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at this point here, the booping shall become persistent and permanently engraved unto Joaquín's daily life. someone save him
#book of life#the book of life#manolo sanchez#joaquin mondragon#joaquin x manolo#joanolo#joaquin and manolo#manolo the book of life#joaquin the book of life#its true guys you suddenly become gay after a concussion#medical professionals can confirm#im just kidding do NOT trust me
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Ideology of Exceptionalism and Gravity Falls; meta and character analysis
I had a whole ago read a post by @icanlife that had a quote by Alex Hirsch on Ford's greatest flaw, and wanted to explore what the flaw is, which is the ideology of exceptionalism; in the exploration, I’ll touch on what it is and how it is used in abusive relationships and cults, as well as how it drives multiple Gravity Falls characters and consequently how it impacts relationships between these characters, and how the show ultimately refutes exceptionalism.
Quick note here; I am not in any way, shape or form a psychologist nor have any formal training in psychology; this is written from my own experiences with this ideology and my own forays into psychology and trauma-informed learning. It is also written with a loose understanding that is likely not broad enough to cover all references to cults, extremist groups and abusive relationships.
The Ideology of Exceptionalism
First of all, we have to get through a drier bit, which is… what is the ideology of exceptionalism and how does it arise? Might be fairly obvious, but it is the belief that you are, or belong to, a group of exceptional people, thus more important and worth more than anyone else; ie, those who don't qualify as 'exceptional'. It is often a subconsciously learned ideology. Now, what qualifies one as exceptional can be extremely varied; generally it revolves around something that provides some form of privilege. Thus, it might be, as the main exceptionalist idea in Gravity Falls, 'intelligence', or power, or it can be such things as attractiveness, quantity of money one has, species, nationality, or skin colour and ancestral heritage. The ideology of exceptionalism, being by nature hierarchical, devalues, and at its worst, openly and violently dehumanizes those who do not qualify as exceptional.
For why exceptionalism occurs is an extremely broad topic, but I've personally found that, for exceptionalism revolving around intelligence, it's a result of a poor sense of self-worth, and having one's self-worth tied to what makes one exceptional. Poor self-worth itself (again, broadly) is a result of childhood trauma from a lack of positive affirmation and unfulfillment of the emotional needs of the child. Meanwhile, self-worth becoming tied to the quality of exceptionalism generally is a result of when positive affirmation was pretty much solely provided around their 'exceptionalism', especially when provided derogatory commentary, or a blatant example of how they would be treated if they aren't 'exceptional'. As a result of the general lack of affirmation, self-worth then becomes often solely reliant on the qualities of exceptionalism, as that is the only way for the child (and later, adult) to get affirmation of their worth, as well as out of fear of being ‘not worth anything’ like the examples of ‘non-exceptional’ people they have been given.
This is especially likely to occur when the child is a social outcast; the adoption of the hierarchical ideology of exceptionalism, and the devaluation/dehumanization of others often occurs subconsciously as an avoidance/minimization tactic from pain. This is to say, the child, and later the adult (if healthy self-worth is not established) goes 'it doesn't matter what the non-exceptional people say or if they accept me since I matter more than them because of my exceptionality'. It can even be taken further, that being shunned is part of one's exceptionalism, and becomes part of the qualifier of being exceptional. For instance, 'they just can't understand because they aren't exceptional and that's just a part of being exceptional'. This idea also neatly tailors into the part of the concept of being better then others means you are separate from others; this can be taken that someone who is special, needs to be alone to be truly special.
Obviously, exceptionalism is not a healthy coping mechanism for poor self-worth, as often such people constantly feel the need to prove and show off their exceptionalism to gain that affirmation and avoid rejection, which is stressful. As well, it often negatively impacts their relationships with other people as a result of the arrogance of believing that they are better than most others, or even deliberate sabotage due to their arrogance. This occurs as they flatten the complexity of human experience to black-and-white hierarchical categories of exceptional/not-exceptional through constant judgement of those they meet, and often refuse to engage with people who don't belong to their 'exceptionality', or even people they simply don't like, even if they technically qualify. Generally, those that they do like or have close relationships with, often due to being similar, are automatically labelled as 'exceptional'. Those judged as ‘exceptional’ also become privy to the open judgements of ‘non-exceptional’ others, out of a subconscious belief by the exceptionalist that the other believes similarly; something that may strain their relationship if the other doesn’t ascribe to exceptionalism. This all culminates in the exceptionalist being blind or even adverse to the diversity of experiences, which makes it difficult to create relationships and community outside of echo chambers of their own beliefs (if they can even find this), and subsequently, these people are often isolated and have very few to no close relationships with people.
However, all humans require connections with other people, relationships where one can rely on others emotionally and physically if needed and feel accepted; they also require to feel like they are worth something, that their life has meaning. Lacking meaningful connections and having a crippled sense of self-worth, a deep yearning hole is left in these people. Exceptionalism, especially as it is a narrative constantly pushed by Western society as it validates hierarchies, is then employed as a (often subconscious) trauma response to assuage this yearning hole, with arrogance and denial. And depending on the circumstances, it can be a very strong and definitive trauma response for people.
This isolation and lack of self-worth is catnip to abusive relationships, including cults and extremist groups. These types of relationships often heavily rely on isolating their victims or pulling them into echo chambers of solely the abuser’s rhetoric, to redefine what is healthy through gaslighting; as the exceptionalists are already isolated, this makes them extremely susceptible. They also often provide these people affirmation, and in these cases especially about their exceptionalism, thus confirming their self-worth, their 'specialness', while also providing them the connection they have been lacking, either through the cult community or through the abuser’s own presence. These emotional needs, which haven’t been met in a long time, if ever, begin to be fulfilled; something that abusive relationships and cults hinge on, rather than any form of logic.
Ideology of Exceptionalism and Gravity Falls
The main characters within Gravity Falls which are heavily ascribed to exceptionalism would be both Ford and Bill; this characterization deeply impacts the story and their relationships with others (technically the Northwest are another case regarding wealth, but less directly impact the storyline and thus tangential; Gideon also is an example, but as a mirror of Bill). With each of these characters I’ll go into detail within their sections on the way they began to ascribe to exceptionalism, and how it plays out later in their relationships; I will first begin with Ford, then move to Bill. Then, to cap it off, I’ll go into the characterization of Stan and the way Gravity Falls refutes exceptionalism.
Ford and Exceptionalism
Firstly, the quote from Alex Hirsch that kicked this whole baby off, as mentioned previously;
“Ford sees Dipper as someone who’s special like himself. That’s Ford’s great flaw, his arrogance is he believes that there’s special people, and everyone else. That human attachments are actually weaknesses. And the song and dance that he’s giving Dipper right now, is the song and dance that he gave McGucket, back when they were younger… ‘You and me are different, we’re better than everyone else. We have a path that no one else can understand, and only us can do this.’ It’s a very seductive idea for Dipper… Dipper is a smart kid, but Ford’s projecting. Ford loves Dipper because he sees someone who’ll tell him ‘yes’ to everything. Who’ll never challenge him, who’ll do a really insane dangerous mission.”
Very blatantly Alex Hirsch calls Ford out on his arrogance in the belief that he is special, in his belief in the 'lone hero' complex, in his belief in exceptionalism. And really, it should be no surprise that Ford does so, considering the way he's depicted as a social outcast as a child (other than Stan), and the way his parents have been clearly shown to be not particularly emotionally supportive (“I’m not impressed”); they don't provide positive affirmation except for his intelligence (mostly due to the possibility of money making through it…), while also actively comparing him to Stan who is derogatorily ‘not-exceptional’, and ‘worth less’. This all sets Ford’s self-worth up to be fragile, and other than Stan who wholeheartedly accepts him, he is isolated and invalidated; plus, the only other validation he receives is around his intelligence. All very classically fitting the profile for exceptionalism.
Image id: Stand and Ford when they were children, both clearly enjoying each other's company.
Ford’s belief in his exceptionalism catalyzes after the shattering of his and Stan’s relationship. Previously the twins are shown to do everything together, having a very close caring relationship; something unlikely if Ford thought he was better than Stan. Also, when Ford is talked to about his opportunities, Ford looks uncomfortable at the way they talk about Stan as inferior, compared to how he himself is being praised; but in the offer he’s simultaneously finally being validated, he’s being told he’s someone worth something, and he’s going to be someone worth something after this. And then the science fair incident occurs, and Ford loses that validation from his parents, from the judges and a future of more validation; after being promised validation and acceptance, it slips through his fingers. And in his anger of being denied that, it becomes easy to begin to slip subconsciously into the rhetoric the others have been feeding him; that he’s exceptional, that Stan isn’t, and he deserved to be recognized for his worth. So he breaks the relationship with the only person who accepted and validated him for who he is. With that loss of previous support, Ford becomes then deeply obsessed with proving his exceptionalism to the world to assuage that fragile self-worth, to become accepted, or even better, revered, confirming that he is someone of worth, someone special, like he was promised.
Ford’s obsession also doubly functions as a way to alleviate his guilt over shattering their relationship; if he’s exceptional as he believes, then he’s within the right to respond the way he did, as he’s worth more than Stan, he's better off alone, and he has a right to be angry over being denied that validation. As well, in much the same way as it is used as a way to alleviate his guilt over the end of their relationship, it is also likely used in a way to minimize the pain of being ostracized (although not directly depicted); afterall, Ford’s keenly aware and insecure about his social ineptitude and his six fingers as things that make him different from other people, case in point with his experience visiting Lazy Susans Diner. Thus it wouldn’t be unsurprising if he uses the idea of being worth more than those who ostracize him to imply it ‘doesn’t matter’ what they think. His ostracization by nature keeps him from generally forming close relationships, with the exception of Fiddleford (who much like him, is socially outcast, and intelligent) during his university days. As a result, he's isolated and acutely lonely, having lost Stan.
Image id: One of the missing Journal 3 pages in TBOB, detailing Ford's botched social interaction in Lazy Susans Diner. In the background is the print of his six-fingered hand.
In his obsession over being acknowledged, Ford, like many others who believe in exceptionalism, identifies strongly with the causes of his ostracization (his intelligence, his six-fingeredness) as part of, or wholly, makes him exceptional. It is obvious through his choice of study; with the grant he has been gifted, he chooses to revolve his work around the weird, the outcast, something that you see Ford gravitate towards being an outcast and deemed 'weird' himself (which in Journal 3 he openly talks about). Something that can be, much like him, framed as 'exceptional'. His work is even recorded in a journal that Ford deliberately chooses to put his six-fingered hand on the cover of. Intertwined with the way it becomes adopted into the idea of exceptionalism, is the keen loneliness from his ostracization and a deep desire to be accepted and a wish to find a community of other weird people.
Image id: Two pages from journal 3, labelled 'Myself', in which Ford is open about being weird, and a social outcast, while also noting his ambitions and that 'Gravity Falls, [is] the place that I fit in.'
Ford and Bill
All of this culminates in Ford becoming an incredibly easy target to manipulate by Bill. He’s desperate to be acknowledged (and thus accepted) by an authority figure so that his belief in exceptionalism is justified and his self-worth confirmed. And he knows he’s intelligent, that he's exceptional because people have told him so, but he just needs to prove it with something that shakes the world. And the grant is finally his second chance after the fair, but he's stuck, and the research is going nowhere, and he's in a town where he doesn't really know anyone and he’s so terribly lonely. And sure, he clings to his exceptionalism but if he can't even prove it then is he really exceptional? Is he even worth anything like he thought he was? And what about what he's left behind, rejected, because of his exceptionalism?
And THEN he finds an incantation and he ignores the warnings because maybe, just maybe, this will be his break to get that acceptance/validation he has been chasing his whole life?
And then it's better than that.
A god, essentially, shows himself to him, an ultimate figure of authority. And he tells him that yes, he is special, he’s worth more than other people, and Bill’s only showing himself to Ford because he is so much more intelligent than anyone else. Ford is suddenly getting his exceptionalism confirmed by a god of ancient knowledge, an immensely intelligent interdimensional being, and he’s also showering him with affirmations, specifically affirmations around what Ford's fragile self-worth is based on. And even better, he's delighted by Ford's six-fingeredness; he's not put off at all, it even becomes his main nickname for Ford, just like it used to be for Stan all those years ago. On top of it all, Ford's own social ineptitude doesn't phase Bill, another thing Ford is self-conscious about; Bill's own social ineptitude as he's not human probably makes Ford feel comfortable, knowing that's not expected from him.
Through Bill, not only does Ford find someone who validates his self-worth through intelligence and even confirms to him that his weirdness is part and parcel of making him special, he also finds someone who he regularly (generally) is in contact with, who enjoys talking to him and even banters with him familiarly. Hell, Bill even deliberately goes out of his way (literally possessing a whole wack ton of rats, then dream karaoke) to celebrate his birthday with him; how long do you think Ford has simply skipped his birthday since he had no one to really celebrate it with? The loneliness, beneath his arrogance and belief in exceptionalism, is being fulfilled; for the first time since Ford was a teenager, he's fully accepted by someone, social awkwardness, six fingers, exceptionalism and all.
Image id: One of the lost pages from Journal 3 in TBOB, the 'one thing led to another' page, with Bill and Ford singing karaoke and drinking together, both clearly enjoying themselves; Bill has an arm slung around Ford's shoulders.
So it's really no surprise at all that Ford fell for this, hook line and sinker. Hell, if I was in Ford's shoes I would fall for it just as hard. And I've seen a few posts floating around talking about how Bill is bad at manipulating, and no, he's not. He was able to pinpoint exactly what Ford wanted and needed, and provided that, was charismatic enough to provide that. Again, manipulation isn't about logic. It really isn't; it's about the emotional core in people, what people lack and what you can give them to slowly reel them in to sing your dance and song. And people will ignore vast swaths of red flags when you're finally being accepted, when you're finally getting your emotional needs met at least in some way or form. It's better than not having them met at all, such as previously. So Ford worshipping Bill is really not a surprise, especially as Bill deliberately stoked it.
All of this is part of why you see Alex Hirsch call Ford's belief in his exceptionalism his greatest flaw; because it allowed him to be very easily manipulated by Bill, and by its nature kept Ford isolated from others, evident by his arrogance in assuming he knows best and refusing to see other people who aren't as 'intelligent/weird' as him as worth getting to know, listen too and even reach out to ask help from, it's him believing he has to be the lone hero as someone whose 'special'. It's something that blinds him to the danger of his work around the weirdness of gravity falls because he’s desperate to seek a place where he and his weirdness belong, and it's something that plays out in each and every relationship he has because it's something he clings to so deeply. It's what cost him his relationship with Stan, who previously accepted him completely, and, as he's disinclined to form new relationships and as Bill actively strokes his paranoia (Trust No One…), ultimately further increases the hold Bill has over him. It's only Fiddleford’s presence as he works with Ford that allows him some form of outside reference and reprieve from solely Bill’s influence, something that Bill resents deeply and is clearly jealous and angry about, even if Fiddleford is helping create the portal. And it's ultimately Fiddleford, once he was aware enough of what was happening, calls Ford out on it, seriously jeopardizing Bill's influence over Ford; but Ford is too invested in the portal, in chasing his own ambition and caught up in Bill’s manipulation to take him seriously, until the incident with the trial, and Ford beginning to hear other voices then Bill.
Ford’s Exceptionalism and Wider Relationships
Now back to how it plays out in all Ford's relationships; we've already gone over it with Bill's influence, because it made him extremely easy to manipulate, and with his disregard of Stan in favor of validation of his exceptionalism. But Ford, as pointed out by Alex Hirsch, also exerts the ideology's seductive rhetoric to both Fiddleford and Dipper (who look up to Ford) in a similar way that Bill does with him (although there is a difference of it being used intentionally and maliciously, compared to subconsciously and earnestly, even if it is problematic). Ford, with his black-and-white view of exceptionalism, sees both Fiddleford and Dipper as people who are like him; 'exceptional', and so he treats them as such, and uses this rhetoric to coerce them into helping him.
For Fiddleford, the lure is how he can change the world, how he can be finally acknowledged if he helps Ford with the portal. And it works well; he willingly chooses to leave his own work and his wife and young son, to work with Ford. Much like Ford, Fiddleford himself is also a social outcast and regularly presumed less smart than he is, and he’s got a chip on his shoulder to prove himself, to gain acknowledgement and recognition from the world at large. Although Fiddleford has a family which presumes he’s not entirely lonely like Ford is, he also clearly has deep feelings for Ford, some which are hinted to be more than just ‘friendly’ feelings; it is likely the combination of the lure of validation and spending time with Ford, a kindred spirit that accepts him and an old friend/crush, that causes him to agree (afterall, it was Ford who made Fiddleford feel accepted and choose to stay at Backupsmore). And Fiddleford’s not even considered a partner, but rather an assistant to Ford due to Ford's arrogance, and he still drops everything to go! It’s more about their relationship and connection rather than validation, but that doesn’t stop Ford from espousing exceptionalism. And this is a distinguishing difference, because although Fiddleford would like recognition, he’s not there solely because of it; he’s not a believer in exceptionalism nor arrogant about his skills, and so, unlike Ford who is blinded by his obsession, he’s much more aware of the dangers of the weirdness of Gravity Falls. Thus, he's actively calculating the risks involved, and when he realizes there could be potentially devastating consequences of the portal, he attempts to talk Ford out of it; this fails due to Ford’s own denial and obsession over the portal. In the end, it all goes terribly sideways, and Fiddleford ends up losing everything he had; his wife, his son, his friend, his memories and himself to the trauma he had experienced at the invitation of his friend with the lure of validation and company, due to the memory gun he had created himself.
As for Dipper, much like Ford, he also has issues with self-worth (many of the episodes deal with Dipper finding self-worth; ie, the manotaur episode), has a physical oddity (his birthmark) and by far the trait he relies on most for worth is his intelligence (for example, in one episode he rubs it into Mabel's face over and over again in beating her in games). He's also extremely desperate to be recognized by authority figures as someone intelligent, case in point when he summons the dead after being made fun of by the government agents to try and show them that the information he's gathered is important after Stan dismisses his knowledge. This desperation to be seen as someone of worth from Dipper, much like Ford, extends to the need to be a hero, something he even says at the end of the zombie episode; yet, due to Mabel, unlike Ford he's not a lone hero, and Mabel also half the time acts as the hero.
Image id: Zombies crawling out of a crack after Dipper summons them; Dipper and the two agents look on in horror.
It all culminates in Dipper hero-worshipping Ford when he returns; really, no different than Ford worshipping Bill. And Ford clearly finds it extremely flattering; Dipper's attention and amazement of him feeds his exceptionalism. Exactly how Ford responded to Bill, Dipper is willing to do anything for Ford, excited too, in an attempt to impress Ford and be validated and accepted. And for Ford, that's an extremely heady feeling, especially as someone who has been constantly alone the last 30 years, especially when he had one previously confirm his exceptionalism all those years ago and stopped, and now someone is once again affirming that idea. And Ford doesn't have to be alone again, because he's found a kindred spirit in Dipper as his assistant, someone ‘just’ like him, someone who is exceptional. Because he sees himself in Dipper, he begins to espouse exceptionalism unconsciously, by praising Dipper's own intellect and adventurous spirit, assuaging his feeling of self-worth, while also telling him he's more important or better than others because of it.
And it's seductive to Dipper, because he wants to hear those affirmations of his self-worth, especially as he hero-worships him, but Dipper isn't sold on it, because it means leaving Mabel behind, it means believing that he's worth more than Mabel (and also, Stan, and all his friends he’s made in Gravity Falls). It's ultimately because of his relationship with Mabel that he rejects the ideology; he's not isolated the way Ford was with Bill, and he's not willing to break that relationship for that acknowledgement, because his relationships matter more to him.
Bill and Exceptionalism
Now of course, that's only on the Pines; what about Bill?
While it's obvious that Bill uses exceptionalism as a main manipulative tactic, it's not just an ideology he sprouts emptily; it's also an ideology he believes in, just like Ford, although it's less based on intellectual exceptionalism, and more on power and 'weirdness'.
This most distinctly can be seen in Bill's denial about what happened to his home dimension; Bill's belief in his exceptionalism occurs as a pain avoidance tactic from killing his whole dimension. Bill was clearly a social outcast within his dimension due to being able to see 3d; he's not accepted, and not trusted, to the point that there is medical intervention to make him blind. That's a deeply traumatic experience that completely erases one sense of self-worth, where one’s sanity is called into question by your parents on something that is not harmful, that's beautiful and you just want to share with them. It's a deep and clear rejection of who Bill is, and his ability. As a result, out of a desperate bid to be understood and accepted, he ends up trying to show them the stars. And it ends up killing everyone.
Image id: Page of TBOB, on 'The Early Years' which notes that Bill was an oddity for seeing 3d, something that was illegal to speak about. Bill frames it as something that made him 'special' and better than all the others.
Traumatized, and originally rejected by the dimension, he instead weaves an excuse of exceptionalism; that it doesn't matter what he did to them because he's exceptional and he's worth more than all of them because he can see 3d, because he's powerful, so he shouldn't/'doesn't' feel any remorse about it. With such a traumatic result of trying to be accepted by people, he rejects the idea of trying to be accepted for who he really is; instead adopting a facade of a monster that he believes he is (and eventually, becomes).
Even if he clings to the delusion of exceptionalism, and shuns attempts to find true acceptance, he still wants it; and that's where his henchmaniacs fit in, as they're all, as Bill's noted when trying desperately to get Ford to join him, weird; each has something 'wrong' with them, which is why Bill accepted them as his lackeys (although it's not like we know the context around these). It's a surface-level acceptance however, one more predicated on fear than emotional acceptance. He's taken his 'weirdness', much like many do who believe in exceptionalism,as ‘part of what makes him exceptional'.
In the same way that Ford wants to show the world that he's smart and intelligent by building the portal, Bill does so by wreaking havoc and taking over existences as a way to show the world that he's powerful, that he's someone to be reckoned with, that he's not someone to be ignored because he's someone who's worth more than others. If you can't be loved and accepted, then being hated and feared is better than being ignored; acknowledgement at least approaches acceptance, it's validation of some sort of worth. It also functions as deliberate self-sabotage of his morals, by proving that he is the monster that killed his entire dimension; if that's what he is, then that's who he's going to be, because if he wasn’t, then he has to come face to face with his remorse over what he did to his dimension and his whole house of cards around his exceptionalism and not caring collapses. So instead he keeps feeding the delusions the denial, and lies and lies and lies and keeps lying to ignore all of it, to wrap himself in this shroud of exceptionalism and brutality as a way to function. And it somewhat works, because he's mostly deluded himself about it all, even if subconsciously he knows.
And of course, this display of Bill's exceptionalism is what brings Bill to earth, to Gravity Falls, and to manipulating humans. In meddling with earth and humanity, beyond Bill's goal of taking over earth and fleeing his own unravelling dimension, he also enjoys reaping the benefits of being worshiped by humans, who find him awe-inspiring. Their amazement of who he is, and Bill's own posturing and manipulation of people leads to Bill literally forming cults (ie ciphertology) or having apprentices that worship/find him (to varying degree) inspiring; all reinforcing his feelings of exceptionalism.
Of course, Ford numbers among these people; he praises Bill and worships him, as he's played like a fiddle by Bill, because his self-worth and belief in exceptionalism is fucked up in a way that perfectly resonates with Bill’s. Because it's the exact same types of issues around self-worth, around being an outcast, being weird and wrong physically, and yet at the same time gifted. And Ford clearly is incredibly lonely and yearning for acceptance, but so is Bill; since the beginning he's been trying to find someone who would accept him, even if he's given up on it. And for his song and dance to entice Ford in, he pretends he's not crushed dimensions for fun, that he's not a 'monster'; a version of him he buried after he had tried to show his parents the stars, one that he occasionally resurrects and puppets around for manipulation (all lies are better when they have a grain of truth). And this version of him is worshipped, but above all is accepted, is loved by Ford. The softer parts of Bill, even if they are still weird as fuck, the parts that were never far beneath the surface for all his deluding, become loved by Ford. Much as Ford becomes hooked on Bill’s praise, Bill also becomes hooked on Ford's genuine love and care. It becomes personal, unlike any previous ‘inspirations’ and Bill over time gets to the point that he feels accepted, safe enough with Ford to share about his dimension much more close to the truth then he did with any of his henchmaniacs. He becomes vulnerable with Ford, in response to Ford’s own vulnerability with him. He’s finding acceptance for the first time in his life around the softer parts of himself, not just the feared acknowledgement that comes from his dimensions conquering; much like Ford is finally finding companionship and acceptance with Bill, not just only intellectual validation. Bill's also for once, not just self-serving; he cares, and goes out of his way to take time with Ford, even celebrating Ford's birthday (in the unique way he does things), both with the rats and the karaoke.
Image id: One of the lost Journal 3 pages in TBOB. Ford recounts Bill talking about the destruction of his dimension, and calls himself by implication a monster.
They're both fulfilling each other's emotional needs, needs which both of them have struggled with most, if not all of their lives (although their relationship is certainly not healthy, considering it's codependent as fuck, riddled with exceptionalism and oodles of power imbalance issues). And suddenly, against Bill's plans, Ford's no longer just a disposable pawn, but someone Bill wants as part of his team, someone by his side, closer than his henchmaniacs are. He's unwittingly fallen for Ford, and so when everything goes sideways in his plan, and Ford swears it off, suddenly cutting off their relationship and that acceptance Bill had finally felt, he spirals into grief and anger from the rejection. As a result, he becomes extremely abusive to Ford in desperate attempts to continue their relationship, and ultimately he becomes obsessive over Ford joining him again as Ford continues to refuse, as evidenced by both Weirdmageddon and the Book of Bill.
Stanley Pines, and the Refuting of Exceptionalism
Exceptionalism, being a negative driving factor behind many core character dynamics, is ultimately refuted by the show. This occurs multiple times over the show, such as with Mabel in the Pioneer Day episode, especially compared to Pacifica, but mostly through Stan's characterization. Stan is someone who has been since the beginning characterized (if lovingly so) as someone who is a failure by societal standards; he’s an older man running a run-down tacky tourist shop to swindle gullible tourists out of their money, has multiple divorces, has an ongoing feud with a literal 12 year old, clearly has had multiple mishaps with the law (some ongoing), is generally pretty self-serving and is extremely lonely and really had no close relationships until Mabel and Dipper showed up. He's not exceptional; he's not even what we would consider 'decent' enough to have a 'typical, hard working job’. In short, he’s a failure, a stark difference to the idea of 'exceptionalism' that characterizes Ford. If he's gifted in any area, it would be charisma (debatedly), not anything else.
But it's still Stan who rebuilds the portal from literally only one journal (not all three!) and gets it to work. It even seems like he only needs some codes from the other two journals when he does get them, suggesting that he was able to extrapolate from what was left and the first journal’s blueprints to fix it entirely, something that is extremely difficult and technically complicated (Ford, Bill and Fiddleford all worked on it together!). Stan's able to do it, even if it's been shown he's not 'naturally' gifted in that area. And it's something he does as a result of his deep care for Ford; because even after their fights, he cares about Ford and wants to right his wrongs, believes he should, because of his whole life of being defined as a failure and even worse than that, screwing up his ‘exceptional’ brother’s life. And he’ll do it even if that means learning how to build an interdimensional portal, even if it takes up thirty years of his life doing so, and he doesn't waver. Much of this is connected to his own complexes around being deemed a failure compared to Ford, having failed to succeed in his life, and how he feels that he needs to atone for screwing up Ford’s life, now for the second time; but beneath it all, he also cares. Much like Ford, he's extremely lonely, but he's not blinded by Ford's arrogance, and as a result he wants to make sure Ford's safe, because that's what he used to do, they’re twins, they grew up together, they once they had fully accepted and cared for each other, and dammit that still means something, and Stan hasn't found that depth of emotional connection since. So if possible, he wants to rekindle that closeness they had, but first, he needs to bring Ford back.
And in the end, it's not Ford's own special gun he built using his intelligence that 'kills' Bill. It's Stan, someone who Ford had long ago broke it off with in search of validation of his exceptionalism, someone who both Ford and Bill labelled as 'not-exceptional', who defeats Bill. It's exceptionalism's devaluation of people who are 'not-exceptional' that causes Bill to underestimate the Pines beyond Ford, and it's only when Ford put aside his exceptionalism and his refusal to accept and trust 'non-exceptional' people, that is, trust Stan once more, that causes Bill to end up defeated by Stan.
In the end, it's not about who's 'smarter'; it's a reminder that everyone has different skills and are better at different things, but that doesn't diminish one's worth or value, and that just because someone isn't naturally 'gifted' in an area doesn't mean they can't learn or use different ways to get around obstacles. Ultimately, it comes down to that no one is worth more or less than other people; exceptionalism is a lie. It’s a lie and an excuse, and it's certainly not a healthy way to assuage one's poor self-worth. What does matter is creating positive healthy connections with other people, and caring about them. This creates a community where you can be yourself and be emotionally fulfilled through these connections; and when opposition does arise, you become able to fight it together, and fight so much stronger than if you are alone.
And by the end of the show, you see that. Ford begins to let go of the ideal of exceptionalism and its black-and-white categorization; finally recognizes his own faults around prioritizing validation of his intelligence and exceptionalism over his relationships, and finally, after all the years, chooses to create and rekindle positive relationships with people, trust people, and make amends. And in the end, he goes sailing with Stan, prioritizing their relationship, finally fulfilling their childhood promise.
Image id: One of the pages written by Ford into TBOB. Ford refutes Bill's idea of happiness, and says he has finally found his own happiness, and it looks like the photo taped in, of Stan, Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Soos and Wendy, all smiling together.
TLDR: Exceptionalism, an ideology of categorizing people into being special and worth more vs plebian and worth less, is a trauma response and subconscious ideology that characterizes Ford and Bill’s lives, deeply impacting all their relationships as it is used to coerce people into doing what they want, makes Ford easily manipulated, and breaks relationships through their arrogance. It is ultimately denounced through the way Dipper chooses to reject Ford’s offer and his rhetoric of being exceptional, and through the way it's not Ford’s intelligence, but rather Stan, who has been labeled as 'not-exceptional' and a failure at life, that defeats Bill through trickery. It's a reminder that everyone has worth, and no one is worth more than other people, even if one may be gifted in certain areas; the ideology of exceptionalism is fragile and a lie. In the end, creating a caring, loving community around oneself is where strength truly lies, as is seen with the deep care and love the characters have for each other, and the repairing of Ford and Stans relationship.
Thanks to the lovely @eshtaresht who deigned to beta read this monster of a post for me
If you enjoyed this meta, (first of all if you read all this you're a champ!) I've also done another gf meta post! (It's shorter I swear)
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#bill cipher#stanley pines#stan pines#hugin rambles#hugin rambles gf#journal 3#the book of bill#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#billford#fordsquared#gravity falls analysis#gravity falls meta#book of bill#tbob#christ its so long whyyyy#also oh nooo i wanna do another thing but SPECIFICALLY on trust. gravity falls is ultimately about strength in community and hnnnghhhhh#that makes me wanna cry#also i had so many thoughts. also on the denial part of exceptionalism??? oh baby Bill fucking LISTS it in his book#like sir. please#anyways i love media analysis and im totally normal about all these characters#also like Fiddleford is. like. yikes man.#anyways uhm. does dropping a 6k essay post make me sexy? please say yes (i HIGHLY doubt it#sheesh who's got time to read all this... psssspsspspp theres PHOTOS that TOTALLY dont have more reading in rhem nawwww#i totally dont know what ur talking about mhmmm#if youre like is this about gifted kids- yes. yeah. i just didnt name it. its also about wider things but. yeah#also. unofficial title? Gravity Falls and Gifted Kid Issues an analysis#oh boy sure hope my post about gifted kid issues is a hit on the gifted kid issues site
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HELLO HANTENGU NATION (5 people)
I'VE MADE AN [unofficial] HEIGHT CHART FOR MYSELF
Hantengu: 5"5 (166cm) Sekido: 5"9 (175cm) Karaku: 5"9 (175cm) Urogi: 5"9 (175cm) Aizetsu: 5"9 (174cm) Zohakuten: 5"3 (160cm) Urami: 8"5 (257cm)
[little aftermath under the cut]
they're so annoying. peace is nonexistent... they're the best ever.
#null rot#cw blood#demon slayer amount of blood??#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#zohakuten#urami#demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#FUCK WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THEM#DO YOU SEE MY VISION?? THEY'RE SO ANNOYING IN MY MIND BUT ARE SO HOT GUY CODED.........#LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP PRETTY BOY#EVEN THE OLD ONE. i KNOW HE'S MAKING THE ELDERLY AND GILF HUNTERS ACT UP#OH MY GOD I NEED TO KEEP DRAWING THEY'RE LIKE SO FAMILY TO ME#BRO DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST EVERYTHING IS GOING TO GET FUCKED OVER IF YOU ADD YOURSELF TO THE PICTURE??????#OH MY GOD JUST. JUST GIVE ME A FEW DAYS OF MY FUCK#also ignore how i posted on my 'cleaner' blog. that was a fuck up. ill be posting everything here#ANYWAY MY REASONING FOR MAKING AIZETSU SHORTER BUT A CENTIMETER IS CAUSE I BELIEVE HES THE HANTENGU THAT WAS STILL GROWING + ZO#ALSO APPARENTLY YOU LOSE AN INCH EVERY DECADE AFTER FOURTY??? SO HANTENGU IS TINY.... AND HUNCHED IN MY MIND#AND URAMI IS GARGANTUAN DID YOU EVEN SEE HIM NEXT TO TANJIRO BRO? HANTENGU IS TALLER THAN THAT KID BY AN INCH IM P SURE HES IM THE 8FT RANG#the three caballeros are his at prime time height cause they look like theyd be in their prime yk??#i used a converter for the cm so if something is fucked. no its not. trust me bro
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i really reallyyy like the scene where jack goes to pulitzers alone and finds out kath is his daughter and stuff because you fully watch him break. not in the way he was broken during crutchies arrest or santa fe where he was alone but we get to watch in real time his facade fade. he walks in only to immediately be insulted and without missing a beat returns the same energy to pulitzer and continues to do so until pulitzer reveals kath is his daughter. then he tells snyder to come out. then the delanceys hold jack still so he cant try running. and then ONLY thing jack can come up with in response is “you stink” . THEN pulitzer brings up crutchie. Then he brings up davey and les. and we dont hear a word from that kid for the rest of the scene. he didnt even have it in him to make a comment to or about the delanceys.
#newsies#jack kelly#is ‘you stink’ simply just the disney and pg way of saying ‘go fuck yourself’ ? yeah. do i care? no#it also really emphasizes the fact that hes just a kid#coming back 2 this#guys omg ik what the line actually means its ok#im just saying u stink is also a pg go fuck urself#trust ik what he means when he brings up every single person in the room omg#ANYWAY!!!#yeah hes witty and smart but theres still that childlike innocence in him#unfortunately this is still on my mind from yesterday#luckily for me though i finished my homework early today and have no class 🎉
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#im lazy as hell#4 boxes in i lost my mind hahaha#megastar#im rewatching g1#ill draw better latee trust me#i just need to learn how to draw#hes supposed to be kissing the gun i uhhhh couldnt portray that so take my word for it#maccadam#transformers#anyways how yall nerds doing? i found my megatron figurine that survived getting ran over by a car. hes on my desk now.#anyways on the topic of g1 WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE TWO????#you ever see some shit like damn i hope you two die together#they give me secondhand cringe. head in hands i cant be near these deranged mfs#5 years ago ppl tried to pressure me away from this ship lmao#megatron#starscream#dawg im being ran through by my workload.#wanna hear another very real problem i have? so im a starscream fan since i was like 7. always a ss fan#and one time when i was a teen my mom accidentally ran over my megatron toy with her car so i begged my parents for a model kit#ss was out of stock for years so i got tc. i bought that for $24 and it was all chill#recently i was thinking i want the entire dumbass squad. all 3. i checked the price#$58??? MINIMUM???? AVG PRICE IS 70???? for HIM???#so what i need yall to do is i need a recs so i can infiltrate hasbro and character assassinate ss so bad the merch price drops back to $30#for the small cost of 20 rec letters i promise to destroy the franchise. how about it? then we can all get merch for better prices. cool!#or we can start a gofund me and raise millions so i can become an investor and tell them to lower prices from outside the club#maybe i should email the board. some shit like hey i was planning on having kids but i cant if the toys cost as much as the hospital bill#can you lower the prices so i can buy my future kids toys so i can indoctrinate them like my dad indoctrinated me to become a lifelong fan#sincerely. two generations of TF fans (your franchise isnt that old yet and i hope my kids can afford to be the third gen)
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i just think if roles were reversed and buck was the one saying those gay ass lines to eddie, eddie wouldve proposed like four seasons ago
#like if buck had a kid and he said to eddie “theres no one in this world i trust with my kid more than you” eddie wouldve given him head#if buck had written him into his will and said “because eddie (cuz im sorry but buck loves eddies name too much to not use it)#you act like youre expendable but youre wrong“ eddie wouldve been like on his knees begging for buck to move in already#or if eddie did something reckless and after told buck he had to do it and buck just looked at him fondly and said “i know you did”#eddie wouldve dragged his ass to the nearest jewelry store to get them matching rings#or if someone off handedly mentioned how long he was dead/underground/uhhh bleeding out from his gunshot wound#and buck corrected them and said “um no actually it was 3 minutes and 17 before we got to the hospital” eddie wouldve done unspeakable#things to him in the bathroom of that underground poker club#or if eddie came out to buck and buck gave him a similar supportive little talk and said “this doesnt change a thing between us”#eddie wouldve been like “uh no actually it does get in the fucking car rn” and driven them to the courthouse so they could get married#basically#eddie says the gayest shit to buck all the time but buck just hears it as Normal Bro Things because hes never had a normal friend before so#he had nothing to really compare it to#but if buck were to say this kinda gay shit to eddie#eddie would immediately be like oh youre in love with me because eddie is a romantic and knows declarations of love when he hears them#however#buck communicates his feelings with flirting but eddie is fucking stupid and has no game and no rizz and doesnt realize hes flirting#eddie communicates his feelings with grand declarations of love but buck is fucking stupid and doesnt realize people actually care about hi#they need to flip communication styles and then theyll realize#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#get him out of there#let eddie free so he can finally have game#omg no or if eddie had done something that kinda pissed buck off and buck just looked at him after eddie apologized and said “ofc i forgive#you“ well there wouldve been something freaky going on in the firehouse closets that halloween
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FINISHED WATCHING MHA MOVIE 2: HEROES RISING!!! SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS WAS SO GOOD YO HOLY FUCK I LOVE IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA
This was truly My Bakudeku Academia. Watching that final battle felt like a religious experience- as if I was watching the birth of Christ. Holy fuck if that really was the original ending, with Deku passing OFA to Kacchan, and the whole "Oh it actually stayed with Deku and Bkg got amnesia" didn't happen, this would have been a dramatically different story moving forward.
Horikoshi really loves Bakugou- like absolutely no question. The story following this kind of ending would be about him continuing OFA's legacy with the guilt of a thousand suns on his shoulders for "taking away" Izuku's dream. Izuku would have continued the hero course as an actual quirkless student. I would love to see aus of this being canon and continuing their story from there.
I'm guessing Nine here was supposed to be AFO, and he would basically be gone too. Katsuma is perfectly set up to be the next protagonist (I can already imagine him using Cell Regeneration as Super Regeneration- he could become invincible while also healing others. Incredibly amazing quirk).
NUMBER ONE COMPLAINT I HAD WAS ADDRESSED. THE REST OF THE CLASS ACTUALLY DO FEEL STRONG AND USEFUL AND EVERYTHING AS SHIT I LOVE IT AAAAAAAA
YES MY GIRL OCHAKO FINALLY HAS HER BIG MOMENT FLOATING SO MUCH DEBRIS!!! I'M SO HAPPY- EVEN JIRO, AOYAMA, SHOJI, TOKOYAMI AND MORE HAD LEGIT GOOD SCENES AND FIGHTS I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH THEY ARE SOOO COOLLLLL THEY GENUINELY GAVE IT THEIR ALL FUCK YEAHHHHH
(note. THAT WOLF GUY CALLED SHOJI UGLY- A FELLOW HETEROMORPH, CUS HE WAS PROJECTING HIS "MONSTER" ISSUES ON HIM HOW FUCKING DARE YOUUUUU)
THEY ALSO MAKE IT ACTUALLY MAKE MORE SENSE HOW THE WHOLE CLASS IS SEPARATED ON AN ISLAND TOGETHER AS A WHOLE CLASS THIS TIME TOO (and not just half like last movie). They even managed to tie it in to AFO, the LoV, and Hero Society. Like it actually feels more grounded and reasonable why the class would be here alone with supervision.
They even add hints of Touya Todoroki with him having a short battle with Endeavor, Hawks spying in the LoV, the HSPC head cameo, and other little things too. Man I loved this fucking movie I would watch it 10 more times right now.
#THIS WAS SRSLY MY BKDK ACADEMIA#I CANT IMAGINE HOW INSANE HORIKOSHI IS FOR IMAGINING THIS AS AN OG ENDING???#CUS WTF. IZUKU GENUINELY TRUSTS BKG SO MUCH IN WANTING TO BE THE NUMBER 1 HERO HES FINE WITH HIM HAVING OFA. WHAT#BKG WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED AND WOULD DO THE SAME THING HE DID IN THE CANON ENDING NGL IF THIS HAPPENED#HE WOULD N O T LOSE IZUKU BY HIS SIDE BRO#IZUKU WOULD CONTINUE AND GRADUATE AS A LEGIT QUIRKLESS HERO EVEN EARLIER IN THE SERIES- WHAT THE FUCK LSKFJKJSD#OK IM JUST SO FUCKING HAPPY THEY GAVE OCHAKO MORE SHIT TO FLOAT LIKE GODDAMN#SHE WORKS SO WELL WITH TSU AND SERO HELL YEAH!!! IM SURPRSIED NO ONE DRAWS THEM TOGETHER MORE AS FRIENDS!!!#(guess I'm doing that now. tsk.)#I have moved on so much from my younger years bkg hate that seeing him succeed and do shit legit makes me so fucking happy-#thATS MY WINNING FIGHTING FUCKING KINGGGGGG#and Izuku being the absolutely selfless and darling sunshine he is and being so deranged in beating this dudes ass. always beautiful.#ily sm izukuuuu#also. brief TODOIIDA YAYYYYY THEY WERE SO BACK TO BACK IN BEATING THE CHIMERA DUDE LKSFLKSJK#yes kiri and tsu were also there and were Awesome- but u can tell its these two back to back#when iida reminds shoto to prioritize saving civilians with his hand on his shoulder yeAHHH thats their THEME RIGHT THEREEE#they both learned that together from deku and now are always fighting side by side fuck yeAHHHH#ok thats enough. i fucking love these movies. idc if theyre basic big selling fight scene crap and are shallow to most ppl#i care abt these kids and this world and its fucking heroes and villains n jackshit so much#if anyone stops me from enjoying this they can go suck their own dick and crack their neck trying. ha.#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#heroes rising#bkdk#bakudeku#izuku midoriya#bakugou katsuki
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friend notoriously bad at videogames said shed play marvel rivals with me tomorrow chat if i never post after tomorrow night its because a blood vessel bursted
#marvel rivals#snap chats#AT LEAST WE’LL HAVE OUR OTHER FRIEND THERE BUT god.#she funny as hell she just suddenly called me and was like ‘i saw your twitter. do you wanna play marvel rivals tomorrow’#and then she proceeds to be like ‘wait so who do you main. other than magneto’ Motherfucker with a capital M#NO I SWEAR IM NOT A ONE TRICK i really like wanda hawkeye and jeff….#NO SHE SAID ONE MORE THING SHE WAS LIKE ‘wait are charles and magneto the same guy’ and she tries to Just Kidding her wait outta it#Note whenever she says Just Kidding she’s trying to cover her ass I PROMISE I WAS LIKE /KAYLA. BE SERIOUS./#and then she was like ‘who’s the friendlier one of the two’#and then i had to hit her with the Technically People Think Theyre Both Varying Degrees Of Asshole. however charles probably wont bite you#and THEN SHE WAS LIKE ‘ok well you should draw magneto surprising charles with jollibees’ AND I. NO SHE THINKS MY EXISTENCE SURROUNDS JB#AND THIS GAL HAD THE GAUL TO BE LIKE ‘oh do you know how to make it since its a big part of your culture’#i was flabbergasted frankly. ‘oh you guys really like jollibees so you know how to make it right’ i screamed#LIKE ????ISJAJSJSJSJ i cant stress the anomaly this girl is i wish you all could meet her so you understand me#AND LIKE SURE I LOVE JBS but she only ever mentions puto and jollibees to me like kayla. there is more to PH culture than that sjKakss#its really funny with the ??? shit she says i cant lie#she was all ‘oh is the winter soldier in the game ? you should play him hes cool :) and from jersey :) ok well his actor is but—‘ LIKE DKSKS#‘snap arent you being a little mean’ no trust and believe AND I HAVE WITNESSES#i have stupid amounts of stories with her. like she tried to excuse being dumb by sayin shes a capricorn#we’re literally both capricorns and she was born two days before me I Cannot. Do You Understand Me.#anyways. she said i should stream me playing rivals would anyone care about that#i kinda wanted to …. i think it’d be fun…. plus i miss streaming :(#ok byebye for now my bros almost home and i said id let him play so i could work on comms#i mean thats assuming he wants to play. if not uhhhhhhh#anyways BYE. ill tell yall how the game goes tomorrow night if i dont die of a stroke#again at least our other friend’ll be there so someone can laugh at my pain
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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long as fuck nails always painted with at least a clear coat club:
saiki kusuo
teruhashi kokomi
kaido shun
saiko metori
imu rifuta
nail biters club:
kuboyasu aren
yumehara chiyo
arisu makino
suzumiya hii
nendo riki
aiura mikoto (with fake nails over top)
(formerly) kaido shun
(formerly) toritsuka reita
(formerly) akechi touma
normal short nails 🙄:
hairo kineshi
mera chisato
satou hiroshi
toritsuka reita
akechi touma
#idk why i made this its just funny to me#i was just looking at how long my nails are rn and this came to mind#i think akechi bit his nails as a kid and then learned how much bacteria is there and snapped out of it so quick#ur gonna have to trust me on aiura cuz i just know.#she has to constantly resist the urge to bite off her press-ons but theyre a little tougher than normal nails so she still chews on em a li#kaido used to bite his nails BAD but he broke the habit a while after he started painting them#cuz swallowing nail polish constantly is really annoying and gross and DEFINITELY wasnt making him choke or anything noo shhh#im not rlly sure of my reasoning with toritsuka.. i just know#i couldn't decide for kusuke tbh cuz i feel like he just doesnt give a shit#but for him does that mean he would just let them grow out forever or that he would just bite them tf off ?#he would probably need short nails for all the hand work he does though so#maybe he maintains them normally but only for that reason#we all know he doesnt take care of himself so he wouldnt do it if he didnt need to#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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Ishmael death stranding au stuff I was cooking. Also a faust kromer and Before team Ishmael doodle.
#bart#ishmael limbus company#ishmael lcb#limbus company#faust limbus company#faust lcb#i love the death stranding au already it itches my brain#im just trying to decide to give ishmael a bridge baby or not because i feel like she wouldn't really need it even though its recommended#i think she can see the beached stuff just fine#so no bridge baby mayhaps?#death stranding au ishmael is fucking amazing at traversing all the deteriorating shit shes a god at that#but the second you get Ishmael on solid flat ground that dosent move and she goes too fast shes going flat on her face#shes a lone courier who just runs around n shit#she also has a high lebel of dooms and has been GRAPPLED by bts so she just kinda looks fucked up#but shes damn good at delivering and taking corpses to the incinerators#might make a small makeshift comic about it actually#because i yearn to make ishmael speak i yearn for it#you ishmael likers i hope you trust me w this mission#do i have to tag project moon?#nah i dont bc i dont have the ability to stare at a wall for that long to type it out#just kidding i do!#project moon#im gonna makie this old woman say skibidi unironically(LIE)
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Wait, fuck, hold on-
THEY CAN'T FUCKING BRING OUT AN ANTI-HERO ARTEMIS WHEN I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF STUDYING FOR FINALS!!
WHAT THE FUCK, DC?!? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FOCUS?!?
oh i am so excited holy shit. am i the only one getting slade vibes from her?? because im getting massive slade/rose wilson vibes from the single eye cover and im wondering if artemis is a plant, someone unconnected from slade who wouldn't be considered a threat, to go undercover and get close to the titans. this is also like, high-key a chance to make jade and artemis sisters and/or half-sisters in canon which would be neat. i know comics fans aren't huge on changes to the canon based on outside things but making them half sisters doesn't really change jades backstory, nor artemis'.
#i am beating back spitfire fans with a broom#you don't understand what you are asking for. this man canonically has children and is married to someone else#so you are only asking for heartbreak#also Artemis canonically has a kid with someone else#so. again. stop it. if it happens it will be SAD#which#... i mean honestly id be cool with it if it was like... a mutual breakup where they remain friends after#but i kinda want Artemis and Wally to get character development without romance involved so like#im team 'lets not do that pls'#oh holy fuck dc wait don't try to pair up roy and artemis. waid i love you i trust you pls no#this is the pain of being a fan of a female comics character lmao. immediately worried about a shoehorned romance#and don't get me wrong. i fucking LOVE YJs spitfire but this isn't that and it would be so different#and itd be real hard not to be different in a bad way#so#yeah#thats my thoughts#OH GOD FUCK IS ARTEMIS SUPPOSED TO BE FRAN?????? WALLY'S SUPERHERO/SUPERVILLAIN TEAMMATE GF THAT HE LEAVES THE TEAM FOR???#TO GO TO COLLEGE TOGETHER??????#Like. I know that Artemis took Frans place in YJ but is Artemis doing it AGAIN in CANON?? Waid no i LIKE Fran.#Shes magneto but cooler and she just wants to be normal and she was childhood bffs with Wally and she also murdered her family and grew up#with a cult mom. Fran is so central city coded. shes such a girl next door with skeletons in her closet#aughhh#dc#dc comics#kid flash#wally west#artemis crock#tigress#roy harper#speedy
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I’m taking the singular like on my prev post as a ye! So enjoy. And cry please
Tw for swearing, sort of talk of suicide but not really, and talk of sodas rodeo accident which I have dramaticified for the purpose of I wanted to. Read the tags.
…
Sitting in the truck on the way home, Ponyboy asks: “You’re real sad, ain’t you, Soda?”
And Soda, he smiles a broken smile and nods a little.
“Why’d I have to get hurt? Darry, why can’t I just ride?” His face slips from its half-smile.
“Life just happens sometimes.” Darry replies. And he should know.
“It’s what I dream ‘bout.” Soda says in an almost-whisper. “Every night, I dream about gettin’ hurt.”
“Thanks for tellin’ us.” Darry says.
“I usually wake up when that fucking horse steps on me. Then when I wake up my leg hurts. Or. Where it used to be. Feels like it’s there.” Soda’s crying so hard his head hurts now. “Stupid fucking leg.”
Darry thinks twice about correcting Soda for swearing. He supposes the situation calls for it.
“You need to find something you like doing.” Pony says. Darry his shoulder and shushes him.
“Nothing’ll ever feel as good.” Soda says.
“I don’t understand.” Pony insists. Darry tries to quiet him, but Soda tells him it’s fine. “I don’t get it why you get to be so sad. It’s been two years and everything. It’s not like you don’t have another choice for the rest of your life. All you’ve got to do is find somethin’ else.”
“Well, damn, Pony. If that’s how things work you oughtta get on with findin’ a new Johnny. I hear there’s a soc boy named Jack movin’ in. That’s close enough to Johnny, ain’t it-“
“Shut up!” Pony yells, hands over his ears.
“Soda!” Darry scolds at the same time.
“What?” He asks. “I’m only telling him the same he’s telling me-“
“It’s different and you know it. His best friend died.”
“I wish I would have!” Soda screams.
Darry slams on the breaks in the middle of the road.
“You say that again-“
“I wish I would have died.” Soda deadpans, staring Darry in the eyes.
“I’m not gonna stop your partners from comin’ over. Already told them it’s alright. But you ain’t going anywhere but work until further notice, cause I don’t think I can trust you out.”
“I ain’t gonna kill myself-“
“Until you find something else to try, you ain’t leavin’ the house aside from work. And after tonight you ain’t seeing Chet or Cherry until then either.”
“Dar-“
“Pony ain’t gonna talk for a week over this. Least you can do is take his damn advice, you hear?”
“Sorry, Darry.” Soda mumbles, tears threatening to break yet again.
#This is just a tiny piece of a work in progress of mine.#Soda curtis#its mainly centered around soda#And it has#chetcherrycola#which is cute#but this part in particular is tragic#I’m thinking too much abt soda and his rodeo accident#Lol#I also am here to tell you that rodeo is terrifying and a lot of scary things can happen.#I have seen people get hurt really really bad#People have died in rodeo accidents like holy shit#Ever heard of lane frost? No you haven’t. Go watch eight seconds it’s a good movie and it’s about him#So just so you know In this particular write sodas injury required an amputation WHICH is not unrealistic. I’ve grown up around horses#I’ve seen what they can do#And I’m telling you to trust me here that they can do that.#So yeah sodas got this ugly ass prosthetic (have you seen what they looked like back then? It’s interesting and really cool actually!)#And you’re not gonna come after me telling me this isn’t possible because I know it is#THE AUTHOR IS A RODEO KID#THE AUTHOR IS A FARM KID#IVE BEEN AROUND THIS STUFF MY WHOLE LIFE AND IM TELLING YOU#LISTEN TO ME DAMN IT YOU FRICKEN CITY KIDS#jk I love you but seriously#I know what’s up
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The Oath an older sister takes is on par with that of a Paladins, and sometimes upheld with the very same ferocity…
#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#jrwi show#gillion tidestrider#edyn tidestrider#OKAY I WONT RAMBLE HERE AS MUCH AS LAST TIME BUT RAAHHH IM RLY PROUD O THIS PAGE. it was rottin in my wips for so long#but now its DONE!!(as much as im willing it to be) i rly like my colors! i looove playin with colors :3c#seeing everyones nice words on my last post also made me SOOO HAPPY it motivated me to create MORE!!!!#SO HERE HERE more edyn n gillion bc they make me EMOTIONAL!! i work with lil kids as my job too and im also an older sister so#i might be projecting a liiittle bit. okay to be fair i project onto gillion ALOT!! i didnt do well in school and adults are mean somtimes:#i hope we find out whats going on with edyn soon... whole heartedly trust her tho. she has gillions best interests in mind!#ive been rotatin the thought of her assassinating the elders in my brain for SO LONG!! i just need edyn to KILL to protect gillion ouuhhh#hope she comes back with like a giant sword or a cool gun#RAMBLE ABT UR FEELINGS IN THE TAGS BTW#I READ IT ALL N IT MAKES ME SO SO SO HAPPY. YOU GOTTA.
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Highschool au swagdoons to me is Rich Kid & Punk in terms of their aesthetics. that's it that's what they are to me
#that's it that's the post#i imagine redd trying to make ash dress elegantly/fancy for a party bc he'll be DAMNED if he's rich kid miserable alone#and while he manages to make ash presentable you can still SEE the punk in him#ash's wearing AT LEAST 3 rings PER HAND. studded wristbands. a RIDICULOUS amount of piercings he manages to pull off. black nails. dyed hai#him and redd fight for FORTY FIVE MINUTES over whether he's allowed the studded choker or not. they settle for 3 golden chains instead#a DUMB amount of chains hanging off his belt loops. no amount of make up base can cover up his eyebags (trust me. redd TRIED)#(zam helped them in that endeavor. it didn't do much)#heeled boots/platform boots he REFUSED to go without#like ok. hes wearing a suit & tie but the accessories make it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR he's been forced into the outfit like a feral cat into a bat#and i love that actually#him and redd ALWAYS make a picture when they're together and it's really funny#ash ALWAYS gives redd's parents a heart attack. redd ACTIVELY encourages him bc his parents are trash#anyway#demon rambles™#swagdoons#reddoons#ashswag#maintagging bc if ash hasn't blocked the swagdoons tag then at this point it's just his fault im sorry
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