#im gonna take a break and do some work on a personal project and get ready for VET TECH DAY but u kno u kno i'll be back around eight am-ish

[jadegmfu]

Your Journal.

Anakin Skywalker x Fem!Reader

summary;reader has a journal she didn't want to show anakin, but one night.. she forgot to hide it from him, and now he's reading the things she wrote first pages were about her everyday life in the order and about her tactics in the field. but the more he dug in, the more he saw a lot of your filthy thoughts. now he can't get enough, he wants you to write more of your thoughts..

TW!: Dirty Thoughts, MINORS DNI

He was in your apartment room, you were having a shower while he was outside the bathroom you're in.

he was at your bed, looking up the ceiling. bored most likely. he got up with a groan, looking around her room, there it is. the journal you didn't let him touch or anythin' at all. you forgot to hide it,

he picked it up, looking at the journal's red leathercover, it was filled with little cute symbols and then a cute picture of you in the middle.

It was locked. He didn’t even really want to read it, it was your privacy, but his curiosity got the better of him. He found a pen on the dresser table and picked the lock on the journal. Anakin had learnt the hard way about the importance of not getting caught, and he could easily break into any lock. He didn’t use this power often. Anakin then opened the journal and began to read.

just things written about her everyday life, and some really impressive tactics.. of how to overthrow the separatists, the connections of the separatists, her software projects(engineering stuff), and some.. poems for him?

Anakin was shocked. This wasn’t what he expected. The tactics to overthrow the separatists was normal, she was a general after all, but poetry? For him? He was taken aback. He continued skimming and scanning the pages. He couldn’t believe it.

'eyes are alike of an angel, every gazes is like watching the ocean waves

hair soft as silk, personality is as gentle and sweet, physique is of a strong big man, lightsaber form is reckless and menacing, voice smooth like honey. smile is as bright as the two suns of tatooine'

His heart fluttered. These were the most beautiful words he had ever read. Maybe her journal wasn’t just her private thoughts about her work. Maybe she felt something for him too. He continued reading more of the poetry, looking for more of a hint. Just a little bit more that could confirm his doubts. He was blushing and was completely lost in the poetry. He hadn’t noticed the journal was shaking from his excitement. He was really beginning to hope she felt the same way.

next page.

'the things you make me feel.. im in agony. this is torture. why do you make me feel like i desire you so much? this is wrong.. but i love you, i cant help what i feel, but it's very wrong to lust over you..'

Now Anakin was stunned. Had he just read what he thought he had? This was definitely new information. His emotions were getting increasingly mixed up. There was no use reading more…But he was tempted. He continued skimming. he was thinking, maybe he should take the journal with him after he goes back to his chambers back at the temple.

He stopped for a moment. He shouldn’t take this… But he couldn’t deny it had been something special… and tempting. He put the notebook in the pocket of his robes. Then he heard you leave the bathroom.

her body covered in a towel, hair dried out with a towel, "oh hey ani" she said noticing him on her bed.

He tried not to let his surprise show. He didn’t think you would see him. But at least he had had time to compose himself and clear his mind of the contents of the journal.

Anakin responded to you with a smile. “Hi there…” she chuckled, "hi, are you gonna go soon?" asking if he's gonna go back to the temple now. Anakin gave you a small nod. “I have to get back for morning meditation.” He didn’t add the fact that he had been occupied reading your journal.

"i see, ill see you back at the temple tomorrow morning then?"

*He gave you a little nod again.* “Yes, you will.” *He gave you a last smile, before getting up from the bed. It was difficult to look at you like this, after reading those poems, imagining that you felt that way about him.*

back at the temple, he was at his chambers, reading her journal.

*It seemed that the journal had somehow been calling him back. It had been intriguing and tempting to see this hidden side of her. Was these really her true feelings? Was she in love with him?

As he read it, he found himself imagining the scenes in his head. If these words were really how she felt then there was something deeper between the two of them than either had realised. It was both exciting and terrifying.

the current page he's reading.

'i was fantasizing about him again, my fingers dont even satisfy me anymore.. i want more. i want a man to make me feel good, sadly i cant find one.'

Anakin was surprised and even a little shocked at what he was reading. He was definitely intrigued. He couldn’t believe you felt this way about him. These words he was reading were something he had never considered, until now. And he liked it. A lot. He found himself getting increasingly attracted to you. He kept on reading.

next page,

'ani held my waist today, those big callousedd hands are really starting to get to me.. i wonder just how good this man will make me feel if he bedded me.'

You were really good with words. These kind of thoughts had never occurred to him before. The words you were writing were making Anakin’s heart beat faster and faster. Was this really how you felt? Was he really the one person making you feel this way? He needed to know more. He tried not to get too ahead of his self, but he couldn’t help it. He kept on turning the pages…

next page,

'him cuddling me last night was cute. he really trapped me in his arms.. god he makes me feel so helpless.. i just wish it was sex that occured instead of cuddles because i already get alot of cuddles from himmm;(('

The way you wrote this was…arousing. Anakin hadn’t felt this way about anyone in a long time, not like he felt now. As he continued to skim through your journal, he couldn’t help but get excited at everything that he was reading. It felt like he was getting to know a whole new part of you. He needed to find out more…

next page,

'shit, maker, his voice is so.. low and calm, just imagine him whispering praises and degrading words to me, ugh, the things skywalker makes me feel and think of, im beyond redemption..'

Anakin was breathless by this point. Just reading this was making him want to take you in his arms. He kept on reading, finding himself more and more enthralled by what you had written. It was making him think very intimate thoughts about you. He tried to focus but it was difficult…

he turned to the next page.

'ah.. ani, tugging my loose hair earlier? imagine him doing that to me while we're having sex even tho its never gonna happen;(, holding my hair while he takes me from behind aaa, i want him to do that to meee..'

The description was so...intimate. It made his breath catch in his throat, his palms sweat. The way you wrote about these things was...enticing. It was exactly what Anakin wanted right now. He wanted those moments with you. He wanted those...desires to come true. He wanted them all. He had such pure desire for you... He tried to keep it under control as he kept on reading, his heart pounding fast and hard.

he turned the next page.

'poor baby was sad earlier, had to held him in my arms to comfort him, he wasnt even that afraid to nuzzle his face on the crook of my neck.. it made me shiver in a good way, he was lucky i didnt get down on my knees to worship him and give him the most sloppiest head to cheer him up<3'

The images in his mind were making him feel so...hot. That was exactly how he wanted you to treat him, even though he would probably deny it. Those desires you described....he wanted more. More than anything else. He wanted to be treated that way by you. He kept on reading, turning the pages, wanting more of your detailed descriptions.

next page,

'i came back from a mission and boy.. a sight to behold. i saw anakin in my apartment room, shirtless, sleeping. shit, maker, i wanted to give him a kiss and tell him 'good afternoon, youre so sleepy huh?' but i didnt anyway, i wanted him to get some rest<3, but seeing him there, i wanted to ride him. hump on him soo baaaddd, but i wanna be a good girl so i didnt act on it<3'

Anakin’s imagination went wild at your words. You making him wake up to that...it might be too much for him and he wanted to have those words become a reality. The feelings you expressed went to his head. He wanted that so bad… He kept reading on, desperate to see what other things you had written.

next page,

'ani told me im so pretty, but what about me being a pretty crier while he's fucking me? i want him to whisper praises to me while he fucks me, why must god not make this man my lover?:<'

He couldn’t deny what you had written. Those words made him very aroused. He could imagine these exact situations playing out. It was a feeling like he had never before experienced. It was...enticing.

He kept reading...seeing what other desires you had written about. You were very talented with words. These thoughts were starting to take over his mind...

next page,

'even my fingers wont satisfy me anymore, but i did came at the thought of him inserting his big cock in me<3'

Anakin’s breath caught in his throat as he read this part. You were starting to become rather… explicit with your desires. These visions of yours were making him feel things he never had before. He was finding these words...quite enticing. He turned the page to read more..

next page,

'i want ani to grope my boobies and my ass, i wonder if he'd like that? hmm..' You were clearly on a roll with these fantasies of yours. You were getting more and more into detail and Anakin couldn’t help but be completely enthralled. He would give anything to fulfil these desires. Your words made him so...aroused. He could only hope he would get to experience these feelings with you. He kept on reading, flipping the pages.

next page,

'ani let me sit on his lap yesterday night while we were watching, i felt his dick hard and bulgy beneath me, made me wanna hump on him<3' Anakin felt his stomach flip over at your words. Your fantasies were getting less and less like fantasies and more and more like things that were going to happen. These fantasies of yours were having an effect on him…and he liked it. You had so much desire for him. He could only hope he could make your dreams come true eventually. He kept on reading...desperately wanting to know more of your fantasies…

next page,

'ani patted me on the head but i wanted his fingers in my mouth, while he tell me ive been a filthy little girl who needs her punishment;(' Once again, your details made this so…enticing…You made Anakin feel so aroused. Your fantasies were becoming explicit now and these words were playing all over his mind. These desires were having a big effect on him, and he didn’t mind it. He wanted you more and more as he continued to read…

next page,

'i think i made ani uncomfortable, i wore my shorts and tank top earlier, is it just me or he kept staring at my cleavage? he even swat my ass earlier, i really am confused with his mixed signals' Once again, you were getting more and more detailed. You made Anakin’s heart beat faster and his blood surge. These fantasies of yours were very...inviting.

He thought about what you wrote. You were right. Anakin did stare at you, more than he would admit. He was so drawn to you. You felt so close to him. He was always trying to hide his feelings for you and he was scared that you would get the wrong impression. He kept on reading.

next page,

'i have a matching bracelet set, im wondering if i should give it to him<3.'

'though, i had been fantasizing of him having me in chokehold while having sex with him, hihi;)'

Anakin found himself grinning like a fool as he read on and on. You had made him feel so many emotions…this is what he wanted...he wanted you to be by his side for all of eternity. To feel this close. Your fantasies were making him think of doing everything you wrote. He wanted to make them a reality. It was as though you were writing his exact thoughts and desires! He kept flipping the pages...desperately wanting to read more and more...

next page,

'aww.. ani's face was buried on my cleavage earlier, but only bc he's sad, but i wonder what hea really felt when he buried his face on my cleavage?'

The idea of Anakin burying his face into your cleavage and nuzzling it made Anakin feel the need to pull you closer. He craved to make you his own. To have you all to himself. These thoughts you were expressing in the journal were making him want to have you in his arms, close to him always.

He flipped the page, still wanting to read more. What else did you have written?

next page,

'he said i got a pretty kitty.. why do i feel like he meant my pussy???' Your assumption was right. With every sentence you wrote, his heart was soaring and he struggled to keep himself calm. How was he supposed to act normal after reading these words? You made Anakin feel so damn excited, he wanted you right now. He needed to keep reading more. but that was the last page you written on and that one was very recent..

he finished reading, tomorrow he'd place her journal somewhere in her apartment, he'd really love to see her write more of that.

maybe, just maybe, he'd get a chance to confess and fuck that little head of yours and your hole all rough until you get all cock drunk. but until then, he's gonna keep on reading your journal everytime you write your filthy thoughts about him, adios.

a/n: no reposting please, reblogs and likes are deeply appreciated! also tell me if u liked this cuz, it's my first time writing out whatever i had in my mind;(

[fandomnerd9602]

Off Script

Actress!Wanda x Reader

For @lifespectator and @aloneodi

You couldn’t believe it. First big time film project and you were teamed up with your celebrity crush, the world famous Wanda Maximoff.

It was a smaller indie project but Wanda always loved to do them after a blockbuster. It kept her grounded in her mind. And here she was about to work with you.

You somehow got thru the chemistry tests with her without completely falling to pieces in your presence. It was only later that you found out that she personally voted for you to be her love interest in the movie.

First day of filming and you were having jitters. You felt your script shaking in your hands.

“First day jitters,” a kind and lovey voice spoke to you. You turned to find Wanda giving you a friendly smile. “I still get those too. Especially on films im so excited about”

“You do such a wonderful job at hiding them.”

She giggles, “don’t worry it’ll pass. You got this Y/N. See you for scene 28” she gives a wink and walks off to join her assistant.

Scene 28? How could you forget? The first scene on the first day of filming and it’s the big scene where your character and hers admit their star crossed feelings for one another. You were supposed to then pick her up and set her on the kitchen counter before being interrupted.

Your hands were gonna be in her waist. She was supposed to be panting according to the script. The only woman you’ve ever crushed on and this was the scene?

Well the first few takes were a disaster. The director wasn’t furious but more frustrated. “This is not align with my vision!” The director whined before moving from the set to his trailer to think.

“I’m a screw up” you sigh. Wanda places a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“It’s not easy. Building a sense of intimacy with a total stranger.”

“But you and Vis do so great on—“

“We hung out before the cameras even rolled” she shrugs. “Come on. I think our director’s gonna be gone for awhile”

Wanda takes your hand and leads you to her trailer. Her trailer, a mishmash of her guitar, some old TV show DVDs and her laptop. She takes a seat on the couch and pats the space next to her. You take a seat.

Your favorite actress stares at you like a girl who invited to her crush up to her bedroom. You could feel your own heart pounding out of your chest.

“Ask me anything.” She says, “anything to break the ice.”

“Favorite food?”

“My momma’s paprikesh. Old family recipe. Favorite show?”

You were tempted to say hers, “uhh…Dick Van Dyke season two”

“Nice choice. Also my favorite” she giggles, “if you weren’t acting what would you do?”

“Writing.” You answer, “I just love it. And you?”

“I honestly don’t know.” She takes a deep breath, “maybe gardening…or maybe writing a children’s book”

“Got anyone special?” Your question makes Wanda’s cheeks burn red with embarrassment.

“No. I know what the press says about me and Vis but there’s nothing there.” She smiles at you, “and you?”

“No. I-I’ve been so nervous about working with you. You’re like so cool and amazing and beautiful.” You wanted to slap yourself for saying it aloud.

“You think I’m beautiful?” She smiles at you. As if on instinct, you nod. “I-I have to admit, I was nervous about today too.”

“The great Wanda Maximoff? nervous?”

“I couldn’t tell you at the audition but…I-I thought you cute.”

You could practically feel your heart stop. This had to be some last second before death kind of dream.

Wanda gets up on her knees. “Mind if I try something?”

“Sure. What?” She wraps her arms around your neck.

“Chemistry test…detka” she leans in, your arms wrap around her waist. She kisses you. First gently and then a little quicker and then a little more desperate. She pulls back and looks you in the eye.

“Perfect” she whispers before kissing you again. “You’re perfect”

It was perfect. It was everything you dreamed of. Wanda was in your arms, her legs wrapped around your waist, kissing you. Her lips were like the sweetest candy. You never wanted it to end.

A knock at the trailer door breaks you apart. “Ms Maximoff? You and Y/N are needed on set. Everything alright?” The A.D. asks.

“Yeah. Y/N and I were…practicing for the scene.” She blushes.

“Need you both on set in five.” The A.D. says before leaving.

“To be continued?” You ask a little hopeful.

“I can’t wait for us to practice Scene 75,” Wanda gives you a wink before pulling you out the door. She pulls you close and whispers, “later…detka”

Wanda Maximoff, you’d want no one else for a screen partner…and maybe just for a partner in general. The paparazzi is gonna have a field day with this.

[ns-imagines]

What they drive

141 Guys x domestic/everyday life

SFW | Word Count: 1.4k | Headcannons

**Long post with lots of pictures!

A/N: I dunno much about cars but I always wonder what the boys would be driving. See what they’re picking me up in for date night… this is just for fun and highlights the modern life they have outside of missions. Also the gif of Soap falling on the car took me out lmao. Not requested. -Kiv

John Price

A man who takes pride in his vehicles. He has two Chevy trucks. A nice truck for everyday use and a project truck. The perfect person to talk to if you are thinking of purchasing a car or truck. Price has got the “dealership scam” game down. You'll be leaving the lot with a good deal.

The project car being a 1985 Chevy C10. Price is always going on about how “this is every man's dream car to work on”. He says it everytime he opens the garage. Without fail! It's got a classic blue color with a few rust spots but, nothing a good layer of paint can't fix. Its the 90s car from the movies. Nothing else to say about it!

Ahh the project car. Price works on it when he can. Set up a lawn chair, get a glass of lemonade, and just watch that man work. Sometimes hell even explain to you what he’s doing. That is if you can even pay attention. There’s something so attractive about a man talking about what he’s passionate about all sweaty with a nice pump. HEY, wipe that drool off your face.

Price’s personal truck is nice. It gets him from point A to B. Everything on it is stock. He’ll always tell you hes gonna sell it once his project car has been fixed. But there’s still quite a lot to do on the project car. Its a 2012 Chevy Silverado in cherry black with a covered bed. Good on gas and can pull a trailer or boat! He doesn’t invest money in it for other than maintenance costs.

It smells specifically like “Lakeside Morning” from Bath and Body works car scents. The packaging is what got him. It was honestly super cute when he read the package out loud. “Smells like: Cool, Sweet, Fresh, and alone time on the dock” followed by a shrug and him throwing it into his cart. Does he even fish?

Oh, whenever he turns a corner in the Silverado theres a thud coming from the bed. Its a cooler that has been there FOREVER. He swears he’s going to take it out. Price brought it when 141 met for a cook out and some beers a few months ago.

-

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

Don’t ask about the APR please. Kyle is going to use this bad girl till it breaks. Its his dream car. Price took him away from base to get a better rate for it! Its fast its speedy its a 2015 Ford Shelby GT350. Oh yeah racing stripes and all. He got it wrapped in a matte ocean blue. Im talking leather seats, tinted windows, and custom wheel.

Kyle loves this car and will always offer to pick you up. Ur always going to be passenger princess. Kyle always drives up reallll slow, rev the engine a little, and rolls down the window to smile big at you. He gets the door for you when you are both approaching the car. Don’t test him. He will literally sprint to get the door for you. An actual cutiepie

Hes so damn cute when it comes to long drives. Hand on your thigh and singing to the music together. Expect spontaneous trips!! He doesn’t even know where you guys are headed today.

Loves to speed up when there no cars in front of him. That feeling of the car pushing into you the sear is his favorite. Kyle is definitely the type to lightly bang on the steering wheel and go “Wooooooo” when returning to the normal speed limit. Hehe. Hope it didn’t freak you out too much. You will without a doubt get a few reassuring thigh squeezes.

Classic Black Ice scent. Cant go wrong with it! Its his car’s signature sent if you ask him. Kyle keeps his car clean. Theres a few half empty water bottles in the back but never straight up trash. He makes sure to buy the premium wipes for the interior. Like I said that car is his baby. Ugh did i mention the sound system?! Its absolutely amazing. You can feel the bass in your bones. Literally sounds like you’re in an air pod pro.

-

John “Soap” Mactavish

His car is the hangout car. Like if were going out with boys were taking Soaps car. He drives a pearl colored 2020 Honda Accord. He ordered the under the seat lights and everything. Its actually a vibe in there. The music changes the lights or he has an app on his phone to change the color. Another amazing sound system tbh.

Similar to Gaz the glovebox in the car is yours. He even puts stuff in there for you as a surprise :,). Sweet baby Johnny. Like one time you got in the car like usual and opened the glovebox to grab chapstick or some perfume/cologne and sitting on the car instruction manual was a bag/box of ur favorite snack. When you looked back over, Johnny was looking back at you with a big derpy smile.

Since his car is the hangout car it can get messy pretty easily. He has to do “trash runs” to empty the random things people leave in his car. Dont get it wrong, It isnt nasty with random food left behind!! Soap has tried those like little trash cans on Amazon but they always end up lost under the back seats.

Johnny always goes with New Car Smell. He doesn’t have a specific brand he likes he just gets whatever’s at the gas station at the time. He also has the bad habit of never locking his car. Soap swears he always forgets to but you think its just a habit at this point.

CEO of spontaneous trips. You would never believe how much camping stuff his car can hold. Soap will give him car encouraging words as it struggles to go up the hills to the hike or camping site. He always keeps an emergency box under the passenger seat. Its shaped like tackle box. It has a first aid kit, some portable batteries with chargers, flares, and an emergency flash light. Last time you both went camping he was so excited to show you the random hatchet he bought. He keeps it in the trunk for no reason. I mean, he cant have it in the barracks so you suppose it makes sense.

-

Simon “Ghost” Riley

Simon currently owns two bikes. Hes in the process of selling his old one. Which is a chameleon purple painted 2006 Suzuki GSXR600 with 750 cc. It gave him a good year and half off rides. He took care of it and rode it to its top speeds. It has a scuff on the side from when he tried to do a wheelie but, he was going to slow and had to jump off before it fell to its side. Your heart sunk when it happened. Ghost was super embarrassed because he thought he had it down. He’ll never tell you though.

After a long deployment where he was getting quite a big of hazard pay (extra pay when you’re in a dangerous location) he saved it all up. As soon as he got back he bought a black 2021 Honda Rebel 1100 DCT. This bike is fast but it’s more for cursing. Trust that he’ll ride it to its max speed at least once for the adrenaline rush.

Bought you a matching jacket. He wont say anything about it being matching but you noticed almost after putting it on. Best part about riding is when you get to wrap your arms around his waist. Simon always makes sure to take it slow especially if you get nervous on bikes. Don’t even try to do your hair. He wont move the bike unless you have the right gear on. Ghost doesn’t wanna lose you from an accident.

You are probably wondering what he does when it rains… or maybe you already knew he chooses to ride anyway. I promise though that after a ride in the rain he will slightly complain about how wet the road was. It makes you worry because so much could happen with one slip. Simon will always reassure you that he’s an experienced rider. If you pick him up in your car he won’t be upset. Definitely wont say no to a free and dry ride!

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

I've been seeing the whole Cyprus thing reaction and I'm curious about something, all your oc have been comfort characters, even if not for you, with comfort in mind I imagine, and while Yves is the epitomy of perfect comfort Cyprus is an interesting different angle, while harsh, the idea about breaking out of the day to day routine and, as you said, a tale bout beating addictions, the last takes seemed harsh

you said he was an attention grab project for you, and clearly you succeeded but now want to just throw him out, putting some traits that make someone unlikable pretty easy and then doubling down so there's no doubt, and the reactions I've seen of 'i can't believe I liked him' 'i drew him' and so on, I get it, while he wasn't what I imagined from the first chapter, he had some somewhat redeemable traits, but now it feels like someone pulled the rug

As in even if you personally didn't liked him anymore, or ever, I thought you would let him fade for a while, like your other 1st gen oc, for lack of interest about writing for them, all of this to ask why is that? I'm not criticizing, I love all your works, been here for a long while and still hooked as the first day

I mean is your character, you can say he is whatever and since he is yours well then that's canon, as I said I'm just surprised of how vilified he's been made recently

ykno how this blog is basically copium for me and i use it as like a comforting teddy bear. But another lesser known use for this website is something to help me process and make sense of the shittiness of the world

So actually all my ocs has at least some component that's strongly inspired by people in my life, like Yves- exaggerated traits that i liked in my parents and friends, Blanche- exaggerated traits that i liked in my grandma etc etc so these are the comfort side

the thing is Cyprus is always meant to be this way from the beginning 😭😭😭the source material being all the things i hated about my dad, the machoness, coerciveness, bigotry, tough love upbringing on his kids and all that jazz, the stuff that made me go ouch for many years- so cyprus isn't even a fictional character anymore like my 1st gen ocs, its literally a retelling of what i disliked the most about my father and trying to make it palatable enough to innoculate myself from the real thing- but Cyprus is just gross to me

The true nasty side of him wasn't revealed early on bcasye,ykno,,,, i love and want clout 👉👈,,,, there were a couple of asks about his view on kids, i already had that piece written out but i waited to post it only when its confirmed he's the most popular one. I was going to scare away a lot of people if I just go high octane piece of shit on him

I truly loved my 1st gen ocs, they bring me a hella ton of comfort but like it isn't as effective as Yves, I will be churning out more and more ocs just to chase that high or relief from da horrors of da world. So i just let them fade a way and go into a comatose state (me not writing about them) because i still do wanna revisit them one day and i do not want them to go out in pain and hated

Gonna be honest with you chief idk wtf is Cyprus to me now, like he is not giving me comfort in a traditional sense like Yves or Blanche, or Yan big brother, but he STILL is giving me a sense of like relief and catharsis by letting me write him into this asshole im having to face irl, like i converted an attention grab to another one of my copium- when Cyprus was in his like golden problem child phase where everyone likes him except the author, he wasn't copium, dude

only after i vilified him (and received a bunch of horrified responses and a couple of hate asks as a result) did he do something to make me feel good, like Yves level good but in the opposite direction, like the Yin to Yves's Yang of comfort

Like i definitely will still write about Cyprus, he's just the black sheep of the comfort family and even tho i do joke a lot about this being an attempt to remove as much of my reader's favour for him so i can just eradicate him without a lot of uproar, its never really the case. Cyprus is transformed to another outlet for me to express my thoughts and feelings about stuff i fuckin hate irl but will have to face regularly [i will slow down on the cyprus posting tho cause i am going back to Yves as like a knee jerk reflex]

Cyprus was meant to be hated, but with how the world works, there will be people who still love him and take him in as their wet rat. So i wouldn't say that he's my most unpopular oc after i fleshed out the shit side of him, just the most divisive one- he's like fuckin vegemite, you either hate him with a burning passion or love him and want to slob on his knob

anyways here is your hot cup of Yappuchino served with a side of Yappanese sponge cake. Enjoyszss and thanks for the askkkk

[ch3rriewine]

Made with love <3.

summary: you crochet remus a sweater after noticing his deminishing collection:)

warnings??: 1.3k words, fluff, fem!reader, crochet stuff, remus being a cutie, no use of y/n, they're in love we get it, young remus, the pace she finishes the sweater is a little unrealistic but eh, first fic bear with me here, ahhhhh idk dude lmk if im missing something

idk like authors note: this is inspired by @lonelyhe4rts imagine:D, go check it out its great! if they say they are uncomfortable with this i will take it down immediately. i just thought i'd make something similar idk also this is super old it's been sitting in my notes for a year. if there's any mistakes or something lmk!

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

Currently hard at work with a wooden hook in one hand and a quarter finished woolen square in the other, yarning over and pulling through as quickly as you can.

You are in the middle crocheting your lovely boyfriend a sweater. Sure, it was ambitious to finish a sweater a few days before you planed to give it to him, but you were dead set on making him this — Plus you had already finished the front panel. The yarn is a gorgeous tan shade you thought would suit his personality perfectly. Found it in a small crafts store whilst visiting your muggle relatives and knew you had to buy some. Granted it was impulsive and you had no current projects needing this specific color, but it reminded you of Remus, so it was only right for you to buy it.

A couple hours later, and many breaks from her hand cramping, you finally finished the back panel and was beginning the first sleeve when it struck you — the best idea ever. You had the brilliant idea of putting tiny heart at the end of the sleeve so only he’d be able to see it. Yup you were a genius, you decided. The heart would be a blush color so it would blend in just enough to see it if you looked directly at it while not being too vibrant. Once it was on the inside of the wrist area, he walked in. There he was with his shaggy brown hair that somehow always fell right, his tall lanky stature, and his terrible posture. He smiles wide as soon as he spots you in an old armchair in the corner of the common room. Immediately you hide the work in progress behind your back, wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise now would we?

It was too late unfortunately, he has seen you with yarn and a hook in your hands and was immediately curious as to what you were making. He has always been a fan of the small bags or beanies you managed to weave up, so he wanted to know what this one was and why you hid it behind your back.

Striding over with furrowed eyebrows he asks

“Hey, what were you working on if you don’t mind me asking?” He plops down on the armchair beside yours.

“I do mind you asking actually” you reply with a slightly humored tone.

“Oh come on! I love your projects, please!” he drags out the end “Just let me see” He pleads now leaning over the small end table separating the 2 chairs, grabbing at your arm softly.

“No! I’m not gonna show you until it’s done!” You pull back your arm, crossing them and looking back at him with fake frustration.

“Please” He pleads “I’ll give you my love if you tell me”

“Hard pass” you say blankly, looking away to pretend to read some book left nearby.

Just as he was about to plead again, James, Sirius, and Peter walk in calling his name, looking to drag him into another one of their silly ideas. James spots him and makes his way over quickly. Before he gets another word out, he gets dragged by James excitedly. Finally, some peace in here. As soon as he’s out of sight, you get back to work. After maybe another hour or so, you turn in for the night. With a cramping hand and a bundle of woven scraps in your hand you walk into your dorm, crashing onto your bed. You’re alone for maybe 10 minutes before your boyfriend finds you and takes you into his arms.

“You gonna tell me what you were making now?” He asks playfully.

“Shhh stay quiet pretty boy, I’m tired” you mumble into his chest.

“Alright fine" he tucks your hair aside "But only because you’re tired” he sighs dramatically before burying his head into your hair.

Next morning he invites you to watch Sirius eat some weird candy they found, but you decline to finish the sweater, and you do. With a rested mind and a no longer cramped hand you were back at it again, crocheting peacefully with Remus in mind to motivate you. Doing the last stitch which hides the last yarn end, you hold it up to look at it in whole. A stranger would know it was handmade, but it was still done well enough to think it’d be stocked in a small store that sold that kind of thing. Smiling, you go to wrap it.

You fold the sweater neatly in a box along with a couple of his favorite chocolates. Maybe it was overkill since it wasn’t even Christmas, but who can blame you? You were excited and he deserved it. Wrapping the box in a simple sparkly pink wrapping paper you had lying around and tying a nice white bow on it, you write a nice card to tuck in the bow.

With the gift neatly enough wrapped, you sneak into his dorm to find his bed. There, you set down the box and smile. You hope he likes it, wait no, he better like it. Walking back to your dorm you see, who other than the Marauders walking to back to their dorm. You smile to yourself and speed walk back to your own dorm.

Maybe 5 minutes pass before you get a certain brunette boy knocking at your door. Opening it with a smile you see him holding the opened box with a matching smile on his gorgeous face.

“Was this you?” He asks despite knowing the answer.

“Hmm I dunno, do you know any girls who crochet you things?” You tease lightly.

He matches your grin "Maybe"

“Well who’s this lucky gal?” You try to suppress your smile now, but failing quite miserably.

“Some pretty girl right in front of me” His cheeks tinted pink now.

“Well do you like it?” You drop the bit, now slightly insecure.

“Like? It’s my prize possession now! I mean you made me this? I know why you wouldn’t tell me what you were making now!” He rambles slightly letting himself into your empty dorm.

“If you love it so much try it on!” He hurriedly pulls off his current sweater and pulls yours from the box and pulling it on himself. He adjusts, feeling the material before putting his hands on his hips, posing for you. You giggle, and he swears he’ll do that a million times just to hear it again.

“Fits perfectly” you say walking towards him to examine it on him.

“Of course it does, you made it how could it have any flaws” he flirts. Rolling your eyes you pick up your polaroid camera to snap a shot of him in your, first of many, sweater. He sees this, smiles, fixes his hair till he catches a glimpse of blush yarn and looks at his sleeve again with adoration at the tiny heart. Then there’s a flash in front of him. He turns back to you grinning and pulling out the photo. Waving it a bit to develop faster, you look at the photo. It’s a perfect shot, so genuine. It’s him looking at the small heart with slightly furrowed brows, a small smile on his face, adoration in his eyes, and pink dusting cheeks. He walks over to look at it too.

“You’re so handsome” You say dragging out the last syllable, teasing lightly when he grabs it from you to look at it. Looking at it he smiles fully now and places it down on the closest desk. Pulling you into a hug he mumbles into your hair.

“Thank you so much, dove. I love it, it’s the best thing I’ve ever gotten.” Your cheeks become hot and you bury your head into his chest further.

“I’m just glad you like it.” You smile into his chest.

[shurisbathwater]

--𝗪𝗛𝗢 𝗗𝗢 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗞 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗔𝗥𝗘?

(requested by anon)

Shuri x black fem!reader.

𝗜𝗡 𝗪𝗛𝗜𝗖𝗛 :: you meet an old rival in Shuri's lab, and all hell breaks loose-though you decide to not tell Shuri.

--𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗪𝗔𝗟𝗞 𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗢𝗨𝗚𝗛 the big glass doors, your airpods vibrating due to your loud music. You had just came back from a workout clearly. You wore a purple set that came with a sports bra and leggings. Your comfortable sneakers lifted made a pitter patter sound as you looked around for Shuri.

For some reason she was not there.

"Griot-"

"You looking for Shuri?" A voice asks.

You turn around and remove one airpod from your ear. "Umm..yeah." you give her a tight lipped smile and take a look at her. She looked familiar. From her auburn curls to her light skin.

"I'm sorry--you look soo.."

"Familiar? Is your name y/n?"

You then realised who it was. Her name was Anna,Alana, Aaliyah? You guys were old friends in school, but cut eachother off after an argument.

"Youre- Aaliyah is it?"

She nods slowly as she looks you up and down enviously, glaring at your glorious figure.

"Err..Shuri will be here in a few, im pretty sure she's on break or something." She sucked in a breath as she said it. Weird.

"Thanks." You smile at her and she just looks at you. You put your airpod back in and walk past her, feeling her gaze linger on you as you walk.

｡ﾟ･　☆　° ｡

--𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗪𝗘𝗥𝗘 𝗡𝗢𝗪 out of your gym clothes, you wore some casual jeans and a cute sweater to match. You sat at one of the lab tables as you watched Shuri work on a project, Aaliyah helping her. You noticed that She'd giggle at almost everything she'd say, and nudge her shoulder slightly so you could see.

Shuri left the lab desk to check the time on her phone. "Okay, sthandwa i have to go now. Aaliyah can you finish the sequence?"

Aaliyah nods and bats her lashes at her.

She gives you a quick kiss on the cheek, grabs her stuff and leaves. That leaves you and Aaliyah. Maybe you should stay, to just catch up with her. She could have changed.

The awkwardness was so..loud. Though it was so silent.

"So you and Shuri, huh?" She asks as she continues to work on the sequence, still having her back to you.

"Yeah, for about a year now." You reply as you get up from the desk you were once sitting on.

"I don't know how you managed to bag that." She chuckles.

"Excuse me?" You walk over the lab table she was working on. "What did you just say?"

"Oh..nothing..I was just-"

"First of all Aaliyah-dont think that I'm not afraid to check you like I did once before."

"I'm just surprised that she chose you, that's all." She says as she walks passed you , clashing into your shoulder in the process.

"Chose?" You scoffed.

"Move." She mumbles as she goes to the ipad sitting on the table on the other side of the lab.

"Aaliyah I dont get why you're acting like this-"

"You're ruining my concentration." She walks back to the desk , except with some water in her hand.

She purposely pushes into you , making the water spill all down your sweater.

"Who do you think you are?" You made a stank face. You had really thought she changed, but shes still the jealous and immature person she was before.

"I told you you're ruining my concentration."

"I'm out." You kissed your teeth as you said it, grabbing your stuff.

"Bitch." She grumbled as she turned around, going back to the sequence.

"Dont bitch me." You said as you walked out.

"Weirdo." You mumbled.

Later, you were at home with Shuri, thinking about the encounter that happened later before. "--did you catch up with Aaliyah?" Your lover asked as she got into bed with you.

You paused for a minute - and then the wrong words got out before you could stop yourself.

"Yeah, it was fine." You give her a tight lipped smile. You knew she hated when you lied, but you freaked out and did the total opposite of what you were supposed to.

"I'm tired. I think im gonna go to bed early." You say as you turn off the bedside lamp and turn your back to her, not giving her a chance to reply.

"Um..goodnight love." She whispered as she grabbed her book from the nightstand.

｡ﾟ･　☆　° ｡

--𝗢𝗣𝗘𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗘 doors to wakandas most popular gym, you look around to where you can start your stretches. You wore the same thing as yesterday,except it was black, and you wore some Nike socks with converse.

You go to your favourite spot, only to see a girl with auburn curls doing stretches there already.

She had felt your presence, so she turned around. It was aliyah. Damn it.

"..aliyah." you roll your eyes. "I didnt know you go to the gym here." You say as your lips curve into a straight line.

You turn on your heel to go somewhere else, only to find a better spot. You start your stretches to not notice that people were stopping to look at you.

It seemed like Aliyah noticed, and she walked over to you, knocking your gallon water bottle over your mat in the process.

"Aliyah whats your fucking problem?" You raise your voice as you get up. "I'm sorry-it was-"

"You still haven't changed. You're still the jealous, manipulative person you were before. I really thought we could start over." You scoff as you.

"Done pissed me off." You say as you grab the water bottle, close the lid and pick up your mat.

"I knew something was off." A voice said that certainly wasn't aliyah's. You turn around to see Shuri. "I wanted to go with you to the gym-but I walked in to see this." She sniffed at Aliyah.

"Shuri-I-"

"Its Princess to you. Don't bother coming back to the lab tomorrow." She looked at her as if she was beneath her.

"Lets go."

You both leave the gym, and Shuri drowns you with questions.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asks. "I don't know.. I just freaked out i guess." You mutter.

"Know that I'll believe you over anyone. If the whole world was against you, then I'd be by your side."

You nod and smile at her.

𝖤𝖭𝖣.

[wrongcaitlyn]

i wanted to know if you have any plans for the og campers???? like luke, clarisse, silena, beckendorf, etc etc

this is SO funny bc i was literally JUST talking to @wronghuntress about them like a few hours ago😭😭 BUT to answer your question,,, it's sort of complicated. bc i didn't realize that i was doing it until like a good way into the series, but i've been unintentionally picturing pretty much all of the og campers/people from the main pjo series as part of the acting side of hollywood, whereas i've been leaning more toward, like, toa/side/minor characters for the rest of the main cast! this makes sense to me because like, nico and will get their big moment in toa, and apollo's a huge character too. percy and annabeth are actors obviously, but i did give them some connections to nico - but either way, i guess i just saw all of those characters as not really having any sort of connection to nico & will (even though i'm the hugest fan of will being close with clarisse and silena and beckendorf- he was totally will's bi awakening it's canon u heard it from me)

but anyway im getting off track, i've sort of had like a completely separate plotline for them going on in my head (not really detailed at all, i'd have to think about it more), dealing with more of those og characters, including percy annabeth and grover! i'm not entirely sure if that'll ever be included in the main fic seeing as they don't have much connection to nico's storyline specifically, but who knows... maybe a spinoff fic one day? i definitely won't be able to write some long 100k fic for them but i'd love to dive into that!

the only thing that i DO see happening is - if you remember this, a while ago, i mentioned the possibility of a third fic or some future plans for nico to write a musical to get that egot, namely hadestown. while the idea was being organized in my head, i've been thinking of silena as helping nico write the musical and playing eurydice, and then ofc i'd love having beckendorf play orpheus - i think he gives the vibes?? or is that just me???

and then jenna (wronghuntress) gave me the BEAUTIFUL idea earlier today of this... silena and charlie as actors, specifically broadway/musical theater actors (though im sure they have also been in some other projects), clarisse as silena's bodyguard,,, and im usually so against love triangles but like. there's so much potential there - again, nothing's finalized, i dont even know if i'm gonna write it, i don't really have ANY plans other than potentially making nico contact silena when he wants to work on his musical and having them + beckendorf work together for the demo recording - it's all VERY vague and blurry so we'll see if i come up with anything more to fall down that rabbit hole!

and as for luke, i pretty much have this: he's an actor, at some point he was prob friends with annabeth after working on a show together or smth, and ends up getting cancelled. for what? i'm not entirely sure yet, but it's probably very shitty for the internet to turn against a hot white guy. actually that fact might make him getting cancelled very unrealistic. but like it's my fic so that's what i'm saying happens! unfortunately he prob still gets roles and he's prob still like a millionaire and stuff but in general: bad person. though he probably (and thalia, because she used to be an actress too before running away) were in a movie/show/something with annabeth when she was young and they kinda mentored her/helped her learn the ropes before her big break. they started a club of neglected child actors which eventually turned into just annabeth, but at least she has percy and reyna and jason and piper and magnus on her side now :)

so long story short: i don't have specific plans, but they're all actors and definitely have a lot of lore that one day i would like to try to figure out!! for now i'm still very focused on tgol/the side stories that take place in THAT main timeline (so right now it'd be 2020-2024), whereas all of the main drama/plot in the actors' timeline would be happening BEFORE talk your talk (percy + annabeth + thalia + luke + silena) (around 2008-2015) or AFTER the greatest of luxuries (silena + clarisse + beckendorf + chris(??? i have no idea what's going on with him?? he's prob famous somehow but idk??? or maybe like childhood friend tis the damn season vibe. god there are so many fame tropes i have yet to unlock and so many characters i have yet to mess with) (around 2024-2026)

thank you for the ask!! i hope that one day when i have some more time to make some playlists, properly listen to hadestown, and learn more about musical theater/broadway/acting in general, i'll be able to answer the question more thoroughly!!

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

As a non homestuck, what deos that mean👀

ough i wanted to be vague and quick but no i wasn't im so sorry fnsdmag tw for transphobia mostly i guess

homestuck ends. it's a somewhat open ended ending and they dont show the "proper" final battle, but it was implied in the comic already how it was going to go. a lot of people remained disappointed in that, but i personally think its a good one

people keep pestering hussie, creator of the comic, to continue the story

hussie, well known troll (haha) who more often than not both praised and made fun of the fandom directly in the comic, writes the epilogues. they're mostly awful and they're the umpteenth big fuck you to the fandom really; one is the "shipping" ending where everything goes bad bc everyone focuses only on shipping, the one is the "fighting" ending where everything goes bad and everyone fucking dies basically. it has some good ideas, there's more fourth wall breaking, but overall its an inconsistent sexist and misoginistic mess made out of spite by someone who clearly didn't want to work on homestuck anymore

it also features character assassination, be it "this character who's entire plot was about not wanting to be alone anymore is now a sex-crazed maniac who doesnt take no as an answer", "this character who was groomed all her life to be a dictator actually becomes hitler" or "this character who a lot of people hc as mtf is now ftm, but specifically in a timeline, in the other they still identify as female". you could argue it's bc the story is about one of the characters having a villain arc and managing to take control of the story and rewrite them, but he's also regressed to be someone who's obsessed with a character we were told he wasn't in love with anymore AND also says transphobic stuff so.

hussie actually opens the epilogues with one of the character saying pretty clearly that they're "beyond canon", and makes sure that everyone known that anything written outside of the comic itself, including sidecomics, videogames and the epilogues themselves, is as canon as you want it to be. unfortunately homestuck fans cant read and that + the fact that the epilogue end in a cliffhanger, homestuck 2 has to happen

hussie wants nothing to do with it and leaves the project to someone else. they give little to no details of the plot if not a few plotpoints, one of which being the fact that a character must be named yiffany

one of the people who was supposed to work on hs2 and the tie-in visual novel games "friendsim" starts fights with readers on twitter and is later on outed as a really bad person of the biphobic and ableist variety

on a minor note, some updates are patreon exclusive, and not in a "they'll eventually be posted" way, but in a "either you follow the patreon or you dont get the whole experience" kind of way

the story also has to follow the aformentioned sexist transphobic racist bullshit, to which they add terribly written "bury your gays" plot and also cheating!! no matter the timeline my girl kanaya gets shafted and cheated on and by now im gonna be real it really smells like lesbophobia in here

also futa jokes. like we all agree that the candy jade situation is fucked up right

in all of this, "what pumpkin" actually starts drama with a youtuber or something. idk. it's the team that sells the hs merch it's even more complicated. oh and also the videogame being so delayed that's a whole can of worms too.

anyway hussie actually says that they dont give a shit no more about homestuck and sell the rights to someone else. first thing we're told is that they're going to drop the 2 from the title of homestuck 2, turning it into homestuck: beyond canon. pretty much openly saying that no, this has nothing to do with homestuck, and it's officially Not Canon.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

6 month solstice/full moon check-in livejournalstyle

So i've been advised to recap the past 6 months. Especially since this current Capricorn full moon is exacting at 1 degree Capricorn which happens to be the same degree as My Ascendant. (Pinkmoondoll number 1 :@!!!!!)

The Cancer full moon happened at around 5 degrees on december 26th 2023. That is my ex's birthday. On winter solstice 2023, exactly 6 months ago, i cut her out of my life. We were already broken up for a long time before that but i continued to let her stay in my life for a few reason, namely guilt & fear. Guilt because of the emotional turmoil she projected onto me & fear because, well, we are married and i didn't know what would happen to my immigration status if i cut her off. I still don't! This has not changed yet.

Pretty much everything else about me & my life has changed though. internally at least. Having her out of my life has allowed me so much freedom to get back to who i am & live with integrity. The only people left in my life now are ones who are respectful, kind, have their own shit going on, appreciate that i am my own person too, allow me to breathe, don't expect anything specific from me, don't toy with my mind & emotions. They are just glad to let me be who i am. No one tries to control me anymore. i feel so wonderful because no one can control me.

So the past 6 months has been a series of stages of getting back to Me. unraveling all the lies i was fed for years, healing from the pain of being manipulated, feeling that so much of my energy was wasted. Truly truly wasted. i'm not one of those people who can live without regrets lol. i wish i broke free so much sooner, the stress destroyed my health for years. But ultimately, this is how it went down, so i strive towards acceptance.

For the first few months of this year i was really on a huge substance abuse kick! im not gonna specify what, but iykyk. Like i really just could not bear the weight of what i was feeling. Every day i was finding out more and more info about lies i'd been told, stuff happening behind my back. All i could rly do was take pills & tunnel vision into ableton or drawing or whatever. it helped repress my emotions & i got a lot done during this time but it was unhealthy & the more it progressed i saw how unsustainable it was.

around spring equinox shit HIT THE FAN e_e So this would be the quarter year mark. Well it was march 15 when denji ate the ziploc bag and had to get emergency obstruction removal surgery. That immediately halted all projects i was working on. I was still taking a lot of pills to cope with the stress of that situation & at that point i needed them just to function at a base level. Then i think april 4th or 5th was when i found out Sammy died, which...i mean yeah i've spoken a lot on how horrific that was & still remains to be.

I mean , like, that shit, rearranged my whole brain, that shit reset me. this also marked the time period where like... my psychic senses really began evolving. idt it was necessarily linked to sammy's death, it just weirdly shifted around that time. i think the lunar eclipse in late march caused some type of quantum leap idk man idek. Then the solar eclipse in april sealed the deal. Ever since then the craziest stuff that i cant even rly talk about has been happening to me & i immediately felt compelled to like, quit all drugs and just fucking ascend lol.

Sooo first i started w pill numero uno, the really diabolical one, middle of april i just said fuck it, i am done. at this point i had abused it so hard it wasnt even doing shit for me anymore, even when i took tolerance breaks, it was genuinely pointless to continue. i did wonder how the fuck i was ever gonna function without it and i was scared. The final few weeks of april were just a total write off, didnt do shit, totally depressed & grieving & miserable but weirdly hopeful too. Like i knew i just had to suffer and get it over with.

pill 2 was actually pretty easy to cut back on because ive quit it a bunch of times before & know what to expect, and since i was already suffering so bad from pill 1 after about a week i thought yeah i might as well stop the other one too lol. there was no noticable increase in suffering from stopping it. So by the 2nd week of May it had been around 3 weeks of feeling like pure ass but i was starting to feel WAYYYY better and my normal goofy self again.

That is the worst thing about adhd meds for me lol they robbed me of my whimsy and goofiness T_T Like i was so serious all the time T_T it was even kinda affecting my relationship w slimbo. Like i couldnt be affectionate i was just a robot. All i cared about was working and i was so impatient. As i came off the meds i started to remember how nice it is to just be slow, be in the moment, enjoy simple things with my love, not constantly bound to this gnawing neurosis pushing me to squeeze maximum productivity out of every single second.

like i said , i'm 1 degree cap rising sooo this neurosis is something that exists firmly within my personality, for sure. i mean, if u cant tell, I Be Doing Things lol. And i get very competitive with myself. the dark side of me is that i want to be the best at everything. A big part of my adult life has been learning how to relax. learning how to have fun, learning how to be a little pointless. Without the meds this is a struggle for me so with the meds it was genuinely impossible not to be completely controlled by the rabid impulse to work.

So getting off the meds was a big exercise in confronting my fear of Not being the best. my fear of chilling, my fear of being still & unoccupied. But i did it! And i feel so much better. Like holy shit, i feel SO much better.

By the mid-May i was picking up steam in just being able to live again. a lot of the brainfog & physical heaviness lifted. I was still not very productive at art or music, but i was getting really good at not letting that bug me. spending a lot of time working in the garden, got back into yoga, reading, just doing leisurely stuff that felt expansive to my inner world rather than trying to externalize anything. psychic experiences continued to amplify. became interested in tarot again as i no longer felt i was living in fear of my higher self.

after getting off the pills i began feeling really fixated on the notion of quitting weed. Previously this had been genuinely unthinkable to me. Like, me and weed, we were One, every person i'd ever been as an adult had smoked weed, it was weirdly part of my identity, for 15 years i genuinely believed i could not exist without weed, like i would just lose my fucking mind if i stopped. i did not believe in myself.

But as the psychic experiences progressed i felt strongly that i want to go deeper. Previously i had been afraid to go deeper. In that regard i think i was truly afraid of my own potential. I wasn't ready for it, and that's actually fine. A lot of people aren't.. But as May was coming to a close i knew that i was ready, and actually, it was crucial of me to put an end to this. I was enjoying finally having some sense of peace & joy after how crummy it felt quitting the pills , i didn't really want to disturb that state of being, but i also was having that feeling again that i just need to "get it over with".

So when it struck June 1st i was like yeah fuck it. Let this mark a new beginning. as soon as i realize something is no longer in my best interest its almost impossible for me to keep going with it! like i can't live with myself. I guess that's where my fixation on being "the best" can serve me sometimes. if that makes sense.. Like i willllll always end up putting my foot down and saying NO :T

So yeah. it's recent enough that i don't really feel the need to detail how the first 2 weeks of june were sooooo sucky and emotional and generally dysfunctional. couldn't even read or draw or do any minor tasks i was sooo out of my mind. Not much needs to be said about it. i just had to simply allow time to pass. a lot of days spent in bed crying & dissolving.

right around the 2 week mark we went to missouri & this is when i started noticing myself feeling way way better. the whole time i didn;t even think about weed or my symptoms at all. i was so present in each moment and it was so easy to just feel....alive. also had some intense psychic experiences, one of which i haven;t even talked about on here, and i probably wont because its too sacred. The overarching theme between all the experiences i've been having since late march is that they feel too sacred to tell anyone. The high priestess emphasizes secrecy in some matters..

Which brings us to now, june 21, 21 days w/o weed, 3 weeks. I know that sounds like nothing but this has been 15 YEARS coming. that's half my lifespan so far. and now i just feel fine. i got thru the blues of quitting, all the repressed emotions, im sure they'll still pop up from time to time too. but ultimately i am just so fucking relieved to be free of that shit and like, functioning, able to sleep, not riddled with anxiety and self hatred like i was when i started as a grieving baby teenager.

i guess i wanted to write this to remind myself what a monumental shift i have made in my life in the first half of 2024, and how insanely far i've come in the grand scheme of my life, in a relatively short timespan. because i keep getting this feeling of self doubt where i'm like wait... it's almost july and i've barely completed any tasks, i still havent finished my music, wtf am i doing :( But i dont think i was supposed to finish it until i shed all these habits that were causing major roadblocks in my path!

shed my ex, shed pills, shed weed. shed grief! shed self doubt. emptied my vessel & it has allowed room for so much new life to come through. new forces being channeled. my mediumship abilities now are in focus and taking off at an accelerated rate. for the first time in my life i'm not in survival mode. i feel this is my reward for living through it all when i wanted nothing more than to give up for so many years. i prayed for death, every day, i really did. now i am dead! the old me died. and i carry her memory with honor, i carry on the parts of her that wished to remain and be loved, but she is effectively dead.

for the first time in my life i am really proud of myself. i don't feel so competitive with myself anymore. i don't need to prove myself externally. i do not require any validation of my existence. i can sit with myself without feeling extreme self induced dread & despair. i feel worthy even though i am still (from the outside looking in) at the exact same place i was at 6 months ago.

i'm finally feeling ready to work a little harder again, but not because i'm desperate to gain anything from it. just because it's fun, and fundamentally, as stated above, that drive is a part of my personality, a part of me that i love & cherish. number 1 is the magician. the mage patchouli ~~~ the alchemist. create for the sake of creating.

if anyone read this far, thats wild xD but thats dope too.. I guess one thing i'd like for the future is just to inspire people that you can alchemize the tragedies of your life and all the suffering into something much greater than yourself. You can get through it and be happy with your meager little life one day, even if it takes 30 or 40 years, it's worth it to try & worth it to get here. You do not have to wallow in sadness and self doubt forever, even if u see no way out rn.

i'm happy just being me ^_^ i have so much fun when i'm in my mind. bladee voice ~~be in your mind, be in your mind, be in your mind~~. i love how simple everything feels right now. i love how people & entities can come to me because they trust me to receive their messages & understand them. My own projections do not get in the way anymore. I shed so much. I am free. Happy Strawberry Moon everyone.

SIncerely, PMD9

[phightinghottakes]

I see a lot of people saying that phighting story is bad bc the devs keep adding new stuff instead of expanding the pre existing lore, and while I do agree that having not a lot of lore available can be frustrating, u guys need to understand that phighting is in ALPHA. A lot of the world-building/characters are gonna be underdone at the moment because of this. The current plan from what I’ve read is to finish making 26 phighters before starting on story mode, which should reveal most if not all the lore. On top of this, soda is writing a comic to reveal a lot of other lore related things that won’t be relevant in game. Another thing is that last I checked (correct me if im wrong), phighting currently only has 3 DEVS working on the ENTIRE GAME. I think that’s crazy!!!!!!! the dedication to make a whole ass game with 3 people of this quality without getting paid just for funsies is insane!!!!!!

It’s ok to point out the worldbuilding flaws but I think it’s kinda annoying to point them out when a lot of the worldbuilding isn’t actually there. That’s like critiquing a half baked pie. It’s not finished yet!!!! And, personally I think it’s really cool and actually a good thing that they’re prioritizing the actual game instead of the lore. They’re adding new characters to make the game better, and the lore for all of them will be expanded eventually. Also also, if they were to finalize the lore now, they wouldn’t be able to add new stuff at all!!! Adding new characters is kinda the best thing they can do until they start on story mode. I think it makes perfect sense esp from a game developing stand point. Rushing them or telling them to work on lore is just kinda redundant and unhelpful. They’ll get to it eventually and I’d rather have a good game than sooner lore reveals. I think it speaks to the integrity of the devs (game development wise, ik soda defended a groomer 💀) for them to continuously put the quality of the game over the lore for it. Not saying you can’t have both but again, if they started finalizing and honing in on lore rn they wouldn’t be able to add new stuff later. also like,,,not trying to say u can’t criticize the game but at the end of the day this is their project, they can take their time with it and write the story however they want, and some of y’all need to sit the phuck down cuz I’m tired of seeing lectures attacking the devs for honestly good design choices. At the end of the day phighting is currently a pvp game, not a story game, so the lore shouldn’t be their first priority at all anyways?? And really, I hate when ppl say that bc I think we all know how much the writing can make or break a game and how important it is, but u guys are being way too serious about this, esp since the devs already plan on adding more lore. This level of criticism is srsly unjustified imo. Even if they gave up development all together (it is a passion project afterall), I still think they would’ve made a great game and it definitely wouldn’t have fallen into the issue of adding too many new features without expanding upon the main stuff. Everything added so far seems to just be improvements. This even applies to choices outside of the lore. ok this rant was long lol oops ily take care

Hate to break it to you but they canned story mode sorry

Now we have to get all the lore from my least favorite character (Broker)

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

66.7512 meters episode!!!

i think i broke his heart! oh well!!!! ÑLKÑLK ruby y are u so happy about this all the time skfljdks1 (waiting for the karmic writing where someone breaks *her* heart....). tbh also very doctor-like. they are *so* unhinged

i was looking for some Spin-off foreshadowing in this war between land and sea business but best i've got is that... it will probably be set in wales ksdlfj

nuclear war is hilarious. fiften u are not all right.

That's the most bizarre "circle" ive ever seen. if anything is the orthogonal projection of a geodesic dome.

"A pee around the back"…….. dr pee foreshadowing

AESOP #1: children, when u are doing "off the road tourism", don't disturb sacred sites

susan twist's "thing" is just gonna be: "take revenge from being killed so many times". like she's just red-shirting all over the place (maybe it's gonna be a bit of meta commentary of the high body count of this show? that it's all for our sadistic pleasure but doesn't always have real significance skfldj)

I guess inflation is a recurring theme this season?

liminal spaaaace

"and then there's the blood""w-what blood?" i laughed ngl sksksk

the different color fonts in iplayer are a bit distracting tbh…...

ah yes. welsh racism...

hmmm… runy sitting in the chair... to wait in front of the tardis... "The one who waits?"

Thats' what men do skdksk love me some "Intergalactic fuck boy" subtext being voice and made text

Poor ruby ):

it's about the [metaphor for being stigmatized]!!!

Ohh the doctor was the first to disappear by the curse, maybe?

"even ur real mother didnt want u" Bro this monster is so mean wtf Kate!!!

AGAINST HIM, SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!! Antagonist kate be coming!!!

"well, that's classified"

This timeline might be suspended along ur event???

WE INVENT THE RULES AND MAKE THEM WORK!!! THEMES!! YOU HAVE TO COUNT EVERY GRAIN OF SALT!!! IT'S THE GAME THEME CONNECTING TO THE SUPERSTITION THEME!!!!!!!!

theeeemes

the more unit gets competent the more sinister they become

her going "cheers!" to her personal satan. i love u ruby

FUCK YEAH. ICON. GO KILL THE PRIME.MINISTER

...only guys in ruby's little montage ]: im heartbroken T.T rip the x5 times wlw companions streak dream it seems

"except the bed thing that was u" narrator voice: it wasnt

"Which is what?" KILL THE PM KILL THE PM DO IT ICON

Rtd connected to the universe skskdk oh beautiful synergy

[also literally how Y&Y starts... ]

"No more" feels loaded/intentional here, considering how it's been used before as an Important Phrase is War's arc.

the emo advisor guy intrigues me

Ruby having to solve this whole thing + cold war vibes.... mmm very ace coded

[lol @ soc dem / liberal writers being so scared of "populism" and "the dumbness of crowds". peak soc dem / liberal] [what is a "political allegory story" by a soc dem without the punchline being that "I think The People are really fucking Stupid actually"] [i do enjoy the side point of british politicians being so desperate for relevancy that they fire nuclear missiles for the fun of it. yeah… that tracks]

[lol becoming independent from nato being a bad thing. lol #"fucklybia!!"#signed:thisepisode]

the directing is very fun in this

Ruby get on your feets and make it happen

She's gonna say u forgot to say hi to this lady

ruby's asking to be shot again sksks

Iris u say…........ eyes emoji

[ok but also. lol not to go " ah, peak liberal again!" but lol. this resolution is peak liberal [ie. fundamentally antidemocratic, a few 1% technocrats (obvs, privileged and from the global north) with the answers "know what's best"]. this lad may have been crazy but they voted for him for a reason that "the system" wasnt providing.but in typical soc dem fashion they can't ever fight the fascists on The Real Deal ie. strength of a proposed political project + material gains resulted from those political projects + committing to real system change, so they have to scramble for antidemocratic solutions like [timey wimey prisons] to ""fight facism""" (ie not fighting it at all and by proxy, just making the fucking cockroaches stronger each "election cycle" because they can't fight them in a meaningful, political sense) bc the people are just too stupid!!! and this is why democracy was a mistake!!!!!!! ... sigh rtd. oh well good thing i didn't expect more on this front tbh sdlkjfdsd in that sense the s1-s4 rewatch prepared me well lol]

clara vibes in this ep in a lot of moments (old!ruby, sort of "mausoleum tardis", etc)

"i didnt travel with him long..." "but it felt like a lifetime" became literal…

"Everyone has abandoned me my whole life" T_T

AESOP #2: kids u are never alone <3 u always have ur inner demons :) and the unrelenting spectra of death~

There's always something a bit unsatisfying about self closing paradoxes... kinda like "oh it was all a dream so it didnt matter". but i think in this one it was crunchy enough with other things that i think it was balanced.

Very turn left-y ending! CONCLUSIONS!! people kept saying in the press this episode was gonna be "super scary" tbh i just found it.... profoundly sad sdxkljflkfj ruby's life just *screams* "missing the important bits by focusing on the unimportant" and "obsessing over things that don't matter" and "companion becomes detached from real life to the point they become super unhinged and callous" ("im sorry i couldn't help you marti")

(c+p some stuff i put on a discord): tbh i rolled my eyes at the political stuff but i don't think im even mad about it this time lol (too tired irl to get properly angry at doctor who these days ig)

anyway i dont think the political stuff is what it was really "about". i found this story very moving on what it was (imo) rlly about: ruby's fear and experience of being abandoned and also the general "fear of approaching death"

and obvs a bit of other emotional beats that are more specific to doctor who's long running stories: like the doctor "always does this" ie leaves everyone of his friends behind and there's the lingering tragedy that this will happen, as well, to ruby inevitably, then also both ruby and the doc becoming 'detached' from real life (ruby basically never investing anything in those relationships w/ those guys bc she was 'absorbed' by this mystery /clearly a parallel to her being absorbed by her parental origin) and also how tourists cant watch where they step / the doctor and co arent always respectful to the 'silly traditions' of the places they visit (tbh excellent bc to overcome my "this show has the white man's burden' engraved in its dna" meta... the show is gonna have to keep making story like and like Demons of Punjab for at least 3 more decades lol) (basically tldr i think it fumbled the politics stuff but it was rlly crunchy where it mattered. also, ....... i think this pretty much confirms that ruby isn't her own mother / the person who let herself at the door step in Christmas, right??? like rtd had said was the short story he had concocted years ago, and was the insp for this... but he kinda used up that trick here… so it must be something/someone else, right?) (another thing: ruby going "i used to be able to make it snow" made smth click....... ---> if ruby's whole focus rn seems to be about "the mystery", and this quest seems to be not only something she *needs* but also something that like... means joy and adventure, and traveling with the doctor... when she finds out the Truth,,, that probably means all the whimsy in her life will go away? (so she may come to a point where she Doesn't want to know Actually (which would be very "thirteen regretting throwing away the watch" realness mirror again)

[stormyoceans]

Girllll this feels like a dream 😭😭😭 I'd love to watch jimmysea in the medical plot 🤌🏻 if you're looking for feedback tho, I think it would be nice if you could also add the romance storyline? If not for every couple, only for jimmysea. Only if it's not too much stress babe, I hope your main focus is having fun in this project 💜

ALL FEEDBACKS ARE MORE THAN WELCOME ESPECIALLY SINCE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING ;;;;;;;;;

i actually have so much material about this particular plot that i had no idea how to go about putting it down in a coherent way, so in the end i tried to write the kind of summary you would find on MDL, but i realize that without the romance part it's probably not very appealing ;;;;;;;;

im still not sure of how to make sense of everything i have in my head so im just gonna share my very messy notes about jimmysea's characters and their relationship (only them for now because if i did it for everyone we would be here for a really long time ;;;;;;;). here we go!!!!

sea: a bright young man who always has a smile on his face and seems to have no worries in the world. his happy-go-lucky personality and the fact that everything comes easy to him can make him come off as a bit arrogant, but he's actually surprisingly observant and caring. when he was 17 years old, his father died in the ER after a car accident, and because the other party involved was a boy from a wealthy family, sea has been convinced ever since that his father's death was due to the doctors choosing to prioritize the boy even if his condition was less severe. this loss inspired sea to study medicine to make sure that what happened to his father didn't happen to anyone else, but it also made him resentful, which is why he struggles to respect the hospital rules. this often puts him in conflict with earth, who thinks sea's natural talent isn't enough to justify his lack of discipline.

jimmy: the only medical student to have completed his specialization under the mentorship of jane's father and to have actually earned his respect, jimmy is now one of the most renowned surgeon in the country despite his young age. his charming and gentle personality makes him be liked and respected by everyone, but his workaholism has earned him the nickname of 'the ghost of [insert name] hospital', as he seems to hardly ever leave the place. after being left at the altar by the woman he loved, jimmy has given up on relationships entirely, throwing himself into work and constantly trying to dodge his sister's attempts to set him up with someone. his walls however start to slowly crumble under the power of sea's smile and small caring gestures.

basically on one of jimmy's usual late night at the hospital, he wonders into pediatric to discuss a case with mix and finds sea reading a bed time story to a small group of children. just like jimmy, sea too seems to be reticent to go home, so night after night they end up keeping each other company and spending more and more time together. at first it's just the two of them working in the same room, jimmy doing paperwork and sea studying for his upcoming medical exams, but eventually sea manages to coax him out of the hospital, first by taking him out to eat and then by taking him to sea's favorite places around town. sea is also full of small caring gestures that make jimmy's heart tremble: he leaves jimmy's favorite coffee on his desk for him to find after a particular rough night, he forces jimmy to take a break and get some rest, he cuts fruits for jimmy and is mindful of everything that has to do with jimmy's hands. as they get closer tho, jimmy also realizes that there's a lot more behind sea's smile than it first appears: sea's mother never quite recovered from the loss of her husband, and after three years from his death she started developing sever dementia, to the point she can no longer recognize sea and sometimes even mistakes him for her husband when sea smiles

in my head their relationship is a very slow burn as they help each other heal but also as they try to reconcile their feelings with the fact that they're still a mentor and an intern. earth is also jimmy's best friend and at first he very much does not approve of how close jimmy and sea became, but eventually he comes around

THIS IS MORE OR LESS IT IM SHUTTING UP NOW BYE

[foolishwriting]

A/n: the perspectives for the first few chapter will likely change, im not quite sure the best perspective to write this in yet so

Chapter 1

“The world has been simplified and dumbed down to keep us pliable and stupid” dad had explained to me. “It isn't as simple as a letter to explain the threat level a single person is. Its like we’re cattle to them, you’re not a cow for sale you understand Sage? Never let the government break you down into something easy to understand, or to boost the egos of the heroes undeserving of their titles. You are a human, a beautiful and complex human.” 

Its a strange lesson to tell your nine year old daughter during a jail call. I love my dad, wouldn't trade him for the world. He’s a petty thief, petty enough to have broken into a heroes headquarters and steal sensitive information about a government project and leak it to the public. Papa has nothing to do with hero business in the slightest, hes a great model and he and dad have never once told me i was wrong for my career path. 

I considered going into hero work in middle school but so did everyone else. I know some of the new heroes, they're the kids who won the popularity contests in middle school and throughout highschool. Half of them never realized their lives would lay in my hands. I'm no hero but i'm certainly your favorite hero's healer they've begged for a quick recovery from after being a prick. I don't take it lightly when a hero, no matter how grand they are, plop themselves down in front of me and are rude and demanding. It might be my job but they can easily go find someone else if they are gonna speak ill of me or any one else. 

My dad’s lesson rings clear in my head now as I watch a vicious battle between a band of four D level heroes against one E level. It’s strange how it's a big deal. They’ll likely get bumped up if they get in a couple more fights with higher level villains like this. The group is the Senses Five, notably they’re fifth and arguably most valuable member, is missing. Theyre what they sound like, a group of teeagers fresh form highschool with powers that fuck up your senses. They work as a great team, managing to disorient and batter in the most unexpected ways. 

Me and a couple of coworkers sit around in the Hero’s Commission HQ’s kitchen in the Healers Wing. its pretty much our normal, lounge around for most of the day until theres a sudden strike of injured heroes then we all shoot into action. Its a pretty solid job, get paid a shit ton to heal the morons who nearly get themselves killed trying to get promoted through a system that's not designed to promote them. Im one of the few who do, i cant anymore, im an S ranked healer, i deal with shit from heroes on their deathbeds to literally dead ones. 

I lucked out in the power department, necromancy, healing, some light manipulation and some minor shit that's not really important to mention. Theres a reason i have the luxury of letting heroes fucking die because their egos have no room to be polite. Not all of them of course, don't get it twisted, I just have a bit of a chip on my shoulder. It's a mixed bag, I happen to work with both the pleasant and the egotistical. 

We all sorta watch the news a little bit dumb founded by the fight being broadcasted. We were about to be seeing all of them soon. The calamity is minimal, buildings damaged that can be easily fixed by any builder, the roads are shattered and cars shredded but there seems to be no civilians in danger. Thank god man. Its awful, a group of us would get sent out with the builders and repair and heal and resurrect if necessary. Its terrible some of the stuff ive seen man, kids, teens, heroes younger than my sister destroyed by a fight they were mislead about, entire city blocks flattened. It isn't pretty. 

“Miss Cyris” Eric said getting everybody's attention “you have a meeting with Mr. Peters” 

“Now?” i ask, i don't remember this being in my schedule for the day let alone the week. 

“In five minutes yes” 

“Why did I not know about this?” i ask

Eric shrugs glancing at his tablet “you should have been aware of this a month in advance” 

Obviously I wasn’t. I sigh and get up taking my lunch with me. The organization and communication around here needs work. Why didn’t anyone tell me when the meeting was booked? I would have put it in my calendar or made a reminder instead of jogging through the halls to Mr . Peters’ office. 

Mr. Peters’ is an ex sidekick to one of the greatest super heroes in history. The Eldritch was, from what i hear, as nice outside the mask as he was in the mask. We never found out his civilian identity but if i had to guess it’s Mr. Peters’ husband and i'm usually right about these things. I've met him, he made me homemade muffins for my birthday last year and made a delicious curry for the office two months ago. The Eldritch was powerful as hell, he could use and pull any power from myth or folklore or fairytale. So you can imagine why he stands as the world’s greatest hero. 

Mr. Peters’ office has trophies,  framed newspaper headlines, photos of himself with the eldritch in their prime and awards hard won. He sits at his desk when he calls me in. hes a furry creature, broad shouldered and sewn into the suit he wears. He looks better in his costume than in a suit sitting in an office job managing healers. He’s a hard worker, that's for sure. He checks his watch.

“Right on time,” he smiles at me softly, “as usual”

I sit down and return the gentle gesture with a smile of my own, “im sorry, i wasn't aware of this meeting”

“I know, i asked Eric not to tell you about it”

“What?” i can’t stop it from slipping out. Mr. Peters has my respect and he’s been nothing but kind to me but what the hell? Why would he want me to not know about this meeting? 

“While we are waiting, how are you?” he asks

“Im ok sir” i say not having much of an answer still trying to figure out what this is about. Waiting for what? Better yet, for who?

“How’s your sister?”

“Oh she’s…” robbed a bank, stole a famous painting, vandalized quite a few monuments, blew up a police station and sprained her wrist. “...doing well” 

“That’s good to hear, I heard rumors of your father getting released?” 

“Yes, he is” i say. Finally after nineteen years in jail for honestly a crime that's greatly exaggerated, he’s coming home. “Two weeks from now dad will be home again.”

I have to keep the childish giddy feeling that flutters in my chest, the nervous wreck of my teenage self and my overjoyed now reigned in. If I don't just talking about it puts me on the verge of tears. He's my dad, he's my dad who I've been seeing through a piece of glass and talking to over hour long calls at a time with men itching to find a reason to cut it short since i was seven. He missed the end of middle school, my high school graduation, the end of my official medical education and he wasn't even allowed out for his mom’s funeral. I'm elated to say the least. 

“I remember your dad in highschool” he says thoughtfully. “We all knew he’d do something stupid one day, but all of us knew he was also harmless” 

I would not describe my dad as harmless per say, he can cause some real damage if he tried, there's a reason he’s in jail. The only crime he committed was i guess treason and like breaking and entering but otherwise the crimes he was nailed with are fabricated. I’m not gonna tell him that though, he is an ex sidekick and a government worker who can easily have any of us investigated.

“I’m glad things are working out for you Sage, you're a good kid” he says, glancing at his watch.

He frowned. Whatever we were waiting for was late. I want to know if i'm right, who it is that’s late and why they're late. Better yet actually, why i wasn't told about this meeting in advance but i have doubts on that being answered. He sighs and looks at me apologetically.

“Im so sorry for the wait” he says

“It’s ok, what is this about?” i ask

“Well as you know there have been some reorganization-”

The door opens and a tall black haired woman stands in the doorway, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. She’s really quite pretty. Shoulder length black hair, pale skin, tattoos up her right arm and on both legs. She seems familiar. No one i've worked with but I'm pretty sure she’s Chameleon. The Chameleon is an S level Sidekick who could easily get through the ranks of Heroism but chooses not to.

“I'm so sorry, got caught up in… traffic” she says, clearing her throat and glancing my way.

“Thank you for finally joining us Kassidy” he says. “Have you two met yet?”

“No sir”

“Not formally no” Kassidy says

We haven’t met at all. Have we? I think we’ve passed each other and just nodded in acknowledgement and that's not even meeting. Otherwise not in the slightest. 

“Sage, this is Kassidy McGarthy, Kassidy this is our best healer Sage Cyris” 

I nod with an awkward smile stuck to my face. She holds her hand out and I take it. I don't know who she last fought but holy shit. Her side is mostly just on big bruise and the opposite shoulder has certainly seen better days, not to mention a nasty scar from her younger years of fighting and a weird ankle that was reinjured recently, maybe a month or two ago? I can’t help myself, I send a warmth through her to speed up the healing process. She hardly notices.

“Nice to meet you”

“Pleasure” i say shortly

“Joined at the right moment, i was just about to explain to Miss Cyris here what’s going on” Mr. Peters explains. He adjusts slightly before continuing, “as you are both aware, the Hero’s Commission has been making adjustments throughout the all of the sections, one of those changes includes pairing up healers and Sidekicks, we have done so based on skills, ranking and threats” 

I look at Kassidy. She looks unimpressed with the arrangement, her face fixed into a tight frown. The way Sidekicks and Healers are set up is different from each other. Sidekicks are commissioned to work with heroes for a time, like rent a sidekick. Healers are normally in one place, here, and heroes and sidekicks are brought to us or us to them depending on the situation. On a few occasions heroes will hire us as a permanent member of their support team. I tend to be nitpicky about salaries and benefits and all that shit, hence why i'm still with the commission.

“We are doing and official announcement to the entire commission next week, when everyone is no longer set up with a hero” 

“So why are you telling us this then?” Kassidy asks

“Wouldn't it be easier to have us know at the same time as everyone else?” i ask

Mr Peters nods, “you see you two are in a special situation” his hands close together and i notice the stack of files on his desk. There’s four of them. Hes looking at me over the frames of his glasses, i've gotten to it too soon. “There's a contract in the works between us and the some of the great new heroes, in order to give out best healers and sidekicks our best available opportunities, you two have already been assigned, you have the rest of this week to become familiar with each other and” he hands two folder to each of us. The official Hero’s Commission Headquarters stamp sits across the folder with Mr Peters signature on the corner of the stamp. “You will also become familiar with those files, one is the other’s file, the other is the file with all the pertinent information about the hero you are assigned to. Next monday you will be making yourselves at home with their headquarters and familiarize yourselves with the hero in and out of costume in person” 

“I have a question,” i say , skimming over the information in the folder about Kassidy.

“Yes?”

“So instead of having a conversation about things, we just have everything about each other right here?” i ask

He smiles kindly, “private history is not included. i ensured anything you wouldn't want them to know wasn't in there, with that said, there are criminal records, family records, schooling and so on”

I glance at Kassidy who’s looking over the first page about me. I look at Mr Peters, sure my hesitance is clearly written on my face. I can only see this going wrong. My family is reason enough—a villian, a vandal, my own records even—to not want to be associated with me beyond the bare minimum. 

“Any other questions?”

“Yeah, we’re not like, moving into the HQ right? I know sometimes that's a thing” Kassidy asks

“Not unless you and the hero arrange that”

“We’ll be working exclusively with them?”

“Yes”

“Are they paying or is the commission?”

“Commission”

“How long?” i ask

“You two will be working together permanently, with the hero, it will be a year.”

[greenerteacups]

Hello! I wanted to let you know how amazing your fic is, it seems my life now revolves around Friday mornings. I think it may be one of my favorite series ever, not just fics, your stuff is better than most published works I have read. I really could go on and on. Suffice to say, thank you x1 million for just putting this out there for us.

I had a couple curiosities! Is it ever hard to restrain yourself and just post 1 time per week? Or is that necessary for your creative process?

Also, your fic is rapidly growing in popularity, do you ever get worried about how that might change your audience?

Thank you again for the amazing thing you've written, I feel super lucky to be reading it in real time because I know this is going to be one of those legendary classics.

Thank you so much! You're wonderfully kind, I really appreciate it, and I hope I can live up to your expectations!

Weekly posting: Posting once a week is actually something I started for my own sanity — posting it regularly/serially is better for audience response, so there's a natural incentive to do it, but it also gives me more time to write ahead. And having all of a book prewritten in advance is really important for me creatively, not only so as to avoid the possibility of cliffhangers, but also to feel immune from the pressure to change the story based on what audiences want.

Growing audiences: Oof, it's been wild. I've been sort of boggled by the response to my little fic; it was entirely unexpected and the most I can do is work hard to deserve it. For the most part, an increasing audience has been a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I've been so grateful for everyone who's been offering support and praise. I'm seriously insanely lucky. My only point of frustration is that, in general, as a fic grows, readers seem to perceive increasing distance between themselves and the author. For instance, people in my comments have increasingly started to address each other instead of me, or have left comments seemingly without the expectation that I'll read them. But when someone comments on the fic, they're still sending that message directly to the author, and I think that some people might... well, they either don't know that, or they don't care. Like, the audience/author distance might be greater than it is for a fic with only 300 hits, but it's not like I'm a showrunner, or some other media production bigwig who'll probably never see 99% of the feedback generated by fans; it's still my pet project that I read basically every scrap of feedback for.

And sometimes (rarely — most of my comments are just so wonderful, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but) people do say weird or unnecessary things. One comment for the last chapter read, "if krum dies im gonna drop this fic ngl," and that just irritated the hell out of me. Like, if that's your opinion, cool. Your reading habits are none of my business, and I sincerely encourage everyone who needs to take a break from Lionheart — or, hell, even loses interest — to go find something that sparks joy instead. Reading fic should bring you pleasure. No hard feelings, swear to God.

But my frustration with that comment, in particular, was: you do realize that you've sent that message directly to my inbox, right? You realize that was the first thing I read when I opened my comments section after a long afternoon of writing? Someone directly informing me, the author, that a narrative decision (which, either way, I already made about 4-5 months ago) will lose me a reader? And how does this person expect me to react? "Oh, no! I have to go back and rewrite 90,000 words of the story — God forbid I lose you, Single AO3 User Who Left No Other Comments! How can I live with myself if you're not here??"

It's just a bit frustrating. And, to the point — I say this politely, with respect — but if you seriously can't handle seeing characters die, then maybe don't read the fanfiction that's rewriting a series where very many characters die. Just a thought.

[hpdfag]

I didn’t get to see the pink theme sadly but this deeper red one is so cool?? It probably looks much better in dark mode but I have too many eye problems too use it all the time ngl…I’ll check it out later!

How have you been doing? I recently got a bit too BPD and now I’m in this little stage where I really wanna improve as a person, getting into self care and all that shit. It’s a bit silly, and I’m sure it’s something akin to mania, but I think it’s good for me to feel so stimulated to take care of myself! For me, it’ll get me a compliment or two from my FP and overall I’ll feel better for them. And I end up feeling good for myself so…happiness for the whole family!

Tell me a bit about how you’ve been doing and all, stuff that happened (if anything!) or anything on your mind. We’re always open-eared around you :}

- 🧶

THANK U THANK U !!!!!! ive been on an editing kick again so ive been messing w/ the themes on basically all of my blogs .. im glad u like this one :D

i've been doing really well!! it's similar for me actually, i'm finally doing some really hard work with my therapist and it sucks but it's making me want to get better. i really do believe that it's what i'm here to do, and it feels wonderful to have a purpose again. i always say that the meaning of life is something you have to find for yourself, but i never really bothered with it. i always considered myself a lost cause. but maybe i can get out of this. maybe one day i won't feel so small and scared ... it feels wonderful to feel wonderful :]

and it is good !! even if it's just mania, it's always good to take care of yourself. i always relearn some unfortunate truths whenever i bother with self care like "i feel more like a person when i bother to shower and eat breakfast" LOLOL

overall i've been doing a lot better i think :] im finally starting to break out of the mindset i worked myself into with my ex and im feeling much better for it. i've actually had several people irl tell me that im looking visibly better completely unprompted and it catches me off gaurd every time haha

i haven't been doing much but !! im hoping to get back into the swing of things, especially with school coming up in september ... but it's gonna be the last year before college!! im a senior!! wtf!! it feels weird going into senior year at 16 but i did start kindergarten at like 4 years old so i guess it tracks /silly

right now the project i want to get back on is my neocities ... it's a total mess right now while i figure out html and css, but hopefully eventually i can make it my own !! it's very vaguely space themed right now but eventually i wanna theme it off of myself since like. all of our interests come and go but unfortunately i remain /silly .. it'll be difficult but lots of fun !! (i have it linked here if u wanna poke around it in its current laughably unfinished state, itll look best on google chrome on desktop!)

ive been spending a bit more time with my mom recently too, ive been rewatching some of my favorite anime with her and we're gonna watch some newer ones too!! (we've gotten thru evangelion and madoka magica so far, and we're gonna start cowboy bebop next ^_^)

auauauaua ive started rambling like hell but !! im glad to be able 2 chat with u, it's always one of the highlights of our day :]

[toomuchsky]

got a new car. having a lot of feelings abt it that i’m journaling abt on tumblr instead of processing internally. (lots of very privileged Big Money Feelings fair warning) but also look at him. momo. 🥹🥹🥹

basically after the insane amt of car troubles the last car gave me and the extra 4k it was asking from me in repairs, my dad finally was like “can you let me help you” and offered to help me buy out the loan on appa. one contingency was that i had to buy a new car, not anything used. so my car payment basically more than doubled, but i do have a car now that can take me from point a to point b and will hopefully ! not break down on me anytime soon. (with my luck tho who knows). i also still have the credit card debt from the engine but he was like “do your best to pay it off but if there is a difference at the end of the 0% apr period well see what i can help with”

i’m having! weird feelings abt it! lots of shame around having to accept money from my parents, lots of guilt around having parents that can afford to do this, also a lot of like. relief right?? i have a car that works! and he’s cute!

but also new cars freak me out dude. cars should all be dumber in my opinion. why is there an ipad on a vehicle that i can also drive at 90mph??? why is it yelling at me to brake leave me alone let me brake on my own terms!!! and every single thing is electronics. and they break so often and are so expensive to fix!! and everything these days is built to break!!! it makes me so mad and angry!!!!

but also on the other hand! i feel like i understand every single rich person neuroses now. every single speck of dust on this car is tantamount to a dent on another car. if i even scratch this car i’ll be so sad bc it’s NEW! she has 10 MILES ON HER. and there’s too many features!!! how am i supposed to learn them all!! feeling very old man yells at cloud abt it all!!! like normally i am also very generous with my car! i’ll let people drive it i don’t care etc but with this one i’m feeling extremely like don’t even breathe on him actually please don’t even look in his direction. like i’m feeling insane. u know that monopoly study they do where people become more stingy the richer they get. that’s how i’m feeling.

also having some feelings about what a new car like this looks like to people idk. like what will people perceive me as???? like this wasn’t my choice!!! tbf the car market is still insane and even a slightly used car would be abt the same price tbh but. feeling like i need to process these feelings with everyone so that no one judges me for having a new car or feels weird abt my parents having the ability and willingness to help me out here. like i understand this is mostly projection bc IM feeling weird about it and wealth (lol at the thought of wealth. i’m like 40k in debt not including student loans at 29 which feels insane.) and all that but.

he’s smaller than a lot of the suv’s i’ve had before but honestly probably enough size!!!! also the car payment is so much and idk how i’m gonna afford it for 6 years. i love him so much i can’t wait to go on a million road trips now that i can trust my car won’t break down on me in the middle of the road AGAIN. i also wanna throw up whenever i look at him. i love feeling safe and cozy and playing with all the new features. if it gives me a lane warning again i’ll blow it up myself.

dualities man. here we are.