#gallliard

[spiteless-xo]

HEY BABES its been literal months but..... our birthday is coming up 👀 HOPE YOU'VE BEEN WELLL <333 (i've clearly been busy) I'VE LOVED READING UR FICS LATELYYYY <333 the first time with eren one oh wow

omg hello!!! glad to see you're still alive 🥰❤️ i hope your post-grad life has been treating you well!!

do you have any big plans for your bday this year? my bf and bsf are throwing a party for me on saturday and i keep flip-flopping between being excited about it and dreading it lol because i haaaaaate being the centre of attention 🙊 ( i invited one of my friends who doesn't usually wear makeup/does her hair to come over early so i can give her a makeover and hopefully her transformation will take away some of the attention from me)

[jeanboyjean]

you're the worst - ft jean kirstein. mdni!!

summary: you and jean are rivaling lawyers on the partner track and it’s your firm’s xmas party. what better way to prove you’re better than him than to fuck him?

content: (nsfw) f! reader, rivals to lovers, coworkers, fucking at your work christmas function … in a storage closet!! f! oral receiving. p in v. unprotected sex oops. big dick jean, light choking

a/n: inspired by (actual irl) boyfriend's beef with his coworker. she recently got a promotion over him and he wont shut up about it so i was like wait … i gotta write this down this is a great idea HOLD AWN. their xmas function is next week and theres always drama!! enemies to lovers is THE TROPE for meee so i may expand on this later on and make a long fic but for now this is it. ty to @gallliard + @cowgirlikets for beta reading bc im goofy!! tag: @poopwons

2.7k words

String lights twinkle from the ceiling as people mill around you. Music is thumping from the large speakers near the DJ stand as you make your way to the bar to get another drink. Your law firm’s annual christmas party is in full swing right now and it's around halfway through the night - about the point where everyone’s finished their dinners and washing them down with drinks. The cocktail tables you had initially stood around at the start of the night, schmoozing with partners, have been cleared to form a crowded dance floor. You carefully thread your way between your coworkers while they let their hair down after yet another busy year.

When you finally reach the bar, you flag down the bartender and order another drink. In the holiday spirit, the firm had requested custom themed drinks and he sets down a very festive vodka cranberry in front of you. You're taking a sip, turning away to lean your back against the counter when a figure next to you catches your eye.

You sigh. It’s your coworker, Jean Kirstein - a.k.a the bane of your existence.

The two of you had joined the firm at the same time as new grads and had moved up the ranks together. Now, he’s your biggest competition, the one thing standing in the way of you becoming junior partner. He’s good, you’ll give him that. You both are. The two of you are the firms biggest rising stars, pulling clients and racking up billables like it’s nothing.

Unfortunately, he’s also a bit of a dick. At first, you couldn’t tell if his cocky persona had been an act, but after working alongside him these years, you’ve just come to accept that he is naturally a loud, smug asshole. The breaking point had been when you had stayed up late one night in your third year, working on a proposal, only for Jean to rock in the next day with his own that overwrote everything you had done. You’ve never really forgiven him for stealing your thunder and have used every opportunity you can to shine over him. Since then, he’s been nothing more than your rival and enemy. This was even more so lately, what with the announcement coming up next week to reveal who would be getting a promotion.

Jean turns his head to follow the bartender and meets your eyes. You quickly turn away and sip your drink.

“Hey,” you hear him say. He’s moved across to stand next to you, leaning his side on the counter.

Inwardly, you tense a little, always on guard when he interacts with you. “Hi Kirstein,” you say stiffly. “What’s up?”

“Just thinking how good it’s going to feel when they call out my name for junior partner,” he grins smugly.

You roll your eyes at him. “Yeah, in your dreams.”

“Not my dreams if it’s a fact,” he sings and you bristle at his words. There’s no way he could know this for a fact. Everything’s been kept under wraps and you know you have just as much of a chance as him. You both went well over budget and the partners love you equally. It’s anyone’s game at this point.

He laughs. “I’m just kidding. I’m 99% sure it’s gonna be me but who knows what could happen. You might still have a shot.”

“Fuck off, Kirstein,” you snap at him, getting ready to leave.

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” He waves his hands. “It could be either of us. Or maybe even Reiner might pull an undercover steal and take it from us.”

You can’t help but laugh at his words. Reiner’s good but he’s far from partner material so you know Jean's taking the piss.

Jean straightens up, demeanour becoming a little more serious. “You know … I think it might actually be you this time.”

Your eyebrows raise. “Are you playing mind games with me, Kirstein?”

“Nah. I think you deserve it, that's all. You worked really hard on that last merger with the Reeves company and it paid off. All the partners are raving about it.”

His voice is sincere for once and your mouth hangs open in shock. You can’t remember the last time you had a conversation with Jean that wasn’t the two of you throwing jabs back and forth. It’s no secret to anyone that you can’t stand the other’s guts.

It's strange. For some reason, he's smiling at you and that fact that you don't feel the need to snap back at him makes you want to smack him.

The lighting at the bar brightens up his sandy brown hair like a halo around his face and his eyes glow as they stare intently at you. Fuck you Jean Kirstein and your perfect hair and your perfect face.

“You look nice today,” he admits, gaze travelling down to give you a once over. The surprises won’t stop coming.

“Yeah, you clean up well too I guess.” It's not a lie - he's definitely attractive. The problem with Jean though is he knows it. You have to be careful with what you say so as to not feed his already bloated ego.

He smirks, obviously pleased by your admission. He hums, eyes wandering around at your surrounding before landing back on you. There’s a split second where you swear they flicker down to your lips briefly. “You wanna go dance?”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “You want to dance ... with me,” you say flatly, eyebrows furrowing.

“Yeah, why not?” He gestures to his body. “You know you want to.”

You roll your eyes. “Fine, Kirstein. I’ll indulge you this one time since you so clearly want to.”

Whirling around, you down your drink then stalk away to the dance floor. You hear him snicker behind you as he follows. Once you find a free spot, you turn to face him, suddenly a little unsure. He’s got a devilish grin on his face as he steps in closer to you. His hands come to rest on your waist and your body lights up at his touch. Hesitantly, your arms come up to wrap around his neck as you let the music guide your body, alcohol pumping through your blood.

After a few minutes, his head dips down and you shiver when his nose grazes your neck. Lips at your ear, he murmurs, “I mean it by the way. You look really good.”

“Don’t tell me you have feelings for me now, Kirstein,” you say in response, trying your hardest to hide how his words rock you to your core. He doesn’t say anything and just laughs, shoulders shaking.

When you look up at him, his eyes are fixed on you, glowing molten lava. Your breath catches in your throat. It feels like the world disappears beneath your feet as you find yourself trapped in his gaze.

Wanting to break free of the moment, you spin around. His hands are still on your waist so you find yourself pressed with your back against his chest. His grip tightens, hips still rocking to the music. You let yourself be moved along too, trying your best to calm your racing heart.

The song is slow and bass heavy, soulful vocals crooning - a little sensual for a conservative law firm like this. When the last few notes trail off, his head drops again to your shoulder and you can feel more than hear him groan.

“Shit,” you hear him mutter. He goes to move away from you but it’s too late. There's an unmistakable hardness pressing firm against your ass. You still and slowly turn to face him.

He has the decency to look embarrassed now, sheepish expression on his face as he puts his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, I just got carried away. Please … pretend nothing happened.”

You stare at him, blood thumping in your veins. Despite everything, heat pools in your stomach while a wetness builds between your legs. You shake your head and grab your hand. “Let’s go.”

“What-”

You drag him through the crowd, turning into the corridor towards the bathrooms. With a tug, you pull him into a storage closet and shut the door behind you. He looks at you in a mix of confusion and curiosity. “What are we doing in here?”

You roll your eyes and step in towards him. “Do you want to do this or not?”

His eyes widen and they flicker from yours to your mouth and his breath catches in his throat when your tongue slides out to lick your lips.

Without a word he closes the distance between the two of you. His hands come to grip your jaw as he presses his mouth hard against yours. You share a messy kiss, your hands tangling in his hair, his sliding down your body.

He places wet kisses down your neck as one hand cups a breast, the other groping at your ass. You moan, head falling back as he sucks into your sensitive skin and pinches a nipple through your dress.

“I want to take this off,” he almost pleads, tugging at the fabric. “Can I take it off?”

You nod, letting him unzip and feeling it fall to the floor. His eyes roam your body. “Fuck. You’re so hot,” he groans.

He walks you back until your back hits the closed door behind you. Kisses trail down your body as he falls to his knees and hooks a leg up over his shoulder. He licks a wet stripe up your inner thigh, pulling your underwear to the side to reveal your glistening folds. Wasting no time, he dives forward to lick at your wet slit.

“You taste so good,” he moans into your skin. You’re breathless above him, eyes screwing shut with pleasure as he works his magic.

He takes your sensitive clit into his mouth, swirling around with his tongue and sucking. A finger dips into your folds and you clench tight at the intrusion. He curls it inside you, searching for the sensitive bundle of nerves and it’s obvious when he finds it because you jerk above him, moaning in delight. You feel his lips lift in a smirk and he’s relentless now. Another finger joins and he’s pumping, massaging your slick walls, still sucking at your clit. Your toes curl, heat building in your core.

“Come on, pretty girl. I want to feel you cum on my face,” he moans into your soaking cunt. At his words, it only takes a little more before you feel yourself let go and your orgasm takes over. Waves of pleasure rip through you as you pulse and squeeze around him. Your knees buckle and he catches you with one hand, pinning your hip against the surface behind you.

He grins as he removes his fingers, sucking them clean before wiping his face with the back of his hand. He stands, pulling your face into a messy open mouthed kiss. It feels nasty, the way you're panting into his mouth as you taste yourself on his tongue.

You reach down to palm at his crotch, feeling his hard cock straining against his pants. Eagerly, you pull them down and release him, feeling him hot and heavy in your hand. With all of his arrogance, you had been sure he was overcompensating for a lack of something downstairs but now you're sorely (or maybe thankfully) mistaken. He's easily the biggest you've ever had.

“Shit, I don’t have a condom,” he says.

“Oh,” you say in response, but all you can think is, damn he's big. You shake your head. “I’m clean and on the pill so I’m fine if you are.”

Jean grins. “Sounds good to me.”

He kisses you again before spinning you around to face the door. Your hands fall in front to catch you and he presses into your back. His cock is hard against your ass and he takes a moment to grind against you slowly. He guides it with his hand to slide a few times over your slit, gathering the wetness. You hold in a whine, already a little overstimulated when he finally lines himself up and pushes in slowly. There's a little resistance but you relish in the feeling of stretching around him.

“So tight,” he moans into your hair, cock throbbing inside you.

Jean moves slowly to begin with, letting you adjust to his size but it’s not long before his pace picks up and he’s fucking you in earnest. His hips thrust against your ass, cock sliding in and out, reaching areas you didn’t think were possible. You moan as you rock back into him, desperately meeting his movements.

Your head falls back onto his shoulder and your eyes screw shut as you feel him driving in relentlessly, letting your body go limp in pleasure. One of his hands grips the door next to yours, while the other reaches up to wrap around your throat to hold you up against him. He’s only resting his hand there really, but it makes you clench around him even tighter.

At the sensation, he hisses, hips stuttering. “Oh, you like that?” His hips snap in hard. “I knew you would, you dirty girl.”

His fingers tighten around your neck, lightly cutting off your air supply. It’s enough to make your head spin, stars forming in your vision. He pants into your hair, softly muttering curses as he pounds in quicker. You’re at his mercy now, moaning freely, as your orgasm builds again.

Legs shaking in the effort to hold yourself up, you lose yourself in the moment. Electricity streaks through your body, lighting up all of your nerves. The lack of air is making your limbs tingle, heightening your senses. The hand he’s using to steady himself falls down to your hip, sliding down to your pussy. You jerk when his fingers find your clit, the pleasure almost too much to bear. With a few quick circles at your sensitive nub, you're crying out as you cum around his cock. Your walls clench tight, uncontrollably and your hands claw at the door.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he moans, hips stuttering, all finesse out the window. “You’re squeezing me so tight. I’m gonna fucking come.”

He fucks into you without abandon, using both hands to grip your hips tight enough to leave bruises. He pounds into you relentlessly, the slick sound of your skin meeting each other filling the air, before burying into you all the way as he cums. His hips falter and slow as he reaches his high, spilling deep inside you. His forehead drops onto your shoulder, as he tries to catch his breath and carefully, he pulls out, his cum leaking out of your cunt down your thigh.

You fall forward, catching yourself with your forearms against the door. You turn around to face him. His hair has fallen out of its careful styling, a few stray strands sticking on his damp forehead. He grins at you, blinking slowly, lids heavy with contentment. You’re a little surprised when he dips down to capture your mouth in another kiss. His lips are more gentle now, movements softer as his hands lightly hold your jaw. When he pulls away, you’re breathless and frazzled, completely taken aback by the entire sequence of events.

“You good?” he asks you, eyes twinkling with mirth.

You nod in response, racking your brain to think of something to say but coming up empty.

“That was so hot,” he says in your silence. “I knew all that tension between us would lead to something great.” He smirks. “Didn’t think it would be so easy to get you like putty in my hands.”

You straighten at his words, batting his hands from your warm cheeks. “Fuck off, Kirstein. It was just unexpected. You’ll see. Next time you’re the one that’s gonna be putty.”

His chest heaves with laughter as he bends down to pick up your dress and hand it to you. “Next time, huh? Good to know.”

“You're the worst,” You groan, making a face at him as you step into your dress and slide the straps back up over your shoulders. You turn around, holding your hair up with your hands to let him zip it back up.

A shiver runs down your spine when his fingers graze your bare skin. He presses a light kiss against the side of your exposed neck. “Let’s get back out there then,” he murmurs into your skin.

You pretend your legs don’t buckle a little at the feeling of his touch and shake yourself off, smoothing down your dress. You can still feel the ghost of him inside you and his sticky cum dripping down your inner thighs.

Next time, Jean Kirstein. You’ll see.

[poopwons]

I’m having way too much fun with Piccrew. Anyway, pose for a photo with your fav❤️❤️❤️

Tags: @cowgirlikets @levis-roomba-army @gallliard @theragethatisdesire @jeanboyjean @m-ayo-o +anyone else that wants too 🥰🥰🥰

Me and Jeanie being total cuties❤️ (the hand hearts were his idea😘)

[missmeinyourbones]

congrats on 1k L!! so glad to be one of them:) for the event may i request either touching prompts 8 or 37 with porco? whichever one u vibe with the most, i love the way u write him <3

46. putting their head on the other’s chest angry kisses (P. GALLIARD) (wc: 650+)

part of L’s 1K event!

Seeing Porco’s broad and built frame crumpled over on your kitchen table was not what you expected to see when you returned home from work. 

He sits with his head in his hands, arms crossed and laid flat on the table. He doesn’t shuffle or stir when he hears you shut the door and place your keys down—it’s uncharacteristic of him to not tease you the moment you arrive. You think he might be pranking you, until your lover grunts something about his head feeling like it’s about to fucking explode. 

“I think m’dying,” he mumbles out from underneath his forearms, voice muffled from them covering his face though you can practically hear his pout.  

“You’re so dramatic,” you retort, leaning over and rubbing a hand against the curve of his back, “It’s just a headache, I get them all the time.”

“No, this is it—the end for me. It was nice knowin’ you.”

You roll your eyes and stand up with a sigh, leaving the room without another word. If Porco had the strength, he’d have lifted his head to follow your movements, but the pulsing pain behind his eyes forbids him from moving an inch. He tries counting the seconds that have passed since the warmth from your hand on his back had left him cold and barren—he reaches 75 when he hears your footsteps faintly returning to his approximate location. 

He feels your hand on his back once more and he’s about to let himself get comfortable in his misery before he feels your hand underneath his jaw, signaling him to lift his head up. He groans, but complies, only to see you handing him two tiny pills with a glass of water through his narrowed eyes. 

“Take it,” you softly instruct, wanting to rid him of this headache before it becomes more of an annoyance for you than it is for him. For someone on their self-proclaimed deathbed, Porco somehow still finds the strength to irritate you. 

“Are you poisoning me?” he challenges with an apprehensive glance. 

“If I could, I would’ve done that a long time ago.”

He chuckles before groaning in pain at the sudden harsh movement rattling his head, and grabs the pills. He swallows them without water and puts his head back down in his arms before he can see you grimace at his barbaric behavior. 

You hear another string of muffled mumbles, provoking you to ask him to repeat his question. He turns his head on its side, revealing his sullen face and furrowed brow. 

“What do you do it hurts this bad?” he gently inquires. He just wants to feel better, have his head not pulse every time her tries to annoy you with a bad joke or prying touch. 

“Sleep it off,” you shrug, using your finger to trace shapes on the canvas of his back, “Works every time.”

Another dissatisfied hmph leaves your boyfriend’s lips and you sigh, taking charge of the man-child’s sorrows. He feels you stand up and Porco thinks you’re leaving him again, so he blindly navigates his hand around the table to grab yours. You let him find it, and intertwine your fingers with his as you pull him to stand. 

“C’mere, you big baby,” you grumble and he obeys, hesitantly standing before leaning on you as you walk him into the next room. 

You drag his weary frame to your couch and sit, motioning his head to your chest to lay on top of you. He does so mindlessly, automatically sinking into your embrace and making himself comfortable on your smaller frame. His ear is pressed up against your chest and he can hear the consistent thumping of your heartbeat—it sounds like a lullaby. 

It’s a sweet moment, your lover’s weight collapsed on top of you as you dote on his weakened state. Just when you’re about to kiss his temple and whisper a tiny love you, Porco decides to ruin it in an oh-so-him fashion. 

“If I die, you can have my car.”

You gently smack the side of his arm. 

“How kind of you.”

NOTE: anon u are too sweet to me ;-; “so glad to be one of them” has me choking on my own tears. THANK U. also im so glad u like my characterization of porco <3 hes a little menace. thank u for the request, enjoy it pretty please!

[bokebelle]

𝐚𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 + 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 —

WARNINGS: 16+. mentions of kissing. (duh)

CHARACTERS: porco gallliard, eren yeager, jean kirstein, levi ackerman

TAGS: fluff, gn! Reader

A/N: trying out a new format! if you don't see it again, then it didn't work out lmao or let me know what u guys think!! also i haven't written for my og boys in a minute and I missed them

reblog if you wanna kiss ur fave <3

porco galliard

— Porco's kisses are soft but rough He can't help but grab you and pull you as close to him as he physically can. Rough and grabby hands on your body, but his lips against yours are soft. He wants to cherish the way your lips feel on his, how the soft and warm flesh of your lips grazes his. There are very few times, with very few people, wherein Porco allows himself to be soft. But with you, even with a tight grip on your waist, he allows himself to be this vulnerable because, well, it's you, and even in his vulnerability you manage to make him feel invincible.

jean kirstein

— Jean's kisses are gentle and soft. He loves you, he really does, and you can feel in the the way he kisses you. You feel the love pouring from his heart to his hands that gently cradle your face as if you were a delicate piece of chinaware. You feel how much Jean loves you through the way he softly presses his lips against yours, molding themselves perfectly into your kiss. Soft touches that trace the outline of your jaw, followed by warm lips on even warmer skin. Soft kisses on your cheeks, your forehead, across your jaw, down the column of your neck. They're soft, tender, pure; exactly the kind of love you have with Jean.

eren yeager

— Eren's kisses are rough and passionate. Eren leaves you breathless with his kisses. They can be messy, rough, sometimes a little clumsy, but they're so full of love and passion. Eren's kisses are all-consuming. His hands are all over your body, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth. Your arms are thrown around his neck, and your mind is filled with nothing but Eren. He loves you passionately, fiercely, and he has no problems showing you just how much he wants you and needs you. Eren's kisses are so him and as you both pull away for some air, he wants you to remember that, even if he isn't kissing you, he is all yours, and you're the only one who can leave eren this breathless too.

levi ackerman

— Levi's kisses are passionate and gentle. Levi isn't normally one to wear his heart on his sleeve, but when you kiss him he's ready to bare it all. When he kisses you, can almost feel how much Levi wants this — how much he wants you. His kisses are passionate, his lips firmly against yours as his fingers dig into your hips. But they're also gentle. Levi no intention of leaving yours lips swollen (though sometimes it can't be helped), but he wants to leave his mark on you, something you can still feel even when you're alone. His kisses are full of passion, but they show a gentle side to the love Levi gives you with his whole heart

taglist: @crapimahuman @novasblogs @notgoodforlife @hannie2kay @tanakaslastbraincell @hznji @toji-dabi-wife @f4riytales @frog-wrld @tetsunormous @lazyezstudy @ereh-simp @dukina @enby-bpd @oblxvion @odmlevis @bakugohoex @6oldie @lemvis @erwinslut @suyasgf

[spiteless-xo]

happy birthday to us, tiffie bae 🍸

interacting with you online last year really served as my pick me up during my final days of uni and i truly value ur hard work in keeping the spiteless blog alive <3

ur so freaking talented and i am so fortunate that our paths crossed in this life! i hope we get to celebrate more and more birthdays 🥳

here's to us 🫶🏼

i'll forever be the porco fucker to your jean fucker <3

love you babe <3333

happy birthday to us!! 🎂 🥳 🎈

i’ve had so much fun w you this past year!! i loved reading your live reactions every tuesday to new chapters and the special audio reaction you sent me for the final chapter 😭😭😭

i love chatting with you about our little guys 🥺 tysm for coming into my life, i love you ♥️♥️♥️

i hope you have a blast celebrating your birthday!! 💃💃 if i was there, id be singing my go-to karaoke song, wake me up before you go go by wham! and dedicate it to us 🥰

[spiteless-xo]

i got the email notif for ur new eren fic and omg??? IDK IF IM BIASED TO UR WRITING OR WHAT BUT IT WAS THE FIRST FIC IVE READ IN A WHILE THAT RLY GOT ME idk

KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK BC I AM EATING IT ALL UP!!

hehehe tytyty so much 🥰 im glad you liked it and hopefully I'll have more for you shortly

[spiteless-xo]

FIRST AND FOREMOST HEYYYY TIFFIE BAE

ive been mia bc i went on my month-long trip and have finally returned to normalcy (not rly but fake it til you make it ig) BUT I MISSED YOU LOVEY

im so sorry for being inactive im literally gonna spam you and catch up like i never left

im still the same intolerable porco fucker..... i feel like if anything it's gotten worse bc i'm scrounging the internet for porco fic and all i'm getting is CRUMBS and things i've already read

i revisited tbas while waiting for one of my flights abroad and it's so funny rereading it bc albeit a prequel to tbaw, they feel like different timelines and then i have to remind myself that these are the same characters and you intermingled them in the literal best way possible (i still have lingering moments of remembrance of the notorious hockey match and porco and jean literally about to make out while fighting over reader)!!!

WHAT'S FUNNY (or maybe just psycho of me) IS THAT tbas' smut chapters are identified like tbaw's....... but i totally memorized which ones have smut 💀💀

like 'halloween with porco' is just that girllllllll

ALL THAT ASIDE, i hope you've been well lately! i hope work, life, and ur finance (definitely fiancé) have been treating you so so well and i hope there are nothing but good days ahead <3333

omg also... side note..... if i'm not mistaken.. i think i'm visiting ur home country in july which is so exciting 👀 my boyfriend and his family are from *redacted* and we're planning to meet up with his extended family and throw a surprise birthday party for her there!! we get to go sightseeing and i'm sooo excited bc we're making an effort to visit all the landmarks!!! esp the seawall that inspired tbaw 👀👀

SRY FOR THE LONG WALL OF TEXT

i missed you and ilyily tiffie <3333

~🥞

❤️❤️❤️❤️ welcome back!!! i hope the trip was a blast and you took lots of pictures and had lots of fun 🥰 plz spam me, i promise i'm sitting here on tumblr lurking and liking, and maybe I'll have something to share in the coming days, but i'm not going to promise anything because i have proven to be unreliable 👀

hehehe tbas is my sweet little baby, i think about it often. i wrote it all in like a week when i was high on pain medication from getting my wisdom teeth taken out and i had so much fun writing it that i started working on tbaw too 😭

we actually recently passed the anniversary of tbas ending and tbaw starting a few weeks ago!! wild.

(halloween with porco is............. a chapter that i return to often. 👀)

tytyty so much for the well-wishes!! i hope everything in your life goes perfectly: perfect job, perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect boy, perfect everything 😘

omg that's so exciting!! idk if you've ever been before but the seawall is such a pretty walk. hopefully, it's a nice day when you guys go and it's not dumping rain like it usually is 💀

i'm actually going down to that area-ish for a golf trip in july too soooo wish me luck 😭 i'm not much of a golfer, more of a drunk-driving-the-golf-cart-er.

love you love you, welcome back! 🥰❤️

[spiteless-xo]

im terrible ive been trying to draft like three asks and they all get way too long so here im sending one so i have to commit and actually send you a meaningful check in

hello hello hello my love!! i see your extra long follow-up message so i'll respond to that one, but i'm very happy to see you again 🤗

[spiteless-xo]

Pretty please do more porco as a dad whenever you can that was scrumptious 💗💗

anything for you 🥰💗

semi-part two to porco suddenly becoming a dad from a while ago

╰┈➤ as a dad - aot.

ft. porco, fem!reader cw. explicit language, implied sex.

it becomes quickly obvious to you that your daughter loves her dad more than she loves you and you just have to deal with it, i'm sorry.

it's honestly a mystery how she learns how to walk because porco carries her around everywhere he goes. she's either cradled in his arms or sitting up on his shoulders so she can "see the world from up here," says the 5'8" man

he lets her play with his hair whenever she wants, even though she complains that it's not long enough to do anything with. whenever he gets a haircut and the sides are freshly buzzed, he runs over to his little girl and lets her run her fingers through the soft fuzz 🥺

also, be prepared for her first word to be "fuck". this man does not censor himself around your child, or anyone else's!! i'm certain that you get more than one phone call from angry parents asking you to please tell your husband to stop swearing in front of the kids

he signs your daughter up for hockey as soon as she's old enough to play 💀 drives her in the morning to practice and on the way home from the rink, he'll stop for some hot chocolate and donuts (sorry, is my Canadian showing here???)

if you approach him about having a second child, he has a hard time with it at first. he loves your daughter so much, it's hard for him to imagine finding room in his heart to love two babies!!

but you finally convince him and the two of you get to work on a second baby and this one is a boy!! porco gets really excited about telling your daughter about her new baby brother and (to no one's surprise) she pitches a fit about having to share her daddy w someone else

porco helps her get over it by really involving her with the pregnancy. he lets her sit on his lap when he's reading to your belly, gets her to feel when the baby is kicking, and gets her to help choose what colour to paint the baby's room and what toys to get for him

and when you give birth to the second baby, and porco holds him for the first time, he realizes that he doesn't have to even think about making room in his heart for another child because it's already been there this whole time 🥺 this man is a blubbering mess in the delivery room for both kids, i swear

when your kids get old enough to start talking back, porco gets really annoyed but like -- who does he think they learned it from?? 💀

@gallliard tagging u because i know you'll wanna see this

[spiteless-xo]

alexander skarsgård as the closest thing we will get in terms of irl Jean. thoughts? 🧐

omg i love that!!

i've actually heard that bill skarsgard looks like an irl porco so idk what's going on in the skarsgard family but they've got some good genes

@gallliard tagging u because i want your thoughts on bill as irl porco as a fellow porco fucker

pics under cut