#im jsut very tired. very very tired. and i cant even tell anyone abt it.

[angeltrapz]

my dad will rlly ask me a question, not wait for my answer, get mad when I start talking bc "I never know when you're done!" and then be shocked when I get upset, huh

[panszy]

but  ok seriously now i’m tired enough to ramble and not care i’m just gonna talk about undertale and how much it and its characters have changed my life for the better

ok so for the past few hours i’ve been scrolling through undertale blogs and i found a post and it just....clicked as to a big reason why i love it so much: the entire fucking game is about love. and not just romantic, it covers all kinds of love, the entire fucking point of the game at least to me is love. and this wont be coherent because it’s nearly 4 in the fucking morning and i need to sleep but it makes it one of the most heartwarming pieces of media i’ve ever seen (and become fully invested in as a result), the friendship between the characters is heartwarming, the sibling love between the skeleton brothers and royal family sblings is heartwarming, the parental love over frisk and asriel and chara is heartwarming (and heartbreaking...). and everything is so fucking human??? like i cant describe it properly really but i can read hundreds of books and not connect to characters like i do in this video game because everyone is so well rounded and have proper personalities rather than just a few character traits, it’s the way i’ve always wanted to be able to write, the personalities they have and the love they have for each other is beautiful and it’s everything to me because it’s so real???

also my favourite character is papyrus (followed by sans and undyne, who i love equally for different reasons i will probably ramble abt all three who knows??) and oh my god can i just say how much i love this character??? for being so positive all the fucking time and seeing the best in literally everyone he comes across and he’s so sweet but holy fuck it’s his optimism that really gets me because like....if you take away my depression (or not actually?? i get through it every time for a reason lmao) i’m actually also quite an optimistic person who’s able to see the good in literally everyone i meet (like i also genuinely don’t hate anyone) and sometimes it bites me in the ass, and people see it as stupid but papyrus has helped me so much to realise that it’s...not stupid??? i’m well aware that some people suck but sometimes they just need a chance?? and if they fuck up well, that’s it, but they deserve the chance right?? but also everyone treats papyrus like an innocent baby who needs to be protected, and as someone who is often talked down to because i’m optimistic and idealistic and empathetic and let my emotions guide me i can really see why papyrus is actually pretty insecure because being talked at like you’re a kid when you’re an adult feels awful!! the only thing i genuinely properly dislike about papyrus is how much he lies, how much he keeps a face up and pretends to know less than he does around his brother, how often he pretends to like things he doesnt to impress people. but like, even that’s ok because i get why he does it (lonely...) and he’s hardly gonna be flawless, there’s traits in everyone including myself that i dislike, and it feels so well rounded...like ppl often reduce his character to ‘his main character flaw is stupid’ and he’s not stupid but thats beside the point - it’s also not a character flaw like at all. and oh my god i just love him so much he brightens everything up, he’s who i aspire to be is2g (ok maybe just the core of who he is is inspiring to me - his kindess, empathy, optimism, seemingly endless). he also says things that doesnt make sense and i do the same thing, i think weirdly and my friends often ask me what the hell i’m talking about, and i jsut connect to him so much??? so so much 

and fuck fuck fuck i really wanna talk about papyrus and sans because like....ok as a character i love sans, he’s my second favourite along with undyne, i do connect with him less but he’s very interesting (he’s a little overrated and mischaracterised by the fandom sometimes but i’ll let that go for now), and m a n do i connect to his laziness lmao (it’s not just caused by his depression i will fight u on this, i don’t think it helps obviously but as someone who’s depressed AND lazy i can relate on a personal level to him in that sense), but he is funny - not necessarily the awful skeleton puns but like in the ‘oh if you insist on prying me away from my work’ kinda funny, snarky asshole - and i actually really like that he’s a bit of an asshole, he likes to screw with people and he’s won’t fight you unless you’re literally going to end the entire world along with every single timeline (again though, i can really sympathise and get why he’s like this even tho i don’t really relate because he is so fucking well written), but i love that he loves papyrus so fucking much. like i’m a massive sucker for strong sibling relationships (the baudelaire orphans, the way brothers) and this just...oh man, i’m not the biggest fan of the way sans is portrayed in the fandom either but when people who agree with me on that argue that sans doesn’t even care about his brother it infuriates me because that’s...so....wrong??? papyrus is his entire fucking world, the game make that very clear, p much all he talks about is how great his brother is and it’s so cute and blindingly obvious that he means every word he says about that (even if that’s the only thing he doesn’t fuckin lie about lmao...). but i also love this relationship because they balance each other out so much, papyrus tries his best to get sans to get his life together - nagging him constantly, getting him an actual job therefore getting him out of the house, etc - but i think papyrus is also an optimist to sans’ pessimism and nihilism (for lack of a better word - depression i guess) and i think it helps sans quite a lot, or at least is something that makes him genuinely happy when he’s lost all hope. and on the flip side, sans is constantly saying really little things to pick papyrus back up when his mask of self confidence is slipping, and it’s very subtle - the main one i can think of atm is (paraphrasing) ‘me? right about something? come on bro’ or something after papyrus shows self doubt about his puzzles in the genocide route - that’s one of the more obvious ones i think but it’s there p much throughout, and god help my lack of being able to explain things because i can’t put it into words as to why i think this or why i love it so much but i think it really helps papyrus emotionally. THEN you’ve got the bad points, like the lies they constantly tell to each other and how they never fuckign open up to each other (they just project their emotional problems onto you lmao) and ohhh man the relationship between those two.... i could go on forever but i’ll shut up now 

i’ve been rambling for half an hour so i’ll keep the thing about undyne shorter hopefully (nearly half 4 in the morning...fuck... .and i have shit to do tomorrow like this essay.....god) but oh man oh MAN i really love her as well?? so passionate and so PROUD of it, she’s so completely unafraid of being herself (so unlike two of the people she’s closest to - papyrus and alphys), she’s such a fun character and i relate to how passionate she is and can i also just say i LOVE hers and papyrus’s friendship nearly on par with papyrus and sans’s sibling relationship, funnily enough she also treats him like a kid like sans does but she’s very kind and it’s obvious that she cares deeply for papyrus, and their phone calls made me laugh so much (the fucking hot pants one actually made me cry with laughter, it was brilliant), she’s so much fun i love her so much 

im leaving it there but this fucking video game it’s actually changed me for the better it’s quite literally my favourite thing on the planet atm, it’s gorgeous and i love it with every inch of my heart bless this fucking game i cant even put into words how much i love it it’s just!!! my god!!!!! 

i genuinely havent felt like this about something since i got into mcr over 6 years ago, if that doesnt say how much i love it then nothing will tbh

[kieren-fucking-walker]

my friend was upset and crying and she called me but halfway thru the phonecall the phone wouldn't let her hear me so she was crying and i was trying t o comfort her but she couldn't hear me and then we were texting but im' no good at comforting ppl i don't know whatt o say so i was trying to help but i felt like i kept messing up and like i wasn't helpful at all and shes my best friend and i'd literally die for her but ?? i cant make her feel better and knowing shes sad makes me feel awful and

(cont) and i can’t ?? make her feel better i just want her to feel better and i know i worry too much abt her and she’ll probably be fine it sill makes me feel bad and i just wish i was better at makeing her happy and feel better and at comforting her but i’m awful at it and ?? she was crynig on the phone and she couldnt hear me trying to comfort her and ?? i just want her to be happy i love her so much i just want good things to happen to her and i want the best for her but i can’t even make her feelcan’t even make her feel better when she’s upsetand i’m sorry i’m telling you this. i just feel bad abt my bff and wish she was okay and that i could make her feel better. and im jsut tired and stressed. i’m okay.sorry. i just needed to vent to someone and i feel like i remembered that it was okay to vent to you. thank you

Don’t apologise for telling me things, my askbox is an open space for a reason and I usually reply to these things privately but with anon you know that’s not a thing so I hope you see this either way. 

It’s important (I think) to remember that a lot of people struggle with comforting others and they also struggle with being comforted. A lot of the time there’s very little you can do other than be there. If she felt like she could call you in the first place then she already feels comforted by you, enough that you’re her first point of call and it’s okay that you can’t respond to that in the way that you want to. I have a friend I always call when something is wrong and just knowing she’s there or hearing her voice works wonders. You need to know that they find comfort in you, not what you say or what you do. Just being there is enough a lot of the time. 

It’s okay to want to make her feel better but you can’t make that your responsibility. If there isn’t anything you can do that will help in an immediate way by solving the problem then that’s not your fault any more than it is hers, you wouldn’t expect her to do it so she doesn’t expect you to and you shouldn’t expect it of yourself. I know personally I struggle with not trying to solve everyone else’s problems if I care about them but sometimes you need to take a step back because you might even be doing more harm than good. Ask her what she needs, ask her what will help and even if there’s nothing even asking makes a difference. She knows you’re there and she knows you care about her, that you’d help if you could and that’s enough. It’s okay to not be able to help even of it feels shitty, you’re only one person and you have a whole lot going on with yourself as well. 

Don’t blame yourself for not being able to help because not only will that not help but it could make the situation worse. The best thing to do is to just be there for her, even if the only thing you can do is tell dumb jokes to try and make her laugh or just listen. It’s good, it helps and it’s enough. Don’t expect yourself to do more than you’d expect of other people, and make sure you’re looking after yourself. You can’t look after other people without looking after yourself first and it took me sooooo long to realise that but it’s very good advice. If you’re going to let people lean on you then you need to have some kind of grounding or you’ll collapse and you’ll both go down. 

It’s perfectly okay to vent to me. I have an open space and you can say anything you like here. I don’t know if I actually give good or helpful advice but I’ll always do my best to reply it might just take a while because I’m a hella busy person rn but I always always have time for you or anyone who needs someone to talk to about anything. Even if you think it’s dumb I don’t care, need to talk about it? Just go ahead I’m not going to judge unless it’s like hate or something. You’re doing good anon, I promise. Your friend appreciates you and I promise that too. Keep your chin up