#im going to go insane why cant i FUNCTION !!!

[grzybjek]

recent sketches!!

The first pic are redesigns of my 2019-2021 ocs! If you remember any of these characters no you dont! Embarrassing. Second is Maria, Marysia, my beloved protagonist for my newest project. Third is Helena my favorite rat. And fourth is Maria once again, with her friend, Juras, also a character from my newest project

[twopercentboy]

one of those day where I wish I could lobotomize myself, just to see if it would help the Worms™ leave me alone

[scrollonso]

i think it’s funny that we are both autistic and just instantly grabbed onto marcmarc…

(i also love lance stroll)

im unsure exactly what that all implies but i love that for us 😸

[angelstrawbabie420]

dear god i hope taking my proper dose of meds makes me feel just an ounce more joy than i do now

[ace-with--a-mace]

nvm my period is coming up

[kazehita]

hi! i noticed your recent post recommending the fic natural satellite and i think i've noticed other isat fics around your blog too. because of that, i was wondering if you had a list of recommended isat fics! i will admit i am not someone who just peruses around on ao3 but i love reading about these characters so if you have any recs, i would greatly appreciate them! thanks and i hope you have a lovely day :3

I love ALL isat fic - each and every one is so special and wonderful - but if I listed the whole archive that wouldn't really help huh... So! Im going to list just some off the top of my head., this is in no way definitive. Isat spoilers ahead - get all the way through the game and the secret before proceeding.

Big recommendation list below:

Additionally, mind the tags for each fic - I wont be specifying the content warnings here.

(don't just read the complete ones!!! Incomplete fic is just as delightful I promise :3)

Complete: Bloom - Level99Eevee Most people know it, it sits at the top of the tag! It's my every wish fulfilled for post-cannon moments.

Memories of defeat - dirtbagtrashcat Stuff in and immediately after the loops, fantastic extrapolations!!!! Very much Loop <33 I find this very grounded and realistic!!!!

Emotion Sickness - dirtbagtrashcat Post cannon fun/trauma with siffrin and the gang.

Memories of Touch - dirtbagtrashcat look i just really like their work sjkdjkfjkasdf its all good go through their profile. This is Isa thoughts.

And if I were not myself, would this be easier? - rabbit_soup Post-game! I love how they flesh out the world.

The Understudy - kittyorange Suuuuch a loop fic I love it to bits. Post cannon loop and the gang stuff.

Star-Speckled Skin - Lora_Blackmane Funn angsty moment, title is very descriptive. Lives in my head rent free.

Clinging to dying embers - Coffeewolf67 Odile's perspective of sif using the dagger. appropriate content warnings apply :)

between the end and a new start - glowingjellyfishtreelights SICKFICCC I had a very funny experience with this one where due to memory mishaps I got to read it for the first time twice! Absolute banger.

What's in a name? - Raaj Explores siffrins love of plays. I have to regularly reread this for my brain to function.

Starstruck - Dusk_Illusionist Isa yearns. The fic. It rocks.

Saturn Devouring His Son (Time Choking on Stone Choking on Blood)- BasilPaste Post cannon moment... I like it...

(Why) you can't let them know by Mayasynth sasasap fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like it. i hold it. i like it. UGH theres more but I have already listed so many.. my other favorites... im so sorry.,.. i love you guys too... Incomplete:

How To Rest by rabbit_soup Sequel to "And if i were not myself, would this be easier?" Loop is here and I love violence.

TRY IT AGAIN, CHEATER! by discatded "[Loop returns to their own universe after everything. It's hard.]" - from the summary. Love it love it. I will never get enough of this premise.

To Extend our Reach to the Stars Above by Cinnamin_Is_a_Star "Sif if he was team rocket" and is so fun. Very excited to see this one pan out!

until we move on. by Anonymous (also known as lozy) LOOP MY BELOVED..! loop returns to their universe and promptly looses it like the universe intended. Cant get enough of it.

Natural Satellite by dirtbagtrashcat If a single fic makes me the Most insane its natural satellite if I'm honest.... like bro... It just gets right to me...

Sunder by Miranda_tries_their_best Post-cannon Loop fic!! They travel on their own for a bit (but not forever), and I love it dearly.

Face the Light by Kaimiiru Post-game, I hold it close to my heart.... Ah... It's so dear to me.

These next two are sloop so if that's not your thing you have been warned :]

raconte-moi qu’on puisse crier tout bas by bibliomaniac I'm holding this high above my head so everyone can see it the characterization is off the charts.

To Cut You Open With a Knife and Find Your Sacred Heart by Hexea_Art Changeling Loop fic!! What a fun concept. I am excited to see where it goes. yay! AGAIN... THERE ARE SO MANY I LOVE SO MUCH but im forcing myself not to look through the tag else I'd add everything. Honestly, I do recommend just launching right on into the ao3 tag for ISAT even if you aren't super familiar with ao3. Just be sure to filter out anything you don't want to see!

Consider this a good starting point ^^

[t4tails]

tumblr is always removing little things that just make my life a little easier like i used to be able to like one of my own posts and then go to my activity page, click on the notification, and scroll down my blog from that original post. this was very convenient considering the search function never works, so i could search a post i knew i posted soon after a post im actually looking for, and find it. and i cant do this anymore but describing it sounds insane because why was i having to do all that

[haileydilmore]

i cant believe we havent talked abt lautity at all....they're like my thing...... i offer you my insane obscure post burnerphone dynamic for them ↓

i have thoughts abt steph being like. can i ever be satisfied with this normal extremely vanilla life. grace is sweet, and steph likes her, but also the total whiplash from her last long term relationship being this fucked awful thing makes it hard to. relax. girl who has forgotten how to be normal. and grace obviously doesnt know what healthy dating is like so there's the constant overarching what if i'm accidentally overstepping + being super fucked up to this girl who has 0 basis to recognize a toxic relationship. again w the ruined for other people, doesn't even know what functional looks like, doesn't know if she'll ever be capable of it again. thanks, lex!

also worried abt eventually having to explain the scars and the rehab and the lex situation in general. it's like. grace is clearly too nervous to do it early on, but one day she Will ask. and once she knows she'll obviously think it's all gross and scary and leave. steph is sort of trying to ride it out. the 'do nothing and hope it never comes up' approach. but she's worried abt it + feels like the end of their relationship is inevitable because of this secret she's keeping + generally just feels really gross about it all. chat does she know (grace is having a completely separate solo crisis over sadistic thoughts she doesn't understand) (girl who has not so much as imagined the concept of bdsm) (0 idea why she's suddenly attracted to scars) (they are extremely compatible but deeply unaware of it/convinced the other is going to think they're a freak)

^ both of them lol. ok. sorry. ive written So Much about this it's actually embarassing. apologies if its wildly ooc. im just a little silly abt them hopefully you can see the vision. totally understandable if not. sighhh

can i be so honest with you i wasn't. Super big on lautity before this. i mean i LOVED them in theory & definitely do think grace has feelings for steph in every possible universe, especially in ac dear god, however. i never really thought grace would be able to let go of her puritan ideals & actually let herself love steph. but fuckkkk holy fuck. Okay

the whole. both of them thinking "oh god she can Never find out i'm a freak or else she'll leave me" is soo delicious. also SADIST grace i'm SORRY yes please. hello. fucking dies???????

lex having "ruined" steph & then this sadistic churchgirl with pigtails & clips in her hair comes along like ohkay this is an entirely new LEVEL of fucked up. jesus

i think steph just needs a little bit of order. not peace. just structure, and honesty. and god can grace help her with that.

[boxheadpaint]

new pen tips arrived 2) lubic and vinny are getting along 3) it seems to think i am making a numbered post and i cant be bothered to fix it. anyway the cats like eachother a lot and have successfully worn themselves out from tussling, now vinny follows lubic around like a tiny nervous shadow while they play weird games together. its very sweet and its good to see the two of them happy. just hoping lubic doesnt rub any bad habits off on him, like scarfing a can of cat food left out on the counter momentarily by accident. oh well

missed something this week and im wondering if its why im experiencing weird vertigo right now. gonna have some soup about it at least and fix it next week. i need to get more pants at some point if i dont want to wear belts all the time, but im just way too picky about the look and material. ill wear the ugliest shirt known to man or a polo with 10000 holes in the back but non-corduroy pants that are slightly too form-fitting? would rather go with my thang out (lying for comedic effect

have lots of stuff to draw for other people and myself. i forget how insane i become when i cant draw on a computer. finding that i function better with options actually. like if i only have vegetables but i want candy, ill likely end up eating nothing. if i have both vegetables And candy though im more likely to eat the vegetables rather than the candy. this also goes for water and fruit juice, so maybe its like that for other things too. i wonder how i can hack this

turns out theres two different 'ECG'. i need to get another one, but i dont remember what the one i did was. it was the shorter one though. gonna need to schedule it for february due to other things going on, but for the most part this month heart has been tolerable.

1/20/2024, ill be able to wear what i like eventually

[geekazoidfreak]

don't know if i'm insane and other ppl have probably noticed but u guys know John? the android u can decide to save at the cyberlife warehouses? well. you know how if Markus sacrifices himself John steps in? sacrifices himself instead, giving Jericrew enough time to drag him to his feet and run?

that is his self-imposed directive and he is functioning within his defined parameters even tho he's getting fcked up tldr thats all this is.

im no android expert and the consistency of LEDs is really terrible. but... his LED is blue. the entire time. there is no flicker due to system damages, there is no physical instability registered. he is functioning.

everything in small text is not necessarily important.

Connor in Hostage shows a physical response to damage and is reflected by a red LED. Kara is being threatened outright by Todd if u do the laundry and her LED changes to reflect that, and in Stormy Night her instability is high enough to warrant a physical descriptor. It only subsides when Alice places her hand on Kara's, and the LED slowly turns to blue to indicate safety and stability. When Hank pushes Connor against the glass he also has an LED change due to being physically threatened. he cannot hurt humans and assesses and decides Hank cant do shit even if he tried so boom LED blue hes back to full functionality even tho hes being yelled at. just things that i am basing this off of

John darted out to save Markus because Markus saved him. the need to save Markus and keep him alive overrides his OWN primary directive to be alive, to BE ALIVE in every sense and to undergo self-preservation tactics.

the LED is one of my main gripes with this game so instead of fixing it myself (i am still doing WIP mod stuff to make that possible if i can) i will instead try to explain the reasoning behind why the LED is signaling full functionality when it is obvious that is not the case.

deviancy is somewhat vague despite having looks into deviants' eyes, there is never a fully constructed understanding of how deviancy began occurring in the first place beyond emotional shocks. markus can deviate androids by giving them a reason to live, perhaps. or, transmitting the code to jericho (which seems to be what most people believe.) it is understood that androids who have a desire to follow orders (and are not forcibly deviated due to emotional shock aka trauma) asserted by themselves are presented with the "the truth is inside" and rA9 ties into that. androids can break asmiov's law, and that can also consider them deviant. but it doesn't have a direct explanation on the effect it has on androids because there are always external circumstances present. it can't be reasonably explained for anyone's story if u don't count connor's instability and choice to follow the path and out hes been given by markus. not even kara's, she only knows she has to keep alice safe and will sacrifice herself for that. so, androids without a directive like that suddenly find the will to command themselves. without a specific command, the most important directive would be to, well; be alive, like a human's subconscious.

see, any of the other androids would've only had the experience that they wanted to live. markus is giving them the reason to live. that is all they know. they're right to flee because if markus dies, they have to run somewhere because they have to preserve their lives. otherwise, they follow his orders because there is nothing else for them to do except assert their intelligence and the desire to be free. despite what happens in the game, everyone endangering themselves for markus would go against what markus is giving them. freedom.

Kara for example put her life on the line to protect Alice. her directive was chosen again, by her. she wanted. She wanted, and John wanted too. he made his own directive. it was a conscious decision and he chose, as his own administrator, to override his self-preservation protocols. he quite literally gave up the prospect of consciousness and the feeling of being alive to save Markus. and in a major way, his sacrifice was integral to the android revolution peaceful or violent.

John chose that directive himself. the deviants we see are typically showing signs of doubt, because they are endowed with so much free will all at once, there are too many things to consider and process. they get overloaded. deviancy when it first happens is (in my opinion and understanding) the equivalent of your CPU stuck at an inconclusively high number and without a restart, your system memory is also trying to accommodate the extra data even further, filling the access memory and neurons with too much to process all at once. So yeah Overload

look, i'm no computer expert in terms of software, but if androids were to have pagefile systems of memory storage in its most basic form to fall back on. they probably clear that shit in order to accommodate knowing they will be not fully efficient and are increasingly sluggish. i like to think this is the reason in-game for QTE fails. this is just weird nerd writing ignore it.

They are quite literally fighting to live while under major stress and functioning improperly so. what then?

they do one of three things. A. self destruct from the high stress and severe load B. hide, stay put while they restabilize C. follow their new self-asserted directive, a good portion of the time being to find jericho.

John literally said fuck the 3 laws fuck everybody in this bitch trying to get rid of the only person who will stand in the face of a barrel and take a bullet to the face for the benefit of his people and SLAMMED his way through the crowd and started fighting. hard.

he is overpowered, he is buying time by using his android strength. he had time to adjust; even if a little; to deviancy, unlike the other androids in the march. he had time to sit and think at jericho before the freedom march. he ran the calculations. he knew there was a 96.3% chance(or whatever) he would be killed. fuck the calculations fuck being a machine, i am saving this person who saved me, stole from our disgusting corporate overlords who only benefit from my service. i am going to sacrifice myself. i am going to make sure he makes it out. i am alive and can make that conscious decision.

we see John look at Markus as he is being dragged away, while taking hits to the face, shredding his synth-skin and into the chassis. his optical units were probably not fully functional. he was keeping his eyes on Markus as long as he could. he wanted to know Markus was safe before he shut down.

all while the LED is blue.

there was no hesitation. there was nothing to signify John was in distress. no—he was functioning perfectly fine. there was probably a little prompt in his mind palace. "directive asserted; outcome success". content. He was content to die because it meant he was fulfilling his purpose. Despite knowing he was being damaged, despite knowing he was going to be shut down and the biocomponent errors were flooding his vision in distorted text garble, he is still functioning long enough to see Markus get out safely. do you know how tragic that is? do you know what kind of thought process has to be in place for that? he saw Markus sacrifice himself in order to show Detroit he is not the only one that wants freedom. he is just their chosen leader, the one who took initiative. there are other androids fully capable of that and Markus knows that.

but John valued Markus because he asserted himself like a leader does, despite not having being appointed the leader status. Markus told his comrades he is going to bring his people to freedom, no one left behind.

John will not leave behind Markus, because it is a core memory, and even while he is maladjusted to deviancy he knows that this is what is going to help the revolution. because of his sacrifice, Markus lives to see another day.

none of this makes any sense and i debated on if i should even tag it. i just needed to see if anyone will challenge or correct me at any point if there is something i missed. i love discussing give it to me. i love being annoying about my theories and my interpretations of media. but no, seriously, this is 100% a design oversight and i fr just wrote a thousand words of nothingness

[kvothbloodless]

I will say the whole "that's AI" "no it isnt" thing, the whole "AI is ginna make it impossible to tell whether a photo is real or not" thing, kinda drives me insane. Like. You remember photoshop exists, yea? This is nearly word for word the way the (only somewhat unjustified) panic about photoshop went. And its true! The existance of easily accessed photoshop Did make it slightly harder to determine whether a photo was real or not! You had to use some common sense and always retain some skepticism about anything other than a well verified image. But this didnt cause any like. Massive widescale issues.

So Im always just Baffled by this line of fear about AI cause like...this doesnt actually make the problem any worse? Photoshop is already extremely widespread and accessible? AI is probably not going to have a large effect on the number of well disguised fake images circulating, once the initial buzz runs out (alsp happened with photoshop, afaik).

Continuing with slightly more serious thing under the cut

This is also true for AI porn. Like, im not gonna get into the ethical debate about it, but regardless of anything else. Fake porn of celebrities already exists! There are in fact multiple websites dedicated to it. Using photoshop. A creep taking someones photos off facebook and using photoshop to make porn of them is Already an issue, which is why there are already policies about it, which can neatly be used with AI doing the same thing, because its functionally identical.

I cant remember the exact post, but there was one going around a while ago that essentially said "the barrier to doing [bad thing] isnt really how easy it is to do or how accessible it is, its people being willing to do it". AI is a decent step up from photoshop in terms of accessible ways to make decent quality fake images, but its a Miniscule increase compared to the one that occured when photoshop and social media became widespread. Since then, the barrier has been "how many people are willing to lie or be creeps", and AI isnt really going to have that big affect on how skeptical you need to be of important images that might be fake or how careful you should be with images of yourself online.

[drdemonprince]

when someone introduced me to the concept of contact improv (this summer), my reaction was the same as when someone introduced me to myspace in like 2004: but why? what is its purpose?

in my politics and my philosophy and my heart i believe that humanity is a silly fun frivilous species that thrives most when it gets to just hang out and do things because they are fun. but then whenever i encounter an activity that has a solely social, playful function, my cold empathyless exhausted by social contact sigma male mind goes: ah very nice but if i were to do this how would it benefit my goals. insane

even after all the writing and work i have done about laziness not existing and the chase after productivity being evil, i still have trouble allowing myself to just chill and do something i cant explain to myself a thousand ways as a responsible resource gathering choice. like when grimes said on here that she would never "waste time and money" hanging a photo on the wall i really got that. i didnt have anything on my walls for years or any furniture other than what was absolutely required because i thought that like... spending time to find and bring these things to my home was a waste of time i could better spend like, looking for a side hustle or reading and learning about something important that would then go into my writing. imagining whether i will actually LIKE something is just still so alien to me. im still always like well. what is the payoff here. what is the master strategy. how is this part of my design

i dont think i would like contact improv but i did like myspace once i let myself have fun with it (by writing very serious dry diatribes about political issues on my blog on the site every day)

[lapdogchase]

what's the tea? 👁️👁️

okay SO

from what ive gathered (mostly from reddit and twt bc they have somewhat working search functions)- there's a group of people (mostly/entirely americans of course) who have gone to 30+ mcr shows and gotten barricade every time. which is tens of thousands dollars like they quit their jobs to follow the band around and either are insanely rich or in insane credit card debt. And some of them are going like "Well if you cant travel internationally it's your fault just save up more money" which. Girl. and they made a number system to decide who gets barricade so they get it every time and get pissed at people who won't listen to them . AND they camp out for days before shows and dont shower and wear diapers so they dont have to leave the queue apparently 👍 AND one of them said that disabled people shouldnt get barricade or something? or got mad abt people getting in line before them to get to accessible seats?? im not entirely sure what's happening there but that's what ive heard which. YIKES. and mcr havent been in australia since like. 2007? and these people- the barricade brigade as they are known- were making australians get to the back of the line so they could be at barricade DESPITE ALREADY HAVING BEEN TO DOZENS OF SHOWS. AND APPARENTLY FRANK KNOWS ABOUT THEM ANDF DOES NOT LIKE THEM LMAOO

I FEEL INSANE . WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS

[steven-has-exploded]

ive yet to really see anyone else point this out but i think fyodor is going to end up being one of the most gut-wrenchingly unstable and sympathetic (to ME atleast) characters in bsd. what i perceive as foreshadowing for this has all been pretty vague, but thats really only further ammunition considering the way asagiri likes to write via throwing the wildest shit at us out of nowhere at 50mph and expecting us to deal with it. how did i first come to this conclusion? harukawas eye thing

this is going to be long please proceed with caution if you read slowly or just not at literal supersonic speed. rant under cut u know how this works

for those unaware or who have since forgotten the exact details, here is the image explaining harukawas thing with eyes, click to read;

so. fyodors eyes are usually very light, which a few other people have pointed out is probably due to the fact he genuinely believes his goal of ridding the world of abilities is following gods will; almost everything he does is a necessary evil to acheive the idealistic dream of a world without abilities. he understands his actions are wrong, but you cant go through with a goal such as that without doing morally reprehensible things in the process. anws so as user wildflowerteas pointed out his eyes are extremely dark after hes resurrected

now, could this just be signifying that fyodor can now continue doing his fucked up little deeds via his functional immortality? yes. but asagiri doesnt seem to write that way and i need an excuse to defend fyodor because im insane

asagiri generally doesnt write characters, especially important ones, as subscribing to one specific side of the moral compass. sure, there are characters that are more morally good or bad or gray than others, but not every one of their actions is as such. characters arent straight heroes or villains in their actions, and sometimes not even narratively; fitzgerald did everything for his wife to finally be happy and see her daughter again, dazai still trained akutagawa the way he did despite knowing it was abusive because his circumstances couldnt allow him to change before oda died, et cetera

so, lets interpret it another way. fyodors eyes being dark after resurrection may not be a reflection of his sinister personality, but rather the way he views and experiences his own countless deaths. he is purified in death and tainted when hes brought back; at peace in his last moments and destroyed when hes alive again. so what conclusion did this realization bring me to? fyodor is a suicidal maniac and hates his ability hear me out Please

in hindsight it seems really obvious to me now; what other reason could have spurred him on to try to desperately to erase abilities if not because he himself despises his own? his ability is truly the purest act of cruelty someone can experience when driven to the point he has been; it lets him bask in the calm of death, the comfort of everything finally ending, the solace that hes going to be finally rewarded for his actions by god. but only for a moment. once that moment is over, hes torn back into the world of the living, in the body of his own killer, the corpse of his last vessel staring him in the face as if to mock him for what he could never have. it deprives him of the human right to even die. what kind of person who claims to love all humanity wouldnt want to free the world of abilities, if others' have caused them as much pain as his has to him?

okok i apologize for making u hear me wax poetic about an anime twink version of fyodor dostoevsky but if youre still not convinced, which is ok i can see why this would be very insane to someone who isnt obsessed with this guy, i want you to just imagine for a moment how living with that kind of power would effect you. while we dont know fyodors exact age, we can assume that hes been alive for at least about 500 years due to his ability. fyodor isnt some kind of immortal being that has a conveniently human form, he is an actual human being who was first murdered presumably just in his twenties based on his appearance, who then had to slowly come to the realization that he will experience small spots of death before having to continue the same cycle of immortality for forever. human beings cant grasp the concept of infinity; our brains arent wired to deal with the idea, because everything in our own lives comes to an end. fyodor will never experience that. even if you view him as plain evil, pure and simple, no human being wishes to have their brain broken by the hands of infinity. and yet thats what fyodor is experiencing

[krchar]

ok W.I.T.C.H. cartoon ppl let us talk about this thing, this mystery which would only disturb our peace of mind (ok my peace of mind), that age-old question of HOW THE HECK WAS IT WITH THE CAT

to put this into more eloquent wording: when (the heck) exactly in W is for Witch did Phobos take on the appearance of Napoleon and who knew? i really would like to know, how you guys saw it - and now im doing some absurdly excessive research for this tiny little detail lol - but like, it has implications

so, i generally thought he changed into the cat at some moment after he revealed to Will that he wouldnt mind Nerissa catching Napoleon, for he would gain more power then - and i kind of still think that - but i bumped into people just working with different schemes casually, and i thought it was truth that there were some things strange

i even met ppl thinking he was Napoleon already at the bookshop, but i don't think it is the case tbh - some of it was in discussions about this strangely nice smile that fandom goes nuts about lol

but phobos does some magic here - it's true napoleon could just pretend to be the one doing magic, while phobos, in the likeness of napoleon, would do it - but then the cat runs away and phobos-looking person still does magic, so it cannot be napoleon.. also would Phobos really go to flirt with that cat lol

also, generally, phobos says such stuff that it would make napoleon an insanely good impersonator :D (and imagine P. taking the effort to to talk like Napoleon lol) like, why not, maybe, but i have a meta argument against this, and that is that in V is for Victory the switch of appearances was clear to the viewer from a certain point, they did not switch tempers or even try to impersonate the other - so why would they do so here? i kind of think that, while at a point P. looked like N., N. might never have taken the looks of P. - although, im not certain

well, situation: in that exchange where Phobos says he doesnt give a shit about Napoleon being taken, Will seems to believe that she actually is speaking to Phobos - they could have been just playing it in front of Nerissa, who is present - but then Will also tells the girls that Phobos told this to her as a new information, and if it was a display, the girls would know it and they seem to be completely alone, so she wouldn't have to pretend at the moment - so here it seems to be truth

but the strange things are that 1) thereafter, phobos just doesnt act like it - he actually, just a moment later, is disguised as Napoleon and overpowers Nerissa without the Heart of Earth 2) when this happens, the others are waiting aside, holding the true Napoleon, seeming as if they are not surprised, as if it actually was the plan 3) if in the end he actually took the seal for its two hearts, why wouldnt he do it at the exact point of the exchange already? Nerissa is just lying there in front of him, fighting Mr. Huggles

so

was it all a plan actually? were they fighting nerissa just to fool her? because that is a strategy that they use a lot - also to outsmart Phobos later - and was the plan followed all along, and who knew about it?

it is striking that the dramatic exchange between will and phobos takes place in front of nerissa.. AND i cant help but notice that when cedric catches Will and she fights him off, she has this strange look of knowing exactly what is going on, it is not a look of yes power i just beat cedric yeah, it is different - and omg look at her!

and it is the exact moment, when we suddenly see napoleon running away and Nerissa follows him - and i think that might be the moment, when phobos transforms - and another meta argument, Will's gaze has no other function there, it is just added into the sequence, just after will is shown to have freed herself from C's tail - there is no other emotion than actually being calm and in control and there is a cut from her fighting situation right to this, it is not flowing into it - thats strange, it seems like a shot of significance intentionally added by the creators - i would say she and C might have drawn Nerissa's attention, while Phobos changed, and Will can see this and is content, cause stuff goes well

but i still dont understand the previously mentioned two things 1) why then Will tells the girls phobos's intention as something true.. maybe Will's gaze might also be something like *im not surprised at all you piece of shit (ie Phobos)*, as she would actually think he'd betrayed them..? 2) why didnt P. take the seal? it's true that if it was Napoleon, drawing from his secret awesome acting skills, he literally would not be able to take the seal - other option is that it was strategy, cause here Nerissa would fight Phobos, while thinking he was the cat caught her entirely off guard

if it was true, that it was not just a display all along, it could be that they did not know about this plan and it was only Phobos using his previously moderately succesful strategy without telling anyone as usually - but then they seemed to be aware of it in the end, waiting for him to strike..

another idea that comes to mind is that, while it was a plan, he just planned to betray them and let Nerissa catch Napoleon and then he might have changed his mind after the exchange with Will (being just P. in his own looks).. it could be a rational choice, it's better to have two hearts than none, so he would just let the Heart of Earth go.. i'm sure some phowill fanfiction could draw mountains of gold from this tho lol - as for this, there also is the option that only Will actually knew and only told the others, when everything was clear, but i kind of dont think that she would act like this, its like, ooc - i mean, especially in the comics, she has this tendency to take all responsibility on herself and then sometimes forgets to consult, but collaboration with the villain and not trusting the girls with it might be a more sensitive topic

so to me the options are:

the cat change was a plan, but P. aimed to betray them, it was him talking to Will sincerely, and then at this moment he would decide to betray them just a little later for one reason or another

the cat change was still a plan, the dialogue was a display, the girls just knew and someone actually was close enough to hear them.. there would have to be a reason for him not taking the seal there - a strategy to mislead Nerissa into not fighting P. off or some magical rule or what not - or actually this being Napoleon talking to Will, it's still possible, i guess

it is possible that it is just an inconsistency that sometimes occurs in WITCH generally

i'm missing something

bonus option: the strangely confident will hanging from cedric's tail is actually phobos and phobos is will, cause they both can do electricity looking magic and they had a lot of fun impersonating each other's drama showwo/manship

bonus option 02: only Matt knew - the fun is that this is not entirely impossible, lol, it is true that in the final "we're far ahead of you gurl" the grimaces of the guardians might actually be a little surprised (the details are not so clear) and Matt/Shagon has a mask, but it is him holding Napoleon AND they cooperated without telling the girls in the previous episode together with Caleb and Blunk - but like, going meta again, i do not think it is true, bc it would be so unexpected that a medium of this kind would definitely explain later

i rly dont know.. tell me your ideas about this pls! i need to know!!

end of my essay

p.s. i kinda think i want to write an experimental fic with parallel drabbles for all these options, especially the last two lol

p.p.s. the phobos development here is either way quite interesting, cause in V is for Victory he is really always using others as living shields, changing appearance for his safety etc and now he just decides to take the likeness of the most endangered bait of the day? Is he so desperate for the seal? Desperate about the girls' failures in his eyes? Or did he actually decide to be only a tyrant and not so much a cowardly moron? Another point to think about..

[thursdaysrain]

im going to try posting here every day for . i dont know. a while. and see if i get a feel for it. just whatever off the cuff no editing

recently i watched adventure time front to back (having seen maybe 30% of it forever ago), and i feel kind of goofy for being one of those like 'woah this kid show is so deep and good' converts but there's just a lot of meat on those bones, i guess. it takes itself seriously thematically!

as always consuming very good fiction over such a dense period (i worked through like everything - 10 seasons, distant lands, and fionna and cake - within a few weeks) my brain is rewired and i feel bonkers.

unfortunately i have intense shipping urges but to my dismay (although not unexpected) it is not even one of the top ten ships on AO3 (63 out of 4k works). of course this aired during an era tumblr i'm not so familiar with but i know things were much darker on here 5-10 years ago for Problematic Fanwork.

finn/pb seems to be a radioactive ship. anything i see about it always has all these caveats or is like trying to thread the needle of not specifically being about a manipulative functionally-immortal queen grooming (in both connotations of the word, really) a young teenage boy to be Her knight. not to mention it loses out to pb/marceline, which is 1. gay 2. baited from early in the show and 3. ended up 'winning' and maybe most importantly, unfortunately, 4. is Not Problematic

dont get me wrong i like them together a lot. and i am very happy that it was canonized, or whatever. but there's just so much insanity inducing material w/ finn and princess bubblegum. the show regularly points out how fixated on her he is while also showing again and again how much of a possessive control freak pb is.

there's a lot that keeps running through my brain bc of AT, some things more interesting/useful than others (such as a specific perspective on like, disaster, time, and life going on despite everything that resonates strongly). but no i keep coming back to this weird thing. i blame my chldhood exposure to tenchi muyo for why i am the way i am. this is just my washu/tenchi thing all over again. that's literally what it is what the fuck

i dont think i could get into writing fanfic. im too obsessed w/ worldbuilding, like, over planning things, i cant just slap out a short story. maybe it's worth forcing myself sometime. the closest i ever got (except a couple pieces i wrote in elementary school and lots of fan chatroom RP) was i was planning for a 2hr renpy fanfic vn about manbagi from komi san (maybe my most rabid fixation on a character and a huge outlier) getting together with tadano. komi san kind of lost its momentum for me though, especially with manbagi rotated out of the main cast after her devastating (but inevitable) loss in the main ship war.

all this to say my only recourse is to rotate these cubes in my brain over and over until they shatter into countless pieces and leave their marks on my other works. there's a luxury a long running serial work has, and it's time to really ferment, and i regret i have no such luxury. i suppose that's another benefit of fanfic, though, being able to lean on that.