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jamcannibal · 10 months ago

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analyzing/screaming about 101 chapter 79

fic: 101 reasons to live (and keep living after that)

by @cyrenescreams on ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41426469

So I was in a silly goofy mood one day and decided to just go trhough every paragraph and write soemthing about it. (It was supposed to be like an analysis but I don't think it turned out to be an analysis)

here you ahve the ctrl + c, ctrl + v of my google docs

I'm bored and slightly delirious from pain so it's time to reread the chapter and overanalyze it

(one part of this was written while experiencing atrocious period pain and the rest was written while absolutely getting fucked over by seasonal allergies)

Charlie feels like shit. More like shit than he has in weeks. He sort of hopes it’s the weather but he’s also aware that it probably isn’t.

Is this because you got to feel joy for the first time in years and now you lost it? Is this because you feel like you're bcak to square one. Like you thought you were finally getting ebtter, but then you feel like you have felt the past few years again?

The weather here (for me) has actually been getting a lot better, so seasonal depression is slowly ending for everyone, so Charlie hoping it was the weather is almost ironic.

Bad is always talking about how healing is non-linear and comes in dips and raises. But Charlie still feels a bit disappointed that his joy didn’t last. He just wants to feel normal.

Because you hear that shit all the time in therapy, but it's something different to hear it than to live through it. Also reminds me of Fundy's mom, her relapse and her getting better again.

The yearning to be normal. I don't think he ever tlaked about wanting to be normal. I think he always talked about being too tired, or having to pretend/act. But never wishing he was normal. So that's... soemthing. I might actually have to go over Charlie chapters to figure out if I'm just saying bullshit or not.

He isn’t really sure what normal is, maybe some sort of joy or contentment he felt as a kid. But now he isn’t sure he would know joy if it beat him bloody in a parking lot.

AAAahahahrhahsahaha. This!!

Earlier I wanted to say he wants to be normal because he finally got a taste of it, he was pretty happy for a while and now he needs more. But no, that's not what normal is, he does not know what nromal is but he still wants it!!! That's crazy man (im internally crying). He doesn't know it! He does not know what norml is! He wants soemthign and he does not even know what it is! (It's an analogy for capitalism. /ref - I'm so sorry I've been hyperfixating on spiderverse again)

Also him using such a brutal analogy is a bit concerning. Like, 'are you okay Charlie? Why would you say that??? Do you *want to* get beaten up? To feel pain instead of emotions?' (Imagine me asking him that while shaking him vigorously by the shoulders)

And looking around the circle of folding chairs and gloomy faces, Charlie probably isn’t the only one feeling like garbage.

yep, I'm still waiting for the it gets better part, anyways, next paragraph

Bad is eyeing them all up too, like he is waiting to see which one of them will break first. With the anxious way Fundy is picking at his fingers it will probably be him.

Break first. The was Charlie says it is brutal. Bad is just there waiting for one of them to speak up, waiting for them to begin because they've been pretty good at this therapy thing lately. And then Charlie comes in and thinks "ah yes, he's waiting for us to BREAK'. No Charlie, he qwants to fix you. He wants to see you be better. He probably cares more than your parents, which is sad.

And again, Charlie analyzing. He analyzes everyone and everything.

Or maybe Charlie should cut in, it is his self imposed job to do what he can to help others, through laughing at him, or joining in, or some other strange tactic.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it, that’s all I have to say about this one.

Nah, actually. CHARLIE! Charlie, you can chill. You can stop pretending. You can just be you and only you. People who matter will love you either way. You don’t have to always pretend or help. You can be yourself and get helped.

Charlie thinks back to last week, he thinks about how nice it felt to just relax and let himself exist, especially just existing quietly with no expectations.

Charlie wants to jump in puddles again so bad. He wants to be like Peppa pig so bad.

Also autism experience, I know what you are Charlie. I know…

“Okay!” Foolish is, surprisingly, the one who breaks first. Words bursting out of him like an explosion. “What is up with all of us? Why do we all look so shitty this week?”

How’d Charlie react to his analysis being incorrect? What’d he do when he couldn’t predict the situation??

That aside, Fundy speaking up makes sense in a way. I think he likes protecting people and this is kind of like protection, getting them to talk about shit.

“Language.” Bad says. “Though I’m glad you’ve taken charge of your conversation Foolish. Group really is all bout you all connecting with one another and feeling seen. So I think I’ll take a step back this week and see what you all can do.”

Bad when he can actually do his job instead of trying to get a group of teenagers to at least TRY talking about their feelings: :D

He’s trusting them to do therapy since they’ve been doing so well <3.

“No activity then?” Quackity asks with a foolish, no pun intended, hope in his voice.

Is there really no pun intended, author? Are you sure you did not intend that pun?

Quackity wants to ignore therapy so bad, he wants it to not exist, like it’s the worst thing ever. It’s funny he’s more hopeful about them not doing an activity than he is about his love life-

“I didn’t say that.” Bad says, “but maybe we can count this as this week’s activity so you guys can get out earlier.”

He’s really trying to make this work. He wants to do his job so bad.

I bet Bad loves his job.

“Why are you so upset then Foolish.” Fundy challenges.

Sure Fundy, get defensive. Is that the only way you know how to react? Do you feel attacked by Foolish for starting the conversation? Do you feel betrayed that he started it instead of letting abd do it? Don you wish you didn’t have to sit there that bad that you’re gonna lash out onto your friend? Sure, go ahead…

“Are we being honest?” Foolish counters.

I LOVE WHEN THEY DO THERAPY RIGTH. They’re so <3<3333

“Fuck it why not. We already know way too much about one another.” Quackity grumbles.

Quackity is so real for this tbh. But also him being the one to agree to be honest is so new and surprising and he’s healing and I’m so happy for him.

“You know,” Sam starts, “you can really see our growth considering Quackity didn’t add on that we know too much considering we aren’t friends.”

COME ON SAM, DONT RUIN THE MOMENT. /lh

But he is right

“Even he can’t deny it anymore.” Charlie says with a grin. Joining in on the conversation with the others doesn’t feel as hard as conversation sometimes does. It feels easy to talk with them.

AAAAAAAAA, is he not masking around them??? Is he actually being himself? Is he comfortable enough around them to do that? That’s soooo… aaaaa.

“Anyways!” Quackity interrupts loudly.

Is Quackity uncomfortable with having friends? Aw, come on, it’s fine, you can have friends and care about them, it’s not a bad thing.

“I feel selfish for not writing my mom back.” Foolish says bluntly, completely abandoning their usual format. “I know so many kids like me, and even me, myself, wished for this type of shit and suddenly I don’t want it and I feel terrible.”

Alright, we’re jumping straight into it. Like jumping into a freezing river or ripping off a bandaid.

I guess it kind of is like ripping off a bandaid (plaster??, bro iunno which terms are american english and which ones are UK english). Let me think of a poetic metaphor. A bandaid covers an injury, it protects it from infections, but if you leave it on for way too long it can give you blood poisoning. It’s like hiding your problems, it can help for a little while the injury closes up. But you have to talk about them or a small cut will become blood poisoning.

“You aren’t selfish. You aren’t selfish and you don’t owe her or anyone else anything.” Sam says firmly.

Yes! He’s so right!!

(Supportive boyfriend but also, just like a good friend. Your partner being your best friend>>)

“I just want to be happy now.” Foolish sighs. “On a lighter note I’m definitely going to be on varsity next year so that is fun.”

I think all of them just want to be happy. Or healthy. Or normal. Whatever label they put on it they just want to be able to live without the baggage.

“Weren’t you on varsity this year?” Charlie asks because his understanding of Football ends at touchdowns and field goals.

Same Charlie. But I also know a quarterback is important, who knows why it is, but it’s important.

“I was, but still, it’s nice to know for sure.” Foolish shrugs. “Alright, your turn Fundy.”

Is this revenge for him making you go first? Is Foolish this petty?

“I saw my mom again today and she asked if I wanted to go back to splitting my time. I think I do but I don’t want something bad to happen again.” Fundy said referencing whatever, secret, vague, bad thing lead to his conflict with his mom.

I really hope she asked in a nonforcefull way. In a way rthat Fundy didn’t feel pressured, in a way that made it clear it’s his decision and she will still be his mom and still try her best no matter which decision he makes.

I hope it goes better this time. I hope she won’t relapse again, for both hers and Fundy’s sake.

“Once burned twice shy.” Quackity says. The quieter and more genuine, “I think you should try and let her in again. You’re going to regret not doing it if you don’t.”

I’m just so AAA… Quackity is acting different! He’s being honest, he’d admitting they are hsi friends, he gives helpful advice instead of being snarky.

And I’m so happy, but mildly worried. I really hope this change isn’t a hint on a big issue happening with Quackity at the moment.

“You know about this?” Fundy asks, suspicious.

Fundyyy, it’s Quackity’s job to be distrusful and snarky and passive aggressive. Go back to liking foxes, minecraft and the color orange.

Don’t become like early 101 reasons Quackity, it’s not healthy.

“My mom has always been…” Quackity waves his hand around to indicate at everything. “I don’t know. Far away, not there. I doubt if she hadn’t found me mid death-failure she never would have been able to tell you my middle name.”

Bone chilling honesty. I know Quackity has been honest before, but I feel like this is different, because the other things have always been things that have happened to him around the time he was talking about them.

But he’s like… going for it. Talking about hsi childhood in a way.

“Oh.” Fundy says taking in this new information.

IT IS NEW INFORMATION TO THEM. Because Quackity doesn’t talk about this shit and he should or his blood’s gonna rot. He can take the bandaid off slowly, he doesn’t have to rip it off. He can do it slowly, he cna be careful about it to not cause any damage, any pain. Because I know he’s terrified of taking that bandage off.

Metaphors aside, I think Quackity in this work is definitely the kind of person who REFUSES to rip off a bandaid because it hurts too much.

“See I have problems that aren’t guys.” Quackity grins, stealing Charlie’s job at lighting the mood.

Charlie! It’s not your job to do anything! You don’t have to do that! Of course everyone appreciates it, btu you don’t have to.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE THE COMEDIC RELIEF ALL THE TIME

“Tell us something good Fundy, please.” Sam cuts in.

Is Sam worried? Is Sam hoping that at least something good happened to Fundy??

Charlie thinks they definitely need it, especially if the frantic sound of Bad scribbling notes on his clipboard are any indication.

Bad is so happy to be able to do his job for once, isn’t he? He’s practically beaming while writing his notes, isn’t he????

But Charlie’s right, they need it.

Your therapist writing stuff you say down is not a sign that those things are normal and you are okay and nothing wrong ever happened in your life.

“I’m passing with all As this quarter.” Fundy says. “Which is shocking, considering literally everything.”

WOOOOO, good job Fundy!!

“That is crazy.” Charlie says. “I’m definitely not. I’m also feeling sad and tired and so fucking unmotivated. And it sucks because I was feeling better, I was doing better. I want to do better.”Refer to what I said at the beginning.

He wants to be happy. He got a taste of it and now he’s hungry, even if he didn’t realize it before. He’s hungry for happiness.

“Wanting is the important part, isn’t it?” Fundy says. “My mom really wants to get better and that’s why I trust her.”

Again, refer to what I said earlier.

(The process of healing isn’t linear and it applies for both Charlie and Fundy’s mom.)

“I guess. I’ve never really thought of it like that though. I always needed something more quantifiable.” Charlie shrugs.

Me! Autism, that’s autism. I’m saying it’s autism so it is autism.

“What if They never tell you they want to get better? What if they just do and they never apologize.” Quackity says suddenly.

NOOOOO. That’s so sad. So fucking sad. Schlatt. I just… aght, I hope Quackity can get closure. I hope they get to talk about what happened and even if Quackity won't forgive, he will be better if they have a talk. I trust it

I know it.

“Did Sapnap or Karl do something? Or your mom?” Sam asks, seemingly, worried.

Hah. Imagine not knowing about Schlatt, couldn’t relate.

But what did Charlie think? Did he analyze what Quackity had said, did he connect the dots or did he not dwell on the sentence, letting it slip his mind?

“No. Well yes, they are still being weird and they keep brushing me off when I bring it up.”

Imagine talking about your therapist’s son in therapy, that's gotta be awkward…

Quackity doesn’t say that being brushed off is making him worry but Charlie can see it on his face.

HAHAHHA, Charlie, stop for a minute and analyze yourself, would ya? It’ll help you, it’s called introspection. I learned all about it in my psychology class.

“It’s someone else. I guess it doesn’t matter, I’ve been avoiding them for months and I don’t really plan on stopping.” Quackity says trying to remove their focus. “Anyways my good thing is that I plan on rewatching into the spider-verse tonight, so that is fun.”

Charlie, for the love of god pick up on this. You know Quackity and Schaltt you can, I don't know, arrange for them to talk? But I also don’t want to pressure Chalrie intot his?? But I feel like that’s something he would be willing to do.

SPIDER-VERSE! My favorite franchise! I’m so normal about the animation and characters/character design!

“Oh!” Charlie jumps in. “My good thing is that my dad is on a work trip so that house has been really quiet because my mom is just avoiding me.”“How is it still sad?” Quackity asks.

Exactly as Quackity says, he is very correct here. Couldn’t've said it better.

“I’m not still pressuring you on all of what you said.” Charlie points out.

Hahahaha, he did notice. He deffo noticed, but i don’t think he’s gonna scheme, or is he??

“Point taken. I will shut up.” Quackity says, unwilling to continue to tempt fate.

Take that, bitch! /pos

Imagine ebing scared of being vulnerable, what a loser.

“Quackity, shutting up? That is definitely a first.” Fundy says with a grin.Fundy, stop taking Quackity’s job. Firstly, that’s Quackity’s job, secondly you don’t want to be like Quackity.

“I’m going to fuck your dad.”That’s a bit gay, isn’t it Quackity? DO you have something to share perhaps?

“Good luck finding him.” Fundy says sweetly.HHAHAHAHA, I love jokes like this honestly. Ok, Fundy, you can be snappy, it’s fun.

Something about Fundy’s blunt but happy tone shocks them all into laughing.Friends!!!! They’re experiencing the true meaning of friendship: laughing at each other’s trauma jokes instead of being concerned.

Bad scribbles a bit more frantically, which while fair, seems a bit harsh. They had definitely made these jokes before anyways.Bad’s killing the mood, shaking my head. Shaking my head. And shaking my head one last time. They did make these kinds of jokes before, but this is different, because it’s honest.

“Alright! Last one in our honesty hair braiding friendship circle.” Quackity says. “Sam.”Quackity would love hair braiding circle, he would fucking love it! /lh

No, but like, him being like this is just. Like it was concerning before, but now it’s fully just a facade and it’s kind of funny. but still sad, like why do you put on that facade? Are you still scared of getting hurt? Do you think that once this gorup therapy thing ends you won’t speak to these people again, are you afraid you will lose them when you don’ have anything in common anymore?

“You and Sam are the only ones with hair long enough to braid.” Charlie points out.You can braid any length of hair if you put oyur mind to it, Charlie, you just have to try really hard.

“It’s a metaphor.” Quackity explains.Ah yes, of course, so smart, so innovative to use a metaphor. Nerd.

“Not a simile?” Fundy tilts his head.NERD!

“I didn’t use like or as.”I think we both know what I have to say about that… nerd.

(all nerd is slash pos)

“Gay people love English class.” Charlie nods.You would know, wouldn’t you Chalrie?

(I actually don’t like english class, the teacher is a bitch, but my friends who haev a different (very gay) teacher love it)

“As the straightest one here, that’s almost homophobic Charlie.” Foolish jokes.The fact you’re right doesn’t mean you have to say it outloud, some thoughts are ebay to keep to yourself.

“What a low bar.” Fundy grins.He’s so right.

“Sam?” Foolish asks, moving all of their attention to the topic at hand.Ew, people in relationships worrying about their partners, I hate that. /j

Charlie is a little surprised at how worried Foolish sounds. Foolish would be the one Charlie thought would know what is up with Sam.Well, jokes on you Charlie, your deduction skills failed you, Sam doesn’t talk to fucking anyone because he is a loser- (I need to stop claling them losers and nerds)

Sam taps a rhythm on his leg. “Sorry, I was thinking.”Oh no, don’t do that! That’s dangerous! You might hurt yourself. Stimming, stimming, stimming… why are you nervous Sam? (I know why, seeing that I am a god and reading ahead.)

“About?” Charlie prompts.I’m starting to think Charlie should go into psychology, he could make a good therapist.

“Nothing important.” Sam dismisses.No one is gonna believe that. I wonder why he feels the need to say that knowing he will explain it and the others will see that it is indeed important. Why did you feel the need to make it out to be nothing Sam? Why is that?

I genuinely am not sure. He’s not one of my favs so it sucks for him but I have not overnalyzed him enough to deduce this. (Yes I am biased, at least I admit it.)

“We’re being honest.” Quackity points out.Heheh, it would be kind of funny if Sam was the only one not being honest.

Also Quackity being the one to point that out is so ironic and shows his character growth.

“I’m trying to figure out how to word this without sounding like a total hypocrite.” Sam admits.ME. No, but sometimes you say something that just comes out absolutely wrong and like there are things you don’t want to come out like that and you have to think about it.

“Maybe you’re being a hypocrite, then?” Foolish suggests. “I’d also love to know.”hahah. I feel like that's a terrible thing to say, but given the nature of their relationship it probably is the right thing to say.

Sam looks a bit ashamed at that, and apparently that is all it takes for him to crack. “Well, there been a girl at my father’s place. A woman, I guess. And she cornered me last Thursday to tell me she’s pregnant. So… there’s that.”ME, that happened to me. Well not exactly, but the sentiment is there. AHHAHA.

He’s like “yeah it’s not big deal, just something that happened, not really important, but it has to do”

Sam needs to stop keeping things to himself. He keeps things to himself to protect others while Quacktiy keeps things to himself to protect himself from others.

“Your absent father?” Fundy asks.Ah, he still has not told the group about the split custody, did he? Fun.

“Asked the pot to the kettle” Charlie says, attempting to lighten the mood.YOU DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE COMIC RELIEF! You can be a person, you won’t be any less valuable to your friends if you don’t try to make everything better all the time, you can just take a moment, Charlie, please, know you’re loved for you and not for being a comic relief.

“Yeah so now I’m worried for this kid who I absolutely do not want to know, because I know what’s going to happen and that’s shitty and I won’t do anything to stop it because I’m selfish and I want nothing to do with the kid.” Sam complains.Yeah, I get that. I’m not gonna try to not be too personal, but I have not met my half sibling but I want to, but ti’s really hard. I get Sam’s sentiment tho, like if my situation was even slightly different I would probably share that sentiment.

“You do sound like a hypocrite.” Foolish says, with feeling.I honestly don’t get what about that sounds hypocritical. I think Sam’s being reasonable.

But that’s maybe bcs I’m very biased when it comes to this situation.

“Ugh.” Sam says with equal feeling.Ught, stop being in love or something, I don’t want to catch gay. /j

No, I honestly don’t get why that’s wrong?

“What if he stays?” Quackity asks.Very important question, but I don’t think Quackity gets it.

Like I would explain it to him probably like: “Imagine your mom started being present, like a real person. Would you believe that it would stay that way? Like no matter how long it stays that way you would still think she’s gonna go back to being her dissociated self any day.”

“What if the sky turns green? It’s not like I’ll be able to see it either way.” Sam shrugs. “I won’t believe it.”Metaphors. Gay people and English smh.

“Now that is a good metaphor for someone colorblind.” Fundy says.He’s a bit quirky. I mean, he’s probably red-green colorblind so technically the sky would go from being the only nice color to being the same boring yellowish gray as everything else.

“Whatever.” Quackity rolls his eyes.Is that ableism towards colorblind people? YOu’re on thin ice, Quackity. /j

“Oh and as for good stuff my week has gone by pretty fast which is nice because I’m fucking tired and want to sleep in so bad.” Sam says.I think that’s a sign of depression… maybe you shouldn’t have a sign of depression as a good thing that happened to you that week, jsut saying.

Bad scribes for another minute before stopping. “I think today was very productive all around.” He says looking up at them.Bad’s noticed too! Of course he did, he’s a therapist smh.

“I think I want to eat my feelings in the form of some absolutely soggy and mediocre diner French fries.” Fundy says.Me too, Fundy, me too. Unfortunately we don’t have diners here and I think American food would actually kill me.

“Well you guys are free to go and do that. I have some notes to look over.” Bad smiles.NERD

“I’m sure you do.” Quackity huffs, standing up.How the tables have turned. He was a nerd before in the chapter and now he’s a bully.

Sam and Foolish hover behind a bit so Charlie rushes ahead towards Fundy and Quackity to give them some privacy. They all have each other but Charlie thinks maybe they need one another more right now.Charlie <3 I love him so much, my little analyzer. No, he would be a good therapist, he can read people well and that’s a good quality in a therapist.

~~~

Do I want to do the end part of the chapter or would I rather go to sleep?

I would rather finish this apparently.

Charlie feels drained as he watches the others eat and converse. It’s not like he has done all that much today, just zoned out in class and forced himself to laugh with his friends.Yeah, I mean, it’s definitely not like masking every day and like forcing yourself would drain your energy.

Fun fact autistic people need more sugar to function. Because brain. Like you use more brain so you need more brain food and sugar is brain food, feed your brain kids.

But for some reason after group he is just drained, maybe it’s the honesty, sucking away at his life force and proving that he should just lie more.Maybe it’s the fact you feel like you can’t be yourself around anyone and you put on a facade of being an outgoing cheery lil guy.

And when you lie it’s easier to put on a facade than when you’re being vulnerable. It’s harder to pretend you’re cheery when you have to talk about why you’re not okay.

Or just like depression in general, that makes you tired too.

You can pick.

The weight in his chest is gone though, and it has been gone since he started trying to open up so maybe he shouldn’t stop.Heheh, is that unmasking? Is that getting rid of some of that burden? Getting some of that weight off of your chest?

Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Forgot you say that in english for a second. Oops.

Yeah, imagine getting the weight off of your chest makes the weight in your chest be smaller. Imagine.

“I’m just saying, we’re seniors next year then we go to college so maybe it’s better for me to cut my losses. Besides long distance never works.” Quackity says, in response to Fundy’s encouragement that he should just try communicating for once.Loser, biggest loser to exist.

But no, I get it. It feels pointless to try when you think you know it will end soon no matter if it succeeds or not.

But that doesn’t mean he should give up.

“Hey!” Ponk interrupts frowning. “Long distance can work.”She’s protecting their relationship, it’s like what Quackity said brings up some insecurities, isn’t it?

“Four hours isn’t even that long I’d a distance it’s fine.” Sam says, trying to calm Ponk down.

Boyfriend behavior.

“Technically two, if me and Sam just both go to you.” Foolish adds.No, but their relationship is so healthy and it’s amazing to see.

“Maybe you won’t even be that long distance.” Fundy points out. “I mean, have you even started thinking about college.”Voice of reason, Fundy, is here. Everyone clap.

“Yes.” Quackity says, certainly.

Nerd.

“I haven’t.” Fundy, shrugs.Loser.

I said it before, but this is surprising to me. Like in retrospect it makes sense, but I fully expected Quackit not to think about that yet and Fundy to have already picked it out.

Like me seeing Quackity vs Fundy I was like, yes, Fundy the naturally smart guy will apply to colleges early and everything. But Quackity is the one who is an actual nerd he is the one who tries ins school and he is fucking smart. He might not be “naturally” smart like Fundy, but he is very smart. The “naturally” smart is something I reflect from my own life. I mean it as: being told you’re really smart and math coming easy to you without studying etc.

“Better to do that sooner rather than later.” Charlie says thinking about his own rush to write essays and find scholarships. His bad grades hadn’t left him with many options but plenty of small schools had at least looked at his applications.Aw. No but that’s a bit sad. I hope he gets a scholarship, american colleges/universities fucking suck, I can’t imagine getting into debt to get education.

But I guess it’s good he’s thinking about it so early.

Thankfully though one far enough away with a good enough reputation had accepted him. Not that his parents were happy about, Charlie doubts they would have been happy with anything short of an Ivy League school.Something something, they deffo want him to either be a doctor or a lawyer.

He should move across the world to a different country for university: less debt, more distance from family.

“Can we not talk about college.” Foolish begs. “I don’t want to think about all the debt I’m getting myself into.”Something something America, punchline. It’s too easy.

Like I am getting my university education basically for free. And not because of scholarships but because my country isn’t stupid.

“You have a perfectly mediocre football scholarship to give yourself concussions at that school.” Ponk grins.Americans and sports smh. (Sorry for hating on the US so much, I feel very sick and can’t physically restrain myself.)

Little bullying your partner never hurt anybody <3.

“We can’t all be nerds Ponk.” Sam says, but his tone makes Quackity pretend to gag.Me too, Quackity, me too. (I fr go “ew gay” every time my friends in relationships act romantic. I don't rlly know any straight couples tbh)

In response Sam kicks Quackity under the table, only to mistake Fundy’s legs for Quackity’s and end up kicking him. “Sorry Fundy.”HAH. That’s what you get for trying to be violent. Sam is very protective of the people he loves, it’s adorable. Unless is at the expense of himself.

“The other day you told me in vivid detail about sorting algorithms.” Ponk says. “Don’t start.”Hahaha, they are ALL nerds. Also that’s so autistic.

“Oh speaking of not starting.” Fundy cuts in. “Testing is coming up!”I’m unironically this person. Our leaving exams are coming up really soon and I keep reminding my school friends bcs of the stress I am under while constantly thinking about it. And I stress them out by mentioning it.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Quackity chants moving a hand to cover Fundy’s mouth.This is pretty close to my friends’ reaction when I bring it up.

“Sucks to suck.” Foolish grins.So wise, I want to be old and wise like Foolish (I’m pretty sure I’m older than Foolish in this fic.)

“You still have to take your AP tests Foolish.” Charlie cuts in.“Shhh. This isn’t about me.”That’s so silly of him. I love ignoring my problems to feel superior to other people in a joking way.

“Hey at least after testing you guys more or less just coast until exams.” Sam says, helpfully.Yeah, actually, talking to people who went throug the leaving exams is so good to elevate anxiety.

Because the teachers always make them out to be so serious and hard to pass and all you hear about is people who failed not people who did good on them.

But people who did them will be like “Yeah, it doesn’t matter, you only need like 4 days to prepare. What do you mean you’re reading the books? Just read what they’re about online.”

“Yeah, I never did anything after testing honestly.” Ponk agrees.No, but it’s great that the people who went through it are there to give advice and like lessen the stress about the testing.

“I don’t do much period.” Charlie points out.

Me neither, but it’s fine, don’t worry Charlie.

“You’re gonna lock in.” Quackity says, pointing an accusing finger at Charlie. “We’re studying for chemistry together.”FRIENDS

Friendship

oh my god, Quacktiy is like a great fucking friend wtf

FRIENDSHIP!!!!

<333

this is so wholesome

Charlie, who usually finds himself feeling like he is staring at an impossible to climb cliff face, when testing starts, suddenly doesn’t feel as worried as he should. Maybe he can actually do this.YAAAY, that’s optimism! He’s getting a bit of that happiness back, he’s able to eat it again in little pieces. A little nibble of joy.

#101 reasons #fanfic #its honestly my favorite fanfic #best piece of literature fr fr #i wont know what to do with my life whne it finsihes #/hj

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like-rain-or-confetti · 2 years ago

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Yoo what's upp dork squad! Anyways over been doing mental health screening tests on my computer and I'm well aware that it's not the proper diagnosis and ik I'd have to see a doctor for an actual diagnosis but LOOK

(Sorry if u cant read them properly I have a night light setting on so it doesn't hurt my eyes also sorry if their blurry)

I'M COLLECTING THESE MFS LIKE POKEMON CARDS (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧✧ʸᴱˢ

Anyways how was your day? Hope it's good.

Mr. Jervis what's your favorite type of tea?

Mr. Nygma what's your favorite trap?

And Mr. Crane what's your favorite book? I've been looking for something interesting to read since nothing has caught my attention I've been very tempted to check out "Mein Kampf" mostly because I'm curious but please recommend me a book ❤❤❤

Hope your having a good day author especially with your little fur baby!! ❤

Well atleast you know it's not concrete and should go see a professional! Im glad im not the only one who makes the pokemon jokes😂 Fur baby is now 5 months old and I can't handle it. She's so big-

Alright, that's enough out of you. The people aren't here for you. They're here for us! Jonathan you're the psychiatrist get a load of this.

I'm getting my glasses, Nygma. Calm down.

The people missed me! I know they did! They're just too stupid to realise it!

Dork squad? What on earth? ♠️

Ignore it, Jervis.

Oh tea! Oh my dear, you should have different teas for different occasions and moods! I tend to go for the regular tea or earl grey but hibiscus tea is a delight for when the red queen is around, yes yes! ♠️

Harley?

No, the red queen! Keep up!♠️

You do realise you call Harley the red- nevermind, what a waste of time.

And fruit teas are delightful when feeling extra excitable! Remember the sugar!♠️

My favourite trap? All of my creations were of high intellect and unique in their own regards but I must say I recall one fondly. When I made Cash and the others walk around and around and if they stopped their heads would go kaboom! Childish, yes, but I'll remember those memories fondly.

Now let's get a look. Bearing in mind that none of this really means anything. Google is a handy tool but not a doctor. Hmm...high likelihood of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder...post traumatic stress disorder...you know, dear, I have a serum that could fix all of this fear for you?

As for your book recommendations, I haven't read many since I became a psychiatrist, and...other things took my attention. However, I do encourage your curiosity. I see little advantages to a censorship of books. It's healthy to broaden your mind and make your own conclusions on what you read.

#request #batman #batman villains #the riddler #edward nygma #scarecrow #jonathan crane #mad hatter #jervis tetch

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strititty · 2 years ago

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per my last reblog i decided to ramble in about nerds aint got shit, my most popular fic.

well, ostensibly i’m rambling about that but honestly i have 3 am motormouth and i took an edible so im just in that sort of mood, you know. all philosophical like. more under the cut

i wrote that fic in 2015 for drone season, when i was living in - and i cannot stress this enough - the MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE, though not as much as i would be the year afterward. my internet was shitty cornfield hotspot net and it was the summer after my first year of college so i had a helluva lot on my mind already.

the original document was just a little notepad file with word wrap turned on cuz that’s how i used to write all my shit, and i’d send people wips via pastebin. can you even imagine? PASTEBIN? i use google docs now but sometimes i wonder if i should go back to notepad lmao. smaller size, less evil google involved. when i was a kid i used word, though i can’t remember when that stopped being a thing. might have been during high school.

since i wrote nerds aint got shit so shortly after i had graduated high school i had a very clear picture of my OWN high school in my head, which probably lends itself to some weird stylistic quirks. my high school was very very small. i shan’t name it, of course, lmao, what am i some sort of fool? but it was tiny as hell and that tends to infect any sort of high school adjacent au i write. rereading it i can so clearly picture MY high school that it’s frankly a little funny.

fortunately my high school only had one creepy teacher and it wasnt the PE teacher + we got his ass fired, but fiction makes for a much more fun place to explore these sorts of ideas for me. idk why i have such a thing about age differences & teacher/student fics but i SURE DO.

i can still remember the summer days writing this fic, kind of, in a hazy way. i remember my phone being the only way i could connect with my friends and loved ones, and the sun beating down, and the way things were far too hot in my little room. my cat had gotten out and gotten pregnant by a farm cat, so i had to cough up money to get her fixed - she should have been already but the people i lived with were less concerned about that sort of thing and i’d been at college so i hadn’t been able to make my case. the kittens were cute but tiny and stunted b/c my cat was very young and small & only two of them survived. i think the third one was stillborn and that my cat ate that one, but since i wasn’t there when they were born i didn’t get a lot of the details.

i still think about this fic sometimes for the memories it draws up and the plans i have to revamp and add on to it--my initial idea was a sort of 7 day format where dave goes back to bro every day of the week, but that was a plot for when i was a more prolific writer with a clearer grasp of smut. now im lucky if i can get a coherent smutty fic down in a few weeks god save me lmao. i don’t know if it’s because i’m older or just a little more burned out.

it was a fun idea though and i do semi frequently consider revisiting it, especially when i get the energy and inspiration to write strider stuff. right now that energy is being conserved for certain other works but hey you never know.

i feel like there’s also a hundred points i could make about how my most popular fic is also my oldest homestuck fic, like. yeah, okay, homestuck was more popular back then, so it makes sense that it would have more kudos and what not. hs fanfic is a much quieter affair now, between the fandom controversy, the natural drop that happens after something ends, and how half of all fandom seems to be girlbossing too close to the hayes code. brodave used to get you 200 kudos and now you get like 20!

and you know i don’t like. hate that. i do post for engagement but i never really expected to be POPULAR you know what i mean? more like sharing this thing i wrote about something i’m interested in-- “i wrote this for me but you can read it too, please enjoy!” energies. but i think that it’s so interesting that something that is now approaching its eighth birthday (What The Fuck) had its biggest surge of participants ages ago. i wonder what they’re doing now and actually whatever theyre doing i hope theyre having fun with it but i don’t need to know because i’ve been burned before okay. ppl turning into fancops or whatever. shitty as hell.

the hour grows late so i shall return to the actual topic at hand:

nerds aint got shit’s ill-begotten romance. that shit was gonna be so toxic. i was definitely gonna write dave growing to sympathize with bro, kind of, with his crush fueled by terror kicked into overdrive. bro’s kind of a sad and pathetic weirdo even though to dave (and this is real, not imagined, dave’s not making it up) he is a significant threat. and dave was going to start to pick up those sad jerk vibes in addition to the horny vibes and start to, in an almost lalondian fashion, romanticize the shit out of it.

in a manner of speaking, anyway. im not sure if that was my full plan or what but there’s also just the gremlin brain breathing heavily going “god this is my favorite dynamic” which back then was fairly true. i had also written almost 20k of original teacher/student fiction so romanticizing that was not a new concept to me. i think there’s a part of me that does want to be in that place, you know, but from a safe distance where it’s also just fun and games.

that’s why fics are fun! that’s why trashy romance is fun :) insert something about ace kink here. i do not want to actually touch it but mentally touching it is ok.

nowadays i don’t write so much teacher/student fic tho im still hells of deep in my love of age differences. more often than not i find myself kind of drawn to a cougar/kid in their late teens dynamic nowadays for original fiction, tho i also love ancient vampire/regular human and just minor age and experience differences.

(jotting down ‘rose lalonde as a cougar’ for a future fic idea thanks)

i think ive grown away from this fic mostly, but it feels like a wild time capsule to me, and maybe one day i will unearth it to add more. maybe in 2025 for the a ten year anniversary.

#lime rambles #drug use mention #animal death #christ almight 3 am motormouth makes me morbid

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sehunniepotwrites · 1 year ago

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hi nikki!!! i vanished again for a rly long time cuz its rly busy and crunch season for me in uni rn :/ how have you been!! hope youve gotten better since the last time we talked :")

i had 4 assessments last week like one on wednesday and THREE on friday it rly felt like acads was sucking the life out of me >< i hope you dont mind me ranting a little but this sem has rly been by far the worst semester in my uni life like ive been tryna stay all positive and focus on the good things that happened but fr NOTHING good has been happening :"( its rly a pain going through all these days and its like the skies r tryna play tricks on me even when it comes to small daily stuff.. like id just be minding my own business and walking somewhere and then someone spills water all over my shoes, or after finally managing to find an empty spot to study at, the charging plug at the table just refuses to work, or the chairs r spoilt and like.... IM SO DONE :"( and it sux even more cuz daylight savings have caused the time difference between me and my boyfie to increase and its alm like we can never find the right pocket of time to communicate anymore and its rly taking a toll on me mentally. sigh... like literally all the stress and discomfort has caused me to lose my appetite and ive lost alm 10kgs in the past 2 months..

i hope after going through all these, things would only be better and would make me happier after a long long time.. and id be able to learn how to express myself and speak my emotions properly again cuz im rly rly emotionally constipated rn.

<3, 🍑

hihihi lil peach!!!

it's okay, i totally understand crunch szn for uni--went through it one too many times. i'm sick yet again (thus the woes of being a kindy teacher, the germs!! it's my 6th time getting sick this school year) but i'm writing again! the inspo finally came back to me <333

i complete empathize w you--sometimes it's really hard to stay positive when all is going to shit. and with people telling you to look on the bright side makes it even harder because you could try and try to no avail. i'm so sorry this is happening to you, whatever you're feeling is so valid. i'm glad you see me as a safe space to come and talk about these things. i hope things begin to look up for you soon and that your 2024 is filled with happier days, good health, and prosperity.

when i feel like this, which is quite often, i turn back to journaling or asking myself these questions (they're questions i've learned as an elementary teacher, trying to understand the feelings of my kiddos):

what am i feeling right now? i use the mood meter (you can look it up on google and they'll be some good ones)

why am i feeling this way? (get down to the root of it) "i am feeling _ because _."

what is one immediate thing i can do to get me out of this mood? is there something physical i can do? an immediate fix? or is there a step i can take?

"next time i feel this way, i can _"

#i hope this helped in some way #idk if you were looking for advice but this almost always works for me and my friends when we're feeling some type of way #im sort of emotionally constipated too but im learning #ily lil peach #🍑anon #nikki replies

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theworldsforgottenboy · 2 months ago

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hehehe fun

last song: it'll all work out by tom petty and the heartbreakers

favorite color: black, but a deep cranberry red is also hitting my mood

last book: traditional book wise, the dante club by matthew pearl, a fun murder mystery abt poets solving the inferno related mysteries, but also i just picked up violent flowers by maria llovet from the comic store today, and it was pretty good. nothing groundbreaking but if your looking for a lesbian vampire fix (which i always am btw) it serves. also, i'm pecking at leaves of grass by walt whitman, a few poems at a time

last show: arcane s1, i waited to watch until s2 came out and so far i like it

sweet/spicy/savoury: sweet, though it should be balanced with a little tartness.

last thing i googled: french catholics

current obsession: bg3

currently looking forward to: chicago tardis, also new bg3 subclasses. im going to have to replay hope in a mode that lets me give them a drunken master monk subclass.

@candydragon5

@cupidofcaravaggio

@elfboypussy

@dearest-and-nearest

4 people l'd like to know better

Tagged by @virtualtear00

Last song: Punish — Ethel Cain

Favourite color: contrast of muddy greyish green and bright red

Last book: Gay Berlin: Birthplace of a Modern Identity — Robert Beachy (still reading)

Last show: rewatching IWTV with my boyfriend :-)

Sweet/Spicy/Savoury: a mix of savoury and sweet

Last Thing I Googled: my workplace e-mails 🙂‍↕️

Current Obsession: IWTV, devil’s minion in particular

Looking Forward To: finishing my crochet fingerless gloves and moving in with my boyfriend

Tagging: @theworldsforgottenboy and @alexeven-art (i know we are already friends but i wanna know what songs you like etc :3) @snequanimity @finnonefox

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moonlightxsunlight · 3 years ago

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this is going to be my villan origin story..

#joking of course butttt #im ao pissed rn #this code is due by 11:59 tonight and my partner #who is my friend #has never been more annoying #hasnt done shit #figured it out on my own with help from google #i needed his advanced help with tweaking some things #he fixes things and thats great #but we messed up on one thing and he says he needs to go serious mood #he keeps changing shit now that i worked hard on #like dude you ahould of stopped complaining and did shit then #ive never wanted to punch a wall so bad #personal #delete later #im tired

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danniburgh · 4 years ago

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I WATCHED WANDAVISION EP 1 AND 2 AND I HAVE THOUGHTS

needless to say: SPOILERS

I ADORE the aesthetic of the first episodes, i love that they even did the accents the tv stars had at the time

THEY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT SHES FROM SOKOVIA THATS JUST STRAIGHT AWESOME

the references in the comercial breaks had me screaming, I'll elaborate:

the toaster: MADE BY STARK INDUSTRIES!!!!!!! is it a direct reference to what wanda may see as the cause of her parents death? is it a reference to her "toaster boyfriend"? is it both?

the watch: STRIKER????? HYDRA????? ALSO WORDPLAY "HYDRA IS WATCHING" like damn lady, also i loved the slight mysoginy of that add

i need to say that almost all the analysis I'm making is based on my experience with desired realities, daydreaming and a bit on my obsession with memory

in ep 1 when ms hart keeps saying "stop it" and she's looking at wanda rather than her husband can be interpreted as Wanda's conscience telling her to fix it, so she gets vision to do it instead because in her mind he's the only one that can

also: when the harts ask them where are they from and when did they meet and how long theyve been married wanda was just so confused and scared and i think it was because when she was creating that reality she didn't think of those small details, there's a lot in the dialog that you can get if you keep in mind that most probably everything it's fake

oh God I just love vision being all over the place trynna beat the Google authentication box

VISION DRUNK ON GUM I REPEAT VISION DRUNK ON GUM

don't you just love paul bettany?

from the first moment they said "for the children" i was like "welp, she's preggo", it was almost as if by just doing the repetition of that phrase she self inserted the idea of babies in her mind and that's why the bump appeared so suddenly

the whole sequence of the talent show can be also read/seen as how wanda is basically running the show, she's pulling the strings and fixing the details of her makeshift reality to fit in it and make it as close to her idea as she can.

on that same note: I'm 76% sure that the reason of her making this family sitcom/cheesy crafted/white picket fences reality it's because when she and vision wanted to be together and settle in they only had 3 star hotels and open 24 hour diner dates, she never had the chance to actually live a normal life with him as she would've wanted so she's creating it now

dude also the title of the fucking show lmao im just going all out with this train of thought: wandavision it's their names yes but also may be because all of this it's just a vision that wanda has of what might've been if he was still there with her??????

I'm still thinking about that freaking red helicopter WHATS GOING ON IS THAT JUST A LITTLE GLIMPSE OF REALITY? IS ANOTHER REALITY LEAKING INTO THE ONE WE ARE WATCHING?

can we talk about agnes for a sec?? shes so cute and sassy i love her, I'm pretty sure she has meaning

wanda really said ✨no✨ on the sewer man, he was in color as well as the red helicopter, which makes me think that, as in the end of episode one with the tv on the desk and the voice on the radio, they're keeping eyes on her, they're trying to get inside to see what is she doing and what, I'm still wondering why the man was dressed as a bee keeper... is it maybe a costume? a cover?

can we also talk about the slight change in music and overall camera work when glimpses of out-of-wandas-reality come about?????? it just changes the mood, the vibe, i can see they might have even used a different camera, different lighting and different techniques because its very unsettling, it's the visual way to tell us that something it's just wrong and make us as upset as wanda feels

THE COLOR TRANSITION WAS SO GOOD AND THEY LOOKED SO CUTE ALL DRESSED UP IN THEIR COLORS

holy shit elizabeth olsen you gorgeous angel

i loved every second of it I can't wait to watch more 🥺🥺🥺

#wandavision #wanda maximoff #vision #the avengers #wanda vision #spoilers warning #elizabeth olsen #paul bettany

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mrpenguinpants · 4 years ago

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Childe: First Kiss HCs

I tend to make things gender neutral by not putting in pronouns and just using “you” but you can definitely read this as female^^ But I completely agree, I love this boy so much. He’s my favourite character to play (im so sorry razor) until Xiao comes out. I literally have a genshin team named “waiting for xiao” and it’s just Childe and Zhongli haha.

---

Today’s appreciation post goes to childes-starconch. Fitting that this is a Childe fic but ty for your support^^ I always notice you pop up as soon as I post a fic and I really enjoy seeing you. Hopefully you read this since tumblr won’t let me tag people, for whatever reason I don’t know anymore, but just saying hey, I see you 💕💕

---

I’m just gonna piggy back off my last Childe fic. I’m sorry.

Semi Part 1: Fiance HCs [honestly, one of my favourites haha]

Xiao Ver: First Kiss HCs

Venti & Kaeya: Mistletoe HCs

Venti, Xingqiu, and Razor: Kissing HCs

[Masterlist]

---

[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover@youaskedfurret @snowy224

@youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess

For some reason I can’t @ certain people. I’m talking to tumblr about it.

---

Childe: First Kiss HCs

Childe was never one to shy away from affection, be it holding your hand in his or wrapping an arm around you, he was always happy to be close to you. He was always a bit territorial which lead to some embarrassing situations for you but it was from a good place in his heart. But when it came to public kisses, he preferred to keep it between you two. It felt too private of a moment that he didn’t want to broadcast to the rest of the Fatui, especially to the other Harbingers. That is to say, if he actually kissed you in the first place. For all the two braincells Childe had, one was fighting and the other was protecting his loved ones, just imagining kissing you was too much for him and he needed to go find some poor recruit and beat his inner problems out. The Fatui recruitment process would always dwindled down during his inner turmoil sessions that Scaramouche himself, had to throw his goddamn hat at Tartaglia, and yell at him to hurry up and fix his problem. It was clogging up the air.

When he tried to think about it, it shouldn’t be this hard to simply lean in for a kiss. But it was his first and while Childe might run into whatever danger or prospect of a fight without a second thought, he didn’t want to ruin it. What if he accidently bonked his forehead with yours? He should remove his mask then right? Just in case? He’s only given forehead and cheek kisses to his younger siblings so it should be the same right? Yeah he could do this, this was just another battle for Tartaglia to conquer!

But whenever he would see you or you would both sit and bask in each other’s presences. He couldn’t bring himself to initiate something or heck, even looking at your face made him a bit hot under the collar in sub-zero temperatures. He can almost hear Scaramouche and Signora laughing maniacally at him behind their hands. He’s the youngest of the Harbingers, he should get a “get out of jail for free” card that all youngest children have whenever they get into trouble. But in this case it’s murder. He quickly slaps his cheeks to get his mind off fighting for one second which startles you beside him.

The first time you’ve seen Childe shy was when he first confessed to you, stuttering that he liked you and just really badly wanted to hold your hand without using the frost of Sneznaya as an excuse. You flushed pink but nodded that you returned his feeling and slipped your hand in his. Whatever shyness Childe had was quickly wiped off his face and he cheered and brought you in for an eskimo kiss. Rubbing your nose with his as he laughed in joy, the tips of his ears and cheeks still coloured pink. You always hold that memory dear to your heart because not only was it the start of your relationship, it was the first time you felt you were staring at Ajax. Not Childe. Not Tartaglia. Just Ajax.

But now, you’re not to sure what to call this. Lately he seemed to be out of it, always staring off into space or frowning at some poor poor snowmen that did not deserve that much pressure. Was being a harbinger starting to take it’s toll on him? Did something terrible happen to his family or was the Tsaritsa being too hard on him? You were beginning to get concerned because you’ve never seen this much mental turmoil in him. This never really happened before and he usually bounced back pretty fast. Would it be better if you left him be and he sorted it out himself? Would it be better if you asked?

Childe is startled out of his thoughts of possible committed murder because he’s too scared to ask his own partner if kissing was something they could do, when he felt your hand slowly nudge his. No matter how many times he holds your hand, you’re always warm. It could be snow storming outside and the only heater he would need would be you. He offers a small but warm smile as he laces his fingers with yours. He remembers when you first started going out he was so scared about boundaries and what was okay. Brushing your fingers together and overall, not doing a good job at saying he wanted to hold hands that even he cringes slightly at his younger self - even though it wasn’t that long ago and he’s doing it again just with kisses - but now he borderline clings to you like some overgrown animal. Scaramouche’s words, not his.

It’s still evening in Snezhnaya and the Tsaritsa herself seems to be taking a vacation because there’s only a light snow falling down between the two of you. You’re both sitting outside his house while his family is inside, warm and having fun playing games. He breathes in, closes his eyes, and let’s the world fade away just a second. He slowly brings his other hand to cup your cheek, his hands are always numb and the tiny pin pricks are dancing on his fingers again before they fade away too, and guides you towards him so he can place a small kiss on your fore head. Then tilts your face to the side so he can kiss your cheek. Brings his nose near yours to nuzzle against. Then hesitates when his lips hover above yours.

“Ajax is there something bothering you?” you ask softly, you’re so close to each other that all you can see is him. The small puffs of breathe you both take bounce off each other’s face before evaporating into the air. You never really took the time to appreciate Ajax’s bright blue eyes. His pupil from this distance seems to be slitted too.

“Hm? Ah no, of course not. Where did you get that idea?” he tries to laugh it off and tries to move back before you quickly bring your hand to the back of his head and nudge him forward so he stays in place. It wasn’t like him to run away from something, it was really starting to bother you what could get Ajax of all people to retreat from something.

“You know if there’s anything that’s bothering you, you can talk to me right?” you asked as you brought both your hands to cup his face as you softly rubbed circles just under his ear. He closed his eyes and hmmed happily at your actions and nuzzled further into your hand before turning his head inward to kiss your palm. Before relaxing and parting his eyelids half way as he seemed to be back in concentration mode. Before awkwardly saying what was troubling him these past few days.

“So wait, you mean to tell me that this entire time I was worried about you. How out of it you were and how many fights you’ve been getting into. Was because you wanted a kiss?” you asked dumfounded as he pouted but nodded. You sighed but bonked your foreheads together softly, “You’re such an idiot....C’mere.”

“Wha-”

You grab the scarf on his harbinger uniform and tug him forward as your lips slot over his. You kiss him hard and for a few seconds as Ajax just stares at you as his brain tries to catch up, before his eyes seem to dilate and he kisses you back just as hard. All his past worries are quickly thrown out the window as slowly pushes you on your back, cushioned by the soft snow, as he basks in the feeling. It’s a bit sloppy given this is both your first kisses but that’s what adds to the charm. You both have to separate at some point for oxygen but Childe looks like he’s ready to dive in again.

“One more,” he pants as he goes in for another but you quickly place your hand in the way so he ends up kissing your palm. He whines but you chuckle at him, place a small kiss on the back of your palm of where his lips would be, and push him off you. You’re both still outside his families home and you aren’t in the mood to be caught in this kind of position. Especially not in front of his younger siblings. He rests his cheek on your shoulder and looks at you, trying to make his eyes bigger and look like a kicked puppy. You sigh as you give a small pet on his head, running your fingers through your hair. What a troublesome partner you’ve gotten.

“Alright, one more.”

---

My entire taglist was just made for the “Enemies” to “Lovers” post and I still haven’t started hehe. Trust me, it’s coming. I’ve got requests for it and we’re slowly getting there. The entire time I’m writing this I’m just thinking “honey..no, that’s not how this works.” God you’re so dumb. I hate you. You’re my favourite character. Pour one out for Xiao, I was going to make this a crack fic too but ended up making it somewhat serious.

So yeah, xiao is a cat and childe is a fox. In other news, water is wet. But I did actually google fox behaviors just for this shitpost. ALRIGHT TIME TO SPIN THE WHEEL OF “WILL TUMBLR BE NICE TO ME?” OR DO I NEED TO DOUBLE REPOST AGAIN.

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poisonhemloc · 1 year ago

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Here's this link that's the only proper story i've posted to tumblr (most of the story stuff lives on an unedited and unorganized google doc)

but uh

actually i like the 'finally forcing Porphy and Gossan to start dating' bit so im gonna put that under the cut but don't feel obligated to draw that, draw whatever ...for this aus purposes Granite, Gabbro, Feldspar and Riebeck all generally wear skirts (Gabbro (and Granite who's got their hand me downs) tends to florals) but otherwise its mostly. modern ish clothing? just with pockets for everyone

and the truck itself has a starry sky painted onto it with the 'Outer Wilds Tacos' logo to one side of the order/get your food window

...minor note with this au (and just this au not the main game) Gabbro and Porphy are siblings for plot reasons

Gabbro stretched, finally done inputting grades. Done with that class, the other class would have their final in two days but tomorrow they didn’t have anything til noon, Granite was out tonight cause they went over to Hal’s so Gabbro had a condo to themself-

Oh, they had a text. Who-

Feldspar. Ten minutes ago, oops. ‘Please work tonight pleaaase i need someone whos not gossan’ They looked at it, looked at the ceiling, sighed, and grabbed their hearing aids.

‘On my way’

Feldspar looked ready to hug them when they walked over to the truck. “Thank you, I told Gossan you were after more hours for something-”

“Just need a night not listening to flirting?”

“Yes, Hearth, it’d be fine if they were actually dating but they’ve just been flirting for who knows how long.”

Feldspar took over driving, with the newly returned license, as though Gabbro cared. “I gotta figure out something to get them to move on but Gossan won’t talk about it with me.”

“Porphy won’t talk about it with me, either.”

They parked, Feldspar put the sign out, Gabbro took their spot at the order window-

And there was Porphy, with a huge grin that turned into a scowl when they saw Gabbro. “You’re not on tonight.”

“Since when do you have our schedule?”

“Gossan told me they were here all week.”

“I wanted some extra hours.” Porphy was glaring at them, then turned and vanished back behind the bar.

“Mission accomplished, Feldspar. I’m taking over cooking once the college hatchlings show up.”

“Fine by me.” A Nomai appeared, walking over quickly. This was someone who worked here, right?

“Hello?”

“I am Oeno.”

“Wait, you’re, assistant manager, right?”

“Among other titles, yes. I was going to ask what has caused such a bad mood in my boss but the lack of Gossan is probably the answer.”

“Yep. Feldspar called for help and I’m the employee that answered.” Oeno sidled up to the counter, keeping his third eye fixed on the door behind the bar.

“I was hoping for a way to stop this. Not, cause them to break up, but, stop the flirting four nights a week. I am sure it is slowing down dealing with important matters, especially when it is busy. I am also sure it slows down your truck.”

“Not that much, but it’s awkward having Porphy have to keep moving out of the way when we get busy.” Feldspar was leaning over Gabbro’s shoulder.

“I think, I might have an idea.” Gabbro glanced in the same direction Oeno was looking, and laid out a plan.

There was a moment of silence, as the first family or two wandered in, then Oeno nodded.

“It will either work or fail spectacularly, but both options help us. When?”

“One more day of finals and I gotta grade them, so… friday? What’s the, that movie Porphy was interested in, that’s showing… I’ll figure out the details, don’t worry you two.”

“I leave it in your hands.” And Oeno left to back up the other bartender and Feldspar walked back to start cooking.

Friday afternoon, Gabbro drove into the parking lot, in an easy to see spot. They had the envelope with everything, they’d even bothered to get the car cleaned, and the last finals were done so it was officially break.

And Outer Wilds Tacos was parked around the side already. They walked in, into the bar area.

Gossan was leaning down a little in the truck, talking with Porphy. Oeno saw them, and was hovering in the doorway.

Gabbro walked up, grinning, and clapped Porphy on the shoulder, causing them to jump and then both them and Gossan to scowl at them.

“You’re not working today.”

“If you’re gonna drink here, I’m not giving you special service.”

“I am working today! Gossan get out of the truck.”

“You- hey!” Feldspar grabbed them and dragged their younger sibling out of the truck and around the front.

“What’s this about, Gabbro.” They put a hand on either shoulder, still grinning.

“You two have been flirting for ages and everyone’s sick of it. That last hatchling you hired found someone and started dating them in the time you two have been flirting.”

“You better not-”

“So we made a decision. You two are going on a date tonight. Here is tickets to that movie you wanted to see and money for snacks, here are the keys to my car, don’t crash it.”

“We’re not hatchlings.” Gossan was mad but Gabbro didn’t have to care.

“Then stop acting like it! Go, movie starts in an hour.” Gabbro shoved both of them away from the truck and swung themself inside as Feldspar locked the door behind them.

Oeno had approached. “I can handle everything with Sap, Porphy. Go, enjoy yourselves.”

“Were you in on this?”

“That answer will change depending on my employment status after.” Gossan had given up, and dragged Porphy out before they could answer.

Once Feldspar was driving again Gabbro checked their phone to see a message from Porphy from an hour earlier. ‘We’re dating now thanks a lot tell feldspar theyre sleeping at your place’

‘Wow kicking them out of their own home?’

“No gossan’s just mad still’ “Feldspar sounds like you’re crashing at my place. I’ll get the couch made up.” That got a little groan, but they were grinning as they pulled into the shop.

“What, no spare bed?”

“I’m not putting you in Granite’s room and the alternative is my bed, so.”

“Couch is fine.”

Psst, Poison, could I draw some random stuff from your OuterWilds TacoShop AU?

please

go ahead, have fun, you never need to ask to draw that! Thank you!

#poisonhemloc's rambles #thank you for drawing things but please do whatever you want if you draw something thats not this i. might get my brain in gear to write it

9 notes · View notes

maximumninjavoid · 3 years ago

Text

rewrites for Mining for Unobtanium

@indigosaurus she's AMAZING and really helped me....

so I took another dive at it and fixed some things.

the breaks aren't where they were.....Asterisks indicate emails

if you're under 18 or offended by secks and consensual BDSM, GO AWAY

feedback is always welcome

I'm not even certain how it happened. I was just slogging along like everyone else, checking off plagues on my 2020/ 2021 bingo card, trying not to lose my mind. I couldn't watch the news, THAT was an exercise in insanity: watching allegedly grown-ass humans argue about the benefits of their rights versus the health and wellbeing of thousands of others....fish tank cleaner, for crying out loud.....Horse de-wormer. I had been going to work every day. As an *essential* I quickly figured out THAT meant the same thing as expendable, but I loved my work, and loved my clients even more.

Home, work, home, work, occasional trips to the grocery, mask, gloves, wiping things off before I bring them in the house, and praying that I don't get sick. As an extrovert, all the things I would usually do to replenish are prohibited. So, no gathering with friends, no going out, no dinner parties, no seeing people, no performances, nothing. Sure, zoom. But that's not the same.

And then the phone rang.

And I looked at my cell, and I didn't even recognize the sequence of numbers, and the program I have that blocks Unknown callers kicked in, and that was that, or so I thought. It rang again. And again. Fourteen times from that odd sequence of numbers, no area code I was familiar with. When I'm home, the phone is on its charger. No one calls me. Truly. I'll get messengered. I get IMs through various programs, but almost no one calls. Especially with my work schedule. I honestly didn't know there were that many calls. I'm headed out to work in the morning, it's about four am when I leave, and that when I see how many calls have come from that odd number. " Determined little bugger aren't they? " and I hop in my little black Club Edition Miata MX5 and turn on Pandora to my 80's Euro-pop and start shredding gears.

I'm not going to apologize for my musical taste. Some of it's a function of my age. I happen to like ABC and Scritti Politti. I think "My Aim Is True" was LIGHT YEARS ahead of its time. Besides, it's great to listen to while driving a six-speed manual, and I get to work in a great mood. So far, pretty much like any other pandemic day. Phone appointments with clients, stay on top of my documentation, grab a smoke where I can, and Google that phone number.

Which is where it got weird. Turns out, it's a what do you call it? A Solicitor? Some firm in the UK. Lots of names; their website looks lovely, but that doesn't tell me much. Why in the name of Odin's panties would a solicitor be trying to reach me? I mean, that didn't make any sense. I've never even been to the UK, and the closest I got to Europe was three hours in Orly airport about a hundred years ago when they took all our luggage off the plane, had all of us deplane; in the rain, I might add ..... So we could all identify our bags and get back on the plane. I was eight.

I added the solicitor's number to my contacts, figuring that would stop it from getting blocked by Robokiller, and then perhaps they might leave a message or something. I went on about my day and didn't give it another thought.

Soon, it would consume my every thought. How was I to know....

They left a message. A rather cryptic message. I must have played it six times and when I pulled over I read it an additional four times.

“We are trying to contact you at the behest of our client to set up an initial meeting to ascertain if terms may be agreed upon for a mutually beneficial relationship. The client wishes your knowledge and expertise in certain areas and would insist upon the utmost discretion. ”

Reasonably certain I am nowhere in line for the throne, and even more certain I have not been left a peerage, I’m at a loss as to what this is even about. I mean at one time I had been told that my biological father was English, a subject of the Crown. Having gone looking for medical insight and falling into that rabbit hole known as “every genealogical and DNA site known to humankind” I now know that is a fiction. There goes the last imaginary stab at long lost relations across the pond, right? I put it in the back of my brain and then I got an IM from a dear friend and MC I have had the pleasure of working with, “you’ll never guess who wants to talk to you!!!!’“

I look at the instant message and assume it is a prank. I send him love, inquire after his husband and cats, and then, almost ladylike, I tell him to sod off. “Oh you’ll be eating those words, you will. I swear on her Majesty the Queen’s diamond tiaras". OK. Surely he was serious. Gay men do not swear on crown jewels frivolously. John calls and regales me with the story of his last gig pre pandemic at Fringe Festival in Edinburgh and the massive crowds, and how well it was going...John says “One day this bloke comes backstage with his mates and they were quite taken with the international man of leather bit. It seemed they had a tonne of questions”, and while Jon said they’re good-looking, they…..didn’t play for his team. So we chat a bit about that, and then he says he has to ring off.

I’m still befuddled.

I get home, kick off my shoes, take off my damned bra, and there’s a knock on the door. I look out the little window and it’s a person in a polo, from a courier service. I open the door a crack, they ask my name, I confirm my identity, show proof, and they hand me this envelope. Very mysterious. Ok. This is some next- level weird shit. Is there a cell phone in the package? Will it direct me to take the red pill and meet Morpheus? Become unplugged from the matrix? So, I light a cigarette, grab my reading glasses and see just how far through the looking glass we are about to venture.

It appears to be a non-disclosure agreement. Pretty serious shit, I might add, that will penalize my sole descendant and her descendants, which by the bye do NOT exist as of this date, in many courts, in several languages, in perpetuity. If I agree to the terms, I am to sign it, scan it, email it, and upon receipt, a link will be sent for a secured video call, but not with the principal. Well, it wasn’t worded that succinctly. The language was a bit more flowery. And in Legalese. Oh for crying out loud….. I cannot even imagine for whom THIS level of crazy would be necessary, but now, my curiosity has got the best of me, and I’m in.

Not only do I sign, I add a drop of blood and the retinal image from my last eye exam ( what? You didn’t ask to keep yours?) I figured if we’re going to be extra, well, by all means, let’s be extra as FUCK. No sense in trying to disguise my sense of humor, either.

Off it goes, inconveniencing electrons, and then there’s the email notification. Secure video call. My God. I click the link, seven extra steps and I’m video chatting with a very nice man in a very nice suit who explains that his client would like to engage my services.

"My services? For what, exactly?” I’m running the possibilities through my head. Slapping drinks out of the hand of a Kardashian adjacent ne’er do well? Certainly not as an MC or a joke writer. I don’t know how to write jokes. I can tell stories, but that doesn’t seem likely as an engagement of this magnitude. No one pay that much money for a story teller. By process of elimination it appears safe to assume that this might be connected to …… umm……. My extra curricular activities.

This seems as good a time as any to explain, I suppose. I’ve been a part of the Leather Community for some time now. Kink, sure, but Leather is different. Not just in the material.

If kink encompasses a whole list of things; think you may have seen, things you might even have done, and you may not even identify yourself as kinky. That’s really ok, perfectly fine. At some point you might decide “ hey, I AM kinky” and we’ll be right here waiting for you, eager to show you all our toys and the cool things we learned along the way, various tips and tricks, wardrobe options, all the things we gush over with other like minded folx.

And while I did say Kink, and you’ve probably connected the dots to BDSM being a part of that- I did specifically say Leather. Leather, TO ME, and I really do need to clarify that this definition is situational, contextual and not universal, is about a set of shared values. Honor, service, duty, community, family; it informs the way in which I move in the world as much as the twelve Steps do. It is about how I treat people, how I would like to be treated, it encompasses integrity, honesty and my personal ethical compass as well as my love of mixing sex and power. It’s between consenting adults, there are rules, protocol, a hierarchical structure, AND it makes my heart happy.

Back in the day, all right not THAT long ago, I was a Femme Domme of some renown. I had submissives, slaves, people in service to me. I travelled around this part of the globe teaching classes at conferences about interpersonal dynamics within hierarchical relationships, classes on negotiation, safety, the ins and outs of entry in the Community and I loved giving back that information which was freely given to me at the start of my journey. I played in conference dungeons with all manner of implements of destruction. I had written more than a few published articles and I still MCed and judged contests.

It HAD to be that, right? But why me?

“Well, we would like to retain you, as an advisor. You’ll be compensated, of course. Your travel will be taken care of, as well as the quarantine period and any testing. Should you travel while we are still experiencing restrictions due to the Global Health Crisis, you would fly privately, and expect to spend fourteen days in a superior accommodation until the end of the quarantine. Then, you would travel with our client. Your meals would be provided, you would be paid a generous per diem…”

“ Exactly how long did you imagine you might need my advisory services, do you figure?

"Well…..we were thinking approximately six months with the option to extend.”

And I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t. My brain had vapor locked. SIX MONTHS? I had a job, a life, and a home, and bills and things. Regular people stuff. I couldn’t just chuck it all for half a year, could I?

“I do have a career I’m quite fond of, and I’m not ready to retire…. ”

“Your compensation will be more than worth the inconvenience….” And he threw out an almost incomprehensible number. Six figures. For six months of work. And no expenses. I actually could retire. “Ok. Who is your client, and in what capacity do they want me to advise?”

“ We would have to calculate the time difference, coordinate schedules, and get back with you. You’ll be hearing from us in a few days. Good to have you onboard”. And the phone call ended.

Right as that happened my phone notification went off. My bank showed a wire deposit of eight thousand dollars.

Indecorously, I’m certain my mouth was agape. Eight thousand dollars, for a phone call? Surely they were barking mad. Criminals, perhaps. Something. This was just so…..weird. I took the documents to bed, picked out my clothes for the next day, then re-read them as I wound down for bed.

Thankfully there was the usual amount of sheer chaos at work to occupy my thoughts and I got through my sympathy unscathed.

The drive home was fun. I can always fix anything with six gears, loud music, and ignoring the posted speed limit. I had a few hours, so I did dishes, tossed in a load of washing, and was about to get a few more chapters done in my edX Harvard class when the phone rang.

An odd set of numbers? Check. Similar to the Solicitors office? Check.

“ Hello? Yes, this is. How can I help? Secure call? Yes, I’ll hold… ” and I’m sure that my heart could be heard pounding through my chest…. “Hello.” This lush beautiful full-bodied husky voice on the other end…. “ do I have the pleasure of speaking with miss Y/L/N? ” “ yes, this is. You appear to have me at a disadvantage, I don’t believe I got your name? ”

“You didn’t.”

“ Are you shy, cautious, or just a bit of a rake, kind sir? ” He laughed, and it was an infectious sound. Women wanted to be with him, men wanted to be him, charming. Very charming. “Then how do you prefer I address you? Sire? My Lord? Sultan? Or perhaps Daddy is more to your liking.” That got me a sharp intake of breath…..I smile, make note of that.

“Was there some purpose for this call, or do you usually make secure phone calls for no apparent reason?” Silence. I could hear background noise, but he didn’t speak. “ You’ve paid for my time, if you would prefer we spend it silently, so be it. I will put you on speaker, so I can at least continue with my classwork. ”

“Classwork? In what subject? ” That voice. Twenty years in radio and I process everything through my ears; his voice was dynamic, rich tones, well-modulated. “It’s a class on the Opioid Epidemic. When I finish, I’ll have a certificate from Harvard to add to my collection.”

“ Collection? ”

“Yes, I collect alphabets.”

“ You what? ”

I laughed. “It’s a bit of a euphemism: for letters, after my name. Professional certifications. ”

“I hope you don’t think THAT’S why I’m contacting you…”

“ Truthfully? It crossed my mind. There’s no shame in getting help if you need it, and I can see where having a personal sober coach would be a benefit. That would explain the drop everything and travel. ”

More silence. Not awkward, but not at the companionable stage, either.

“Well, I’m not planning on calling you by some honorific, and you still haven’t provided your name, so I shall give you a name. Yes. From two of my favorite book titles. Hero Solo. All right, Mister Solo… What is it you need from little old me?”

And then he laughed again, a deep belly laugh, like there was a great joke, but, clearly, I wasn’t in on it. When he stopped laughing he said “ I ran into a friend of yours. I was with friends and he was doing stand-up comedy, and some of the things he talked about were…… Intriguing, shall we say? So I went round after and one thing led to another and he said you were the woman I needed to find. ”

Now the gears are spinning, processor speed doubling every few seconds, a United Kingdom stand-up act…. and it clicks into place. "I can teach you what I know, and what I like. But there are still issues that may prove insurmountable.

For you see, Mister Solo, I know who you are, and why you came to me. “

Having finally figured it out, who the caller was, I was amazed I hadn’t freaked out and hung up. Internally I was fangirling my ass off, OMG I am on the phone with HENRY CAVILL.

And I can’t tell anyone. Damn my ethical standards to seven hells, and that Non-Disclosure Agreement didn’t help, either. But, it made sense. I had gotten some scene vibes from watching him. From some of his roles, August Walker, if I have to tell you, but also in interviews, and thought there might have been something else besides Big Dick Energy there.

Thankfully, he spoke. “ Issues? Like why I had to have solicitors involved? ”

“Well, that, of course. But there are other considerations. While what it is we do has become more mainstream, it is still taboo, and playing with sex and power can have consequences. Especially for dominant men. Too easily twisted, and too easily misconstrued. And, you have a bright future to consider. Fifty shades of crap did a great deal more PR harm. I mean, if Christian Grey hadn’t been wealthy, it would have been an episode of Criminal Minds.”

He laughed again “ John said you were funny.

“Oh I’ll have you holding your sides, but I’m not professionally funny. I do like your laugh, so that’s an incentive. But, here’s something you may not have considered. How do you explain me? I cannot just pop into your universe, and become some orbiting satellite. I mean, look at you for fucks sake.” I knew I was starting to sound a bit exasperated, but it couldn’t be helped. “I’m ….. Well…..I’m …. Well shit. I’m at least twenty years older than you are.You can’t be seen with me. You’re not Keanu Reeves, and even Keanu Reeves took a ration of flack for dating a woman his age. And, besides, I look like, well…. Me. ”

“I wish you wouldn’t talk like that. You do realize I have seen photos of you. I don’t believe they do you justice.” That voice. Those words. And I wanted to let it pour all over me like a balm for my bruised soul. I could feel it oozing into the dented places, soothing the hurts. “ So you admit to being a stalker too, Hero? I hope you got great shots of me on my way to work. Or did you pay someone to hack my social media? That’s rich! ” Now I was laughing.

I could genuinely like this man, and that was a great place to start. But, I still had a mirror, and he still had paparazzi. We’d been on the phone for three hours, and it felt like minutes, but, I had to go.

“ This has been delightful. I’ll send your money back. I feel terrible for taking it. The NDA will remain in effect until the stars fall from the sky, or the end of the world. You’re safe. Thank you for a lovely conversation. Goodbye. ”

And I hung up.

I only wished I could stop thinking about it. And him.

As though the Gods themselves had conspired to create a perfect man.

Tall, broad shoulders, thick dark hair, blue eyes that I swear could see through me, with that brown part in one eye, so he’s still mortal. Strong chest, covered with the perfect amount of hair….. Which I was willing to bet was the right combination of crisp and soft. So you’d want to play with it, bury your face in it but just rough enough to harden your nipples.

Well as it turns out the solicitor was having none of that. They sent a rather tersely worded email reminding me I was under contract and that the funds would not be able to be returned and that I may wish to rethink the terms I had agreed to and they expected me to fulfill my obligation. Damn my sense of leather sensibilities and that ethical compass. Now I had to figure out how to make this work in some way shape or form.

Days pass. I go to work, do my thing, help a friend through a rough spot, and find myself reading entertainment industry sites. Can you roll your eyes at yourself? Is that internal, or is there a facial expression that accompanies that action?

I deduce he’s in Hungary, try and fail to calculate the difference in time ( I have always sucked at time mathematics) and while I know there’s an app for that, I have no idea what a production schedule looks like. I also have no comprehension of what a typical day might be, or if there even is such a thing. I send an email to the Solicitors General and suggest that email may be a temporary solution, given scheduling constraints, and make a call.

“Benji! I am so glad I caught you! You aren’t currently dressing anyone fun? …Not that you can tell me at the moment…..did you ever get contact information for whoever did those designs for Patti Lupone in Ryan Murphy’s Hollywood? I know!!!! "We both squealed. "She looked AMAZING! " we said practically in unison. "So do you have a few minutes? Can I pick your brain? What does a typical day look like for a principal, on location?”

I took notes. Good intelligence and reconnaissance are always important. Turns out there isn’t any typical. It'sseldom what they need to shoot, but rather what got screwed up, what requires different angles, or lighting, or even who needs to be worked around. Maybe the horse is having a bad day.

Maybe I could find out what his interests were, what he’d done, what worked, what didn’t, what he wanted. See if he’d read anything or if he needed to unlearn any foolishness, and in the meantime, I’d do my best to keep my mind from wandering off on tangents about hoping he was switchy. That maybe he wanted to feel what it was like to not be in control, or there were sensations he was very interested in exploring.

Oh, I’d very much like to restrain him and tease him. I would love to see what sorts of noises he might make…. Moans? Growls? Threats? Promises of retaliation? Sharp intakes of breath? I wondered how fun it might be to edge….see how close I could get him to cumming, and then stop. With my hands or my mouth, show him what a woman with very little gag reflex is capable of. Or slow down, or change gears. How many times could I do that, I mean before he exploded?

Part of me KNOWS that he is busy, working. But the asshole who lives in my head cannot resist the opportunity for a stroll around my neuroses. He’s not going to contact you….. Because LOOK AT YOU. It’s good that you’re funny. At least you have that. You had your few minutes. Be grateful for the call and the laughs that you got. It’ll never be anything more. Don’t kid yourself loser.

And can we just talk about THAT for a minute? As someone who spends a bit of time in the public eye, granted a different public, but still.. and who had gotten misquoted and had it taken out of context and then there was a shit storm, you completely understood where that whole debacle had come from. His parents raised him and his brothers to be gentlemen. If he ever even did anything that would make his mother wince, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

And we’re not talking about “ alternative” sexual activities between consenting adults, right? We’re talking about actual consent violations, Harvey Weinstein stuff, the things that make you need a Silkwood shower. He likes wooing women, loves flirting, enjoys that whole interplay, but in the current climate, he could see where there might be a potential minefield.

He’s famous. Why do you think he had to have you sign a non-disclosure that was binding three generations forward? As in your great-grandchildren, yet unborn, couldn’t talk about this? Some people look for an easy out, sell their stories to tabloids. I mean that triad, where one of them was a fucking sex doll? And they ( the other two ) talked about her ( I am assuming her gender pronouns based upon her looks and I shouldn’t, but as the doll is mute it cannot verbalize any other preference) as though the doll were an actual third party in the relationship WHO WAS AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT.

And when people started talking about it on social media, had all the nerve to be offended that misconceptions were being fostered. Darlings, YOU gave the interview to the tabloid.

So in interview he said ““There’s something wonderful about a man chasing a woman,” he said. “There’s a traditional approach to that, which is nice. I think a woman should be wooed and chased, but maybe I’m old-fashioned for thinking that.” Cavill went on, saying, “It’s very difficult to do that if there are certain rules in place. Because then it’s like: ‘Well, I don’t want to go up and talk to her, because I’m going to be called a rapist or something.’ So you’re like, ‘Forget it, I’m going to call an ex-girlfriend instead, and then just go back to a relationship, which never really worked,’” he said. “But it’s way safer than casting myself into the fires of hell, because I’m someone in the public eye, and if I go and flirt with someone, then who knows what’s going to happen? Now? Now you really can’t pursue someone further than, ‘No.’ It’s like, ‘O.K., cool.’ But then there’s the, ‘Oh why’d you give up?’ And it’s like, ‘Well because I didn’t want to go to jail?’”

And I can see that he’s a) old school and b) loves women.

To silence the asshole that lives in my head, I researched. There’s not a lot of anything about this man to be found on the interwebs. Pictures, Photoshoots, Ad campaigns, that horrid GQ Australia interview.

I can also see that he has no idea what the “new rules are” if one could put words in his mouth.

And he thinks that it would be easier to go back to someone he already had a ‘ relationship ‘ with because it’s a known commodity, even if it didn’t work.

And you can’t fault him for THAT, we’ve all done it.

Oh come on, a show of hands, everyone that had sex with an ex because you really needed sex and the battery-operated boyfriend was not cutting it.

I keep trying to do research, see who and what I’m dealing with. I mean between living my ordinary mortal life, paying bills, fretting about clients, making my productivity numbers. What surprises me is the utter lack of anything even remotely negative about this guy. No one has anything bad to say about him. His third-grade teacher, the kid down the street who used to play toy soldiers with him, heck, even the women he’s no longer dating have NOTHING bad to say about this man.

That tells me one of two things. Either a ) he really is some kind of a pod person and he’s an artificial construct; or b ) he really actually is that nice.

I’m cynical. I have a hard time believing B. But, all the data tells me otherwise. I watch hours of video, read all manner of articles, talk to people that work in the industry. Everyone says the same thing. “ What a great guy, Lovely, really. Nicest man, So kind. Someone you could really just talk to , I mean if he weren’t a world famous superstar. Not at all stuck up”

But, there are some interesting tidbits. Like that whatever that was with that actress from Big Bang Theory. That was a PR stunt. I think they were together for a coffee. He was with Marisa Gonzalo, who is a game hunter……. Odd choice considering his causes, and well she went and posted pictures of their vacation to social media, and whoops, trap door opened and she fell through. I think she engineered that whole thing, finding out the gym where he worked out and putting herself right in his path.

The women he seems to have stayed with the longest are Gina Carano ( The Mandalorian) and The professional show jumper…. what was her name….. they were ENGAGED for crying out loud….. but, the common thread is, I think with those women he didn’t have to hold back. I mean, he could. That’s always an option, to be gentle, soft, tender. But at over six feet, all that training, all that muscle, all…. that….. thrusting power……to HAVE to hold back, because you’re afraid you’ll damage your partner? Actually hurt them? and , you know not in a nice way? Like not in that “ oooh every time I sit down, I get that twinge in my nether regions and then I recall how I got that_ particular_ soreness and it makes me blush, and my undergarments get dampened” that sort of thing? More like “ I think I may have torn something and they might have to put an episiotomy stitch or two in that” sort of thing.”

Come on. We’ve all seen the pictures.

Blue sweat pants. You know EXACTLY the pictures I’m talking about. That is NOT the introductory class. Not by any ( pardon the pun ) stretch of the imagination. { I know, I’ll see myself out }

So I think that is part of why he is looking for additional dimensions to his extra curriculars, as maybe that might be a key. And I can see it. A submissive or a slave would inherently be more willing, more geared to his wants and desires, and if he were the proper sort of ethical owner operator, then he would be more geared to hers. It is after all power exchange, not power theft. If you’re going to surrender your will to another individual it’s based upon a deep level of trust and love that they’re going to cherish you and care for you and not do anything to damage you. That everything is consensual, negotiated and communicated.

It’s like a very complicated but elegant tango, really. So stunning to watch. Mesmerizing, looks effortless, but so much goes into it, years of work and practice, to make it look that seamless and easy. But that’s how he approaches things. This is the person who thought that the leather jerkin for The Witcher needed to look ‘ lived in’ so he lived in it. Slept in it, wore it constantly. Didn’t have some production person do it, HE did it. Does his own stunts. He doesn’t have to, he’s just that invested, and just that authentic. So , if this speaks to him, this power exchange, this Dominance and submission, then he’s going to approach it the same way, I would imagine.

Makes me wonder what he’s up to, wherever he is……

The phone rings.

It’s that odd series of numbers again, and it’s been a while but, I know, he’s busy. International superstar and all that. Filming, training, playing with his Bear Dog Kal. Yes, I know, not actually a bear, but a pretty good impersonation, really.

“ Yes? “

“ Is that how you answer a telephone?”

“Only when I know it’s you, Hero.” Trying to calculate the time difference is making my brain hurt. I light a cigarette and wait.

There’s a few moments of static and silence and then he speaks. Gotcha.

“ I read some of your writing. It’s …… not traditional. I rather like your perspective.”

“Thank you. Was it difficult to locate?”

“ No, not once I had the right parameters.”

“ Well, I do apologize for some of the drivel that surrounded it”.

Again, that laugh. “ That was more what I had come to expect, and not at all what I was looking for, really. “

“ Where do you find the time? “

“ Well, my schedule is a bit unusual, so I have time, it’s just not when one would expect. And I also found those two books. The Third Piano Concerto? Rachmaninoff? That was really quite a tale.”

“It’s one of my favorites. I read it at least once a year, despite the fact I can probably recite it from memory. I’m surprised no one’s made it into a film.”

“ Was that a..?”

“No, no not at all”, and I laughed.

He had some questions about my take on D/s dynamics and how I saw it a bit differently, that I didn’t think it possible that oneperson’s needs could be met simply by meeting the needs of another person. And that it wasn’t possible for it to be elegant gold chains and constant cocksucking, with a platinum butt plug in twenty two hours a day. Real life, you know? We have jobs and families and parents and responsibilities and interests, and fiction isin fact fiction, for a reason.

He talked about how it intrigued him, and I asked him which side of the dynamic. There was a long silence. In fact I wasn’t certain if the connection had been lost, but I waited. He said he wasn’t sure. I said that there was no shame in not deciding, and that it was perfectly reasonable to want to explore prior to making any determination.

“ Did you buy the first Bentley you saw, or did you drive one or two? Maybe take an Aston Martin for a spin? Pretend you were a Bad Guy in a Bond movie and get behind the wheel of a Jaguar? Drive a high end pasta rocket until you realized there is no place to put take away? “

“ Yes, exactly” .

“ What you need is a test drive. You have no idea what you like, but you probably have a better idea of what you don’t, perhaps.”

He paused again. “ Late at night, when I’m by myself, I know what excites me. I know what gets me hard. And it isn’t always the same things. And I’m not certain what to do about that.”

“ They’re fantasies. And they’re yours. You do whatever you like with them. If you want to try them out, great. If you want to keep them to yourself, that’s great too. Some of them are meant to stay in our heads. There’s no judgement. But, you won’t know unless you try. And I’m the safest person to try.”

“ I had hoped you would say that. I really had hoped you would say that “

“ I know. My role is to figure out what it is you want, even if you can’t tell me , or don’t quite know, and then serve it to you, on a silver platter. The term you’re looking for is Service Top.”

The phone calls continued, at odd hours. He would occasionally leave voicemails, saying things like “ I know you’re at work, but I wanted to pick your brain about….. ” or “you’re probably asleep, I don’t know what time it is there…” At one point I suggested emails, so if he wanted to discuss something then he could just send it, and not have to concern himself with time constraints .

I almost wish I hadn’t. I found myself checking my email more often, and my pulse racing when I saw one from him. He was sharp, inquisitive. Had stellar questions and a brilliant mind. Rather unfair, really, to be that good looking, nice AND smart. At this point now I’m starting to look for his Shakespearean tragic flaw. Like, there has to be SOMETHING wrong with him, doesn’t there?

He tells me how production is going, the training and the fight scenes. I give him shit about the comment he made in an interview about Geralt’s leather pants and how they had to change that because the leather would stretch out and then look….. Baggy. “ You ride a Ducati, don’t you? ” “You know that I do.”

“And do you ride in khakis? ”

“No, that would be excessively foolish. One dresses for the fall.”

“ And your riding gear is leather, yes? Does it get…. What was the word you used in the interview? Baggy? ” I was thankful in that moment we weren’t doing video calls. I don’t think I could keep a coherent thought in my head with that face looking right at me, while that voice was speaking to me at the same time. That’s enough to fry a woman’s circuits. Well, mine, anyway. And there was that damned laugh again. It turned my insides to goo. If the heat in my face was any indication, I was probably blushing. And I’m reasonably certain I do not blush.

“So you’re saying if they were made out of the right leather…..?”

“ Exactly. Leather pants should fit like you were dipped in leather, and left to dry. That spectacular ass you work so hard on should be framed like the work of art that it is, and if I’m to be completely candid… ”

“As if I could stop you…”

“ You did contract for my opinion …. You’d be sin personified in the right pair of leather pants. And the right cock ring. But I’m not certain I’d share that vision with anyone. Certainly not the media. There’s quite enough speculation about your endowments, and if we gathered all that up and prominently displayed it, well, I daresay I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the cardiac incidents. ”

I ask him to have his costuming measurements sent. I may have a trick or two up my sleeve. I know someone who does couture leather. Works with theaters and television. He tells me they will be wrapping up soon, and hopefully won’t need reshoots. I ask how much time before the press tour and he says he has maybe a month after they finish shooting, maybe more. “ Hmmmm. A month. That would be a start. Are you ready? ”

There’s a pause. I hear him breathing. I hear ice cubes in a glass. I wait.

“Yes. I mean, I think so. Or, I will be. That didn’t come out right. I sound like an idiot.”

“ You sound honest. Which is the perfect starting point. ”

“ So, what now? ”

“All sorts of things. Fun things, boring things, logistics, because you’re a royal pain in the ass, do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to locate an evil overlord impenetrable lair on short notice? Much less to MY exacting standards? And some basics. Ground rules. Limits. Interests. …I have assignments for you.”

“ Ok. ……Ma'am ”

“Oh, you’re going to be delightful, and probably evil on the other side of the switch. That’s why we need ground rules. And safe words. Ma'am….. Oh you make my cold black heart go pitter patter, Hero. Anticipatory behavior gets rewarded. I’ll mark that in your book. ”

I told him to find an exhaustive list of activities, fetishes and kinks and mark all that he had done, and loved, done and liked, done and didn’t care one way or the other about, done and never wanted to try again, NEVER EVER wanted to try, was interested in but hadn’t done, thought about, and which ones got him harder than Graduate Calculus. He said he would and rang off.

After that phone call I laid there, covered in a light sheen of sweat, panting, cunt throbbing, aching to be completely full of cock, and having to be content with the orgasms I had. I rolled over, lit a cigarette and contemplated the twists my life had taken of late. It was almost incomprehensible. And it occurred to me I hadn’t been paid lately, and I wasn’t entirely certain that I minded. But apparently thinking about it triggered something at the solicitor, and sure enough, another balance notification. I called my friend that did couture leather and asked if they had time to construct a few things. Measurements sent and funds transferred, I felt rather pleased with myself. Very cat with a saucer of cream, you know?

I had gotten the list back of the kinks and fetishes, and, as I expected, he was thorough, and precise. There were things he was interested in exploring, and things he wanted to experience, and he specified which he had done, and which he wanted to do, and from which side of the equation. I smiled. I KNEW he was switchy.

It didn’t change the fact that he had yet to lay eyes on me. That he hadn’t come face to face with the age difference, my additional pounds, and all of that could still be a deal breaker. Oh. Great. Hello, asshole that lives in my head. I figured you would show up about now. I was having too good of a time for you not to destroy it. So, sure, hit the highlight feel and let’s revisit EVERY bad decision I’ve made since third grade. I lit another cigarette. This was going to be a long night.

Now, in the right frame of mind, for the right individual, I can be very submissive. But I’m much more of a bottom. I’d prefer to still be in control….. Ok, we’ll do this ,this, this, you’ll do this to me, this to me, and, then, we will fuck like wild animals…..ready? Go!

Nothing jumped out at me as I went down the list, face fucking, choking, some August Walker shit…. Not surprised…bondage, edging, orgasm control, restraint, ice, wax, knives…..ooooh… I LOVE knives….hair brush spankings, I’ll bet that goes with the Daddy thing…teasing, spanking, hair pulling, oh, yes…..this was going to be fun!

If this was actually going to happen, then I needed to start putting things into motion. I called a friend at Mr. S in San Francisco, and gave them my shopping list. Butter soft leather, custom construction, suspension cuffs, wrist and ankle restraints, a few brand new floggers, one in certain for warm ups, one in buffalo that’s thuddy, almost like a massage, and then I started searching my stored toys.

Paddles, canes, needles, first aid kits, my singletails, harness, dicks, it had been a while since I had a submissive of my own, but, some things a Domme can never part with. It gave me something else to focus on rather than my rising panic. Even if I strapped myself to a treadmill and ate a rice cake a day…..just stop. We are not even going there.

Having extra money means things get done faster, shipped faster and in a matter of days I had the leather pants and all the custom work from Mr S. Yes, I wickedly overpaid. I even bought new leather suitcases. Well, toy bags. Suitcases. Whatever.

The next time the phone rang, it caught me off guard. I had been daydreaming, I suppose. Thinking about actually meeting him. Seeing that face, those eyes, and looking at me, and smiling. I don’t even think I registered the ring tone. “ Hello? ”

"Oh, it’s hello now, is it?“

” Yes, well, one must try to keep some air of mystery…. You must be completely done in. Any new injuries? “

” So far I have been fortunate, the training has really paid off. I am looking forward to not wearing contact lenses for a while. “

We talked about Kal, the press schedule, what was next, the new Netflix movie and I said I really like the longer curls. "Just enough to grab a hold of” and he got quiet.

“ And where do you think we’ll be going? Know of an island, do you? Where they won’t impound Kal? Someplace you don’t get mobbed? Wait, I know… Another planet? You haven’t even told me your name.

"Did I cross a line?”

“ No. … I …. Just….. ”

“You think you might enjoy that. You’re surprised I mentioned it. I think there’s a great deal you may enjoy. And I’ll have you know I’m working very hard to not sing ’ A Whole New World’ from Aladdin very off key. I’m a terrible singer but enthusiastic. But that’s….”

“ not the point” he interrupted. “These phone calls and emails are great. But I�� We…. Can’t make any inroads this far apart. I know you’ll need a two week head start, for quarantine, even if you have a negative Covid test. ”

“And you haven’t even asked my name. “

And I hung up the phone and I had a good cry.

I did a few laps in my pity pool, a bit of water ballet, since I was already wet, and then I shook it off. You’re too old for that flavor of foolishness, I told myself, and I tried to get on about my business. All right, maybe I did need a bit more concealer than usual, but, that’s not the point.

My work was rewarding. Exhausting but rewarding and I dearly loved my clients. About three hours into my day a delivery man arrived, asking for me. My director pointed my office out and an enormous floral arrangement came around the corner. It looked like it was moving under its own power, since the person carrying it was actually obscured from view. White roses, green roses, hyacinth and Lily of the valley. Fresh start, new beginnings, and deeply traditional apology flowers. They smelled heavenly. I had no idea where I was going to put them. They were bigger than the clear space on my desk. I thanked the delivery person and went to get my work bag to tip them. “Oh, no, ma'am, that’s been taken care of, more than generous, really, thank you.”

I reached for the card.

My darling, can I call you that? Of course I DO know your name, Lord knows I’ve moaned it a time or two in the recent weeks, I’m surprised you didn’t feel me. I feel that connected to you.

I knew right the moment it went pear shaped, and I didn’t mean to come off as such a wanker. I just thought you felt it too. If you don’t forgive me, I shall have no other alternative than to learn the Rach Three, and join the French Foreign Legion.

Yours,

Henry William Dalgliesh Cavill

ps did I mention how absolutely sorry I am? Can I make it up to you over dinner? At four, your time?

What the apricot flavored fuck was he up to?Dinner? At four? Ok, that completely fits with my schedule,but he’s on the other side of the planet, and I’m not sure how this works. Instead, I wafted on the intoxicating fragrance of the flowers, tucked the note VERY close to my heart, and smiled when everyone and their cousin wanted to know why I got flowers.

“Just because I’m amazeballs."

” Damn straight.. That in fact you are! “

“All right I’m handing out homework for group, cause Miss Rona is no fun at all. Get it back to me TOMORROW, or you don’t get credit! “

I wish I had video of me trying to get this arrangement of flowers into my two seater. That was all flavors of funny. There was no way it went in the trunk, it didn’t quite fit on the floorboard, I didn’t want have to put the top down and let the wind at highway speed have at it. But, I prevailed, got it in the house and managed to make a section presentable for a zoom date. I stood in front of my closet for a good 45 minutes, freaking out. What do I wear? All dressed? Casual? Waist up? Alluring? Slutty? Screw that. It’s August. The temperature is best described as Satan’s front porch. Elegant and comfortable. Maybe my stomach will settle and I won’t throw up.

At precisely 3:45 my doorbell rings, and it is delivery people. I open the door and they come in and set up a small table , set it, plate the food, put some things in the kitchen and leave!

Food’s out, my mouth watering, and you have an upcoming video talk with possibly the world’s most good looking man. Nothing to panic about, at all.

I look and find a case of all the different flavors of No 1 water and remind myself to thank him for that as well. Mint. Ok. Let’s give that a try.

And throwing any and all caution ( and self preservation, I suppose) to the wind, I power up the laptop, and click the zoom link in the email.

Yes, by the way, it IS possible to drink a half a bottle of No 1 mint water in one swallow, especially if you’re desert parched and nervous as fuck.

And then my heart stops. And I swear to every God and Goddess I can recall, time stands still, and I’m praying that my mouth is not hanging open, because he is perfection. The angles of his cheekbones. That jaw line. Oh my God those blue eyes. Literally I could just fall into them, and never be heard from again, and I would be ok with that. The slightly messy sable curls, begging to have hands run through it, and all of this is short circuiting my poor overloaded brain in the space of SECONDS.

"Hi”

Seriously? Hi??? Is that the best you can do? You blithering idiot. Just turn off the computer, and find a hole to crawl into.

" Thank you for accepting my apology, and my dinner invitation. I really am sorry that I made such a dog’s dinner of it. I just, well, we were getting on so well, and it was comfortable, and I made a cock up of it. “

I remembered to breathe. In and out. You’ve been doing it for years…

” Well, I suppose I will let it go this once, but I reserve the privilege of punishing you later. “ And I smiled.

He looked down for an instant and then back at me, through his lashes, and there was a wicked twinkle there that wasn’t present before. "Deal.”

Dinner was delicious, and if I told you I recalled what I ate, it would be a bald-faced lie. It was eleven in Hungary, and the end of a long day for him, I’m certain, but the conversation was easy and light and a little flirty. I have no idea when I grew a set of balls that big, but, since no one had come back to tell me that reincarnation was a thing, I might as well swing for the fences. At about the two hour mark, I realized I was probably being very selfish and I should let him get to bed, and said as much.

"That’s the thing that technology lacks…“

” what’s that? “ I asked

"At the end of a marvelous date, I would see you home, and then I would take you in my arms, and I would kiss you. First kisses are important. You can tell a great deal about a person from how they approach a kiss.”

" You mean like long, slow, soft, wet, deep kisses, that last three days? “

"And the small of a woman’s back, and opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve”

"Thank you for a lovely evening, Henry"

"Thank you, y/n"

The next morning there was an email.

***The other thing I rather dislike about current technology is that I would have preferred to write this to you on proper paper. With an actual pen. There is something about the right paper stock, the feel of it, how the ink glides along the page. I do so love handwritten correspondence. Perhaps we can make that part of our dynamic. That is what we are constructing, is it not? I would hate to think we were not, for I feel as though we are, and I find myself floating in it, and at the oddest moments.

I spend, as you might guess, a great deal of time in make up and hair, and I use the time to go over lines and scripts ,changes, fight choreography, and then I see your eyes, laughing, with me, and I feel warm inside, and content. In a way I can’t quite put into words, but I definitely want more of, and soon. I think of things I want to talk to you about, and there is so much that I don’t know. I really should start keeping a list. I think about how your hair fell in front of your face during dinner, and the way that your voice changes in tone and how that does something to me. I want to lose myself in you. Can I do that? Will you allow me that?

The difference in our age doesn’t make a DAMN bit of difference to me. I find you captivating, elegant and so very real. You intrigue me and I need more. I suppose you may already know I had a relationship of some importance with a woman older than I, when I first came to the US. It’s odd, talking about it, now, with you, and when I think back to almost being cast in ‘50 Shades’, well, it’s rather ironic, isn’t it? And, oddly no one batted so much as an eyelash when I was romantically involved with a girl not old enough to drink in a pub.

I would love to be able to run away with you. Please let’s make that a reality. I have about four more weeks here and then I could get away. Anywhere you like. I want to be able to court you properly, hold you, kiss you, feel your hand in mine. If you leave in two weeks, your quarantine will be completed by the time I arrive.

Are you up for an adventure, y/n? Take a chance, on us? On this?***

I’m certain the word I was looking for was gobsmacked.

I had a difficult time staying focused all day and started and rewrote at least seven or eight emails in response. But my mind kept wandering off of its own volition.

He and I laying in the sun, laughing, Kal playing in the shallow end of the pool, secluded enough that I was working on an all over tan, and didn’t feel the need to dress. The kitchen was stocked, so we had no need to go anywhere and were free to enjoy each other’s company.

I got up and walked to the outdoor honeymoon shower to cool off and Henry came over and stepped behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his head on top of mine. He pulled me into his embrace and we were both standing under the fall of water. I turned, and lifted my face to his. He gently brushed his lips with mine and I pressed my lips to his and leaned into the kiss. His tongue darted between my lips and I moaned, my nipples pebbling with desire and the added friction of the hair on that rock solid wall of a chest. My hands slid up his back and I pulled myself closer to him, still kissing, our tongues dueling for dominance and I can feel Henry getting hard.

"You’re incorrigible, like some randy teenager, aren’t you?“

” And maybe I’m just happy to see you"

“Maybe you’re just like Big Dick Richie and you finally found the pussy that fits that monster. How long has it been since you didn’t have to hold back?”

"About an hour or two" and he picked me up and slowly impaled me, inch by delicious inch on that weapon he calls a cock.

In between clients and panty dampening daydreams, I managed to formulate a response.

*****Ok, Hero,

Somehow, I knew you’d be a pen and paper sort of gent. And I would wager you’re particular about your choice of pens. Has to have the right heft, glide just right across the paper. I have specifications about pens myself.

Somewhere secluded. No press. I can go anywhere, and no one will notice me. You, on the other hand will cause a stir anywhere you go. Has to be someplace Kal can go. This isn’t going anywhere if the baby bear decides I’m not ok. I wouldn’t have anything to do with someone my dog didn’t trust.

I’ve probably spent more time than I should have thinking about kissing you, holding your face in my hands, losing myself in those eyes, and building this whatever this is. We will need some ground rules, safe words, and I would imagine your preferences, needs, wants and requirements will come into play. You’ll need to keep up your training, I’ll need to be aware of any dietary issues. There’s probably someone you trust enough for me to coordinate with on this, I would imagine.

I apologize. This is rather choppy, stream of consciousness, isn’t it? Multitasking, let me show you it. Or, maybe you just want to go home? Simple enough to get me into the UK, stick me in a hotel for two weeks and then it’s done and you have all the comforts of home. I can bring what I need and with minimal fuss, we can begin.

Your choice.****

So how IS this going to work? I mean , really? I keep telling myself this is ridiculous. I mean, for all of the reasons that my brain keeps playing on death loop; and then some. Let’s see, I could:

Go do medical tourism, have a frame off restoration, get an entire body lift and then MAYBE feel good enough to perhaps get caught by a photographer within twenty miles of him.

Invent a really good cover story about who I was and why I was anywhere near him.

Become some long misplaced relation who was lost to adoption two generations ago. Some charity case he took pity upon.

Believe me, it just gets worse from there. My brain is a very inhospitable place.

Instead, I forced myself to think a tad more pragmatically.

I looked at the list of things he wanted to do, and thought of the things I was willing to do and decided it was time to begin something that looked like negotiation in the time of the pandemic.

****Hello Handsome:

How are things in Dorking? Which, I have to say is probably the most aptly named place in the hemisphere, since you’re there, you dork. I hope they’re at least being kind to you and not beating you up too badly. With any luck, you’ll save some of that for me.

I’m compiling a list of *activities* and some of them intersect. I can’t say I’m too keen on arm wrestling you to see who gets to top first, so we shall defer to age before beauty. Treachery over youth and skill? There is a skill set that goes with some of these toys, and while it is referred to as play, some of them are considered weapons, and can do damage.

First things first. Safety and trust. If you didn’t trust me, we wouldn’t even be considering this, and at any point you can use a safe word. I won’t assume you know what that is. I will go from the concept that you know nothing and we can adjust from there. it should be a word that doesn’t come up in every day conversation, that’s unique enough that it won’t be misunderstood, but not so complex that you may forget it. For instance, the word I usually use is aardvark. But, in your case, maybe I’ll change that to kryptonite.

I am imagining you laughing. I hope you’re laughing. I’m laughing.

I will never damage you. I will hurt you, and ideally, you’ll like it. I hope to cause you exquisite pain. Erotic anguish. It is what you said you wanted. Been spending any time thinking about it? I have.

Anything that might cause marks will need to be healed back up by the time you have to be on set, or be able to be camouflaged. How do you tend to heal? Do you bruise easily? And never the face. Dear Gods no, not that face. We’ll start slow and go at what ever pace you feel comfortable. I honestly don’t think I can harm you and I’m probably more likely to injure myself on the mountain that is you.

Speaking of injuries, I expect you’ll pay for any damage you do. We may need to find a concierge physician who makes discreet calls. I might have a hard time explaining how I was injured. Should things go really sideways and I perish, I would only ask that you provide for my daughter. Nothing extravagant, just so that she is ok. And she doesn’t need to know where it came from, and it just needs to be enough to keep a roof over her head and gas in her car. Other than that, I don’t really think anyone will make that much of a ruckus. You’ll figure out a way to dispose of my remains. Make me into a diamond, put me in a pinkie ring.

I don’t think I’m destructible. I’m pretty hearty. Now if you want to have a training buddy, I’m down for that too. I could stand to be more fit, and would love a bit more flexibility. I can cook, and will learn what you like. But, there are some ….. concerns. I smoke. You drink.

I know you used to smoke and you’re extraordinarily health conscious, but I don’t have any intentions of quitting. So we will have to figure out some compromise. You drink and I’m twenty seven years clean and sober. I’m not going to tell you not to drink, but I don’t ever want that flavor profile in my mouth, not even in kisses. Something tells me I am going to love kissing you.

We’ll have to figure out a work around for that as well.

However I do think the part you’ll like the best is not having to hold back. Whatever it is, I can take it. And I look forward to you trying to wreck me.

Sweet dreams*****

And then I hit send. And cackled

Instead of an email, I received an attachment.

Not a picture, but a video. I guessed it was a “This is where we are shooting, and here’s my dog, and see how I look before they put this wig on me, or I thought I’d say hello while I was waiting for all the prosthetic scars to dry. “

You know, cell phone video of Dorking, wave hi to my cast mates, here’s where Joey fell into a mud puddle, that sort of thing.

Oh. No. While that may have been what I was expecting, that was not what I got. I clicked the link and damn near died. It was cell phone video, no doubt there, and I knew precisely whom. Panning down that rock solid chest sprinkled with all that chest hair he kept teasing to the women ( And men) of the planet…. and I thought about the nights I dreamt of my face buried in that chest hair, sweaty, satisfied, using him as a human weighted blanket. In my dreams he protested, said he was too heavy, surely I must be crushed by him, and I smiled trying to find the words to tell him how happy it made me, how safe I felt.

My eyes traveled down the eight pack…yes. Holy smokes he has an actual EIGHT pack. Is that even possible? Can humans do that? And I can hear him….

“Do you see what you do to me? One dinner? A few phone calls, some emails and look at this…..”

And God help me, I could not tear my eyes away. His hand, stroking up and down his very erect ,even bigger than I had extrapolated, beautiful thick huge cock. It took my breath away. My heart started to pound. I wished I was closer. I could see the pre cum leaking from the tip and my tongue licked my lips in anticipation. What I wouldn’t give to be able to show him in person what a grown ass woman with no gag reflex can do.

He was purring. That’s what it sounded like, a back of the throat kind of growly thing and his hand was moving faster, and I swear he said “ I’m hard like this almost constantly, dreaming about what will happen when we can actually be together, I want you…..” and he moans, and tightens his grip , and speeds up. His cell must be propped up, because I can see his other hand cupping his balls.

And his abs tightened up and ropes of cum splashed all over his taut stomach, watching some of it slide down those sinful iliac furrows……now I know why gay men call those cum gutters, and I swear I was drooling. I just wanted to lick him clean. My nipples were so hard they hurt and my pussy throbbed with need.

Muttering and cursing under my breath about the time difference I sent back a text message.

* Breakfast looked delicious. Wish I could have helped with that. I’ll see what I can do to make that worse, later. Flights and scheduling are up to you. Good night and sweet dreams, Solo.

You bastard.

Destroyed me, for days you did. Can’t even think properly and all I see when I close my eyes is that…..Dear God above. I’m dripping. Just dripping wet.

W A P indeed. This is ridiculous. My thighs are sticky, my panties are ruined, and I cannot stop thinking about that concealed weapon and how well you wield it.

You owe me a slew of sex toys. So many of those poor defenseless mechanical bastards lost their lives because of you, their numbers decimated, families destroyed….. “ mum, why won’t daddy ever be coming back to the bedside drawer? He’s been gone so long. I’m worried…. ” She doesn’t know how to tell her poor insertable battery operated offspring bout the power surge that cost da his life, and how hurled across the room in frustration, he had shattered on impact, and they couldn’t even have a proper burial…..

Oh I’d get so goddamned close, feel my center coiling up, tighter and tighter, nerve endings on fire…muscles tensing, cunt throbbing

, My toes would curl, and my legs would shake, and I’m making all sorts of noise…….And then…..

Slipped through my grasp, and I’m whimpering in frustration. What’s worse, is I can see you doing that for little lip biting thing that you do, trying to appear sympathetic, whilst at the same time trying not to laugh, and failing that, you actually laugh out loud. A deep resounding belly laugh. The infectious kind that has everyone else laughing. Mocking me.

So I don’t dare mention it.****

And the tension builds. I become testy. I descend into irritated. I have genuine concerns that I will make the complete transition to bitey angry velociraptor and lose the ability to morph back, or occasionally pass for humanoid. A best friend took pity on me and sent me this fantastic toy her girlfriend swears by. One end is insertable, it’s rechargable, has a billion different intensities, and then the other part is , how do I describe it? Well, there’s an indentation. More like a hole, really. And that’s where your clit goes.

It isn’t like it actually comes with instructions. That’s fair. Neither do we.

So, I messed with it. Some of the intensities were lovely. Some of them were waaay too much. A few of them annoyed me. I’ve never been a fan of the start stop thing. Apparently, there was some sort of harmonic convergence, and everything lined up, nudge nudge wink wink, and between the internal stimulation and the external felt almost like sucking, I swear.

Well, the top of my head came clean off, the skies opened up, the choir of angels sang to me, and you KNOW they all looked EXACTLY like him.

I think I passed out. I’m not certain how long I was blissed out, but I can say it put a smile on my face, and restored my faith in humanity. I was also no longer evil.

Once again fit for human consumption I resume sunshine and rainbow emails. “ Hi! How’s your day been? ” That sort of shit. He’s pretty but he’s not stupid. Video call request. Uh oh.

" Would you like to tell me what is actually going on? “

” Since you were kind enough to give me a choice, no, I would rather not. It’s embarrassing. Would you be satisfied with I have it sorted now? “

” No, I don’t believe I will. And, I love the haircut. Quite fetching"

I blushed, which was even more embarrassing. I don’t blush.

"Thank you. I needed a change. They pushed my start date back on my new job, and I was struggling a bit “

"You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet about that video I sent, and that took a great deal of trust and nerve on my part…”

" oh my stars! I can ONLY imagine and I may never have the words to tell you what sort of an effect that has…. Ummm…. Had….. I really think this is a conversation better had in person…… This is…. gah…..I …. Damn you. I used to be articulate. “

And then he laughed. I slapped the webcam away so it stared at the wall. I was going to need a minute to pull my shit together.

"Y/n? Are you there? Where did you go?”

" Just a second. …. “

I flipped the camera back, features all in place. ” Sorry. I know. I’m hysterical. If I’d had the opportunity to do stand up school you might have seen me rather than Jon at Fringe Festival. “

"But I want to see you. I hate that you have to quarantine.”

"Montenegro and Rwanda have no quarantine requirements. However, I don’t know that either of them are a ) recommended or more importantly, safe for Kal. There’s always Dubai and French Polynesia" I said laughing .

" I’m pretty sure you just want to go home, sleep in your own bed and have your own routine. I get that. There isn’t anywhere you can be invisible. I on the other hand, already am. So, if you want me somewhere, then, you make that happen. My needs are simple. Books, coffee, life water, or maybe you know someone who can actually hook me up with that botanical water I keep hearing about, that I can’t freaking get in the middle of the US? IfI have to stay put in one place for two weeks, ideally I’d love to smoke, I’ll need to eat occasionally, and a treadmill would be the cherry on top. Don’t you have people for things like that, Hero? “

And I smiled at him, with a devilish twinkle in my eye, because, now, it’s ON.

In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned that they pushed back my start date. I mean, I didn’t think anything of it. He was working , for fuck’s sake. Damn Netflix to eight hells for telling me there is a thing that exists called Inside the Episodes, and then when I go to play it? Oh, NO, y/n. You may not have this viewing pleasure. I’m starting to think it’s a conspiracy.

Two days later, there’s a knock at the door. I get my firearm, and I answer. Look, I’m American. I know that the neighborhood I live in can be a bit touch and go and don’t get me started on the “entertainment” that emanates from next door, but I don’t get visitors, and no one just knocks on the door. I look out, and it’s a man in a well tailored black suit, and there’s an SUV in my driveway. What the fuck?

I open the door, Glock at my side, behind the door frame, “Can I help you?”

“ Are you Y/n L/n? ”

“ Yes, but there must be some … ” the man hands me an envelope.

“I’ve been instructed to wait in the car”, and he turns on his heel and walks back to the SUV, gets behind the wheel and states straight ahead. I’m looking for a camera. What kind of stunt is this? I shut the door, put down the gun, light a cigarette and open the envelope.*****I’m tired of waiting. I enjoy the getting to know each other part, but distance is not helping. Throw some things in a bag, and come on. If you forget something, I’m certain it can be duplicated. You had mentioned you may have picked up a few things. I hope you don’t forget those.

And he signs it;

“Tired of being Solo”

Did I mention it was on?

Well I’ve had a bit of experience packing for trips, there was a time in recent memory when I was traveling thirty six weekends out of fifty two. I am quite talented at gathering what I need, making sure it fits in an appropriate case, that I can manage, and have the right things in the requisite number of carry on bags. In precisely thirty seven minutes, I locked the house, engaged the alarm and startled the driver by knocking on his window.

“Did you want to unlock the door so I can put this in the back seat, please? ”

Myself situated, bag on the floorboard opposite side and my purse and carry on next to me, I assumed this would be a very short ride to the airport. I’m literally minutes away. The driver asked me if I wanted to smoke. I laughed and said I did but it wasn’t allowed in hired cars. He told me it was in this one. I said that I didn’t see the point as we be at the airport in minutes. “No, ma'am. Begging your pardon. I’m to take you to ….” and he looks at a screen. …And says “Spirit Airfield”. Ok. NOW, I’m smoking.

#henrycavillsmut #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill + reader

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imthearsonist666 · 4 years ago

Text

a beginner's guide to astrology, from a beginne

in today’s post you will learn about:

- your natal chart

- planets

- the signs archetypes

a natal chart is a screenshot of the sky when you're born. each planet will be in a different position and the combination of each planet and where it is will give off an energy that will be "stamped" to you. so, planets. the planets we use in astrology are all of those in the solar system, including the sun, the moon and pluto. each planet represents something different and have many interpretations but here's a quick summary:

the sun is the center of all. it's your ego and you in your purest self

the moon is your emotions and your heart

mercury: is how you communicate, how you learn, teach, and express yourself

venus is how you love and how you receive love

mars is anger, fury and passion

jupiter is your luck and fortune. it is also heavily associated with growth and expansion

saturn is your limits (think about the rings and how they can symbol a restriction). it's also how you discipline yourself and how you deal with responsibilities

uranus is everything unusual. your uniqueness and rebellion.

naptune is your imagination and dreams

pluto symbolizes rebirth and transformation. spiritually, it is also associated with death and the unknown.

finally, your rising sign is the point exactly above you when you were born. in your chart, it represents your appearance. it's like the mask you put on. when someone first meets you, they might think your sun sign is your rising but as they get to know you they will see your sun sign be more relevant.

there are some other aspects of the chart but i think those are the most important because now that you know what each planet means, you can google the sign that is on each planet and relate the characteristics of each sign to each planet. if you want to, you can send me your chart and i can explain it to you the best i can (to know your chart you'll need to know your exact birth time. this is the website that i use to do them https://www.astro.com/ )

as you might already know, each sign is connected with stereotypes. please please pleaaase ignore them!! they are the stupidest things ever and will only confuse you. one thing you should pay attention to are each signs archetypes. archetypes are neutral characteristics of each sign. they are also ancient and go back to ancient greese. here are each signs archetypes:

aries: they are warriors, knights and leaders. bold, daring, protective, corageous

taurus: they are earth lovers. persistent, determined, strong, comfort oriented, patient

gemini: they are jesters, acrobats. intelligent, funny, communicative, entertaining, poetic, tricky

cancer: they are mothers, guardians, nurturers. protective, supportive, intuitive, sensitive, creative.

leo: they are performers, heroes. radiant, confident, joyful, charismatic, expressive.

virgo: they are mentors, teachers. humble, analytical, intelligent, precise, practical, detail-oriented.

libra: they are diplomats, lawmakers (fun fact aoc is a libra). they are charming, sophisticated, persuasive, just.

scorpio: they are detectives, sorcerers. deep, fierce, magnetic, intelligent

sagittarius: they are explorers, philosophers. optimistic, humorous, blunt, restless, philosophical

capricorn: they are the fathers, rulers and advisors. structured, organized, traditional, sarcastic, efficient

aquarius: they are scientists and creators. unique, intellectual, intuitive, cosmic, rebellious (think galileo!), independent.

pisces: they are mystics and artists. dreamy, sensitive, emotional, poetic, cryptic, oceanic

i'll tell you a bit about my birth chart: i have a scorpio sun. scorpios are water signs and their ruling planets are mars and pluto. scorpios are highly emotional and stereotypically very secretive i have aquarius rising. i usually look like the odd one out. i stand out easily because i have very varied style. one day i look like a punk from the 80s and the next i look like a hippie from the 70s. my moon is in aries and its the thing i like the least from my chart lol. my emotions are always at their peak and im constantly on edge. i have veeery quick mood swings so i love to blame all of that on having a fire sign ruling my emotions.

thank you for reading :) if you have any questions feel free to leave them on my ask box, i’ll respond as soon as i can. if i made any mistakes please let me know so i can fix them. i’d love to hear your opinions on the signs and planets so share them with me if you want to!!

i hope you have a wonderfull day xx

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starglow-xx · 4 years ago

Text

owning a bakery and being discovered by the ada and the port mafia (part 3)

platonic! yosano akiko x f! reader

type of writing: head canons !!

this is part of my head canon series, flour & fluff !!

tag list is open !! go to this google form and fill it out to sign up!

series synopsis: owning a bakery at 20 is tough; even more so when you have to handle members of two opposing organizations! this is your journey to meeting those fools and creating an unlikely bond with each of them. but only at the cost of your peace and sanity.

fandom: bungou stray dogs

content: fluff & platonic stuff but trigger warning!! there may be a sensitive topic for others

*getting grabbed and pulled to an alleyway! alcohol mentioned!*

please remember that yokohama isn’t the friendliest place, especially at night.

previous: part 2 : their beloved president

author’s note: same ages as last time!! (so that means everyone is one year younger than canon; that makes yosano 24)

this one is actually pretty long :0

i got info abt her likes on her wiki page (careful! there’s spoilers!)

and yosano is a queen and no one can tell me otherwise

the doctor is in the house (quite literally)

going grocery shopping was an okay chore in your opinion

it honestly depended on your mood or whatever kind of shit happens when you go shopping

cause like something always, always happens whenever you go do groceries

sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, and sometimes it’s just plain weird

one time some weirdo proposed to you in the middle of the store asking for a double suicide

he was good looking you’d admit but it’s not like you’d ever see him again

or so you thought

a n y w a y s

every so often, you’d run out of real person food in your apartment

you mostly survive off all of the leftover bakery treats and ingredients—which works out pretty well actually—but bakery supplies unfortunately also run out quite often

and also unfortunately, one time when both fukuzawa & ranpo took a visit to Sakura’s, fukuzawa argued that “no you can’t live off sweets for the rest of your life”

ranpo was scandalized and scrambled to cover your ears

you guys were at it for a while

in the end you sided with fukuzawa causing ranpo to go off about “betrayal from the people he cared most abt” or smth like that

you guys were okay again after bribing him with sweets :)

for bakery supplies you usually have them delivered bc you order them in large quantities bc ahaha no way were you gonna carry like 15-20 50 pound bags of flour no way

when days like those happen, you close up the bakery early so you aren’t walking home when it’s too dark

you scheduled it to happen every first saturday of the month

on those saturdays, you close at 5 instead of at 8

currently, you were at the grocery store looking for basic cooking ingredients such as proteins, vegetables, fruits, and most importantly, snacks

ranpo’s been rubbing off on you

the sun was starting to set and you were walking home with your two bags of groceries when shit went down

tbh you were kinda expecting it cause your grocery run was peaceful for once

but what you weren’t expecting was a wack-a-do to appear out of goddamn nowhere right when you were opening the side door to get to the staircase up to your apartment

like honestly

let a woman do her own thing

the man who grabbed you tried to covered your mouth so you couldn’t scream but you didn’t exactly make it easy for him

you kicked and thrashed around even using the grocery bags—that were somehow still in your hand—as a weapon and the man struggled but he was still bigger than you and was able to bring you to a nearby alley

he reeked of alcohol and you spotted a wedding band on his left hand

not that you cared about the detail in the moment

you kicked him in the groin and in response he let you go only to fall on broken glass that was in the alley way

using the wall to help yourself up, you grabbed a nearby wooden stick and struck him right on his back

your attacker fell and you immediately turned on your heels to escape only to fall back down on the hard cold ground once again

you lift your face up and look back to see the man holding onto your ankle

grabbing a shard of glass—cutting yourself in the process— you begin to swing it at him only for him to easily grip your wrist and stop you

you get ready try and kick him in the groin again but you’re interrupted as your attacker gets sucker punched and flies to wall

you look up to see your savior and you’re blessed to see a beautiful woman, probably not that much older than you are—she’s probably around ranpo’s age— donning a white long sleeve button up, a matching black necktie, knee length skirt, and gloves, along with tights, red heels, and a pretty butterfly clip in her short black hair

but what you really notice is her eyes

ranpo’s eyes were pretty but you like hers just a bit more

you’ve always liked the color magenta

the pretty lady holds out her hand and you take it graciously and thank her as she helps you up

as that’s happening, your attacker gets himself onto his feet and his groan catches both of your attention

he struggles to stand and the pretty lady simples saunters over to him and delivers an uppercut knocking him out cold

you’re stunned and you breathe out a “thank you” making her turn towards you

she notices the condition you’re in

bleeding scrapes on your hands, arms and legs, small rips in your clothes like your tights, blouse, and skirt, and the ruffled state of your hair and clothing

she asks if you live nearby and you tell her that you own the bakery that’s one or two buildings away

when you tell her that, it clicks in her mind that you must be the bakery girl ranpo’s been talking about and the friend fukuzawa was cat sitting for

it’s been abt two weeks since ranpo and fukuzawa first met you and since then, they’ve seen lucky in the office plenty and the boxes of your signature sweets even more

if those two trust you, she has no reason not to

she smiles at you, holds out her hand for you to shake, and introduces herself as the doctor of the armed detective agency

your eyes widen and you smile back at her shaking her hand

“ah! you must be yosano-sensei then! ranpo-san and fukuzawa-san have talked about you! it’s so nice to meet you! im (l/n) (y/n)!”

“they’ve talked about you too, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you (y/n)”

after that exchange she insisted on bringing you home to treat you wounds which you told her it wasn’t necessary

she gave you a pointed look and that was when you realized what state you were in

you sighed and weakly gave in to which she only grinned at

before leaving the alley she walks over to the unconscious man and pulls out his wallet for some sort of identification and home address as you try to see if there’s any groceries still salvageable

after texting the details to kunikida, yosano turns to you poking around the now ruined grocery bags

she simply rubs your back and tells you that the both of you could go buy more groceries together as she was meaning to get some anyways; she even said she’ll pay for you

you refused obviously but she, unknowingly, used the same tactic fukuzawa used with you

“so you’re saying you don’t need groceries?”

“...”

*cue an eyebrow raise from our resident queen*

“...you agency members don’t like making things easy for me huh.”

you gave in reluctantly and at this point you don’t even know why you try negotiating with them

and that’s only three of them

apparently, she was on the other side of the street on the way to buy groceries for the agency when she noticed different produce items on the other sidewalk leading to the alley and she went to check out what happened

ironically, the way to the grocery store from the agency makes you go past Sakura’s but she didn’t realize it until after the two of you had met

before you know it, the two of you are in your apartment kitchen as she cleans and patches up all of your wounds

as she does so the two of you have a little girl talk

you find it quite comforting bc since you opened up Sakura’s you haven’t really had the chance to connect to many people much less other women

you definitely see yosano as your cool, loving, badass older sister

she thinks you’re adorable and agrees with ranpo’s opinion

yup

that’s right

the opinion that you’re like a little kid </3

you called it a betrayal and all she did was laugh at you <//3

“awhh that’s really cool yosano-sensei!—MFPH?!?”

*squishing your cheeks the same way ranpo did* “ranpo-san was right (n/n)-chan, your cheeks are squishy!”

“?!”

after that small fiasco, the two of you talked some more and bonded over your love for flowers, japanese sweets, and much more!!

you even made a date to have a girls day to go shopping and eat out!

you’re internally squealing a bit bc it’s been a while since you’ve gone shopping

yosano notices and she giggles behind her hand not saying anything bc she knows you’ll only throw a fit

the two of you came around the topic of ranpo when lucky passed by

lucky quickly warmed up to the doctor and cozied up in her lap

“i wish ranpo-san was able to meet lucky when he came by the first time, but then again, he’d probably throw a tantrum if i don’t pay attention to him for 5 seconds”

she snorted at that and like fukuzawa, she shared stories abt the slightly older male

“ranpo-san doesn’t know how to ride a train?”

“unbelievable right?”

“for someone so intelligent i expected more from him”

“i’ll be telling that to ranpo-san, (n/n)-chan”

“wha—?! yosano-sensei please don’t!”

like ranpo, she’s also a tease </3

but you love her anyway <3

eventually, she finished patching you up and promised to treat you to a new set of clothes when the two of you go out

“you don’t need to lose a good set of clothes just because of a sleazy man (n/n)-chan! you deserve better!”

you were going to argue that the rips in your clothes were fairly small and could easily be fixed—except the tights—but you stopped in your tracks when you remembered that it was practically useless to argue against an ada member

the two of you walked to the grocery store and bought both of your needed supplies—along with some extra goodies—and then she walked you back to your place bc it was already a bit dark out

but even if it wasn’t, she would walk you anyways

besides, if anything happened to you, she’s 1000% positive that ranpo and fukuzawa are gonna flip the fuck out not that she wont cause she most definitely will

speaking of which

you were drinking a bottle of water as the two of made your way back to Sakura’s when all of a sudden

“(y/n) you do realize that i have to tell shachou and ranpo-san about what happened today right?”

you choked on your water

“yosano-sensei you can’t! if you do they’ll freak! they won’t leave me alone for at least two weeks! one if im lucky!”

“exactly the point”

you just accepted your defeat already knowing that you’d lose

but maybe you can simmer down their anger towards the bastard with sweets and lucky

you arrived at Sakura’s shortly after and after bringing groceries in, you packaged a bunch of pastries leftover from today—bc you closed early—and bc you’re well aware that ranpo doesn’t share any of the sweets you send him with

you even gave yosano her own special box filled with goodies she loves, and a thermos of fukuzawa’s favorite, your special hot honey lemon tea

other than the sweets, you prepared lucky to spend the night at fukuzawa’s

you really really hoped that doing these things would make them calm down

you shivered at the thought of what their responses would be

you felt really bad for giving yosano all these things to carry and that you were keeping her very late

she assured you that she was fine and that if someone tried to mess with her she’d kick their ass

and after exchanging numbers, the magenta eyed queen bid you a good night and walked back to the agency with lucky walking by her heels

arriving back at the agency, yosano was greeted with some concerns asking if she was alright bc she came back from her grocery run pretty late

(she usually goes in the mornings but today was pretty busy so she left in the late afternoon but now it was already dark)

she waved off the concerns and plopped a couple boxes of your signature bakery boxes at ranpo’s desk, the one for her at her own, the last few boxes in the kitchen for any other agent or clerk to grab, placed the thermos on the desk fukuzawa was by, and picked up lucky and handed him to the president

the two males were pleased with what yosano had brought them, and pleased that another agency member had the chance to meet you

fukuzawa was rubbing lucky and ranpo already snacking on treats as yosano expected

but here comes the hard part

or maybe it’s gonna amusing who knows

“i met (y/n) today.”

“we could tell.”

in goes another treat in the green eyed man’s mouth

“would you like to know how?”

“you bumped into each other, had girl talk, made plans to go out, went grocery shopping, and you brought me and shachou presents.”

“great job ranpo-san, you’re almost completely correct.”

this caught the attention of basically everyone bc they knew ranpo was never “almost completely correct”

“we ended up meeting bc she got attacked on her way home from grocery shopping, i treated her wounds, then we had girl talk and did all the other stuff”

ranpo and fukuzawa froze right in their tracks

“i sent all the info of the bastard to kunikida”

“kunikida.”

“yes shachou”

“find out everything about that man and bring it to me and ranpo”

“...yes shachou”

“and yosano”

“yes?”

“text (y/n) and tell her that her cat, tea, and pastries aren’t going to work as a bribe”

just as you finished taking a shower you sneezed

<<previous // next >>

to join the tag list, please fill out this google form i made!! please fill it out even if you are already in the tag list! it’ll make things easier for me to keep track of you :)

taglist: @hanniejji @timeless-tales46 @realitycanbeajerk (i didn’t know if you wanted to be in the tag list or not but i tried anyway :)

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