#im here for a good time and a long time ive survived war

[sefynarose]

⋆｡°✩: sefyna

⋆｡°✩: 27

⋆｡°✩: pisces

⋆｡°✩: she/her

hi everyone!! im sefyna ⋆｡°✩ current obsession includes: l&ds

former but always present obsessions includes: otomes, fashion, hxh, kuroshitsuji, inuyasha, mystic messger, the ocean, doja cat, writing

now don't fight me cause i know how you girls like to tussle... im nice unless you try me -`♡´- i survived 13 on here getting hate mail and death threats for saying a fictional clown wasn't straight, don't push your luck (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ

[t3nso]

It seems we have arrived at another completed trip around the sun.. another chapter starting as another story is coming to an end...

2024 was.. in the best of words.. A lot. It wasn't all bad, but it was mostly shitty lol

The good: I don't think I've ever been closer with my cousin and my sister; It's been very nice playing games with them every day ^^ I met many new people who have become good friends a person who has quickly become my best friend and has become a big daily part of my life and has helped me so much im so appreciative of everything ive gained. I kept thinking to shut myself off completley, like no more connections; as I felt more people would just be upset from my eventual suicide but many people pushed me, forced me and honestly idk if I would even still be here if not for all of you that have cared for me, so genuinely so thank you to those that are following me into the new year it means a lot to me

Now the bad: We have a relationship of 7 years, which comes to an end, the loss of my job, a failed suicide attempt, and just general loss in morale for a bit. I feel so lost still as I've said and idk how exactly I'm going to get over this and tbh I still wish that I was successful and that I wasn't even writing this at this moment, but here we are..

Now, for some updates.

Our breakup feels like it has become a garbage fire.. this break up almost killed me it beat me down, bloodied me, im still not doing the best, and im honestly not sure if I can actually make it another year. I've lost so much.. the person I loved with all of my heart whom i would have done anything for, I lost my job due to the immense stress I've been under, since it was so long I feel as though I got to comfortable I became too stagnant and I have suffered immensely for my naivety and stagnation I will not let this happen again no matter what. Moving back in with my mother and her husband (as I had no other place to go) has not been easy at all.

Honestly, my ex kind of broke me.

This is still new, and I have so much to learn from my previous relationship and the daunting task to try and salvage any self-worth/ self-esteem that I can.

Honestly, I am so very uncertain about my future. Money is well tight, and it would be an understatement. Not having a job is really stressing me out. I'm honestly very fucking nervous about the coming year. Still, I've decided l'm going into this new year knowing that after all the shit I've been through, I should be able to survive anything it throws at me..

I will always try to keep moving forward until I can't move anymore

So...

Goodbye 2024. Thanks for the lessons, the challenges, the things to help me become stronger, and the good times that were given to me.

2025, I ask that you pull your punches and give me a second to breathe while I'm still fighting this war, seemingly without an end.

[garglyswoof]

Tagged by @jinxedwood and @austennerdita2533 for my fave books, I'm going with the wordy jinxedwood version bc yes, friends, you know me by now. I am what one calls a verbose bitch.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER and this list may not be accurate but it's accurate tonight.

East of Eden - John Steinbeck The humanity of this book is what got to me. I couldn't imagine reading another book when I finished this one, I felt bereft and that odd sense of loss that comes at the conclusion of a story with characters you deeply love. Not to mention that the Kathy angle made sections feel straight out of a modern day thriller.

H is for Hawk - Helen MacDonald.. to intertwine a memoir of grief and loss with a th white biography and a large measure of birding knowledge is quite the feat. But that sounds too pat an answer. I'll quote my goodreads review for this: This book felt like me sharing something that lurks so deep inside my heart, so carefully protected, so strewn with feelings like vines and bits of moss that shake off as I hold it out. It felt like sharing that something and absolutely, 100%, knowing that the recipient understood, with every fiber of their being.

Survival in Auschwitz - Primo Levi. Please, this isnt just what you think it is. It is that and more. Levi's words will leave you spellbound and aching and hopeful and everything in between.

Dandelion Wine - Ray Bradbury. As with most of my favorites, this is sublime writing that makes me long for a time i am too young to have experienced. Utterly gorgeous.

Provinces of Night - William Gay. This was my first William Gay novel and I am slowly making through them all. Southern Gothic with such elegant prose. I want to write like him. A negative review called Gay's work "novels with poems scattered about weak plots" and frankly? that's what i love? so good job you sold me

Microserfs - Douglas Coupland The author of my 20s. His stuff opened me up to fiction about real people with real feelings thinking the things you do in your head. The unbearable loneliness of the human condition and the wondrousness that is friendship. I am not a rereader but ive read this book at least five times. I have no idea if it has aged well, i do not care.

The Chronicles of Amber - Roger Zelazny. Something about this urban? fantasy grabbed me in a chokehold and never let go. I first read this at the beach, paging through dog-eared paperbacks a friend urged me to read. I barely left the deck that week. The traveling into Amber, the walking of the Pattern - these things will never leave me.

Lonesome Dove - Larry McMurtry Look yes it's a western but it's The Western for a reason. Characters that seep into your bones. The image of lightning dancing across a steer's horns remains as vivid as when i read the book 3+ years ago.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel Something about how this post-pandemic story is paced, something about the stakes of it and how they will differ from any other post-apocalyptic book you've ever read, stuck with me. There was a simple beauty here that I never want to let go of.

Honorable mentions Les Mis, War and Peace, To be Taught if Fortunate, and i feel like i need a separate list for fave fun books? like romance and paranormal romance and ya that i love but dont come close to the above's impact

tagging @purplesigebert im curious! @ninzied cmon wax poetic with me about books @carry-the-sky i almost put the things they carried on here bc you made me read it but i can only do 9 @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined i just feel like you'd have some cool thoughts and books to share

ok im tagged out

[ssreeder]

i dont feel like discording right now so your getting this here instead.

what the fuck was that

i mean it was amazing in the sense that your an incredible writer and you captured all the traumatic shit perfectly and whatnot but still whatthefuck

you are just trying to completely trying to isolate sokka arent you?

Like its zukos turn to get some type of emotional support (even if it is by iroh 🙄😒) but atleast its there. But Sokka is just pushing everyone away.

i mean i dont blame him for lying, i probably would to in this situation.

and i dont think either of them are in the wrong this chapter, like i think they both have every right to be as angry as they were in this chapter (esp sokka bc katara is acting a tad bit shady)

surprisingly i dont want to strangle iroh this chapter. so that was a weird expierience (actually semi enjoying reading him)

Its like your trying to murder us all but like,, in a very artistic and lovely way.

because liab is horrific (affectionate) and stuff but its also really good and i love it.

i think you should let sokka go batshit and actually attack someone (preferebly iroh) but just my thoughts .

i still dont forgive you for the whole shen situation. i think about that atleast once a day. ive never had a fanfiction haunt me and i didnt even like shen that much but did you care? No you ripped my heart out. (idk what im saying here)

on a different note

you always do such a good job at capturing trauma and the effects of it. also the longevity of it. like as much as i hate reading sokkas slow descent into madness its also very nice and i love it. and as much as i hate seeing zuko tortured over and over and over and over again (leave him alone jfc) its war and its accurate for a prince that got turned over into the wrong hands (of course, who at this point is the right hands for him at this point since sokkas a litttle bit insane and ozais obiously a douche bad and irohs a twit). (i feel like your really trying to push the whole 'iroh is the best thing for zuko rn' thing and while i very reluctently agree, i still dont like iroh. he'll never get my approval).

I got off track.

anywho

even though its taking so long for both of them to actually be maybe sane, i think the little bit (we might) get by end of liab will be worth it because its taking so long??? idk.

i want to say i trust you with that but i dont

is it going to be perfectly executed? Yes. Definitely.

is it going to be happy? Who knows.

i think thats all for now

if your having trouble following my train of thought so am i but its your fault so.

the last portion was intended to be nice idk if it came across that way.

I’m not trying to isolate Sokka! He is doing a damn good job of that without any effort from me.

Katara & Sokka we’re just doing what siblings do, fight. But one is exhausted and emotionally drained and the other is in fight mode and ready to cut anyone down (even if it’s accidentally his little sister)

Shens death was sad, but he was laid to rest soooooo…. Positive moments??

Awwww thanks for the compliment - I’m glad you enjoy the way I capture the longevity of trauma because it’s not going away but time & support will help them heal slowly. Although after what they experienced they will never be “back to normal”

There will be a happy ending for those of the characters that survive, but there will always be lasting trauma. It doesn’t just ‘go away’ unfortunately.

Your ask was really sweet I’m surprised!! I feel warm & fuzzy MAXXXX!!!! you’re amazing. & I’ll make sure to stuff liab full of iroh content JUST. FOR.YOU. <3 (& Zuko cause he needs his uncle right now)

[clatoera]

OKAY LETS FUCKING DO THIS!

i don't know why i expected the quell to be ten thousand chapters seeing how every chapter in this fic has been contained to one plot point leading into the next one (which isn't a critique don't take this the wrong way!!! you have amazing flow and i wouldn't have it any other way) but ive been dreading this chapter for SO LONG to see what happens that reading the end and realizing that it's over.... knocked ten thousand mountains off my shoulders.

SO MY FIRST QUESTION(s)! was it always supposed to be one chapter? i'm mainly wondering because you said that the fic was supposed to start at this point (LOL CAN YOU IMAGINE) so was it supposed to be a multichaptered event or not. if not, that makes me TERRIFIED for the rebellion part because my GODDDDDD that means you started this entire fic around the war and that's TERRIFYING!!!

anyways, with the quarter quell over, all of our babies safe (???) (definitely... not sound), did you have any differing plans for how it was going to go or was it always supposed to be like this from the start. because the second clove and marvel decided that he would be the one to kill wiress.... i almost died right there out of fear. i had to reread that whole paragraph like ten times to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me and that marvel survived and didn't actually get picked up by the claw machine of death and being sent home with the panem flag draped on his coffin, an arrow in his heart. #LETMARVELBEGOOFY if i were clove i would've laughed at that 5 o'clock joke!!!

SPEAKING OF CLOVE!!!! THE CATHARSIS SHE GOT IN THIS CHAPTER!!! truly an icon of the revenge industry. what do you think the capitols reaction to her just going apeshit on her mother's killer was? what about district 8? his children's? waiting for the horror halloween special spin-off where in 15 years his kids bust into her peaceful home and just go apeshit on HER! that is, well, if she survives not being picked up by the claw machine of rebellion.

i cannot believe that you went with glimmer and cato for the rebellion group... literally the most random pairing with only one thing in common other than being hot & blond. that dynamic is going to be VERY interesting to explore seeing how glimmer is everything and cato is just ken. cato... with the rebellious emotional capacity of a spoon... now being the face of the revolution. that's going to be HILARIOUS!

the aforementioned one thing? how they're the only ones in the group with the most to lose. im blanking on marvels past so forgive me if he has like 8 small siblings that are counting on his victors earnings to not starve and my entire point here just dies, but clove only has cato and enobaria who can fend well enough for themselves. meanwhile glim glam not only has the capitol putting her boyfriend in the un-goofy-inator but her beloved twin victor siblings! the great cashmere and gloss!! are on the line while cato has his darling sister in the line of fire (drawing parallels between him & katniss and prim... now there's a possible trauma bond bestie moment between them!)

i hope i didn't miss any of the points i wanted to make in this ask so if you want to unleash some trivia, some unreleased lore about the background of this chapter and the thought process behind some of your decisions here's a place to say them!!!!

can't wait for the next chapter love you bye<3!

Oh my love I get sooo excited waiting for one of your comments. I know it's going to be good and I can rely on you coming in clutch with the analysis commentary etc of my dreams. My muse, thats you tumblr user @lwveless.

I understand expecting the quell to be much longer. I think it probably should have been, but if I am honest i DREADED this chapter. It was so intimidating, so big, and I was absolutely convinced I was going to fuck it up so significantly. it was the big one and I needed to perfect it. That being said..i never planned it to be longer. Everything that happened in this giant chapter is what always was meant to happen. So..yes. That does in fact mean this fic was entirely created around the idea of the war, and the way the careers, namely Cato and Clove, would fit in. Thats why the title is from The Great War. Thats where this whole fic was supposed to take off from. This whole thing came out of the idea of the war and how Cato/Clove being split in the Katniss/Peeta way would sort of play out. That is the great war really, them trying to get back together. I suppose you could stay the bulk of the fic starts here and now.

I'm putting the rest under a cut for spoilers and length but

So.. yes and no. All the events of the chapter were always 100% planned this way and intentionally SAVE For Marvel killing Wiress, as I literally just couldnt decide who to give the honor to. I gave it to my goofy little king. Other than that..this quell went exactly as planned until the end.

In the ORIGINAL iteration of this fic, Marvel and Glimmer did NOT Have as big of a role. They were taken by the capitol a la Enobaria and let go. I ran into a few issues. How to separate the three oof them from Cato, being one. How to get Cato away from Clove being the other. And lastly, I made Glimmer run her mouth. You may have seen me make many posts about Glimmer being a bigger role than planned and this is what i meant. She ran her mouth about the horrors she faced and there was NO WAY she was getting set free in the capitol. Infact, she wasnt going to survive their hands. I had no choice, I wrote myself into a corner, and thus the split of Marvel and Glimmer came, bringing bestie glim glam into a bigger role.

Also yes marvel is FUNNY, LAUGH at him Clove. Dammit.

Speaking of Clovey YES the girly got her catharsis. I think the capitol is probably losing their fucking MINDS over it. It has to be a big hit. We never know if he had children, or how old they are, because Clove never learns. But here is what I can be sure about: we know what happens to District 8 canonically. Lets leave that at that wink wink (they get wiped out). This was Clove's moment to shine.

Also yes. Bold of you to assume Clove survives this war to have a house 15 years later. Or that there is anywhere she could possibly live.

LMAO TO CATO AND GLIM GLAM.

Listen. As I mentioned, the plot was ALWAYS Clove and Cato split in 13/the capitol. Always. Once Glimmer and Marvel moved in I had a predicament. Glimmer would have faced horrific abuse in the Capitol, and wouldnt have survived. But also, thats SUCH a silly damsel in distress trope if it had been Clove and glimmer in the capitol. We are not doing that here no siree!! And it was ALWAYS Clove in the Capitol and Cato in 13 that was set in stone when I set out to write it. So alas. Glimmer with Cato was born.

yes. They are Blonde. They are hot. But you hit the nail on the head. They have something to lose, but not only that, they both are similar in that they love deeply and with insane devotion. They have siblings back home they love. They have someone they love more than anyone else in the world out of reach. And they are crazy and unhinged to get back to those people. Glimmer and Cato are going to turn out more similar than people realize. That was sort of the whole deal of chapter 12, to ground us back in the fact that we have fallen in love with who these people are behind the scenes, who they are beyond careers, but they are still the blood thirsty trained careers we all know and love.

Spoiler alert? Maybe?? Katniss does make it to 13 too, she was the goal and glim glam and cato happened to be close enough to nab. NO worries, Cato is not the face of this rebellion. WE ALL Know thats not his vibe, he's busy storming around committing homicide to get back to his knife wife clove.

You also uncovered a mystery mous-ka-tool with that Prim comparison, keep that in your back pocket for later use :)

Trivia!!!!! Okay.

There is a cut scene I didnt end up finishing/including where Glimmer talks about all the modifications they wanted to make to her body at 15/16, i'm talking plastic surgery.

The bit about Enobaria wanting to choke them originally had a flashback planned to when she caught them as teenagers.

There was originally more marvel and glimmer that was supposed to happen but i am unsure how the readers felt about them so I left it out but like..they also had way more moments in my intended brain, but i had to remember this is a clato fic for the clato stans.

Uh!

In the very first inception of this fic things were hugely different namely for clove and cato and what was at stake but also marvel was going to die in the war but now he is alive and thriving so. yay marbles.

You are my angel my muse my love thank you soooo much for this.I love you, until next time ❤️

[boyslit]

sometimes i feel bad about everything i've put Essara through but i have also written 'good' timelines for her. like a taproot, every choice creates a new vein of plot.

but the one that lines her up to be every single tes hero (for the games ive played anyway) 🔽

the vestige reclaims her soul from Molag Bal

through some fuckery is slain and sealed away in a soul stone (I'll be honest here I played a fair bit of ESO a long time ago but for some reason the fuckery in zenimax's account management has prevented me from logging in or even downloading the game so i said fuck u and stopped trying lmfao)

soul stone lays in the hands of a powerful necromancer eventually slain and their stash looted

soul stone ends up in the personal collection of the Imperial City's archmage

passed down to subsequent archmages, and eventually given as an ostentatious gift to one of the Septim princes, Enman

Enman is fooling around with one of the palace clerks, plying her with declarations of love, cheap gifts, anything to draw her to bed with him

a sudden bout of handsiness pushes her into a cabinet and dislodges his precious gifted soulstone. once it clatters to the floor, he can see the light has gone out in it. it's ruined, empty. he's furious

Elatherin is fired from palace work at the prince's decree, and blacklisted from basically any other clerical work. she and her 4 year old daughter move to the the waterfront, unable to afford anywhere else

Essara is born a few months later, and in afew years orphaned with her sister, who join a band of street children who thieve and beg to survive and share their resources

after her sister is arrested, they move to the sewers for safety, have a few fallings out, and the leader tosses her out to make her own way. starving and alone she pickpockets ever-vigilant watch captain Lex and gets arrested

stops speaking after traumatic event and is released to the healer's care. Khajiit looks after her for a long while as Essie recovers, until she's poisoned by an unknown assailant. Essara can't cure her and is unable to keep the alchemical business going afterwards.

Essara is jailed due to some legal snafu with the business and Jo'qorra's death, ends up in the 'secret' jail cell the Emperor and blades are trying to escape to, and thus is she snared by fate to become the Champion of Cyrodiil

manages to rescue a mage from Vaermina's clutches which he had gotten there through his own idiocy

builds up the dark brotherhood, saves it from another infiltration attempt and then retires. just wants a quiet life

settles in Anvil, marries, has a couple children. things are nice for a while! they go visit her friend in the mountains who's a powerful mage and has offered to train her son in use of magic

she's also the granddaughter of Vaermina, and Vaermina is still pissed about losing one of her cattle. she's ordered to bring Essara before the prince, and Vaermina curses her to a sleep of unspecified length

anguished, the granddaughter and Essara's family store her sleeping body in a mausoleum guarded by atronachs to keep her safe. there's no telling when she'll awaken.

she doesn't awaken until it's time to get arrested at the skyrim border for the TESV: Skyrim plot :D

of course she doesn't know 200 years have passed and is pissed that they're arresting the champion of the oblivion crisis, the emperor will hear about this! they're like. did u bump ur head lady

and then the dragon roast happens and shes like well im not gonna die here so she skedaddles and despite her best efforts still ends up obligated to save skyrim from dragons bc somehow she has dragon blood. who knew? not her!

she's annoyed to the max about all this bc all she fucking wanted was to live a quiet life after all that oblivion shit with her family but no! but maybe she can build some kind of life here in skyrim. there's so many war orphans who need nurtured, and she picks up a couple that pluck at her heart

this is also the timeline where instead of just infiltrating Elenwen's party she seduces her to get at the info. for fun and for ghey shit u know

maybe i should post that one, its very poignant

but anyway. looking forward to TESVI whenever they deign to work on it and finish it so i can put my evil little fingers into the strings of fate and pull them to call on our Heroine once more >:}

[e17omm]

Ranting about Natlan part 2 (act 2)! Whohooooo god I am dying from heat.

Its actually not all negative this time. Its less just ranting and more thoughts of the Archon quest.

I ramble at the lack of stakes or tension at the end. That part's actually me venting frustrations.

TL:DR; quest is disappointing because it could have gone in a very fresh and tense direction but it doesnt because this is 2024 Hoyo.

Music is chill nice vacation music.

Conversation is about the country's constant war with a cunning immaterial enemy that has been fighting them for 500 years.

Nice to see that Hoyo completely succeeds at tone. (Sarcastic)

2. PREDICTION TIME! Kachina is actually gonna stay dead because the resurrection thing is gonna fail and Im meant to feel sad because this character that speedran her character arc in 1 hour and that I've only known for that hour is dead.

3. Traveller casually knows the song????

4. what a surprise! Kachina is (supposedly) dead. My money's on that she was captured or is hiding or something.

She "died" off-screen and Ive known her for an hour. Come on.

5. Oh? We're gonna investigate with the Archon, Mondstadt style? Im game.

I still dont care about Kachina, because again, Ive barely met her. But investigating with the Archon has been a while. I welcome it.

6. Damn, Mauvika just beat the shit out of him. The fight did turn into flying anime line battle, but the music was jamming.

7. aaah damn we arent gonna be investigating with the Archon. Shame. That would've been fun.

8. Did the Pyro Archon legit just send us to go to the Night Kingdom with a stone we can only use if one guy happens to be at the settlement at the time and we can find these fetch quest items he needs?

Who wrote this script? The Archon talked as if she had a way to go to the Night place and she doesnt? ANd now we are on a fetch quest to eat up time? Come on.

9. EVERYONE has sob stories in Natlan jesus christ.

I just wanna clarify that theres nothing wrong with sobstories in themselves, but they wont make me care about a character unless it actually matters to the story.

10. Man I hoped they would be pissed that we broke the thingy. Fucking Hell Hoyo games needs to have character conflict brought back.

11. oh we are going with the Archon... Oh yeah nevermind ignore point 8. I write these points as Im playing.

12. Oh I almost forgot, but yeah Kachina is alive. No surprise there.

13. Pyro Archon is a bitchass mf. Venti can barely fight and he still traveled with us. You can fight and you're not coming with us? Lame. (Im being half serious here)

14. This friendship and fighting with my friends arc feels incredibly cheap. Probably because its been 4 hours long.

15. and we ALMOST had an incredibly interesting plot direction.

Almost.

Hoyo keeps doing these fakeouts that I am actually yawning. Unironically, Im yawning. Whenever anything doesnt go to plan something always saves us. This happens in every one of their Honkaiverse games now. You can do a fakeout here and there, but not every time.

I hope someone understands my boredom with this. I lean back in my chair and go "and SURELY no one will burst in and save us from being trapped in the Abyss for more than 5 seconds, aaaaand there's the Pyro Archon. (yawn)" because it has happened so many consecuative times by now that its not tense or exciting any more.

16. I feel like Natlan would've been such a good story if we didnt JUST arrive here. It feels like there is a lot of sentimentality here, but I dont get invested in flashbacks and sob stories.

17. People claiming that the Traveler is just a spectator so its fine if they dont get stronger or have a character are sure is quiet after this quest.

This quest was pretty disappointing. Again, repeating myself over and over, but Natlan's biggest issue is that its the 6th region and Hoyo's baits never land so I've stopped grabbing at them.

You know what would have been a plot development that would have rekindled the fire of excitement inside of me? If we ACTUALLY got trapped in the Abyss, instead of having another bait of literally anything bad happening to anyone ever.

Can you imagine the plot if we got trapped in the Abyss for an extended period of time and had to survive and scavange for things to eat while trying to retain our sanity as we search for a way out?

Wouldn't that be fresh and exciting and something we haven't seen before?

But that would be something bad happening to our characters and we cant have that! No no boys and girls, nothing bad ever happens to the heroes! But we will sure keep baiting that it will happen! Are you still nibbing at the baits? Are you still worried for them? We will never actually do it but we will keep casting baits!

I want to be proven wrong so fucking badly you dont understand. Hoyo used to write stories I actually got invested in because at any moment, with a few wrong moves, something bad could happen to the characters. Not even death! In the [Seele] cinematic, Bronya could have been trapped in the Sea of Quanta and Seele would have had to go back in to pull her out (which is what she does, but it could have been a 1-chapter arc if Hoyo wanted to). But moments like that never happens any more.

We could have been trapped in the Abyss for an extended period of time before Mauvika found and rescued us and everyone could have escaped with their lives!

But NO! Instead we find Kachina right away, solve a small part of the problem, get baited with being trapped there before instantly being rescued and Kachina gets treated right away and SHES PERFECTLY FINE. THEY BAITED HER DEATH EARLIER TOO.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY IM NOT FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT ANYONES LIVES?!

IF THERE WAS ANY CONSEQUENCE AND ANY STAKES AT ALL KACHINA WOULD AT LEAST HAVE BEEN AFFECTED FOR A FEW DAYS BUT NO, SHES PERFECTLY FINE.

WHY SHSOAJD =IA^SPE DHUja9o'

Why should I care when the result is ALWAYS that everyone is perfectly fine and happy?

No one would have even needed to die or been permanently injured. But we get saved instantly.

Where's the tension and stakes supposed to be?

[solardick]

So i walked past this girl today. Whike getting coffee and she gave me attitude as she walked oast ne cause i wasn’t oogling her. Yup. I hate life.

You werent that pretty girl. Youre too overdone. And im pretty sure ive been dosed with soemthign again. Becaus ei have no drive and all i can feel is my rectum. Its disturbing. Like i soend all night beign fucked while unconscious. Maybe its prostate cancer. And im about to become impotent.

Sorry, no life for you. You are now abject. From everything.

Thinkbill complete the imf course and then apply to the training course. And then boom.

How long does it take to die from prostate cancer.? …. Awh. Its not very good. High chance of survival. Naw, im peeing fine.

Awh, what happened to ted lasso? It’s all a chick drama. Fuck season two. The forst season was great. Skip to the end of season. Whats the outcome?

Clench clench clench clench. Muscle gonna get sore.

Guess im never gonna know what not feeling abused is like. In a world thats hypes peace and love. What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe its the pine apple. Or the “dominance of venus aspects with transiting mars. They are stealing mars from me. The whole controling projectstions thing they do day in and day out.

So what to do with all this time off? Too much co trol and oppresion to be able to fucntion anyeay.

Of course. Ted lasso gors from supper positive, proactive and supportive and motivational to season two of a feminine drama to season three of homosexuality. Touch media. Keep uo the brain eashing.

I need a ciggarette. Keep my idealized depression going and gove me an upper to whatever brain chemical produces functional behavior. And more unatural weather varying 25+ degrees a week. Right god? Or ehatever they doing to the weather.

Oh and its a day for crows. Waiting to devour ny fucken soul.its like a giant turd. Spreading out its arms wanting to hug you.

In going to go hang out at work. 20+ years of solitude and debasemment have left me insane. To be alone. So we take to mars and we go to venus.

So the baseball manager is fired and,

So the girl is gone. Maybe it was the devil card that did it. I did everything right. Guess we had near exact aspects. Guess she couldn’t handle me reflecting back her own bs. It was so nicely done too. Cause i gave it to the guy that she used to flirt with to hurt me, to give to her.

Alright whos the next girl? Im starting to win these. And since ive already been raped thi k it may be safe now. For other pwoole to mind therir OWN FUVKING BUSINESS.

Oh look that girl just gave me a nod of approval.

Should have seen their faces when i showed up and said yeah, i’d rather be here then watching gay tv. All of their faces sunk and showed disposition. Bunch of queers. And well for ted lasso was pretty much the experience i was being guided through at the time of its release. From a new start full of motivation. To a drasic change of queer bs. And then they raped me. Well atleast the forst season is safe. Im gonna binge that until its memorized. And i can role play as him.

Civilization only looks like a simulation because is lot f eats it is. It is basses asround sn organized script witH its own mathematical laws emdeded into the vary fabric of society. Took generations to perfect. Its an artificial plan for an artificial life. Robotics.

Whatever. Ive been being treated sexually since i was 6 years old. Your fucken system stile everything from me even childhood. I dont want to be alive anymore. And then family stole my you g adulthood and now they are dtealing my maturity. Theres not a dtate in my life where i dont get fucked over.

Ok so Russians and war. Current dialogue says to refrain from russian influence. That they are an enemy to the current state of affairs and are being a real irritate to the peace and dove agenda of the wanting wor’d order. Its curious in comparison that the films releases here say, that plugging into artificial reality is discouraged. Attention needs to be paid to reality. Focus and attention on real world matters is suggested. This also in line to “covid” as does sword art alone. The japenesse series places thr timing of its event on 2022. Wile being released to the public on 2012. Shows a trap in virtual reality, while all reasoning is to escape the imprisonment. Eventual the protagonists do. But remain there afterwards. With the use of free will and choice. And the american film. 2012. Shows a world being swallowed by the ocean.

If one goes to, or went to duolingo and chose russian the first word they learn is stupid. With in this bubble of conditioning. Any attempt to move forwards in the strengthening the proactive use “masculinity” towards the power of logo. Is discouraged. Subject must needs divergence from natural script. Taken out and drowned in lies.

Trying at outmost to steal the only connection one had left. All good will. And the presence of god guiding me true. When the atmoshpere turns and is impregnated eith meaning. And if one fallows it. leads to the wondrous. Uplifting stabilizing kiss of an angel.

It’s, fucken miraculous.

I hope a get to see her again. It feels my heart with intimacy. Hahah only from an angel.

It does feel like a turd. Well they are selling turd toys. Hot to catch them young.

Just got to live a life of being forced to be dissatisfied. Dont get want you want, dont get what you need, you dont get a say.

Hmm feel those muscles.

And no to becoming a desire driven invalid. That knows no bounds. Nope. I cut that thread it was nothing but evil and death. Haunted by the family and all these supporters. I was born in hell. Thats all there is. With their gross shit encrusted finger grappling on to me. Got to create a new emergence scene, one away from the evil feminine and the degenerate, delinquent masculine. Into the abscence of bs with the effeminate. Same script. Almost died. Didn’t matter.

Quit watching tv or gaming. Out effort in repairing myself, still under constant destabilizing pressures. But then i was lured and guided to walmart. And its pisces capital. All motivation being sent towards acquirement. Haha. Framing my disposition towards their goals. Making sure im a wreck. Set up experiences. As desperation grew ever more towards that peace of angel or just even a mutual back and forth. Nothign matters. Continue the show. Where do i go? What do i see? What do i feel?

Who am i here to please?

So we will fallow through on the opportunity to de-toxify. Think about shape. Work on healthier habits. And then. I lose everything and have to start over again.

When i stop feeling my ass. That be great. Im not sure if a need to take a shit or take a dick. Or if their both the same thing. I aint fucken ifentifying with that. Mars venus meecury mars venus mercury. So many positive relastionship aspects and here i am alone. Ass tingling. Fantastic. Guess their never going to stop. Think i might need some medication soon. Like an anti depressant. Theuy’d bever give me a gun though.

But at any rate. When it comes to designing a deck. Using a preset. Writing out a list of power words and attaching to them images one would like to see. And then setting them to script. Add in numerology. Namely the law of the scriptless. And attch that to the calendar. With trued attaention of the clock. A triple layer. The forth layer consist of “surface appearance” and the various association that can be implicated.

From this the mind can pick up various interconnected patterns. Swaying through layers to near 500 000 posibilities. 27 to the power of four.

That be fun.

There’d have to be a rule for the stance of each letter depending on its position in the power word. As if the E-fool was kept. All words starting with E. E is a complex number. It extends at length to an infinite object. Whether. Its a stop sign or a go. Remember there are no go signs. Ever. Is a power word. It includes all. Or excludes all. Never ever. Every- thing-one-body-time.. Extend. Extinguish. Endeavour. And one may see the difference the second letter fallowing E has in shaping to harmony. Though i dislike how endeavour starts with an end. Like end favour.

Which is…. Cool, considering the E card for the above is found inside the Emperor. Standing for letter F. One can fallow the predesvribe order. And focus on changing the image itself of the emperor to the scripts antagonist. Since you know Fuck, is an Ever word. And fail. Fall. Feel, fleet, fly, finger. Fish flow. Fact. Fun. So F isnt so Fun at the 4th level word. Or so dumb crap like that. Its late im tired. And my ass is still “sensible.” Im afraid to go near it.

Hm, guess the only thing i was ever ment to focus on in life was sex. 6 years old. Not allowed not to be. Its just keeps coming from without. Wtf, right? I dont know. Theyre jsut going to keep doing it. And i may be out of a job again. Because people wont leave me be. I dont want to get drunk and killmyself. Thats a shitty way to go. Id rather a gun.

Its time to send me a sexy Adreian. All chill and relax and sensous. Fill me up good. All inknownis sex drigs and violence. Indont knwo anythign else. Im not allowed to. Ive never felt loved before. Not from a person. Only my angel. Only from an animal.

My butt is gonna be so tight. He’s gonna love it. Im no stranger to the dick i was born and bred for this shit. Over 30 years training. You’ll never go back. Oh rats. I finished on pussy. God dammed it.

Thank you lord, god and father. For being there for all results. May your graceful light dance on the wind and kiss my cheek. Awh, i blush lord, god and father. Be you a presence of obtained bounty in mine air.

Amen.

I can prey better then you can mother fuckers.

Or like P for the hanged man, hanging there. Its head, aburst with light. Happy little guy. Poor poor hanging penis. Its tied there. Just a little snip.

Yeah’ my doctor snipped me. Wifey doesn’t like the downlow process of pairing plastic. And no more kids! Am I right?” O dont know my life is beign wasted away in an artifical program to turn me into a women for beign intentionally destabilized? Well hate to beat you to the punch but your thirty years too late. I fixed that shit. That shit was wrong. And i know its not my fault. And it still osnt now. Wow. Look at that. Its true what they say about reach arounds. Uh. I mean come arounds.

Truth in misery and all that.

Maybe if the world stoped killing my “prayers” id post soemthign other than bs.

Awh yeah. I think my gas broke. I got a shit baby to deliver.

🤷🏻‍♂️

[lord-shitbox]

13. 19. 23 27. 34 50) top um uhh umm if who's your favorite hollow knight character 50)whossssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssumm your favorite teacher but u can't pick ur art teacher

1.) do you have freckles

no unless I have a sunburn on my face. I do have a lot of beauty spots though theres one under the corner of both eyes

13.) fears?

i used to be batshit afraid of needles and also bugs but im normal about them now. i am also not afraid of the dark because I can just go "ohhh gozus lurking in the dark gonna stab me with his claws" and it is 100% unscary he's 165 cm what a twerp

19.) do you have a best friend? how long have you been friends?

if not tuna then hannah. i do not remember when we became friends <3 probably sept 2021? shes even worse than me at PE class it made participation worthwhile

23.) do you believe in aliens?

i believe in some kind of life form existing in the universe somewhere and I think it's really funky to think about all the different potential ways a lifeform could exist. everything over here is all carbon-based and shit and we only survive because we're in this narrow habitable distance from the big ball of hot radiation we spin around So Like. is there gonna be a planet that so narrowly has the same criteria that lead to our existence? or something totally fucking wack and unlike ours? very fun to think about.

conspiracy theory wise, no.

27.) what's your favorite book / one you've read a few times?

uh. YA novels: Feeder by patrick weekes is good. Storm Siren trilogy (mary weber) old classic faves. Cemetery Boys by aiden thomas is the newest addition to my favorites.

poetry: crush by richard siken (duh) i have a big anthology of louise gluck i like, OH THERES THIS BOOK CALLED "STEAL LIKE AN ARTIST" BY AUSTIN KLEON IT'S NOT POETRY BUT IT'S SO GOOD I read it from my art teacher's shelf and i had her sign my copy<3

34.) what's your favorite flower?

hydrangeas (unsafe for consumption) the ONE SPECIFIC ROSE BUSH THAT I OWN (safe for consumption) morning glories (unsafe) wisteria, literally Any Poisonous Flower

50.1) favorite hollow knight character?

in no particular order: the white lady + the hollow knight + myla + grimm + nailsmith & sheo

50.2) favorite teacher but I can't pick my art teacher

THIS year....if i can't say art teacher...my math teacher or the US / world war history teacher. math teacher is the best teacher ive ever fucking had in math (she's the reason I have a near flawless grade, she's fantastic, shes awesome, she likes puns as all math teachers do) & the ww history teacher is one of those funny dudes who does a shit ton of simulations and wears funky historical clothing hes entertaining & it helps

prior, the few that stick with me are old language arts teachers (last year's was SO SO GOOD SHES THE BEST TEACHER I EVER HAD SHE MADE ME LEARN TO LIKE THE SUBJECT ALL OVER AGAIN AFTER I'D COME TO HATE IT, SHE MET WITH ALL THE KIDS WHO SHE SAW WERE STRUGGLING AND ASKED HOW SHE COULD HELP, O HMY GOD IT WAS HER FIRST YEAR OF TEACHING TOO) also seventh grade dude was funny as shit i like his gender (generic white dude) and he has a dog with three legs named Yardstick. because she only has 3 feet)

[transexualpirate]

im being so normal about this. anyways let's go to episode five aka second to last

first of, straight up, what do you MEAN "YEAR ONE"? HOW LONG ARE THEY GONNA STAY IN THIS FUCKING TRAIN HANG ON

is this happening parallel to the other siblings or does timeline travelling not count time. im asking because i want to know if klaus is still buried alive IM SO WORRIED ABOUT HIM IS HE EVER GONNA CATCH A BREAK? HE'S BEEN ABUSED BY HIS PATERNAL FIGURE, TRAINED AS A CHILD SOLDIER, HAUNTED BY GHOSTS, TORTURED, FOUGHT IN A WAR, FOUGHT ADDICTION AND HOMELESSNESS, SURVIVED THE APOCALYPSE LIKE THREE OR FOUR TIMES IDK IVE LOST COUNT AND NOW HE'S BEING ESSENTIALLY TORTURED AGAIN

meanwhile five and lila are. in a fucking train

i just saw the name of the episode BACK. THE FUCK. UP. HOW LONG?

squints. is this gonna be their excuse to make lila/five a thing. it better not be.

y e a r t h r e e .

i dont like the way they're looking at each other. I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING ST EACH OTHER.

they're shaving five because aidan can't grow a beard because he's not even 20 yet

are they eating rotten pig meat? wait that has a name. pig meat i mean. that's pork right

Y E A R F I V E .

NOOOOOOO DON'T LOOK AT EACH OTHER LIKE THAT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOO DON'T CUDDLE TO SLEEP. noOOOOOO

YEAR SIX ......

KLAUUSSSSDNNNNFNFNNFNRNFNFNRN FFCUKKKKKK

"please don't leave me please don't leave me" what if i killed myself

"why is this happening to me" DUCKINGBFHH.G HELL

viktor and reginald petty fighting over the song i love viktor so much beat his ass boy

kill this old white guy. please. ive never asked you for anything before. just kill him it would be so easy

im glad they're sort of addressing viktor's trauma at least lol

reginald's car plate says hermes lol

wow lots of dead birds for some reason. were birds more affected than other animals ?

this situation is very reversed to season one when it comes to ben and viktor lol. i mean with the "my traumatized brother is accidentally and unknowingly causing the apocalypse and what im seeing and feeling cannot be trusted and i will lash out and claim my siblings just can't stand it that im finally happy"

I HATE REGINALDDDDDDDDD

i cant believe diego and luther are falling for this it's honestly sad. like im not used to cringing but it was hard holding it back just now. no offense but damn.

i can't believe luther is being the voice of reason in this............

six years five months and two days and they haven't fucked so i think we're in the clear. they're just good friends and im happy for them. i mean except for the whole stuck outside of your own timeline thing but im glad they're getting along. :)

"she's the lock and he's the key" hmmmhmfjf i deeply dislike the imagery this evoked in me.

KLAAUUUUDJHDDSSSSDBDBDNNDNDNFJFJJRJRJDNNDFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCJJJJJJJJJKKKK

GHOST DOG GHOST DOG GHOST DOG GHOST DOG GHOST DOG GHOST DOG GHOST DOG GHOST IM GONNA CRY

COME ON THUNDERBOLT YOU CAN DO ITTTTT

allison is kind of scary i hope she kills those guys

claire looking at her mom like :O she can do that ????

allison seeing the sort of place he visits :(

ALLISON NO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TO HELP OH NOOOOOO

the fucks a ballbuster

holy shit do not let claire in a place like this oh my god

YESSS CLAIREEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCK YESH FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH im sorry claire had to see this but im also so happy it happened :)

im sorry but i don't really see diego as a family guy ngl i just don't think this is a good arc for him. but idk

oh he learned punjabi that's so cute. he knows at least three languages then i like that

I DON'T LIKE THE ROMANTIC SONG. WHY ARE THEY PLAYING A ROMANTIC SONG

"when the snow comes" YOU'LL BE OUT OF THERE WHEN THE SNOW COMES SWEETIE!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL NOT STAY THERE LONG RIGHT. RIGHT???????? RIGHT!!!!??????????

WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY ARE YOU TWO HOLDING EACH OTHER

am i the only one viscerally disgusted by this please don't do this pleasepleasepleaseplease

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is so uncomfortable im going to cry i don't even want to look at them

EEEUUUHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGEGG

gene's hair is braided lol

i can't believe luther is being mildly competent damn

nnneeeeevvermind. forget i said anything

i think he can beat them in a fight. my money's in luther

i was right :)

monkey man wearing a g string in the cia building

"were you giving ribbons a lap dance" "kinda?"

why are their clothes so easily tearable . not that im complaining. im really not. at all

WHERE DID THE CAT COME FROM?

ouchie. that was brutal the thing with the stapler m inspired by five huh. and luther is Still wearing a g string while diego is shirtless. because of course he is. of course they are

JIGGLY TITTIES

OMG LUTHER AND DIEGO BONDING!!!!!!! RARE BUT GORGEOUS SIGHT

stop showing me five/lila and show me klaus . pplease .. .

she's his dolores this time and i hate it. like a lot. almost as much as i hate reginald. not as much but almost as much

DON'T FUCKING CALL HER LOVE EEEEWWWWWWWWWWW

BROTHER EUGHHHH

and i thought luther/allison was bad...

nOOOOOOO BAD CHOICE TELL HER TELL HER TELL HER WHY AREN'T YOU TELLING HER YOU FOUND A WAY OUT IM GOING TO CRY PLEASE TELL HER

how many times has klaus died and came back i wonder

"nobody's coming for you"

omg did he make thunderbolt corporeal or at least audible? because that's cool as fuck

"claire bear" what if i cried for three hours nonstop

"y-you came back for me"

he's sobbing and im sobbing with him

thunderbolt is my favorite character and i stand by it

lila is absolutely correct. this ISN'T real. NONE OF IT IS REAL. it's just SURVIVAL.

viktor's powers used to be blueish white now they're the color of fire....... very cool very interesting

i don't CARE that reginald was marginally decent ONCE i still hate all versions of him forever. i cannot stress enough how much i dont give a shit. i will hate him forever and ever PERIOD.

what kind of freaky ass fitting room is this ive never seen this before

why is she ecloding if ben looks normal?

OHHHH SO THATS ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS'S GUY'S ROLE

OR. JEAN'S ROLE ????? HANG ON

OKAY I WOULD LIKE AN EXPLANATION PLEASE IF POSSIBLE

she's like supernatural's shapeshifters

she? he. they¿ it. it?

WHAT IS THIS HOW THE EPISODE ENDS??? NOT COOL

SPOILERS AHEAD first impressions of s4 (aka the last season) of tua no i haven't finished the episode yet but i wanna talk

what do you MEAN there's only six episodes im going HAM

luther is a stripper now. that's great. i love that for him. i love him. not so easy now is it luther. space little boy. i love this stupid stupid man he's trying so hard

BEN WAS IN JAIL FOR SCAMMING PEOPLE OH MY GOD oh my god oh my god??????? BELOVED,

"u n c l e k l a u s"

klaus is staying with allison and claire and he's paranoid now the poor thing.... i love him so much....... he's so worried about his nephew....... babye............

he's scared of CIGARETTES now. Okay.

JEROME?????

you could pick ANY name you wanted and you landed on JEROME???????

"and i was involved in the kennedy assassination" "speak your truth"

"your faith in me is undeserving" that's the klaus i know and love now go to therapy please

they All should be in therapy, really

"he's germaphobic now. and incredibly sober"

klaus&claire is the duo i didn't know i needed but now i cant live without. look at them go. they're family.

ALLISON IS VAPING NOW?????

"STONED"? WEED PEN???? ALLISON IS THAT A WEED PEN

WHAT HAPPENED

[officiallydriedkelp]

I decided to watch Troy (2004) just to compare it to the Song of Achilles and my general knowledge of the trojan war and here are my notes:

Oh, yeah, ofc the first frame Achilles is in has to be with him next to a naked woman, to really show just how not-gay he is

IM SO CONFUSED ABOUT WHERE IN THE STORYLINE WE ARE how far along does the story start, what?

Why is Agamemnon the King of Sparta here? He's the King of Mycenae, not Sparta??? (Oh, is this one of those things, like, most people recognize the name Sparta but not Mycenae, but most recognize Agamemnon and not Tyndareus/Menelaus so they just put them together? Stupid)

Theyre cousins? Achilles and Patroclus are cousins, you know, to really sell in how not gay for each other they are

They just skipped over the whole part with the wind not existing. Rude.

Why does Briseis know Paris? She lives in a village outside of Troy, and gets brought into the plot by raiding? It doesnt even make a little sense that she would know the prince???

The casting for Patroclus annoys me. The vibe is just off

So they're already at Troy 40 minutes into the movie, what are they doing with the remaining 2 hours? Just fight? Bleh

So Agamemnon isnt King of Sparta here actually, but it was just framed really weirdly in the beginning

Everything here is so heterosexual. And the worst part is that i cant even tell if it's to remove all possible suspicions of gayness, or if these kinds of movies really just are that heterosexual. This scares me.

So, um, yeah, they're fighting. . . Do the filmmakers realize that im mostly not paying attention to these long stretches of fighting because theyre simply just not plot relevant at all. Im just sitting here waiting for something to actually happen

The helmets that the trojans wear look really stupid

Achilles just kills two unarmed priests like its nothing. In the song of achilles he says he doesnt fight/kill unarmed people. Hmm.

"Ive killed men in five countries" - Achilles. What countries? Im pretty sure youve never left greece, dude. (Or are we talking City States? That is far less impressive)

Either way, No, cause isnt he supposed to be unexperienced in real battle?

Overall it seems like this movie tries to make achilles seem more badass than he actually is

The Agamemnon vs Achilles rivalry thingy seems way more agressive here

The plot is moving forward so quickly

Like, we're not even halfway through the movie and we're already at the point where achilles refuses to fight. What is the other 1 h 40 minutes about then???

Giving Patroclus this little screen time should be a crime. He has been in like 3 scenes so far

"I thought you how to fight but I never thought you why to fight" - Achilles. "I fight for you" - Patroclus. Very heterosexual of you, mates

(Also, yes, Achilles taught Patroclus to fight here and Chiron doesnt seem to exist)

Why did they kill Menelaus? He actually survives to the end of the war, so why kill him so early on?

Ngl this movie does have some great one liners

Good for quotes and stuff

Bro why are they forcing a romance between Achilles and Briseis?

Oh great, now they're doing the deed and everything. . . Bruh. Everything to emphasisde the heterosexuality i suppose

It isnt believeable to us as an audience that Patroclus's death brings out this unbridled rage in achilles. We havent formed enough of a bond to this patroclus, because he has been in such few scenes

The only defense they have for this turn of events is that theyre quote unquote "cousins". But still, that is just a "fact", not something that makes us sympathise with achilles's feelings/actions

Also, the trojan war is supposed to last TEN YEARS! Here all events happen withing the span of like 3 days!!!

One scene with a random soldier carving a toy horse for his son back home was really cute tho

Wait, they're making the trojan horse, but achilles is still alive? THEY'RE MESSING WITH THE TIMELINE

(I get why they did it, for narrative purposed, but it still annoys me)

Ok, now Achilles is dead. That was dramatic.

Briseis was easily the character that was changed the most from the source material

But credit to them for writing "inspired by Homer's The Illiad" and not "based on" in the credits. At least they're aknowledging that the movie isnt exactly accurate

Yeah that was all I has to say. I think the movie in itself was fine (although far from perfect), but when we compare it to what it was based on some things come across as strange

[kingdoms-and-empires]

Hello, Are you there ?

Im here lol, i just took a nice 2 weekends off KaE to rest up and gonna be focusing on the patreon side story for Remiel until it releases!

Also found some nice steam summer sale deals and nagged a few games! games i wont be having the time to play...

Honestly it's like im collecting video games rather than playing them lol

Other than that and work, life has been going good so far! Just needed some me time to relax and now think about KaE for awhile (spoiler, i totally did and wrote ideas lol) and played some Bladestorm Nightmare, Symphony of War, and Stellaris! I almost got back to playing Titanfall 2 campaign again and it made me wanna really make a space epic with mechs and shit just to see if i can pull it off and give yall a good mech WIP...but like i needa finish KaE first haha

Speaking of ideas, ive thought about and entertained some other WIPs id be interested in doing. So far I've got

Roman Zombies (set in the era of Trajan, a zombie outbreak occurs during the Roman expansion of the middle east. The story would follow a roman citizen trying to survive in the middle of zombies with swords and spears. probably 100k words long.)

Roman Expeditions (This one is actually closest to actually being done by me. Game would work like Crusader Kings in that the player follows the descendants of a roman bloodline. You start lowly as a Plebian Velites and embark on every Roman Expedition or war throughout the generations with a different character trying to help your family rise through the social ranks of the Hastati, Pricipes, and Triarii to become Equestrians and finally Senatorials. The Pyrrhic Wars, Punic Wars, Makedonian Wars, Pompeian conquests, Gallic Wars, British Expeditions and wayyyy more. This would probably be a multi-book series of maybe 200k words each. Short and sweet so i don't get fatigued with the research of each military affair. Also would be genderlocked male for obvious reasons.)

And finally i was thinking of that space epic idea with the battleships mechs and etc! For anyone worried...this are just ideas I've thought of, ill still be working on my baby KaE, but i wanted to put the ideas out there so i can claim i thought of it FIRST!!!!!

Shit, i talked alot lmao...i needa sleep, byeeeeee

[tauforged]

brooo do you have a laz lore master post i wanna see more about this guy . blorbo from my person i follow on tumblr

waaa im so glad u like him!!!!!! his lore is kinda.....scattered all over unfortunately hdsjnkfdjkfn im very unorganized. the main big posts that ive made about him in recent memory that i havent accidentally retconned are here (eternalism bullshit and how the his drifter and operator selves tie into the version we know and love) here (answering a bunch of questions about him) aaaaaaaaaand here (explaining a little bit about how his oculus and void echolocation works)

his tag is kinda sparsely populated cuz a lot of his character building has been happening behind the scenes and i havent shared much due to being forgetful as hell and for the longest time sorta just assuming nobody cared about him but me lmao BUT i can give you a rundown of everything ive got so far: (it's gonna be long, sorry in advance)

on the zariman, he was separated from the other kids and ended up hiding in a ventilation shaft to avoid the adults. he hid so well, in fact, that the orokin actually almost missed him entirely and nearly left him there when they were collecting the tenno after the void jump. he was so paralyzed by fear and pain that at first, they had assumed he was a corpse, and only realized otherwise when he freaked the hell out and blew a massive hole through the poor bastard they sent to go drag him out of the vents.

in the aftermath of the zariman and for most of the old war, he was sort of just... squirreled away and treated more like a feral animal than a kid. he was jumpy and uncooperative, his connection to the void was strong enough that he could do some serious damage when startled, and he didn't remember most of his life before the zariman incident at all, so he was difficult to reason with and in their eyes a waste of time. he didn't even remember his own name, so they called him 'Lazarus' as a reference to the fact that he was assumed to be dead when first recovered, and seemed to be pretty good at surviving against the odds. eventually he just accepted this as his name.

im not entirely sure if margulis knew about him or not... i feel as though she would want to help him, but he probably wouldn't trust her one bit. ive been tempted to go all in and say he couldve been the tenno who accidentally blinded her, which would lend credence to why the orokin felt the need to isolate him so thoroughly from everyone else, but i dont know if im gonna commit to that. as far as being a 'weaponized' tenno, he was treated as sort of a last resort.

he only had the one frame during the old war - he was paired off with a particularly uncooperative umbral ash that they weren't sure would even be able to be 'controlled', but despite most of the handlers assuming theyd tear eachother to shreds, they ended up sharing a really close bond. This ash is his primary frame, Styx! styx is like a father to him, really. they only ever had eachother for a very very long time.

he only ever saw combat once before the war ended. the orokin were getting desperate, and threw pretty much everyone they had at a particular area-- including laz. he had no idea what to do with himself, but he was suddenly outside of his 'room' (more of a holding cell, to be frank) for the first time in years, so he did what any sensible scared kid would do-- he ran for his fucking life. before his handlers realized where he'd gone and tried to interrupt his transference to his frame, he transferred out of his chair completely and essentially escaped for good. they assumed he wouldnt survive on his own and marked it down as a loss, but he was ultimately forgotten. one less little void demon to deal with, really.

he ran for a long time, just sorta trying to get as far away from anything and everything orokin as he possibly could, but too afraid of being recaptured to dare trust anyone he met along the way. at some point before the end of the war, he had a run-in with a lone sentient that cornered him, and he had no choice but to try and defend himself.

he lost this fight. the sentient very much killed him, but in his final moments, all of the void energy trapped inside his body was released like a bomb going off, which killed the sentient pretty much instantly. the implosion also created a weird little pocket void of sorts that pulled in his body and the bits and pieces of the sentient that were left behind. slowly, over the years, the void pieced him back together, replacing whatever was destroyed with pieces of sentient technology, essentially creating the first amalgam.

the entire time laz was in his void coma, styx was helpless to retrieve him. he knew he wasn't gone - he could still feel his presence - but he couldn't get through to him.... so he waited. and waited. and waited some more. eventually, the ruined old building they'd been in all but collapsed, plants began to grow through the foundation, his joints began to rust and his blades tarnished. grineer and corpus and infested alike discovered the place over the years and all were promptly slaughtered in fits of protective rage. by the time another tenno stumbled across his resting place, the old war was ancient history, and the lotus had already located and awakened most of her children-- but laz had never had a chance to form that connection with her. he barely knew margulis, let alone natah.

the tenno who eventually found him and woke him up was none other than @helmofhades' specialest boy Rigel! they have a very special relationship. i love them both deeply. by the time rigel had found him, he'd been mostly put back together-- but the somatic scars on his face had progressed to the point where his eyes were damaged beyond repair. rigel and the other tenno who eventually made up their little clan helped him get back on his feet and adjust to this strange new world he found himself in.

laz and rigel are basically married if it wasnt obvious already. they are boy best friends <3

he went through the main story quest more or less the same as happens in the game, although he never really had a very close connection with the lotus and was more wary of her and confused by her for than anything for a very long time-- at least until the new war, anyway

the drifter and the operator are two separate entities - but there's also a third, completely separate laz who is basically a conglomerate of all of his alternate selves. i call this special third guy 'laz prime' to make life easier for myself, but neither of them are any more 'real' than the others.

operator laz is him but in babymode. nothing much else to that. hes just a little guy, and its his birthday, hes a little birthday boy!!!

drifter laz i uh... kinda havent touched on much. im waiting for duviri to drop so i can really get into the nitty gritty of all the time loop bullshit. hes kinda a bitter asshole though. not that i blame him.

laz prime is the funny guy i post about so much!!!! after the cutscene in the new war where the drifter and operator meet, neither of those two actually LEAVE that dormizone, at least not in the version of reality we see-- their meeting causes laz prime to just sorta... start existing! he remembers being both of them, although only vaguely. it's him who finishes the quest, and it's him who eventually returns to the zariman for the angels update and all that fun stuff. im sure driftlaz and oplaz are still out there, doing their own thing, but i havent the slightest clue what that may be.

laz prime is more severely amalgamated than either of his counterparts-- while theyve got the horns, hooves, and claws, laz prime takes it up a notch with an extra set of arms and a tail! he's also absurdly huge.

he has a cane to help with the mobility issues caused by having to balance on those teeny tiny itty bitty stick legs-- it's actually a little sentient! he calls it a mobilyst. it's his little buddy. i really like it

laz prime can't really use amps in the traditional way, considering his sentient parts react very poorly to large concentrations of void energy. he pieces together makeshift weapons with cores and fragments he scavenges from other sentients or amalgams that he kills to make up for it. he can also breathe void-fire, but he doesn't do that very often because it singes his scruffy little beard :( love loses

his lack of ability to effectively channel amps makes him VERRRY very interested in traditional weaponry. he's especially fond of incarnons-- JUST because theyre cool weapons. no other reason. none at all. unrelated, but do you think cavalero likes men? asking for a friend.

[wistfulrat]

hello yes it’s time to talk abt treasonous drarry

im gna b honest you’ve seen most of these fics on lists before but i just wanted to go long abt my anti-govt favs, all in one place. (im probs missin a bunch of good ones so @ me with reccs pls!)

bc did jkr rly expect us to accept that the gang would become ministry trusters after voldy’s coup left behind like, hundreds of colluders? who rly ends up exacting justice in a post-war hellscape? how tf did all these child soldiers not become at least anarchist-adjacent? when will they see the ACAB light? — if these questions haunt u, here are drarry fics that explore the cost of revolution in a fundamentally corrupt state:

A Cold Spot in Hell by @drarrytrash - 8k, E When there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire. — If you wanted 8k of sexy arson, emotionally difficult arson, general arson, handkerchiefs, dread, and poetry curation, now is really your moment.

draco is a vigilante pyro, ginny has a gun in her sock drawer, hermione wants everyone to fuck off, harry is as angry as he is sad as he is in love. the kids are disillusioned and tired. the war that should have been over is dragging on. their uprising did not take meaningful root. it’s the banality of evil that sprouts a new head every time u cut one off. the existential dread of quietly admitting that you were still being taken aback by cruelty you wished you could be numb to. and well. arson makes sense. the appeal of fire in response to the redundancy of oppression makes sense. crazed precision, clean violence, harry says. an attempt at controlled chaos bc everything else refuses to change. he and draco and the rest of them want the release of a conclusion. the equivalent of letting out a good scream. He wants so many things to feel like relief, but none of them do. and so the fleeting moments of respite in this fic are not found in any one satisfying action but perception—harry seeing and being seen, fully—by draco’s despair, hermione’s fury, ginnys bloodlust, luna’s wisdom that justice and revenge are not mutually exclusive. the bleak romance of it all! that love can just be profound commiseration, bodies taking solace in bodies, in being someone’s cold spot in hell. francis, god!!! they rly are a whole ass gift to the fic writing community bc this is a masterpiece in tone and form. im so extremely emo rn.

The Placebo Sequence by Snegurochka - 6k, E (just recc’d it recently here but wanted to follow up ^murderous draco with murderous harry)

Ever Fixed Mark by @shealwaysreads​ - 1k, T In which Harry decides to burn the world, and Draco watches on with adoration.

dracos attentiveness to harrys anger, the way he lovingly describes the feral boy of his dreams!! he watches harrys wildness evolve over time. a shock from beyond. something of a creature trapped. considered, measured, purposeful. Bella gives us 1k of these god tier similes/epithets and harry reorients dracos understanding of justice. i love (2) arson bfs.

If An Injury is To Be Inflicted by @shealwaysreads​ - 44k, E Harry Potter disappeared a year after the Battle of Hogwarts, and with him went all hope for true change in magical Britain. Three years later, Draco indulges himself and attends his first Dog Fight—the infamous underground fights with no rules, no referee, and no points system bar blood on the floor. The game was simple: you win, or you die. A glint of green amidst the blood-red changes everything.

ur getting 2 Bella fics bc i said so. ive recc’d this one before and will do it again bc it belongs in the paragon of anarchy fics with morally dubious drarry. it’s the raw violence threading this world together. the brutality of harrys survival, the calculated selfishness of dracos scheming, the shared need to return hurt for hurt in an unjust world. it’s the moment you see your carnality reflected in someone else. He had found Harry Potter, and that knowledge was a weapon. He called for wine, red, and watched the darkness bleed into light as he planned. truly obsessed with the idea of darkness bleeding into light, that corrupt powers are not removed without significant cost. 

REVOLVELOVER by @firethesound​ and @lol-zeitgeistic​ - 46k, E The work Harry does is justifiable. It’s justice. He works for his country, and his country is a republic—the magical side, anyway. It’s not laudable work, it’s not work he’s proud of, but it’s necessary work. Harry has always taken the necessary jobs that no one else has the stomach for. It’s just that he’s never deciphered a kill sheet and seen Draco Malfoy’s name on it.

i originally put this on my thrillers list bc it’s like if a car chase was an entire fic and never let up and you were suspended in that tension for hours. firethesound and zeitgeistic are plot+pacing masters. and i love the cognitive dissonance in harrys character arc that draco forces him to confront. i love that they become more humanized as they become further alienated from the state. that ambiguous/open ending is one of the most satisfying bonnie-and-clyde, let’s-blow-up-the-system-and-disappear-in-a-blaze-of-anarchist-glory type finales. anti-govt extremist draco is where it’s AT.

HGHCFDOTR by @waspabi​ - 93k, T 'You're a wizard, Harry' is easier to hear from a half-giant when you're eleven, rather than from some kids on a tube platform when you're seventeen and late for work.

yes ive talked abt hogwarts crammer here and here but it’s literally not my fault waspabi improved canon with this rewrite. u get multiple povs, an immaculate slow-burn, a public-school harry whose fuckoff energy is so correct, and then the DA but with organized rebellion tactics beyond just defending hogwarts. (bc rly, who’s holdin it down for all the non-school-aged muggleborns? the compromised ministry? uh) a bunch of rebel-teens navigating their place in the resistance on a calculated, political scale is metal af. it’s them planning out how they're going to break into the daily prophet warehouse and seize the press. infiltrating a death eater party and stealing the imperiused minister. the round table discussion of retaliation ethics--ginny suggesting they should be allowed to straight up murder death eaters, luna offering that they can steal their memories and strip them of their wands instead. it’s like waspabi took the best parts of canon and gave it teeth. what’s not to love here!!! i will never not be feral abt this fic.

Super Rich Kids by trishjames - 81k, E Draco Malfoy has become disillusioned by the glitz and glamour of the scandalous lives of the Post-Second Wizarding War Pureblood Elite. Enter: one existential crisis, one group of thieving cynical friends, and several terrible, terrible decisions.

read this for draco’s robin hood character arc. he’s repulsed by the lie of a new order when rich racists come out of the war unscathed. he wants to be better than the ruling class he belongs to and yet, he can’t find a way to leave his world of blatant excess and political manipulation, full of people who have rejected him, scorned him, used him. he’s an emotionally distraught nihilist powered by sheer disgust—at himself, at his peers, at failed institutions. (so annoyed by the elites he decides to habitually rob them blind fmkflg). and harry befriends him in the middle of this. harry who seems to be everything draco lacks, and yet they share a distinct hatred for corruption in the bourgeoisie-influenced ministry. there’s scandal and heartbreak and drugs and a secret coup. trishjames immerses you in the extremely fucked up mess of pureblood vanity. it’s 90% angst. but then it’s draco and harry fuckin death eater sympathizers’ shit Up. u luv to see it.

Now the Shining Sun is Up by @letteredlettered​ - 22k, T About five years after the battle of Hogwarts. Someone at the Ministry has it in for former Death Eaters. Draco Malfoy launches his political career as a rebel. Harry thinks it's all a laugh.

this fic is wildly unsettling and i think i come back to it specifically bc of that. the question of ethical punishment in a war-weary state is historically, messy af. bc two things can be true: 1) racist oppressors rarely get what they deserve and should not be infantilized. 2) giving the state power to arbitrarily decide who is the enemy of the state at any given moment always leads to an abuse of said power. harry and draco’s confrontations are centered in the tension of these two things. is harry rightfully pissed to be hearing this from draco of all people? yea. but that's what makes their arguments so interesting. draco is an eccentric, pamphlet producing, underground newspaper publishing, idealist because harry’s side in the war radicalized him. and yet harry, former undesirable no. 1, ended up at the ministry. they constantly come back to the assertion that transition of power is not the same as deconstructing broken systems. but harry doesn't actually see any of the former death-eater associates as victims. he doesn’t even “come to an understanding” as much as he becomes captivated by the kind of change in draco that forces harry to reevaluate his misplaced trust in the ministry. the nuance of this characterization! lettered excels at that. bc the story doesn't force harry to equate two very different forms of oppression. instead, the final scene is open-ended enough that you can see harry make a clear choice—and maybe this is the beginning of his return to state defiance.

[justalitlecreacher]

Anakin Skywalker Deserved Better

Ive made this post before but it was really rough and i meant to edit it later and its later now but its been so long that i don’t feel like finding the og post so here we are. If it’s not obvious i care more than a normal amount about Anakin Skywalker.

Tl;Dr: I firmly believe that there are so many points in the prequel series, the clone wars, and even the comics that some level of intervention could have steered Anakin away from falling in Revenge of the Sith.

The Phantom Menace 

This is our first encounter with Anakin, and it does a decent job at introducing us to him. This movie sets up his tragic backstory™️ and gives us a good look at his personality; Anakin appears selfless and eager to help complete strangers in return for nothin when he first brings Qui-Gon and crew to his home to give them shelter, and then risks his life in the podrace to help them afford the part they need to fix their ship. Aside from introducing and developing Anakin not much else happens until Qui-Gon brings Anakin before the Jedi Council where they decide he is too old and there is already too much anger in him to be trained as a Jedi. Qui-Gon disagress, but we move on to Naboo where 9-year old Anakin blows up a very large ship all; by himslef w/ autopilot ( they grow up so fast), Qui-Gon dies, and we get our first look at Palpatine being creepy in hindsight, “And you, young Skywalker, we will watch your career with great interest.” not all that weird out of context but uncomfy when you remember who Palpatine is.

Before we move on i actually want to flashback to Anakin’s first encounter with the Jedi Council. For a group of people who constantly take in and raise children, the Jedi seem to do a poor job interacting with them. A kind of infuriating thing about this scene is that the Jedi seem to shame Anakin for being afraid (no matter how much Anakin himself denies that fear). This scene does a really good job at setting up how the Jedi consistently fail to take into account that Anakin is fundamentally incapable of being a “normal” Jedi. Anakin has had a fundamentally different childhood than any other Jedi and absolutely needed more help and support than the average Padawan from the very beginning. Granted it is possible that the Jedi tried to get him the help and support he needed, but if they did we can infer they failed from Dooku’s line in Revenge of the Sith, “I sense great fear in you, Skywalker. You have hate, you have anger, but you don’t use them.”

Obi-Wan And Anakin Comic

The Obi-Wan and Anakin comics take place sometime between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. The story focuses on Anakin and Obi-Wan investigating a distress signal on a planet that has been destroyed by war. The comic also flashes back to reveal that Anakin is thinking of leaving the Jedi Order after Palpatine shows him the dark side of Coruscant, and tells him that neither the Jedi nor the Senate will be able to do anything about it. We get more creepy (not just in hindsight this time) moments out of Palpatine here. The first one is when he uses his position as Chancellor to gain access to Anakin under the guise of “helping” him.  “Why young Skywalker is a Jedi, is he not? The Jedi are under the Senate’s jurisdiction. And as I am the Chancellor of the Senate...”. Palpatine proceeds to take Anakin to a club of some kind where they see a corrupt senator gambling; Palpatine also mentions how “Lives are bought and sold here everyday” he then makes a show of apologizing for bringing it up considering Anakin’s past.Without context this would seem harmless enough, but with the context of Palpatine’s true identity it is more likely a ploy to subelty remind Anakin of how the Jedi and Senate are unable or unwilling to intervene on Tatooine or the rest of the Outer Rim. Palpatine reminding Anakin of the Senate and Jedi’s inability to help everyone seems to be a running theme in their meeting as the series continues. 

Aside from Palpatine being a creep; we see that Anakin is still just as willing and eager to help as he was in The Phantom Menace. His skills in mechanics result in him being briefly kidnapped so that he can fix weapons that will help one side to win the war that has destroyed the planet. Seriously Anakin is just so ernest in these comics that i shed tears because i know how his story ends. 

One character that Obi-Wan and Anakin team up with to reach the distress signal first mistakes Anakin for Obi-Wan’s son, and then tells Obi-Wan, “He [Anakin] doesn’t think so. Kid idolizes you. You can see it” when Obi-Wan admits that he’s not sure he is the best suited to teach Anakin, and fears he has failed him in some way. As the story progresses, it is revealed in a flashback that after Anakin told Obi-Wan he wanted to leave the Order, Yoda sent the two of them on the mission they are currently on to give Anakin a chance to reconsider his decision, and Obi-Wan tells Yoda that if Anakin returned from the mission still wanting to leave the Order, Obi-Wan would leave with him to continue his training and keep his promise to Qui-Gon. 

Attack of the Clones

Back to the movies. Attack of the Clones reunites Obi-Wan and Anakin with Padmé Amidala when they are assigned to protect her from an assassin. One of ( if not the) most important elements to this movie are Anakin’s dreams/visions of his mother. Towards the beginning of the movie Anakin doesn’t explicitly say what the dreams are about, but it can be assumed that the dreams are unpleasant as he says, “I don't sleep well anymore.” in response to Obi-Wan commenting on him looking tired; going on to claim that he cannot sleep because of his dreams. Anakin later admits to Padmé that he worries about his mother. This is one of the key moments in Anakin’s life that set him up to fall in Revenge of the Sith. There is no reason i can think of that Anakin should not have been allowed to check on his mother if he was having dreams about her that prevented him from sleeping properly and made him worry for her safety. As Anakin says, “Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life, so you might say we're encouraged to love.”. If compassion truly is central to a Jedi’s life, then surely they could at the very least send one of their 10,000 Jedi to check on Anakin’s mother if he could not? Is it compassion to deny someone the help they need? I find it hard to believe that Anakin would not have told Obi-Wan that he was worried about his mother going off of how close they appear to be in the previous comic. Especially after Anakin responds to Obi-Wan joking about Anakin being the death of him one day with, “Don't say that Master... You're the closest thing I have to a father... I love you. I don't want to cause you pain.” 

Anakin and Padmé arrive too late to save Shmi, and she dies in Anakin’s arms. This is a crucial moment leading up to Anakin’s fall as it shows Anakin that his dreams have a very real potential of coming true and likely results in him blaming himself at least partially for not insisting on checking on his mother or getting there sooner or doing anything different that may have allowed her to survive; it’s also the first time we see Anakin really lose control. There have been instances of him lashing out in anger before (turning a pair of padawans’ lightsabers against them when he hears them making fun of him behind his back), but nothing like what happens in the wake of Shmi’s death. Anakin wipes out the entire village of Tusken Raiders; children included. And while Anakin does express genuine remorse for his actions, he never faces consequences for them. It’s not even clear if anyone but Padmé ever finds out; Yoda claims to feel Anakin’s pain in the wake of his mother’s death, but does not appear to see Anakin’s actions, and is not shown to discuss what happened on Tatooine with Anakin at all.

Some light googling on my part revealed that in the novelization of Attack of the Clone, while Anakin did tell Obi-Wan about his mother’s death it was Padmé who told Obi-Wan how she had died, but Obi-Wan is unaware of what happened afterwards. “Anakin had told him of Shmi’s death; that was why he and Padmé had gone to Tatooine, he said. Obi-Wan had talked to Padmé later, and she had explained that Shmi had been kidnapped and killed by Tusken Raiders. Neither of them had been willing to go into much detail, and from what Obi-Wan knew of the Tusken Raiders, he didn’t blame them. It was no wonder Anakin seemed shaken, if his mother had been tortured and killed. One day, perhaps, Anakin would be willing to tell him the whole story.” Obi-Wan appears to know that there is more to the story than he has been told, but it content to wait until Anakin is ready to talk about it. I wonder if they ever had that conversation.

Anakin’s inability to save his mother even after the warnings he receives in his dreams likely leads to his desperation to save Padmé form the danger he believes her to be in later in Revenge of the Sith. He has been shown once before that his dreams can easily come true, and he is desperate to prevent this dream from coming true no matter what the cost may be. 

The Clone Wars

This is gonna be a long one; it’s gonna have to cover the most relevant episodes of The Clone Wars and oh boy that’s not a small amount. Im gonna try to go chronologically but bear with me (if you actually read this far you know what you got yourself into)

Assassin s3ep7

In this episode Ahsoka begins having visions of Padmé being assassinated similarly to how Anakin dreamed of his mother’s and later Padmé’s deaths. The difference with Ahsoka is that she is able to prevent the visions from becoming reality.  What i want to focus on in this episode is the reaction Ahsoka gets when she tells Yoda about her dreams. Yoda explains to her that her dream may be telling her something and provides her with the means to act on her visions to prevent them from becoming true.

When Anakin approaches Yoda about his dreams in Revenge of the Sith, Yoda simply tells him that death is natural and he must train himself to let go of everything he fears to lose. We could chalk this up to just a writing inconsistency, but i dont think i will. I would instead like to wonder why Yoda treats Ahsoka’s visions like they are something that can be changed but then treats Anakin’s like they are set in stone. Anakin has already proven himself capable of having true visions, and is more force sensitive than any other living Jedi. It makes no sense to dismiss Anakin’s feelings like this. All this to say looking into and helping Anakin to examine his dreams instead of telling him to let go when he has proven over and over to be incapable of doing so would likely have been significantly more helpful in the long run.

The Mortis Arc S3 Ep15-17

Honestly i dont have a lot to say on this arc aside how much psychic damage it dealt to see Anakin briefly turn to the dark side because he was so desperate o avoid the future The Son had shown him ( really hope everyone had the common sense not to bring that up to Anakin after the fact though).

 The Deception Arc S4 Ep15+18

In this arc Obi-Wan fakes his death in order to go undercover as the bounty hunter Rako Hardeen and uncover a plot to kidnap the Chancellor. This wouldn’t be a problem if they had brought Anakin in on the plan; instead they use Anakin’s reaction to Obi-Wan’s “death” to better sell the illusion. Obi-Wan even says, “Keeping Anakin on the outside was critical. Everyone knows how close we are. It was his reaction that sold the sniper. I'm sure of it.” Obi-Wan and the Council are fully aware of how much Obi-Wan means to Anakin, yet they all decide to use those feelings to their own advantage with little regard for the consequences.

On top of betraying Anakin’s trust; this move leads Anakin to doubt the Jedi Council and wonder what else they may be keeping from him if they  were willing to let him believe that Obi-Wan was dead as long as it suited their interests. “How many other lies have I been told by the Council? And how do you know that you even have the whole truth?”. 

I just cannot imagine why they thought they even had to use Obi-Wan for this plan. In the Obi-Wan and Anakin comic, Obi-Wan claims that there are 10,000 Jedi; surely there is someone less connected or with less attention on them who would be more suited to go undercover without the element of faking their death. Or if faking their death was necessary, surely they could have picked a Jedi who was not closely attached to arguably the most emotionally unstable Jedi in the Order. Anyone else would have been better. I don’t doubt that Anakin was telling the truth when he said, “If it was up to me I would kill you right here! But lucky for you, the man you murdered would rather see you rot in jail.”.

The Deception Arc just really grinds my gears because it really is almost like the Council wants Anakin to fall. There really is no excuse for how they use his bond with Obi-Wan against him for their own gain. The Council and Obi-Wan know full well how much Anakin loves Obi-Wan (see Anakin referring to Obi-Wan as the closest thing he has to a father in Attack of the Clones), and chose to use this vulnerability against Anakin in the worst way possible. 

This arc really sets Anakin to later doubt Obi-Wan and the Council in Revenge of the Sith, and make it easier for Palpatine to convince Anakin that no Jedi would understand him and that they would likely kick him out of the order and not help him. ( heck he even has a recent memory of the Jedi expelling a 14 year old from the Order for the sake of not looking bad in the eyes of the Senate. “I understand your sentiment, Obi-Wan, but if the Council does as you suggest, it could be seen as an act of opposition to the Senate. I'm afraid we have little choice.” i might go more in depth on this one later but this doesn’t feel like the right place as this is a post about Anakin and i don’t want to make and Ahsoka centric arc all about him).  

That wraps up the Clone Wars! Finally!

Revenge of the Sith

Ok big finale. Revenge of the Sith; so close to being my favorite Star Wars movie, but it almost made me cry in the library so its my second favorite (Attack of the Clones is my favorite). 

I’ve already touched on the dreams Anakin has of Padmé’s death in the Clone Wars segment, but it bears repeating and i have more to touch on. Im not 100% if im misremembering or not but i cannot recall Anakin ever explicitly telling Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine knows that Anakin fears for Padmé’s life anyway. It’s possible that Anakin just told him off screen but a fic i read recently ( It’s called give me one more night by Spongyllama on AO3 and it is so worth the read) introduced me to the theory that it had been Palpatine sending Anakin the dreams to begin with.

This theory has a good amount of legs to stand on honestly. As mentioned previously, Anakin never tells Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine still knows exactly what to tell Anakin to best manipulate him. Furthermore; Anakin’s dreams very likely would never have come true if Anakin hadn’t fallen; Padmé reportedly dies of heartbreak, something that could not have happened had Anakin not fallen. All signs point to Palpatine being behind the dreams (and we know that Anakin and Palpatine are close by the time Attack of the Clones occurs so it’s not out of question that Anakin may have told Palpatine about the dreams about his mother, giving Palpatine the idea to use those dreams against him later)

Conclusion

Honestly the biggest thing i think the Jedi could have improved on was just trying to understand Anakin better. The average age for entering the order is 2 to 3 compared to Anakin’s 9. Anakin entered the order years after any other Jedi, and because of that was able to remember his mother and had formed attachments (or attachment but i digress) before he had even reached the order. It should have been obvious from the start that if Anakin were to ever become a successful Jedi he would need significantly more help than the usual padawan.

We frequently see Anakin scolded for forming attachments or being too emotional (see Clone Wars s1e6-7 where R2-D2 goes missing and Anakin suggests taking a squad out to look for him “Anakin, it's only a droid. You know attachment is not acceptable for a Jedi.”(Obi-Wan) “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”(Yoda). etc etc)  But, to the best of my knowledge, we never really see anyone showing Anakin how to let go. Anakin lacks the tools he needs to properly deal with his emotions, so the best he can do is shove them down and pretend they don’t exist because to him that’s what a proper Jedi does. No one has ever told him otherwise. The explosion was inevitable.

Anakin Skywalker was a traumatized child who was most likely never taken to therapy or told how to deal with/ healthily show his emotions in any way other than to ignore them or push them aside on top of being manipulated by Sith Lord from a young age. With all these factors is it really a surprise that Palpatine was able to turn him?

ok im done; see yall next time ig

[wokestraightpuffy]

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER?  the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics 

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever. 

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO) 

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

 * she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot. 

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj