#im literally 3/4 of the way through im a wreck i woke up in the middle of the night thinking about it

[popsicle-stick]

started listening to wolf 359 like less than a week ago to help me focus as i draw and i just end up drawing him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(i'm still not entirely done listening so please don't spoil me!!)

[enthusiasticmusicalquotes]

QUESTION OF THE DAY #6: Send me your most unpopular theatre opinion. Something that might make someone want to fight you. Please don’t be offensive (racist, misogynistic, etc.), but other than that…go as hard as you want. Spill all the tea.

MY ANSWERS: 1) The Pretty Woman score fucking slaps idek, 2) Come From Away (or even Bandstand...) should’ve won the 2017 Best Musical Tony, 3) I prefer the West End Heathers cast album to Off Broadway, 4) Shows shouldn’t sweep the Tonys just because they’re Best Musical worthy...shows that aren’t too critically acclaimed but have really impressive elements should get recognition too.

SUMMARY: Out of 37 responses: 5 were about Dear Evan Hansen, 3 were about Hamilton specifically, 2 were about: Rent, ALW, Wicked, In The Heights, Be More Chill, etc. etc....if your favorite musical is one of these and you get easily offended i wouldn’t read these.

NOTE: I agree with some of these, I highly disagree with others. I do not endorse any of the things that were said, I am simply sharing them with you all. These were what was sent to me. I’m going to number them so if you want to complain about or agree with one you can send me an ask with the number you’re referring to. 

1. howmuchchildrens said: unpopular opinion: i really liked the 2012 version of les mis. i liked russel crowe as javert.

2. Anonymous said: Unpopular opinion: Bootlegs harm to local theatre communities, though I do not believe anyone intends for that to be the case. While it's possible to bootleg responsibly (and I might even say it's beneficial to do so), those who may not know the intricacies of theatrical copyright law or who haven't heard the horror stories from a theatre that's been hit with legal action DUE to a bootleg may record or watch a show irresponsibly, which can greatly harm other routes of theatre accessibility.

3. Anonymous said: Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals are mostly terrible. He only got and stayed popular because a lot of other musical creators and taste makers died in the AIDS epidemic

4. Anonymous said: Almost all musicals using the songs of one artist are cash grabs with no plot or point.

5. Anonymous said: If your musical only has 1 woman OR the women only get sad/romantic songs you need to do something else with your life.

6. nerdshrimp said: Unpopular opinion: Next To Normal does a better job of portraying the effects of mental illness than Dear Evan Hansen does. N2N also doesn't romanticise mental illness & excuse shitty behavior like DEH tries to

7. Anonymous said: Hadestown is a lesser show on Broadway. I fell in love with the live album, and I was so excited for it to come to Broadway. I was so disappointed to see the changes they made. Orpheus and Eurydice's relationship is less interesting and more generic. The changed lyrics are often sloppy and not as good as the original. They fucking wrecked Epic III. Also, no hate to R/ee/ve, but he's just not a good enough singer to convince me that he could soften the heart of Hades. His high notes are awful.

8. Anonymous said: opinion: we are the tigers deserves a broadway run or at least a proshot

9. bimystique said: e/c is NOT A GOOD FUCKING SHIP. the ENTIRE PLOT OF PHANTOM OF THE OPERA is christine trying to escape erik's abuse. WHAT FUCKING PART OF THAT IS ROMANTIC TO YOU PEOPLE.

10. Anonymous said: unpopular theatre opinion(s): Dear Evan Hansen is Very Bad for its handling of mental illness, Hamilton is overrated and praised too much, and high school/college musical theatre programs can be just as good as Broadway. (also, musical movies would be better if they hired broadway actors, but that's not an unpopular opinion)

11. Anonymous said: I don’t like Lin Manuel Miranda and Hamilton is overrated

12. Anonymous said: I don’t like dear Evan Hansen..... at all. I think it’s kind of boring and really overhyped.

13. Anonymous said: unpopular opinion: in the heights is far better than Hamilton. both are good but ith hits different yknow

14. Anonymous said: The bring it on and legally blonde musicals are BAD! The movies are 100 times better

15. Anonymous said: unpopular opinion? wicked is the epitome of white feminism. it's preached as super great for representation but we literally got the first black glinda in 2019?!?!?!? and before that woc could only play elphaba who's villainized and deemed evil by the whole city

16. Anonymous said: Not so much an opinion as a reaction, but of all Lin's works (ITH, Bring it On, 21 Chump Street, Hamilton), 21 Chump Street gets the biggest emotional reaction of all the cast recordings. The second Justin is like "I don't want your money" (And then later on with the "...what the heck did you.... dooooo", I am a complete goner. Worse than Abuela Claudia and Philip Hamilton's deaths combined

17. Anonymous said: Whenever Je.ssie Mu.eller hits certain notes, she sounds like Tommy Pickles from Rugrats.

18. Anonymous said: aotd6: not everyone knows what im talking about, but the cats 2016 broadway revival choreography was WAYYYY better than the original. the original had a lot of creepy uncomfortable moments and the new one looks way cleaner and up to date

19. Anonymous said: raoul is better than the phantom in every conceivable way

20. Anonymous said: I hate Anastasia so much. it's such a boring show and the music is uninteresting. I wanted to like it so bad but GOD is it boring.

21. Anonymous said: In the Heights.... Overrated.

22. Anonymous said: I do not know if this is an unpopular opinion or not, but here is my opinion: Musicals that are entirely or nearly entirely songs (Hamilton, Hadestown, In The Heights, etc) are the most valid bc I can understand the plot without using wikipedia (I'm looking at you, Jagged Little Pill, I love you but what is your plot????)

23. Anonymous said: I'd rather have a bad film adaptation than no film adaptation

24. Anonymous said: Rent sucks and while it was a stepping stone for more ""controversial"" topics to appear on Broadway it's actually biphobic and features several generally terrible people doing generally terrible things and doesn't actually address the real crisis at all; it's all performative wokeness. The only real good it did was cast a bunch of "nobodies" for the time and make theater somewhat more accessible.

25. stardust-and-seas said: Dear Evan Hansen doesn't properly address mental health despite being about mental health and resolves nobodies character arcs satisfactorily. It's another show that reaches its hands around the throats of marginalized teenagers saying "look I'm relatable!!" The songs taken out of context are significantly more powerful than when placed in the context of the show, which gives us exactly zero evidence of Evan's work to improve and also never resolves Evan's u healthy goals in the first place.

26. stardust-and-seas said: Be More Chill is a raging dumpster fire and the only decent song from it, Michael in the Bathroom, reads as a whiny rich white boy whose potential social anxiety and depression is left ambiguous, which is exactly what it is. When taken out of context it better exemplifies the othering that happens to marginalized groups but lets be real here: bullying/cliques don't happen to "just anyone"; it's the marginalized groups that are othered and abandoned for not being "normal"

27. stardust-and-seas said: There's a difference between shows that don't take themselves seriously because they're meant to be fun and light and shows that pretend not to take themselves too seriously but want to be taken seriously by the audience and the latter always ends up mediocre at best

28. redueka said: i think that dear evan hansen handles every issue it presents badly. i also think that beetlejuice was badly directed

29. Anonymous said: Well I don’t EVER condone cheating, I’m team Jamie in the last five years. He tried so hard to make their relationship and life good, and Cathy gave him nothing in return

30. youcanlolyoucansayohwell said: The answer of the day- I don't get the BMC hype. I'm out of the age bracket it's meant for that might it be. I enjoy it but I don't think it's the greatest thing in the world like some theatre fans do.

31. Anonymous said: i like the rent 2005 recording better than the obcr

32. Anonymous said: unpopular opinion ? : the music of wicked just like isn’t that good. like it’s good but it’s not like, Good, yknow. it’s pretty standard it doesn’t stand out to me. kinda boring

33. Anonymous said: mari.ah r.ose fa.ith is not a good regina george. everything she says sounds monotonous and while i understand she's trying to play off the ""whatever"" teenager (she does this a lot with her teenage characters), 90% of the time she sounds and looks like she doesn't want to be there; her voice is great but most songs feel unnatural and forced and she changes them too much. she's just not selling regina to me as a believable character (this is all from a technical point of view)

34. Anonymous said: Unpopular Opinion: as much as i like musicals based on movies (like waitress), i think not every movie needs to be a musical.

35. Anonymous said: Unpopular opinion (?) the emojiland musical Kinda Slaps

36. Anonymous said: as one of my high school tech theatre teachers once said: "Andrew Lloyd Webber is overrated"

37. Anonymous said: sorry to whoever likes it but Seussical is an absolutely nonsense crackpot plot disguised with okay-to-good music, like I don't even know where to start. I was in the show and didn't even know there was an entire secondary plot line featuring sending children to war until we were halfway through rehearsals

[voidtongued]

OK SO

I don't know how to like. Fully go in and make a fanmade warframe beyond the concepts and the designs angles. I am a writer and an artist, the logistics are for people who are sexy in a different way from me. (We're all sexy) And fair warning, I only said I was "more" coherent.

BUT i have been hyperfixated on the Cthulhu Mythos since like. 8th grade? Ish? So I know what I'm talking about when it comes to Eldritch Nasties on account of my Autism Powers (I'm autistic dont worry I can say that)

So, Cthulhu.

The most iconic of these guys. Most notable for having an octopus face, giving people bizarre dreams, and getting hit with a shitty old whaling boat and going back to bed. Can't blame him for that. I feel like a Cthulhu-inspired Warframe would be like Nidus and Inaros; no shelds to speak of, massive health pool. Abilities im a little [wiggles hand] on but I have some Ideas.

Passive: definitely something relating to health damage, either a baked-in Hunter Adrenaline or something like Revenant's uhhhh the one where if they hit you they become your ally i never play Revenant sorry. Maybe pulls an Inaros or Sevagoth on death?? Nidus Undying 2???? Idk man I'm literally just spitballing here

1: Tentacle Attack (see Bloodborne's Auger of Ebrietas). Deals damage. Probably the subsumed ability.

2: [fart noise] idk man some sort of movement ability like Hydroid's puddle form but fast and good

3: Health Regen Ability? Idk how the Mechanics would work but in The Call of Cthulhu he gets his head like. Split in half. And he puts himself back together like "dude wtf" and goes back to bed. So I'm thinking of like. Being able to do that as an ability

4: LET'S MCFREAKIN LOSE IT! EVERYONE GOES CRAZY. YOU! YOUR TEAMMATES! THE DEFENSE POINT! THE ENEMIES! NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS ABILITY SHOULD DO MECHANICS-WISE! IÄ CTHULHU! IÄ!

[Coughs] moving on.

Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos, whose name I only recently started being able to consistently spell right.

Nyarlathotep's Shtick is that it's a shapeshifter, a manipulator, the messanger of the Outer Gods, and that he likes to cause problems on Purpose. Of all the Mythos entities, it's one of like. Two-ish that is actually aware of humans. Probably squishy when it comes to health and shields, since he's a sneaky one. One time I had a dream I met him and then he fed me to Azathoth and I woke up because I had a migrane. You can feel pain in dreams if it's because of a migrane.

Passive: something like wisp's "if you jump they can't see you" ability

1: uhh

2: uhhhhhh

3: Peel a guy and wear his skin. In the Whisperer in the Dark it's implied that the guy the protagonist was writing letters to got peeled and then Nyarlathotep wore his skin. I don’t know how much I have to stress that he didn’t need to do that. He's an Outer God and a shapeshifter and yet he just. He peeled a man and wore his skin. The ability would let you one shot an enemy and take their appearance, but you can't use weapons or abilities while wearing the skin. Won't work on bosses for obvious Balance Reasons.

4: Cause Problems On Purpose. Not gonna lie I only had ideas for the 3 and 4. Summon [opens Lovecraft collection I keep by my bed like a fucking bible and leafs through it] Yuggoth, the planetoid, in miniature and use its influence to just fuckin wreck everything

Azathoth

Did you know Azathoth's description as an endless gulf that consumes everything that gets too near to it and is inescapable once it passes into its awareness is a functional description of a black hole, even though black holes were only a hypothetical during Lovecraft's lifetime and the definition of a gravitational field so dense nothing could escape wouldn’t come into usage until 1958, a full 21 years after Lovecraft's death, and the existence of black holes wasn't "proven" until 1971 so it's unlikely he would've known about them especially since he never got a college education? I just thought that was neat.

Passive: the more guys you eat the more damage you do

1: eat that guy

2: eat that other guy and his friend

3: Bullets don't hurt you anymore because you fucking ate them

4: Draw everything inexorably towards yourself and fucking eat them. Like Nidus' larva but it's focused on You and they cannot escape. Cast again to explode and reset your "i ate that guy" counter and just nuke the entire fucking room

Yog-Sothoth, the Key and the Gate, who canonically had sex with a human

The book says "impregnated" but I like to think it was consensual. Also he's described as iridescent and fabulous a few times. He is also described as a writhing mass of soap bubbles and tentacles so.

Passive: auto-breach with like a 90% success chance because you're the key!! And the gate!!

1: Dazzle/stun enemies just bc youre fucking fabulous

2: make that guy explode

3: i dont have an idea for this but I've suddenly realized I can't remember what Frost's 3 is?? I never use it. I think its ice wave. I should helminth replace it with something...

4: Eldritch Mode. You just. Fucking. Become a writhing mass of soap bubbles and tentacles. It's like Sevagoth's shadow. Go ape shit. Encourage everyone around you to go ape shit

Thank you, im sorry.

It is [checks time] 1 am for me and I dont know how to behave so im forcing things I like together again and thinking about Warframes based off of the Big Four Cthulhu Mythos Nasties - aka Cthulhu himself (itself?), Nyarlathotep, Azathoth, and Yog-Sothoth.

So far my ideas are "Hydroid, but better", "Nyx 2: electric Boogaloo?", "Grendel but black hole themed", and "Xaku, but weirder"

[guhudude]

Tagged by: @omuii le geef

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:  1. Drink: coke 
2. Phone call: probably my mom 
3. Text message: to my girlfriend: ^_^
 4. Song you listened to: Free -6LACK 
5. Time you cried: uhhhhhhhhhh I think it was two weeks ago when I was frustrated with my family for not treating me like an adult

 HAVE YOU: 
6. Dated someone twice: nooo
 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes but I barely count it as a kiss lol. I was in 8th grade and gave my boyfriend a peck on the lips and the whole thing was so forced it was stupid 
8. Been cheated on: don't think so
 9. Lost someone special: yes 
10. Been depressed: heck yeck 
 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yeah I was at a party with some friends in college and it was a great party most of the people were LGBT and everybody was really chill but I just really wanted to get wrecked lol. I started with beer because I thought that was all they had but then I found out they had Smirnoff ice and I started drinking those, and I played a drinking game with shots of Long Island iced tea.... best party ever even though I did get sick twice 

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
 12-14: I can't believe this is just a clever way to skip my favorite number in the questions but ok: ultramarine blue, lime green, umm. Plum purple? Not all at once lol 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
 15. Made new friends: yes
 16. Fallen out of love: yes (only romantically) 
17. Laughed until you cried: yes, usually because of The Squad, my Skype group 
18. Found out someone was talking about you: yupperooza. 
19. Met someone who changed you: hmmmm. I followed someone on tumblr does that count? 
20. Found out who your friends are: yes 
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: my gf ;) 

GENERAL: 
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all of them, so around 200
 23. Do you have any pets: Sasha, a 6 year old border collie-husky mix who is black with blue eyes (she's a little brat who tries to trip everyone by tackling their feet), and Gretchen, a 11 year old German shepherd mix with a big belly (and a bigger heart) and a curly tail 
24. Do you want to change your name: yeah, my legal name is both too feminine and too biblical. Hopefully someday I'll get to change it legally to Peri. 
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I honestly don't remember :') it was probably boring 
26. What time did you wake up: I woke up at 9 surprisingly well rested 
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching Jupiter Ascending which is one heck of a movie 
28. Name something you can’t wait for: going to visit my geef in New Jersey again
 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: I'm sitting next to her on the couch watching family feud right now 
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: GIVE ME THE HECKENING MOTIVATION!!!!
 31. What are you listening right now: G-Mix: Russel on Spotify. I'm goin through all of their playlists. B) 
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: there were a few different guys named Tom at the campgrounds we used to go to every summer. 
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my LACK!! OF MOTIVATION!!!!! 
34. Most visited website: tumblr, YouTube, kimcartoon 

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 
35. Mole/s: a few on my arms
 36. Mark/s: fuckin perpetual acne and scars from it on my shoulders and back : ) a birthmark on my left side and supposedly one on the back of my neck but ofc I've never actually seen it -squints- a few freckles here and there 
37. Childhood dream: to be literally every fucking profession. I wanted to be a princess, a fire fighter, a veterinarian, a cop, a psychiatrist...
 38. Hair color: brown
 39. Long or short hair: short, I look like one of the Beatles lmao 
40. Do you have a crush on someone: does my gf count 👀 
41. What do you like about yourself: I'm a good friend and I got a nice body 😘
 42. Piercings: just 2, one traditional piercing in each ear. I really want a bar of some kind, at least one cartilage piercing. 
 43. Blood type: O+
 44. Nickname: saoirse, seersh, peri, peridot 
45. Relationship status: taken by my gf 46. Zodiac: sexy, sexy Sagittarius ;)
 47. Pronouns: they/them or... ya know what idc actually any pronouns lol
 48. Favorite TV Show: Steven Universe, Rick and Morty, Community 49. Tattoos: none YET 
50. Right or left hand: right-handed though I am slightly better with my left hand at frisbee for some reason 
51. Surgery: once I had a surgery on my tooth that never came down because the teeth on either side were too close together. 
52. Hair dyed in different color: never :c
 ... yet 53. Sport: I used to be in track/field for one year in middle school, I was horrible at it but I did the 200, high jump and long jump. When I say I was bad at it I mean I was Literally The Worst on the team by far. I like to watch hockey especially in the arena because it gets WILD in there. You get to hear all the crazy shit all the drunk fans are saying and watch people get into fights and yell at each other 54. was there a 54 before bc i lost it i guess? and i just copy-pasted the whole thing 
55. Vacation: a nice little cabin in the woods with hiking trails around it would be perfect 👌 I'd also like to go on a cross-country road trip someday 
56. Pair of trainers: these black ones with neon laces that I wear to work, my favorite ones right now that are black with stars that glow in the dark (I don't wear them to work so as not to wear them out), a pair of black converse and a pair of black and teal vans, both of which I've had for years MORE GENERAL:
 57. Eating: nothing right now 
58. Drinking: coke  
59. I’m about to: READ A FUCKING BOOK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 YEARS 
61. Waiting for: me to get my shit together 
62. Want: a raise? No? Damn. motivation??? .... shit. 
63. Get married: someday, u know it -finger guns- 
64. Career: artist/illustrator if I HAD THAT FUCKING MOTIVATION 👏👏👏 i have been wondering how I would do as a plumber tho.. 🤔 

WHICH IS BETTER 
65. Hugs or kisses: hugs
? 66. Lips or eyes: eyes
 67. Shorter or taller: maybe.. a LITTLE taller????????????? if ANYTHING??
 68. Older or younger: I am 19 and too far in either direction is Uncomfortable 😐
 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: What Does This Mean (in general tummies are nice tho) 
71. Sensitive or loud: hm?? I'm sensitive to loud noises???? I really don't know what this means
 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship
 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: "i’m a hesitant trouble-maker" -my gf and honestly, same 

HAVE YOU EVER: 
74. Kissed a Stranger: no 
75. Drank hard liquor: hell yea 
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I've briefly been unable to find them but I always find them again 
 77. Turned someone down: yes have you ever been friends with a Nice Guy 
78. Sex on the first date: what is this... Sex
 79. Broken someone’s heart: probably since I've turned people down 
80. Had your heart broken: yeah
 81. Been arrested: nope 😏don't plan on it either 
82. Cried when someone died: umm I cried like a week after someone died does that count? My emotions are delayed sometimes
 83. Fallen for a friend: ;) ye 

 DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
 84. Yourself: barely
 85. Miracles: not technically 
86. Love at first sight: sometimes 
87. Santa Claus: again not technically but I think he's a good symbol for kids and in general positive vibes during the holiday season
 88. Kiss on the first date: yeanoooo.. it takes a while for me. When in doubt just ask. And listen to my response lmao (someone kissed me after I said no and MMM 😬) 

OTHER:
 90. Current best friend name: I can't just pick one 😫I have like 10 REALLY great friends I trust with my life 
 91. Eye color: grey-green
 92. Favorite movie: the only movie I can think of right now is Jupiter Ascending because i just saw it last night and it's the first movie I've seen in months lol. OH FUCKING HECK INTERSTELLAR THATS MY FAVORITE MOVIE I LOVE INTERSTELLAR 

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: imma do what tessa did and tag the last 20 mutuals in my notes so don’t feel obligated to do this or even read it! also if you don’t want me to tag you in these in the future let me know and i’ll do my best to avoid it. @gordamnramsey, @mysteriousquartz, @celestialmoonlights, @viviannevendetta, @carryonmywaywardplanet, @jamesxfilesthemeroach, @lordsardine, @woahdaleks, @prettythinker, @belleweather, @squidego, @reck2468, @sexyninjakitty96, @animeandmanga-bearcat, @thesamanthagossamer

im actually gonna cut it off there at 15 bc i don’t have that many active mutuals lol oK HAVE FUN EVERYBODY make sure to tag me if you do this!

[deiupvote]

It's been a while since I've been able to update, I'm sorry if this post is as long as my prior one. Alot has happened in the last few months and I haven't been able to post information about it until now. It's nearly impossible to explain the situation without a long backstory so you'd have to have seen my prior post. I'll try to give a short summary here.https://ift.tt/2A6qbhq I spent almost 20 years living with my mother. I have 3 younger siblings. 16 of those years I suffered through abuse. Had her hold a knife to my neck, kicked me down the stairs frequently, beaten me with extension cords/bats/fists/chairs/belts/etc, beaten me unconscious & bloody countless times, verbally abusive aka telling me i was worthless and how she couldn't stand me or how I looked like my dad daily. I lost count of how many times I woke up to heavy closed fist punches to the face at like 3am on school days because the dishes weren't washed or I didn't fold her laundry or whatever and then being forced to do chores until I went to school. Teachers weren't helpful. Family turned a blind eye. My dad wasn't around. This wasn't once in a while. This was everyday. I didn't have much freedom as she rarely let me leave the house (Deadbolt lock on the front door and I wasnt allowed to have keys) or get a few hours of reprieve outside of school where I did horribly because the only thing I was interested in was people liking me instead of actual schoolwork. I've called the police on her a total about 2 times. She never got in trouble and the police generally believed her over me and she'd dismiss all my allegations. I was a really skinny kid, I was not a threat and I couldn't defend myself. Either way, I hated violence so I never raised a hand to her or took it out on anyone else. My only reprieve was all the ways I sabotaged her food, the satisfaction of making eye contact as she ate off of a spoon I rubbed between my buttcheeks or when she enjoyed a cup of my special home brew lipton tea. Lots of little malicious compliances which usually ended with punishment.It was just her and I (my older sister was taken away very early) until I hit my teens when my younger siblings were born (not all at the same time). She didn't beat them as bad and treated them fairly better. I was alone for most of it. I didn't really connect with them because they were always around her and I tried to minimize the time spent around my Mother when I hit my teens and after when I started having slightly more freedom. After abusing me for years then carrying on to abuse my siblings, lying to me about having a place to live if I went to college, countless other reasons, and her literally laughing at me when I told her I was homeless.. This is after I explained how it's been hard for me and how the abuse affected me. She's never owned up it. Never apologized. Nothing. I was done. I decided I was going to ruin her life. Regardless of whether it makes me a bad person or not. I had photos of my own bruises/cuts/etc saved from YEARS with my mother. My little sister sent me a few via social media. I compiled it all and went to CPS. They went with police to do a check and coincidentally got there while my mother was beating my sister. Cue an emergency removal and her losing her kids. I reached out to her job and made them aware she lied about her degree (I was the one who wrote all her resumes and etc). She lost her $75k+ salary job days later and got blacklisted. I even deleted every single gmail account and etc I made for her just because fuck her.But as this is an update and not a repost of how trash my past was, I'll try not to repeat myself too much.UpdateI'll give an update on me personally first. My camera was stolen and instead of trying to get another one, I decided to take a break from photography. I appreciate all of the support you guys gave me after my first post. It's been extremely hard, taking pictures was the only thing I really did that helped me feel okay but I'm learning to build resilience. In the mean time, I swallowed my pride and moved into a homeless shelter in my city specifically for people with jobs & a savings. I'll be able to continue saving while I work on bettering myself as a person. I created an action plan and mapped out all my goals and how I want to achieve them. Up until recently, I wasn't even planning on being alive. Sorry if that's too dark. I honestly always had these thoughts wishing my mother would have finished the job with me and made life easier. But as of late, I'm becoming more and more curious of what I'm capable of if I gave myself the chance. I've been able to visit my younger siblings and have gotten to know my little sister abit better because of the experience. I feel like a horrible person for admitting I still feel nothing for them or really anyone, but I won't let my feelings get in the way of the promise I made to myself or them. I've also only drank 3 times in the last 4 months compared to every other day in the past, which isn't great but its a change.My younger siblings are still with CPS but I can't go into detail. My mother was supposed to go to a hearing to get them back but things got complicated (important). My mothers best friend's son (who I've known 8yrs) does his best to relay all the shit my mother tells her while they talk on the phone all day. Things had gotten worse for her. She hasn't been keeping up with her mortgage payments. Her fiance, my youngest siblings dad, is no longer her fiance anymore and is trying to file for custody. I heard she was a wreck then went ghost but it didn't make me feel better. There weren't supposed to be any winners. Honestly, I wasn't even going to update. I initially just wanted to tell someone for once but one thing changed my mind. Something I was not expecting months after I set this all in motion. A phone call from my mother. In the past seeing her calls, even after movingg out, would set me on edge but that hasn't been the case lately. It was just another thing that happened. Just another event. Meaningless but at the same time... She always had my number but NEVER reached out. Even when things first started going to shit, I doubt she even gave me a second thought. But I'm sure you're all curious to know what was said.My mother is gone. A few weeks after my post, the state I'm in brought felony charges up against her. She left the country shortly after and went to her home country in South America. I have no idea how she was even allowed to leave but they didn't take her passport. She avoided specifics on that part. She mentioned staying with a family friend temporarily and tried to frame it as a short vacation. She didn't even start off with a hello, she started the conversation by ordering me to go somewhere quiet before launching into a sob story about how things have been going for her. This is after months of no contact. After laughing at me for being homeless and denying she ever abused me months ago. Just yammering away like it was nothing but I let her talk. It was surreal. I felt so cold just listening to her talk. It was like talking to a stranger. She mentions losing out on "so much money" and how she doesn't know how all it happened and then finally she hits the topic dujour.Cue her bringing up my little sister and the night of the emergency removal. She starts complaining about how she misses my little sister and brothers, mentions something about how it messes up tax season?, and then she had the audacity to start trying to convince me that I should go talk to the caseworkers for her to back up her claim that " she never abused them or me and I should know that..." She said that to me. After everything. Of all people. 9 minutes into the conversation. Like nothing ever happened. But it wasn't anything new. Of course I cut her off but at that point my mind was already made up. I asked her if she remembered when I used to make iced tea for her all those years. She was a little thrown off but said yes. I paused for a few seconds before slowly telling her in detail about all the ways i sabotaged her lipton iced tea. She tried interrupt me once but I didn't stop talking. I told her about how I'd always put too much sugar and she'd never taste it and keep drinking more which was why I always insisted. There was just silence on the phone but I know she was listening. I told her waiting until after dinner when I got home from school to shower so I could rub her spoons between my buttcheeks for maximum damage and how I'd mix it into her food to mask it. At this point I'm not even sure she's listening anymore but im still describing specific days I remember doing it that I know she would remember. She finally LOUDLY interrupts me screaming at me disgusting evil things. She cursed me the way she used to back in the days when shed be standing over me with an extension cord beating the skin off of me when I was younger. She's blaming me for ruining her life and how she wish she had a better child (All without knowing that I directly caused the destruction of her current life though she's speaking about the past). I just let her waste her breath. She couldn't touch me or my siblings. It only lasted a few seconds. Now I remember spending years daydreaming of all things I'd say to my mother if I had the chance but I just bottled it up with all my other baggage and kept trying to exist. A lot of people from my original post also gave me some ideas.When she finally shut her mouth I calmly told her "Look Mom, You don't know what abuse is and honestly its your own fucking fault this is all happening to you. Also, my bad for pissing in your iced tea." Then I just hung up the phone and blocked her number. That was the last day I drank. I haven't talked to her since. I'm not sure she's aware (or maybe she is) how bad of an idea it was to leave the country with all this going down, even if it was for a few weeks. At this point im done with her. I don't want an apology. I just want to move forward and be a better person. I know that's hard to believe after everything I just told you but it's the truth. I try my best to put as much positivity into the world and share it with the people around me as much as possible. But fuck her. I don't know if she knows it was me but I didn't tell her. I'm sure she can guess though if she really tried. Anyways.. That's my revenge. It's still actively fucking her life up but im not taking any active part in it. I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I had a real family that loved me and I knew how to love back the right way. I wish I had a real relationship with my mother and none of those things happened. I wish I could have turned out like one of the happy people in the world but I can spend spend all day wishing. Sorry for the super long post. This is my last update. Wish me luck next year.TL;DR - My mother abused me for most of my life. I had to drop out of college and support myself after she basically drove me to homelessness. She laughs at me about me being homeless and denies abuse. So I ruined her life by reporting the abuse my siblings and I dealt with resulting in an emergency removal by CPS & her getting criminal charges, exposing her lies to her job which she lost, putting her in a situation that ruined her engagement, and ultimately causing her to flee the country which might result in even worse charges if/when she comes back. via /r/ProRevenge

[renrumm]

all!! of!! them!! >:3c

E    V    I    L

Okay buckle up mf you brought this upon yourself…..

(world’s longest post incoming)

1: What is your name and does it mean anything?

it’s Lauren, and there’s not really a story behind it, but it’s origin is like the laurel leaves and all that

2: How long have you known your best friend?

one of my best friends i’ve know since i started primary school at like 4 years old, the others i’ve only known for a few years or less

3: What position do you normally sleep in?

used to sleep on my front but now i sleep in a really awkward, position on my back that wrecks my neck lol

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

not particularly, i just kinda floated between groups, i was pretty friendly with everyone (or so i like to think)

5: Who was your favourite teacher in high school and why?

oh man, there were a couple who i really liked, one was my last English teacher and the other was a Languages teacher- the English teacher was just a really nice lady and i actually learnt a lot that year despite barely attending. The Languages teacher was super fun and chill and she always tried to get everyone involved 

6: Do you wish to travel a lot?

Not really, i kinda dream about just staying where i am, as boring as that sounds…

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?

i used to do netball and i was the bowler for the school’s rounders team 9used to have good aim hah)

8: Show a sample of your handwriting:

9: Have you ever given blood?

No, i want to but i haven’t had the chance yet (plus i was having so many blood tests done that i was irrationally afraid i would pass something on if i gave blood before i got solid results)

10: Do you like the way that you grew up?

i think so

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?

oh yeah- i mean, we fight, but all siblings do

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?

i met her when we started school, i don’t remember specifics (i was like 4) but we bonded over her pet tortoise

13: Name one movie that made you cry.

i actually cried at The Breakfast Club, weirdly, Brian’s bit really got to me

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?

i’m not a massive fan of poetry, probably because i’m dreadful at writing it. reading it is nice, though

15: Things about someone that you find attractive?

i always seem to fall for people with the same sort of personality traits- really nerdy, kinda shy but also assertive, and funny

I guess musical talent is another thing that i like, but not everyone i’m attracted to plays an instrument

16: What song are you currently listening to?

at the minute i’ve been listening to The Kids Aren’t Alright by Fall Out Boy on repeat for DAYS

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?

Nope (thankfully)

18: A random memory from you childhood:

i was in a show as the witch from hansel and gretel (i was 8)

cut to opening night, i get pushed into the fake oven with the intention of crawling out of the open back whilst screaming- as if im being cooked- except i forgot i was wearing a tall witches hat with the wig attatched

the hat catches on the oven, falls off, taking my hair with it, so i have to reach back out of the oven, still screaming like a dying old lady, and drag my hat + hair back in with me

19: Where did you grow up?

in Portsmouth, England- it’s a port city on the south coast

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?

I haven’t watched regular tv in forever, but i was watching Brooklyn Nine Nine with my mum on Netflix last night

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent?

I think i would actually (at least i hope so)

I wouldn’t mind being a mum

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

tbh i don’t really have any tumblr friends, i’m very shit at replying to messages and the last people i spoke to was in the days before messaging so i have no idea what we last said to each other hah

I totally would though, hmu

22: What was the last dream you remember having?

i was on a weird train, i had a kitten in my hands but it kept escaping my grip and i was terrified that it would get hurt- the dream ended when for some reason i had to switch trains and the kitten got left on the platform!!! most stressful and sad dream ever rip

23: When is your birthday?

17th Feb!

24: How many pillows do you sleep with?

2 at the most, sometimes none- i’m no griffin mcelroy

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?

yep! had them since i was 9, i’m incredibly short sighted and it’s terrible!

26: What colour is your hair?

naturally blonde, but i bleached it even lighter for a Mercy cosplay a couple of weeks ago

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:

- i’m blonde (ha)

- i have really fair skin

- i have dimples

- i have a birthmark on my thigh

-i have a mole on my neck that’s pretty noticable

28: What is your favourite soda?

lemonade or fanta

29: What is a strange talent that you have?

i can put my feet behind my head (like bring them up and over my head, not like touch them to it backwards) I don’t really have any weird talents haha

30: How’s the weather right now?

not really doing much

31: Why did one of your friendships end?

most of my friendships end with us just drifting, thanks to my shitty attendance at college and the last year of secondary school

32: Who do you miss right now?

I miss all my friends who have gone to/are going to uni in the next couple of weeks :(

33: Why did your last relationship end?

i ended it because i got sick and had to keep cancelling plans all the time and they deserved better than that- i don’t regret it at all, they’re really happy now

34: Are you still figuring out who you are?

yeah, i’ve worked through a lot in the last few years and i’m still doing a bit of soul-searching atm

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why?

yes, this time last year actually, i had to go in for emergency surgery thanks to some shit i’d had going on for a long time that went undiagnosed and ended up giving me sepsis, so that was fun

36: What is your favourite restaurant?

i don’t really have one, i’ll go anywhere

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?

i always spell wield wrong? I always feel like the i and e should be the other way around for no reason

38: Would ever adopt kids?

totally!

39: What is your favourite kind of pizza?

margherita (i’m a plain bitch)

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

the list of things i desperately need to get done this week

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why?

as a last farewell before Uni starts, my friends and I had our usual dnd session, then went for a meal, then went to the pub to do the quiz. It was a really nice night and i had a lot of fun

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

oh god i literally haven’t eaten anything weird

43: How do you start a conversation?

i don’t!!! i die!!

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

Fall Out Boy is always a classic, but Barns Courtney is fantastic too

45: Do you come from a family “of money?”

oh definitely not haha

46: Do you have a bucket list?

not really, my bucket list doubles as a “tv shows to watch/books to read/video games to play” list (sad)

47: What is your favourite series of books?

i used to love the Skulduggery Pleasant series (though i haven’t read the latest one!) but i have real soft spots for the Septimus Heap series and the Percy Jackson books

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

the last DnD session was hilarious, always is

49: Where do you go when you’re sad?

my room, i just wrap myself up into a little depressed cocoon and hibernate

50: 5 random facts about yourself:

- i have FAR too many DnD characters made that i’ll probably never get the chance to play as :(

- i don’t own a single matching pair of socks

- i’d love to record a podcast one day

- i’m starting as a vocal coach at a theatre company i used to be in! I’m very excited

- i have a spotify playlist for every mood, video game, tv show, and podcast and i’ll never stop making them!!

JESUS CHRIST THAT TOOK A LONG TIME SORRY FOR THE LONG BORING POST