#im going to sleep its 1:37 am
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One rule
pairing: sub!nate x sls!reader
summary 1: you and your triplet older brothers (nick matt and chris) have always been close, they have always respected your wishes and let you do what you want as you were an adult now. but they had one rule. dont. fuck. their. best. friend. but rules were never ment to be followed…
summary 2: it was finally your birthday, the day you have been wating for, your finally 21!! your older siblings throw a party for you constantly reminding you of their one rule. dont have sex with their best friend, nathan doe.
A/N: this is my first fan fic ever so if it suck im sorry.😭 and sorry for the 2 summarys i couldnt chose one bc they both are good😭 this will be 2-3 parts depending on the ending looks like for this fic
warnings: SMUTTTT, cursing, getting caught, crying, physical fighting, panic attack, mentions of alcohol, and probably more
"Y/N HURRY UP!" you hear your eldest brother nick call up to you as you finish up your no make up make up look. "IM COMING JEEZ NICK BEING A GIRL IS HARD Y'KNOW!" you scoff as you say that, putting your shoes on running down stairs where your 3 brothers wait looking at their phones.
"ahem im here lets gooooo" you cough out as they all look up at you and start walking "took you long enough.." chris mumbles earning a smack on the arm from you.
-
about twenty minutes later you arrive at the airport to pick up 2 of your best friends, madi and nate. you've had the biggest crush on nate since as long as you can remember but you have never told anyone but madi. when you finally see the two emerge from the crowds at the airport you run up to them.
"MADI! NATE! AHHHH!!!" you scream as you wrap your arms around both their necks for about 30 seconds before you pull back and look both of them in the eye
"well hello to you too then" nate laughs "hi Y/n/n!!! its been so long" madi says picking up the bag she dropped from seeing you and loading it into the back of the mini van. nate does the same stacking his bag on top of madi's and putting his backpack on top.
you all start to pile into the mini van after small talk but slowly realizing there wont be enough room for the four of you to fit in the back. "shit where am i gonna sit?" you say looking at matt who is sitting in the front seat waiting as everyone buckles up but you. he shrugs when you hear nate say "sit on my lap itll be fine." you look up at him with an eye brow cocked up.
"no ill be to heavy. ill sit on the floor its fine!" you say starting to crawl into the vans floor "no y/n thats dangerous. just sit on my lap ill live you weigh practically nothing!" nate says as you roll your eyes and finally agree to this decision, as you close the door. you wiggle around on nates lap to make yourself comfortable. you hear him grunt as you finally find a comfortable position and lean back in his chest.
"whats wrong, am i too heavy?" you ask looking back at nate. "no your fine just getting myself comfortable too!" he says smiling his warm smile at you as matt hits a speed bump making nate grunt again but this time you ignore it leaning back on nate's chest and slowly falling asleep to the sound of small chatter floating around the car.
-
when you wake up you find a sleeping madi and you in new clothes with no make up. madi must have changed you and taken off your make up after you fell asleep in the car. you get up and go downstairs checking the time on your phone 11:37 PM you read as you groaned rubbing your eyes as you make your way to the kitchen already seeing a light on. you walk into the kitchen to find a snacking nate at the island, you giggle as you walk over to your fridge and grab a small yogurt cup.
"hello sleepy head" nate says looking at you through his lashes as he takes a bite from the cereal bowl in-front of him. you walk over and sit next time him setting your yogurt and spoon down as you look into his eyes "hello pretty boy" you whisper, a smirk threatening to spread across your face as you see his eyes widen from the nickname he hasn't heard you use in months.
"ive missed you y/n.." he says as he looks at your lips then back to your eyes, you doing the same. "ive missed you too nate" you smile at him and you jsyt stare into each others eye before the buzz of your phone breaks the trance. its nick. you groan opening the message.
from : nicky pooh 11:41 why are you up i see the kitchen like on
you laugh as you type a response
to : nicky pooh 11:41 i got hungry, snacking with nate. sorry to wake you we'll be in bed soon promise
from: nicky pooh 11:42 fine, make it quick im tired and that light is bright shining through my door. love u 🫶🏼
to : nicky pooh 11:43 lol sucks to have a broken door dont it, love u to🫶🏼
"sorry about that." you chuckle putting the phone down and looking back at nate who looks like his eyes never left your face. you turn to open ur yogurt are you are actually hungry, making nate do the same to finish off his cereal as you devour the yogurt in 6 big spoon fulls. you both get up at the same time him making his way to the sink and you to the trash, he puts his bowl and spoon in the sink as you throw away the yogurt container and walk over the nate leaning on the sink.
you lean really close to nate looking up at him slightly as you place your spoon in the sink. your stomach slightly grinding against his crotch making him groan. you lightly gasp as you feel his growing hard-on press into your stomach. you back up taking nates hand and dragging him to the guest room where he will be staying making sure to close and lock the door as you walk over to the boy pushing him down on the bed as you climb onto him so your straddling him
"fuck y/n what a-are you d-doing?" he asks worried about nick matt and chris. you can see it in his face thats what hes scared about. "im doing what you clearly want." you say palming his growing erection getting a loud whimper from nate. you push a hand over his mouth. "shhhh we dont want my brothers or madi to hear do we now?" you say earning a frantic head shake from nate as you begin to fiddle with the waist band of his pajamas pants soon after pulling them down as he starts to take your top of leaving you in your bra before you hear a small knock at the door startiling you both as you quickly pull your top back on and him pulling up his pants as you both stand up.
"yo nate!" chris says before he jiggles the locked handle. "whys the door locked? bro let me in!" chris says jiggling the door more as you run and hide behind the desk thats set up in the corner of the room.
"sorry forgot to unlock it after i got changed earlier, whats up?" nate says before looking over at you quickly and back to chris. "me and matt are going on a late night drive you coming? im asking y/n and madi after you." chris says, nate eyes widen. "s-sure uh i can ask the girls if you want to head downstairs, i need to piss anyway." nate says looking over at you again for a second then looking back at your brother
"alrights sounds cool, see you downstairs soon?" chris says walking away and pointing at nate "you got it!" nate says as he slightly closes the door and looks at you. "you down to go for a drive?"nate says pointing at the door "fuck yea i am!" you say standing up running to your room slowly opening the door to see a dead asleep madi "i guess madis not coming!" you say pulling on a hoodie and changing your shorts into long pajama pants.
"fine by me" nate responds walking out the room and down the steps as you follow close behind. after you guys drove around for awhile you went back home and all parted ways to you room. seeing as you had to get stuff ready for tomorrow, your big birthday party!
a/n reallllyyyyy long first chapter so sorry but next will be shorter ish and better i promise! i was also crying at myself while writing this it was so bad so hope you enjoyed😭😭
tags: @k4tixzz @hysteria-things @lovingmattysposts
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choi seungcheol smau (scoups)
music major!seungcheol x cinematography major!reader
summary: you left home early and don’t have anyone to dorm with at the dorms so you take up rent with a friend, you need to find a job but it’s been a struggle for you and you can’t just let your friend pay rent by yourself so when you find a job you immediately take it but what you didn’t realise was this job had you moving around a lot more than you wanted too. atleast he’s rich, right?
genre: humour, fluff, romance, slight angst
warnings: landlord is a prick, sick people (illness), isolation and arguements
started 27/06/23 - ended tba
updates: every saturday and thursday
feel free to ask to be apart of taglist
a/n: i am not american so the dates when the academic term starts and ends may be a little different, also years of when certain people graduate will be different based on their major.
term 1: early february - early april (beginning of the academic year)
2 week break
term 2: late april - late june
2 week break
term 3: late july - late september
2 week break
term 4: early october - mid december (end of academic year)
6 week break and repeat again
the beginning
profiles 1 (y/n’s squad 😝)
profiles 2 and 2.5 (12 broke uni students + mingyu)
beginning of academic year
recording #1: day too early..
recording #2: job stealer
recording #3: the girl in vernon’s class
recording #4: ncity liquor
recording #5: job interview = happy cheol
recording #6: can you drive??
recording #7: today is not my day
recording #8: guilty
recording #9: are you girlypop?
recording #10: accidentally asked a girl out…
recording #11: cute
recording #12: sleep on the floor
recording #13: texting, i’m bored
recording #14: my fav cousin
recording #15: i wanna go, but i don’t but i did!
recording #16: drunk one-sided fight
recording #17: not jeonghan approved
recording #18: they finally did work!!
recording #19: stupid landlord
recording #20: sorry lee seokmin
recording #21: no they aren’t actually dating.. yet!
recording #22: he’s whipped whipped
recording #23: rtl or fear?
recording #24: rejected but not to your face.. ouch.
recording #25: y/n’s twitter
recording #26: delulu
recording #27: woozi got my back
recording #28: ngl thought it was obvious
recording #29: best wingmans ever
recording #30: spending $127 on someone (simp!)
recording #31: something on your mind
recording #32: oh okay
recording #33: mansae mansae mansae
recording #34: i’m sorry, it was urgent
recording #35: yayaya lets have fun!!
recording #36: gotta go (not by chungha)
recording #37: just s.coups and woozi
recording #38: jeonghan and y/n
recording #39: get on twitter!!!
recording #40: im back, im sorry
recording #41: same dream, same mind, same night
recording #42: cinematography is fun
recording #43: regular (job version)
recording #44: ubb file??
recording #45: creation of adore u (wip)!!
recording #46: quiet
recording #47: for you ofc <3
recording #48: its obvious i adore you
recording #49: lets wait for the future
recording #50: thank you
end of academic year
#➼┊ kwangya university#₊˚ꕥ⊹┊smau: recordings of you#seventeen#seventeen fanfic#seventeen x reader#seungcheol#svt seungcheol#masterlist#smau#kpop smau#seungcheol x reader#svt#svt smau#seungcheol x y/n#seungcheol fanfic#seungcheol smau
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deja vu, Jamis vu
BSD beast au x reader. Based on the end of the beast movie. AUTHORS NOTE: SO. ITS FINALLY DONE. ITS 4AM I AM ON IPAD TUMBLR AND UHHHH… I tried to edit this. but. TUMBLR WAS BEING AN ASS. and the two hours I spent editing this went down the drain. Mere words could not describe the grief I felt at 3:37 in the morning. I would have screamed if I weren’t so zombieified. Then, I tried to be paitent and edit it another time, but tumblr was like: haha no. so it didn’t save. I swear it’s not my fault if you have a stroke while reading this. I sacrificed my sleep for an entire week to do write this. Please give me some credit for my suffering. /lh
Also keep in mind. I have watched the DA movie and the beast movie a whopping total of 1 time. It’s probably very off from what I was trying to communicate, cause I legit have no clue what goes on in the light novels... spare me the slander.
Last thing, I tried something new with this one, so there’s weird ahh switches between first person and 2nd person in this. Idk how good it is, lmk if i should never do it again.
Tw: head injury, murder, blood, suicide, yeah I think that’s about it.
word count: 6.8k
To all the Chuuya enjoyers out there, I’m sorry for being a disappointment.
Tags: @redeemingmygloryintopurgatory
I’m wet.
Im standing outside his door, knocking as it rains outside, without an umbrella, cold, and of course, drenched.
Helplessly, I knock on his door, hoping for a response from him. I know it’s pointless, by now. I should cut him out of my life by now, I should… leave him. He’s not a good person, he’s part of the Port Mafia, for the love of god… I’m scared of him. He could crush me at any moment. Hell, he breaks into my house so frequently, and even though he’s done no harm… he could kill me at any moment. So why am I here? Shouldn’t I be relieved that he hasn’t shown up at my apartment for over a month now? I… just can’t…
Lightening splits the sky in half and the sound of thunder cracks in the air.
Your fist slides down the window pane of the door. It makes a terrible sound, and you wince in pain from the sting of the friction. You should just go home. It was obvious Chuuya wasn’t even home, he never was. And if he wasn’t even home, how would he even answer the door? You regret coming here in the first place, you didn’t even know why you chose to. Was it out of worry? Was it because you had to say something to him? You couldn’t remember by now, it was all on impulse.
Chuuya had broken into your apartment countless times. Still, no matter how many times you’d snap at him, how many times you’d emptily threaten him, or try to push him off the balcony, he still came back the next day, unphased. You couldn’t get rid of him, no matter how hard you tried. And after many days, you had learned to accept that someone could break into your home at any given moment.
And you had no knowledge of how he knew you, let alone knowledge of how he even got your house key. Or maybe he picked your lock. You couldn’t be sure and you really did not want to know.
Every day, you’d come back home from work, and Chuuya would be sitting on your couch, drinking your wine (much to your own distaste). You’d usually give him a dirty look, and he’d glare in return but you’d say nothing. You preferred not to talk to him, and Chuuya wouldn’t raise conversations by himself. He always sat in the corner of the room, observing… scrutinizing every move you made. On the rare occasions when you had managed to start a conversation with him, it was always painfully awkward.
You once remember asking him why he was here, what he wanted from you, and his true intentions. Chuuya looked at you in an amused manner and stared out the window.
“Why I’m doing this? You’ll find out yourself when the time is right.”
By the time you had woken up, he was always gone. As if he was never there in the first place. The only thing he’d leave was the wine glass he’d drink out of, and your clothes you had hauled back from the laundromat messily folded, in your drawer. Occasionally, when it warm out, he’d leave the window open. They were small actions. Meant to be noticed, but not returned.
The splashing of rain intensifies, as you stand on Chuuya’s porch. He’s not home. You can’t stand here forever. You have to get back home before it’s too late.
What a great way to spend my time off work.
But you wanted to try one last thing before you left. Maybe his door was unlocked the entire time. Although you would doubt it, it was worth a try. It was so stupid to do this, all of it was. But your curiosity is getting the best of you, and you desperately wanted answers. Answers only Chuuya could give.
So, you grip the door handle and twist the doorknob. Much to your shock, the mechanics of the door click, and the door opens.
Chuuya had left the door unlocked. He forgot to lock his own door. You take a step up, and stand in the doorway. The rain is still hitting your back, and you groan realizing that you’re dripping water onto the floor. Quickly, you step in and shut the door. You twist the lock, ensuring that no one else would come in.
You sure hope Chuuya wasn’t going to come home tonight. The thought of it made the hair on your neck stand slightly.
You take off your shoes which are drenched in water and stare in the mirror. You’re soaked to the bone. Your clothes are completely see-through. You’d need to change them. That could wait, though. If the rain stopped, you’d go home as soon as possible.
Okay. Quick in and out it is. I need to find my spare key, and I need to find what happened to him after the explosion in the sky that day. The one that happened on the top of the… port mafia building. You shudder. I wonder what happened. It was so bright that it looked as if the sky exploded for a second. The next thing you know, everything is back to normal… except it isn’t. A dead body is found at the bottom of the building.
Followed by that, I never saw Chuuya again, but many people that were close to me have been avoiding me. When asked why, they avoided my question. There isn’t a strong connection there, but I think… that all of these events are connected somehow. Chuuya never appears again, and the fact he works for the Port Mafia, definetly does not help.
Additionally, the Armed Dective Agency sent me a letter to be wary of Chuuya. With no additional information. There’s something going on here. Something is wrong. Something terribily wrong.
And I’m scared.
Apprehensively, you take several steps inside the house. You keep getting the feeling that you may get caught. But you don’t hear anything at the door. It’s a painful paranoia.
You inhale and exhale.
I’ll start looking for hints first. I don’t need an answer right away. One hint will be able to give me lots. I’ll start from his room, that’s where people are most likely to hide things.
You walk as quickly as possible across the empty corridor in the house. His house is eerily empty. There isn’t much in it, just a lot of furniture, a shelf of wine, messy papers and a few books placed sparsely across the rooms.
You walk up the stairs, which slightly creaks under your weight. You try your best to ignore any noises and try to stay focused. As you reach the top of the stairs, you see his bedroom, which is the first room at the end of the staircase.
You walk towards the room, you open the door and look around. Chuuya’s room is surprisingly fuller than the rest of the house. There is a dresser, with several items stacked on top of it. It has drawers, which you assume were full. His closet was also filled with clothes, with various hats on the shelf above in his closet.
Chuuya’s bed was neatly made, giving the impression that he had not been home in weeks. Unoccupied, cold, and abandoned. Yet you felt a temptation to lie in it either way. Your eyes dart to the dresser again, and you look at the various items spread out on it. None of these are of much use to you. Besides the gun that seemed unused.
Your hands move to the drawers and you begin to search them. In the first one, there was nothing. Just a bunch of stationery, and papers, some of which had blood on them. You shudder in disgust and move on.
You struggled to pull the second drawer. After a moment, it slides open and you look at the inside contents. You stare at it, wondering if you open it. There is no address on it, and it isn’t sealed.
You have a bad feeling about this, but your hands move faster than your brain. You pull out the piece of paper and read its contents.
The letter is addressed to you. It doesn’t include much. Just A single sentence that holds an address.
And then it hits you.
Chuuya had been planning this for a long time. He had purposely left the door unlocked, left his house empty, and left you because he knew you would try to find him one day.
It infuriates you more than you expect. But you can’t stop here. You’ll go to a specific location.
Just to be sure, you look in the third drawer, you see your spare key, as well as a lock cutter.
Its dark now. It’s still pouring. You have no choice to stay here for tonight. Begrudgingly, you curse yourself for dragging yourself into this. Still, you were in too deep to back out now. Whatever happens, will happen.
-
You wake up.
You're lying on Chuuya's bed, in his clothes, begrudgingly. Your own clothes are discarded onto the floor, dried during the time you had been asleep. Still, you don't exactly feel like changing into them. It felt too gross to wear them.
You shake your head. Now's not the time to be thinking about that. You sit up, and stretch your arms. Then, you walk towards the desk again, and look at the address. You take note of the address, and take your spare key. Before you go, you flip over the paper, ensuring that you didn't miss anything. There's another sentence scribbled on the top of the paper.
I know you're reading this. You want to know why I'm gone, and why I did this. The address that is provided will help you, but it will not give you the answer, nor will I be there.
…What?
You read the sentence over and over again. The words sink in, making you feel conflicted. You knew you were getting yourself into a certain kind of danger by doing this, but you didn't expect it to be this risky. Hell, you didn't even know where the man was now, and not to mention… the location…
You look at the location again.
It's on the street where the explosion happened. And you're no fool. If it was on that street, it meant it was that building. There were no other possibilities. You doubt it would be any other one of those tall skyscrapers, anyways. The one where the explosion happened was the only building Chuuya had any affiliations with.
Which was going to be incredibly difficult to get into. Let alone, to the top floor. You'd be dead even trying to set foot into the door. It wasn't worth your life for this. You should forget about it and go back home.
You look through the paper again, hoping there might be something more to help you. Sighing, you came back with nothing. I suppose I really have to go through with this, don't I? There's no turning back.
-
The walk to the Port Mafia's building was rather short, if you were being completely honest. It was located in the heart of Yokohama, and was one of the tallest buildings there, if that told you anything.
You stand outside the building, as the apprehension and fear build up inside you. You had never felt as much of a need to run from anything, as much as you did now. The doors, despite their grandeur size, and large glass design, looked uninviting. Almost like doors to a bank vault; the kind of doors that told you, you wouldn't be able to get out, as soon as you stepped in. And from various things people has told you throughout the years, the Port Mafia keeps people it's had come into contact with. It's more powerful beyond belief.
It doesn't need to control you. You'll be forced into being pliant for them, simply by fear. No one can betray them. Death is almost a guarantee if you do.
And recently, they had also become violent as well. You might as well be walking yourself into a death wish.
But your feet remained rooted into the ground, and part of you remains determined to see this through. So you take a deep breath and walk into the building.
You try to remain calm as you push through the doors, into the lobby. You pray Hou won't be swatted with bullets as soon as you enter, but much to your own surprise, there's no one in the lobby. It's completely empty.
It doesn't feel right. You wonder if what happened. Well, it's not your business anyways. You couldn't care less. You just needed to find whoever Chuuya's office is and-
"Who are you?"
shit. you curse under your breath. "I-I'm," you turn around to face the person talking g to you. As soon as you do this, the man's eyes widen, and you acknowledge away slightly. "Sorry… um… do you know where Chuuya is?"
You had never felt so idiotic and out of place in your life. You can physically feel your heart pounding inside your chest, as you pray you don't look too suspicious. You can't mess up here. Though the man you are currently talking to isn't holding any firearm. That may just as well mean he has even worse methods to kill you off.
"He's not here."
of course, he isn't. You think to yourself. He wrote that in his own letter, or whatever you call it.
"He's been arrested." The man looks you directly into your eyes, and as on instinct, you look down, too scared to actually look at him. A few moments pass in silence.
"Can you… perhaps tell me why?"
"After the previous Port Mafia executive committed suicide, Chuuya was forced to lead the Port Mafia. He hated the job greatly, and he eventually…" He stops himself.
"Go on." You mutter.
The man tilts his head and looks at you again. "Are you sure? If you want to see him… it's better just to see for yourself." He stops for a second.
"No… please tell me. Tell me everything that you possibly can."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Fine then. If you insist."
"Chuuya lost his control over himself. He slowly became more, deranged, if you will, as time went on. After the old executive killed himself, Chuuya had no one left. Or at least, that's what we saw. His orders became more and more irrational, often just resorting to killing everything, and slowly, he eventually broke. He went on a rampage, as you've probably seen, Yokohama is not safe with him around. He almost destroyed Yokohama in its entirety, and it took serveral organizations to stop him. I don't know the exact details after that. He remains locked up underground."
You feel as if you had been doused under cold water. You didn't only have your question answered, but that also explained several other things as well. You try to recollect your thoughts while figuring out what to do next.
"By the way, you look familiar."
"How so?"
"I don't know, to he honest. You look like someone who used to work here. Maybe my mind js tricking me, though. You look too weak to be here."
"Yeah," you force out an awkward laugh, "I could never work here for the life of me."
"Figures."
another awkward pause, as you stare at the man.
"I assume you need Chuuya's location, don't you?"
You nod.
"Here." He hands you a piece of paper, with an address messily scrawled onto it. "Although, I don't recommend going to see him, tell the guards you are a relative of his. Hopefully, it will convince them enough to let you in. Though, if you want, I'm sure you can attempt to knock the guards out. Chuuya's well… very restrained so he won't hurt you."
"Ah… thank you."
"Don't mention it."
You bow and leave.
"Hey wait-" the man calls out, his voice echoing through the empty lobby. He seems hesitant to ask something. You stop and turn around. "Yeah?"
He looks down, and awkwardly avoids eye contact for a second. It's at this moment you realize he's a man with short, white, hair, as well thick bangs that were cut into a slant. He’s rather short, and he’s wearing a long jacket.
He looks… familiar. I wonder why.
“What’s your name?”
You stare at him for another moment before answering. “It’s Y/N.”
You could have sworn you had seen a face of surprise from him for a second, but it could have been your imagination because the next instant you blink, it’s gone. “I see,” he says slowly. “Be careful then. He’s not the same as what you may remember.”
As… I remember? What….
“Nevermind. Forget I said anything. Just go to the address, and everything will make sense.”
“Hey wait-”
He’s already turned his back and left on you. You’re left with so many more questions than you started off with, and dread creeps up you again. There was a warning tone in his voice, almost as if telling you to do this was a terrible idea. That you were going to be landing yourself in scalding hot water, and you wouldn’t be able to get out. You knew the risks from the start, but…
You quickly unfold the paper, and look for the address. Once again, the address is written in the center of the paper. You carefully look around for any other writing on the paper.
It’s completely white. Blank. Except for one sentence on the bottom: It’s never too late to back out.
And you stare at it, and think about the several cryptic warnings you received from this man. So… you’re telling me, that after that explosion happened in the sky… a dead body, the previous executive was found. Then shortly after that, Chuuya became the executive of the Mafia. He hated it. But he had no choice and was left alone to do it. Eventually, he lost his sanity and mind and the Mafia… I guess? Because very corrupt, violent, and unsafe. It took many people to stop him, and how he was arrested in an underground cell. At this address.
It’s clear he’s cutting something out. He said to be careful. Of course, if Chuuya has lost his mind, I need to do that. But he empathized that I should be wary of him. Also, he said I looked familiar, and he also looks familiar to me. He mentioned something about… me remembering? Have I known Chuuya for longer?
But he also said that only Chuuya has the answers to all my questions. So that means in other words, he knows what happened during the explosion, he knows that Chuuya has been breaking into my apartment and he knows more about my entire predicament now, than I do.
Just… who exactly is he? How and why?
You cut yourself off from those thoughts.
Ugh. this is ending up being so much more complicated than it was supposed to be. You thought in bitterness. So basically, I’ll go to the address, and get the answers to my questions. Sounds simple enough. There’s no need to overthink this. Maybe i’m just being paranoid. What’s the worst that could happen?
Well, a lot. But I’ll just ignore that for now.
You turn around and walk towards the door again. To be honest, you don’t want to know what might happen once you see him. You were already nervous from the implications the man had told you moments ago, and you were coming to realize there were some things that you noticed when you were in Chuuya’s house. Things that you maybe weren’t supposed to know about or see.
In the bottom of the drawer… there were documents. Documentation of everything that happened on the day of the explosion. A bright light illumined the sky, followed by the dead body found; the previous port mafia’s executive; Dazai Osamu. The two closest people to the explosion were a member of the port mafia, Atsushi Nakajima, and a member in the training of the Armed Detective Agency, Ryounouske Akuwatagawa. They are believed to be the cause of the explosion.
No one knows the exact events inside the Port Mafia on that day, except for the individuals involved in the actions that happened. According to the Armed Detective Agency, Akuwtagawa had barged into the Port Mafia to challenge the Port Mafia Executive. He accordingly, fought many individuals in the Port Mafia, a body count is yet to be determined. Data from thereon forth is unknown until the individuals reach the top of the building, where the most notorious event stated above occurred.
Additionally, after thorough examination of the body of the previous Port Mafia Excuetive, it can be concluded that he had committed suicide by jumping off the building.
The document ends there, and the paper is ripped in half.
-
It felt like every meter you travelled towards that location was walking towards a terrible, yet inevitable fate. The drive there, dragged on and on as if mocking you for your choices. You find yourself counting down the seconds until you can arrive at the location given.
Oh, how you wished you had stayed at home instead of seeking him out. If only your morbid curiosity hadn’t gotten the best of you.
You’ve lost track of the time you’ve spent on the train, only waiting for the loudspeaker to announce your stop. The location you figure you were given led you to a rather remote area, likely in the outskirts of Yokohama. If not further. The man had told you he was locked underground, completely isolated from everything.
You found that part the most unsettling. If they needed that many security measures to keep him in place, it was likely he was completely gone. Gone beyond saving. If he had succumbed that much to his own grief and madness, it would be a question of whether he would still remember you or not.
You look out the window again, enjoying your last moments of peace.
This is the eerie calm before the storm, isn’t it?
Moments after you think that, the train halts to a stop at the last station in Yokohama, and you get off. Your heart is pounding wildly in your chest, and you’re not sure if you can stop it.
You try your best to remain calm. Force yourself to keep going. He’s special to you. You can’t lose him, even if you hate him. You need him. He’s the only one who still cares.
And above all, he’s the only one who remembers you at all.
And so, you go. You take all the correct turns. You try to walk as quickly as you could, to arrive at the destination. You keep going, and going and going until…
You’re here.
It’s one of the better buildings on the outskirts of the city, yet… it looks incredibly unsettling. It’s a mundane building, one made from standard concrete, and glass. Yet. As you stand so close, you see cracks in the building. The door is partially cracked as well.
Well, I’m here already. Whatever happens, happens. I may die in there, still, before I die, I have to know the answer. The answer… why can’t I remember? Chuuya. I want him to tell me, what he did to me. Why he came to my apartment every day. Why he’s… he’s…..
Oh. My hands are shaking. Surely I cannot be this terrified can I? I will do this even if it kills me.
You pull the door open and enter the building. The piece of paper told you that it was on the lowest floor. Your footsteps echo in the empty building, and it feels creepy no one is here.
Huh. Gives some Deja Vu, doesn’t it?
You proceed towards the elevator at the end of the hall, and press the down button. Almost instantly, the elevator makes a “ding” noise, and the doors open. You quickly step in and look for the lowest button. With a deep breath, you push the button, and the door closes.
You stare at your face in the mirror. You look terrible. Pale and your hair is completely dishevelled and a mess. If you didn’t know any better, you’d look like you were sick. You had been extremely anxious about this for an entire day, after all.
The elevator doors once again slide open.
Here goes nothing. You sigh. I’d better hear you talking today, Chuuya. You have a lot to tell me. And you’d better tell me it all.
You step outside the elevator. There’s nothing. Absolutely nothing, and no one here. The halls are empty, and the strong scent of stale air, combined with dust fills your nostrils. You feel like coughing for a second, but you hold yourself back. You didn’t want to make any noise to give away your presence. You take another step.
Despite what the man said, it was clear that there was no one else there. No prison guards, no other cells inside. It was clearly a floor made, simply to detain one individual in particular. Isolated, and secure enough that they’d never be able to escape. Deep enough underground that they’d never even know where they were.
Your footsteps tap loudly against the concrete and echo everywhere around. As you walk down the hall, the lightbulbs behind you light up. The man had told you it was in the deepest part of the prison. However, what he didn’t account for, was that you had no idea how this floor was organized.
Not to mention it was starting to get creepy really quickly. Although there should be nothing else in here, you were starting to get the sense that there was something dangerous that might lurk in the air. You tell yourself it’s probably just the dark and your own fatigue and you were imagining things.
The emptiness of the entire building creeps you out. It’s eerie. It feels like you were lead into the wrong location, and you were walking into a dead end. It almost felt almost like a trap that you had been lured into. And every second, the floor grew significantly more eerie. The lack of any presence and the darkness despite the very few lightbulbs attached to the ceiling enhanced that.
I should be getting close now… right?
You were. You could see a light at the end of this hallway, which was illuminated with an orange light. It must have been where Chuuya’s cell was. There was no other place as illuminated as this, and there was no reason for it to be.
You had gotten this far. There was no reason you should be stopping now. Should you? The answer… you had always looked for, you could get it now.
Chuuya always hid something from me. He has never answered once, one of my questions. He’s never told me why he comes to my house every day, he never told me once why he was gone. For as long as I remember, I’ve been coming back from my job, and seeing him there. But one day, he disappeared. No reason why, no reason of how. He just did.
But apart from my job, there’s another piece missing to this puzzle. There’s something else that I’ve always wanted to ask him besides why he’s gone missing, and the explosion which I already had the answer to. He knows me, better than I know myself.
What was I before all of this happened?
I know there’s something before all of this. It just doesn’t add up. The man I saw in the mafia looked familiar. The building itself was in a place that I had felt I had been in at some time before. There’s deja vu there.
But when I first walked into the apartment, the first day before I saw Chuuya, I had jamais vu. A familiar place, that I didn’t know. And consequently, I couldn’t remember much before that. So what-
“I know you’re there, (Y/N). You’ve been standing there for quite some time.”
Shit.
Your thoughts are cut off by that voice you instantly knew. Chuuya was indeed, there. But his voice didn’t sound the same as you remember. There wasn’t any of the snarkiness, or egotistical attitude in his voice anymore. Instead, his voice was laced with aggression, and a malice that made you hesitant to even come forward.
You open your jaw to speak, but almost if Chuuya knew, he spoke before you. “I know what you’re thinking. You want to know why I left you, don’t you? I assume that someone has already told you about what happened on the day I stopped seeing you, and I’m sure you know all about the aftermath of that.”
You feel like you are doused in cold water. How did he know? Did he plan all of this. You want to open your mouth and tell him to slow down, but he continues, anyways.
“And you’ve been having deja vu for several days, too. You feel like you know the Port Mafia building, you feel like you recognize everything you saw, including my home.” Silence, as he pauses for a second. “So why don’t you… come and face me, and I’ll tell you what actually happened?”
“Chuuya-”
You hear no response. You sigh and walk towards his cell. You’re not ready to hear this, and you’re not sure you can face him.
He’s different. He’s not the same anymore. He sounds more violent, his composture is much less controlled than it was before. What…what happened to him?
And then you approach his cell. He’s got cuts everywhere, specifically the gash on his face. You instantly feel the need to run away, to get this image out of your mind. He was thin, his face was significantly more gaunt than it had been the last time you had seen him. And the most unsettling thing was how he was kept. Both arms were harshly chained to the ceiling and the wall. The chains were wrapped around his arms several times (you would assume most likely to stop him from breaking free), and they cut deeply into his arm. Then his body was also tightly bound to a chair, and his legs were bound to the chair’s legs. His body you noticed, was bound so tightly to the chair, you wonder how he still managed to breathe. Still, nothing would be as unnerving as to look at as his eyes. They were not dull per say, but they were empty. Not in the hopeless kind of way, but in the tormented sense that he had been tortured so badly that it would be unlikely he ever saw the light of day again.
Truly, he was a lost cause. You could only describe him as tortured and traumatized, as you couldn’t glance at him a second time.
“Hey. You done oogling yet?” His voice came out as almost an aggressive snarl, and you instantly look away. “Look at me.” You do your best to look at him, while trying to avoid looking at any part of his face in particular. You didn’t want to see it. Truly, you don’t want to look at him in any way whatsoever. So you settle on looking at a corner of his hair. The only thing that was still familiar to you.
“I said look at me. In the eyes.”
You don’t want to.
Chuuya sighs. “I know I probably look terrible right now, but please. Just do it. For the sake of me. Just look me in the eyes. It’ll probably be the last time I see someone for a long time.” He draws that last sentence out for longer than you expect, and you start to feel uneasy again, but you try to ignore that and ask him the question. The question you had been dying to ask for an undefined amount of time.
It’s a second before you can really bring yourself to ask it. “Chuuya. Where are my memories?” your mouth tightens… “Who am I? Why did you… do this?” You take a deep breath, to stop yourself. “Just tell me. Please.”
There’s another stretched-out pause before Chuuya responds again. “I knocked you out.”
“You… you what? N-no… you’re kidding right?” Your voice wavers slightly, before seeing Chuuya’s face again. He’s dead serious. “Why would you do this?”
“You were in danger. I couldn’t help it, alright?” He yelled, and you flinch. He takes a deep breath in again, slightly more calm, and continues. “Let me explain.”
“You were part of the Port Mafia, (Y/N). In fact, you, me, and Dazai used to be assigned to the same team all the time. Of course, it was always despicable working with Dazai. He never told us about anything, instead only telling us what to do, while he schemed about whatever he damn chose.”
“You can’t be serious…”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Do you think I’m joking right now? That I’m making a story and pulling it out of thin air for fun? You wanted answers. I’m giving them to you right now.”
“Right. Sorry.”
Chuuya ignores you and goes on. “Out of the three of us, you were always the weakest one, without a strong ability, nor any supportive abilities, however, we always had to drag you along anyways. To every mission gaven to us. Dazai would always make a plan, and we’d have to follow through. And if any of us ever messed up, we’d always get into trouble.”
“I bet you wanted to know how you got that bruise on your arm, that’s never healed, huh? Well, it’s cause you messed up one of the missions, and one of the higher-ups broke your arm. It never completely healed, and it was a warning that you should never mess up again.”
You look at your arm, where the ugly purple bruise marred your skin. It had never healed, and you couldn’t do anything heavy with it. Although it made a lot more sense than the reasoning you were told, you found this all too unreal. There was no way you were a mafia member. You were always weak. There would have been no reason for you to join. But even past the static buzzing in your brain, you could make out everything he said feeling familiar. As if your memories were just behind a wall you couldn’t break through.
“Still, I wasn’t able to do anything at the time, and Dazai didn’t care too much for you. The damned bastard treated everything and everyone like a chess piece, and played them as he wished. You were constantly treated as the runt of the three of us, and often used as the punching bag when missions weren’t successful. But, over time, you managed to become more ‘competent’ and not ‘drag us back’.”
“Of course, that all was, until the Dragon Head incident. All you need to know was that it was a bloody fight, and most of us were sent to deal with it.”
“As always, we were sent to deal with the mess. Dazai and I were obviously vanguards during the entire ordeal, and you were backup. When we had found the person behind it all, I used my own ability to kill him. We had won, but just barely.”
“You had managed to find the location of the man first, but you didn’t notify us. This person later told us that you actually refused to tell us. Ultimately, you botched Dazai’s plan, and almost destroyed an entire city, because you didn’t follow his instructions. Of course, Dazai was disappointed, even if he didn’t say anything. He essentially dismissed you, and planned to go back, and remove you from the Port Mafia. But, I didn’t want that.”
“So after a very long fight with Dazai, I managed to make a compromise with him. You would not be killed for betraying the Port Mafia, however, you wouldn’t be allowed to go back. But if I told you this, you would have rather accepted death, since the Port Mafia is the only thing you have ever known. You couldn’t go into the real world since you have no identity there.”
“So later that night, while you had looked like you were at least, partially asleep. I had no choice… but to give you severe head trauma, which would make you lose all your memories.”
There’s an unspoken silence between the two of you. You had always been told that your head was fragile. When you tried to think about your childhood or teenage years, your head would fill with static and it would hurt. Never had you ever expected it to be… this…
“You must be shocked. You probably think I’m not being serious, or that I’m joking. Well, I’m not done yet.”
“You were in a coma for years after that. For about two or three years, if I remember correctly. I had to make sure that you wouldn’t remember anything, so I bashed your head, pretty hard against the concrete. I brought you to the hospital after that, and told them that you had been injured badly, because you had attempted suicide. A balatant lie, but I couldn’t tell the doctors any more than that, otherwise I would have been detained.”
“For several years, you stayed in the hospital, completely unconscious. I’d visit you everyday, and see if you would wake up. At one point I had considered just giving up. But eventually, you did wake up. But, you didn’t have an identity in the real world, let alone education, or anything that would let you survive. When you were discharged, I paid a company to forge you a fake identity, which is what you live by now.”
“I’ve watched over you for so long, (Y/N). You once asked me what you needed to be protected from. I didn’t answer that question because I didn’t think it was the right time to let you know the truth. Alas, you’ve come searching for the truth yourself. The Port Mafia was after you for a long time. I had to constantly monitor you, you were constantly on my mind every day. And even when you were discharged from the hospital, I still had to watch over you while you slept. They wanted to kill you. I didn’t want you dead, in fact how could I?” Chuuya laughs in bitterness. “I loved you for a long time. I did all of this to make sure I’d be able to see you happy, for once. And you were. You moved into society rather nicely. You were simply not meant to be part of the Mafia, despite the potential in your ability.”
“You have the gun I left on my desk, didn’t you? You knew you had to take it because you might have been in danger.”
“Chuuya… stop.” You’re still in shock, but you know you’ll never properly remember any of your memories now. You can only trust him. Whatever he says, you have to believe. He’s not lying. He never was lying.
“That was Dazai’s gun. The gun he left before he killed himself.”
“No… please. Stop. Chuuya. Don’t do this please…”
He chuckles. “I have no merit in my future, I am simply left to rot and die here. You wouldn’t understand, (Y/N). I spent so much time in my life for you, that it would have been simpler to just kill you. But I can’t do that.”
“But in a life where you don’t return any of that to me isn’t worth living either…”
“CHUUYA,” you scream. “Stop this. Don’t…”
“So shoot me please. I know you’re dying to do it. You brought the gun with you, you wanted to kill me. I know you do. Why? You’ve reached into your pockets serveral times while I was telling your past. My life is hopeless, completely doomed. I’ve lost everything I once had, except for you. And I can’t even see you now.”
“So kill me. Put me out of my own misery.”
He smiles, in a twisted sort of way, expecting you to shoot.
“You won’t regret it.”
And it’s true. You were planning on killing him, but you don’t want to now. But if what he said was true, you were also ruthless as he was. You had to make a choice, quickly.
Your hands move faster than your mind, and you can’t stop yourself.
You shoot once. Once at his chest.
You can’t bear to see what you did.
But you also can’t see control what you were going to do next. You hear another gunshot being fired, and you weren’t if it was from yourself, or maybe someone else in the floor.
Your vision stops and you feel yourself falling to the ground.
#yandere chuuya#yandere Chuuya x reader#yandere Chuuya nakahara x reader#chuuya x reader angst#chuuya angst#chuuya nakahara#bsd angst#Chuuya x reader#chuuya nakahara x reader#yandere bsd#yandere bsd x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#bungk stray dogs#chuuya Bungo stray dogs#chuuya bsd#yanderecore#BRUH I ACTUALLY HATE THIS THO WTF#chaoticmiraclezombie the skills are being handed back to you now.#I wrote way. Way too much buildup.#it was better with the edits at least it was easier to read but Tumblr couldn’t handle it#i swear to god.#anyways. Yeah. Basically beast Chuuya core ig
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Guys PT 1 is on my other account @peanutpermit read it before this one it has everything, like warnings, and well PT 1
Extra warning for this chapter
Literally like 2 swear words
Pt2❤❤
Annabeth pov
And he collapsed
I saw his eyes close, he wasn't breathing.
I was already crawling towards him, then I saw Artemis limping to us before I passed out.
I woke up 3 days later in the CHB infirmary with Percy in a bed next to me. Will Solace, and Grover are in the room whispering I don't think they see me yet.
I try to stretch my shoulders, its a routine every morning when I wake up.
"AHHHH, FUCKK!" I yell out in pain
What the freak had I been lifting my whole body is in excruciating pain after I moved even a touch.
"Annabeth are you okay?" Grover was right by my side now along with Will
"Yeah it just feels like I lifted 27 semi-trucks yesterday, without a break!" I grumble "My whole body hurts!"
"Annabeth do you not remember?" Will Solace whispered "You held up the sky..Your lucky you weren't Percy."
My eyes snap close as I remember holding the sky but I still can't remember anything else, until...OH NO, PERCY
My eyes snap open again with me screaming "PERCY!" I practically snap my head over to Percy.
"Annabeth did the memory shot work?" Will asked
"I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!"
"Can you tell us what happened to Percy? Artemis told us that he passed out after screaming something but she hit her head and that's all she remembered with Percy after she woke up."
"Before Artemis got us back to camp, Percy, he, he..." I had to tell them but the words wouldn't come out
I started hyperventilating
"Okay why don't you just rest for now Annabeth."
I try too sleep but I can't stop crying, I keep thinking about what happened, and how he fought for me...
I soon drift off to sleep
10 days later Percy just woke up
Percys pov
I wake up and without even moving I feel pain shooting through my whole body with out thinking I-
"AHHHH, FUCKK." -yelled that
I feel the whole sky's weight on me again crushing me but when I look up there is nothing on me
I see people rush in after hearing me yell and lets see here,
Will,
Grover,
And Annabeth!!
Im so glad she's safe. (aww I love dorky lovey seaweed brain❤❤)
while im laying down I feel my eye twitch again
"Oh my GODS if this eye doesn't stop twitching im going make Zeus carry the sky!" I ment it to be funny but with all the pain I felt in my eye, it came out with a sob.
Only one of my eyes though, the twitching one
"Oh, hey Wise Girl, why do you have a gray streak in your hair and I don't? I mean don't I get a cool souvenir from holding the sky?"
My eye is now only tricking tears now
Everybody except Annabeth had their jaw on the floor
"Did she not tell you? I literally killed Atlas with the sky on my shoulders, and standing up."
Nobody moved
"Umm that's why I'm in severe pain? And can't move?"
Will was the first to snap out of it
"H-how are you not...d-dead? Even gods can't hold the sky up standing, they would die of pressure."
"I don't know but can somebody give me some ambrosia? I kinda am, in, pain?like a lot? Oh wait, nvm im hooked up to this nector."
The tube went into my arm because I couldn't drink it in my small coma
I stopped everything moving, talking, thinking, and functioning.
My eyes widen everybody crowds around me, Annabeth looking into my twitching eye.
Annabeth's pov
I look into Percy's eye to see gray spreading from the top to bottom after like 20 seconds his whole eye is gray
Tbh I have no motivation left for this story so im not gonna write a pt.3 sorry?
Umm if you see any mistakes no you didn't 👀
Lazy bc I made this at 1:37 and ended at 1:54 A.M all just get the creative thoughts late at night/early in the morning
Gn my aquatic animals!🐳🐬🐟🐡🐙🦀🐠
#pjo hoo toa#pjo#hoo#toa#annabeth chase#percy and annabeth#percy jackson#percabeth#pls tell me what you think#give me more story ideas#only percy jackson series tho#❤
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the summoning choreography chart
lads the autism got me again. we're in npmd lockdown.
I finally managed to figure out which little 'dance' belongs to each Lord In Black in "The Summoning" bc its hard to tell and it was bugging me. here's a vid for reference.
wiggly - space invaders lookin shit probably meant to be emblematic of his mouth tentacles (0:58, 1:52)
nibbly - licks his lollipop - when others do this they mime licking their hand or any other prop they're holding (1:06, 1:15)
blinky - makes a little triangle w his fingers and looks through it (when pokey does this he looks through his mask) in a sweeping left to right motion (his left). (1:12, 4:53)
tinky - both arms out front and then both arms back cross-country skiing vibes (4:58)
pokey - alternates one arm up one arm down giving drama, michael jackson, disco vibes (1:01, 1:09, 1:19, 3:01)
they each start 'out of the depths of hell and back' doing their own dance and then switch around doing each others dances until 'you summon us once, you summon us twice'
when I compared it to the digital ticket version and I was able to determine the exact order of each Lord's choreography
so i made a chart for yall who wanna learn the summoning choreography under the cut.
i need to sleep
glossary of dance moves and the shorthand i used for them.
im not a choreographer. i am bad at describing how people move in space. so. I used timestamps from the reference video from before. please god do not follow my mediocre descriptions - watch the people in the video do it and copy them.
W - Wiggly (0:58, 1:52)
N - Nibbly (1:06, 1:15)
B - Blinky (1:12, 4:53)
T - Tinky (4:58)
P - Pokey (1:01, 1:09, 1:19, 3:01)
SS - shoulder shimmy (1:21, 4:05, 5:12) (the lords in black-ah, the lords in black-ah)
JN - jerky nod (1:25, 2:26, 5:06) (the devil has won it can't be undone)
KK - karate kid (wax on/wax off) (2:29)
KKT - karate kid tree edition - there’s one wax on for each side and then they do a thing in the middle that looks kinda like a tree. Idk how else to describe it thats why i add timestamps. (5:00)
WW - whatever we want (2:57)
TR - tra la la la (the skip they do on Stephanie has got a gun) (4:31) (it's hard to see in this version, i highly recommend checking out the digital ticket version if possible. they show this move first in the proshot bc they focus entirely on steph for the next line, but it does go second in order behind KK - you can see jon start to do KK at the transition into chunk 5 in the ref video, and at the end of the chunk he's bent forward bc he just got done doing the bowing part at the end of TR (you can see pokey doing that like 3 seconds earlier after nibbly does the skipping part)
i divided the song into chunks based on when the singing/dancing starts & stops.
Chunk 1 (0:58-1:31)
Chunk 2 (1:52-2:00)
Chunk 3 (2:26-2:32)
Chunk 4 (2:57-3:04)
(they don't dance on 'we don't give a shit about your phone' but it's b/w these two chunks in case you're interested)
Chunk 5 (4:31-4:37)
Chunk 6 (4:53-end)
The dance changes every two lines-ish, and each time they all change together. they all do the same thing for chunks 3-5 so I only included it on the first one (Pokey)
each lord in black does each move a lil differently so don't sweat if you can't do it the exact same way as the one (1) example I was able to find of x move in the proshot lol
Pokey Chunk 1
P
W
N
B
P
KKT
SS
JN
SS
Chunk 2
P
W
Chunk 3
JN
KK
Chunk 4
WW
P
Chunk 5 (Stephanie has got a gun)
KK
TR
Chunk 6
P
W
KKT
SS
JN
SS
Nibbly Chunk 1
N
B
P
W
T
N
KKT
SS
JN
SS
Chunk 2
N
B
3-5 are the same Chunk 6
N
B
KKT
SS
JN
SS
Wiggly Chunk 1
W
T
N
B
P
W
KKT
SS
JN
SS
Chunk 2
W
T
3-5 same
Chunk 6
W
T
KKT
SS
JN
SS
Blinky Chunk 1
B
P
W
N
T
B
KKT
SS
JN
SS
Chunk 2
B
P
3-5 same
Chunk 6
B
P
KKT
SS
JN
SS
Tinky (curt ATE in this role lets be real)
Chunk 1
T
N
B
P
W
T
KKT
SS
JN
SS
Chunk 2
T
N
3-5 same
Chunk 6
T
P (ooh a break w tradition rip nibbly tho)
KKT
SS
JN
SS
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if my BPD can scream
1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane
2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal
3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow
4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed
5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home
6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world
7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.
8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining.
9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.
10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????
11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty
12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?
13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.
14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone
15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"
16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me
17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore
18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.
19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer
20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room
21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?
22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!
23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless
24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.
25. this is how my eating cycle goes
feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening
26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE
27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years
28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you
29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings
30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe
31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class
32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally
33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people
34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child
35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time
36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster
37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring
38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)
39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake
40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5
41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again
42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.
43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?
44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?
45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere
46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person
47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.
48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader
#bpd#bpd awareness#personality disorder#borderline personality disorder#mental illness#mental health#mental instability
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k2 random oneshot
warnings: minor swearing, not proofread, just eh in general, gay kyle broflovski, also gay kenny mccormick
“Huh, you’re usually not up at this time.”
“... I guess.”
Two voices- one cheerful, one groggy- could be heard at the late time of 2:37 AM. Kyle sighs as he reaches across his desk and tries to grab a pen, but drops it onto his wooden floor. There were towers of textbooks, notebooks, and random pencils surrounding a singular sheet of paper. The piece of paper, devoid of Kyle’s chicken-scratch handwriting, sat sadly on his desk.
“Did something happen? You okay?” Kenny softly speaks to the speaker after a few moments of silence.
“No, not really. I’m fine. Just, you know,” Kyle inhales quickly. “Graduation is soon.” Kyle wishes that time didn’t move on so quickly. He missed the times in elementary school, where studies and reputation weren’t a huge worry.
“Haha, it’s weird to think that we’re gonna go to college soon. I mean, it feels like we haven’t changed at all since then,” Kenny laughs. Kyle can imagine it. How Kenny’s freckled cheeks slightly go up, scrunching up his face. He looked pretty when he smiled. He looked pretty with any facial expression, but especially his smile.
“Really? I feel like most of us have changed. For the better, and the worse. I kinda wish we didn’t,” Kyle scratches his hair with the back of his pen.
Kenny thinks for a bit. “Well, Cartman’s still an asshole, Stan still has problems with Wendy, Butters is still… Butters I guess. You’re still you, and I’m still me,” He says finally.
“Change can be a good thing too, but it’s still lonely watching everyone around you grow,” Kenny also adds.
Kyle massages his temple and groans. “I don’t want to deal with any of this shit. University, jobs, moving, and everything. I wish our parents still did everything for us.”
“... Right, you’re moving to the city. It’s gonna get more lonely around here for sure, haha,” Kenny painfully laughs.
“I feel like nothing is gonna work out, Kenny. No matter how hard I try,” Kyle suddenly breaks down, almost crying.
“None of us know for sure if something is gonna work out. But none of us know for sure if something isn’t going to,” Kenny says softly. Gosh, it almost feels like Kenny’s sitting right here next to him, rubbing his back like they used to do as kids.
Kyle almost regrets that he used his last years at South Park for studying. Maybe he should’ve hung out with his friends more.
Kyle doesn’t say anything for a while. Probably because he was crying. Kyle never liked talking when he was crying. All the words that he meant to say end up in a jumbled-up string of sniffs, hiccups, and sobs.
“Hey, I know you’re crying. I’m not gonna push you to talk or anything,” Kenny says slowly, soothing him. “But if you don’t know how something’s gonna end, isn’t it just better to believe it?”
Kyle sends Kenny a text instead. How do you know it’s not going to betray me? He retypes it a few times, due to his fingers shaking.
“... Do you not believe yourself?” Kenny asks.
Not really.
“Mm, then do you believe me?”
Duh, you’re my best friend. Kyle scoffs at the words “best friend”.
“Then believe in me who believes in you, alright?” Kenny’s voice could only be described best as light. It was almost too bright for Kyle to look at directly.
After a long pause, a mumbled “Okay, thanks Kenny,” could be heard, and after that, the short call of three minutes and twenty-seven seconds had ended.
the quote believe in me who believes in you is from an anime called tengen toppa gurren lagann, but the first time i heard it was in monika after story.
the thing about kenny’s voice being light is kinda a reference to killua’s thoughts about gon in chimera ant arc. (when gon insisted that kite was okay)
first time writing a oneshot/fanfic, idrc if it's bad its almost 1 am im going to sleep this isn't proofread btw
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get prime numbersed idiot
ouh god ive been Construct 7'ed again
2. lighter or matches? matches! theyre more satisfying and i like the smell of them
3. do you leave the window open at night? that would require me to take down the blackout curtain i have up, so no. also its currently 1:08 am and still almost 100 outside, that AC aint free
5. what color are your eyes? a really, really dark brown, they look cool in sunlight
7. hair-ties or scrunchies? emily i am going to be deadass, i didnt know there was a difference. i had to google this. but all i have is scrunchies, theyre way nicer to my hair
11. favorite extracurricular activity? previously aforementioned Rock Accent
13. when was the last time you ate? i am literally eating Andy Capp's Hot Fries as im writing this. and they are WAY better than the hot cheeto fries i will die on this hill
17. are you farsighted or nearsighted? nearsighted as FUCK, im like a -7.8 lmao
19. imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails? i would absolutely try, and just fuck the whole thing up cause my hands are shaky. and then feel bad and try and fix it with some acetone. further worsening the problem before just breaking out the stick-on nails
23. how do you feel about chilly weather? generally negatively, but right now i want to sleep in the freezer
29. how do you like your shower water? like, close to scalding.
31. what type of music keeps you grounded? uuuh theres some vocal trance albums i really like, but i have a whole playlist of just like, good-vibe happy music that i love (i can send it to you if you want)
37. someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years? yeah, theres like, 4? tho a few i havent talked to in a bit
41. how do you take your coffee? one cream, one sweet sweet'n low! unless im really trying to wake up, then black
43. what’s your take on spicy foods? my roomates made me downsize the hotsauce shelf in the fridge, that should cover it. :(
47. what was the last message you sent? "the most time consuming part is just waiting for it to rise lol" you get no context on this one
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WIP Game
Thank you @martianbugsbunny and @seth-shitposts for tagging me (both here and my main account)! I've hit a bit of an art/writers block so maybe this will help me get out of it. (Please i have too many wips save me)
Rules: In a new post, list the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.
I have quite a bit so i'll organize them below a read more, because ive decided to hell with it have the name of all 61 of my wip files from various fandoms xD. Theyre not all like the official title - just the document names.
Also since I have so many WIPs, i am tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it! I'm being serious if no one else has tagged you directly please take this as your opportunity to talk about your wips (and like you can tag me as the person who tagged you so i can ask you about your wips? please?)
We will put these in the order of what i think will be most interesting to people, not necessarily the order of my personal interests rn lol
Kalluzeb:
1. Part 4 - I Love You (I Know You 'verse)
2. Adoption fic
3. Autistic!Kallus
4. Bedtime
5. Caf Shop AU
6. Lasat-Cat Likeness
7. part-time soulmate, full time problem
8. are you okay?
DinLuke:
9. "You will be the end of me"
10. A merry, crackling fire
11. Assassination attempt
12. Bed rest
13. Broken bone
14. Chronic pain
15. Crying
16. Death of a sibling
17. Identity Crisis
18. Imposter Syndrome
19. Loneliness
20. Making Out
21. Scars
22. Sleeping on the couch
23. Social Anxiety
24. Warm Blankets
Newmann:
25. Taking Care
26. There are many benefits to being a marine biologist
Danbert:
27. Dan doesn't need to know. but he finds out anyways.
28. Dan praise kink testing
29. Herbert Nightmares
30. Megan's brother
31. puns
PatCap
32. Professors!AU
Codywan:
33. ORDER 66 BECAUSE PAIN
34. Royalty/Bodyguard AU
Obikin:
35. Modern!AU
Hankcon:
36. Baked With Love
Good Omens:
37. Season 2 fix-it
TBB
38. Platonic Techo
Balaine (my oc world)
39. Valyra and Nomi
40. Cities and Towns Descriptions
41. Customs and Rituals Ideas
42. History of Balaine
Other Original Stories
43. Adalia
44. Dear Ceylan
45. Nick Of Time
46. Favourite Record
Thrawn x Reader
47. Empire Doesn't Have Sick Days
48. Looking For This?
TBB x Reader (really inventive titles with these ones)
49 The Tech Hug Research Proposal
50. Crosshair 1
51. Echo 1
52. Hunter 1
53. Tech 1
54. Wrecker 1
Kallus x Reader
55. kallus x reader
Prequels
56. anakin x reader
57. anakin x padme x reader
58. would you do the same for me? (obiwan x reader)
The Sandman:
59. 5 times you kiss morpheus and 1 time he kisses you
Shame fics (its piss kink im sorry)
60. Shame xD (Kalluzeb)
61. Listen... dont read this filth (Danbert)
AND DONE!! Bet you thought i was lying about the 61 wips huh? i was tempted to cut out quite a bit of these but as i said earlier: fuck it have fun go for it, plenty to choose from.
#dawson talks too much#please dont scroll down to the bottom of the list if you know me outside of tumblr/ao3#i doubt ill get any asks - but my word please help me i have too many WIPs!!! TOO MANY!!
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I ask you all of the questions from that one reblog. Good luck/nf/j
Omg ok this will be a while then tehehehehehehhe im not complaining though!!!! Heres the questions so u can look at the questions and the answers!
1.this one is OBVIOUS!!! A-90 and Opheebop!!! DUUUUUUUH!
2.lighter. Ive never used a match before
3.ew no!!! I don't want buggies crawling in my room while im sleeping!!!! However i have before!
4. Aaaaaa ive never really gotten into that stuff so i cant really give an answer-
5. A really dark brown!!
6. Oops i did that again???
7. Well idk ive used both and they are both work really well! however i do think scrunchies are safer for your hair, i use normal hair ties more often because scrunchies are more bulky and yeah i dont prefer that, but both are great!
8. Six. I have six.
9.NONE! COFFE IS GROSS BLEEEEEEGH!!
10. Ofc!!
11. Does drawing count?
12. Good day!!!!! I havent cried yet so-
13. Not too long ago, like an hour ago actually. I had pizza! (Incase u were wondering)
14. HELL YEAH!!!
15. Nope and i never want to be 😗
16. NoooooOoOoO-
17. Nope i have perfect vision muah
18. I DONT WANNA SAY TEHE! (Sry)
19. Yea ofc!!! But they probably wont turn out good…
20. Soda…. Ive never seen or heard anyone say pop before….
21. Plushies!!!! I have a unicorn plush my old friend (we dont talk anymore since she moved) gave me for my 7th bday!!!! Yes i remember when, yes i still have it! And its in perferct condition!!! Also there was this one kid who ig had a crush on my and he gave me a basket full of stuff for valentines day and i still have said basket-
22. I have no clue what this means? I guess sensitive?
23. Love it!!!!!
24. Eating :] (and joking abt pushing each other off probably/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE)
25. Aaaa i use all of them but i use lotion most so ig lotion?
26. Idk what to say for this one aaaaaagh
27. Like 5 i think? Ive been getting better with my sleep time!!!!
28. Not anymore, our school last year said we could take them off, however i was SO insecure about my face (still am, but not as much as before) so i would wear it every single day. If i showed up to school without one people got surprised. I stopped wearing them this year, however.
29. Hot????
30. THE FUCKING WATER BOTTLES!!!!
31. Theres a lot, i dont wanna get into it 😵💫
32…… is that a thing? People have favorite towels??
33. Hm my school took us on a field trip to a high school so we can see animals if that counts… (i have pictures btw if u wanna see them! We saw pigs, sheep, cows and bunny! I didnt take pic of bunny tho 😢)
34. LITERALLY EVERY SIX THE MUSICAL SONG HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (the only ones i might mess up on are aywd and idnyl bc aywd is long and i dont listen to idnyl often)
35. Pst!!
36. Only once! My username used to have a 0 between the words (Candied0applez) but i changed it bc it made it sound like i candied no apples… but i was originally going to be called caramelapplez but i thought candied sounded better heheh)
37. The friend i mentioned earlier i met first day of kindergarden, her name is Alana, and this other girl Maya i met before kinder! We met eachother at a park and when we walked home we found out we were neighbors so we instantly became besties! (We still are to this day but she lives 30 mins away so i dont see her often-(
38. All…?
39. Sometimes!
40. Ice cream!!!
41. Empty. Coffee is gross
42. Hahahah yt, roblox and occasionally twitter!
43. HAND IT OVER BITCH!
44. Myself/j fucking donald trump 🤮👈🖕
45. NO ☺️
46. Oh god i dont watch any 🫢
47. | v
this actually was to the other girl i mentioned earlier! Maya! I found baby pictures of us when we were in 2nd-3rd grade and i showed her today!!!
48. Never and i dont plan on ever!
49. Never tried
50. GO AHEAD I GET SO EXCITED WHEN IM TAGGED IN SOMETHING AAAAA!
omg that took forever!!! Gosh i dont mind though!!! These were fun questions! Aaaaaaaa i enjoyed that tyty!
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makes your bsd ship into a chatfic
[RE] has begun chatting with [EP]. < 8:37 - 7/04/2017 >
[RE]: hey hey!! nice to finally get a ping from you. you know i dont like waitin... >^<
[EP]: Ah, yes... Very sorry, RE. Just... a busy day, today. I'm getting ready for a duel.
[RE]: a DUEL? thought ya were a writer?? n detective or whatevers
[EP]: A duel of wits, my friend. I am going up against a self-proclaimed "great detective"... Though, I'm positive I will win.
[RE]: great detective?? bah!! i dont think they could even be nearly as great as ME!! im the worlds smartest detective, after all! >~>
[EP]: We've... discussed this, yes. You seem to be quite active in the detective world. Though... I'm a bit confused. Are you a detective, or... do you just like doing it?
[RE]: i am a detective!!
[RE]: the best ever!!
[RE]: have been since i was 14!!!
[EP]: 14?! That's... Hmm. Well, I can't stop something that's already happened.
[EP]: Ah, I must get going...
[RE]: whyyyyyy
[RE]: wait CRAP i gotta go too!! ughhh this case will be SO easy. idk why they even NEED me there. sigh. i guess theyre just too stupid for a simple easy case!!
[EP]: Well, now, RE, that's not very nice. Perhaps, they just need a second opinion.
[RE]: theres gonna be another guy there thats supposedly """better""" at it then them. the audacity of it all... im supposed to solve this case before him, which, SNORE, i could do that in my sleep!! >^>
[EP]: Well, I hope it goes well. We'll talk later. I bid thee adieu.
[RE]: byeeeeeeee ep!!!
[RE] has stopped chatting with [EP]. < 8:56 - 7/04/2017 >
[RE] has begun chatting with [EP]. < 13:45 - 7/05/2017 >
[RE]: eeeeeeeep
[EP]: Yes?
[RE]: you said we would talk later yesterday but then that didnt happen!!!
[EP]: Ah, that... I... do not take loss well.
[RE]: oh. ohhh
[RE]: well, then i have good news!! i won yesterday with the detective case!!!
[EP]: ...Oh?
[RE]: yup!! i mean the guy like, fell to his knees. it was kinda pathetic
[RE]: n cute
[EP]: RE... What did this fellow look like?
[RE]: ep i thought we said we wouldn't spill too much!! but like. his hair kinda covered his face n he had this cute lil ponytail on the side that fell on his shoulder
[RE]: he was much taller than me n like. i could TELL he wasnt japanese, cuz like, the accent, n everythin
[EP]: I need to go.
[RE]: ep??? whats wrong?
[EP] stopped chatting with [RE]. < 14:23 - 7/05/2017 >
[RE]: the hell????
-
[RE] has begun chatting with [EP]. < 17:03 - 7/06/2017 >
[RE]: checking in. cuz you just dipped yesterday
[RE]: kinda a dick move but like. i need an explanation ep
-
[RE] has begun chatting with [EP]. < 12:29 - 7/09/2017 >
[RE]: helloooo. ep. im not mad i just want an explanation
-
[RE] has begun chatting with [EP]. < 3:01 - 10/21/2017 >
[RE]: i gave you some space, okay? and look, its my birthday. please come back
-
[RE] has begun chatting with [EP]. < 9:17 - 10/23/2017 >
[RE]: yknow what? im done. this sucks. screw you
-
[EP] has begun chatting with [RE]. < 7:06 - 1/04/2018 >
Error! User [RE] can not be reached! Would you like to speak to another user? If this message is incorrect, please contact our support number here: (555) 787-678.
[EP]: I'm so sorry.
Error! User [RE] can not be reached! Would you like to speak to another user? If this message is incorrect, please contact our support number here: (555) 787-678.
[EP]: I miss you terribly.
Error! User [RE] can not be reached! Would you like to speak to another user? If this message is incorrect, please contact our support number here: (555) 787-678.
[EP]: And I hope you can forgive me, friend.
Error! User [RE] can not be reached! Would you like to speak to another user? If this message is incorrect, please contact our support number here: (555) 787-678.
-
[RE] has restored their account! < 18:30 - 1/12/2023 >
[RE] has begun chatting with [EP] < 18:34 - 1/12/2023 >
[RE]: HOLY SHIT
[RE]: it works. IT WORKS
[EP]: Of course it still works, Ranpo, it's not that old.
[RE]: reading over our last messages. that was sixish years ago... cant believe we were friends and then poof!! you straight up ghosted me!!
[EP]: Looking back, I wish I never did. I was a coward, dear, and I'm so sorry I almost ruined perfection.
[RE]: perfection?? pfft, dont be like that. im prettyyy sure in our first ever conversation i deduced you werent going anywhere. youre too into me to just disappear, even after a few years
[EP]: ...Into?! I... That's...
[RE]: im not that dumb, ed
[EP]: I... know that. Though, I feel as though we should chat offline, about that. So... that there's no running away.
[RE]: im still salty you just dipped on me. sigh... but im into you too so i cant really be mad
[EP]: Ranpo... Please. Let's talk offline.
[RE]: yeah yeah, im coming over. just know youre getting a bf for an early birthday present and perhaps more than a kiss if thats cool ;D
[EP]: RANPO!
[RE]: hehehehhe >:D
[RE] stopped chatting with [EP]. < 18:52 - 1/12/2023 >
#nothing like a lil ranpoe to rejuvenate my motivation for writing#long post#sorry it got long. that will happen again#thanks for reading. i dont really like this but its kinda just been sitting there so. :P#sorry if its ooc. im tired
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Tag game: Get to know me!
tagged by @propertyoftoru ‹3
1. Birthday?
11th august (yes, having the same birthday as binnie is a flex, hehe even if the yrs are diff)
2. Favorite color?
pastel pink or blue. but i also love the colours of the galaxy and sunsets
3. How tall are you?
160cm
4. How many pair of shoes to you own?
not that much tbh. i mainly live in trainers or boots 🤷🏻♀️
5. Favorite song?
silent cry for skz, dead by asking alexandria (the whole from death to destiny album is my fave tbh)
6. Favorite movie?
howl's moving castle
7. Who would be your ideal partner?
already have my ideal partner 🖤
8. Do you want children?
not rn but in the future, sure.
9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?
nope.
10. What color socks are you wearing?
red and white stripy socks.
11. Favorite type of music?
im not that fussed tbh. i can listen to anything as long as it has a good beat and keeps me hooked within the first couple of seconds
12. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2!!
13. What position do you sleep in?
whatever i feel comfortable in. could be in a ball or on my stomach
14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?
bright lights or DEAD SILENCE! i have to have something playing to fall asleep or have a window open (its too cold for the window to be open rn so i have to settle with a video playing)
15. Have you tried archery?
nope
16. Favorite fruit?
strawberries, grapes or honeydew melon.
17. Are you a good liar?
when i have to, yeah else i try not to lie because it brings drama and shit
18. What’s your personality type?
INFP-T
19. Innie or outie?
innie
20. Left or right handed?
right
21. Favorite food?
cheesecake!
22. Favorite foreign food?
oh, thats a hard one.... uh 😭
23. Are you clean or messy?
it kinda depends on how im doing mentally,,, im a clean person overall but when i hit that slump, i kinda just let everything pile on top and the apartment suffers....
24. Most used phrase?
but why though
25. How long does it take you to get ready?
depends on where im going and who with really.
26. Do you talk to yourself?
yes. lol
27. Do you sing to yourself?
ofc and i like to think im amazing at it
28. Are you a good singer?
i like to think i am but who knows :)
29. Biggest fear?
heights, closed/small spaces. it feels like im suffocating and i cannot
30. Are you a gossip?
nah. im too old for highschool shit, lmao
31. Long or short hair?
long, even if it does get on my last nerve
32. Favorite school subject?
english
33. Extrovert or introvert?
introverted, ahah,,,
34. What make you nervous?
going out in public, speaking to people idk. groups of people.
35. Who was your first crush?
josh hutcherson. look, he looked really cute in bridge to terabithia
36. How many piercings do you have?
2. nose and tragus. i do want more though, like a lot more
37. How many tattoos do you have?
0 :( again, i do want
38. How fast can you run?
not that fast??
39. What color is your hair?
black. its naturally brown. i need to go to the hairdressers and get the roots done desperately. also debating on getting pink put in as well,,,,
40. What color are your eyes?
brown
41. What makes you angry?
video games. people that think they're right when they're not. people that just assume without listening to opinions, that type of stuff
42. Do you like your name?
its okay. i mean, considering it took my mother and father a week to think of a name for me then
43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?
im honestly not fussed. IF i had to choose, girl. most of my family is boys so would be nice
44. What are your strengths?
idk, do i have any? lmao
45. What are your weaknesses?
i guess i can be too stubborn
46. What’s the color of your bedspread?
light and dark blue. (ikea bedspread ftw)
47. What’s the color of your room?
just a standard white/creamy colour.
tags: @oshimee , @sstarryoong + whoever wants to join in! ignore if you don't want to/don't feel comfortable doing!
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you know the usual
hehe
1- I got no freckles 2-I drink tea, hate coffee cause it's bitter. Tea usually makes me sleepy,, 3-Last song i listened to? lemme check
If i die, you better say rip /silly
don't usually listen to this stuff,,,,but vibe was right 4- How do i sleep? I usually sleep in what my sister likes to call 'the baby position' lol [side] 5-Do i sleep with a stuffed animal? Usually, now they under the bed though [im too lazy to pick it up 🔥🔥🔥] 6-Do i prefer writing or drawing? Too tired to do either but drawing,,, 7-answered this in another ask! 8-also answered this in another ask! 9-27/11/09 is mah birthday 10-How tall am i? FRIGGIN 160CM >:[ [wait i think i answered this one too-] 11-My eye color is dark brown [aka black but technically no eye color is black] 12-assuming this question is about real hugs I'd rather jump off a building then hug anyone irl 13-Fears?
Most people, getting found out on anything 14- my favorite color is red, purple, black, pastel yellow, and orange
15-answered this in another ask! 16-I want to tattoo a sleeve or two, not sure what it'd be though 17-Got ear piercings i fuggin hate, dont want any tbh 18-Last person i texted would be my sister on discord lol 19- Dunno about yaya anymore, but probably you, and i think we started being friends this year 20- I miss H a lot, im litterally aroace asf, but she's,,,,, >< getting back together would mean my irl friends dont hang around w me anymore tho so idk 21- My day today was :P 22-Idk how much sleep i got lol 23-I believe in aliens by technicality, cus even like germs or micro-organisms we dont know of are aliens, so like,, 24-The last time i cried Today lol, my mum was being mean and i was already rlly frustrated,, 25-Dont got one fav decade
CONTINUING ANSWERING THIS AFTER A BREAK 26-Childish stuff i like? cant think of anything, maybe plushies but i know a bunch of people who got way more than me and i think it's pretty normal, but idk 27- My favorite book Really really really hard to answer just one SO TOP THREE- Girl in pieces [I FUCKING BAWLED MY EYES OUT I FUCKING AAAA] The outsiders [ALSO CRIED. IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS [w a buncha my classmates lol since it was for school], THAT FUCKING ENDING. if you read any book, you gotta try this, bucketlist potential] That was then, this is now [okay so to be honest i think i just like it because it was writen by S.E hinton, who wrote the outsiders, but like,,,,it's good. Thinking back though it was kinda mid but at the time i read it, i thought it was good so yeah,,,probably would only reccomend this if your a fan of the outsiders] 28-How am i really? Can't tell what im feeling right now, but probably a good feeling 29-Does it take me a long time to make decisions? Not really, if you give me a day to make a decision i'll make it in a day, if you give me a year i'll take a year, so depends on how much time i'm given 30-What am i looking forward to in the near future? camp!! Going there next thursday
31-What am i looking forward to in the distant future? Leaving home, transitioning, and studying psychology 32-If i could be anywhere rn, where would i wanna be? Arcade,,, 33-Sleep with door open or closed? I sleep with my door closed, my mum doesn't let me close the door at all but i wait till she sleeps and claim the wind dun it or something 34-My favorite flower is the chrysanthemum! 35-no idea what a squish is 36-My middle name is bassically "House of [dads name]", i dont hate it or anything but its kinda just there. 37- cats over dogs but i leik dogs 38- Do i have any phobias? haphephobia, trypanophobia, and hemophobia [ironically lol] [[hemophobia for me though is a bit complicated,,]] 39-Do i stay up late? Not really 40-Do i like the beach? Do i prefer it sunny or cloudy? Hate the beach. Australian beaches are the fucking worst. I hate blue bottles with all of my fucking heart. THAT SHIT IS PAINFUL I prefer sunny weather generally but i would never go to a beach 41-My favorite cartoon would be murder drones, TADC, and hazbin maybe but i stopped watching it 42- Moots,,, 43- I got 2 younger sisters 44-Last person i said i love you too would be you lol
45-I'd die for anyone just let me die /hj 46-What do i do when im sad? Pain meds, listen to music, cry, and get stuck in my head lol 47-Dont got a phone number Ik my mums tho ig 48-Who can i trust with my life? You 49-
[it's my sisters birthday lol]
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01: no but it could be worse 02: @panry 03: a lot of things. my #1 biggest regret ever is losing one of my closest irl friends at the start of this year, and coming out to my mother when i wasnt ready at all is a very close #2 04: yea 05: complicated? aromantic but with a lot of random sexts with ppl 06: in a way that can send a powerful message to the powers that make peoples lives worse 07: salted sticks 08: i dont like sports, the last one i played is volleyball in todays PE class 09: yes, always 10: ive never gotten in a big fight, at max exchanged blows with someone and went out own ways. last time i hit someone with malicious intent was around spring of this year 11: my friends, they mean the world and more to me 12: when i got an extreme fever earlier this autumn i couldnt sleep for an entire night but i dont think it made quite up to 48 hours 13: dont even get me started 14: i miss my online friends when they arent awake, every day 15: used to have a guinea pig. his name was chewey 16: impossible to say, mostly neutreal with a slight hint of both good and bad, though the specifics of what im feeling at any given point could never be given a name 17: never made out with anyone :fire_emoji: 18: only the dangerous ones. and even them im moresso aware of the danger they pose as opposed to an irrational fear 19: only to win the lottery, i wouldnt change anithing ive done even if i regret it. im shaped by my past and ive learnt from my mistakes. if i didnt make them in the past i may make them in the future. 20: nowhere, i hug my big bear plush and pretend its people, though, if that counts 21: stay at home and chill 22: NEVER. 23: i dont 24: i used to be really good at english. still am, i just dont learn it anymore. got too good at it to learn it i guess 25: complicated 26: macdonals menu 27: i dont think so? 28: no 29: never had a bf 30: neighbours loud 31: yeah :) my friends love me very very much and i love them even more 32: orange is the goattt 33: i dont think so 34: oh boy. i get absolutely absurd dreams and this was weird even for me. itd take way too long to describe. like literally 5x longer than this post already is /srs 35: my classmates 36: im rather irrational when it comes to this. when someone just wronged me , yes, too easily even. when someone wrongs my idea of themselves, usually no 37: forget, memory issues go hard 38: hard to say. im not sure if i ever had an objectivly best year of my life. its all been different 39: never kissed anyone 40: no but thats hot 51 (why are 10 just missing): lasagna 52: no 53: porn 54: sometimes yes 55: id like to think not 56: like 0 57: no 58: huge storm outside, wind blowing a lot 59: yes 60: no 61: it can be silly and i like it but in the way where its like '' - my tumby hurts - oh poor baby'' and not like ''hey baby'', the second way is weird and straight white man vibes 62: my friends, nature 63: already have! 64: ive never kissed anyone 65: i panic and feel guilty about it 66: yeah 67: my classmate 68: @panry 69: no 70: @panry
70 horrible questions ... Fuck it
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?
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Euuguufhhhh math homeowkrm....
Fml this sucks... i have 2 booklets and an entire textbook chapter to do by monday and the ANGEL FIC STILL ISNT FINISHED FUCCKCKK
Its ok we can get this done folks ill give updates
Update 1: waiting for a video to download as i do my first booklet of math. Its telling me 37 more minutes 💔
Update 2: scrolling through tt and learnt vox and charlie are bisexual I WIN I FUCKING WINNNN THEY ARE NOW MY TOP BITCHES. YEEEESSSS
Update 3: finished the first booklet, might move onto the second idk am i feeling silly
Eh fuck it lets
Update 4: finished the second booklet, started writing, bjt wondering if j shljld go to sleep. Rvidently by my typimg im nkt the most awake rigjt now nor the most bothered persom tk fix typos... i barely wrote anything, maybe like a paragraph
Eh its ok im going to bed i have an appointment on the morning anyways
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1. What would you like to say to the FIRST person you kissed this year?
I say whatever I want to him every day lol, but for the sake of question, I love you!
2. What is the last reason you cried?
My mom is very mean!
3. Where is your cell phone?
To my immediate left.
Maybe not finishing college LOL, but if I did, I would not be here today.
5. Did you like NSYNC or Backstreet Boys?
Neither really. Now I like both!
6. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?
Britney.
8. Where did you sleep last night?
In my bed.
9. What time did you go to sleep last night?
Pfft midnight?
10. What woke you up today?
Kyle snoring :P
11. What is one thing you wish people didn’t do?
Lie.
12. Are you excited for the future?
Sure.
13. Your ex shows up randomly at your house, you say?
I would not answer the door, for anyone really.
14. Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend, you say?
Although unlikely, I don’t think I would say anything. Maybe a good fuck you to both of them lol.
15. Do you have any weird inside jokes?
Heaps.
16. Liquor or Beer?
Liquor.
18. When was the last time someone yelled at you?
Good question. Thankfully its been a while.
19. I am _________ .
Hungry and ready to go home!
21. Have you ever tried to break someone up?
I don’t think so.
22. When is the last time you talked to your best friend?
Hm, kyle is my partner and my best friend, we talked this morning. My non-partner best friend, we texted yesterday I think.
23. Have you done anything you regret this year so far?
Nope.
24. Where is your best friend?
Kyle is probably on his way to pick me up from work now. 😊
27. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Kyle.
28. Anything annoying you right now?
Being in the office is innately annoying.
29. Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now?
Yes. Im trying really hard not to be sad and depressed about the state of the relationship with my mom.
30. Who has your heart?
Kyle.
32. Have you done anything embarrassing lately?
Of course lol, but I don’t get embarrassed by it. Anything that could be embarrassing makes me laugh.
33. Do people make fun of your nationality?
I mean, I used to get made fun of for being really pale, which is derivative of my nationality, right?
34. Do you eat more than you should?
Sure lol.
35. Do you smoke?
Cannabis, yes.
36. Who’s the last person of the opposite sex to hug you?
Kyle.
37. Last time you shoplifted?
Lmao man, on purpose, a long time ago. About two months ago, I accidentally did not pay for some paper towels or something and no one noticed lol.
38. What will you name your future son?
No future son, no future kids! Kyle already has a son lol.
39. What will you name your future daughter?
NONE.
41. What is your favorite number?
8.
42. What gets you happy?
Kyle, my dog, my cats, lofi, video games, painting my nails.
43. Where were you at 11:45 pm Last Night?
Yes or on my way.
44. Is the person you like older or younger than you?
Younger, by 4 months.
45. Ever talked to someone that was high?
Lmao yes.
46. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller?
Taller, by like 2-3 inches.
47. Did you have a dream last night?
Yes. I don’t remember details but I know it was a turbulent dream about my family, ugh the worst!
48. Last comment you left someone?
Idk lol.
49. Do you have a Facebook?
Yes.
50. What do you think about the last person that you stole this from?
I do not know them.
4. What was the worst mistake of your life?
Maybe not finishing college LOL, but if I did, I would not be here today.
5. Did you like NSYNC or Backstreet Boys?
Neither really. Now I like both!
6. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?
Britney.
8. Where did you sleep last night?
In my bed.
9. What time did you go to sleep last night?
Pfft midnight?
10. What woke you up today?
Kyle snoring :P
11. What is one thing you wish people didn’t do?
Lie.
12. Are you excited for the future?
Sure.
13. Your ex shows up randomly at your house, you say?
I would not answer the door, for anyone really.
14. Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend, you say?
Although unlikely, I don’t think I would say anything. Maybe a good fuck you to both of them lol.
15. Do you have any weird inside jokes?
Heaps.
16. Liquor or Beer?
Liquor.
18. When was the last time someone yelled at you?
Good question. Thankfully its been a while.
19. I am _________ .
Hungry and ready to go home!
21. Have you ever tried to break someone up?
I don’t think so.
22. When is the last time you talked to your best friend?
Hm, kyle is my partner and my best friend, we talked this morning. My non-partner best friend, we texted yesterday I think.
23. Have you done anything you regret this year so far?
Nope.
24. Where is your best friend?
Kyle is probably on his way to pick me up from work now. 😊
27. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Kyle.
28. Anything annoying you right now?
Being in the office is innately annoying.
29. Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now?
Yes. Im trying really hard not to be sad and depressed about the state of the relationship with my mom.
30. Who has your heart?
Kyle.
32. Have you done anything embarrassing lately?
Of course lol, but I don’t get embarrassed by it. Anything that could be embarrassing makes me laugh.
33. Do people make fun of your nationality?
I mean, I used to get made fun of for being really pale, which is derivative of my nationality, right?
34. Do you eat more than you should?
Sure lol.
35. Do you smoke?
Cannabis, yes.
36. Who’s the last person of the opposite sex to hug you?
Kyle.
37. Last time you shoplifted?
Lmao man, on purpose, a long time ago. About two months ago, I accidentally did not pay for some paper towels or something and no one noticed lol.
38. What will you name your future son?
No future son, no future kids! Kyle already has a son lol.
39. What will you name your future daughter?
NONE.
41. What is your favorite number?
8.
42. What gets you happy?
Kyle, my dog, my cats, lofi, video games, painting my nails.
43. Where were you at 11:45 pm Last Night?
Yes or on my way.
44. Is the person you like older or younger than you?
Younger, by 4 months.
45. Ever talked to someone that was high?
Lmao yes.
46. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller?
Taller, by like 2-3 inches.
47. Did you have a dream last night?
Yes. I don’t remember details but I know it was a turbulent dream about my family, ugh the worst!
48. Last comment you left someone?
Idk lol.
49. Do you have a Facebook?
Yes.
50. What do you think about the last person that you stole this from?
I do not know them.
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