#im gonna write about this in another post bc fuck that was disgusting

[solomiracle]

just finished reading the escorts devilgram! funny luci and satan moments at the cost of blatant misogyny! fuck you/10

[hexitca]

Rant about Puritan fandom culture!

Well I typed it on twitter but then I had more to say so tumblr it is!

Under read more

WARNING: Long as fuck

Here's some pics

I know I basically said the author of Heartstopper "brought it on themselves" but yea they kinda did.

You can disagree with BL/Yaoi you can hate the shipping discourse or shipping in fandom in general but you cant frame it in a "i hate [that] bc it's sinful/fetishistic and I'M ABOVE THAT BC I'M WHOLESOME AND BETTER THAN THOSE DISGUSTING SHIPPERS"

bc that's gonna bite you in the ass...as it is doing now. The fucking image of their character's google history is so tame and normal, esp in LGBTQ+ spaces! Yet they are being called a pedo? Crazy. In the end, you only hurt yourself!

I never bothered with HS bc i just wasnt interested in it but thats just my preference. It's sad to see ppl, esp young ppl, turn on a series of LGBTQ+ representation just bc of the author's past (or current? idk) stance on the BL/Yaoi or MLM or whatever genre just bc their stance wavered a bit in a simple comic image. Something that is so fucking normal also! but they will grow up and realized how limiting it is to restrict themselves just to appear pure within a group.

Yet the artists/writers/creators are traumatized by the witchhunt. I know I said the author brought it on themselves for supporting anti but damn I don't want them being accused of being a pedo! Or ANYTHING! NO ONE DESERVES THAT. I dont know anything about the author other than surface knowledge but at the end of the day, all this online shit, doesnt matter. It doesnt! Me saying that is ironic bc im typing this post up right now!

but it's something we care about! I care about fandom spaces, I care that creators are getting attack for something as mild as this even if they invited these ppl into their circle. We're human and we change our views a million times a fucking day. I could agree with one thing and disagree with it another. That's why anti discourse pisses me the hell off! It's just a bunch of bullies looking to make themselves feel better by shaming others! I don't respect that type of behavior. And I hate that they just run around saying shit like "kys" over a two characters fucking?!? It amazes me beyond words.

Fandom has never been without its discourse. But the puritan bullshit is not even fandom discourse, it's just straight up bullying and harassment. It doesnt take much to tailor your fandom spaces to your preferences, i should know ive been in fandom spaces since I was fucking 13 years old. I didn't explore nsfw/porn/anything until I wanted to when I was 18. That is MY personal experience. I never put that on anyone else BUT MYSELF. If I saw nsfw and didnt want to see it I blocked the person. Not make a fucking witch hunt out of it. You are in charge of keeping YOURSELF in check not some person who shared nsfw art/fanfic. How fucking hard is it to turn the "don't show me nsfw" toggle on??? Bc it's not about that. Y'all just wanna be mad and be above someone so why not ppl minding their own business.

And guess what? There ARE ppl who are bad and support nsfw art/writing. They fucking suck. They are outliers and deserve to be called out when they get exposed. But many times, ppl always go "see i told you all the ppl in THAT fandom were pedos/freaks/etc" hmmm sounds like when conservatives go "see...that queer person turned out to be bad, SO all queer ppl are bad" DO YOU GET IT?? It never works out with that line of thinking. You are harming innocent ppl minding their own business. You are harming yourselves when you grow the fuck up and realize that "OH actually...I am curious about sex" and have ppl who you thought were your friends eat your face. PLS wake the fuck up.

If you're an anti:

I hope you recover from that

go fuck yourself

if you're offended by me saying "go fuck yourself", pls take that as a sign to log off the internet and go touch grass. As someone who has done that many of times, it's very refreshing.

[peachdues]

Dearest Peach 💕 for the fic ask game-

6. Something I remember vividly from reading one of your fics

Heh.. Tell Me to Stop (Kyojuro’s Version) Pt2… up on the hill. I am not kidding when I say that I think about “You taste like fucking paradise” daily. If somebody said that to me I am proposing marriage on the spot. Additionally, when reader got impatient and Kyo shouted “Fuck!” Yeah. Yeah. Mmhmm.

7. What made me the most emotional after reading

A lot of it had to do with knowing it was deeply personal to you and basically your experience with your mother’s health and passing- Phanta Pt3 when reader talked about her last time at the hospital with her mom. God, that busted me up so bad. My heart shattered when she described using her mothers hand to pat her own hair. I straight up had to walk away from my desk at work and cry it off in the back office. I called my mom that day just to talk because I don’t do that enough. I’m so grateful that you are brave enough to share something so personal with us. I’m giving you a bone-crushing hug 💕

9. A fic i'm excited for you updating/posting

Between Man and Star! I love time fuckery! I love fated mates! I love lost love! I love remembered love! I love bitter ass Sanemi!

12. A fic of yours that i've re-read

Red Dress. For reasons. “Cum. Now.” being a big one 🫣

BESTIE 😭😭😭😭 you’re getting a between man and star snippet (or 2) here bc im a whore when flattered.

NOTE: teaser(s) for Between Man & Star below

1. Im so glad you appreciated my take on Kyo eating pussy bc I could not, in good conscience, write him yelling “tasty!” after making him so angsty 😭 that’s as close as I’ll ever get

2. IM SORRY I MADE YOU CRY AT WORK!! But also, if it helps, I cried while writing the scene and my dad was side eyeing me because he doesn’t know I write fan fiction.

3. Between Man & Star is gonna feed you WELL I promise. Enjoy some more bitchy Sanemi

Mitsuri frowned as she brought her straw back to her lips. “Are you saying I’m an idiot?”

Sanemi only tapped his finger on his nose as he pulled out a carton of cigarettes, holding one between his lips as he rummaged in his pockets for a lighter. Mitsuri scoffed, rolling her eyes as she turned her attention back to Rengoku, grumbling over the curmudgeonly Wind Pillar.

It was Shinobu’s turn to look disgusted as Sanemi lit his cigarette and took a long drag. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

Sanemi exhaled, a long, thick plume of tobacco and nicotine-scented smoke leaking from both corners of his mouth, reminiscent of a fire-breathing dragon.

“What’s it gonna do?” Sanemi’s sarcasm was biting as he took another drag. “Kill me?”

“It might,” Shinobu said airily. “After all, this is supposed to be our final life.”

“In that case,” Sanemi thumbed another cigarette free from his carton and lit it, bringing it to his mouth to puff on it along with the one he’d already been smoking. He shot a wry grin back at the Insect Pillar. “Might as well speed up the process.”

He pulled a third and tucked it behind his ear before slipping the carton back into his pocket. “Can’t smoke three at once, that’s just disgusting,” he said in mock seriousness in response to Shinobu’s withering glare.

4. Bestie 😏😏😏😏

You’re gonna make me post another Sanemi snippet from Between Man & Star ong

[subskz]

when you said you’d be posting part 5 shortly i wasn’t fully expecting to wake up to her. either way, i’ve read her and come with notes 😼

first, i have to begrudgingly admit, i was either tearing up or full on crying the whole time. thank you for that🤩

starting it up with a minho breakthrough moment… i love him. he’s so stupid but so minho. him admitting he was wrong, talking things out while still holding that same silly air lino always seems to have about him. i could practically hear his laugh when you wrote it in 💔🔨 he’s so beautiful. brb i need to stare at him for a second.

CHANGBIN 😭😭😭😭 💔🔨 gilc. i’ll say it til the day i die. he’s so…. 😖😖😖 this section made my tears fall fr. i understood the reader so well. i also have a tendency to assume people will react poorly/negatively to news, so i just avoid telling them altogether. pain, suffering 😪 so glad changbin reacted in his normal binnie way and brought light to the scene. i fucking love him

…………………. you know what’s next. once again, the way you write chan is fucking astounding. down to his silly little habits that make him unbelievably endearing. the sweater paws making a comeback? him rubbing his nose the same time reader tugs their ear?? they’re disgusting, i want what they have. chan hitting us with “i’m sorry” literally shut the fuck up!! fucking opened the flood gates, i didn’t stop crying for the rest of this scene. you wrote it so well. they finally had a conversation and it seems to have worked!! “five fingers, one for each of the days you’d spent apart” literally just shoot me next time 😭💔🔨

and the smut…. delicious 😛 starting it up with reader thinking about wanting to give him a bath, to wash his hair for him?? same queen, they get it. and then the body worship??!?? the PRAISE?!?!??! you really know the way to my heart. everything about this was perfect, immaculate, splendid, magnificent! when he giggled and hid behind his hands? nauseating. he’s perfect! 🤩

thank you once again for putting so much time and love into this series! you really hit it out of the park with this and it’s my new favorite ever. the way you wrote everyone was so endearing and so true to the way they present themselves irl and i’m amazed. so thank you 💖💖💖

last question, it’s very important! 😡 …..was berry included in the family that came in for his graduation??😇 -🐾

HAHA im gonna miss this trend of you waking up to find a new bb update! and of course the delight of getting to read ur wonderfully thoughtful notes ㅠ they’ve made me smile so much u have no idea!

TEARING UP/CRYING THE WHOLE TIME??? this was not what i had in mind when i said i’d make it up to you i’m very sorry for another installment of tears 😭 i hope some of them were at least out of happiness this time! and i hope u feel much better now that the dust has settled <3

starting it off w our favorite piece of work…lino thought he was clever he really did…but if there’s one thing that can interfere w his razor sharp intuition it’s the cosmically intertwined fates of channie n the reader hehe. i’m so glad u felt it stayed true to him! that’s the highest compliment to me esp when it comes to minho ♡ he is so beautiful…in true kitty fashion he gets away w his menace behavior bc he is simply too pretty

GILC!!!! 🥰 i just have to say it’s made me so happy how much u seem to have enjoyed binnie throughout bb bc he was my absolute favorite to write! it’s heartwarming to know the fun i had w him was also shared w u ^_^ he is truly the only one among these fools w a good head on his shoulders lmao i so badly wanted to give him a fully fleshed out scene w the reader reconciling w him but it was just…already so long 😭 and i completely understand ur connection to the reader in that sense i think it’s a very human trait! when u wanna ensure the happiness of ur loved ones ofc it’d be scary to be the bearer of bad news, esp if ur at the center of it </3 but a true friend like binnie cares abt ur happiness just as much! even if it means bearing the weight of some unpleasant things sometimes~

our channie ㅠㅠㅠㅠ this whole series was essentially a love letter of sorts to him and everyone out there who is like him, so to know that u liked channie’s portrayal and felt bb could capture even a fraction of how lovable he is in reality…that’s really everything to me ㅠ i’m so glad u caught that lil moment too HAHA they have left irreversible marks on each other! and yes…channie wears those sweater paws to feel safe but nothing is safer than when they are holding hands…they are disgusting -_-; that scene was probably the most difficult out of the entire series to write (along w the breakup scene LOL) so it’s a huge relief that u feel that way, thank you so much!! things aren’t perfect but the first step towards smth better has at least been made!

i was hoping that as an outspoken member of the bang christopher chan praise club you would enjoy that scene hehehe it was really the bare minimum of all the love and adoration and pleasure he deserves as u always say 💗💗💗 i’m so glad it was to ur liking!! channie hiding behind his hands is forever a weakness of mine…i think i’ll find a way to incorporate it into everything i write somehow

i wish i could put into words how giddy each msg you’ve sent over the course of this series has made me and how much you’ve encouraged me w your interest and positive energy!! i truly can’t thank you enough, it’s been such a joy to read ur thoughts and i’m just so grateful that you were here every step of the way! thank you from the bottom of my heart <3

the most important question of all…you KNOW she was!! i dont care how difficult it is to travel overseas w a dog, berry was absolutely there to cheer channie on w the rest of his family 🥰

[panicv0mit]

seeing the netflixvania posting im so fucking sorry. ive yet to watch it (will suffer through it with my friend who, like myself, is also a long time castlevania fan) and this is like. seeing a forest go up in flames and deciding to walk in anyway.

my expectations were low but it seems i'll have to set them even lower. what have they done to my favorite belmont

My netflixvania posting is but a crumb compared to all the shit I got stored in my brain but if I started rambling it would never end (except I am gonna ramble a lil bit now) spoilers (?) incoming.

Let me just say that the first 2 seasons of netflixvania were actually pretty good, I loved the final fight in season 2. It was FINE, it ended on a decent note, opened the door for the other Belmonts to step in etc etc........and that's not what they did at all. They just HAD to make 2 more fucking seasons and those had MAJOR issues between the severe mischaracterization of Hector and Alucard (I COULD GO ON AND ON ABOUT HECTOR ALONE) and disgusting unnecessary SA scenes...it was fucking abysmal. And you know what? It hurt to watch like genuinely. Everything that could have gone wrong in a show did go wrong. I liked Isaac's story, Sypha and Trevor were fine. But the horrible writing could not hold the show together at all. I was RELIEVED when it ended but OOPS SORRY!!!! AT THE VERY END THEY LET DRACULA PASS ON WITH HIS WIFE!!!!!!!! HEEHEE!!!!! HOOOHOO!!! Let me ask you a question. Walk with me here, friend. What is the story of castlevania? Who are they fighting? If you answered Dracula, then you're correct.

I'm not saying you have to keep resurrecting the same villain over and over again, HOWEVER. Dracula is a ginormous part of Richter's story. THAT'S THE WHOLE THING!!! BELMONTS VS DRACULA!!!! AND THEN ALUCARD WAKES THE FUCK UP AND IS LIKE AW SHIT THE CASTLE IS BACK!!!! They literally locked themselves out of TWO storylines!!!!! There will be no rondo, no symphony. They are using the characters in name ONLY. and it fucking BLOWS. I was actually somewhat excited to see the new series, I wanted to see Richter really bad he's my GUY....and then the reality set in and I'm wait a minute....NO...NOOO NOOOOOO!!!!!! bc I knew in my heart they were gonna fumble and fuck up severely. And they ARE! I am THREE episodes in and I have felt NOTHING, the show just isn't doing it for me. The pacing is fucking weird, dialogue feels unnatural sometimes, and the overall story is just.. meh. Especially with Richter. If Annette was the only main character, I wouldn't be so disappointed bc her part is really the only one that matters, it's clear she has more of a focus put on her instead and THATS OKAY! but for us Richter fans it feels so empty, he as a character in this show feels like fucking wet cardboard. They're giving him NOTHIN. That's not him at all. It feels off everything feels wrong. The first episode was the worst so far. There was no set up, no slow pacing, just them going from plot point to plot point like they were checking off a list. It all plays out, in my opinion, like if someone was fucking around in AI dungeon and trying to make their own castlevania. That's how unnatural things feel at times. As I'm writing this I'm like losing train of thought like what am I even saying I HAVE NO IDEA. At the end of the day, it's just a huge let down. My expectations were low and initially watching it isn't THAT bad, but when I sit down and let my mind simmer on it...I just get kinda sad. Why do they keep letting ppl who clearly don't know anything about castlevania in general write these shows. I don't feel passion from it. It shows horribly. I don't wanna see another one after this but no they've already confirmed season 2 and Alucard is gonna roll up and they're gonna do whatever the fuck idk. I'm gonna go play curse of darkness and symphony of the night and make out with my wife Hector or somethin

[starvingcl0wn]

(only vaguely an ed post but this is another post my gf cant see so its going on this blog)

my most recent temu order!!! finally buying a scale, so thats exciting. now, i wont have to sneak into my parents rooms to use their scales. that eliminates an extra layer of stress

i bought a bunch of cute pink craft supply stuff bc me and my partners one year anniversary is on july 9th!!! she loves sudoku and was talking about wanting a pink sudoku book, but i couldnt find one so i was like well then. i guess ill just make my own

so im gonna customize that notebook with all the pretty frilly stuff and then im gonna look up sudokus online and write them into the book

itll be a lot of work but its worth it for her

anyways more ed stuff

i feel really gross bc i ate more than i wanted to

i paced around my house earlier and burnt 200 cals but then i ate 773 calories for dinner and i feel so gross

thats pretty much double what i was planning on eating

i only wanted to eat half the sandwich but i completely lost control

so it was 573 cals total (i count the net amount, not the amount actually consumed)

my limit is 650 so i feel pretty gross bc i technically went over it

im glad i worked off the other ones

im kind of cutting myself some slack here bc this is my first day of actually trying to exercise and restrict in a while

im in a constant binge restrict cycle and i feel so gross bc ive gained so much weight

one of my main motivations to lose weight is the fact that my old abuser is coming back to my school after me not having to see him for 2 years

hes also heavily disordered and underweight and his anorexia is practically killing him

and since the last time ive seen him, ive undergone pretty significant weight gain

i cant let him see me like this

im so fucking disgusting and i have to be better than him

i have to prove to him that im better

and i cant do that when we're both disordered but he lost weight and i gained weight

it just sickens me

i want to rip all my skin off my body

i want to look prettier for my partner

they tell me that they find me attractive and sexy and pretty and all that

but i just cant believe it

and i cant believe they actually think that

ill be feeling fine some days and look in the mirror and see someone worthy of being her boyfriend

but other times im utterly fucking repulsed by myself

ive gained 22 pounds just in the time ive dated her

how fucking awful

im not the physical appearance she signed up for when we began dating

shes not shallow and shes never once made me believe any of the things im saying

its purely from my own mind

theyre a wonderful partner and im sure theyre not thinking about any of it like this

but i know i am

i just want to get the fuck out of all this skin

get the fuck out

[robitherat]

what’re some mh fanfic recs ? been trying to get back into reading more of em

am I allowed to plug my own AO3?

no but forreal tho, there's so many good ones im just gonna link my favs from my AO3 history (Note that most of these are Jam fics because im a basic little bitch and love my comfort couple okay)

putting a keep reading bc i added a LOT lmao

"Next to You" I think this was one of the, if not the absolute first fic i read for mh back in like. 2017/18? It's a wingfic/ angel and demon AU, and I'll admit its not the absolute most fantastic piece of literature, but it's a classic in my heart so

"One Day" Very Very adorable jam fic, post mh domestic bliss, there's chickens and disgusting amounts of fluff. Read It.

The entire Hotel Hopping series by rebiTV. Still semi-patiently awaiting the next upload because Oh My God. Just the usual hotel shenanigans. Some are funny, some are angsty, and the most recent post to it left us with a cliffhanger that i think killed my soul a little bit in the best way.

"3:27 am" A super well-written fic depicting Jay Going Through it. The whole thing is basically Jay dissociating, so slight warning for that, and it's kind of trippy to read but honestly it's so good dude.

"Lazy Mornings" This one's a Bram fic featuring some fluffy cuddling of unknown origins. Good little light read and one of my all time favorite fanfics ever.

Pretty much anything by jaythewriter, their work is fucking phenomenal and I rlly wish they'd post again honestly but also yknow. stuff happens. I'll just re-read all their works again instead.

"Don't You Hear Me Howling" Another bram one, this time featuring the Masked Boys and how complicated a relationship can be when your partners don't remember you when they wake up. It's super well written and makes me sob every time i read it <3

"Farm Boy" Super soft and sweet fic about Jay kind of remembering his love for farm animals when he and Tim have to stay in a barn for a night. TW for implied animal death (maybe? it's up to interpretation) but I swear it's an honestly really well-written soft fic that makes me feel so many feelings. I also just realized this is another from jaythewriter but yknow what it's so fucking good im keeping it.

"All The World Is Green" Honestly i don't even wanna describe this one you just have to read it. I promise it's worth it.

"CALL IT BLACKSTAR, CALL IT PAINSTAR" OH MY FUCKING GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IF YOU'RE A POLYHORNETS HAND READ THIS IMMEDIATELY HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD

"Never Write Lovesongs On The Ukulele" Collection of vignettes of Tim reminding Jay that he's in love with him. love

"To Cut The Taste" Very Early in the hotel hopping days, basically just an awkward conversation Jay and Tim have about Tim's trip to a gas station

"For The Loneliest Blackout" Super trippy to read, very dream-like. Highschool (?) AU with t4t jam and a whoooooollleeeee lotta metaphors. or just one really long metaphor.

"scenes from a movie" god okay iw was looking for this one for like an hour oh my god. Of all the fics ive read this one honestly sticks with me a lot just because of how fucking cool the writing style is to me. I loveeeee vignettes so much and this is one of the longest vignette fics ive read. it's so so so sos o good please read it it has a happy ending

"Build Your Own Noodles" and "Potato Cakes" Both by the same author, both brim, both adorable pre-canon fluff.

"who took heroin, then sleeping pills, and who lies in an alabama hospital" TW for bug imagery and also mention of spider bites. Listen I have entomophobia and arachnophobia so anything with bugs freaks me the fuck out but this is really well done and honestly just the way that it's handled is so fucking fun to read.

The Lost Time series. theres only two stories and theyre both great. A little funky to read because it's, of course, about jay and tim losing time and forgetting stuff about each other. I think there's some?? implied sexual content??? but it's not explicit and otherwise i don't think there's any necessary warnings

"Patterns of Safety" Basically just Jay and Brian bonding over having OCD. I fucking looveeeeeee Same Brain type fics and also jay and brian both having OCD scratches my brain. No One In This Series is neurotypical

"Starting Over At The End Of The Line" Finally a multichapter fic. I promise I read things other than oneshots i promise. N E ways this is pretty much a polyhornets everyone lives AU featuring Brian's lovely gay aunts. You'll notice I commented on almost every chapter because i Love THis Fic SO Much

"No One's Ever Going To Treat You Right; You're Attracting The Wrong Kind" This one isn't a shipfic actually!!! It's sort of Tim's spiraling reaction to finding out what Jay's been hiding from him and the events that lead up to the meeting in the parking lot. The imagery is sooooo fucking good in this one, it's honestly kind of disconcerting the way it's written just because of how In-his-head Tim is the whole time. it's soooo fucking good it's so good.

"psalm 38:8" OKAY LAST ONE this is a great one to end with. It's pretty much just Jay's introspection on his own standing with religion and also hopeless pining that maybe isn't so hopeless after all.

OKAY THIS IS REALLY LONG NOW LOL I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY PERSONAL LIBRARY OF JAM FICS BC IM INSANE ABT THEM

[suguruverse]

— HAIKYUU BOYS WHEN YOU PULL A APRIL FOOLS PRANK ON THEM

includes - suna rintarou, oikawa tooru, iwaizumi hajime and bokuto koutaro

a/n - don’t ask why i posted this a day late but pls enjoy <33

published date - 02/04/21

↳ SUNA RINTAROU

- sick of your bullshit 1.0

- he thought you just making his lunch like you normally do

- he often said that you didn’t need to but he always looks forward to lunch time when he gets to see what you made him

- so today when you made him lunch, he was not suspicious at all

- when he took a bite, he was like why? is? it? so? spicy?

- but he remained calm and just kept eating

- and by the time he was half way through his lunch is was sweating buckets

- his face was red, he was aggressively blowing his nose, sweat was dripping down his face and he was chugging bottles of water like it was nothing

- he didn’t even suspect that it was a prank, just that you have weirdly high spice tolerance

- his teammates were getting a little bit worried, seeing him stick out his tongue like a dog and fanning his face like his life depended on it

- yeah, you guys were gonna have a long conversation at home

- he had just finished his 4th water bottle when he received a text from you

lol text convo - sunas pov

m’lady: how’s the food baby? :)

me: why’s it so spicy

me: it tastes good but i think i’m dying

me: laugh out loud

m’lady: dang i didn’t think it would be THAT spicy

me: huh?

m’lady: happy april fools??

me: fuck you

m’lady: is that a promise?? 🥺🥺

me: shut up i’m crying rn

m’lady: then come home you dramatic bitch

me: i’ll remember this day you damn brat

- in conclusion pranking him sucks and he always gets you back for it

- except his pranks are 100% worse and probably emotionally traumatising

↳ OIKAWA TOORU

- this man istg he is so annoying

- this man is so needy and dramatic

- but that’s probably why you decided to do this

- he just has the best reactions for pranks

- yeah nah i have no idea what you were thinking when you decided to do this

- ditching a date with your boyfriend to hang out with your friends??

- um big mistake

“my love, are you ready for our dinner date yet?”

- yeah you weren’t, babes we going clubbing, but he didn’t know that

- and plus your outfit didn’t really speak ‘fancy dinner’

“oh tooru!! great, i need your opinions! what do you think of my outfit”

“darling, you look absolutely stunning, but a bit much for a dinner date don’t you think?”

“baby what? i’m going out with friends tonight, to the club, but don’t worry, i’ll be home early”

“my love?? we had a date tonight. did you forget? we’ve been planning this for awhile”

“tooru, what’re you talking about? i told you i was gonna go out ages ago”

“oh but-“

“oh shit tooru, i’m late, i gotta go, i’ll see you later okay? see you later my love”

- and you left, leaving your boyfriend heartbroken

- he literally dropped onto the floor clutching his chest hoping you would come home and see him, then cuddle him until the morning

- and there he laid for another 10 minutes in disgust

- how dare you leave your precious boyfriend for your friends

- you decided you were done pranking him so you enter your apartment to your boyfriend cracking open a new vodka bottle

“tooru!”

“oh... it’s you”

“um yeah”

“i thought you were going out with your friends. what? did you finally remember about the date with your handsome boyfriend?”

“tooru”

“no go away, i’m mad”

“april fools tooru”

- when i tell you this man gave you the biggest side eye

“hmph i knew that, i just wanted to see how far you would take the prank”

“okay baby, sure you did”

“pfft darling, don’t underestimate your lovely boyfriend, so come on let’s go”

“go where”

“cuddle, obviously, i still haven’t forgiven you”

- 4/10 dont prank him, he’s annoying

↳ IWAIZUMI HAJIME

- sick of your bullshit 2.0

- he swears you’re gonna give him grey hairs during his 20’s and let’s be honest you probably are

- he just worries about you too much

- he hates seeing you hurt, sick, stressed or just uncomfortable in general

- so you were hella cruel for doing this to him

*massive thud noise lol idk*

“OW, haji, HAJI it hurts please hurry it hurts so bad”

- all of a sudden your boyfriend becomes an olympic sprinter

“doll? what’s wrong baby? did you fall? is your ankle okay? do you want me to get ice? call an ambulance?”

“haji, please i don’t know, it just hurts so bad. please make it stop”

“doll it’s okay, just breathe, can you do that for me pretty girl?”

“mhm”

“good girl, it looks like you sprained your ankle, i’ll go get some ice, okay doll?”

“please hurry haji, it hurts a lot”

“it’s okay, i’m sorry, i’ll be back super quick”

- you were gonna cry, your boyfriend was being so cute and considerate

- yeah well wait until he finds out this was a prank

- in less than 2 minutes, he came running back with an ice pack

“here doll, does this feel better?”

“mhm, thank you haji, i love you”

“i love you more, c’mon i’ll carry you to the couch”

- ugh what a man

“hey haji?”

“yeah doll? what’s up?”

“happy april fools”

“huh?”

“i’m not actually injured, it was a prank”

iwaizumi: 😐😑😐

“i should have known, you fucking brat”

“hehe sorry, can i have a hug”

“no, hug yourself”

- 202/10 bc he’s husband material and has nice arms

↳ BOKUTO KOUTARO

- babie 🥺🥺

- you always loved leaving him small motivational notes for him and he loves it so much

- he always has the biggest smile whenever he sees a note that you wrote in his lunch or his duffle bag

- but today you put like 391 notes in his bag without him noticing

- so when he arrived at practice, he was hoping to get changed into his gear but was instead greeted with a pile of notes

- he picked one up at looked at it

“you look like the scum between my toes”

- okay that was mean

- so he picked up another

“your armpits smell like blue cheese”

- he could have started crying right then and there

- so he texted you

bo’s pov

me: baby :((

my pretty baby: what’s wrong my love? did something happen at practice?

me: did you put these notes in my bag? :((

my pretty baby: i did!! happy april fools baby!!

my pretty baby: did you not like it?

me: it was mean, should i read all of it?

my pretty baby: i spent all night writing it so yes

my pretty baby: but you don’t have to if you don’t wanna, some of them are really weird and mean

me: no i wanna, you worked hard on them!!

my pretty baby: are you sure? they might hurt your feelings

me: im sure!! im stronger than you think!! :))

- the rest of msby saw some of the notes and laughed

- atsumu texted you about how funny they were

- but sakusa told you to never do it again because he doesn’t wanna deal with bokuto crying ever 

- what a babe

- 827282/10 because he’s such a sweetheart

[skunked-up-kicks]

Sometimes I’ve wondered if the sexualization + hyper feminization of Neil exists because people figure if they write something sexualized about andreil as a duo they could be called gross or fetishizing for sexualizing a gay male CSA victim, so they lean on heteronormative roles to only do that with Neil so they feel less problematic (this is bc of something I found on Twitter that went like ‘objectifying Andrew bad :/ objectifying Neil good ;)’ I just think… you could find a middle ground

whoever that person is on twitter i would like to personally tell them how wrong they are, how does someone go about thinking like that??

(this got long so. i spend most of the time ranting) TLDR: while i think anons suggestion is partly true. the issues surrounding why neils character gets treated this way is a much deeper rooted issue as the evidence suggests and it's a problem that infects all fandom.

anyway, anons idea-

the thing is, even in fics where neil is a csa/sa victim ppl still seem to have little issue making him more feminine and always shove him in the role of the bottom. which is why i think its bs when someone points out how ppl rarely write andreil switching and instead keep the heteronormative top/bottom stereotyped dynamic and then someone defends that by saying ppl are uncomfortable writing an csa/sa victim bottoming. it might be true for some, but when ppl are still insisting neil bottom even when he himself is an csa/sa victim then clearly it goes deeper than discomfort. even when neils history is more extensive or sometimes is even ongoing at time of andreil sleeping together... ppl will go to insane lengths to keep neil as a bottom and i think that says something.

besides, when it comes to ppl being scared of getting called out.. it begs the question: if that's so, then why despite that ppl in this fandom are more frequently called out for making neil hyper feminine and sexualized do the ppl that do this never seem to rlly give a shit for longer than 5 minutes cause this attitude still prevails? these depictions of neil continue? ppl also have no issue sexualizing neils scars... i think it's disgusting really.. people seem to generally feel much more comfortable and unproblematic doing this than they would making andrew bottom or making him more feminine. and it's just... it's insane to me...

even in art where andrew is wearing skirts... they're black and often have chains or belts, andrew still has a apathetic face and still looks intimidating. hes still andrew. neil on the other hand... he's put in pastel coloured skirts and posed to look sexual in nature, and usually given a seductive or bitchy face to match. or he's posed in a cutesy way and is blushing...

if it's fem!art, neil has long hair and more obvious eyelashes. andrew has short hair and more stern looking eyes... if it's not fem!art, andrew has broader shoulders, bigger muscles... a six pack.. where neil has a flat stomach, a small waist, long legs, less broad shoulders and less obvious muscles..

when it comes to this in particular, ppl often say this depiction is due to andrew being a goalkeeper and therefore needing to work on weights more. which is all fine and dandy until you acknowledge that even though kevin and neil are both strikers, kevin is usually drawn much more closer to andrews physique... why? if it's all about the positions, why is this the case? furthermore, ppl usually aruge aaron is buff like andrew cause he's a backliner... NEILS SECONDARY POSITION IS BACKLINER. if people rlly based it all off of exy positions, then neil would be drawn more masculine than kevin. but he's not.

i have no issue with ppl drawing andrew this way, and i love ppl acknowledging that andrew is buff and big but for the love of god.. that doesn't mean neil is fucking fragile and dainty. HES A DUDE. AN ATHLETE. HES GONNA HAVE THE BODY OF ONE. it seems this has honestly turned into just another way to make neil look more feminine...

neils thoughts in the books of "andrew is someone i can lean on and depend on" has somehow turned into "neil likes to be manhandled by big strong hands on small limbs" and i just... i fucking.... i don't even know what to say...

THE MAIN ISSUE. is that there's a culture in fandoms- which are often dominated by women. to put male characters into these dyamics, the top and the bottom, the masculine and the feminine, the dominant and the submissive, the u-🤢 uke and the seme🤢. (i hated myself even as i typed that out). and i doubt this will go away anytime soon, particularly because we do have this idea of letting ppl create/consume and hc what they want- and i do agree!! but i just wish there wasn't such a demand for this type of content.

idk what a middle ground would look like so im not sure if i want that... if that means theres still this type of content but its even for neil and andrew... i don't think i want that. i just wish i could wave a magic wand and eliminate all heteronormativity- which should take the hyper feminization and sexualization along with it. (AND infantilization might i add- someone put this in the tags of my other post and they were so fucking right).

[eremiie]

As a person who didn't enjoy the ending, here is my take: if we look at chapter 139 alone, with no prior context or knowledge of the story, then yeah the chapter is great. But knowing that the entire aot was literally a commentary on real-life stuff, like war, corruption etc, the entire "Let's forgive Eren, even though he started a genocide and we were against every single of his actions like 2 chapters ago, but he did this for ussssss so he is for sure a good guy" kinda iffy.

I don't even wanna talk about the entire smiling titan/ Carla fiasco, because this entire thing was so unnecessary for the plot?? Like, this is the final chapter, why are you creating a fucking plot hole?? This entire detail made Eren a much more unlikable character than before, in my opinion. AND I LIKE EREN.

As a conclusion: for me, it felt like 138 chapters of world building and character development were thrown out of the window so we could get some sort of a happy ending. I feel like a tragic ending would have been much more satisfying, maybe if all of the titans (by that I mean their human bodies) had died as well?

With that said, constructive criticism is always a good thing, but I've been seeing way too many "fans" attacking Isayama directly. This may not be your ideal ending, it's not mine either, but it's his. And that is ultimately the only ending that matters, so take it or leave it ig?

hey, im glad you were nice abt expressing ur opinion hehe, i appreciate that a lot

aot 139 spoilers

i actually think it’s the exact opposite, when you look at every chapter in addition to 139 it’s a great chapter because everything clicks, eren’s motive, the way he acted, mikasa, armin, everything in between.

i explain the whole “let’s forgive eren” thing here if you wanna read that!

an excerpt from what i said was that; 

“armin (and everyone) thanks eren for doing what he did to free them. not thanking eren for for mass murder period. it’s because of eren that the curse is lifted and that they are free and that’s what armin’s thanking eren for. mass murder is inexcusable, and eren knows that. that’s why after he panics and goes “but i dont want to die!” he comes to a realization that all the people he killed didn’t want to either, that the only way to atone for his sins is by dying himself. even if he didn’t die he would’ve probably been executed, or imprisoned for the rest of the life. just like in mikasa’s ova, “eren’s death is inevitable, no matter what reality you go to eren will always die because he carries death within himself.”

in another translation of the chapter armin thanks eren for being the bad guy so that they could win. he knows what eren did was bad. he’s not excusing it, he just understands why eren had to do it and that eren had no choice if he wanted them to be free.

from the get go freedom was one of the themes of eren’s character. if eren lived the whole entire world would be ruins and eren would’ve been even sadder than now, there would be nobody and it would’ve been worse than it is now. eren killing everyone was definitely not the ending to go. the ending we have could’ve been executed differently, sure, but in my eyes since i get the gist i think isa did an amazing job portraying what he had in mind.”

they were against his actions because they didn’t understand them, since eren spoke to all of them through paths, yes even the rest of the alliance, the same way he spoke to mikasa in 138— we just only got a glimpse of mikasa and armin’s talk bc they’re the main characters alongside eren in a sense

and i explain the carla thing in this post, and here’s an excerpt from that!

“one thing about isa’s writing style is that nothing is ever handed to you, everything is foreshadowed and you use context clues. it’s actually a pretty common style of writing— you give your reader 2+2, not 4. he mentioned it because you should’ve understood that part— eren sent the smiling titan to eat his mom because in the scene when the smiling titan had went into the walls the first person it should’ve ate was bertholdt. bertholdt was on the ground when the smiling titan had walked passed him— and usually titans are supposed to eat any human they encounter in hopes of finding a titan shifter to revert them. if the smiling titan had ate bertholdt it would’ve disrupted the path that ymir laid out for eren, messed up future events and the ending of aot wouldn’t have turned out like the ending of aot (with eren freeing his friends and breaking the curse of ymir), so he had to keep the smiling titan moving forward and his mom happened to be the next human she encountered, therefore his mom had to get eaten instead.

season 4 episode 3 

in chapter 139 eren says “it wasn’t bertholdt’s time to die yet.””

i can see why you would want a more tragic ending, i understand how it can feel like everything that happened was thrown away— carrying on such a tragic story you’d probably expect a tragic ending. however i will say isayama did mention years ago that’d the ending would be bittersweet and he delivered that, as well as the fact that in my opinion everything kind of led up to these events; isa gives you hints throughout the whole entire show, and those hints is exactly how i figured that 1) eren would die (i knew after watch mikasa’s ova that he’d die for sure) and 2) that the rumbling wasn’t eren’s real plan and that s4 eren wasn’t only a facade, but yeah i respect your opinion as well and ty for expressing it so well <333

and i totally agree ab the constructive critiscm part!! a lot of “fans” are doing to much on isayama and being pure disrespectful. it’s pretty disgusting to see, thats why i really appreciate the way you presented how you felt, it was respectful and in a well manner— you’re awesome for that.

and right, it doesn’t matter how we wanted it to end, it’s the ending he gave to us and regardless of if we like it or not that’s not gonna change the ending— so like you said, take it or leave it!

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

so im once again randomly sad at 1:30 and honestly i hate it. i always seem to get really just down and upset during the early morning. (probably because i need to be sleeping) but this is stressful to be honest. im feeling a ton of guilt that i shouldnt even feel bad about. right, so we all know that im how old? a minor, and like.......im fine with that. im fine being this age. but like....i feel like im carrying feelings for things that dont even have to do with me. some people are like “yeah, i dont want minors interacting with my content” and for some reason, i always wonder if it has something to do with me. it doesn’t, but i feel this secondhand guilt for some reason, and it hurts. and i know it’s really selfish of me to do that, and im victimizing myself with this. i always obey the “MDNI” on people’s posts, but sometimes i feel like i did something bad. like with smut, specifically, i completely understand why people wouldn’t want minors interacting with that, it makes so much sense.

then i start feeling really upset about how i literally write smut, and read it. im starting to feel like there’s something wrong with me for having written smut, and had a specific audience read and react to it. i sometimes feel gross for just wanting to read smut. and a lot of the fandoms i read smut for may have the “MDNI” on it, which is fine, but after that, I feel this deep trench form, and it’s the worst thing. i just feel like im weird, and dirty for wanting to read smut about characters. and here comes the argument of me, a minor, reading smutty ass fanfiction about grown characters, in some scenarios. of course, i imagine myself older, above legal age, but that doesn’t stop the nasty feelings I feel. and with characters that are my age, or around my age, like with my hero academia, like sure, i crush on sero and everything, but i feel awful about reading smut for him. or even thinking about smutty things.

this also briefly dips into how i interact with my mutuals’ fics, particularly the smuttier ones. i think ‘oh god, am i being gross by interacting with this’ and i know that if they have an issue with me interacting with their fics, they would say it, clearly, and explain what needs to be explained. and i love that. but i always feel like im the weird one here, like im the odd one out, i guess because of my age. and i absolutely love and appreciate that they’ve created a safe space for me. it’s just an internal thing that’s really bothering me. and i absolutely love my mutuals as well. and i know that they also love and appreciate me, i guess i just feel that guilt.

and i know that it’s completely normal for kids my age, and teens to think about, and sometimes desire sexual things. and i know that it’s fine to explore those thoughts. sometimes, though, i just feel like im being a hypocrite. i. e. some shoes marketed towards teens, such as euphoria, and riverdale (off the top of my head, not biased) portray teenagers that might not be accurate. i don’t know what it’s like to be y’know present in a high school, and there, but for my own experiences, at least, i feel like it’s not true, or at least not in all of its glory. im like the outlier for a lot of that stuff. and i know it probably exists in some places, but i feel like this is how society views teens, and what they expect from us. i feel this odd pressure to be everything that society expects me not to be. and on some posts and stuff, i see what seems to be a bit of a disdain for kids of my generation, or at least gen z and i just kinda freeze and panic. i go “oh god, do they think this of me” “do they hate me” and i know that they don’t but it’s this lingering thought of “this is what they think of other kids in the same group as you”. i know it doesn’t represent the entire view but i just feel like i cant say anything, or bring it up. it makes me feel like im the problem.

anyway, i feel like i can’t do some of the things that i want because im scared of what people will think of me. like, sometimes i just feel hot, y’know and of course, send nice photos to a pal or two, but i’d never post that shit publicly. why, you might ask? because im a minor, and just because i feel nice about myself doesn’t mean that i need other ppl being gross about it. some people always say “these teens are always posting stuff all over social media. they share everything on there.” one, yes, we do, some people should know better. but also, two, this is new, people are being misled, mistakes are going to happen. plus, when you dont have that outlet to do other things, you go where you may feel safer to do something. it may not even be the best choice either. i agree that teens shouldnt post everything to social media, but i also believe that we should be allowed to make mistakes too? and have a bit of fun (where it’s morally correct, im not talking about driving people to suicide, or posting nudes (or semi-nudes on insta when you’re 13, that’s just wrong) anyways. i just feel like i cant do anything bc im gonna get shit for it, and further promote an agenda, but at this point im kinda starting to tear myself down about other people’s opinions, and that’s shitty.

also i feel like teens cant do shit in GENERAL, but that’s another conversation for another fucking day.

i always try to keep my opinions and everything at bay, because i hate when conflict is directed at me. and i dont like the panic of waiting for someone to text, or message me when i had what could be considered a hot take. i feel like i cant disagree, or think differently. or even sometimes just speak my mind because im scared of the repercussions. so i kinda just shut up, and stay in my little corner, and i absolutely hate that. but i also dont like being vocal about my opinions because of the fear that it produces.

and also sometimes some of the shit that people come up with im like......okay, i feel like i cant joke about. like when i talk about “MILF dennys” or “DILF buffalo wild wings” I DONT WANT TO BE A MILF, NOR A DILF. i dont even want kids, so ahaha. i say that shit as a joke.

kids, get future milf out of your bio, unless you put a “/j” or “/hj” after it. also, you don’t want to be a sex worker, or a stripper. im pro sex-work, but don’t look at that as your ONLY job option. that shit gets people killed, or tortured, and mistreated. if it’s a joke, it’s a joke, but it’s a dangerous choice, and it’s your grave bestie. and no, people contradicting you isn’t sexist, or misogynistic UNLESS IT’S LITERALLY THAT. people can be like “i think your opinion is a little harmful, ngl” and you can respond respectfully and be like “do tell, im open to  listen” and not go off about someone not supporting your choices. if it’s something that you can avoid, do it. IF IT’S ILLEGAL, DONT DO IT. like, prostitution is illegal where i live, so if yall try to do that shit, dont expect to be given special treatment. people already see kids, women, and sex workers as what? OBJECTS. you’re nothing to people who may be incarcerating you one minute, and calling you for a 5 minute hookup the next. it’s not empowerment to be on places, and letting yourself be groomed and taken advantage of by nasty ass people who need to be locked up. i understand that you should be able to do what you wan, and wear what you want, but there’s some disgusting people out here.

and it’s also the usual shit bothering me, the pandemic, school, my brother saying fatphobic stuff, yada yada. i want a HUG. and i need to sit in someone’s lap for god’s sake anyways.

im also pretty sure that it’s NOT normal to have this many extreme changes in mood. like i was fine earlier yesterday but as soon as i see one thing that hits too close, im upset so....anyways.

also yes i feel bad about this because i really need to talk to someone about these issues, instead of y’know, letting them pile up and haunt me until im emotionally unavailable because i hide my feelings. this is further promoting other people’s view of teens oversharing on social media. but to be honest, people are going to hate gen z, and teens for a lot of shit. and i cant stop them from doing that. i can, however, keep myself out of their line of sight and dont cause issues about it. anyways, im gonna go rewatch some invincible (wow 3rd time now). and try to keep my mind off of wanting to be in someone’s arms while we make out. :) 

[richard-of-windoor]

anyways this post is. idk i just want to try writing out my feelings. i cant promise any of this is gonna make sense. bc if i cant talk to anyone ill just type it out. 

tw for dark feelings and self harm mention

like if you read

i messed up so bad. i messed up so bad. i get told that things arent always my fault but guess what they always end up being my fault. and this is 2000% my fault. i will always have to live with the scar i created. a knife thrust deep in my chest, the blood pouring out of it like the tears running down my face. i gave in to temptation and i never should have. i wanted to experience something, but i experienced it all with the wrong person. i was so selfish. people always tell you “think of yourself first” and i fucking did. and it caused a catastrophe in my mind. i dont deserve sympathy, i dont deserve kindness, i dont deserve second chances. i deserve to rot 6 feet under. alone. like i deserve. like im used to. i told myself in school a lot that id die alone, and im telling myself that again. because its true. no one will love me. they will for a short time but then ill fuck up again or cry too long and theyll see im not worth it. people think its so easy. no one understands how deep my self hatred is. how its apart of me now. i look in the mirror i see a fucking disgusting asshole. i try to put on makeup, all i see is a clown trying to be pretty and failing. i try to cosplay, all i see is garbage. theres a reason whenever i beg for help theres no one there. its what i deserve. no one. i lost all those friends for a reason, did i really think theyd stay. did my delusional mind really tell myself that? i try to make new friends to replace old ones and no one wants me. no one wants an annoying whiny bitch. i can barely stutter through a sentence. i dont need a fortune teller for my future. my future is sitting alone in an apartment. begging for anyone to help me. but no one coming. i wont have a roommate. no one would be able to live with me, im sure even someone on craigslist would leave in a second. “but maybe youll find love” no. no no nononnonononononoNONONO. no i fucking wont. no one wants to love me. no one will love me. the second i let myself fall in love with someone is when im able to get hurt and i dont want to be in pain. im not a good partner. i will never be good for anyone. im a leech. i suck away any happiness you could possibly have. no one will ever want someone this depressed. this messed up. no one this ugly. its been a while since i thought about self harming. id love nothing more right now than to slice my pathetic skin open. to carve useless into my arm so im forced to look at it. but im too scared of my parents finding out. i wish all my friends were smarter and just dropped me. im unhealthy. im sick.

ill never get to experience anything with you. i never attempted to try anything bc. you were always so uncomfortable with anything i did. i didnt want to push you away. i just wanted longer kisses. cuddle in the back of your car. feeding each other things. stupid lovey stuff. the knife twists even deeper, remembering all that i lost. twists deeper as i remember how i hurt you. how selfish i was. at the time i really did think youd be glad to be rid of me. i mean wouldnt anyone? no one wants someone like me hanging around them. youre always so busy already why should i take up more of your precious free time. im scared. i really am. i want to believe i have even a 1% chance with you again but im wrong and i know it. i fucked it up.  im scared of her experiencing everything i dreamed of. her getting you to the fullest. im scared of her telling you im a bad person. opening your eyes to how toxic i am. your vision is clouded but hers wont be. im bad for you. for everyone. i feel like theres a wall in between us. your knuckles are probably hurt and bloody from trying to knock it down, but i refuse to let it fall. i dont want you hurt by me again. when i wrote you that letter i wanted you to scream at me. refuse me. fight for me. i wanted you to tell me how wrong i was. but no you accepted it. like the good person you are. you should feel happy right now that im finally getting my karma. but youre too nice to think like that. 

im having trouble breathing again. its such a simple task but why is it so hard right now. my own body might be trying to kill me for the sake of everyone. i want to give up. i really do. i want this stupid dream of having a chance to end. i want to stop trying to think positively that one day your hand may be in mine because its not true and it will never be true.  i cant keep trying to hope for these delusions to come true. i want to cling to my daydream of us in an apartment. one of us coming home from work being greeted by the other. we kiss and cuddle on our couch. the glass breaks. its not happening.  a stupid daydream thought up by a stupider individual. that dream is reserved for another. 

[kaspbrak-king]

Oh geez...im feeling angsty so..here's some really sad..

Richie Tozier around age's: 13-18 hc..that I've been thinking about lately..since that script page was posted..its really sad..i need to share it..

Headcannon slash fic/drabble i guess..

~~

((⚠️⚠️⚠️CONTENT WARNING!!!⚠️⚠️⚠️))

((⚠️ CW self harm/suicide mention⚠️))

((Also internalized Homophobia bc shitty town..and Homophobic slurs))

((If you find these triggering please do not read thank you.))

~~

Y'know since i found out its canon...that Richie wanted to kill himself/has tried to

And so i hc that he probably self harms..

Which is absolutely heartbreaking, but most likely true, because that's usually how it goes..sadly..

But what breaks my heart is thinking about Richie hiding it so well, smiling and laughing and pulling his sleeves down over his wrists. The losers know that Richie is acting different but they can't pinpoint why.

~~

Come Hell or Greywater..

Eddie can see it. He can see right through hia facade, this happy face plastered on him he wears for them all. The mask he keeps on. He knows Richie too well to just brush it aside. He knows him all too well.

Eddie asks him what's wrong and Richie just smiles forcibly his same happy masked facade. Wondering what Eddie could possibly be talking about. Eddie looks up at him, serious faced. He says in a tone that Richie hears when he's fed up. "Richie. I'm serious. Tell me what's going on?"

And Eddie says those words that ultimately break him down. "Richie? What's wrong?"

Richie breaks down sobbing and falls on his knees, crying into his hands. Eddie's heart breaks for him and he crouches down next to him. "Richie??? What is it?? What's wrong?? Please tell me what's going on, please?"Eddie asks him pressing his forehead against his, tears brimming his eyes..

Richie nods and takes a shuddering breath before he takes Eddie's hand in his and moves it over his wrist, he pulls his sleeve down and Eddie's fingertips brush his fresh cuts. Eddie's heart breaks.

He starts sobbing against Richie and pulling him close and craddles his head to his shoulder. "Richie.." Eddie chokes out a sob. "Richie..why?" He asks him crying and holding him close, gently running his fingers through his hair.

"Because I fucking hate myself eds..i fucking hate the way I am.."

"I'm wrong..I-I'm disgusting.." Richie whispers out between crying against Eddie's shoulder.

Eddie's eyes widen.."R-Rich? How can you say that about yourself? What do you mean? Your not wrong? Your not d-disgusting.." Eddie says crying in between his words.

"Eddie, I'm..I-

I'm a faggot.."

Eddie lets out a shuddering gasp, "What do you mean Rich? What's that word mean?" Eddie asked genuinely confused..Richie takes a shuddering breath against him and says. "It means I'm fucking disgusting..it means im wrong..i like boys..i want to be with another boy..in the way..i would a girl.." Richie says his anxiety up and his heart racing..

Eddie feels his stomach drop.."Oh." He says and contuines to hold Richie against him.

"Oh?? Is that it? You don't think that I'm disgusting??" Richie asked panic lacing his voice.

Eddie shook his head. "No. Richie. You're my best friend, I'll always be here for you, don't you ever think for a secound that your alone in this world." He said and pressed a kiss to Richie's forehead. Richie started breaking down sobbing again and Eddie held him until he cried himself out.

From Fucking Killer Clowns, to a shitty homophobic town, they would always be there for each other. Come hell or greywater.

((Fuck..this broke my heart writing this..))

((Im gonna go cry..))

[kinktae]

The penultimate part🥺 I’m not ready to say goodbye, Bitchin!Jungkook has definitely been one of my fav characterizations of him that I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your work with all of us💖

bitchin 9 asks bc i suck

sapphireprinces5 said: bitchin’ pt9 was just so beautiful?? the way you explained the emotions and interactions between the characters was just amazing!! I felt myself hanging on every word wow excited for the end but will miss bitchin’ so much 🤧

Anonymous said: TAEHYUNG AND YARA SIGN ME UP GURL!!!!

Anonymous said: Like I just feel like if Jk really liked y/n he wouldn’t have slept with Kiri, you know? It shouldn’t matter that he didn’t know how y/n felt. And it’s obvious that he has feelings for y/n so I just hope that’s something y/n addresses when she talks to him. Don’t settle for less girl! Get you a man who will fight for you regardless 👏 (btw this is not me criticizing how you wrote it in any way! I’m just so invested in the characters and am thinking about how I would feel in this scenario :) )

Anonymous said: I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN WITH YARA AND TAE I FELT IT SO DEEP IN MY BONES IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM 😭😭😭

Anonymous said: Hi! I just binge read bitchin in a day and can I just say that I loved it! I really love the female characters as well, you’ve written them so beautifully 🥺 if I was y/n I wouldn’t be concerned so much about Jk not sleeping with Kiri if he knew the way y/n felt, but rather the fact that if Jk didn’t want to sleep with Kiri, he wouldn’t have, regardless of y/n’s feelings or not. IMO y/n’s feelings shouldn’t be the issue here, but Jk’s should! If I was y/n’s bff that’s what I would tell her LOL

Anonymous said: OH MY GOODNESS! YES !!!! YESSSSS Y.E.S Muchas graciaaaas!!!

Anonymous said: tae and yara are my new ship)

unknowntalesx said: okay but like tae and yara thooO they got me all smiley being like oh yeah bayyybeEE das what im talking about 😏 ALSO OKAY NOW THAT I AM MORE LUCID KIRI GOT FUCKING WRECKED I LOVED THAT SHE GOT A DOSE OF HER OWN MANIPULATIVE MEDICINE I AM 😤😤😤😤😤

Anonymous said: im not ready for bitchin to end )):

Anonymous said: I SCREAMED WHEN Y/N TOLD KIRI THE TRUTH. YES QUEEN. STAB AND TWIST THE KNIFE!

Anonymous said: ROSE AHHSHSJSKSD FUCK U I’m all hot and bothered with anticipation for pt 10 now 😩😩😩🥵

sydney--chan said: We really stan y/n for using her big ol brain to rock kiris world oh my god I yelled also I say what's your damage all the time bring that shit back

Anonymous said: a tae x yara spin off series or one shot...... haha jk..... unless..... 👀

Anonymous said: Fuck kiri's scheming ass. I'm glad YN ripped her a new one

Anonymous said: AAHHHHHH once again, I love this chapter so much!!!! I was screaming at Yara and Tae part. Seriously!!!! I am SURE she felt that spark when he kissed her. Is she going to be the one falling for the guy while he wants something casual now? Or maybe Tae will fall for her as well? Ahhhh so cute! I feel like that would be a nice spin off yk (no pressure, I swear). And Erik, woah I didn't expect him to be like that. To be so nice and wise. Great character development indeed! It was really nice (1/2)

Anonymous said: To see their interaction and the way he opened her eyes (for some reason I couldn't help but picture him as Namjoon). Ohhh the Kiri part tho!!!! I felt really petty but in the best way lol. Anywaysss I am really excited for the last chapter (really sad too) and I am sure it is going to be the best because you are a genius! Thank you for sharing another amazing chapter with us! ♥♥♥ (2/2)

Anonymous said: OKAY I absolutely adored Bitchin part 9 😻 I always thought that it was also OC fault for what happened between her and jk, he obviously was the main jerk but she never actually admitted her feelings to him and he doesn't read minds so??¿¿? Really loved that she came to understand it. And I was rooting SO MUCH for yara and tae MAN I AM CRYING THEY DESERVE IT 🙌🏻

Anonymous said: you came through with the tae x yara content we all needed omg thank you!! if anyone’s gonna make yara fall in love it’s tae lol

Anonymous said: I honestly lowkey hate bitchin’ jungkook right now. I thought I’d get over it but I just can’t imagine how hurt and disgusted Y/N was when she found out that jk and kiri were together just hours before they were like ugh. It doesn’t help that I’m also really interested in Erik’s character development now so it would’ve been really interesting to see how he’d fit in Y/N’s life. 🥺

Anonymous said: jungkook and y/n wANT what yara and tae have

Anonymous said: TAEYARA YES FINALLY OUR WISHES HAVE BEEN ANSWERED 😍😍

Anonymous said: just want to let you know you’re an absolute angel and all you create is nothing short of perfection. *sends you all of the love*

spring2787 said: I jus came from a 4 hour long class and it's finally here... Thank you so much dear 🎂 💜

Anonymous said: Is yara me ? Like when she said that boy act like they understand the no string involved but then fall in love , dude I felt that , that's literally the story of my life lmaoooo Like the number of time a dude told me yeah I'm okay with that and then acted shocked when I told him I didn't feel anything for him is impressive lmaoo Anyway I'm so eager for the last chapter!!!! you did an amazing job!!

kuhweenbri said: The way I already finished but anyways girl I absolutely loved this part and now I’m excited for the next part 😭😭 will we be seeing more of T-ara??

Anonymous said: OMG YARA AND TAEEEEEEEEE. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEANT BY FANSERVICE. JSJSJSJJSBXBSBSB But on a serious note, this fic just keeps on getting better. The fact that there's only one chapter left still hasn't come home to me 😭 but thank you so much for blessing us with this!💜💜

Anonymous said: YO! bitchin is flippin brilliant! you have done so well! jungkook broke my heart in part 9! im emotional but also so ready for part 10! please take your time. have a lovely day

Anonymous said: i don’t normally talk to writers on here but bitchin is really bitchin, i haven’t read a fanfic in so long that makes me excited to read the next part and maybe it’s because i’m so used to all of the aus being recycled but bitchin is truly a breathe of fresh air to me for some reason, maybe because you fleshed out the right hand mans for both characters idk or the it being a different time period, but i just wanted to say you are smashing bitchin dude and i love it!!

shy-kpop-girl said: BITCHIN': I just caught up on 8 & 9. Shocked & angry at JK. Because regardless of whether he knew y/n' feelings it was a dick move to sleep with Kiri one night and y/n the next morning. And it wasn't like he came over to talk/tell y/n about Kiri & things escalated because he went right at it as soon as she let him in. Even tho it was hot. 😳 But Erik. I wanted to hate him but dude surprised me with his reasoning. I loved that dialogue! Once again your writing is amazing & I love this story!

Anonymous said: Bitchin is the best fanfic on tumblr. And no one can change my mind. You’re doing amazing!! Much love xoxo

Anonymous said: “Think of life as one big puzzle and everyone you meet is shaped differently, right? Yet somehow… they fit. We find those that complete us. And they’re not necessarily opposites but—“ MAAM that part hit SOOO different omg your brain!?! Outta this world! Like this is whole ass literature!!!! I stg Bitchin’ is the best thing on this app and I meant that w my whole chest.

Anonymous said: I'm not ready for Bitchin to end. It's soooooo good 😍😍😍

kmultifandom said: Since there's a cast for bitchin I wanna audition for y/n because i wanna be a biologist and I have some similar personality traits *mic drop* Also great work, I seriously love it. No other fan fiction I have read was so close to my actual self and that impresses me even more and make it like it 10 times more djksksks

Anonymous said: how will I live when bitchin ends agghhh I haven’t even read 8-9 cause I’m waiting for the happy ending before I’m heartbroken and left waiting for the last part

Anonymous said: you know what would be super fun and crazy 😛😛🙈🙈 if you dropped bitchin’ pt 10 right now 😳😳 haha just kidding .... unless 😏😏

Anonymous said: lets gooooo!!!!!!!!!!! bitchin pt 10 better haunt me for the rest of the year

Anonymous said: I feel like I’m going to get so emotional once Bitchin’ part 10 is released. It’s like I’m sending off my non-existing kids to university because I won’t be able to see Bitchin!Jungkook anymore 🥺

Anonymous said: I can’t believe Bitchin’ is for real ending 😩 it’s soo gud 

Anonymous said: Can’t wait till bitchin PART 10 Probably gonna fall asleep before u post but I’ll try to stay up for it 🥺

Anonymous said: i love your writing honestly and i just really want you to be happy. your writing is immaculate and i really want you to know that you are talented and skilled so yeah. sorry if this is out of nowhere but i just really want to show appreciation to writers because they don't get enough and you are definitely my favorite writer:)) hope you have a good day!!

Anonymous said: okay but if Bitchin' goes on for 50 chapters that would be good too.. just sayin'.

tpo-quinn said: Bruh, I can already feel that I'm gonna cry from the last chapter of bitchin'...I CAN'T WAIT!

leojjeon said: so i've re-read bitchin ready for chapter 10 an I am feeling all sorts of emotions. it's fair to say it's my favourite series I've read!

Anonymous said: y did i forget bitchin would have an end like 😳😐we’ve been on this bitchin journey w u for so long i’m sad it’s over

Anonymous said: What what what?? Bitchin is ending??!!! Didnt it just fucking start like all the drama and tae&yara!!!! Omg girl!!!

Anonymous said: ur the absolute fucking GODDESS of writing angst, ive never ever waited for a ff to be updated before as if it was a new episode of my fav show coming out. thank u for writing and be so active, muah ur amazing

Anonymous said: a moment of silence for our loved bitchin who will die soon 😔 gone but not forgotten, she will always be in our hearts. all the best rides come to an end 😭

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#9)

I really really loved 3x10! Like one of my favorite episodes so far, for sure. so here’s another post about just one episode, “The Giving Tree.”

@lockitin I saw your comment saying I’d like this episode like an hour after I watched! You were very right!

-Aw I love Julie and Tyra’s friendship. Julie trying to help Tyra strategize on how to catch up in school after her ill-advised trip with the cowboy — that’s what we love to see!

-this flirtatious girl (later, we learn, MADISON) insisting on pouring milk into a wine glass for JD is up there as one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen happen in a teen drama party scene

“Do you need silence to watch naked women? Is that what you’re saying to me?” The things that come out of Buddy Garrity’s mouth are truly wild.

-oh boy and then Buddy got into a getting-arrested level fight! Wish I could say I was surprised, but...

ANYWAY MATT AND JULIE DO IT NOW yet they’re still so fucking cute it’s wild

-I am truly HERE for Matt and Julie post coital and naked, just laying in his bed after school saying “I love you” while listening to the radio and HOLDING HANDS?? This is so beautiful.

-so of course, here comes Coach Taylor to walk in on them. Honestly this scenario kind of like NEEDED to happen? Inevitably? I mean, “quarterback sleeping with the coach’s daughter,” as Riggins said. (And now it’s finally actually true.) The comedy of Eric just walking right back out the house, stone-faced. Oh I am living.

-Hahahaha Landry’s bandmates exchanging looks while Tyra comes to ask Landry for help with the SATs. This show does such a good job of actually conveying teens being teens in little moments like this.

-oh yes to the Lyla/Julie tooth brushing scene where she confides what happened with her dad walking in on her and Matt!! then transitioning right into Tami brushing her teeth while Eric sits on the side of the bed, pained and disturbed by his teenage daughter’s burgeoning sexuality. Cinematic.

-what I love about this episode is how well crafted the plot is — Eric only catchs Matt and Julie because he had to pick Julie up so Tami could tell Lyla about Buddy’s night in jail. and Eric clearly showed up earlier than Tami would have. After all, they thought they had time for one more song. It’s just...such good writing. Ugh! Yes.

-I love how this development actually left Tami speechless too, when usually she’d be running into Julie’s room with exactly the right words to say

-I really do love how this plot lines up so that Lyla is in the Taylor house to comfort Julie.

“Your punishment is you have to have a conversation with me about it.” Fair, Tami, fair. Bc there should not be a punishment at all for a teenage girl having consensual sex with a boy she loves!

-Did Buddy really just plead not guilty??? Sir you did all of the things they just charged you with!!!!

-Tyra’s mom immediately wanting Landry to change the pilot light when she sees him in the house helping Tyra is....too real. Also reminds me of Lorelai joking about how she liked how Dean would change the water bottle in Gilmore girls

-fuck you buddy!!!! Why would you gamble your daughters college money??? Related: I love how betty cooper had a similar plotline to Lyla garrity here but in the Riverdale version her mom gave the $$ to a cult

“Please tell me the lesson we’ve learned.” “Always lock the door.” “...when having sex with the coach’s daughter.” HAHAHAHA omg this show is so good, having Eric glance at Saracen in the locker room to see his eyes downcast. That’s that shit we like.

-I’m proud of Landry in this episode standing up for himself bc Tyra was totallyyy taking advantage of him. Like she expects him to ditch his bandmates bc she wants to take a break and lengthen their study session which he’s doing as a favor to her??

-oh yes and the Giving Tree metaphor! Amazing. Art.

“That’s exactly what I feel like, just a stump.” Damn. I felt that.

“What about birth control?” “I don’t want to talk about that!” “Hon, that IS the conversation.” Damn right it is! Tami is a good mom.

“Chasin skirts,” Mr. McCoy? You’re gross. Ew and now he’s literally trying to control his son’s love life. Disgusting.

-Julie’s long pause after Tyra asks if Landry is right about how she’s the little boy in the Giving Tree. I cackled.

MATT SARACEN IS TERRIFIED IM DEAD

-I CACKLED at the fear in his eyes when Tami suggest he wait in the back with Coach Taylor

-Lol at coach aggressively cleaning his grill while lecturing Saracen, who is literally one of the most mild mannered and sweet boys you could ever want your daughter to lose her virginity to tbh. Especially if it’s gonna be a football player.

-ugh Lyla I’m sorry your dad is so trash. Riggins is sweet and hot though. “What do you want me to do?” he says when Buddy bangs at the door. He respects her wishes. We stan.

“I was the idiot who stuck with you! Don’t call me spoiled. We’ve been saving that money since I was a baby. You said if I made the grades, it was mine.” GO OFF LYLA this is cathartic to watch. Also LOL I have mad student loans now bc my dad the cheater similarly lied about our financial situation for most of my life so that hit HARD for me. 😭😬🥺 I sent Lyla’s rant to my mom and she said lol did you write those words

-omg Tim at the door being like “you need to go” to Buddy?!?! Oops I’m aroused.

-oh god poor JD is actually listening to his dad and breaking things off with Madison?? Fuck man. That is so not cool. But wait there’s more! Riggins called him on it right away, we love him. “How do you expect all these boys to battle for you if you can’t make a decision like that on your own?” YES Riggins! Now that’s some good team captain mentoring shit! With the ear buds in one ear. Ugh yes.

-I’m surprised we haven’t gotten angry Coach Taylor chasing a ref sooner. “HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT”

-I love how Coach Taylor said “we’re gonna not lose our temper out there” about the refs to the players earlier in the week then ended up getting ejected from the game himself. Classic.

-omg and he’s calling the other coaches on the field on a flip phone, that’s. Mmhmm. Yep. Early 2000s gold.

-but oop now Wade Aikmen is gonna be getting all the attention. Oh boy. This show keeps ya on your toes!!

-JD’s mom wants her 15 year old son to date wayyyy too much and JD’s dad wants to control his love life wayyyy too much. Maybe they should both just chill???

-omg Katie McCoy totally would’ve kept JD’s date with Madison a secret if the dad hasn’t seen it. This is a *sings* deeply unhealthy family dynamic~

-Saracen is so cute being nervous that Landry’s gonna bomb. Friendshipppp

-okay Landry’s band got a decent turnout! Anyway I hope a girl throws her bra at Devin.

-wait really? Landry in a metal band now suddenly has Tyra feeling him? Again I DO NOT UNDERSTAND TYRA AND LANDRY.

-wow Buddy said Lyla was right AND apologized? I’m actually surprised. Can he call MY dad and teach him how to apologize? Kthxbye.

Yeah seriously I think that was my favorite episode so far!

[therewas-a-girl]

Shipwrecks, Of the Wretched, de profundis ALL OF THE QUESTIONS

the 

you think i will be intimidated by this BUT CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!!! *cracks knuckles*

Shipwrecks

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

this fic is written mostly traditionally tbh - its cronologically told, in third person and mostly from one pov which is (and will be) feclicity. however, i have changed my mind about a lot of things since i started the fic - for one, i want to incorporate the whole ‘unreliable narrator’ thing a lot more. i want to use flashbacks more carefully: playing with timelines in how cetain present time events triger past moemories that illuminate the REASON behind present time choices. things like that. 

the real inspiration for the fic itself was another fic i read -  I've Never Truly Loved (Until You Put Your Arms Around Me) by theirhappystory. And the fact that i read that fic ... while i was on a boat... while there was a storm. a small one BUT STILL. 

2: What scene did you first put down?

Whatever Walks Here, Walks Alone - aka oliver looking at felicity in the lair. by itself this scene could fit anywhere from the begining of season 1, to anywhere in season 2. i didnt really write it with a timeline in mind. it was mroe like me pondering the characters. 

3: What's your favorite line of narration?

i had a LOT of fun - unexpected fun - writing Diggle’s pov in teh whole situation. you see, when i started the story the first thing i wanted to figure out was where do i want the characters to end up in relation to each other - so that i could start the story with them being in the diametrically opposite  spot! but then i realized that i also want contrast within the trio - and where oliver and felicity move towards each other at a glacial pace, john and felicty have a much more easy time understanding where the other stands. like... they vibe. and it had a lot o fun planing out that vibe - and all teh ways it pisses off oliver, in the begining. 

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?

To answer this i would have to go back and re-read a lot of what i wrote and plan to write, but there is a line that STAYS with me and its one felicity says. 

so - in the show, the trio do eventually find out that the Gambit was sabotaged and did not just sink. Now - in Shipwrecks - this would have  a major devastating effect on felicity, who was in the gambit with oliver and sara. And she is the one that has the hunch that moira was involved (i think this happens in canon too?) - and she pushes oliver about it. Bc ofc she thinks of moira as just another person. Worse even - a person who hurt her. At this point she is MANIC about it and it freaks oliver out. Like, take the natural defensiveness he has against the idea and add a fear that felicity might genuinely kill his mother, and you get him being very agressively AGAINST felicity following moira anywhere. and when felicity understands that oliver has no intention of pursuing a what she sees as a genuine lead about the event that practically ruined them as people, she just, shuts down, makes a disgusted face, thinks of all the ritch fuckers she’s known and framed and used and how they close ranks when their reputation or personal interest is touched and just, blurts it out.  

 ‘you fucking people.’ 

5: What part was hardest to write?

all of it lmao. like WRITING IT. 

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

The fact that i planned it out and it has like, different installments and a whole journey, which is one of losing oneself, understanding that ones self has been lost, seeing vengence for that loss (aka giving in/facing the anger it causes), seeking freedom, going against ones impulses to build better ones, building relationships, mantaining them, finding ones self through small acts of kindness towards ones self, rebuilding ones personality

basically i wrote a journey about getting out of depression and grief, before i realized that THAT was what i was actually writing about. 

7: Where did the title come from?

The title of the series is pretty straightforward: they were shipwrecked and now theyre coming back. 'above the vaulted sky’ is a line from a I am, by John Claire.  

I am—yet what I am none cares or knows;My friends forsake me like a memory lost:I am the self-consumer of my woes—They rise and vanish in oblivious host,Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throesAnd yet I am, and live—like vapours tossedInto the nothingness of scorn and noise,Into the living sea of waking dreams,Where there is neither sense of life or joys,But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems;Even the dearest that I loved the bestAre strange—nay, rather, stranger than the rest.I long for scenes where man hath never trodA place where woman never smiled or weptThere to abide with my Creator, God,And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,Untroubling and untroubled where I lieThe grass below—above the vaulted sky.

It’s a rather sad one actually, but i read it as a poem about hope. About the dream of hope, anyway. And this need to be away - from what is known because at this point what is known is horrible and the only happiness the imagination can come up with, is to be as far from it as possible and alone. and that is very much where felicity starts out with. With her hope not being about peace, but an isolation in stillness because that is the only good place she can imagine. 

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

It did. I’ve been depressed and strugling with horrendous issues of self worth and anxiety since i was about 14. And i never knew. It literally took me turning 28 to realize what the fuck was wrong. And its depressing (lol) because its just so much fucking time that i wasted, you know. And i remember - like, when i was deep in my depression - i used to think all the time ‘I must have been a real life person once. Like, an actual person, with a personality, and likes and dislikes and feelings - but i dont remember her. I dont know who that girl even is, i woudlnt regognise her at all.’ It felt like some part of me had died. Like there was literal murder involved. Cause so little of me survived. 

but it turns out, i have been this way - just less intensely (and in some cases a lot MORE intensely) since i hit puberty. i didnt die - i just got worse and did not deal with it at all.  

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

not really. not yet, anyway. 

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

im actually not sure that i do want oliver-felicity for this sotry. the dynamic between felicity and tommy is also very veyr interesting. and i dont really know where i will take them. especially in the first and second story, their connection is intense. but this is also part of teh slowburn - oliver and felicity, however it happens, its gonna be slow. 

11: What do you like best about this fic?

how personal it is to me, and my experience. and the fact that, if i write it well, i might actually be sayin something. 

12: What do you like least about this fic?

THE FACT THAT I HAVENT WRITTEN IT YET T_T

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

PHEW I have whole playlists i built as i was ordering this whole series. with songs that fit the mood, the direction of the storytelling and all. 

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

I genuinely want people to see this as a story about healing.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

i havent written all of it yet - but i did learn something very interesting about myself. that i have been putting my trauma into narratives to deal with it looong since i knew that was a thing, or i was even aware that i was doing it. 

and on that depressing note, i will end this post and start a new one for the other stories lmao