#im just a girl in a westernised world

[sallyswife3435]

You know what hurts?

When you were little, your mom used to say really awful things about her body to herself and really degrading things to herself in front of you. This would happen often, and through most of your developing years.

Now that you’re older, and you’ve gone through puberty and are mostly fully developed, you can tell that your genes came from your mom and you have very similar bodies. You’re young and really skinny though, so they don’t look all that similar, except their shape in essence, and such and such. She’s never said a single negative thing about your body; It’s probably what she considers to be the best version of her own body anyway.

And then, one struggling year, you gain a significant amount of weight. And slowly, you start to see more and more resemblances between your body and your mom’s; except that she lost a lot of weight that same year, so now, the resemblances you draw aren’t between your body and the body of what you consider to be your beautiful mother, but between your body and memory of the body that your mother used to insult and degrade, and that she put all her energy and might into running away from.

And deep down (and maybe not even that deep down) you know, even though she’s never mentioned it, you’re not the only person who doesn’t like your body.

[biaswreckingfics]

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

[ecstaticthoughts]

𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖆 PLOTTING IM 𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝖔𝖓𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝔹𝔸ℂ𝕂𝔹𝔼ℕℂℍ𝔼ℝ𝕊 ! — up and coming indie rock band from all over the world, born in america as the brainchild of seong ‘ day song ’ daehyun. other members include tan ‘ sonnet ’ seonghan, nakano toshie and otter bae. 

𝓓𝓐𝓨 — british, the brain, the frontman, singer & rhythm guitarist. conceptualised the idea. before there was music, there was poetry. and before there was poetry, there were merely words on paper, dabbling in the art of writing anything. a long year of misery working as a file clerk, discontent about the system and bitterness about the true standard of RIOT music were what sparked what is now the backbenchers. a boy from england with an immigrant single mother who wanted to make a difference without money, status or education took to writing, and eventually, singing. it wasn’t a dream, nor where he’d ever pictured himself, but if that was how he’d spread his message for the lower-class, discriminated against immigrants, then he would sing his heart out for it. his first album, ‘ little dynasties, ’ was recorded with an unknown backing band and gained traction in the uk as a hard-hitting debut with a classic nostalgic feel. he toured locally for a time as day song, a westernised moniker he had adopted in school, but it was when he took on the usa that he truly needed a memorable ensemble; auditions were held and eventually day had the ensemble that would help him take off to a larger audience. the politically-named band holds a reference that doesn’t need to be understood by everybody; the rebels for change, that have a harder time getting heard but may still make big waves.

T҉O҉S҉H҉I҉E҉   — japanese, the heart, the bad girl, bassist. toshie is the great-granddaughter of a marquess of the kazoku and part of a family that has always had an air of superiority even after their abolition. from the minute she could really think for herself, she wanted out — there was no point in chasing a dead man’s name and she wasn’t interested in manners or nobility. the first band she was a part of was with her peers at age thirteen, and when her father found out he forced them to disband and focus on schoolwork. but this never stuck �� toshie wasn’t an attentive student and never got the grades she was expected, drawing only one conclusion; she would focus on her music no matter what. coming of age and leaving behind her parents and six older brothers, america was a frightening and foreign place for a girl who only spoke broken english and had no local street smarts. after trying out a few other bands, she was the first recruit to the backbenchers and for a time, the only supporting member. the reason day managed to sign toshie on so quickly was because her track record had quickly become disappointing; she had been actually kicked out of two bands previously and, despite her talent and brilliant crowdwork, she’s a terrible pain in the ass to work with. her temper proves to be even worse than day’s, and her willingness to cooperate with media nonexistent. her honesty and refusal to put on a front has her a lot of respect in the fan’s eyes, but it completely goes the other way for antis and official panels. she is often a cause for the band’s infighting, too, but day gives her as many chances as he does because he’s so desperate to make this work; and it is working. to the public eye, she fits the rebellious image of the backbenchers and is always willing to help destroy the system even without day’s lyrical, poetical prowess. 

𝕊𝕆ℕℕ𝔼𝕋 —  korean, the face, the ex-idol, drummer. practically from birth, sonnet was musically oriented. he started with a keyboard at age four, and from there learned how well he could control his voice. then in school, his first was a clarinet. then a violin. and after he’d mastered those, the drums. adults around him dubbed him a prodigy and were all too willing to feed into his conquering of the instrument families, and he was encouraged by age sixteen to audition for a talent label. with his perfectly controlled voice and ability to master new skills, he was an ideal maknae for a boygroup that would become huge in korea as ‘ quartz party. ’ at the time, everything was what he’d call his dream. he was recognised for his talents by fans, peers and general consumers alike and given enough spotlight in the band to make waves as sonnet, a fresh-faced and jovial youngster. he was an impressionable teen and filled the role perfectly, but in a few years he felt like he'd grown out of what they wanted. sonnet eventually wanted to fade a little bit into the background and focus on his instruments rather than his image — it was around the time he had started to get a taste for partying and the more sensual pleasures, and it was far more exhausting than sonnet decided it was worth. he left soon after — to plentiful accusations of being lazy, selfish, careless, and rude among support from his fans that left him a controversial figure to the korean public. but there was a perfect place for him in the backbenchers when he decided to branch out and try the western entertainment industry, and he was easily the most well-known when they band became a trio. the problems they face with sonnet are his genuine laziness — he argues against the idea that they should have any rehearsals before 11am — and his unwillingness to listen. he doesn’t have a temper like toshie, run his mouth like day, nor button-pushing attitude like otter, but his clumsiness and continued ignorance drives all three of the others mad. but he’s a big reason for a portion of the band’s dedicated fanbase, and he learns new music incredibly well.

ＯＴＴＥＲ — american, the eye, the trendsetter & tastemaker, guitarist. otter is the only member of the backbenchers without a penchant for music. if one asked him what his passion was, he'd probably be stuck for an answer — he learned to play guitar in high school just to avoid choosing something. and like every other member, his music career has a history, too — though not a very successful one. the first and only other band he joined was a rock group of delinquents soon after he'd dropped out of school before senior year, and the complete lack of direction had eventually been their downfall. in fact, without otter they’d have crashed and burned even earlier; it was his job to predict, follow and even create trends for the band, a talent that would’ve encouraged him to sign up for the backbenchers as a pr manager if he weren’t so hungry for the spotlight. he’s always chasing the right scandals, the best appearances and the hottest fashion to boost the band’s popularity whilst being a fundamental member — but only those who know him personally have seen his true bitter, cynical personality. for otter was once a people pleaser and honed his skills to be liked before his heart was broken when he was used by someone he loved to get close to the frontman of his original band. from then, it was all about material gain. people only fell in love with face, after all, and his money and fame couldn’t wake up one day and decide it didn’t like him anymore. as the final member of the backbenchers, day was intrigued by both his countenance and talent ( before getting to know him, he actually considered otter almost too savvy for the band ) and was finally satisfied with his choices. in his own way, he fits in well; he’s often a cause of toshie’s blowouts, and he can’t bite back an unsubstantial witty remark.