#im gonna think of a way to give it a nickname cuz that way itd be easier to differentiate the two for my own sake

[aria0fgold]

This new discovery doesn't change much bout my way of living other than the fact that now I gotta specify on my own OC cuz SOMEONE took that identity too so like-- I have Alerik (OC) and I have Alerik (the one in my head...) and like... Why? (<- was answered by the mf but I still continue to question it anyway).

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

[jaffre]

life update

i havent really talked about it cuz ive been stressed but last tuesday i was starting a work rehabilitation center for mentally ill ppl, where theres activity to see what you’re good at, help you with autonomy, figure out a professional plan, etc, stuff like that but on thar first day, on that first morning, i just fucked up at the end of the morning before leaving for lunch, i asked the ppl present if they could call me jaffre (a nickname) instead of my birthname, and the lady in charge of the activity basically just went, oh but i love your first name its pretty so other ppl may call you jaffre but i’ll still use ur first name and i was like

so i go to have lunch and the whole time all i wanna do is GO HOME like il trying really hard to ignore it bc its only the first day, and i like what we do here, and after lunch i have like an hour before afternoon activity and im just crying so i decide to call my mom to talk to her about it......i never really talked about trans stuff to her but i thought this could be the time to finally get on the topic and get some recomfort & all and

boy

what a mistake

she said horrible things, like, think how hard it is for others, if you give up everytime someone does something that annoys you you’ll never do anything with your life. just the fact she said that this woman saying to my face she wouldnt use my preferred name is a thing that “annoys” me if just......so hurtful. why do you defend a random woman you dont know instead of recomforting your trans child, jesus.

i hang up and her and ran away crying and just went home. didnt reply to calls from the center and my mom bc i was just unable to

mom sent me a message later this same day saying the center called her (shes my emergency contact) and that they’re waiting for me the next morning to talk to the nurses about what happened and help me thru it but

i wasnt able to go

just thinking about going back there freaks me out

i wasnt able to answer their calls and wasnt able to call them back either. i did send them an email trying to get in touch another way! but they just said hey call this number.

and since then idk what to do. ive stayed home this week instead of trying to go back there. im just....so anxious. of course that means im not in contact with mom anymore either. i dont know what to do

im so pissed at myself for running away instead of powering thru the day. so pissed i called my mom, should have known it wasnt a good move. pissed that i fucked up the one thing i was really looking forward to and that could actually help me

i think its just.....i realise how much being trans, and not being respected as a trans person, how this whole thing in my life not being taken care of, really impacts me negatively. like, if i wasnt trans, i wouldnt have freaked out as being misnamed, i wouldnt even worry about it in the first place, i would have stayed there no problem. but i cant pass, i dont even want hormones, i just want top surgery, but how will that help me anyway, i mean i know i’ll feel better, but ppl will still misgender me. i still would have to use my legal name for stuff. im just so tired. i dont want this. the whole time i was there at lunch time before i called my mom, i kept thinking how everything would be easier if i was just a cis girl. and i hate thinking things like that. but its true. itd be easier. i wouldnt have so much trouble dressing up and going out. im sure itd fix like at least a third of why im not good.

i still cant understand how a woman working in a place with mental ill people ignored my call for a preferred name. like, even without the trans stuff. if someone ask you to use a nickname bc they’re more comfortable with it, you do it??? not doing it is just an asshole move???? thats fucked up thats fucked up thats fucked up how am i supposed to feel safe going back there anymore???? i was so excited to go there i was going to help with christmas decorations and garden work til christmas and after that there was going to be some classes, and the wood work activity, and i was even gonna try playing badminton again, and i fucked it all up and idk how to fix but i dont want to fix it because i dont want to go back there because of this horrible woman and i feel terrible that such a small thing fucked me up so much