#im gonna be coming back here to reread so often

[dragonnarrative-writes]

im the anon who sent that gaz ask and omg kyle's interlude was so good!!!!! im just giggling thinking of kyle wondering how much does she know? did she catch on somehow? fuck I have to take her out quick before she finds out how many projects ive finished and the whole time miss new girl is like. wow this guy fucking sucks at his job i want him gone from my hospital >:(

mans thinks shes gonna file a case with a police and she just thinks he's incompetent as shit

I'm so tickled. That's exactly what's happening.

CW: discussions of death and dying, autopsies, medical neglect

There’s something going on on the cardiac floor that you just… can’t quite put your finger on.

This isn’t the first hospital you’ve worked at, but you’re also new to urban healthcare, so you don’t want to rock the boat by being paranoid. But traffic from the cardiac floor is… steady. You’ve read the papers, know the stats like the back of your hand. And the cardiac floor is perfectly in line with expected trends. Every. Month.

There are fluctuations, of course. Plus or minus three to seven lives is nothing remarkable in cardiology. Macabre, maybe, but true. But that’s unnatural. In the seven months you’ve worked here, you’ve seen waves elsewhere in the hospital. The plastics floor had a month with zero deaths followed by a month of a persistent infection sweeping through the otherwise reasonably healthy patients. Oncology has seen a steady decline in patients sent your way, thank goodness. Even emergency and intensive care aren’t as fixedly consistent as the cardiac floor.

When you wonder about it aloud to the director, Dr. Martins just shrugs. “We have a good team up there. Very good at keeping things clean and double and triple checking their work.”

“But if that’s the case, then the number of deaths should be going down,” you point out.

Dennis gives you a rueful smile. “That’s not always how human bodies work, unfortunately. You know that.”

You do know that. Which is why the consistency grates against your nerves. So you decide to do a little digging.

The name that comes up the most often in the chart notes is one Kyle Garrick.

That’s actually not 100% accurate. He’s charting exactly the way he’s supposed to. And no nurse has complete, individual access to patients 24/7. But every dying patient he has access to is… perfect. Their blood work, labs, vitals, prognosis, medication adherence and refusal is almost too-the-letter, textbook precise.

The most obvious answer is that Garrick, and probably a couple of other nurses on the floor, are fudging the numbers.

The idea is infuriating. You hate the way the administrators keep changing medical record systems just as much as the next person, but inaccurate charting is a safety issue. People can, have, and do die because someone writes down the wrong timing for medications or assumes that a patient’s vitals are unchanged. If anything, this is probably worse than that. The fact that everything is so pristine probably means that some patients are just being written off. The nurses might be deciding who gets the excellent care the hospital is known for and who gets neglected.

You stay three hours late investigating the next cardio patient that ends up in your morgue.

After examining the body and reading, rereading, and re-re-re-reading his chart, you find it. A stutter in the dosages of blood thinners, a slightly higher blood pressure reading from someone who isn’t nurse Kyle fucking Garrick. Just enough evidence to have you testing the body with an aspirometer almost too late. And there it is. A fatal air embolism.

You want to scream, but the dead man doesn’t deserve that.

Three weeks later, sipping from your water bottle, someone calls into the office. “Knock knock.”

Dennis practically lights up. “"Good morning, Kyle. Been a bit since you've come to see us. Care for some tea?"

Your eyebrows shoot up. Dr Martins hates unexpected visitors. Then you look over your shoulder, and you understand. Even old queens aren't immune to pretty privilege. The man that’s leaning in the doorway is gorgeous. Maybe its because you work with dead bodies all day, but his eyes and skin seem to glow, even under the fluorescents.

"Can't," the man says, apologetically. "Just dropping someone off."

"Well, at least let me introduce our new nurse!"

The fact that you’re wiping crumbs off of your mouth over a paper plate is the only reason no one sees your face fall when you hear him say, “Nice to meet you. Kyle Garrick.”

[admirxation]

˗ˏˋ admirxation's weekly fic recs ´ˎ˗

!! dark content ahead, please read the warnings the authors have provided, and then continue at your own discretion !!

5th may '24: here are some fics i've collected this week, obviously this is not every single fic but i wanted to give some more spotlight on the ones that literally had me bouncing off the walls lmao. if anyone wants to see more recommendations i have a 'admirxation fic recs' tag if you're ever wanting to read something, and i want to try and do this every Sunday to give some love to creators. i will try to limit this to 10-20, and some weeks might be shorter cuz i don't always have to time. thank you to these creators making these fics and please give them some love

resident evil fics

“If I gotta sin to see her again then I’m gonna lie.” [NSFW] {dad’s boss!Jack Krauser x fem!reader} ~ The reader ends up on their knees for the stranger allowed in their house; starting a fling with her fathers boss.

this was written by @mrswint3rs now i read this a bit ago but i just can’t forget about it. i love krauser content so much like there needs to be more content for this man, i love my pookie leon a feral amount but pookie bear needs to share some spotlight for the other RE guys. i am not embarrassed to admit that i keep rereading this fic, it does something to the brain chemistry. honestly the moment this girl posts more krauser fics im leaping like it’s my last meal cuz AHHHHHHH. the forceful but seductive characterisation that is written within krauser is so memorable and had me blushing and kicking my feet, and to expose myself further the secrecy tropes always get the meter going they are my guilty pleasure.

playing house [NSFW] {stepdad!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ the readers mother had passed away, leaving Leon and the reader to get closer.

this was written by @miss-oranje-disco-dancer now i always thought i wasn’t into the whole ddlg scene, before anyone things im hating i never gave hate to the concept i was just never apart of the craze if u get me, however, this fic has made me rlly rlly crave ddlg content to the point i’m wondering if the writer laced their words with crack cuz IM SO HOOKED. the gradual progression of the reader and leon is so hot, especially *spoilers for the rest of the fic* when they start sharing a bed dude the tingles i felt, and then the breeding when the reader acts so nonchalant about being bred by leon like YESSIR I NEED THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING.

Playground Love {older!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ age gap love between reader and Leon.

this was written by @j3llyd0nut . i might have a problem which how much older men fanfics i consume, like gurl its becoming a big problem… that i dont wanna fix oop- this fic doesn’t go into smut (ik what a shocker for me to be recommending something that is straight up porn lmao) but it does deal with age gaps, and i felt the way the writer portrayed it was so well written, especially with the readers’ mothers feelings to it. dating someone older comes with a mix of feelings, the envy was well encapsulated as well as the worry where it is often people try to warn. also the ending quote was such a killer (as an oscar wilde fan hehe… im an english student i love a reference).

Nerd Leon [NSFW] {nerdy!Leon Kennedy x nerdy!fem!reader} ~ Leon and the reader are both virgins who have had a crush on one another.

this was written by @nvoirs (it won’t let me tag them but you have the link to go show them some love). i love lil nerdy leon, he's so cute, especially with the pictures above the fic hehe. honestly the reader is so relatable, the idea of someone asking you out as a joke hahah ive been there too many times, no one can force me back into high school i will claw them. i quite liked the dynamic of them learning together, hehehe it's so so hot and cute at the same time and it deserves so much more love in my humble and very correct opinion.

the last of us fics

older Joel Miller [NSFW] {older!Joel Miller x afab!reader} ~ ft nervous Joel who hasn’t dated in a while and nervous to be with the reader who reassures she wants to be with him.

this was written by @pedroshotwifey and omfg i’m like the biggest simp for joel to the point it’s honestly embarrassing lmao, i feel like they wrote joel quite well and i would imagine if he was to become involved with someone again he would be nervous and be in his head about it; i found the writing of the transition back into sharing physical intimacy really well written and enjoyable, it’s not easy to do that but the author did it so well. my fav joel oneshot.

jujutsu kaisen fics

A proper send off [NSFW] {stepdad!Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader} ~ Toji puts his claim on the reader before she goes to college

this was written by @bratbby333. i feel like i died, like the author put the words on the screen and it make me curl up in a ball and squirming cuz i need toji biblically, and then i died, and then the words brought be back to heaven and then i was bonked and put into horny jail. i’m actually feral for this man. i’m feral for too many fictional men but toji is ughhhhh AHFJFKDKSKSKDDKEKSKW. i loved the descriptions of the reader almost being made for him, or more accurately, Toji making the reader made for him; the description of *SPOILERS* him moulding her pussy for his dick was YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM, i was salivating like fucking homer simpson I NEED IT.

Daddy Issues [NSFW] {stepdad!Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader} ~ reader is a brat whose stopped by her step father Toji

this was written by @nexysworld and my oh my does this girl cook, I AM THE BIGGEST NEXY FAN EVER HEHEHEHEHE. i am a new recruit to the toji fan club and boy oh boy was this the most exciting oneshot to first read after finding my love for this beautiful man. I gotta say the way nexy writes toji is honestly a game changer. like he’s such a jerk that u wanna slap, but i also am enticed by how much of a jerk he is… and perhaps wanna be slapped by him- WHO SAID THAT 👀 damn.

“well, we should probably fuck. Right?” [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ reader and gojo are trapped in the prison realm with nothing else to do.

this was written by @kingkonoha. now as we have all learnt about me liking something normally isn’t in my vocabulary; if i like a piece of media best believe im putting my whole soul into it. jjk is a new edition to my fandom endeavours and heheh gojo is my first love, im such a gojo girlie IF ANYONE COMES TO DETROY MY PEACE F OFF LMAO (gojo and toji girlie fr i am). okay if you’re a gojo girlie, kingkonoha’s writing is top tier. i loved the way they encapsulated gojo’s personality, he’s so cocky in this oneshot and ugh i just can’t help but see it so on brand for gojo; also the dirty talk in this fic is like toe curling afhdisosfheisidfhwowjwf I NEED HIM IN A WAY THAT IS CONCERNING TO FEMINISM.

The fanboy guide [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ gojo is the readers number one fan and manages to finally meet them in a meet and greet.

this was written by @kingkonoha . i love obsessing over fictional men BUT OH THIS FIC RLLY HAD THE TURNED TABLES. look i dont need anyone judging my likes, i like the idea of someone, especially gojo, obsessing over me and telling me he loves me while i ride him. girlhood = hearing i love you while riding gojo lmao. i love this creator to the point they’re probably fed up on me constantly liking their stuff haha. some bits i wanna point out, the dirty talk was like A* and the way he’s obsessed and basically babbles i love u like AFHFJSWISODODOWKWNEJ this has a chokehold on me and is like feral spray for the gojo girlies to get going lmao.

Tease [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ reader teases her sensei over text, and he later shows up at the readers door.

this was written by @dark-and-kawaii . oh look more gojo fics, are we surprised, no rlly cuz he's so hot and ugh i need him so much. i love dirty talk especially sexting it's so hot, but the fact he literally shows up at the door? i was shook but like in a horny way lmao. honestly the jealousy he feels it’s like kinda embarrassing how much i love to imagine someone all jealous over me like hehe tell me how much im in ur mind rent free HAHA. honestly i love this blog, i followed for the bg3 content and stayed for like the absolute talent in every one of their works, so much love <3

i will possess your heart [NSFW] {yandere!satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ satoru thinks the reader belongs to him and will go any length to make that happen.

this was written by @bratbby333 . okay on this account we love a yandere, the idea of someone being so obsessed that it’s a danger to the lover, themselves and everyone around, A MUST!!!! honestly, it’s kinda baddddd how much i love these yandere oneshots but oh well it’s not like im gonna stop eating this up when everyone fr cooks. i honestly have to say this is the best yandere fic ive seen, like i was fangirling over the author over every word and punctuation they strung together, like huhhhhh it had me on a chokehold throughout it all. the journey of obsession and how far gojo went and his pathway to that was so well written, and the scene with the ex boyfriend and the heart ?!?!?!?! i was literally wide eyed like an owl going “WHAT OMFG”.

to be ex husband [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ ex bf gojo comes back in readers life and asks for a hand in marriage.

this was written by @arminsumi . lmao this fic made me have so many emotions. first of all, SHOKO MY BELOVED IS MY BESTIE I LOVE SHOKO. but the idea of gojo being an ex cuz he was a play boy i was like hmmm f u man, breaking my heart (like bruh i was so offended like i actually was the reader to the point i was like bruh i have to calm down) and then after when he’s getting all giggly with suguru im like hehehehe let the fucking commence i need me some gojo action. honestly this fic has an amazing balance of oooo this is sexy, to feelings of being a lil mad, but also comedic moments. it honestly encaptures gojo’s character so well, i was rlly impressed. also i didn’t know how much i needed someone to ask for marriage while fucking ahe

[13ghostlytitties]

The Heart of a Hero is returning once more!

Today marks the 5-year anniversary of the premiere of HoaH, and is fairly close to the 3.5 year anniversary of its last official upload. Well, the wait is over. It’s time for me to resurrect this series and eventually bring it to its end (not that it left off anywhere close to ending 😉).

Since it’s been a while, I’ve put together a recap of the story so far that I’ll post at some point here. It’s not complete, I had to cut out some of the newer chapters since it just became a play-by-play synopsis that doubled the total word count, but hey, having to reread 5-10 chapters is better than rereading 150.

The tentative return date will be this time next month as I work on creating a backlog of chapters. If I need to push it back, I’ll let you know. As for other questions I’m sure some of you have, check below the cut. For those who don’t care, see you in a month, hopefully.

So, some questions I’m sure some of you are asking:

1: where have you been? And why did you stop?

I’m not gonna go into details since I’m not that kinda person, but overall, just been living life, dude. I originally began my unexpected hiatus when college was kicking my ass and expected to get right back to things, but some stuff happened, and by the time I had dealt with it, it was Spring of 2020. You can guess what stopped me up then lol. But yeah, things just got away from me and eventually, I didn’t have the time or energy to dedicate to diving headfirst back into this outside of unconnected one-off stuff like those Bang fics. There’s other facets too, of course, the biggest one being a general disinterest in the source material. I stopped reading MHA around the villains arc (though I’ve kept up a bit in terms of big stuff like the traitor reveal), so I lacked that interest to pull me back into this world. Where I left off in the story, in the middle of a complicated arc full of OCs and big fights and stuff, was also a hurdle to getting back into things. But I’m here now, I’m working on my backlog, and I’m gonna commit. If you guys are excited about my return, spread the word and lemme hear it so I can keep this motivation 🤟

2: Is A New Era coming back too?

And now for the other shoe to drop. It is not. Im very sorry, especially to those whose OCs I included, but it’s just not feasible. Every time I considered it or tried it, the whole return to the main story was stopped up with it. Anyone who’s interested in continuing it themselves in some way shape or form, you have my permission in terms of the general idea, the OC kids I came up with, the places that canon characters are in it, etc. As for other people’s OCs, I’d check with their creators. One again, very sorry, but it’s just not doable.

3: What will this return look like? How often are chapters gonna drop?

Still working out the specifics, but my idea for now is to drop 2 chapters a week. If I need to go on hiatus, I’ll announce as much and plan the placement of it much better so that I don’t stop in the middle of an arc. That way, the hiatus will only be a month instead of years lol. The schedule may change over time, but I’ll keep everyone informed as I move ahead with it

4: a lot has happened in the manga and anime and movies since you stopped. Will these things be worked into the series?

Nope. I stopped reading and probably won’t start again until it’s over and done with. More than that, I’ve been sitting on these plans for a couple years now and don’t feel like changing them much. Besides, this story has had a long, rich history of shitting in the soup of the canon story, so I’ll just continue doing my own thing

5: are you still as epic and cool and funny as in the past?

Don’t ask questions you already know the answers to. I never was 😎

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

hi hello im back after rereading glaze defects for like the twentieth time at like one am and just!!!! just. this line really struck me: “Stick was a huge dick. He did what was expected for someone who found a kid with no family and superpowers, and he took advantage.”

something abt matt thinking this is expected. not just that if someone knew abt his powers they would exploit him and use him but that it’s something to be expected. from anyone. not that stick was uniquely abusive and terrible but that anyone would do it. i!!!!!! hhhhhhhrn i continue to be So Insane abt this character study apologies for coming here to scream abt it so often. ANYWAY anyway merry christmas if you celebrate that and I hope the end of the year is kind <333

So, you actually pinpointed one of the things that I think is a core trait of Matt Murdock, and one of the biggest distinctions between him and Foggy.

Whenever I'm writing characters in the same story, I always pick a few like, baseline perspectives that are different and filter their world through that. I'm not even gonna take credit for this, because I'm so convinced that it's fundamental to the characters of Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson that it's all already there.

I think the difference is this:

For Foggy, people are good until proven otherwise, and for Matt, the opposite is true.

And I want to be clear—this isn’t about naïveté, or about trust issues. This is the most base, default world approach as you can get.

It’s like this: 

Foggy's a good person who grows up in a family of good people. They don’t have a lot, but they have each other. The Nelson clan is a big, and they’re people who take care of other people. So, Foggy probably grows up watching his parents give people breaks when they can’t afford full price in the store. He grows up with siblings cousins who probably cover for him when he’s in trouble, who lend him money when he needs it, and who grow up to be the kind of people that he can call up to give free repairs to Karen Page when her apartment is broken into. 

There’s a lot of little moments in life where you can pick to help people, usually at some kind of cost to yourself. Foggy is the kind of person who says “Yes,” to helping those people time and time again. He grew up surrounded by examples of people who did the same. 

Of course, he’s met plenty of people who don’t help people out. But those moments aren’t the expectations. It’s just a day where you ran into one of the assholes of the world. Having people who hurt you, who take advantage of you, who just suck--it’s exceptionalized, in that sense. It’s not rare, but it’s out of the natural order. And they prove it to you that they’re the assholes of the world, so he can take them out of the default pool and into the asshole pool. 

And, again, that’s not to say he’s naive. He’s not. It’s just the mindset at the first meeting. All things being equal, the first time Foggy mets you, he assumes you’re human, and that human beings are people who give each other a hand when needed. Distrust is a learned phenomenon. You have to give Foggy a reason to not trust you. 

Matt, meanwhile, is shown to already be afraid of making rent while he’s growing up. He has no expectation of being given a break. We don’t know the details of what happened after his accident, but we know that his Dad is still worried enough about money that he literally dies putting away money to send Matt to college, so they absolutely got fucked on any settlement. And then, growing up, he gets a front line scene to a bunch of uncomfortable, private moments where people are not their best selves. Matt lives in a world where people don’t give each other breaks. He has people who do, of course--but they’re the exceptionalized ones to him. I think Matt grew up in the kind of world where people had to look out for their own interests, which were never your own. All things being equal, the first time Matt mets you, he assumes you’re human, and that human beings, at the end of the day, look out for their own interests. You have to give Matt reasons to trust you. 

And that’s not to say that Matt thinks people are inherently bad or he’s less kind than Foggy. I think canon shows again and again that, out of the two of them, Foggy considers Matt the soft-hearted one out of the two of them. 

There’s that scene, right? Season 1, Matt and Foggy are walking home having just started their practice, and Foggy’s talking about how he thought it’d be different from bailing out guys who get drunk and burn down their own house, and Matt’s talking about how his wife just left him, right? And later, Foggy’s talking to the guys in the hospital who are about to knife each other, about how not even his soft-hearted partner would take their case. 

If Foggy had to pick a rule of thumb of the universe, he’d say that people generally do good things but sometimes have fuck ups, and he wants to help them in those moments. Everyone has those moments that they regret, right? The bad choices. For Foggy, those are out of the ordinary. The little blips in people’s lives. 

For Matt, I think that’s how people are, and sometimes it’s interrupted with good choices. And he wants to help them anyway. Matt Murdock has incredible anger, but he’s also got an unimaginable amount of kindness to him. He wants to help people, and I think at the same time he does not trust them an inch to not hurt him.

He’s the billion dollar payout, is the thing. Like, I am so convinced that government agencies would kill for Matt Murdock’s power set. You could pour in thousands of hours of manpower and millions of dollars into an espionage operation, and it’s less effective than having Matt Murdock sit on a park bench outside of the Capitol building. That’s not even taking into account his fighting ability.

Matt’s in the uncomfortable position where people have a huge incentive to fuck him over, and not a lot of cost at doing so. All it costs is hurting him, and he’s someone with no resources, no family, no one to miss him--no consequences. And we know from Stick that it wasn’t exactly hard when someone tried to actualize it. Like, you have people in his life, normal people, people who are poor and middle class and rich, and he’s someone who could be a pretty spectacular golden ticket if they figure out the right person to make the payout. And he’s the problem child. The troubled orphan, always fighting, always in trouble, never with a place to stay. Disabled, poor, drain on the fucking system. It’d be so much easier for people to sort of allow themselves to do this bad thing, justify it to themselves as not that bad, and take the big bag of cash and walk away. No one’s looking, because no one’s looking out for Matt. 

Again, this isn’t about whether Matt and Foggy think people are inherently bad, or whether one of them is kind--it’s just the default they start from. Foggy’s waiting for people to give him a reason not to trust from. Matt’s waiting for a reason to trust them--and the bar is just as high as the stakes. They’re several paradigm shifts away from each other, and I think that’s one of the reasons why their love for each other is so radical, and why they clash so much at times. 

I think that’s one of the reasons as to why Foggy was so betrayed by Matt, not telling him all those years. It’s not that he doesn’t understand the importance of not sharing this around--he’d get that the stakes are high, it takes some pretty understandable caution. But Foggy’s known Matt for years, and he’s secure enough in the kind of relationship they had to know that he hasn’t given Matt a reason to distrust him. Matt, meanwhile, just gave him a reason to distrust him. 

Anyway, I think it’s interesting, anyway. The idea that Foggy walks up to people and like, finds them generally trustworthy until they do something two-faced, and Matt probably needs to find a really fuckin’ good reason to start trusting them. It’s one of those really basic ways of viewing the world that people probably don’t consider as something they may be at odds with others about. 

And Foggy’s started to realize it, in glaze defects. Like, there’s this bit about him talking about how horrifying it is that matt grew up waiting for a windowless van to take him away--like, he’s just now realizing that that’s how matt’s always lived. He looks at the world, and he expects people to hurt him, and he doesn’t even particularly hold that fact against them. 

[emrystheblue]

omg OMG I Love Celestial Depths so freaking much! It's so cute! When I read I often get tired of it even if I like it very much! And have to take a break from it but with this??? I read all of it in one sitting without a break and rereaded it almost immediately! I also love that reader isn't fully defenceless they tackled the stalker with intelligent strategy! Well they needed help in the end but still the effort counts! What a great way to show the boys that they are sentient! It's heart-warming how Sun after realising they may be close to their sentient level immediately jumped to: me and my bestie chillin amd exchanging gifts lol! I love the image of Moon just chilling eating some fish and then there comes the hurricane named Sun with never ending blabbering about some sky fish lol. I like that Moon is very curious as well and even if more handsy he gets the memo from reader when its getting uncomfortable. I love their point of view which is ye they smart but kinda bad at hunting, didn't even finish the stalker no threat here we can explore they are fascinating after all. Also Moon stealing the knife is ahhh! I wonder what for! Was he just curious? Was it the trophy to show to Sun like: Look I saw the weird fish and took their removable claw!How fascinating! Or was he just being little gremlin? I can't wait for more interactions and dual curiosity and discovering information about each other! I think boys would be fascinated by the hair! They look great in the water and are so soft on the surface! Aaa! I love it! Thank you so so so much for writing it! It brought me much joy!

Aaaa thank you so much!! It makes me so happy that you like my fic so much!!!!

I had a lot of fun writing them. Wanted them to be as competent as they can be reasonably expected to be in their situation, and it was fun to have this as showing fish lad that they are capable of some things, but clearly no one ever taught them the important things so Sun will step in obviously and thus gain a friend! Lol

You can be absolutely assured that Moons ear was talked off at a rapid pace when Sun got home xD

They're both curious lil guys! Moon wanted to have a lookie himself to make sure the weird creature wasn't actually a threat and its intelligence wasn't just Suns wishful thinking. (It's happened before, Sun gets excited and then dissapointed that new friend isn't or can't be new friend). He's very grabby but if Sun likes this thing so much he doesn't want to accidently break it and make Sun sad, so he can be careful and lay off a bit when needed. I kind of wrote that as less he was intentionally recognising discomfort and more just wary he was damaging them if he didn't need to yet lol.

As for the knife yoink, well, he has his reasons :)

I think they would find the hair more weird purely because, from their perspective, it's gonna appear out of nowhere after our sky fish "peels back their skin" xD their hair is short, but there's enough they might find it fun to play with (after being assured they aren't sensitive feelers that might not always take well to being touched)

Im very much looking forward to writing more interactions for them. If all goes to plan next chapter is likely to be another interlude, but from Moons pov this time :3

Thank you so much for reading and sending this! Really made my day when I've been struggling 💙💙

[hannie-dul-set]

heyyy

just read the breakup song and MAN😩😩. i'm in AWE with ur writing plsss it is illegal to be this good at it. writing smth svt related on tumblr was always on the back of mind but after reading ur fic, i sat down and started writing for god knows how long. i think i've found my element and its all thanks to u. the way u progressed through the story and the little bits that we saw about all characters gave the story so much dimension.. i finished it yesterday and still find myself going to reread it.. especially the intro meeting scene *mwah* i said the same thing under the post but im gonna say it again, THIS NEEDS TO BE A SHOW! i can see all of it playing out

also i wanted to ask u if u have any tips for very very newbie writers on here, especially svt content. like i said u inspired to start writing but find myself very confused at times, on making it look good and being able to reach many people

idk if ur still here but i wanted to say that i love u and ur writing and i'm in desperate need of more svt fics from u (wouldn't mind a reader or jeonghan pov of the closet scene iykwim) 💟💟💟💌

much love, love

HDHSHSJS THANK U FOR READING!!!!!

i don’t think i’m the best person to ask for advice from when it comes to writing on tumblr because i’m not on here frequently anymore 😭😭😭 and most of the time i just post whatever insanity my brain has conjured, which more often than not does fit within the standards of the kind of content that blows up on here (ahem, plotless smut, ahem). HOWEVER!!! if there’s anything specific you’d like to know/learn about fanfic writing and posting, i will try my best to help!!!

in terms of making fics look good n pretty, it’s always advisable to create a header that matches the vibe of the overall fic HAHAHHA the standard header formula on tumblr dot com is idol image + text (but as u can see.....i like to break that formula HAHAHAHAH) and make sure to use the appropriately spacings for ur text!!!

again, if there are any specifics that you'd like to get advice abt, feel free to ask more!! (with regards to reaching many people, i cannot impart any wisdom on that 😭😭 my fics generally do well because the following i've accumulated over the years even though most of the things i write don't pander to the general tumblr audience HAHAHAHAH i don't want to ruin ur creativity either by advising to write something that panders to that audience 😔😔).

anyway!!! thank u sm for the compliments!!! lovelots!!!!

[leafcabbage]

Same anon as from before, first of all the tangets were wonderful and really nice to read so thank you <3 and second of all something i forgot to mention previously: TOMMY!!!! His whole "i don't think i want a girlfriend" was AMAZING and i really hope they come back to that at some point bc just,,,, watching them discover their identities and feelings just makes this so realistic and such an amazing read!! Also him just admitting to himself that yeah he finds Ranboo hot, 10/10 no notes <3

I'm going to go on a tangent now, sorry about that, but i think you do an amazing job of showing how complex aro relationships are and how much thought and consideration actually goes into them! I feel like sometimes aro relationships and/or QPRs are portrayed as,, sort of easy? Bc it's "friendship" or whatever? But like i've definitely spent time and thoughts on trying to figure out what i actually feel and what i want out of a relationship and even "what if this is actually romantic attraction" so it makes me feel so so so seen when those same themes are coming into play here! (No idea if you are planning on delving deeper into that but no matter what i'm really thankful for what we already got <3)

HI so so sorry for the delay in answering you will not BELIEVE the week i have had (actually you totally would work was just SO MUCH)

first of all YES absolutely coming back to that. tommy has always thought he needed to have a wife and kids one day as a way to like... prove himself better than his dad. like if he could be a good husband and father it would be proof that he was better than his dad and that he wasnt like... too "damaged" from his childhood. and realizing that he doesnt in fact want that is a really big thing for him that hes only now starting to deal with.and YEAH. let me. let me bring you back to one of my favorite winterlude lines (whjich. man im rereading that rn. because i forgot my own story. and bro how was i allowed to make them so god dam gay in that.)

"He pulled back, looking up at them. Their hair had fallen to almost entirely cover their face, so he tucked it back again, because he happened to think their face was quite nice. The gentle glow of the string lights illuminated Ranboo softly, and their smile had so much warmth and so much adoration, and Tommy wondered when he had fallen in love with them."

this man. is in love. its crazy.

secondly, THANK YOU!! honestly i just try to write things that feel real to me. i do a TON of research for things i dont experience, but as an aroace person and someone in a lot of aroace spaces online, i just write what i know. i DO absolutely want to delve into it more, because the relationships are such a major part of drdi and all relationships are gonna be complex. especially the trio like... theyve all got trauma and shitty relationships in their past, and on top of that they're in what is becoming a very serious, committed relationship. theres gonna be lots of feelings and complexities and stuff. theyre also not all aroace which means theres varying feelings going into the relationship which certainly isnt BAD but it adds more! the trio's relationship is just very unique as QPRs often are!!! i am very excited to keep delving into all of that its gonna be so fun!!!

but yeah!!! thank you so much for being so supportive!!!!! i really appreciate the ask(s)!!!!

[longhands-the-second]

Trimax vol. 5

This is a solid 30% “what will they do with this in Stampede?”

1- “this time of year”… what are seasons like there? Are they distinct at all???

OH. YIKES. JULY. I was wondering why we were starting here.

God, I hate to think of how many people Vash has lost over the years.

For him to openly weep is heartbreaking, knowing how often he just shuts down instead.

Im fucking stoked to see what they do with midvalley in stampede, if anything.

Meryl is leaving this whole thing fundamentally changed i think. Just a hunch.

2- This is maybe a little unclear? I see the vision though.

I fucking love manga milly you go girl

GOD DAMN IT VASH he keeps getting hit and it makes me sad

Ballerina wolfwood

Am. Am i gonna start simping for wolfwood now? Is this how it happens?

3- oh. Oh boy. That sure is a title page

I’m still so mad they stole ww’s nose in stampede. It’s so pretty.

Wolfwood being protective of people. That is all. :)

OH OH OH ITS HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM STAY FUCKING CALM

This is the first time that we’ve seen this w/o Knives’ direct involvement- is this something that just happens when he’s at his wit’s end? Has it happened before? (Is it just compounding recent events???)

Bevridge Bitch is here and his vibes are as rancid as ever

How recent was July? He has most of the same scars.

Man they really just took the sleeve off of his coat. Worst thing that happens here, surely (<- coping)

Nvm the sleeve magically reappeared.

Girl seriously though what the *Fuck*

Could he just not do it before? Is this knives doing it *for* him???

“Seeds”?

Oh no. Oh this is even worse than last time. Ick.

Somehow this is more explicitly uh. Y’know.

EW EW EW EW

Dude phrase that literally any other fucking wayyyyyy I’m screaming crying throwing myself out of the window

Vash didn’t answer. I think this is the only iteration that wouldn’t. Then again that might be entirely circumstantial.

DAMN.

4- I took a week long break after the last chapter. I WAS ahead but uh. Stuff and things. So i may have some rereading to do.

SO WAIT HOLD ON DOES TOUCHING THE FEATHERS LET YOU SEE HIS MEMORIES AND SHIT?

I wonder if wolfwood’s gotten his sight back? Is that gonna be recurring or was it just a brief thing?

God this is so fucked up. Poor Meryl is probably losing it

Midvalley continues to fascinate me. What he’s saying makes sense but like. Damn.

Oh fucking god damn it get this guy out of here i don’t want him

What the hell am i even looking at right now

LEGATO YOU BASTARD

5- i hate to say it but i was kind of rooting for midvalley? I wanted to see more of him at least. Fuckin brutal way to go.

Oh is this why zazie is like. Extra androgynous in stampede? Fully support this actually.

I don’t think any character gets under my skin the way legato does. Knives is a close second, but there’s just something about the type of cruelty he exhibits. It’s not quick or to the point. He lets that shit simmer on purpose. It’s not about power anymore, it’s about maximum suffering. For himself, too. It’s gross.

MERYL!!!!

Legato sticks his leggy out real far. Fr though those are spindly as all hell

I’m not sure how much of the angel arm use is Vash making a conscious decision? Guess we’ll find out later. (EDIT: or not damn. He’s so quiet about it.)

Ah. Elendira. Will i love you or hate you?

6- i swear i can feel the panic coming off of the page here

I wonder how much more shit happened with knives that we just haven’t seen yet. How much of it does Vash remember?

Is this happening in his head right now? Is that why his arm is extra fucked up?

I find myself wondering at this moment if the original japanese was more or less derogatory about elendira and tbh i’m just gonna stop thinking about it now.

I can already tell im gonna be obsessed with her dynamic with knives though. They both seem so over it in a way that i can only describe as “the only two queer people working at the McDonald’s.” This is in no way related to any personal experiences i may have had, pinky promise. (Me and that manager were like. Work besties.)

She’s so fucked up i love her already.

UGH UGH UGH BE NICE TO HIM DAMN IT.

EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO THEM MAN. (He’s not obligated to but holy shit do you know how much that had to fuck Meryl up?)

Yeah, i see where the japanese Rem headcanon comes from. The vibes are there.

End notes (semi related to the actual content):

- I am DYING to know how they’ll deal with the Earth ships. Can’t just start that plot thread and just destroy them. I mean, it could happen, but like. Why?

- Forever yelling about biblically accurate Vash. I’ll draw him at some point given the time and energy. I REALLY want to know how/if they’ll handle it in stampede- we sort of got it, sort of didn’t? I’d love to see that pushed further.

- I WILL FINALLY POST ANOTHER GOD DAMN COLORING THIS WEEK. It took me a full month so it’s from an earlier volume but i’m very excited to share! It *should* be done by Friday (questionable way to celebrate given the content) ((maybe I’ll post vash in the babygirl pose as a treat)).

- I got my silly little wwvd bracelet and wore it with my Vash cosplay this last weekend. It genuinely makes me smile every time i see it lol. Real mood booster through con crunch, too. (Also, shoutout to the vash cosplayers at akaicon who definitely won’t see this lol. I almost asked them if they were in on the bookclub based on conversations we had but I chickened out.)

[natsmagi]

I love ur art!!!! really its so gorgeous and the style brings me sm joy, its so soft and cute!! and ofc fem ntsmg is THE GOAT!!!!!!

BUT I JUST WANNA ALSO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR HOW U ANSWER ASKS AND STUFF AND IDK JUST UR WHOLE PERSONALITY IN GENERAL?? I love reading ur text posts especially when u kinda analyze the characters and stuff like its so fun to read and tbh, both natsume and tsumugi are characters that I feel are often mischaracterized in the fandom, and like idk I feel like u get them so perfectly and its sooo !??!?! Awesome getting to read ur awesome takes when new events come out and stuff like YOURE SO RIGHT ABT EVERYTHING, i be reading ur posts and going "you!!! YOU FUCKING GET IT!!!!!!!!!!" *happy stimming*

if you honestly did like a proper character analysis for them one day just now i would be so here for it and read it over and over again probably. Im currently hyperfixating RLY HARD on ntsmg so sometimes i just go through ur entire text post/ask tag and read everything over and over again 😭😭😭 I JUST LOVE THIS BLOG IN GENERAL KEEP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING, YOURE ABSOLUTELY AWESOME AND VERY MUCH BASED USER NATSMAGI!!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️

OIUGOHGOOHH OH MY GODDDDD ANONNNNNNNN THIS IS SO SWEET I HARDLY EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH U HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME 🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

im a very chatty person so im very glad u like hearing what i have to say 🥺!!! and im glad u like my personality too since i feel i can come off as harsh or arrogant sometimes AKJHFSKJH THOUGH TBF I DO TRY MY BEST TO BE KIND......

ID LOOOVE TO ANALYZE NTMG MORE !!! main reason i dont do it as often or hold myself back a bit is because admittedly its been a While since i read alot of the stories, a majority of which i have only read once, and when i make actually Proper analyzes i like to have reread the material and see if i maybe misinterpreted something on my first read or am misremembering, bc when given new info other interactions can be read differently and all that. and i also wanna actually do them justice and not accidentally spread misinfo AJHSFKJH AND I UNFORTUNATELY HAVENT HAD THE TIME NOR ENERGY TO DO THIS </3 but even without remembering every single piece of dialogue verbatim i like to think my grasp on them is still somewhat decent, and im very glad u like my interpretations 🥺❤️

it always makes me so incredibly happy when people view the characters similarly to me aswell bc like u mentioned they Are kinda prone to getting mischaracterized in some ways...... i think it mainly comes from both natsume and tsumugi having MANY factors to their characters though, and the mischaracterization comes from only highlighting one aspect of them and failing to think about how their different attributes overlap (although this can probably be said for the entire cast tbh). like an easy example that im sure everyone gets by now is natsumes little tsundereisms. if you only focus on him being rude to tsumugi it can look like hes just some edgy guy with anger management issues, but when you take into account other factors such as him having a rather spoiled upbringing both by his parents and nii-sans, and his distaste towards feeling "weak" (also caused by his upbringing, since he was frail as a child and raised as a girl) you start to see that oh. alot of that is just him being defensive and emotionally immature. since he had such a comfortable upbringing those hints of discomfort and vulnerability are threatening to him as someone who always had everything handed to him. and when you dont know how to deal with situations like that ASWELL as being afraid of being seen as "weak" youre Gonna start resorting to harsher words and sometimes even get physical because you have no clue how else to handle this. its also why the natsumes character consists of him being pretty obsessed with "growing up" and "not being a kid anymore," because he knows how immature he could be SKHDGJH he doesnt have bad intentions he just. doesnt know how to be vulnerable with people

[shoheiakagi]

Can you give me your thoughts of what you think of Homra alphabet boys? It could be who’s your favorite and who’s not, what you like and hate about them, who would you date and why. Etc etc…

of course i can!

i absolutely adore all of the abc boys and wish there was sooo much more content on them - fan and official content. although im a little more biased to some of them more than the others, i dont think im capable of disliking/hating any of them. theyre a lot more interesting and attractive than a lot of the major characters to me

i would literally be content with reading more stories on them getting drunk and causing chaos, despite serving no relevance to the plot lol

im gonna share some opinion/headcanons on each of the boys, so more under the cut:

Ask me shit!

akagi shouhei:

i think anyone that scrolls through my blog for like atleast 5-10 minutes will figure out that he's my favorite character in the entire series, even though he is a minor character. he's different from a lot of the other male characters that i typically go far (i usually go far guys with darker hair who have a similar personality to yata or even a quiet, cold personality similar to fushimi), but i remember reading mor for the first time and finding him super cute?? thats when i realized that even tho i typically prefer darker hair, im a huge sucker for guys with messy hair in general, especially when its tucked under a baseball cap. especially if theyre the rebellious type 🤭 think i got more interested in him when i reread mor around late 2018 and started analyzing the little details (he owned a motorcycle before joining homra, how he was all cocky and smirking when he raided that gang who kept his friend captive) that gave me this impression that hes not this generic nice guy that he likes to portray himself as. not ashamed to label this man as my fictional crush, 100% would date him irl, and 100% do think he gives chitose a run for his money when its comes to their face card (in the manga, at least). my least favorite thing about him has to be the lack of content on him. this applies to all of the boys, but i feel like the very few content we see on him, ends up relating back to bandou for the most part (i will get to that in a bit). like fuck, i want to know more about his daily routine, life before and outside of homra, his family, his friends out of homra, how hes like when hes drunk, how often does he party, whats his type, does he go to the gym, whats his views on life, etc. i also think that he can pull of the yandere stalker vibes very well cause first, he knows how hack into devices lol. second, i always see shouhei as someone who pulls this false, cheery facade to hide his true emotions. you can't really tell if hes angry or jealous unless youre closely paying attention and notice that his eyes seem darker than before, fists clenched, jaw locked, etc. and when he fights, he has this borderline psychotic grin on his face. like look at the material:

like yes daddy, pls fuck me

bandou saburouta:

i dont remember if i ever mentioned it here but out of all the boys, i related to bandou a lot when i was younger, with the whole introverted earth sign with dark hair who is jealous of their extroverted best friend who has better luck with the opposite sex lmfao. i really adore this idiot and he has me dying with how petty he can get, and how he seems to be the punching bag for some of the members (*cough* yata *cough). its so weird tho cause physically hes more of my type, but i guess its bc hes always decked out in a hoodie and shades, its hard to remember that hes actually pretty cute. the only thing that rubs me the wrong way is how the writers made his dynamic with shouhei erase some of shouhei's individuality. like even tho mor started off from shouhei's perspective, the minute we find out about bandou and him being friends, the narrative switches to bandou's inferiority complex around him. i love bandou's plotline, it definitely gives him more depth, making him one of the more developed abc boys along with eric. but i HATE how the writers made everything about shouhei, relate back to bandou. mor started off with shouhei joining homra to save his friend, which he succeeded in, great! but i feel like we learn more about bandou as a character, and whatever we do learn about shouhei, its mostly from bandou's perspective. there was also this series of short stories for each character, and boyyyyy you dont know pissed i was to see that shouhei's story was about bandou being jealous of how popular and friendly he is with girls. but when you read bandou's story, it was cute little heartfelt conversation between him and anna. i do feel like this is a reoccurring issue with the homra abc boys (we learn more about chitose and eric than we do about dewa and fuji in their respective chapters) but fuck man, at least in dewa's short story, we learn that he runs the bar when kusanagi is not around, making him popular with women, and that he loves extremely spicy food. granted, shouhei's story does provide some details such as how well liked he is and that he would take anna out shopping if totsuka and kusanagi are busy, but then most of his story morphs into bandou being jealous of him....like we get it, can we please move on from that topic? platonic banshou? 10/10, fucking love that shit. romantic banshou?? ehh, im indifferent

chitose yo:

chitose is my third favorite abc boy!! he's hot and a super fun character. its truly a shame that hes a minor character so the anime has him just standing around with a blank expression and maybe have him making a one-liner or two. hes genuinely the type of person i cant imagine staying silent and not giving his two cents, whether its during the more serious moments or the chill, laidback moments. im currently rereading mor and some panels of chitose got me like 😳🥵 cause hes fucking hot lol. but! im not a big fan of playboys/womanizers, so i never got into him the same way i did with shouhei and eric. at first, i was happy when i read one of the more recent post rok stories where it was stated that he finally found someone and got into a stable relationship! but then thinking about it, i feel like the writers should have made him seek therapy first, and then get into a relationship. cause from what we know about chitose, he was so scarred by how his first relationship ended with his late gf passing away, he avoided committed relationships bc he does not want to be emotionally vulnerable like that ever again. so clearly the guy had some psychological issues, which should have been addressed with therapy, instead of drowning himself in casual sex and alcohol. so i cant help but feel a little skeptic about him being ready to enter another relationship so soon. also hate how the writers make him say some suggestive comments about anna (getting married by 16, proposing to buy red lingerie for her as a bday gift, worry about her gaining weight for eating at night). like stop it, that shit is fucking gross and its making chitose go from a relatively harmless playboy to a creepy pedo. i never read the lost small world manga, but i remember coming across this omake (?) where chitose and dewa were talking and chitose made some comment that implied that he was willing to (or already had) have sex with a drunk girl, which is a huge no.

dewa masaomi

i would totally date dewa tbh. he fits my type irl (dark hair, introverted, can be witty/sharp, etc). it also helps that since he hangs out with chitose a lot, hes not really fazed by conventionally attractive women lol. along with fuji, he lacks a lot of depth since we don't know much about them. but hey, thats what im here for! i like to think that dewa makes all of his life choices by doing the exact opposite of what chitose does. where chitose would date and sleep any pretty girl that comes his way, dewa would be super picky and not just fall for a pretty face. chitose loves women in mini skirts and cropped tops, dewa prefers his women in suits and form-fitting long dresses that accentuates their curves without showing any skin. i think a general consensus for dewa is that he joined homra bc of chitose, which i definitely agree with. although some of the members may not be as brash and aggressive as someone like yata, i can still see them fitting in. dewa, on the otherhand, seems to be the odd one out. like the man seems like he would fit in with s4 better. but i do like the hc of dewa, despite how different he is from the other boys, dislikes authority figures trying to control his life, which is why he chose to stay with homra. cause its easier to join a gang for a friend, but its harder to stay in a gang if they dont align with your values/goals. i also like to think that dewa actually comes from a well off family, which reflects on his mannerisms and sense of dressing. but he doesnt share a close relationship with his parents. while theyre not emotionally or physically abusive, they are very emotionally absent, which is why he grows up detached from them. that doesnt stop them from trying to make his life decisions for him (i.e. have him take over the family business after college, settle down with this girl who is also from this well off family, etc), so dewa doesnt think twice before moving out once he hits 18

eric soult

my baby boy, my second fave abc boy!!! i think hes probably the only white character i like in anime lol (but then again, i dont really watch a lot of anime). i was veryy attracted to eric when i first read mor and found him so handsome (still do tbh), but now i feel so soft towards him??? like i still would tap it, but did you eat??? you look so cold, let me wrap a blanket around you!!! oh, youre telling me to back off or else you'll stab me??? aww, youre soo cute 🥰 all jokes aside, him and bandou are the most developed out of the abc boys, which makes sense on why theyre more popular than the others. i also wish we saw more of his dynamic with yata, cause i felt like their banter was fucking hilarious and i loved how eric was not scared to show him sass despite being new to homra lol. i recently started having this headcanon that eric has this old fashion mindset where as a man, you have to provide for your girl, even if its the most ridiculous and expensive thing ever, so whenever the guys talk about buying gifts for anna or any other woman in their life, hes always suggesting expensive jewelry and clothes. this also makes him very vulnerable to the wrong women, who would probably drain his wallet and emotionally abuse him if she doesnt get what she wants. i actually got this hc from the mor movie where fuji tells him that he'd fall for the type of wrong girl when he proposes buying designer gifts for anna lol. i was soo emotional when i read that eric makes the choice to travel the world by himself and taking pictures of beautiful sights. cause not only does it seem like he's honoring one of totsuka's hobbies, he's also getting this opportunity to see the world from a different and healthier perspective!!! he's going to be able to see more color in a world that was previously in shades of black and white for him!!!!

fujishima kosuke

my fellow taurus!!!! i remember thinking that he was related to mikoto when i first read the manga cause of his hair lmaooo. idk why but i always visualize him to have a deeper voice?? hes just so manly but yet so caring and nurturing, so i cant imagine him without a deep voice. i like to think that out of all of the guys, hes the only one who has a good relationship with his family, hence why he still lives with them, despite being part of a gang and having a bad habit of taking in stray animals. i know that in the same official story where chitose ends up in a relationship, fuji ends up being a carpenter, but i like the idea of fuji deciding to go back to school and becoming a vet so that he can take care of sick/injured animals. or atleast opening up his own no-kill, animal rescue agency!

[fangirleaconmigo]

heya -

you did a four character game back in like, october, and what you wrote hit me so hard that i sometimes still visit the post/screenshot i have of it if i’m feeling particularly. sad. it’s one of the most important things anyone has ever said to me and you literally don’t know anything about me but it’s cool. and then at the end of my feels i always look at the tags you left , uh ,, ‘sorry im fully drunk right now’ and that is so goddamn funny. you suck. anyway i just looked at the screenshot again & thought maybe i should tell you. i had tony stark, sherlock, lambert, & iroh

Hello! Ok. I’ve read your ask a few times and I’m not completely sure how you feel about me because tone on the internet is hard. It seems like you like visiting the post but then you say that I suck so I’m not 100% sure 😅

So I am just gonna plow ahead and tell you how I feel about those posts. For those reading who weren’t following then or don’t remember, almost six months ago I posted this:

Ok, how about this game? Send me four pics of your favorite blorbos and I will psychoanalyze you.

Here’s how it works:

Send four pics

I need to know at least three of them. If it is live action scifi and fantasy, I’m very likely to know them. (If you want to do animated, I won’t know them unless it’s ATLA, Arcane, or Castlevania. I won’t know any video games other than The Witcher.)

I will psychoanalyze you.

This is for entertainment and fun. I am not a psychologist.

i might be too close for comfort. I might be incorrect. Pls pls pls don’t be mad. I don’t know you. This is just for fun.

I’ll do this til tomorrow.

Send me your blorbos.

I think waaaaaaaay too deeply about fiction, as anyone who follows me knows. I also think a whole lot about psychology and human behavior. That’s been more for my own survival.

So I thought hey this will be fun. I’ll look at the characters. I’ll find a common thread of emotional impact each of these characters can have on people. I’ll find a common point of emotional connection between them all. Then I’ll free flow.

And on one hand it was fun. I really do like doing it.

But on the other hand I started getting really really anxious every time I answered one. What if I missed the mark and offended the asker? Or worse? What if I hit too close to home and made them feel too vulnerable?

I know it’s just fictional characters and I was clear that it was for fun and I tried to come from a place of affection and positive uplifting thoughts for each person.

BUT STILL I didn’t know how I was making each person feel and that was freaking me out because what if I was making them feel bad?? (I often worry about the way I make people feel on the internet. I can’t see you guys so I don’t know how I’m making you feel so I get neurotic about it.) and not everyone responded to my answer and so ofc I just worried twice as hard when that happened.

So I have actually a lot of those asks left sitting unanswered in my ask box. It was really popular. People sent me asks who didn’t follow me, so even though people didn’t all rb their posts, it somehow broke containment (people were maybe sharing in dms or discord?) and I got a lot of them. But at some point my worry and anxiety about it stopped me finishing answering them. And now it’s six months later and I don’t know what to do with the posts I still haven’t answered. Would it be weirder to answer them or not answer them?

Anyway. Back to your post.

Everything I answer and put out there is with love even when inebriated and overly honest. And I just went back and reread my answer to you and went yep. That’s still what I see as the connective tissue between those characters. I hope on the balance it was a positive experience for you.

[heliianth]

here’s another ask for you: talk abt whatever you want!!!

WAUGH thank u for a new one!!!!! ilysm!!!!!

rambling abt sonic and character foils and the IDW comics below the cut this is aimless enough for me to want it be an opt-in experience LOL

i was gonna talk abt this last night but it was 11 AnyWay. i saw a criticism of the IDW comics on reddit a long time ago and its got me thinking recently. someone said they didn't quite enjoy the way the comic was tackling sonic as a character not because of the inconsistencies in his pre-established beliefs (which are present) per se but because IDW keeps challenging them in ways that don't feel, from what i remember the comment saying, "good-spirited"? i hadnt heard that critique before so it was unique enough to catch my interest but not actually think much until now. but theres a reason for that hold on ok

so. to preface this whole thing. some of the most beloved stories in the series are ones that Do challenge sonic's beliefs. thats the reason why, when the series wants to tackle more mature content, they make foil characters. sa2 which reddit largely considers as having the best story has foil characters everywhere but specifically it spends a lot of energy on it's themes of identity and growth by making sonic and shadow clash not just physically but ideologically. that talk they have after final rush/chase basically spells it out and its framed as shadow hearing sonic out and then dismissing him ("what are you/i'm me/i see, well, i'm gonna beat your ass" <- basically). and then later on sonic's viewpoint is reinforced when shadow (airquotes) dies, but not before sonic himself is visibly impacted in the credits sequence. that whole story right there was, at least thematically, one about sonic having his beliefs challenged. SatBK does this as well, a game which is applauded within the general community as having the most accurate sonic characterization. stories that do adjacent things, like the OVA, s3&k, sa1, where character foils are a prominent part of the theming (though maybe not presented in a way where sonic himself necessarily feels ideologically Challenged), are often very popular as well

the time i saw the criticism was about when the surge saga was coming to an end, but i was new at that point so i really dismissed the whole discussion. sonics allowed to be challenged, thats what happens when you have a static character as a protagonist. but now that ive reread IDW a few times and have identified some of my own issues with the run so far i've been thinking about that reddit comment more often. why is the way IDW challenges sonic so different from the way stories like SatBK or sa2 challenge him? why is one intriguing and the other not "good-spirited?" nowadays i think the issue is less with tone or intent like the wording of the original comment implies, but the conclusion of those stories. all of those previous examples i gave culimate in sonic succeeding, yes bc hes the title character, but moreso bc hes the vehicle through which the themes of the series are delivered. SatBK wasn't going to have merlina win because the story was trying to tell the audience that life is only worth living when its finite. sa2 killed off shadow because it was about how being unable to move on eats someone from the inside out. these are broad overarching themes that are present in the whole series and its generally agreed that sonic at his best is representative of those themes, which is why hes static

but IDW kind of has a messy history with conclusions. or, at least, conclusions that feel like they are trying to Say something in the way i've been talking about. after everything is done and the threat of the week is defeated, it all kind of returns back to a status quo, which im very sure is not the fault of the writers. long-running series are supposed to have a status quo that keeps stuff the same so that new audiences wont be alienated by huge character histories and lore timelines and things to catch up on (The Most Intimidating thing abt like archie for example). its partially why u see almost no fleshed out arcs that span multiple games after 06 (man the word partially is doing some legwork there but if i talked abt why sonic games changed so drastically after the mid 2000's i would be here all fucking day). and there are conversations to be held about that status quo and its place in the games and whether its beneficial or not but imo when talking about IDW, a comic which is supposed to have continuity, it kind of obliterates the potential of having meaningful conclusions and the themes that come along with them. because IDW always approaches "sonic feels ideoloically challenged" and it never goes beyond it. it nudges and hints at criticism of IDW sonic's beliefs, actions, and philosophy, but it doesn't do anything with it. the status quo says sonic can't change that much, which is good when the conclusion of stories have themes that prove he's already got it figured out, and bad when there's a big gaping question mark where a lesson should be. the surge saga i think is the glaring example of this precisely because its so conclusionless (theres also how sonic himself engages with her but thats a convo for another day).

so when that redditor said they thought the surge saga lacked a "good-spiritedness" that stories with a similar concept like SatBK or sa2 had i think they were picking up the vibes of the story being kind of... pointless at least in terms of themes and actual impact on the characters, rather than a lack of earnestness, a tone blunder, or strange intent on the part of the writers

im really curious how the urban warfare saga is resolved now precisely bc this lack of meaningful conclusion problem is so prevalent . depending on how passionate i am i may make a more formal analysis post abt it or something, but probably not considering i read IDW very very casually . which feels like a contradiction after writing all this but . yanno

[tothedarkdarkseas]

hiya ! i just wanted 2 say that i adore ur writing & hav been following ur blog for a while, & idk anyone else so passionate abt studoc ! i love all ur meta & i wanted to send these 2 monsters of playlists i thought u might enjoy ? they were borne of a terrible hyperfixation starting like, 2 yrs ago, but i don't think anyone else could rly understand em haha. music & studoc enthusiast u are, i thought u may get a kick outta em ? inspired by rise of the ogre canon, obviously. old man core. canon compliant and then some. studoc undertones but mostly just a love letter 2 these guys..

and yea there's one for noodle & russ too, respectively, if u want..

let me kno what u think? im dying for gorillaz mutuals that operate on the same wavelength

anyway, hav a wonderful day!!!! gonna reread up the seething coast and feel things <3

Hi! I'm sorry that I couldn't get back to you yesterday; my work's been particularly hectic lately. Thank you so much for reaching out and for your kind words, that really means a lot to me! Passionate about Studoc, that's a very gentle way of saying I should be institutionalized, haha. I've definitely seen your username in my notes many times and took notice, and I want you to know that really does warm my heart and makes me feel like we have a little community here-- one of trousers stained with dirt and vom, but a community nonetheless!

You had me at Rise of the Ogre inspired & old man core & DEVO! Behemoth is right, these are some hefty playlists! They put my self-indulgent scattered selections to shame. I can tell that a lot of love and an attention to detail regarding their musical tube map and your own informed (but freer, more buildable, "canon complaint and then some") views on the characters went into these. I've thrown on some listens today and will follow the playlists so I can continue to make my way through! I admit, I'm a bit of a poseur music enthusiast, often more interested in the image and experience of "the rockstar" than all of their individual discographies, so there's a lot to discover for me here.

Thanks so much for sending these my way, and I'll publish this ask to the public so others can find them and your blog! Gorillaz is forever a fandom in flux, so those moments of connection with other fans who are drawn to the same flickering light can come and go-- and there are lean times, to be certain-- but I promise they do happen. Thank you so much for reading, it truly makes a big difference to me. Hope you're well!

[elegiesforshiva]

just saw your replies about Ghosts and I wanted to jump on the "Ghosts is one of the best fics!" bandwagon that's been going on. seriously, i read the fic, not expecting it to be so cathartic and good, and honest. your writing style brings something foreign and ethereal out of my heart. i think it's one of those fics that i will come back to forever and ever, again and again, because it understands human psyche in such a way I have never read before.

don't feel bad about leaving us hanging. honestly. if you don't feel like continuing it, don't! if you want to continue it someday, we'll be here, awaiting your return. maybe one day our phones will light up with an update. maybe it won't. but what you have given us will forever remain in our hearts.

also, as a personal note, I will say your writing style has opened a whole avenue of writing I didn't even know I wanted to indulge in. I go back and reread your works a lot because you have helped me find something in me that I didn't know it existed. Thank you

I swear, I get the best fucking comments on that fic, my heart is exploding from this THANK YOU 😭💘💘💘💘💘 Ghosts pulled out a raw magic inside me I didn’t know I could ever put down into words, I’m forever grateful for that piece...and for all the people who it touched too. It really did teach me I’m not alone. I have visceral memories of first coming to that realization when I saw how large the response was. I didn’t think my writing could ever evoke that, especially writing about something so brutally and romantically dark and upsetting. I cannot possibly explain how validating it has been to see that piece not only garnered a large response, but garnered it because it explored that darkness. Like damn......damn.... I needed that. I think we all do, sometimes.

you're sweet for saying this btw!!! honestly when i hear people asking if i'm gonna update or if i have plans to continue i have so many mixed feelings because it's like “when u gonna continue writing this tho” and im like “yeah damn when am i ??” LOL. When I think of the WIPs and other things I had planned for that series, I get SO excited. I remember chapter 17 being a huge highlight for me and I had planned so many more. But I think I may have fallen into a strange relationship with the craft of writing itself and I'm still trying to understand that. It's been stopping me and I know it will continue to for awhile. I also intuit Ghosts or the sasusaku fandom itself triggered it, so that kinda sucks lmfaooo. (Things to work out when I give myself therapy talks at 5am in my car i guess.) I hope y’all get that phone update someday too, but thank you for telling me it’s okay even you don’t. It’s something I need to hear every so often too... I appreciate that forgiveness. really really really moved by that last part... 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺  *holds you and this ask close to my heart FOREVER* ugh thank you so so much!!!!! I don’t know what the future holds but I am so happy I wrote it, for you, for other readers like you, and for me,, this all has been and continues to be its own nurturing experience, and i am very very grateful for it... 😭 💕

[spiteless-xo]

FIRST AND FOREMOST HEYYYY TIFFIE BAE

ive been mia bc i went on my month-long trip and have finally returned to normalcy (not rly but fake it til you make it ig) BUT I MISSED YOU LOVEY

im so sorry for being inactive im literally gonna spam you and catch up like i never left

im still the same intolerable porco fucker..... i feel like if anything it's gotten worse bc i'm scrounging the internet for porco fic and all i'm getting is CRUMBS and things i've already read

i revisited tbas while waiting for one of my flights abroad and it's so funny rereading it bc albeit a prequel to tbaw, they feel like different timelines and then i have to remind myself that these are the same characters and you intermingled them in the literal best way possible (i still have lingering moments of remembrance of the notorious hockey match and porco and jean literally about to make out while fighting over reader)!!!

WHAT'S FUNNY (or maybe just psycho of me) IS THAT tbas' smut chapters are identified like tbaw's....... but i totally memorized which ones have smut 💀💀

like 'halloween with porco' is just that girllllllll

ALL THAT ASIDE, i hope you've been well lately! i hope work, life, and ur finance (definitely fiancé) have been treating you so so well and i hope there are nothing but good days ahead <3333

omg also... side note..... if i'm not mistaken.. i think i'm visiting ur home country in july which is so exciting 👀 my boyfriend and his family are from *redacted* and we're planning to meet up with his extended family and throw a surprise birthday party for her there!! we get to go sightseeing and i'm sooo excited bc we're making an effort to visit all the landmarks!!! esp the seawall that inspired tbaw 👀👀

SRY FOR THE LONG WALL OF TEXT

i missed you and ilyily tiffie <3333

~🥞

❤️❤️❤️❤️ welcome back!!! i hope the trip was a blast and you took lots of pictures and had lots of fun 🥰 plz spam me, i promise i'm sitting here on tumblr lurking and liking, and maybe I'll have something to share in the coming days, but i'm not going to promise anything because i have proven to be unreliable 👀

hehehe tbas is my sweet little baby, i think about it often. i wrote it all in like a week when i was high on pain medication from getting my wisdom teeth taken out and i had so much fun writing it that i started working on tbaw too 😭

we actually recently passed the anniversary of tbas ending and tbaw starting a few weeks ago!! wild.

(halloween with porco is............. a chapter that i return to often. 👀)

tytyty so much for the well-wishes!! i hope everything in your life goes perfectly: perfect job, perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect boy, perfect everything 😘

omg that's so exciting!! idk if you've ever been before but the seawall is such a pretty walk. hopefully, it's a nice day when you guys go and it's not dumping rain like it usually is 💀

i'm actually going down to that area-ish for a golf trip in july too soooo wish me luck 😭 i'm not much of a golfer, more of a drunk-driving-the-golf-cart-er.

love you love you, welcome back! 🥰❤️

[curedeity]

Being cringe on main and posting a link to this fic again because somehow it has 100 views and not a single comment. And I like promoting my works, especially when I put a lot of effort into them. So hey, if you have the time, please go read (or reread this fic) and let me know what you think. Even get into a discussion with me and lemme know how you think i handled my topic!

For this what I'm actually gonna do is go back and reread this fic (as I type this) and give a bit of a retrospective on this. I find that I often have new thoughts about these sorts of fics when I return, and I just wanna talk about my process. In this part I will also be criticizing my work, which is just something I view as growing as a writer, but I know makes some uncomfortable.

Immediately my focus is on the style of the fic, this isn't my stylistic strong suit but I can really see the growth of my writing. There's some sentences that are a bit clunky and that I'd swap up, but I think it was a good choice for me to keep it simple 3rd person but personable.

"Though Maru was also unsure as to why she’d asked the question, it wasn’t like she knew what she wanted the answer to be." Ahh, one of my biggest struggles as a writer. I want the characters to have the conversation but don't know how to get there. I'm not that bothered by it here, but I know its a problem with my work. Going back, I might've have chosen to write a bit more dialogue between them before reading into this.

...I forgot a quotation mark at some point

"Zyro would battle a burger if it could blade" This is the best thing I've ever written. Gingka Hagane flanderizing Zyro.

Here is where I come into the first problem of this fic, I think cause of my style (and age) I have Maru react a bit too maturely. I really wanted to recapture this feeling you get of first finding out about sexism, and I don't think I manage the exact wealth of reactions.

"Maru wanted to stop thinking about it, lest the acid in the back of her throat keep climbing" Like look at this line? It seems minor, but its very much a bit too mature and clear. Something like "Maru's ears rang, her stomach churning in ways that made her think she'd eaten something rotten earlier. Where was home? Were they close yet?" It illustrates much more her trying to evade the conversation without as much of a sense as to why.

On the flipside, I really enjoy the dialogue between the girls. I think in a lot of writing a critiques, we struggle with the line of self-awareness the character should have. I think this conversation illustrates well a lot of depth. Ren's aware of her treatment, but she doesn't let that all slip to Maru because a) Maru's age and b) this sense of "you can't directly call it what it is, at least not confidently." It's a struggle I've had with a lot of girls I know where we're aware of our treatment but struggle to put a name to it to ourselves, to others, and it can take a while to build up to that.

Ren only starts to spill what she really truly thinks when Maru prompts her enough, I think the conversation is given enough time that finally comes naturally to her.

I think this conversation also highlights the struggle for the rest of the book, which is this very complex dynamic of "how to confront your friends over sexism" its a hard thing to accuse people of. You often feel like you're blowing it out of proportion. And it also identifies this dynamic about how sexism is a systemic version of harm. Maru is, by witnessing and knowing, also experiencing harm. And its a hard topic for them to identify and discuss.

Accidentally had a ; in the place of an ' im fine im fine im FINE

In comparison to Maru and Ren's conversation, Madoka and Hikaru's is immediately more critical of the problem. This is because it was a shorter scene, but also I do think it fits. Madoka and Hikaru are both older, and talking more about a general problem than people they personally know. They are much more confident and comfortable with identifying sexism then. It was also a fun place for to throw in my gripes about a lot of gender segregation in sports, a topic which I want to do more research into.

Not only that, this scene allowed me to quickly identify Maru's internal sexism (even if it may be interpreted as heavy handed). She, too, can;t help but view the "bladers" as "boys".

I think if I rewrote this I'd just do some more research so I could include more specific grips about gender segregated sports. I, in fact, think i should be more blatant and specific.

there is another ; where there should be an ' I WILL NOT BLOW UP I WILL NOT BLOW UP-

I would remove the "Is that also sexism?" joke. Its kinda about Maru becoming intricately aware of gender and suddenly viewing it everywhere, but I don't think its deep enough or serves enough. Its not a line I really like.

THERE IS A THIRD ; IN PLACE OF AN ' THIS FIC IS BEING NUKED FROM THE INTERNET ILL NEVER WRITE AGAIN THIS WAS ALL A MISTAKEEEEEEEEEEEE

Okay but this conversation between Madoka and Maru though... I have a lot of thoughts on it. It was the conversation that changed the most, and the hardest to write. Biggest changes I'd make is to not let Maru identify the issue as sexism (she is not ready for that) and maybe let Madoka talk a bit more about how many differing gendered experiences there can be in beyblade. I feel like this fic still worked a lot better than my first and that I could never be comprehensive, but it still feels like there's ground I want to cover. Also, some of the metaphors don't hold up.

On the other hand, I think this conversation just holds a lot of nice weight. Letting Maru seek out a positive adult influence was something that was important to me, especially with that influence being Madoka. And having Madoka recognize the effects on both of them this situation could have makes that theme more obvious.

I think maybe what this conversation needs the most is Madoka admitting that sometimes, if people aren't treating you right (being discriminatory) you do need to leave them, but Madoka is coming from a place where she also knows the kids Maru is talking about, and is hoping that Maru will let her talk to them on her behalf.

I mistook "role" for "roll" i think i need to actually start editing my fics god fucking dammit.

I think something I did a good job at throughout the fic is highlighting Maru's deteriorating mental state. She really becomes more and more uncomfortable in her own body and with the people around her. Even those she trusts normally she's now questioning, because she's becoming so aware of this systemically.

The other aspect of this scene is Zyro and Shinobu's rivalry and the way the show treats Ren. This is something I hope I recaptured canon from, while actually centering Ren and a feminine perspective. I think I did a pretty good job breaking down all the ways this is messing with Ren's self-confidence, and now, Maru's.

I normally frontload a lot of exposition, but I think waiting until now to do a shorter montage of Maru's thoughts does a better job. At this point in the narrative, it serves as a reflection on all the relationships shes beginning to question.

And now we're at the climax of the story and. oh god. Takanosuke. This might surprise people or they may doubt it, but I genuinely like Takanosuke. He's a very silly character in so many ways, and one of the more likeable on the cast. I genuinely think he and Ren have a good dynamic as friends.

But I really think, on a totally textual reading, he's one of the biggest forms of the show's sexism.

It's a very hard balance, critiquing such a loved and likeable character in a way that doesn't mischaracterize them. I really worked to keep his dialogue likeable and fun to show that he's still the same character. I put a lot of effort into him be the antagonizing force in the piece, but also someone Maru is strawmanning in place of the problem.

It's one of the elements I think has turned people away from the fic, while I find it endlessly cathartic. Having him have to deal with his mistakes and the implications of his character... its honestly the only place I can genuinely like him in.

Also, in this section, I like having Maru act harsher to Takanosuke's mannerisms that aren't things she'd normally mind, or that make her a bit of a hypocrite. I think that's always a good and easy way of showing how close to the brink a character has been pushed.

"What was it she’d heard Director Hikaru say about Ryuga at some point? Maru wanted to take this guy’s intestines and feed them into a garbage disposal. Yeah, that was probably right." Assume that Hikaru said this with like 20 extra expletives.

I honestly forgot that I gave Maru a named bey.

"Feet spread wide, hold your arms steady, Maru had heard all the advice, and given most of it herself" me and my girlfriend (comma splices)

The evolution of this battle, I think, was something that was off the cuff. I knew the two sections of it I wanted, and then just let it flow. I don't really like writing battles, but I find them good structures sometimes for emotional moments. Watching Maru's conceptions unravel as she admits more and more how personally shes taking this is something that I think hits hard in this section. It was also quite fun to write a battle of someone that doesn't have much experience, and the dialogue around that (with Takanosuke being kinda off-kilter having to battle someone in this state).

Something I like doing in writing like this is the slow unraveling about how these girls think of their own interests. Its something I also did a bit in Madoka's piece, but the way we see Maru going from talking about writing mechanics and get hint after hint about how she struggled to gain respect, seeing finally that it was the only place she thought she could go because of the pressure on bladers is something that really speaks to me personally. I used to be very involved in sports, and slowly got less and less into it, and I don't think it was just because I was lazy. Noting all those ways you tried to cover it up as your own choice, or your own preference, but really was because you just felt off in another environment? God I love shit like that.

Listen I love Maru's pov but I also wish i had written from Ren's POV just so you could see her panicked "oh shit oh shit oh shit" mantra when Maru starts crying

This is where the theme of them both being hurt comes to a head, and also a conversation I had to think about a lot and stll have to think about a lot. Its important to note that a lot of people dont bring up stuff like this over safety, and its important to respect other peoples decisions. At the same time, even as an observer, there are always going to be these certain thoughts and emotions you have. Basically, I wanted this piece to be a validation of Maru's emotions without saying that it was wrong for Ren to prioritize herself.

Ren thought of her own struggles as just that. Her own. Stuff she had to handle and go through alone. She thought that she could handle it, because it was just her, because she could be strong enough to handle others dismissing her because she had enough self-assurance. She was almost trying to prove to herself that she could be enough.

But she forgot these actions have systemic consequences, and is now being reminded of that.

(Also, Ren is older than Maru, and that colored some of their interactions, because ofc Ren doesn't expect Maru to be able to handle this)

I don't know if its a moment i did perfectly, but rereading it, I don't think its a moment I did horribly.

"He glanced over, catching her gaze, and immediately looking like a deer she’d run over." Takanosuke dealing with the consequences of being in a shonen anime

"Not some evil villain for Maru to defeat and thus conquer the evil beast of sexism." NOT ME USING EVIL TWICE IN THE SAME SENTENCE

This next part, above all, is what really encouraged me to write this fic. Everything beforehand were my gripes with the show, the handling, all of it, tried to be put through a feminine narrative perspective. After this, its about success, its about what could be, how to reach that point of just cathartic joy. Having Maru and Ren synchrome was the best idea of this project. Synchrome, in itself, is a simple but narratively effective system, and its so nice to have a shortcut like that to developing these themes. It immediately brought to mind images of sisterhood, of group power, and of how women support each other. Having Maru get to be the one entrusted with the bey was also so important to me. It would've been easy to give this moment of success to Ren, but this is still Maru's story, and part of it isn;t just about Ren being better (which i think wouldve been the implication if i gave it to her) but about THEIR success together.

I think if I rewrote this the end battle would be longer, but I was probably ready to murder something by this point in the fic.

All in all, returning to this fic, it holds up much better than its predecessor. The writing is more solid, focused, and I hope Maru's arc is compelling and engaging. I think Ren, Maru, and Takanosuke are all well-characterized in this fic, and they were so much fun to write. Creating this fic was an amazingly cathartic experience, and so was writing this retrospective. I dunno if I expect anyone to read, I hope you will and that you'll read the fic, but in the end, it meant something to me. That's the best type of writing.