#im lost. but at least im trans which is the best thing thats ever happened to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

karmanticmoved · 5 years

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1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho

#asks #long post #friends

2 notes · View notes

kxlebcross · 4 years

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multiples of three, please.

oh man i cant believe ur making me do maths at 4:18 am... but here goes nothing! (it’s gonna be long so i put it under a read more)

3. Ever done any drugs? uhhhh... yeah, for a short period yrs ago i had a friend group and with them we smoked weed pretty much every weekend... they did some hard drugs too but i never dared trying those cuz im a lil bitch lmao aaaaand i don’t do that anymore, it’s an expensive hobby to have and i usually waste my drugs money on pc games and ordering food srgsdfg

6. Describe your dream home. probs somewhere in a big city, close to the center because i love being a big city kid.... a mid-sized flat with lots of plants and those neat cat playgrounds mounted on the wall because i plan on having at least 4 cats in the future asdsd and i’d love to have a bigger balcony which i could transform into a little jungle and hand a hammock there and just chill and listen to the city’s noises at night when i can’t sleep

9. Do you watch porn? you may not believe but i actually don’t sdgsdfg the horny teen phase is over for me, if i wanna interact with anything pornographic i just read fanfiction dfgsdfgsf

12. What’s one of your fantasies? i hope it’s not supposed to be an erotic one lmao but i really wanna go on a road trip through europe, just pack up my shit and drive around, also i wanna visit haunted places all around england and get into the gaming business as a game translator/tester eventually

15. Are you in a relationship? thank god not anymore... and honestly i don’t miss it anymore, all of my previous ones were disasters and ended in a really ugly manner so.. no, i’m all good with my cat

18. What tattoos do you want? i don’t have specific plans for motives - though i’d really like a kitsune mask somewhere and a moon and one song quote. i’d like to have my whole left sleeve done, maybe part of my back, a half sleeve on my right hand and something smaller on my ankle - and i’m actually open to anything the tattooists would pick out; i care more about who’s gonna create my tattoo than what’s it gonna be, as my actually existing 2 tattoos r also premade, randomly picked out ones (though they accidentally matched up in some way and look pretty neat imo)

21. Describe your best friend. that’s a hard one.... i don’t think i have one anymore. i used to have this girl in my life, M, who i was really close to, but we had a fallout in october and she never came around to fix this even though i was open to the idea... so i lost my best friend, which is kinda sad considering that she was the only person i could open up to in the last 3 yrs. but hey that happens! i moved on and have a close friend still so im all good.

24. What are three places you want to travel? i really wanna visit scotland! it has this specific atmosphere i really long to experience, and i wanna see the landmarks and grassy fields and loch ness and haunted places and just roam around there for a while. i also wanna see moscow - it’s been sort of an obsession of mine since reading glukhovsky’s metro series, and also it’s a beautiful city worth visiting. i’d also like to get on the trans-siberian express but that’s not a specific place dsfsgdf the last place would be the aokigahara forest in japan - also one of the places i feel drawn to for ages now. found out about it years ago and since it’s been sort of a plan of mine to visit one time. if i manage to graduate university my mum promised to send me on a trip to japan - so if it works out, ill be on my way there baby! (i just need to work on my language skills first sasdfgf)

27. What’s your pet peeve? loud breathing, loud chewing... generally people being loud and annoying. ppl not covering their mouths while coughing. ppl who walk super slowly and take up all of the walkway like FUCK OFF OF MY WAY GODDAMMIT. in games when the npc walks a lot slower than ur running, but walking a lot faster than ur walking so its impossible to keep up with them. ppl not using headphones in public spaces. old ppl demanding respect when they treat u like shit. ppl forcing their religion on u (im looking at u auntie). ppl slurping their drinks. couples almost f*cking each other in public places... just get a room smh

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. oh i don’t need to tag them cuz i already got over that shyness and they totes know already that i wanted to talk to them for a while! (i admitted to it in the tackiest, cheesiest, most awkward anon ask i ever sent in to anyone sdfgsdf)

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? pretty much the same as now, all black and flannels and jeans, cuz i rly thing that major clothes shopping sprees r a waste of money sdfdf but i’d probably own a lot lot more shoes like custom made cat patterned vans and some more nikes and some creepers cuz i wanted to get some of those for like yrs now dfgdfg

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? uhhhh... kind of? not romantic ones tho, i just miss the long talks and the trust and understanding between us. i never got the closure i needed to move on and it still left some bad feelings towards her so its a weird mix of resentment and sympathy, and i try to not think abt it too much.

39. Are you a virgin? hahahahahahahahah, no, really.

42. Describe the hottest person you know. the hottest person i personally know is one of the ppl i used to be on my universitys e-sport team on with dfasd i always had a weak spot for ppl taller than me and hes literally model material with nice cheekbones and the perfect jawline and the best sense of humor ever. though he’s a widowmaker main in overwatch and thats a big big minus for him :(

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? lmaooooo thats a funny one listen up... so i was fresh out of breakup and wanted to make some friends.... wait for it.... ON TINDER. i live in an university town so i was like kewl imma make some ppl my age (until then all of my friends were A LOT older than me) and have some friends and if romance happens then it happens, w/e. so i set up this bar night with this one guy, i believe his name was David? so David and i meet up for drinks, i grab a gintonic and we sit down to talk... what he never knew abt me is that i am on the adhd spectrum and i have to get my hands busy with smth so i can focus on what im saying otherwise my thoughs r all over the place. so im casually keeping my hands busy with just spinning my locked phone there and back, or just messing around with the lime slice on my glass and at a random moment David goes like “u know.... i hate when ppl cant stop messing around with their phone” and im like ????? dude im literally just spinning it, not even messaging anyone or unlocking it or shit. and he goes on this rant that he always expects ppl to pay full attention to him when talking, looking at him (i never look ppl in the eyes cuz i tend to just go into panic mode from long eye contact and also i think its creepy to just stare at someone constantly) and just not doing anything else except paying attention to him so i go on explaining to him that i need to keep myself busy and im not doing it to annoy him - but he keeps on insisting so i excuse myself to a cigarette (he also hated smokers lmao) and call the widowmaker main friend from the previous question and am like “hey man i have the worst date of my life can u be at this place in 40 minutes and then we hit the night life” and hes like fine so i go back to David and tell him “sorry mate i just remembered i have my last bus home in 30 minutes and the next one is in 1,5 hrs and i really cant stay out that late so can we wrap this up and schedule an other meeting some other time” and hes like fine... got me to the bus stop, i sat on the bus.... got off at the next bus stop, met up with widowmaker main guy and went out for drinks and decided to never go on tinder dates again sdfgsdfg

48. Describe your ideal partner. thats a hard one, hey! but i dont think i have an ideal, guess ill work with anyone whos a decent human being who wont require me to be the housemaid and cook and clean and do everything for them. oh and they totally need to know how to use a washing machine... one of my exes was incapable of this (and here i was thinking that in 2018 ppl saw a washing machine already... looks like i was wrong and im still not over that incident 2 yrs ago). oh and they gotta be fine with the idea of never having kids cuz theres no way im putting myself through raising one of those, im a man of career and money, totally not responsible enough to raise another living human being sdsdgdf

#kush speaks #ask memes #thank u for asking!!!! i had fun answering those actually #kuwentista #answered

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anonwords · 4 years

Text

may 31 2020

as if the world wasnt already in a state of unrest, cops went and killed another black man. George Floyd. they knelt on his throat for 10 minutes. 10. they also pushed Regis Korchinski-Paquet off her balcony, killing her. and they killed Tony McDade, a trans man. the first riots were in Minneapolis, where george was killed. then within a week, 25 US cities were rioting. peaceful at first, but cops posing as protesters started destroying businesses and inciting violence, leading to full on violence from protesters, leading ultimately to cops using force to disperse the crowds. Ive seen photos of people shot in the head with rubber bullets, someone lost their eye, my cousin was maced in the face. at least 15 states have curfews in their cities, and the cops are relentless. I don’t know whether to believe real change is coming, or maybe this will all blow over in a month, and everything will go back to the way it was. one thing is for sure though: all cops are bastards, and the cops will pay with their blood for the blood of the people of color and specifically black people, which they so easily have spilled on the streets since America’s inception.

the virus isnt helping the whole protesting movement, I just know theres gonna be spikes all over the country. the virus does seem to be slowing in parts of the world, but the ever looming second wave has yet to begin. south korea has some of the lowest numbers of infection since their rise and new zealand has completely gotten rid of it. the whole damn country is without infection. meanwhile in america any effort led by the govt to test people has been a complete farce. trump says nothing can be done, and when twitter fact checks two of his tweets, executive orders two days later to combat them. i really hope we as a nation can see where his priorities lie, and we need to vote him out. btw when asked what will the govt do about the protesters, he said and i quote: “when the looting starts, the shooting starts!” i really hope they kill this man.

josh says if nothing pans out by august for a place to live with group members, he wants me and him to get a place together, which i totally agree with. I can just keep saving and when they open the dmv’s i can get my license, and i can live up there on my own. god its all i want. to be free. Im so ready. ive been talking to josh more frequently through phone calls and its nice to talk to someone who just loves all forms of art and understands on my level. our convos would go on forever when we were together, and i really miss that. just drinking and smoking and being chill. when the state is in phase 3, we want to drive up to san francisco, me, him, ian, and maybe donald. ive never been that far up the coast and the city has so much rich gay history ive always wanted to see for myself. Ian said i was really sweet and no ones called me that in a long time. it made me feel really good and i was smiling the whole day. ian is very straight, not even a hint of femininity in his deep voice, but he’d be the perfect twink. not too perfect though because he is light skinned, but still very cute.

I had a dream last night that i was at a party with my friends, and i was in a room full of people in a house ive never been to before. there was this girl who was very pretty and basically exactly my type. she was very thin, short, had black hair that went to her shoulders, glasses, and she dressed like daria’s best friend. she had pretty brown eyes, light skin, very pretty smile, and a perfect cute little nose. EXACTLY my type. my subconscious was on my side for once. now that i think about it, she kind of looked like this girl from high school who i had a crush on. still kinda do. anyways she kept glancing at me from across the room and when our eyes would meet she’d smile and i would smile back, with a cool nod. she ate that shit up. finally i went to take a piss. i had my dick in my hands and she comes into the tiny bathroom and puts her hands over my eyes, and says “guess who?”. before i could say anything, she takes her hands off my eyes, and grabs my dick, still in my hands from peeing. i said “woahh” and she giggles and smiles. she starts stroking me and i waddle over to the sink to wash my hands, with her still stuck to my back, my dick still in her hands. i start to get hard, i look down and my dick is now fully engorged in her hands, my dick never looked so tasty. my dream cuts to us making out in the hallway, and i keep instinctively putting my leg up to her thigh, like i was the sub and she was the dom. i had to keep reminding myself i was in charge, and i had to be big and strong, so i stopped. then we cut to her on a bed, me on top of her, the room was glowing red. i started eating her out. i vividly remember the way it felt. my tongue was exploring every nook, every cranny, every part of her. my lips were so soft but she felt softer, and i could feel my tongue going deeper into her, my mouth filling with her cum, and i would let it drip out my mouth, to get her wetter and sloppier. she was writhing around with pleasure, pleasure only i could give her. then my dream took the weirdest fucking turn when marge simpson of the simpsons was on the other side of the bed, behind me, asking me to fuck her. this was not the marge simpson from the show, as she had the fattest ass ive ever seen, and didnt even sound like her at all. she was sitting on the bed in such a way that her dripping vagina was facing me, and she kept asking me to fuck her. in my head i was trying to come up with a polite way of saying i dont fuck moms, but the girl was down for a threesome. so i finally agreed and the girl was gonna ride me while i ate marge but i said no because i was afraid i was gonna cum. but then marge somehow found out i didnt want to fuck her and she left in mr burns’ car. so then me and the girl cuddled for a while and that felt great. she was so soft and smelled so good and i think i kissed her neck a few time. but then she had to leave and started saying goodbye. i asked for her insta and gave her my phone so she could follow herself. then i walked her out to her uber or friends car, i dont remember who it was, and on the way out i could hear a song from the watchmen soundtrack, and i knew cesar was showing some girl the first episode of the series. then i was in front of the house and the street was really pretty with trees everywhere and it was really windy, and we said goodbye. i think wt one point i even asked “where are we?”. i think some stuff happened after that but i dont remember. i woke up wanting a girl, something i havent wanted for a long time. i dont know how to feel about it, but that was the nicest dream ive had in months. i hope my subconscious is good to me that way from now on.

i forgot to mention in the beginning im 21 now. i can buy alcohol and walk into dispensaries now, not that that was a problem before. im getting older and i often think about how i want to die. and i keep coming to the same conclusion that when the time comes, i want to kill myself. that won’t be for a long time though, at least. say one day the doctor tells me i have x amount of months/years to live. if im at a certain age where i feel like ive had a full life, i don’t want to waste away in some home, shitting myself and watching the days go by, i want to die still coherent, and continent at least. so maybe around 70 or so i’ll poison myself, while on mushrooms, so i can trip out and die in a world of color. i guess i never plan to marry or be in a serious relationship then. maybe for a while, but it will have to end someday. when i picture myself dying, its always by myself, by my pool, in my silk robe, having breakfast, smoking and drinking. then im just gone. i dont know if that’s supposed to be poetic or whatever, but its how id want to go. not surrounded by family because i expect them all to be dead when i go. i want to be admired for my storied career, and i want to be a relic of new old hollywood. loved and adored by people who are old or dead. i dont ever want to die in a hospital bed, i dont want to die battling some disease for years, when i feel its my time, i want to be in control of how i go. it will be hard for some but i plan on telling those i care most about about my plan so they’ll be ready. it will be so perfect, my death. on that day the sun will shine on my skin, and the warmth will be spectacular. the birds will chirp and the air will be so clean. my death will be clean. i plan to live a full life, and when i fell ive livedmy life to the fullest, thats when it will be my time.

#may 2020 #chain on/hold me feat. JPEGMAFIA #BR*CKHAMPT*N

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samanthasroberts · 7 years

Text

RuPaul Is Ready for His Legacy

With a new game show, Gay For Play, and more than 100 episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Mama Ru pauses for a moment of reflection: ‘I get to do whatever the f*** I want.’

“>

You dont question the motherfucking queen, bitch.

RuPaul Charles, at this point on a first-name basis with the world much like his fellow Unapologetic Bitch, Madonna, is nothing if not direct.

The host of RuPauls Drag Racenot to mention drag icon, activist, actor, recording artist, spiritual leader to a horde of fabulous worshippers, and, thanks to a recent, provocative as it was profound real talk interview with Vulture, the newest dream candidate for presidentis on the phone the week after a rare and shocking elimination on his cult hit reality show.

Asked to explain the atypical twist, RuPaul concluded his answer bluntly. Because the shows called RuPauls Motherfucking Drag Race, bitch. I get to do whatever the fuck I want.

Its an intimidating-bordering-on-terrifying reaction to a question, to be sure, were it not for the warm cackle he immediately delivers to diffuse any heart attacks. After all, the pulsing heart of nurturing compassion underwriting RuPauls unabashed realness is the driving force of his nickname, Mama Ru.

Besides, this is the RuPaul who, since the 1992 release of Supermodel (You Better Work) has become the face of drag, launched a long-running talk show, and became a spokesperson for MAC Cosmetics 20 freaking years ago, at a time when any conversation about drag going mainstream would have gotten you murdered with shade.

To that end, RuPaul just celebrated the 100th episode of RuPauls Drag Race, now in the prime of its eighth popular-as-ever season, in an age when talent competitions are wheezing their last breaths. (So long, American Idol.)

So yes, to be fair, RuPaul can do whatever the fuck he wants.

(As Ru says on the show, You dont have to be gay to play. But it shore do help.)

More than that, as becomes increasingly clear over the course of our conversation, what RuPaul motherfucking wants is to make an impact, to leave a little something behind should he ever sashay away to the catwalk in the sky.

Hes passionate about it, too, as soberly earnest as he was playfully intimidating at the start of our talk. The fame, the money, all the stuff: after a whileIve been doing this 34 yearsits about the legacy work, he says.

Referencing the Drag Race contestants, he continues, The legacy lives through these girls. And the kids who love the show and who have learned so much about themselves and about the history of the bohemian through our show.

Make no mistake, Gay For Play is a very silly showloud and giggly and naughty and campy and, because of all those things, a whole lot of fun. But its also part of that legacy. Watch an episode and listen to the language, the proud way the celebrity contestants talk so very, well, gay.

Weve seen this language being tapped into by mainstream culture everywhere, RuPaul says.

He remembers when he first heard everyday people on the street saying, You go girl! and Hey, girlfriend! which has been taken straight from gay vernacular. It used to take about 10 years, he says, for the phrases to get to Betty and Joe Beer Can, the masses, but now because of social media the turnover is exponentially faster.

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And so you have celebrities like Amber Rose and Ross Matthews being quizzed about Meryl Streep and Shonda Rhimes shows, with innuendos and entendres abound. There are hot, mostly naked male dancers everywhere. Michelle Visage, as always, reigns queen.

In many ways, RuPaul expects the appeal of Gay For Play to mirror what has become one of the more powerful hooks of RuPauls Drag Race. Again, its that vernacular. Its that language.

We encrypt Drag Race with the secret language that kept gay people linked for many years before the 80s, he says. Gay people had to be secretive. There was a certain way, a certain vernacular, a certain approach to pop culture that we maintained. We lost that in recent years, but we encrypt our shows with that secret language of our gay brothers and sisters past.

And for all of the shade, reads, and spilled tea that defines any stellar season of RuPauls Drag Race, the show and Gay For Play share another crucial elementagain, one that sets it apart from other talent competitions and game shows that populate TV.

Theres a palpable sense of fun that radiates from it. These people are enjoying themselves. In some ways, they feel free. The word that Ru uses: Joy.

Whats happening is that these kids are outsiders, and theyre coming together with other outsiders on this show, he says, speaking specifically about Drag Race.

Earlier in our conversation, he talks about the show being, at its core, about the tenacity of the human spirit, which is something that connects not just the contestants, but the fans who obsessively watch it as well. Especially those who feel disenfranchised from society, he says. Like, wow, here is my tribe.

He again brings up the secret code, the shared vernacular and shared spirit. Its why Judy Garland and Joan Crawford speak to us so much, he says. Theres a certain desperate, dark, painful element to these people that we can relate to. And in spite of that, they have overcome it and become glamorous, joyous, beautiful fun-loving people.

He pauses again, breaking a rule of his not to think about the past and reflect. Always think forward is a rule of his, as is not to have any expectations, a lesson learned the hard way in three decades of show business.

And certainly, theres no way he could have expected to launch the careers of 100 drag queens, or a fanbase that debates every lip sync, drag look, and challenge performance with rabid sinceritysome becoming encyclopedic scholars of the shows history. (Not to mention who worship the show even if theyre given a disappointing Snatch Game episode.)

Its the tribe, RuPaul says, that theyre all connecting to, whether they realize that or not.

These are boys who were ostracized from everyone in the community and against all odds they were like, Fuck it Im going to do this anyway, he says. They made all the way to RuPauls Fucking Drag Race and here they are. Its so fucking awesome, I love it.

On Monday night, the night that Gay For Play premieres, RuPaul will host the 107th episode of RuPauls Drag Race. And, for the 107th time, at least on Logo, he will preach his famous affirmation to end the episode: If you cant love yourself how the hell are you going to love somebody else? Can I get an amen?

RuPaul has been saying that at every performance, not just on Drag Race, for 30 years, along with two other phrases he refers to as his doctrine: Everybody say, Love! and You were born naked and the rest is drag.

What is it like after all this time34 years and 107 episodesto say those words? Does he still feel them? Does the message change?

The truth is that I say that every single time not for the audience, he says. I say it to remind myself.

Again, he reflects. This time, back to when he was 14, maybe 15.

I was going through such a hard time thinking, Im becoming a young adult, how am I going to manage this fucking mediocre hypocritical world? Well, Ru, the only way I can do this is to make a pact to never drink the Kool-Aid, to never join the matrix.

Then RuPaul starts invoking the film InceptionI know, I was surprised, too.

Specifically, he references the totems that the characters in the film set to remind themselves that theyre in a dream. Ru has his totems, too. Theyre those three phrases. His doctrine.

Youre born naked and the rest is drag: Dont believe the hype, dont believe what it tells you on your drivers license. You are an extension of the power that created this whole universe. Dont forget it, and dont take any of this bullshit too seriously, because its hypocritical and mediocre at best.

The love yourself mantra, he says, is to remind you that it comes from the inside out.

The meaning behind Everybody say, Love! after our conversation, becomes more essential.

This is RuPaul, who began our interview with suchhow should I sayverve. Whose interview with Vulture clapped back at (and for good reason): Ellen Degeneres, David Letterman, the mainstream, the Emmys, Lip Sync Battle, the relationship between the drag and trans communities, educating youths, political correctness, and the wigs in The Danish Girl.

Everybody say love, indeed.

Its a neutralizing mantra to say to everybody, I come in peace, he says. I come in peace. Thats why its important.

Can I get an amen?

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/11/rupaul-is-ready-for-his-legacy/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/11/rupaul-is-ready-for-his-legacy/

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adambstingus · 7 years

Text

RuPaul Is Ready for His Legacy

With a new game show, Gay For Play, and more than 100 episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Mama Ru pauses for a moment of reflection: ‘I get to do whatever the f*** I want.’

“>

You dont question the motherfucking queen, bitch.

RuPaul Charles, at this point on a first-name basis with the world much like his fellow Unapologetic Bitch, Madonna, is nothing if not direct.

Asked to explain the atypical twist, RuPaul concluded his answer bluntly. Because the shows called RuPauls Motherfucking Drag Race, bitch. I get to do whatever the fuck I want.

So yes, to be fair, RuPaul can do whatever the fuck he wants.

(As Ru says on the show, You dont have to be gay to play. But it shore do help.)

Weve seen this language being tapped into by mainstream culture everywhere, RuPaul says.

Cheat SheetA speedy, smart summary of news and must-reads from The Daily Beast and across the Web

By clicking “Subscribe,” you agree to have read the TermsofUse and PrivacyPolicy