#im going to post it anyways though because its good to write a big long text post about the aquarium hobby again

[dckweed]

here's part two of jake and babygirl, i'm actually really really in love with them and it may or may not be because i constantly have baby fever. anyway, im thinking about making this a fun lil series that you guys can send in any prompts or requests for that come to mind ! silly, angsty, fluffy whatever doesn't matter, just figured that since this started off as a request that i could continue on its life that way as well..

i want to be completely honest with you guys, for the past two months now i have been in eating disorder treatment 3 hours a day 6 days a week..as of this week, ive been stepped down to 3 hours a day 4 days a week and will be completely stepping down from treatment by the end of the month..this has taken up alot of time, and alot of attention and typically by the time my day is over i am completely spent and mentally drained and haven't been putting much effort into you guys, but as part of my treatment i am going to start posting at least twice a week (if not every day) as a way of self care, because fic writing is genuinely a form of self care for me.

thank you for being patient with me, and please feel free to send in asks!

warnings: pregnancy! jake being completely soft for his babygirl but also being completely angered by her situation..morning sickness mentions, food aversion mentions, just floofy fluffness okay? use of y/n once, but other than that is just babygirl as usual. not super long but i love it. part one

'STAY WITH ME, PLEASE..' jake 'hangman' seresin

A week into your vacation Jake had convinced you to go to an obstetrician after learning that you hadn't seen one yet, concerned for your health and the health of the little thing in your womb, whom he was already attached to, even if it wasn't his. It was there that you learned that you were almost eleven weeks along, Jake sat in the room with you, holding your hand as the ultrasound tech dims the lights. He squeezes it as she squirts more warm jelly on your tummy than you thought necessary and digs the wand in at an uncomfortable angle, moving it and the gel around your skin. You were just barely showing signs of a baby bump, and you were shocked to find out just how big the baby actually was by this point.

"How is it already that big?" Jake asks exactly what you were thinking, making the tech chuckle. He was in complete awe, there was really a tiny little being inside of you, you were growing a life form and there was nothing more beautiful than that to him in that moment.

"They grow so much faster than you realize," The woman says, a pleasant smile on her face as she stares at the screen, typing a few things in with her free hand, Jake noted from his position that they were measurements. "Would you like to know the sex?"

"Yes!" He blurts out before you could even process the question, you stare at him eyebrows furrowed, confused as to why he was so eager and amazed by something that he hadn't helped create. You thought it was wonderful though that your best friend was wanting to be so involved and caring despite your situation.

"Well, dad, you're having a little girl.." She says, catching you off guard by the mention of Jake being the dad and by the fact that you were having a daughter. Jake squeezed your hand, and even in the darkness of the room you could have sworn that he was a little teary eyed.

"Isn't that amazing, babygirl?" He asks, looking over at you. Your eyes are glued to the screen, not bothering to correct the woman on Jake not being the father, it was a difficult situation to explain and you weren't quite sure you were up for it today. Tears form in your eyes as you think about the little girl growing in your womb, who would never know her daddy. You had to admit that that was probably a good thing, he didn't deserve either of you if his initial reaction was to just leave and never come back.

You knew Jake felt the same way too, you didn't even have to ask.

"This all feels like such a fever dream.." You say softly, your head leaned against the window of his truck as he drives through the streets, away from the obstetricians office. You had a print out photo of your baby in your hand, staring down at it as you rubbed your stomach absentmindedly, your mind running in circles.

"Why's that?" Jake asks, glancing over at you for a mere second, not wanting to take his eyes off of the road for too long.

You look at him, wondering if he realizes just how fucked up the situation is. "Jake, I am pregnant..my boyfriend, the father of my baby left me because he swore i was a whore and that you were actually the father, and that was before i even knew for sure that i was pregnant.." You say, word vomit spewing from your mouth before your brain could even process what was happening. "I've just found out that i'm having a little girl who's not going to have her daddy in her life, and honestly good riddance but..but..oh my god Jake what am I going to do? This wasn't part of the plan..my daddy is going to be so disappointed in me..oh my god my mama would be so fucking upset..."

You hadn't even realized that you were crying, or that you were starting to panic, the weight of the situation fully sinking in on you. "Oh my god Jake, she's never gonna meet my mama..oh my god.." Jake doesn't know what to do, but he knows he can't let you keep crying like this. He pull's over into a parking lot, right at the beach and near a bunch of shops, pulling his truck to a stop in the first empty spot he saw. There are tears streaming down your face at this point as the thoughts of your father and your dead mother run around in your head, he had never seen you like this before but he knew that it was probably just the hormones.

"Hey," He says, his voice soft and sweet, his warm body encompassing yours as he slides across the front seat towards you, having lifted the center console up. He unclips your seatbelt and pulls you towards him, holding your head against his chest, your ear pressed right where his heart is. He had done this with you a thousand times before, the sound of his heartbeat had always brought you back to earth when you would have moments like this. "you're okay, i got you babygirl, i always got you.." He whispers, his lips moving in your hair as he presses a soft, comforting kiss to the crown of your head. Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you wondered if he knew that these were the things that made you feel like he loved you in more ways than he let on, the things that gave you the smallest glimmer of hope.

You close your eyes, listening to his heartbeat and the slight rumble in his chest as he whispered things to you, slowly but surely calming you down. After a while you let out a shaky breath, your eyes opening to see the people milling about the small shopping center. "Where are we?" You ask, voice thick from the crying. Your head hurt and your eyes were heavy, you wanted to go back to his apartment and sleep, preferably in his arms, like you used to when you guys were younger.

"We're not too far from home," He says. Home..You liked the way that sounded coming from his mouth, it was always nice to hear it. "Do you want to get out and walk around? Go sit on the beach." You shake your head, sniffling softly. He kisses the top of your head once more, rubs your shoulder with his large hand. "Okay babygirl, let's go home..you look like you need some rest." He wasn't wrong, between the morning sickness that had been plaguing you in recent days, and the stress of everything, you hadn't been getting enough rest.

You manage to stay awake for the rest of the ride back, letting the gentle breeze through the open window soothe you. Jake doesn't say a word, but you see a look on his face, his eyebrows furrowed like he was thinking really hard about something. "Jake?" You ask, turning to face him, wondering what was on his mind.

"Stay." He says, looking over at you as he pulls up to his apartment building, the truck rolling to a stop. "..I..You should be here with me, you should've been with me from the beginning, but I was too chickenshit to man up and ask." You're shocked, and start to open your mouth, wanting to stop him. "Let me finish, damn it!"

"I haven't gone a day without talkng to you or thinking about you since the day I met you, and it's not just because you were my best friend, because you always will be that, no matter what, it's because i've been in fucking love with you since day one. And maybe i'm dumb because it's taken me so long to realize it, because everyone i've ever dated knew it but dammit i know it now, and have for a long time.." He rambles, you're unsure of what to make of this, your brain still processing that you were hearing him correctly. "I..know that this isn't the ideal situation, and i know that that little girl isn't my blood, but dammit i don't care because i already think of her as my kid, and i have since i found out..I can't let you walk away, not without knowing how i feel..I want to be with you through this, and through everything else in life so i can take care of you the way that you deserve, because Y/N, nobody else in this world is ever going to love you like i do.." You feel yours well with tears and subconsciously you pinch yourself, hoping to god that you weren't dreaming. "So stay with me, please.."

"Oh, Jake.." You whisper, tears spilling once more from your eyes. You can't make any other words come out of your mouth so you just nod your head and you watch his body sag with relief before you unbuckle your seatbelt and rush forward into his already waiting arms. He squeezes you tight and presses a long kiss to the top of your head as you hiccup.

"Hey, no more tears, babygirl, okay?" He whispers, leaning your head back as he brushes the tears away with his thumb, you lean into the embrace, a smile gracing your lips as your arms go around the back of his neck.

"They're happy tears, i promise.." You say, leaning forward to press your lips against his. You had though about this moment so many times in your life, and none of your wildest dreams had every prepared your for the real thing. Jake kissed you like a man starved, his hand on the back of your head, fingers scrunching up in your hair as he presses you as hard against him as he can. You groan at the possessiveness of it, pulling back after a moment to catch your breath. You can't help but let out a chuckle, leaning your forehead against his. "You picked one hell of a time to finally fucking say it, Seresin."

"Hey! You could've said it first too you know!" He says and you can't help but laugh, relishing in the way he smiles at you.

Jake & Babygirl taglist: @bellaireland1981 @sky0401 @memoriesat30 @bat-luna-cat @memeorydotcom @mayhemmanaged

[maxmoffs]

gonna just post this quick psa yap about my interactions here on wanda and the rest of my blogs from here on out , then i'll be fully committed and indulged into finally ! fulfilling my owed starters , inbox and drafts and writing entirely, just because i want to get it out of my chest and so that im fully comfortable and happy with my blogs and want to be able to come on without feeling so anxious ! this is the most I’ve approached everyone and bravely finally after being shy and hesitant so pls be proud of me uwu . it’s been a long time coming i know , im finally actively interacting, i do know that i had been so yappy ooc the past weeks that just went by! its because i haven't been doing anything but work and training and with the christmas holidays chaos, so it had gotten me incredibly sporadic which is the reason for my lack to keep a consistent flow of my writing on all my blogs no matter how much i wanted to ! i actually have no idea who is following me or not still from the last time ppl had been more enthusiastic of when i made wanda weeks ago uuhuhu , but i hope all of you are still interested because when i write and post all my owed writing its both old and new bahaha just bc i hadnt had the proper opportunity to write wanda as how ive been wanting to with full focus like right now bc i had been so busy :( <3 please continue below for the psa , i appreciate you if you do get where im coming from <3 because after this , i want to just feel happy writing wanda and the rest of my muses . without feeling like i have to prove my worth or place , but im finally at a good mental balance of both , and i now have slower days since christmas is finally at its end of holiday chaos for me work wise which was the only thing holding me back and life is life and i will now stop for apologising to be slow ! i now have discord anyways , which is also finally open and im migrating to as an avenue to 'yap' and plot with those that dont mind my excitment hahahaahah so as long as we're mutuals , im already a big yapper and will always be welcoming , so you are welcome to add me just pls understand that i do get overstimulated or busy sometimes but i'll use it more now ( arden1ly . )

im gonna just consider this as an add to my rules . but as i continue here on out now , i think i will now stop following people first anymore unless obvs we are moots and you're moving blogs . and will just focus my time and attention to those of you that just want to write with me and wanda and my multi , who are already here, my mutuals and my mains / friends who's stuck by and been patient and understanding with me . i will always be an open book , and will always always keen a nurturing and safe environment because i love writing , and love being able to write with everyone as best i can, but will no longer go too above and beyond to push myself to others and i will always be here to come back to when the interest rises again of interest to write with me , because at the end of the day ! im here to write with you ! and along with that , a bonus when i create wonderful friendships which i also know and feel that i have now <3

it is what it is, and i have lost a few wonderful moots i had been writing with a couple of weeks back out of the blue that i never even noticed probs bc of that very reason , i have kept myself quite so very open book and half of the time i literally dont know whats going on so i tend to really keep my and i noticed that it definitely scared ppl that my inability to hold my excitement can be sometimes excessive so i will try to refrain from it now , because ive always advocated kindess and positvity on my blog and nothing else ! but i know tumblr is so scary! and can be so judgemental , and im a super open book but also can barely keep up so sometimes i barely scroll through tumblr, but i always try my best. from here on out though , obviously i will always and stay welcoming especially if you are a mutual already here , but i just no longer want to keep apologising for my speed / slow -ness , or for my personality bc really half of the time its just me approaching with excitement to write and interact, but ive noticed that its probs annoyed ppl , and i dont want to also be annoying for anyone <3

[tossball-stick]

MORE TRANSFEM KIERAN

hii kicks my feet. twirls my hair. does a little spin. i wanted to write these out sooo much sooner but i got sick :(( luckily!! im here now!!!! so today ive decided to share some camp transition hcs. personally i dont actually think she would have the time to transition in the gang.. buuuuut its still nice 2 think about :) maybe later ill make a post about the domestic au ive got for her. smiles big and wide

sean is immediately supportive of her transition. this isnt really cause for suspiscion, sean is also trans of course. until his true intentions are revealed and hes simply staring at a womens fashion catalogue in the undergarments section holding it out to kieran and pointing, "i think youd look good in that one ;)"

eventually kieran is doing some of the ladies workload, she is one of them, after all (though i imagine her true role even post transition would be a little more mixed, like karen, who can be seen going on watch and such). of course this means grimshaw eventually coming by to nitpick her the same way she does for the rest of the women. chastised for not being ladylike enough, or being improper. i imagine susan and kieran get along pretty well, honestly, i can imagine kieran being a very effective little worker bee for her that goes along with whatever she says in an attempt to pass. susan clearly knows about being a woman. kieran wants to be a woman. its perfect!

you would think if i headcanoned bill as gay and kieran as a woman i would believe that bill eventually loses his crush on her. you would be wrong. very wrong. i think it maybe seems that way at first, but realistically bills manner of attraction has simply shifted. with men you can be rough and rowdy and awful and its expected, even when trying to court one, but trying to court a lady? now, thats a long process of wearing her down with charisma, wooing her, being a gentleman. things bill williamson sucks at. really badly. i think he would simply stop making moves on her because he just doesnt know how, but i dont think his actual feelings change even remotely

thusly, people start looking at bill weird the times he gets drunk and does dare to flirt with kieran. i imagine people would offer to have a talk with him about it, but she would just smile and shake her head, because bill stumbling over his words to drunkenly call her pretty was one of the best feelings shes ever had

i doubt hosea and dutch would care. really. i think either way they keep her stationed with the horses. it makes her happy and ultimately she is helping around camp more now. theres no loss of hands to complain about, they werent taking her on jobs anyway

her and molly!! i knowwww molly is saying some shit like "youre clearly just pretending, wearing that skirt with that lipstick" and it very quickly snowballs into convincing arthur to take them out on the town and buying kieran some clothes with at least a little class. maybe they kiss while out there. whos to say

look. all im saying is. if kieran goddamn duffy can become a woman then sadie adler can become a man. and sadie adler fucking haaaaaates that the start of his transition was watching an o'driscoll transition first. and i also think it would be really funny and i wanna torture that tboy some more.

grows her hair out for sure, i think in any other setting she would wear it down more than up, but due to the nature of her chores at camp, shes keeping the hair off the back of her neck

i can imagine mary-beth and her sitting together on a quiet night, kieran listening to her talk about whatever dime novel or bodice ripper she'd been able to get her hands on lately. its nice and all, but shes mostly just listening, shes not much of a reader, and mary-beth is clearly talking like she wants the man. until, out of nowhere, shes bringing up how the savior is always the men, and how, sometimes, it made her even more giddy to picture the "men" with long hair and even more identity protection, and thinking about them being women masquerading as men. seemingly, kieran is a lot more engaged now that mary-beth is talking about being saved by a woman that is stuck looking like a man for whatever reason. of course, mary-beth doesnt miss this little detail. theyre sharing drinks by the end of the night.

i think one of her first gender moments was getting her first skirt of course. but i think it only really hit her when she had to mount branwen sidesaddle for the first time, and get used to riding him like that. it was kinda like learning to ride a horse all over again. it gets branwen involved in her transition as well and i think thatd be crucial for her; bonding with her beloved horse in a new way, being a woman while doing it. even if he wasnt a part of such a big moment for her, i still think she would gush to him about all the womanly things she got to do that day. branwen is always the first to hear when a day goes by and she barely feels like a man the whole time.

i hope this was enough food to keep you and any other transfem kieran enthusiasts fed for a bit ^-^

[cy-cyborg]

So going to turn the tables here a bit and ask other disabled people a question:

You know those really over-the-top sports animes? The ones where someone hits the ball so hard it explodes and other out-there (but usually fun) nosense things? Could you do that with disability sports without it becoming inspiration-porn and/or just an entire cast of super-crips?

Because on the one hand, yeah if you had disabled characters doing a lot of the stuff you see in these anime series, it would be pretty blatant examples of these tropes. On the other hand though, it's literally a defining part of the genre (at least, it's in all the sports anime I've seen) and by definition, it is applied to non-disabled characters too. One of the biggest problems with both super-crips and inspiration porn is that they end up with those powers/plot-points specifically because they're disabled, which wouldn't necessarily be the case here if it's handled well. Using wheelchair basketball players for example (becaaue its the sport i played lol), by the tropes of the genre, their shots can cause explosions and summon magic dragons but so long as its not erasing/minimising their disability/implying they cant play without the over-the-top magic stuff, it might be fine? Likewise, every sports anime I've seen has at least one big inspirational speech about the power of teamwork and never giving up, but you could have chatacters do that without it being about their disability/uplifting the non-disabled characters. the big concern there would be the audience interpreting it as being inspirational because they're disabled anyway.

There's also the fact that, while it might fall into those tropes, disability sports don't get portrayed as action-packed very often. The only times I've seen it on TV it's portrayed as "like [insert abled version of the sport] but slow and requires no skill" and honestly it would be really cool to see it portrayed in such a fun, over-the-top way. it could also help push back against the misconceptions about disability sports that a lot of people have, like the one above (because trust me, as a former disabled sportsperson, that's a common beleif irl too).

This is mostly a jokey post but I remeber having this conversation with my old roomate (who's also a wheelchair basketball player) because there was a rumour about a sports-anime-style game about the paralypics circulating when we lived together. I assume the rumour was false or the game was cancelled because we never heard anything about it after that, but we couldn't come to a consensus back then either about weather this was a good idea or not, and im curious what other disabled folks think.

With careful handling (and a disabled-lead writing team behind the scenes) could it work, or are the tropes/expectations of the sports-anime genre too much of an issue?

[pey-up]

Tell me about your OCs!!!

YIPPEEEEEEEEE

youre all going to regret this.

This is gonna be long so RANT UNDER CUT-

Okokok so i have multiple stories but ill spare yall and just give you the main one (or ig the most fleshed out one?)

It follows a teen girl Elora, who's a silly gal and by silly i mean autistic and would bite someone if pressed. She reallyyy likes big words, like you know those hyperspesfic words that describe super specific moments or feelings? She loves those. Being super specific is her Jam. Anyways, she's friends with two kids Edgar (has bit someone and would bite again) and Paige (would never bite someone. Allows affectionate biting.)

Theyre not vampires theyre just weird/aff

Elora's mom is named Bellaire, she's a single mom who works one job, loves her kid and never stops, we love Belle. Where is eloras dad you may be asking!? Doesnt exist. Pokemon style. (I have never played pokemon but ive seen enough delia x jesse art to know). I kinda leave the second parent up for interpretation because its fun to see what ppl come up with :3 (kinda like mrs. Afton? Literally built out of headcanons and dreams) Bellaire is a health IT worker and she loves it! It's why she moved to Pennsylvania in the first place! She kinda moved around a bit as a kid from france to italy to north carolina so good for her for staying put :3

Uh- okay so one thing about my stories is i do not care if its realistic for a Korean woman in 1987 to be working IT. The world in my stories is nicer. Doesnt mean bad stuff doesnt exist! It just means im going to pretend it can happen because she deserves for it to happen >:[

Belle and Elora are real close since theyre kinda the only family each other have, El has a tricky time expressing emotions and affection, whereas Belle is reallt outwordly affectionate so some miscommunication happens there :( boy itd be a shame if Someone were to not make it to the end of the story and theyd be unable to communicate properly (<- its not written yet.. i will be killing at least someone off though...)

Edgar and El have that "never met one of my parents" swag, Edgar in the form of my dad sucks (im not projecting youre projecting. What.) And his momma died when he was real young. His mom and Bellaire were reallll... close.

They were gay.

But yknow, she died so Ed's dad took over and cut belle out of edgars life, so poor baby ed has zero support systemUntil he meets elora on a rainy day when hes much older, about 12 or 13 id say?

Paige is significantly less traumatized, but she has the "i need to be suuper happy and a support system for everyone else because they obviously have it worse than i do" disorder :(

THERE IS A PLOT TO THIS I SWEAR!!! SORRY ITS KINDA WORD VOMIT RN-

Its more put together when i write it i swear (two chapters r in my pinned post, ill write more when school starts and i get settled in my creative writing class again :3 gimmie a week or so hehe)

Heres some doodles i did of them! The placeholder title is currently Aberrant so its tagged under that (and then specific characters of their names, Elora Carpenter, Paige Madden, Edgar, etc)

Thanks very very much for the ask!!!!!

[volivolition]

Any updates on all wip fics? and what is your ao3 username if you have one?

if you don't want to share any info, it's all good

i hope you know how hard i am YIPPEE-ing after getting this ask, I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY FIC WIPS!!!! YEAHGKJH!!!! <33 my AO3 is also volivolition, but i dont have anything posted there yet :]

TL;DR: I have 4+ WIPs im working on simultaneously: Unstoppable Force Kisses Immovable Object - A Voli/Echem enemies -> enemies with benefits -> friends with benefits -> lovers fic that started as PWP but whoops its not just smut anymore lmao? Meet the Parts that Make You - A "Kim introduced to the Skills" fic! Let's Make It (a) Home - A Skills fic showing the aftermath of the amnesia wiping out Harry's mindspace, with the Skills working together to rebuild it into a home during the Hanged Man case. Mostly domestic fluff. Swept Up in the Feeling - An Empathy-centric fic, originally an excuse to do Skill character studies. Empathy understanding each skill while they do activities together <3 (gained a plot. suddenly.)

ANYWAY!! more info, snippets and musings under the cut!

Unstoppable Forces Kisses Immovable Object Word Count: 18722 Rating: Explicit Okay, so technically this document isn't just one story. It's my catch-all "any Volistry writing goes HERE" containment zone. Like I said, this wasn't supposed to be anything big, I just wanted to write a bunch of drabbles and practice writing smut because I've never done that before. But then the drabbles started connecting to each other and Voli and Echem started falling in love without asking me and so it's like. A whole thing now lmao?

they bring me so much joy. they're so fun to write, because volition will say something so normal and echem will find some way to misconstrue it and volition will bicker and echem will flirt back and volition will sigh and they're so fucking funny to me. they just keep talking, their back-and-forth banter is so natural to write, which is why this fic is so long hkgjh

they learn to balance each other out!! i want them to be soft and witty with each other and i'll. cry about them. if you catch me at the right time i will wax poetic about their relationship but right now they're just being incoherently rotated in my brain.

anyway here's a snippet, i have so much written for this damn fic that i had trouble choosing lmao. it's like. mildly suggestive? but truly nothing blatant, just cutesy shit lmao

Meet the Parts that Make You Word Count: 3886 Rating: Mature This fic is the closest of the four to being abandoned lmao? Or at least I want to finish Swept Up before writing this one, because as it stands I feel like I can't grasp everyone's characters right without doing some character study beforehand. It might also be because I'm currently more obsessed with the Skills instead of the humans, though i still love them.

but yes! Meet the Parts that Make You is a fic after Martinaise, established relationship for KimHarry, where Kim is casually introduced to the skills over dinner, and they document their findings in Kim's notebook over the course of about a week. it's a lot of skills banter and silly moments!! harry can honestly say that every single part of him loves Kim.

here's where they're trying to show off each of their different specialties, featuring Reaction Speed and Hand/Eye Coordination who are my sillies.

Let's Make It (a) Home Word Count: 1896 Rating: Teen+ I think if I want to finish any fic first, I want it to be this one, because it really sets the scene for the rest of the universe of all my other fics. The main gist is that Perception can pull in anything that Harry's looking at into the mindspace, and once they figure this out, most of the skills go "Hey we should bring in more things so we can decorate!"

volition my friend and perpetual spoilsport :3 anyway, different skills affect the object's properties! Perception can pull things in, Interfacing can give it texture, Conceptualization can make it different colors and Reaction Speed can duplicate it. Empathy makes it so the object has the correct feelings attached to it (Dora's letter, for example) and Half Light can immediately destroy the object (Dora's letter, for example).

this fic is basically The Hanged Man case, but from the perspective of the Skills. i think it focuses on some specific skills, but maybe not all of them because I'd die if i had to give each one of them an individual chapter. maybe i'll smoosh some skills together? i love all of them and i want all of them to get some screen time, but it would wreck me lmao

i have a whole Volition scene written out and i think its so fucking gorgeous bro... i love writing. it's like... rebuilding after death, the skills have a kind of blank slate too, you know? they're learning to work together again, regaining memories, making new ones, making a home together. the way different skills need to work together to make an object in the mindspace real. I WANT THEM TO BE A HAPPY FAMILY. AUHG.

Swept Up in the Feeling Word Count: 5103 Rating: This is Mature. Except the Echem chapter. Which is Explicit.

EMPATHY MY FAVORITE SKILL. OUGH. EMPATHY. MY FRIEND. this fic is about Empathy getting roped into a bunch of shenanigans with the other skills, and goes along with it all while better understanding each of them.

so remember when i said I'd die if i had to give each one of them an individual chapter? yeah. that's because THIS is the story where i give each one of them an individual chapter.

24 chapters, one per each skill. Including, but not limited to:

Exercising with Physical Instrument!

Art time with Conceptualization!

Performance with Drama!

Listening to Encyclopedia infodump!

Reminiscing with Volition!! (THEY ARE CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS!!!)

Staying up late with Endurance

"Overstimulated Skills Support Group" with Perception

Talking about understanding people vs understanding machines with Interfacing

Talking about understanding people vs understanding specific people with Esprit de Corps

Apologizing to Composure about making their life harder with UNNECESSARY FEELINGS ("as if we don't deal with enough of our own, you bring in other people's emotions for me to hide?" "why do we always need to hide them?" "BECAUSE... :| Just because.")

A Talk with Half Light.

Y'know... with Electrochemistry (there's more to it than just that though lmao)

This fic will be the death of me, with all the skills, but I really really want to do skill character studies. I need to research their lines on Fayde and understand each of them so I can write all of them better.

This is also so I can be obsessed with each of them. Currently I have a lot of faves, but I don't care about all of them yet when i WANT TO!! i want to know each of them intrinsically!! I wrote a bit of the Endurance chapter and I didn't use to care for him very much, but then I wrote the lines

"Endurance is not tired; he can't afford to be. Not when everyone else is. He would stand before any of them, from the first intellect to the last motoric, in order to take a blow meant for someone frailer, less capable of surviving it. He will endure it instead."

and now I'm sympathetic to him. like, ough. If I understand them, then I learn to love them, and that's also why I'm writing it from Empathy's perspective! Empathy feels what other the other skills feel and does bonding activities with them with similar feelings, does that make sense? i really want to learn characterization for each of them, this fic truly is just an excuse for me to do character studies so i know all their character motivations.

BUT. it also has backstory plot now that im invested in lmao? based off of character design that i have. I STILL NEED TO POST MY SKILL REFS. RAUGH. but yeah all of my stories get too big for me really, i always bite off more than i can chew for projects like this lmao.

Other Fics: Skill Body Swap Fic! its shoved into Unstoppable Force's document for the time being, since this is mostly an excuse for Volition/Echem swap (Echem's body is ~sensitive~ if you're not used to it and i love putting voli through Situations. meanwhile Volition's body has the morale health pool in it that echem has to take care of), and ive only written that specific swap, but i think it'd be cool if i swapped EVERY SKILL.

Logic and Drama would be funny hkjgh Drama would 1) immediately slot into the new role and be extremely good at pretending nothing is wrong. What do you mean, he hasn't switched bodies with anyone? That's highly improbable. 2) love saying lies as if they were appropriate conclusions, and actual Logic would be like "That's literally wrong. Stop that."

Empathy and Composure would be interesting! Empathy's body is constantly picking up on everyone's emotions, and also is always on the brink of tears. Composure's body is not made to experience the same emotions, much less the emotions of others. Empathy's cut off from feeling and Composure is struggling not to fucking cry, poor guy.

Shivers and anyone? I just think Shivers should be small and worried about her connection to Revachol. and some other skill is just like "WHY IS THIS SO OVERWHELMING. HELLO??"

i dont know, theres a lot of ways i could go with this, i'll figure it out lmao. if anyone has suggestions for interesting/funny swaps and is even reading this far, let me know

The Sunrise Momentum. I SWEAR TO GOD IF I DONT WRITE THIS FIC. I NEED TO FUCKING WRITE THIS. Volition's vow with Harry that i cry about once per day. VOLITION IS TO HARRY AS HARRY IS TO REVACHOL. AUGH. "I will do everything in my power to keep you alive. I will keep you on this earth." my knight in lavender armor i am OBSESSED WITH YOUUUU!! *vibrates at high velocity*

okay that's about it, thanks for reading my RAMBLES!!

[kylejsugarman]

happy birthday to the babyest baby that every babyed!! how do they celebrate baby’s first birthday together as a family? how does present-day baby feel about being 20? how does au squared fam celebrate baby’s third birthday once theyre disappeared to alaska? how does present-day au squared baby feel about being 16?

anon hitting ALL of the possible universes and scenarios in one question like beating me with clubs and sticks 😭 thank u for the questions and saving me from having to write an annoying, unprovoked post!! ill try to keep these brief so im not putting a gd novelization on everyone's dashes

their first birthday as a "family" is baby's seventh, where jesse's only known demi for like 5 months and doesnt know what the rules are for something like this, but hes saved from any awkward questions by demi calling him like (royal advisor going door to door to every person in the kingdom to invite them to the ball) "baby would like to see u if then if that's ok." of course its ok, but now he's gotta get her a present!! hes still getting the hang of carving and woodworking in a more professional, advanced sense and decides to practice his new skills by carving her a little dolphin that looks like the stuffed one she's always carrying around. theres no birthday party like the kind he remembers from childhood ("baby's not very. Into that kind of thing," demi says charitably later when he asks her about it. which Is true), just him and demi and mason having dinner at ihop before going back home for some gifts and a "the spongebob movie" viewing party. baby doesnt make much of a fuss but shes Very excited to open her presents and when she opens jesse's gift, she gets more excited and animated than hes ever seen her before as she describes each of the dolphin's fins to him and then (following a gentle "what do u say?" from demi) thanks him with a little hug of his arm. because of her joyful reaction, he carves her a sea creature for every birthday going forward and is now giving her a tiny wood barracuda for her collection as he and demi make the long drive up to fairbanks to visit baby at school for her twentieth birthday!! they're going to spend the weekend with her :) and though they dont say anything significant about it, they're both really happy that when they go back to their hotel this evening, baby is going to be spending time with some of her new college friends to celebrate :') shes kind of ambivalent as always about "turning" twenty and still doesnt really feel like an adult or anything close, but she does feel more comfortable and content about moving forward this birthday more so than any other beforehand. twenty feels like a big number and shes not as scared or lonely or anxious as she thought she'd be

god, au squared fam.....Au Squared Fam. this is literally the first time jesse's able to actually physically be there with baby on her birthday other than like. the Day of her birth. after missing the first two due to rehab and Being A Slave. he almost doesnt know what to do because its really just the three of them, they've made some tentative acquaintances here in alaska since arriving, but neither of them have families anymore and baby's fully three and thus doesnt Know anyone, so its almost like. what do u do?? he rarely lets baby out of his sight anyway, how's her birthday going to be any different?? demi convinces him to throw a little party in their kitchen to at least set the Tone and even though its just some streamers and balloons and a little grocery store bakery cake with some questionably accurate sesame street characters piped onto it, it really does make the occasion feel festive. they both feel like things might be ok :) baby doesnt really comprehend the Significance and freaks the fuck out when they light the "3" shaped candle (thats fire!! in the house!!), but she has a good time and is stoked to see elmo on a cake and plays "bap the air-filled balloon around the living room" with her parents for a solid 2 hours. its all so beautifully mundane, so normal and safe and quiet. jesse knows that baby doesnt really understand what birthdays mean and that he wasnt there for her first two (only that he Wasnt There in general for a while), but he can't help feeling periodically guilty and overwhelmed and just holding onto her so nothing can ever separate them again. and present day au squared baby is having a sweet sixteen!! just a tiny one (and no car, the dyspraxia still reigns in this universe) in their backyard, which is decorated, and baby and her friends are all dressed up so they can take fun pictures. demi sets out tons of flowers and jesse gets a baby shower cake that says "congratulations on the baby!" for the Bit, which baby honestly loves. she knows why hes so All In about her birthday and being a good dad in general, so she takes a second to tell him that she loves him and always will no matter what :')

[quinloki]

got a little brave (see: drunk) and i've decided i DO wanna gush about my girl a little bit, because i think the dynamics i have with her and her love interests are really interesting! so rosamund has a big problem with confusing worship and love, so the way she dedicates herself to her crew is really unhealthy. shes a pacifist who has decided to go against all of her morals to do everything her crew doesn't want to or won't do that she thinks has to be done (including killing, something she is VERY against, but will do anyway to protect her friends because she sees them as more important, more worthy, than herself and her values).

she was originally made to kiss sanji, both because i love him and because i like the idea of two people putting each other on pedestals, always pushing themselves further from the other because they're so convinced of their own flaws and the other's perfection. but i accidentally made her have what i think it a very interesting dynamic with zoro, since they both see themselves as protectors of the crew.

so the way i like to describe their dynamics is how they see themselves. sanji sees himself as a knight protecting a fair maiden, and rosamund as a damsel in distress. zoro sees himself as a sort of shepherd, a defenser, and her as a wounded guard dog, a being capable of defending itself, but one that shouldn't have to. and lastly, she sees herself also as a wounded dog, but not in such a sympathetic light: she sees herself as a wounded animal, ready to bite, too lost in its own fear to see who its hurting at this point. and in all of this, none of them really fully view the other as a person, fully realized and alive; they're too young and lost in their own thoughts to fully conceptualize that maybe they're all just kids trying their best to make it in a world that isn't entirely welcoming to them. after the timeskip they'll get better about this, but in the beginning they're all so busy trying to find themselves they lose each other!

sorry if this message is kind of long or doesn't make much sense, i think i get a little lost in the conceptual parts of making an oc and not get much into the real actual plot stuff. but thank you for listening :-) eventually ill get brave and post some of the actual writing i have for her, im sitting on a whole discord channel full of unedited stuff about her

This is perfect! I love Rosamund, but what I love is that you have her so well developed in a behind-the-scenes sense that I think it'll be easy for you to get rolling once you start writing.

And what I mean is that there are lots of ways to go about things, but usually it comes down to some combination of:

Develop the world and drop archetypes (Characters) into it and let the world develop them.

Develop the characters and let them shape the world.

Develop the Story and let it paint the characters and world.

People usually do a mix of those three things, but there's nothing wrong with leaning heavily against one part over the others. When you're dealing with fan fic, because of how a lot of the characters you're using are already established to a certain point, we're all about half-way up that "develop the characters" slider XD

And so when you introduce an OC, self-insert, reader, etc. into the mix, you can give a lot more energy to your character's development because you don't need to give as much to the canon characters.

Sure, enough to adjust them to your story/world, or maybe even enough attention to do what you've done here - which is making sure you're concepts of them are internal and mapped out well enough to jive with your story ideas and OC.

I love all of this though. I love the view of Sanji and Zoro and Rosamund. Recognition of the sheer insanity of being 17-19 and having that much weight on your shoulders. Barely having the capacity to keep your own head above water and then being responsible for the safety of others. The way emotions cut deep into your muscles no matter if they're good or bad.

Ah, thank you for sharing my friend, I look forward to whatever you do and whatever you decide to share about Rosamund <3

[auricbound]

man, it's been a while since i posted here properly. it's been an enlightening past two days to say the least and it's all got me reflecting not only on my time here but also the future for this blog, my lore, etc. so...

have a pretty big dump under the cut. this'll be long, i feel like i have a lot to cover. i dunno who'll even read it, but i feel it's worth getting out there anyways.

so. yeah! been a while. been a LONG fucking while. im 21 now, turning 22 soon; almost 3 years have passed since i put this blog in its weird hiatus state. prior to that i was active a lot, writing a lot - i genuinely was extremely happy. in a way, i still am - but that only came after a very, VERY involved few years of consistent therapy appointments and learning to write for myself to somehow see my ideas through instead of pushing myself to be here.

so. should probably talk about that. i wont go into mega details because it's *done* and i don't want to bring a carcass to the surface, but i *do* want to give it a gravestone.

september and october of 2021 are the two months i can easily say are up there on some of the worst of my entire life. a lot of my own personal experience with my muse - with goldie - practically *died* during that span of time as a result of the things that happened. some of you might have an *idea* of things, and if so, please - don't bring it up, don't ask me or anyone else about it. i'm making this post for me, for my OWN catharsis. if people don't like that, *don't make it my problem.*

i don't fear people knowing, i just... i don't want to constantly have things be brought back and forth. im only just now realizing that what i went through *was not a singular experience*, and that it was a pattern of behavior that i wasn't *alone* in. for the longest time, i thought i was genuinely and completely alone in the fact that no one could really attest to what i went through except for one person who helped me through all of it alongside my own personal friendgroup separate from the rpc. turns out, i'm not, and that has been incredibly validating and actually has done a lot more for my confidence in the past 48 hours than i realized it could.

i hate the month of hell. i hate everything about it. i hate how it made me feel, how i couldnt do my internship without being constantly pressured to do something else for the sake of other people, how i was constantly made out to be someone who caused the problems and couldn't compromise or apologize when that really, really wasn't the whole truth. i've spent *years* in therapy just to affirm that i wasnt crazy and that it wasn't fair to treat me - a then 19 year old - as someone who couldn't make mistakes and was expected to just KNOW things and norms despite it being known that i *didnt* get things immediately. realizing i'm autistic has been a struggle that lasted *years* and if i'd known it then, it would have made me more receptive to how badly i was being treated instead of just sitting down and taking it and BLAMING myself for it. i hate that i was talked about to other people after the fact even though i explicitly kept my struggles out of talks with rpc friends.

i hate everything about what happened that year. and i hate that it ripped ed away from me for a good while and sent me into a horrible mental state that i took a really, REALLY long time to recover from - and even then, i'm still not 100%. i still have triggers that send me right back to that year. i still have things that remind me exactly of all the shit that happened. my health issues haven't gotten better since that month exacerbated them, but they haven't gotten worse - just a way of showcasing recovery, i guess.

2021, for better or for worse, broke me. it stole away my love for writing and my ability to do art for a while. i finally picked up the pieces and now they're melted back together, but there's nothing that'll change how badly it effected me and jeopardized one of my deepest mun-muse connections i'd ever had because i was accused of not being able to separate mun vs muse.

but i'm getting better. i'm being better. slowly but surely, i'm building my own personal safe space filled with people who will actually confront me for the things i do wrong *without* being afraid to even TALK to me. that wasn't easy, not by a longshot - but i'm happier like this. i'm thriving like this. because of the safe space i've built, i've been able to write *thousands* of words for fics for this very lore and all the things that came from it. i've been living my best life on my artblog, @aubodied , because i decided i was GOING to enjoy things without all of this bitterness being attached to it, because i'll probably *never* get accountability for what happened to me. i'm learning to live life without looking back on all of it.

it's been a wild ride. and now i don't feel like i have to isolate myself anymore now that i KNOW i'm not alone. so someday - i don't know if it will be soon or not, but SOMEDAY - i'll come back here. i'll start writing again with other people, actively. until then, i'm always open to be reached out to to talk or other things. i want to reconnect, and even though that'll be a long process, i WANT to restore the feeling of home i made for myself in this rpc.

so... hi. i'm evy. i also go by vee. i use he/they/she pronouns (strongly preferring he at the moment), and i'm proudly autistic and navigating the world with those lenses. i love videogames and i stream sometimes alongside doing personal art for my obsession with edling as a ship. i'd be happy to be your writing partner someday. i'd be happy just to make rpc friends again someday. 2021 was awful for me, but i've finally moved on without fear of being able to talk about this - now i want to thrive.

so thank you for listening to me, if you read this. i hope we can talk again soon. and remember - i'm always here if someone wants to reach out.

[saltwatersweets]

How did you get into dsmp, when did it start, who are your favs, who do you dislike, any hot takes, what did you think of the finale, what species do you hc the characters

1. i started watching dreams content early april 2020, at a little before 3 mil subscribers! i started watching dteam clips not too long after and so knew about the dream smp’s existence early early on, before there was lore. however i only used youtube at the time and didn’t even know there was lore at all until i saw sad-ist’s first dsmp animation (i have been a fan of hers since i was around twelve or thirteen; its funny that the dsmp introduced a lot of people to sad-ist but for me sad-ist introduced me to the dsmp!) a couple months later when lore started really picking up i started posting more about it on social media.

2. i think youre asking for fave characters, in which case im pretty basic. top five are likely gonna have to be 1) c!dream, 2) c!quackity, 3) c!sam, 4) c!tommy, and then i’d say c!techno, c!niki, and c!tubbo are all tied for fifth!

3. i wouldnt say i outright dislike any characters. i personally never really cared for c!schlatt and i especially havent really cared much for c!wilbur since like, the election arc. nothing against them personally, or fans of those characters, they just dont really interest me personally. that might change soon though!!

(this ended up being so long so more under the cut 💀)

4. i suppose my only real hot take is that again, the justification for what c!dream went through during prison arc can easily be used to justify what c!tommy went through during exile arc; i believe there are certain things that no one can deserve to go through and torture/manipulation like that are two of those things. i’ve already said that before but its really my only lore hot take i’d say i can word well (i have a lot of thoughts in my head and never have ANY idea how to word them 😭)

as for any hot takes regarding ccs, i wouldnt say i have any big ones either but they might put me in hot water with some people anyway LOL. i believe that everyone should be given chances to change for the better and that a person having bigoted views in the past because of how they were raised and no longer having them in the present is a Good Thing!! no one should be expected to be perfect for their entire lives. positive change is always good i think and it should be encouraged, for any cc and person in general. finally regarding any friendships in the dsmp that are broken now, i dont want to blame one single person in any friendship. we don’t know what fully happened behind the scenes and nor should we ever - its private.

5. this question ended up being perfect timing because i JUST caught up on the finale like two hours ago 😭 havent watched all the full streams but have seen the major clips so i could understand what happened. i was actually just about to post about it, but i loved it!! i’m a big c!discduo apologist and enjoy how it handled both their characters. c!tommy did do bad things (though that doesnt mean he deserved the bad things done to him)!! c!dream did a Lot of bad things (though that doesn’t mean HE deserved the bad things done to him)!!

i thought the way it handled their characters was pretty good for a minecraft roleplay and i find the fact that it caused so much discourse (especially about someone who from what i know wasnt even a main writer for it?) pretty stupid lmao. especially when i see tommy fans saying the finale sucked when from what i know tommy was one of the people who had a huge part in writing it?? lmao 😭 (not hating on tommy or his fans i just think its funny). i think that expecting a perfect and neat story of abuse on a MINECRAFT ROLEPLAY full of a bunch of minecraft streamers in their teens/early twenties was asking for disappointment.

i think the finale ended up being really profound especially with the irl stuff going on at the time (and what was to come in the future). how broken friendships played such a huge role on the server and just a year or so later many of the irl friendships would be broken. one thing that especially got to me was how much of a point was made that immortality wasnt right and it was important to live your life and enjoy it with the people you love while you can; that the best things are temporary because you can appreciate them. it was a natural evolution of c!dreams character of course (a necromancer who wanted his world to go back to how it used to be) but the fact that the finale streams happened only a few months after techno’s actual passing was not lost on me.

as for the final couple minutes themselves, i am a little conflicted. i would have loved the story to end with everyone keeping their memories and the idea that they’ll have to figure out how to live after doing everything theyve done; how to make peace with everyone WITH their memories. i’m not sure how season 2 would have gone but the fact is that we’ll never get a season 2 and that this is the ending we’re left with. especially how in a way c!dreams plan to “reset” the server seemed to come to fruition; i think it would have been a better ending for his and the other characters if again they had to live with their memories of what theyd done and try to move on like that. it wasnt really the type of ending that i was hoping the dsmp would have, but i think it served its purpose well. love the c!discduo being friends though!! and i also love seeing fics that take place during “season 2” and after the nuke went off, those always end up being super interesting to me.

6. any of my species headcanons are EXTREMELY basic lmao. duck hybrid c!quackity, creeper hybrid c!sam, goat hybrid c!tubbo, etc etc. i have no big headcanons i’d say - i totally see c!tommy and c!dream as both being 100% human though. i’d say thats my only real headcanon regarding hybrids and species. ive got a lot of headcanons but not too much about that specifically.

[strobarium]

erin's thoughts on "paper angel."

the first post on the strobarium! how nice. (SPOILERS AHEAD.)

(eyestraining colors ahoy, dereality-type stuff is mentioned)

youtube recommended me a video i really, really enjoy by this youtuber named Mara. it's well over an hour long and she talks a lot about her experiences with outsider art and mixed media, among other things. its worth a watch if you do like long-winded video essays about...STUFF. i guess

thats only partially relevant, though. i bring the video up because within it, she talks about the game in question today, briefly. the visuals struck a chord with me, and the seemingly abstract narrative being more or less promoted my way was very intriguing and had me interested in getting my hands on it.

you already picked up the title from the title of the post but i like using big font!

"Paper Angel," by Slitherbop.

(love that title screen, wow.)

Slitherbop, or, Slither, is a 25-year old surrealist illustrator based in Sasketchewan, Canada, from what his Neocities homepage states. he has an absolute ton of really colorful and trippy art spread out across several pages, but i feel the most of them you'd find on his tumblr page. i'd recommend looking into if you're...well i mean if you're even READING THIS you're prob into the same type shit i be on, yeah. lol. anyway,

Slither has OCs. (commonplace amongst contemporary illustrators online, if you've noticed) One of them, is the focus of the game i'm going to write a lot about.

Spinwhim! (they/them)

(god, look at them.)

taken from Slither's toyhou.se (toyhou.se is more or less an original character database tool that illustrators like to use, a lot, to log their OCs and stuff)

"Spinwhim is a powerful healer and grand storyteller. They’re very kind, outgoing, and wacky. They like to travel all around to help others. Their intense curiosity and passion makes them meddlesome. They can focus and see the world on a cellular level, which is utilized in healing and creating. Good :-)"

they, are more or less the focal point of the entire visual novel. it's a treat that they are, their design is great (much as it does change over the course of the game,) and i generally do like their demeanor and how they interact with me, the player.

speaking of the player, i don't really know who i play as! it's a blank-slate type deal. i speak very vaguely and generally i think im depicted as rather confused seeming/"out-of-it."

competent enough to prepare soup for an ill spinwhim though. OH right. plot stuff. i should get into that-

...well, actually the plot's not really super complex. you're there with spinwhim in this house within this elaborately colorful world and you're essentially nursing them back to health. its said in game you spend about a week with them.

...

i didn't even get to experience the whole week but i just. i have this incredible draw towards them.

it's not really a surprise to me that any motherly (well, or even fatherly) figure with this type of benevolent, reassuring and friendly aura just resonates with me: as i kind of allude to in the preface, i've had familial...struggles in the past and i more or less continue to, especially as it relates to how i feel about my biological parents. its complex and i don't think i could really get into it fully no matter the medium, idk.

spinwhim is just nice to experience speaking to me even if it is confined to the limitations of a RPG Maker VX Ace-created visual novel. (shoutout RPG Maker also, wow, interactive outsider art people love this program a lot i have learned LOL.) as i'm taking care of them, they note how good of a job i'm doing, and even how helpful i've been to the recovery process they're going through relating to the unknown illness they have. i'm even just complimented in general regarding my demeanor and whatnot... i really do wish they were someone i could come to for comfort like i do a fair amnt of my friends, or romantic partners. it would be nice.

what, really sealed the deal, was the twist.

after seemingly, fully recovering from their illness, they're up and at it and in a different fit than normal, to boot. they say they cleared a path to head into town (the whole duration of the game, some apparently severe snowy weather was hitting your gen. location) and that they're excited to go.

they ask me if i want to come with.

so, OF FUCKING COURSE i hit go with. lol

after expressing excitement that i actually did want to go with, they ask me to come closer.

they recount how horrible it was living the way they were, prior. that their head was "caving in" and that they were "boiling" and "lethargic." sounds pretty tough. but after that, they hit me with this revelation:

i was... CREATED???

(the actual verbiage and whatnot they use to talk about everything from this point forward is genuinely just breathtaking also as a side note)

it especially explains the demeanor they've had toward me throughout the game, like i kinda said earlier, very motherly overall. i felt loved. it was sincerely nice. but then it gets even more emotional frm there for me...they say this:

"When I say I want you to come with me, I mean I want to absorb you back into me. You will be returning from where you came. Your thoughts will be my thoughts again, and it will be like a dream to me. It will be wonderful…"

was given a choice.

ONCE AGAIN. OF FUCKING COURSE I HIT YES.

this part just made me tear up a little-the response i got:

"Oh, my beautiful apple. You will no longer live in this confusion of yours. You will be safe."

i basically immediately realized what was happening to me and why it was hitting me so damn hard.

...

it's basically no secret at this point (i make sure its not) that i'm, dissociative. to the extent i fucking formed 10+ people in my head about it. lol. that being said, i'm all-too familiar with what it's like to just be, broken, split apart, fractured.

Its Not Great !

i lucked out, with my system. (there's a lot to it but this dissociative disorder shit can REALLY BE TOUGH depending on a lot of circumstances. well its tough Already, but yeah) i only (at the time of writing) deal with one alter who more or less has it out for me, and the rest of us. that makes it so that i have pretty much 12 additional friends just kind of in my noggin at every given moment. it's pretty cool-things are even such a way regarding how we work that they can just talk to me and my friends rather fluidly. it can result in a lot of shenanigans.

but the road to which led them all to forming was fucking crazy and shitty. i won't go into details i guess here but dissociative disorders are most of the time traumagenic, to give you an idea. its not great, as i said earlier. theres just a lot to OSDD that i don't like, the memory issues i regularly have come to mind, along with me feeling detached from the world, other things. blegh.

that considered along with , complex (negative) feelings abt family shit considered it's probably just, obvious as hell why this scene resonates with me so much.

(had this revelation while getting screenshots for this post but the character they're hugging which i can only assume is the player looks alarmingly like one of my oldest sonas. made everything hit a lil harder for me)

i feel like a broken soul. and i yearn to be whole, again.

i don't think i would have taken up this oppurtunity irl if i was granted it given how much i do enjoy about being my own person who does things and whatnot but the thought lingers. getting to live it out to some degree thru this lil mini interactive artpiece just proved very therapeutic to me. i discovered it very early in the morning, and didnt really talk to anyone about it until after i experienced it. going through all of that solitarily, in my blue-lit room (thank you phillips for the hue bulb. Lol) just did a lot for me. i'm very, very thankful.

(should also note the same day i played the game i also took a phone call frm my mom and we talked about life stuff. it kinda hurt. to quote frm a more primitive form of this writeup "she used to bring me great comfort in my youth, during times i really needed it. complex feelings have led to a rift between us, that she can't even see. that i don't even, know if i want her to see." kinda says everything ig)

it was a nice escape from everything i'm generally going through at the moment, broadly. the process of recovery has proven to be fucking insane and full of all sorts of surprises on top of a very unpleasant yet expected amount of moments ive been faced with my absolutely, less pleasant qualities to my personality and bad habits and such. it sucks, but im at least...well i like to THINK im at least angled toward being better about shit but i don't know. i'm still learning. it's tough and i know i'm not alone when it comes to CPTSD recovery or dissociative disorder coping or bipolar disorder coping or whatever the hell else, but it really just, feels cold and solitary a lot of the time regardless. it's tough. it really is tough.

im just glad i found this little game. any sort of respite that appeals to me to that degree is just very appreciated.

i almost thought it was some strange divine shit going down in my life that led me to even stumbling upon it, the way it hit me. didn't lead to any i guess new revelations about my life or whatever, which is fine!

but. i liked it. it's nice.

i'm grateful. :)

slitherbop, if you're reading this, thank you. sincerely. from the bottom of my heart.

also plz more acid glitch parenting moment's plz (lol)

~ E.K.S.G.

[thatsatricky1]

Ahhhhhh I love the newest update of Abandoned!!! It’s so so so good❣️😖

I feel so bad for y/n even tho I don’t know half of what she’s gone through but you know I can guess🥲💔 I thought it was beautiful how you wrote the fact that her touching Haechan with her pointer finger grounded him despite the fact that she’s like passive aggressive and such. Idk that was so nice to read and I felt his desperation while reading when he was trying to multiple time hold her wrist, not only to probably ground himself but a part of me wonders if he was hoping that his touch would bring the old y/n back🥺😭

Also Jisung😭😭😭 ofc it’s gonna be sweet precious Jisung who gets her to falter a bit with his question about the beach🥺 he’s probably thought of that a lot and I’m wondering if she had said no if he would have offered to take her to the beach. But oh my heart when he continued to ask her about it and she kinda reminisce about how it was the first time at the beach🥹🥹🥹

Also I love the fact that you wrote that Mark didn’t move when he talked to her because he was scared she’d flee like she was a scared and wounded animal who could do who knows what if provoked wrong. I liked that detail it gave a lot of insight to the situation because I do think he probably was right. Y/n was there visiting them on her terms and conditions and breaking them even if they don’t know what they are would probably get her to leave again, earlier than what they would have wanted to.

Also I love love love the fact that she goes to the cafe again! I think y/n needs some positivity and people who like her without knowing all about her and her past🥺 like I think Yunho might be the kind of person she needs right now, not to perhaps get together with but just have someone who gets so unbelievably happy seeing you, who wants to know more about you and enjoy spending time with you. It saddens me that she’s thinking of leaving again cuz I think Yunho and Atiny cafe might be a little silver lining for her if she choose to stay🥺😭

Also y/n, my girl please notice the frost on your window!!! What if the facility finds you😭😖 like im so worried it might happen (even tho i love angst and drama lol)! Oh and im curious what color she’ll dye her hair too after she’s done bleaching it🤔🤔

Anyway!! Great chapter!!! Truly so good, your writing is inspiring and I love where the story is going so far!🥰🥰 -🌻 anon

Thank you!

Don’t worry you’ll slowly start to be introduced to her and the boys background, plus I’ll be posting profiles of them that will give you all a bit more context on the facility and well Y/n and the boys. I picked Donghyuck in this scene for a few reasons that’ll become a bit more obvious soon. Your thoughts are on the right track though with him.

Yes, sweet Jisungie was the one to blurt out something he knew she’d longed for, the two of them having talked about the beach back in the facility all the time. He’d thought about it a lot the last two years, in a way morning the thought of her not being able to get to see the beach liked they’d planned. It was something Y/n had faltered on because of how precious the memories had once been for the two of them, and how unreal it felt for her the day she made it to the beach.

Exactlyyyyy Mark having this internal panic of not wanting to say the wrong thing and cause her to flee yet at the same time had so much he wanted to say, knowing that the boys were also in similar situations. Yet at the same time having to reel it in and make sure the time she was in the apartment could last hoping somehow she’d change her mind on what she thought of them.

I debated on bringing back the cafe, really wanting that for Y/n as you’re right its a comfortable and slight safe space for her to be able to breath and enjoy the company of others who don’t know her past and what she’s been through. That people can converse and treat her like any other person. Yuhno being a big comfort spot for her even if she doesn’t realise it. She’d gone to the cafe without much in chapter three subconsciously needing that time at the cafe. I do plan to be giving Yunho more time in this fic so don’t worry about him disappearing from the story.

Ah yes the frosted window hmmm, interesting. Glad you picked up on it. Hehehe.

Thank you for the message it was great to read and made my day yet again! Have a great day 🌻 anon. I’ll see you whenever you pop in or on the profile/on the next chapter update.

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

soooo i'm thinking of writing an au

just gonna throw that out there so yall won't be surprised if i randomly throw a fic or seven in your faces <3

FOR REFERENCE: this is gonna be a long post of me talking about shit i wanna write, it's mostly for my future self to look back and so i have all my thoughts in one place (i'm unorganized ok) and im publishing it so it's easier to find, but this is really mostly for my personal benefit in the future but if you all find it interesting yay thats great :)

anyhow

if i /do/ write an au, and that's a big if as my irl friends know about this acc and the teasing i could endure would be /endless/, it would be:

empires s1, with maybe some traffic characters thrown in- i don't feel like wc meshes very well with empires (else i would add it), unless the witchcraft witches were like at gem's academy or s2 shubble's witch school (OOOH that's an idea in and of itself lol

probably flower husbands based, or maybe mean gills, as they're slowly clawing up my mcyt ship tierlist... i'll have to think a bit on that one, but scott will most likely be the main character, cuz he was my very very first exposure to the wonderful world of empires and mcyt in general (found him through lauren, watched ep 1 of empires s2 and was hooked)

only very loosely based on canon events, i'd more be wanting to play around with the characters. therefore, out of the 3 ideas i have (more on that in a bit) i'd be more inclined to pick the more modern-day ones- though there would be fantasy elements of course like babe its empires

i have 3 main ideas that i feel like i could use- i'll put em in a poll if yall wanna vote, more info on each of them underneath

so yeah the first two are awfully similar- the main difference being that in the first option, the characters would be teachers, and in the second, students. imma go through all these a lil more in-depth, as i have ideas for all of them and i wanna see which one you all would rather read and i shall weigh that in on which one i'll (possibly) (ALLEGEDLY) write

teachers: scott is a teacher/the headmaster (i'll decide which later) at empires university (PLACEHOLDER NAME i swear i will come up with a better one) (probably) and jimmy is a new teacher who's just come onto the scene. he continually messes things up and scott is fed up with him and so they have a CHAT but obviously scott is traumatized by something in his past probably xornoth related or relating to one of the death games (life series) and jimmy is just CUTE but scott doesn't realize it and scott goes on being dumb about it and there is ANGST and such

students: basically the same general plot, but scott lives with horrible parents and jimmy becomes a reprieve and they become like best friends but they both have a secret crush on eachother (like in trust au omdsfksjdlkf go read it right now stop reading this rambling post and go read trust au SO GOOD SLDKFJ its by @/thetomorrowshow) and eventually scott is living at jimmy's house full time (jimmy has a cod tank in his room bc ofc) and then stuff happens heehhehehe no spoilers but again: ANGST

the main deal with these is there's ANGST (but also fluff because the two go hand in hand)

war: this is the main different one sooo it's set in the original empires world, but the cod empire and rivendell have been at war for decades and scott and jimmy hate each other but THEN they like meet one day and neither realizes who the other is until too late because they've never seen each other in real life and it's blasphemy and they like each other and all that yadayadayada ANGST

ummmmm anyway that's my fucking long rambling post done good graciousness this is the longest post i've ever done- anyway let me know (or don't, again, for my personal benefit) which one you would rather read and if any of them sound engaging at all- personally, i'm leaning towards students or war over teachers, i was full-in students but now i have so many great ideas for the war one- god i'm so messed up

that will be all

farewell

[k1ll3r-k4rg0]

no minorrrss please, 18+ coz thats in my BLOG RULES thank youu

Okay here's a huge essay on why five nights at freddy's is very successful and works for me / has become popular. big inconsistent text dump to my friend in discord that i figured i should post. and ive already done so many essays so i dont want to clean this up coz im tired and my head hurts but im SO FUCKING INVESTED in fnaf right now. ok. the autism

many paragraph thoughts under the cut

Anyways. It’s obvious to me how FNAF was successful as a thing because A. it was VERY new when it came out and that was already working its favor. but why did THAT keep going to like 6 or 7 and counting games?? it’s coz B. the writing is??? good??? it balances horror and humor VERY well which is extremely important to make horror Approachable and accessible to a lot of people.

balancing horror and humor like that makes it so the game is not 24/7 stress, showing that it knows how to pace itself really well. i think the pacing is really well done in fnaf. to me, even tho the lore is mid because i like it better simpler, the way the lore ties in together across all of the games up until the pizzeria simulator AND keeps the vibes across all games AND tries new things with each game (some more successful than others) i think works VERY well in fnafs favor

like it was very well paced and very well tied together even though shit was made up as you go. ie scott (the creator) pulled that lore out of his ass. he only had the basic base level storyline there, but later iterations of it were added on later

unlike, for example, homestuck which is the same type of thing (made up as you go) but too much and too overwhelming. homestuck is its own big thing that like. changed a lot and was really groundbreaking for being new, but it went off the deep end and tried to be Too much. which honestly i think is similar with fnaf.

HOWEVER. even in security breach where it’s too much at once and just falls apart coz it was TOO ambitious, that story and that pacing is still??? there?? and the humor and the general tone of the whole thing is EXTREMELY consistent throughout the whole series and that’s really what makes it effective for me and why im still invested in this even like six games later

like the vibes stay the same. they dont really stray TOO much. and i think its great how Scott (the creator) tried different things in each game and each game is some iteration of the previous. some work better than others. but the tone is consistent (the humor and horror balance and pace out very well), and the vibes are consistent (the aesthetic remains similar throughout), and the pacing and the way the story and lore is hidden throughout everything is consistent. and i think because of that because it STICKS TRUE TO ITSELF it’s remained an extremely popular and successful franchise like i said. even in security breach. which is a complete wreck of a project. the lore and shit is still consistent in there (you just have a WAY harder time getting to it because everything else wasn’t optimized), and the pacing is consistent

and like i think also even when the story is done and finished. and it’s like oh just let the franchise die. let it be over. the games still remain successful to me coz of the consistency. you could’ve ended the story there, yes, but you didn’t, you kept adding lore. however you added lore in such a way that was consistent to the way lore was added in the beginning, and you kept your tone and your vibes and your pacing consistent, so any new lore even though pulled out of one’s ass / thin air still fits in completely with the franchise, unlike the way homestuck did it with the epilogues.

ok theyre also just really funny to me. theres this sorta dark humor in there and corporate failure shit going on thats just funny to me actually. i havent really found things this funny in like. a long time in media fr

[slowdripsunrise]

BOOK REVIEW AGAINNNNNNN yippee i have actually been reading... not a lot but well i am ! kinda forgot about this blog ok thats not true i was just lazy and didnt want to write a post. well anyways heres a big post for all the stories i read there are 4 - things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eric larocca, paradise rot by jenny hval, soft science by franny choi, and the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard ! spoilers under the cut

ok first i read things have gotten worse since we last spoke because i wanted to go on a little kick of reading weird crazy people books at 3 am. and i did! chose this one because i saw it was very short so. anyways i thought this was.... okay. i think what made it a little worse off for me is that i already knew about the whole parasite thing from tiktok, so it wasnt that crazy to me when it actually happened. gonna be honest i do Not remember how the book ends at all so i dont even know if it was satisfying or not. was my experience worsened by it being 3am and me not having any thoughts at all? probably. would i do it again? yeah. i was a lil bit disappointed in the apple peeler part too... i thought it was going to be more relevant than it was unless there are some hidden symbolism meanings motifs going on that i didnt get... actually now that im thinking about it big long unbroken peels of apple + a big long probably worm-like parasite? next to each other thats kinda cool. other than that thought i literally just had now typing this out i didnt see anything else. omg speaking of seeing the tagline and also its mentioned in the book, "what did you do today to deserve your eyes?" crazy ass fuck sentence. i kinda love it actually and this is maybe where i would have like to see the apple peeler come in. she takes the apple peeler to her face and peels her eyes out of her head idk. also i feel like either on tiktok/goodreads they were supposed to be ballerinas? but that wasnt mentioned at ALL? i might be misremembering but that also could have been a cool little anecdote. anyways all this to say i thought the book was alright. i was entertained for like 2 hours. my favorite part of this experience was going on goodreads after and seeing a one star review of the book that just said "men stop writing trauma porn about lesbians." which is SO FUCKING FUNNY. because 1 im pretty sure the author is nonbinary, so hes not a man. 2. WHO IS GETTING OFF TO THIS. sorry i do absolutely not see any fetishization here, and also i think they write stories like this in like collections,, so there are probably people other than lesbians in them. idk i just thought that was funny. jesus christ this is getting long and i'm only 1/4 done. i pity anyone who opens this.

next i read paradise rot by jenny hval, which i had heard was dubbed the "bisexual piss book" intriguing and also a short little story i read at 3am. i did like this one, i thought it was fun and interesting and im a big fan of rot. just in general. vibes were on point. this book was moist. however, not as much piss as i expected. as in like quantities on page. they did talk about piss a lot and by they i mean the narrator. not as horror-esque as i thought it would be but i did like it! ohhh to simply rot away...... would not recommend this to normal people and i like that about it.

soft science by franny choi !!!! really liked this! im going to be honest i do not remember more than one poem from this collection. but i do remember liking them !!! sorry i think i need to train my brain to like and remember poetry more. and not just like the ones from tumblr webweaves even though all of them slay.

finally i read the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard. i liked this, thought it was super interesting,,, ok i didnt think it was super interesting i thought it was good. god i am trying to program myself out of academic reviews of stupid dumbass books i was forced to read. this isn't like that at all. anyways i thought the whole grief aspect was done very well, the sadness at knowing literally nothing will work or come together to make your life go back to the way it was, go back to being whole again. and that deep deep sadness of not only losing their daughter but also the life they had before, the life they had with each other,,, losing all hope. it definitely got to me i did almost cry i think. i think i have more to say about this but i don't remember it. oh well. i thought the vibes of a hostile small mountain town were cool ! i think one of my favorite scenes was when the lavoie's kid falls from the antenna and they are just standing there doing nothing and simon has to go save him... idk the fact that they were shown as perfect parents for their perfect children and how not great they actually were <- this thought is dumb and obvious you get what im saying. one of my main issues is that the ending did feel rushed... and i was a bit confused,,,, the last line "a bird starts to sing" i couldn't tell if that was meant to be marie and simon hearing birds in the afterlife, in the woods by the bowling alley? or was that just the birds in the town finally starting to sing? because if its the latter i don't really get how simon and marie dying would bring the birds back.. the town is still dying and tragedies will still happen... idk its probably the birds in the afterlife but oh well. ok final thought i think but i think the title in french is interesting. it's called "ici, ailleurs" which means "here, elsewhere" or more like "here, something better. here, a new beginning." i like that, obviously it's what the book is about, and idk i think the translator did a good job at conveying the message. i think i would read this book again but in french, mostly to practice because my french is shit but i think since it only really stays in one setting, there's not a lot of characters, concepts are pretty easy to understand, i think it would be fun !!!! ok im done those are my reviews of all the books ive read in the past week or so thanks to anyone who reads this whole thing you are crazy. peace and love

[the-s1lly-corner]

Creepypasta au ramblings

Including some ideas, headcannons, potential plot stuff, ect ect

Gotta get the brain juices flowing and written down somewhere

Okay so. Admittedly, I haven't really been working on the au that much, due to my hyper fixiation on the owl house taking up my brain. And that'll likely still be the case with the upcoming finale so.. yeah!

Anyways, with what I have now;

I already know this is going to be a written collection of various connected stories; as opposed to a comic <\3

If my experience with making comics in the past says anything to me, is that it'll crash and burn before any of the juicy stuff happens.. and I'll get burnt out incredibly fast

Only downside to sticking to a written format is that a lot of these characters have redesighs <\3

Not big ones, most carry their basic look that just about everyone knows

Save for Kagekao and Laughing Jill

Good news is, Kagekao, as of now, doesn't have a role.. yet.. maybe.. again, I'm still figuring out the overarching story

Bad news: Laughing Jill is actually a huge roll in one of the side plots (more on that later). She still holds the same basic design elements as her canon design has: black and white clown gal

Only difference between the real design and my take is that Laughing Jill is a funky ragdoll; and she's small because.. yk, she's a doll. Can literally fit inside a decent sized backpack (again, will elaborate on this later)

Though of course I suppose I could just

Describe her as small

(I'm dumb and writing this as I think)

Moving on

I also want to do different plots and side things that all either connect to larger story, or show different perspectives and such; maybe each chapter switching from one characters POV to another

And I already have a long term plot! For... two specific characters

I want there to be a side thing where Jane is trying to hunt down Jeff and put an end to him for

Well

You know

Offing her parents

Along the way she stumbles into Jill, and the two team up to find the dude; along with Jane trying to balance her goal and everyday life. Because unlike most of the other characters, she lives a very normal life otherwise... when you don't look at her past. She has a job, she lives in her own apartment, she's gotten her education. Other than gunning for Jeff, she has no interest in taking the lives for others. So with Janes chapters it'll likely follow both settings/sides of her life

Speaking of settings

Locations

I don't know where exactly it would take place; country/town wise.. it may be spread out across different areas since itd be odd if all these creatures and stuff were living in the same place; gotta dispurse them or people will just. Leave the area

Yk?

But as for like

Actual places that the characters will be interacting in will be anywhere from towns, woods, eft ect

And yes

Because this is a mix of fanon and canon

The slender mansion will be in this au

Although probably not in the way most people interpret it; it won't really be a safe house for every creepypasta character buuuuut im still working on the way i should execute it

Probably make it a hotel of sorts; for most characters its not a permanent home. Be it they dont wish to stay, or they arent welcome there

Moving on, Im gonna write masky/tim and hoodie/brian the same way i do in my silly imagines and hc posts; treat the proxy as a separate personality from the person. Each having their own set of morals, behaviors, and memories; not too dissimilar to how MH shows them off IIRC

Though these versions of them are a mix of MH and CRP since I enjoy both renditions, as a fan of both materials. Plus I feel like if this did become something, a few of yall would be upset if i didnt have them... plus theyre fun to write

Speaking of characters that 100% wont be in the au, for various reasons, are:

Ticci Toby: because I just don't really jive with him like i used to, and the character has more or less been ruined for me by others.... though theres a chance he MAY appear, its just HIGHLY unlikely

Clockwork: she just makes me uncomfortable

Off*nderman: do i really need to elaborate on why I'm not adding him?

Really those are the main 3 I have beef with, but

Yeah

Anyways

Yeah idk what else to type but

!!

Hopefully I'll have more ideas cooked up soon