#im gonna commit to saying that I'll post both this year

[tomurakii]

I'm TRYING to write chapter 15 of ybah and chapter 2 of ljsaw. I have all this energy and desire to write but there are simply zero words in my head

[butch-bakugo]

Im so glad we all rightly clocked the Minecraft movie as probably going to suck and I'm not alone. I was so worried I was just being a pessimist but after seeing what other's have said and what moistcritickal posted (haven't watched it yet), I feel a bit safer sharing my opinion. So, as a mc fan and player for almost, if not exactly, 10 years, I'll give my opinion.

It wants to be the super Mario movie. It wants to be it SO BAD but it doesn't care to actually commit to it. So many awesome movies about gaming IP have come out over the last 5 years from the Mario movie and the fnaf movie to detective pikachu and sonic. All bangers. Idk what it is apparently about 2024 and letting the most sludgy shitty gaming movies being announced/coming out but this is... Not it. This and the borderlands movie (tbf I'm only repeating popular opinion as I haven't seen the movie and am not a fan of the franchise but mega and even casual fans plus it's horrific box office say it enough. ) are probably gonna end up the same.

It looks terrible. Period. Almost everything in it looks terrible and I garentee it's budget was 150 to 300 mil and it still looks like fucking garbage. It can't even commit to being a live action or animated movie. It wants to be both so bad and not lose the recognition of the 2 celebrities it dumped probably a quarter of the budget on. Everything from the mobs to the world design to the cgi already looks like fucking garbage. It looks so fucking bad y'all I'm not even exaggerating. Holy shit. Everything has that fuckin cursed style of realistic components but cartoonish attitude and shape. Everything in the trailer looks like jigglypuff or Mr. Mime from detective Pikachu bred with sonic before everyone bullied them into giving him justice.

Tell me this shit doesn't have the same fucking energy.

This isn't cute, it was never cute, it's fucking creepy to put hi-def details on an originally cartoonish characters. Its giving fleshball with hair. Side note, since tf when were creepers made of grass and leaves n shit? I feel like I'd puke if I touched one by accident.

I want to give credit where credit is due and say the piglins and the ghasts look great. I fuckin love the fact the ghasts are stitched at the seems. They look great. It's almost like cartoon proportions but realistic style can look good in its creepy nature when out on top of characters who are supposed to look creepy and not right. 🙄

I have no idea why they wouldn't just fully animate this movie. Why are there fully human live action actors in this bitch but literally everything else is CGI. These poor actors are just standing on green screens when they very literally could have just been live action segments of them popping in and out of the world of Minecraft while voicing their minecrafty looking selves while animated. Literally just give it the ready player one treatment. Also why is Steve, the titular Minecraft character, a live action human as well? Even if your weird fascination with Zionist autism-speaks devotee Jack black is what you paid ungodly money for, he's a good voice actor. He showed that in the Mario movie as Bowser. Why does he have to be not only an IRL human but also his beard nor skin tone match canonical Steve. Jason Momoa, the only moc on the cast of human characters, would match Steve's actual skin tone. The boy's got melanin, Jack does not.

Speaking of the human characters, I can smell the uninteresting cookie-cutter nerdy boy with a crush he needs to profess to protagonist a mile away, I'm sure the little girl character is tough on the outside but soft when she warms up and is quirky and joins the bad guys for a bit only to come back but never has any actual character, idk litterally anything about the adult woman character other than her outfit is giving Dora and she litterally says nothing during the trailer and jason Momoa? I'm alittle worried. First off, why you got this whole ass man in that shitty ass wig. That is party city shit. I could find better for $8 on Amazon. Second off, though I think he's trying to be like... 80s 90s pop star twisted sister style shit, im NGL... My first thought was " is this a transmysognistic caricature?" Because of notch and the fact he moves pretty femininely through the trailer. I won't judge it yet but like... My hackles were UP up. I'm stressed. Another thing of note? No Alex nor Villagers. The villages were there and actively plundered but no villagers.

Something interesting of note is that the villagers were originally made, by notch, to be antisemitic caricatures. That's why they have the big nose, the nasally voice, considered primitive, the specific obsession with emeralds of all gems, why their deals always suck and they come off greedy. Mojang did very little to change their original design and even though you couldn't tell nessesarily without knowing that context that the villagers were a caricature, that doesn't make them less of one and Mojang really should of made the choice to change them by now. I, like many other allies and obviously the Jewish community, always felt a little uncomfortable with them but are now especially nervous about their more realistic but still cartoony take. We've seen plenty of human/realistic but cartoonish takes on villagers fully lean into the caricature with hooked noses, pointed ears and other common ethnicly Jewish features. Some even Include Payots ( the curly pieces of hair worn on orthodox Jewish men), Yamakas and stars of davids. These are clearly antisemitic caricatures and I, and many other fans, are worried about their one screen translations. I can only hope they humanize them as some more realistic takes on villagers can be good.

My second to last note is the setting, holy fuck is it UGLY ugly. Like I dont watch any Minecraft YouTubers or streamers so I'm not accustomed to tracing rays 1,000 mods realistic lighting, realistic resources, needs huge processors to run without the computer becoming the same temp as the surface of the sun to be happy with the way it looks but like... Ew. I play raw mc, no mods on console (and PC at one point but that was awhile ago and also with no mods) and I, through buildings or natural landscapes and locations, etc have seen prettier lighting and locations than what they chose. Like, one of the many joys of Minecraft is the simplistic but natural and real and relaxing atmosphere the world of Minecraft can be. Even when it's raining or snowing. Minecraft sunsets and sunrises after you spent the last real world 56,000 hours on this big building complex and finally resting and watching the sunrise over your work and the mountains or ocean or forest or even desert around you become pink then yellow then bright as the start of a new day is a healing experience. It can be emotional even. That landscape looked like garbage. Incredibly monotonous and boring and plain. Just nothing. How you squeeze the very easy thing of a beautiful atmosphere out of Minecraft is beyond me.

Speaking of emotions, let's talk about the story and the humor/dialogue. I'll start with the later and end my thoughts with the former. The humor, the little we did see, seemed at least a little bit on brand for Minecraft. The animals especially. I'll give it that, I just hope it's not unending poop or fart or pee jokes. Finally, I, like many others, are very worried this is a modern isekai ass Jumanji style shit take of minecraft. We are very worried this is just modern people shoved into minecraft to solve a problem, save the world and leave. This isn't what Minecraft's about, it's not it's messaging nor ever been a " hero/band of heros story" about saving the world, I don't even think it will honor the final poem of the game.

Minecraft has always always ALWAYS been about community, belonging, making a place for yourself in a world that won't accept you, working together and coexisting. It's about peace. It's about sharing. These messages are very near and very dear to the 6 yr old gen alphas who've been playing it since they were 2 or 3 yrs old and beat it 60 times to the elder Gen z and millennials like me who grew up with the game and have a special place in our hearts for the world's we've built and lost to the 89 yr old grandma who played it over covid and built a home for her whole family to visit and live in with all the accommodations they could want. Minecraft is for all ages and everyone has either played it or heard of it, it is the most successful singular game in the world ffs. It has sold more copies than ANY single game in existence, over the most common production of solitaire and Tetris and Space invaders AND any super Mario or Pokemon game. Minecraft rakes in over billions of dollars and millions of players every single year. Those who start playing it struggle to stop. It's a cultural icon, a seriously beloved and wholesome one. One the fans truly took, made it their own for everyone's benefit and spawned so much spin off media and love that it's done better than most games could ever dream to do. Minecraft's success and communal love, despite the unsavory trend of pedo and bigoted YouTubers centered on the game, is its soul. It's driving force. Its succession literally cannot be understated and cannot not be attributed to its fans.

I fear this movie is a slap in the face money grab disrespectful turd in a doggy bag left on the community's porch. I fear this movie will have none of the game's and community's values and lessons and love. I fear this movie will do what Mario, sonic and fnaf did not, hurt it's audience. I, like many other fans, already have an unsavory taste left in our mouth's from this trailer pie and we can only hope it didn't come from American pie or the help. The movie looks fucking soulless. It looks corporate. Like it only exists to make money off the already successful IP that is Minecraft. Like they saw the box office explosive success of sonic and Mario and fnaf and decided to shit something else explosive out as quick as possible to jump on the trend. I fear because it's fucking Hollywood, the messages it holds will be watered down and tasteless like a fucking LaCroix where someone ate a cubic millimeter of an orange peel and shat in my can and called it flavor. It'll be the same old schmut that every kid friendly movie has. It will have no nods to and for its existing fans to comb through and point out and smile that they are seen.

It may not even have a fucking ender dragon or a wither. Will it even have the nether? People already pointed out that most movie trailers include some of the big cool (expensive) parts of the movie and if they eventually fight the ender dragon, they would of probably included that in the trailers due to how cool (expensive) that scene would be. It's not there. All we see is piglins, a relatively small enemy in the game, pillaging villages (why no , ya know, actual pillagers pillaging. Why piglins... Who are barely present in the over world....who dont attack unless provoked... and only attack the player not suddenly aggro with every AI in sight... Why are they attacking villagers suddenly....) which.... Isn't super interesting. That and the irl actors walking around and discovering how to fucking play the basic shit in Minecraft like getting wood.. and making crafting tables.... And talking to Steve. Like this has bad shitty written all fucking over it... I'm so worried.

We, the fans who work and love this game tirelessly, deserve better than isekai diet Jumanji live action meets shitty animated garbage.... I can only hope and pray that my take on this ages poorly. I hope it ages poorly and I'm horribly wrong and it's the next fnaf movie and shows huge amounts of respect for the fans. I want to be wrong. I want us to be respected. However you can't ignore the blood in the handkerchief concerning movies with a highly popular IP, too many a-list celebrities, high costs and piss poor CGI. It rarely doesn't lead to disaster. Please let me be wrong.

[thecrazyphantom]

Just some interactions that happened to me a couple of years ago.

The person I'm referring to is probably stalking my account as I post this 😕

(This is just a vent of mine, you can skip if you don't want to read it ❤️)

Btw both of us are Female(well idk what they are but they're afab)

I was so uncomfortable trying to respond to them saying this, let alone in response to my photo.

When they broke our friendship (In a very cringe way btw. I can elaborate if anyone asks) they told me how I "treated them horribly" even though I was the one who constantly just had to deal with their Bullshit when they texted me.

They'd also constantly oversexualize all the female characters I Roleplay/I like

Ex: Saying that Peko has (AND I LITERALLY QUOTE.) "phat juicy tits".

When we had a Simp channel in our Discord server That was Yk... Dedicated to fictional characters.. or people in their class they thought were pretty. They posted a photo into it of Me in a Byakuya Cosplay looking down at the camera and then started going on and on about how they'd give me everything they owned and such and it made me so uncomfortable that I couldn't even response logically so i just sent "<3" and didn't respond to the text.

They would also talk constantly about their AUs and stuff about The Cuphead show. I rlly did like a lot of what they talked about since I liked Cuphead the Game and have a very open mind to others Aus. But the thing was was that I had openly talked about how I didnt want to watch the Cuphead show because I just didn't like the voice acting ((Well they've got good voice acting, good Animation, and funny plots , but I just don't think the Cuphead cast should have voices. But I did watch the show after all this, and it was pretty good)). But i just remember that one day I was getting tired of them talking about Cuphead and I texted them "I don't mean to be rude but can you stop sending Cuphead content? You're slowly making me dislike it 😕" (that's the exact quote), and then they got annoyed and was like "that was the only direct cuphead thing I've sent" And I ofc denied that bc I don't rlly loose interest in things through only one message unless it's controversial. And I wasn't gonna deal with pulling up all that evidence so I just said "Omfg *name*" "Nah I'm done with discord" and they instantly started to "im so sorry" bomb but I told them I wouldn't talk to them until I calmed down bc I was just pretty grouchy at the moment. When I came back I sent some words abt me calming myself down again, then said "I apologize for my outburst". And bam we were somehow friends again????

What was even worse was that they did this all in front of our mutual friend (well at the time it was mutual, now they're just my friend ^_^) that they were at the time dating.

(I don't even remember if they sent more cuphead and I'm not even gonna dig for it)

All I know is that that could've been easily resolved by either just saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry I'll try to send them less" or even being like "Cuphead is my Hyperfixation, just like how your hyperfixation is Danganronpa"

They'd also text the gc that me and my friend were in that they were going to commit Slick-a-Slide and then disappear for weeks on end. So ofc me and my friend would be worried and get in a depressive state because we were under the false narrative that they Unalived, just for them to come back after a while and just brush it off. Each time we asked if they were okay they would always be like "Yeah Sorry my mom just took away my phone." And for a while I started to speculate that they were just in a Mental hospital but they never mentioned it (and they Kinda told us EVERYTHING that happens in their life/day/week.) So not only were they treating me wrong, they were dragging my friend into it and Worrying them. (This happened multiple times while they were dating, so I can't even imagine the levels of depression that could've spiraled my friend into. Like having to hear your lover say they were going to commit, then go offline for a long time, is actually petrifying.)

This is a small one but I also remember that a couple weeks or months before they broke ties with me, We were in a server with all of their friends (+my friend and I), they texted the public channel asking if anyone wanted to call, and when I said that I was down to call that literally responded something along the lines of "someone who isn't Phantom" and then they kicked me shortly after I responded with a sad emoji. That made me lose all left over respect I had for them. My friend confronted them on how that wasn't too nice to say, and then they got kicked too.

Also this is off track but imma bring it up since I'm currently obsessed with Korekiyo, but the way they Roleplayed Korekiyo made him seem like he's some Holier than thou character that could pretty much read minds and just tell what they were doing prior ((for example a character could make and excuse to walk off to give something to someone they're currently seeing and come back to Korekiyo and they'd respond "Oh were you giving something to *name*?")). Idk this just made me not like Korekiyo for a while after they broke ties with me.

Anyways that's all my ranting for now. Pip, Ace, whatever you're going by rn. If you see this, please get off my page, for you've made me dread each second and more that you've talked to me ;) ❤️

[cryptocism]

I've put all of my reading on hold while I finish up my own fic,so I'm a lil behind, but I just wanted to say congratulations for making it to the end, and thank you for sharing such a lovely piece with the world! It's been really inspiring to me as a writer and I'm super excited to read the last two chapters. I don't know if you have anything in mind going forward with other writing, but if that's something you decide you want to continue doing then I'll be more than stoked to see what you come up with.

Okay that's enough of that, any more and it'll start getting weird...

thanks so much! it's wild to have actually finished this thing, partially because im unfortunately not in the habit of finishing writing projects and also because its just. its just so long. probably longer than anything ive ever written before.

and ive got a couple other writing ideas bouncing around (ofc) but i think im gonna try prioritizing some original works, since ive been telling ppl im going to make a comic for literal years now so i should probably actually Do That.

still ive learned my lesson with Frequency: if i ever start writing another fic it's gotta be done before i post anything about it. my love of a satisfyingly consistent update schedule is at odds with both life and my struggle to act under pressure, so it might be a lil while before i commit to another big fan work

[romanarose]

Update on how things have been.

ups and downs ups and downs...

TW for depression, suicidal thoughts, sh, and ig work issues although those seem small in comparison to the other warnings

Monday was much better. Today is worse than Monday but not as bad a last week. Last week I was in serious danger to myself. If I was insured I would have committed myself for my safety.

I relapsed on SH this week, been over a year since doing that so its pretty disappointing, but not as bad as when i relapsed after like 5 years.

As some of you know, I quit my job on friday. It was my weekend job at olive garden that i'd been at for a long time, and had evn more years at different olive garden locations and long story short i was feeling a lack of respect and decent pay for certain postions so i said i was done hosting, expecting to do bread, salad, or to go. I get schedule to buss which pays worse than host and i lost it lol. Completetly. It felt like an insult. It honestly got blown out of proportion bc of my emotions but the way my general manager handled it was really disappointing and brushed me off when i wanted to talk about it on saturday. On sunday we did actually talk. One of the other managers was in the room and while i didn't feel my GM understood me, the other manager did. She said she was the one that scheduled me that and didn't mean it as an insult nor a punishment but she validated why I felt like it was. She took me off one of the bussing shifts as an act of goodwill. I'll be working less hours there and more on my on campus job but i think over all it got smoothed over enough.

But after that, i cried and cried and cried. for 45 minutes. Like i sat in the parking lot sobbing bc i could not drive. Eventually im able to get to panda express and cry more trying to calm down and get my food. I just went i with my face red a blotchy ad tears in my eyes and went home and watched My Man Godfrey via screenshare with a friend. Good movie.

Unsure how I feel. I naively thought yesterday that this was over, but one good day does not a cure make.

On the brightside, my Race and Ethnicity in america class was supossed to do a presentation on jackie robinson tomorrow and my and a classmate were gonna work on it today after class... and she said "hey i pretty much did everything, if you just wanna come to class a little early tomorrow we can go over the slides." I felt bad bc I didn't do anything but she said she really just prefers to do work by herself. She and I are both history majors and know each other well, so I know for a fact that I can return this favor some day. I started tearing up and saying how I've been struggling so this is such a relief.

Grades will be okay I think. geology is gonna suck at the end bc ive been bullshitting it all. Race and ethnicity in american will be an A i think. Just got my paper back for the other american history class, I got an A so far. Im not super confident about the research paper at the end but... If I have an A a C or something for the paper will be alright. I got my midterm back for the history research class and I though I got like a 50% lol but it was a B-. everything else has been a's so far so if i dont do great on that paper ill survive. Race and law is an A rn and I dont precieve that changing. I need to keep a 3.0 gpa to keep my scholarship one more year.

Anyway y'all dont care about any of that.

I fear as this semmester goes on there will be less and less time to write fics so be prepared. Im trying my best. Everything is awful rn and i dont wanna exist but im pulling through.

sorry for the depressing post

[bakugoukatsuki-rising]

I'm. The new covers, op. The new covers. Gosh. Both of them hold so much symbolism. And technically they both are canon, they are both original ideas that could perfectly be valid. Horikoshi simply found something better. But anyways, I'm going to go ahead and ramble about it because Im- Op, prepare for a long ask! Hope you like it!

So!

On the one where Katsuki's the one in the picture, he's not on his knees like he is in the other two covers. Instead, he has his face down, body forward, one hand on one leg, the other one holding out for something...He's bowing. Bowing in Japanese culture is a pretty big deal. Hes not just tilting his head a bit, his head and body are on full on commitment.

Such a tilted bow means a LOT, specially from THIS guy, Mr dont let anyone walk in front of me. Even more when hes not just bowing, but accepting such an open display of given help, Mr shonen anime lone wolf. Accepting something he always has trouble admitting to. Accepting the past, accepting the wrongs. Accepting Izukus help means so much, and that's what these three covers have in common.

His hand is sctretching out. He's ready to say yes to that hand out in the air.

(Ps. I wonder if he's watching his own reflection on the water in this panel, as well?)

Hes in middle of the picture with those childhood friend at the back, which means audience. It means letting people see what hes done, what he's sorry for. He is being open and exposed and vulnerable. That's no fighting stance.

Remember guys, in case you haven't noticed before, Horikoshi puts lots of metaphorical value in his manga and on his covers. Sometimes you've got to dig in deep and think to get the bigger picture. And in this case, the bigger picture screams regret and wanting to make things right from the start.

This cover occurs in the past, at the moment where everything started, and Katsuki fully remembers this. Katwuki has thought of this, is thinking about this. He's had eye bags for gods sake, he's clearly troubled by all of what it means.

These three covers are the visual explanation of what's going on inside Katsuki's head, because this is clearly focused on him and his perspective.

(Ps. Rivers symbolise the massage of time. If that doesnt add to everything else, I dont know what to tell you.)

So! Next!

Wow, if this isnt one of my favourite things ever. Okay. Christ.

I have two options here. Scratch that, three options. Scream into the void, scream into this post, or actually make a good presentation of my inner turmoil. I'll have to go by the third option. (Haha. Just like horikoshi did. Dont # me, I'm funny in my head.)

This cover melted my insides, froze them all over, and hit me with them like a hammer.

I know they're kids, but let me get this straight-so kids seriously look at their friends with these looks in their eyes and think "ah, yes. This is my very good friend. This gentle smile and kind look I'm giving him as if he was my whole world? Well, hes just a very good friend."

I looked at my childhood crush this way, I dont know what to tell you.

Anyway, let's actually jump to the information at hand.

This panel seems like it's making a reference to what Katsuki wishes could have been. And if that's not absolutely soul-crushing...this cover is Katsuki's feelings, guys. These are probably his very thoughts. This scene has gone through Katsuki's head at some point.

We've got Izuku in his stuck up pose all over again, in just an awkward angle. It's like katsuki isnt looking AT this katsuki right now, but at the spot where the actual past Katsuki, at some point, was. As if this Isuku is frozen in time. Dont believe too much in this paragraph, I still have my doubts about that, but I feel it's a possibility. Izukus eyes seem to be focused on the water, while Katsuki is just the tiniest bit back, reaching for Izukus hand. And gosh.

I dont think I've ever seen older NOR child Katsuki have this look plasted into his face before. He's...sheepish. Kindly, awkwardly sheepish. No hate, no anger, no shame, no nothing. His face is clear and sweet and has this "Whoops. You got me. But thanks." kind of expression on.

The hand behind his head, just the tiniest but embarassed? That little smile? It's all so soft.

Rambling about softness though- I really liked the hand scene in this particular panel. If you close up your view, you realise that theres no effort to pull anyone out of nowhere. In this panel, they are simply holding hands in frozen time for no purpose at all.

Katsuki has his hand around Izuku...simply holding there.

Again, because the angle is awkward, it's kind of messy, but you get the point.

It's all simply beautiful. Horikoshi clean likes give me life.

And lastly. The actual cover.

I screeched so hard when I saw this. My first instinct when seeing this for the first time was to straight up go trigger happy fingers and write about it to my friends. Christ.

Everything is so...SOft. horikoshi made a good decision by mixing both previous drawings in one. We have parts of the two covers in one, which is amazing. In this one, Katsuki isnt alone, as Izuku's there too. But we dont have the audience either. Probably because the main focus on this panel is no one else except them two.

Again, Katsuki looks like he's bowing, but instead of looking all the way down, he's in the middle. Not looking at Izuku nor looking at the ground, like it shows in the previous covers. Instead, Horikoshi found a middle ground. He's looking at his hand. At the gesture.

Hes not holding hands quite yet, but his hand is there. At arms reach. Not close enough but there. Wanting.

Theres so much regret and again, softness.

Again, like you Op said a bit bad, the angle is off here. This is present Katsuki remembering his past. The angle is off because this Izuku isnt holding out for our Katsuki. This is a memory. A wish. Katsuki's wish.

(Ps. Izukus trousers drenched in the rivers water. This detail was so nice. It's a subtle action that describes Izukus characterization so much. Izuku went in the river with Katsuki in mind, not caring if he got his clothes soaked in the process too. For Izuku, only Katsuki was there. And for Katsuki, only Izuku is.

As a plus, I can't believe the cover of this is literally called Bakugou Katsuki rising. They named the entire thing after that one chapter. Actually, I very much, totally believe it. It's the moment so many people have been waiting for, after all. The moment so many scenes have been amounting for, little by little.

*dreamy sigh*

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this little thing, I had to get it out of my system and dont want to bother my dear friends anymore than needed.

Have a good day, OP! I'll stay updated!

You kinda just...took my heart and curb stomped it, not gonna lie. Your observations are so beautiful and so accurate. The sketch with little Bakugou taking Izuku’s hand is so...raw, and yeah, that expression is definitely one of love. Those eyes, the way he is HOLDING Izuku’s hand, not TAKING it. He isn’t taking it to stand up, he is literally just...holding it. 

That isn’t the way you take someone’s hand when you’re trying to pull yourself up. It’s an awkward angle and just...wouldn’t work right. No, he is literally just holding his hand, and that’s exactly what Bakugou wishes he did all that time ago. He wishes that he not only took Deku’s hand, but held onto it. Held it as if it were something precious, something to be cared for and protected. 

These are Bakugou’s true feelings expressed in these drawings, and I think Horikoshi released them on purpose, to show us more of what he wanted Bakugou to be feelings through all of this. Since after all, we know that Bakugou expresses himself in action, not so much words. And because Horikoshi is an absolute genius, he thought to give us these other glimpses in how he feels through these actions. 

And the other sketch with him bowing his body to Izuku, and the way the log looks like it’s on his back with his ‘friends’ on top of it. 

The pressure of needing to be the coolest, the strongest, the best. Those kids put that kind of pressure on him, even if they never realized it. They encouraged his behavior and fed his ego, and it never allowed him to see how he was wrong. But now he is realizing it, and he is bowing himself in light of that acknowledgement. He is lowering his head and putting his pride away, so he can get back what he lost all those years ago; the opportunity to take Izuku’s hand.

To take the hand of the only one of those kids that ever loved him unconditionally. Who never pressured him or expected him to be invincible. Who saw all of his flaws and was completely prepared to support him despite all of it. The only one. 

I’m just a mess over all of this, and I am so incredibly thankful to Horikoshi for creating this beautiful relationship. AND IN A SHOUNEN MANGA, NONETHELESS!!  

Thank you friend, for your beautiful thoughts. I think they’re spot on, and I am so emotional all over again because of this. 

[audzarts]

it is 3 am and i am ruining my sleep schedule over milgram ocs!! i srsly need help!! /hj

im only posting here because shit's too long for discord pls dont confuse this as official milgram content im just a silly person who doesnt know how to write pls dont judge me also "Es" here is also an oc and is not the Es we all know and love

tl;dr i need to sleep badly

Hakkai Interrogation VD - Simon Says

The interrogation room is silent. The prisoner in the room pinches their nose in distress.

Hakkai: (sigh) man..

The door suddenly opens wide and a tall figure in a uniform appears.

Es: The interrogation will now begin, Prisoner 011.

Hakkai: Agh- shit you scared me.. (exhales) okay.. uhm.. I guess I gotta introduce myself?

Es: Hm, you understand immediately. Alright, go on now.

Hakkai: Okay.. Ah, name's Hakkai. Just Hakkai by the way I-don't.. whatever. I'm 22 years old and well, there's not a lot about me. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do here, or hell, what I'm doing here..

Es: You may be confused of the situation, but your only job here is to talk to me, the warden. I'll be asking a few questions, and you can answer it in any scale you want. Whether you choose to speak less or lie, I do not mind--

Hakkai: w-woah hold on! That's a lot to take in, but..

Es: Hm? What's wrong?

Hakkai: You said warden earlier.. so... I'm a.. prisoner..

Es: That's right. Milgram exists to judge the sins of its prisoners. All of you here have committed murder, and my job is to understand your crimes, and decide if i should forgive you or not.

Hakkai: ..Oh my...my crime.. I guess that makes more sense. So everyone else is also a killer?

Es: In one way or another, yes.

Hakkai: (mutters) fucking insane..

Es: I can hear you, you know.

Hakkai: Tch! relax that wasn't--! (sighs) forget it.

Es: Well now, tell me, Hakkai. How have you been doing in prison lately?

Hakkai: That question... really not the best thing you should suddenly be saying to a lowly prisoner! Ugh.. but.. to answer your question.. it's not that bad I guess. This place is weird as hell but.. luckily Ka- uh! I-I mean w-well.. I got to know the other prisoners easily.

Es: Like i said, you can say anything you please, But, I'll let you know already that I am aware of your connection with Prisoner 013. I do not know what specific relationship you have with them other than the fact that you've already met befo-

Hakkai: T-that's just creepy you know! Milgram.. what are you guys anyway? Some secret group or something? Is this a private government thing or are you just some crazy cult!--

Es: Tch, stop that! (slams fist on table)

Hakkai: Kgh-- Ow! You're darn fist hit my finger! You're not gonna go pick a fight are you?! D-dont you underestimate me you know?!

Hakkai, out of impulse, attempts to throw a fist at the warden, but immediately pauses.

Hakkai: Hrngh! What the- What's..this..

Es: (sighs and mutters) How annoying.. I told you that you're only going to answer my questions! It doesn't mean I let you speak however you like means you should ask questions yourself!

Hakkai: Ugh....Okay! okay! ..Fuck.. Look I don't know what shit you know about me, but I had to do it, okay? I promised he- (scoffs) dammit! I--! A lot of things just happened..okay?!

Es: You go off throwing words at me only to stop abruptly, this avoidance to reveal things..... is that by your own accord?

Hakkai: hngh.....

Es: (sighs) either way, everything you say and do at this moment is already a hint as to what your crime is.

Es: I'll continue what I said earlier; I know that you are already familiar with Prisoner 013, but beyond that, I know nothing. So along with understanding your crime, I also aim to know your true connection with Prisoner 013, that too will also affect my verdict on you. So all I witness from you from this day forward will be taken into consideration to complete both of those objectives.

Hakkai: ......

Es: You're still quiet?

Hakkai: ....man.. I never expected any of this, it was just that one..

Hakkai: I've... It's 'coz I make the worst decisions, right?

Es: Hmph. I don't know. But you mentioned saying you had no choice, correct? I can assume that's your crime your talking about?

Hakkai: ...yeah. That. (sighs)

Es: Well then Hakkai, how about you tell me more, what do you feel about your crime?

Hakkai: My crime... I'll be honest.. I didn't want it! Really! But... its not like I have a whole lot of power over that...

Es: Is this related to your connection Prisoner 013?

Hakkai: Uhm.. w-well no! It's not like that!.. well.. I can't explain it really.. I can't help but have a hard time with this.. I just.. I've always been following others.. So full of orders.. just shut up and listen...This milgram thing feels like that all over again!

Es: ....

Hakkai: I've done shit I didn't like after I did them! But.. It's not like I could do anything about it.... I just, I just let others decide for me then..... But now... I don't know if that last choice was good either....Well... knowing that *one* time...I can't tell myself if it's the same as the rest.. its kinda different..maybe even better.....

Es: ...Hakkai.

Hakkai: Haah-- uh I got carried away there..

Es: You're a strange one. You change so quickly nothing feels absolutely certain about you. Other than how you seem indecisive about things yourself.

Hakkai: Uh...

Es: But your words just now.. somehow it explains everything else..

(bell rings, rumbling sounds)

Hakkai: H-huh?! What the hell--?!

Es: Don't worry. It means the interrogation is over. What happens now is that ill be looking into your mind, where a music video will be produced as my way of understanding your thoughts.

Hakkai: W-what?! Ugh.. screw it.. you're saying weird stuff again. It's not like I can do alot about that.

Es: Hmph. If only that obedient attitude of yours remained through the whole interrogation.

Hakkai: Hey! You really can just say anything you want at me huh? Just because im following along?! Don't bother thinking I trust you for that!

Es: I don't care. In the end, I still have more authority over you as the warden.

Hakkai: Hmph. Oh well, you guys better not be up to something fucked, or..else, aha.... well I guess that'll leave us with few options left.

Es: Us? What nonsense are you blurting out now huh?

Hakkai: Ha! Im not saying anything else.

Es: ugh.. In the end, you're still really annoying. Prisoner number eleven, Hakkai, Sing your sins!

[radiorenjun]

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

[punkscowardschampions]

Gen 2 Youngers Group Chat

Ali: 👽👽👽 Ali: noissim terces pot Ali: ?in s'ohw Drew: 🍑dial? Caleb: 👽👌👍 ni em tnuoc!👽 Drew: 🤔😵 wtf Carly: 💊dial Meena: I think they're trying to communicate 🖖 Meena: we come in ☮ Ro: it's clearly written backwards, what's important is what am I theoretically agreeing to? If I indeed choose to Drew: Glad one of us has 🧠😊 Marlene: Fair point, what shit are you trying to sign me up for, dollface Ali: Recon, chiefly; but adventure, always Ali: you know me 😉 Carly: 💙🔮🌠 Ro: Because I do know you, elaborate please! Marlene: not to side with your sister again, like, but 🤞 behind my back until you're more forthcoming Ali: 🐯💕🐰 Ali: Oh, ye of little faith! 💔💔 Ali: You'll both like it for entirely different reasons, trust me Ali: you all will so shut up for one sec so I can brief you Marlene: no effect on my heart these days but go ahead, floor's yours 🎤 Carly: ha Drew: 🍿👀 Meena: Shh Drew Carly: yea boy my girl about to speak k Ali: Children, children! Settle down and behave, I know I'm the great love of ALL your lives, like Ali: 💘 declarations aside, you all know I'm Ghoul #1 at the haunted house in town this year Ali: Self-appointed title, yes, before the joke is made but with great power comes great responsibility and shits gonna be LAME if I don't take it upon myself to up the game up 1000% Ali: but that doesn't mean this won't be THE most fun of all time because I'm thinking, HUGE scouting trip of all the abandoned places this country inexplicably has Ali: I'm talking the manors, the castles, the barracks, the gaols, the hospitals, the launderies, the asylums, EVERYTHING Ali: I'll get all the 📸 inspo I need but like, Posy, the HISTORY, Meena, the STORIES, Drew and Caleb, the cool graffiti there always is in these places and free-running you could do Ali: Marlene and Carly, I know you're both down for adventure, right? Ali: so, what do you say lads Marlene: I'll drive you children if I get to pick the music & who rides shotgun Carly: baby u can just say u want me up front its k 🖤 Carly: ali wont mind Drew: 😏 Ro: Hmm, seating arrangements aside and to be determined, when is this escapade set to happen and how much trouble are we likely to get into for trespassing? I'm very much on the fence Caleb: not me man, I've checked out a few places before & it's a good time, up for more whenever Ali: 'Course, driver's prerogative 🖤 Ali: I ain't hearing any nopes 🙌 Ali: and like, seriously none, everyone does it, tourists even, they'll fully abandonned like no windows no doors style, there's nothing or no one stopping us at this point Ro: Okay, it does sound undeniably appealing Meena: I'm in Meena: sounds inspiring Drew: I don't think you should come, Meens Meena: Why not, I'm one whole year younger than you, I'm not a baby Caleb: bruv let her ride with us she can share the night vision goggles ain't no thing gonna happen Caleb: it'll be chill Drew: I guess Drew: but I'll be keeping a close eye, okay Meena: 🙄 Marlene: me first, you bunch of underage idiots Marlene: no blood or tears in my car Ali: awh mammy Ali: we're all in then Ali: there's so many places about, so just whenever we're all free, yeah? Ali: I've got a list, like Caleb: I've got mad 👻searching gear, no joke Caleb: leave room in the whip Ali: we'll bring the 📻 Ro: And our spirit board Ali: 🙌 Ali: love it when a plan comes together Ali: so, this weekend, yay or nay Ali: cancel all less important and boring plans, duh Ro: Of course Meena: 👍😊 Ro: We don't have to stay until 4am though, do we? I'm aware from midnight until then is peak supernatural hours but I'll be dead on my feet! Carly: I can go all night Marlene: 🙄 Drew: 😂 Ali: We should do that at least once, at one of the really old sites Ali: but we can do plenty in the day too Ali: have a car to nap in, if anyone needs it, could bring a couple of tents if we're committing, like Caleb: ✌✌ putting myself in charge of snacks Ali: Yes, Cavante Ali: no requests but make it delicious Caleb: I got tents too Ali: this needs to be a whole roadtrip moment Ali: can spot you petrol, Lene Ali: treat you when I get my first 👻 paycheck Carly: I'll get my da's card baby, I got you Carly: we can party Ali: look at you, big spender 😍 Carly: u kno Marlene: Won't be much to fill the tank, this country ain't that big all over Marlene: Cheers though Carly: now she loves me 🖤🖤 aw yay Ali: There's loads of mad shit in Cork so I reckon we'll aim for there Ali: bore you with the directions privately Lene Carly: 😉 Ali: u kno Ali: 💕 Carly: add me i wanna entertain her privately too Drew: Yous lot are mad Carly: u kno boy Meena: I'm peacing out before this gets to an unacceptable level of weirdness Meena: Keep me posted, I'll dig out my sleeping-bag! Meena: 💛 Ro: Me too, my student will be here for piano lessons in a little while Ali: 💚💚 Ali: Feel free to broach this with mother, Ro Ali: don't wait for me, like 🤞 Ro: Oh how convenient! You know I'd rather spend the night alone in a crypt than ask Tess for anything Marlene: I'll do it. Still her favorite Carly: 💔😢 i thought we were playing nice Ali: Let her babe Ali: we don't wanna Ali: 🖤 rekindle that 🔥 Carly: ha Ali: you home btw Carly: me or your ex? Ali: you, of course Ali: she's got a hot date with my ma, right Marlene: True Carly: yea im there where r u Ali: coming to you 😇 Carly: aw ur sweet & i miss you Ali: not for long Carly: yay Drew: We invited too or what Carly: yea k Caleb: bro you are meant to be coming work with me 😂😂 Ali: 🏃 along boy Drew: 😒 seriously bro Caleb: you gonna make me handle that delivery on my own? keep it peaceful & do it for avó Drew: you gonna help me with mine after Caleb: I got your back Drew: fine Drew: dry but fine Caleb: safe Caleb: gotta go walk Marley before ✌☮ Drew: 👌 Ali: Laters then lads Caleb: 💚 Carly: hes so cute Carly: same 😇 energy Ali: Bless him

[kippentrash]

(1/?)The fact that I thought them saying long distance was a metaphor for how the relationship is slowburn is probably far fetched right? I think Rachel will show up in 3x14, that would be some conflict possibly because Marty is shown running with Buffy :o If I'm gonna be honest I think Muffy will get together romantically but once I meet Rachel I'll either be like "love this new character!" or "i want to cry why are you this way" JUST LET THEM BE HAPPY DISNEY I BEG YOU

(2/?) Tyrus tangents always welcome! My heart broke for both of them. Cyrus is already insecure as we’ve seen and this can’t be good for his self esteem :( TJ is obviously going through something and I’m worried for what it is. Did Kira make him insecure? Or was it something different? Either way this emotional conflict (as you pointed out) feels almost bigger than the gun. Because Cyrus trusts Tj at this point, the gun situation was the thing to cement that

(3/3) Totally agree with being outsold like this episode, while hurtful in aspects was so GOOD. We’re seeing Jonah growth, Muffy and Tyrus growth and I am here for it!! Bexie not having a wedding I was actually okay with? Hopefully Andi’ll be okay too. My cats a Burmese! He just reached his 1st year yesterday :) you have a dog??? What breed? How old? Sorry I love dogs they are great animals -ghostie anon

So like this turned out pretty long bc I addressed pretty much everything you mentioned (most elaborately the buildup and teardown of Cyrus) plus more here and there. Like, I’ve typed a lot before, and I’ve put things under a cut before, but this is LONG. Like when I first got into the fandom and typed a weeks worth of responsed for the Andi Mack Month prompts long. SO UNDER A CUT IT GOES LOL (I’m sorry again for it being practically a 5 page essay ;w;)

To summarize: Rachel will definitely be an interesting aspect of the ep, the things showed of Cyrus’s insecurities plus the fact that somersaults are ‘their thing’ makes it all the more painful, I’m really excited to see what specifically they chose to do with TJ and his insecurities, Jonah’s doing better and I don’t want Jandi to ruin that, this episode has some cool parallels to 1x11, and this episode set up so much with each of the relationships I’m ready to see unfurl. Oh and rip Andi bigtime this episode.

Oh and so you don’t need to scroll all the way down, THAT’S SO CUTE MY FRIEND HAS A BURMESE TOO!!! He always looks like he’s constantly terrified lol I don’t think he likes me. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM!!! Doggos are amazing I have a yellow lab and I wub her sm

OKAY ONTO MY HELLA LONG RESPONSE TO YOUR ASKS I LOVE YOU AND IM REALLY SORRY IN ADVANCED 

Ooo that’s a cool thought! Maybe maybe! All I thought about the long distance thing is it was to show that Marty has changed a little during their time apart and that it was a plot device to show that Buffy’s competitiveness can cause her to get in over her head still, as well as you know the Marty worrying stuff. But that’s actually really interesting I hadn’t thought of it that way! I wonder how slow burn they can make it though considering how little is left for them to work with.

Pretty much anything Muffy related will cause conflict when it comes to Rachel tbh. Like just them standing next to one another with her knowledge will be something because of the sheer amount of sparks flying between them when they so much as look at each other LOL (You can see my Muffy stan jumping out). And I’m all for it! No offense Rachel, I know you probably make Marty happy and stuff but like… Muffy. I’m honestly kind of curious how Marty and Rachel’s relationship is going to be portrayed considering it’s going to be sunk FAST and I’m pretty sure Muffy will happen extremely soon after so. We’ll see how that goes. Because Muffy is definitely endgame at this point in my opinion, whether it be ambiguous because Rachel and Marty just broke up and they want to find security in the newly rebuilt relationship they have before starting anything or something they show with full confirmation and commitment on screen.

I’m trying my best to have NO expectations of Rachel so we’ll see what happens when I meet her lol. There’s no character in this show at this point I have ZERO opinion on I think (watch me remember some as soon as I finish posting this lol), so I’m pretty sure that I’ll definitely form some feeling about her in the single episode she’s in. But I’m kind of hoping they’re not that strong of feelings. So we’ll see how that goes I don’t want to feel bad for her but I also don’t want to just despise her for being a buffer between Muffy so. WE SHALL SEE WE SHALL SEE.

As for Tyrus, oh my GODS right? Looking at it from Cyrus’s perspective might pain me even more than looking at it in TJ’s. 

TJ’s the one person who’s constantly believed in him and never seems to be ashamed of Cyrus, and then this happens. He was the first one to tell Cyrus not to let anyone, even himself, tell him what he can’t do. Then take into account that somersault is one of those big moments in Cyrus’s life where TJ was there and believed in him and didn’t seem to be ashamed or put off by it, even though Cyrus and Andi had insisted it was something Cyrus was incapable of. Both him and his best friend tried to warn TJ against it, yet TJ didn’t give up on Cyrus and was so proud when he was able to do it. But now that same thing that TJ had once been proud of and shown no judgment towards and is something Cyrus considered to be their thing is what TJ winds up opting out of. 

It brings me back to s2 when Cyrus said “He wants to be friends with me. Who knows why.” And it makes me really want to cri everytiem. Like you said, the gun situation built up their friendship even more and established its solidarity, and you can tell they got even closer after it. He thought they were comfortable and that he was as important to TJ as TJ was to him (which he IS), especially after the whole “only person I can talk to like this” thing. So TJ not telling Cyrus something, along with that ‘something’ negatively having to do with something he thought was special to both of them, must be a real punch in the gut.  Maybe Cyrus is more secure in himself than I’m giving him credit for and is just feeling betrayed, but I think it’s more of both betrayal, humiliation, and questioning of their whole relationship (which I think I’ve posted about already lol). 

AND THEN if you take when he and Jonah were supposed to wear matching jackets together and compare that to him and TJ in this scenario, I’d think that this feels even worse. TJ was the one brought up doing a matching costume in comparison to him bringing up the jackets with Jonah, and instead of just being a jacket from a random sports game he didn’t care for, this was an inside joke that he emphasized was their thing. So it was bigger and more important. This may be me reading into it too much, but considering being ditched in a situation like this is now something that has happened to him before due to the Jonah thing, he might feel even worse about himself for letting it happen to him twice.

I’m putting a lot of emphasis on the fact that it’s their thing, because even though Cyrus and TJ both saying that in the episode was cute for the simple fact that they say they have a ‘thing’, I feel like by saying that it also draws attention to the importance of what the costume was in their relationship. It was them both being proud of having a ‘thing’ and ‘inside joke’ together. And I kinda keep in mind that Cyrus and TJ had been talking about the costume and its importance to two different people trying to stand their ground against two different costumes. They know both of them found the costume funny and was a cool joke between the two of them, but they didn’t necessarily know how much importance it held for the other. But one party backed out of something that actually holds importance and emotional value for someone they claimed they didn’t really hang out with much and with no warning at all. If it were me my anxiety would make me wonder whether it had actually been important to them at all or if it were all in my own head. ;=;

This scene just feels so built up from so many different times we’ve seen Cyrus feel insecure, and now that TJ’s become someone he doesn’t find himself feeling insecure around and someone he instead finds comfort in, having it all compound into TJ no longer being someone who he can feel he trusts makes it so much worse. Especially since it related to something he felt was important enough to them that he’d opted out of the GHC+Jonah costume.

And on TJ’s side I feel so bad that he feels like turning down Kira for Cyrus is something that wouldn’t normally be accepted, and I’m really curious what route they’re going to go in terms of which aspect of what she said had caused him to change his mind, because really there are a few different things they can go about using. They can draw it on the lines of peer pressure and social hierarchy, fear of being too obvious with how he treats Cyrus, make him question himself/his sexuality, etc. and whatever route they do take will essentially come back to TJ’s insecurity. 

But like I said, TJ’s never seemed to be ashamed of being close to Cyrus before and has never seemed to care about how being friends with Cyrus (or ‘a person like Cyrus’) might affect his image before, so I’m really interested to see what part of his insecurities caused him to ditch Cyrus. He’s in so much pain when he sees Cyrus (Luke OUTSOLD) that it makes me wonder what pushed him to even consider hurting both himself and Cyrus in the process. Especially when you consider the line from 3x7 where he talks about how if he knew Reed had a gun, he definitely wouldn’t have brought Cyrus. So yeah, I’m really curious and hope to see them actually specify what part of her threat caused him to decide to change his mind. They pretty much need to have him give some explanation to Cyrus in order for things to mend themselves.

I also wonder if TJ will feel bad enough about this to avoid Cyrus himself or if TJ’s insecurities will cause him to feel like he doesn’t have the right or can’t talk to Cyrus without it being risky, or if Cyrus will be avoiding him after this or anything. This seems like a big argument type of thing. No TJ next episode means no confrontation for at least a period of time in-universe, and I don’t think it’ll be Buffy and Andi policing Cyrus again this time. Cyrus is his own person, they know that and acknowledge that more than ever after the gun incident, and I think they know whatever he does in regards to TJ will be his own decision and will support his decision like the good friends they are. People are upset at them for jumping to conclusions about TJ ditching Cyrus but fact of the matter is their friend is extremely upset over something TJ caused, and they’re being protective. Sort of like when Amber had done some bad things to Andi, it took Cyrus and Buffy some time on their own to lower their defenses. Plus, looking at Cyrus’s face when he was about to cry after TJ leaves with Kira tells me that while the gun thing wasn’t that personal, this definitely was.

Please say that it’s not a plotline they shove offscreen for an episode like they did with Jonah and Libby before coming back to it. At least show Cyrus having some distress about it and talking about it with maybe Buffy or something. And please please please Andi Mack I beg of you stop hurting TJ like this he’s already gone through so much and he’s NOT EVEN A MAIN CHARACTER SALKDJASKLDJ Anytime he does something like this it will give me flashbacks to “classic TJ” and I DON’T WANT IT TO (okay yes I do because it shows it’s a powerful line and they’re using it to provoke me properly but you know what I mean)

Jonah, Jonah, Jonah. This poor boy. He’s growing into his own person and becoming more understanding that while he should take others feelings into account he also needs to pay attention to himself instead of just always putting on a brave face which I love. But jfc he has the worst timing to make these decisions. Andi already had so many other things just crashing down around her, adding his anvil to the pile was definitely an oof.

I really hope that now that they’re emphasizing both how Andi does not want to be the next ex in the lineup as well as how Jonah finds being in a relationship too demanding that it’s actually building up to a single Jonah endgame, or at the very least an ambiguous endgame. They have it pretty set in stone at this point that Andi and Jonah are fine with their friendship and that Jonah’s been getting himself into relationships he is most definitely not ready for, so with so few episodes left I can’t see how they can turn that on its heel and result in Jandi endgame without some major logic gaps. 

For the love of EVERYTHING Jonah take some time to be single. Amber always needing a boyfriend pales in comparison to you always getting a girlfriend even though you don’t even seem to want one???

Also random but I really like how his decision to not partake in the group costume paralleled 1x11 where Andi decided to not just make decisions to make Jonah happy. I feel like this episode in general paralleled bits of 1x11 here and there tbh. Maybe I’m just reading into it too much but not just Jonah and Andi making their own decisions instead of making everyone happy, but the whole costume aspect vs the prison uniforms, Cyrus wanting to back out of Mt Rushmore vs wanting to change into his own outfit for picture day, Buffy helping Cyrus find an replacement vs Buffy helping Cyrus find a way to use the prison uniform well for his picture, and Jonah not participating in Mt Rushmore just for Andi vs Andi not giving up on her movement and taking off the uniform just for Jonah are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head! I haven’t seen anyone mention it and it’s not like its a big obvious parallel, but it’s just some things I started thinking about after comparing Jonah and Andi’s ‘were we ever’-esque speeches.

AND FINALLY MUFFY, TYRUS, AND BEXIE PLOTS OPENING. 

Like you said, I love the develpoment they’re giving Muffy and Tyrus! Muffy’s being given time to show that they fit like puzzle pieces even after not talking for awhile and that even after they haven’t talked for awhile and left on not the best of terms, they still clearly care for eachother whatever way that is at the moment, and I can’t wait to see how they add to that care and their dynamic as we get to see the rest of Marty’s episodes in the season. Tyrus getting angst specifically related to their relationship like Muffy’s ‘I want it to be real/I don’t want it to change’, Bexie’s proposal(s) and last name decision, and Jandi’s… well Jandi’s everything since pretty much it’s always something personal blown out of proportion for Jandi is something I didn’t expect and am actually excited for the more I think about it! Like yes it’s going to pain me until the show is back, but I’m not opposed to the angst itself lol. So I’m ready to see how they grow and to what extent they grow by the finale!

Bexie not having a wedding I’m actually okay with too. Like there’s really no rush to get married, if they decide later down the line they do want to have a wedding or just want to officiate it that’s fine. They’re engaged, and they’re committed to eachother, and that’s enough for them if they can be a family. Of course, eventually they’ll probably want to go through with at least something small in the future (if you think hypothetically not with the confirmation they’re gonna have a wedding in show) that’s fine too. Honestly, considering they didn’t even go through the process of beginning to date again before proposing, I sort of think it’d be good for them if they prolong the wedding. There’s no time frame a wedding needs to occur post engagement, right?

I do feel bad for Andi though, since she was so excited and working so hard with Cece to plan for the wedding, only for it to not happen since of course it’s not her wedding and she can’t make them get married if they don’t want to. This episode was just so mean to her oh my gosh, from her parents’ marriage to her group costume, they were things she was so excited for but had to rely on others which ultimately fell through and she just can’t do anything about it really. PLUS trying to work out a friends’ relationship and make it work for them even though it’s really not something she should need to get involved with must’ve exhausted her. Trust me, I know. I know the feeling for both the being excited for something but commitments fall through and the feeling of how tiring it is trying to help friends in a relationship understand their own relationship. Lmao.

I think that was about it in response to what you said. Sorry again that it’s so frEAKING long and if you read this far (whether you’re ghostie or you’re just a random passerby on this LONG ASS POST) you a real one and I love you

I should have applied to TyrusChat with this much commentary i stg SLKAJDLKSAJ except I was too socially anxious to apply and have such disorganized thoughts to dump. Whoops.

I hope this made sense. It took me like 2-3 hrs to type this all out while discording my friends (not related to Andi Mack), so yeah. Hope this was a fun read and is somewhat coherent since it’s 2am. No proofreading we die like… dead people.

OVERALL: As you put it best...

“JUST LET THEM BE HAPPY DISNEY I BEG YOU “

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

This COVID

Unfortunately, the nurses and doctors are the ultimate victims and the worst part of the disease is their PTSD.

They, like most military, police, firefighters and EMT, sign up to risk their lives to HELP and SAVE others.

And they can't. This disease isn't intended to but is a by-product or side effect to cause them their own destruction of self, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

We have a website set up for them for their mental health -- it wasn't active.. Tree just activated it for y'all.

I apologize for that. So many people are calling them heroes and trying to lift their spirits and it is hard for them.

Like y'all...

Picture this...

Standing in a mass grave, trying to find a body still alive you can save... Help.. A mass grave... So I'm talking hundreds of dead bodies and then y'all be all parade and smile and have fun.

They're too busy trying to find a way to help. Trying to find that one breath from a body in that mass of bodies piled knee high.

They look up "oh them jets..." Same time that happens more bodies are being thrown down in that mass grave So they waist high...

By then them Jets have left just a cloud of memory

It doesn't help... Then they chest high with dead bodies... And they're getting buried alive trying to find a way to help.

Do you see what I'm saying? Can you feel that?!

Then they like man I gotta get outta here before I die myself, being buried alive....

Then who can help them? Is there someone strong enough to pull them out, to SEE THEM before the bodies are piled over their heads??

Doctors and nurses have committed suicide. Because they can't handle it.

Because what has happened... Is this is like a reverse WWII... Hospitals are now Nazi Concentration Camps. And the nurses and doctors are the Nazi just watching every one die.

(Note this is an EXAMPLE for the mind to grasp understanding -- i am not stating the doctor nor nurse ARE Nazi. I am merely making a reference to WWII and gas chambers and so on so people can get the visual understanding of the power of COVID and the pain of people that are opposed to Nazi. When she said "This is Real" it is where my mind went -- to the Holocaust which i know a lot about. I studied it on my own many times in my life. To understand how one person could take over the world. I did. In high school, my Oklahoma History teacher even took away my books because i would ask way too many questions about killing of Native Americans and i would say "but how--" and she said that i had a problem with focusing on the wrong thing and i said "but its happening in our world today!! Politicians and Governments!!" She took away the stack of books i had checked out on WWII and took them to the library and i followed her like pulling her jacket and shirt to stop her. She told the librarian I wasn't allowed to check out anymore books like that because I was a teenager and had unhealthy worries in the world. I burst into tears. "Obviously i have to save the world Because of people like you who won't take it seriously!! You're a Hitler yourself!! And you! I'll talk to you tomorrow!!" I spat to the teacher then librarian. And took off to my last class of the day. The Librarian know who i was and how i had spent hours in the library everyday during lunch and had told her how i said i wanted to compare WWII to the way Native American were treated in Oklahoma. And she printed a list of all the different kinds of books i checked out. Including kindergarten picture books for my own enjoyment. And the teacher apologized. She asked if i wanted to apologize to her for calling her Hitler. I said "not yet" eventually I did. In front of the entire class with an entire one and one eighth of a page of written materials comparing and contrasting her to Hitler and people we read about. I said "in conclusion, she may been an Army woman helping people make long disateraous of what they call walks. Of what i call pilgrimages, across many of what we now know are states, but not to be in charge but to be a comforting vessel during maritime war. A war that was unnecessary on water as it was on land and that is my meaning of using water words instead of land Because indeed i think she is a person we can trust but she may also be one of those people to set off a cannon to a far away ship until she finds out the truth of who is in it. But she certainly isn't a Hitler or someone that would order Native Americans to do the undeeded... She would be one of those to walk aside all Native Americans, help pass out blankets and medication. And so as she has apologized to me for firing up that cannon while I was away at sea to do ky research of course, i shall apologize to her for being upset she did and calling her the worst name possible. Which wasn't bitch. Nor ass hole." 10th grade, y'all.)

It is the worst possible place for a nurse or Doctor that signed up to be a comfort and to SAVE lives to be. The worst possible place.

And i can't help them... There is on the now activated website -- there is a place where they can request military services to come in and relief our nurses and others on the front lines, including police.

You just merely request how many and of what capabilities you need. So if you need just CNA (our hugest amount) or RN or PA or DR or so on and so forth.

They have their own pay scale thus allowing the people being substituted for to receive a special type of paid leave. The military can stay in one place at one time up to 9 weeks.

So also a rotation of 9 weeks on. 9 weeks off.

I apologize i thought it was already set up and available for all. But apparently things wanted to be done differently to try it and see how it works.

Now first is HOSPITALS. Basically if your name has the word Hospital in it. Then you're available. BUT you must have an EMERGENCY ROOM (ER) to qualify.

Now systems... Like Lovelace in Albuquerque has like 4 or 5 ER departments. So they go to the MAIN hospital first Then two weeks after rotate in at say the Heart Hospital then after two weeks the Woman's Hospital then a smaller so on and so forth.

Presbyterian, would begin at MAIN then go to Kirkland then so on and so forth.

This way if someone doesn't want to be treated by military. They have options of seeing regular doctors at the main stem branches.

Also it doesn't have to be a 100% but it can be a 25% so 25% of people take off for 9 weeks. Then another 25% take off for 9 weeks. And so on... So you'd have use of the military for 36 weeks.

It is a charity service.

I recommend that y'all cut hours. So a 40 hour nurse goes go 20 hours -- but stays at full time pay and benefits.

As part of our program, the healthcare and other workers MUST remain fully paid while taking time off. Otherwise we cannot assist.

It is for their hearts, their souls and their tears that we supply such a charity. Thus we cannot create more tears, more heartache nor more stress for these people.

So when making plans, hospital executives, please do keep that in mind.

Also for hospitals that refuse to relieve their workers, we have a system set up so that a nurse/doctor/etc can find a suitable replacement of higher quality according to paper. Similar but more advanced to the system that is used to place substitute teachers to teach hundreds school children per one jr high or high school day. And if the hospital rejects the substitute, then we have a system set up to sue the hospital on behalf of the staff. This system is only provided when a main hotspot refuses help.

Such as NYC. However NY has accepted thousands of National Guard already and Idk what exactly is occurring there but we have many side hospitals set up there.

So this is Never Before Seen shit since the Native American's Massacres (that's why i kept getting in trouble in Oklahoma History... The word Massacre.. Dude... I wasn't gonna pretend it didn't happen, Land O´ Lakes, where's our Indian Lady? The farmers didn't kill her, you did. -.-) and definitely not seen while we had this great amount of technology available to all.

So never before seen shit is gonna occur. I'm like yeah this is what will work professionally. And if they can't come up with something better and reject me, then I'll sue and ill win because they don't care and we got documented workers all over social media crying their eyes out.

She is the first African American I've posted but I've posted at least 4. Crying nurses. And i skip over a lot. I keep scrolling past a lot. I scroll past more than Y'all know that i Don't mention.

But her... She made me want to cry just like all the others. And Just like the others, i had dry eyes. Because we worked and worked and worked till we were all bawling our eyes out, taking heart medicine, whether like mine or just for heart burn. Even the little kids. I can't cry anymore. We made the solution for what and when the emergency pandemic would occur.

Hospitals have lost people due to suicide.

It is now time for me to step in. Or we will not have a doctor or nurse that is both alive and recognizable, they will be destroyed -- inside out -- starting with their hearts of mind.

I have had PTSD due to death of a stranger. I was only 18. And i hated myself for over 10 years.

So im gonna break out one day and call you all stupid for attempting to heal evil.

Because that was what I needed. And no one ever told me. And i got back lash. And i know that every single nurse and doctor that was working as hard as they could -- they needed to vent and hate. And i could be that person.

I smiled. I checked in. "Do they still hate me?" Yes "Good"

I know it helps a heart be healthy to have a place to throw hate. And i knew i would be safe from harm. While hate was thrown at me.

Then i took away me as that object of hate. And still healthcare workers are suffering and they're killing themselves. (They'll get to heaven if they deserve. A nice little break for them. Then they will come back when our other dead does. If they are deserving, if Earth is where they Belong. Otherwise they went directly where they Belong for Eternity)

So a quick fix band aid isn't it. It is as far as we predicted - a reverse WWII.

the sick going in... And causing innocent pain.

Instead of the innocent going in and dying by the professional purposely killing them.

This is the complete opposite.

Jack told me "quit hating on these nurses and doctors!"

Because i would scroll past and say "these fucking nurses. Dam it"

I'm not hating them. I'm hating their situation. I'm hating their inability to cope. Their inability to cope is because their inability to cope is due to their deep humanity... It is a character flaw. It is a curse and a blessing. It is the deepest and most difficult of work to breech that muddy waters, dig deep and find a bridge to drag up and build, there is one there in their souls.. But it is buried deep under much chocolate and flowers and all things good...

Unfortunately while being buried under dead bodies its nearly impossible to fix that bridge. Find that way to overcome the desperation, the HORROR their job has become

Even taking a break can sometimes not help... Sometimes it doesn't. But we include self care and encouraging messages from our military teams that substitute while the people take their time off.

Military are far more apt to be able to deal with dead. Military teams sign up knowing they must kill at certain times. They have a different view of death. They accept it and understand it.

A nurse or Doctor they fight it, that is their job. That is their souls and every hope they have in the world is to save lives.

Military, their job, is to make the world better.

Right now, military is just a better fit.

It's different types of brains. It is just different.

And I am sorry. And unfortunately I do know. I have killed a lot of people by hand, kidnappers caught in the act. I killed Pablo Escobar. Then I got amnesia. And I loaned my friend $500 to bail her boyfriend out of jail. It ended up in a suicide of someone he ratted on. I never got over that. It took a very long time. He was a criminal, yes. But I just never got over that loss of life. If I had never bailed him out... That one guy would still be alive.

So I am very sensitive and very understanding of these healthcare crying and not handling their jobs and killing themselves.

I fully understand it. So yes I will sue on behalf of staff that cannot get relief. I will fight and punch until those hospital executives come up black and blue saying "ok im sorry im sorry we can have substitutes and pay full prices for our staff to stay home and rest"

I may have forgot myself... Prior to age 15... But I remember since then. I know how I have suffered and why.

So I am extremely complex to know and understand.

It doesn't matter if you understand or trust me.

You must care and take a leap of FAITH and not one of suicidal consequences, hospital executives.

Because I understand being buried under dead bodies that I feel responsible for. Hating myself. For something that was never my fault and something I did to be nice. Naïve. I fully understand.

And its revolting, now looking back all I put myself through.

And I swore one day... I swore and I swore. I promised myself. One day im gonna use this all for good. That I can forgive myself.

I already did. I realized I'm not the one that needed to be forgiven. And I'm okay. I'm doing great.

But I remember and I will never forget those sleepless nights... The intense fear I had of myself and of doing anything for any reason. I was terrified. What if I go to the store and I effect someone?

What if I get in a car wreck and hurt some one?

I was terrified. Had I not healed thanks to JJFU. Some one I knew and trusted making guns and I said to him everyday for weeks "how can you make guns knowing someone could be hurt? Don't you think you will feel responsible if someone wrote to you and said a kid was killed with one of your guns? An innocent child playing by accident?"

He said "let me get back to you"

And one day he simply said "i can't control what other people do. If they don't lock up their guns or weapons and ammunition seperate. I can't control what a kid does. I hope no one ever gets hurt wrongly and unjustifiable with a gun i produce and make by hand. But, Sabrina, i can not control what other people do. And it isn't my fault what happens after the guns leave my hands and enter another's"

And this air i had been holding in since I was 18 years old just went out of my chest. And i started crying. And crying and i cried for days.

And he said "why are you keep crying? Who are you crying for?"

And I said "i am crying for ME"

"But why?! What did you do to someone so bad?!"

"Cause I hated myself for something I couldn't control.I hated ME. I refused to Love Me. I refused to Trust ME. And now I can cry for me because of what I Lost because I was an ignorant fool, to care too much beyond my control."

3 years later my friend was murdered. I could had prevented that, too. But I didn't get PTSD. Instead i chose to love him and be proud of him. And love us both for doing what was best for us.

I have both the obituary of David Galloway and Justin hanging in my kitchen. One gave me PTSD. One could have. I look at them both. And I say "I love me. But I can love you two and you can love me because I never wanted either one of you to be hurt"

Or I'll walk by "I can imagine you two are fine where you are today. Sorry I'm busy. But I hope you're happy and okay"

One is Zulululu and one is Human. The Zulululu, I got PTSD. He was a selfish drug addict that killed himself leaving behind two kids and a wife just because he didn't want to go to jail. The other was murdered and the last time I saw him, he asked to live with me. The latter should caused my PTSD. HE DESERVED MY PTSD.

But I didn't.

So military is better equipped to handle what is occurring in hospitals. Nurses do need time off even if the military does just set up new temporary hospital

Healthcare workers NEED treatment for what they have seen and gone through.

And I will fight for every single one to get the help they deserve and the time off they need.

Because I know they deserve it. I know they need It. I know how dangerous it is to overlook a simple day in the life of what they have had in the last few weeks.

Throwing them parties. Its kind, and it's sweet.

But it doesn't help anything, it doesn't help anything when the anguish and the PTSD has already set in. Sometimes it makes it worse..

So yeah I get pissed off they're not being helped and it comes out wrong.

So now its time to do it right.

This nurse asks y'all to stay home.

So y'all tell her you will if you will, tell her you can't because you got to go to work and you tell her where (like Gas Station, not the whole address) and y'all be responsible for you and your actions..

We can't control the world. But we can work together to make it better.... Right...?

I think so.

Or we're all gonna die trying.