#im gonna be honest i cant even begin to describe how much and why i love him in eng

[karpsicles]

.

[readingwiththestars]

₊˚⊹♡ NOTHING LIKE THE MOVIES

["Trust me, Lib," I said, picturing her lips. "In a crowd of million ski masks, I'd still be able to find you."]

| ✮ 3 stars |

ᝰ.ᐟ ⊹ arc review thank you to netgalley + simon and schuster for providing me with an e-arc in exchange for an honest review

THOUGHTS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [minor spoilers]

ok. i put this review off for a couple days cause i knew this was gonna be harder to write because i love lynn painter books, really. buuttt i was horribly disappointed with this one. i'm the biggest wesliz fan but... like yeah i cant even form coherent thoughts about it. like this was unnecessary there was no point in shattering their relationship to write this.

like it was good to see wes's pov and everything but it felt so... idk yeah. (see im still struggling so bad to find words.)

one thing i would formally like to invite lynn to STOP doing though is shoving every taylor/ pop culture reference on the planet into the book. like holy shit woman. i few is okay BUT NOT THAT MANY COME ON!!!! they were in the middle of a fucking argument and wes is quoting illicit affairs or some bullshit. usually i love finding little references on page but this felt like too much.

i feel like she's whipped out her computer and gone straight to some dog fanpage or just plainly scrolled through edits seeing people saying "this song is so wesliz coded" and shoved those songs into the book. there is an on page reference to in between reference saying its their montage song.

also um this shit: ”little liz can’t come to the phone right now. why? oh. because she’s dead.” and somehow when jack antonoff was randomly brought up??? like some people are good at weaving taylor swift lyrics into books. lynn you are not.

also lynn take this a plea to never use the word "growl" or "growled" in a sentence ever again when describing your male characters. and to never write this sentence “she’s one of the guys you know? she’s just… different,” EVER AGAIN. PLEASE.

WHAT I DID LIKE THO WAS THE TINY TINY CRUMBS OF BAILEYCHARLIE AND NICKEMELIE (even tho nick was only mentioned and i dont think emelie was even there but eh)

CHARACTERS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

liz - ok so weirdly enough she was the most tolerable and still intolerable at the same time. like she was so different from the liz in bttm the sunshiney, wearing dresses of all different colours and her love of romcoms. she was described as anti-love and was practically a full on different character seriously. if you liked the first book maybe dont have high expectations for nltm. like i do understand she had her heart broken and so obviously that makes sense for some of the change but it had been two years and as liz likes to say SO FUCKING MUCH "she's moved on, she's moved past it, its in the past" well for someone who's moved on you sure like to avoid the past a lot. also idk who tf she was trying to fool with that whole "i don't like wes, im over him." shit like gurl- you were literally kissing 2.5 seconds ago whats with the switching sides. and there was SO much about her leaving "little liz" behind. like what was so wrong with liking flowers and romcoms? and being a hopeless romantic and wearing bright colours?

wes - okay so it was quiet heartbreaking to hear abt wes's side of this book (except for the whole pursuing liz part) and i did feel sorry for him. but like what happened to the sweet, caring wes in the first book. and tell me why i had to read THIS sentence “climb on me like a good girl,” LIKE MY EYES LYNN WTF????? i did not sign up for this wes, like no stop telling me how obsessed you are with liz's lips or how she's a mythological sex goddess- boy sit ur ass down. and don't even get me started on the beginning of the book. WHAT WAS THAT SHIT? why was wes acting like a 7yr old excited for school and talking (so much) abt his love for scootering? SCOOTERING. LYNN PAINTER WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL? SCOOTERING. DO YOU HAVE SOME OBSESSION WITH THEM OR SOMETHING? WHY DID THOSE DUMB THINGS KEEP SHOWING UP?? like tell me why i needed to read this shit: "i fucking loved the scooters ..... wes + scooters = HEA" ..... lynn.

QUOTES ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

im not going to bother to find any of these, see: im too lazy

all in all i still liked some points when both of them were acting normal. which is why its a 3. but i feel like this is leaning towards a hate review but yeah idk i cant actually pin point parts that i remember liking- also the ending??? what was that? it made no sense to me.

[moodindigov]

hey guys nerd moment about the title of the fic (this is long im sorry)

mood indigo was actually a jazz song released in the 1930’s by duke ellington, barney bigard with lyrics by irving mills, except bigard said that its real credit is derived from his clarinet teacher, Lorenzo Tio’s, melodies. so that clarinet part like biagrd’s solo? yea that was Lorenzo tio’s melodies that weren’t full developed and when bigard did finish them and show them so ellington, he liked it and it was included. and like its almost impossible to tell where ellington’s collaborators part begin bcs apparently he’s js that good at blending that stuff idk (dont take that last part as a fact thats purely from what i remember.) anyways, mood indigo is about a little boy and little girl who are eight. girl loves boy and while they never acknowledge the feelings, the girl waits at her window bcs the boy visits her. and the song basically describes the feeling the girl had when the boy didnt visit her. so you may be asking, duct why would u choose something like that as a title for a book about the slump in london 1930s and about criminal organizations? well, dear anon, here u r:

1. literal (?) meaning; im gonna be so honest with you i purely got this idea from brendan and neksa / jess and morgan. i couldnt stop thinking about that wonderful art i found of brendan and neksa it was of neksa as a raven or crow i dont rmb but point is that its gorgeous and stunning i love it. the idea that brendan denies his feelings of love for her purely because he half doesn’t want to acknowledge that he’s become so attached to a person in such an intimate way and half because he just cant risk his father (or anyone) finding out that he’s gone and practically betrayed his dad’s whole like symbolism in tje trading world (remember they don’t like the library. yk how contradicting it would be to have one of the biggest illegal book trader’s son dating someone from the library, especially someone who works in like the same facility as the archivist? yea its damnable like no ones gonna trust ca. brightwells or his business anymore.) anyways the literal meaning: girl is sad bcs boy didn’t visit/come back to her. brendan literally left neksa (the woman he was oh so deeply in love with) because he didn’t want to hurt her and played it off as the fact that he didn’t love her. and when jess comes back as brendan (lmaoo) i feel like you can imagine the smallest sliver of hope she had that they can be something again but its practically disappeared next to the pure anger and grief in her heart. and when neksa dies, brendan can’t visit her anymore. its literally not possible. (until he died then maybe they could be happy tgt). this is so many words words words guys i promise im not actually this much of a nerd on a daily basis this is just interesting to me. anyways, once again, girl is sad bcs boy didn’t visit her one day. umm we can go back and look into jess’ past: boy is eternally sad bcs his brother died. aka: boy is sad bcs his brother can’t visit him. like ever. sad sad sad moments💔💔

2. this is like an actual stretch but um i consider it okay so basically girl being sad is jess boy who didnt visit (or wont anymore) is a semblance of love or sanctuary. throughout the series its obvious that jess just doesn’t trust his family. im pretty sure he even says it like he does not trust them. but hey, maybe he did once. maybe he did when he was a little boy who had an older brother who he could rely on—one that taught him how to walk and that taught him the basics. someone who he could go to for advice and who could help him keep his head above water. now we don’t have a characterization, but i’m going off of @thegreatlibraryfangirl’s advice and kinda semi-making my own..so um sorry if u dont like that guys..but anyways i feel like the moment jess starts to really rely and trust the other’s is the moment that melancholy feeling, that mood indigo, goes away. it doesnt go away completely, theres always gonna be a solid chunk never satisfied but thats okay because he has people he can trust with his life that will help him get through it. not only this but the bond that jess and dario (will) share in this au represents that. they’re both young—maybe 13 max but they both lack one thing that only they can give esch other; sanctuary.

[thousandheadeddolphin]

Nevermind we're doing this tonight welcome to the lvl.0 lighting round

Actual reviews under readmore, but the tldr is that the quality generally averaged towards generally being kinda good, which I know is probably not gonna be sustained for long

LVL. 0.0: tutorial Level

I ultimately have no complaints, since this is, at its core, just a slightly more fleshed-out version of classic backrooms, which as stated in my introductory post, is good even through a thousand layers of content farm induced irony. I enjoy how theyve pretty much fenced it off from the rest of the levels due to no-clipping being required to progress, allowing it to still stand on it own to some extent. Though I do have a slightly nitpicky complaint about its title, simply because it leans too far into the video game angle, and the grammar feels a bit clunky and stiff at certain points, but at the end of the day, theres a reason this got so big in the first place. 8.5/10

LVL. O.1: Zenith station

This one plays around with the format a little, adding normal prose to the beginning to give context to why theres just a whole ass space station in piss carpet hell (yeah, the article itself describes the carpets as smelling like pee), which is generally better than its parent article, which, unfortionately isnt kept up in the prose of the article itself, which generally matches 0.0s quality. Id actually like this level a lot if it wasnt connected to the backrooms, where its existence doesnt exactly make any sort of sense, mainly from a metatextual perspective, mainly because it just doesnt match with any of the other levels heavy usage of nostalgic imagary compared this whole ass space station. This is likely just a consequence of a lot of the earlier levels just going "Yo what if this thing was in the backrooms" and just. kinda clashes even with other levels of its ilk. 8/10 if it was disconnected from the backrooms, 6/10 as it currently is

LVL. 0.2: Remodeled mess

To be honest, even though its like, bordering on a joke level, at least the jokes actually funny. plus, It genuinely feels like like smaller part of a level, instead of like, a full level that they just crammed into 0.0. The format scew, in this case taking the form of notes between a remodeler and his boss genuinely has a lot of personality and originality that a majority of the other levels of its ilk lack. overall, 7.5/10, not necessarily the most flashy or interesting (sub)level, but it gets its job done perfectly fine

LVL. 0.3: The icy rooms

Another level centering around the backrooms remodeling company, this times its not their fault, and theyre just trying to remodel a part of 0.1 thats just. frozen over for some reason. Another somewhat comedic level, this time exclusively featuring the same kind of notes from the previous sublevel. I do think it overuses the crossed out text gimmick, and the comedy(?) wears a bit thin, but i otherwise have no real complaints. 7/10 cool level

(please note that all levels after are not numbered by the wiki)

LVL O.4: Below Zero

Oops! All format screws! This ones actually got pretty good, though way too purple, prose. Most of the concepts within the level are kinda bare bones, the same kind of hallways as the ones in 0.0, but dark this time, a bog, which is so vaguely described that I dont even know if its metaphorical or not, and the hallway but before with rubble this time. Unfortunately, I cant really say much about it, due to the barrage of dead links, very, very sparce descriptions and the relatively small irritant of it not having any real reason to not be a standalone level other than the novelty factor, so Im gonna have to give it a 5/10.

LVL. 0.5: Echo Chamber

Man theres like, no reason for this to be separate from 0.4. If i struggled to come up with things to say about the last level, this one doesnt even have descriptions of its environment. The story that theyre trying to tell here is actually kinda well executed, though it doesnt really justify it being separate from the base backrooms in the way its implied to be. 4/10 I know its written by a different guy, but at least justify why you should exist as a separate construct from the original sublevel

LVL. 0.6: The Manila Rooms

This one has a plot point within the first paragraph. How can it serve as a meeting point if, by virtue of it being a sublevel of 0.0, it is impossible to find another human. Aside from that, this is functionally just a version of 0.0 with furnishings and actual way to leave without ramming your face into walls for 3 hours. Otherwise, nice set dressing, prose that do a better job at replicating scps style than 99% of the first 100 other levels, and actually makes use of the MEG instead of just having them stand around and justify why every single article is written like a damn court case. 6/10, gets its job done but It doesnt do anything else

LVL. 0.7: The red rooms

Oh hey another format screw, this time being another one were it just breaks into normal prose and overrides the normal text of the level, which though played out, got a bit of a kick out of me. Though, all things considered, the prose themselves flounder a bit, simply due to the author layering too many adjectives, and some inexplicable choices in analogy. But I really enjoy the way the author plays with the formatting especially near the end, and the concepts pretty damn solid on its own. 7/10, would reccomend.

LAST ONE: LVL. 0.8: The torment

Another format screw, this time just with some background stuff about how it just. randomly showed up. It suddenly drops some stuff about spirits and like, again, why did these need to be connected to 0.0. The prose do a good job at replicating the general stylings of scp, and the concept of, agonizing life after death is really, really good, it just, didnt need to be tacked onto 0.0 beyond the context of it just showing up there for two minutes. 6.5/10 normally, 6/10 because this didnt need to have anything to do with 0.0

[shammikorn]

hi! i loved your interpretations about rin's character and how much depth it gives her! could you tell us your thoughts (ignore if not!!) about obito, since he's a bit of a debated character and your art features him so well? do you believe he's allowed some kind of redemption, or not, or maybe you reject the post-rin's death obito altogether? in any case i think he's quite a fascinating character within the context of the naruto's horrid shinobi world but i personally don't get his evolution...

hey! thank you very much!

i rarely engage in fandom stuff these days, my only thought about obito at this point is that I Like Him Very Much (i’m lying actually, i have a lot of thoughts about him but you’ll have to be more specific haha). he’s a nice little guy, fun to watch and easy to empatize with as a kid, he’s a fascinating and complicated antagonist later on - a bit cliched in both roles, but none the worse for it. while his fate is grotesque (yet touching), the main foundation for his often gruesome deeds is his love for kakashi and rin, which is tastefully bittersweet. imo obito is one of the best characters in the franchise and one of the few i can enjoy without turning them into literal ocs.

also he is the only one who stands up to kakashi’s bullshit. king❤️

for the redemption thing- i don’t really think he needed any. (i remember literally just crumbs from war arc but) i guess his decision to side with naruto doesn’t sit well with me. kakashi’s speech to obito, dedicated mostly to naruto, doesn’t sit well with me either. obito’s final speech, addressed to, once fucking again, naruto, makes me just mad. narrative portrays the whole idea of the infinite tsukuyomi as evil and like...it’s not? dude i WISH i was trapped in some spooky cocoon living the life of my dreams and slowly and peacefully dying...and even if he did need any futher redemption, what could he possibly do? work for the very state that had lead him to the same actions that he’s supposed to be redeemed for? support naruto’s egocentric agenda? just accept the reality that’d been so absurdly cruel to him he’s convinced it wasn’t real?

aaaand obito from verse where rin isn’t murdered is a very special sort of a treat to both me and him. he should deal with the realization of the nature of his crush(es) on his weird best friend(s), his self-esteem and the burden of being the sweetest yet dumbest guy in the world, not the dead patriarchs fucking up his mind :)

[fagdykevash]

bestie what it is community please tell me about it

GASP someone to infodump to okok so. basic knowledge community is ur classic sitcom but!! the twist is that its constantly making fun of sitcom tropes (and itself) its really meta at some points but ill get into that laterrr. it all takes place in a community college and ill just go over the main characters for now bc i work in the morningjsjdjdn

jeff- hes an ex-lawyer w daddy issues and a huge ego. his character is okayyy but def not my fave.

britta- described in the show as an "anarchist cat owner". her heart is always in the right place, but shes just... bad at executing some of her ideas (side note: my favorite quote of hers is "you cant blame him, thats like me blaming owls for how much i suck at analogies")

abed- where to begin. hes the best character (who lowkey started my gender crisis) but he's introduced as "quirky weird kid who makes movie references and movies of his friends". important note is abed is v much hinted to be on the spectrum but they never say it outright,, oh also community was made in like. 2010 so keep that in mind. anyway i could be projecting (i am) but abed just knows everyone and himself really well so he just acts a certain way to make everyone and himself happy. he makes movies thru out the series and it gives a fantastic insight om how he sees the world. he takes movies and tv very seriously and i love him for it <33333

troy- my beloved. hes like... himbo at its finest. he starts off as a dumb self-centered jock but eventually evolves into kind and forgiving air-conditioning repair Man. hes bffs w abed but lets be honest theyre in love. like. ill get into that later djdjdsskejdifjfj

pierce- hes an old man bigot and i hate him. thats all you need to know

shirley- christian single mother who's super passive agressive and guilt-trip-y. i like her character but theres not much else to say abt her?

annie- if youve seen brooklyn 99 then imagine like... a younger amy whos also a (headcanon) lesbian. annie JUST got out of highschool (and a pill addiction) and shes just looking for someone to love. shes really organized and she plans her whole life years in advance and she kinda hates herself for it. she was gonna be in a relationship w jeff but the fans were like,,, no??? theres like a two decade age gap???? so they kinda stopped that.

which brings me to my next point::: Troy And Abed Had A Better Relationship Arc Than Any Of The Straight People And They Weren't Even In A Relationship.

ok im SUPER biased here but stay with me. they have a SONG. they share a favorite SHOW. they DRESS UP LIKE THE BEST FRIENDS FROM THAT SHOW CASUALLY. your honor they are soulmates even platonically. at one point in abeds films, annie looks at the camera and he goes "annie dont 'jim' the camera". but im all of abed's films, troy 'jims' the camera... and abed lets him. this doesn't sound like a lot but TRUST ME theres more (also its now 3am so brain is kinda fuzzy lmao).

ok so we got the cast: plot wise? theres a lot going on. the show suffered a lot of growing pains and was notorious for goin over budget. also the creator/head writer (dan harmon) literally always procrastinated till the last possible second to write scripts (also he sxually hrassed someone but he apologized pretty well apparently). but he was a GENIUS. so much so that when they fired him, the show dropped in quality so drastically that they had to bringing him back. abed was basically his self insert btw and thats why when he did leave abed's character went out the window. dan left for season four, which everone calls the gasleak year, bc al the characters were so fucking out of character. i personally dont think season 4 was that bad but. i can see where ppl are coming from.

whoops i didnt say the plot. ok so the whole thing is jeff, remember hes an EX lawer, apperantly faked his law degree so he has to go to community college to get one. on the way he bonds w a ragtag group of misfits he slowly learns to love. they start as a spanish study group, but by the end theyre a community to save the school.

britta and jeff honestly shouldve been the endgame but they fucked it up when they tried to pair jeff w annie. troy and abed are so fun to watch, everyone else is kinda just there.

i heard one person (i think it was @/peachy-pear is there url??) describe community as "the first four seasons are about troy and abed, and season 5 and 6 are about the lack of troy and abed" which like. yeah exactly.

community gets super meta at some points, taking jabs at itself (someone saying "i was under utilized as a character") or jabs at other shows (abed has a whole rant abt how autism is treated like a "super power" which is really good).

ok im really fucking tired and for dome reason i keep thinking about clips from super mario odyssey so i should proooobably sleep lmao

sorry ab the long post i just. like this show so muchhhhhhh

[xnchxntmxnt]

Hey this is for your matchups which again yayyy congrats on nearly 200!! Anyways for my matchup:

1-3) My nickname is Em, she/her and idm who you pair me with

4) I'd describe myself as shy at first then once you get to know me I'll open up, an overthinker and I like to be organized

My hobbies are writing, I really love it alot, I also like to draw if I get time and I love music alot too

In a partner I'd look for someone who makes me laugh and who's patient

For dealbreakers it's pretty general but I couldn't be with someone who doesn't consider other ppl's feelings

5) I don't have an aesthetic but I like pastel aesthetics but then I also like dark aesthetics and light academia so it's a mix I guess

6) Colours to describe me would be teal blue and silver, well according to you anyways

7) Right now I'd say my favourite song is  Tru Luv Street by Awfultune or Fight Night Champion by Cyberbully Mom Club

8) Idk about a specific genre but some artists I like rn are: Awfultune, Carpetgarden, Cavetown, Clem Turner, Cyberbully Mom Club, Girl in Red, Joji, Lorde, Matt Maltese and Twenty One Pilots (sorry that's alot)

9) Ooh and I wanted to include that my favourite book is Radio Silence by Alice Oseman

Thank you in advance and also ily, you deserve all the love and more!! <3

EM MY BELOVED I HAVE DONE IT

@sugasfanfics this was so fun wtf like-- ugh i love this

ANYWAY i know i already kinda spilled the beans but im gonna match you with....

✧𝐴𝑘𝑎𝑎𝑠ℎ𝑖 𝐾𝑒𝑖𝑗𝑖✧

AGASHIII

and no it's not just because you're already in love w him i have good reasoning behind this because i said so anyWAY

✧𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑒𝑡✧

how you met, for in case you cant see my fancy text

Cafe

C a f e

But like

A cafe specifically for nerds

This is just my like 2nd dream job okay but like hear me out

They have coffee & tea & a bookshelf full of old books and a chalkboard

You can write all over the chalkboard

You write super tiny and just let a little mini vent out in the corner because you’re stressed out and need to get everything off your chest

BUT you come back the next day and there’s a little note in the same little corner

Your message is gone

But instead is a little note from someone

“If you ever need to talk to someone, let me know”

And an Instagram username

So you give it a shot and you’re like why not talk to this random person Y’know maybe make a new friend if anything just thank them for the offer

You message him and start talking (and low key stalk his page just to see what he’s like, or maybe that’s just me being a snoop) and he’s actually really cool! So you guys meet up and get coffee and actually start talking all the time it’s really sweet

✧𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠✧

general headcanons

When i think of akaashi, I think of stars

When i think of you, i think of picnics and for some reason, water

Like the ocean

SO EVEN IF ITS NOT THE OCEAN

Your ‘spot’ is by this lake where he took you on a date one time

Maybe for an anniversary or something

But you guys did a little picnic dinner thing and were out when the sun went down so sat and stared at the stars

You buried a rock there and both of you like to stand on that spot where the rock is when youre there with the other

Or send the other a picture like “hiii baby look what i found” w your shoe in the picture

Bokuto is your #1 shipper high key

Like he thinks you two are so cute

He loves you so much too like

He and akaashi are kinda a package deal so like if ur dating akaashi ur dating bokuto just with less kissing (bokuto likes to kiss your cheek or forehead) (after making sure this was ok with akaashi of course) (ur his girlfriend of course)

But anyway just bokuto

He’s so sweet

And so clueless

You two will be walking together and then he’ll just walk up behind you and sling his arms over your shoulders

If youre holding hands w akaashi? He’ll put his hand over both of yours

God now i wanna write a fic but anyway

Bo is just the sweetest and is akaashi’s #1 hype man when he’s worried about a date

He’s ur #2 bc im ur #1 sorry to tell u

Bo totally tried to coin the platonic soulmates thing i love you kou but gtfo my em

Im arguing with fictional characters

ANYWAY

When akaashi is stressed he likes to wrap his arms around you and lay his head against your neck

He’ll never admit it out loud because he thinks its weird but he thinks you smell nice

When he’s starting to overthink too much + spiral he just will grab you and hug you until all the bad thoughts go away

When he thinks to of course

When he doesn’t, there are times you gotta find him and calm him down

Which he loves so much

Sit him down on the floor so he feels more grounded and hold his hand (or hook pinkies that's so cute i jhbflebf) (not the time spencer gtfo)

That way ur not crowding him but you’re still there y'know

And sometimes he’ll talk, sometimes you need to talk him down, sometimes you just sit in silence

Eventually he will lean forward into you and hug you because he doesn't want to talk, but he wants you to know he’s okay

Rub his back, kiss his head, you’ll both be okay

He’s really good with you too

When you’re stressed out he might push a couple buttons but he means well

He just wants to know who made his star upset (he calls you his star or darling convince me otherwise)

So he pushes buttons until you finally talk about it because obviously it’s bothering you why wouldn't you talk about it?? He just wants to fix it??

Sometimes this gets more irritating, sometimes it helps, it depends on the day

But even if you do get into an argument, expect to hear from him before the end of the night apologizing because he feels so bad for arguing with you that he doesn’t even care what the argument was about he just wants to make sure you still love him

I think im getting off topic but tbh this part is always just me rambling lol

Another thing I think of when I think of akaashi is rain. I don't know why but i do

You have to at least know OF the notebook & the rain scene to get this

I don't know the book lol i just know this much and i'm a dork so we’re using it & some quotes just a heads up

But just imagine its pouring and you’re bored and text him like “i wish i could see you but its raining & we didn't really make plans & i don't want you to get caught in the rain anywhere”

This mfer

RUNS ALL THE WAY TO UR HOUSE

JUST SHOWS UP

OUT OF NO WHERE

And being the freakin

book nerd he is

He texts you and goes “I wrote you 365 letters.”

And then just “(come to the door and I’ll finish the quote)”

So you bolt to the front door

And there he is

Soaking wet & smiling like an idiot

“I wrote to you everyday for a year.”

To which you start laughing and barley are able to make out a “it wasn’t over’ (which is the beginning of the next quote) before kissing him

And this jerk pulls you out in the rain with him because WHAT is more romantic than kissing in the rain

Nothing

Anyway he ends up with a cold but you give him some of the clothes you probably stole from him to get into dry clothes and you cuddle under the covers with tea

After you smack him (playfully of course) because “you IDIOT keiji it's pouring out here!!” “I wanted to see you too so i ran over” “you're impossible”

Anyway yeah #emkaashiotp

✧𝐴 𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝐼𝑑𝑒𝑎✧

a date idea

Bookstore

I'm really good at naming places aren't i

Anyway

Bookstore date

But do something fun where the two of you have to go through an aisle and find a random page and read it in the like

How do i explain this

Make it sound suuuuper sexual without it actually being that way and not laugh

Whoever loses buys lunch

Lets just say you lose a lot dear im sorry (he insists on buying anyway, sometimes he wins that argument)

You’re smiley :) (guys her smile is so cute ebflbejfb em ILY)

Oh also doesn’t matter if he bought lunch or not he always gets you something

Whether it be that book you decided you couldn't get this time or a little trinket that reminded him of you, or sometimes it’s just ice cream

It’s all very sweet (hahaha pun)

He always walks you home and gives you a little kiss when he drops you off

Doesn’t leave till you’re inside & he knows you’re good

You make him promise to text you when he gets home

Which he does, without fail

✧𝑍𝑜𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑐 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦✧

zodiac compatibility

Sagittariuses are very intelligent, fair-minded & honest, similar to a Libra’s cleverness & rationale. Because of this similarity, trust is a huge thing in these relationships. It can be all or nothing, but finding balance is important to keep both people happy. Luckily, Libras are very good at this. From everything I’ve seen, these signs together have a very high compatibility and can have a very long-withstanding and healthy relationship.

✧𝐴𝑒𝑠𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑐✧

aesthetic

✧𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡✧

playlist

House of Gold - Twenty-One Pilots

Lvr Boy - awfultune

A Shitty Love Song - Jye

Darling Get Up - awfultune

Something Just Like This - Alex Goot

✧𝑅𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑈𝑝✧

runners up

Nishinoya Yuu, Sugawara Koushi

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Endless Night”

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there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG OH MY F UCKING GOD????????????????????? LITERALLY THAT F UCKING GUITAR ARE YOU F UCKING KIDDING ME?????????????? THE F UCKING DRUMS??????????????? LEMME TELL THIS SONG COULDVE BEEN CHEESY WITH A GUITAR LIKE THAT™ DREAMCATCHER IS THE ONLY GROUP THAT COULD PULL THIS S HIT OFF I SWEAR TO G O D THIS SONG RELEASES SUCH A FERAL ANIMALISTIC i dunno how else to describe how INTENSE this is give me a MOMENT ENERGY I LITERALLY DUNNO WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF RN- the way gahyeon and sua start this sonG GOD YES tell me how in thE F UCK they managed to have these kinda gentle sweet voices during some parts of this song like in the prechorus and IM STILL REELING OVER HERE- WHEN I SAY YOOHYEON AND SIYEON QUEENS OF CHORUSES I MEAN IT AND DONT LIKE ME SPEAK ABOUT DAMI THAT RAP????????????????? SHES INSANE FOR THAT I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS SONG IS F UCKING REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AS ALWAYS AS ALWAYS BICTH THE DANCE IS SO BOMB LIKE- BICTH I FEEL TIRED™ JUST WATCHING THEM THE CHORUS???????????? SUAS KICK??????????? SOMETHING ABOUT THE DANCING RIGHT BEFORE DAMIS RAP HITS A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR ME OKAY- the way……………………………… all of their arm movement just looks so f cuking graceful to me anD YET THE SONG- EXCUSE ME THAT ENDING????????????? I FORGOT WHAT YOU CALL THAT KIND OF DANCING BUT THE WAY MY EYES WERE JUST I AM LOOKING 👁👄👁 I LITERALLY DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY???????????????? THE DANCES DC JUST DO FOR THEIR SONGS JUST ALWAYS SLAP AND GO HARD WHO IN THE F UCK IS DOING IT LIKE THEM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

GOOD GOD THE VISUALS ARE ALWAYS INSANE IN ALL OF THEIR MVS BUT THIS???????? T H I S????????????????? …………………………IM LOSING IT-

T H E M

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JIU

DID YALL NOTICE JUST HOW MANY TIMES SHE SHOWED UP IN THE MV?????????????? I SWEAR TO GOD MY NECK WAS GETTING TWISTED THE F UCK UP EVERY👏SINGLE👏TIME👏 THIS PURBLE™ HAIR TURNED HER INTO A GODDESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HONESTLY BEYOND THAT?????????????? THIS SCREENSHOT I LITERALLY CANNOT LOOK AT IT THE RED AND SHE HAD HER HAIR IN PIGTAILS AND THEN JUST THE BLACK ONE AND SHES JUST…………………………………… Y E A H- IMMA STOP I BETTER STOP-

SUA

honestly when i had to do this portion of this afterthought i noticed she doesnt really????????? show up a lot in this mv???????? at least long enough anyway!!!!!! BUT MOVING ON CAN WE PLS TAKE ABOUT THIS SCREENSHOT???????????? CAN WE PLS- THIS IS GONNA BE ODDLY (MAYBE???) SPECIFIC BUT HER MAKEUP ON HER EYES WHEN SHE WAS WEARING THE BLACK OUTFIT I JUST- I KNOW THATS SPECIFIC BUT ITS SOMETHING I NOTICED WHEN SHE WAS SINGING NEAR THE BEGINNING OF THE SONG AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY H E L L Y E A H

SIYEON

IM- TO THE SURPRISE OF NO ONE SHE IS FINE™ AS F UCK THIS EXACT SCREENSHOT RIGHT HERE……………………………… THIS IS GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im aware that most of them are wearing a harness with their red outfits i understand HOWEVER theres just something about the red on red and her hairstyle with the bangs in this exact fit that just made it Hit Different™ for me………… BUT THEN AGAIN her visuals IN GENERAL Hit Different™ like DIFFERENT Different for me and honestly i dont have a lot to say about the third fit bc it was like not really there but shes Fine™

YOOHYEON

FOR THIS MV SPECIFICALLY I AM A BLONDE YOOHYEON SUPREMACIST WHETHER IT WAS STRAIGHT OR WAVY OR IN A F UCKING PONYTAIL (WHICH I LIKED THE MOST TO BE HONEST WITH YALL) IT DIDNT MATTER SHE LOOKED SOO GOOD I WAS LOSING IT™ the way the scenes of her in the black outfit and she was sitting next to a damn chandelier………… I Witnessed God™- pls like Thank You So Much for the punch in the throat i was asking for it for so long i have no idea why the crystals by her eyes hit so hard for me but to no ones shock shes verv very pretty and im very very dead-

DAMI

WELL WELL F UCKING W E L L honestly this entire section is mostly have in this black outfiT I- WHEN HER RAP PART STARTED SHE POUNCED AND ATTACKED ME JUST HER WALKING AROUND SITTING AROUND DANCING AROUND LIKE I LITERALLY COULDNT BREATHE??????????? THE RUDENESS????????? pls god she can be a bad bicth when she wanna be LOVE HER HAIR IN THIS MV and i just need to point out how i love that shes wearing a black harness with her red outfit but her fit also got a belt on it queen s hit- love it for her to just………………… Exist™ as she is…… 🥴

GAHYEON

JESUS CHRIST THE AMOUNT OF TIMES SHE SHOWS UP IN THIS MV THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just wanna ADMIRE™ this screenshot but i Cannot so i must saY MY GAHYEON FAVORITE LOOK IN THIS MV HAS TO BE THE ONE WITH THE BRAIDS AND SHES WEARING THOSE DIFFERENT COLORS OF PLAID ARE YOU F UCKING FOR REAL RN- i was literally SO hypnotized for no f ucking reason like her eyes???????????? are jUST?????????? SO PRETTY™???????????? EVERYTHING ABOUT HER IS SO PRETTY™?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

LIKE what can i even say right here?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! this GODDAMN SONG GOES SO HARD AS HELL AND FOR WHAT- this is such a difference from breaking out gooD LORD but lets be real this sound like……………… i believe this is a sound only dreamcatcher could pull off AND make sound good?????????? like i cant imagine any other kind of group going for This™ kind of instrumental and look cool while singing/rapping over it??????????? dreamcatchers power truthfully bUT ANYWAY-

IN CONCLUSION: I BE HAVING AN ENDLESS NIGHT WITH THIS ON LOOP

AND AS TRADITION:

[thetierdslytherin]

fun in games (mftl noah x mc)

basiclly a rewrite of how ava’s party should’ve gone  theres like one cuss word and mentions of consent

1.5k words

Masons lips on mine. I expected to feel a spark or fireworks going off like how kisses are described in movies but instead I feel...nothing.Actually that's not entirely true I feel angry and shocked and disgusted as soon as I realize what's happening I pull back but the damage is done. at least three kids have their phones out recording it, Lauren being one of them.Oh god Ava I just kissed her boyfriend, well he kissed me but I don't think who kissed who will matter much to Ava.I look over at Noah and see a look of betrayal cross his face before he returns his features to neutral yet again. “Ex-excuse me I need to go'' Mason manages to get out before running out of the living room and not a second later I follow. I'm not entirely sure at this point, my bodies moving on auto pilot. I shove past the other party goers and out onto the back porch where I manage to catch up to mason. “stop Mason you can't just run away. What about Ava?”  

           “What about her? We don't have to tell her about the kiss better yet i'll tell her it's my fault!” At one point I might've found this endearing, him willing to take all the blame like that but not now not anymore. If i'm being honest I'm actually really angry at his answer. He purposely dropped the card and kissed me while he had a girlfriend-my best friend. He took my first kiss something that I held dear and had hoped to one day share with someone who cared about me not at a highschool party, especially not with someone in a relationship.I force him to look at me as I say 

“No mason that's not good enough anymore we're gonna go tell ava right now and we're gonna tell her the truth”

He lets out a humorless chuckle “oh yea y/n and what's ‘the truth’?”

“That you kissed me without my consent knowing your girlfriend passed out upstairs. What were you even thinking?” he doesn't get a chance to respond, just after I finish saying that Ava storms out albeit still slightly tipsy but I bet seeing that video sobered her right up. 

“What the hell!” I open up my mouth to try to explain. Explain that this is just a huge mess and i'll spend the rest of however long it takes to make this up to her but she holds up one finger to my face and to my surprise faces Mason “what did you think you were doing in there?”

“C’mon Ava we were just playing a game and I accidentally dropped the card that's all” where did taking the blame go Mason?

“Mason listen here and listen good cause i'm only gonna say this once. I saw the video you kissed y/n. She didn't kiss you, she actually pushed you off of her. I don't need you to explain to me why you did it. I personally don't care. You cheated on me and hurt my best friend. So we are over. Don't try to talk to me or even contact me in any way in fact go head and delete my number-I have nothing left to say'' And just like that everyone is stunned into silence I don't think anyone could have seen it going that way. Ava is notoriously possessive with all of her boyfriends and for her to actually call one of her boyfriends out is unheard of.Without another word Mason storms out of her backyard and to what I can only assume is his car.

“Alright folks show over” this time it's Noah who spoke for the first time since this whole ordeal and by the tone of his voice he isn't joking and everyone seems to see that as they all scamper away. I try to take with Ava but she interrupts me for a second time “ I know you didn't want to kiss him and you would never do anything like this but it still hurts y/n i-I need some time to process everything we can talk tomorrow” She leaves me standing here alone try to process everything that's happened in the last 10 minutes. 

I don’t notice Noah coming up beside me until he’s gently touching my shoulder saying “hey y/n let's get out of here, let me take you home”He motions to all the other guests leaving. I'm surprised by how gentle his tone is especially after I kissed Mason. I don't know much about what happened between them but I do know that whatever it was was enough to make them hate one another.

“Yeah lets get out of here” He guides me to his motorcycle another thing i'm grateful for I don't think I could make it to his motorcycle by myself. It seems that all my emotions have caught up with me and I just feel disgusting “Hey Noah can you actually not take me home I don't care where we go i'm just not ready to be alone yet” He doesn't seem surprised by my request almost like he was waiting for me to ask. Nodding immediately mounting on his motorcycle I follow his lead and rest my head on his back wrapping my arms tightly around him. Something about Noah makes me feel safe. I can't help but to compare it to how Mason used to make me feel, he held a big part of my heart for so long but i'm ready to let go of that. I don't ask where we're going because as cliche as it sounds I don't care as long as I'm with Noah so I just close my eyes and enjoy the cool breeze on my face. 

We drove for 10 minutes before arriving and when I get off the motorcycle I see were at an area overlooking the small town its breathtaking and I cant believe i’ve never been up here before “whoa Noah how'd you find this place?” he shrugs but when he sees that i'm not gonna let it go release “well growing up my dad wasn't around and neither was my older brother so I always felt like I had to be the man of the house and one day-freshman year it got to be too much so I just drove around not really going anywhere and I just ended up here and now whenever I feel alone or helpless I go here it helps put thing in perspective. You're actually the first person i've ever brought here” his words have a deeper meaning your the first person i've trusted enough to bring here but he doesn't have to say it we both know the deeper meaning behind his words “im happy that you chose to bring me here noah i really am” 

“So about tonight-” “no i-i'm sorry I really can't deal with it all right now noah but just know I don't like mason” I like you “and i'm here with you tonight so please just help me forget” he solemnly nods before beginning to talk.

      We talk about anything and everything I learn about his sisters and mother who he absolutely adores, that he hates kiwi, and that he has a stick and poke skull on his ankle. He learns about my father and his expectations and that I actually really enjoy cheer just wish I wasn't pressured as much and that he and my sister would get along very well. We talked for around two hours but it didn't feel like more than thirty minutes, being in his presence just makes time fly like that but as all good things must come to an end I have to ask Noah to take me home so I can be there before my dad gets home.

       When we get to my house he walks me to my front door seeing as no one is home 

“Thank you for tonight Noah”thank you for making me forget

“Of course y/n anytime” i will always be there for you

it's crazy how a guy i’ve known for a week seems to know me better than anyone else. And then it's like we're gravitating towards each other and when our lips are inches apart he pauses, a way to let me know it's ok to stop here but I lean in closing the gap between our lips. The spark, the fireworks, it's everything that you hear in the movies it takes my breath away the perfect first kiss except it's not my first kiss but that thought can bother me not when Noah’s lips are on mine hes gentle allowing me to control the pace I open my mouth to let him depean the kiss his hands moving from my hips and reluctantly pulling away “goodnight y/n” and just like that he's walking to his motorcycle driving away.goodnight Noah

[kast43]

How The Arcana Characters treat a Sick MC

[I kinda got bored and felt like writing some DONT SUE ME...feedback much appreciated btw :D]

+Asra+ -He would be on his way back home from a trip -lets call it...shared empathy 😉 -Asra himself had felt quite sluggish for a few days now, but could not determine what it was. -No fever, no nausea, muscles sore? -He opened the door to the shop, "MC I am home!" He called. -Saw MC about dosed off on the work table when they suddenly shot up. "Oh, welcome back! How was your trip?" MC asked. -Frankly Asra would instantly worry hearing the fatigue in their voice [ya know...does not want a repeat] -Without much words Asra came up to MC and took their face in his hands. -MC was burning up! -"MC, are you feeling well? You have a fever..." Asra slid one hand down to there shoulder. -Asra carefully studied MC...especially their eyes as the responded. -"oh...its nothing. I am just a bit tired is all. We got a little busy while you were away..." -if guilt could stab someone, Asra would have been stabbed in the heart. -"MC, you really should not take on more than you can handle." Asra would then realize why he felt sluggish for days. "...have you gotten any sleep?" -MC just gave a sheepish smile "Yes~" they responded...or lied. -Asra was in the perfect balance of panic, worry, guilt and frustration. -"why did you open the shop? You need to get some rest." Asra stated, now beginning to guide MC up to the bedroom. -"Im fine i swear!" MC began to protest until they suddenly stopped to hold the counter, loosing balance. -"...have you eatten today?" Asra asked knowing the answer already. -Again with the sheepish grin, "i might have forgotten..." -this was the last straw for Asra, how could he allow MC to take such poor care of themselves. -"the shop is going to be closed today. You are going to get some rest. I wont take no for an answer" he stated, almost picking MC up. -if he succeeded then he would feel MC go softly limp in his arms. "I...but...there is still too much to do..." was all the protest MC could muster up. -"it can all wait, your health comes first..." he stated softly as he carried MC to bed. -he offered to make his special sleep aid tea, even went to go get some fresh pumpkin bread to go with it. -as stubborn as MC is, they really could not argue with Asra, just accepted and took on some paperwork when he was not paying attention -Asra knew this...made the tea a bit strong. -in the time that Asra watched MC finish her tea and bread, walk down to lock up the shop and come back, MC had passed out. -Asra took all of the "hidden" paper work and set it to the side, but not his worry. -if available he called Julian. -Julian eased his mind, was not the plague. -MC just worked themselves into severe fatigue. -Asra was so relieved and yet he felt guilty for leaving MC like this. -looks like Julian helped himself to the tea. -Julian is now passed out on the couch, Asra shrugs. It probably was for the better. -when MC finally woke up, Asra had made their favorite meal so they would eat. -MC got a good laugh when seeing Julian on the couch, now sprawled out. -when Asra nursed MC back to health he would promise to never leave them alone again. -if he had to go out, he would take MC with him. Even to the store. -Asra just wants MC to take better care of themselves,  and will become fiercely protective of that for the rest of his life.

×Julian× -being a doctor he would have noticed small signs right away. -MC suddenly didn't feel like eating. -strike 1 -it was the night of the week they took a date to the Rowdy Raven. -MC didn't really want to go, felt too tired to go. -strike 2 buddy -however MC was oddly persistent in Julian going...alone. -"you have had a rough week, and you have been looking forward to this" mc said -"darling you have been working hard this week also. If anyone needs a release it would be you" Julian replied. -after much debate Julian said he would go to please MC. -he did go, but after about an hour or so he didn't feel 'it'. -no matter how many salty bitters he drank there was still a chunk of his night missing. -he would staggerly head back home, excited to be reunited with the love of his life. -"DID YOU MISS ME DARLING? I MISSED YOU" he drunkenly declared -odd, MC was not in bed...or in the living room...the hunt begins. -he froze when he heard a familiar sound of vomiting coming from the kitchen. -surely MC didn't ditch him to work more? -he staggered to the kitchen and saw MC hunched over the sink. [Lets say they tried to eat and it suddenly came back up?] -does not matter how many bitters this man had, he sobered up immediately and practically ran to MC. -Julian went to aid the best he could, holding MC's hair, rubbing their back, ect. -MC is mortified, they didn't want to be seen like this, especially in front of Julian. -"my dearest MC I see this all the time. The one who should be ashamed is me for not noticing sooner." -after MC was sure they were finished vomiting, Julian carried [yes, as dramatic as he could be] MC to bed. -Julian would refuse to leave MC's side the entire time they had the flu. -need a bucket? He had one ready. -needed to go to the bathroom? He carried them. -if not for the crow summoning Portia he probably would not eat if MC didn't. -MC would refuse cuddles, sad Julian is sad. -"you are gonna get sick too" -"i happen to know that the only cure for flu is cuddles" -"...not leeches?" -"surprisingly not...didn't work well last time i tried that" -Small conversation cheered MC up. -Portia dragged Julian away while MC slept so he could eat and sleep himself...unwillingly of course -eventually MC would be on the road to recovery -Julian asked for some famous home made soup from Mazelinka...for MC of course. -because of all the rejected cuddles it would not be surprising if Julian ended up with the flu next -that’s when MC repaid all the love and care given to them...minus the cuddle attempts... -Julian would no doubt enjoy cuddles -can you say never ending flu? -Poor Portia taking care of 2 sick idiots forever [jk MC is not that dumb]

=Nadia= -lets be honest, Nadia probably knew MC was sick before they did. -one morning Nadia woke up around the same time she always did. -always before MC, but not like this. -something was off and Nadia knew the moment she sat down for breakfast. -would send Portia to wake MC as usual... -Portia came back with an odd look -"Mistress, I think MC is a bit under the weather..." -"What makes you think that?" Nadia asked...as if she didn't know -"Well, they look...rough. I mean a touch pale...dark circles under their eyes" Portia mimicked as she spoke “When I left the room I heard them coughing too” -Nadia nodded -Big sneeze coming From down the hall -as if on Que, here comes MC, just as described. -"Good morning " MC spoke, voice very nasally. -Sniffles, hard for Nadia to not find it adorable -MC sat down next to Nadia, rubbing her temple -Nadia recognized that gesture -"MC, are you feeling alright?" -"yeah, just didn't sleep well last night" MC tried to lie, Nadia knew better -turns away to cough -"seems more than that" Nadia stated while placing her hand on MC's forehead. -as expected, a fever. -Nadia slid closer to MC "MC dear why don’t you take the day off...get some rest." -we all know that was in fact not a question, nor a suggestion. -"i cant do that, i have to help you with the dinner" -as if by coincidence the both of them had been planning a big family/friends dinner...being held tonight -Nadia felt partly to blame for putting stress on MC, causing this -"do you think anyone wants you to go to dinner if you are sick?" -"well....no..i guess not-" sneeze, sniff "but you don't need to take this on your own. Let me help..." -"you can help me by going back to bed." -"Nadia...its just a cold i have worked through much worse" -this was Nadia's trigger -"what you have done in the past is behind you. You are my partner now...there is absolutely no need for you to be working under stress.." Nadia stood, coming even closer to MC - Nadia's intimidation tactics too strong for the weak and frail MC -"if it will ease your mind..." Nadia took up MC's arm and began to guide MC to her chambers "I will enlist some help." -MC was personally tucked into Nadia's bed, very little protest. -with a kiss to on the forehead MC finally felt relaxed enough to close their eyes

-”If you need help, please come and get me” MC asked

-”That won’t be necessary, love” Nadia responded

-"...don’t stress yourself out either, or you will get sick too" -Nadia felt so warm hearing MC give their blessing. -Summons both Julian and Asra to the palace, between them and Portia they knock out all the preparations needed -Julian would check MC every now and then, Asra also would share tea with them while the day drew long -Not surprisingly MC's most frequent visitor was Nadia. -Nadia would come up for a moments rest, to ask for a small opinions, or just to see them. -Nadia would make MC her first priority, no matter what -eventually the time would come for the dinner, Nadia cleaned herself up and MC wished her luck. -hours later, late into the night Nadia could not go back to her chambers fast enough...MC had not made a request from Nadia or Portia the entire time so she was a bit worried. -Came into the room to see MC had been asleep, tea cup half finished next to them -Nadia spent a moment just watching MC sleep peacefully before finally hopping into bed with them, Nadia got to be the big spoon -MC's fever was bad, but they were so warm...Nadia fell right to sleep after -the next day was defiantly a 'sick day' for the both of them *wink*

<Muriel> -oh boy [this just seems mean 😢] -[i go easy i swear] -Being that living life off the land can be hard at times...MC would often go too hard. -Muriel would see it, but he knew MC was very independent. A quality he admired -until today -he was careful not to wake MC because they had been working so hard -goes out to get fire wood, comes back to see MC woke up -"sorry...did i wake you?" He asked as he went to set the fire wood down...no response -he looked up to MC to see she was still rubbing the sleep out of their eyes but...more than usual. -"no...i just...my eyes feel like they are burning..." continues to itch. -bless this poor boy, scares easily when it comes to things like this -gets up and goes to MC, takes their hands away from their eyes -"let me see..." he already sees their eyes are puffy and swollen. -mc tried to open them...struggle. -a slow panic sets in -Muriel guides MC to a stream to wash their face -when finally able to open their eyes, he panics more -beet red, swollen eyes look back at him -"...whats wrong?" Goes to scratch more -pANIC -quickly picks MC up and runs to the magic shop -shows Asra....PANIC -calls Julian...MC is so confused -"thankfully, not the plague...looks like a standard case of pink eye to me...MC, do you know of anything that might have caused this??" -MC had to think...wait.... -"oh...the other day i did manage to get some dirt caught in my eye...it was after we cleaned out the birds nest from the chimney" -"been itching this whole time?" -".....yes?" -Muriel didn't know who to be upset with more -himself because he let MC get sick -or MC for not being more careful -Asra made some medicine and cream for treatment -Julian put on a thick blindfold to stop itching -at first Muriel didnt want to take MC back, might make it worse -MC insisted on going -ever see a large man hold a small magicians hand to guide them home? -eventually they get back home -Muriel forces MC to stay put in bed until they were better -"MC, you have to stop itching or you won’t heal" -"but it itchessss" -Inanna would lay by MC's side, even if Muriel got upset with her -MC can’t scratch her eyes if they are petting a puppy! -muriel would have to do all of the chores...he didnt mind tho -Made her meals, gave them water when they asked -at nap time, Muriel would catch himself watching MC sleep -if MC caught him, then he turned blush red, stumbled on his words and then go outside... -"MC....I.....think I left the river running, be right back"

-MC could not see so they were just confused -secretly liked taking care of MC for once, would never admit it -eventually MC would get better -Muriel would be more protective of the chores MC does [or even allowed to]

°Portia° -Portia would have known about most things about MC -late night conversations lead to a conversation about allergies -MC had mentioned that they were allergic to some things but never told Portia exactly what -from then on Portia would pay closer attention to what was around MC -she would have never thought about bug bites -Portia was working in the palace, MC was in the garden at the cottage -Portia came back at her usual time after serving Nadia dinner -"I’m home!" Portia announced in her usual bouncy personality -MC was already in the bed, covered from head to toe -"MC? Are you cold?" Portia came up and sat beside them in bed. -"n-not exactly" they managed to pipe out, shivering a bit -Portia was a bit confused, worry edging its way in -"i don’t want to alarm you...but i think I’m having an allergic reaction.." MC came out of their covers to look at Portia -MC was sweating, eyes a bit puffy -Portia's worst fear, she had not prepared anything for this situation -"WHAT?? How? When?" Portia began to nervously pace in front of the bed. -MC laughed a bit weakly, could not help but find her panic cute -this snapped Portia out of her panic, a quick self face slap -"What do i need to do?" She asked going back to MC, determination in her eyes -"back at my shop...i have some medicine...its on the top shelf above the stove. It’s a purple vial..." -"You want me to get it? And leave you alone?" Portia did not like this plan. Why would MC leave such an important thing at home???? -"Im not alone" MC said, just then Faust popped up from her hiding place by MC's neck -"Bite" Faust popped up. -Portia didn't understand, sudden snake? was that Asra's pet or something? -Portia was not sure about this, but no time to hesitate -She ran as fast as she could to the shop. -it was unlocked?? -Thank GOD Asra was home -"MC....reaction....swelling...." she managed to communicate just enough for Asra to react. -grabbed the medicine and they both ran out the door. -by the time they got to the cottage MC was sitting upright against the bed railing -Portia quickly went to check if they were still awake while Asra went to work trying to find the source, peeling blankets back -MC was a bit surprised by the sudden coldness, but looked up with a grin at Portia, then Asra

-”Hello master...” MC sheepishly greeted Asra

-”Hello MC” Asra chuckled a bit as he worked

-”It happened again...”

-”I see that...” -"Here MC, drink this" she slowly fed the medicine to MC. -medicine worked its magic quickly, knocking MC out cold -"there it is..." Asra spoke up, showing a spot on MC's leg -Portia was a bit applauded at the swollen discolored patch on their skin -"what is that???" Portia asked surprised, yet fascinated -Asra took his hands and placed them over the area -"looks like a spider bite" he spoke as magic flowed thru his hands -"MC got bit by a spider???" Scared, she asked "is...is it poison???" -Asra shook his head calmly -"i thought they would have told you, they are allergic to some bug bites...spiders are the worst for them." -Portia was shook -She knew bugs could be poisonous but...just bites alone can take MC out??? -Asra took his hands away, bite area mostly healed, just rash-like -Asra then tucked MC into bed, gave Portia a care plan, then left promising to come back -Portia fell asleep just watching after MC sleeping -Next morning, Portia woke up for work, asked Nadia for the day off -Nadia agreed, understandingly -spent most of the day poking fun at MC -MC would be sore all over, waking up with the worst headache -Portia, as instructed, would have some pain medicine on hand -"Who would have thought that your one weakness was a spider!" she joked as she made breakfast -MC laughed, then moaned out of pain -"Sorry hun" Portia chuckled -MC would not want to eat anything, but Portia would still make sure they were hydrated -Asra would visit to drop off some potions and herbs -Asra also preformed an spell that repelled bugs from ever coming into the garden, same spell he used at the shop [without telling of course]

-Portia would just sit in the bed next to MC, keeping their spirit up with talking and playing games

-MC would let Portia read to them, soothed them into naps  -Once MC had made a full recovery Portia would limit their time in the garden....forever

~Lucio~ -[now if you think for one moment that i trust this SOB, not knowing his whole 'route' then you have another thing coming] -[there is not enough evidence to prove to me that he had redeeming qualities, HOWEVER does not mean he is incapable of caring for something other than himself]

-[is he worth redemption? who knows?] -[so....here is a loose def of a head cannon] -in a perfect world, no one around Lucio would ever get sick again -although MC broke that plague curse a while back...does not make them immune to sickness -in that same perfect world, Lucio would know how to take care of something as simple as a cold -this was not that perfect world -Since it is Lucio, he would not notice the signs, only notice MC's absence from his side -"Where is MC?" He would ask[order] a servant. -Lucio didn't get results he wanted, Melchio would trot their way to the breakfast table, nudge Lucio's leg -he would give a loving pet, but where is Mercedes? - Melchio, as if knowing, would get Lucio to follow him up to MC's bedroom -Mercedes would be sitting at the closed door, waiting for MC. -"Has MC not gotten up yet?" Lucio grumpily opened the door, without knocking. -sure enough MC would be sitting on the edge of the bed, head in hands but jumped up when Lucio busted in -"MC? You are late." Lucio announced as the dogs walked in and formed a protective circle around MC -"oh...sorry. i didn't realize the time..." MC weakly spoke, petting the dogs as they stood up -"I would hope that today of all days you would not be late." He spoke up, getting closer -see, today was the start of Masquerade! Lucio, Nadia and MC worked hard to plan this for months. [Imma just make up that Nadia is Countess and she made MC and Lucio nobles *shrug* more a reward for MC and Punishment for Lucio?] -"Right, i know" MC would smile through the fatigue and start for the closet, only to wobble a bit. -Lucio would go to catch/support MC, "What is the matter with you?" He asked in a less grumpy, more concerned tone [really only MC could tell that] -MC was warm....warmer than usual.  Like, hot...but in the wrong way. -"Oh...i uh...didn't sleep that well...i think i am coming down with something..." MC didn't want to admit it, but no way for Lucio to know unless outright telling him [a touch dense when it comes to others] -"something....like?" It didn't really occur to Lucio until a thunderous cough came out of MC’s mouth. -it finally clicks, Lucio panics not really knowing how to take care of a sickness [cant blame him, everyone who ever got sick around him he killed or died] -"Lucio? Are you okay?" MC would ask as he pretty much picks them up, throws them on the bed and runs out the door. -NADIA TO THE RESCUE -Normally a plead for help from Lucio would fall on deaf ears...but MC was sick so she let it go. -Nadia would personally visit MC and make sure they got tucked into bed, reassuring MC that they could handle the Masquerade without them -Lucio would follow like a lost puppy -whichever servant was tasked with taking care of MC [hopefully but unluckily its Portia], Lucio would follow them and at least make sure MC was treated like the Angel on Earth they were -"Is that lentil soup?? MC's favorite it tomato bisk!" -"What are you doing? How does that help?" Lucio would come across as annoying or even pressing but he was honestly trying to learn. -at some point he would be the one taking up the food/snack/medicine/drink because the servant would let him, to """ease Lucio's mind""" -He would visit....at least every 5 mins, on another planet of feelings with each visit -Visit 34 "How could you get sick on MY birthday party week??" -Visit 77 "MC listen, as long as you are not dying...then its fine" -Visit 106 "MC YOU WORKED TOO HARD NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID" -Visit 126 "MC...is....is this my fault?" -MC can't get enough sleep, but is too kind to tell Lucio to stop -THAT IS what Arsa and Julian are for! -They would not have been there if MC was not sick...otherwise avoiding Lucio like....the plague XD [okay, ill go home] -"Lucio, MC needs rest or they wont get any better" Julian face palmed as he scolded Lucio, on his way for the 178th visit -"Don't you literally have ANYTHING better to do than bother MC?" Asra spat when Lucio had his hand on the doorknob.

-To avoid any more nagging he stopped...going into the room at least -Finally it was time to start the Masquerade, so Lucio decided it was time to forget about MC and get ready to party! -Except...he could not forget about MC -From the life of the party->Quiet party goer-> sad puppy -"I wanted MC to see this...." -would eventually just wait outside MC's door most of the night -On the bright side everyone else had a blast without Lucio HAHA -Eventually just sneaks into MC’s room and stayed so no one would catch him. -"I know....I will be quiet..." he whispered to the dogs as he quietly went to the corner and sat in the armchair. -the most quiet anyone has ever seen him -Eventually MC would start to feel better...he would ask if they would go to at least 1 party room before the Masquerade was over -Hand in Hand, Lucio would parade a very tired looking MC to his favorite room -#caught by Asra, MC is taken back to room for more rest -Sad Lucio is sad -After being grounded by Asra and being forced to rest, MC would be feeling better in no time -Lucio would become more protective about what MC when it came to parties because he does not want MC to miss any more of his parties

[tumblunni]

Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

SO

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house

[lovebunnie]

nick carraway and jay gatsby are both gay and heres why

its 11:30 at night and i have class tomorrow but ive been itching to make this post for about a week so im gonna do it. this wont be centered as much around jay and nick being in LOVE, since id have to read and analyze it a bit more to make honest to god claims and opinions for that, but these r some of the reasons that point to both of these characters being completely gay. also, im going to be issuing some points from others sources, but ill include links to the original texts which i recommend reading!

1

so the great gatsby was written in 1925, a time full of alcohol, financial bliss, and parties like u would not believe. many of these themes are prevalent in the novel, making themselves known all throughout. even the term ‘gatsby-like’ is extremely well known. needless to say, this book is extremely well known in every front. one of the ones i saw the most was calling the great gatsby ‘the greatest love story ever written.’ and before i read the novel myself, i wouldnt have been able to tell u any different. but when u read it, and really, how u analyze it, really shapes how u see the characters. to some people, it really could be an amazing love story. but to me, this story is written about someone obsessed with a facade, denying himself who he is, and a man who watches his downfall and can do nothing to stop him.

one very important thing to acknowledge is how this novel is told: its told completely in nicks perspective. we only know how he feels, we only know these characters based on how nick sees them. it is immediately biased towards nick. and what he does is describe a hell of a lot of people. but it is very distinctive in the way he does it; men and women are very differently described.

nick describes daisy in her voice and the power it has over people. all of nicks flowery language goes into daisys speech, but not in great length about what daisy looked like. with jordan, nick does a bit more describing in the way she is ‘small-breasted’ and had the ‘shoulders of a young cadet.’ these traits are masculine, and we know from the novel that nick does enjoy jordans company and he does say he ‘enjoys looking at her.’ hell, even the name ‘jordan’ is traditionally masculine. nick sees jordan leaning more towards masculinity than femininity. but even still, the flowery language is not as grand as it could be, not as we know nick can get.

its when nick is describing men that things get bold and expressive. even while describing tom does nick go into great and intimate length with him;  ‘ He had changed since his Haven years. Now he was a sturdy straw haired man of thirty with a rather hard mouth and a supercilious manner. Two shining arrogant eyes had established dominance over his face and gave him the appearance of always leaning aggressively forward. Not even the effeminate swank of his riding boots could hide the enormous power of that body he seemed to fill those glistening boots until he strained the top lacing, and you could see a great pack of muscle shifting when his shoulder moved under his thin coat. It was a body capable of enormous leverage -- a cruel body’ the author of this paper literally said this passage ‘pulses with sexual energy,’ and this is for a character nick doesnt even like. it obviously means more in the way nick describes him, has more heart and passion put into it.

and now gatsby, who nick, in the final chapters, dwells on even more. we know gatsby is attractive, that much we can tell without nick even really having to describe him. but even in a single paragraph about his smile does it provoke more feeling than anything else about daisy or jordan;  ‘ He smiled understandingly-- much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you might come across four or five times in your life. It faced --or seemed to face-- the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.’

like. damn nick. this is only about gatsbys smile. this was no accident or cruel twist of fate; nick is enamored with jay and obviously finds him attractive and also enjoys looking at him, like jordan. nick sees men and women differently. this could be chocked up to ‘it was the olden days’ and ‘sexism,’ but nick isnt rude to these women, nick is simply not interested in them, at all.

but how do we know nick is gay? wheres the textual proof? its written out word for word, you just have to know where to look. and where to look is at the very end of chapter 2.

so chapter 2 does a lot for the plot; it basically introduces nick to the life these people live and makes him see how unappealing it is. we meet a large cast of characters and expand on others, like myrtle, her sister, and most importantly to the subject of nicks sexuality, mr. mckee.

mr. mckee is described as a ‘pale feminine man’ and nick offhandedly describes the smudge of shaving cream on his cheek. weird right? later in the night, nick describes himself as ‘ Taking out my handkerchief I wiped from his cheek the remains of the spot of dried lather that had worried me all the afternoon.’ nick has been LOOKING at this married man all night and cleaned him up when he was messy like come ON. plus, a ‘pale feminine man�� could very easily be a stereotype of a gay man, especially in the 1920s.

but then comes the most important part about nicks sexuality in the entire book: the ellipses.

the great gatsby is relatively short, only about 200 pages or so, give or take. fitzgerald would not include anything he wouldnt need, as he is also an expert in metaphors and making things seem as they are not. everything is masterfully placed and paced, making it seem to flow like water. 

the scene in question describes mr. mckee and nick on an elevator, leaving the party. mr. mckee walked out, leaving his wife, and nick decided to follow. heres the scene:

Come to lunch some day,” he suggested, as we groaned down in the elevator.

“Where?”

“Anywhere.”

“Keep your hands off the lever,” snapped the elevator boy.

“I beg your pardon,” said Mr. McKee with dignity, “I didn’t know I was touching it.”

“All right,” I agreed, “I’ll be glad to.”

. . . I was standing beside his bed and he was sitting up between the sheets, clad in his underwear, with a great portfolio in his hands.

“Beauty and the Beast . . . Loneliness . . . Old Grocery Horse . . . Brook’n Bridge. . . . ”

Then I was lying half asleep in the cold lower level of the Pennsylvania Station, staring at the morning Tribune, and waiting for the four o’clock train.

LIKE. WHAT.

those ellipses separate the time between nick and mr. mckee on the elevator and nick and mckee at his home, with one in underwear and then nick leaving for the train at 4am. there is a large gap of time missing from this, and nick decided to leave it out while fitzgerald decided to keep it in. it means something, and the use of ellipses gives the audience enough to know what is happening without explicitly telling them. it is the authors ‘wink wink nudge nudge’ to the audience. think of the environment nick was in; tom was cheating with myrtle, the heavy metaphor of the eyes watching over the sins we think no one can see. this party was full of mischief and nick fucked a married man.

mckee does not seem intoxicated, he invites nick out to lunch while gripping the elevator handle, which are always objects shaped like dicks. plus in the novel, the scene does feel somewhat out of place; nick does not spend too much time discussing the interactions between mckee and himself, it seems thrown in. i get the impression that nick almost didnt want to include it it his writing, and put it in last minute. however, nick is fictional and i dont have much to go on off from an almost 100 year old book. its open to personal interpretation, but it seems like nick and mckee had sex and nick left on the 4am train, leaving mckee in his underwear at his own home looking through his pictures.

even at the beginning of the novel, nick is planning on living in a house with another man before the plan falls through and he goes to washington dc. could this be a failed boyfriend? we cant say. but it is a possibility.

nick carraway ends the novel mourning his friend jay gatsby, moving back to the midwest alone and away from the glitz and glam of new york. his ending does not involve getting married and having kids and riding off into the sunset, which seems bittersweet for our narrator. however, given the way things planned out for other characters, this is the best ending we could hope for for nick, one away from the destruction and one where he can at least begin to to to be happy again.

and now we move onto jay.

ill admit, this has little to do with textual evidence; i cant point out a place where jay fucks a dude or describe the way jay sees men and women; with nick being our narrator, again, he only know his perspective. but we do hear things about jay from other characters, how he acts and acted before nick and the type of man he is.

wolfshiem describes jay as ‘ very careful about women. He would never so much as look at a friend’s wife.’ this means that jay knows women and knows when to back off, never advancing on someone he had no claim to. this is very important to me for several reasons.

1. it implies jay is not a cheater

2. it implies jay has been around enough women to know who is who

3. it shows jay is respectful

this also says to me that jay is not bi; he only has eyes for daisy, and not other woman. and those eyes for daisy are questionable.

we know daisy and jay had last seen each other 5 years prior to the events of the novel. in that time, jay had collected numerous things about daisy, built a house just so he could see her, and blew thousands of dollars every weekend for parties in hope that daisy would show up, even obtaining money illegally just to impress daisy.

jay gatsby is obsessed with daisy.

this is obvious from the text, the behaviors he puts forward are strange and creepy in pursuit of daisy. gatsby stares longingly out the window, cant hold a conversation with nick, and flat out bolts out of a restaurant to avoid embarrassment. he is an awkward guy, no doubt. and he lives his life as trying to be someone else, specifically, the man he thinks daisy wants from 5 years ago. when the car crashes with myrtle, all gatsby cares about is how daisy feels; when hes literally about to get ganked all he thinks about is daisy, daisy daisy daisy.

this isnt love, and i think deep down, jay knows it. this is the equivalent of dudebros who go above and beyond to prove they arent gay but end up the most gay of them all. gatsby is compensating for his feelings and trying to push the limit to deny himself more and hide back into the closet. he wants to seem the most manly he can get and basically say ‘wow i love women! i love women so much! look what i did for this woman! look at how much i love her!’

daisy is the first person jay felt he could be himself around, could begin to feel happy. and when he went to war, he no longer had something to push all his feelings onto. plus he was surrounded by other men, and for someone so in denial about their own sexuality, it probably drives them to pretty bad places. pretty obsessive places. he needs daisy, not because he loves her, but because he needs to security blanket. he needs to feel validated.

those glaces and stares out at nick feel like cracks of the real jay poking through, one who likes men but cannot admit it to himself. after all, as a man so attached and desperate for the ‘american dream,’ back in the 1920s, that did not include marrying a man. jay lives with internalized homophobia and tries to calm his nerves with his pretend love of daisy.

i could go on and on about this forever but its 12:30 and i have class.

if u take nothing from this, let me leave u with these main bullets:

TL;DR

nick fucked a dude

nick describes men erotically while he describes women very dully

nick almost lived with another man

jay is obsessed with daisy to repress his emotions

the separation and wartime made things worse for him

his internalized homophobia causes the plot

his longing stares out the window at nick are cracks in his facade

ty and goodnight

[oakmd]

Congratulations ! You received 1,000+ followers !

Continue? ▶YES ▷NO

 Well, I can’t really express anything but amazement at such an accomplishment, and to be honest I’m pretty blown away that so many of you have stuck with me since the beginning of this blog, and that so many of you enjoy Professor Oak enough to stay. I’ll forever stand by the fact that this blog was the best 'joke’ I ever made, and probably one of the most fulfilling things I’ve actively kept at. 

As much as I hope this blog has helped you find comfort and laughter, RPing Professor Oak has definitely changed me for the better, as well. It has given me an outlet to heal parts of myself and provide help to others, and also pushed me to practice positivity even when I know I get so low sometimes that I don’t even want to try. Another bonus is that I have met wonderful people here, most of you just strictly friends on the dash, but I’ve also gained relationships with people that have extended into discord and I’m sure it has made all the difference this past year and a half. 

As usual, I’m not really a fan of long-winded gushes of emotion, so I’ll keep it short, but I would really like to have it be known that my love for Professor Oak has grown tremendously, in ways I would have never reached without taking the time to thoughtfully craft his backstory and work to develop him further. I know he’s a very nostalgic character that so many of us know and respect that I’m always very careful of how I choose to build on the image without ruining what’s already there.  Out of all my many muses here, this one has seemingly ( and surprisingly ) all at once snuck its way as my primary blog; the blog I always look forward to logging into the most, where I enjoy following your activity whether it be IC or OOC, and just generally enjoy being in the presence of people so passionate about a fandom associated with my childhood. I love this little corner of a community that has welcomed me and engaged with me and unknowingly kept me going, and to look back at my experience and see that I’ve had no trouble at all makes me feel really lucky.

There will never be a way to fully and accurately express my thanks, but I will say it anyway: thank you so much, and I hope that no matter where you go, and no matter what you do, you are trying to be your best, and that you’re happy. Professor Oak will always be there to congratulate you when you reach your dreams.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ( because my mind is so scattered - ) special shout outs to special people: 

@timecapscle - wasn’t it you that said i’d one day get 1,000 followers? : ) you’ve literally supported me since the beginning and i just wanna say that i appreciate your enthusiasm for professor oak as much as i appreciate your enthusiasm for bill. its wonderful to see someone represent an otherwise under represented character and you do it well. i care for you so much, and wish nothing but good things for your future even if you want to do bad things in the name of science

@diligentseeker / @evolutionexpert  - someone i consider a cherished friend, despite how sporadic our interaction seems, i appreciate all our random long talks on discord, and i’ll never forget our very first conversation. it meant a lot to me, and i want to thank you. i dont meet a lot of ppl that i feel ‘get’ me on some unspoken level, so when it happens, its a nice surprise. anyway i won’t ramble because i take it you’re not one for praise, but im glad people like you exist. with that being said please stop making professor elm stress me out.

@undinaes - the moment you’ve been waiting for. SIKE! just kidding; its no surprise that you’re always filling my dash with testimonials from people that see you for what you are. you’re a beam of sunshine with all the qualities to match; warm, bright, and a natural source of energy that brings people together. your passion for writing is astounding and even when ppl dont deserve your kindness, you’re unbiased in giving it out. truly a mom through and through. but most importantly, ur my girlie and im glad we met :v

@ofpalletown - in my mind, you are practically ash, and ill be here to support you even during all your moments of Extra™ ... but aside from that you’re very loyal to your friends and full of something sunny that i can’t describe. ur gonna be okay, kid. so pls stop stressing out ur dear prof oak 

@03redd - i probably mentioned not long ago that your blog is really good, but ill say it again in case you weren’t listening. i love your blog? its very fun to follow, and i think you’re one of my favorite reds. even with me not being game verse, its so easy to just immerse myself in whatever nonsense you have red drag professor oak into. i dig your creative energy. 

@normaliium - and ofc i cant leave out my cousin. the one to be admired, the ever-successful, brilliant human being that loves me even when i take off ten years of your life each night. my life would lack such substance without you, and i will never forget all you’ve done to help me when i would otherwise be left to myself. you make me really proud to know you, you really do, and everyone i ever talk to you about can attest to that. #YOLO

@bossgiovanni - you haven’t been active in forever, but you remain one of my friends and that’s all that matters. from skype to discord, im glad we could stick together even with our blatant differences in opinion. you are always so nice to me and say the kindest things, and i just wanna say thanks. hope youve been doing well! you are capable of so much, and i believe in you, so don’t forget that. 

@agentmansley - can i jsut say thank you for staying true to your muse and throwing even the purest of characters into your mess? i have loved your blog long before i made professor oak, and you’re seriously one of the funnest people i’ve rp’d with here. everything i’ve written with you is refreshing and new, and never fails to make me laugh. thank you for your love for kent, and also for writing with me. i know you’ve been MIA for a while, but you’re definitely a memorable person. 

@tcssaiga - i dont have a lot of cross-fandom interactions so when they happen im usually pleased. you’ve got great characterization, and have perfect dialogue. i never watched a whole lot of inuyasha but i’ve atched enough to know that you’re pretty close to canon. thanks for the interactions even if you’re mean to prof oak on archer ; (

@askgarymfoak - MY LITTLE ACORN!!!! the dedication you have for gary honestly gives me so much life, and i love rping with you on discord and just yelling about sam / gary hcs. its always a highlight of my day and i can tell you’ve thought about gary and his life long and hard, and its so cool to see someone interested in all that makes him the Headache we all recognize and love. please never stop sharing with me the personal hcs you have for the boy, i always want to hear them. 

@futureheld - we don’t even rp with each other on this muse BUT youre one of my longest tumblr rp friends that i still talk to and you’re really important to me. we have history, we go back!!!! okay? #FRIENDSHIP n all that. but tbh id follow you on any muse because your writing is just great? id write any weird crossover with you because you have a talent for making it work seamlessly anyway. thanks 4 the memories, loser. 

@seviiserver - CELIO!!! we dont talk as much as we used to, or rather, we talk in bursts every now and then but i consider you one of my good friends! not only are u really talented in all things artistic, but i love your writing and it’s always enjoyable to read, even if its not one of our threads together. you made me have so much adoration for celio and like all the other ppl ive met who bring life to underrated / under-rp’d muses, i enjoy seeing everything you pour into him... AND ALSO I LOVE OUR OAK / ROWAN INTERACTIONS? i love them so much it hurts okay. even if its just silliness in discord it brightens my day. anyway perhaps one day we will cross paths in this sleepless city and i will finally teach u how to ride a bike.

@rottenrhythms - i know i dont have much to say or comment with whenever you message me on discord, but i admire how much detail you put into your characters and meta. im always impressed with all the work and thought you put into your world-building; i wish i had that much drive. also, you’ve made a lot of improvement with yourself from the time i first started talking to you on skype. be proud of your progress, and keep working at it, it’s worth it in the long run!

@lack--two NATE youre definitely a very sweet person, and perhaps a little more devious ooc than i’d imagined you would be ( at least to me, why must you poke me for reactions? ; ( u wound me ) but you’re a soothing presence to be around and im glad you were finally able to make discord work. bonus points for letting me yell about yugioh all the time. never stop being wonderful. im here for you whenever you might need a listening ear, okay? 

@loyalpika / @palletbloomer - #PRIKA!!! ever since i first followed you i remembered being blown away by your extensive headcanons on pikachu and i genuinely enjoy every blog you make! we dont talk OOC but from all your ooc posts you seem like a very caring older sister and thats nice to see; with you running around all the time, i hope you do get some rest every now and then! i hope our camaraderie never falters, take care friend! 

@thepkmnnurse - i cant forget all the love and support both you and your muse have for professor oak, and im happy you try to spread positivity on the dash whenever you can! we don’t talk much OOC but from what i can tell you’re just as kind and nurturing as nurse joy herself. i hope you’ve been taking it easy wherever you are, and i hope your days are bright!

@rebelracket - will there ever be a day that i dont enjoy seeing your delinquent muse causing havoc on the dash? your creativity is wonderful to witness and i enjoy clarissa so much, thank you for interacting with a pure ol’ muse like mine. i hope we can continue to keep writing together, im excited at where we might end up. p.s. your art is delightful.

@porttownprince - you’re a gentle presence on my dash but im glad that youre here and that you’ve stuck around despite all the bad things that followed you. i hope you can overcome all the trauma you’ve been through. thank you for being kind with me!

@nikkouki - i know i dont say much but i enjoy your random check ins with me on discord, and i think youre a sweet young girl. you’re gonna go far in life, just make sure you keep going! continue being a precious kiddo and don’t forget to study your japanese ; (

@viciousvainglory & @midoriyamight - i cant think of one without the other so accept this double-tag lol. you’ve both supported this blog since the beginning and i wont forget how welcome you made me feel! no matter what blogs you’re on im glad we can still be friends! you deserve the big toblerone! 

@fateandfury - my long time writing parter without knowing we were long time writing partners! the work you put into professor juniper is something to behold! we haven’t seemed to interact much despite rping professor muses, but that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate your take on such a muse!

OTHER BLOGS TO BE ADMIRED ( also in no particular oder) : @sterlingsilverchampion @starmarkcd @pxgtails @satanstories @champofpallet @golden-oak @spriggaens @nurturen @florenselite @craniumaniac @ask-guzma @tenderpoison @gocatchem @faemoria @hikaup@writtenbykaichu @executiveariana @honoxtokage @simikami @bigcalavera @rotorotom @thehopcful @and-they-succeeded @metalprincess13 @keep-those-memories-away @hisvanity @attitxde @asmayflies @sesshcmaru @theagentlooker @ambcrly @kantocowboy @dauphindekalos @beareroftheblueorb @blastingxff @aquaelegance @bugeyesboutique @make-it-trouble  @thunderstonereject  @theagentlooker @soultattered @scvedbylove  @diluviumx @inevitabilis-sors @pokedouche @fightiniumz @firespun

I’M SO SORRY IF I MISSED PEOPLE, THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR SOMEONE SO SCATTER-BRAINED AND MEMORY-FOGGED AS ME. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT INCLUDED AND EVEN IF WE’RE NOT MUTUALS, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS BLOG. WITHOUT ANY OF YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HERE.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[6-v-6]

1-100. Just give it to me all

ALNLSNGLSG ARE YOU SERIOUS OMFG im so sorry this is going to be Long

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? I’ll say Pandora just because it’s the only one I’ve actually ever used. If I used Spotify I’d probably like it the most but I don’t use those apps so

2. is your room messy or clean?VERY VERY MESSY I need to clean it but im lazy

3. what color are your eyes?Brown!

4. do you like your name? why?My birth name? No. And that’s why I changed it ahahahaha yes I like the name Jae since i chose it myself. It’s short and simple

5. what is your relationship status?Single 

6. describe your personality in 3 words or lessContradictory ....... Situational 

7. what color hair do you have?Currently it’s blue c: Natural color is a lightish brown

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?I don’t have a car nor a license :/ I want a motorbike tho ! a black one

9. where do you shop?I shop pretty much exclusively online. Buyma or Amazon, typically

10. how would you describe your style?I’ve been told that I dress like a “bad boy”. I like leather and black and ripped skinny jeans but I do like casual stuff too. Like hoodies and sweats

11. favorite social media accountIf this is talking about my own social media accounts, then this one right here on tumblr. I’m not very active anywhere else

12. what size bed do you have?uuuuhhhh I don’t know proper terminology but it is small

13. any siblings?Yup! I have an older sister and a younger brother

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?Japan probably? It’s super pretty and I’ve always wanted to visit

15. favorite snapchat filter?hmm I don’t use snapchat that much but probably the flower crown one it’s cute

16. favorite makeup brand(s)I don’t wear makeup tbh so i dunnooooo 

17. how many times a week do you shower?7 I don’t ever skip showering 

18. favorite tv show?Psych? I also like the 100 currently

19. shoe size?asglnasg... god .... im a 6 in mens nd like a 7 in womens i have small feet

20. how tall are you?ALNSLGNSG im trusting no one has read this far so it’s okay to disclose this info...exposin myself.. im 5′2″ ............

21. sandals or sneakers?Sneakers !! I don’t wear sandals like ever

22. do you go to the gym?Yes! Only recently, actually! I just bought a gym membership with my friend and we’ve been going 3 times a week c:

23. describe your dream dateoh geez I havent really thought about this? I’m not very romantic or anything (im on the ace spectrum) but... i dunno. I think it’d be nice to just have fun together. An amusement park maybe? And just a lot of hand holding and smiles

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?Upwards of 100 bcuz my mom keeps giving me money even tho i dont use it

25. what color socks are you wearing?HAH im not wearing any 

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?1-2 it depends on the night

27. do you have a job? what do you do?I work at the cafeteria in my school. I run the register and help to stock items and also serve food to people

28. how many friends do you have?wow this is a Tragic question. Online I have quite a few! In person i literally have....... 2. Barely that lol. More like one

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?Killed my sister’s fish (on accident)

30. whats your favorite candle scent?I’ve never thought about this or really smelled many candles to begin with :( something mild though. Maybe a mild vanilla??

31. 3 favorite boy namesuuhghg 1) Cain 2) Luka 3) Eden

32. 3 favorite girl names1) Erin 2) Rayna 3) Kira

33. favorite actor?I rly dont give a crap about actors if I’m being honest lmao. Uhh choi minho :)

34. favorite actress?Lupita Nyong’o?? she’s gorgeous

35. who is your celebrity crush?I don’t have a crush on him but does Lee Taemin count

36. favorite movie?Princess Mononoke

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?I read ff more than books these days. I don’t have a fav book

38. money or brains?is this what I prefer? Money binch if I had money I wouldn’t need brains also I’m dumb anyways 

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?No I do not

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?Twice? Maybe 3 times

41. top 10 favorite songscheck out shinee’s entire discography 

42. do you take any medications daily?Nope

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)i ?? have no idea?? I guess oily? My skin doesn’t get dry so

44. what is your biggest fear?Probably flying. I hate planes

45. how many kids do you want?Exactly none

46. whats your go to hair style?? uh side-swept? I have no idea what to call it just what my hair normally looks like I guess

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)A moderately sized house

48. who is your role model?Not to be cheesy but Lee Taemin also Kim Kibum also Choi Minho also Kim Jonghyun also Lee Jinki

49. what was the last compliment you received?that I’m great? lol

50. what was the last text you sent?’okay’ to my mom lmao

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?ARE YOU TELLING ME SANTA ISNT REAL??? okay but for real who remembers the age they find out omg .. i was Young so idk maybe like 13

52. what is your dream car?ohhh boy a lambo for sure

53. opinion on smoking?Gross. Smells terrible

54. do you go to college?I do indeed. I’m gonna be a senior ya’ll

55. what is your dream job?To be a writer I guess. I don’t really have a dream job

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?Suburbs? I dunno. I like living in the city I’d probably die of boredom in some rural area

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?hell yea binch

58. do you have freckles?nope!

59. do you smile for pictures?Not for selfies but for other pictures yes I feel like it’s weird or rude not to

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?like 300 something

61. have you ever peed in the woods?what the fuck?? lol?? no??

62. do you still watch cartoons?does voltron count :/

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?neither if I’m being honest but Wendy’s I guess. I never ever eat at mcdonalds

64. Favorite dipping sauce?barbeque sauce?

65. what do you wear to bed?An oversized shirt and boxers lol

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?no i cant say I have

67. what are your hobbies?Writing, sometimes. Playing video games. Bein unhealthy

68. can you draw?Naaaah

69. do you play an instrument?No :( I wish I did but I never learned any

70. what was the last concert you saw?SHINEE WORLD V IN LA!!!!!!!!! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

71. tea or coffee?Coffee bcuz i h8 tea

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Well the coffee at dunkin donuts is worlds better so dunkin donuts

73. do you want to get married?no

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?i dont have a crush

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?’when’ lol i dont plan to get married

76. what color looks best on you?black, in my opinion

77. do you miss anyone right now?no not really

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?open because if it’s closed my cat will scratch on it incessantly until she’s let in

79. do you believe in ghosts?hell yeah dude

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?when people like, dance around a subject. I prefer it when people are straightforward. Especially if they want something from me

81. last person you called`Honest to god I can’t remember. I don’t ever call people lmao so probably my mom

82. favorite ice cream flavor?I like Rocky Road a lot!

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?regular. Golden oreos are a lesser creation

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?RAINBOW. GIMME DAT GAY SHIT

85. what shirt are you wearing?It’s just a plain white t-shirt

86. what is your phone background?ot5

87. are you outgoing or shy?Horribly, annoyingly shy although I can mask it pretty well

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?yes :D

89. do you like your neighbors?lmao I don’t know them?? They arent noisy though so yes I like them since they aren’t annoying or anything

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Both. I take a shower in the morning and wash it then. And then do a skincare routine at night

91. have you ever been high?no.... not that I know of. One time I took nyquil though and it Fucked Me Up i felt high but idk if I was or if that’s even possible

92. have you ever been drunk?nope. I’m not a huge fan of the idea of getting drunk. I don’t like letting my guard down like that so if I ever do it’ll be when I’m alone

93. last thing you ate?a mento 

94. favorite lyrics right nowthe entire lyrics to So Far Away by yoongi

95. summer or winter?WINTER. I hate summer fashion i like being able to wear my jackets and jeans and not Die of heat stroke

96. day or night?night I guess just bcuz I can be alone

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?dark chocolate is superior in every way

98. favorite month?uhm.. December? Because its the end of the year and I’m on break then and Christmas and cold weather and hot chocolate

99. what is your zodiac signI’m a virgo 

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?uhhhHHHH I really make it a Goal to never cry in front of people since im just super uncomfortable with that and honestly dont feel comfortable enough around anyone to do that. My sister walked in on me when I was crying once though so her I guess

[omanu]

i have a few tags to do, so im gonna do them all in one post so i dont keep tagging the same ppl in multiple things idk. dont worry, you dont need to do them if u dont want to ♥

i was tagged by @nashira , the angel ♥

¤ nickname: well, irl is manu, but tbh my name is manu. i have another nickname my family uses, that is budi lol

¤ zodiac sign: sagittarius 

¤ height: the best scenario here is 167cm, idk how much that is in ft or whatever lmao

¤ orientation: ….. like everyone 

¤ favourite fruit: cantaloupe 

¤ favourite season: winter and fall

¤ favourite book: i dont think i have one, but like, the last book i read was fucking amazing everyone should read, it’s gay, it’s a series of three books, and it’s called when women were warriors.

¤ favourite flower: all of them? i love flowers in general

¤ favourite scent: RAIN, and ngl the scent of matches 

¤ favourite animal: dogs and cats

¤ favourite colour: light colors and also black and blue

¤ coffee, tea or hot cocoa: hot cocoa

¤ average sleep hours: well now i sleep a lot i would say 8-12 

¤ cat or dogs: BOTH

¤ n° of blankets: just one

¤ dream trip: ANY GOOD BEACH

¤ blog created: idr well, but 2015? or maybe late 2014. but ive been on tumblr since 2009/2010 lol

¤ favourite song: ……..dude idk rn is any song of bts, but on my last fm it’s probably a song by adam, the love of my life. and i love too many songs so i cant just write them all

Rules: Use the first letter of your name to answer each question. Real answers only. If the person who tagged you has the same initial, you must give different answers. You cannot use the same word twice. Once you enter your answers, tag 10 other people! i was tagged by @superunknwn​ , another angel ♥

Your name: Manu

A four letter word: mole *looks at nashira and sara* A boy’s name: … Manu An occupation: Musician Something you can wear: mittens  A place: McDonald's  A reason for being late: … idk … Moving? Medical matter? idk i used two words but they both begin with the letter m lol Something you shout: mYLES A movie title: Moana Something you drink: Martini An animal: Monkey A type of car: Mercedes  Song title: Ma City by bts lol i was just singing this

i was tagged by @bensun​ a looooong time ago sorry, but i too love doing these so why not. this one is similar to the first tag game, but im doing it anyway

Answer the questions and tag 20 followers you would like to get to know better! —————– Name: Manu

Nicknames: budi. i want new nicknames tbh, cute ones.

Zodiac Sign: sagittarius

Height: 167cm 

Orientation: same, i like all genders but the s*x part is……. uh, idrl

Ethnicity: native brazilian (indigenous) (wow i just saw this on the internet and im using it), mixed with whi*te some time in the past. i would know better if whi*es hadnt done that

Favorite Fruit: Probably blueberries or just berries in general and I loooove smoothies …. with any fruit to be honest

Favorite Season: Fall and winter

Favorite Book: to mention another one im reading the third book of the vampire chronicles, i love the second one, i love lestat

Favorite Flowers: yeah i like flowers, but idrn their names, i just love it

Favorite Color: light colors, but also black and blue again

Favorite Animal: dogs and cats

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: hot chocolate

Average Sleep Hours: 8-12 ay

Cat or Dog Person: BOTh

Favorite Fictional Character: MIDNIGHTER

Number of Blankets I sleep with: just one

Ideal trip: beach!!

Blog Created: 2015 ig 

dear @superunknwn​ tagged me on this a looooooooooooooong ass time ago, sorry ily (actually she didnt tagged me but i wanted to do this so i just saved on my drafts) 
Rules: 
1. go to this site: https://www.random.org/lists/ 2. Pick 15 of your favorite characters or favorite people from your fandoms and list them 3. Tag at least 5 people 4. Have fun with it! 
— 
1. Mom/dad: Apollo!!!!!!!!!! yes!!!!! 2. Your sibling: jim halpert lmaoo thats fine 3. Your grandma/grandpa:  michael jackson 4. Haunts you: park seo joon 5. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: adam lambert (ok…. i would prefer jhope but ok) 6. Your ex: taystee hdsfkhfdksjh 7. Your best friend: MIDNIGHTER 8. Proposed to you: MYLES KENNEDY DHJKSHFDF 9. Your boss: slash….. thats not ideal but glad that i know him 10. The random person you met at the bar: lestat fdkslsd friend 11. Your rival: seo in guk NOOOOO he is my bf wtf 12. Gave you your first kiss: rothen skljkld 13. Drunk and singing karaoke with: lzzy hale my love 14. Played 7 minutes in heaven with:  JHOPE DFHKFSDJKSFHKJSD 15. Gave you your favorite dessert: chris traeger, my favorite dessert is not raisins

tbh im not gonna tag ppl anymore, ive already tagged everybody, yall just can do it

@lionesslindsey tagged me on this a looong time ago too, no surprise

RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (but that’s so many D: I’m too awkward for so many) (relatable lmao) Tagging: everyone i tagged on this long ass post Whoever wants to do this though, go ahead!

1. coke or pepsi: i dont drink soda heh 2. disney or dreamworks: I love them both, but my absolute fav movie is The Lion King. lindsey i just copied ur answer bc BITCH ME TOO, just addin Mulan here 3. coffee or tea: i dont like coffee and i never really wanted to try tea lmao 4. books or movies: Both!!!!! 5. windows or mac: only tried windows 6. dc or marvel: DC pls 7. xbox or playstation: even though i dont have and console, i like ps better 8. dragon age or mass effect: never played. dont have a console lmao 9. night owl or early riser: if those are video games…. never played i dont have a console 10. cards or chess: cards! 11. chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate 12. vans or converse: converse, never owned vans bc im poor af, so i would probably like both 13. lavellan, trevelyan, cadash, or adaar: have no idea what those are 14. fluff or angst: fluff pls 15. beach or forest: beach!!!!!!! 16. dogs or cats: BOTH 17. clear skies or rain: BOTH 18. cooking or eating out: it depends on my mood tbh 19. Spicy food or mild food: both 20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: what 21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little too cold 22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: stop time 23. animation or live action: animations 24. paragon or renegade: what 25. baths or showers: baths, even though i dont own a bathtub 26. team cap or team ironman: Iron Man 27. fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy 28. do you have three or four favourite quotes? not really 29. youtube or netflix: youtube 30. harry potter or percy jackson: hp, but pj was pretty awesome and diverse than hp.... actually I think I only like hp more bc of the movies, but pj... is very awesome too idk 31. when you feel accomplished: 6. dc or marvel: when i finish a drawing 32. star wars or star trek: star wars 33. paperback books or hardback books: as long as i have books 34. horror or rom-com: yikes rom-com 35. to live in a world without literature or music: death 36. pastel colours or dark colours: i love both!!!!!! 37. tv shows or movies: bitch everything is both here 38. city or countryside: city, but i too love contryside 39. if any other zodiac sign could describe you, what would it be: i have no idea 40. if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life what would it be: dont ask me that omg 41. cinema or theatre: cinema 42. if you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: midnigher’s 43. smiling or smirking: slut for both 44. are you an ��all or nothing’ type or are you more consistent: i dont do anything so idk dude 45. playlists or your whole library on shuffle: shuffle 46. travelling or staying at home: traveling, but i would love staying at my own home 47. books or fanfiction: Both 48. If you could live in a fantasy world, what world would it be: huh, i had never thought about this, i cant answer now. but probably i would choose to live in one of my daydreaming shit 49. your favorite cartoon: idk i live irmão do jorel, a brazilian cartoon 50. name the weirdest five songs on your itunes, current or past: bruh im dont know 51. mountains or plains: both! 52. favorite anime (or tv show if you don’t watch anime): YURI ON ICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 53. which social media platform are you most like yourself on: Tumblr AND youtube 54. What are some of your passions: music 56. If you have a pet, do they do anything interesting/weird (like a cat that plays fetch, a bird that can say funny things, etc)? : not really. my cat sleeps funny sometimes hsajkdhas

[cafffeinations]

It’s amelietweek! \o/ Here’s something for the day 4 prompt College/University AU. It also features Estonia as Lithuania’s room mate, and has mentions of Canada (I think Himaruya put Estonia’s ‘human age’ as younger than America, but here he’s older, like Lithuania). Its ~2,400 words and can be read on AO3 here

Somehow Alfred not being there is just as distracting as when he is, but Eduard is oh so fortunately around to inform him why.

---

Seeing as Alfred isn't around, there's really no excuse why Toris isn't getting on with any work. Without the stories about his day or the new people he always seems to be meeting, explanations about whatever new thing he's into that week and just his exuberant presence in general, it's a much quieter and study-friendly Tuesday evening than Toris usually has.

 Yet whenever he tries to focus on the paragraphs before him, the blinking cursor reminding him how unfinished they are, his eyes manage to glance of their own accord back to the clock at the bottom of the screen. He's usually here by now, the thought cycle begins, I wonder what he's up to?

But as the more rational part of his mind points out, there's no real reason for him to be here; just because he usually comes by doesn't mean he has to.

That should be the end of it, but he just cant help but imagine where he is, be it eating with friends or out running or maybe even studying - unlikely, he smiles wryly to himself, remembering how Alfred had proclaimed that he's 'better off' cramming before finals or he'll just forget everything. Toris had questioned if that really was so wise, to which Alfred had stuck out his tongue, making such a silly face that he'd laughed and -

His word count still has not gone up.

With a sigh he leans back and stretches his arms and shoulders, mentally berating himself, just as Eduard comes through the door.

"Hey," he greets, sliding his backpack onto the bed on his side of the room, "that doesn't look so promising." 

"Yeah, I'm not having the most productive time," Toris replies ruefully, trying not to calculate the days and hours until the one of his many deadlines.

"Well don't worry, you'll manage. You always get it done," Eduard reassures him, and he smiles gratefully, at least until he continues, "especially as it seems our resident freshman isn't around for once to distract you."

"Oh, don't be mean," Toris resists the urge to roll his eyes, a vague idea of where Eduard is headed, "he doesn't come here that much."

"If you say so," Eduard says in a tone that clearly doesn't believe him.

"Its only on Tuesdays when he has a late class over here," Toris bites against his better judgement, referring to the computer suite they live near, "and some Wednesdays if he has time to kill before baseball practice...and maybe on Fridays because of that burger stand he likes." (It was, according to Alfred himself, the best he'd had since moving from home).

"Hmm. How convenient."

"Plus he thinks that he can get your help with his coding or whatever it is you computer guys do!"

"He wishes! That was a one time deal and he knows it." Tutting, he boots his computer up (but Toris knows that as much as Eduard grumbles about Alfred, he finds him nice enough or he wouldn't put up with him coming over at all). "No, it's not me he treks over here for."

There's an emphasis there that he can't help himself but address. "I know what you're saying, and stop it. We just get along well, that's all."

"I'm not saying anything."

"You are," he grumbles.

"Well it's not my fault he's got a major crush on you, is it? I'm just pointing out the obvious. Yes, it's obvious," he interrupts before Toris can say otherwise, "and you like him back, or you'd be busy working instead of sat there looking at the time." 

"I wasn't- I was just- reading and planning what to write!" he protests, lying, and wondering not for the first time how Eduard manages to pick up on things he'd really rather he didn't.

"Very convincing," he says dryly.

As if to make a point Toris turns back to his screen, but he's not reading anything at all.

It's not exactly something he's never thought about, but he hadn't realised that it was so obvious. Or maybe Eduard was just too perceptive for his own good - he hoped that was the case.

"I don't think Alfred swings that way anyway," he says after a while, not quite as casually as he intended, but luckily Eduard is rifling through a pile of notes, not seeing his faint blush.

"You'll never know if you don't try," he shrugs, "You should just ask him. If you can get a word in against all the nonsense he chats, anyway."

Alfred did talk a lot, yes, but Toris enjoys it so long as he can keep up with the tangents that he sometimes flies into. And it wasn't all nonsense - if you really listened, there was more to him than just loudness and energy.

This was particularly apparent when they were alone. Then, it wasn't unusual for him to talk in, well how could he put it...just a different kind of way, one that led Toris to discover this more rounded side of him. Not that he meant Alfred was a superficial person or anything - really he was pretty damn genuine to all - but just that being on the go as much as he was, and as breezily as he interacted with so many people, he didn't think many (if any) got to see the depths that he did.

And maybe this wasn't all that unique, because wasn't everyone the same? Not many share their deeper thoughts with everyone in everyday conversation now, do they?

But the fact that Alfred could sit on his bed and come out with all sorts of things to him, made him feel kind of special. He'd learnt for example that Alfred jokes to people about math being the end of him, but he doesn't like admitting he'd been close to not making it to college at all until he'd taken extra tutoring; he knows that Alfred has a twin brother who he has little in common with but still 'actually kind of misses', and wishes they were closer; he knows as well that he's got some sort of hang-up about missing out on things and that's why he likes to get involved in so much. 

If Toris is a bit like his confidant then he's fine with being there for him, and it doesn't mean Alfred likes him, just that they feel comfortable around each other. That's what he gets most from Alfred, he suspects; a lingering feeling of lightness, his fun and carefree manner a refreshing break from himself and the stresses he gets himself tangled up in.

Does that mean he wants more than just, hanging out though? The idea of going there, closing that distance between them when they're sat together, is far (far) from unappealing, but feelings get so messy, and...well, he should be focusing on the reason why he's here in the first place. To study, and the grades sure aren't going to achieve themselves.

 ---

 Its just as he's about to pull on his pyjamas, having managed a to-do list for tomorrow's study if not ticked any more off that night, that his phone buzzes, twice in quick succession.

There aren't that many people who message him, and sure enough its the culprit of his earlier distraction.

Hey im so sorry i didnt come over today!! blame my mom, she said she had important news and to skype her ASAP so i ran back and all it was is that shes selling the house!!

-

which is still important lol but i was freaking out so much thinking it was something bad! sorry

He can feel a smile creeping onto his face before he's even halfway through reading, so very much like Alfred it is to sound lively even in text. The fact that he's being thought about too may have contributed to that smile, but he means it when he replies,

You dont have to apologize! You can't ignore moms when they say its important haha. That sounds exciting!

He's barely set the phone down when it buzzes again, but this time its a call - for some reason, this makes him nervous, but before he can over-think he hits answer, grabs his key and slips out of the room so Eduard can't eavesdrop when he comes out the shower.

"Hello?"

"Hey, its me, can you talk?"

"Yeah," he says and pads past other rooms along the hall to sit out on the top step of the flight of stairs. "How are you?"

"I'm good, now!" America chirps down the phone, "Can you believe it though? She could've phrased it in a much better way, she had me so worried!"

"That's true!" Though he could also imagine Alfred doing the same, impulsively sending a message before thinking it through, "Its really fine though!"

"Yeah? You didn't miss me too much?"  

Obviously Toris can't see his face, but he can picture the cheesy and slightly cocky grin all the same.

"Not much," he teases, "I have Ed for company, after all."

"Pssh, I'm much better company than he is! That guy still won't help me with my paper," he grumbles, to which Toris chuckles.

"So you're moving home then?"

"Oh yeah - well to be honest its not even a shock, before we even went to college Mom was making plans to downsize. Just means there wont be as much space to move back so no pressure for finding a job at the end, right!" He laughs loud, in somewhat contradiction to what he's just said, and Toris hopes Alfred's room mate is out or at least not trying to sleep.

"You've got a couple of years to think about that yet," he says, "there'll be room for you to stay for vacations still, right?"

"Yeah, better be. Me and Matt have already said there has to be unless she wants us fighting over who's gonna sleep on the floor!"

"You spoke to him too?"

"Mm!" he imagines Alfred is nodding, "Actually I've been on skype to him most of the night. Its been a while since we talked, you know?"

"Yeah. How is he?"

"Really good! Buried in books he says, but doing okay. He's found a group of hockey nerds so he's been getting crazy with them 'til now I'm sure."

Toris thinks he means this in an affectionate way, considering how he says that he misses the guy, but his flip-flopping in how kindly he describes his brother isn't all that new a phenomenon.

"I think college is suiting him good. I tried to ask about all the girls in those pictures with him on Facebook and he went all red and told me to mind my own business! So he must be doing well, right!" he laughs again and Toris can’t help but smile too.

"You'll have to get some of his secrets," he teases, expecting Alfred to take it in his stride. 

"Yeah, maybe," he sighs, and there's a pause; not sad, just there, and for a second Toris remembers his earlier conversation with Eduard, and whether Alfred likes...

He decides against going there now.

"It's nice you're catching up."

"Yeah. I told him he should visit sometime soon. Hopefully he won't be too mad that not many people know I have a twin, ha ha...but you two would get along well I think."

"Oh yeah?"

"Uh-huh, you're both kinda quiet. And you put up with me! Actually, Matt said that-" 

He waits for the rest, but instead he gets, "actually, nevermind. How was your day?" 

"Um, it was fine but hey I'm curious now!" Toris answered, unsure as to what it could be. 

"Nah, it's nothing. I'll tell you next time I see you. I have to go to a group project before practice tomorrow but hopefully soon?"

"Yeah, sure," Toris replies, "I don't go far!" (which except from the library, was sadly true).

"Cool. Ok, well, goodnight!"

"Night Alfred," he says, and waits for him to hang up. After a few seconds he does, but something about the abrupt end and change of track is nagging at him. It's uncharacteristic of Alfred to be hesitant, but of course he's fully entitled to his privacy. He'll just have to wait and see if he does elaborate later.

He's about to get up when his phone vibrates again, making him jump.

"Hello?"

"Ok so I'm sorry if this weird but basically he said I talked about you so much he couldn't wait to meet you and he was glad that I'd found someone, and I was like what are you talking about and he was like - okay you don't need all of that, and um, do you know what I'm getting at here?"

He talks so fast it takes Toris' mind takes a while to catch up with his ears, and a few moments on top of that to fully process just what he's said.

"I, think I might," he says slowly, butterflies in his stomach.

"Do I? Come across like, I you know... like you."

He wonders what the best answer would be, and truth be told doesn't really know.

"I think only you can answer that," he says softly, and wishes he was there with Alfred now, to reassure the likely puzzled frown furrowed on his face. "For the record though, its not weird."

"It's not?"

"No, it's - it's fine. It's more than fine, actually," and he waits with bated breath for a response.

"Cool," Alfred says, which may not sound like much but he knows, he can just tell, that means he’s happy.

"Listen-," he starts at the same time as Alfred says "So-"; they laugh, nervously but happily, and he lets Alfred continue.

"I've got some stuff to figure out, about this," he says, "but I think you can help. Are you free on Friday?"

"Yes."

"Do you wanna go for a drink? Like, a proper drink. A date drink."

"That would be great," he says, beaming, and he really means it.

 ---

The next morning as he's about to head to the library, Eduard says, "I  don't want to say I told you so, but, I told you so."

"What do you mean?" Toris says as innocently as possible, feigning ignorance.

"Funnily enough, given your denial, something's happened between you and him."

Toris exhales into an exasperated laugh. "I haven't even said anything! How can you possibly know?!"

"You've practically been smiling ever since you woke up."

And throughout the day, whenever he thinks about Friday, it's hard to stop.