#im lichrally feeling more and more disconnected from my reality these days and its really distressing
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#dont like dont rb whatever#also if you know me irl please dont read this alright#especially u daniele these r me hours#actually fin is allowed he has rights#fin if u see this read it go nuts#xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxzxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx#anyway.#im lichrally feeling more and more disconnected from my reality these days and its really distressing#it’s getting to the point where everything that’s going on in the here and now where i am is secondary to what’s happening online#and tHat’s secondary to all my fantasising#like if i take a little time to consider who i am and what i look like and the dorection my life is going#it makes me want to cry! that’s not me! that’s a completely different person and she is who everyone percieves me as#tbh. i think a lot of it is being isolated from my queerness.#the only other lgbt+ people people i know n see regularly fit so seamlessly into cisnormativity#i’m not calling them less gay or whatever#but theyre almost exclusively gender conforming cis bi girls who just. idk. i can’t articulate myself#but they seem so content just filling the role of cishet woman and then occaisionally likin a girl#and it makes me#as in. my actual self. the way i am on the inside.#feel like a genuine freak!#like i am aware this is 100% internalised trans & homophobia#but the idea of like. telling people i’m nb. makes me want to die#i’ve deleted posts & edited my pronouns because some people ik irl follow me#because they would probably see me as an uwu trender#shit bro they still do!!#like even the ppl who know im nb exclusively use she/her n girl n [redacted] as a name for me even in one on one convos#because they just see me as like. Woman Lite#not to mention the way my life is unfolding in front of me makes me panic#im trying so hard to get into uni for a course i dont want to do and dont care about#and just!! god!! i need to realise that the future is going to happen!! i cant fantasise the world away forever!!! and it still wont click
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