#im going to treat myself to some tasty fish for lunch too

[f-imaginings]

I am going on the most Australian adventure this Xmas eve day.

I'm goan to the fish market to buy some prawns 🦐🦐🦐

[selfawarenesscat1994]

accidental long post

i dont normally put trigger warnings but this post speaks a lot about food/binge eating. and i kinda just went off on one haha. talk of money.

im sitting in the office writing this at work cus my boss told me to do the holidays but im done but i need to vent, the store is abso quite and i just need some time to myself.

i have money! 

oh my god the relief. 

im still gonna be struggling til the end of this month but its not as bad as its been through jan which has been fucking HELL because ive obv been doing my manager job and having all this worry/stress ontop ov it.

i paid my rent +fee and i have enough to cover my bills! !!!!

i bought a bus pass but im gonna probably walk to work when the weather gets less horrible as i acctually didnt mind the walk after a while and i felt a lot fitter adding that exercise into my daily routine. before dropping out of uni, i got quite bad for being the type of person who would go to the gym once or twice a week and justify a lazy existence because of that. the bus is terrible but its the difference of walking 6 miles and being out of the house for like 12 hours a day or whatever and taking a 10 minute bus journey from straight outside my work almost to my front door. 

i ordered new earphones becus mine are not working. they were like 6 quid but so worth it. i went into my favourite cosmetic shop and got some nice stuff for my face as its got so flaky and dry and sore. i bought some new combs, not a great expense, no but the last thing on my list of cheap stuff when i didnt hve any money. my hair is short and tuggy and thisll help. i went into a cheaper cosmetics store and bought a lot of cheap shampoo/conditioner, sanitry products n whatnot. i never used to stockpile these so i ended up at the beginning of jan with nothing, i bought a cheap bar of soap for my body and used some of my flatmates stuff (but its expensive so i did it like once a week max). its so nice to have product. its something i never throught was something id miss cos theyre so essntial but i got to the point where i couldnt really afford them because i had bills going out and had to keep my money for other things.

the front door of the flat is drafty so i got the flat a draft exludor on the way. yay.

ive consumed more food/calories in the past day than i probably have in a couple of years - apart from at christmas. last night i bought a milkshake after work. it was thick and tasty and amazing. on my walk home i also bought a bottle of irn bru, which wasnt as good cus i forgot they changed the receipe but ive not drank fizzy drinks regularly in a 

i thought it was gonna be enough to fill me up but my body suddenly decided it really wanted to binge and treat myself.

i odered a med pizza with two sides and cookies when i got home from work. i just stuffed my face and ate it all. it was glorious. i went out with my flatmate a bit later and i bought quite a big shop with fresh food but also a lot of tinned/frozen things bcus i know i will be poor at the end of the month. i binged on salad items at like midnight. i ate two eggs, a whole freaking cucumber and pack of tomatoes, along with half a red pepper, a carrot, some spring onion and spinach. fresh food never felt so good. i had fruit and a bagel wiv creme cheese for my breakfast this morning. ive not had breakfast in about 6 months because when i started uni i got so stressed i couldnt eat in the morning and then i couldnt really afford to. and i gave myself some money today to get some lunch. i planned on buying one of those salad meal deals but i ended up at subway, i only got a 6 inch tough cos i think i may have died if i got anything bigger. i did however get 3 cookies on offer, ive only ate one as of yet but the other two are staring me down right now. i was so tempted to go to mcdonalds but i would have binged too hard. my poor stomach which i mentioned before had became a lot flatter probs due to lack of food/a lot of walking is so bloated.  i was wearing quite a loose fitting shirt to work and you can just see this big round boi now. customers will think im pregnant fuck me. but its a good bloat. but as i also mentioned ive gained a bit of weight and in the past 24 hours ive probably put on about a stone haha. i probably lost around three inches from my tummy in the past coupla months and now its about 6 inches rounder haha. 

i honestly dont regret it. i think if this was a regular thing and i did stuff like this a lot i would probably be different and feel horrible but it was great. i loved all this good food. 

im gonna go back to reasonable spending now/eating now. i have some spicy carrot soup i made a fortnight ago in the freezer so im gonna heat the rest of that up tonight for me and my flatmate, if i even feel up for eating and tomorrow i will probably enjoy a cheeky but healthy fruit salad for my working lunch.

sucks my brother took out a loan but im splitting his repayments and we can both afford to pay it off, im sure you can even pay it off wholly early (for a fee though) so i could even do that in a few months time cos i already know ill be due a tax refund, i paid so much tax @ my last jobs before i quit them for uni and ill be taxed here but i didnt earn over the threshold due to my break and il be due loadddss back, so we will see.

im gonna donate at the end of the month to some people on here, im not gonna really examine who ‘deserves it most’ and just do it randomly tbh. thanks to the people who donated to me, it e a lot but it did help as i mentioned before.

sidenote below

sidenote - i dont have an eating disorder. i just binged today and yesterday because ive not been able to enjoy the food i like. 

ive always had a bit of a weird relationship with food because ive never been thin and have had some disordered tendancies but nothing thats effected my overall health massively. ive been on countless diets thrughout my life. i dont particularly act like that anymore cos it can be dangerous. id only go on a ‘diet’ if my health was really bad, if i was terribly overweight or if another health condition made me alter my diet. ive also a lot of reckless times where ive just not thought about what ive eat... queue the time i ate a whole selection box and half a tub of ben and jerries for my lunch or the time i only ate a loaf and a half of bread in a day and though ‘ah this is enough calories its fine’. but i think thats moreso bpd. if ive been having a bad time with my mental health i wont care about whats being put in my body. but its not been driven through a desrie to be thinner/bigger ever.

 ive been poor recently and not been living on the best of foods (will probably explain why ive gained weight) but i have been mostly cooking from scratch using frozen meat/fish/veg and tined foods (thank god for bootstrap cooking, am i right???), on occasion i bought fresh veg or meat but thats it. the rest of the food i was eating when i was poor and well still will be eating for the next month was and i try to limit this because i know its really unhealthy has been instant ramen/noodles/soups/rice, breaded frozen meat and frozen garlic bread and chips. snackwise its been like those 10p packs of buiscuits and ive also been baking when i can mostly using my flatmates stuff. if my flatmate was making food and had excess id sometimes have some if she offered but thats been it.

[theelectricfilmdiary]

On the 13th of Jan we jetted our way into Lisbon, Portugal. Even on the plane flying in at dusk we could tell this place was going to be the tits. Our uber driver from the airport was really sweet and though he spoke little English, tried to point out local sites and main roads for us. We were basically speaking to each other through our phones, got pretty funny at some points, especially when he was trying to explain something to us and his phone kept translating what he was saying to “Mazda 3” haha. The people here are really warm and it has to be one of our favourite places so far; good people, great food and the city is fantastic. Perched right on the coast and surrounded by beaches which are just a short, cheap train ride away.

We arrived at our Hostel – Livin’ Lisbon. It seemed really cool, clean, in a big old building that looked recently done up, and was buzzing with all sorts. After being checked in our host escorted us to our room, a private double room with a massive bed and desk, drawers etc – right in the city for only 34aud a night including breakfast. Shared bathroom, but there were two on our small floor so no real issue there. The hostel even provide dinner each night for only 4 euro each. Pretty stoked at the value and quality of the place. We got settled into our room and headed out to grab a bite –  Found a new burger joint just around the corner called Gutsy. Was ok, lets just say its no Burgerfuel… the “home-made” lemonade was pretty decent though.

Upon returning, showering and clambering into bed, we soon discovered the downside to our amazing accommodation; Right next door (somewhere) is a night club playing DOOF-DOOF til the small hours, AND the hallways of our level have polished wood floors with high ceilings and echo any footsteps or voices ten fold. At about 12:30am I’d had enough of the loud Americans in the hallway (who I might add had left their bedroom door open while they drank and shout-talked). …”ALEXAAA, ALEXAAA! OH MY GAAD ALEXAA WHAT REWM ARE YEW IN??? IM IN HERE TEWW!”… I was at the end of my patience with inconsiderate assholes and while I couldn’t do anything about the top 100 hits from 2005 going on next door, I sure as shit wasn’t going to tolerate loud conversation from the fools down the hall. I got up and told them politely to shut their door – I was actually pretty polite too, I don’t know if my face registered calm but they apologised and shut the door, appearing completely unaware of their noise level. An hour later I donned ear plugs and finally fell into a deep sleep…

14th Jan – Day one in Lisbon started with breakfast at the hostel, pancakes with Nutella, raspberry compote, and yoghurt plus muslie or toast – coffees wasnt bad either. Then out to explore. We had rounded the corner of the hostel down one of the many tight and tall little back streets when we came across an antique store and were told that there was a vintage market on the main street, Av. de Liberdade, a couple blocks away. Onward we marched until reaching said market, it was full of treasures – most we either couldn’t afford or  couldn’t afford to carry home but purchases were made in the form of a great periperi from a foodie stall and a few other bits and pieces. Also had the experience of being told off by an old stall owner for picking up a perfume dispenser that looked like a vintage flip lighter… “if you don’t know what et es, do not touch et” before explaining what it was and clicking the button I was about to click myself – Cheers mate.

We continued further down the main street towards the harbourside, sucking in as much sunlight as possible on the way. Lisbon is stunning, full of century old buildings with brightly painted or tiled facades. The streets smell of the most mouth-watering food and there are a tonne of people trying to sell you weed, even cocaine! – but they were offering it all to Jim, I guess he’s got “that” look haha. We stopped at a bakery and bought a couple of treats, lemon curd doughnuts, custard tarts and this savoury scone roll type thing with pepperoni and cheese in the middle – oh my. Further down was the sunny waterfront at Cais das Colunas which was humming with tourists and a couple of street performers including a percussion band that were on point – complete with a hoolahoop-gypsy-hippy lady dancing in front.

Off through the back streets again, photographing dozens of pieces of street art and graffiti  – its everywhere here but adds to the colour and beauty of the city. Soon STARVING we stopped in at a hole in the wall local restaurant for a late arvo lunch and ordered grilled sardines with potatoes and salad – pretty standard local style food where the fish is chargrilled. A small bowl of fresh olives, local beer and sangria topped the experience off. It had to be one of the tastiest meals we have eaten on this Europe trip, and so simple. All the food had so much flavour and the fish was so good! Definitely wanna try cooking like that back home. Dessert was interesting – mine was like a custard creme brûlée, and Jims could only be described as scrambled egg cake with coffee syrup haha. Kinda weird but we ate it all. After a couple of hours chatting and drinking, we left and walked up the hill (not a nice feeling when you’re full of fish, custard and sangria) and got to a look out point Miradouro da Graca at the Igreja e Convento da Graca Cathedral which was in the middle of a service so we couldn’t look around – but what we saw of the building was gorgeous. Then back up and over many hills and we were at the hostel a couple of hours later. Having booked in for the 4 euro dinner we enjoyed a plate of pasta later that evening before retiring to our room. Another dance music induced sleep, and we woke to the morning of the 15th January. This was another Stop The World day. Jim and I were exhausted. Our feet were bruised and sore and staying in bed for the day was luxury. There aren’t many times in your life when you will spend the entire day in bed – blissss.  Jim went out to the supermarket round the corner that evening and we made burgers in the hostel kitchen, using some of that periperi we bought the day before… Perfect end to a perfect day of nothingness. The morning of the 16th, well rested we leapt (not really) out of bed and prepared for another day of exploration. Its bright and sunny here every day and way warmer than anywhere we have been so far – getting up to about 16 degrees during the day. Got to say the sunshine is sooo good after a couple of months of cold/rainy/overcast days. We joined our fellow hostel goers for breakfast and then left for the train station and Cascais beach. Three trains and 45 minutes later we were walking the stunning shore line and small cobbled streets of Cascais and wishing despite the cooler climate, that we had bought our beach gear with us for the day. The water is crystal clear and so many different shades of blue and turquoise it blows your mind.

Down at the small beach cove a sand artist – is that what they are called? Sand sculptor? I don’t know, anyway a guy was building these epic sand sculptures and castles.  Jim chucked a coin into the well and the sculpture (of a guy holding his ding-a-ling) turned into a fountain and simulated him taking a pee into the well haha. Pretty cool. Our explorations took us further around the point, and being a monday in the middle of winter almost all restaurants/stores were closed. A couple of kilometers down there was a marina where we found a Portuguese tapas place and indulged in a multitude of delights; fresh clams with butter, garlic and parsley, prawns cooked much the same way but super crispy, mozzarella and tomato on toast with basil, olive oil and balsamic, Iberian ham (local cured ham which is only produced in spain and Portugal) on toast with red pepper pesto, great bread and olives again with a local beer and white wine – not sure what the drinks were called but they were delish too. We ate everything. It was too good to leave, including the buttery garlic gravy from the clams and prawns which we soaked up with the bread. Another bakery stop (or two) for custard tarts and we were feeling sorry for ourselves haha, too much of a good thing or in this case, many good things. The day was drawing to a close so on the train and home for the night. We were still so full that we didn’t eat dinner until 10pm and it was another home-made burger for Jim and a cheese toasty for me. The 17th of January, post hostel breakfast and chores were calling. We spent a couple of hours at Vem e Lava laundrette up the road where we soaked up the free wifi and I wrote most of this entry. The plan, to get the laundry done and then head off on the train to the ferry terminal to catch a ferry across the river/harbour to Cacilhas and then another bus and over to a beach called Costa da Caparica. The weather was perfect and the water extremely calm so the ferry trip of about 12-15mins was effortless. When we hopped off the boat we were in the port area of Cacilhas and there were a few outdoor seafood restaurants serving charcoal grilled fish, as well as Portuguese fish stews, paella and clams. We sat down and ordered up a bunch of food before Jim realised that he hadn’t grabbed any more cash after our laundry expenses that morning and we were left with 30 euros for the day! – This had to cover our bus and train tickets too. So Jim ran up to the waiter and apologetically cancelled our lunch. We had already received our drinks, bread, cheese (Portuguese sheeps milk cheese which is so yum and served at most restaurants as soon as you sit down) and a tasty plate of olives. So we sat and ate bread, cheese and olives and downed our wine and beer before apologising again. We paid 10 euros for the drinks and nibbles – I might add it was only 7 euros but we felt so bad and cheap that we tipped 3 euro haha.

On the way to the bus we saw in the distance a giant sailing ship and headed toward that to check it out. It was called Fragata D. Fernando II e Glória and is a rebuild of a ship that sunk in the Lisbon harbour.  We had a walk through it and had some side-splitting moments from acting out the voices of the many freaky looking mannequins they had set up below deck… Good times.

Another bus ride (after wasting three euro’s buying the wrong tickets first time – good stuff eh) and we found ourselves at Costa da Caparica township. This place is a bit of a surf haven and after walking through the extremely tourist oriented township we made it to the beach where, despite the cold water and next to no surf, there were still a few guys out. Jim and I had packed our bathers knowing that the water was around 10 degrees but we both refused to come to Portugal and leave without swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. We stripped off and changed on the beach under our coats and towels before running into the freezing salty water. It was fecking cold BUT it was also really refreshing and afterward (once warm and dry) we felt completely revitalised. We wandered up the shore and watched a few fishing boats on their way in before strolling back through town and catching a bus to the ferry terminal – just in time too, we arrived a couple of seconds before they pulled the platform and left for Lisbon.

Night had fallen by the time we got home, so we quickly changed and left for dinner at a local joint round the corner down a back street. More bread, cheese and this time sardine pate – which we both loved, before mains of grilled fish (cant remember what type) and potatoes. The food was good, and we left pretty happy. That night we were kept awake again by noisy Italians in the room next to ours and the club next door. Fun fun.

The 18th was our last full day in gorgeous Portugal, and we spent in the town of Sintra, located about 45 minutes out of the city centre by train – towards the west coast. It was quite a bit colder there being a more mountainous region, but had warmed up by mid afternoon. The main attraction in Sintra is the medieval castle ruins Castelo Dos Mouros, which was built in the 9th century by the Moors (Muslims of Europe). We walked up about 100 floors of stairs and steep walkways to get to the top, and the 360 degree view of the area, including the ocean, inland towards the north, and Lisbon city. Beautiful. Also the walk was lined with lush green trees and plants, every single part of it was scenic. After reaching the summit of the castle, we walked right around the walls to each tower taking photos before starting our descent down the opposite side of the hill. We passed an old Tuscan style villa Vila Sassetti which has been restored and is maintained for tourists. The grounds and villa are stunning – romantic Tuscan style architecture with bright terracotta tiles all over the place. From there it was a short trek down through the old town area (full to the brim with over priced tourist targeted knick knacks and restaurants) – Jim and I decided to play it smart (so we thought) and walked further out of the tourist part and into the local areas. There was a restaurant called A Tasca do Manel which had decent ratings online and offered a 2 course lunch and a drink for 7.50 euros each. Sounds good right? We sat down and were told that the chicken curry option was all sold out so we would have to have squid stew. Trying to challenge our taste buds with local cuisine we boldly accepted.

BAD. MOVE.

The first course of lunch was squash and vege soup, which while a bit under seasoned and sweet was still edible. The next course, squid stew…. Joisus…. it was bad, sooooo salty and with a weird texture that made each mouthful a struggle. Plus the potatoes served on the side were way too salty as well – not as salty as the stew but not much of a reprieve either. I had to wash each mouthful down with beer and when I ran out of beer I gave up. We were one of the only tables in the restaurant (we had originally put this down to the 2:30pm time we sat down to eat but soon realised why it was empty). We followed the stew down with a semi burnt tasting espresso and then escaped as quickly as possible after paying. The whole train ride home we were burping up old salty squid…. delightful.

Once back in Lisbon city we went straight to the hostel and lay down for a while, still both feeling the effects of our scrumptious lunch. Dinner that night was plain bread… neither of us really felt up to proper food… :S

Later that evening, while scrolling the internet, Jim found there had been a few quakes about 20 miles from Rome, where we were heading the next day! We called our parents to “seek wise counsel” (say that out loud in a Texan accent) and had a decision to make, cancel our flight and stay in Lisbon another week til we fly home, or just say FUCK IT and go… we chose the latter.

The 19th sadly arrived. Time to leave Lisbon, we got up early, packed, and were out the door by 7am. An Uber arrived to collect us, and the driver got out to help us with our bags. While putting our bags in the boot, the car started rolling forward – he had forgotten the hand brake – Once in the car and on our way to the airport he consistently ran reds, turned on a dime, and flew over speed bumps. Radical.

Another round of airport security, of course Jim got stopped and checked, and we were on the runway leaving Lisbon bound for Rome, exhausted but excited…

Street art, Lisbon

Sintra street details

Squid stew…..

Cascais beaches

Costa da Caparica Beach

Path to Castelo Dos Mouros

Lisbon street details

Vila Sassetti

Cascais waterfront

Cacilhas port

Cascais streets

Rossio Square fountain, Lisbon

Chargrilled fish

Lisbon street details

Door details, Sintra

Ferry crossing to Cacilhas

Castelo Dos Mouros

Touristy knick knacks, Sintra

Cascais waterfront

Fragata D. Fernando II e Glória, Cacilhas

Fragata D. Fernando II e Glória, Cacilhas

Cascais beach

Freaky mannequins in the Fragata D. Fernando II e Glória, Cacilhas

Gardens outside Vila Sassetti

Castelo Dos Mouros

Cascais beaches

Post lunch – Lisbon

Costa da Caparica Beach

Lunch in Cascais

Gardens on the way to Castelo Dos Mouros

Lemon curd delights

Costa da Caparica Beach

Gutsy burgers for dinner

Castelo Dos Mouros details

Cascais lunch

Arco da Rua Augusta, Lisbon

Arco da Rua Augusta, Lisbon

Gardens on the way to Castelo Dos Mouros

Cascais sand artist

Chargrilled Sardines, Lisbon

Cascais sand artist

Lisbon, Portugal On the 13th of Jan we jetted our way into Lisbon, Portugal. Even on the plane flying in at dusk we could tell this place was going to be the tits.