation if Joe was there.

Ms. Tazuna nodded slowly. “This means the world to me, Sara. Don’t forget that.”

Sara did her best to muster a smile. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”

The woman gave another nod, eyes defocusing as though even now, she wasn’t quite sure why she was there. “Alright. Alright. Well, then…” She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Guess I should get right to the point, yeah? Is he… is… how is he…?”

So she still hadn’t quite let go of that little thread of hope, even after seeing Sara return home safe and alive with no best friend in tow. Who was Sara to judge? When hope was the only thing to cling to, it only made sense to cling to it like a lifeline.

Sara twisted her hands, the same old nervous habit she’d had for years, and wondered briefly if she’d picked it up from Ms. Tazuna. How terrible it was, to carry the news that nobody, much less any mother, ever wanted to hear.

“I… I’m sorry, Ms. Tazuna. He didn’t make it out alive.”

Sara hadn’t expected the hush that immediately fell over the room. She’d expected immediate tears, the grieving cry of a mother in pain. Instead, the room became muffled, still as a painting captured in time.

Slowly, Ryoko looked up from her bitten-down fingers, eyes rimmed red already. Ryoko had always been an emotional person, the only person Sara knew who could fluctuate from full-on sobs to cheerful giggles in less than a minute. Sara was so unused to the look that was now filling her eyes- cold, solid misery. As though there were no tears in her eyes left to cry, no more tragedies to bemoan. Just a deep and horrified comprehension of just how many things in her life had gone wrong.

And, slowly, Ms. Tazuna began to cry.

Tears had become so uncomfortable for Sara to bear witness to. Was it selfish of her to look away? It couldn’t be, not when every raw sob reminded her of the art student seeing her first (and certainly not last) death, of the broken sibling openly weeping over apologies gone unspoken, of the unknowing siblings screaming their throats out with pleas for death so the other could survive.

Especially not now. Not when every tear rang in her mind as a reminder of cold tubes piercing her best friend’s chest, of his corpse slumping and falling in a pool of blood, because oh god he wasn’t supposed to have lost so much blood, how was he supposed to live without it, of the clickclickclickclickclicking rising in volume while her attempts to save him grew feebler and feebler.

Her hands were bloodstained, no matter how many times she tried to scrub them clean. Those dreadful hands of hers had failed her, failed Joe, failed the women sobbing openly in front of her.

She swallowed back the apologies that always rose in her throat as Ms. Tazuna rushed to sniffle back her tears.

“I… god, I… he’s really gone?”

Sara couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Please… please tell me it was a peaceful death. He didn’t… suffer too much, did he?”

The resounding wave of clicks flooded her mind. “It was as peaceful as I could make it. I… he smiled at me, right before he died. I’d… very much like to think that means he was happy when he died.”

“What happened?” Ryoko’s voice came out rough, the first of it Sara had heard in weeks. “Joe told me, after our date, that he was going to walk you home, and then neither of you showed up at school the next day. And now… it’s been three weeks? And Joe… Joe’s dead? What the hell happened, Sara?”

“God,” Sara mumbled, mesmerizing herself with the twisting motions of her own hands. “I’m not sure if you’d even believe me if I told you. I don’t even know if I believe what happened myself.”

“I’d believe anything.” The sentence was firm. “I just want to know what happened.”

Sara nodded wearily. The familiar weight of her bright orange ponytail was notably missing- the day after she’d escaped, she’d demanded the hairdresser cut her hair short and crisp. She shuddered every time she thought about the ponytail brushing against her neck as she spent each argument screaming and protesting for her life. Even worse was the memory of how carefully Joe had styled her hair, forsaking his usual clumsiness to braid every strand with a remarkable tenderness. She didn’t want to remember any of it- even though, as the locks went cascading to the floor, she was reminded starkly of Keiji’s bleach-stained trauma response.

“For some reason, something to do with the mafia, we were kidnapped. And pulled into a death game. There were twenty of us, including me and Joe. I- I’m not going to get into all the specifics. It’s going to make me sick to my stomach if I do. But… they made us play this sadistic fucking game to narrow down the competition. Based on cards. Joe drew a bad card, and… they executed him.” Something in Sara’s throat tightened as she finished speaking, and she fell silent.

“Just like that?” His mother’s voice came out as a hoarse whisper. “How… how’d they kill him?”

“I’d rather not say.” There came the gushing sound of blood pulsing through the tubes. “He didn’t suffer too long” - she hoped - “but it was a gruesome way to die. I don’t want to think about it, please understand.”

It took a moment for his mother to register the words and nod, face still painted with horror.

“Why… how did the two of you even end up there in the first place?” Ryoko spoke up again. “You said something about the mafia? How the hell are you two connected with the mafia?”

“I don’t know how I am,” Sara responded immediately. “It must be something with my family. I couldn’t control any of this, I swear, but… Joe wasn’t meant to end up there at all.”

Ryoko paused. “He… he wasn’t meant to end up there?”

Sara swallowed back the lump in her throat. “The game… it was something that was being prepared for ages. There weren’t just a few ragtag kidnappers behind it, there was an entire organization. Even the police were involved. They ran AI tests, hundreds if not thousands of them, trying to calculate who’d be the most likely to win. And… when all the numbers came back, the person most likely to win… was me.”

She spread her arms wide, baring her sins and her cruelties to the world, and in that moment felt distinctly like the angel of death Keiji had branded her to be.

“They needed something to drag me down, I guess. Make the odds more balanced. So they dragged Joe into this fucking mess. I guess they thought that him being there would keep me steady enough to make everything fair.” A cold hand, dripping with tendrils of phantom blood, caressed her chin with a lethal grip. “...They were right.”

Ryoko’s gaze had gone cold again. “So Joe died just because you cared about him? What the fuck kind of death sentence is that?”

Sara shook her head numbly.

“Why did it have to be him?” The heartbreak in Ryoko’s voice was clearer than day. “So many people love you, Sara, why did it have to be him? Hell, I’m your best friend too, aren’t I? Why couldn’t it have been me? I’m a much worse person than Joe ever was, I deserved to be in his place way more. Couldn’t they have killed me instead?”

Sara winced at the growing desperation in her best friend’s voice, the raw crack she knew all too well. It should have been me, it should have been me, it should have been me. Sara could have almost fooled herself into seeing a crisp aquamarine when Ryoko’s hair flashed into the light.

“Ryoko… it could have been.”

The girl fell silent.

“They had files on you too. They knew how close we were, they knew how much you meant to me… but Joe was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And they fucking killed him for it.”

Oh, how she wished she could go back to that balmy early-autumn night, see the smile on Joe’s face and listen to his lighthearted laughter again. The desire to keep one’s friend safe had become a crime deserving of a death sentence.

Ryoko’s eyes remained locked to Sara’s, devoid of any dullness. In the look they exchanged was a deep, sinking understanding, one that had nauseated Sara to the core the first time the realization struck her.

It was by no crafty strategy that Joe had died instead of Ryoko, no favoritism biased against the kindest person either of them would ever know. It was a simple, terrible twist of fate. Ryoko could have taken his place had she done something as inconsequential as offering to walk Sara home instead.

But she hadn’t.

It took everything in Sara’s power to avoid wondering what would’ve changed if she had.

“How is any of this okay?” Ryoko broke the silence weakly. “They killed him- they could have killed me, too. He was seventeen. Seventeen. How did anybody let this happen? How did this happen, Sara?”

“I- I don’t know.” Ryoko’s wrath was simmering; even though Sara knew truly that she wasn’t the subject of the anger, she still felt scalded. “I miss him so much, Ryoko. I watched him die, and nothing in my power let me save him. I miss him, Ryoko, I miss him every waking minute of every day. We were supposed to escape together and get out safe and pretend this never happened, but…” the tears were beginning to well up again. She couldn’t bear the thought of breaking down in front of anyone, especially not over him.

“I’m going to go make some coffee,” his mother interrupted suddenly. She’d been noticeably quiet, but the still-fresh streaks of tears painted down her cheeks told the story she didn’t need to vocalize. “Some coffee, and some snacks. And we’ll keep talking from there, alright? Do you guys have your phones?”

The two girls nodded uneasily.

“Please… find any pictures you have of him. I want to make this wall as bright as possible.”

Without any other words, she hurried out of the room, and it fell to silence once more. Outside the window, the cool autumn breeze began to stir the leaves in the air, gusting forward to brush against Sara’s cheek just as the hallucination had done mere minutes ago.

And the Tazuna household began to feel more like home again.

[seijorhi]

hello, im always on the hunt for new funky fresh yandere!suga content! i really enjoyed the post you made for him, it's exactly up my alley! would it be possible to request a gender neutral reader finding out just how much suga's been stalking them after they left him? by stumbling on something they shouldnt see (could be a dark room, or a journal, whatever youd like) and have him walk in on them then?

Suga will always be my first Haikyuu love, so of course!

Sugawara Koushi x Reader

TW stalking

Red Handed

When you were a little kid, your mom told you a story.

It was about a handsome man with a blue beard, the woman who married him despite the warning signs, and a locked cellar that was never supposed to be opened. You were too young to hear it, but as horrifying as it was - it stuck with you. 

Curiosity can be a dangerous thing.

But sometimes… sometimes you just can’t help yourself.

In your defence it wasn’t so much a wilful breaking of trust so much as it was an honest mistake. Sort of.

It’s not the first time you’ve found yourself pouring over textbooks and hastily scrawled notes with Suga, but it is the first time it’s been just the two of you - and the first time it’s been at his place instead of yours. 

“I give up,” you moan, letting your head fall flat against your notebook. “I’m gonna fail this stupid exam, drop out of school and have to resort to finding some rich, attractive guy to marry and support me instead.”

You’ve been at it for hours, the two of you spread out on his couch, a mountain of snacks between the two of you. You have to give Suga credit for that - the man knows how to keep you motivated to stay but this, this was beyond your limit. It’s never a good sign when you reread the same sentence five times and still have no idea what it says.

A soft laugh sounds and there’s a hand rubbing soothingly at your back, “Aw c’mon, don’t be so dramatic. You got me, right?”

You lift your head slightly to find him smiling at you with that same fond exasperation, and almost without meaning to you find your frown softening. It’s true. Suga’s pretty much your lifeline at this point - not to mention the reason you’re actually doing pretty well in most of your classes this semester. 

God only knew where he found the patience.

“What, you gonna marry me when they kick me out in disgrace?” you ask with a wry half grin, pushing yourself away from your notes. “Take care of my freeloading ass?”

Suga doesn’t say anything for a moment. You brace yourself for the lecture and/or pep-talk he’s given you a thousand and one times before, but when you glance up at him again, the look on his face isn’t the one you’re expecting.

He’s still smiling, but there’s something… odd about it. 

It’s just a flash, a flicker of something fleeting in his eyes-

You blink, and whatever it is- was - it’s gone and Suga’s looking at you with the same expression he always wears whenever you start bemoaning your future and the possibility of failing. 

Huh… your eyebrows draw together, the faintest hint of unease teasing at your gut. Just for a moment - a split second - you could have sworn that… 

But no, you’re just tired. Your brain is absolutely fried after hours studying, whatever you thought you saw, you must have imagined. Because Suga’s your friend. A good friend, maybe the best one you’ve ever had. Still… you really shouldn’t tease him like that.

“Hey, you know I’m kidding, right?” you ask, nudging his shoulder playfully. “Anyway, I think I’m done. I can’t look at these stupid notes anymore - they’re making even less sense than when we started.”

Suga sighs, rolling his neck and flipping the cover of the textbook shut. “Well I suppose it is getting late. Are you hungry? I can order some take out if you want-”

You shake your head before he can finish, “Nah, can’t tonight. I have a date,” you say, shooting him a wink. “Next time though? When everyone’s free. I feel a little guilty stealing all of your time for a one on one session as it is.”

Suga stills for a moment, glancing up to find you smiling sheepishly back at him. “Oh, a date? With that guy from class?” he asks, busying himself in tidying up the notes spread out across the coffee table. 

That guy from class. Yeah, the one you haven’t been able to shut up about for weeks. That one.

“Yeah. Nothing crazy, just dinner and a movie - still, I think it’ll be fun, y’know?” You were trying for a blasé tone, but somehow you think the slight dusting of pink on your cheeks kind of ruins it a little bit.

So maybe you were a little excited about it - it wasn’t a crime was it?

Suga gives a non-committal hum, but doesn’t say any more on the topic. Together it doesn’t take the two of you long to clean up, gather your notes and stash the snacks back away for the next study session. 

You still have enough time to dart home, have a shower and get ready, but- “Hey, before I go, is it okay if I use your bathroom?” you ask a little shyly. You guys have been friends for months, and you definitely don’t want to come across as rude, but you can’t deny there’s still something slightly embarrassing at having to ask permission.

“Yeah, of course. Down the hallway, last door on the right.”

 You nod, thanking him quietly.  

It’s a simple mistake. At the end of the hallway, there are two identical doors, both closed over.

Last door on the… left? That’s what he said, right?

You twist the doorknob, easing the door open and within a split second you know that you’ve got the wrong door because this is definitely not a bathroom, but…

Curiosity pushes you forward. 

It’s Suga’s bedroom. Your feet move like they have a mind of their own, drawing you in further into his room. You’ve never been to his place before, and you’ve definitely never been in his bedroom before, but you can’t deny that you’re curious. Surprisingly it’s not the mess that you’re expecting - the double bed neatly made and aside from a sweater tossed haphazardly across the back of a chair and a pair of jeans that hadn’t quite made it into the laundry hamper, there’s no dirty clothes littering the floor. 

You know it’s rude to pry. You know that, but in that moment you can’t seem to help yourself. Suga won’t mind, really, and it was an honest mistake.

There’s an acoustic guitar in the corner (does he play it, you wonder) and a volleyball covered in signatures sitting on one of the shelves above his desk. Even now, you know that he loves the sport with his whole heart. You’ve never been to a game before, but part of you thinks you’d like to, Suga always makes it sound so exciting. You find a smile creeping across your face as you wander over to have a closer look - there’s photo’s everywhere, in frames, pinned to a cork board on the wall - him with his family, with his friends, even one of the two of you together… and is that a medal?

You’re startled out of your thoughts by your phone vibrating in your pocket.

It should have been a wake up call, a sign from the universe to snap out of whatever nosy spell you’d managed to find yourself under and get out of Sugawara’s bedroom before he comes in to find you blatantly invading his privacy. It should have been - except instead you reach for your phone and fumble. 

You’re incredibly thankful for the carpeted floor because you can only watch in horror as your phone clatters to the ground and bounces (bounces!) under his bed.

“Shit!” you curse under your breath, dropping to your knees and resting your cheek against the mattress as you reach blindly into the dark space.

It takes a second of fumbling before your hand lands on something. It’s not your phone, you can tell that much right off the bat - it’s bigger, a box of some kind. 

You should have left it. 

Really, Sugawara’s a young, healthy guy like any other - you have an inkling of what could be inside the box. And it’s not like you want to see whatever spank bank material your friend has stashed away, you don’t, but…

But there’s a voice in your head that ignores all of that. A voice that whispers so delightfully, so eagerly, for you to just open it.

Open it, it whispers as you slide it out and set it down on the bed, settling yourself down beside it.

Open it, it whispers as you run your fingers along the wooden lid, sanded smooth except for the intricate carving in the centre. It’s strangely beautiful you think - not exactly the kind of box you can imagine filling with something so lewd.

Maybe it’s not what you think… maybe Suga has something else stashed away in this pretty little box. What else could it be? What does a guy like Sugawara Koushi have hidden away under his bed?

Open it, it whispers as your fingers find the edge and you slowly slide it open.

You immediately wish you hadn’t.

It’s you.

The photo’s a little blurry, taken from a distance and zoomed in, but it’s definitely you, lying in your bed, head thrown back with your eyes closed, bottom lip caught between your teeth-

The sheets obscure the rest, but from the flush on your cheeks and the arm disappearing between your spread legs, it’s obvious what you’re doing. 

There’s more. You with your friends, laughing. You out with your ex, maybe a month or so before you’d broken up. You in your bedroom again, a white fluffy towel wrapped around you, your hair still wet from the shower.

You walking home from class, taken from behind.

You in your favourite cafe, sitting by the window with a steaming mug in hand, staring out with a soft smile.

You tucked up on the couch, eating dinner with the TV playing in the background.

You.

You.

You.

Every single photograph was of you, and every single one of them taken without your knowledge. Pictures of you from last year, long before you ever met Suga. How long has he been-

You can’t even bring yourself to finish the thought. You feel sick, violated, your hands trembling as you flick through the images. You don’t want to see any more, but you can’t seem to stop yourself. You at the park with your friends, walking their dogs and chatting aimlessly. You bending over to pick up something, the shot framing your ass in a way that seems almost… lewd.

When did he take these? H-how had you never noticed?

Oh god, some of these are from outside your home.

Your stomach churns, you might actually vomit… 

“Got lost, baby?”

You jump at the sudden interruption, quickly snapping the lid shut and shoving the little box of horrors away from you like it’s poison, hurried excuses already on the tip of your tongue - but it’s too late for that.

One look at Sugawara, standing framed in the doorway, watching you with an eerily calm expression upon his face and you know that it doesn’t matter what you say. There’s no denying what you’ve seen. 

No coming back from it. 

His eyes drift to the box, the incriminating pictures spilled across his sheets and he sighs. “You know, I wanted to make this special for you. I wanted to do this right.” His hazel eyes flicker back to you as he steps inside his bedroom and shuts the door behind him. The soft click has never sounded so deafening. So final. “But you just couldn’t help yourself, could you? You just couldn’t keep your nose out of where it doesn’t belong.”

Your heart thumps painfully against your ribs, the sound so loud that you’re sure he has to be able to hear it too. It’s not nausea that seeps through your veins, keeping you frozen in place, but fear. Suga’s always been such a gentle presence in your life but there’s no trace of that person left as he closes the distance between the two of you. 

It’s all been a lie, a carefully crafted facade designed to pull you in. Do you even know him at all?

“S-suga, what-”

“Shh,” he murmurs, placing a finger across your lips, a soft, delicate smile playing across his features. “Didn’t your parents ever tell you that curiosity killed the cat?” He pauses for a moment, watching with wicked delight as your face pales and you jerk away from his touch with a strangled gasp. “It’s okay, baby, there’s no need to look so worried. Don’t you know I’d forgive you anything?”

His lips crash against yours before you can even think to reply. 

[b0rista]

Oh my god, oh my GOD you gave me the most ridiculous brainrot with those hcs of the Titan trio in a gloomy city, I literally haven’t stopped thinking about it all day. If you’re still open for requests, could you maybe write something similar, but with the reader having a crush on bertholdt, or being his s/o in that au? Thank you so much if you do, I hope you have a lovely day! 🥰

— ❝︎ 𝐘𝐎𝐔 & 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐎 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍! 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐀𝐔 𝐏𝐓. 𝐓𝐖𝐎 ; 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐗 𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐓. ·˚ ༘

♡︎ : PLEASE I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU LIKED ITDK I LOWKEY FELL OFF AT THE END BUT TYTY 🥺 and tbh i was THIS CLOSE 🤏 to turning it into a bert x reader post so you like read my mind PLSKD. and i hope you have a lovely day, too!! 🥺

reader x bertholdt version of this! i suggest reading those headcanons first because i absolutely refuSe to attempt to explain the atmosphere again because i'm illiterate gegsgdgh

if you'd like a music recommendation for when you're reading this, literally just play the band cigarettes after sex and you'll get the vibe i'm tryna put off 😭

also this is long and dragged out and im SORRYYFHF

because there isn't a whole lot to change (other than bertholt's feelings for annie; he's older, so in this version, he's over it entirely), everything will be the same as it was in the first part. the four of you, all living in extremely gloomy territory. you're only close with eachother, and it's the sour scent of cigarette smoke and green tea keeping the lot of you sane. that, and the rain. the sweet, senseless rain.

as before, bertholdt's in his twenties, and currently working as a philosophy professor's assistant. his workplace is at a local community college, where you and the other two occasionally visit.

the same goes for the others, as well— while annie's a policy analyst, reiner's taken up certified training. again, not much is different from the first version, if anything at all. what you do for a living is entirely up to you. as for lodging, you're still sharing an apartment with annie, and the boys still visit far too often than remotely necessary. for such a big city, the four of you don't really get out much. really, if you ever do, it's with eachother. you're a very, very tight-knit posse.

back during your college campus days, you're liking toward bertholdt was merely platonic. after all, not only were the bunch of you focused on your academia, but he was always the quieter sort. back then, you were more close to reiner, and even annie, who's worse. still, that didn't mean the two of you didn't interact quite a bit. whenever you were struggling with your studies, he was always offering to help. if we're being entirely honest, there were quite a few exams that you'd have likely failed if it weren't for his assistance.

now, the two of you have grown far more comfortable with one another. of course, college was years ago. as time went on, you'd managed to get closer to him, and vice versa. all four of you are close, despite you having turned their trio into a quartet only a mere matter of years ago. somehow, it felt as they were waiting for you to join them.

if you read the part before this one, you read the instance of which you were hassled on the subway, ultimately leading to an actual buddy system in your favor. well, your friends claim that it's in your favor, anyway. really, it feels like babysitting. they don't like whenever you board the underground train by yourself, and you've been caught trying once or twice. the first time, it was by reiner, who nearly bit your head off. the second time, it was by bert, who was mildly displeased.

instead of scolding you, though, he only boarded the same train as you, offering to see you home. unlike reiner, bertholdt isn't aggressive, especially towards you. if anything, he's protective. he doesn't like it whenever the lingering eyes of a stranger land on you, and he sure as hell isn't fond of the thought of another man taking you home. if you're the more flamboyant sort, and you're unafraid of a fling or two, he'll be quietly bitter. of course, he'll never tell you what to do with your life. he'll tell you to be careful with who you trust, and to stay safe. he's only one call away.

back to your feelings, though. currently, your quiet crush on bertholdt is rising with every given day. it's a struggle, bearing feelings for a man so closed off. nevertheless, it's uncontrollable. fortunately, your pining towards him is more subtle than it is obvious, so he's yet to actually realize. that, and he's fucking oblivious. annie and reiner, however? they're as observing as they come. they know about it, and while they don't tease you, they do root for you. reiner more than annie, because annie's horrible at that sort of thing. still, 10/10 friends.

as of right now, you have three pieces of bertholdt's clothing in your closet. a sweater, a scarf, and a t-shirt. he hasn't asked for any of them back, so they're practically yours. they were all loaned to you on seperate occasions. and although he'll never tell you, there's an actual reason for why he hasn't asked for them back— one time, while you were wearing his sweatshirt, he caught a brief glimpse of you from afar: you were bringing the collar to your nose, inhaling the bittersweet scent of his cologne, his scent. you looked so pleased, and it fucking melted him. he can't bring himself to take anything back that he gives to you.

cuddling. all of you cuddle, though it's a bit subtle. whenever the four of you gather at you and annie's apartment after a rough week, you all have this moment where for hours, you simply sit in silence, watching the rain pour atop the cityscape from the other side of the balcony. the television is lowly drumming in the background, and glasses of tea mixed with pure whiskey sit ontop of the coffee table behind you. you do this as a group, and it's weirdly cinematic. when annie's head isn't rested against your shoulder, you like to press the bottom of your chin onto the top of bertholdt's head. from behind him, your arms lazily wrap around his shoulders, and he sinks into you. this is such a weekly occurrence, neither of you even think much of it. after all, reiner and annie are falling asleep ontop of one another beside you. when they do, you and bertholdt often have a quiet conversation. it's sweet, and exactly what the two of you need.

one time, he took you to an ice sculpture festival. it was the midst of winter, and there was one showcasing in the city. of course, the other two were invited. however, they both claimed to be "busy," when really, they went out to see a movie so the two of you could actually do something together. that being said, you went as a pair.

it was actually fun, to your surprise. not because of the sculptures themselves, but because of how much bertholdt actually liked them. for being so closed off, he showed quite a bit of interest in them. y'all know he's artsy. you couldn't help yourself— as he was silently gawking over a ten foot sculpture of a roaring tiger, you called him cute.

of course, knowing him, he immediately started to flush. due to the weather, he easily pinned the redness of his cheeks to the cold. you, of course, were smarter than that.

speaking of the cold, you were freezing. while you made sure to bundle up, you didn't think to bring a scarf. the blisteringly cold wind tickled at your exposed neck, earning itself a shiver from you. you may not have thought much of it, but he certainly did.

from directly behind you, you felt a hand move to hold your hair out of the way as a large, burgundy fabric coiled itself around your neck, immediately encasing you in its warmth. glancing both behind and above you, you saw bertholdt, snugly tying his own scarf around you. from the looks of it, he thought nothing of it. you were cold, and he wanted to fix that. still, the brief collision of his palm against your bare skin was enough to make you melt.

cigarette sharing. this is just,, a thing. the entire group does it, you and bertholdt especially. there have been plenty of instances where you've snatched a dart from in between his lips, bringing it to your own. vice versa, as well— he's a bit more gentle with it, though. when he reaches for your lips, he's careful, and his knuckles ever so slightly graze against your face as he tugs the cigarette from out of your mouth. to this day, you debate surprising him with a quick kiss to his hand.

speaking of kisses, several have been placed on your forehead. despite not being an item, after a particular rough moment, bertholdt's incredibly tender whilst comforting you. by your shoulders, you'll be pulled into an embrace, where he'll bury his nose within your hair while quietly reassuring you. using your chin to raise your face, he'll place a soft, sweet kiss on the center of your forehead. it's short, but effective.

this man is your personal umbrella. if it's pouring rain—which it usually is— and you're without coverage, he is your coverage. he'll either pull off his jacket and use it to cover your head from the rain, or you'll be sheepishly pulled into his chest, where he sacrifices his back to keep you dry.

if the two of you ever exchanged your feelings toward one another, it would be through a dramatic, rainy confession.

you likely went first, blurting out what you felt through a flash of frustrated impulse; it was pouring down rain, and somehow, the two of you had gotten into a conflict in the parking lot of bertholdt's apartment complex. now, you were shouting at him, "perhaps it's because i love you, you goddamn imbecile!"

and he just,, stared. you stared in horror, he stared in utter shock. now, the two of you were drenched, and you were absolutely mortified.

after a couple of moments, you would falter. digging into the left pocket of your coat, you would pull out your pack of marlboros— despite the rain, you moved to get a smoke. "fuck this," you said, "i need a cigarette."

however, right as you flipped the top of the pack open, it would be abruptly smacked out of your grasp, rendering you speechless. and before you could even regain those words of yours back, they were quickly halted by the lips of another, shutting you up for good.

with multiple year's worth of pent up emotions, you and bertholdt kiss beneath the weeping sky.

[mikkaeus]

lessons from 1000 hours of tutoring high school kids - a letter to my past self

not all those hours were maths, but this is about maths

Not in order of importance; in the order they came to my head. 

1. Do not trust a kid when they say that they understand something. They understand jack shit. Make them explain it back to you. 

2. When teaching sth new try to prod them to reaching the conclusion themselves instead of just straight up explaining it, if time permits. 

3. Things I have assumed and have been sorely mistaken:

a) If an area is identified to be an issue in the lesson, the kid will go and do some questions and revise themselves to fix it.

b) Kids take notes. (I’m still kicking myself for only realising this more than 6 months in with this kid. I get paid too much to be making stupid mistakes like this.)

c) Kids know how to take notes. (Session 1: Take notes, here is a detailed outline that you can then expand on with examples and stuff. Session 2: The kid has copied my scaffold word for word and not expanded anything on it. Me: You need to actually EXPLAIN how to complete the square for example, not just write “completing the square”. Kid: Okay yeah I get it. Session 3: For each topic he’s googled an explanation and copied entire paragraphs word for word, because he “thought they’d phrase it better than him”. He’s using terminology that I 100% guarantee he does not understand at all. I now understand why high school teachers always said use your own words when making notes - something that I had always thought should be blindingly obvious to everyone.)

4. Not everyone is as obsessed with not making mistakes or not being able to solve problems are you are. (For these kids, being stumped at a difficult question isn’t the end of the world.) They think a question ends at figuring out the answer, whether that be from the help of a textbook, the solutions, their friend, or me. You need to impress upon them that it doesn’t matter what the answer is! It’s about what you learn from the question. How was the way they were thinking about the question incorrect? How can they avoid this in the future? What general advice can they give themselves? And then they need to actually commit to reducing incidences of the same mistake in the future. Some kids I’ve been giving the same damn advice to every problem they get stuck on, and magically they can solve it after I give them the advice. Just remember the general advice!! You’re spending all this time studying but you’re running into the same wall over and over again instead of remembering to take the rope out of your bag. I’m not magic! I’m just sitting here reminding you that there IS a rope in your bag!!  (Not that my method of angry scribbling in red pen across my working and writing that I’m a fucking idiot is something I’d actually recommend, but they could definitely afford to be less laissez-faire about learning from their mistakes.)

5. Actually make good notes during the session; otherwise, the kids probably retain nothing. It is kinda awkward to be sitting there writing away but it is a necessarily evil. Also, you can write while they’re chipping away at a question themselves, and that way you don’t need to be watching them like a hawk while they do algebra painfully slowly. (I feel like kids make more mistakes in sessions than they do normally.) 

6. The key to being able to solve a problem is believing that you CAN solve the problem. I’ve been saying this a lot recently - if you follow the rules for maths, there’s no reason it should be wrong - when I have Year 11s and 12s asking me every step of simple algebra if something is correct, or asking whether you’re allowed to do something, and I ask them, “what do you think?” and they reply, “I don’t know.” (Related: Another thing I’ve been saying a lot is that algebra is about doing the same thing to both sides. They just think it’s magic!) Anyway, I brought this up because of problem solving questions actually, not basic algebra. Of course, you can teach them how to break down the question, or general processes like “if you don’t have enough information, go back and check you’ve used everything in the question”, but all that’s useless if they don’t believe that they can solve it by themselves. That means

a) You need to actually encourage them. Even though you’re not a... fluffy or particularly inspiring person, just try. 

b) YOU need to believe that they can do it too. Think of the number of times you’ve been shocked that some kid managed to make a leap of logic you thought was beyond them. Kids are better than you think (and also worse than you think, but we’ve already talked at length about that). 

7. It’s most of the time more beneficial to force the kid to go through the expanded version of the working instead of the abbreviated version. They’re not you, trying to economise as much as possible on working to save precious seconds for rechecking at the end. Don’t push that obsession onto them when their goals and skill level is completely different. Especially if they’re:

a) making silly mistakes

b) not understanding why something works and just following the pattern for a specific context, and then being completely lost in another context. (eg. not being able to use the null factor law for when the factors weren’t linear with a gradient of 1, because they always skipped straight to x= instead of actually writing out each factor equalling zero, and then rearranging). 

8. Stop lecturing for too long. Make sure you’re writing stuff down, not only for the purpose of notes for them to look at later, but because not everyone’s good with auditory learning (you’re one of those people! and yet you subject others to the same shit you rant about out length about your professors!). Make them do work through a problem or part of a problem or ask them questions or something. 

9. A lot of kids do not know how to study properly. A few important things:

a) Do not automatically look back at past questions when solving a Q. You need to treat every question as completely new, and only look back if you’re stuck. That way you force active recall every question and thus making sure you’re actually remembering what the process is. You don’t get any worked examples in your exam. 

b) I do not know how this is every single fucking kid but knowing how to use your dang calculator saves lives!! It’s literally 50% of your grade and you’re sitting there two days before your exam struggling to graph a parabola??? After all the hours you poured into studying the content? Yes your calculators are gross and unfriendly but they’re your best friend. Not only should you know how to use them, you should be fast at using them, and you should know everything it can do that could be remotely helpful. 

c) Sit full exam papers under exam conditions. That shit is like gold and kids are piddling it away by just leisurely working through one question at a time with the help of their textbook (and me). 

d) Print out the formula sheet, and use it. Know what’s on there and what’s not. 

I don’t know if this is a pretty standard experience for people with a track record of excellent academic results* (by this I mean just assuming some things are obvious to everyone) or if I’m particularly bad because I’ve always only interacted with a very narrow range of people. anyway feels fucking bad for my kids but. im trying. god knows ive come a long way since i first started.

*or as I prefer to state it, a track record of being a huge fucking nerd

[hobiwonder]

Adventures of a closeted exhibitionist | 01 (m)

Pairing: hoseok x reader, f2l (future)

Genre: do i ever write anything other than smut

Words: 3k

Warnings: exhibitionism lol, hoseok is a FREAK freak, oral (f receiving), dirty talk.

Summary: where hoseok explores with his bff. i hope u like it pls validate me. 

a/n: this is an idea I pitched to @parkmuse​ and she n i were going to collab but then she got a cat and DITCHED ME (jeepers is v cute ngl). so instead of a full length one shot, im gunna make this a series. like a small one lol. this is unedited beyond microsoft putting the annoying red lines to tell me im illiterate. 

~~

It was roughly 9pm. Despite it being a Friday night, there were a fair few people still drifting about in the 24 hour library. This time of the semester being closer to the exam time you guess this isn’t such an atypical incidence. What was rare though, was you being here. On a Friday night. Where you’re usually getting shit-faced with your friends at Park Jimin’s weekly parties. Not here with your best friend Hoseok – who frequented the place more than you, actually – about to have sex with him. Yup. You heard right.

“Can you walk faster y/n? We’ll lose our spot!” His hurried whisper didn’t do much to mask and the nervous tremble in his voice. It was obvious your best friend wasn’t very adventurous and thus here you were, helping him out.

Slightly regretting your decision. This place was more crowded than you thought. You run forward to catch up with Hoseok’s long legs that kept weaving through the massive bookshelves with ease. Whereas if you were here by yourself – you’d certainly be lost.

“We won’t with the speed you are walking. Slow down, Hoseok.” Grumbling under your breath as you see no sign of him stopping to let you remember the way you guys had come to this part of the quiet library, you just opt to following him around like a lost puppy. Usually it’s the other way around.

Especially when Hoseok had asked you one day to try public sex with him.

“Well well well, never knew my reclusive best friend was such an exhibitionist.” You’d been whistling and hooting while smirking his way, watching him shuffle on his feet awkwardly. He was never too confident in speaking about his sex life and watching him squirm was so much fun to the evil part of your brain. Not that he had much of a sex life to expose. Hosoek was a sweet boy who did relationships. Long term ones. And he hadn’t even been on a date recently.

“W-Well, I’m not. Not yet. I’ve never tried anything like that. And you obviously have.”

You’d just shrugged nonchalantly in response.

“So… I want to try something. With you.” Naturally, your response had been to blink repeatedly, making sure you heard him right.

“No fucking way, Josè.”

“Please, please, please?! I don’t trust anyone other than you to do this with and not be weird about it.”

“What about you get an actual girlfriend Hobi? Hm? Ever thought of that.” He’d rubbed his temple with a pout on his face when you’d mockingly knocked your fingers against it. How did he not see how attractive he was? He could get anyone. Literally anyone.

“I haven’t had luck in that department, you know that.” Him gritting his answer through his teeth is probably one of the most frustrated you’d seen him and it makes you snort.

“Then just find someone willing and fuck her at the party?” The crude words bring a blush to his pretty face. How does he even plan on having sex in public?

“You know I can’t do that.” Shaking his head, he turns back towards you, “Besides… I don’t want it to be just anywhere. I want to d-do this at the library.” Your eyes had bugged out of your head once again at that. How did you not know how kinky your best friend was?

“Oh my god.” You can’t help the giggles that fight their way through your throat, “I cannot believe it Hoseok! You’re such a closeted freak.” Now you were full on cackling.

“Stop. I just wanted to try something.” The pout was back on his face and the little glazed look he had in his eyes had diminished slightly.

“Yeah and public sex from the get go? What will you be ‘trying’ next? Pegging and Anal?”

His brows furrow adorably. “What’s pegging?”

“Oookay. Let’s just get back to the topic at hand.” You didn’t want to give him any more ideas. Yet.

Somehow in the next few hours, you’d agreed to sleep with your best friend. At a library at that.

And here you were, nestled in a corner at one of the desks that were set up between the isles for people who wanted to browse journals and other various literature. Where you both sat was relatively isolated. Only the people who occasionally walked past the isles would be able to see two people sitting at a table – the table shielding your lower halves of the body – and only if they looked. The table was set against one of the isles and that would probably be the only concerning area. That someone on the other side of that shelf would be able to decipher what was going on. Okay maybe this was making you rethink your decision. Just a little.

“So, what do you think?” Hoseok was panting slightly as he looked around you both repeatedly, making sure no one was lingering on the fact that two students had disappeared off to a section that they could do more than study in. But you couldn’t see anything of the sort. Just everyone minding their own business for now. Besides, how loud could you both be anyway? This shouldn’t take too long.

“Pretty good. You must come here a lot to know such a precise spot?” Brows wagging teasingly in his direction, making his cheeks flare up even more.

“I do. But to study usually so this feels a bit… exhilarating.” His face tells you how excited he is but he is definitely nervous as well if the sweating is anything to go by.

You bump your shoulder slightly with his to ease his worries. “Hey, don’t sweat it. Literally.” You can’t help the laugh that he then tries to muffle with his hand. “No really! I’m very good at quickies.”

Your wink makes him blush but he still seems apprehensive. “It’s not that… I’m. Well. I-I can kind of lose control sometimes.”

You continue to deadpan him. Hoseok and losing control? Were you hearing correctly? Your sweet, nerdy, studious, calm and collected, shy best friend losing control? It can’t be that bad, right?

“I’m serious y/n. B-But I’ll try to keep in check.”

“…Okay. Anyway. You ready?” There is a moment of silence and it is quiet. You can hear when Hoseok swallows, the way he drags his gaze all over your coat cladded form and then finally, looks into your eyes. You never noticed how attractive Hoseok was up-close and that was what was making you nervous.

“I-I think so? How are we going to do this? Shit I didn’t think about the logistics through before coming here.” Hoseok had started to nervous ramble so you decided to take matters into your hand by sitting directly on his lap, facing him.

“W-Wha…. Is this how we’re- Wouldn’t that look too suspicious.” You tried not to roll your eyes.

“We’re about to screw in a library surrounded by people. Anything we do will make us look like horny college kids. At least this way if someone catches us people will think we’re only making out or something.”

Hoseok’s pretty mouth falls open in an ‘o’ understanding your reasoning. The law library is more dimly lit compared to others so it was easier to fly under the radar. It was obvious that Hoseok had brought you here to take full advantage of that. If Hoseok tends to lose control as he's said, it shouldn't attract too much attention even if he's a tad too loud. Wait, is it even about his volume?

Leaning down you level your face to his baby browns while he leans back as if you're infectious and not about to have sex, "What do you mean about lose control by the way? You're not going to scream up a storm are you? I swear to god Hoseok if you get us arrested-"

"It's not me you should be worried about," the reply comes without any stutters unlike how he spoke before, making your breath hitch. He's calm and collected, gaze slithering down your body like you were an otherworldly marvel.

This was not how you'd seen your best friend act in all the years you'd known him. Never have you felt this attracted to your usually shy, meek friend who seemed to be the most quaint person in your group of friends. Perhaps that's why you'd never really sexualised him before. Though it did always baffle you how he managed to date the prettiest girls.

"Okay weirdo."

The tremble in your voice is barely masked but you try and regain some of your composure by aggressively adjusting and slipping down your panties to mid thigh. Effectively breaking Hoseok's bravado when he audibly gulps, looking around him. It doesn't take long for you to feel the effects of your activities as Hoseok already feels considerably solid underneath you. A flush of embarrassment evident in your cheeks when he rubs the damp material of your panties between his index finger and thumb.

"You're so wet, y/n." The skin of your naked thighs covered in goosebumps with each carrels of Hoseok's veiny hands. When did they get so callous? The feeling brought another embarrassing amount of wetness down your thighs.

"S-Sorry." You shook your own head at your apology. Why did you say sorry? Guys love that, you knew.

Somehow, it felt different with Hoseok. You were being a lot more conscious about his likes and dislikes instead of your own. Which should've been a red flag. Yet, you continued with the dangerous game you were both playing. The perspiration on Hoseok's forehead gave away how affected he was as well despite the cool temperature inside the library.

"Are you kidding? I've... I've never been this turned on in my whole life."

You don't get a chance to respond, only garbled gasps when his cool fingers slip between your thighs, massaging the slick in the sensitive skin that connected your inner thighs to your pussy.

"H-Hoseok." His thumbs spread the wetness from your nether lips back to the sensitive patch of skin.

"Is this okay?" You're too caught up in the heat of the moment and the thousands of nerve endings that Hoseok's fingers were stimulating.

Your head was lolling around like you were drunk and that was enough indication for him to carry on. It was terrifying how little he had done and you were already lacking the ability to comprehend anything other than his touch. Your hands were dropping beneath you carelessly, trying to find the hard length that was persistently pressing in you. You were turned on beyond belief and you needed to feel Hoseok inside you. Now.

Hoseok had other plans.

"Slow down, y/n." His chuckle is breezy, albeit a little throatier than usual. But it doesn't stop your quest to get your hands inside his pants.

"Hoseok I need you to get inside me." Your plan to be stern backfires.

You had hoped that telling Hoseok you meant business would get him to submit to you like it usually does. However, the heady look in his eyes tells you otherwise. You're proven wrong when instead, Hoseok locks his eyes with yours, as if challenging the autonomy you had in this situation. You're unable to move, just feel as the plunge of his nimble fingers inside you has you gripping his shoulders for a lifeline. Your head was already mushy and all basic comprehension had gone out the door. The sounds accompanying each agonising push and pull extremely erotic, making the blush bloom deeper on your already heated skin.

The onslaught of sensations had made it easy to forget about the world around you. If someone was to catch you right now, you weren't sure if you would let Hoseok stop the delicious friction inside you. The way he looked at his fingers sliding their rhythm inside you, completely entranced by your body, made another gush of wetness flow down his thrusting digits. He had barely fingered you for five minutes and you were already like a full damn ready to burst. Hoseok finally looked up when the scissoring motion of his fingers made you gasp loud enough to startle him.

it was getting increasingly difficult to keep your volume down. Now you knew why Hoseok had redirected the question about being quiet, to you. His other hands wrapped around your hips, just above the dip in your spine to keep you from thrashing off his lap. You were at the point where your body was so close that every thrust of his wrist bordered on pushing you over the edge. Body moving towards the movement and away from it in the same second.

“I don’t think I want that just yet.” His lips shone from the constant contact with his tongue.

Maybe he was giving you a tongue show on purpose. To be even more cruel when you were already suffering (in the best way possible). Hoseok was always mischievous. Not as obvious as your other friends like Taehyung or Jungkook. And you were finding out just how devious he is. Dragging on the assault on your pussy. Stretching the thread until you’re clawing your hands down his back, whispering ‘please’ like a symphony.

“You like this?”

“Y-Yes Hoseok. Please just f-fuck me already.” Your threatening growl only makes him smirk and fasten the pace of the three fingers inside you.

“I really wanna watch you squirt y/n. With all these people just a few feet away. Can you do that for me?”

His whispers near your ear makes you flinch away with each word. Body so sensitive to any form of stimulation that you were scared you were going to cum just from listening to the low timbre of his voice. Hoseok’s eyes were glazed over, the hard insistent bulge was digging in your thighs with even more ferocity. Yet, he denied himself the pleasure you were so readily offering. Why was he torturing the both of you like this, ugh.

Suddenly, he pushes you back against the table behind you, making you grasp the wooden edges in order to brace yourself. However, the action left you exposed, skirt pushed up enough to reveal Hoseok’s hands rhythmically pushing forward and backwards. The open position of your thighs and the air now touching your heated skin making you feel everything just a bit more. His fingers were hitting the spongy spot on the top of your walls just right that you’re whimpering and clenching your hands around the wood, just not the type you wanted to be holding.

“F-Fuck Hoseok if w-we get caught p-people-”

“Will see your cunt swallowing my fingers? I know y/n.” His smile is devilish. He’s reveling in your fear of being found out and you know this is exactly what his fantasy is.

Your breathing is harsh and you’re bordering on being a little too loud. It becomes even more of a problem when you start feeling the zaps of pleasure in your core that are hurtling you towards completion. Hoseok’s angled fingers repeat the motions that elicited the response when he sees you thrashing.

“Right there huh? That feel good?”

You can’t speak. Biting so hard on your lip, trying to not scream blooding murder, that tears are pooling in your eyes, blurring your vision. The strength in your arms leaves as you collapse on the table, head pushing back and one hand going to hold the one almost fisting inside you. You’re so close you can almost taste it. Everything is too much and it’s an impossible feat to stay quiet and inconspicuous.

“God, you’re being so loud. If you’re any louder people will hear you cumming all the way from outside.” And yet he doesn’t sound concerned.

Hoseok’s eyes are feral, watching you hold on to his hand while his wrist is snapping powerfully towards that one spot that has you seeing spots. You’re moaning even louder now and he has to get up from his seat to put his other hand around your mouth to drown out your sounds that are going straight to his dick. God, you were so sexy he was going to cum in his pants from just watching the tears roll down the side of your face.

“Yeah? You’re gunna cum baby? Squirt all over my fingers?”

He wasn’t expecting a response from you with how fucked out you were but your eyes peering into his let him know that you heard him. And that you were going to cum. Hoseok slips his thumb up to your clit, rolling it in tandem with his deep thrusts and within seconds, you’re screaming out your orgasm. Your cunt grabbing his fingers like a vice but Hoseok is still dragging his digits along your walls to prolong the pleasure. His whole hand is thoroughly wet because you indeed, squirted like he asked.

It’s hard to comprehend if what you experienced was a fever dream or you actually blacked out for a few seconds because of how hard you came. You’re still breathing hard and you feel hoseok’s hand ease around your mouth. He’s pressing kisses along your decolletage, fingers till lazily moving inside you until you’re pushing them away.

“That was so hot. Thank you y/n, you’re the best.” You were getting whiplash from how he’d turned back into his sickly sweet self when he was just giving you the best orgasm of your life a few minutes ago.

“Yeah, w-well, I may not be able to walk out of here.” you can’t quite look him in the eyes yet. Not when he’d just fucked your brains out and real fucking was about to come.

“Don’t worry, I think you’ve had enough today so that’s for next time.” He smiles his 1000 watt smile at you before sucking the wetness off his fingers. Your face is so red you might pass out.

Next time?

[nepenthendline]

Mental Health Headcannons - Tsukishima, Kageyama, Ushijima, Tendou & Bokuto

All these are from my knowledge and based off of each character’s actions haikyuu, this is all my opinion so feel free to discuss other thoughts! I’m happy to talk about each more in depth if anyone would like it :) this is just me projecting my own problems on fictional characters

You can also message me if you wanna talk about these too!!

This is going to be long

TW: Mental health, learning difficulties, eating disorders, self-harm

Tsukishima - Depression, Anxiety & OCD

Tbh someone else (I’ve been trying to find their username to tag them but I can’t find it, they’re called something like theguessmonta but idk) has amazing posts about Tsukishima and his mental health which I totally agree with all of it so some of this is going to be pretty similar

I think his mental health problems started when he was quite young, around the time when the Akiteru drama happened so he’s been dealing with these for a while

Having depression can often make a person seem very disinterested/sarcastic/negative as a way of pushing back emotions and self-protection which explains a lot of the way Tsukishima acts towards some people (I have a whole post on how he isn’t just some asshole)

His anxiety stems from a place of terrible self-esteem and self-image, it’s clear to see he has a bad sense of self-worth when he talks about how people are obviously a lot better than him, he’s just there to ‘stop trouble happening’

Tsukki suffers from panic attacks quite regularly (especially when he was a bit younger) but he tends to shut himself off then they happen, he doesn’t want anyone else to see him like that

His anxiety and overthinking is often why he keeps his headphones on him at all times, listening to music helps drown out the sounds around him and those in his head

His OCD got worse over time - first it was things like turning the light switch on and off repeatedly until it felt right, or tapping on his desk before he went to bed, but as his anxiety and self-esteem got worse it developed into him needing himself to be perfect

This included only eating a certain amount of calories a day (no where near the amount he should be eating) or getting a very specific grade on an exam, where even one number over or under set him into a panic

Things got to their worst for Tsukki around the age of 13 - this is where he was much too underweight and self-harming on his hips (so no one else could see)

Probably also thought about suicide a couple times around this point

He has tried a couple different types of anti-depressants in the past, however none have seemed to help

He likes a lot of time alone - he gets too overwhelmed dealing with other people

The only person besides his family and Yamaguchi that knows about his OCD is Kageyama - they both noticed each others odd, repetitive habits until Kageyama asked him about it one day, while they don’t get along too well, they feel some comfort in each other understanding their actions

Kageyama - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

wow what a smooth segue 

this boy is like a walking definition of ASD - coming from a person with ASD

Kageyama was diagnosed with Type 1/High-functioning Autism when he was very young (probably around 3-5 years old)

He struggles with social interaction, knowing what to say to people and most importantly, how to say it, e.g. when he smiles people often think he looks angry

Kageyama has never had many, if any, friends before Karasuno, as he has often struggled with conversation and speaking in an inappropriate tone that may make some people uncomfortable or even scared

He isn’t very good when it comes to remembering academic studies but if it relates to his fixations (volleyball) he is extremely intelligent - this is seen clearly when Daichi shows their team hand gestures and Kageyama says he remembered them in a day

Kageyama uses masking a lot - it’s a technique people with ASD tend to do which involves copying other peoples actions in order to understand social situations, he does this many times in the anime/manga such as his awkward BBQ song dance, or high-fives

He visited a social worker once a week while he was little until he started middle school, resulting in his behaviours getting worse

Towards the end of his first year at Karasuno he went back to therapies regularly and has anger-management training in order to help him express himself in a manageable way - he probably won’t admit it but it helps a lot (key note is that having anger-management training often does not have anything to do with anger, simply just managing emotions in general but it often a great type of therapy for those with ASD although he is a bit of an angry boi sometimes)

ASD comes with repetitive, almost OCD-like tendencies - two examples include filing his nails every single day and having a very specific routine before going to bed that consists of drinking milk, putting on pjs, laying in bed and throwing + catching a ball, brushing his teeth and going to bed on his left side - if he doesn’t do these things at the right times/in the right order, he gets extremely anxious and agitated

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Ushijima - Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

autism buds with kageyama

I kid thats probably a bad idea

Ushijima was also diagnosed with Type 1/High-Functioning Autism when he was 5

Unfortunately due to the stigma around Autism, his family (besides his father) were not very accepting of this and he was put into therapy at a young age

While this was actually helpful for him, his family insisted his therapies should ‘cure’ him and were dismissive of the many times a doctor told them that ASD is not a curable disorder

Outside of therapy he does not receive much support from his family, except his father who got him a pair of noise-cancelling headphones he used to wear until he 8 whenever they went out together - he was only allowed to wear them if it was just him and his father, the rest of his family thought it made it too obvious there was ‘something wrong with the child’

Extending on this, Ushijima was very sensitive to sensory input as a child, and while he still is, it has become easier to manager as he has gotten older

His ASD is most prevalent in his lack of understand ways of communication, such as sarcasm or jokes, and tends to take things very literally 

@simp4satori and I came to the conclusion that if you were to call him daddy during sex, or ask him to ‘punish you’ the poor boy would have NO CLUE - would probably call your dad and tell him you needed to speak to him, or say you can’t watch anime for a week lol 

He is extremely direct when he talks, to the point where it comes across rude or hurtful but he doesn’t realise this until someone mentions it

Tendou probably helps him rephrase things from time-to-time in order for him to get his point across

He gets very anxious when faced with things he doesn’t know about or understand (this is mentioned by Tendou in the manga), this can include people, going to new places or trying new foods

It is important to remember people with ASD tend to also have another mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression

Tendou - Depression and Anxiety (also a highly sensitive person - that’s not a mental health disorder or illness but it does affect him)

Tendou’s mental health suffered from a young age due to bullying in school

This caused a lot of low self-esteem and low mood, and he was later on diagnosed with depression and anxiety

Only his family, Ushijima and his coach know about this, and even then, only his family know any details

No one would really expect Tendou to deal with such mental health issues as he always keeps a bubbly, happy persona around others - he doesn’t want people to think he is weak or cowardly

It is also hard for others to see and he is someone with high-highs and low-lows, so when he is happy or excited his emotions are quite extreme

Tendou’s anxiety relates a lot to his image, mainly his appearance and the way he acts, but he is also a general over thinker

He doesn’t have panic attacks as often as Tsukishima does, however they do happen occasionally when things just get too much

He often thinks that people are staring at him, or talking about him whenever he goes out, and he tends to hid this by seeming overly cocky or sardonic

When his depression hits, he tends to just feel sad or hopeless instead of numb, which tends to trigger his anxiety too

Tendou used to self-harm often around his hips/thighs however he hasn’t done so since the end of his first year of high-school 

Probably makes a lot of dark ‘jokes’, especially around suicide and people semi are like ‘...dude...you ok?’ and he’s just like ‘hahaha yeah im fine what’

He doesn’t like alone time too much as he tends to get trapped in his own thoughts

As expected of the guess monster, he is extremely good at reading and understanding people, which is how he finds it easier to help and communicate with Ushijima

Bokuto - ADHD

A lot of people at Fukurodani think Bokuto is just stupid, however he actually has ADHD

He was diagnosed a lot later than the rest at 12 years old

Bokuto tends to struggle with his studies as his attention-span is very low and can get distracted easily - either by things in the classroom or his own thoughts

He’s very forgetful, often forgetting his lunch at home or forgetting to do/bring in his homework, and this goes into volleyball too where he forgets how to do certain moves

Taking exams are the worst for Bokuto, he hates having to be still and quiet for such a long time and is very sensitive to little sounds or movements that distract his attention - you’ll often find his bouncing his leg or fiddling with his pen

He tends to butt into conversations or interrupt people when they are talking, he just gets a bit too enthusiastic to share his thoughts

He has extreme mood-swings too which we see often in the anime, especially when he is stressed or someone mentions his behaviours

Is very reckless - Akaashi has probably had to stop him from leaning too far out the window and almost falling to look something

The whole Fukurodani volleyball team are aware of his ADHD and do their best to help him and make him feel comfortable or accepted

They are the only people allowed to call him stupid - they will fight anyone else

I think there are more characters with mental health illnesses or disorders, such and Yamaguchi, Yachi, Kenma and Asahi having anxiety so I might write more at some point!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

tl;dr political rant post:

it had been my goal from 12 years old to do an arts degree in philosophy (yes what a nerd- thanks to my dad playing a Great Courses philosophy dvd one morning in 2007 and my dad always taking me to the botanic gardens/the uni some weekends).

i graduated from my arts degree in 2018, with a major in english and a minor in philosophy. i was so, so lucky to even get into my communications & media degree (at first i was originally going to do marketing communications, advertising & PR)... but i realised that i was not made for business subjects- despite my mark101 tutor telling me she thought i had knack for marketing- something under this policy that i wouldn’t undertake due to the price hike for commerce/business degrees. nor was i made for a media degree. so i changed to arts & humanities.

although under this atrocious policy, english subjects are made “cheaper”- why on fucking should the rest of someone’s arts/humanities degree be so much more expensive, all depending on the fields they choose???? so you’re telling me, if i was instead to enter undergrad this year to do my english degree... that my english major would be subsidised, but my philosophy minor would be at double the cost (along with the few first year business and communications&media subjects i did), unless i forced myself to pick maths or science subjects that i would most definitely fail, no matter how much work i’d put into them??? or there’s languages- but much like maths/science- there’s the problem with my handwriting that stopped me trying french and even japanese (ironically, since it’s know for its ~painstakingly neat and orderly~ script- but my handwriting is still messy, disorderly and confusing asf).

*please note that most of this next section is just me being highly spurious and cynical. it’d probably work out fine*

but you’re also telling me that under this policy that i’d also probably have to forego my reasonable adjustments in those subjects (yes i still have trouble with my handwriting to this day) mostly because a lot of software still won’t let you write out maths problems properly or i’d have to spend twice as long trying to get a graph to work in excel or idek matlab (please teach me maths nerds)???? and most maths working out is probably better handwritten or whatever??? and that’s besides the point that i still can’t use excel at all 😂.

so with these classes then, would i be battling from day one of first year with professors to let me use a computer during exam periods (unless of course they use online/take home exam methods like philosophy)???? probably (im being very suspicious here because i don’t know how science/maths etc faculties work).

although i did get this once with one particular english professor; who used the excuse that he didn’t know how to set a computer up for exams because he had been on “sabatical for 4 years” or whatever and so “didn’t know the policies anymore”.... so then according to him it was apparently “the students job to do it.... especially since you’re in third year, miss williams”..... however, i was promptly then told by EVERY uni offical that i approached for help to do it for me.... and my other professors across my course that had done it for me, that it was in fact the PROFESSORS job/responsibility to set it up, and not the student’s??? like. help your students fuckwit professor grant??? honestly. anyway. aside from my personal struggles in the english department: let’s proceed. (this was a real incident btw).

would i be at a significant disadvantage to other students by not being able to use a computer during maths exams or science exams because of the drawing of diagrams and graphs and “showing your working”???? hell yes. would i want the professors in that department to probably condescendingly telling me all the time to “present my work neater and more precisely”? FUCK NO. it’s exactly why i avoided every maths and science subject in undergrad- even including the astronomy subject that i wanted to do- because it also meant that fellow students had to read my handwriting for practicals etc as well, that i wasn’t entirely keen on either. but i did not need the harsh reminders of “be more precise and infallible in your work presentation” that i’d had at school constantly for 11 years of maths lessons; affecting my mental health and performance in a subject during a uni semester.

moreover, that’s besides the fact that i’d flat out fail the “year 12 band 4 maths” requirements- unless they want to waive those- for first year maths/science subjects (at least basing it on my local uni).... considering that i actually skipped out on maths completely in year 12 by doing a TVET/tafe/technical college course in live theatre, production and events (which no surprises here, actually included maths anyway 😅).

because, fuck. is ANYONE seeing a trend in my study choices here? hell, i almost did a commerce/business dual degree with a tafe diploma in event management for crying out fucking loud. and you’re telling me that’s also doubled in price?? it’s obvious that i was interested in the arts & humanities and business subjects from the get-go. but under this policy- i’d be charged double for having my interest in event management, instead of say, biology (which is a subject that if it weren’t for mark scaling in my final hsc exam- i would have failed completely)??? utterly ridiculous.

i even contemplated doing a double degree with law at one point (or doing a legal studies major/minor- which is now a course at my local uni, but was not while i was there). however, law course fees have also doubled under this new policy. leaving that out of reach for me, despite that a double degree with law was out of reach for me anyway..... since my mark average was 65% and not at least 75% lol. but as if those marks averages will actually matter under this new policy.

under this bullshit policy, i’d be forced to take science/maths or even teaching (another field i had to avoid, since people can’t read my writing on a whiteboard from a distance half the time either.... besides the fact that i’m not really the ~teacher type~) subjects- all so that my degree price overall will be ”reduced”..... meaning that i would have to trade out my philosophy minor for something in maths/teaching/science (or maybe creative arts- since those fees stayed the same roughly)... instead of sticking to what i was good at: philosophy and other humanities/social science fields like sociology and history????

i understand that many people will snub me with saying “oh why did you even BOTHER going to uni if you were THAT indecisive about what you wanted to do?” which is something i’ve seen many older people saying on posts about this policy. but hell, i was 19 FUCKING YEARS OLD WHEN I STARTED UNI, FOR GODS SAKE. OF COURSE I WAS GOING TO BE FUCKING INDECISIVE ABOUT MY DIRECTION IN LIFE! because, newsflash fuckwits: not everyone has a defined career goal at 19. hell, i still don’t have one at almost 25..... since i’ll admit here, that i flunked out of my postgrad library course.... because i realised that i simply couldn’t cope with learning simple HTML, CSS and javascript coding for website design & user experience design 😂 (again help me computer wiz friends). yes, believe it or not, librarians have to know that today. and most people think that it’s just all about books (okay that was me, but i was wrong). also, if you’re wondering: postgrad library courses aren’t affected, thank god. but my point is, aren’t we meant to fuck up and pick the wrong things in life sometimes??? aren’t we meant to be indecisive about our choices in our late teens up until our mid 20s???

but now you’re telling students that their very first year of uni is practically set out for them, even for arts/humanities degrees (im not counting properly prescribed degrees such as engineering/science/communications & media (they had prescribed majors and prescribed first year subjects, which is why i left it. because i felt trapped in the prescribed marketing et al major etc); all because the government is telling them that “oh to make your first year cheaper: (A.) get good marks.... so that we don’t cancel your HECS place and (B.) pick subjects outside of the arts/humanities like science/maths/tech related subjects so that you don’t pay a whopping $14,500 for your first year of uni and will be more likely to be “job ready”. whatever the actual fuck “job ready” really means. and this all as if there ISN’T enough pressure for a 18/19 year old to succeed in their first year of uni already.

although, the one thing i’ll say is that my one year advanced diploma in marketing that i did in 2014, was $16,500. i still haven’t made any moves to pay it off. but it was constantly in the back of my mind during uni, both undergrad and postgrad. it was there as a reminder to pick cheaper subjects, so as to not greatly increase my combined hecs debt and vet-fee help debt; which is now sitting at $42,500. which under this new policy is the new price of ONE arts & humanities undergrad degree. i’d hate to be going into uni next year at 19 years old (or any age really) with that price tag on my degree.

anyway. that’s the end of my non-sensical rant. morrison and the rest of the libs etc can go fuck themselves.

[foolishlovebugbaby]

untitled

Summary: when it comes to you, seo changbin will say everything else but those three little words to get his message across- but you’re not complaining.

warnings: kissing

word count: 3.5k

note: it’s 4am, im sick and disoriented from all the paracetamol running through my veins, and I managed to conjure up this very spontaneous and soft and delirious piece because thinking about whipped!changbin makes me all fuzzy. the goal is to get you all fuzzy too- enjoy :) leave a like/reblog/comment so i know whether yall like these kinds of pieces <3

Changbin loves spontaneous food rendezvous at ungodly hours of the night (or, to be precise, morning), which is exactly why you try to remember to keep your phone off whenever you sleep, otherwise you’d be woken from your slumber by a persistent and whiny voice begging you to get tteokbokki and mango juice from the 7-eleven on the other side of town.

That was, in fact, your current predicament because unfortunately for you, Changbin remembers the number to your landline to a T. “Pleasssseee? My treat, and I promise to help you with mechanics afterwards.” He can practically see your annoyed expression behind his eyelids as he peeks at your window from his parked car in front of your driveway. He knows that you desperately need help in mechanics, a subject he prides himself on being unexpectedly good at, and that you won’t be able to resist a tutoring session right before mid-terms. Manipulative, but in an I-just-want-to-see-you-when-are-you-going-to-take-the-hint way.

“I’m suing 7-eleven for their 24/7 policy on the grounds of sleep disruption,” Your sleepy voice softly seethes on the other end and he smiles. “So is that a yes?” He hears shuffling and quiet groans and a fuck, that hurt, before he sees the curtains to your windows open and a very sleepy, angry and disheveled you throwing the middle finger at him. “It’s a fuck you.” He grins. “Take your time, I’ll be here patiently waiting.” He teases and he sees you hang up the phone and stick your tongue out. 

He smiles to himself, already turning the heater on in his car because he knows you’ll complain about it being too cold. He’s done this thousands of times, yet each time you protest he can’t help but find it more and more endearing- your cute whine and messy bed hair and the way you snuggle up in his car seat when you ultimately decide to just come down and get it over with warms his heart like no other. 

Thousands of years from now, when social scientists research teen slang from the 2010’s and they stumble upon the word whipped, Seo Changbin would be the prime study example because dear lord is that boy whipped for you. 

“At this rate i’m convinced you just want to fatten me up and pull some Hansel and Gretel shit come winter,” You get into the passenger seat and put on your seatbelt in all your oversized sweater and sweatpants glory, and Changbin can’t help but wish he was the one keeping you warm. But he supposes his varsity sweatshirt that you wear over your tiny frame would suffice for now. 

“You and your irresponsible ass has barely been eating for the entirety of this exam season,” He pulls out of your driveway and heads towards the main road. “If anything, you should be thanking me for looking after you.” He smiles teasingly at your displeased, sulking face, and he wants to stare longer to admire your cute sleepy features and small frame curled up in his passenger seat but he’d rather not get into a car accident because he knows you’d kill him if the two of you died in a car crash. 

“You’re also the root cause of my sleep irregularities, so thank you very much.” You smile sarcastically at him, and he’d return one right back if it weren’t for the fact that he felt bad about waking you up in the middle of the night. “Is it my fault that I just want to see more of you since school’s been holding you hostage and away from me?” He pouts and sends a puppy eyed look your way, and you huff. “You know you can come over anytime during the week,” You mumble, even though you understand his sentiment. 

It was your last year of highschool and soon enough, the both of you would be whisked away into completely different lives. Time was withering away right before you- heck, you swore you just blinked and autumn was already all around you. It didn’t help that your senior year schedule was practically designed by satan to keep the two of you away from each other. But, as the saying goes, if there’s a will there’s a way, and Changbin’s got the will of a thousand spartans.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to distract you from your study time or steal you away from your family during weekends. So now my nights are reserved for you and only you.” He says pointedly as the car nears the 7-eleven too well-lit for its own good. He doesn’t notice the fact that you bite your lip bashfully at his words. 

“You? Distract me? In your wildest dreams.” You huff, lying through your teeth, and he immediately thinks In my wildest dreams indeed. The amount of times he’s daydreamed about kissing up your neck as you whined about needing to solve a Chemistry question before ultimately being unable to resist the urge to sit on his lap and kiss the life out of him is too many to count, and he coughs the thought away as soon as it comes. “We’re here.”

He pulls up in front of the store, turning the engine off and taking his keys out of the ignition. “Do I have to go inside?” You whine, reclining further into his red pleather seats and snuggling into the Totoro pillow you purposely left in his car for nights like this. He wants to say no, that you and your adorable ass can stay in the car so long as you’re snuggled up next to him while the radio sings in the background, but he’s a coward that’s not ready to have that conversation.

“Yes, now get out of my car before I lock you inside.” You pout and force yourself out of his car.

“So, is it a tteokbokki or steamed buns kind of night?” He quips from beside you as you two walk towards the doors. It’s bloody freezing outside, and Changbin notices you shoving your hands deep into your pockets as you walk a little closer too him. He wants to hold your hands, but his own reroute themselves and open the doors for you instead. “M’lady,” He says and flashes a smile. You roll your eyes at his cheekiness.

Your eyes sparkle under the bright fluorescent white lights inside the store, “It’s a hot chocolate kinda night,” You rush over to the hot drink dispenser and he chuckles at your sheer cuteness. The cashier is half asleep when he greets Changbin, eyes half-lidded and barely standing up behind the counter, and Changbin sends him a small wave.

“Someone’s tired,” He says, pointing out the obvious. “No kidding. You kids are my only customers at this hour.” The cashier manages to get out as he yawns. “Knock yourself out,” He waves sleepily. 

Changbin makes his way for the ‘instant’ aisle, trying to find his beloved spicy tteokbokki pack and some string cheese to satiate his cravings. He crouches down when he spots his favorite brand, ‘Hm, do I want it more saucy or more dry tonight? Decisions decisions…” He thinks to himself. When he finally settles on the less saucy version (of course, because practicality, duh), he sees you emerge from his peripheral vision.

“Got what I need,” You say, left hand carrying your hot chocolate while your arms hold a bag of gummy bears, a carton of mango juice, and a bottle of water while you smile sheepishly at him. His heart is screaming at how cute you look, but his face is mocking you. 

“What was that again about not wanting anything from the store?” He says smugly, and you make a face at him. “Oh hush, you’re paying for it so I thought, why not?” You defend and he laughs, making his way towards you. “Sure.” He teases.

 You stick his tongue out at him and he puts a hand on your shoulder, turning you towards the cashier. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.” 

You two pay for your late-night grabs- well, he pays for everything and you pay with a bright grin and a side hug and a pat on his back (but he’s not complaining)- and he makes his tteokbokki bowl at the designated station before you two walk towards the street bench on the other side of the road. 

“Want some?” He offers cutely, cheeks filled with rice cakes as you swing your bag full of goodies back and forth. “I think I’ll pass,” You say with a smile, your eyes bashfully looking away at his sheer cuteness. You cover up your embarrassment with a sip of steaming chocolate.

“More for me,” He shrugs and you both plant yourselves on the bench. 

The trees shroud around above you both as you overlook the canal, the city completely dark before you. The street lamps are dim and no cars pass on the road behind you, but the pair of you wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s soothing and Changbin wouldn’t trade these moments with you for the world. 

In a flash, he finishes his tteokbokki. “You practically inhaled that.” You say amusedly as he chucks the bowl in the trashcan next to him. “I’m a growing boy, sue me.” He says as he grabs the water bottle in your bag. “May I?” 

“It’s yours, stupid. You always forget to buy one and I always have to pick it up for you,” He smiles at that. “Aw, how cute of you.” He takes a swig and notices your ears turn pink at his comment. “What would you do without me?” You say as a joke but he’s completely serious when he says “I have no idea.” 

You breathe out a chuckle. “Sometimes I wonder how different things will be once we both get out of this town.” Changbin sighs wistfully at that and reclines further into the bench, not liking the idea of leaving at all. 

“Well, I’d like to think that we’d still facetime 24/7, obviously, and I’ll take a drive to your dorm once a week at times like this for a local food trip around your campus town.” His says as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, though his mind runs a mile a minute at the thought of losing you because of distance. He looks into your puppy-dog eyes, and he swears the entire cosmos resides in them.

“Promise?” You stick out your pinky and he intertwines his. “Promise.” 

“Good, because I won’t be able to live without you,” His gut flips at your comment, and you chug down the rest of your hot coco. 

“God, it’s fucking freezing.” You shiver when a gust of wind blows past you. On a chilly November night with absolutely no one around to cringe at his actions, Changbin happily decides to prove to you that chivalry is, in fact, not dead. “You should’ve worn an extra layer, silly.” He takes off his black zip-up hoodie and places it over your shoulders, running his hands over your arms to warm you up. “Better?” He keeps his arm firmly planted around your shoulders, and his face is so close to yours that he can see all your tiny, minuscule freckles in dim lighting. Never mind the fact that he was lowkey freezing in his plain black long-sleeve; he figures holding you close to keep you warm was worth the hypothermia. 

He sees crimson spread across your cheeks like a wildfire, “M-much,” You mumble silently. Maybe it was the fact that your eyes twinkled up at him in the moonlight, or the fact that your face was so close to his he could almost kiss you, but Changbin’s heart starts palpitating and skipping beats all at once as he thinks to himself, god, i’m in love with you. Ofcourse, he doesn’t say this out loud. But in another world where he isn’t a coward and timing was on his side, he likes to think that he wouldn’t let you forget it. 

He doesn’t know that butterflies swarm your insides and that you think to yourself, I think I’m in love, and that the combination of his intoxicating scent and the way he looks at you as if you were his entire world makes you woozy and weak in the knees. It’s frustrating, really, how two people could be so silently in love with each other and not say a thing. 

But tonight was the Night of Nights, and before he knew it, Changbin began leaning closer to you. He doesn’t know what’s taken over him, but he doesn’t do anything to stop it. Because there you were, the girl of his dreams a mere inch away from his lips looking as beautiful as ever, about to be whisked away from him in a few months. Screw it. 

His eyes are half-lidded as they flicker between your eyes and lips, and yours mimic his. It’s so agonisingly slow, but the moment he feels your lips on his, all his worries melt away. Your lips are cold but impossibly soft against his own, and it makes his body erupt in tingles all around. Something cheesy like fireworks, but maybe a grenade going off would better describe how his insides feel.

He doesn’t want the moment to end, but you pull away slowly and rest your forehead on his, eyes shut and teeth clamped on your bottom lip. 

You don’t know why you pull back, and you immediately miss the feeling of his lips on your own, but Changbin assumes the worst. Fuck, maybe that was uncalled for, his heart sinks to the ground and he nervously chews down on his lip. “Let’s get you home,” He says dejectedly, pulling his forehead away from yours and your sorry eyes meet his. He retracts his arm around your shoulders and stands up, wanting nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole, and you follow him silently to the car. 

The drive back is anything but comfortable- the air between the pair of you is stiff and and suffocating and every synonym for awkward and you wonder why the hell you pulled away because you know your heart wanted to remain on that roadside bench, kissing him until the sun rose. But you’re stupid, so instead you sit in his car while he silently drives you back home, and every passing minute is another minute away from his lips. 

Wordlessly, Changbin pulls into your driveway and his heart sinks down further to the earth’s core. ���Sorry for tonight.” His voice is barely above a whisper and his eyes refuse to look at you, which breaks your heart. You want to ramble and say that it’s a misunderstanding, that you have so many bloody feelings for him, but the words get caught in your throat. 

“Changbin?” Is all you manage to get out. He still doesn’t look at you, not because he hates you but because he hates himself for acting on his feelings, and instead looks at his lap. Words weren’t going to get you anywhere, you decide, and you suck in a breath. You reach over and grab his face. Here goes nothing. 

You kiss him this time, a lot more harder than before, and Changbin swears he’s dreaming. Like, he’s waiting for pigs to fly around in the background and for The Walters to appear in your driveway singing ‘She’s Going to Leave You’ because he can’t fathom a world in which you like him back. But none of those things happen, and you’re still kissing him with so much passion and certainty that he figures even if it were a dream, he’ll take it. 

His lips move in sync against your own and makes sure that everything he’s ever held back is poured into this moment. The kiss earlier was in the spur of the moment, but this- this is completely intentional. Maybe that’s why you pulled away. The thought of a kiss between you both simply being just that- a kiss and nothing more. That in the morning neither of you would acknowledge it ever happening. You needed some type of confirmation that things were real; thank the stars you got what you were looking for. 

His hands rest on top of yours and he brings you closer, needing more of you and your touch. But the compartment in between you both is a literal cockblock and he wants to rip it out just so he take you into his arms completely. He’s delirious, and he blames you. 

“Want to come in? It’s a lot warmer in my room,” You say through soft breaths, the wind completely knocked out of your chest and Changbin places soft pecks from the corner of your mouth to your chin. “I don’t mind.” 

It doesn’t take much for either of you to get out of his car and for him to lock it behind you. His adrenaline is rushing and he just wants to hold you and kiss you again, but goddammit, you’re fumbling with your keys not knowing which one is which thanks to the absence of lighting on your front porch- it doesn’t help that he’s decided to plant his hands firmly on your waist as he lightly kisses down the nape of your neck. Fuck you, Seo Changbin. 

The door finally opens after what feels like an eternity, and you make it a point to turn around and shush him. “My parents are asleep,” You look at him with alarmed eyes and he raises his hands up. “I can be quiet, but no promises.” The nuance in his statement makes you blush and he sends a cheeky wink your way. You’re mid eye-roll when he grabs your wrist and heads towards your staircase. 

You’re both clumsy and haphazard as you walk up the stairs, almost tripping and Fuck, I stubbed my pinky toe, but you both fortunately make it up to your room in one piece. Changbin’s heart is beating so fast that he’s genuinely worried you’ll feel it against your palms when you place them over his chest- and you do, by the way- but you’re leaving sweet kisses against his neck that the prospect of dying from cardiac arrest doesn’t scare him because atleast he’ll die happy. 

“So, mechanics later?” He says panting, forehead against yours as he has you between him and your door, thumbs rubbing circles against your waist underneath his sweatshirt and jacket. “Totally,” You tiptoe and kiss him again. 

You taste so sweet against his lips, and at first he thinks it’s the lingering taste of hot chocolate, but he’s come to the conclusion that it’s just because it’s you. His adoring, sweet girl that he takes on midnight food runs because he’s afraid of missing her. The girl that can make his gut flip and mind scramble with a smile. It’s cheesy, and you’re slightly lactose intolerant, but it’s the entire goddamn truth. 

His jacket suddenly claims domain on your floor and you both kick off your sneakers, never pulling away from each other, and suddenly your bed feels a little warmer than last night. He kisses down your neck, something he’s always wanted to do, and you run your hands through his hair. Insane isn’t enough of a word to describe the way he’s feeling, but the search for a word that can encompass all his rampant thoughts would have to wait. 

“You’re the best part about my day,” He whispers into your neck, and you sigh with closed eyes at the feeling. You bite back a smile “I know,” 

“I know? I know-?” He pulls back, half-joking and half-serious, and you’re giggle while you run your hands over his torso. “Yes, I know,” You leave a kiss on his jaw, “And you’re my favorite part of the night,” He’s obviously the favorite part of your entire life, but that statement would have to do for now. He nods his head, “I’ll take it.” and goes back to kissing you. 

Those three daunting words stuck in his throat- and, frankly, yours- make themselves out of his mouth in different ways because perhaps saying them verbatim would shake his entire world, and he’s not sure why he’s scared because he knows you’d say them back. So instead, through voices barely above a whisper and warm hands running along your body, he tries to show you what those three words really mean to him. He’s sleepy and delirious and he’s honestly convinced he’s dreaming, but it’s the greatest thing to ever happen to him. You are the greatest thing to ever happen to him. You both could come up with a title some other time, he concludes, because kissing you is of the utmost priority to him at 2AM. 

Labels were overrated, anyway.

[bladengineer]

Bladebreakers: College Edition

anyone who’s already read my fics knows exactly what i’m about, so lets get straight to business about the college headcanons im about to slap yall with

also all under the cut bc this went way too long lmfao Hilary and Kenny should follow shortly bc it got really long and im just. oops

Kai is the first to go which is like. logical considering he’s the oldest and most driven out of all of them

not to mention he had the entirety of Hiwatari Corp. about to be put into his name as soon as he reached 18 and he’s just like aw man here we go

to be honest? he’s not keen on taking over the company, never has been (excluding the time where he felt obligated to under his grandfather’s influence) and the thought of actually having too just kinda. embitters him

so he gets himself sucked into the whole Business classes to get himself the necessary qualifications – and despite being bitter, he doesn’t half-ass shit so he studies on the regular

it isn't until Max wrangles him into finally giving his own interests a go and he changes his path to a History Major with a Minor in Business

he is so much happier

History, specifically Ancient History, had always been an avid interest in Kai’s books so he basically dives into his new studies with his own brand of stoic enthusiasm

its also the sole reason why he’s been amassing so many books in his personal collection at home, Hilary had implored him to buy bigger shelves after Max nearly broke his neck tripping over a loose pile

Kai likes to study alone, preferably in his private study (Tyson keeps making fun of him for having a private study at the age of 18, what are you, a grandpa? damn rich kid lmao) with soft instrumental music playing – he’s especially fond of rainy ambience music

of course, Kai is often seated at the back of the classes, but is indisputably one of the best students with very insightful and well-researched essays, naturally, most of his professors adore him

except a select few traditional-minded professors – they’re still bitter that Kai stood his ground when they had overlooked Cleopatra’s history and reduced her to the Ancient Sex Symbol and Kai was ready to cut a bitch at the blatant disrespect towards an Ancient Political Mastermind

the majority in his class has a fat crush on him but thats nothing new

Max, for a long time, had a bit of a dilemma as his parents urge him to start choosing his preferred path; was it going to be Engineering like his Mother or Mechanics like his Father, and honestly? the poor boy was so torn

in the end, he confessed he wanted to do neither – he loved Beyblade but it wasn’t something he wanted to dedicate his life to forever

instead, his heart had always belonged to the ocean and he dreams of being a Marine Biologist

his father was very supportive, while Judy had her doubts so it took a little convincing – in the end, her son’s joy was more important to her and she too gave her blessing for him to pursue his dream

Max goes on to major Zoology, directed towards marine animals, and takes up a minor in Engineering because hey, it pretty much runs in his family and it stayed an avid interest of his

his university wasn’t too far of from Kai’s own, so sometimes when he stays over at Kai’s he gets a free ride to class

he returns the gesture by always providing the best butter croissants for breakfast (they’re still warm too!)

Max usually studies in the campus library, noise-cancelling headphones on, bopping silently to whatever music he’s listening to as he reviews his notes for the next exam

he researches a lot for his topics and has collected so much trivia about the ocean and its inhabitants in general

Max: did you know jellyfishes have no brain? Kai: Max don’t bully Tyson Tyson: excuse me?

the professors love Max tbh, he’s always fully engaged within class so they usually let him get away with things mainly bc he’s just their Favourite

pretty sure half of the university knows of Max in some way or another, being a social butterfly and all and maybe having flooded the campus once by accident

Ray also had a hard time deciding what to do and what to study; being from a rural village with traditions certainly made him question wether he should pursue a modern career or stay within his community

the White Tigers were quick to kick his ass over it however, booting him straight to Kai’s doorstep and telling him to do what he feels was right for him

now, he’s managed to get himself applied to one of the prestigious university for culinary arts – he’s not too sure yet which path he wants to take in terms of culinary skill

he loves cooking and working in a kitchen, however after many work experiences he has found that working at the command of someone else wasn't exactly to his tastes, not to mention, he’d like to dabble in more traditional culinary arts

as of now, Ray particularly enjoys the sweeter side of cooking, preferring to create intricate pastries and confectionaries, often stemming from his chinese roots but also applying his skill within the japanese side of things

his homemade mooncakes are honestly to die for

next to his obvious passion for cooking, he’s also taken up classes in horticulture, mainly bc he’d love to grow his own ingredients and create his own sets of spices and various artisan products

since his career path is very labour focused, he often practices at home and takes inspiration from various chefs all around the world. his bookshelves are full of recipe books and general insightful cookbooks

Max had suggested to him to make videos of his dishes, mainly for self-improvement, but also being able to put them online to start a crowd interest for his work

its going pretty well actually, his videos have become quite popular since they are aesthetically pleasing, the food looks tasty as hell and also a wide crowd of older people have voiced their joy in seeing more traditional confectionary being made

his friends secretly love their birthdays nowadays bc without fail, Ray always gifts them homemade foods, from neat boxes of handcrafted chocolates to cute jars of sweet jams

he knows, he always takes time to create flavours he knows they will appreciate

Tyson, surprisingly, knew exactly what he wanted to do, and it wasn’t anything to do with Beyblade

Hilary: WHAT ARE YOU SICK Tyson: i- no? i just– Ray: hold on maybe he’s running a fever Tyson: would yOU GUYS JUST LISTEN–

look, he loves Beyblade, it’s something he’ll treasure all his life, something he’ll still pursue in the future, but

it won’t be what he wants to do full time

instead, he majors in Anthropology in order to pave his way into Archeology and everyone is so proud they start crying

next to his Major, he also minors in Business, mainly due to his longstanding position within the BBA, with whom he stays as a particular poster boy and star

next to his work with the BBA, he occasionally helps out in the Dojo and everyone kinda realises? that this guy is literally holding down two (2) whole jobs while also studying and if that isn't hardcore my dudes i don’t know

then again, he’s grown a lot and his interest in his father’s career had always accompanied him since he was a kid – however, his studying habits are still all kinds of atrocious and the only reason why he can even halfway ace his exams is bc he refuses to go down quietly, actually is really critical and analytical is he puts his head into it, and the fact that he employs Hilary to stand vigil with a rolled up magazine to smack him back into focus should he slack off

otherwise, he’s friends with most people in his class and regularly exchanges notes with them and even has become a favourite with a select few of his professors

most just find him exhausting but can’t refute his elaborate essays, which are both thoughtful as eyebrow raising

he attends the same university as Kai (much to his chagrin) and they stick together just as much as they bicker (one-sidedly) just like old times – however, they are both ancient history buffs and its one of the very few topics that they can be heard talking about in actual peace without Tyson going apeshit when Kai loses interest in the conversation

Tyson and Kai are also those college students who pull ridiculous all nighters to study

Max once got so nervous for an exam he made a terrifying concoction of Red Bull and Instant Coffee to stay up and study

he aced the exam but he cannot for the life of him remember what he did in those 24hours bc as soon as he went home he crashed for nearly 32hours straight

Tyson and Ray who were present at the time refuse to speak about it and when asked about it, they kinda just. disassociate for a minute at the sheer horror they had witnessed

Kai rarely ever communicates with classmates yet somehow gets always invited to all the frat parties

who are those people? he doesn’t know