#im grossly emo

[poppyfamily]

Amangela Writer Appreciation Post!

I'm feeling a lot of things right now and I've decided to write what I like about my Amangela writer friends' writing. I often forget to leave comments on their work because they are GOOD at what they do, and I often forget I'm in the middle of reading good writing because it just exists (something something baby fish asks mommy fish where water is only to realize they've been swimming in it the whole time). Can you believe they do this for FREE? And share it with us just because they want to? They are GIFTS to the community.

It is such a privilege to be in the same creative sphere as these people and I need to express Emotions or regret not doing it. They inspire me everyday. Here is a public declaration of love, hope y’all are okay with that. Ramblings under the cut, because it goes without saying, this got really long.

@okiankeno is so imaginative with their writing. My Teeth, Your Neck is impressive with its incorporations of many elements that are familiar to Smosh and Amangela while throwing them into a fantastical, supernatural universe. I haven't watched Buffy, but their writing is so good at making this fantastical world feel lived in. The world just seamlessly slides into the way they write character motivations, making for strong characterization and dynamics that have me INVESTED. That Maia/Valerie twist? Screaming. Crying. Throwing up.

@babychosen is wonderful at dropping Amanda and Angela in situations optimized for maximum tension - which is clearly seen in first time that i met you (i didn't have a damn clue) and you could be bad (but i wanna find out). I love how she crafts her plots, keeping me at the edge of my seat for what comes next, which is driven forward by the way she writes dialogue - natural to the situation as it captures a range of emotions: awkwardness, uneasiness, attraction and just all the quirks that come with forming relationships. Her writing is so fun to read!

@sage-lights writes fics that are short and sweet, but they pack such a powerful punch. With just a few words, she's able to tell a story that contains the energy of a multi-chaptered fic. This is especially true in sometimes i hold you closer (just to know you're real). LIKE HELLO. I was on the road when I first read it and it had me spiraling for a good few hours. She also captures their voices very well. They also capture the tenderness of Amanda and Angela in such a specific way. One of my favorites is met you at the right time (this is what it feels like), capturing the intimacy of two women who earnestly love each other, beyond romance.

@xxsuicidalravenxx 's writing explores the inner turmoil of being drawn to someone while having a lot of insecurity about your own place in other people’s lives. You know I'm such a fool for you (you got me wrapped around your finger) captures something so incredibly real about the anxiety that comes with a murky and under-communicated relationship dynamic based on unfair assumptions about both herself and how Amanda feels about her - which ultimately is a reflection of Angela’s own self-worth which at this point isn’t the best. It’s so real, god - the self-sabotage and all that and slowly realizing that the people around her care more about her beyond whatever mistake she believes she’s made. Also just - all Chamangela dynamics are excellently written here. It’s a gift.

@unknownteapot is masterful at her craft. I've said it before - their writing is so cinematic.  I can see it clearly in my mind - so good at painting clear pictures of where the characters are in the story. It's dramatic, tension-filled and just excellent writing all around. Several minutes of my life have been spent reading her fics. I feel comforted whenever I read her stuff, it gives the feeling of hope - that things will be okay even when it doesn’t seem that way. I remember when sweetheart dropped in the Amangela ao3 tag and thinking WHO is this absolutely talented writer that came out of nowhere (to me lol), but now I can't imagine this little community without them.

@shesmore-shoebill is so good at capturing Amangela vibes as we see it. Like it truly feels like they've broken down the dynamic into its bare essentials which enables them to produce fics that I can vividly HEAR.  They also just infuse a lot of tenderness into the way they write Amanda and Angela, whether it's in a joke or in like genuine moments of checking in - both demonstrated very well in empty space and Joint Custody (Hey Siri). Also, you just know they're a good writer without reading any of their fics because they are already so articulate in how they write commentary on videos when they aren't even trying to write a story, so when they do have a story, it just hits even more. So good.

@skiespeaches has authored one of the hottest, tension-filled fics I've read in my god damned life. From the first chapter of The devil is in the details I was screaming over how THE FUCK they were able to make just ONE KISS feel like THAT. Also, really really really love how grounded this is in the way they write dialogue and internal thoughts. It captures the pleasant feeling of realizing just how much you like someone and receiving some cues that they might like you back. It captures actions you take because of those feelings that can get in the way of communicating what you really want, the emotional tentativeness that comes with not wanting to bear your heart completely quite yet - yet there is a willingness to see where it goes, hoping that it does come to that point. The entire fic feels like the most emotionally charged scene of a slice of life movie - which is literally my personal favorite genre.

@ghoulishhgayy - famed author of hit Amangela fic Oil Burns had me invested in a situation that I personally haven't read a lot of in fanfiction. The spirit of their fics can be boiled down (haha get it) to the way they write about two women who deeply care about one another unconditionally supporting each other through difficult times. That's the kind of shit I eat up, and it's done so excellently. They just also write in a way that just makes being in love so appealing. They capture the moment of oh in Oil Burns so well that it has me gnashing my teeth, gnawing at the bars of my enclosure etc etc.

@wlwsmosh manages to get to the heart of a story in a few words. It's actually crazy and I’m in awe of their talent. There is a lightness to their fics that just makes me smile so much while also like having some really smutty scenes, which is so dang impressive - balancing sweetness and steaminess really well while also feeling very much like Amangela. My favorite from them are when i call the shots, you call me mommy which I think feels so much like Amangela voice and humor, while also placing them in a relationship and kink context. Honestly, all of their fics are gems.

@baflegacy is so GOOD at putting Amangela in the silliest of situations (heck, situations that are very much based on what we have seen in canon) and teasing out its potential romantic through line. They have a way of capturing emotions that accompany these situations in a way that just shoots you straight to the core. They write tension so well, and are so good at keeping me engaged with what's about to happen next. All of their works are GOATED. I, however, am extremely biased when I say that my favorite is their birthday gift for me - too good (to deny it) - aka one of the best angsty pieces of writing I've read in my whole life my GOD.

@cuecrynsleep is so!!!! A newer friend whose first fic in the Amangela tag I fell in love with immediately (Being Transparent). It was so simple, but captures Amangela’s adorable nature within the context of a romantic relationship REALLY WELL. I’m also just out here eagerly awaiting every post from Reconnecting the Past, which is a chat fic - a format that I rarely like the execution of, but damn I love the way they’re doing it here with the added bonus of the Changela, Arangela, and Shourtmanda dynamics which is just feels absolutely right. I’m out here thinking what are they gonna do next. They are so good at building intrigue and I’m just here sipping my tea and thinking in my head that I sound like some pathetic fuckboy sexting going “and then what?” because I am seated. I am sat. 

Anyway, if you’ve reached the end of this post - go support these writers!!!! Make sure you let them know if you like their stuff - either through a comment, kudos, an ask, a message, or bookmark. I promise you it makes these authors’ days whenever they see any kind of feedback for their work, and it keeps the community ALIVE. I am guilty of not doing that but it’s always great to try instead of not. I know from personal experience that it makes so much of a difference in their motivation to write more, while also allowing us to savor the work instead of mindlessly consuming it. Thanks for reading me gushing about all of them. Love you Amangela RPF community! Very grateful for y’all more than you’ll ever know <3

[skiniibuniii]

im gonna go on a quick alt fashion rant here, please hear me out.

goth does not equal punk, does not equal grunge, does not equal egirl/eboy. heres definitions based on my knowlage and personal definitions. a few of these can mean different things to different people.

goth is based in music! it is the type of music you like! it is also used to describe more beautiful dark fashion like this:

punk is also heavily music based, but rather than the fashion being beautiful it is dirty and handmade. this:

this photo is mine/my mother's (pictured), please credit if you use it

grunge is similar to punk, but with different music tastes and less handmade items. plus vintage items. kurt is the perfect example:

egirls/eboys are a new thing, that is influenced by grunge and goth fashion but is more cutesy. it is very inspired by pastel goth. it has nothing to do with music, it is just fashion. this:

pastel goth is similar to egirls/eboys but often includes a lot more pastel colors. most of the time, it isnt really goth unless the music tastes of goth are included. because, as i stated, goth is just about the music, the fashion was just a side effect of the music basically. this:

emo and scene are both v different but are often grouped together. now calling someone whos alt "emo" is being used to offend them which really bothers me. scene (first photo) is bright, cute, and fun yet dark. its used to embrace childhood, while also embracing the darkness of being an adult. that's why its popular with teens. emo (second photo) is music based and tends to be darker. emo means emotional, its about expressing the emotions you have within.

all of this is grossly oversimplified for people who have no clue about any of this. it bothers me so much when alt is getting all mixed up, esp with egirls/eboys getting popular from tiktok. and yes, if you are inspired by several different versions of alt, you are valid. i consider myself grunge-punk.

this was not made to put anyone down or anything, i love alt fashion and i am inspired by it all. ive gone though phases of being straight up goth, scene, emo and an egirl (before i came out). ive been grunge-punk since i was like 7-now, aside from those phases.

[cotton-corduroy]

David Bowie & Pet Shop Boys

[under-the-blue-sun]

vanilla softserve sort of day

summary: dan doesn't want to go outside today, but when his best friend and crush phil lester turns up at his doorstep...well, he had to change his plans a little. 

word count: 4117

rating: teen & up for swearing, but it’s mostly just fluff

warnings: profanity

note: first(ish) phanfic so uh hello phanfic community nice to meet you i guess. this is a little rushed and crappy but im putting this out there anyway so let’s just see how that goes. inspired by liana flores’ softserve - please check her out, the link is here and she is amazing and so underrated i love her so much.

read on ao3 | read on ff.net

dear diary laptop thingy, 

today began as a perfectly sunny day. and when i mean perfect, i mean absolutely perfect. i wasn't dying and sweating because of the heat, but it wasnt cold enough so i would shiver to death. the perfect weather to go outside, run around in a park and walk my dog. so obviously i stayed inside, sleeping till eleven am. that is, until i was woken up by the doorbell. i leapt out of bed and ran to the door in my pajamas. i know that that's bad, but in my defense i thought that my brother had left something at home and he was coming back to get it. it was holidays for me, but my brother's last day of school was today and my mother had to go to work. and as far as i was aware, my mum had not ordered anything online since she swore off it so i couldn't see how it could be anyone either than my brother and my mother, for who would want to see me?

yet, i opened the door and saw the one and only phil lester.

now i know you do not want to read through another in-depth description of phil lester. i was just rereading my other few entries and uh, i wrote a lot of things about his appearance and personality. but he did truly looked stunning, just standing there at my front door. somehow, he had looked even better since he got the very fashionable quiff and since he started to embrace his glasses. he was wearing a blue shirt and jeans, which accentuated his beautiful blue-green-yellow eyes and he had his dog, buffy, on a lead. she tried to run forward to greet me, almost choking herself, but phil held her back. and then he fucking smiled at me, which, as normal, was fucking death, which is a bit of an issue when he smiles a lot and he's your best mate, but i swear to fucking god, his smile could light up the entire world.

"hi." he said, still fucking smiling.

"i didnt expect you." i noted, like a reasonable human.

"yas, you didnt. nice pajamas." he said.

of course. of all the days, i just had to be wearing my wonder woman pajamas. i fucking hate this world.

"yeah, they are pretty nice. what are you doing here?" i asked, pretending i wasn't embarrassed.

he fiddled with his fingers, acting adorably flustered. god, i fucking love him. "well...you said you were home alone this week and that you were going to be really bored. so i thought i could, you know, turn up as a surprise." he said. i blinked.

"i dont...have anything planned." i said. he laughed, his stupid tongue sticking out of his beautiful teeth. god, please murder me.

"i know you dont, you spork. it is sunny out today, so i was wondering whether you wanted to go on a train with me to the beach?" he said.

i didnt respond for a few seconds so i could process this information. he is so fucking cute?? and nice?? i did not understand, so daniel.exe just shut down. but like?? still??? i said i was going to be bored on the week and that i had nothing to do, so he turned up at my front step and asked whether i wanted to spend some time with him. like who?? would do that??? honestly, he really was the best friend ever. 

"it's okay if you don't want to, i was just asking, you don't have to, there's no pressure!" phil said quickly, his face turning red. it was only then that i realised i hadnt said anything for like a whole minute. oops.

"no, no, i would love to! i was just...surprised that you would think of coming here and asking whether i wanted to spend time with you." i quickly said, trying to make up for my mistake.

"you were surprised i wouldn't at least come and say hi after hearing my best friend was bored and free during the week? daniel james howell, i am truly disappointed in you." phil said, shaking his head. 

so i took sookie, my dog (yas, phil and i have matching pup names) and wore my sunglasses. i wore the first clothes in my closet that were reasonably presentable (black, of course) and i went to the door. phil was on his phone playing crossy road (probably as the emo goose) and didn't notice me come out of the house.

"um...hello?" i said. he went pink, embarrassed he didn't notice me beforehand, and looked at me for a while. all i was thinking was fuck, i probably look bad.

"is there something on my face?" i asked. he went pinker and shook his head.

"no, it's nothing." he replied. "let's go!"

the train trip was as breezy as the wind today and before i knew it, we were at the beach. phil tried to chase some seagulls to talk to them like the dork he is, but i pulled him away.

"aww. but i could have been the next doctor dolittle." he complained. i rolled my eyes.

"we already discussed this. you cannot become a doctor, as you would be known as dr. phil and that title already belongs to one human and it will continue to belong to one human only." i said sternly. he pouted.

"but what if i legally changed my name? then could i become the next doctor dolittle?" he begged.

"what would you even change your name to? mo?" i asked, struggling to not smirk. 

"mo? mo...lester. what? no! i dont want my name to be the word someone who sexually assaults others! i would change my name to...sylvester. then i could become sylvester lester!" he exclaimed.

"sylvester lester from manchester." i said with a grin.

"yeah! i like it!" he said. he looked so fucking happy, how could he ever want to spend time with me, who literally sucks the happiness out of everything? truly one of the world's greatest mysteries.

"it does have quite a ring to it," i admitted, "maybe you should change your name."

"then i could be doctor dolittle! well, the equivalent of him. doctor sylvester lester from manchester who goes on...questers...to communicate with other animals." he exclaimed. i shook my head.

"no phil, you ruined it. questers? really?" i said.

"i couldn't think of anything else that would rhyme!" he protested. i shook his head. sookie shook his head with me.

"see, even sookie knows what's up!" i said. 

"well, buffy would never betray me, so take that!" phil retorted playfully. he then suggested we go grab some lunch, so we went to the local cafe and got some fish and chips. 

it was a cute cafe. there was hardly anyone there as it was still technically a working day, which was good for us as we got an outdoor table for our dogs. sookie hungrily stared at my food, hoping for a chip or two. even though my mum hates giving sookie human food, she wasn't here to tell me not to give her any, so i gave in and allowed her to take some of my chips. while i was feeding sookie under the table, i listened to phil talk.

"did you know that a lot of fish in fish and chips is actually shark?" he said. i raised my eyebrows.

"i refuse to believe that. where did you hear it?" i asked with doubt.

"i don't know, i think someone told me on this science camp or something, i don't know." he replied, visibly attempting to recall where he heard it.

"right, okay, really reliable source there. even if it's true, i don't care. i don't care if this is raw shark, or raw octopus or some shit, it tastes good so i'm going to continue eating it." i said.

"octopus tastes different from regular fish, dan. i think you would know if you were eating raw octopus." phil pointed out.

"i don't care! i don't care! watch me! i don't care!" i exclaimed. phil laughed as he shook his head.

we finished the meal in ten seconds flat, like the ravenous, greedy brutes we were and then i paid, despite phil's protests. 

"why did you pay? i should have paid! this is my treat to you!" phil exclaimed, continuing to argue even after we had left the cafe.

"yeah, and that is my thanks to you for taking me out." i said back. he huffed.

"yeah, but i wanted to treat you." he said. 

"if you wanna try me, get me a ninety-nine." i said, pointing at the ice cream truck ahead. he groaned.

"but they're always so expensive. way more expensive than it should be, anyway." he whinged.

i shrugged. "i mean, if you wanna treat me -"

"yas, i'll get you a ninety-nine!" he blurted out, interrupting my sentence. "i might as well get myself one as well."

and soon, i had a vanilla softserve in my hand and an irritated phil to my right.

"why are they even called ninety-nines when they're not even ninety-nine pence?" phil asked.

"it's actually because italian people thought -" i began, but phil cut me off.

"i don't want to hear. they should be ninety-nine pence is all i'm saying." phil griped. 

"if you don't want your ninety-nine, you can go ahead and give it to me," i offered. 

"no, it's still mine." phil said. he stuck his tongue out at me, then took a huge lick of the ice cream.

"or is it?" i said. i leaned over and licked his ice cream.

"hey!" he cried. he leant over and licked my ice cream.

"see? now we're even steven. no need to get angry." i said. he shook his head while i manically cackled.

"race you!" phil shouted. i stopped laughing and i saw him in the distance, already running.

"wha - i -" i stuttered, before sprinting as well. by the time we just got to the end, we were both huffing and puffing, unable to breathe.

"i...beat...you." phil said, exhaling after each word. my brain protested "because you had a head start!" but my body was unable to comply, and all that came out was "head...start.". phil and i simultaneously collapsed on the floor.

after five minutes, i stood up and looked at where we had run from.

"you know, it wasn't that far, we're just grossly unfit." i observed.

"the things we sacrifice to play hours of video games." phil replied, shaking his head. "hey, how about we go on the beach?"

before i could reply, phil was on the beach, looking up at me with a grin. i shook my head.

"now sand is going to be in your socks and shoes." i pointed out. he threw his vans to the side and stripped his socks off.

"there!" he declared. "problem fixed!"

"phil!" i exclaimed. he tilted his head in confusion.

"what?" he said innocently.

"you can't just - oh, whatever," i said, giving in. i jumped down to the beach and i took off my socks and shoes.

"happy?" i asked, both eyebrows raised. he smiled, eyes crinkling with happiness.

"very." he said. he lay down on the beach, but jumped up abruptly.

"what?" i asked. he rubbed his back and dug in the sand with his fingers. he plunged his hand in and pulled out a huge conical shell.

"woah, look at this!" phil said with a huge grin.

"was that sticking up your back?" i asked. he nodded solemnly. i laughed loudly and obnoxiously as he pouted. he was so cute when he pouted. why did i have to go through this? this was straight up homophobia.

"hey, let's look for more shells!" he said.

"why?" i groaned.

"because it'll be fun?" he said, with puppy dog eyes. i groaned, but decided to humour him anyway.

"where are you going to put the shells, phil?" i asked. he pointed at his hoodie pocket.

"in here, of course!" he said. 

"how many shells would you even be able to fit in there?" i asked. he shrugged.

"as many as i can. come on, let's hunt for shells!" he said, already running across the beach with buffy and sookie. i sighed and chased after him, trying not to grin after he started screaming.

and it turns out he was right. with a little help from my hoodie pocket, we managed to collect a whole lot of shells. somehow, we had managed to spend hours on the beach, rolling in the sand and grabbing shells.

"we should probably have dinner now." i said. he laughed and shook his head.

"what?" i asked innocently.

"nothing. just the people in the restaurant will probably think we're crazy, covered in sand and pockets bulging with shells." he said. i looked at him, his hair in the wind and his multicoloured eyes somehow matching perfectly with the sea. his face looked beautiful under the light of the sunset, and of course his smile was just as stunning as it was this morning at the front door. suddenly, i started laughing too, and he started laughing harder, and soon we couldn't stop until we were just two idiots with one shared brain cell, laughing our head off till we couldn't breathe.

to be honest, i don't know what was so funny. it wasn't phil's best joke, nor his cheesiest, nor his dirtiest or his most ironic. maybe it was just the absurdity of it all, that we had spent our entire day collecting shells on the beach with our dog. but at that moment, i was certain it was because of the impossible existence that was phil and how he managed to be so fucking beautiful and nice. that's why i was laughing anyway, i have no idea why phil was laughing his head off.

"yeah, let's wait for awhile before dinner. you can come to my place if you want?" i offered. he shook his head.

"nah, it's fine. i'll just go home and have dinner there." he said. 

"please. have dinner with me. it'll be my treat back to you for making sure i didn't stay inside sleeping all day." i said, practically begging. i looked at him as the breeze blew against his face, and at that particular moment i was more in love with him than i ever could've imagined someone could be.

he looked back at me for a while, then relented. he smiled and shuffled closer towards me.

"sure. i'll love to have dinner with your family." he said.

we sat in comfortable silence, looking off into the horizon.

"the beach during sunset really is beautiful." i observed.

"yeah. really." he eloquently replied. i turned to him, and realised he was still looking at me.

"fuck, i can't deal with this anymore." he muttered. i frowned, quizzical.  and then he interrupted my thoughts and kissed me.

my brain went completely empty of all the thoughts i was thinking before and all the logic i normally apply to situations. i stopped thinking about the maths homework i was supposed to do, and how we had to go all the way back to the other end of the beach to get our shoes and socks back if they were still there, and how the weather forecast said that it might rain later this evening. the only thing that i was thinking about was how phil, my best friend, crush, soulmate and companion through life, fucking liked me back and that he was fucking kissing me.

holy shit. even now as i'm typing this, i still can't believe it. this kind of thing only happened in cliche rom-com tv shows and movies. but yet it was still happening. Philip Michael Lester, the attractive, polite, intelligent, thoughtful, kind human being, was kissing Daniel James Howell, the impolite, sarcastic, idiotic, emo, ironic demon. just...fuck. fuck fuck fuck.

"i really like you dan." phil said quietly, avoiding my eyes. i took his hand and placed it in mind.

"i really like you too." i said, smiling. he looked up at me and smiled. we sat, hand-in-hand, and watched the sunset in silence.

"let's go home." i said.

"let's go home." he repeated.

so we walked to the other end of the beach, our bare feet making temporary footprints across the barren sand.

we collected our shoes and socks (which phil forgot about before i reminded him) and then we went on the train, but we were too exhausted to talk. emotionally tired or physically tired, i don't know. but we sat on the train hand in hand, trying not to drift to sleep. unfortunately, i epically failed at that because soon i woke up to phil nudging me at our stop. after a five minute walk from the train station we arrived at my house. i knocked at my door, and waited for an answer. i heard footsteps, and soon adrian answered the door.

"dan, i'm proud of you. i was surprised you even went out of the house, but i had faith that you would. mum thought you were kidnapped, but obviously you're okay. oh, hi phil! we weren't expecting you." adrian said. oops. i kind of forgot to tell mum that phil was coming. i'm sure it was fine. 

"hi adrian! can you ask your mum whether it's okay for me to have dinner with you? tell her it's fine if i can't, i wouldn't want to butt into your family dinner." phil said. ugh, what a gentlemen. how the fuck did he like me? if i was him i wouldn't like me. what was this sorcery???¿?¿¿¿   

adrian nodded and ran back to the kitchen. he shouted back to us saying it was okay, and we went in.

the dinner went smoothly. as i predicted, phil made adrian laugh with his cheesy jokes and he was incredibly polite to my mum. i had told my mum while phil went to the bathroom that we were dating now, and i could tell that the only thing that went through her head was "ideal son-in-law". which was good i guess, if also somewhat embarrassing.

as soon as we started the dessert course, it started raining outside. 

"you boys just missed the rain, didn't you?" my mum said, looking out the window.

"good luck, i guess." i replied, focusing on my apple pie.

"or maybe the universe meant it to be like that." phil said. i looked up at him.

"probably luck." adrian decided, interrupting our moment.

despite my mum's protests, phil soon started to get ready to go, hoodie pocket still bulging with shells. i had put my shells in my room the minute we came back in, but poor phil had to carry them all throughout dinner. 

"i'll count them when we get home and we can see how many shells we collected together." phil promised.

"or we could have a competition to see who has the most shells." i proposed. 

"i gave some of mine to you, so that's not fair." phil said. i clicked my tongue.

"excuses, excuses." i said, shaking my head.

"are you sure you don't want to stay here for the night?" my mum said, concerned.

"it's fine, ma'am. i need to go home and do some things i was supposed to do this afternoon, but i was held up." he said, looking at me.

"you invited me!" i protested. 

"i know, i wasn't blaming you. but it's fine ma'am, i want to go home." phil said. mum sighed.

"at least make me give you a lift." she said.

"it's -"

"phil lester, it is raining outside. i do not want your mother calling me saying i let you to walk out in the rain, allowing you to catch a cold! i know your address, let me drive you there. dan, adrian, do you want to come?" my mum said. adrian shook his head.

"sure." i said.

"good, let's go. adrian, don't do anything or you're grounded." mum said. ah, what a legend.

the second we got in the car, holding hands in the backseat, my mum showered us with congratulations. she revealed she had been shipping us since grade three, which made me confused and worried, and she said that she always knew i liked phil.

"mum!" i said while phil laughed.

"what? it was as obvious as day. even before you told us you were gay, i knew that you thought phil as something either than platonic. and don't laugh too hard mr lester, i always knew you liked him too. i'm just amazed it took this long for you to get together to be honest." mum said.

"well, we're both oblivious and nerdy, so that might be why." phil said. mum chuckled.

"yas, that is true. that's very true." mum said. we then chatted about music and literature, and before we knew it we were at phil's place. it had somehow stopped raining on the drive, but i was still wet so mum told us to be careful.

"thank you for taking me ma'am." phil said honestly.

"that's okay phil. it's been nice seeing you again. you're welcome at our house at any time. i'll let you two say goodbye." mum said.

phil got out of the car, making sure he didn't drop any shells from his pocket.

"make sure to count those shells," i said while getting out of the car.

"i will." he said with a smile. god, those smiles still killed me. i kind of hoped that i would become immune to them after finding out he liked me, but i was also kind of grateful that i was still susceptible to the magic of phil's smile. still, it was irritating that i melted any time he felt moderately happy. it wasn't fair, it really wasn't fair.

"you wanna go to the movies tomorrow? i heard there's some good films in the cinema." i said.

"sure. my treat." he said.

"nope, you're not paying for it. i refuse to let you. you can pay for something else, but i will pay for the tickets." i said. he opened his mouth to argue, but closed it immediately after.

"we'll argue about this tomorrow. i'll go -" he started, but i interrupted.

"i'll be at your place. at eleven thirty sharp." i said. he raised his eyebrows.

"would you really?" he said.

"i will. you'll be sorry you ever doubted me." i replied.

"have you done mr folium's homework yet?" he asked.

"nope. i'll probably just google the answers." i said.

"you're going to regret doing that." he said.

"i know. but for now i'm just focusing on the present and not worrying about the future." i said.

"that's a good quote for our relationship, not so good for maths homework. but fine, you do you. i'll probably just google the answers as well." he said. i laughed.

"you're such a hypocrite." i said, shaking my head. he smirked.

"i know. it's one of the things you love about me, isn't it?" he said. i raised my eyebrows.

"your words, not mine." i said. we stood in silence, both unsure of what to say.

"i should probably get going." i said, breaking the silence. 

"yeah, same." he agreed. and there it was, that perfect silence yet again.

"i really like you." i began, but not sure of what else to say.

"yeah, same." he said. 

and then we kissed again. it sounds so casual, doesn't it? but it wasn't, it really wasn't. my heartbeat sped up and slowed down to match his, my palms started sweating with nerves and excitement, and my lips curled as it struggled to fathom what was happening. i wonder if every kiss with him would be like this. i wonder if i would ever stop loving him just as much. there's still so much i was unsure about, but for now i'll focus on the present and i'll let the future come when it comes. who knows how much - or how little - the world has in store for the two of us? let's face it, i'm just a seventeen year old boy really in love with another boy in my class who somehow liked me back. but couldn't be seventeen? that's all i wanted to be. and there was nowhere to go if didn't start the journey, and right now we were only just beginning.

today was a vanilla softserve sort of day, and i love vanilla softserves. signing off,

daniel howell 

[seungwoomi-blog]

hewwwwo. if ur wondering why u might have already been following me it’s bc i was here for a hot minute b4 real life absorbed my soul. ANYWAY this is seungwoo! he’s a 24 y/o med student, intern @ myeongcho hospital, and a medic in phoenix. 

click here for more info! and peek below the cut for a (sort of tl;dr) summary. otherwise, plz like this post if u want to plot and i’ll come zoomin to ur ims :’) thx buds! 

background

born and raised in myeongcho !!!! where my party ppl AT !!!! his family’s always been on the poorer side and getting them out of poverty and into a life of comfort has been his motivation and end goal for as long as he can remember. seungwoo has been devoted 2 being diligent abt his studies and making sure 2 be a good kid so people respect his parents since youth :’) he just rly loves his family it hurts 

just works really grossly hard (read: OVERworks) because he’s stuck in this dog eat dog world mentality... genuinely thinks he has to carry the world on his shoulders if he wants to save his family from bearing the blunt of the blow.

yea he just wants his family to be good

sacrifices his dream of becoming a photographer !!!!! to focus his efforts on med school from a Very young age. 

joins a gang (phoenix) when he’s eighteen out of desperation bc his parents need money and he isn’t sure how else to get it quick bc his convenience store gig isn’t cutting it. does a smattering of very low-key, behind the scenes jobs; spends a lot of time shadowing the (then) medics. he doesn’t hate it, tbh? he’s ok with it, but he goes into phoenix with the mindset that This is Not Forever and as soon as the money’s there... he’s gonna dip. 

takes a lil longer !!!! than anticipated ! it’s almost four years later that he finally, finally builds up the resolve to quit when ( tw kidnapping ) he finds out his little brother’s gone missing. this is rly hard on him bc he adores his little brother and beats himself up for not being able to protect him/be as present as he’d like to have been. finds out that there’s a high likelihood that said lil bro might have been kidnapped by a local gang, so seungwoo (begrudgingly) stays in phoenix because he thinks it’ll be easier to find his bro when he has the “connections.” ( end tw )

in 2017, when seungwoo decides to stick with phoenix for those personal reasons, he also starts med school and officially becomes a medic for phoenix. 

he’s v good at keeping his gang life separate and distinct from his “real” life. he doesn’t have any interest in blurring the lines, and is v explicit about keeping what he does in the shadows a secret—mostly bc he doesn’t want to make life any harder for his parents. 

currently: still in med school, still in phoenix, really just an exhausted sack of bones that wants to find his brother and live a comfortable life. 

personality

some powerful big bro energy... he will dote on u... he will tease u...... he loves taking care of ppl............ disgosting

ok but fr? he’s very ambitious and very diligent and sometimes (oftentimes) one-track-minded, but he’s a good guy. has a good head on his shoulders. he just has very distinct priorities and it’ll take a lot to sway him from what he thinks is the right path. 

not the sociable type—doesnt mind meeting new ppl at all! but he’s not the type to approach new ppl. friends are cool but he hates small talk and hates wasting time. 

no he will not talk to u about his problems he doesnt even want to THINK about his problems (jk he does want to think abt them, and he will. he will overthink them 2 death.) (but no he fr does not want to talk to u about them.)

rly good at detaching himself from his surroundings. very good at compartmentalizing things. VERY good at separating gang life from “who he actually is” (haha sike u fake and we been knew). it’s why the violence and shit doesn’t rly bother him as much as he wishes it would—bc he’s good at puttin his heart on the back-burner when it gets too meddlesome.

haha can anyone say gray morality 

has a rly strong survival instinct but it’s kind of hard bc he has to reconcile it with this self-sacrificing martyr syndrome he has where he does not value his life as much as his parents’ or his brother’s but he Does value it to the extent that he obvi needs 2 be alive to help them.

omg ok emo stuff and the harrowing issue of not wanting to talk to anyone abt the important stuff ever, he is GOOD KID.

has a soft spot for ppl who need to be taken care of. having a fship w/ seungwoo is easygoing and low-pressure he just wants to tease u and make u hold his hand Zz

IN CONCLUSION, HE’S GOT SOME ISSUES !!!!! but he’s friendly and harmless for the most pt and really is just like an exhausted grandpa who is almost always on the verge of caffeine od. 

wanted connections

check out some basic ones i whipped up here! otherwise, he’s flexible :’)

[ambientgaze]

i wish you would hate me.

if i distance myself enough, you will realize.

neglect will be the end. 

i can only hope.

[prcmctheus]

hurricane katrina ?? more like hurrican tortilla .. am i rite ?? dnajdsl i’m over trying to seem cool 4 u guys to read these hot messes bc we all know it’s just gonna be me rambling nonsense but i need validation bc im a messy b*tch so luv me and my hipster trash son bowie

! ✰ ° — [ RAMI MALEK, CISMALE, HE/HIM ] bowie abaza, aka agent galileo is a thirty-six year old biomedical agent that has been loyal to mercy for three years. they have a reputation of being the savant because they can be steadfast & amicable. but let’s not forget they’re pretty blasé & fastidious. if you listen closely you can hear sunday morning by maroon 5 whenever they walk past. 

STATISTICS:

full name: bowie abraxas abaza nicknames: just bowie yo hometown: cairo, egypt gender: cismale sexuality: pansexual / panromantic spoken languages: masri ( egyptian arabic ), arabic, english, german & spanish hogwarts house: he’s a hoe ass ravenclaw y’all , caries around sudoko puzzles tattoos: bc i’m weak and idc if this is a feminine aRM he has this rose tattoo on his right arm

BACKSTORY:

so ya Mans bowie abraxas abaza was born and raised in cairo, egypt up until he was 6 years old but moved around A LOT bc his mom is fickle and tbh bowie never really minded bc his a World Traveler by the time college rolls around .. he hasn’t been in a place for long and he doesn’t mind it bc he;s a bit of a wandering spirit or vagabond if u will

but yeah his mom didn’t really come from money but his dad was pretty well off ?? he was an accountant in cairo bc it was a family thing that the men followed suit in and his dad was set to marry this woman bc their families were close but his dad was like lmao thx but no thx and ran off with his teenage sweetheart who also happened to be his neighbor but u can thank his moms deep love of david bowie for his name

i say ran off but lit he dipped 30 mins away to the house he bought jdsbfajf sOOO bowie chills with his parents in cairo until he’s 6 until his mom says she wants to move them to prague and asks bowie for his insight and in his 6 year old wisdom he’s like uHhh yeah sure why not  .. u know as a parent does in big life decisions

but bowie def takes more after his mom in the sense of being p easy going and goes with the flow ?? chilled out most of the time and hardly ever raises his voice or loses his temper ?? hates confrontation and would much rather avoid it all costs nflksdj so u gotta do smth Wild for him to show frustration

he doesn’t take things too seriously or get too attached bc of how much moving he did as a kid ,, which u think his dad would be like nyla pls .. let me have a steady job but he is Whipped and grossly in love but to be fair ,, they both are and bowie hasn’t ever seen a couple more in love after so many years than his parents so it warms his heart a bit

it’s when they’re in prague that his mom gives birth to his younger sister safia ( i have jade thirlwall for a potential wc .. someday maybe idk ) and bowie actually adores his sister ?? thinks she hung the stars in the sky and would Die for her .. until she becomes a teenager and he’s like safia i s2g i will nerf u,, as any brother but he still luvs her

until he’s 15 he bounces around from prague to budapest to moscow before his parents make The Move to san franscisco, california and that’s the last move the abaza clan make just to spare bowie and safia from falling back even further in schooling and bowie was like .. mom pls chill out

bowie did exceptionally well in high school and was the jerk who was just naturally smart and didn’t have to study much bc it just came easy to him  ,, HUGE HIPSTER TRASH im not even sorry ,, likes to smoke weed and hates beer but is a wine hoe .. wears hawaiian button downs unironically, ripped skinny jeans .. big fan of chelsea boots and slip on vans and leather jackets and that still transfers over to his style now

gets along with p much anyone ?? was in the robotics club in high school, on the deans list but weaved between the cliques with ease and probably bc of how chill and down to earth he was ,, helped people out with tutoring n such and just stayed in his own lane

on his 18th birthday he got a giant rose tattoo on his right arm much to the horror of his dad jdfaljk but and he’s v proud of it and has an urge to get a sleeve but now working for Governmental peeps , he mainly wears long sleeve shirts and is wary of mercy’s stance and doesn’t wanna ask

a bit non commital in terms of Relationships ,, v sexually liberal and v pansexual / panromantic and hasn’t even really settled down just bc he feels like he doesn’t wanna settle down into things and make them so serious ?? so he’s just big into the hookup scene but he ain’t the type to dip first thing when he wakes up .. likes to chill and lay in bed and maybe go get some breakfast w u

becoming a doctor was a last minute whim bc he wanted to do engineering but changed his mind and applied to john hopkins for pre-med bc i hate him and he figures why not ?? ya mans gets an early admission and he’s v proud of himself and parents cry bc they're proud of their boy and what he's achieved even with all their moving around !! im emo thinking about it now bye

lit his bachelor’s and then med school . bowie runs on caffeine, multiple existential crises and the determination of elle woods and time flies and he’s 26 and graduates john hopkins med school summa cum laude after internships n such and ya bOY IS SWAGGY !! secures his residency and is living life as a trauma surgeon back in san francisco for a bit before he gets into contact with mercy and bc he's impulsive as fuck he’s the meme of the hand slapping the button that says nUT

accurate representation of bowie jdnfls so he’s been chilling as a biomedical agent for mercy for three years and finds it more thrilling than a trauma surgeon ?? liked being on but there’s something more to being at mercy that while he enjoyed saving lives , he feels a greater purpose at mercy 

p much the middle ground between fitz and misha bc he’s just Chill , kjsdkl that’s the best way i can conjure up thots bc he’s easy going and talks to most people and doesn’t rise up to frustration and just offers solutions and is Unimpressed when field agents try to act tough like calm down chad ur gonna bleed out so shut up and come over here

chose his agent name as galileo bc he’s a science Nerd and i hate him

[dearphillie]

Honestly i only dont call him gay because he said he isnt gay but he is bi and sexually ambiguous and that he likes the word queer. really just me being a petty bi person but i get a lil salty/irritated when a bi person is just called gay even when theyre more than that. im only okay with lgbtq people doing that tho, not hets. above all else it infuriates me when people say "dnt call dan gay" only because they wanna erase the thought of dan liking boys entirely. Thats just grossly homophobic.

i totally agree! i don't mean gay as in a literal 100% homosexual, just only as one of a few words to describe being not straight!i agree with your last point as well.i just think back to the liveshow from last year when dan was describing his emo phase as "queer" and having a group of friends where, in his words, they "could all just be gay". people just passed that off as a joke and said it was just him taking the piss, but i don't think that should've been dismissed because i really felt that he meant it.

[tlupis]

Part 1. Thoughts on the maximum ride movie so far

Spoilers for the maximum ride movie. Swearing. Ranting. You have been warned Im not even 15 minutes in, I am already disappointed. The actors are grossly in accurate to the books, nudge is way out of character, Angel is supposed to be sweet not a creepy kid yet. For fucks sake... Okay character design here. Fang Book: thin build incredibly long black hair basically the very easily considered the second-in-command max actually listens to him. Movie: built like a freaking quarterback has short cropped hair and even though he voices his opinion he's also being a complete push over. Give me back my brooding 14 year old emo boy not some f****** 20 something looking looking f****** quarterback. Iggy: Book: straw berry blonde (lighter spectrum) pale, also skinny. Firm on his ideals but still follows max. Movie: another f***** quarterback he has dark brown hair. Jesus. Gazzy: Book: blonde hair blue eyes a sweetheart and a bit hyper but very happy. Movie: dark brown hair and eyes, obsessed with protection from erasers. Not a a happy kid. Nudge: Book: person of color, huge amounts of kinky beautiful hair. speaks alot, isn't stupid or rude as hell. Movie: at least they got her skin tone right, but low and f***** Behold a person can't have their natural f****** hair Ono the world's going to end. Is flat-out being stupid super rude to Max and called angel a freak. Greaaaat Angel: Book: blonde blue eyes. Also a total sweetheart, everyone is used to her mind reading. Act fairly normal and is a happy outspoken little girl. Movie: holy s*** they managed to get the actual f****** look right are you serious?!!! Oh wait she's acting like a creepy reserved child from The Omen nevermind they still f***** her up and I had hope to... Max Book: brown long hair, braided usually. Has the usual build of a 14 year old. Plus wings. Bad ass, caring leader who takes great care of the kids and even if she's a touch paranoid she has reason to be. Movie: top 10 not even shoulder length bleach blonde ffucking didn't even do the girl's eyebrows looks like some seventeen-year-old fucking bombshell from an old movie or some shit. she flat-out threatens nudge instead of saying that it's not appropriate or that it's not safe to run off and go fucking shopping just and righteous bitch and not the leader that we are immediately introduced to in the books. Other shit that bugs me rn Apparently the fuckin school is a got dang Petco or some crap according to its security protocols. Apparently Max and the kids haven't even left the freaking house since Jeb left instead of a you know being on their own little mountain. Oh oh and the closest store to close by to go fucking shopping that no just planning on running off to is only 5 miles away bullshit Lord help me im gonna watch more of it....

[gay-yuuri]

I was tagged!

thanks, @96percentdone!

1. What’s one thing you’re still really salty about even if you’re not invested in what it’s related to anymore?

the way Break from pandora hearts was treated. he deserved better!!!!!!

2. what the one fandom you say you’re totally over but search your feelings, you’re not?

Probably Owari no Seraph, it turned to shit but I still sometimes find me skimming spoiler updates lmao

3. Your least favourite noise?

People chewing loudly, like grossly slurping and smacking their mouth.

4. What’s the last piece of media to make you cry?

The song Un Sospiro by Liszt. It’s just so Bee You Tea Full it makes me emo

5. Your absolute favourite character ever

Rosalina from super Mario galaxy. 12 year old me crushed hard on her.

6. What’s the wildest dream you can remember?

Ok this one dream I was flying with angel wings along a beach at sunset with hundreds of rainbow party balloons floating all around me and I had magical powers and shit it was so realistic

7. What’s something that’s guaranteed to cheer you up?

Either playing the piano or painting.

8. Rate middle school between awful to satan’s left armpit. 

Satan’s left armpit on a boiling day in hell

9. A character you didn’t expect to love but fuck dude you’d sure die for them now?

I guess you can say Lars from SU, he was such an ass but had a lot of development and now I respect the dude

10. Something you like even if this hellsite has deemed it cringey. 

Uuuuh please don’t blocc me but I sorta like some of the funko pop figures, a few are even cute to me??? I have bad taste I guess????

11. Can you hear my heartbeat?

….tired of feeling, never enough I close my eyes, tell myself that MY DREAMS WILL COME TRUE

(edit: just realized i didnt tag anyone but im too uncreative to make my own questions...)

[daddy-mothman]

you know you’ve hit rock bottom when you take the emo shit off your tumblr and onto your facebook like im sorry to all my friends who have to witness me being grossly emo in the year of our lord 2k17 but it is what it is

[augustheads]

i get so emo on her birthday because we all grew up together and im grossly emotional abt this