#im just afraid that very soon there will be nothing left

[pubby-paws]

.

[billsbabydoll]

“𝓌𝒽ℯ𝓃 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌, 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌.”

contains:FLUFF<3

summary:the time felt right, could an addition to the family be what just me and bill need?

WARNINGS:none really just very cringe fluff, kissing, pet-names, mentions of pregnancy, SLIGHT anxiety, reassurance, suggestive ending.

notes:take this drath from july while i force myself to write something new.

happily married and recently moved into our dream home things finally felt like they had fallen into place perfectly, bill wondered if it was the right time to consider taking the next step?

one evening while cuddled up on the couch together watching our favorite movie, bill suddenly spoke up-

“babe?”

“hm yeah?”i replied looking up at him with curiosity, awaiting his response.

he smiled softly pausing the movie and turning to face me, he proceeded to gently pull me closer, his arm wrapping around my waist.

"nothing, i just wanted to chat for a bit baby."

he paused for a moment, his expression now becoming more serious.

“theres something ive been wanting to talk to you about.”he adds.

“and whats that liebe (love) you know you can tell me anything right?”i responded with a hint of sincerity, looking deeply into his eyes trying to puzzle what he leading towards.

he nodded, a small smile now tugging at the corner of his lips, he took a deep breath, his gaze never leaving mine as he continued.

"i know, and that's why i want to talk to you about this...it's something that's been on my mind for a while now."

he reached up gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, his touch tender and loving.

"ive been thinking a lot about our future, and i have an idea that id like to discuss with you."

i returned the smile curiously, my eyes glimmering with anticipation as those words left his lips.

“go on?…”

i asked excitedly but still remaining calm, taking my hand in his.

he squeezed my hand in his, the feeling of my skin against his giving some comfort to his anxious jitters.he took another deep breath before continuing, his voice firm yet gentle.

"we've been together for a while now almost 6 years, and we've accomplished so much..but there's something ive been thinking about a lot lately, and i think it's time to bring it up."

he paused, his expression earnest.

"i want to start a family with you, love."

“a-are you serious bill?!”i asked eagerly with a new loudness to my voice.

ive always wanted to start a family with him but it always felt too soon or not the right time, but now felt like the was the perfect time.

we’ve been together since i was 17 and he was 18 now we’re 23 and 24, i just finished school, he was becoming more and more successful with his career, now was our chance.

he chuckled lightly, my excitement and enthusiasm making him smile even wider, he nodded his expression enlightened and genuine.

“im completely serious meine liebe (my love) i want you and me to watch our kids grow up, i wanna do all of that with you, i love you and i wanna see you be the best mother i know you can be.”

he reached up, gently caressing my cheek with the palm of his hand.

“and i know you want this too, ive seen it in your eyes.”

“babe are you sure, i mean what if im not a good mom?” i softly asked an afraid expression now on replacing my happy one.

“youll be a fantastic mom, i have no doubt in my mind-”

“you are kind, caring, and loving, you have the perfect qualities to be the best mother in the world.i will be with you every single step of the way we’ll do this together, as a team.”

i sighed deeply, listening to the words that fell from his lips i looked back up at him with a now more calm and confident expression.

“then i guess its worth a shot then, lets do it.”

a wide cheeky smile spreads across his lips at my acceptance, his heart swelling with joy and excitement.he pulled me tightly wrapping his arms around me, while kissing my forehead.

“we’re gonna have such an amazing family together, i love you so much!”

“i love you too baby..”

i whispered with an anxious but excited smile, leaning in to place a delicate and rather deep kiss on his puffy lips.

“well why dont we get started on this baby-making hm?”i teased with a seductive grin.

he laughed heartily, my teasing igniting a familiar fire in his eyes.he tugged me into his lap, his hands strongly gripping on the sides of my waist as he looked up at me, his eyes now filled with desire and need.

“i like that idea, lets get started then babe.”

THE END

[girl-failure]

Transwoman needs answers

this isnt an easy post to write and it's going to be full of info about me that's personal and embarassing but I am desperate for answers and assitance so please bear with me. Long story short, im almost 3 years hrt (may 19th will be exact) and it's like nothing has changed. More info under the cut.

I'm going to try and explain everything to the best of my memory, but exact dosages and stuff might be fuzzy and inexact. I began HRT on May 19th 2021, when I was 22. I took one and a half 2mg pills, twice (morning and night) daily. I took them sublingually. I was also prescribed Spironolactone, though the exact dose escapes me (i remember it was 1 pill nightly). I had only come out as trans in the December the previous year, so i considered myself unfathomably lucky to get to start so soon. I had done this through informed consent at a planned parenthood and was excited by the possibility of a future where my own body didn't make me want to die. The idea of changing my body gave me a feeling of control in my life that had been entirely absent until that point. I knew I wanted all the help I could get with breast development (the women in my immediate family are well endowed) and I had read & heard from other trans women that prog could help, but I'd have to wait to ask for it.

I think it was on December 15, 2021, I was officially prescribed 100 progesterone nightly. At this point I had began to notice softer skin, lighter hair, the few bits of acne left over from high school had gone entirely, and the inklings of breasts beginning to form. My libido had all but dissipated entirely at that point, but I was told (mostly by other trans women) it would come back, especially after starting prog, and that my body would likely experience pleasure differently, and that my orgasm would be very different. The fat from my stomach (i wasn't overweight or underweight, i was pretty average for a man my height, but I did have a masculine stomach I despised) hadn't relocated at all, but I knew HRT wasn't a sprint, but a marathon, and I had a long way to go. This continued for a long time, eventually i would be bumped up to two 2mg of E (sublingual pill) twice daily (8mg total), and my Spiro would change to 200mg a day EDIT: My Spiro dosages did fluctuate, though again I don't recall the exact dosages, (I initially got it confused with my prog dosage, sorry), though there was the occasional few week period where I'd be bumped back down to one and a half E pills because I had timed my blood-work poorly. It had been a while since starting HRT and I was starting to worry. My libido never came back, I was unable to feel the sensation of pleasure entirely, my breasts & nipples never became sensitive or had growth pains, and my breasts really hadn't grown at all. My stomach still made me feel awful and masculine because fat continued to pile up there instead of in the feminine places I was told and led to believe it should!!! I was scared and frightened and upset. I'd say I developed an eating disorder but my eating was already disordered. I was afraid of food. Afraid it'd just make me look manly, instead of going to my hips/waist/whatever and breasts like it was supposed to. I began to feel like the hrt that was supposed to save my life was just making me feel worse.

On October 23rd, 2023, I finally started seeing a doctor again after 9 years of not being able to afford it, and only then because a parent got insurance through their work. I was officially prescribed Estradiol Valerate (.3mL intramuscular, and the bottle itself is 20mg/mL) , and quit Spiro outright. Now that I was talking to a doc, especially one who had been working with trans people in my area for years, I was starting to have hope again that maybe injections would solve my problems. After all, they're supposed to be more powerful right? Well after some blood-work revealing that my T levels were so low they were undetectable, we started fiddling with my injection dosages. I went down to .25mL. Nothing changed. I went down to .2ml. Nothing changed. I stayed at .2mL and was prescribed a med called EstraTest (.625mg E and 1.25mg T), a single pill which has both E and T in it, to try and raise my T levels back to measurable levels and hopefully find that golden ratio of E and T where maybe my body will start working again and start changing. But that brings us today. I still don't feel any sensation of pleasure (masturbating is pointless, intimacy just feels like I'm disappointing my partner), let alone a female orgasm (which as embarrassing as it is to admit, I was really looking forward to), my nipples still don't get sensitive and my chest doesn't get sore or get growing pains. My breasts look the same way they did 4 months into hrt. I've still had practically no fat redistribution, though I've gotten better about eating and not being afraid of food. I'm even beginning to notice my acne slowing starting to come back. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why has nothing worked? Why does it feel like I'm regressing? I lost my health insurance earlier this week, and I can't afford to see my doctor again with my dumb pizza delivery job, so I haven't been able to ask to try anything more drastic to try and fix these issues. My current theories are that maybe my body is just more resistant to E? Which would be awful, but might be handled by just tripling my dose or something? Or

that my receptors are fried, and that the only solution would be to stop taking my HRT for a while (maybe even a long while). I pray that isn't the case, because I'd sooner off myself then let my body regress any further.

So this is a call for help. If anyone has any idea what could be causing these problems for me, or knows how I might be able to fix them, PLEASE let me know. I've lost hope in having a future as a woman, or even just feeling apathy towards my body (instead of intense self-loathing) at this point.

Here's my ca$happ if anyone wants to throw some money my way and maybe I'll be able to see the doctor again. cash.app/$occultChloe

[hopefulromances]

I Feel You - Jamie Tartt x demi!Reader

A/N: Hello to my faithful followers! I'm sorry I've been so inactive for the past couple weeks I've been down in the dumps and sorta uninspired.

But the crazy thing is I've hit 1k followers! What? How is that even possible! I'm planning to put together a little celebration soon but for now, here's an unrequested fic that I wrote featuring a demi!reader on the acespec!

See y'all soon!

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: Fem!Reader (she/her pronouns), Drunkenness, I think that's it

OooO

Jamie had to be the lamest footballer in the world. It was a Friday night and instead of going out and finding a club to get drunk at, he was sitting on his couch reading a bloody book. Fucking Roy Kent had gotten to him, that bastard. He wasn’t expecting anyone to come by so when there was a knock on the door, Jamie was surprised. 

There on his doorstep was (Y/N). Pacing, wobbly, back and forth seemingly trying to take off her shoes without sitting down. 

“(Y/N)?” He opened the door, turning on the porch light. 

(Y/N) was someone Jamie had been friends with for a long time. Longer than anyone else, maybe. She’d grown up with im in Manchester, and gone to college in London when he got called up. When he was busy being a prick and cutting people out of his life, she stayed, refusing to be cut. And here she was, drunk on his doorstep. 

She spun in spot, her eyes lighting up when she saw him. “Jamie!”

She fell forward onto him in a sloppy hug. Jamie caught her in his arms, realizing with a chuckle that she was beyond wasted. He hoisted her up so she was tucked into his side so he could properly assist her while closing the door and turning off the lights. 

“Jamieee,” She sang, sweetly, pulling Jamie with all her might to get them to topple over.

“At least one of us had a good night,” Jamie muttered. 

“It was ‘meh’,” (Y/N) admitted, shrugging. “Felt all wonky all night.”

Jamie pulled her into his bathroom, sitting her down on the toilet seat. She slumped back, as it finally feeling her exhaustion. He filled up his water cup and handed it to her, having to help her put her hand on and grip the cup.

“Drink,” he instructed. 

“It’s like, I’m over here, looking and waiting,” she continued, pausing for a second to glug down a large sip of water. “And everyone else is over there. Falling in love, dating, kissing, and I’m just,” she made a raspberry with her mouth.

Jamie found a cloth and the bottle of makeup remover she’d left at his house one time, dabbing some of the serum on the cloth. He walked back over to her, kneeling so he could be at eye height with her. 

“Mmhmm,” he hummed, starting to dab at her face like she’d taught him. 

“Why can’t I feel that, Jamie?” She whined, leaning into his touch. “Why can't I just find a dude and just kiss him? What’s wrong with me?”

Jamie frowned, pausing his dabbing for a moment. “What do you mean, darling?”

“I just mean,” now she was frowning too. “I try to go on dates, hook up with random guys, and I just feel… nothing.” Jamie, pursed his lips, moving the cloth gently over her face. Her eyes fluttered closed as he swished over her eyelids delicately. “But I’m so tired of waiting… I don’t want to settle anymore.”

“You shouldn’t have to settle,” Jamie agreed softly. 

“But I also don’t want to be alone forever,” she opened her eyes and Jamie stopped washing her face. 

“You won’t be alone forever,” he droned. This was a conversation they’d had before. She was afraid she’d never find the one, and Jamie reassured her that she would. Of course, she would. She was beautiful, and funny, and headstrong in all the important ways.

“I’ve only ever liked one person, in my whole entire life,” she hiccuped. “And he…” 

“He what, love?” Jamie went to stand but she grabbed onto his pants, stopping him from moving away. He looked down and she looked very small. He’d never seen her look so small before. 

“He’s been my best friend since we were kids,” she muttered, looking up at him. “When I look at him, I feel this flutter in my chest. And no matter how hard I try to feel that with other people, I just can’t.” She looked between his eyes. “I can’t.” 

Jamie could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his blood rushing in his ears. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? She couldn’t be. Either way, she needed to go to bed. 

“You… uh… you can stay here tonight, yeah?” He took the cup from her hand and filled it back up. “I’ll go put out some sleep clothes in the guest bed.” 

She looked disappointed when he didn’t acknowledge her rambling, but she nodded, taking a pitiful sip from her cup of water. He watched her a moment before pounding on the sink and walking out to grab a shirt for her. 

As he set up the bed for her, his mind was racing through what she had said. The best friend from childhood that she’d liked forever. It couldn’t be him… could it? Not after everything he’d put her through. 

When he walked back to the bathroom, she’d fallen asleep on the toilet. Chest rising and falling steadily, her eyelashes resting against her cheeks. His chest fluttered as he looked at her, a gentle smile coming over his lips. He slid one arm under her legs and another around her back, resting her head on his shoulder. She curled into him immediately, nestling her nose into his neck. 

He brought her to the room, he’d set up maneuvering her carefully so he could take her clothes off. She’d changed in front of him before, felt comfortable around him, but he still was careful of his hands and quickly putting on more comfortable clothes.

She mumbled incoherently as he laid her down and pulled the covers over her. His hand rested on her cheek for a moment, her face slightly flushed from her night out. He was tempted to get in the bed with her, keep her safe and warm in his arms but he swatted that thought away quickly. Instead he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her temple.

The next morning when he woke up, he went to check on her, but she wasn’t in the room. Then he heard humming and the smell of bacon filling the air. He padded down the steps and saw her in the kitchen, cooking and sipping on his coffee like she owned the place. He shoved his tongue in his cheek to stop himself from laughing as he watched her. 

She spun around, dancing to the song in her head, yelping and freezing when she saw him. 

“Oh!” She sighed, throwing her hand over her heart when she realized it was him. “Jamie! You scared me.” 

“Scare you? This is my house, you know,” Jamie laughed, leaning across the island. 

She rolled her eyes, sliding a cup of coffee across to him. “Two creams, one sugar, yeah?”

Jamie looked down at the coffee, knowing Roy would kill him if he took a sip. ‘Your body is a temple’ and ‘caffeine is a drug’ and whatever, but she was looking at him so sweetly there was no way he could say no to it. So, he reached down and took a sip. 

“That’s it, yah,” it tasted perfect. No one else made his coffee like she did. “Do you know how you ended up here?”

She slowed her cooking for a second. He couldn’t see her face, she was turned facing the wall, but he saw her back tense just the slightest bit. 

“Uh… I don’t remember, really,” (Y/N) answered. “Just woke up here… figured it was just where I thought I’d be safest.” 

Jamie felt his cheeks heat up, trying to hide it by taking a sip of his coffee. “You, eh, were out with the girls?” 

She turned around, sliding the bacon onto the two plates she’d set out. She was deep in thought, he could tell by the way she picked the skin off her lip, reaching up to pull a piece of hair out of her face. 

“Yeah…” she whispered. “It was Larsen’s birthday. Wanted to go have a hot girl night. Find some guys to go home with.”

Ah. Now he got it. She’s gone out with her friends and they’d all gone home with guys and she was left alone. She was upset because she thought she was unwanted. He grimaced at her. 

“Did Larsen ditch you again? I told you to stop hanging out with her,” Jamie comforted, reaching to grab a piece of bacon. (Y/N) didn’t answer, she just stared down at the greasy meat on her plate. “Oh, c’mon, (Y/N), you can’t really believe that because of one bad night that no one wants you.” 

She furrowed her brow, shaking her head. “No that’s….” She looked up at him, looking back and forth between his eyes. “Do you really think that I couldn’t find one person to go home with?”

Now Jamie was confused. He pursed his lips, not sure how to answer. 

“He was great. Attractive enough, I suppose, saying all the right things,” she mumbled, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. “We chatted for a while. But I just felt… nothing.” Her fist open and closed as she fought the nervous energy. “He was kissing me, holding me, doing all the things that should have made me feel… something. But it was like… I felt nothing! It was like there was something blocking my brain from just latching onto something random.”

“He was… kissing you?” Jamie cringed as he said it. He wasn’t sure exactly why he’d said it and she looked at him like she was crazy. 

“Yes, he was,” she scoffed, running a hand through her hair. “He wanted to do a lot more but I couldn’t feel it. I didn’t feel anything.” She rested her elbows on the counter, her head in her hands. “God, what is wrong with me? Every other person we went out with went home with whatever stranger they’d met that night. But me? I feel so… stunted.” 

Jamie was surprised by her sudden admission. It wasn’t something he’d felt before, but he wanted her to feel the things he felt for her. The care and softness that he felt for her. 

“I know I want it,’ she continued. “I feel it sometimes… for… one person. He knows me and I know him. And I try to get myself to get over it, to feel it for someone else. Anyone else, but no matter how hard I try. I just… can’t feel it.” She shook her head, pushing herself off the island. “Sorry, I don’t know where that came from.” 

Jamie stayed still for a moment, figuring out his thoughts. 

“S’okay,” he finally responded. “I’m sorry you feel like that, you deserve to feel loved and wanted.”

Her eyes snapped back up to his, her cheeks turning red, spreading up to her ears. Jamie moved around to the other side of the island so he was right next to her, leaning against her side. She kept staring straight forward, her eyes turning shiny with unshed tears. 

“You said… there was one person,” he implored, pursing his lips into a duck shape. “One person who you felt something for.” 

She nodded, not speaking, brushing her eyes furiously. 

“Who… who is that person,” he asked. 

She let out a shaky laugh, cocking her head before looking up at him. 

“I think you know,” she replied quietly, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. He looked at her, letting his hand slide down to intertwine with hers. Her breathing hitched and her chest started to heave. “Jamie, wait, please.” She stared at their entwined hands, scared that it was going to go away. “I can’t… I’m not like other girls. I can’t give you what you want, not right away, maybe not for a long time.” 

Jamie shook his head, moving his free hand up to touch her face. “I don’t want that, all I want is to make you feel loved. All I want is for you to feel how you deserve to feel. And I’m willing to wait however long it takes, and to do whatever it takes to make sure that you feel that love.”

“Oh, Jamie,” she gasped out, reaching up to touch his face too. They stood in the kitchen, the soft morning light dappling in through the windows, holding each other's faces. He looked between her lips and her eyes. “Jamie?”

“Yeah?”

“You can kiss me.”

His eyes were big and wanting as he looked at her. “Are you sure? Like really sure, like you aren’t just saying it to make me happy?” 

“No, Jamie, I want it.”

The words scarcely left her mouth when he cut her off, pressing his lips to hers. And there it was. She felt it. She felt that electricity that her friends had talked about. It rocked through her, stealing her breath away as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, his coming to creep up her back, lifting her up slightly. 

“Can you feel that, love?” he hummed, in between kisses. “Can you feel how much I love you?” 

“I can feel it,” she responded, pulling back to look up at him. “I can feel you.” 

[the-s1lly-corner]

Could I request TADC with a character who has abandonment issues and is afraid they’ll be left alone again? 🥺 thank you in advance!

TADC cast x reader who has abandonment issues!

rubs my silly little hands (the admin also has abandonment issues/is working through them) gonna answer a few requests then i think i might make meringue cookies (they have a weird packing peanut texture that i love. or at least how i think they would feel, admin has never actually touched or chewed a packing peanut but he likes to think this is what they feel like)

CAINE:

honestly if anything you might have to ask him to give YOU some space; caine in his spare time always wants to spend it around with you. doesnt even matter if you guys are doing something, he will literally just hover and run his mouth because he just cant get tired of you. so i think out of all of the cast hes going to be the one where to feel the most secure around since he pours his heart out about how much he loves you (whether platonically or romantically!). even when youre away off doing something else, hes likely gushing about you to anyone who will, and sometimes even wont, listen. embodiment of the "shes my girlfriend ehehe" mickey mouse meme that i saw going around a few weeks ago; point is theres nothing you need to worry about! however he listens when you share your worries, and squashes them down with reassurances and affirmations

POMNI:

oooo okay so this one is interesting because pomni is actively looking for an exit out of the digital world. and i think that this is common knowledge to just about everyone around her, you included. so i think that this might very likely feed into your fear of her leaving you behind... because what are the chances you guys would reunite if she actually found an exit? i mean can you imagine? and thats even assuming you guys would remember your time in the digital world when you return; im kind of on the fence on whether or not the digital memories would still be there after an escape, since you forget everything when you enter the digital world... (also as a side note for fluff with that idea imagine meeting with whoever after escaping and not knowing youve met before but you guys still fall for one another. this isnt just for pomni but for any of the characters. love that idea, so much)

anyways, as ive said a few times before pomni is... not good at comforting... but she sure as hell were try.. though, even she doesnt seem so sure of herself when she says shes going to be looking for you when you both escape, like shes scared you guys will be separated forever

"together"

RAGATHA:

as sweet and caring as ever, if you confide in her about your fears shes going to make sure youre not left in your thoughts. the best at reassuring you, and perhaps even pulls up an activity for the two of you to do together so you have something to get your mind off of it. if you dont approach her, shes going to notice that something is wrong with you and ask you yourself if youre okay and if theres something on your mind... does her best to stamp out your thoughts of fear and doubt, shes not going anywhere and she doesnt intend on abstracting anytime soon (though, can she really help it, if she ever does?)

point is i think out of all of the characters shes going to be the best in terms of comfort and making you feel safe and secure; and if it makes you feel any better you guys come up with a system of sorts to pin down the other if you guys ever escape the digital world; so you can find one another.. very sweet stuff, i think

JAX:

while ragatha is the best in terms of giving comfort and security, jax is probably the worst. the guy does not particularly scream the most emotionally mature and available; if anything i think he might brush off your worries with soft jabs like "dont be dumb, im not gonna go anywhere" or something in that vein. as per usual i think it would take you showing real big signs of distress for him to drop the whole asshole thing and try to make you feel better and assure you that hes not going to go anywhere. and even then its still a little.... eh... i mean jax isnt the best at comforting people; its not really his... thing, you know? sure he wont turn his back on you or make you feel bad (on purpose) but his main way of assuring you is just pushing the statement that hes not going to leave you be ("besides, im not done messing with you yet,") and even offers to hang out with you for the day/until you feel better

KINGER:

similar deal with caine in the case of "youre probably going to be the one asking for space" simply because kinger is too paranoid that something is going to happen to you that hes always trailing you and keeping you in his line of sight... honestly, i think his fears might even mirror your own; youre scared that hes going to leave you behind, and hes scared that something is going to happen to you and you wont be around anymore. neither of you can bury the thought... and in a weird, and perhaps even an unhealthy way depending on how intense it is and how you personally view it, you guys find comfort in your shared fears. like a confirmation that the two of you are too afraid to let go... you poor things... in short, you dont need to worry about anything, kinger is not going to be going anywhere..! in terms of comfort, he lets you hug and hold him and mess with his robes fur while reassuring you. back pats n rubs are in order, me thinks

ZOOBLE:

while zooble might come off as mean and cold, i dont think theyre exactly an asshole. sure they can come off as such thanks to their tone and attitude, but they care about you and while they struggle with expressing that... theyre trying their best... so at least theres an effort to let you know that they at least enjoy your presence..! their... flat voice doesnt really do them any favors but thats just how they talk. very firm in telling you that theyre not going anywhere, and to the point about it. while the others may go on tangents about why they wont leave, zooble will be blunt in simply saying that they care about you and that youre cool and that theyre not planning on just up and ditching you. now THATS not cool, unless you did something to them that warranted such a reaction... but what are the odds of that + then they would be in their right to bounce yk?

that aside, theyre firm and blunt in terms of comforting you, and often times offer to let you take the reigns for the day to choose what you guys do, in an attempt to make you feel better with something you enjoy!

GANGLE:

oh ho ho i think she would also have abandonment issues.... i mean it comes with the shy artist thing, you know? outcast weird kid who actually is a neurodivergant individual energy, you know? ponders. so i think, similar to kingers piece you guys find mutual comfort in the fact youre both so scared of the other leaving (again, the energy around that is up to you) and in an odd way it brings you two even closer. though, i dont think that would be enough for either of you to actually overcome your fear of abandonment, because ultimately its both something you guys need to work on... but why do it alone? you guys probably share tips and build each other up, going through something with a friend/partner isnt as scary or intimidating as doing it alone... so thats nice, i think..! not many ideas for gangle, unfortunately but i think i will leave this open with the concept of both of you healing and all that :3

[rafecameronsmistress]

NO ESCAPE

description] Fem Reader x Rafe Cameron x Barry

[summary] After a rough breakup Rafe sends Barry out to find you at a party and what they have for you in store is a nightmare full of pleasure

[cw + tw] 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, abusive relationship, physical abuse, strong language, stalking, non con, alcohol use, drug use, gun use, life threatening, degrading talk, angst, fear, embarrassment, SMUT

[authors note] this one is VERY long and has VERY sensitive triggers, please read at your own risk

‼️ADULT CONTENT AHEAD‼️

Enjoy 🖤

________________________________

Text messages:

- Kie: hey are you coming to Sarah’s party tonight? it’s at the water, i can pick you up

- y/n: i dont know.. after everything that happened with Rafe im afraid he’ll show up and i don’t want to see him right now

- Kie: Sarah told me he wasn’t going because she invited pogues lmao

- y/n: i’ll think about it, i’ll call you in an hour or so

- Kie: kk <3

Rafe and i dated for a year before things got bad, we had our ups and downs but never did i expect him to put his hands on me in a violent way

Rafe hit me for the first time a month ago, he said he was sorry and that he just couldn’t handle the way things were going with his family and business

i gave him the benefit of the doubt because he has been under so much stress and sometimes i add to the problem

two days later he hit me again and split my lip open then screamed in my face because i got blood on his shirt

slowly his i love you’s turned into i hate you’s

it’s hard because i love him so much, he was the picture boyfriend, until he wasn’t

i hid the abuse, i didn’t want people to know, just incase he changed

my friends know we ended badly but they just assumed it’s because Rafe is an asshole, everybody knows he is

the first time he threatened to kill me was the day that i left, that was only a week ago

he held me down on the floor of his bedroom with one hand around my throat and the other holding his pistol to my temple “the next time you speak to me like that again i’m going to put a bullet in your fucking skull, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” his words spit on me like venom

a part of me misses him and that’s why i don’t want to see him tonight, i’ll cave and end up going home with him, i know i will, because i love him

i lay down in bed and close my eyes, i’ll make a decision in a little while

i fall asleep for a few hours and when i wake up i have another text from Kie

Kie: so Sarah and i decided you ARE coming because we need you!! she told me Rafe will not be there, the boys are coming too nothing bad is going to happen!! get dressed bitch i’ll pick you up at 7

i text JJ, John B, and Pope in a group chat

- me: hey all 3 of you are going to Sarah’s party tonight right?

- John B: yeah i’m here now helping her set up

- Pope: yes i’m picking Cleo up soon

- JJ: yep Kie called me and told me that you’re afraid Captain Douchebag will show up so obviously i will be there… and i would like to drink some alcohol…

- me: thanks boys, see you later <3

i let out a sigh of relief, at least those 3 will be able to handle Rafe if he shows up

i undress myself to take a shower and run my fingers over my yellow healing rib cage where Rafe had kicked me a couple weeks ago

tonight will be fun. tonight will be fun. tonight will be fun. i try to convince myself, i deserve to go out

after i shower i do my hair and makeup then get dressed

i throw on a short pink dress and my birkenstock sandals

7:03pm

text message

- Kie: i’m here

Kie is in my driveway playing music on full blast and dancing like a nut which makes me laugh, i’m always thankful for her trying to lift my spirits

We jam out in the car and get ourselves pumped for the party

When we get there i scan the entire lot for Rafes pickup or dirt bike, neither of which i see

“Relax y/n, he’s not coming” Kie says, she grabs my hand and holds it, we share a smile, hers excited, mine nervous

A giant bonfire glows in the middle of a heard of people

Loud music, beer, liquor, and over 100 people- kooks and pogues combined…

if Rafe isn’t coming, he at least has someone watching

i immediately grab a drink to loosen up so i can enjoy tonight, the first one goes down like water so i pour myself a second

“whoaaa slow down there killa, you’re drinking like me right now!” JJ laughs while nudging my arm “i’ll be right here all night, enjoy yourself, i got you” he says with the sweetest smile

i’m on my 3rd drink and 2nd shot, my cheeks feel rosy and i have the urge to move my hips “Sarah! come dance with me!” i demand while holding out my hand

“sorry babe, my girl needs me” she says to John B getting up from his lap, she grabs hold of my hand and we dance, solo cups in the air

the boys stay close by and enjoy watching us make a fool of our selves while they smoke a joint

my phone vibrates

text message:

- Rafe: don’t drink so much, you’ll get sick

tunnel vision. nausea. panic. swallow it, don’t let anybody know.

“i’ll be right back” i tell Sarah “i need to fill my cup”

“okay” she furrows her eyebrows “you okay?”

i give her a nod and the best smile i could

once i’m out of sight i run to Kie’s car, hopping in and locking the doors, i need to sit down, my heart is pounding out of my chest, i can hear the blood rushing in my ears

*knock knock* i jump out of my skin, i’m met face to face with Barry

“open the door sweetheart” he smiles flashing his gold teeth

this can’t be happening.

i go to grab my phone to call JJ. where is my it?

Barry waves my phone in front of my face taunting me. how the fuck did i drop it?

“open the door y/n, don’t make this difficult” he tugs on the handle “open it, i’m not playing witchu right now” i shake my head “country club wants you to come wit me, y’aint safe here without him” his eyes grow darker, i don’t budge

he gets on the phone, he’s calling Rafe “you either come out on your own or i call him and he pulls you out, your choice” i’m scared. i don’t want to make Rafe mad. but i don’t want to see him. i’m getting a headache.

i make the dumbest decision of my life. i open the door, my hands shaking 100mph.

“that’s it, let’s get you home” he says grabbing my hand hard

my face is burning up. my legs grow weak under me. i’m stone cold sober at this point.

we approach the truck, “Barry please“ i plead “i’m sorry mama, y’know him” he helps me into the passenger seat and buckles me in, “can i have my phone please, i need to tell my friends i went home” i cry “can’t letchu do that, what’s ya password, i’ll text ‘em for you” he says, i shake my head rejecting the offer

he starts the truck and we take off

his phone rings “yeah i got her, she was a good girl, she didn’t fight me” he smirks “we’ll be there soon”

i stay silent, Barry puts his hand on my thigh and i flinch at his touch “what’s wrong sweet thing, scared of a little love?” he laughs

we pull up to Tannyhill, Rafe is standing out front with a whiskey glass in his hand, he raises it and smiles at me

my stomach is in knots

i want to scream for help and run

the other half of me wants to jump into his arms and submit

Barry gets out of the truck and walks around opening my door “c’mon, get out” i jump down and fix my dress and fix a smile in attempt to hide my mixed feelings

“you look nice, who’d you get dressed up for?” Rafe asks “nobody” i reply, he laughs “sexy little thing isn’t she?” he asks Barry, “yessir” he grins

i want to crawl inside my own skin

Rafe grabs me by the arm “let’s get inside” he looks at Barry “you comin? you’re not gonna want to miss this”

he brings me to the couch and sits me down, “what to do with you?” he ponders finishing his drink

“Rafe i want to go home” i whimper

���and you know what i want? a girlfriend that doesn’t dress like a slut and go to parties without me” he seethes “since you wanna act like a slut, take your clothes off, i’ll treat you like a slut” his eyes filled with fury

“i’m not your girlfriend anymore” i whisper

“what was that?” he cocks his head to the side

“nothing” i say

i stand up and slowly pull my dress over my head, my knees becoming weak, leaving me exposed in just my panties in front of him and Barry

“lay down on the couch” he demands, i obey “now touch yourself”

“Rafe please i-“ there’s no use in begging, i bring one hand down to my pussy and run it up and down my panties, the thought of them watching begins to turn me on no matter how hard i try to reject the feeling

“she’s sweet” Barry says licking his lips

“wait til you taste her” Rafe says deviously

their words go straight to my heat, i rub my clit in circles arching my back, trying not to let out a sound

“come here” i say holding my hand out to Rafe, my pussy aching for him

“you’re gonna finish yourself off first” he smirks

Barry adjusts himself clearly growing hard, Rafe watches me like a hawk not missing a beat

i pick up the pace now craving dick inside of me, i throw my head back and whimper coming closer to an orgasm, the band in my belly snaps and my legs start convulsing, i ride out my orgasm and when i’m finished i beg to be fucked “come here- please”

Rafe looks at Barry “try her out” he says patting him on the back

the look of fear on my face. Rafe would never let someone else look at me nevermind fuck me.

“since you wanna act like a slut..” he says shrugging his shoulders, then topping off his whiskey

i become embarrassed, im attracted to Barry but being on display is not something im used to

Barry gets comfortable in the chair and pats his lap, he undoes his belt and slides his pants down to his knees, his hard on is enormous even through his boxers

i try to contain my arousal and walk toward him, looking at Rafe for approval, he nods

i lower myself to my knees and pull Barry’s erection from his boxers, it fills my entire hand

“i ain’t even gotta ask to get my dick sucked, you got this one trained man” he laughs

Rafe walks behind me and manspreads on the couch enjoying every second of this

i seal my mouth on Barry, bobbing my head up and down while working my tongue inside “shhhit” he groans, saliva begins dripping out the sides of my mouth

i go to work on his swollen cock, his moans encouraging me to get the job done “that’s it baby” he takes a sharp breath in

“get up and sit on him, facing me” Rafe commands from behind

i rise from the floor, turn around, push my panties to the floor and kick them off

i slowly seat myself on Barry’s length, i gasp taking all of him inside my cunt

his hands reaching in front of me to grab my breasts, he holds onto them and starts pumping into me from below

i try to hold myself up on the arms of the chair while i’m staring directly into Rafe’s lust filled eyes

“ohhmygod- yes- fuck me-” i moan in between breaths

“how does she feel?” Rafe growls not taking his eyes off of me “like a million bucks country club” Barry replies while slamming his hips into my ass repeatedly

“flip her onto the chair and fuck her brains out” Rafe instructs

Barry pulls me off his lap and flips me around, my chest pushed into the chair and my ass in the air he slams into me showing no mercy

i can’t control the sounds coming from my mouth, moaning, whimpering, and screaming at the way i’m being used

Barry pulls out of me and releases on my ass leaving my pussy dripping “you like that shit huh?” he says rubbing my slit from behind “taste her” Rafe says, Barry sticks his fingers in his mouth savoring the taste of me “just like candy” he tells Rafe

my torso still on the chair and my knees on the floor i lay there weak, trying to control my breathing

Barry gets dressed and pours himself a glass of liquor, sitting in the other chair

“c’mon we’re not done, get up” Rafe says, i try to stand but my legs are weak “i think you broke her” he laughs looking at Barry “sorry man, she’s got great pussy” he says

Rafe walks over to me and wraps his hand around my throat, lifting me to my feet, he sloppily kisses me and without warning plummets two fingers inside of me causing me to scream

“who’s pussy is this?” he asks pushing deeper inside of me, “it’s yours” i choke out, his hand still tight around my wind pipe,

“say it again” he growls

“it’s yours Rafe, i’m all yours” i plead

his hand slips into my hair and he guides me to the couch by my head using me like a rag doll

he throws me down on my stomach then pulls my hips into the air

“look at you, you’re a fuckin mess” he smacks my pussy causing me to cry out “you like that?” he smacks it again, i wince in a mixture of pain and pleasure

Rafe pulls me up by the back of my head “open your mouth” i open and he sticks his fingers inside, i suck his fingers just like i would suck his cock, Rafe loves having his fingers in my mouth “dirty fuckin slut” he says

he removes his fingers and forces them into my tender vagina, he works his hand slowly like he’s dissecting my insides, i move my hips back and forth trying to fuck his hand my pussy screaming to be pounded

“she just can’t get enough huh?” Barry says “i told you she was a good one” Rafe smiles

his slides his warm fingers out of me and spits on my cunt, i feel it drip down to my clit “please-“ i look back at him

Rafe pulls his shorts and boxers down exposing his delicious throbbing cock, he’s leaking precum

i brace myself

he taps the back of my pussy with his dick a few times before sliding it in, i feel myself become full of him “i gonna fuck you like i hate you” he whispers

guttural screams escape my lips as he sinks deeper into my swollen used hole, he feels so good

he pushes my face into the couch “shut the fuck up and take it”

i turn my head to the side to catch my breath and see Barry sipping on his liquor enjoying every moment, i hold eye contact with him while i cry out

Rafe picks up the pace, the sound of our skin smacking engulfs the entire room

it all becomes too much, the overstimulation is extreme, i reach back trying to push him away

“i ain’t done” he growls grabbing both my arms and pinning them behind my back “i’m gonna fuck MY pussy as long as i want”

i’m screaming at this point, i can feel him in my stomach, a new sensation arises in my pussy, stronger then an orgasm “Rafe i- i can’t-“ and then i feel a release and a gush of liquid between my legs

“squirting on me like a dirty whore” he smacks my ass hard, “i fucking love it”

“please- please-“ i sob begging him to stop, my body convulsing, eyes rolling in the back of my head

Rafe slams into once more before cumming inside me, he pulls out and places a gentle kiss on my ass

my body goes limp and i lay flat on the couch, he pulls my hips back up and holds them there, “stay up til you soak all of me in”

i lay there defeated, used, and bruised

Rafe wipes the sweat from his brows and puts his pants back on, he walks over to the table and pours himself another glass of whiskey, clinking cups with Barry

they sit across from my numb body and watch me recover

“you’re such a good girl” Rafe praises “you’re never getting rid of me”

[pixiekiwi]

Left Behind | Newt

Hiii!! First post after a year and a half of inactivity!! Im finally going to start writing again becuz my bf has inspired me to start sharing my work again!! This is a very old one shot and I barely touched it b4 actually posting it because I need something to get my account bumpin again!! Anyways I hope you enjoy, hopefully I’ll post more soon :)

𝐍𝐞𝐰𝐭 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Inspired by Wait by the River, by Lord Huron!

Warnings: Angst, terribly written (written a year ago and just now posting!) also long asf.

Words: 1,634

•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*

People say time heals. But to you, time was the opposite of what you wanted. The more time passed, the more you missed Newt. The longer you spent apart from him, the more your heart ached, and burned.

He healed you, and without him- time is nothing but an aggravating evil.

Your heart tore in two pieces the day he left the Glade, choosing your brother over Newt. You were scared to leave, all you knew was the Glade. You remember the look of defeat on Newt’s face, how he welled up with tears as you gave him one last goodbye. How tight he held you before he was hurried by Thomas. You wished he never let go, you wished he never left you.

You were afraid, terrified even, but as you watched the love of your life leave the only home you’ve ever known you broke. Shattering like a mirror - splitting your ideals from reality. To follow him, you’d risk your life to do it.

Gally was watching you closely, you knew it. His eyes never left you when the blonde left you behind, he had a firm grip on your shoulder for comfort. You knew it was to also keep you within the Glade.

It was minutes later, your shoulder ripped from Gally’s hold, throwing yourself into the maze. Shouts of protest bubbled from the remaining boys in the Glade. Gally’s shout was the loudest, his own footsteps following behind you.

You weren’t worried about him catching you, as you had always been faster than him. You didn’t know the maze, for fucks sake you were a gardener with Newt, but you had seen the map. Minho was one of your closest friends, he shared everything with you. You had helped Minho study the map with Thomas, so you remembered generally where you were supposed to go.

The hard part was trying to fight the feeling that you were losing control of your own body. Your fingers had grown numb and your eyesight had fallen hazy. The further you ran down the path of the Maze, the less yourself you felt. You felt angry, angry that Newt would truly leave without you, angry with Thomas for cutting your goodbye so short. You couldn’t explain it, but you were angry with the world.

You had lost Gally minutes ago, you didn’t care. You needed to reach the group.

When you reached the Griever Hole you stopped in your tracks, and everything went black.

—

There you were again, you were in a new place, your surroundings electronic and gray. As the hazy feeling in your body faded you saw in front of you were your friends, Newt, Thomas, Minho- but something was wrong. Chuck, on the floor, bleeding.

That’s when you felt it, a flame of pain erupted in your chest. Looking down to your hand you realized you had something in your hand. A gun. You thought.

No, no, no, no-

You looked down to where the pain was in your chest, seeing a large sharp pole sticking what felt like, straight through your heart. You tried to gasp, as time seemed to pick up its pace, two bodies rushed to you. One catching you before you fell to the ground.

The two bodies were Newt and Minho, it seemed as though chaos was erupting around them and you. Light poured into the room, you could only hear Newt’s desperate cries.

“Please (Y/N) stay with me-” salty tears trailed down the blonde's face as he held you closely to his own body. Newts free hand grazed your dirt stained and sweaty face. Your skin was so pale, it made him sick. Minho stood above him, his face filled with fear. He was yelling at someone across the room, his angry words too distant to understand.

The soft touch of Newt’s hands sent you into a flurry of unexplainable emotions. You felt like you couldn’t breathe when he was holding you, although - the spear sticking out of your chest probably had something to do with that.

“I..” you tried your best to gasp out a few words, sorrow coating your tone, “I’m.. I’m so.. So sorry.” Tears welled up in your lashes, you couldn’t see anymore. Your vision was failing.

“(Y/N) please-” Newt’s voice echoed through your once again hazy mind, you could tell he was crying; his voice raspy, “Please don’t leave me, I.. I love you please baby.”

His heart wrenching pleas were the last thing you heard as you faded into nothingness once again.

–

Months passed without Newt, unsure if he was even alive. You and Gally had been saved by Lawrence and his group. Only being picked up moments after Newt had been snatched up by WCKD. It was scary, leaving the only home you’ve ever known, knowing you killed the sweetest boy you’ve ever met, Chuck.

After telling Gally how you weren’t even conscious when it happened; he tried to convince you it was WCKD who was controlling you. And although you knew this was true, you couldn’t help but feel as though it was you the whole time. You remember feeling angry before, but you never wanted to kill anyone.

And now here you were, perched on the large windowsill in Lawrence’s office, gazing out into the Scorch as your brother patrolled the outside of the Last City.

You were close with Lawrence, he grew to be like a father figure over you and Gally. You had confided with him about Newt and your friends in the Glade, and he understood. Lawrence himself lost a lot of friends, especially since he was half cranked-out.

Gally had been a big support system for you as well, he had comforted you through the nights you had cried yourself into exhaustion, missing the one person who made you feel whole.

You missed the warm summer nights in the Glade you spent with Newt, under the starry sky - wrapped up in his arms. He held you so tight, like he never wanted to let go - but he did.

“Y/N,” Lawrence’s raspy voice startled you from your thoughts, looking to the older man you noticed he was holding an orchid gazing at you quizzically, “Where did you go?”

You pulled your legs up to your chest, glancing out the window once more as you hummed in response, “Oh you know, wonderland.” You scoffed slightly at your own words, turning back to Lawrence.

Lawrence chuckled in response, his focus shifting back to the roses he was watering.

You sighed, your head resting on the window pane next to you. Closing your eyes tiredly - before you could pass out you heard commotion in the hallway. You sighed frustratedly, tucking yourself further behind the plants that guarded the windowsill. Maybe it was Gally finally coming back from patrol, you didn’t care though as you really just wanted to get some shut eye.

The door of Lawrence’s office flew open, causing your own eyes to snap open. You were hidden far enough in the window that you couldn’t make out who it was that had barged in so rudley.

“Gally- I’m glad to see you made it back, Jasper told me what happened,” the Crank man hummed his words.

“It was a slaughter,” The gruff voice of your brother seemed to cut through the eerie environment of Lawrence’s office, “there was nothing we could do against those guns.” Your heart sunk, you didn’t want to hear anymore - tuning out Lawrence’s response you played with your hands. Ignoring the aching feeling of sorrow in your chest, more people dead in an already deserted world.

Lawrences sudden sternness of voice caught your attention, causing you to tune into the conversation once more, “Now. Who are these people? Why are they here?”

Gally brought someone to Lawrence?

There was a tense pause of silence, and you held your breath, awaiting the unknown person to speak.

“We need to get into WCKD.”

The familiar voice sent you into a spiral of emotions, your body freezing up and going numb, was it really Thomas? You made a move to stand as Thomas continued speaking - “Gally said you can get us through the walls.” Your heart stopped, it really was him, his voice was more serious than it was back in the Glade, maybe even a bit fearful.

You froze before moving into sight of the others. You were preparing for the worse, what if Newt wasn’t with him? What if… You didn’t even want to think about it - your eyes welled up with tears as you hesitantly moved from behind the wall of plants.

You froze, looking to where the familiar group stood in front of you - each of their eyes now on you. Every expression showed surprise, but you didn’t care about that - your own eyes meeting the one person you missed so dearly. Newt.

You gasped - the tears that threatened to fall earlier now trailing down your face.

The blonde boy lurched forward, his arms around your frame immediately, crushing you with a force you didn’t know he had. His own shoulders seemed to shake - he was crying too.

You broke a sob as your arms wrapped weakly around his waist. You never expected to see him again, you thought he was gone.

“Newt- I’m so sorry,” your sobs broke through his chest as your arms pulled him closer to your body.

He shushed you immediately “No (Y/N), I shouldn’t have ever left you,” his own cries broke his composure- pulling you closer than ever.

Your head shook, apologizing over and over again while Newts lips kissed the top of your head, whispering how much he loved you.

This time, he truly would never leave you behind.

[capipie]

FIRST MEETINGS ♡ ♡ arlecchino x gn!reader

part of my harbinger fantasy au series ( more info here )

synopsis : there's never a quiet day for someone like arlecchino. especially not when she receives word of an assassin from a neighbouring kingdom coming to wreak havoc in her homeland... well, there's plenty she can do about that, isn't there?

notes : 2nd person , small text . warnings for mentions of blood + death ( reader is ' attacked ' by an assassin )

a/n : psssht it isnt super long or anything, but there's a little less to say in regards to how the reader meets all of the harbingers compared to future endeavours ( with the exception of perhaps scaramouche ? ) this wasnt crazy proofread or anything n my brain is a little jumbled so im sorry if it doesnt feel very substanced eheh ...

Arlecchino spun the handle of her dagger around in her fingers, leaning against the wall. The city was near silent as the moon hung high in the sky, and the light of the streetlamps had long since been put out. The only thing left to illuminate her figure was the starlight above her.

"Lyney. Your report," She said, not even bothering to glance in the direction of the darker parts of the alley. She didn't need to in order to know he was already there.

"Father," Lyney stepped forth out of the shadows, raising his eyes to behold the face of the masked woman standing before him. "We've gathered some information you may be interested in."

There was nothing sweeter than the thrill of the kill for a person like Arlecchino. Not because she particularly enjoyed it, but because she knew that everything she did was to protect the sanctity of her home. The safety and peace enjoyed by the kingdom's citizens could only remain if a certain price was paid.

When she opened the door and saw the figure standing over your bed with a dagger, poised and ready to strike, she wasted no time. Striking like a phantom, wrenching the blade out of their hands and pressing it to their throat — she leered over their shoulder, with a glare quite unmatched by any other.

"Begone, foul parasite."

A splatter of blood hit the floor as Arlecchino pulled the blade across the assassin's throat. The threat was eliminated, but she'd have to be quick in disposing of the evidence, before—

"...Hm." It seemed a little late for that, as when she looked up from the corpse she'd dropped to the floor, she saw you. Wide awake, with an expression of abject horror like you'd been watching the entire time.

Arlecchino furrowed her brow, deciding it would be better to leave before the situation escalated and turning to leave the room. You, however, seemed unwilling to let that happen. Arms wrapped shakily around her midsection, you pulled her back without any warning.

Arlecchino had half a mind to shove you away and get out as soon as possible. But when she felt a sudden trembling against her chest and a wetness soaking into her shirt, she suddenly couldn't quite bring herself to do that.

Her hand came to rest in the small of your back, careful to keep her sharp nails away from your delicate skin. Carefully, she set the dagger grasped in her other hand off to the side, not caring to notice if the blood staining its blade would dirty the furniture this time. There were far more pressing matters at hand.

"I'm sorry. Did I frighten you?" She murmured, voice low but far from threatening.

"No, no, you... You saved my life, I'm just..." You trailed off into quiet hiccups, clutching onto the fabric of Arlecchino's cloak. The truth was, you'd been awake long before Arlecchino stepped in to save you, but far too afraid to even move.

Knowing you were seemingly safe now... A sense of both relief and terror washed over you in a heavy wave, and you barely knew how to handle it.

There wasn't much left to be said for Arlecchino; she just rubbed gentle circles into your back with one hand, trying to soothe your shock. Although she was more than willing to do harm to those she had to, she was far from a cruel individual. Seeing such a delicate thing in such distress filled her with a sense of discomfort.

"Don't worry," She said eventually, eyes falling upon the corpse of the would-be assassin strewn across the floor by the window. "I'll clean everything up for you. And I'll make sure this never happens again."

Your head tilted up to look at her, tear-stained cheeks glittering in the moonlight.

"W-Who... Who are you?"

"...Just your guardian angel."

The room fell back into silence after that. You sniffled quietly as Arlecchino set you back to bed, gently tucking the covers around your shoulders and smoothing out the creases of the blanket. After a moment of hesitation, she also leaned down to press a gentle kiss to the crown of your head, smoothing down any stray hairs with a gentle stroke of her hand.

"Sleep now — and don't be afraid. I promise to keep a close eye on you from now on," She whispered softly into your ear, before standing up straight again.

Everything that happened in that room was never spoken of again. Although you could vividly recall your saviour's voice, the appearance of the woman eluded you — and you weren't eager to go speaking of such events to anyone else. Not when you knew what Pierro would have to say about it.

Ah... But who was that mysterious lady?

[bartxnhood]

complete mess | a.f.i

ashton irwin x reader

summary: based on this request

warnings: mentions of bad relationships, alcohol, some language.

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

you stood alone, abandoned at the bar. lucas, your boyfriend, was nowhere to be seen. on the verge of tears, you began to feel very frustrated with his actions.

sure, you expected this from him, but on your birthday? did he not care about you at all? you looked over the sea of people, dancing, talking, drinking, and eating in an attempt to find your boyfriend but, nothing. your eyes landed on ashton, he saw the sadness in your eyes and knew.

this sadness has been lurking in your eyes for months now. no matter how badly you tried to hide it and put on a facade, ashton saw right through it.

you had become so insecure because of lucas, and ashton was tired of it. you deserved someone worth your time, you deserved someone who would look at you like you were the only thing good in this world. you deserved someone to treat you like you were the most delicate person on the face of the earth.

you deserved someone better.

he wished you wanted him.

to ashton, you were the best thing in his life. you had such a beautiful smile, the way you lit up as if he had done something stupid and you couldn’t help but laugh. you were the brightest star in the night sky. you made ashton a better person. and to see lucas belittle you, seeing you lose the light in your eyes, watching you slowly creep into a shell of made him angry. this wasn’t supposed to happen to you. not his y/n. not ashton best girl.

pushing past the crowd of people, peter was determined to be by your side. “y/n.” ashton emerged,. “ash” you sighed, feeling weight being lifted from your shoulders. “he left me.” you finally blurted, you felt a pang in your chest knowing tears would soon follow. ashton wrapped his arms around you, letting your head rest on his chest. “i know” he sighed, rubbing your back gingerly. “ash, your shirt” you huffed, looking up at him. afraid of ruining it with your makeup. “shh it’s fine” he shook his head, wiping away your tears with his callused thumb. he held you for a minute, but it felt like forever to you. “cmon, im taking you home.” he suggested, pulling away and reaching for your hand. “you don’t need to be here.” you nodded, following behind him and out the large doors.

exiting the building, ashton’s touch never left the small of your back. “he had no right to do that to you, y/n/n” he huffed. you knew he was upset, and so were you. thinking you could get over your feelings for ashton but you only got hurt in return.

oh, foolish heart.

you had been swooning after ashton since high school. always liked him from a distance, even if the two of you were the best of friends.

you weren’t good with confrontation, let alone rejection. because what if he rejected you? how could the two of you possibly stay friends after something like that?

but when you had got with lucas just a few years out of high school, ashton was the first to tell you his feelings.

even if it was a little too late.

“i can’t believe he would be that stupid to leave you alone. if i see him, i’m gonna-“ you were quick to grab his hand, cutting him off. “ash. don’t. just relax.”

ashton had accepted that lucas was your boyfriend but he’d still do everything he could to be in your life, as long as you were happy, he was happy. but seeing you so broken, and being used. he couldn’t let it continue.

“promise me something, y/n?” your eyes met with his. both of you stopping in your tracks. “end it with him. you don’t need someone like that in your life.”

“i will.”

ashton had suggested he take you back to his place, to avoid seeing lucas when he came back later that evening.

you sat on the edge of ashtons bed, still in your dress while ashton had gotten you some water and advil to help with your growing headache. your eyes stared out the window, the night illuminated by only the stars. “i brought you some extra clothes, in case you wanted to change.” he entered the room, some folded clothes in hand, and laid them next to you. your eyes followed him, “thank you.” he nodded, “it’s no problem” he shot you a sympathetic smile and handed you the medicine and bottle.

“you’re always saving me, ash. thank you” you sniffled as you took the two painkillers and downed them with a swig of water.

ashton only hummed, watching you take the clothes in hand and making your way to the bathroom.

and when you returned, ashton had changed as well. you tossed the blaxl dress on the floor and went back to ashton’s bed.

“feel better?” he looked up at you, only getting a shrug from you. “can you help me take my hair down? there’s a lot of pins” he patted the spot in front of him which you scooted over and he proceeded to pick the pins out of your hair. “you know” ashton started, “lucas has no idea what he’s missing out on.” you simply shrugged, you couldn’t stomach talking about him again.

“i don’t know what i was thinking, i thought i could get my mind off someone else, but i only got hurt worse. i’m so stupid” a dry laugh escapes your lips. ashton paused, now knowing why you had started dating lucas. but his shoulders dropped knowing you probably liked someone else. “stop. stop blaming yourself.” he hummed.

his scratchy voice sending chills down your spine. you only let your shoulders drop. looking down at your hands. soon enough he had gotten a majority of the pins out. and with that, you finally let your hair down letting up the stress on the scalp.

ashton got a whiff of the scent of your shampoo and he couldn’t help but look away. you still haven’t changed it all these years. that familiar floral smell filled his nostrils. it was still the same kind you used in high school, he wishes he could smell forever.

it was obvious you liked someone else. you discarded the hairpins, and sat next to ashton again. “if it wasn’t for you, i’d be so lost. i’m so glad you came into my life” you smiled sadly, and he placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. “you’ll always have me in your corner. id do anything for you, you know that.” you nodded. you did know, hell, if you didn’t have him you’d still be miserable. he was always there for you. no matter what.

you were now curled up on ashtons chest, your eyes still glued to the window. not saying anything, you thought he had fallen asleep by now. but when you looked up at him, he was looking down at you. “i thought you were asleep.” he laughed, a simple shake of his head. you smiled, the dim light of his lamp made his skin look so beautiful, the way his hair lay in his eyes, and how he looked at you. you could stare at him for ages.

you felt your heart beating, feeling as if it would beat out of your chest. you wondered if this was the moment you’d tell ashton how you felt for the past decade.

“what’s on your mind?” he asks softly, you hum. thinking if this was the right moment and if the words that were about to spill from your lips were a good idea. your eyes flicked from his hazel eyes to your fingers, picking at your cuticles.

“do you remember a while back when you confessed to me and i had just gotten with lucas?” you ask. when you look up you see him studying you. he nods slowly, “yeah?”.

you puff your cheeks then release the air, sighing. “i liked you too at the time, and i still..well..i love you. i was with lucas simply because i thought you didn’t like me like that..” you groaned quietly, realizing how stupid it sounded.

you saw his face contort, trying to process your words. you can’t seem to read his expression. he falls silent for a moment, replaying his confession over and over again. it was all making sense.

“ash?” you say, hoping he wouldn’t be so upset with you. “i wish you would’ve told me sooner..” he says, followed by a sigh. you frown, assuming you have missed your opportunity with your best friend.

“but..” he continued, “i still love you, y/n. i have since we were teenagers. i don’t think id ever be able to get over you. you have me wrapped around your finger and i’d do anything for you.”

you feel your heart racing, your cheeks flushed pink, and you feel like you were back in high school.

“ashton, will you kiss me?”

the brown-haired boy stared at you, hazel eyes wide. his lips parted, “did you just ask if i’d-“ “kiss me” you interrupted him. this time begging him. “please” you whispered. ashton sat up, his eyes not leaving yours once as he brought his hand to your cheek and then pressed his lips on yours ever so lightly. afraid he would hurt you in any way. his lips felt so soft against yours. pure bliss engulfed your body. this was what you imagined your kiss with ashton to be like. when he pulled away, eyes meeting with yours his cheeks were flushed. having such a huge crush on you, he never thought he would have this moment with you.

your hands on his neck, you leaned in again connecting your lips. this time this kiss was longer and more intimate. your hands tangled in his brown curls while he was resting on your lower back, occasionally pulling you in. when you pulled away, catching your breath you couldn’t help but stare at him. his hand ran over your waist, playing with the hem of your shirt as the two of you watched the other, breathing each other in. ashton’s smiles, his calloused thumb tracing your cheekbone. “you make me complete, y/n.”

maybe this birthday wasn’t so bad after all.

[leviiackrman]

WHAT DOES YOUR SOLE LOOK LIKE & TYPES OF CANNIBALISM;

I was tagged by @faerune @chuckhansen + @corvosattano to take this uquiz for some kiddos, and I also threw in the most recent uquiz tag cus I’m slow tehe! Thank you sm beloveds🤍

Tagging (anyone and everyone cus idk who’s done what lmao): @risingsh0t @bbrocklesnar @roofgeese @unholymilf @florbelles @arklay @captmactavish @shellibisshe @simonxriley @queennymeria @marivenah @nokstella @mrdekarios @thedeadthree @jacobseed @jackiesarch @heroofpenamstan @dameayliins @carlosoliveiraa @shadowglens @fenharel @alexxmason @tekehu @malefiicarum @brujah @solasan @arthrmorgann @garaviel @baldurians @jendoe + @nightbloodbix

A BIRD IN A COVERED CAGE;

They left without you. Put you out of sight and therefore out of mind. You sing every morning like nothing's changed, talk to the walls to keep yourself company. Just you, the darkness and your own denial that you are completely alone. Nurse your wounds, get yourself some water.

RITUALISTIC CANNIBALISM;

eating others as a religious act, a form of human sacrifice or tradition in the name of a deity. you care a lot about your grades, or used to as a child, and would cry if you got a b in English. you are a people pleaser. you are good at self discipline. you desperately want to achieve success, in whatever way that means to you, and feel the need to devote your life to something you find bigger than yourself, in order for your life to have meaning. you probably had an eating disorder. or an anxiety disorder

BLOOD IN A LAMBS WOOL;

You're the victim, right? It hurts, everyday it hurts. It's obvious you're tainted, pulled into hell as soon as you stepped upon earth. You'll never know peace, you'll never know a life without violence. Im sorry. Wash your face and your hands, don't let your wounds carve deeper.

SURVIVAL CANNIBALISM;

eating others to prevent starvation and not as a part of a cultural practice, usually as a result of an emergency or a famine. my sweet baby angel, you have not been touched by the darkness. I'm sorry if this scared you. you are a normal person with normal person problem. you want to get married. you dance with your friends. and you would never ever eat them (right?) it's surprising what can happen to a person, when pushed to the extreme though. have you ever wondered about that?

A PILE OF BUBBLES, AN IRIDESCENT MESS;

Well aren't you just all over? You're appealing but you're fragile, one wrong move and you lose all that you are. You were meant to be stepped on, broken, but the joy you bring to onlookers is unmatched. Do with that as you will and take very good care of yourself, have a snack.

AUTO CANNIBALISM;

the practise of eating parts of ones own body. you consider yourself an introvert. private and reserved. you don't like asking for help, even when you need it. secretly your biggest fear is being abandoned, which is why you abandon others first. in the end you will be your own destroyer. you stay in a dark room, curled up like a worm, eating yourself.

DOG TEETH;

You're vicious, but you're afraid. You have to make the first punch, and make sure your opponent can't land one. But you need to stop seeing everyone as an enemy. The only one being violent is you, your anger and your defensiveness is killing you. Take a nap, rest your head and clear your mind. Come back in the morning.

FILIAL CANNIBALISM;

the eating of one's own offspring. eating offspring has been documented in a variety of mammal and bird species – as well as fish, insects and spiders. hunger and quality control are among the many reasons proposed for this counterintuitive survivor of natural selection. you think of yourself as a logical person, and you probably went through a hardcore atheist phase. you consider this logic a virtue. to you, logic and emotion are two opposites, where one is superior to the other. wait until you find out that logic is an emotion. you are a great problem solver. your partiality towards objectivism though, is often less helpful than you realise. you have a hard time taking criticism.

[pompoenwolkjes]

hiii hope you dont mind me asking about your wips specifically fem hyunin and for all us darling aliens 👀 (also im going to answer the ask you sent me soon 🩵)

Hi!! Thank you for asking! I absolutely don't mind, more yelling time for me! hahah

Fem hyunin is actually one that I have changed the plot for two times already and I might switch gears again once I write more hdhd the only clear though my brain had while writing this, was "LESBIAN HYUNIN" and that's it hahaha but I CAN tell you what it's current plot is:

its enganged Jeongin whose slowly falling out of love with her partner. And they both can tell but like each other enough to give it some more time in the hopes that the feelings will return.

And its Hyunjin who accompanies her friend to a family gathering, seeing Jeongin and immediately being enthralled by her.

Likewise, Jeongin is very interested in getting to know more about the beautiful girl who keeps staring at her and who blushes so prettily when she looks back.

Cue lots of Hyunjin pining and Jeongin having way to much fun flustering her, which later turns into Jeongin coming over to Hyunjin's place.

Snippet:

Jeongin blinks at the bottle of wine on the kitchen island. Hyunjin already hurrying over to fill up their glasses. Almost folding into herself, looking small and fragile, nervous. So different to the way she’d beamed when she opened the door to find Jeongin on the other side, unashamed joy on her face before carefully tucking it away. Being so happy about someone else’s fiancée turning up on your doorstep might not be proper, Jeongin gets it, even if she thinks it’s stupid. There’s nothing for Hyunjin to be ashamed of.  Hyunjin’s still fidgeting with the bottle, trying to get the screw-cap off, fingers shaking, eyes downcast. And Jeongin thinks she might know what this is about after all.  Gently she reaches out and puts two fingers on Hyunjin’s soft skin, tilting her chin up to meet her eyes.  “I don’t need to be drunk to like you, Hyunjin-ah” Wide eyes stare back at her, lips parted in surprise, slight blush on her cheeks and god she looks so lovely.

for all us darling aliens is my space au! Chan, Changbin and Minho are a space traveling crew, with Chan and Changbin being humans and Minho a (wild)cat shapeshifter. Changbin and Minho are in a relationship. On one of their travels, Minho gets very ill and Changbin sets out to find a cure for him while Chan stays behind to take care of Minho.

Going through space on your own is not very smart but they can't leave Minho alone or take him on the ship either. Along the way Changbin meets the rest of the skz who are from different planets. Including Hyunjin, who Changbin very quickly catches feelings for while still being in love with Minho as well. And the closer they get to the cure, the more conficted Changbin feels, wanting to get back to Minho as soon as possible but also not knowing what to say about Hyunjin. Main paring is minbinjin (help what are those three called hdhdh) with side seungin, jilix, and Chan joins a pairing but I'm not yet spoiling which one heheh

Snippet:

Seungmin doesn’t try to hide his displeasure when he turns around to face Changbin.  “We don’t have to take this route-” “We need the minerals for Minho,” Changbin interrupts. “It’s not the only planet that has those minerals,” Seungmin coldly points out. “It is the closest one,” Changbin returns, just as blunt. “Finding another planet like this might take us more time than we have. You know that damn well.” Seungmin deflates, looking a little lost instead of the intimidating presence he was moments before.  “Just- don’t make him fight, I- please, I’m not afraid of dying but not him, he wasn’t meant for this.” Hand coming up to protectively rest on the back of his neck like he can still feel the warmth Jeongin’s fingers left on his skin.  “He’d do it if you asked, so fiercely loyal," Seungmin can’t stop the fondness that bleeds into his tone but his gaze is sharp, like he knows his words hit home, knows Changbin isn’t just thinking of Jeongin when he looks over Seungmin’s shoulder, eyes flitting to another fierce little thing. One he’s just as desperate to protect as Seungmin is with Jeongin.

UM SO this is LONG omg sorry I am incapable of making my snippets short dhhdhd

Thank you again for taking an interest in my silly thoughts and letting me yell about them, I had fun writing it down <3

[cahhly]

stupid, stupid love

word count: 1.6k (brevity?? we don’t know her)

warnings: none? this is pure fluff, maybe a little angst if you like close your eyes and spin in a circle

a/n: im realizing im bad at ending fics. idk man brain just go brrrrrr and i keep TYPING. very sorry.

eddie should’ve known this is how things were bound to end up. really, he should’ve seen it coming. instead he chose to ignore all the big, red warning signs, like your stupid soft skin, skin that set his ablaze by a simple brushing of hands. like your stupid smile, a curving of plush lips that eddie would sacrifice his left hand for, just to watch it grace your stupid face. like your even stupider general presence, your simple existence that has weaseled it’s way into the hardest parts of him, the one’s that even he was afraid to look at sometimes. you’ve made a stupid home inside his stupid chest, and it warms him from the inside out, sometimes burning so hot eddie was convinced he’d spontaneously combust.

he was fucked. absolutely, and irrevocably, fucked as he shifts nervously on his stupid bed, watching you from the corner of his eye, sat diagonally opposite him and leaned in to paint swooping lines of black on his fingernails. his room bathed in a soft, warm light from a the evening sun peeking through his blinds, casting a halo of light over your head. you look like a an angel, he thinks to himself, his stupid throat constricting with sense of yearning.

eddie’s convinced he’s surely going to vomit all over his comforter, the smell of nail polish and your stupid perfume filling his senses, bat wings fluttering in his stomach. your hands are so delicate and precise, each stroke of polish perfectly placed and intricate, painting with the expertise of an artist, touch always so gentle and careful with him, only ever for him. he didn't want to interrupt the moment, but his pulse races as he watches your brows furrow with concentration, hands itching to reach up and smooth the creases between them.

a warmth creeps up eddie’s cheeks as you bring his fingers to your lips, red hot scalding from the tops of ears to the tips of his sock clad toes, your eyes finally meeting. an unexpected feeling begins to settle in his chest, and oh god, please god, don’t let him be having a stupid fucking heart attack. his breath stutters, this feeling wrapping around his lungs and heart, squeezing relentlessly. you’re looking at him so softly, like he’s something to be hung up in one of those art museums you talk about so often, it’s almost unbearable.

eddie can’t seem to focus on anything but you, your graceful hands holding his, your soft voice humming along to his metallica record, and the way your warm breath is fanning across his skin, goosebumps rocketing against his already much too hot flesh, and fuckfuckfuck he’s going to pass out. he wanted nothing more than to turn his attention away, and focus on something else, anything else at all, but with every puff of breath from your puckered lips, he’s drawn deeper and deeper into you, your warm aura calling to him.

finally leaning back and looking over his hands, touches of color highlighting his skin, the corners of your lips pull up into a satisfied smile. a smile that seemed to stretch from one end of the room to the other. a pang of disappointment ricocheting through eddie at the sudden loss in proximity, realizing the moment was over and you would be gathering up your things to leave soon. his brain scrambled for a reason for you to stay, just a few moments longer, he didn’t want to have to miss you yet.

standing from his bed and swinging your bag over your shoulder, you squeeze eddie’s shoulder gently, “i’ll call to let you know i made it home, alright eds?” you say sweetly, making your way to his bedroom door

“wait!” eddie called out, his voice coming out a bit louder than he intended, startling you both. his heart was pounding as you turned around, looking at him with a mix of surprise and intrigue in your eyes. 

“waiting” you respond, an amused smirk on your face. 

eddie swallowed, feeling his face flush even darker than before, surely his skin was melting off like some kind of shitty horror movie. he was desperate for an excuse, to say something that would make you stay, but all the words seem stuck in his throat as his mind goes blank.


“i, uh, i know you have to go soon, but uh - do you maybe have time for a joint?” eddie’s tongue feels like lead in his mouth, words rushing out and somehow slurring all at once, “i got a new record, too, we could yknow uh.. listen to it together? maybe just sit and talk?” he murmurs, mentally facepalming so hard he could almost physically feel it. sit and talk? SIT AND TALK? he couldn’t even bring himself to calmly ask you to hang out a little bit longer, what in the absolute fuck was he going to have a CONVERSATION about?

“you know i can’t say no to you” you chide playfully, those 8 little words piercing eddie straight through the sternum. he just knew that if he looked down he’d see blood pouring from his chest - a stain spreading from the center of his shirt, absolutely drenched in the ruby red of words unspoken, red of desire, red of craving, of pining, of aching. he wondered if maybe you could see it, too.

sitting thigh to thigh with you on his bed, eddie exhales with a satisfied sigh, the soft spinning of his new record and the mellow smell of weed fuzzing his brain just enough to almost distract him from the way your body heat was seeping into him from hip to calve, singeing his flesh through the thin layer of his jeans. the way you looked so pretty this way, eyes rimmed red and hazy from the effects of the joint, thick smoke dancing across your face in soft swirls, having the audacity to kiss your cheeks the same way eddie longed to do. the way he could wrap his arms you, and fall backwards into his sheets right now, and cradle you close. lull you to sleep with all these sweet nothings trapped behind his teeth - almost.

“eddie?” your soft voice calls, snapping him from his self indulgent thoughts, “hmm?” he rumbles, eyes finding yours quickly.

you pause before continuing, face scrunching up in something that resembles a grimace, and eddie can practically smell the smoke leaking from the cogs in your head. almost instinctively, he’s reaching over, resting soothing hand on your leg. “take your time, sweetheart.” he mutters reassuringly, trying to squash down the bubbling anxiety in his own stomach. eddie knew you two were friends, he would even go as far as to say best friends, but that tiny voice in the back of his mind can’t help but remind him that you are YOU. beautiful, wonderful, kind and caring, friendly with everyone - you. and he is him. freak, outcast, wretched and wrecked, him.

eddie’s throat was closing, maybe you’re realizing you could have a more than him, be more popular without him, avoid scalding gazes and venomous whispers if you got away from him, and you were trying to let him down easy, and oh god is it hot in here? he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, he can’t-

“i think i’m in love with you.” your voice is almost inaudible, a barely there nervous quiver, and eddie freezes, ripped from his spiraling. his world shakes, rattles and rolls from his grasp. he can feel his eyes widening, can feel his heart skipping over beats, feel his most vital of organs creating a cacophony of wrong signals inside of him - but it’s not HIM, no, he’s observing this moment from across his bedroom, physical form frozen in place.

time passes, or maybe it doesn’t, eddie isn’t positive. your cheeks are flushed, eyes wide and wet - and suddenly you’re looking away from him, “I uh...I uhm,” your lips are trembling, your fists are white knuckling eddie’s sheets, and his brain is screaming at him to do ANYTHING. SAY ANYTHING. because he can hear the lump in your throat as you stare at your feet, “sorry. maybe i should go.“ you’re reaching for your bag, getting ready to stand up, and eddie can feel his chance slipping through his fingers like sand. panic sets deep within his bones, his mind blurs the edges of rationality because YOU are in love with HIM. sweet and kind and gentle and gracious you, in love with rough and tattered and foul mouthed him.

you’re in love with him.

you’re in love with him.

you’re in love with him.

he’s not really sure what happened next, but next thing he knows, his lips are against yours, soft and electric at the same time – like nothing he'd ever experienced. he’s carefully pulling you closer, head swimming, feeling you sigh and gladly complying with the situation at hand.

you taste like contentment, euphoria, bliss. like years of yearning, longing, loving from a distance. late night phone calls, comforting words and inside jokes. rolling paper, honey scented chapstick, and home.

finally parting for air, eddie seemed to come to his senses. you hovered only inches away and grinned at him, all teeth and dreams come true, cheeks flushed red. 

“so,” you laughed, “that was definitely worth the wait.” 

eddie couldn't help but smile back, heart still thundering in his chest. he could feel his face mirroring your rosy hue, but he didn't mind anymore. you were right, the wait had been more than worth it.

[alienintrees]

Beatles songs that remind me of Grantaire

because I can and will mash together all of my obsessions something something 60s AU.

this is already long so i'll be shortening some quotes but also it's. it's abt les mis ofc it's super long

also thank you Genius.com annotations on Beatles songs

Do You Want To Know A Secret - im a sucker for cute enjoltaire shit.

I Want To Hold Your Hand - cmon. cmon. you know why.

Yesterday - feels like "let me sleep here until I die" like R thinking abt how a couple days ago he was just hanging out and joking with his friends and now he's forced to process the fact that they're not going to survive the barricade.

Nowhere Man - this song is based on John not being sure of who he was, "doing nothing and going nowhere" which is very R. also features the line "he's as blind as he can be" which reminds me of "no one loves the light like the blind man".

With a Little Help from my Friends - R cares abt his friends. I think that, while he wouldn't admit it, Les Amis mean so much to him. He needs them. "I get by with a little help from my friends" "he took no pleasure anywhere but there; he followed them everywhere. His joy was to see these forms go and come through the fumes of wine."

Fool on the Hill - "Day after day, alone on a hill, the man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still. But nobody wants to know him, they can see that he's just a fool" ok this is reminds me of "All those words: rights of the people, [revolution, etc.] came very near to signifying nothing whatsoever to Grantaire. He smiled at them. Scepticism, that caries of the intelligence, had not left him a single whole idea."

Blue Jay Way - (omg i need more people to listen to this song i love it so much) similar to yesterday. "and my friends have lost their way. 'We'll be over soon,' they said, now they've lost themselves instead" again, thinking about how his friends are going to die. "Ask a policeman on the street, there's so many there to meet" mk so the song itself is about George waiting for the other Beatles to come to his house but they are lost in a fog. Blue Jay Way overlooks an area called the Sunset Strip, where a series of riots took place. "please, don't be long, or I may be asleep". he falls asleep at the barricade.

Hello, Goodbye - oh nooo Enjolras and Grantaire arguinggg. smth smth uhhhh Grantaire's laid-back nature compared to Enjolras' austere nature. which one is "you" and which one is "I"?i don't know, i think it sort of changes depending on the line. "You say yes, I say no, you say stop, and I say go, go, go. You say goodbye, and I say hello." "You say 'why?' and I say 'I don't know'."

Something - R and Enj "Somewhere in her smile, she knows that I don't need no other lover." "He had need of Enjolras". also "Something in the way she knows ... something in the things she shows me" "That chaste, healthy, firm, upright, hard, candid nature charmed him, without his being clearly aware of it. His soft, shapeless ideas attached themselves to Enjolras as to a spinal column. His moral backbone leaned on that firmness. Grantaire in the presence of Enjolras became someone once more." edit: alsoo R being in love with Enj but being afraid of getting closer to him because he knows that Enj is going to die. "You're asking me, will my love grow? I don't know, I don't know. You stick around, now, it may show, I don't know, I don't know" "I don't wanna leave her now, you know I believe, and how."

because I can and will find parallels between anything I like and the Beatles

[bobatelevision]

i had to put my sweet baby down yesterday...

on thursday morning he was fine, eating and drinking fine. nothing out of the ordinary. thursday night he seems to have trouble breathing, he had discharge around his eyes, and kept making these pained noises I've never heard him make before. he had no appetite and wasnt drinking water. i bought some critical care to try force feeding him but he wasnt accepting it at all and tried to give him a mix of pedialyte + water to get him fluids and he accepted some but not a lot. i thought he maybe had some upper respiratory infection and maybe needed antibiotics, so i started calling some veterinarians in my area.

it was really late at night too so i called around and had such a hard time finding a vet to treat him bc most of the animal hospitals either:

-serviced guinea pigs

-their exotic vet wasnt in that night

-serviced guinea pigs but was closed

i was scared to even go to sleep that night bc his conditioned looked so bad, i didnt think he would even make it to the morning. but he managed to survive the night, so i called around again and was able to find a vet about 40 min away that could take him. we enter the hospital and they immediately take him in and i was in the waiting room. the doc comes out to talk to me to explain what was happening.

he had a stone in his bladder that was blocking his urethra and he couldn't urinate. bladder stones can be very life threatening bc if an animal cant pee, it can develop an infection (sepsis) and even get a heart attack. when she examined him, everytime she palpated his bladder he would be in pain, so they gave him a pain injection. they lead me into a room to explain what his treatment would consist of, and i was fucking shocked.

nearly $5k for his surgery and treatment, i couldn't fucking believe it. the worst part is there really was no plan b on his treatment that wasn't euthanasia. i felt so fucking sick, but i had to think on it more. i thought about maybe calling other animal hospitals but i already had a lot of trouble trying to find anyone to treat him at all, and even if there was a miracle situation where i could afford his treatment, it would not guarantee that he wouldnt fall ill again. on top of the fact that guinea pigs are really fragile creatures and dont have very long life spans. the procedure is incredibly invasive and could put so much stress on his little body. i didnt want him to be in more pain than he really was.

so i made the tough decision on putting him down, because i didn't want him to suffer any longer. i'm so heartbroken bc although i knew we would part ways one day, i didnt imagine it would be so soon. we spent past 3 years together, i adopted him mid pandemic bc being stuck in a different country from the rest of my family is incredibly isolating. i gave him so much love and spoiled him so much. he ate veggies & hay to his hearts content, would start cui-cuing at the sound of a bag being opened, he got to sleep in the largest and comfiest pet beds. he used to sleep on my nap while i gamed or watched shows. he was very skittish with people, except for me bc he knew i would give him the world. i'm feeling so defeated rn. i stayed with him til the very last moment, he was very sedated but soo cuddly in the last hour. the only thing to bring me peace of mind is knowing he was relaxed and in no pain in his final moments.

he doesn't know the amount of people that love him around the world, even as far as Australia. he had an impact on many people. all my irls and my online friends absolutely adored him. even my mom, who is deathly afraid of rodents, thought he was so cute and precious bc of how fluffy he is. his departure left a huge hole in my heart. when i got back home, i bursted into tears looking at his empty enclosure. im so used to him jumping around and getting quirked up when he hears me enter my room. i just cant believe i'll never get to see him, or hold him, or even feed him again.

Rest in Peace, my beloved Taro.

I love you so dearly, you may very little but you had a very huge heart.. and appetite. You will always be missed and I hope you are enjoying large quantities of lettuce in cui cui heaven.

[microwavedlion]

guess whooooo ! 🎤🐍

my favorite part of the experience (not really a specific part of tit so not a spoiler for anyone that sees this) was that it just made it so clear how much they love us and each other and it warms my heart that the phandom has come this far and it truly feels like a phamily :))

im sorry to hear about your scholarship ! hopefully you can get it back, and i hope with all of my heart that you can get any resources you need to do whats right for you. im actually taking this semester off doing online courses at a community college in my hometown, but next semester i'll go back to my university and try to pick up where i left off. school isn't for everyone, i'm coming to learn, but unfortunately it feels required 😫

i only started listening to muse maybe 2 months ago at most and they've quickly racked up minutes on my spotify. i wouldn't be surprised if they came out at number 1 despite the odds. i cant believe ive gone like 8 years in the phandom without giving a proper listen to them, besides uprising. i suppose the current fixation is the best i can do to make up for lost time 💪

chinese is so cool omg. ive never tried learning it but from my understanding it's rather complicated. i understand spanish as i grew up with it and with that means mildly understanding other latin based languages, like french. speaking, grammar, conjugation and the like are a different story tho, so hopefully one day i'll lock in and level up my skills and be able to actually say i'm fluent in spanish

i was gonna write something in french but i've quickly realized i know like actually nothing... if i read a meme in french i could probably get it but i have no vocabulary so cheval fromage oui oui baguette i guess 🥖

i am totally a serial killer and im outside your house ready to practice signing with you 🤺

for reasons undisclosed i do think you're onto me 😅 while i'm enjoying the pen-pal-snail-mail we've got going, i'll maybeeeee send a dm soon if i can stop being insane. i haven't talked to new people or made online friends in a really long time and for some reason a part of me feels like i'll be shot on sight for the crime of being mildly annoying lmao

throwing breadcrumbs at your window,

-🐍

that was definitely my favourite part of tit too. i love how much they love us, and that they're no longer afraid to love eachother out loud. it felt so special, like a little secret and a huge family gathering at the same time. i get emotional if i think about how much growth this required. i also got to meet one mutual (hi manda if you're reading this), so that was pretty fun too.

don't worry about my scholarship, thankfully it doesn't make or break uni for me. honestly, i feel like i do have access to the resources i need to be successful i just... can't? i'm too stuck in my head with some things that i don't think i should share publicly. but it makes it really hard to gather the focus or motivation to do any of my work. i'm pretty much staring at my very very manageable pile of things to do and going "fuck, let me think about something i don't even enjoy thinking about instead!" yeah, not very effective. i get what you mean, school really does feel like a necessity. and it feels like a waste to quit it when i've already invested money and time into it. i hope your time with online school has been good to you, i wouldn't mind moving entirely online myself, but i don't really want to move back in with my parents. hopefully things are looking up for you.

i like muse a lot, at least the handful of songs that i've listened to. i think they make excellent use of lyrical and musical tension and are overall just stellar artists. animals reminds me of "the execution of all things" by rilo kiley. not really sure why, but i wonder if you can get what i mean by listening.

it can be complicated, things like the order of strokes you write with matter, so does the exact look of the character, same with small tonal changes per sound that don't exist in english (because it isn't a tonal language). all of that can completely change the meaning of a phrase both in written and spoken chinese, which can be complicated to get a grasp of, especially if you haven't grown up around languages formatted in that way. but an important thing to keep in mind in linguistics is that all languages are equally complex and equally capable of communicating the ideas they need to communicate. i did spend a year learning spanish, but i honestly forgot i did that until my mom reminded me of it. i could probably say 10 words, total, and that's just based on guesses from my knowledge of french. i think you could definitely become fluent in spanish, though. a lot of people have the misconception that language can't be competently acquired past a certain age, but it's really a matter of native-like fluency & acquisition being easier prior to that age. you probably won't be able to speak like a native, but who cares, language is fun and an important bridge between people. you sound like dan in pinof 1 haha. don't serial kill me!

hah, i'm assuming my guess is definitely right then. but i can't lie, i honestly enjoy this snail-mail thing too. it's fun, and i like not having to respond instantly (now i have extra time to panic, score!) the only thing is i'm a little embarrassed that my other followers can read this haha. (hi guys). 😅 but don't worry, you can take all the time you need to get comfortable. i'm not in a rush, i'll be here hunched over my computer until the worms consume my flesh. if you can figure out a way to send snail mail that's a little less public, i'm totally open to ideas. oh and don't stress about annoying me, i really do prefer people who are stereotypically "annoying". i'm pretty bad at keeping up with friendships, i tend to not know when to respond and be pretty dry, which ends up with a lot of my relationships lasting 6 months or less, which is honestly kind of depressing. if i ever do make things awkward or haven't mailed in forever, you're always free to come poke me with a stick.

anyway, sorry for the rambles. politely setting up a heating pad for you

[haterishated]

It was the word "forever" in the story prompted by my last request that started this lmao

Because with a mortal s/o that just isn't true without a way to turn them immortal...but that carries its own implications of a changed life and the outliving of one's own family, so it wouldn't be some quick and easy decision on their part even so. I wonder how he'd handle that realization, that his mortal partner's "forever" isn't such a long time for him? If the immortality thing was an option, would he bring it up?

Pairings: Leshy/gn!Reader

Details: An angsty Drabble + headcanons that takes place before the events of Narinder’s imprisonment.

A/N: Apologies if this isn’t all that good! It’s 4:15 a.m over here and I just suddenly got this random burst of energy and just.. wrote. I don’t know what exactly I wrote or how many times I repeated certain things. Apologies for getting this done late, and here you go!

🤍 Reblogs > Likes 🤍

Leshy has never really thought about the relationship deeper then just the typical lovey dovey stuff or just a wonderful thing to be in. So when his thoughts started to dive into deeper matters is when he actually begun to think about the future and things you two definitely need to work on or get to. So it isn't much of a sunrise when he started dwelling on thoughts of how long you two will be together, only to remember he's a god and your just an ordinary mortal with an ordinary lifespan.

It strikes fear in him, and he starts to panic in his private chambers, gripping his horns harshly in a futile attempt to stop his thoughts. Sooner or later, he realizes just how important this situation is and how he needs to get it settled to ensure you two will be together forever and to help calm himself down. It was no fun being terrified that one day your partner would die of old age, it didn't help that the time spent with you felt like only a few weeks for him when in reality it was a couple years.

At first, he did nothing, too afraid to take action to go prevent this issue, and he just isolated himself in his room for a day or two before deciding to finally come to a conclusion. He needed to talk to you about it. Every relationship requires good communication, right? He started to trust his gut and he eventually came to you to put his thoughts at rest at last.

Leshy warped to the inside of your home and opened the door, carefully peeking in and looking at you for approval, and you had nodded, giving him permission to enter. He was so terrified of what you'd say, he was practically shaking and shivering. You quickly caught on to hid body language and questioned him, and Leshy let out several harsh breathes and opened his mouth to speak.

Leshy's words were hard to hear and jumbled together, but you made out a few sentences. He was telling you about your future together, and soon he started to get into the scary thoughts, the thoughts of you dying one day. Leshy had asked if he could make you immortal, and something in the question sparked fear in you. Your together wasn't going to be long for him, even if you are young.

After a moment of processing, you begun to think about the situation.

Immortality meant having to outlive your family, friends, and everybody you loved and cared about. But if you were to be im or, you'd be with Leshy forever. You felt your heart ache at the very thought of outliving your loved ones, but quivered in interest at the thought of being with Leshy forever. It was such a hard decision, but Leshy was presenting a choice you had to make.

You had told Leshy that you'd think about it, and that enough brightened his mood and he left your shelter and back to what you assumed was probably his temple. You knew he had to take time to himself to think about the current problem, and you respected that. You sat down on your bed and weighed the two options.

Would you rather live forever; watching your loved ones and family die as you age and live with the man you love with all your heart? Or would you rather not be immortal; living the same span as your family members and friends, but Leshy gets more paranoid or depressed..

You didn't know if you could choose, and frankly, neither could he.

In other words;

- Leshy would not take the whole 'you-not-living-together-forever thing'  well at all.

- He loves you so very much and to see you die before him one day is an unbearable thought, you know? Imagine that you're in his place and you have to deal with knowing that your lover or someone you care about will die someday and you’ll still live on. wether you like it or not.

- Leshy might lose sleep over this or take more time to himself, which worried everybody around him even more.

- Upon realizing that his self-isolation is hurting others, he'll stop immediately. He still can't shake the dread of you dying out of his head.

- Yes, we will tell you how he feels because he's learned that it's very important to talk to others about your feeling ( From both Shamura and you )

- It will be hard to put together the courage to ask you or talk to you about it, but he'll do it anyway if it means he's doing a better job at expressing himself and his emotions to you.