#im just in hiding because im weird and paranoid like that

[qoldenskies]

I stayed up SO LATE to read all of the canary continuity and I’m sitting in my bed shell shocked and I need him to be okay you don’t even knOW good lord-

anyway wanna be friends 🥺🥺🥺

HEEHEE THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️ he'll be okay!! eventually, just gotta get through the immediate danger first

and i kind of develop a rapport with everyone who talks to me consistently, so if you wanna stick around we can be buds!! i am under pseudonym though, be warned pfhtrhh

[atomiclace]

who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)

[gremlingottoosilly]

in if you need to be mean, would the reader ever try to escape? and if she did, how would konig react? thinking about like, she planned for a few months how would she escape him, and she feels very conflicted bc she loves him, but she wants freedom and thats the only thing konig would never give her. so when hes away she takes the car and just goes. i dont know where, but shes so desperate te be free again to do whatever she likes without him hovering and always by her side trying to control what she does! would he feel sad? would he be devastated? would he go after her? i know that theres like a 1% chance of it happening but im so curious about how he would react and how it would change their relationship.

anyway, love your fanfics gremlin you're a genius!!! 🫶

Konig made everything in his power to prevent her from escaping without locking her up and breaking her legs, but it doesn't mean he won't do it.

He refuses to let her study German because he moved her to this foreign country without her knowing the language, and he specifically chose a distant tiny town in the middle of the Austrian woods, where not a lot of people know English and therefore, it would be hard for her to communicate. She doesn't have his car keys or a driver's license, he didn't leave her a lot of cash, so she forced to use his cards with updates of withdrawal and spending sent to his account, and she also just has a dependant visa that wouldn't allow her to do independent anyway. Her only way would be speaking to the police and hoping that they would start the investigation. It would be really hard because, well, Austria doesn't really care about immigrant's problems unless it's an international scandal, and Konig would know anyway - because he has cameras in the house, which he doesn't even hide, and if the investigation would die down, or his girl wouldn't go to the police, he wouldn't really break the contract and run to her immediately. He has quite a few friends around, especially if Krueger or Klaus are around and not on deployment with him, so he could ask them to go and visit his...wife. She is scared and a bit hysterical because of the foreign country, so she can tell weird things about kidnapping and escaping, they shouldn't listen to her! Konig won't be so nice when he returns. He really wanted to play this fantasy of having cute little housewife, nice house and a girl that is absolutely in love with him. He knows that you like him, at least, that you didn't want to escape, you're just silly! He infantilised you before, mostly because of the age difference, but it would be even harsher now. You are not allowed to leave the house, he often simply locks you in the bedroom so you won't have anything to do besides waiting for him to return with groceries and fuck you into the mattress. He didn't want to break you leg, but if you keep resisting, he might kinda push you a bit further. He would assign you a no-nonsense older caretaker so you would have company and help while your leg is broken! She also thinks that you have some sort of weird mental illness that made you paranoid and afraid of your husband, so you can't even get help from her. You can forget about going out while he is on deployment either. And he is very reluctant to let you out, even with him, the first few months after your attempted escape. The world is too dangerous for you anyway,

[pearlprincess02]

taurus sun, scorpio moon, virgo rising

taurus sun: you're the sight of freshly baked goods on display children beg their mothers for a taste. you're a warm cup of coffee enjoyed in the streets of paris, a garden of fresh flowers tended to for several hours. you're my stubborn moments in time where i know im wrong, but i'll still fight. you're the image of precious gifts i buy despite being shy, to express my love.

scorpio moon: collectors. you enter their room and they have all type of weird stuff like miniatures and gadgets looking at you like. it's a creepy good kinda feeling (i found they're into animal's skulls too). it's not rare to hear them talking to themselves, they're not crazy, it's their way to release stress lmao. headphones on 24/7. not available for your bullshit, they got stuff to do. "don't disturb or i'll kill you" on the door. plan a whole murder but archive it because in this world it's not worth making it. but they have a heart i swear, just for those they love, that's it. likes playing with kitchen tools, to test all their abilities. just in case. they plan all the best hiding spots. just in case. learning that new taekwondo move. just in case. yeah, they're a liitle paranoid. can leave a bit of dust specifically so they see if someone touch their things. likes boiling hot food and beverages. i swear, how can you even drink that tea and not burn your tongue, i'm impressed. is the last one to fall asleep in the whole building, or family members, usually stay up until very late. sleep few hours, i honestly don't know how they can even stand, they're for sure resilient. don't like hugs, but gives them when they feel like it. they're like cats, 100%, you got a cat?

virgo rising: they look really “clean” if you know what I mean - like they always look neat and simple in a good way, beautiful skin and symmetrical faces, i've noticed these people can get along and talk with anyone about anything thanks to their mutable energy, likes to match everything - clothes and accessories, nails with outfits, etc, can look younger than they really are

(anon ask)

ᵒᵇˢᵉʳᵛᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵃʳᵉⁿ'ᵗ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ

[lefarte]

Could you maybe write relationship headcanons for Samarie?

THIS IS ALL THE WAY BACK FROM JULY IM SORRY ANON I usually don’t go in chronological order I go for whoever people in my inbox are begging for the most

I’m putting a big TW here for disordered eating and mentions of self harm. It’s all about recovery though

I think she likes to draw! It’s just a little hobby, she doesn’t like showing people her drawings. It’s because she mostly draws pictures of you and her holding hands. Then she gets too giggly and shy when she looks at it, like kicking her feet and stuff.

I think she keeps a journal where she logs everything that happens in her life. If she had access to them, she would put stickers in it too. She can be cute sometimes.

I believe that Samarie has a silly habit of hiding in dark/confined spaces like closets or under beds (your bed, specifically) because it gives her comfort. She watches you - not trying to be a creep!!! Just because she’s already in there, and it’d be awkward if she came out now, and she likes you so so much and you make her so calm and happy-!!

So it sometimes scares the hell out of you when you see her standing in a dark closet or something staring at you through the crack in the door in the middle of the night.

“oh my god, Samarie, I had horrible dreams last night, I think our house is haunted” “k-kaaa…. I’ll…. See what I can do about it….”

In her several dens throughout the house, she loves plushies! She never got a chance to have plushies growing up. She’d really love it if you bought her plushies….. she loves all plushies, but she especially loves ones of ‘misunderstood animals’, like bugs, sharks or black cats.

I can imagine her trying so hard to win you a plushie in those claw machine games and failing every time…

Of course, she is very protective of you… she specifically is paranoid around men from her trauma and abuse, so when a man gets too close to you she gets…. Really weird about it…. But she’s working on it! She’s working on being better for you. She knows it’s not healthy. She never wanted to hurt you…

She has trouble eating. I think she has sensory issues with 80% of foods, and she’s also avoidant, so it’s very hard to convince her to eat and she’s scared of eating new foods. Some of the foods she considers safe are plain bread with butter (NEVER EVER JELLY), tea, and fruits. She loves grapes.

With help she comes out of her shell and tries new things and finds she loves dark chocolate (only dark), seafood, pasta, and ice cream! Shes less scared to try new things if you hold her hand and help her through it.

She swears off ever hurting herself for the sake of grogoroth again. She’s free from that awful cult, she won’t let them abuse her any more. In fact, she’ll swear off magic. Her dream is to live a normal life with you. Far, far away from the Vatican.

On a softer note, she always feels timid about touching you, so sometimes she just looks at you and pokes your cheek randomly.

She keeps a picture of you in her pocket and it’s covered in lipstick marks. <3

[prettyboykatsuki]

TELL US THE LORE????

dkjfhsdgj ITS KIND DERANGED LMAOO. sorry for yapping about her backstory but its relevant to their insane dynamic lmao

my self insert / oc is basically like. disillusioned software engineer. shes based off edward snowden. she's from the planet of talia (which is desert wasteland) and she's an orphan and was raised with other bandit gangs lol. she learned how to write software and engineer thru trial and error. she's an orphan and doesn't really have any family with the exceptions of like two people she considers. but no blood. no idea who her parents are lol

she gets picked up by the ipc when she's in her teen years because she gets caught trying to steal from them using some phishing software she made. they offer recruitment instead of jail-time bc her skillsets are valuable and she sees it as a good opportunity.

she quickly finds out the ipc is crazy corrupt and she gets really like. she wants to get out but the contract is insane. so she basically. like. steals a bunch of money from the ipc and then goes permanently on the run LMAO.

she finds refuge in different planets but the ipc is everywhere. she keeps stealing from them though and interrupting their business models. very robinhood i guess. she has more of a moral conscience than other inserts i make she's really upright.

her personality is really like super antisocial and paranoid. complete loser forreal. after all that jumping around, she ends up hiding in penacony bc its huge and even with ipc presence, it's really easy for the blend in

this is where her relationship with sunday starts. he's really into her because he doesn't like the IPC for one, but also because he finds her to be benevolent (and she is to her credit she's really morally upright). he offers her like . complete refuge and protection in exchange for being part of the family.

she. adamantly refuses this proposition (he will keep asking though) but offers to work for the family as a contractor in exchange for protection. sunday agrees, she's an important and valuable asset with tons of insider information but also he feels weirdly comfortable around her.

they have such a weird relationship LMAOOOAOAOA. sunday develops this very possessive feeling about her and is really coercive and manipulative to her in general. he comes and goes as he pleases but she's not allowed to stray too far. quick to tug her leash basically. he has a really complete control over her and he's paranoid about her trying to leave him. always pulling her into corners and being kind of humiliating and controlling about how she dresses and acts etc

THE INSANE THING IS THAT SHE'S KIND OF. FINE WITH IT. she's really aware that sunday is crazy and manipulative and batshit. but she has HELLA abandonment issues because she has no "home." sunday constantly breathing down her back to stay with him and be his possesion gives her a comfortable sense of belonging and she doesn't think of him as evil - so she's weirdly content with him and just wants to be with him

SOMETIMES. WHEN SUNDAY IS IN A GOOD MOOD. he'll ask her what he wants and he's always expecting her to like beg for her own freedom but she never does. always asks for like intimacy like bathing together and cuddling. and it always shocks sunday LMAOAOA because he's convinced she secretly depsises him but its like dude. Lol.

they're genuinely so in love. this is deranged im aware but they really genuinely love each other and feel understood by one another. but its insane by all accounts

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

what happens to nhw after muse? like, publicity wise. especially regarding ashe. idk if you talked about it before or not, i remember seeing things about like. nhw tv appearances and such, but i don't remember if there was anything specifically regarding the pr nightmare of a boy getting mused and going on a murder spree like a localized natural disaster

do they make him go on tv and talk about it? do they rebrand? both? what happens here. i mean it would suck for ashe no matter what probably but yeha

OH NY GOD. I FORGOT I NEVER ANSWERED THIS IM SO SORRY. in my defense i got sick and my brain has been goop since like. sunday. not even going to put this one under a cut everyone gets to see my muse ramblings (muse musings. ha)

ANYWAY. SO. FIRST OFF. nobody knows who he is !!!! to the general public, muse and auxiliary are two different people, and like... there's not really anything there to tie them together. aux's costume was so like bulky full coverage that his identity was Very much hidden, and muse like.... doesn't hide his face at all, but at the same time he's not Ashe because ashe doesn't dress like that or do his hair or makeup like that so. even though his face is on full display I don't think anyone other than his family/friends would make that immediate connection either

obviously like... the prt knows what happened, because of course the wards needed to tell them. publicity-wise, as far as the public is concerned, auxiliary was killed. aux is dead. you remember that one interlude from Vista's pov where she had to look at the greyed out memorial images of the wards who were killed in the leviathan battle? yeah imagine one of those for aux. as far as anyone else knows he died in the fight with overlord (lmao. not like anyone could distinguish identifiable corpses from that mess anyway)

we have played with the idea a few times about a few different topics that there's a subsection of conspiracy theorists on parahumans online that actually connect the dots and get everything right (aux and muse being the same person, Tide and magma being made from the endbringers, etc etc stuff like that that isn't supposed to be public knowledge) but it's extremely funny if they're just a weird fringe group of freaks so nobody ever takes them seriously

the idea that after ashe gets back from being mused and has to go on TV about it makes me so fucking SICK btw that's such a horrid scenario oh my god. I made such a face at that. torture for him!

anyway what actually happens after he gets back from being mused is like.... nothing? really? Trickster takes Mal in exchange for ashe and then they just kind of disappear. and they're left in this horrible paranoid calm period. adn because theyre also gone i think people just assume that either muse went with them or also got killed in that final battle. unsure which option is worse, ashe hearing people talk about muse like hes still out there somewhere (ouch!) or talking about muse like he was killed by his friends (actually now that i type this out i think ashe would prefer this option so much more. man. he has so many issues) it takes ashe a loooong long long time to even consider using his powers again much less entertain the idea of going back to hero work, so it's not really like... an issue? for a bit? we haven't rlly nailed down that period of time yet but I would assume the prt has him under some sort of loose supervision until it's decided that he's not an active threat anymore and he gets to fucking REST for a little bit ! we're intentionally leaving late game nhw a little loose rn because I know I personally just really wanna see how s3 of pd turns out before we nail down anything too solid bc if there's one thing i love about nhw it's referencing back to things happening in canon and making them so much worse ^_^ but I think we've talked about ashe potentially going back to hero stuff eventually under a new name. and nobody can say shit because if a cape has a new name that means they're a different person and nobody can say anything (cough cough looks at armsmaster/defiant) !!!

[glibble-glonker]

i also saw first now that you liked the 3rd hc list so i won’t include that

also i angstyfy it because im listening to billie elish rn she slaps

so here are proper Izzy hcs feat. my dyslexia and self projection

- Shs has a hat that says “this hat hides my lobotomy scars”

- Definitely wants to be like her sister to some level (whom i have said multiple times is scarlet)

- she’s a MASTER at hair styles, she just doesn’t always feel like doing them. But eats it up whenever someone asks her to do their hair.

- her favourite food is mejillones a la marinera y pan and her favourite drink is aloe vera water

- heterochromia

- can hold her breath for a crazy long time and definitely played mermaids in the pool when she was younger

- always a little late when it comes to typical teenage things like “hey you should start using oil on your skin to get rid of those stretch marks y’know” “no why the fuck would i do that it looks like i was struck by lightning that shits epic”

- i said this in another post but i think her and Heather used to be very good friends until Heather got a taste of popularity and then ditched Izzy. But yeah i think she was one of those friends that weren’t really smart but also very smart. “my mom said i had to watch my weight, so yeah i can’t have that.” “tell your mom to stop lecturing you about your weight, and tell her to lecture your dad cause i saw him on my moms couch this morning.”

- also her short hair slayed i just had to say that

- has some form of tics (tics not tourettes, i can make a whole essay on the difference)

- i had a dream once that her and ezekiel were neighbours by farm and used to go to a crunch together so im gonna add that too (idk man dreams are weird)

- VERY messy room

- distances herself from people that she’s close with (friends specifically) so that she doesn’t have some form of breakdown in front of them, and they end up thinking she’s insane and leave her.

- ^ i think that ship sailed but she’s a little slow 👍

- begs her friends to teach her how to cook. they mostly just reject it cause they know she’s gonna fuck up, but it’s mostly cause her parents had a tendency to yell when she made a mess or fucked something up. so she’d rather learn it from someone like Noah or Cody

- ^ i’m not a noco shipper i just think Izzy and Cody would be good friends.

- also her and duncan first met at a pistol safety course

- her friends definitely have to look twice whenever she falls asleep somewhere because idk she’s just not the kinda person you’d expect to fall asleep ykwim

- ^ like they know she’s a fucking human but they get thrown off when she suddenly gets tired like damn girl you sleep?

- she’s a floptok icon she just doesn’t know it

- duncan and izzy are younger sister older brother type shit

- ^ they both probably got arrested by duncan’s parents themselves

ALSO, i’ve done crazy research on psychosis for an english essay, and the things i say about psychosis are backed up by research from the international mental health institute

- ^ she’s not one to get scared and/or paranoid, but when she does it’s BAD, like she’s checking every cabinet, locking every door three times, closing all blinds. and sometimes her friends (i say friends cause what are the chances her siblings don’t already know about this) get scared too cause like damn who doesn’t get scared when their friends start checking behind every door while saying that someone is outside.

- “there are bugs under your skin” and she’s throwing herself off a boat she’s gone

Oh my god that’s a lot i think i’m gonna stop there

thank you for watching don’t forget to like and subscribe for more epic content 🔥🔥

OMG OMG AHHHHHHHHHHH HETROCROMIA IZZY AHH

[stripysockstumb]

TMP EP 1

.Gewn, Alice, Lena (boss), teddy (just got another job), colin (IT), and sam

.FREDY, search engine for looking for incidents

.Already mentioned ‘dolls watching’ and ‘dolls, human skin’ the Stranger????

.The universe that the entities got pulled through to??

.MARTIN VOICE/Alex (NORIS)

.FREDY started reading out certain statements in different voices around a year ago

.There are 3 voices

.Alice has named them NORRIS, CHESTER, AUGUSTUS

.NORIS and CHESTER are the most common

.Assuming this is the statement format

.Statement 1: checking in red by NORIS

.Statement reading less robotic voice, more Martin

.Could be the Burried?? Cemetery mentioned

.The Stranger? Dead dude skin/ voice

.Defo the stranger

.Taken over the dead husbands body, ‘it’

.Statement ends

.The enitites sound the same

.Partial reanimation crossreference

.Gewn seems to have a LOT of experience, sus

.Gwen and Lena in office

.Audio interference and different audio quality

.Interference by the eye???????

.Giving Elias

.Manipulation 10000

.Gwen wants Lenas job

.Lena warning Gwen about trying to take her job because of what it ‘entailes’ sus

.Colin is defo hiding something, kinda a scary dude, could be an avatar, he is trying to fix the system eg.FREDY

.Is this recorded through security cameras????? The audio keeps being different

.Also recorded by the pc cameras??

.No one realy likes colin

.Alice and Sam know eachother from uni, she got him the job

.Introducing the idea that everyone who works there has had an ‘encounter’ which leads them there

.JONNNNNN/john/ CHESTER

.YES YES YES YES YES I MISSED HIS ANOYING VOICE OMG

.Statement, Magnus Institute Ruins

.Statement made on April 10th 2022 3.31pm

.Manchester???? Not our version of the institute

.No pictures of it suprise suprise

.‘Realy weird place’ yeah no shit honey

.No pictures are uploading (just like the ‘real’ statements, they wouldnt be able to be uploaded onto the computer), she is realy paranoid after going there

.Was a fire about 20 years ago (so in 2000 ish)

.‘Got a realy cool vibe’ offices, old furnishings, the feeling that ‘doors would randomly shut even through most of the doorframes are empty’ ALRIGHT HELEN CHILL

.No old papers????? All files gone????? SUSPICIOUS Old graffiti???

.Symbols on the walls, stains, from a ritual??? Could be an alternate universe Institute where the Desolation managed to complete their ritual??

.The photos have disappeared off her phone

.She found an empty box with symbols on it, picture wont upload or format

.‘Photographic distortion’

.Getting threats from random people on the internet about the box she took

.Anonymous dms coming in

.‘Image removed by moderator’ she finally managed to upload a photo of the symbols at 2.01am but it was taken down

.‘Canaries should stay above ground’ the mod of the chat is incredibly sus

.People saying the picture was ‘gross’ before it was taken down????

.‘Are those eyes’

.Was potentially a gore pic about eyes

.She was banned from the chat room

.She real dead

.The thread was then locked by the moderator

.Statement ended

.No one has heard of the Magnus Institute except maybe Sam?

.Listening through a phone??

.Sam is thankful for the job, something to focus on? What happened to him

.Gwen is his ex?? Or Alice??

.Alice doesn't believe the cases are real, apparently the pay is good

.‘To new beginnings’

.Colin trying to ‘find’ someone???? He knows something, he could be talking about the voices in the server??

Overall an amazing start to the new show, so many mysteries already and im so so so exited to hear the third voice and see if its Jonah/Elias, also to find out which universe we are in and the timelines matching up with og Magnus Archives!!

[purpleglitch]

in goign to wxpldoe. WHAT WPULD CSAPNAPS REACTION BE WOULD HE HAVE A FEELING SOMETHINGS WEONN AND TRY AND ALSO PROTECT GEORGE BC DREAM CANT BE TEUSTED WOULD HE THINK SOME OF DREAMS SCARS SEEM FAMILAE What would cq's reaction be.

👀👀👀👀👀👀 OK IM HAVING SERIOUS BRAINROT OVER THIS

i think there has to be a set up for that scenario, like the reaction c!dteam have over meeting each other on season 2, i think c!dream wakes up near c!clingy while c!snf wake up near each other, so they would all hide what they felt with a smile and "hi nice to meet you ^_^" but i think they feel things before progressively starting to have flashbacks of places they used to be, things they said and stuff

also this got long LMAO IM SORRY 😭 and sorry if there's parts that don't make sense i was watching sap's stream so i kinda lost track of what i was writing,,

c!dream would feel some kind of relief like he can breathe again but also be anxious like they're going to leave him again soon, with c!sapnap he feels scared of doing something that angers him and deep heartache, old memories from them being kids long forgotten. with c!george he feels like a spark of light on his life and warmth like a deep bond between them but then replaced with guilt and regret

c!sapnap would feel happiness of seeing c!dream again but a weird mix of uneasyness because he feels like he has to do something to c!dream (fulfill his promise he doesn't remember) and his hands twitch for a second but he stays still, he avoids eye contact because it makes him feel weird.... (doesn't rationalize he feels sad and guilty) also he's very close to c!george because of the weeks they spent roaming the world together after meeting when they woke up

c!george would feel like a weight got lifted off his shoulders, the first few days with c!sapnap convinced him that he's not dreaming, he doesnt know why he would think it was but by the time he meets c!dream he feels awake, and the deep longing and yearning that at some point became part of him in season 1, finally leaves and he resists the urge to hug him (dorry my cdnf demons)

so when it comes the point of c!dnf's relationship growing and with that c!dream becoming c!george's protector, i think c!sapnap would notice that closeness and feel weirded out about it, something telling him to not trust dream with george's safety, that he's putting on a facade to later betray everyone, but he tries his best to ignore those thoughts, he just met dream, why would he think that about him? but yeah i think he would try and go with them or maybe spy on them but it's all so weird for sap, he sees how protective and paranoid dream is and how his hands tremble holding the sword

it isnt until something happens that hurts dream that george and sap carry him to the main base and after taking his armor off and clothes to bandage him they see his scars and it's sickening, the jagged scars, the clean cuts, the burn marks, everything, what if they try to ask dream about it but he says he doesnt know as he starts tearing up. i think after that, sap trusts dream more but is still wary about that weird dynamic he has with george, and george tries to make dream stop acting like he's his knight. OMG WHAT IF THERE'S MISCOMMUNICATION. dorry that's another au that i have in mind LMAO.

also with c!q..... when cdream meets him there's something about his eyes, the way he looks at him and the scar over his left eye that makes his skin crawl and he feels nauseous. what if c!q has a mannerism of washing his hands constantly because he has nightmares of having them covered in blood. also what if c!q and c!sapnap are also protective over c!george when he's alone with c!dream (memories of mexican lmanberg). what if c!dream avoids being alone with c!q for too long, he doesnt want to fully assume but he knows c!q is responsible for his scars but not at what extent, and when he's around him he's trying not to have a panic attack every time he hears q laugh or move too fast near him. what if c!q without knowing much about c!dream, he knows what scars he's hiding under his clothes (which cover his entire body, only the ones on his face are visible)

[whatifimthestrange1]

ARG/Unfiction Personal Tier List

just because i want to share some great series + i'd love some recommendations! //and i can keep track of the ones i've seen this way//

these is a personal ranking, so you won't like the same thing I do!

S:

marble hornets (.)

daisy brown (.)

don't hug me im scared (.)

pizza time pizza (.)

A:

echo rose (.)

weird birds (.)

chainmail chasers (.)

everymanhyrbid (.)

local58 (.)

hi im mary mary (.)

omega mart (.)

lasagna cat (.)

lacey games (.)

how-to-henry (.)

tulpa effect (.)

B:

cat ghost (.)

i am sophie (.)

seventybroad (_)

generation loss (.)

dad (.)

petscop (.)

angel hare (.)

unedited footage of a bear (.)

gilbert garfield (.)

2h32 (.)

teeny toys (.)

mandela catalog (.)

shipwreck 64 (.)

welcome home (.)

C:

catastrophe crow (.)

pbhere (.)

meatsleep (_)

10tapes (.)

short wars (.)

alan tutorial (.)

pbhere (.)

(.)

happy meat farms (.)

wilbur soot arg (.)

paranormal paranoids (.)

ash vlogs (.)

sabrina miller (.)

gemini home entertainment (.)

rhees rapture (.)

a/s/l (.)

D:

poppy (.)

the sun vanished (.)

hiding in my home(.)

F:

eckva (.)

peaceful watcher (.)

cut dat (.)

[homenecromancer]

thinking about a post

(first off this is just me spinning my own headcanons in my mind like a potato in a microwave. i gotta go to work today, im not here to meditate over the whole scope of headcanoning characters as transmasc, im here to drop a couple hundred words of scribbling about blorbo)

my main "he's transmasc because of the vibes god dammit" headcanon is, uh... Roland ter Borcht

for me it is straight up the fun of projecting onto a character like IMAX while simultaneously looking at the very little we know from canon and saying "yeah but what if he was trans, how would that change things"... there are a lot of colliding factors here

i am still learning how to imagine a future for myself. (and, uh... while i am still slim and dainty, i have always been too weird and hairy to be a classic twink. lmao.) playing with a character who is, at his base, just some fuckin' middle-aged guy is part of that. i am almost assuredly just not looking in the right places, but there's not a whole ton of writing where the transmasc character is older than 25. my main man ter Borcht is like fifty by the time canon starts. i describe him with rose-colored glasses, but he is just some guy.

he's also very much not a nice person. canonically. i'm kind of a bitch and so is he. lack of canon material means i can make the executive decision to spin that into "yeah, he's willing to open his heart to a very, very select group of people, but for the most part he's kind of catty, prickly, even a little bit mean". does he have a soft side? yeah i like writing about that, so yes.

the fun of saying "okay, what if he's trans, what strings does that add for me to pull on" is multifaceted. it lets me toy with a character who presents one face to the world and another to himself. on the outside he's a superstar scientist with a stained past, and that's all most people see of him. he still sees himself as a guy who seized the first opportunity he could get to transition and leave his home country. his success satisfies his ego, but it doesn't quite get rid of that 2 am paranoid "what if i get outed" thought.

i have a very fragmentary draft of a fic where part of the ongoing tension between ter Borcht and Marian Janssen is that, when he was a grad student in Europe, Janssen saw his potential and basically offered him a blank check to come work for Itex. following some shrewd negotiating on his part, ter Borcht turned that into "okay, if you think i'm that good, pay for my medical transition and legal name change et cetera, use your corporate power to hide the fact i ever had another identity, and i will be Your Guy". which eventually morphed into "We Own You" on the part of Itex.

anyway there's another aspect: i am fucking shocked every time i contemplate how long it's been since i started transitioning. lmao. i have no clue what it's like to come out now. and i wasn't interested in writing about a trans character discovering and exploring that about themselves; when i play with "hey what if ter Borcht was trans", i'm looking much further down the road, towards what the later lives of transmasc people can look like. by the time in his life where i usually start writing about him, ter Borcht's done all the transition work he wanted to do. now he's just living. and i want to just live too.

[sunshinestardrop]

A NEW Daydream about welcome home because Im insane:

New (Neurodivergent) character comes to home, unexpectedly and without a house of their own. OC knows there something wrong because they were from the real world and know about the ARG but because its new they had no effen idea whats going on. So they start to sneak around, they stay suspicious about their neighbors but especially about Wally.

Wally and them don’t really butt heads, but there’s this weird tension when theyre together. OC thinks it’s mostly them because they’re hyper aware of everything around them and no one else is (except said puppet) Where Wally does know there’s something wrong with this new comer and is told by house/ He really isnt trying to intimidate them but OCs paranoid just makes it seem like he is.

So OC goes about their day, stays ‘kid friendly’ cause everyone else does but still has mindset of someone from our world. They eventually really start to like this world because they dont really... need anything. They can keep doing their hobbies without worry, they eat when they want to but dont seem to need to, and the neighbors are sincere with their kindness! if they were a simpler person they could really just live like that.

But they cant. So they keep digging further (It’s at this point that Wallys appearance seems to deteriorate and while he says he’s ok he just seems all... fuzzy and out of it) They go out at night more. They stir up some trouble, and one or two times accidentally drop their little kid friendly act and set the Neighbors on edge. it would have been shrugged off if Wally didn’t catch onto it... and by extension Home.

So eventually OC get’s into Home for some reason and pretty much goes through a horror-esk situation until they reach the basement and kill Home. They get out as Home is set ablaze and watch as it burns down- screaming all the while.

And then the rest of the neighbors come out, along with Wally who OC thought they accidentally killed in their struggle, just to watch the house burn. It’s revealed that the town- all individually without each other knowing- were aware that there was something deeply wrong with Home, and it was affecting Wally but no one knew how to stop it. As all of them were on the more ‘cautious and scared’ spectrum of personalities everyone was too scared to take the next step to get rid of Home for good. Because of OCs impulsive personality they were able to go in and take care of the threat- of course not without incident. The conclusion would be that if they had all spoken to each other instead of trying to protect the outward appearance of this perfect little neighborhood things would have turned out better. But since whats done is done they now have to move forward.

 And move forward it does! OC gets a place of their own and the Neighbors welcome they with opened arms (Again!) Wally takes up residence with Barnaby while also trying to get closer with OC. He dosnt feel like he ‘owes’ them anything but he is very thankful that they nosed their way into the chaos and honestly really likes them! The world starts to settle into something still kind of kid friendly but without the pressure to keep up the ruse they had going before. OC, who wasnt very friendly or willing to open up before, starts to become more extroverted around everyone. They share hobbies and communicate their feelings more. The townspeople also start to communicate their concerns more instead of hiding behind an ‘always happy’ charade. Its very cute.

And sure, there’s the possibility that whatever that thing was will come back, but theyre ready for it, Because this time they will face it head on- together! 

[krunchylegs]

hi i havent been here in a min

i literally hate how ill have a few perfect days of eating in a low cal range but then when i start socializing i almost feel like i have to 'prove' im eating something to avoid suspicion but also i want the ppl around me to eat more but then my dumbass ends up eating more. also my mum caught me getting rid of half the chips on my plate and i was terrified shed ask if i was trying to starve or something 😭 idk if im paranoid but i think my parents r kind of aware that me and my sisyer have weird eating habits (i think they focus on my sister more than me anyway), bc she used to be underweight so i think that sometimes they get suspicious of us. like every now and again my mum will say something like "dont be trying to starve yourselves" and its like do i look like im fucking starving?? no i dont so im not.

its actually so annoying and i really hope that ill be able to drop weight without it being suspicious, but literally no one cares or notices it at all, i think im the only one that can see it :/.

also weight update, my weight fluctuated up to 54kg (kms) but i managed to gradually bring it back down to 51kg, im not sure how much ill weigh in at tomorrow but im praying it doesnt shoot back up bc i decided to be a fucking big back today. it felt like food was everywhere and i had to eat 5 meals in front of other ppl today in social settings so i couldnt even avoid it. i dont wanna pull out the "im not hungry" too much bc for years it would be a routine of eating something at my friends house every time i visit (bc his mum likes to make sure ppl are fed) and then its like my mums all like "you better not be starving yourself" when i say im not hungry or not in the mood to eat, like most of the time im genuinely not even hungry, like idek why i eat sometimes, like maybe its boredom, also i think sometimes i become a bit obsessed with food so then i start craving it more, but when im busy or just not interested in it then its like whatever, but i cant even lie im a "foodie" and when youve grown up with easy access to eating highly palatable fatty sugary foods your whole life, you end up developing a sweet tooth, but tbh ive been quite good with my food choices on my good days, which is most days really, like i try not exclude food groups because i dont think thats a good idea 😭 and plus it makes hiding this a lot easier, but the meals that i prepare for myself are low calorie but i feel like people r gonna like find out and stop me from reaching my gw, like i at least want to not feel like a fucking balloon for once

[aspen-of-the-gentry]

Dude (gender neutral), you and me both 🤝. I find myself much more paranoid about people on Tumblr now and I was already paranoid about my safety.

The whole discord thing was and still is a big deal to me. It was traumatizing because for the first time since I realized I was queer, someone discriminated against me and hated me just because of who I was and all in the name of Christianity. Now I'm having a religious crisis too because even though I have been christian all my life, if that's what Christianity is about then I don't think I want to have anything to do with it.

I'm sorry I'm dumping all this on you but my emotions are being weird right now and you're the first person I've found that feels the same way as me. Thank you for saying something--I don't feel so alone now.

I was just feeling some sort of way about it today you know- and don't worry, im christian too. it sucks that people like to hide behind religion to hate others.

I genuinely think that people who hide behind the bible to hate other groups aren't Christian. That is not what our religion is about, when the bible said love thy neighbor it didn't say If You Want To at the end, you know?

I hate how the bad people in my religion defines it.

I understand if this makes you reflect on your faith, and its okay if you decide that christianity isn't for you - that IS okay, and as long as you're happy, you should do whatever you want with yourself and your own personal beliefs

It is absolutely despicable that I am having to block people who claim to be of the same faith as me because they think that being queer is sinful or whatever the fuck. It's upsetting that they are both making this fandom less safe for queer people like me and making it seem like all christians are bible thumpers who hate other groups of people like it's a career.

[zevranunderstander]

the thing about terfs is. i get how a person can get radicalized like that and its not that i have sympathy for them but i have people in my family who were radicalized into being right-wing and there is the thing that you can never really convince them that they are wrong because the places they get their information from (other radicalized people) will only ever show them the bad stuff to a point where they dont really connect their hatred with reality anymore?

like. right wing people love to instill fear of immigrants and foreign people by recording and sharing moments in which some of these people got violent and acted up to scare the "normal" citizens into being paranoid that their country is being invaded by people who are violent and "ungrateful" and when observing a group of that size there will always be someone to complain about. there will be mentally ill people, traumatized people, people who just happen to be violent assholes, people whose actions are taken entirely out of context, etc. and this is spun into a story that ALL foreigners are like that. ALL immigrants are like that. and instead of these being the exception to the rule, the one or two immigrants that these people might personally know (and who are coincidentally really nice people) suddenly are the exception to that rule. but these people usually live in a way where they just. don't have any real contact with this group they hate outside of their echo chamber so they think everything else told about them, especially by less radicalizing media is a lie and propaganda to make you think they are actually "good and normal people" and that's fucked up, but ultimately also shows how many of these people lack a basic level of empathy for other human beings

and terfs are also like that. if you go on their blogs and read their posts youll realize very soon that the problem isn't only that they hate trans people. i think their hate for trans people is a symptom stemming from the fact that they truly truly truly hate men, to a point of ALWAYS dehumanizing them when they speak about them, calling them weird terms to further dehumanize them ('moids' and 'males' mostly). i recently reblogged a post by an ex-terf where she said something like 'terfs truly do not think men are human beings, you can only hate a group so long before you can't see them as human anymore' and if you check these people's blogs, they have the same echo chambers as the alt-right: videos of sexist men, videos of men acting violent, videos of men being horrible people, and for terfs this is the true 'male nature' - ALL men are secretly like this. ALL men hate women and want to kill and rape them.

that's why they hate trans women. because to them this isn't a gender binary, it's a group of innocent, oppressed victims and a group of violent non-human monsters. and the thought that one of these monsters would want to hide among them (im so sorry for the gross comparison) as a wolf in sheeps clothing, only pretending to be on their side to hurt them when they are letting down their guard around other women.

and that is why they don't have the same disdain for trans men, per se. they have created this echo chamber that makes them believe men are all violent and sexist and opportunistic. and like with the example of immigrants earlier it's hard to convince them otherwise. even more than in the example because toxic masculinity and the patriarchy has created tons and tons of men who are either violent, or horribly sexist. there have been centuries of female opression side and if you know where to look, it's pretty easy to find a video of andrew tate or some tradcath male youtuber for them to share in their echo chamber.

yes, toxic masculinity, sexism, etc. those are all actual issues that we have in our society, but convincing ourselves that every man is like that is so delusional and unhelpful and shows such a lack of human empathy? it's hard to argue with them because to them, men don't need any empathy ever because they hold more power in society. terfs even inflate how much more power men hold because they don't really wanna fight for equal rights, they want to be the victims. they looove saying that women are weaker, women are biologically less capable of x and biologically less intelligent than men or whatever shit, just so they can victimize themselves even further. they love arguing over posts that say something sexist and i swear i dont know how often i saw that on a terf's blog, they LOVE to pick fights with the trads on this site. they don't WANT to block the negativity, they want to wail over how oppressed they are and how cruel and hateful all men are.

and i think on this site we all have this view of terfs being exclusively against trans women, but the thing that is at the core of their beliefs is their hate for men. i think for some terfs it might be the reverse of 'they were already transphobic and then fell into a rethoric that backed their beliefs by introducing them to gender essentialism'. for other women it could also be having a particularly bad expierience with a man - living with an abusive father, being sexually assaulted and I sympathize with women who hold a grudge against the patriarchy for allowing men to take advantage of them like that, but projecting this image onto every man you ever meet is so insane and delusional. it's normal to have trust issues after having a bad expierience with ANY group of people, but it's not normal to ignore working on that and trying to get better and instead blame men for all moral failings of society and your personal life.

terfs love to hold up a woman's "innate empathy and intuition", but they do not, in fact, have actual empathy and have conditioned themselves to think all men are violent zombies who only crave power, success and to hurt and kill women.