#im just frustrated with the anti vaxxers

[catboyfurina]

I hate being a 'gets mad when I'm scared' person but also like. At least I know so I can make sure to not do anything until I've calmed down....

[zackcollins]

Morning! 🌞

Hope you slept well last night!!! How are you feeling? Also can you believe it’s August already? My mind can’t handle it 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sending you many virtual hugs 🫂 love you loads!!!! ❤️

— 👑

Morning!!

I suppose I slept alright. I went to sleep around my usual time. Which is around midnight. But like. I woke up BEFORE 7:30 this morning. So??? I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I never wake up that early. For right now, I'm feeling okay. But I'll probably be feeling exhausted later from how early I woke up this morning. We'll see how long it takes for that to happen. I swear that I'm an old person trapped in a young adult's body with how achy and tired and I get all the time. It's brutal but I guess it just be like that when you have borderline personality disorder (that messes with my mood cycles, gives me extreme anxiety/paranoia and makes me extremely clingy/fear abandonment, if you didn't know what it meant.)

And right?? My grandma mentioned this yesterday. Neither of us can believe how quickly this year has gone. I told her something to the affect of "everything just melds together at this point." Because like. It does. The last Almost 2 years doesn't feel real. It feels like it's been 37 years condensed down to fit into the span of 17 months. My grandma also mentioned that some people wish the world would just time travel back to before COVID happened. And like. Same, bro. I just want all of this to go away. It's been brutal for everyone and if I could snap my fingers and make everyone stop suffering, I would. Nobody should have to deal with this anymore. It's been long enough already. But like. Karen and Paula from down the street are way too focused on "vaccines causing autism" and "I can't breath in my mask" for this pandemic to end any time soon. It's people like them that are gonna make this thing drag on for longer than it needs to. Like. As someone that's autistic, what does it matter if vaccines did actually cause autism? Why would they rather run the risk of a dead child than a child that gets overwhelmed by loud noises, crowds, and social situations? Why would they rather run the risk of a dead child than a child than a child that has one or two things they're really passionate about and love to talk about with anybody that'll listen? Why would they rather run the risk of a dead child than a child like me? Like... how do they think it makes autistic people feel when they're basically saying they would rather a dead child than an autistic one? Autism isn't as vicious a thing as people make it out to be. It's just a part of who I am. I'm not sick or diseased or damaged. I'm just somebody who doesn't like the texture of socks or bedsheets all that much, doesn't really understand sarcasm/certain jokes all that well, and really likes hockey. And anti-vaxxers are really saying they'd rather a dead child to a child like me? Fuck outta here with that nonsense.

Anyways! Sorry for that rant. That's probably not what you expected this morning when you sent me this ask. As always, sending you virtual hugs and love right back. Love you tonnes, my dear Crown!

[toytulini]

the cycle of me realizing over and over i dont know how to make Ellie a good villain

[sillylittleenby]

Hi Everybody!

Thanks for stopping by my blog uwu

Here’s the basics:

My pronouns are primarily they/them, but I’m genderfluid, not taking HRT, so I’m comfy with anything

You can call me Sillylittleenby, Slut, Dumb Dumb, or Bimbo! I just really like name calling so be creative

I’m 27

My DMs are open for flirty talk and chatting, but please ask before you send any sort of picture, and read my triggers first. I’m open to hypnosis play in chat with a pre-talk about boundaries. 

Im single and very gay

Here’s the kinks im into:

super into hypnosis, corruption, bimbofication, petplay, painplay, breeding, free use fantasies, cnc fantasies, kidnapping fantasies, and monsterfucking 

I am very very loosey goosey with gender and attraction and presentation so ?????? Im playful with it and sometimes that flirts with misgendering stuff??? Its nowhere close to my main thing but if me fucking with my own gender is gonna potentially set you off, proceed with some caution

I also reblog some CNC stuff, so if that’s not for you take care of yourself.

Hard Limits: 

Absolutely no incest play at any time, especially for parent/child and I will block people about it

No underage roleplay

Im really not into somno or somno fantasies. I dont mind other people reblogging or engaging with it, but Ive been an irl victim to that too many times and it makes me uncomfortable

DNI:

My only hardcore DNI is the obvious one: No Minors. If you’re a minor reading this and you’re planning on lying about it and staying on horny tumblr lemme just say this:

I get it. I found all of this stuff really exciting for a really long time before I was an adult, and I felt mature enough to handle it. I was frustrated that people were excluding me from adult concepts when I was living in a world that was already full of porn anyways. But no matter how mature you are there are huge gaps in your knowledge that you don’t even know are there, but a lot of predatory adults absolutely know they’re there, and they will exploit that. By the time you figure out you’ve been played, you’re already gonna need a lot of therapy, and that’s the lower end of the consequences. There are safer ways and safer places for you to explore your sexuality, and I encourage you to do so in a less interactive space. It keeps you safe, and it keeps the adults safe. 

Also, TERFS, SWERFS, anyone opposed to Black Lives Matter, anyone with a lingering love for Harry Potter, anti vaxxers, and climate change deniers can fuck off

If I make a mistake:

If I reblog something and you recognize it as a problem, tell me. I accidentally reblogged animation that featured a character who was a minor one time, but because I didn’t watch the show I didn’t know that they were an established character at all. Someone told me and I took it down right away. Lets help each other stay safe when we accidentally spread something shitty. 

That’s all my basic info! Asks are always open and I love u guys! Thanks so much for getting me to 2000 followers so quickly. I’ll update if I think of anything else yall should know <3

[stonesynumber5]

i personally choose not to talk about the vaxx stuff to do with john because im at the point where i have decided it’s nothing to do with me so why do i need to talk about it. people will do as they choose, and celebrities are not excluded from this. people should accept it.

i don’t know how people put so much effort into wanting to know so much and being so involved in other people’s lives. live your own life

i think most of the anger & frustration doesn’t come from the fact of people not getting the vaccine, but more the reasons why. i mean think about it, no one is annoyed with the ones who can’t get it because of health reasons or whatever. majority of anti-vaxxers are that just because they’ve seen some conspiracies on the internet & they think they know better then the scientists. it winds people up because it’s just ridiculous.

you could say someone not getting the vaccine has nothing to do with you, but it’s not quite true. it’s a world pandemic. everyone’s involved. everyone plays a part. we’d of got through this shit faster, meaning less people would of died, if more people stopped believing the government are implanting a tracking device in your arm

i disagree with the statement “people will do as they choose. people should just accept it”. sure, people will do as they choose. but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t have consequences. and it doesn’t mean that if that action is a shitty one, people can’t say anything about it and drag them to shit for it. humans have done and still do crappy things. if we just shrugged our shoulders and accepted it, the world would be in a worse state then it already is

[angiethewitch]

🦇 Not getting a vaccine because it's not 100% affective is like saying seatbelts are useless, because they don't keep you from getting injured in a car accident 100% of the time.

I totally get the frustration that comes with the current situation, I want it to go back to normal, too. But until then we should look out for each other.

(It's also very sweet you remember me! A lot has happened in the past couple months and I've been a bit inactive. But I'm happy to be back & enjoy your content again!)

exactly, like I do think there are valid arguments to be made against this vaccine, like my stepdaughter has recently lost an uncle on her mothers side from blood clots linked to the vaccine. that poor kid has known more death in her family in her 5 and a half years than most of us will ever know. so that is a valid point, but sadly, more people will die from covid. no medicine is ever safe. I could take aspirin today and my blood could thin and I could haemorrhage. there have been cases of people who refused the vaccine, got covid, wished they'd gotten vaccinated, and even some have died wishing they'd gotten vaccinated. my stepdaughters family are still getting vaccinated because although they understand the risks better than most, they know they need it because the risks of one of them getting covid and potentially spreading it are far greater. I respect them for that, it would have been very easy for them to become complete anti vaxxers but they believe they're making the right decision and so do I.

they say stuff like "no new normal" but this doesn't have to be the "new normal". covid, unfortunately, is here to stay, until we can find a cure, but so was measles, so is flu, so is the common cold, so was mumps, and we adapted and learned to live with them with the correct precautions surrounding them. if we can get this under control, it won't have to be this way forever. I think people are sick of this after just a year, but it's better than constant back and forth with spikes and lockdowns. we need to be careful about it.

and of course I remember you! im glad you're back. I hope everything is okay? keep yourself safe and im happy to see you in my inbox again ♥️

[mandaloriangf]

i get so angry seeing people ignoring social distancing and not wearing masks im so frustrated that so many of us have to take on the burden of those with no regard for themselves or anyone else like we literally could start going toward a new normal if people would just CARE for once in their lives but no we’re going to be stuck in this nightmare for years until we get a vaccine and then we’ll have to deal with anti vaxxers

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

what do you think is the most likely type to pull off the "agree to disagree" thing when they want to stop an argument? i hate it so much lmao. If i'm discussing smth with you is because 1) either i am right and want to prove a point/show you you're wrong or 2) im unsure and want other perspectives/i think im right but im actually wrong, in which case you should convince me of your argument/show me where im wrong. like... make it make sense.

The TJs are most likely to do this successfully, followed by FJs and FPs who are tied for different reasons, followed by mature TPs. The only people who don’t ever do this are people with no understanding of human psychology and who have no better things to do.

To your first point: mighty bold of you to assume you’re right. Sometimes you are! But also there are like, flat-earthers and anti-vaxxers and people who think aliens built the pyramids, not to mention, uh, racists/homophobes/bigots of all stripes, and most of those people are not like “hmm I think these things but I might be wrong :)”. No, they are like “I absolutely believe the earth is flat and I shall prove it”. A man literally built a rocket and died when he crash-landed in the pursuit of proving the earth is flat.

Sometimes people are right despite everyone thinking they’re wrong. The problem is a whole lot of people, not all of whom are high Ti users, think they are Galileo against the Catholic Church, speaking a truth that has been deemed heretical, when they are in fact tin-foil hat nutjobs (or, again, like, outright bigots who believe certain people are subhuman). And this happens on a far less extreme scale too, and so many people will be able to pick up on the simple truth that sometimes, people can be wrong and refuse to look at evidence for whatever reason and continuing an argument with them is pointless.

There are also a such thing as cases where we are not debating a fact but an opinion, and this isn’t an opinion where there will be any end outcome, and some people are bad at understanding that particular nuance and are like “HOW DARE YOU DISLIKE MY FAVORITE BOOK” and it’s like, well, I do, and this is not a judgment upon you or your tastes but merely me having different ones, and this argument is pointless so I’ll just be like “it wasn’t for me! glad it brings you enjoyment! bye!” because, and I think this is a key point here, tons of people don’t actually like arguing unless there is a clear end goal that arguing will bring about. Some people like arguing for its own sake! Many people do not. I do not. Sometimes my end goal is to show why my idea is good! Maybe we’re deciding what to do tomorrow, and there are two different ideas, and I vastly prefer one, and we only have time to do one, and I have a clear goal here: to convince my argument partner(s) why we should do the think I want. But if it’s an argument of whether chocolate or vanilla ice cream is better, like, you can like what you like and I can like what I like, my only goal here is to stop this boring discussion of ice cream flavors and actually obtain some ice cream for myself.

To your second point, if you are looking for opposite perspectives, have you expressed that? You didn’t give an example, so it’s absolutely possible the other side is not providing any evidence to convince you and is shutting down the argument for reasons that range from bad (too lazy to bother providing sources, which takes like 5 minutes and which they should do) or good (perhaps this is totally a matter of opinion and the outcome of this argument is literally nothing).

I can’t say why people do this, particularly without knowing the nature of the argument. Sometimes you are right and you’re dealing with a whiny baby who is wrong and won’t admit it, and that is frustrating, but again...you continuing to argue won’t make them magically stop being like that, so may as well quit and spend time on something that’s productive or at least not infuriating. But sometimes you’re arguing about something trivial and no one else wants to argue with you and you won’t shut up, or you’re wrong and ignoring the evidence, and so “agree to disagree” is a polite way to say “I think you are an annoying idiot and I am not enjoying this argument so I am putting an end to it.”

I’ve been in various organizations where there’s been voting on issues or on internal elected positions, and the magic phrase is “will anyone be swayed by further discussion.” If no one will be swayed, some people might be doing something wrong, but arguing is a waste of everyone’s time. Argument requires at least two consenting partners, and “agree to disagree” is someone revoking that consent.

[enkindlers]

As someone who got a severe, life long chronic illness from taking the swine flu vaccine in 2009 I'm kind of at a loss on how to navigate the discourse whenever vaccines are brought up because I am not anti vaccines and I understand people's anger towards anti vaxxers spreading conspiracies and misinformation, pretending like vaccines haven't saved countless lives globally

but at the same time they are now developing a corona vaccine at top speed which is the exact same scenario that occurred ten years ago with the swine flu, and after what happened as a consequence of that vaccine it would be downright stupid of me not to question the safety of the covid 19 vaccine.

But u know at the same time I dont want to do it in a way that fuels the anti vaxxer movement

Idk it's just very frustrating how polarized the debate is because my only intention is to have all the information available but publically questioning anything regarding vaccines is a bit of a social suicide and I dont want people to assume that im an idiot simply because I dont want another devastating illness for the rest of my life

[cs-discourse]

not sure what I actually achieve posting this but i just wanted to let it out. im sad but im laughing at how lostfairy misunderstood so much of what i said.

i want to say sorry if i was rude in any way but anti-vaxxers are toxic and make working in the medical field harder that what's supposed to be. if people who had the means to be educated just listened.

(img link if it's too small)

anyway this is a PS to get yourself/your kids vaccinated if you actually care about yourself & others so you won't, you know, mindlessly spread diseases that weren't supposed to be a problem in the year of our lord 2019. think about the ppl who can't get vaccinated due to the dangerous side effects to them. think about how they need your immunity.

also pls give our medical personnel a fucking break from the outbreaks your "my body my choice uwu" has caused.

- sincerely, a frustrated med student

[anarchistsuggestion]

hey, vaccinate your kids you jerks!!!

thanks for coming to my essay! now that i have your attention, i think we should stop talking about anti-vaxxers like theyre all backwards hyper-religious dumbasses. like, im frustrated too, and i agree that "personal/religious reasons" should not allow someone to keep their kids unvaccinated. furthermore, as an autistic person, i despise the myth that vaccines cause autism. i especially hate that it scares people into avoiding vaccines, because theres nothing wrong with me.

but ridiculing these people will only make the problem worse, and here's why: i think that a lot of anti-vaxxers and their communities are used to feeling like the most important aspects of their cultural identities are universally mocked or demonised (im not qualified to say whether these feelings reflect reality in every case, but either way im just talking about feelings, ie, what people think we believe about their culture). for instance, my only knowledge of amish people comes from jokes ive seen others make about them. yes, none of these jokes were very serious, and its easy for me to laugh at them because im not amish, but despite my low empathy i can understand that it just feels bad to hear a whole bunch of jokes about something important to you. i'll get back to this point in a moment.

anyway, i bring up the amish because in 2014, there were measles outbreaks in some amish communities in Ohio. and i think that a lot of the people who dont vaccinate their kids are used to being ridiculed for their "weird" or "new age" or "hyper-religious" or "unchristian" lifestyles, so they just see our concern as more of that mockery. we all sound the same to them, and cant you see why?

"ughh all these people ignoring science and being stubborn about vaccines because their church said--" you sound like one of those atheists. if you cant say anything productive, please stay out of the discussion. why do you act like ridiculing people will change their minds? we should be reaching out, instead.

we need to make the effort to approach anti-vaxxers in a way that distinguishes us from those who only converse with them to mock them.

i want more people to understand that the best way to change someone's mind when they're defensive is by listening. you need to be willing to accept whatever they might rant about, and respect that, even if their fears seem ridiculous, even if their fears are rooted in ableism, their fears still terrify them. thats why theyre called fears. you can validate someone's feelings of anxiety and confusion without validating their bigotry, and you must be willing to accept that this is work. this is difficult. it's much, much harder than yelling your opinions. it's exhausting, and sometimes it doesn't even pay off. sometimes you just can't convince somebody, and you have to be able to accept that.

if this seems too hard for you, i have good news: you do not have to do it. this kind of thing is not for everyone, and it's okay if you just don't want to. this doesn't have to be your responsibility.

i only ask that you stop making things worse by (performatively, in the case of yall who arent in danger of dying/losing a loved one to a preventable disease) mocking anti-vaxxers, because we are the ones who need something from them. we are asking them to face their fears (which were sometimes instilled in them very early in their childhood) for the good of humanity. i don't know about all of you, but i'd be hesitant at best to face even my third worst fear (spiders) for the sake of strangers who regularly mock my culture and heritage, and i know for a fact that most spiders cannot harm me!

this is natural. this is human. it is easy to dismiss things you dont understand, and it's even easier to dismiss them when all the scientific evidence agrees with you. however, your evidence does not make these people's experiences and fears less real for them. it does not lessen the effect their fear has on their choices. knowing that a tarantula won't hurt me if i follow certain guidelines will not stop me from shaking and having a breakdown if i think too hard about touching one. knowing that nothing bad would happen doesn't motivate me to go over to the science building at my college and ask to hold their fucking tarantula.

there are no shortcuts here. if we want anti-vaxxers to accept vaccines and stop putting so much effort towards keeping their children unvaccinated, we have to convince them that they don't need to be afraid of vaccines. we need to actually address their concerns. telling them their fears are ridiculous is just not convincing no matter how much scientific evidence you have. this discussion has become too performative. people just tell anti-vaxxers to vaccinate their kids, and they dont bother to address the fear that motivates their opponents. they don't care that they're asking people to trust a yelling internet stranger with their child's health.

it is inconsiderate to demand things from people without stopping to think about what you're asking for. please think about it from their point of view. if vaccines were dangerous, and they vaccinated their kids, then anything bad that happened to their kids due to the vaccines would be their responsibility. and remember, these people have not been given a convincing reason to believe vaccines are harmless. okay? they do not want to be at fault for their children getting hurt. yes, they are wrong. yes, they are frustrating. yes, they are endangering immunocompromised people like my dad, but there is a huge difference between being malicious and being misguided. please do not treat them like they set out to hurt you.

also? stop telling them to care about other people when you don't care enough about them to respect that they're doing their best with the resources they have. stop saying "i dont know how to explain to you that you should care about other people" when you really just want them to magically stop being scared. maybe you say it out of genuine frustration and bewilderment, but when everyone is saying it, it comes across like a smug 'gotcha!' phrase that excuses you from spending more energy on the debate. you can just say youre tired and stop.

i am trying to explain to you that you should care that these people have felt scammed/hurt by the medical industry enough times that they feel justified in risking the health of their whole family (assuming they even think vaccines work). you should care that theyve never been given a convincing reason to trust remedies promoted by rich strangers who make claims that sound too good to be true. the government has promoted harmful things to underprivileged people before, like milk (it took me a half hour to sift through unrelated stuff about soy milk to confirm this, so i'll go ahead and link my source). it is logical to mistrust an industry that operates for the profit of people youve never met. not everyone trusts the FDA to keep the pharmaceutical industry in check, and it's actually pretty smart to rely on direct accounts from people you know personally when you aren't sure how well something actually works, and you dont trust the ones selling it to you.

with that in mind, talking to people is probably the best way to tackle this issue, but many of you haven't bothered to compile introductory information about vaccines. you havent bothered to present these resources in a way that doesn't ridicule people who are scared. i am trying to explain to you that you shouldn't debate with people if you won't treat them like humans. i am trying to explain to you that "you dont actually care about others" is a hurtful and manipulative sentiment, and when you say it to people who are trying their best, you become part of the problem. you reinforce their mistrust. i am trying to explain to you that trusting doctors doesnt make you morally superior.

put yourself in their shoes for a moment. imagine that someone comes up to you and makes it clear that they think the choices you've made as a parent are ridiculous. they make claims about your child without offering proof, or the only proof they offer also mocks you and people like you (or they just tell you to "google it"). furthermore, they tell you that unless you give in, something bad will happen to their own children, and it will be your fault.

this is manipulative. even if you are correct, it is manipulative. demanding that someone treat their child in a way that they consider harmful is just ridiculous and i don't know why you expect people to listen to you. do you expect this to be easy? do you honestly believe that if someone isn't converted within minutes, they're just being stubborn? do you think these people know the truth, and only persist out of spite?

these questions are necessary, because many of you talk about anti-vaxxers as though the answer is 'yes.' there is a difference between being correct and treating people right. please be more aware of that line in the future, and do your best not to cross it.

oh, and by the way, if i see any of you using this year's measles outbreaks as an excuse to be hateful towards jewish people, i will block and report you. antivaxxers usually arent malicious, and if you perceive orthodox jewish antivaxxers as being worse than other antivaxxers, you need to rethink your beliefs. they arent rejecting vaccines just to hurt you. maybe theyre tired of being demonised and blamed for everything from climate change to unemployment to dead kids*, and theyre unwilling to trust random people with something as important as the health of their children when a lot of us have never bothered to listen to their struggles. (* ive seen a whole lot of people saying things that border on blood libel without quite involving blood during these discussions, so can we all agree to be careful not to do anything that resembles that shit now that ive provided a handy link about what it is? thanks)

lastly, all of this criticism of anti-anti-vaxxers is very easy for me to say because i have less of a personal stake in the issue. i know it must hurt in a way i can't currently understand to lose someone to a preventable disease. if i have made anyone feel dismissed or invalidated in this essay post, i'm sorry for doing so, and i want to make it clear that it is okay if you hate anti-vaxxers. i know their fear has hurt you, and i wouldn't ask you to pretend otherwise. i dont want to make any of you feel like you shouldn't talk about your experiences and fears. i'm just asking that, before you hit the post button, you read through your post and edit out anything manipulative or guilt-trippy. your contributions to this conversation are valuable, and i want the people youre trying to convince to be able to read them without feeling like they have to defend themselves instead of listening to you. the culture around this debate has become almost hostile, and while we dont all need to work directly with anti-vaxxers to make it better, we do all need to agree to stop making it worse.

[dumbbitchfrommars]

ive never felt more confused about where i stand on a topic. 

i got my first vaccine. i was so convinced its for the greater good, it was a no brainer. i know that it is something i support, i learnt about the biology of viruses and the potential of superbugs and viruses in school... basically i was certain i was getting it. someone close to me is fearful of the vaccine and fed into the negative side effects, the rare stories of extreme reactions, and constantly warned me of these. im a person who trusts in the divine protection i have from the universe, i am here for a reason and to make a difference. this will not be the cause of my end or anything of the sort. but she is someone who i trust and take her opinions to heart, literally the biggest role model in my life. and she has complete belief in this ‘conspiracy’ (there may be truth to it, i can’t possibly know), and its scary. it definitely opened my eyes to my ability to be a sheep, cause i was quick to dismiss anti-vaxxers and throw them in to the bin of ‘uneducated, ignorant, priviliged’. however, im now just questioning everything. and it pisses me off. there is always yin and yang but wtf this is my peace of mind and my body. im angry, once upon a time i could have done this without a second thought. now im plagued with anxiety and thoughts of possible side effects and possibly death? and obviously my suspicions of why they have urged us all to get it with basically no option not to. but it just makes SENSE. duh obviously never trust the government, but this is about freedom to move and live. and to keep us safe from a deadly virus. idk man. next time she shoves it down my throat i will definitely be shutting it down. frustrating and super annoying. 

[fluffyblue-multifandommess]

So after 3+ years of not going to the hairdresser (because they expensive as fuck and I can just cut my hair myself once a year), I treated myself to a professional cut & dye.

The intern who did my hair was... well, maybe not an anti-vaxxer. A covid-vaccine hesitant, I guess.

We talked a little and it really drove home for me how much misunderstanding there is among most people of what scientic sources are trying to tell them.

Scientists say, “we’ve only had this vaccine for a few months but if anything happened to it we would kill everyone in this room and then ourselves, so for now we can only reliably expect it to last about six months because we don’t have the data to say it will be effective longer than this (but we are conducting ongoing studies)”

and people hear “we made a vaccine that is only going to last like six months so for the rest of your lives everybody’s gonna have to get booster shots twice a year”. and so, naturally, they are hesitant. “why should i take this vaccine (which ive read a lot of scary misinformation about) if it’s only gonna last six months anyways?”

and it’s. incredibly frustrating. how do we fix this? how do we make sure people understand what they’re being told, how do we make sure people see and understand there is NUANCE in what the scientists are saying. I just. it’s just so frustrating!

and i get it!!! we all have really full lives and we don’t have the brain capacity to read into the nuance of every single thing we hear or read, but come on!! we’re talking about a global pandemic here!

how do we fix this????

--

ps if this post gets any replies at all im anticipating grumbles about a particular country’s education system so ill just tell yall right now im in Europe and vaccine mistrust is a world-wide issue okay thank you

[cannabisbutch]

so i kinda just started realizing how bad my parents make my overall health. i talk a lot about how they’ve affected my mental health, but they fuck with my physical health too. 

i started having knee pain in my junior year, which worsened due to continuing to play soccer. when i brought it up, due to it effecting my ability to play, my parents and the doctor just told me to lose weight. EVENTUALLY, after it got so bad i had to sit out the last 3 games of the season, they FINALLY took me to a chiropractor and found out i needed to get shit realigned in a major way (i still need monthly visits as a minimum). 

i think if they took me seriously the first time i might not need to wear those sweaty knee braces now, and might not be seriously considering getting a cane. 

also while my parents aren’t exactly anti vaxxers (they dont believe that fake ass autism thing but they’re hesitant bc of other shit/big pharma i think). so im not vaccinated, and of course im terrified of long needles like that, so i can’t make myself go get them (plus bc of autoimmune issues i shouldnt just go get them all at once so i would have to convince myself over and over again) 

idk im just a mad disabled kid and its extra frustrating bc so much shit could have been prevented 

[toytulini]

fuckin ran out of tags zbisbusbsi

#Like as in I dont know what her motivation is beyond some like personal issues with Birdie #I dont know what she says her motivation is. But shes supposed to be Birdie's big antagonist but its a STRUGGLE bc everything is hollow and #empty rn bc i dont have a good motivation for her! and briefly i thought i had something in like. her being anti -science and anti-hybrid magic #but i dont know how to make that WORK exactly w the magic systems i have so far #and also i dont know to what extant that would be like how far do i take that? #does she believe in medicine? is she an anti vaxxer? does she still believe in miasma theory? fucking humoral?? thar doesnt work for me #esp bc i kinda want the witch community to be ahead of humans at least a little in figuring out like. germ theory etc. we took way too long # with that yknow? i want Birdie already doing Genetic Modification Mad Science Magic in her basement in the victorian era at the latest. #i was joking awhile ago in the group chat that Ellie would technically be anti vax for her personally. but if you out her near antivaxxers #she'll destroy them in seconds. #and 2020 shouldve made this EASIER bc like we've all seen now. the bullshit that ppl will believe despite it #making no sense despite it being contradictory despite it being hypocritical like it should be easier than ever to #make a villain who believes in hypocritical contradictory dumb shit and yet. im struggling.

#What does Ellie want? she wants to politically take over the witch council. for one #why does she want that? to change things (BUT WHAT THINGS??) Frustration with how slow it is? And to specifically usurp Birdie. #turn them all against Birdie. Have Birdie exiled and put to death. (Well. She'll try. Shes just making a deadly escape room) #why does she want to turn them against Birdie? She feels wronged by Birdie and is definitely projecting a whole lot of shit onto Birdie #for Birdie refusing to continue to teach her after finding out her views on Something. She scared Birdie. Birdie had already been reluctant #to take on any pupils and so she took a chance on Ellie after Ellie kept begging her to mentor her. And she regrets it. #and at some point Ellie starts revealing ideologies that disturb Birdie. Originally this was going ti be her extreme puritanical views on #magic. A vehement hatred for hybrid magic which she doesnt know/understand yet that Birdie practices hybrid magic a lot. #and Birdie gives up in her. She cannot keep teaching her. (Bc) she hates the hybrid magic. And so she essentially abandons Ellie. #and then Ellie latches onto that and projects a whole lot of shit onto Birdie. She hates Birdie so much and wants to defeat her and destroy #her. But theres still a part of Ellie that wants Birdie's approval. Which onky makes her angrier and more unhinged when she tries to make a #creature like Birdie's creatures. And Birdie is horrified by it. Bc Siiyr was not made well. She is created of suffering and pain and its bad. #and i just. Theres so much missing from Ellie. Theres so much there with her passion and feelings and shit. But #in terms of motivation. She feels Empty. Not even like a proper fake motivation. Bc i want her to have that too. It was originally her real #thing. That Birdie rejected her for. And then after Birdie rejected her she Uses whatever that ideology is to get ppl to follow her. #and then at end the world is in shambles bc of Ellie. Whatever she does. Its catastrophic. She wasnt prepared

Okay. Typed up the tags, and now,

She wasnt prepared for utter level of destruction wrought by her actions. And smth smth she tries to just let herself be killed by it all happening like all tragic and Birdie doesnt let her. After its all over Birdie just wakes her up and is like. Okay kid. Lets get to work, you need to clean up your mess.

I still dont know what i want her motivation, her ideology, to be. I dont want to make it, like. Bigotry, bc that feels. Cheap and gross? Like she can do better than that? And i want it to maybe be something. Understandable? Like how she got there. But i dont want it to be like. Demonizing a legit concern to try to be sympathetic? I dont quite want her to be a magneto villain where youre like "but why is she the 'villain' for that??"

I also dont want to make it like, capitalism/greed. Like yea thats a useful and believable villain motivation? I know this probably just means i need to work on other elements of the story a bit more.

I want it to be, not so bad and disturbing that she seems irredeemable and we're left wondering why Birdie doesn't just kill her and leave her dead or smth, but i also want it to be something that makes it like understandable as to why Birdie would be intensely uncomfortable with continuing to teach and interact with her. Also i want there to be an evolution of a beef between Ellie and Jula and Ellie and Jared. I feel like im underutilizing Jula. Im underutilizing all of them tbh..but unlike Krachyn, Jula is gonna get overpowered on a bigger scale.

the cycle of me realizing over and over i dont know how to make Ellie a good villain