#im in an I Wanna Be Vocal And Annoying And ''Who Want Me'' Even Though I Know Thats Not How It Works era

[skunkes]

[heartbreakgrill]

Delicate: Vessel (Sleep Token); Pt. 5, "Is it cool that I said all that?"

A week passed, just like that. We had flown to Germany at the beginning of the next week, where we’d be for just fourteen days before we’d move onto France. 

Oliver and I didn’t have many chances to see one another. We were always on different wavelengths. Him, with rehearsals, vocal rests, writing sessions. Me, with the delicacies of travel. The only times we really saw each other were during breakfast or dinner, two places he’d been making a point to show up to. No one really noticed his newfound presence- no one but me, considering it seemed to previously be a way for him to spite my very existence.

His first appearance happened the very next morning after our conversation on the bus. After he kissed me like he was going off to battle, we rode the elevator up our floor, departed at my door, and just an hour later, he ended up texting me goodnight. That message alone was enough to have my heart beating crazily. 

The next morning, I was still feeling that aftershock while sitting at the breakfast table, talking to Ronnie about her brother’s baby. The elevator doors dinged, opening up like the literal gates of heaven. I barely paid any mind because everyone who normally came to breakfast was already seated at our table. But, I did spare a glance and caught sight of his dark figure, slinking towards us. I gave a second look, stumbling over whatever it was I had been saying to Ronnie. I covered up my stutter by clearing my throat, but she didn’t really notice, nor did she seem to care. Oliver sat at the end of the table, greeting everyone with his same simple nod. My heart was going again. 

I tried not to stare, tried not to even look at him for fear of melting on the spot, even when I felt his eyes burning into my face. I was blushing, bright red. My knee shook, nervously, under the table as I brushed my hair from my cheeks, behind my ears. I caught his eye from the corner of my own and he smiled, ever so slightly. 

I was done for, I knew it. 

It became a delight to see him at these meals, even if we never got the chance to speak to each other; even if, afterwards, he’d shoot back upstairs to his room. That was always my favorite part, when he disappeared from the table because, shortly after, he’d text me. 

Something like:

Oliver: your hair looked pretty today. 

Daisy: you looked alright 🤷

Oliver: wooooooow

I compliment you and this is how you treat me

Daisy: oh im so super sorry

Oliver, you are so handsome and gorgeous and amazing and awesome

Better?

Oliver: sure, sure 

That’s where most of our conversation took place, over text, especially that first week that whatever this was began to take place.

He’d text me good morning and good night, nearly every single day. He’d ask how my day was, ask me what sort of plans I had. I kept waiting for this question to evolve into another one, something like, “Wanna hang out later?” I’d settle for a damn booty call, if that’s what he wanted. I tried not to get frustrated when that first week drug on, knowing he was insanely busy. I couldn’t expect him to drop everything else and prioritize me. But, a small part of me hoped he would. 

I just wanted a little bit more of his attention. 

Luckily, I- eventually- got it.

We were in Germany for the next week. We flew out from Italy that Sunday, settled into our hotel in the early afternoon. I hadn’t planned anything for that Monday, hoping to just rest a bit, leisure across the city, maybe. I knew, too, that the band was off that day. Maybe a small part of me was making sure I was available in case he wanted to grace me with his presence. I wouldn’t admit it, though, because it just wasn’t healthy. 

But, my hopes amounted to something. 

At first, things seemed to regress. There were no messages from him on my phone. 

I thought about texting him first, but I felt strange doing so, like he’d be annoyed if I reached out instead. I then tried to ignore the sinking feeling that this put in my chest. Maybe he was done with me. Maybe he realized that this wasn’t ever going anywhere, especially considering we hadn’t so much as had an in-person conversation in a week. Luckily, I hadn’t slept with him. 

My mind began racing too much, so I pulled myself out of bed and started getting ready for the day. Sam was already gone. He told me yesterday that he, Cy, Adam, and Ronnie had made plans to go do something. He offered me to come with, but I really wanted to just laze about. There was an infinity pool and today was going to be one of the warmest days of the summer for this country. Soaking up the sun seemed like a good way to truly relax. 

So, I put on a bathing suit, slipped a sundress overtop, and rubbed sunscreen all over myself. I wasn’t about to battle a sunburn on top of jet lag. Then, I packed my purse with my water bottle, my latest book, headphones, and my wallet. Just as I went to grab my phone, sling my towel over my shoulder, head out, a knock came from the door. 

I turned to the sound with furrowed brows. Housekeeping wasn’t supposed to come until we told them to. And, as far as I knew, we hadn’t scheduled a cleaning. 

“Who is it?” I called out, stepping towards the door. 

“It’s me,” a low voice responded, hushed in volume. 

A thrilling excitement suddenly rushed through my veins. I tried not to rush over to the door and instead, forced myself to take slow steps. I set a hand on the handle, already feeling a shake in my bones. Just being this close to him pulled some sort of chemical reaction out of me. 

The door opened and Oliver turned his head straight, to really look at me. He had been checking over his shoulder, paranoid about any passerbyers. As soon as he saw me, he grinned, wide. Then, he didn’t hesitate to shove me back into the room, his hands on my hips, his lips grasping for mine. He threw the door shut behind him. 

It took me a second to find my footing. But, when I did, I became desperate, hungry. I tugged at the front of his hoodie in an attempt to get him as close to me as physically possible. Oliver ran a hand up my hip, across the front of my body, between my breasts, up around my neck. His fingers were slotted just beneath either side of my jaw. He pressed down, ever so slightly, to ensure my mouth stayed on his. 

As he kissed me, I could tell he was basically starved. This was even more evident when he nipped my bottom lip, drawing just the thinnest drop of blood. I moaned, involuntarily, at the feeling of his teeth pulling at my skin, though it was only for a millisecond. 

Oliver reared his head back, looking down at me with furrowed brows. He processed what had just happened, assisted by the size of my pupils and the way my lips sat, open, waiting for him to come back. A smirk twisted onto his lips, “Oh, darling…”

He pulled me back in, running his tongue across my bottom lip to clear the blood. My knees were weak. Luckily, he moved, so that he was sitting on the bed and tugged me down into his lap again. He didn’t hesitate to grab my ass, grip on my throat tightening a bit. He moved his lips to my cheek as his movements became painfully slow. 

“You’re so pretty, Daisy,” he whispered against the apple of my cheek. I felt his eyelids flutter across my skin as he moved away from my lips. I nearly shivered at the goosebumps, a stark contrast to the heat pooling all over my body. 

He moved his other hand to my neck, too, brushing the hair down over the back of my shoulder. In doing so, he placed his hand back where it had been. Then, his lips made their way to my bare skin, right where my neck curved into my shoulder. His sweet, soft kisses suddenly turned into small nips, his teeth tugging at my skin. 

I squeaked at the first one, but, then, as he carried on down my neck, I found pleasure in the nipping pain. I gripped at his shoulders, a hand moving to his hair, as my desperation took over my body. I couldn’t sit still anymore. I ground my hips down into his, eliciting a huffed breath from Oliver. I wanted to grin at the power I knew I had over him, but I really just wanted to stay as I was- putty in his hands. I didn’t want any control. I was his to use, his to manipulate. I would do whatever.

But, I did find a little bit of a rhythm in my hips, if only because I needed the friction. I was motivated when I knew it was making him feel good, too. As I did so, Oliver’s lips came to my skin again. They caressed the edge of my earlobe, where I could hear his sweet breathlessness. 

“Daisy,” he whispered, nearly moaning my name into my ear.  

I shuddered a sharp, audible breath at the sound of this. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed him- everywhere. The anticipation, all of these long weeks- even just this one- it was killing me. 

I pressed my forehead against the side of his head, whispering my own words into his ear, “Oliver, please!”

He finally listened. His hand found the bottom hem of my sundress and he quickly tore it from my head. It landed somewhere across the room. Eyes still dropped shut, I went blindly for his hoodie. But, Oliver caught my hands in his, stretching my arms out on either side of us. 

I opened my eyes curiously, brows furrowed. His gaze was dragging itself down my swimsuit-clad body, a sly grin on his lips. I blushed at the look on his face and wanted to pull my arms back around myself. But, he held me open. He kept admiring. 

“Daisy, darling,” he rolled his eyes back up, over my chest, until he met my stare. A wider grin stretched across his face. “Daisy…you are gorgeous.”

I scrunched up my nose and looked down at our laps. He dropped our hands and took my face in his hold, pulling my eyes back to his. “Don’t do that. We’re not gonna do that, okay? Even if you have to pretend, I won’t let you be ashamed of yourself when we do this, okay? You are…so fucking beautiful.”

I took a deep breath as the sincerity of his words sunk into my skin. I nodded slightly. 

Oliver eyed my lips and slowly leaned back into me. This kiss was different. The hunger, the ferocity, slowed. It was almost…loving, gentle. But, then, I moved my hands back to his hair, tugged slightly, and he went back to ravishing me. 

I helped Oliver shed his hoodie. Then, I had my turn, admiring his toned chest, scarce of any dark makeup. I didn’t have to say anything to him. I knew that he could read all of my thoughts through my eyes. 

What I wanted to say, but couldn’t quite find the words to, was that he was something out of a Greek myth, something untouchable. Something that would never be real. 

I drug my fingers down his chest as he kissed me again. I undid his belt. When I tugged at his jeans, I found my footing on the floor, moving off of him, so he could stand to pull the pants down. His hands were back on my body in an instant. Though he began to tug me back on his lap, I had my own plans. Just as I began to crouch down to his knees, Oliver opened his mouth to protest, but-

A knock sounded from the door, followed by a taunting, “Daisy…”

Shit. 

Max. 

My spine straightened so fast, I thought it would snap in half. Mine and Oliver’s head whipped towards the door, my own gaze widened with utter shock. Oliver formed a fist with his hand, punching the palm of his other in slow defeat. 

He looked back to me, fear in his pupils, “What the fuck?” 

I shrugged defensively, bewildered. I went to whisper back when Max spoke again. “Daisyyyyyy, darling- I know you’re awake. Was wondering if you wanted to hang today, since we’re both free. Cmon, open up-“ he rapped his knuckles against the door again. 

Everything occurred in a desperate haste: Oliver rounded up his clothes, arms stuffed full of them, within five seconds flat. I tracked down his shoes as he did so. Then, I nearly pushed him onto the floor of the bathroom. He stumbled on his feet, barely catching himself on the counter. As the door fell shut, he shot me a panicked, worrisome expression that I could only scrunch my face up at. I didn’t know what he wanted me to do, but he was acting like someone was here to murder him. 

I went to the door, sweating a bit, and lay a shaky hand upon the knob. Then, I realized I was half-naked and rushed to pull my dress back on. Before he could knock again, I let Max in, hoping I looked anything but suspicious. 

As soon as he came into view, Max was elbowing his way inside. He held a tray with two drinks and a small brown pouch that wafted a delicious smell past me. 

He carried an energy that was far too excited for my current nervous stature. “Good morning, darling! Sleep well? I sure did. What are your plans for the day? I’m thinking we lounge out by the pool for a few hours, maybe catch a late lunch, then hit the town? Drop by a few bars? Maybe we can round up the rest of the group, force Oliver out of his self-inflicted prison, have some fun? Yeah?” 

As he spoke, Max moved around the room, unloading one of the drinks into my hands, picking out a few napkins, presenting a pastry on the small desk in the corner, seating himself onto the bed all casually with a leg crossed over the other. When he finished, he took a slow sip of his coffee, brows raised expectantly 

I toyed with the lid on my drink, eyes darting nervously towards the bathroom. I knew it wasn’t true, but I almost felt like I could hear Oliver’s breathing. Smell his cologne. I worried Max would, too. 

Everything would be over. 

“Um-“ I cleared my throat. Then, I tried to relax my shoulders and approach Max with a friendly smile. “Yeah! Yeah, that could be fun. I was planning on going down to the pool anyway.”

“Wonderful, darling,” Max approved, “Well, why don’t you go ahead and finish getting ready and we’ll get going.” 

I looked around me, trying to remember where I had left off this morning, when Oliver had barged in and interrupted my routine. 

“I just need to grab my stuff, actually. I was heading out the door before O-“ I cut myself off from my explanation, lips pinched together in a way that I could only assume looked quite guilty. I swallowed thickly, ashamedly glancing towards the bathroom again. I tried to save myself, “before you started knocking, ha! What a coincidence!”

“Coincidence…” Max followed my glancing gaze. I snapped my eyes back forward, and he met me there. The edges of his pupils seemed to squint, like he was reading between the lines, but he didn’t say anything else. “Well! To the pool we go!”

We were in the clear…for now. 

-

Oliver: i am so fucking sorry 

Hes a prick

So fucking daft

God

I love him 

But what a bloody idiot

Daisy: LMFAO

I dont even know what to say 

I feel bad for you!!

Theres gonna be a witch hunt for you if anyone ever figures it out

Oliver: god dont remind me

Youre so worth it though

We spent hours poolside, like two beached whales, glistening with sweet sweat on our shoulders and sunscreen in our skin. I dipped into the water infrequently, if only to cool myself down, but spent most of my time finishing up a book (texting Oliver between its pages). I cursed Max for his lightly tinted shades, praying to whatever God above that he wasn’t side-eyeing me, that he couldn't see my illicit grins, my quick thumbs. 

I tried to get Oliver to come hang out with us. If I couldn't have him to myself, I’d take small doses of him with others. But, as vampiric as he was, laying by the pool was just not something he wanted to do. Besides, in his own words:

Oliver: I just wouldn't be able to be so close to you without doing something

Especially with you in that little bit of cloth you call a swimsuit 

I should be a dick and make you squirm

Make you think about me while you’re all peaceful by the pool

Make you think about my hands

My teeth

Daisy: Oliver…

Asshole

Oliver: sorry, darling

But after that incident with the cake?

And that bathing suit

Yeah i think it's my turn

(1 attached photo)

The heat outside was nothing compared to what I felt in my chest. I ensured my jaw was shut tightly, unwilling to let the saliva pooled in my mouth dribble down my chin. Then, I scrounged through my photo albums, cursing myself for having deleted my most intimate photos. Instead, I had to just stare (drool) at the one he’d sent- his hand, his bare stomach, the very edges of his pitch black boxers. 

I would never lose this game- I just couldn't. But, in this moment, I was! While I liked being submissive in the end, I enjoyed being the one doing the teasing. That slight upper hand I got from it gave me a headrush. I was, I guess…bratty. 

So, I watched Max carefully from the corner of my vision, thankful for my tiny bathing suit. I could make do- if he’d just leave. He was reading his own novel, hunched over a little bit. It had been a while since he’d gone to the bathroom or really even moved. He had to eventually.

My wishing on invisible stars worked because Max excused himself to the bathroom. He first paused to ensure I was doing okay. I thanked him for his concern with an urgent smile, quick nod of my head. And then he was gone. 

Daisy: I really don’t get what all this fuss is about. I think this suit covers me up just fine, don’t ya think?

(1 attached photo)

Oliver: behave, miss thing

You have no idea what’s waiting for you

Daisy: sure, sure

Needless to say, Oliver put me on the very edge of my seat all day. I only had the one photo that was taken in the heat of the moment. He had…an empty hotel room and an imagination like any other. He never let me see past those stupid boxers though, holding out on me to only intensify that anticipation. 

As was Max’s plan, we grabbed a late lunch. I had hoped we’d change beforehand, but he was so hungry, we had to rush out of the hotel. And, as per usual with Max, he took his good old time eating, strolling leisurely, dropping by every single shop that caught his eye. Don’t get me wrong- it was a lot of fun. I was grateful to have some one-on-one time with him. 

But, I knew what- who was waiting for me back at the hotel. So, I was a little distracted.

Eventually, the day was coming to a close. No one really wanted to go out drinking because the band had rehearsals early in the morning. Instead, we were all going to meet up for a light dinner in the hotel bar. 

I tried to escape Max as soon as we entered the hotel, but he insisted on walking me to my room. Meanwhile, Oliver was shooting me a dozen messages- he was in his room, he didn’t have a shirt on, and he was waiting for even the shortest possible breath that he could take at my lips. 

Max stood outside my door, yapping about some shop lady who had made a joke to us earlier. He kept laughing, kept going over the punchline. It was funny, sure, but I was literally trying to close the door between us, a forced smile aching on my cheeks.  We had to be at dinner in just half an hour and I needed to shower. I would sacrifice all that time for Oliver, but I was sure I smelled of sunscreen and sweat. I needed to rush under the hot water, and then rush into his arms. 

“Ha! Can you imagine? What kind of-” Max kept going. 

I faked another laugh, positive that one of my eyelids was winking shut, visibly displaying the max level of insanity that I felt right now. I took another step back into my room, preparing to bid farewell.

Luckily, Max caught sight of the time. “Holy shit, Daz,” he looked up from his watch, “it’s so late! Sorry to cut our wonderful day short, but we better hit the showers before everyone wonders where we’re at.”

“Ah! Good idea!” I bumped the heel of my hand against my head, shock on my face. Then, I pushed up onto my tiptoes to give him a short kiss to the cheek, “Thank you for today. I really just had the best time ever! Love you, Max!”

Then, as he began to respond, “Aw, darling, me, too! I love you-” I shut the door on him, “Oh- yep! I’ll see you in a bit!”

The speed at which I moved through that hotel room was sure to rip the carpet up off of the floor. I kicked off my sandals, sending one right into the window. It made a loud clanking noise, which I flinched at, before landing on Sam’s bed. But then I was already moving onto my sundress, tearing it off, ripping my swimsuit down my legs, over my head. Once those were off, I jumped in the shower, grateful that I didn’t need to wash my hair so I could do a quick rinse. 

I was back out of the shower as quickly as I’d gotten in, doing my hair up into a claw clip, pulling on an outfit that didn’t require much thought, but was still concise enough to be cute. I barely had my phone and purse in hand before I was shooting across the hall, like a chicken crossing the road. 

Oliver opened the door before I could even take a breath, tugging me in by my hips. 

He had my back pressed up against the door, one of his spare hands already holding the base of my throat like a goddamn rosary. His dark eyes stared down at me, hungry, like he was about to consume every inch of my flesh. I went to say something, brows already lifted on my face in their devious position. In the process, my hands fished for him, grabbing at his shirt.

In one easy moment, Oliver grabbed both of my wrists, stretching my arms up and above my head. He squeezed my throat, ensuring my eyes were on his. My back arched from the movement, my chest pushing through the air as a small whine escaped my lips subconsciously. 

Oliver drug his eyes down my body, smirking pleasedly at the movement he drew from my body. “We have five minutes. Shut the fuck up and be a good girl for me, yeah?”

“Okay.”

We weren’t really being realistic about how much time we would get together.

Two minutes later, Oliver was on his knees below me, his large hands bruising either one of my thighs, my hands were entangled in his hair, my underwear were somewhere far across the room, and his breath was ghosting my core. Just as he inched painfully, teasingly closer, someone was knocking on his door. 

It was my turn to hide as Adam and Cyrus ushered Oliver from his hotel room, excitedly telling him about some new song they’d just heard. After ensuring in the bathroom mirror that I didn’t look disheveled, I watched through the peephole as they neared the elevators. Oliver peered over his shoulder, the smallest of smiles on his lips. I rolled my eyes. Of course he’d find it funny- he was winning again. 

Then, when the hallway seemed clear, I quickly left his room and tried to casually make my way down to the dining room.

Oliver was trying not to laugh, I just knew it- his lips were pressed together, a humored look in his eyes as he pretended to be occupied with the potatoes he mashed around with his dinner fork. I glared at him as I approached the table. 

Then, Sam was talking to me, asking me and Max about our busy day and I had to pretend like their best friend hadn’t just been on his knees for me. 

This was killing me. 

-

Surely, I thought to myself as dinner came to a close and everyone began heading to bed, surely we would find the time. Surely our luck wasn’t that bad. We’d get some time alone- we just had to. 

So, as the elevator that Sam, Ronnie, and I caught closed, and carried us to the fifth floor, I quickly texted Oliver. I crossed my fingers behind my back, hoping, praying, wishing this would work. 

Daisy: soon as Sam goes to bed, i can be over

A heavy heat of anticipation sat right on top of my chest, shooting off butterflies in my stomach, making me breathless when I said goodnight to Ronnie.

I waited, patiently, for about an hour- no, exactly an hour and ten minutes. I waited an hour and ten minutes for Oliver to text me back. I stared at the numbers in the top middle of my phone screen as I pretended to read a book. Then, when Sam lay down and shut off all the lights, I rolled onto my side, the dim glow of my screen filling my corner of the room. My eyes glazed over numerous times while each little number morphed into the next. Slowly but painfully surely, the delightful anticipation began to dissipate. 

I really wanted to be chill, to be normal and casual and just…go to bed. Accept that maybe he had fallen asleep, maybe his phone had died. Pretend like there wasn’t a small hole sinking in my stomach. 

But, I saw him begin typing forty minutes in. 

And then he stopped. 

And I still waited another half an hour for him to respond. 

He never did.

- 

The next morning, I was able to forget about it. 

I focused on the productive conversation we’d had in the bus, the one where he set a boundary with me, where he told me he couldn’t really offer me much in terms of connection or romance. The one where I practically begged him to just have me in whatever way he could. 

And, I forced myself to stop worrying about the fact that he never responded. The world, after all, did not revolve around me. I needed to be reminded of that and have patience with him. Besides, I wasn’t going to allow myself to feel that- disappointment. Small bits of heartbreak. This meant basically nothing, right? We were just hooking up, hanging out. It wasn’t that big of a deal, like we discussed. 

I’m chill with that.  

I ate breakfast with the band, discussing with Ronnie some of the best tourist attractions that she suggested I seek out. Oliver was a little late this morning, feet dragging a bit. When I saw him round the corner to the dining room, I sat up just a bit. He seemed tired as he took a seat at the opposite end of the table, hoodie up, as per usual. He didn’t really touch any of his food, but instead nursed a cup of tea. So, I ignored the sinking feeling that came when he didn’t even look at me. 

He showed up. That’s what really mattered. 

I tried not to be distracted as Ronnie told me about some sort of monument, but it was a struggle when my concern for Oliver was as relevant as it was. There was just something off about him…and it almost felt like it had to do with us, with me. Or maybe I was just reading into things a little too much. Again. 

Everyone else finished up their breakfast before me. So, the group broke off before long, a few headed out the door to the venue, some up to their rooms to grab last minute items. I watched as Oliver straggled behind Adam and Cyrus, towards the elevators. When he first stood to follow them, I tried to meet his eye, tried to shoot him a reassuring, encouraging smile. He evaded my gaze. My shoulders dropped a little. 

When they were out of sight, I took my phone out and grappled with texting him. I felt like I should, just to see if he was okay. But, then, the part of me that knew there was nothing serious between us fought against that want. It wasn’t weird, right? If I texted him, just to see how he’s doing? 

But, then, come to think of it…he never even said good morning to me. So he probably just wanted to be left alone. I should probably just read the signs he was clearly giving and just provide him with some space. He didn’t need me up his ass at every waking moment, constantly expressing my concern for his every move. Especially not after the conversation we’d just had. 

I felt a little insecure, a little worried, going back over every interaction we’d had like I was responsible for a grown man’s feelings. I pushed aside the overthinking my brain was ruminating on and decided to just get up, to just get started with my day. 

This thing between us was not going to work out if I overanalyzed his every breath, if I let it all get to me. I needed to chill out- just be chill. Cool. 

I headed for the elevators, purse slung over my shoulder. The doors were already opened, so I stepped inside. When I faced forward, Oliver was there, following me in, my name barely a greeting off his lips. 

“Daisy…”

“Oliver, hey-”

He interrupted me, lips on mine before I could even take a breath. I was taken aback, just briefly, before getting swept up in his soft touches, his hungry mouth. My purse slid off my shoulder. Oliver’s fingers caressed my cheek, my hip, pushing into me until my back was against the wall. 

We kissed until the bell dinged, signaling that the doors were opening up to our floor. Oliver pulled back, quickly distancing himself from me. His chest heaved a little, out of breath from our encounter. His pupils were shot, wide, blown up. I furrowed my eyebrows as I carefully eyed him. I was trying to read between the lines here, but I couldn’t. 

And he was gone before I could ask for any answers from him. 

-

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, rubbing moisturizer into my freshly clean face. Taylor Swift was playing softly on my phone, a subtle soundtrack to my evening routine. It had been another long day of perusing across Europe. My feet ached from the 10 miles I’d walked,  my stomach was full from the delicious dinner I caught on the way home, and my brain was buzzing with all of the sights and sounds I’d taken in. I was going to cherish these evenings for the rest of my life. 

I had even managed to stop worrying about Oliver, had let the pitiful racing thoughts that had been taking up space in my mind fall away. I was going to be cool about it. I was going to be the chill, casual girl. 

What we had, what we were doing, was just hooking up. We hadn’t explicitly agreed on keeping any strings to ourselves, but Oliver had told me he couldn’t really offer any in the first place. And that was okay! It’s not like I needed to be in a relationship anyways. I was going back to school in the fall and I’d probably, honestly, never even see him again after this summer. 

Casually hooking up with someone would probably be good for my development, anyways. It would teach me to become more comfortable with my body, to be more patient, to be more understanding. To just chill the fuck out, honestly.  Yeah, I’d totally gotten rid of those racing thoughts…ha. 

Anyways, even though I wanted to text him, to see what was going on, to see if he was okay, I just wasn’t going to. I was gonna tuck myself into bed, get a goodnight’s rest, and prepare myself for another long day. Focus on me, my happiness, my health. 

My plan was going well, too. I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Then, at around midnight, I woke to my phone buzzing on my nightstand. 

I lazily brought the device to my ear, murmuring some sort of greeting through half-lidded eyes. “Hello?”

“Come over.”

“What- hello? Oliver?” I sat up in bed, a little jolted by the situation. I spoke in hushed whispers, eyes on Sam’s figure to ensure that he was passed out still. 

Oliver’s voice replied in an exhausted tone, “I can’t sleep. Come over.”

I took my sweet time, not wanting to seem desperate, not wanting to be at his beck and call. I pulled a hoodie down over my torso before slipping out of the room. I guided the door shut, flinching when it clicked a little louder than expected. Once I was sure the hall was clear, I headed towards Oliver’s door.

He must have been watching from the peephole, waiting for me to arrive, because as soon as I made it, the door was open and he had his hands on me again. His touch was more desperate than ever before, fingers harsh, tongue rough. 

I could barely gasp for air as he gorged on my lips, overfeeding himself. I was growing more concerned for his mental health, considering it seemed like he was displacing whatever he was feeling onto me. I probably already knew what was going on- the stress of the tour, of making the next album, it was all getting to him. 

He barely had any time to himself anymore, barely had any chances to breathe, to execute self care. He was overworking himself. He was just exhausted. 

I felt guilty kissing him, touching him. It felt exploitive and dirty.

So, when his hands traveled down my body, up under my hoodie, to my pants, I brushed them off of me. I took a big step away from him, reaching out my own touch to keep the distance between us.

“Oliver-” I took a deep breath, trying to ground my dizzy head.

His eyes were bloodshot. He hadn’t tasted like alcohol, so I assumed he must be high. Or he had been crying. I didn’t really know which one. 

Whatever exhaustion pooled in his gaze dissipated as it was replaced with worry. He took a small step towards me, palms out in a wary manner. “I’m so sorry- what is it? Are you okay, darling? What did I do?”

My jaw was a little slack, concern drowning my features and tone. “No, no- nothing! Sorry- nothing! You’re good. We’re good. I promise.”

He breathed a sigh of relief as his shoulders slumped a bit forward. “Thank fuck. I thought I hurt you or something.”

“I mean you were being a little rough, but that’s okay,” I managed a breathy chuckle.

Oliver ran hand through his hair, glancing around the room, to his feet, back to me. “Why’d you stop, then? Everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” I emphasized, “I’m more worried about you.”

Oliver sighed, loudly, posture dropping a bit more. He wiped his face as he looked away from me again. “Why?” He sounded annoyed with me. 

“I’m not gonna pry, cause I know it’s not my business, but…”

“It’s not,” he cut me off. 

I reared my chin back. I thought carefully, choosing my words delicately, as I crossed my arms over my chest, “I know. I know it’s not my business. I just- just want-”

“What?” He spoke impatiently. 

“Just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Oliver didn’t respond. He stared at the floor beside my slippers, as though he could bore a hole with his eyes, sink into it, and slip away from this moment. I looked past his head. I didn’t want to pressure him with pervasive eye contact. 

Then, after a minute or two, I heard him sniffle. I still didn’t move too much, but ran my eyes over his face. He wiped away a few tears. Oliver bit into his bottom lip, which wobbled around a bit. He didn’t want to give into the emotions overwhelming his nervous system, but he was going to have to.

I couldn’t hold myself away from him any longer. He needed connection, touch, gentleness. So, I walked right up to him and hugged him, tugging his head down into the crook of my neck. I felt his arms squeeze my entire self into him, like an anchor at his shores, calming his seas. 

For the next twenty minutes, we stood there, my heart sitting just underneath his own, beating into one another. He didn’t really cry too much, probably unwilling to. I didn’t like to cry in front of others either. It was vulnerable, too vulnerable. 

We just hugged each other. I caressed my fingers through his hair, hoping to soothe him, to provide solace. He just squeezed me back, tight as ever. It felt really good. I wasn’t going to pull away first, but he eventually did. 

He let out one of those embarrassed laughs, wiped the tears clean off his cheeks, and moved to sit on the bed. I offered a kind smile, but still didn’t say anything. He would come to me with whatever was on his mind whenever he felt ready to. 

“Sorry…about- that. Probably, uh- probably weird.”

“Not at all,” I waved him off, moving slowly towards him. 

He looked up to me, his palms resting on the edge of the bed, and motioned for me to sit. I did. 

“I’m just…just tired,” he shrugged. 

I knew it was more than that. I knew that he harbored a lot of negative feelings towards himself, something he had confirmed for me just last week. He held himself up to a crazy standard and, of course, never met those expectations. No human being ever could. 

I wouldn’t convince him of this fact, not in just one moment together. But, I could tell him one thing that he probably needed to hear. Something he’d value and treasure for longer than just a moment. 

“I’m proud of you,” I spoke softly, turning my head to meet his eyes. 

He didn’t say anything. He just swallowed, rubbed his lips together, thought long and hard. Then, he glanced away, brought his eyes back to mine and nodded, just once. I saw the words slot themselves into his mind, stored away for just him to hold onto. I knew he valued my opinion, so even though it wouldn’t fix his issues, it would provide some support. Support was the only way to get to recovery, to healing. 

Oliver set his hand on mine, a thoughtful look in his eyes. “When I first met you, you told me you were trying to discover life this summer. To find deeper meaning. The more I get to know you, the more I disagree with that.”

“Oh?” I furrowed my brows. “And why’s that?”

“It’s just not accurate,” he shrugged, “you have so much meaning. You’re…you’re so sweet. And kind. And intentional with everything you do. You put so much goodness out with even just your gaze. I just…”

I stared up at him with, I’m sure, these big dopey eyes. Words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. “I really like you, Oliver.”

He frowned slightly as he brought a hand to my face, thumb brushing the apple of my cheek. I searched his eyes and couldn’t find the answer needed for what I had said. So, the distant smile on my face twisted upside down, worry lacing my features. Had I gone too far? 

“I know, darling,” was all he said. 

Moments of silence passed between us. 

I knew he couldn’t give me much, but maybe now that my feelings were out there, clear as day, written in the sand, maybe it would help him feel more secure about whatever this was. Maybe he’d jump in with me. After all, I was scared, too. Hell, as of this morning I wasn’t looking for a relationship. But- we could be good together. He could be good for me. I know I would be good for him. 

Maybe we could l-

“I don’t know that I communicated this to you well enough,” Oliver went on. 

“It’s okay…”

Oliver glanced away, seemingly ashamed of whatever he was gonna say. “I can’t be in a relationship with you, Daisy. I just…I’m not good. I’m not ready. I don’t want to hurt you. I think you deserve better. We’re on different paths- I have a million excuses.”

I don’t know how I managed to avoid the tears because I could feel them threatening me from behind my eyes. But, I did. I put on this facade, acted out the role. Stood, nodding slowly, painting a sweet smile on my face.

“It’s okay. I understand. I’ll just…I’m gonna leave,” I headed for the door.

But, Oliver was grabbing my hand. “I don’t want you to. I know it…it’s so selfish of me, but I want you anyways. We have two more months before you have to go home- so who says we can’t just be casual, have fun for the rest of summer? I’d…I know I can’t ask that of you, but…I’d like that.”

I would hate him for this. I would hate myself for it, too. 

But, having pieces of him was better than nothing. 

I could push aside my feelings- fuck, I was already getting good at it. 

I would be the cool girl, even if it killed me.

Even if it killed us. 

[alaskan-wallflower]

this whole trip fucking sucks. i sound like a brat because i came all the way out here and whatnot but ive listened to my mom berate me for three days about how if i don’t get this right she’s gonna send me away to camp, she’s been complaining about how much of a brat i am i. public to her fucking friends. her friends ask me about college and she turns it into something about how my goddamn brother is going to an ivy league bad how hard HE worked and how hard HE’S working and how amazing and incredible HE is when it was a conversation about me. it’s sounds stupid and bitchy be had ei don’t deserve a conversation about me but it’s SO FUCKING OBNOXIOUS because the only things she says about me are about how much I “hate her” or how much of a “dependent brat who never helps out around the house” i am. and god forbid i tell her i feel like shit it’s “well you’re eating so you’re fine and you better not be sick because it’ll ruin MY week next week when we go off on our planned annual family vacation” and i’m just so fed up with everything. she yells at me and berates me all the time. u miss my dad. my dad listens to me and he lets me rattle on about whatever i want. he doesn’t judge me and he helps me out and my mom calls him an enabler because of this. i had a mental breakdown in the bathroom because i was given the wrong time for choir rehearsal which i don’t wanna go to because my vocal cords feel like they’re being ripped out. but im eating so im fine. i told her i was coming back to the room because it was gonna be halfway over when i arrived and she gives me the cold shoulder over text so now im sitting in the lobby like an idiot because she’s gonna yell at me when i get back. so um lying and saying i managed to catch the last bit. i know im being a pussy because gentle parenting doesn’t get you anywhere na smh mom is joking about beating my ass if i don’t socialize even though i feel like i was wrung through the meat grinder and there’s covid going around and i haven’t been able to do anything i want since regents, which sounds even more bratty. i miss my dad and he’s leaving the day i get home so im stuck alone with her for another few days. it makes me miserable and i genuinely just feel like shit right now. i can’t do anything right and if i have to socialize any more than i have been i’m going to fucking hang myself. she tells me she’s “pushing me out of my comfort zone” but honestly my comfort zone is maybe having a few hours of socializing. she’s been forcing me into all these things she signed me up for and i didn’t even know i was doing until she tells me to get out or whatever. it’s so annoying. i can’t fucking do it anymore.

[trickstarbrave]

i have a lot of thoughts about "problematic" media and the dumb fucking "pro-ship vs antis" discourse that are probably disjointed bc i am half awake

for one i wanna preface this with: i think it is good actually to critique problematic elements in any media. movies, games, comics, tv shows, even fanfiction. if you think me saying something is "problematic" means i think it should be outlawed and banned and i personally want you, a fan of that thing, to die and i support suicide baiting you, you are just as braindead as the people you claim to hate. you are annoying. this post is not for you and is in fact also about you. you are a tar pit.

there is a vocal minority of people who do in fact see any depiction of something bad and think it has to be condoning it. they are genuinely few and far between, but they are VERY vocal, and typically very young. but i think after looking at how these people thing and present arguments, i really understand why they think this

depiction, if you are something with any critical thinking skills, does not inherently condone or condemn its subject matter. it can condone it, yes, but it can also condemn it. typically a story is mature enough to depict certain things, it is doing so for a reason and has a lot of nuance and shows if it condemns or condones it in indirect ways. for example in a very clear cut way: slasher films show a killer murdering people. they are screaming and dont want to be killed and try to stop him or run away. it is supposed to make you, the audience, feel bad and go 'well i wouldnt wanna get killed'. but at no point does someone look at the camera and go "killing people is wrong and should not be condoned. people dont like being killed".

this gets a bit more messy in other topics that are commonly normalized or go under the radar like racism and abuse. ultimately i think many stories that are "problematic" arent really done that way on purpose, hence why i dont believe in attacking the people who made that story for these things. a lot of times these things sneak their way in subconsciously or by pure carelessness. example: i do not think all of the designers for skyrim are racist white supremacists who intentionally made this story to be a perfect recruiting and radicalization tool for white supremacists. skyrim is a story about fantasy pop culture vikings in fantasy pop-culture viking land where you kill dragons. however there are also elves, which oppose the fantasy pop culture vikings and the vikings hate, and a civil war where many of the fantasy vikings want to purge and non-pop culture fantasy viking out of magical fantasy viking land. that shit is like catnip to white surpremacists. they love that shit. ultimately skyrim is just written badly. at no point was that the INTENTION behind the game, but it has been used to radicalize a lot of white guys and also is still beloved by white supremacists for these reasons.

ultimately that example is one most people im talking about wouldnt even get though, because it requires a lot of thought, understanding of how white supremacy operates, how we even got the concept of "vikings" in our larger pop culture (it was nazis, lol) and that those concepts are wildly inaccurate, etc. instead these kinds of critiques go after very overt depictions of subject matter or literally children's media.

and i think there is a very real reason why they do this i have come to realize: not only do they not know how to critically think, actually trying to think critically even in the slightest is mentally exhausting to them. by this i don't mean "ha ha they are stupid and lazy" i mean they genuinely dont understand critical thinking. at all. like they lack media literacy entirely. ive heard dumb takes from these people like "symbolism is trying to hide/bury the themes of a story" or "because the abuse in this story is metaphorical it doesn't count". they dont understand the parts of a story and why they are utilized as literary devices and actively resent having to think about the things presented to them.

this is a larger cultural issue. i see it beyond just self aggrandizing, black and white morality faux activists. you can see it in spaces of pretty much any political view or in any community: a lack of understanding of how to break down information and stories to evaluate it. we all have a tendency towards bias and they familiar and things that make us comfortable, but these people are on a whole other level. thinks like metaphor are seen as nothing more than lies and detraction used to obscure information rather than help build information up. understanding nuance, personal flaws, deeper intentions, and how you actually convey complex information is completely beyond them.

they live, ultimately, to just drink up content and media while having to think as little as humanely possible. they crave exciting stories but with extremely simplistic meanings and those stories just don't exist. because confronting these topics means rethinking their entire world view, be they extremely insular "leftists" or right leaning morons. it means admitting maybe they are not always right and perfect in more complex ways than simple mistakes a 4 year old would make. even when people like to bitch and moan that "depicting something doesn't mean you inherently condone it" they don't give examples on how you can tell. they don't talk about how personal biases can contribute to a story condoning it when the author does not consciously believe it. unconscious biases aren't even necessarily harmful, but going unchecked they can evolve to full on bigotry, born out of a refusal to admit you can be wrong about things and things are allowed to make you uncomfortable without being a personal attack on you.

because again, this thought pattern exists to preserve the ego and to think as little as possible. admitting things have nuance means admitting EVERYTHING can have nuance. that maybe the people who hurt you are not all irredeemable monsters or that you were the villain in someone else's life. that people you love to attack for moral superiority are complex individuals with their own lives and experiences.

this thought process is ultimately AGAINST accountability too. things are bad because they are bad. there are no pieces that give it nuance, the existence of them is either morally good or morally bad. which means if you think of yourself as morally good, as we all like to, that means you can never, EVER admit to doing something "morally bad", intentionally or not. i saw it recently with mods for a community refusing to admit they did something racist (attacking a black woman and making her life miserable) and would instead rather burn the community down with them while whining about they feel "unsafe" because people said that behavior was unacceptable, wanted them to apologize to the person harmed, and put steps in place to keep it from happening again. which is basic accountability. but that requires thinking about your actions, why they happened, that it doesn't make you an irredeemable monster who can never be better ever, and accept responsibility for what you did.

it is protection of biases and your own beliefs rather than challenging them. to think critically we need to know how to break these things down, evaluate them individually, how they work in a larger whole, and why these things are being told to us. maybe people refuse because they are comfortable in their biases. maybe people are comfortable in their biases and dont like acknowledging them because they dont understand critical thinking and media analysis. maybe its both. i dont really know.

all i know is it is annoying and maybe we really need to by and large teach people literary analysis and critical thinking skills from the ground up. because i cannot keep looking at the same brain dead takes in every community about how symbolism exists to obscure and metaphors are actually lies because "why not just be literal" and watch people make the dumbest moral arguments on both sides of any debate

[merotwst]

I don't know if you've seen Hadestown (there's a couple reccordings on youtube, it's really good) but I have had this idea stuck in my head of...just...Mc putting on a play in Twisted Wonderland, maybe during their second year when they no longer have to deal with the overblots, and kidnappings and cleaning ramshackle. And Jamil gets the part of Orpheus because his voive is just *chef's kiss* and I know he can play the guitar even if he denies it I KNOW HE CAN

Just Jamil singing the most beautiful love songs in a play about freedom, mending ones relationships, love and hope? Please I'm on my knees at the image of him getting the main part, getting to show his true talents to an audience and be recognized all while his crush is singing alongside him and he's never been happier??? It has me on a chokehold

OK LET ME BE HONEST

the reason i took too long to respond to this was bcs i had to listen to the musical. i finished it and UWOOOGH I FELL MADLY IN LOVE FUCK IT'S SO GOOD ANON THANK U I LOVE U FOR THIS

as for the jamil brainrot

YES?!?!?!?!? OH MY FUCKING GOD

no, i can see myself becoming absolutely mesmerized when he plays this poor boy who keeps his heart on his sleeve

LAAAALALALALALAAAAAAAA

ok but also

hear me out.......

i feel like he'd be so fitting as a hades....

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH BECAUSE HE'S SO GOOD WITH PAIN(?) IDK IF U GET IT BUT THE MELANCHOLY OF HADES WOULD BE SUCH A PRETTY COLOR ON HIM

and then imagine him slowly slowly learning to fall in love with his persephone again

THE SILENT ANGER AND RESENTMENT EVENTUALLY MELTING INTO LOVE ONCE AGAIN IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT PLEASE

imagine him looking at you with the coldest of glares (fans face and flutters eyelashes) and then soon, sooner when jamil hades remembers how much he loves you, the way everything becomes clear to him. what happened to you both? what has he done? he loves you. please say you'll try again with him

SCREAMING SCREAMING CRYING BLUSHING PLS I WOULD PROBABLY GIGGLE DURING REHEARSALS AND HE'D GET ANNOYED "LIZ, STOP THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME"

NO URE TOO BABYGIRL I CANT HELP IT

i wanna play persephone someday UGH HER GROWLY VOCALS

THE BELT in lady of the underground was EVERYTHING I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE EVER SINCE I WAS A FETUS I WANT TO BE THAT BELT HOW DO I BECOME THAT

i love love love persephone

ahhhh he'd be so excited if his crush got cast as his persephone pls imagine ure dancing with jamil in the end ure in love ure happy again he wants u to be happy go back and bring sunlight into the world once again and he will wait for you in his darkness. he'll keep ur memory of light in his heart until you return to him and ure in his arms again for the other half of the year im tearing up hold on

kalim would be orpheus

he'd be perfect as orpheus with his sunny personality it would br so natural. i dont wanna hear his bird screeching though cuz like apprently in the game people thing his voice sounds good bro idk bitch wher he's constantly SCREAMING. THAT'S NOT IT. ok sorry for the kalim slander i love him lemme squish his cheeks squish squish little bitch boy that i adore smooches forehead

and jamil would definitely be the type make his life more complicated by forbidding him to look back lmao anyways

BECAUSE WOW I DONT WANNA PUT JAMS IN ORPHEUS' AND EURYDICE'S TRAGEDY EITHER

he deserves a happy ending

he is the perfect hades idk if his voice would fit but we can make it work

i know because i was cast as persephone i was there i saw jamil he was perfect

the perfect babygirl for hades

[adhdsix]

i gotta sleep soon so ive decided i will finally dump a buncha my headcanons here aswell adfhsf theyre all in here but im gonna copy paste them as a post as well because i wanna ill be updating the doc a lot but i probably wont edit the post much notes slight spoilers but not much? i dont think? mono is written to be the tallest because rcg is more like a bonus i guess? but she is the tallest + oldest (this goes for other similar things written abt six, mono and/or rk) some of these are more like what-if scenarios (ex. modern stuff mentioned like cars) that could fit maybe in an au of sorts rather than entirely canon all links are safe

Six

she/it/they

ADHD

Tasteblind, but sensitive to certain food textures

Shortest by a lot, youngest but not by much Zero sense of time

Likes lullabies, gets Mono to sing them to her (likes to make up her own versions sometimes) Short attention span, unless she’s insanely invested in something

Definitely bites ice cream Uses Mono like a cat tree, climbs all over him, loves to sit up on his shoulders or just literally drape herself around his neck like a scarf (Mono eventually gets used to it, but she still can’t stay there for long or it starts to hurt) (possibly a little random but think like .. them + )

Likes most toys but hates dolls, usually tears them apart/messes with them for fun Not a huge fan of rain, but the sound is calming, and she loves the aftermath, which includes the smell, dew on grass, just how everything looks, worms and snails coming out of hiding, and splashing in puddles

Likes teddy bears (big and cuddly, plus, reminds her of Mono)

You are not immune to her puppy eyes. Raincoat Girl is probably the only person who is

Collects things a lot, gets attached to certain items for a random amount of time When she learns a new phrase or word, she loves to repeat it to herself ( not really in the “ look at me i learned a new word and i'm gonna use it all the time “ type way, she just finds it entertaining, kinda like vocal stimming ) Does a similar thing when she finds something that someone else said funny, mocks them by repeating it and giggling

Likes making "nests" out of her stuff

Definitely occasionally runs on all fours, it's usually not for too long though.

Most of the time it’s momentarily while she's already in the middle of sprinting, to give herself a boost with a bound or two, or if she trips or feels herself falling forward while running she'll shift onto all fours which is is how she originally developed that "reflex", to prevent herself from falling while running, but eventually she started using it a little more often 

She can also just walk normally on all fours too but she usually only uses it while running 

She likes to show off her object collections to Mono, he’s very supportive :] Loves long car rides, as well as Runaway

Brings mono gifts (usually dead rats, birds, etc. or bizzare objects from her collection that reminded her of him for whatever reason)

Hates drinks like soda or sparkling water, anything fizzy is a no-no

Likes shiny things Her pupils widen (that cat thing) when she sees something interesting, or something/someone she likes Plus her eyes shine in the dark / in photos sometimes, they usually look red

Mono gave Six their lighter

Heterochromia, their right eye is a dark, reddish brown, the other is milky white

Always chewing on stuff

Fidgets lots, stim buddies with Mono Six stims by rocking on her feet, bouncing, cracking her fingers and shaking fists most often She also vocal stims lots, mostly by repeating animal noises

It’s got tons of freckles

She likes to sing, and is very good at it but doesnt get to very often

it’s favorite things to sing are hypno and sunshine ( 11:11 hypno, sunshine )

Not super into arts, but loves to draw, and is very fascinated by origami

Often refers to Mono as a nerd (affectionate) (also sometimes dork)

Purrs, growls, hisses etc. Because she doesn't talk much, she adapts more animal-like ways of communication, not only vocally but also physical stuff (slow blinking, headbutting stuff, mostly cat-like traits and reflexes. also she likes to drop stuff off of shelves and tables just bc its fun)

Doesn't know her own strength a lot of the time

Very touch starved (they all are) even if she doesn't realise it

Flinches and/or swats others away when touched Eventually they get used to Mono, he's the only person that can touch her at all, but she still has limits

No sense of others personal space though

She’s great at tracking things, mostly small animals

Super ticklish, not very happy that Mono found out 

Very visual memory

She really loves all types of music, ranges from things like 100 gecs type stuff, to calm instrumental kinda things, literally anything with maybe a few exceptions Shark teeth, very sharp, loves making dents in stuff with them

Cat-like claws too (retractable maybe?? why not.. it usually has them out though) Love-hate relationship with snow, they find it weird and kind of icky, but Mono teaches her how to make snow angels, forts and snowmen, and she loves snowball fights (Mono regrets teaching them about those though), plus she adores going back inside and just drinking hot chocolate with Mono and sometimes other friends :]  Mono he/she Tallest of the three, oldest as well  Colorblind He has vitiligo Loves all sorts if arts and crafts, often drags Six into making stuff with him Her hair is very soft, even if it doesn't look like it Very touchy-feely, with others and with objects Knows and respects others boundaries. Six does not He will often push his own boundaries though He’s very protective, usually feels the need to put others safety and health in front of her own A little naive, will protect even if she isn’t getting anything in return from the person(s) Likes skirts! Mono loves to learn about his friends and their personalities, strengths, weaknesses etc. to use for their own benefit! For example, he has a different way to cheer up each friend, and does his best to include them in stuff he thinks they'll also like Loves any happy sounding music the most, but listens to lots of other stuff too (a few songs that remind me of him not lyric-wise but like, sounds like he'd listen to them, are She Wants Me (to be loved), Dancing in my Room, Sunday Best and Sunkissed type stuff, I don’t know music genres so) Favorite drink is probably coffee Loves all sorts of soup!! Has lots of nicknames for Six! Mostly uses kitty and shortcake (it hates them but gets used to them, only from Mono though; some of the other kids use them to get on her nerves, doesn’t end well for them) Love loves bugs! Six likes them too, but isn't as interested as Mono and Runaway (she likes to eat them) Runaway he/they Almost as tall as Mono, noticable difference though He loves chocolate milk and tea Probably the most reasonable out of the three Despite this, he still likes to annoy them (mostly Six) Similarly to Six, he sucks at keeping track of the time Likes goldfish snacks a lot His nomes are always nearby when he is Really likes coloring books and puzzles They love the sound of pianos, not the best at playing it but likes messing with them in his free time with Six (their rare bonding moments) Loves any instruments really, pianos are just his favorite Has the biggest sweet tooth Also loves bugs!! Mono and him are bug buddies His favorite bugs are caterpillars and butterflies, he isn’t a very big fan of spiders though (Mono didn’t used to mind them, but after the hand incidents in the hospital, he finds them icky; too similar) Bonus; RCG  she/they Tallest as well as oldest (again, not oldest by much though) Big sister vibes Super supportive Usually in charge of keeping others in line, doesn’t mind a little chaos here and there though (even if it doesn’t usually end well) Also has a few freckles, not nearly as much as Six Lots of energy that often rubs off on the others when she’s around Probably the most responsible, great with kids younger than her Loves teaching the others how to do stuff, has the longest attention span which makes it easier Very playful and teasing, but still knows and respects boundaries when it comes to that kinda stuff Gets easily stressed out and nervous when she doesn't know what to do, as she feels like she always has to be responsible aaaand thats all 4 now! i might do more characters like comic kids if i get enough ideas but thatll be in the doc if i ever do pleas share with me ur hcs and ideas too!!!! if u wanna i would love 2 see them!!

[angeltrapz]

saw ur post 4 saw asks n im here to deliver!! (also fully gonna answer the one u sent me i just had a busy night 💚) — hmmm would personally love to hear more abt the Matthews-Faulkner-Stanheight-Blank family dynamic? esp maybe Daniel + Art, but rlly just anything u wanna talk abt there! maybe if they have any sorta family traditions, what holidays look like for them, that sorta deal

shfajs tysm!!!! (also tht's totally okay, take yr time!!!)

also oooo I love this question okay. so like u mentioned this when I asked abt what Eric n Daniel's relationship would b like post-trap, but I think it's very very good fr Daniel 2 like. see tht Eric has ppl who love him n who don't mind helping him when he needs it n who are THERE fr him bc again, like you've mentioned, seeing a parent so utterly shattered th way Eric was after his trap is incredibly difficult, esp for a kid (though Daniel is like. at least seventeen? still). knowing tht his dad has a good support system n is surrounded by ppl tht care abt him helps put him at ease bc he knows he can trust Adam n Art. he knows they'll keep Eric safe n tht they'll help him to heal, tht they love him n want 2 see him do well n get better. plus, Daniel knows tht if he needs to talk 2 some1 abt how difficult seeing his dad like tht is, he knows both Adam n Art r there fr him and tht helps a lot. of course, he also has Rigg + maybe Hoffman (until th whole. u know.), but they don't live w Eric. they don't see him every day th way Art n Adam do. that's not 2 say they don't know Eric is struggling, but there is a difference btwn them n Eric's boyfriends. basically, Daniel is very much grateful fr Art + Adam.

I feel like Art wld be VERY good at lending an ear fr when Daniel needs 2 talk. whether that be abt their trap + tht whole experience, Eric's trap n the consequences/rough aftermath, just plain venting, etc.; Art is there 2 listen to them + offer a solution if they want one. most times I think Daniel just wants to b listened to, esp when it comes to what they went thru in the Nerve Gas House - tht's smth they don't feel comfortable discussing w Eric right away fr obvious reasons, but therapy can only do so much. I think th two of them have more in common than they might realize at first, bc hey, Art Killed A Man Because Trevor Was Going To Kill Him If He Didn't, and Daniel Killed A Man Because Xavier Would Have Killed Both Them And Amanda If They Didn't. I feel like Art is like. very reserved abt th details of his first trap + how they affected him (and th second one tbh; it's not smth he vocalizes often at all), but fr Daniel he wld gladly talk abt it if it meant Daniel didn't feel alone. if it meant it could help them, reassure them that hey, it wasn't yr fault, u did what u had to, n I know tht can be hard 2 believe right now n that's okay. u need to process things at yr own pace.

and so Art tells them abt the Mausoleum, bares a part of himself he keeps locked away where he doesn't often give it much thought/actively ignores it. n I think tht's healing fr him too, maybe. there's solace in tht shared experience, as horrible as it was in th moment. 2 know there's someone out there who has even th faintest inkling of what u went thru + what u had to do to survive. of course Daniel relates 2 Adam fr this reason too, but like. Art will use his Lawyer Voice n make sure Daniel understands tht what they did doesn't make them a bad person or confirm tht Jigsaw Was Right And They Deserved It. n tht's rly important fr Daniel 2 hear, esp early on. it's honestly one of th first times Art is truly honest abt his feelings on th matter + the Mausoleum, n it's just. a step tht much closer to healing for both of them.

family traditions!!! they do have a few! in the summer, every sunday they have Daniel w them, Eric Art n Adam go out fr ice cream, even if they get it at the drive thru n eat it in th car bc none of them want 2 be around all th people/sit outside in th muggy weather. it's a good way to get them all out of th house fr a little while, something enjoyable tht doesn't require too much energy or even interaction. it's just smth nice they can do where they're all together n chilling n just enjoying each other's company!

this is mostly a Daniel one but every year around April Fools he just. puts fucking googly eyes on everything. n every time some1 discovers some, it doesn't matter where in th house he is, u can hear him cackle abt it. Adam thinks it's an absolute delight n has assisted on multiple occasions. tht's abt as far as pranks go fr them, bc none of them like surprises like that, but god is it ever hilarious 2 hear Eric frm the kitchen while Art Adam n Daniel r in the living room when he says "I found another one!" while he's looking fr smth in the fridge kjdkfsf.

holidays!! every Christmas they all sit down in th living room n watch a couple of movies w the blankets spread out on th floor w snacks n hot chocolate. the first Christmas following his trap, Eric was sat on th couch between Adam n Art while Daniel chose to sprawl out on th floor, n he just looked around at his boyfriends n his son n the fake pine tree they had all decorated together n he like. needs to take a moment bc this is it. this is all he cld ever want out of life right here. this is a level of peace Eric never knew he wld ever be able to reach after what he went thru fr those six months. n he just sort of presses his face into Art's shoulder n breathes thru it. he doesn't even have to say anything fr Adam n Art to know what he's thinking bc Adam's hand is on his arm n Art's resting his cheek against th top of his head, n he might cry a little, but he's happy. surrounded by th ppl he loves n who love him, love him enough to keep the lights down low n the volume on th television soft, to use subtitles so he doesn't get overwhelmed, Eric realizes he has a home n it's just. oof.

fr Valentine's Day, this one was actually Adam's idea initially: wht they do is take sticky notes n write little affirmations on thm fr each other, n stick thm in places where they'll see it. sometimes Daniel joins in on this one, but usually it's an Art Eric Adam thing. so like it'll be little things, like a note frm Adam telling Eric how proud he is of him, or one from Art letting Adam know he couldn't have had a better best friend, or th one from Eric that thanks th both of thm fr helping him w his rashes + helping him 2 accept tht part of him n start to see it as nothing to be ashamed of. it starts on th first day of February and ends on Valentine's Day itself, n sometimes they get those packs of cards u get fr kids just to write goofy shit on thm to pass back n forth n make each other laugh. they also get th discounted candy!! (Adam steals all th twix bars tho. tht's okay bc Eric likes snickers anyway n Art is fond of reese's peanut butter cups. they share th sweet tarts + conversation hearts!)

Halloween is when they get a big bowl of candy 2 leave on th porch fr the kids who're trick-or-treating while th three of them stay inside (+Daniel sometimes!) n watch some classics, like their Christmas tradition. they Also add in some bad movies 2 mix it up a lil bit bc sometimes u just need a laugh. I am like in Lov w the idea u had abt Eric n Adam sometimes building cozy pillow forts, so they do tht n the three of them just vibe in there n lay together n look n talk. n like it's So Much Fun 2 have ppl to like. discuss movies w while yr watching them! esp when they're ppl who won't be annoyed w u when u wanna share a thought! like Eric n Adam will get into this deep discussion abt horror movie decisions n Art will just lay there n listen bc he loves them so much n loves hearing them get amped up abt things. he'll offer his own two cents if asked too! mostly he listens, but he can definitely contribute.

inevitably at some point, someone's hand ends up in Eric's hair n he's just. asleep not too long after that. usually on someone's shoulder or against their chest, n depending on who's still awake, they either try 2 move to th bedroom or they just sleep in th living room (i.e.: Art will try to convince Eric n Adam to come to bed properly, whereas Adam will just b like "fuck it" n pass out right there. has this led 2 them waking up sore b4? absolutely. but it's like. "we r adults who live w our decisions n this one happened 2 be sleeping on th floor" so.

n then a minor one is on their birthdays, some1 (usually Art, to be completely honest w u) will cook tht person their favourite comfort food fr dinner n they all help make cake/cupcakes/cookies/something dessert-related of their choice. so like Art rly likes brownies, Adam is fond of strawberry jello poke cake, n Eric can make some RLY good carrot cake cupcakes w homemade frosting too. it's just smth fr them to do together + like! it's celebrating! they've all been thru so much hell but they're still here! n that's rly th focus for the three of them. sometimes they have ppl over too - like Rigg, Gibson, Brit, Mallick, Lawrence, William (all of them best-case, obv); it's nice 2 have a lil party sometimes! after what they've endured they've kind of earned it I think!

thank u sm!!! this was so fun 2 think abt fjdkjsk

(lil random hc: when Daniel was little, Eric used 2 write letters to him frm Santa. eventually Daniel got "too old for that," but honestly? they cherish tht memory. I wanted 2 include it bc it makes me kjehfje!!!)

[keiscait]

hey, may i please request a bedroom matchup LOL 😏

she/her, bisexual (men over women (unless it's a big tittie goth gf)

sagittarius sun and virgo rising

ravenclaw 😏

sexual: i like being the top. call me mommy LOL. i also like being topped, i have a major knife kink 😏 im in charge most of the time, however it can change every now and then. when i'm the bottom i want my partner to spit in my mouth 🧎‍♀️ neck and ear bites plz 😏 i'm very vocal 👹👹

things i look for in a partner:

-LOYALTY!!1!1!2!2'

-has to have a good sense of humor

-chill

-very understanding

personality: i'm very outgoing and friendly to most people, but i keep my friend group small. i'm the loud friend of the group and i'm always trying my best to make my friends laugh. i say really weird things at the most random times and i often look really high so people think i'm on something. i'm a good leader though and take charge in the three sports i'm in. (i'm varsity captain in one of my sports!!)

appearance:

plans for future: i'm currently a senior in high school and i plan on going into the national guard or air force when i graduate :). the military will pay for college and i plan on either going into the criminal justice field or information technology field :p

music taste: literally everything except for country. you can catch me listening to dr dre, schoolboy q, blackstreet, and kendrick lamar one minute and then queen the next. i also love my female rap artists 👏👏 90s rock and rnb are also a must. i listen to 00's club music on a regular 😏

Hello and welcome, my dearest Bri! AND ADVANCED HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Wish I could bake you a cake, but all I can do is send some love (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* Let’s get right to it then! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Look who we have here, hon!

Suna Rintarou! (Runner up: Kageyama Tobio)

Suna here has a really cold and icy demeanor, which I think has to be balanced out by outgoing people (like the Miya twins). He likes to act like this dark and brooding person, but deep down, he’s actually just a little gremlin like most of us. 

- Okay okay, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I already know that you’re a Suna stan, but I genuinely could not think of anybody who matches your personality description better, the two of you would just be *aggressive chefs kiss*

- I’m kinda getting an enemies-to-lovers-ish vibe with this dynamic, but also like a partners-in-crime-to-lovers type of deal. Either way, it’ll start out a little bit chaotic

- Has a crush on you immediately, I just KNOW it, but he won’t realize this until later on, and may even totally deny it to himself

- He doesn’t really know when exactly he starts catching feelings for you, but the realization probably hits him when he sees you going about your daily activities

- You could be doing any of your extra curriculars - basketball, track, or marching band - and he sees how much you enjoy it, or maybe even after you just said one of your random thoughts. Whatever makes him feel like he’s getting to know you a little bit better

- it’s when you laugh right after, and suddenly he feels like he’s just been spiked a ball in the face, and he just audibly goes “ah shit.”

- Has no fucking clue what to do at first KDHFKSJHL someone pls help him!!!

- He ends up being a little awkward when he tries to do anything about it, and it’ll all just feel so unnatural HAHAH

- “Let me carry your bag” “No Rin it’s fine I can--” *pries your bag from your hands with way too much force*

- in his mind he’s like “Ah yes that went perfectly 😌”

- he tries to communicate his feelings in little ways like this, hoping you’ll catch on

- No, Suna Rintarou, poking fun at someone is not a declaration of love, but nice try!

- he’ll get so frustrated if you don’t catch on (or maybe you do, and you just want him to say something first), and eventually will straight up yell tell you how he feels

- once you two are together, he’ll still try to act he’ll try to keep up his icy exterior, but trust me, he’s completely whipped for you

- SHARED PLAYLISTS!!!!

- Appreciates that you keep your friend group small, because at the end of the day, he’s still a pretty reserved guy

- Admires your leadership qualities, and will not be insecure and toxic about it, despite what other people believe. He honestly wishes he could be more like you, in that sense

- He’ll be your # 1 fan in everything you do. Will support whatever it is that you want to achieve, and will cut any bitch who tries to get in your way

- boy is in LOOOOOVE

- If he ever gets mad or annoyed at you, just give him the smallest peck on his cheek, and he’ll be all putty in your hands again

- Likewise, I think he’d be so good at making you blush too. It’s not all the time that he does this, but when he does, it’s 1000000% effective

- A FRICKING TEASE SKJDHFDSJFGLSGJ CHANGE MY MIND

- Honestly I love this dynamic so much that I wanna make him your bedroom matchup too, but I feel like that would be a cop out 

~

You were exhausted.

It was never easy juggling all the activities that you took part in - each of them was truly a labor of love. Today was particularly draining because it was, after all, your birthday, and it just HAD TO fall on a weekday. You plonked on your bed and started scrolling through your phone.

Your tight-knit group of friends continued to send you birthday wishes, despite having already done so when you saw them earlier that day. They had sung to you and let you blow out a birthday candle - it was all they could do, given your busy schedules. You looked forward to the weekend you had planned with them and your boyfriend, Rintarou.

Speaking of Rin, you thought to yourself, as a message notification from him popped up.

- You’re already home, right?

- Yeah! Just got here. So tired

- That’s too bad. I was gonna ask you to open the door for me but I guess I’ll just go home

You ran to your front door faster than you expected you could manage, and there stood Suna, a balloon and a box of pizza in hand. He pretended to walk away slowly, making you giggle before you grabbed him and dragged him inside.

He pressed a soft kiss to your temple. “Happy birthday, babe.”

You were giddy, not expecting him to show up. “I thought we were gonna wait til the weekend for my celebration??” 

“Do you not know me by now?” he chuckled. “As if I’d let today pass without doing anything about it.”

You smiled and looked at him for a few seconds. He rarely looks so sincere, and so warm, and you just wanted to drink up every last drop of this moment.

He teased, “But y’know, I guess if you’re too tired, I can totally scarf down this pizza by myself.”

You groaned before dragging him to your room and setting up the playlist you guys worked on together, getting ready for a night in.

~

I hope that was alright, bb! Let’s make our way to the bedroom now ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

For some private time, I’ve invited over...

Oikawa Tooru! (Runner up: Suna Rintarou)

Despite how other people believe he’s a dom, I think he’d be a switch, at best. I think in the bedroom, he’d love to let his partner take control, just as much as loves having his way with them.

- What really gets this fucker going is pleasing people - and who would he love to please more than his s/o?

- He loves how your confidence translates into your bedroom behavior

- I headcanon that he easily falls apart in bed, and would gladly do so for his partner 

- He is s e n s i t i v e. Touch him, kiss him, grab him EVERYWHERE

- LOUD, but a lot of it is trying to get his partner to be even louder

- How does this man have both a praise kink and a degradation kink? Idk but I’m so sure he has both

- Would be totally onboard with your knife kink. He’s super into sensory play

- Speaking of which

- BLINDFOLD HIMMMM SKDJHFSDJFK THAT WOULD BE A SIGHT TO BEHOLD

- Once you ask him to take charge, I think he would still be a service dom

- Knows all your sensitive spots. Made sure to take note of them so that he can get you back for all the times you hit his sweet spots

- Loves mouth stuff. His mouth. Your mouth. Putting stuff in them. Tongue stuff. Loves all of it

- Great at aftercare, just a bit flashy with it. Kind of makes a show of what he’s doing but in the most adorable way

- Delicate with how he handles you after. Or if you’re the one giving him aftercare, would praise you the whole time

- Will hold you til you fall asleep 🥺

~

As a little extra gift, I wanted to give you a dressing room matchup too! 

I think your gorgeous face would look SO GOOD with...

Miya Atsumu! WHAT AN INSANELY GOOD LOOKING COUPLE YOU WOULD MAKE

~

That’s it for now, darling! I hope that was worth all the waiting you did. Thank you for being such a wonderful housemate - don’t hesitate to chat with me anytime. Advanced happy birthday again! (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭*

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[angrylizardjacket]

mouth full of white lies {Machine Gun Kelly} 2

2. i been fronting that it’s just for the summer

Summary: So you’re together, sort of, and it’s great! Everyone seems to be convinced, that’s not the issue. The issue comes when you fly to LA for filming, and you decide to stay with Colson, but the room only has one bed. And the paparazzi crash your first “date”. And he kisses you and your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest, which is not supposed to happen because this isn’t a real relationship! But it’s fine. Probably. 

A/N: So bare with me, it’s a very long chapter. Also, pretend the Tunnel of Love remix by haroinfather came out before 2018 and not in 2019. Enjoy. 

the brainstrust: @sataninsatin @silvertonguedserpent @juliarose21 @kellysimagines @estxxbritt @machine-gun-casie @harringtonstudios @misscharlottelee @narcvissa @hiworlditishumbleme @angelwarner28 @nevilles-insinuations @rumoured-whispers @mgkobsessed @edwardtriggerhandzz @suckerforbarnes @wastelcve @bakerkells @local-troubled-writer @freddiessmallnipples @oopsiedoopsie23

----

It feels like you’re braced for impact when you walk into rehearsals the day after you release the video. Douglas has already seen it, of course he has, he messages you minutes after it’s posted.

[Dig Doug: Not gonna say I Told You So, but im glad you’re happy. 🦆🦆]

It gets you to smile, despite your anxiety surrounding the whole situation.

“Now what?” Colson asked after the video was posted, sitting next to you on his bed. The duvet is so soft, and somehow the whole situation is so inherently soft. Maybe it’s that you’re both in hoodies and sweat pants. Maybe it’s that you’d just told the world that you’re dating. His eyes are so blue.

You phone goes off. 

His phone goes off. 

Both of you have Twitter muted, but even so, it needed to let you both know that you were getting a lot of mentions.

“Now we’re dating,” you say, flipping your phone over, while Colson picks his up, opening Twitter and beginning to scroll through his mentions. Where in the Hell were you meant to go from here.

“Alright, cool; you wanna get pizza or something?” He asks, simple as that, and it’s now you seem to realise that you’ve been so stressed from everything that had been happening that you hadn’t been remembering to feed yourself.

“Honestly, I’d love to.”

The next day, however, it’s the elephant in the room; the others don’t say anything, but everyone, even Douglas to some extent, was wondering how in the hell they had missed your apparent relationship. But it’s not awkward; you and Colson act the same as always, you take notes for Josy, and get coffee, and type away on your laptop. 

They break for lunch, and you look up from your work only to see Josy making a beeline for you, an intimidating look of determination written all over her face. Ah, here’s where the interrogation begins. Glancing over your shoulder you see Colson shoot you an amused, if concerned look, glancing to Josy. In response, you shrug; it can’t be helped.

“We need to talk,” Josy tells you, steers you from the room, across the parking lot, into a whole new building, where she paces for about three minutes, unable to look at you, hands basically pulling out her hair, all of which amuses you greatly. When she comes to a stop in front of you, it’s as if you can see the cogs of her brain turning, her fingers steepled in front of her mouth as she tries to order her thoughts.

“You know you’re my favourite assistant in the world and I treasure our friendship, right?” She asks, and you fix her with a fondly exasperated stare.

“Of course, you see fit to remind me every time I bring you coffee -”

“Then why, my little duck, my little goose, apple of my eye, enchilada of my bosom,” she says with an almost poisonous sweetness, looking you directly in the eye, “would you date one of my actors?” And you have to hold back your laughter in the face of her sincere and rather angry confusion.

“Josy, please,” you start, and she already looks like she wants to interrupt, “I like him is all, okay? I won’t be a distraction -” you can already see her trying to protest, but you hold up your hand to stop her, “and he won’t distract me; if anything, it means there’ll be no outside distractions, hopefully.”

“[Y/N] you test me,” Josy sighs deeply, scrubbing at her face, “how long?”

This gives you cause for hesitation, because neither you nor Colson had thought to get your whole story straight the night before. He had ordered room service and you’d just talked about music until you finally went back to your own room. An oversight, sure, but you had been glad to have a plan, and were happy to figure out the details later.

“A few weeks -” when you say this, Josy makes a choked, wheezing noise, and you pause, “since... uh, since he took us around the city at the end of the first week.”

“Does Douglas know?”

“He’s not my handler,” you fire off reflexively, and Josy winces, a little sheepish, “but yes.” You paused. “Now.”

Josy lets the whole conversation slide with some reluctance, and she asks you to get her lunch from the deli a few blocks away. You agree, partially because it’s your job, but mostly because you’re just glad to get out of the building and away from her exasperated, judgmental stares.

He’s corrupting you. It’s what the media thinks. It’s what Josy thinks. And something about the assumption is already starting to get under your skin. But right as you start to get truly annoyed by the subtext she had been blasting you with, you hear your phone chime.

[Colson: am i gonna get The Talk from my AD later on? Ducky: wot Colson: like u no... if you hurt my daughter im gonna hurt you Ducky: Josys not my mom??? shes like 3 years older than me???? Colson: its a joke. chill ducky. everything alright tho? Ducky: told her wed been dating since that night i filmed a few weeks ago Colson: smart. everyone thinks weve been together since then nyways Ducky: you want anything from the deli? Colson: what Ducky: im at the deli. u want a sandwich? Colson: yeh sure. surprise me. maybe chicken idk. webber wants a chocolate milk Ducky: milks bad for vocal cords Colson: he doesnt care 😈]

It makes you laugh. He makes you laugh. It’s as easy as that; you’re still friends, it’s just that you spend more time together, are closer, when you go out for dinner with the cast, he’s invariably beside you. You’re both always on time to rehearsals, and he keeps sending you selfies from costume and makeup tests, and it’s going fine, great even, despite all the nasty DMs you were still receiving. Of course the supportive ones always outweighed the negative, and even the negative didn’t really bother you, because it’s not as if there was a real relationship in jeopardy, so it actually took a lot of weight off your shoulders.

Filming is set to start on location in LA after about a month and a half of rehearsals, and while the first month had primarily been working on scenes, the extra fortnight you’d been there had been almost consistently rehearsing as a band for eight hours a day, six days a week. The day before you’re due to fly off, the whole cast looks exhausted at brunch. 

“Pass me the salt,” Colson yawns, half asleep with his head against the window of the cafe.

“It’s right in front of you,” you counter, knocking his knee with yours beneath the table.

“My arms don’t work,” he groaned, but he was smiling now, just a little. You look to the other cast members all enjoying their own respective breakfasts. Daniel’s on voice rest, despite the fact that they’re going to be using recordings of Motley Crue themselves for the actual film, they still want him able to perform covers for when they’re filming; currently he’s nursing a lemon and ginger tea with enough honey to drown a bee. Actually, Colson was the only one out of the four of them not to be drinking tea; both Iwan and Douglas both having ordered a cup with their breakfasts. Iwan was the only one who looked ready for the day, with the rest of them all slumped over in various states of exhaustion.

“Ducky, come on, please?” Colson actually whined, and you rolled your eyes, passing him the salt.

“You’re so needy,” you tell him, but your smile is enough to let him know that you’re joking.

“Why’re you called Duck, if I may ask?” Iwan asks, and you heave a sigh, knowing Douglas was already smiling before you even turn to look at him.

“Because when our parents first brought her home, all she did was follow me around like a duckling,” his tone is all fond, and he wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you in for a side hug despite your indignant noise of protest.

“Adorable,” Iwan grins over the lip of his cup. You just groan, and steal a bite of Douglas’ pancakes, though he doesn’t seem to mind, “have you worked much in the industry?” Iwan’s accent sounds like home, and despite how quiet and bitter he is in character, he’s rather bright and talkative as a person.

“Here and there; I actually spent quite a few of my teenage years as Doug’s assistant when he would be filming in London,” you say with a half-smile, “still a bit of a duck I suppose, but it looks good on my CV. I do odd-jobs on sets here and there back home, have been a runner for a few TV shows, but I don’t really go out of my way to be on camera, you know,” you shrug, before hearing your mistake. Both Colson and Douglas are already laughing, while Daniel and Iwan just seem confused. “Apart from, like, my actual job, you know? Like I’m on camera for YouTube, but not for a real movie or anything.”

“Well you seem very good at your job, we’re glad to have you onboard,” Iwan nods with a surprisingly sincere smile. Beneath the table, Colson’s hand is on your knee, and he gives you a small squeeze.

“I thought your hands didn’t work?” You raise an eyebrow at him, and Douglas almost spits his drink all over Daniel at the implication.

“Excuse me?” His eyes are wide as saucers and Colson’s quickly turning red.

“I said my arms don’t work but damn, call me out why don’t you?” He splutters, raising his hands in the air in mock surrender, with only mild wincing. It’s about now that you realise the assumption that your brother had jumped to.

“His hand was on my knee, Doug, I was trying to make a joke,” you explain, flustered, though Daniel and Iwan on the other side of the booth have collapsed on top of each other with laughter. You, Douglas, and Colson, however, are all equally mortified, and make a point to move so neither of you are touching as you finish your breakfast quickly.

“I just appreciate,” Daniel was still chuckling as you all left the cafe, as was Iwan, “that Doug genuinely thought Colson was getting busy with his sister at brunch, like, right next to him under the table.

“Nah,” Iwan actually laughs, his smile sharp, “they’re just really in character.”

“Hello! Hello and welcome back, ducklings! Today we’re flying all the way to sunny L.A, which honestly isn’t that far from Portland, but the production company was nice enough to not make us road trip it.” 

The video starts in your hotel room, and follows you as you pack your things, and cuts to a montage set to some royalty-free music, of you heading to the airport, of the cast yawning. Your brother buys you breakfast at a fast-food restaurant in the airport, and you check your bags; a panning shot in the waiting area, of every single member of the cast and crew that are taking this flight on their phones.

“You look cute,” you mutter very quietly to Colson, who’s sitting next to you, scrolling through Twitter with a travel pillow squished up around his neck. He gives you a toothy smile, leans his cheek against the pillow, and winks at the camera. 

The hotel you’re staying at is beautiful, all marble pillars in the foyer and beige and cream counters, and it feels like it might be too much. This is where the stars stay, and you? You know you’re absolutely not a star.

“Duck?” And there’s Josy’s voice, hesitant, about to tell you the jig is up, hand you keys to a water stained motel room a few blocks away. When you turn to her, she’s got two separate key cards in her hands.

“Yes, Josy?” You ask sweetly; it’s not her fault, after all, that you’re not a top-billed star. 

“So corporate wanted to put you with some of the other crew, they’re staying in a place down the road - it’s really lovely, trust me, and if you want it we can still get you a room - but,” Josy glanced to the cards in her hand, before holding them out, one in each hand, “if you’d like to stay here, both your brother and Colson are happy to share with you.” And at this, your brain stalls, looking at the key cards being offered to you.

“Why didn’t they tell me this?”

“Because they’re already heading up, but they wanted me to let you know that the offer’s there.”

So it seems that in the three minutes that you were mooning over the architecture, and giving the guys their space, since you’d assumed you’d be staying elsewhere, both your brother and your fake boyfriend happened to mention that you’re able to stay with them if you want. Douglas is not a surprise; Colson is. 

“How big are the rooms, I don’t want to -” you start, but Josy’s quick to cut you off.

“The size isn’t the matter; they’re big enough rooms, got really comfortable sofas from what I could see, but...”

“But?” You prompt, and Josy gives a smile. 

“Of course, it’s all about what you’re comfortable with; you know Doug’s more than happy to take the sofa, I just know you and Colson haven’t been together that long -” And here it all starts to make sense, and you hope the smile you give isn’t nervous as you ask which key is which. You take Colson’s.

The elevator ride up to the cast’s floor has you wracked with nerves, which you think is ridiculous; you can sleep on the sofa, it’s no trouble, and he wouldn’t have offered the room if he hadn’t meant it. So why does the idea of staying in a room with him, with only one bed, have your heart beating so fast? You’d been teasing each other, flirting and being cute together, in front of other people, that was easy, but since the night you’d released the video, you hadn’t really been alone together. You hadn’t needed to be. It seems like all you can think about as you walk down the beige hallway to your room, on auto-pilot as you scan your key card and enter the room.

It’s quiet.

There’s the gentle whistling of wind that comes from the balcony, the overhead sun beating down on the pristine, Hollywood beaches. He sits on the balcony, plush armchair, smoking a joint with his shirt off. Inside, it’s all white walls and gold accents, his suitcase on the bed, already open the contents inside surprisingly neatly folded. There’s a door beside you that you’re pretty sure leads to the bathroom, and the room itself is spacious, with a gorgeous, gray sofa sitting off to one side, and a wall-mounted television on the other. Just for the moment, all the fears and anxieties in your mind vanish at the sight of this pristine serenity.

Quietly, you wheel your own suitcase to the sofa, and pull out your phone. 

He’s stunning, like that, his feet up on the coffee table on the balcony, free hand tapping a lazy beat on the arm of his chair. You take a candid photo of him as he exhales smoke, and it catches the sunlight beautifully, with the water out of focus in the background. 

“Can I post this?” You ask, and he jumps a little, not having heard you come in, before his concerned expression morphs to a genuine smile when he realises that it’s you. Turning the phone to him, you show him the photo you took, and he lowers his sunglasses to get a proper look at it. After a beat, his gaze flicks to yours.

“’course, it’s a nice photo.”

“You’re very photogenic,” you brush of his compliment with a smile, and he pushes his glasses back up his nose, looking out from the balcony.

“You crashing here?” 

“If it’s not too much trouble,” you respond, and he actually laughs, though the sound is kind.

“Wouldn’t have offered if it was.”

Easy. Like everything else about him, it seemed, this was easy.

You caption the photo ‘the view from my balcony 😍’ and post it on both Twitter, and your Instagram story, tagging him in both, and you set about checking out the room’s facilities. It’s a normal, if fancy hotel room. Little bottles of soaps and shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom, TV with a bunch of standard channels, and a whole ton more that you could pay for if you wanted, it even had a set of cables so you could charge your phone, either side of the bed. The singular bed. Which Colson has clearly already claimed.

Maybe it had been a mistake to not board with your brother. 

“I’m getting lunch, you want anything?” You call, needing to get out of your own head for a bit, wanting to explore the city a little. He’s quiet for a moment, then you hear a strained ‘yeah’.

“Gimme a moment, let me put on a shirt and I’ll come with you,” he tells you through a lung full of smoke, putting the joint out in the ash tray provided, tucking the other half in his pocket for later.

“You not gonna vlog this?” He asks, half smiling in the elevator, hands tucked into his pockets. 

“Oh, shit, knew I forgot something,” you mutter, and you go to punch in the number of your floor again, but his hand catches yours. 

“We’re coming back after, don’t worry about it.”

And, well, you don’t.

It’s easy to talk to him, you swap stories about life in the entertainment industry from two wildly different perspectives, and you find a cute and overpriced restaurant to have lunch in. All the while, you’re so aware of where you are, how there could be any number of people snapping photos of the pair of you. It’s not like you’re being overtly couple-y, you’d only been putting on this ruse for three weeks at this point, but he pays for your lunch.

“Oh, I didn’t realise this was a date,” you admit, a little surprised, a little flustered. He shrugs, eats the last bite of his burger, and smiles.

“Why not? We haven’t had the chance to go on one yet, let’s take it for a test drive. Do they- are boardwalks still a thing? Is a boardwalk carnival still a thing or was that just the nineties?” You’re actually rather taken aback by his suggestion, and can’t help but grin, picking up your mostly empty glass to swirl the ice at the bottom.

“Pretty sure boardwalks are a thing, not sure about carnivals on them, but we can check it out.”

You each finish your drinks and leave, setting off for the waterfront. Feeling bold, you tuck your arm in his, and enjoy the Spring-time sunshine. The boardwalk, as it turns out, is still definitely a thing, as are the kitschy carnival rides along it. 

“I feel like a fuckin’ teenager,” Colson mutters under his breath, knowing you’ll hear it, “if we see a couple where they’re both wearing braces, looking like they just got out of school, I’m throwing myself straight into the ocean.” He informs quietly, and you snort at that.

“Not a fan of traditional cute date shit?” You ask, as the pair of you approach the ticket booth. 

“Not in the slightest,” Colson admits through his teeth while trying to smile at the attendant. The attendant, who obviously recognizes at least one of you, is doing her best not to look like she’s staring. You each buy a ride pass and head in, and the girl tells you to have a good afternoon, with a nervous sort of excitement. 

“This feels like somewhere I’d go with my daughter,” Colson looks doubtfully up at the ferris wheel that sat ahead of you at the end of the pier, looking more than a little perturbed, but his words struck you in a way that you hadn’t expected.

“Have you told her about us?” You asked, and he casts an unreadable glance at you.

“Listen, if we’re going to talk about... stuff like this, let’s at least do it somewhere a little more private?” It seems he, just like you, is acutely aware of how busy the little set of attractions is, and having already been recognized once, it’s almost certainly not going to be the last time today.

The gangly-limbed teenager working the ferris-wheel doesn’t even hide that he’s staring at Colson with hero-worship in his eyes, and he gives you a look over, followed by an approving, rather smug nod, before closing the door of the carriage. It makes your skin crawl.

“Why does everyone get to decide if I’m good enough for you based on my looks?” You hear yourself mutter, but Colson’s slinging his arm around your shoulders as the pair of you are raised steadily into the air. 

“Who gives a shit? They’re jealous, and it doesn’t matter because we’re not really together anyways,” he’s got a point, but your expression is still downcast, and there’s a strange sadness settling in the pit of your stomach. 

“I suppose.”

Once you’re high enough in the air that no-one from the ground should be able to hear either of you even a little bit, Colson sits back, lets his gaze drift across the horizon.

“I told Cassie about us, told her the truth.” He doesn’t sugar coat it, doesn’t try and explain his way out of it, when instead he looks tense, like he’s read to defend himself. You, however, nod, giving him an understanding smile.

“Of course, she’s your daughter,” you pause, and he finally looks back at you, and you think you see some hint of relief in his eyes, “I never expected for you to lie to her.”

“She’s a good kid,” he assures softly, “got a good head on her shoulders.” And now he’s turning fond, giving your shoulder a squeeze, “fuckin’ who knows where she got it, ‘cos it ain’t me.” Laughing a little, he’s surprised when you answer, voice soft and sincere.

“You’ve gotta give yourself more credit,” you tell him matter-of-factly, “you wouldn’t be half as successful as you are if you didn’t have a good bit of sense.”

“I knew there was a reason I was dating you,” he teases, pulling you in close, but you play along.

“Yeah, it’s that good sense of yours,” you returned, and he gave you a gentle shove. “Am I going to meet her at all?” You ask finally, and Colson gives another shrug.

“Yeah, I mean sure, she wants to come to set, so if you’re around you’re welcome to meet her,” his fingers are drumming lightly against your shoulder, “I should warn you though, she tends to vet any girls I’m getting serious about pretty hard, fake or not.” And yeah, you’re laughter’s a bit disbelieving, and though he sees the humour in it, he doesn’t seem to be joking, “she’s a good judge of character, and I’ll tell you now, I’m mad protective of her, but she’s mad protective of me too.” The thought of it is actually endearing, and you lean into him, letting yourself heave a sigh of contentment, glad to have talked this through.

“This would have been real nice to film,” he muttered, a teasing edge to his voice as the two of you stared out at the glittering ocean.

“Don’t even start,” you gave his ribs a shove, which only made him laugh, the sound warm and easy in the afternoon air, the sun moving slowly to the horizon.

Slowly but surely Colson was warming to the little boardwalk carnival. The two of you play obviously rigged games, and ride the rollercoaster that creaks ominously, and he even convinces you to share some fairy floss. He snaps a picture of you grinning wide and genuine as you offer him the treat, and posts it to Twitter with the caption ‘sweet’. 

There’s a Tunnel of Love ride that Colson had adamantly refused to go on at first, but as sunset was drawing closer, he relented. 

“I’m not a cliche! I’m not a fucking cliche!” He huffs, sitting beside you with his arms crossed, his legs so long that his knees came up almost comically. You’re filming on your phone for your Instagram story, and will later add at least two heart gifs, but for now you’re just obnoxiously singing the Tunnel of Love remix, thankful that you’re the only two on the ride at the moment.

“You so fucking cute, when I see you, I uwu, can you be my fucking boo? Can you be my sailor moon?” Hearing the smile in your voice, he turns to you, something about his expression softening as he sees the joy written all over your face that the camera can’t see, “and I don't wanna fight, I just wanna treat you right; I was aiming at your heart and I don't wanna say goodbye.” 

He just laughs, and shakes his head as the ride takes off, fond adoration written all over his face.

The sun’s setting by the time you’ve ridden all the rides you wanted to, eaten all the candy you could possibly stomach, and failed at enough rigged games that you were about ready to call it quits. 

“Hey I didn’t just wanna come here for the carnival shit,” he said, and you’ve got your arm tucked into his again as he steers you both to the edge of the boardwalk, where there was a set of steps down to the beach. 

“Under the boardwalk,” you nod knowingly, which he parrots back with a smile. Beneath the boardwalk there was a gaggle of youth, looking slightly older than teenagers, some still in uniforms from boardwalk rides, some smoking, most looking intimidating, but when Colson asks them for a light, they seem to get much less hostile.

“Hey are you MGK?” One asks, and when Colson lights the half a joint he had from earlier, he nods. “Sick.” The kid nods sagely, before his gaze turns on you. “And you’re that Booth chick, aren’t you? I’ve seen you on Twitter.” It’s not hostile, it’s genuinely curious.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Eddie, that’s [Y/N], do you live under a rock?” One of the girls pipes up, decked out in black, with a thick piercing through her septum, and an intimidating amount of eyeliner. The boy, Eddie, flushes scarlet, and snaps that not everyone watches the same shit as her. “I’m Samara,” the girl offers with a grin, offering her hand to you, which you shake, more than a little pleased with their various reactions.

“I heard yous was boinking -” a third girl interrupts, wearing a boardwalk uniform and hitting a vape pen pretty hard. 

“Emma!” More than one of them shout, though Samara is the loudest.

“Is boinking still the term?” Colson snorts, taking it all in stride, though he’s got an arm around you now, “Jesus fuck I feel ancient.”

“You are -” Emma interrupts, much to the rest of the group’s chagrin, but Colson just laughs.

“I’m twenty-seven you fucker!” He crows, and Emma cracks a smile, and takes another hit off of her vape pen. “Whatever,” he shrugs, “just tryin’ to show my girl everything LA has to offer.” 

“So you come under the boardwalk?” Eddie asks, with a skepticism that made you all flustered at his insinuations.

“Can you blame us for wanting a bit of privacy?” Colson smirks, to which the group of youths all collectively ‘ooh’ at, and he gives your hip a squeeze. 

“Try the one a quarter of a mile that way,” Samara points further down the beach, “less carnival, less people.” She winks, before adding, surprisingly hopefully, “but could we get like, a photo or something first?” 

Of course you both agree, and among the group photos, you learn that they’re all working around town during winter break for college. Samara specifically asks for a photo with you, where she plants a kiss on your cheek, looking a little flustered herself, muttering a quiet thanks. You follow her back on Instagram, and she gives you this starry-eyed look.

“She’s got a crush on you,” Colson snickers as the two of you head down the beach, well and truly out of earshot of the others, and you smile, finally looking up from your phone, a little endeared at the young woman’s antics. 

“Jealous?” You ask, loftily, and you expect him to laugh, but he goes quiet. When you turn to him, he’s regarding you with amusement, and something else you can’t quite identify. “Colson?” And you slow, now near enough to the next section of the boardwalk. As promised, it was rather secluded. 

After a beat, he leans in and kisses you, soft and unexpected, but his lips fit against yours like you were made for each other. Leaning into him, you wrap your arms around him, letting him pull you close. Not exactly sure what triggered this, you’re just happy to lean into it, enjoying the moment. And then he’s pulling back, forehead resting against yours.

“You see the guy to our left who’s just left the group of kids under the boardwalk? Hawaiian shirt and expensive camera?” He asks quietly, and you glance out of the corner of eye, only to spot the exact person he’s talking about, you make a quiet noise of confirmation, and you keep up the ruse, hand coming up to cup his jaw, butterflies going ballistic in your stomach despite now knowing that it was obviously for show, “been following us for the past hour.”

“Fucking paps,” you hiss, but before your expression can sour, he kisses you again, gives you a squeeze, as if to remind you to put on a show of not noticing him. Much to your surprise, he bites gently at your bottom lip, and you let out a quiet but pleased noise that neither of you had expected, and when he leans back, he looks both surprised and kind of into it, what’s more unexpected is that the exact same expression is written all over your face too.

“Back to the boardwalk, uber back to the hotel?” You ask, resolutely not talking about what had happened, but still smiling and all up in his personal space.

“Love it, let’s get out of here,” and he takes your hand, and leads you back to the safety of the street. It’s the first time the two of you had kissed, not that you’d realised it in the morning, but it was good, you reflect, it felt like it made sense. If you’re a little more giddy than you probably should be on the way back, Colson doesn’t seem to notice, in fact, he’s grinning too, humming to himself.

There’s two posts, one right after the other on Samara’s Instagram story when you check it that night, after having briefly seen it in the uber on the way back to the hotel. 

The first is a video captioned [gross thats my mom and dad] The video was pixelated as hell, and she hadn’t tagged either you or Colson, but you knew it was the two of you, wrapped up in each other, half a mile down the beach. In the background, her friends are arguing about something much closer, though one voice cuts through louder than the rest.

“Hey, Hawaiian shirt hipster paparazzi fuck! Yeah you! Give ‘em some fucking privacy!” And as the voice, who you think is Emma, shouts, Samara turns to focus the camera on the paparazzi Colson had spotted earlier, still incredibly zoomed in, capturing his sheepish, angry expression in all it’s rather pixelated glory.

“Fuck you kids!” He shouts back. Someone throws a can at him.

“Piss off!” Samara shouts, “we know you’re not taking photos of seagulls, cunt!” He goes to respond, but the group just starts chucking things at him. In the background, you can see yourself and Colson heading back up to street level, oblivious to what was going on.

The second post is a screenshot of a set of DMs between yourself and Samara.

@yourinstagramhandle mentioned you in their story

6:28pm

@yourinstagramhandle responded 😍 to your story @yourinstagramhandle: god i fucking love you guys, it was so great to meet you @unholy-samara-tin: 😅😅😅 it was the right thing to do lmao no stress he was a creepy fucker

It’s captioned [HOLY SHIT I’VE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN].

You get dinner with Douglas and tell him about your day, and he gives you this sweet, if a little smug smile.

“You seem very happy.” He says, knowingly.

“I am, it was a good day!” You tell him, and he hums, but won’t say anything else on the matter. The conversation is taken up mostly by excitement regarding the makeup and costume fittings that they have over the next week and a half before filming starts, and then it’s back to your own rooms. At your door, Douglas calls out to you, three rooms away.

“It’s strange to see you so grown up, duckling,” he hasn’t called you that in so long, not since you were children, even your mother had abandoned that nickname for the mildly less embarrassing ‘Duck’ in the past few years, and while it warmed your heart, you couldn’t help but tense in anticipation for some sort of gentle, sibling embarrassment, probably to do with you sharing a room with your ‘boyfriend’. 

“And?”

“And nothing,” he shrugged, “never thought you’d become cool is all, a star in your own right, aren’t you?” 

“Of course I’m cool, would you like me to give you some pointers?” You asked sweetly, and Douglas couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“I walked into that one, didn’t I? Anyways, have a good rest of your night, Colson and Dan have gone out drinking.”

“Thanks for the heads up,” you tell him, and the two of you finally go into your separate bedrooms. He’s right, of course, there’s clothes strewn all over the bed, and the shower’s been recently used, and the whole little place has a warm, clean smell, like the last mist of some spiced cologne was still lingering in the air. The only light on is one of the bedside lights, and the lights of the city outside twinkle brightly, though you can’t see many stars for the light pollution. You crack the screen door to the balcony open, and shiver a little, though you tell yourself it’s from the cold, and not because the rather comforting and clean smells were quickly dissipating. 

You are alone when you try to fall asleep on the plush but desperately uncomfortable sofa, alone and struggling to pass out with the bedside light still on, not wanting Colson to have to stumble around in the dark when he gets back. You spend almost a full hour on your phone blocking people who send you nasty DMs, and responding to a few kind ones, and you post a photo of the roof just captioned ‘cant sleep’.

It’s just gone one when the door clicks open, and Colson steps in, pretty well coordinated, and trying to keep quiet. But then there’s you, staring back at him in the lamp light.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” 

Awkward silence.

“Why are you on the sofa?” He asks, hauling his bag from the bed, shoving his loose clothes in haphazardly, before patting down his pockets. “Sorry if I woke you,” it’s almost an afterthought, and he pulls out a box of cigarettes.

“You didn’t,” you tell him with a yawn that says otherwise, but you power through it, “and I didn’t want to intrude.”

He casts a dubious glance at how you’re angled on the sofa, but doesn’t say anything, and opens the sliding door wider to sit on the porch and have his cigarette. Without even hesitating, you join him, and your spine thanks you the moment you stand.

“Nice night?” You ask, sitting out on the balcony with him.

“Nice night,” he agrees, adding, “nice day all around.” And something about it makes your heart flutter. “You know you can take the bed; I’d rather sleep on the floor than have you get scoliosis.”

“I don’t think that’s how scoliosis works,” you say with a huff of laughter, but he just hums, “and you don’t need to do that, I’m fine,” you try to insist.

“You know you’re welcome to just share the bed, it’s fucking massive, I feel like I’ll get lost in it,” he actually yawns, takes another drag of his cigarette. 

“So you want me to, what, ground you somehow?”

“I just wanna know that if I roll over in the night and there’s something solid there, that it’s your arm and not like, the lightpost in fuckin’ Narnia,” he tells you, and breathes out a lung full of smoke. You watch it hang in the air, pale and silver in the light of the moon. 

“We’re gonna be in the tabloids tomorrow,” you tell him quietly.

“No-one reads tabloids anymore, we’re gonna be on like, those snapchat news things,” he says, and laughs but it doesn’t sound very amused. “Have you been getting less shit?”

“Actually,” you consider, “yeah, most of your fans are mad supportive when you ask them to be. What about you?”

“Your fans are cute, you know that? I was scrolling through twitter and I saw a whole bunch of photos of us like, photoshopped together,” he paused to chuckle, “some had flower crowns.” You can hear the smile in his words, and he seems quite enamored by the phenomenon. It’s a nice moment; he’s drunk and a little high and you’re exhausted, and you fall into bed like it’s a sitcom.

“Tell your spine I said ‘you’re fucking welcome’,” he tells you, and it’s so absurd that you laugh, even as you pull the covers up over you and snuggle in, comfortable as all hell, before turning the light off.

Then, there’s movement, and a loud ‘thwap’ as Colson’s hand comes to knock your shoulder, landing on top of the duvet. 

“Narnia?” He asks, and you give a small smile in the dark.

“Just me.”

You wake in the morning to the sound of Colson’s alarm, or more accurately, his groaning at his alarm. And swearing. And muttered ‘fucking makeup tests’. 

He’s dragging himself into the shower while you relish your days off, nose and eyes peaking out from the covers when he comes out of the shower wrapped in a towel. The two of you make direct eye contact before you mutter a flustered apology and flip away from him, though he doesn’t seem to know how to react, just quietly getting dressed. The rest of his morning routine passes mostly in silence, before you hear him open the door.

“If you wanna get like, lunch or dinner or something, lemme know, or I’ll let you know if the boys are organising something,” he tells you, and you call out a sleepy thanks in response. The door closes. Silence. You could go back to sleep, but you’re curious about the turn around time for paparazzi media, and you were not disappointed.

MTV’s snapchat story posted “MGK and New Boo [Y/N] Booth Caught Getting Steamy Under the Boardwalk” the headline.

The self-proclaimed ‘Rap Devil’ Machine Gun Kelly, best known for his album bloom, has managed to find himself locking lips with YouTube’s darling [Y/N] Booth, though you may know her best as the vlogger, and entertainment industry insider, DuckDuckBooth.

It seems new media’s hottest couple have finally landed in LA after their surprising hookup in Louisiana, set to continue working on some mysterious project that they keep hinting at, and they seem to still be going strong!

The pair were caught after a cute date along the Hollywood seaside - 

[And here they’d entered your Instagram story, from the Tunnel of Love, as well as Colson’s Twitter picture of you with the fairy floss.]

- after meeting a group of fans, they found somewhere a little more private to get a little bit romantic in a way that 90s kids truly will appreciate; making out under a boardwalk. It feels like it should be ripped straight from a John Hughes movie set in Hollywood.

However unlikely this pair may be, you can’t deny that they’re cute together.

[And here’s those traitorous, and almost painfully HD photos of yourself and Colson, wrapped up in each other, that the paparazzi had taken the day before, though with the legs of the boardwalk, as well as the ocean and the sunset as your backdrop, the photos themselves are surprisingly stunning.]

“Fucking paps,” you mutter under your breath, and screenshot the photo anyways. If it’s your lock screen, well, it’s what any real girlfriend would do, right?

[etherealskeletons]

i hate my uncle i say that often but its something that needs to be said a lot bc hes such a nasty disgusting fat fucking roach. me and dad get into a few [minor] car accident back in july/august and insurance gives us a lil bit of money to fix the cars up and this piece of shit is always up my dads ass asking if he got the money yet because he wants all of it and feels entitled to it [for whatever reason] like bitch what the fuck??? fuck off???

fixing the car was a bitch and cost some moneys i wanna use whatevers left to fix dads fucked up teeth - he needs fuckin.. $2500 worth of work done bc he hasnt gone to the dentist in 20+ years and everyone knows this my dad is very vocal about how he needs work done before he loses anymore teeth and this drug addicted loser is like “SO YOU GOT THAT MONEY YET????” and is open about how he loves to waste tons of fucking money at the casino and my dad is fucking stupid and irritating i love him but jesus christ he makes me wanna throw shit at him for being so fucking stupid

he had his mail for the cars sent to this bitches house so deans tearing open all the mail we get from state farm or the state or just literally any fucking piece of mail that has either of our names on it with hopes that theres gonna be a check inside he can cash in illegally - and what makes me upset is he got away with this before!!!! hed do this with my grandparents all the time and didnt get in trouble, and like a year or so ago he opened my dads mail in the past and found a $60 check from the storage guys and did check fraud and pocked the money for himself im!!! hhf!!! im sitll mad about it bc his excuse was “haha oops sowwry~ i caved~ can i have smore moneyyy~? pweaaaseee uwu??”

nd my dad would fuckin GIVE him money behind my back even after promising me he wouldnt, hed say shit to his piece of shit brother like "haha if she finds out shes gonna be soooo mad~ ill get in sooo much trouble~~ we cant make a habit of thisss~” and would LAUGH when id get so fuckin upset that hed break our promise and send lots of money over to his begging bastard brother bc its funny when im mad and having a meltdown ig!!!! now hes like “idk why u dont trust me like im gonna do it again and again like i did all the time in the past omg i said i wouldnt do it this time and i actually mean it so stop freaking out ://” and he keeps promising that this time is gonna be different but idk i just cant trust it fully,, and that sucks i hate that i cant trust him but hes the one who would do this bullshit behind my back and would laugh when id literally be having a big fuckin meltdown and would be like “omgg i didnt think youd get THIS upset” even though itd happen over,, and over,, nd over,, with the same results every time :^)

its just!!!! ANNOYING,,!!!!!! i hate that everyone ignores the elephant in the room that hes a 60+ year old leech and a drug/gambling/prostitute addict i hate that hes related to me i hate that im close to him that were in the same state that he knows exactly where i live bc he could come and harass me for money like old times i jsut!!!! i fuckignfd!!!!!

i hate everything i hate everyone i hate hate hate im jus!! mean little bastard that doesnt like anything or anyone

[pharahlesbian]

Hello! This isn't meant to be hate, I'm just genuinely confused as fuck. Why do you hate ace people? And to the point that you put it in your bio? If there's some personal reason, like one of them hurt you, you don't have to be specific or anything. Do you just think that they're not lgbt? I'm sorry, I just really don't understand. Your problem is...we don't think people look all too fuckable?

well lol the issue here is your last statement. you really think the average non ace person is out here looking at someone they just met and being like “wow that person is so FUCKABLE!”

i think youll find that the majority of ppl will think someone is cute, get to know them, become friends, and then eventually have sex. some ppl do this process quicker, some dont.

i think its really damaging that many asexuals seem to have the opinion that everyone else is so sexed up and ready to fuck at first sight like its a damn pokemon battle that they look at themselves and theyre like well damn im not like that, guess i must be ace. when the reality is that they just have a different approach to sexual attraction and eventually sex itself, like literally every single person on earth. thats why u get soooo many ppl who at some point were ace before realizing they werent. and why a HUGE majority of asexuals are female. i saw a stat page once, it was wild. women are already so oversexualized in media and society, that of course an impressionable young woman is gonna grow into their body and feel extremely uncomfortable, may even feel violated. so sex is immediately off the table.

i agree with a lot of asexuals whose agenda focuses on the de sexualization of our society, and the destigmatization of not desiring sex. i fully believe in those things. but i do not believe asexuality should be an identity. i feel as though that is regressive. not wanting sex should be as normal as not wanting pineapple on pizza. u shouldnt need a new identity for that. anybody can have that preference. and preferably in the comfort of their own bedroom with their partner. since no one needs to know the details of your sex life lol.

so yeah i dont think asexuals are lgbt, but the issue runs deeper than that for me. and asexuals advocating endlessly to be a part of the lgbt community is a step in SUCH a wrong direction that it frustrates me. that should not be your societal focus lol. advocate for destigmatization, advocate against the sexualization of every little thing in the media. hell, advocate for sex education. not wanting sex and also learning how to say no should be paramount in sex ed. its unfortunate how horrible sex ed can be.

the point is, yall want the wrong stuff and its very sad and annoying. i would love for our society to become less sex obsessed. i myself dont need sex to live and breathe. and that is NORMAL. u are not demi ace for having sex once a month with your partner. just an example. but yeah it just angers me to no end, but no one ever hears me out because everyone just wanna be mad and they wanna be special so bad and over focus on the identity aspect and get their rocks off calling me pathetic while hiding behind an anonymous face (lol the irony) and never ever think of the bigger picture

anyway im done. i dont expect u to understand really because no one ever wants to. and the only change that will ever come about is corporations will start realizing how vocal aces are and will start using yall in their advertising and youll all be like “oreos for the win!!” and meanwhile 14 year old girls will still be thinking theyre asexual because theyre not busty oily 27 year olds surrounded by men in a coors light ad. im out ✌️

[excorcismic]

uhm . . . cheesed to meet you ?? - HI GANG !! what’s up , i’m hylia and i . . . love . misa and death note with my entire heart . I KNOW FOR A FACT i will probably pick up more characters along the way but i couldn’t have picked a better one to start out with !! i have experience writing both misa & light - i actually am more experienced writing light than misa , but i still have a lot of experience with her under my belt !! i’m currently writing him in another group and when i saw duality i just HAD to write her here - i’m so excited to plot w/ y’all !! so lemme tell you the basic facts & some connections and ideas i have under the cut c: ( this got long i’m so sorry )

ooooooooooooo you wanna plot with misa so bad oooooooo - AHEM . so . 

IF YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH DEATH NOTE / MISA : death note is a manga / anime revolving around a smart young man ( light yagami ) who discovers a supernatural notebook who can take the life of any human as long as the writer knows their name & face . light uses this book to essentially try and purge the world of evil , earning the alias ‘kira’ ( who gains a following ) , and misa , who acquires a death note of her own , seeks him out as the second kira . she possesses things that he doesn’t , so essentially she becomes his partner in crime - she , falling in love with him ( or more so the idea of him she created for herself ) , and he , entertaining her fantasies in exchange for her abilities and assistance . it’s . . . way more complicated in detail and honestly pretty sad but that’s the getgo . she’s a pretty girl with a very powerful notebook and she likes a guy with a powerful notebook that sees her more as a tool he can use to further his plans . OH OH OH and also she has a protective monster lady who’s in love with her and looking after her and threatening to clap light if he hurts misa in any way . 

death note . . . is a story about how people who were good can become awful towards other people and themselves if you give them a bit of power . 

BUT ANYWAY . misa actually has a much happier life here than in death note !! it’s . . . still kinda eh in some places but overall much better since that godforsaken notebook doesn’t exist and isn't here to screw anyone's lives up .

she's a former child actor, now a musician in a pop punk band called 'your friends & the skeletons!!' but as of rn with her taking a break from big performances and touring she's just a streamer operatin' out of alucard and trying to entertain herself since sometimes the world gets a little too big for her and she needs to take a step back.

it’s a pretty cute life & that’s the rundown !! of course , it’ll be more detailed and developed in my intro for her , but that being said - CONNECTIONS .

OHHHH YOU WANNA PLOT OUT THESE WANTED CONNECTIONS / PLOTS WITH ME SO BAD OOOOOOHHH AND OHHHH YOU WANNA LIKE THIS POST FOR ME TO DM YOU FOR PLOTTING SO BAD OHHHHHHHHH

okay so obviously some band mates !! YF&TS i imagine is a four-piece with misa on rhythm guitar & vocals , then lead guitar , bass , and drums . i imagine they’re all friends with misa , but maybe one person has been friends with misa since like . . . forever . and has seen her go through literally everything .

so , misa lives alone . maybe i’ll have her look for a roommate along the way but as for right now , even though she lives by herself ( and honestly is a lil lonely ) , i really like the idea that maybe she’s the helper neighbor that wants to befriend everyone that lives on her floor , runs to get groceries , always visits and checks in on people , etc . !! so neighbor friends pretty please !!

obviously if u wanna make ppl be fans of misa & her band that is a-okay with me just pls keep in mind they’re kinda big but not . . . big big . like they’ve got some dedicated fans but not full on stans y’know

SO  . . . folds hands . i kinda like the idea that misa hasn’t been through that many serious relationships ( always gets her heart broken through them ) but maybe there was that one serious ex-partner she had and they broke it off for whatever reason . it’d have to be when she was 18-20 and they’d be together for maybe about two or three years before her career takes off and stuff and yeah it’d be the saaaad relationship that fizzled out even tho it was serious for a bit

also some not so serious/long relationships where misa got her heart broken !! fun times !! misa throws her full heart into things way too easily so this could’ve happened in many different ways . flings ?? check . short-term relationships ?? check . she wrote a letter for someone on a starbucks napkin asking them out and they rejected so whenever she comes into said starbucks she feels shy & awkward ordering something ?? check . ( we can have fun with this basically it’s ‘ misa tried it with y/m and it didn’t work out and she’s still lonely ’ )

friends please !! friends that misa’s made in alucard !! also friends with benefits maybe !! idk !! misa is a very friendly person she will be your friend if you say ‘hi’ in a positive tone towards her !!

oh i think it’d b rly funny if there was one person misa kept trying to befriend and they’re just rly stubborn abt it for some reason bc idk maybe they find misa annoying or something anyway give me sb who misa wants to be friendly with n they’re just No abt it for whatever reason

ONE OF THE THINGS I HAVE FOR MISA AS A STREAMER IS THAT SHE’S RLY INTO THE PARANORMAL AND RECORDS STUFF WITH IT SO PARANORMAL GHOST ADVENTURES PALS PLEASE !!

she’s also a gaming streamer so imagine she gets into a fight with sb behind a screen on a game and/or stream and then finds them in alucard like ‘oh fuck’ aka cyber enemies

also the exact opposite scenario with cyber friends aka misa makes a friend on a game and they meet each other irl and it’s cute !!

misa . . . is not a huge party girl but i imagine she has ppl that regularly invite her to parties and stuff so there’s that . but like . she only knows these people in context of partying - they’re her party friends and that’s it and her relationships with them are just kinda shallow .

i’d ALSO like a friend she makes that’s maybe a little more sheltered & naive to the world than she is so she just takes them to cool places and stuff !! shows them what it’s like to live on the ‘ wild side ’ !! whether it’s driving to a 24 hr gas station for candy and snacks in the middle of the night and staying out until sunrise just on the road or just sitting at misa’s apartment and watching true crime documentaries in their jammies . just sb misa’s gonna take like ‘ hey we’re gonna show u what LIVING is like ’

actual shipping . . . i would love to explore at a point but i wanna explore other things first so that’ll just be smth that comes up in development maybe !! i want misa to get a chance to experience what actual love is and explore the relationship aspect of it so i’m open to it but also i just wanna develop it n let it come naturally . filled !

ANYWAYS . i’m open to rly anything !! enemies ?? friends ?? frenemies ?? friends or enemies with benefits ?? unrequited crushes ?? exes ?? found family ?? party pals ?? streamer pals/enemies ?? LET’S PLOT IT OUT I’M SO EXCITED

sorry this is a long as hell list anyways let’s plot out some relationships even tho i’m bad at plotting and trust me the intro is. probs gonna be even longer. i am so sorry.

ANYWAYS ILY ALL IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE/PLOT W/ U GUYS

- - - - - - - - - - - POST-EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT EDIT : okay so this one is rly specific but , , , i rly would like if maybe misa had sb to go to the cirque du eradicus with ?? probably as a date !! a date that doesn’t have to amount to anything but they’re gonna b the one who witnesses misa go into the hall of mirrors n it’s gonna be kind of like a connection since they’re gonna have been together when that stuff happens and it could be rly fun to work with in the future . just gonna put the age limit for this one at 22 - 26 just bc gaps and all !! i think it could be cute if it goes well or interesting if it doesn’t but . yeah idk they can split off at some point for other threads bt ANYWAYS I JUST THINK IT’D B FUN filled !

also if anyone wants to bring me anyone from death note i will kiss u ESPECIALLY for light , l , rem , or matsuda . pls . maybe these characters can ACTUALLY get a normal fuckin’ life this time around - ( sometimes we just want to live in the yotsuba arc forever where everyone’s runnin around solvin mysteries and not scheming against each other - )

death note hits differently .

[neocityarchive]

dear dream (ldh) | part 1

word count: 2.8k

warnings: language

chapter summary: Horrible as it may sound, but it seemed as if you were starting to forget what it was like to love him.

a/n: so there’s a lot of narration in the beginning but pls be patient :> ajdaskl also please let me know what you think. thank u, love u.

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You were starting to forget. It’s been eight months after Donghyuck left for training and you were starting to forget everything.

You were starting to forget how his voice sounded on the phone at night, tired and hoarse after a long day but still managing to say sweet things subtly hidden under his teases and cheeky remarks. You were starting to forget how his lips felt on yours, on your cheeks, on your temples, at the top of you head… on your neck. You were starting to forget how his slim fingers fit in the spaces between yours and how his thumb rubs against the back of your hand out of habit. Horrible as it may sound, but it seemed as if you were starting to forget what it was like to love him.

It’s ironic, though. It seemed too soon considering how you were like the first few weeks. Even when he left, he was everywhere. The two of you didn’t break up, with the promise of seeing each other again, the promise of him coming back to you. But it still felt like that… maybe worse. He was gone but you could see him in every store you used to drag him to. You could hear him in every song, even the shitty ones with repetitive riffs and lyrics. He loves random dancing to those. Almost every night, he would appear in your dreams, either as flashbacks or as random scenes.

That is until it started to fade. Your mind that was once filled with Donghyuck has slowly been filled with a lot of something elses.

Things changed faster than you expected them to. You were still on the same job at the bookstore with Taeil who has been promoted to manager. But you went to college where you met a senior who also happened to be your upstairs neighbor. His name is Doyoung. You endorsed him to a job at the bookstore and now you’re colleagues. Both he and Taeil are the closest friends you have at the moment.

Your parents were now retired after securing your future. They sold the house, moved to a smaller place in Busan, and started a barbecue business there.  You found a nice starter apartment and started drafting your book once again, but getting nowhere.

And in all those changes, the one person who you’ve always imagined would walk every step of the way with you weren't there.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he said that day. You never understood that statement. It didn’t really make sense no matter how much you thought about it, but it’s the one thing that repetitively plays on your mind. For some reason, it always gave you hope and a weird longing for tomorrow. But as days passed, you realized it really wasn’t enough.

Three months after Hyuck left and the dreams became lesser. You have already opened nine out of twelve of his letters, most of it was because you just wanted to experience his thoughts again. You miss him, but the new environment made it easier to get him off your mind every once in a while.

Six months, the dreams were rare. You missed him more than ever. There was one night when you were alone in your apartment, feeling shitty because you’re not making any progress on a report that was due the next day. You knew if he was there, he’d motivate you to work harder. You knew if he was there, it would all be different. But he wasn’t. So you opened the last letter.

“Read… when you’re mad or upset that I’m not there,” you read out loud. “As if this is going to change anything.”

It didn’t. He still wasn’t there. You drafted a reply, just wanting to let it out of your system. After reading what you wrote, you hated yourself for it. You crumpled the paper and threw it in your drawer, not having the heart to toss it into the garbage itself.

And by the eighth month… the dreams were reduced to none. You almost didn’t notice it, until one night your neighbor was watching the TV too loud. You knew it was his voice that was singing even through the thin walls. You’d recognize it anywhere. You realized you haven’t thought about your boyfriend much lately. It has gotten to the point where you begin to wonder whether it is still right to call him your boyfriend anymore.

You cried that night, feeling guilty. The aching in your chest forced you to open that letter again, the one you’ve read the most: read… when you miss me.

Your eyes scanned the words but you’ve already memorized it by heart.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” you read, muttering to yourself, and before you could stop your tongue, you said, “Bullshit.”

You scribbled on a notepad on your desk: It’s been 8 months since the last time… I’m getting tired. Are we still… us?

Seeing as you thought you’ve forgotten, you were surprised to dream about him again for the first time in a while. It was about the day he told you he was leaving. You still remember the barrage of emotions you felt right then. Those same emotions mirrored themselves in your chest that night, leading to tearstained pillow cases.

“Just… don’t forget about me while you’re there.” You choked down a sob. “Promise me.”

“I promise. I’ll be back before you know it.”

You tossed and turned in your sheets. Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt!

You groaned, your hands desperately looking for your phone somewhere on your bed to turn off the goddamn alarm.

You sighed to yourself, frowning at the sensation of the wet pillow on your cheek. “Fuck my life. It’s too early to be sad.”

You forced your eyes open to check for any notifs on your phone. It was just a bunch of emails from your professors and a few texts from your mom. But at the bottom of the list, received at 2:01 AM today… followed by 9 other tabs.

You blinked and then pinched yourself, trying to see if you were still dreaming. But you weren’t. It’s really there. With a deep breath and a fluttering heart, you tapped on the notification, watching it expand.

hyuckie: y/n!!!

hyuckie: i cant believe im saying this but..

hyuckie: i hope your habits are as bad as i remember :(

hyuckie: please be awake?

hyuckie: i really wanna talk to you, i miss you so much!!  ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

hyuckie: but i guess you’re asleep now

hyuckie: which is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hyuckie: so i’ll talk to you in the morning?

hyuckie: goodnight :>>

You sat up, reading and re-reading the texts. It didn’t seem real. Was it...? Is this some kind of joke fate was playing on you? After almost a month of barely thinking about him, Donghyuck once again let his existence known.

You gulped, the guilt almost eating you inside as your fingers found their way to your keypad.

You: hyuck…?

You: is this real???? are you back??

You waited five minutes. There was no reply. The small hope that bubbled in your chest when you saw his texts dissipated almost immediately. Maybe you just didn’t want to be fooled that easily or maybe you were getting tired of holding onto something that hasn’t really been sitting fully within your reach for so long.

Still, throughout the day, you checked your phone more than you usually do. Even while crossing the pedestrian. Even when you were in a lecture. Even while walking in the hallway. Even when you were manning the cashier at work. You checked your phone too much that it annoyed those who were watching.

“Y/N, stop it. You’re being stupid,” Doyoung said after he returned from a round of stacking books. He has a habit of saying things straight to people’s faces. Usually, it’s a good thing, but it’s also very annoying.

You looked up, consciously putting your phone back in your pocket with a sigh.

“He’s still probably busy. I’m sure he just had, like, a night off and decided to text you.” He shrugged. “His agency don’t really give their artists breaks that much, especially since he just debuted.”

Doyoung sometimes works in the same agency as Hyuck. He’s always getting hired by people here and there to sing demos or background vocals. Even when you’ve only really heard him sing under his breath, it’s not hard for you to say he’s talented. Also, he gives you scoop on what’s happening inside Hyuck’s agency. They’ve met a lot. But as a favor, you made Doyoung promise not to tell Hyuck that you know each other.

Maybe it sounds wrong, but you weren’t really spying on your boyfriend. Besides, Doyoung is almost useless when it comes to updating you about Hyuck. All he ever tells you are his schedules, but that’s not what you wanted to know. Whenever you talk about him, it always goes something like

“How’s he doing?”

“He seemed okay.”

“Does he talk about me sometimes?”

“No, but we didn’t really talk much. He and his friends scare me.”

You ran a hand through your hair in frustration. Your mind was a mess. You don’t know what to feel about Hyuck finally reaching out to you, and for some reason, you wanted to explain what made him do it even if the explanation sounded ridiculous.

“He decided to text me at 2 in the morning, after eight months of nothing,” you said, glaring at him. “It doesn’t make sense. Somebody probably just played a prank on him.”

“By texting you?” Doyoung snorted.

You shrugged. “Why not?”

“That’s what won’t make sense,” he muttered.

“Nothing makes sense.” You sighed.

“And yet you check your phone every two minutes just in case he replied.” He shook his head. “Again, you’re being stupid.”

You were just thinking of a retort when a customer came up to the counter and asked if you had anything available on astrology. Doyoung only smiled at her politely but offered no answer.

“Yes, ma’am. You’ll find them on the last aisle.” You smiled at the lady. When she was gone, you turned back to your friend who was busy scanning some magazine he picked up. “I’m not being stupid.”

Doyoung snorted. “First of all, lame comeback. Second, yes, you are. You’re going back and forth between ‘oh I miss my boyfriend’ and ‘I don’t even know if I care anymore.’ And you’ve been going at it for months, Y/N! Make up your mind. You have to realize this whole situation is unfair to you. Third, you worry too much. Has he even seen your text yet?”

You frowned. You hate it when Doyoung is right, which is most of the time. It’s unfair that he’s always the one who makes sense. It’s worse because he tells you things you don’t want to hear but definitely should. You almost wish Taeil was here. Doyoung seems to be more reserved around him, though you’re not really sure why.

“He hasn’t,” you replied weakly. “But just to be sure…” You whipped your phone out again.

Doyoung groaned loudly, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. “And here we have an idiot,” he grumbled. “God, Y/N. Give yourself a break.”

You just rolled your eyes, continuing to navigate your phone until you’ve reached your message thread with Hyuck. Your eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

Read 8:41 PM

“He’s seen it,” you muttered, mostly to yourself. But Doyoung heard it, too. Even he couldn’t hide his surprise.

“He has?” He leaned over to look. “Why isn’t he replying then? It’s been a minute.”

“Baby steps. Doyoungie,” you said kindly.

“Oh, so now you're back to being a hopeless romantic?” He sighed. “God, you’re gonna’ give me whiplash. Whatever. Just tidy up the counter. We have to close soon.”

You nodded.

Doyoung went to walk around the store again leaving you alone by yourself. You left your phone unlocked, the screen still displaying Hyuck’s messages as you moved around and did your routine of fixing the counter and the displays in front of it.

You’ve arranged everything and checked the store’s valuables twice, yet there were still no changes on your phone except your battery has gone down 2%.

“He really left me on read,” you muttered to yourself. “Unbelievable.”

With a sigh, you locked your phone, giving up. Maybe Doyoung was right (again). Hyuck probably just finally had a night to himself and decided to talk to you, but you couldn’t reply. Fuck timing. It always ruins everything.

The lady from earlier came to you once again to purchase an astrology book. She smiled and said thanks after you handed the book back in a paper bag. You returned her smile, but inside you were questioning why people even believe in stars. You shrugged. Who am I to talk though? Why do I even believe in a relationship that doesn’t feel like one anymore? you thought to yourself.

As if the universe was determined to prove you wrong, your phone started ringing, vibrating against the wooden surface of the counter. When your eyes landed on the caller ID, you felt your heart drop to your stomach.

“hyuckie”

It took you a moment to react. Before you started dating, Donghyuck changed the setting of his ringtone on your phone to Stay With Me by Chanyeol & Punch. He did it as a joke to tease you, but after getting used to it, you didn’t bother to change it. You regret that decision now. The song played as if you were in some sort of romantic drama, awaiting for the male lead. It seems ridiculous to imagine, but it was enough to build the tension.

You answered the call before the vocals came in.

“...hello?” you said, your voice smaller than usual.

“Y/N?” Hyuck’s voice came through the speakers. You felt your heart clench just by the sound of it. “Hi.”

“Hyuck?” you asked, feeling stupid right after. There was no doubt it was him. But it felt surreal that he’s calling you right now that you just had to make sure.

“Who else, silly?” He laughed. “How’s my baby?”

Your face scrunched as you suppressed a scream. Why am I being like this? It’s just Hyuck, you thought to yourself, trying to calm down. But it’s Hyuck!!! You wanted to cry but you were still in public. A customer might come in at the last minute and see you bawling your eyes out. Even the thought of it makes you want to punch yourself.

“Wait, is it really you?!” You could barely hide the emotions in your voice. It was too much, a heavy mixture of excitement and nostalgia and happiness and for a reason… also sadness.

“Yes, idiot. Where are you?” He sounded a bit breathless. His voice mixed with the faint sound of traffic in the background. He was out, alright, but is he on a break? How long is this phone call going to last?

You looked around, suddenly confused, mind hazy. “I’m… where am I… um, I’m at work. Why? Where are you?”

“You’re still at work? But it’s 9,” he said.

“Yeah, we’re closing soon. Where are you? Are you on a break? Why are you calling now?” You wanted to ask so many questions but they’re all getting jammed in your mind at the moment. It doesn’t even matter since Hyuck isn’t answering any of them.

“Close it now,” he said.

“What?”

“Close the store now.”

“Why? My friend is still arranging the shelves.” You looked around for Doyoung.

“Tell your friend you have to go home,” he said before letting out a breath.

“What? But the keys are with me. Taeil would be mad if it gets lost,” you reasoned. “What are you even—”

“Just tell your friend something important came up.”

“There’s literally nothing going on in my life right now. What important thing would ‘come up?’” You snorted. “Just—”

You heard the bell hanging above the door ring, making you jump on your feet. “Shit. I have to go. We have a customer. I’ll call you, please pick up later. Imissyou,Iloveyou,byebye,” you said as fast as you could, crouching down lower with every word, hoping to hide from the eyes of whoever just came in.

You ended the call, putting the phone back in your pocket, before standing up straight, ready to greet the guest.

“Hi, how may I help…”

“Hi.” The guy smiled, chest heaving slightly, trying to catch his breath.

He was wearing a black jacket over a plain white shirt that was tucked in his jeans. The look was so simple, yet he still looked amazing. Better than your remember. Better than he appears on TV. Something about him was different, you could feel it. He looked different. He was taller and his cheeks were somehow smaller than you remembered. His hair was a different shade of brown than when you last saw. He was still slightly slouched but something about his stance is more powerful. He held himself with more pride now. And rightfully so. But underneath all of those, you could still feel it. That familiarity. That sense of security that no matter how many things have changed, he still is the same Lee Donghyuck. And somehow, despite your doubts and overthinking, you just knew he still is your Lee Donghyuck.

“Hyuck,” you said, voice faltering. You didn’t think it was this easy to have tears pooling in your eyes, but it was. Fuck, you thought. “Hi.”

He let out a chuckle upon seeing your reaction. “To answer your question, I’m your important thing that came up.”

[theforce]

presumptive horrible rotten case of corona: symptoms

presumptive bc i couldnt get a god damn test i live in new york and while there are testing sites all over the state and our state govt is doing what they can now, i don’t want to be the person taking away a test from someone else especially now that i am mostly better, most of this went down at the beginning of the month and i’m still dealing with the effects of it. 

there was a lot of confusion here even as recent as 2 weeks and we are the state that’s testing more than the rest of the entire country so here is my account of what went down w me, and honestly, what might go down with you or someone you know as soon as this reaches your state

1) i threw up all night long, thought it was a stomach virus, had a lot of stomach issues for like 24 hours, very strange i haven’t had a stomach virus in YEARS since i was a literal child, anyways right before i started puking up my life i developed this weird cough, it felt like it was from my throat, like i was trying to clear it? but it was often and annoying 

2) after my 24 hours of hell i felt feverish and exhausted but i chalked it up to being on the floor of the bathroom all night, exerting my esophagus and body to throw up the devil himself, i tried to sleep it off, i woke up a few hours later in a fog, i was shivering but i was also burning up, i couldn’t tell left from right, up from down, my fever was 100.3, at this point i had my mom call my doctor and make an appointment, she made it for me w the receptionist, everything was fine until 20 minutes later i got a call back from my actual doctor not the receptionist who was like, oh no not you’re not coming here with those symptoms baby and i was like ?? ok cool thanks, she said to keep watching my symptoms, slam some tylenol and if i felt shortness of breath to call or text her personal cell phone and she would get me set up at the nearest hospital i said ok sounds fucked up i mean i didn’t say that bc i was too fucked up to even speak, she also gave my mom instructions to keep me in my room, to not go near me, to give me a designated bathroom, to have food and water delivered to my door, my mom was like u dont gotta tell me twice (she has lupus) during this time my cough become dry and horrible, i could feel my lungs rattle, i would cough so hard and for so long i’d wake from my feverish coma to kneel over my bed and just let loose on the world, it felt like i was drowning, i couldn’t get enough air everything hurt, everything was sore 

3) things continued on like this for 5 straight days, i was literally in and out of consciousness, my fever got up to 102 and my mom said that if it raised at all from there we were going to the fuckin hospital and i was like listen la rona i know u wanna take me out but i havent even ever eaten a krispy kreme donut, please let me survive this i can’t leave this way, in that moment i literally had a fever dream of god herself, i said take this from me and i’ll stop being such a cunt in life. i started slamming hot toddy’s, i’d drink as much water as possible in between the time i wasnt literally trying to expel my lungs by way of my mouth

4) woke up from that whole ordeal drenched in SWEAT from my feet to my head i was soaked, it was gross, at that point i still had a sense of smell so let me tell you my last and final symptom should have kicked in a bit earlier but i checked my temp and it was normal! i didn’t feel like my head was going to explode! but i had new things going on i had a new stuffy/runny nose, my cough was producing some liquid which i proceeded to throw up into a mcdonalds cup i took a shower, i brushed my teeth, i felt like a brand new woman, i had cold like symptoms but i can live with cold like symptoms, i had an appetite for the first time in a week, felt like i could eat my whole family out of house and home given the opportunity, i’d lost 20 pounds in less than 2 weeks and ya girl was honestly, looking good but THAT’S A BAD WAY OF THINKING disregard please thank you, at this point i went into my doctor with a full on mask, gloves, hair pulled back, she gave me every test you can think of, most importantly a flu test which is all she could do since getting a test was impossible at this pint, which of course came back negative 

5) things continued like this for weeks, up until right now actually, exhaustion was gone, fever gone, cough still here and there but not like how it was, i’ve put on makeup in my room, i’ve watched every season of law and order svu, i’ve gone on drives in my car just to drive, i’ve tried to keep myself as busy as possible, 3 days ago the strangest, most inexplicable and hopefully last symptom arrived, a complete loss of smell and bc of that taste, i’ve tried smelling candles, essential oils, laundry detergent, canned meat, my brother lit a match with my back turned and asked me what the smell was, i ate extra hot cheetos, raw onions, shot of vinegar, there’s nothing there, i just hope it comes back 

during this time i haven’t been even close to my mother, who has lupus or my sister, who has asthma, i stayed in my room, i’m still in my room actually 14 full days out from the last time i left the house, one month since this whole thing started, i eat in my room, i use a different bathroom than my whole family, everyone talks to me from my door frame besides my little brother who also was sick but recovered super fast, he bleaches the bathroom after i use it, he puts all my food on single use plates, he brings me jugs of water and reminds me of what it’s like to at least talk to another person. 

on a more serious note, i haven’t touched another person in 20 days nobody has even been within 6 feet of me besides my doctor who was administering the only tests she could administer, fully decked out in a hazmat suit, she was scared for me, i could tell, she was trying to put on a brave face and downplay the severity of my symptoms but thank god for her, she’s checked up on me, she’s tried everything, she’s put in calls, she’s made herself as available as possible even though she’s probably going through the same thing with countless other patients, i worry for her, i’ve worried for my family, i’ve stressed beyond the point of no return which has for sure slowed my recovery and i was one of the lucky ones! all of this and my case was considered mild because i never really had trouble breathing beyond being choked by my own coughing. 

people have been there for me during all of this, in ways that are further reaching than touch, i have been very vocal about not liking when people touch me but i do look forward to the day i can hug my mom, where i can tell my friend to take a sip of my drink to see if she likes it, to have someone pat me on the shoulder and tell me to keep my head up or whatever 

hopefully im on the other side of this, my more at risk family members are about to be 14 days from the last time any of them were near me or my brother, they’re at the end of a long tunnel and i’m just so happy that maybe soon we’ll all see the light 

take care of yourselves

[van-dyne]

I find that playboy line funny bc like... aren't tony and pepper the only mcu couple that has been in a long term committed relationship? and beyond the thing with maya (which happened in a flashback), tony hasn't had any other love interests? that line would have been relevant, what, in the first 20 minutes of iron man 1? (not trying to bring up discourse or hate or anything, I just find it interesting lol)

That playboy line follows him like a shadow when it’s not even an accurate reflection of who he is, it’s one of those things when it gets stuck in the default setting of people’s mind that Tony Stark is a ‘playboy’, and it takes them effort to remember that he is not. The fact is that he’s been everything BUT a playboy in the last ten years, and seriously you can’t name one more committed, loyal and romantic man in mcu than Tony Stark, but some people would simply let that vague idea of who he is stay, based on a quippy one liner from a movie that was seven years ago (also ignoring the context of that one liner), than to let themselves see and realise that a character has changed and developed …. It’s sadly poetic he had said it himself in a deleted scene of Iron Man, when he was confessing to the two girls he was with in Dubai that he was actually not entirely comfortable with it, and proceed to say “You know how easy to get a reputation and how hard to lose it, and I’m not playing victim, I’m not complaining, it’s just something that occurred over time..”

He was the one who played up that ‘Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist’ persona after all, so of course he knew the price, that it was inevitable some people wouldn’t see through it and took everything he presented at face value. And part of him found ease in slipping behind that mask, because then people wouldn’t know he’s scared, vulnerable and insecure, and they couldn’t be disappointed with him when he offered nothing more for them to expect. In IM 2 he embraced the persona fully and acted his most obnoxious self to annoy everyone around him and push them away, because he didn’t want to admit to his friends that he was scared, that he didn’t want to die; because (an irrational) part of him was scared that even if he opened up to them they wouldn’t care, so he opted to toughen up and push them away first and avoid getting hurt later. The similar train of thoughts was happening In Avengers when he used the mask as his defensive mechanism, and it was what gave birth to that infamous one liner. He needed to act cool and nonchalant in front of all these new super people, because how could he possibly measure up to Captain America himself with his ‘laundry list of character defects.’ He was afraid of how they wouldn’t accept him as part of the team as previously Nat’s assessment of him had suggested, and judged him by his past as Steve had put it later ‘I’ve seen the footage, the only thing you really fight for is yourself.’ So at least acting like he was so self-absorbed and savvy that he didn’t care one bit of what others thought of him could protect him from letting the others know about his vulnerability and insecurity. 

The lovely thing is though, as movies progress, you see how this mask is slowly slipping away, when he said in IM3 ‘Now I’m a changed man’, he wasn’t just saying it, he really had changed. Being in a committed relationship with Pepper had helped him to realise that he could voice his fear and be vulnerable, as he found acceptance in her; being forced out of his comfort zone of three (3) friends and an AI, he developed an unlikely friendship with a kid, it opened up his guarded heart, he learned his capability to trust other people, reply on them, and that reaching out, asking for help, whether or not it was a sign of weakness, he had allowed himself it. Thus you start to see a more genuine and vulnerable Tony Stark in the presence of others way more often after IM3. In AoU he admit to the team of what he was scared of, he opened up to Fury about the vision he saw, the nightmare he dreaded. In Civil War, he opened up to Steve of his weaknesses, his flaws, and was practically begging him to stay, ‘I don’t wanna see you gone, we need you Cap’; to give him time (which tragically was what Steve didn’t have), so they can deal with the Accords together. He had allowed himself to be rejected, and still trying to reach out, ‘because it’s us.’ He cared a lot about the Avengers and he no longer tried to hide it behind the ‘Genius playboy devil may care’ facade, he may not be verbally spelling it out, but he let his fear, worries, guilt, sadness, be written all over his face. It’s peak Tony Stark being vulnerable and emotional and not bothered to hide, this side of him with all the emotional complexity is available for anyone who’s looking to see, and it’s amazing.

The relationship he developed with Peter took him to an unexplored area of emotions, it was the first time he felt strongly and personally responsible for someone else’s wellbeing. He may have learned to take better care of himself over the years, but having a kid who was already hundred times better than him and still looked up to him? It created a lot of internal conflicts in his mind. On one hand he wanted to provide the best he can for Peter (while not overstepping), the extremely thoughtful suit he built for him with an insane amount of web shooters combinations and a friendly sassy AI is one perfect example; on the other hand he was afraid that his involvement would ruin Peter’s life. His self doubt and guilt were stalling him from being open and emotional available for Peter, which, compare to the super suit, it was what Peter needed from him more. His relationship with his own father had not given him the confidence he needed when it came to something close to parenting, so he did what he always tended to do when he was feeling insecure, he put on the cool Tony StarkTM mask and tried to keep Peter at arm’s length by putting up a barrier (Happy) between them. He wasn’t mentally ready to take on the mentor/father figure role, but sentimentally, looking at all those things he did for Peter in silence, he was already caring and worrying about Peter like a parent would to their child. He just needed to learn to show it to Peter, drop the mask, be present, be vocal, because if Peter couldn’t feel it, love failed in communication and it wouldn’t be complete. And over the course of the Homecoming and IW, you really see how he had come to it, seeing how they squabbled and Peter was no longer looking up to him like he was an idol, but simply looking up to him for reassurance and comfort, it is so (tragically) beautiful and had everyone crying. 

Don’t ask me why I turn a simple line ‘Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist’ into a character analysis, it just happened, but he’s come so far and I’m so proud of him and it just goes without saying how beautiful how complex his character is and people who still misunderstand him by default, they’re missing out. 

[incorrect-bangtan-boys]

(im not sure if both of u stan them but) stray kids 1. 3. 4. 5. 7. 15. 18. 19. 20. lmao

DONT WORRY WE BOTH STAN!!

1. Who’s your bias?

AUSSIE LINE!! Like my first bias was Felix and then Chan just existed and i realised I was in love with both of them. They’re both just such good people. I jsut love them so much! Felix’s freckles literally make my knees weak by the way… just a fun fact about me. 

3. Who’s your bias wrecker?

Vocal! King! Kim! Woojin! He very very quickly became my favourite kpop vocalist and i love his smile and his laugh! He’s best boy with a voice of pure honey!! also i like his face very very much

4. Hyung line or maknae line?

how DARE YOU!! The audacity!!! ME???? PICK BETWEEN MY BOYS?!?!?! I could never! 

5. What is your favorite era?

My favourite era is I am: Who. I am Who has my favourite songs in it and i just love that album so much. But Miroh era is quickly becoming my favourite cause it’s my first comeback and I’m just so emotionally invested in these 9 morons. (okay but Jisungs hair in I am Who is just the best Jisung and Felxi hair and you can fight me on this!) 

7. What’s the first song you heard?

Well Admin Ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ) introduced me to Stray Kids and we listened to a bunch of songs in one day so i cant really remember which song was first… WAIT NO I REMEMEBR!! IT WASNT WITH ADMIN Ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ) IT WAS HELLAVATOR AND IT WAS PREDEBUT!!! HA! It was so fucking long ago! But it was hellavator and then i completely forgot skz existed for like…. 10 months

15. What’s a concept you would like to see them try?

Well i mean, they wanna do a Monsta X concept, I want them to do a Monsta X concept…. Miroh was close but im watiing! 

18. Your favorite title track?

My Pace or Get Cool :D My Pace makes me all emotional cause it’s all “you do you! You’re great the way you are! Don’t compare yourself to others” and that makes me WEAK But also Get Cool has the iconic Chan line “Don’t matter if the world is a cold place.. cause I’m getting COOLER” which is a line me and admin Ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ) never fail to scream when we listen to it together! 

19. Favorite choreo?

Mirror or Miroh! Mirror cause i LOVE that mirror image symmetry shit! and Miroh cause it has a māori haka influence in it which i die for honestly. any time māori is mentioned (im looking at you Zone) i fucking die! 

20. Favorite live performance?

oh god, either Miroh or Victory Song. acutally yeah victory song! ITS SO GOOD AND SO POWERFUL. Also LEE FELIX WITH HIS VOICE DEEPER THAN THE MARIANAS TRENCH RUINS MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! FUCK HIM THOUGH WHYY DOES HE DO THIS TO ME also @Chan stop showing your abs, it’s a personal attack against me and i do not appreciate it. 

~Admin (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Worry not my child they are literally my ults.

1. Who’s your bias?

Han Jisung owns my heart and soul. He’s been my bias since the beginning, we’re so similar and I love that for us. He’s the smartest dumbass and that just so gotdamn relatable. He’s also so funny and loud and annoying and his members will never let them live. Also fucking relatable, @admin (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ALLOW ME TO LIVE YOU BITCH ♡♡♡♡♡

3. Who’s your bias wrecker?

Minho, Hyunjin, and Jeongin are tied, I just can’t pick between them. Minho is the weirdest person (that Miroh heart version dance practice is priceless, and I also do the exact same thing constantly, but I’m not an actTuAL KpOp iDOl yOU AbsOLUte InsANE PeRsOn) and also forever done with everyone. When he did that dance on Dingo School where he had to dance Miroh and change concept every like five seconds it killed me. Hyunjin is too pure but also not at all in anyway pure, ‘safe show’ shut the fuck up you nerd, I saw you dance to The Eve, don’t even with that shit. Jeongin is the sweetest angel and I just want to protect him at all costs, but he’s also a little demon and I love it. He’s my son and I didn’t know I was prepared to be a parent, but life just do you like that sometimes. 

4. Hyung line or maknae line?

I. hate. this. question. what kind of satan came up with this????? (I also think it is important to note that I spent at least five minutes trying to remember how the fuck to spell satan for this answer)

5. What is your favorite era?

Aesthetics wise??? I Am: You. Changbin’s X through his eyebrow is still the best styling decision in kpop, fight me. Also Get Cool is iconic and everyone looked so good in My Side. Musically, I gotta go with I Am: Who, it’s the first kpop album I’ve ever owned and it has my absolute fave skz song Voices on it.

7. What’s the first song you heard?

As Stray Kids, I listened to Hellevator within hours of it coming out. But, I also watched the show and that compelled me to listen to 3racha, so really my first song was Runner’s High.

15. What’s a concept you would like to see them try?

Just like admin (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧, that Monsta X vibe. I think they’d do it so well. Miroh era has a bit of it, but I’d love to see them go full blown powerful horny on us. Or maybe something just outright bittersweet, a Spring Day with that soft aesthetic would be so cool, or something like Euphoria that’s just beautiful and lovely.

18. Your favorite title track?

Including pre-debut, Hellevator, cause lord that song is too relatable, the rap is beautiful, and Jisung’s high note is my religion okay. Sorry mom I’m not Jewish anymore, Jisung existed and I strayed (get it, ha at least I make myself laugh). Post-debut???? Get Cool cause I need that sheer happiness in my life and they are so cute oh my lord???? Miroh cause I love a good uprising and also everyone’s looking so so good???? My Pace cause we gotta get that good good (side note: fite me Luhan) passionate uplifting mess. Also na nananana na na na nanana, what inspiring lyrics boys, you really know how to bring a tear to a bitches eye. 

19. Favorite choreo?

Get Cool for the meme, Miroh for the sheer talent and oh my god Chan you fucking menace, Voices cause it’s so thematically and aesthetically perfect, My Pace for Hyunjin’s killing part in the second verse, I just can’t with that. I just love skz choreo okay, this is a judgment free zone.

20. Favorite live performance?

Victory Song… my boys out here tryina kill me. I am deceased, goodbye world, you were kinda sucky, but at least I saw Go Go live so who’s the real winner here?????

- admin Ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)