#im gonna watch youtubes n let my brain shut off

[snailcubezz]

i need someone to do one of them sitcom cliche birthday episodes to me

[hanasnx]

as soon as i saw jason and piss i went monkey brained, i lost all rational thinking. i remember playing batman arkham knight around 2016, jason makes me so insane like he could stomp on my clit with his heavy shoes n degrade me to filth while im on the floor in pain. he could punch me in the back of the head while giving me backshots, he could bruise my cervix from the sheer size of his bitchbreaker (his cock). he can fuck me from behind with both hands pulling at my wrists so i cant push him back as he’s groaning breathlessly in my ear "im not gonna let you run away from it," he can stretch me out n piss in my asshole. i wanna be his worthless fuck meat, i wanna be his breeding mount that he can sink inside of when he needs relief n methodically pump his tension away n slump atop when he cant rut any more n empty himself into, i need to be tenderly held down n bred to within an inch of my life, i need to 'but daaaaaaaad' my way into having him in my cervix. i need to suck his dick so fucking disgustingly sloppily that you can measure my love for him in the volume of spilled drool, etc

-💃🏾

i think i watched a playthrough on youtube of b:ak in 2015/2016 and then actually got to play it myself in 2019 and i’ve been obsessed with it since. it has my favorite iteration of jason todd in it hes so batshit wild. like he hates a man so much he’s willing to blow up what he loves most in the world even if it’s an entire city 💀 he’s a fucking terrorist

he’s capable of all this mean shit and more he’d absolutely stomp on your clit with his big heavy boots. the kind that make thunder when he walks through the halls and people jump out of his way

calling his cock “bitchbreaker” is crazyyy you consistently get me with the way you rearrange words to fit your intent like bitchbreaker is so scarily accurate to fit the vibe. bitchbreaker… i think he’d call it that too just once

pulling at your wrists lifting you clean off whatever surface while he fucks you, telling you you’re not gonna run away from it??? are you kidding??? oh mygododod🫠🫠

stretching ur asshole out and pissing in it?? genius. Genius genius genius. calling yourself “worthless fuck meat” is another instance of the wordplay you do that i love sm.. also “breeding mount” is so 😵‍💫 AND AND you knew i was gonna love this one: “i need to ‘but daaaaaad’ my way into having in my cervix” like shut the fuck up!!!!Real!!!!!!!!!

the way he’d grab your wrist so hard it hurts when you whine “but daaaaaad” at him. getting you alone so he can practically rip your clothes apart, whip off his belt and flog you with it

he’d fuck your face so hard his cum’d shoot out your nose 🎶

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

hickey prank...gone wrong

y/n wanted to prank the avengers for forgetting to hide a hickey she got from a 'mysterious boy' after she finished pranking them and telling them its fake, peter came in and NOT so subtly asked her when he did that since they're secretly dating

pairing: peter x stark!reader

status: secretly dating

y/n's pov

ive been watching a lot of youtube lately, it literally became my best friend, i scrolled through my recommendations and found a 'hickey prank' video, i smiled to myself already knowing im about to do it, and clicked on the video

It was a girl pranking her parents for getting a hickey, i watched the girl make the fake hickey on her neck, and i was considering to ask peter to do one for me that would be more entertaining but that would obviously backfire if i couldnt wipe it out

so i didnt ask him, another thing is that peter and i have been secretly dating for around a month now, my dad, tony stark, strictly told peter that i am off limits but were still dating and its been the best month ever.

anyways, i opened my vanity drawer and got my eye shadow pallet, i decided on a spot to make the 'hickey' and started adding dark colored eye shadow to make it look believable, the end result looked pretty good, and i know that from experience ;)

it ws on the right side of my neck right below my ear, i opened my two braids to cover the 'hickey' took my phone to record this i already know chaotic experience since this is the avengers we're talking about and left my room while i was walking in the hallway i got a text from peter saying:

MY baby 🥰🧸: coming in 15! xx

I squealed from excitment coz its been a week since ive seen him because of his exams and everything but back to the prank

i walked inside our kitchen/living room and the avengers were scattered everywhere since they just finished a mission and now theyre hungry af, perfect

i snuck my phone behind a bowl of fresh fruits and acted normally trying to contain my nervousness and excitement

"hey guys!" i said looking at the kitchen island that filled with delicious hot meals, yumm

"hey sweetie" dad said kissing my cheek, and everybody mumbled a 'hey' since they're too busy stuffing theyre mouths with food

"hows the mission?" i asked curiously, thor, sam and scott completely ignored me trying to stuff everything in, nat and wanda were talking about how stupid one of the men were for flirting with them and comepletely beat the shit out of him for makig inappropriate comment, my girls I thought and steve, dad, bruce, and bucky answered my question

they've always had a soft spot for me and hated whenever i got ignored, i smile at them grateful that they didnt ignore me even though i wouldnt get mad i mean im also starving

i continued on eating arguing with sam on who will get the biggest slice of the chocolate cake wanda made, but then i remembered i came here to do the prank so i decided its time

i looked infront of me checking if my phone is still recording and it was, its been recording for 8 minutes now so i excused myself from the table to go 'get some fruit'

i quickly grabbed an apple and rerecorded the video, "so what do you guys wanna do? peters coming in a few" i said taking my hair and secured it behind my ear, its been exposed its been exposed omg omg omg i tried to calm down a bit coz in any second someone could spot my 'hickey'

"oh, we could have a movie night, you know, coz peter finished school so we should celebrate" my dad said looking at me then looking back at his food but looked at me again eyes widened, he spotted it ABORT MISSION OMG OMG

I looked down at my food trying not to run from the glare hes giving me

"y/n?" my dad asked, his tone has never been this serious before, oh shit

"y-yes" i squeecked god pull it together y/n, its not real

"what is that on your neck" he pointed out, which grabbed everyones attention, great, all eyes were on me, steve, bucky and bruce widened their eyes shocked, wanda and nat were smirking, sam, scott, and clint were laughing their asses off while thor looked as clueless as a baby

i was sitting at the center of the table and i just wanted to sink in and get absorbed my the marble walls

"w-what do you mean?" i asked 'confused' i grabbed nats phone that was between us, opened the camera and gasped trying to act surprised and scared "I-I uhhh" I let go of my hair so it can cover it again "I-I burned my self while curling my hair" I nervously blurted out, wow I'm a great actress

"that does not look like a burn young lady what is that?" Steve buts in, anger literally fuming from his ears and eyes Bucky glaring at me trying to think of every boy I've ever interacted with

"I curled my hair uncle Steve!" I replied rolling my eyes

"THAT IS NOT A BURN HUN THATS A HICKEY" my dad got out of his chair clearly getting angrier by the second

"ITS NOT DAD, YOU THINK I COULD HOOK UP WITH BOYS WHEN IM BEING WATCHED 24/7?" I shot back standing as well, everybody gasped

"what is a hickey if I may interrupt"

"SHUT UP" the rest of the team said clearly enjoying this

"I wanna know who's D y/n got" Sam said laughing

"was he at least good?" Nad asked smirking

"please tell me you used protection" Wanda asked concerned

"WHO IS IT" all three of them said

"NO ONE!" I shouted

"why is he that important that you have to be so secretive of him?" Bucky suddenly blurts out tightening his fists so hard his knuckles could pop out

"maybe he's special" nat smirked

"y/n" my dad said in a warningly tone "if you don't tell us who this idiot is I swear I'm gonna let Bruce turn into the hulk and smash every boys house that you've ever interacted with" I felt like that was enough, and obviously got everyone's attention, I tried to contain my laughter coz they're faced are just hilarious waiting for me to tell them who it is

"it's....it's...a-a..A PRANK!" I laughed, everybody looked at me speechless clearly not buying it

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS A PRANK THERE'S STILL A HICKEY ON YOUR NECK" my dad shouted

"yeah a FAKE one" I took the wipe from my back pocket, wiping my 'hickey' and gestured to the smudged make up "SEE??" I laughed

Steve, Bucky, Bruce and my dad looked relieved, nat, Scott, Wanda, Clint, and Sam looked...disappointed?? And Thor was still clueless as ever, I walked to the counter to stop recording

"YOU WERE RECORDING?" Wanda scoffed

"do not do that to us a again young lady I was gonna get a heart attack" Steve warned leaving the table

"doll" Bucky said and I looked at him "if I ever see a boy with you this close" he gestured between him and I "I will squish their face and pull his brains out with my bare hand" he warned

and for a second I thought of Peter, I swear he's gonna get killed if they know what 'helping him study' and 'looking after me' means I just rolled my eyes at their stupid behavior

"so y/n didn't get any D yesterday? Poor thing" Sam laughs

"SAM I SWEAR YOUR NEXT ON THE LIST" dad said walking out of the kitchen

"for the first time in forever IM glad this was a prank coz the poor boy would've been dead just by the glares he'll get" I laughed shaking my head after the hilarious prank we cleaned up the kitchen island

"ok guys I'm gonna go to my room to clean this...mess" I gestured to my neck full of smudged make up

"hey guys, what did I miss?" Peter walked in the living room a few minutes after i left

"oh just y/n being y/n, she'll tell you what happened" Scott laughed which confused Peter but he ignored it m opened the fridge to get a snack and go to your room,

like I said it's been a week since he's seen you so he was very excited to kiss you hug you and just shower you with affection...in secret obviously

he knocked on my door doing our secret pattern and barged into my room

"HEY PETER" I almost shouted jumping onto him crossing my legs on his torso and snuggling my headphones to his neck

"hey baaaby" he whispered kissing my temple

"ITS BEEN AGES" I whisper shouted

"that it has" he whispered back finally connecting his lips with mine, And slowly walked to the bed, he sat down which resulted in me straddling his lap

"I missed you" I mumbled hovering his lips a bit

"I missed his more" his voice was lower than usual which made my hormones go haywire, he started pampering me with kisses

"I *kiss* miss *kiss* you *kiss* so *kiss* fucking *kiss* much" he said

"oh since when does innocent Peter Parker swear" i teased looking at his eyes

"since I've dated you" he shot back "when I started dating you, you made me feel and become like a normal horny teenage boy" he kissed me again

"well, im glad you feel...normal" I laughed, he started kissing my neck again and unfortunately my dad was walking past my bedroom at the time

"is this a bruise or just a very messy hickey I gave you, coz if it is I better fix it" he smirked already knowing it's not his but just finding an excuse to do one on me

"oh it's just a prank I did to the team which thankfully I recorded so you can see it"

"how bout I make it a real one?" He smirked

"Yes plea-"

"WHAT?" my dad barged in PERFECT TIMING DAD

"PETER BENJAMIN FUCKING PARKER YOU HAVE 3 SECONDS TO LEAVE THIS COMPOUND BEFORE I FRENCH FRY THAT WHAT I THOUGHT WAS INNOCENT BRAIN OF YOURS"

"RUN PETE RUNNN"

🏃‍♂️ 💨

Have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover

[threecrowsinatrenchcoat]

Paint My Spirit Gold

Dukeceit Week Day 2: Green/Yellow

Fans of the YouTubers "Deceit" and Remus "The Duke" Sanders start to suspect that maybe, just maybe, the two of them are more than simple internet pals.

AO3 Link: [here]

Word Count: 2187

Warnings: n/a

@dukeceitweek <3

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a watercolor-style painting of a snake. The snake appears to be made of melting chocolate, and there is a large bite taken out of its tail. Cherries and jam are leaking out of the snake at the bite wound. The snake's expression of horror is overly-exaggerated to the point of comedy. The caption reads: "liked your snake boi, @SerpenThyme. thanks for the inspo." /end ID]

- 

A notification ding cut Janus off mid-sentence. 

“Wow, someone left their cell phone on, so professional,” he said, giving the camera a dramatic eye roll. That someone was him, of course, because he was the only one in the apartment- just him and the running livestream- but that was no excuse not to be a drama queen about it. He finished wiping flour off his hands and grabbed his phone to silence it; but the notification made him pause. He flicked his eyes up toward the camera and gave a slight smirk.

“My goodness, I’m famous,” he drawled. “The Duke himself has graced little old me with some fan art.”

Most of the comments in the chat wanted him to show it, so Janus opened up Twitter to see the full post he’d been tagged in. It was a watercolor painting of the coiled-snake chocolate sculpture- lovingly named Jake by his viewers- he’d made for his YouTube video last week; it was wearing an expression of such comedic horror that Janus had to stifle a laugh. He flicked his phone screen toward the close-up camera on his counter so his viewers could see.

“How kind of you, Remus,” he said. “All of you should go scold him for what he’s done to poor Jake here.”

Most of his viewers would know he was joking- after all, they were the ones to nickname him Deceit when he provided neither a real or fake name for his online persona. They knew full well what he was like by now.

The oven timer dinged. Janus silenced his phone and set it aside.

“And our first batch of cookies is done. You know, why don’t we show the Duke some appreciation?”

-

[ID: An Instagram post by user @SerpenThyme. The photo is an artistically-framed shot of a stack of sugar cookies with green, yellow, and pink icing. Propped up against the stack is another cookie, with an intricate icing-drawing of an octopus. The photo appears to have been color corrected to have high contrast, low saturation, and a dark vignette at the edges. The Instagram user @OctoDukie is tagged. No caption. /end ID]

- 

“You know, I have often been accused of actually being a little old lady, what with my fondness for knitted jumpers, rocking chairs, and incredibly fucked up murder mystery books. Today I am doing nothing to dispel this accusation, by making soup.”

The studio was dark and empty aside from Remus' workspace. Everyone else had left long ago, even his own brother, which meant that it was officially ass-o'clock in the morning (or, as most people called it, somewhere between 1 and 2 a.m.) But Remus was stuck in hyperfocus, honed in on putting the last touches on a commission that he'd been putting off for weeks. It's not that it was a tough painting- once he'd gotten started, it was actually a very creatively satisfying piece- but man, executive dysfunction could go suck a dick

“French onion soup, specifically. Because while I do like to pretend I am a classy bitch, I am also, regrettably, a lazy bitch with a distaste for anything that takes longer than one bottle of wine to make.”

Remus hated working in silence. It was stifling, almost suffocating. His brain needed noise like his lungs needed air. So when the studio had grown still and silent, Remus had flipped open his laptop and queued up some YouTube videos. 

“So we have here three pounds of onions that we need to slice up, pole to pole. You’re going to cry no matter what, so if you have any memories you’ve been repressing since middle school, now is an excellent time to dredge those up.” 

And if it happened to be 90% SerpenThyme videos, well. Sue him. 

“Now the first rule of caramelizing onions: fast and sloppy is always better than slow and thorough… at least, that’s what every man I’ve ever slept with tells me.”

Remus choked and glanced over to his laptop screen just in time to catch Deceit's trademark smirk directed at the audience just for a moment. It was the deadpan delivery that always got him. Remus could barely hold onto a joke long enough to get through it without cackling mid-punchline, but this fucker could say the funniest shit like an off-hand comment. 

He wiped his hands off on his jeans (what use were clothes if you couldn't use them as paint rags?) and pulled his laptop across the table.  He typed out a quick comment, citing the timestamp of the joke, and after it was posted, he shut his laptop. 

'Cause ass-o'clock was short for "get-your-ass-home-or-I’ll-kick-it" o'clock. 

-

[ID: A screenshot of a YouTube comments section. The first comment is by user TheDuke, and reads: "10:42 wow, rude." The second comment is a reply by user SerpenThyme, and simply reads ";)" /end ID]

-

Janus plopped down on the couch with a slight groan. He didn’t need to stream today, but he really hated missing days. Besides… he was fine. Really. 

He adjusted the camera until he was happy with the framing, and then checked the settings on his streaming software. Satisfied, he started the stream, and watched as his usual viewers rolled in. 

“What do you mean I’m not in my kitchen?” Janus drawled, addressing the chat. He glanced around with an expression of faux-shock on his face. “My goodness, when did that happen?”

He chuckled, and then gestured to his surroundings. “Yes, we are in my living room today. If you must know, my closest and most trusted friend tried to murder me today- yes, Virgil, it was attempted murder and nothing less- and I survived with nary a scratch… and a broken foot, but that is beside the point. Anyway, I’m not allowed to stand for long periods of time, and I may or may not be somewhat inebriated by pain pills and couldn’t stand even if I wanted to. So we are cooking from my couch today.”

Janus paused for a few moments to read the chat messages as they popped up. A few get well soon’s, a few theories about the “attempted murder,” Virgil- who moderated his chat for him- vehemently denying the “attempted murder” but otherwise refusing to clarify the event, and a large volume of wtf why are you streaming today, take care of yourself comments, which made him smile. But one particular comment caught his eye, almost lost amid the torrent of an active chat: wait this kinda looks like the Duke’s living room?

“Oh, VampSuga,” he said, addressing that commenter in particular with a slight smirk. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. Anyway, since I can’t reach my oven from here, I thought some no-bake cookies were in order. For these you will need-”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Discord conversation. The text reads:

“VampSuga: Ok ok hear me out. Dukeceit. 

Starstruck96: who?

IneffableSnek: lmao

FeralBeauYasha: lol

VampSuga: Deceit and Remus Sanders! They’re totally dating. I will die on this hill. 

FeralBeauYasha: Isn’t the duke w/ PatPat?

IneffableSnek: no thats his brothers bf

FeralBeauYasha: ohh

VampSuga: Did anyone see Deceit’s stream today? I swear that’s the Duke’s livingroom. 

StarStruck96: idk that seems like a stretch

IneffableSnek: no wait i kno what u mean

IneffableSnek: im watching the duke’s old videos and that one where he shows off all his old weapons he’s in a living room kinda like deceit’s 

FeralBeauYasha: They were acting all cute on twitter too

VampSuga: DUKECEIT”  /end ID]

-

"Hey guys, been a while since you've seen my face and not just whatever my hands are busy with, when it's within YouTube's terms and conditions I mean. They used to be way more lenient…" Remus trailed off for a moment, then shook his head sharply and plastered on a grin. 

"Anyway! In June me and a few other creators did a fundraiser for the Trevor Project, and y'all smashed the goal, so I let you decide what video I'd make this month." He paused, and gestured to the mountain of clothes piled behind him on the bed. "And you had so many juicy ideas to choose from, but you decided to dress me up like a Barbie instead."

Remus paused to scroll through his phone for a few moments. "Ah, ok, here we go. Twitter user YoonIsMyCat- oh, BTS, nice- sent in this first outfit. Uh… future Remus, put up the post here somewhere." He gestured vaguely to his right. "Y'all went with either a fuckton more clothes or a fuckton less clothes, which I respect. Apparently this outfit is called…” He squinted at his phone. “Amish chic? I take it back, no respect at all.”

Remus cycled through the outfits his viewers sent in, which ranged from the aforementioned “Amish chic” to “2008 rave attire” to “ok now you guys are just fucking with me” (which consisted of one of those big puffy snow coats, lime green in color; booty shorts with the shrug text emoji across the ass; fuzzy pink boots; and a yellow cowboy hat to top off the whole thing. It was awful. Remus loved it.) The mountain of clothes on the bed gradually became a mess of clothes spread across the floor instead, until there was just one outfit left. 

“Ok so Twitter user VampSuga sent me this outfit that I’m gonna call ‘sexy librarian.’ I couldn’t find this exact sweater online, but-” he paused for dramatic effect, before brandishing a sweater toward the camera like a bullfighter. “My boyfriend had something that was close enough.”

Remus hopped up from the bed and switched off the camera so he could change.

“They’re going to lose their minds,” a voice drawled from the doorway. Remus threw his shirt at him.

“Shoo, I’m getting naked.”

-

[ID: A Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a selfie of YouTuber Remus “The Duke” Sanders, a Hispanic man with his hair dyed green and styled into a spiked mohawk. He is wearing a yellow knitted cardigan over a black button-up shirt. He is grinning widely at the camera. The caption reads: “my viewers pick my outfits! now live on youtube. go see what i look like as a sexy librarian!” /end ID]

-

DukeceitStan

first and only dukeceit shipper ig

DukeceitStan

wow there’s so many of you now! Hi!!

DukeceitStan

i want this to be canon so bad omg

DukeceitStan

i mean just look

[image]

how 

[image]

cute

[image]

[ID: A series of three gifs featuring Youtubers SerpenThyme, aka Deceit, and TheDuke, aka Remus Sanders. Deceit is a black man with long, dreadlocked hair, and vitiligo patches along the left side of his face. Remus is a Hispanic man with green-dyed hair styled into a mohawk, many ear and facial piercings, and tattoos covering both arms. Each gif is edited so that the highlights are tinged yellow when Deceit is seen, and tinged green when Remus is seen.

The first gif depicts a close-up shot of Deceit’s hands as he carefully decorates a cookie with green and yellow icing. The cookie art he is working on appears to be a half-finished octopus. The gif then fades into a mid-shot of Remus, with his back to the camera, facing a canvas. The canvas is blank, and Remus appears to be laying out paints on a table to his left. 

The second gif depicts Deceit seated at his couch, facing the camera. He has many ingredients spread across his coffee table (including oats, cocoa powder, and butter) and appears to be in the process of laying out several more. The gif fades to show Remus seated at a similar couch with a similar coffee table in front of him. The camera is angled slightly downward to better show the myriad of knives spread out across the table. Remus is gesturing wildly with a morning star held in his hand. 

The third gif depicts Deceit in his kitchen. He is pulling on a bright, yellow knitted cardigan, and smirking toward the camera. The gif fades to show Remus in his bedroom, seated on his bed. He is holding up a similar-looking cardigan toward the camera and grinning. /end ID]

- 

“Remus, it’s almost two in the morning. Come to bed.”

“I’m coming, sorry. Twitter distracted me.”

“Mm. I can’t believe the bird app is more distracting than I am.”

“You should try harder.”

“Come to bed and maybe I will.”

“Ok, ok, I’m coming. Hang on though, is it cool if I post this?”

“Sure. They figured it out anyway.”

“Sweet. Ok, Jannie, I’m coming.”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It reads: “Dukeceit is canon.” /end ID] 

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Quirkless Erasure

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: 

In some worlds, Midoriya Izuku is the first quirkless hero. But not in this one, not by far.

Because his homeroom teacher is the hero he's always looked up to: UA's first quirkless Pro Hero.

----

Izuku isn't the only quirkless one, and Aizawa gets into the hero course via emotional devastation against his opponents.

anyway so: quirkless aizawa bc i need that

everyone thinks he has a quirk like emotional manipulation of something but no he's just fucking savage, he gets into the hero course bc he blasted the absolute shit out of mic

everything’s on youtube it’s one of the most viewed videos of all time

this aizawa's eyes are permanently gold bc i headcanon it's his quirk that makes his eyes black, not the colour they flash

"you yell because you have a constant fear no one is really listening to you. you play the class clown and don't try too hard so when you look back you think "i failed because i didn't try" not "i failed because i wasn't good enough""

"bro,,, bro what the fuck did i do to you"

aizawa isn’t even salty he’s quirkless tbh

"you're pushing this on me because it hurts, right? your loud, flashy but damaging quirk means the only thing people think you're useful for is heroics. did you want to do this, or is this the only way society will let you feel comfortable in the role it presses in on you"

"well being quirkless is rough but at least i cn be whatever i want to be"

mics just shell shocked mics not even using his quirk and everyone’s just uwu he’s erasing mics quirk

all aizawa does is walk is close and mutter "society thinks im worthless, which is rough. but you have to put your life on the line or you're nothing better than a villain to the people"

and just, lightly pushes him out of bounds

pls mics just in Love this guy tore him to fucking pieces but Damn

aizawa  helps him up off the floor

"so im probably not wrong but im a little sorry for saying it on live tv"

mic "youre amazing"

aizawa just goes bright red and starts sputtering

aizawa: the emotional devastation hero weakness: genuine compliments

consider 1A teacher aizawa just still made of emotional devastation, nezu made him promise not to use his powers of destruction on his children unless he was expelling them 

this is a quirkless izuku au too, mirio got ofa, allmight encouraged izuku to be a hero after the fight but had no quirk to give him and he manages to make his own way into the hero course

so izuku is a little analyst, gets mostly hero points but uses sharp rebar and poles to smash in the sensors of some robots, getting him a few non-rescue points either. Aizawa is watching like "oh interesting a non-combat quirk" and beside him allmight is vibrating with excitement

"he might actually do it!"

"who might do what"

allmight turns sheepishly to aizawa

"young midoriya on camera 6, he might just be the first quirkless student to pass the enterance exam to heroics straight up"

and aizawa can hardly watch anyone else for the rest of the exam, he adopts this kid on the fucking Spot

hes on the edge of his fucking seat, when nezu sends out the zero pointer. "this kid only needs 10 more points, just ten more" and izuku turns around to look at the 0 pointer and aizawa is like "fuck kid i hope you know what youre doing"

he manages to shove a piece of rebar into the treads, stoping it in its place. it tries to swat him like a bug but he just dives out of the way, picks up ochako and sprints and aizawa is like "holy shit holy shit these bastards better give this kid hero points for that"

like they are assigning final hero points and aizawa has to awkwardly put his hand up "i,,, should probably be excluded from giving midoriya hero points because i went from 0 to bias very very quickly"

allmight just nods sagely

"young midoriya be like that sometimes"

pls aizawa tries to act extra tough bc he can’t let anyone know he’s Adopted this child

for all izuku's brain hes useless w social stuff and thinks aizawa hates him but everyone else k n o w s

also izuku is the only person in 1A who knows ab aizawa's "quirk" and hes like, constantly vibrating w glee around the guy

aizawa walks in the first day, hears bakugo asking how this "quirkless bastard" got in, grabs bakugo w his scarf and yeets him into vlad’s room

"ok students, looks like we are a class of 19. any other comments before we start?"

and like everyone is so lost no one questions it

bakugo is screaming bloody murder until vlad "kindly" tells him ua has a strict no discrimination policy and aizawa would have been well within his rights to expel him

please nezu is like "uwu take one of 1B to make the classes even" and vlad is like "no ive already bonded tough cookies" vlad just adopts bakugo instantly

monoma and bakugou become bros, the baku-squad is 50% a thing, but its mostly 1B students but with pinning kiri. kendo and bakugo both keep monoma in line, monoma and kendo keep bakugo in line

during the sports festival shinsou is like "you must have a blessed quirk to get into the hero course"

and izuku just has this "really. this si what we're doing now" look on his face. hes just gesturing to shinso in exasperation, trying to make eye contact w aizawa hidden up in the commentary box

all you can hear from the box is aizawa quiet snickering as mic tries not to give the game away. he yeets shinso out of bonds and just hauls him back to his feet

"im quirkless you nonce"

"oh,,,"

"yeah, oh. what, gonna be embarrassed a quirkless kid kicked your ass?"

"nah i just feel bad for being a dick"

"ok you are the only valid person ive ever met, come meet my not-dad"

"wait what"

izuku fireman carries shinso into the announcers booth and just presents him to aizawa

you can just vaguely hear "no not kid" "but he'll be perfect" "kid this is live ask me after the festival" "but! hed be perfect! and you could train him to carry on your legacy of soul-crushing burns" "... hmmm"

"do i get a say in this?" "no" "nope"

mic just loudly saying "SO BEFORE WE WITNESS A CHILD CRY LIVE ON AIR AGAIN, AS ALWAYS HAPPENS IN THIS FESTIVAL, LETS START THE NEXT ROUND!"

there’s a counter “days since someone last cried: 0”

please its like "times cried durring all sports festivals" "average cry events" "number of times cried this festival"

aizawa being even more of a dad than canon, like hes a mess he sees on sad kid and he's like "wow that's my kid now"

he makes them soup when they get sick and leaves it outside their doors, refuses to admit its him doing it

soup cryptid

please mic is like 100% in love with him and had been for years but aizawa still has internal bias against the quirkless and thinks he's not good enough for mic so he cant make himself see the flirting for what it really is

“haha he’s just being friendlyL

“aizawa i literally want to marry u”

“awww ur so nice u mean as friends tho right?”

in this au ive decided that quirkless heroes are a thing, but pretty rare, in japan they are all underground bc villains go after them a l o t. there are some public ones in america but they tend to,,, die,,, pretty quickly

and bc there are some quirkless heroes everyone acts like discrimination isn't a thing anymore and quirkless people should shut up while quirkless people are still getting killed and committing suicide at like 500% the rate of people with quirks

also the suicide rate is,,,,, significantly higher in japan but no one ever talks abt it bc japan the “ideal place for people with quirks” so that surely means nothing could ever go wrong

izuku does the "its your power" speech in like 3 parts, before, during and after the sports festival bc he needs he bones w no quirk

stain asks izuku what his quirk is and izuku does the "wouldn't you like to know, weather boy"

",,, where are your parents"

"one abandoned me straight up and the other is giving it a red hot go right now, try me coward"

izuku but everytime he roasts a villain he does it in vine quotes

tl;dr in the au inko is like,, not ok w izuku being a hero and she's trying to do the "leave the school or you can't live here any more" ultimatum and it's not working for her

bc izuku said "ok bye then" and now lives out of his backpack. no one knows. he just like,, sleeps on the train

and iida is like "owo could i come over to your house" and izuku is like

"aaaaa its on fire. yep. made of arsenic and always in flames, why dont we go to the park"

everyone in 1a is like betting on what his house is like. they harass katsuki in 1b but he refuses to talk

hes like "hell no i got thrown into another class for talking ab that nerd eat my left tit"

they only fucking work it out when aizawa and allmight go to izukus house to talk ab dorms and there is literally no one there

aizawa asks izuku ab it like "kid you need to update your forms with your current address" and hes like "oh worm, she moved? wack."

“u,,,,didn’t know,,,,”

“nah lmao i sleep on the bench in a park near here”

“my boy,,,,,l

"what, ochako lives alone!"

"yeah, in a fucking house, kid"

aizawas just: this is literal child abuse i’m ur guardian now

allmight "hes my kid too dont be greedy"

"fuck off all might you already have mirio" "and you already have shinsou!" nighteye, from around the corner "ill take him!" aizawa and allmight "NO"                                  

mic adopts him nezu just sitting in the distance "well, its my school. i get the kid" one whole school full of adult heroes "NO ITS MY SON,,," izukus like crying "wait,,, you guys aren't sick of me? wild" while sobbing

afo out of nowhere: i’ll take the child :))) everyone collectively: N O

for self-indulgence, izuku is the youngest in the class for this au so they all call him their little brother

consider: quirkless aizawa is very similar to normal aizawa but he does practise self-care, he just tries to make it look like he doesnt because hes like that

if i dont take care of myself ill never be able to stand up to the heroes w quirks but also do i deserve normal good human things

tl:dr: he can cook well and is trying to teach izuku that 2-minute noodles and apples arent hero fuel

inko is like: "uwu i wont change what i cook for you so you'll just have to make do owo" in like, a pathetic attempt to get him to stop training so izuku runs off protein bars, electrolyte drinks and raw vegetables

just like, his bento at school. its only raw mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes and 2 full carrots

the only time he gets like a kinda valid balanced meal for a hero in training is when he pops by bakugous place and mitsuki forces him to stay for lunch

izuku is like "oh hi bakugo i have ur book-" "HI ITS LUNCH GET IN PIPSQUEAK"

hes just thrown into a chair, bakugo isnt even confused. izuku is like ",,,, so vlad gave me your book bc your house is near mums." "fair enough. hope you like miso salmon"

izuku just looks stary eyed

"f i s h ??? warm food bakugo id kill for you"

"deku wtf"

"i had nothing but 3 scoops of protein powder and 2 tomatoes today"

“dEKU WHAT THE FUCK”

"i had to eat the protein podwer with plain water kacchan. protein sludge followed by two raw tomatoes. i would commit real actual murder for you"

mitsuki always packs an extra bento after that

so like when it’s dorm time izuku gets rly stressed out bc he doesn’t know how to cook for himself??? bakugous in the 1b dorms and even if he wasn’t he definitely wouldn’t cook for him

1a goes on a fucking shopping trip, chaperoned, obviously

and they’re lining up and aizawa sees that izukus cart is only filled with like??? instant noodles and like two (2) fruits and he’s losing his mind bc yes okay he’s a child but he’s also a young hero and he’s going to get a heart attack by 20 if he doesn’t fix his diet

aizawa is like "izuku, you cant eat that" and izuku just goes "oh ok" puts the noodles back and comes back with a tub of protein powder and like 11 vegetables and a bag of kale

okay this is an improvement kinda, how do u cook it

,,,,,c

cook?

izuku just has a totally blank face

"i was just gonna like,,, eat it"

"raw."

"uh, yeah, is that not how u eat vegetables?”

"thats a potato. and some leeks. thats a fucking onion"

"it wont kill me though"

"thats,,, that not how you pick food kid."

“but vegetable??? good????”

"kid do you even fucking like any of this"

"wait, im supposed to like?? my food???"

yagi in the fucking health food isle hearing this is 50% laughing but 50% crying

aizawa: “izuku ur supposed to eat a well balanced and tasty meal”

izuku: *surprized pikachu face*

please even todoroki is like ",,, at least fuyumi could c o o k"

oh god imagine having a worse diet than shouto todoroki from 1a who eats nothing but cold soba and drinks juice

also please aizawa is like "kid i thought you just happened to be thin but now im seeing thats not the case"

bakugo in the distance "like inko ever fed him enough anyway lmao"

aizawa "WAIT WHAT"

whys bakugou shopping with 1a? its actually all 40 of the first years just descending on this poor little store. it’s this little mom and pop grocery store and a billion hungry hero hopefuls just burst through the door like 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒏𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒔

izuku is like "oh its too expensive" and aizawa is just holding a bag of rice, aizawa is like "its cheaper than the protein powder you have"

and izuku is like "yeah i mean its empty calories and im not paying that much for empty calories"

",,,"

"thats what you taught us sensei!"

"EMPTY CALORIES ARE ONLY A PROBLEM IF UR EATING TOO MUCH"

"and?"

"YOU HAVE 3 POTAOES FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS"

"i can put some back if you want?"

"THATS EXACTLY WHAT I DONT WANT"

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Uhh...I don't mean to be persistant but did you happen to get my idea for Marvin accidently shrinking one of the Egos (I suggested that it'd be Jack...I think) and the reader having to look after them until the spell is reversed? JUST being sure since the idea is making my brain twitch ^^ ~Spooky

I have now! ^w^

......

“Shit…shit..shit!!”

“Marv, buddy. It’s okay, don’t stress-”

“H-How can I not when I just shrunk you, my one and only creator?!” The magician threw his hands up in the air, before he put them down, sighing heavily as he paced around the room.

He was trying to calm himself down, as nervous sparks were dancing around his fingers. But he only stopped when he saw you walk into the room.

“Everything okay in….Séan is that you?” Your eyes widened when you saw the now tiny YouTuber that was sitting on a spellbook. He looked rather scared and tried to back away, although he nearly fell off the table.

Luckily you quickly scooped him up. “Dude you gotta be more careful. It’s okay..I’m not gonna let anything hurt you.”

Jack nodded in understanding, giving you a nervous smile. “Th-Thanks, [y/n]. I was just..” He sighed and rubbed his arm. “…s-seein’ everything so huge is just..scary I guess.” Then he looked to Marvin. “How long until-?”

“I-I don’t know,” he cut in. “Probably a few hours? A day? I dunno..the spell wasn’t suppose to do that so…”

“Oh no I can’t stay tiny for that long!” Jack cried. “I-I have videos to record!! A-And I was gonna go out with Signe later a-and-!”

“Séan...Séan..it’s gonna be okay,” you said to him calmly. “Marvin’s gonna do the best he can to reverse the spell. In the meantime, remember: PMA.”

He calmed down a little bit, taking a few deep breaths. “Y-You’re right..PMA…PMA…gotta keep that even when I’m tiny as fuck.”

With a smile, you set him back on the table and turned to the magician. “I’ll watch him while you work on that spell.”

“Thanks, [y/n]. I appreciate that. But I must focus..so…shoo!” He waved you off.

You nodded in understanding and scooped Jack back up, before you and him departed from the room.

However you didn’t get too far down the hallway before Anti showed up. “[Y/n] have you seen…..oooooh what do we have here~?” He hummed, smirking at his former host.

You noticed Jack’s terrified expression, so you glared at the demon and backed away. “It’s none of your goddamn business, Anti. Now move along.”

“Look at ‘im..so tiny and helpless~ I can easily crush ‘im like the pest he is~” He giggled, before he looked back at you and scowled. “You’re lucky we’re in the middle of the hallway where everyone can hear us….but if ya dare to turn yer back on him for even a seco-”

“I won’t. Not on my watch. Now if you’ll excuse us.”

With that, you pushed past him and went into your room, ignoring his snarls and you shut the door, locking it just to be sure he didn’t barge in.

Hearing a sniffle, you looked to see that Jack appeared to be very shaken up over the confrontation. “Séan, it’s okay..he’s not gonna hurt you.” You set him down on your pillow, sitting beside him.

He shook his head. “A-Anti’s not one to go back on his word, [y/n]...he knows that now I’m at my most vulnerable. I-I...I can’t let him hurt me..o-or hurt you or-”

“Séan..just breathe.” You hushed. “If it comes down to it there’s plenty of hiding places in my room. But I won’t let that happen. If I have to go somewhere I’ll have Jackie or Henrik watch you. Until Marvin fixes this, I’ll make sure you’re never left alone, okay?”

After taking in your words, Jack relaxed a little, taking a few deep breaths again to settle down. “Y-You’re right..” He smiled up at you. “..th-thank you, [y/n].”

“Anytime, pal.” You chuckled, patting his head gently. “Anytime.”