#im going to CRY i didnt expect to get attached like this what a nightmare i cant do this rn

[rzyraffek]

hey I hope this doesn’t sound like a weird request but could u like slashers (preferably Michael Myers, Jason, maybe Billy loomis or Stu?, and the Sinclair brothers) kidnapping “adopting” reader? Like them kind yknow unaliving (Child) readers family then like having to like care for reader???? Idk if it makes sense but it came to me in a dream about me being a kid and Michael myers becoming my dad 😭

ALSO ITS COMPLETELY PLATONIC OBVS ‼️‼️‼️

IM SORRY FOR 2WEEK BREAK I HAD TO!!

This request is such a cute idea!!! I made so much content about perent!slasher and kid!y/n cuz its way more entertaining for me to write!! Authors note at the end!

They/them, sfw, Request open

Slashers trying to be decent dad figures

Jason Voorhees

First of all, why on earth would your perent take you all the way here??? Your a smal baby and this is dangerous! Not only cuz jason is here, but wolfs? Boars? Huge forest AND lake???

So basically he didnt expect a child here

When he was in one of cabins he heard crying from bathroom, after few seconds of planing a murder he realised that is a child crying

His heart skipped a beat and he kinda begun to panic. HUH??? A CHILD? EEE eee oh god the whole backyard is covered in blood... oh no did I scare them?? Oh no

Dude gets more spooked than a child

After they got along he kinda makes them live in his cabin, he spends good portion of time just hanging around

Y/n gets used to their new mute friend and learns their own ways to understand him

Dude is that type of dad who will let y/n paint his nails and he will dress up in cute outfits just to make his kid happy

100% checks under their bed for monsters (and closet too!)

Wants to teach them all about nature! Which plants are good, how to find animals to eat, how to avoid humans

He dodges the topic of slaughtering y/n perents... where are they?? Ermmm idk didnt see them

Micheal Myers

Dude is pretty passive when it comes to kids

He exists, they exists, but as far as kids don't bother him, he won't bother them

But oh lourd..... your his little girl/boi/kid and he is going to do everything to keep it that way

He sees it differently than others, he helped you, took you away from those horrible people (no matter if y/n past perents were bad or good people) why would you want to leave? Or miss them?

But no matter how he feels, he is still Micheal, he won't be very cuddly or clingy. Then y/n needs comforting he will sit next to them, let them talk, tbh he is okay with them giving him some physical attention but he won't hug them back

Steals dolls, figurines, crayons for y/n

He never gets rid of his stalker nature, he is always there, watching, making sure there's noone in their way. Noone bothering or looking at y/n. He sometimes watches them sleep, just looking, he is the only monster in their closet

Huge fan of stickers btw

After good few months he takes off his mask when with y/n! He knows they accept him and love him! I mean his face is as emotionless as its owner but it still matters(at least now you know where he is staring at)

Billy and Stu

Dudes probably were like "eeeerr billy? That *instert y/n perents name* eee you didn't tell me they had a kid?" "the WHAT"

*stu giving y/n chocolates while billy panics in room next to it wondering wtf to do with y/n*

"We can't just keep it! Who is going to take care of it?"

They kept you btw, Billy will say that they did that only so you don't go and call police but they got really attached

Stu is the fun dad while Billy is the serious dad

"Hi baby we bought you happy meal" "child did you do your homework"

Billy rages over monopoli and stu cheats in uno

Sinclair brothers

"Lester who tf is in your truck?" "Eeee I found it?"

Vince lets y/n sleep in his bed when they have nightmares. He also really wants y/n to do arts like him😊

Lester just vibes, you like cars kid? Let's go on car trip! You like wildlife? I know where deers at!

Bo teaches y/n how to shoot while they are way too young to even hold a gun

Y/n will be extremely spoiled btw

None of them know how to cook full meal

Lester will call y/n buddy, pal, kiddo

Bo will call them child, goblin, spawn on satan, little princes(or a prince)

Vincent will see them as little creature and a baby

Vincent let's y/n play and decorate his hair, they also make wax figurines together and play with dog. He is more like older shy brother than a father figure but if you want you can work with this

Bo lets y/n sleep on him and draw on his arms, he also hopes y/n never grows up cuz they are tiny and cute. He also sometimes gives them his hat

Lester loves showing of his skull collection and driving around forest, just talking. He also enjoys lisening to y/n monologues while he is working

All of them get little heart attack when they hear y/n swear. All bets on Bo accidentally saying bad word next to y/n and them just repeating it

Bo and lester love to just put you on their shoulder! And vince just pickes y/n up like sack of potatos (but gently)

Tickle fights with Vince

Arm wrestling with Lester who pretends that y/n is too strong and lets them win

All x reader tags are here only to reach bigger audience! Im sorry if there's any misstypes or anything weird! I kinda wrote it in rush cuz I feel bad for making yall wait for requests so long! I should make this hc list longer but I am very tired. Goodnight

[henrenologist]

so because i rewatched s3/4 recently, when Hen is struggling with having to give Nia back to her mother, she says "we were supposed to have her for 2 months it's been a year" so i think it's not that they weren't told that Nia would go back to her biological mother, but they got attached to her (obviously 🥺) and maybe because she stayed with them for so long they assumed her mother wouldn't want her back or couldn't have her back? tbh it's still a bit.. that whole thing with Hen Refusing to give the child back. and picking a fight with Karen about it. always annoys me. it's the Angst and Drama show tho, so it's like of course there's gonna be Angst and Drama lmao

for one thing, yeah the bond she'd formed with nia made her irrational and angry when the time came to give her back, especially after she and karen had built themselves up with the expectation that they'd become a permanent placement for nia (although im not entirely sure where they got that idea from, beside the length of time they'd had her; the foster agency in 911verse is a nightmare at communication, evidently).

i think the extent of her frustrations can also be explained by hen's issues with loyalty. she's loyal to a fault. sorry im gonna use this ask as an excuse for meta posting:

eva. she didnt get closure when eva was arrested. so even after building a life with karen, hen still felt indebted to her ("i feel like i owe it to her," she says, ostensibly because eva "didn't fight us when we wanted to adopt denny" [ignoring the canon discrepancy regarding the circumstances of denny's adoption] but there's a deeper commitment there to eva). she wants to see the best in eva, and after having committed herself to helping eva for so long, i think that explains why she was still loyal to eva--one of the factors that contributed to her cheating.

chim. "You get to forgive and move on--I get to hold a grudge until I die." so we're all aware of how loyal hen is to chim, but it's important to note when that loyalty got in the way of their relationship. toward the end of s6, hen's frustration with maddie and doubts about chim's proposal was, imo, a little forced on the writers (in being shoehorned conflict) but not baseless. her loyalty is to chim first and foremost, and that loyalty twisted into an unfounded frustration with maddie for perceived "wrongs"--especially as hen was watching chim squirm over the issue of proposing himself.

s7 drunk driver. hen was angry with the rest of the team when they didn't lay down their unconditional trust in her judgement of the drunk driver. logically, hen might recognize that as professionals, it's right for them to have (1) a healthy amount of skepticism and (2) base their judgement on what they have seen for themselves. they hadn't seen and smelled what hen had, but understood that emotions were running high, and thus approached hen's situation with sympathy and measured trust in her assessment. but hen is upset regardless. she says, feeling that they dont have her back, "if the roles were reversed, I'd find a way to have your backs, and I wouldn't have to lie to do it." she's projecting her sense of loyalty onto the team, frustrated that they're not as apparently unconditionally devoted.

so. nia. hen developed an unconditional love for nia in that time that, naturally, translated to undying loyalty. but as demonstrated, her degree of loyalty can translate into misguided skepticism--and harm, at worst.

and hen's listening to nia "damn near crying her eyes out" over it all. nia's cries are haunting her. she's misguided trying to fight the source of nia's pain (and her own pain). she's seeing this whole situation as a threat to nia's well-being and identifying points of harm where there aren't necessarily any.

she's gravely concerned over what nia's mother did to lose custody in the first place, mistrustful of the positive judgement that deidra's giving them, mistrustful of the agency's assurances that nia will be cared for, and wanting to see the proof for herself that evangeline can care for nia.

it's only after seeing evangeline for herself, with assurances from karen on her capacity to care for nia, that hen can let go of her frustrations with evangeline, deidra, and karen. (just like how after talking to maddie she let go of her hesitancy around chim proposing. just like how seeing the team show up for her with the cruise ship disaster let her stop questioning their loyalty)

i'm not personally annoyed or frustrated with hen in the nia situation. i can't imagine never knowing the fate of your once-daughter and i'm not surprised hen wants to see the proof for herself. i think her desire to fight for nia was an expression of grief more than anything. her loyalty, maternity, and grief are all activated as opposed to the logic we usually see hen depend on.

it's like the call where hen continued cpr on a mother for 12 minutes. her devotion inhibits her from letting go. which was a lucky thing for that mother, but it's not always such a blessing for the people in hen's life.

[soulmatelines]

i think (???) i just finished reading the first section of mgayg when they’re in college and ????????? i rlly can’t wait for the drama to get the part where they’re in uni bc it was so....................good? or maybe im just lonely lol

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

Must be this tall to Hunt| Boba Fett (tcw age so like 13/14)

Couldnt find a good teen boba gif, so heres bosk instead

Warnings: fake blame,

Reader: female

"You are expelled from the order-"

"What!?" Y/n shouted looking up at the council, "I did nothing! Master Plo! Reason with them!"

"I am sorry little one, I-"

Y/n was heart broken, looking up at the surrounding Jedi, this couldn't be true.

"Master Obi-Wan!" Y/n pleaded.

"Your attachments grow," Windu spoke, "and with them your anger."

"My anger?! My anger?!" Y/n shouted at him.

"Little one please." Plo pleaded, "I have brought a witness."

"You!?" Y/n argued, "Master I demand an answer! Why! Why would you- You out of all People!-"

She watched Anakin walk in guilt ridden on his face, "You!? Anakin! You!?"

He kept quiet as Fives walked in, her world stopping.

"Y-Your lieing!" She shouted, "Fives?! Not you! I trust you and you do this!?"

"Arc Trooper Fives." Windu spoke, " what have you seen Padawan Y/n do?"

Fives looked at her, "I. Saw Genral Y/n with a clone trooper,"

"Im with troopers everyday!" Y/n defended.

"What was Padawan Y/n doing with this clone trooper."

"...intercourse sir." Fives responded.

"Thats Obsurded Fives! And you know it!" Y/n argued, "You're my brothers- Why in gods name would I fuck any of you!"

"Y/n! That is enough!" Plo argued.

"You believe this crap!? You're suppose to have MY back!" Y/n demanded, "I'd have your back no matter what! And you turn on me!"

"Are there any other witnesses?" Fisto spoke.

"Yes." Windu spoke, "bring them in."

Y/n watched, her brothers, the wolf pack, Commandos and even some from the Corosaunt Gaurd walk in, and they strung there string of lies and they strung them high and low, entagled the lies beyond untanglement.

"Padawan L/n is to be expelled from the Order and that is our final verdict."

The platform she was on went downward, the clone troopers who had made there testimonies were gathered at the bottom, a path for her to go through.

"Y/n-" Wolfee spoke reaching out a hand.

"Don't you dare touch me!" She shouted in anger pushing past the clones.

"It had to be done." Commander Thron spoke quietly.

The others nodded.

"Damn it!" Fives shouted running out the room and rushing down the halls, after the light echoing of Y/n's angered footsteps.

She pushed the doors open and just walking out them she stopped, hearing Five's steps behind her.

"General. It had to be done-"

"What!? The lies! The string of lies you built! Why!? Why would you do this to me?!" Y/n argued looking back at the clone.

"We wanted to protect you-"

"Bullshit Fives! Bullshit! I love all of you! All of you!" Y/n shouted, screaming so loud it was sure to be heard all the way down to the lower level.

"Y/n listen!-' he grabbed her shoulders trying to plead with her but she pushed him away ingiting one side of her double sided saber as Fives quickly backed up.

"Touch me again and I'll kill you." She spoke.

"I don't even deserve death. I know- I-" Fives tried to explained, "We wanted to protect you-"

"Then you should of had my back!"

The bright blade turned off and she turned around leaving without a second thought.

"Hey! Wake up!" Boba argued.

Y/n turned her self around as she opened her eyes, "what do you want Fett."

"Rations idiot." He spoke as Y/n sat up, the girl only a year older than Bobba.

She was thrown a rations bar by the boy as they were in a hotel room, she had been sleeping on the couch.

"How much longer we waitin?" She asked taking a crunch out of the bar.

"An hour, I told you that the how much longer last time you woke up." He argued looking through the window.

Y/n kept quiet as she ate her food, it bland and bleak in both tast and color.

Bobba took an arm chair by the window as he ate his own rations. It was silent for a long mintue.

"Did. You have that nightmare again?" He asked.

Y/n looked over at him, "when do I not?"

Boba ate a peice of his own ration bar, he never knew what the nightmare was about, but knew it was the same one, on repeat.

He had the same.

"You, uh. Wanna talk about it?"

She looked his way, then looked away quickly, only able to see the faces of her brothers.

"No." She replied coldy tossing the barely eaten ration bar on the table, her appetite gone, "I'm gonna go scope the roof, don't wait up for me."

She walked towards the door, grabbing the sniper on the way out.

"I'll come with you. Incase someone tries to get you from behind."

"I don't need someone to have my back." Y/n argued.

"Well then Im coming because I want to!"

He pushed past Y/n as she scoffed, following him close behind as they walked towards the steps, somewhere along the way Y/n hacked into a vending Machine, Boba going up the stairs himself, stealing whatever she pleased putting it in her sling bag, enough for her only.

"Sharing is what?" Y/n questioned Woflee

"An opportunity for someoen to get there arm chopped off, it's my food." Wolfee told her.

Y/n sighed, how she hated her own little life lessons to her brothers, and stole more food, enough for both Boba and her, and a little extra.

Walking up the rest of the steps she made it to the door she kicked open with the bottom of her foot.

"Could you try and be quiet?" He seethed.

"I mean. I could. But no." Y/n responded walking towards the edge where Boba sat on a near by utiliy unit.

She sat down setting her back infront of her as she laid herself on her side her back to Boba the lights of the bright city below barely reaching the top of the tall hotel they sat on.

"You want one?"

Boba looked over seeing Y/n holding up a soda.

"Where did you get that?"

"Stole it."

Rolling his eyes he walked over to her snatching the bottle and sitting himself by her head.

"Hey hey. Fives calm your tits." Y/n laughed.

Boba stayed silent as he looked at her, she too busy looking out and onward, but feeling the stare she looked besides her.

"Oh." Y/n realized, "My bad Fett."

Boba stayed silent, as Y/n took a drink of her own soda, he had realized she had become more sympathetic with her apology.

"You wanna talk about it now?" Boba questioned.

Y/n sighed, answering in silence for a mintue, "My only family betrayed me. Strung a String of lies to supposedly keep me safe. I think about it all the time. We use to find these abaonded places and sit up on the roofs like this, we'd sing, start a bonfire, get drunk."

"Your as old as me." Fett argued.

Y/n shrugged, "war does that, you only live once Fett."

"Then why are you still worrying about it?" Boba defended.

"Why do you still worry about the things you worry about?" Y/n questioned, "but I was kicked out of my group, my name stripped of me, and instead of having my back, they had me cast out. Happy Now?"

It was silent again, the hearing of honking and swearving down below could be heard.

"I lost my dad to the Jedi."

Y/n stopped mid way lifting her drink to her lips but then contuined to drink then pull away.

"They tend to do that..." Y/n responded, "they expect you to follow every rule every word, there no better than the sith."

"You know alot of jedi and sith."

Y/n looked at him once, "It was when you father died did I stop really believing in the Jedi-"

"You knew my father?! You're a jedi-"

"Shut your trap and listen before you get rowdy you damn idiot!' Y/n argued Boba gritting his teeth, "I met Jango Fett when I went on a small assignment, my first one, with Master Shakk Ti- it was basically playing paper boy. I remember delivering work to your father...alot of people were mean to me, he. He never was, always said thank you, always asked me if I had eaten. He even watched me leave on the ship back to Master Plo Koon. So when I went througy reports and found him dead I was in shock, later to find out a Jedi did it. I started to loose faith. Why kill a man lookin out for him and his child, sure capture him- but taking family...I know how that feels and no one should go through it."

Y/n took a drink finishing her bottle and tossing it over edge, "so. I fought. And I fought and I fought. If i couldnt save Jango, I'd save what was left of him- the clones- my brothers. They share the same face but are diffrent than any could imagine. I spoke, I wrote, I pleaded, I trainned. It never was enough, and it was my 'emotion' that got the better of me. Pssh. Yeah right the Jedi can piss off because if they want to see emotion? I'll give it to them."

Boba listened, he had nevee seen Y/n before hand, maybe he had and just didnt remember, he never knew someone could share his pain. Neverless with the same person.

"Windu will pay." Boba seethed, "and your a jedi! You can help me."

"I will go head to head to him, I don't plant bombs." Y/n defended.

"We can take him! Two on one!" Boba tried to persuade, "you know his fighting style! I know guns! You know sabers! We take his head and anyone else that stands in our way!"

Y/n looked at him dully.

"Come on! How many bounty hunters have you single handedly taken on! And killed! How many sith have you injured! Jedi that chase after us! Without your laser swords! We can kill him! Together!" Boba explained standing up, Y/n move to sit up, "We're the left behind! We are the strongest! Because we were left behind! We round up a few others! Bane! Sing! Bosk! And there's always someone paying for a Jedi's head!"

Y/n stood up grabbing hee sniper rifle as she did and looked at her watch.

"It can be a sniper shot! A saber battle! Whatever you want! As long as he die and Im involed I don't care how!" Bobba argued.

Y/n looked down below aiming her sniper adjusting the scope.

"My father would do the same for you-"

He was cut off by a bullet shot and soon the sounds of crying folks who see a man just drop dead on the street, the target they had been waiting for dead. She pulled away from her weapon slowly, turning her head towards him.

"I'll do it.-" Y/n agreed

"No." Boba spoke, "We'll do it. Together. For everything the jedi took from us!"

Y/n looked at the outreached hand as she took it.

"Together."

"As One Unit."

"As One Unit." Y/n responded, "well one and a half"

"Im not that short." Boba argued.

"Shorter than me." Y/n chuckled.

[bnhaworld]

This came to me while listening to a really soft song. I hope you enjoy! I really like Iida as a character, and he has potential. I actually cried a little while writing this-

(P.S: The owner of the gif is attached!)

-Calamari

Is this okay? // Tenya Iida x Reader

In which Tenya thinks about whether or not he deserves you. 

It was nearly 3 in the morning. The dorms were silent, and not a single noise was heard throughout the entire house. You had woken up after a nightmare, and you were still trembling from the contents of your dream. You were shuddering silently as you padded your way over to Tenya.

There had been few nights like these and never once have you had a dream bad enough for you to resort to waking him at such an early hour. But you couldn’t help it.

The dreams had been about him. You had a petrifying nightmare in which he had died that night he had confronted Stain. It had been bothering you for many days and many nights, but you hadn’t expected such a futile thought to invade you in your resting hours.

You knocked on his door and rocked on your heels, realizing that perhaps he wouldn’t hear you. Maybe showing up at his door was pointless, and he wouldn’t even open up the door.

You heard the floor creak beneath his feet as he came to the door. He opened it up and stared at you. His serious face fell gracefully into a smile. It was that smile that set you off, though.

“T-Tenya..” You murmured to yourself, despite his presence. You threw yourself at him, and he caught you in his arms, gently placing a kiss atop your head and then his chin. 

“(Y/N), why are you here at this hour? You could get in trouble..” He whispered into your hair. You felt your eyes water, and you slowly buried your head in his chest, refusing to answer. You felt his head move from one side to the other before he pulled away slightly, looking down at you.

“Are you okay?” He asked. His eyes widened in concern once he caught a sight of your tears. He had his answer. He lifted a hand and wiped away your cascade of tears and scooped you up into his arms with ease. He shut the door quickly and carried you to his bed. He laid you down on one side and quickly climbed in beside you. He pulled you into his chest, with your face in his direction so he could keep an eye on you.

You sat there in silence. Neither of you said anything for the first few seconds, as you continued to cry. Eventually, Tenya sighed. It was enough for you to snap away from your distress long enough to tell him what was bothering you.

“Tenya.. do you remember when you went to find Stain?” You asked, refusing to meet his eyes. You felt him nod, urging you to continue. After another moment, you pushed out the question that had been eating at you ever since. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You began in a soft voice, your words cracking at the syllables. “What if something had happened to you? I would’ve never known it was you who went after him and not the other way around. You.. You could’ve died, Tenya! I could’ve helped you during your grief. I could’ve been there for you, a-and I don’t know what I would have thought of myself if you had gotten hurt. Who would I go to? What would I have done without you, Tenya? Why.. Why’d you throw yourself out there, knowing what kind of man he was?” You paused, taking in a quivering breath before looking up at him with eyes full of hurt. “Did you think of me? And of how I would feel?”

His body had grown tense, and a single stray tear fell away from his eye. He knew exactly what you wanted to hear. He also knew exactly what he actually wanted to say.

So he went with the latter.

“I needed to avenge Tensei, (Y/N). I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think you’d understand. You would try to stop me and I-”

“Of course I would!” You snapped at him, your tears growing hot. You grabbed him by the shoulders. “So many people care about you! It wasn’t your job to do that! You didn’t have to! No one asked you to avenge Tensei!” You were whispering loud enough for it to be considered a hiss. You looked away from him, lowering your head. “I’m sorry. I know I should’ve been there for you when everything happened, but I.. I didn’t know what to say. I’m just.. sorry.” You closed your eyes, tired of being angry and hurt when it felt as though the conversation were one-sided.

“(Y/N).” Tenya’s voice cracked as he called out to you. You looked up, your eyes still shrouded with a flurry of tears and pain. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know I should have but.. I was so hurt. I didn’t want you to be in all the pain I was in.. Forgive me..” 

You only nodded, giving him the best smile you could muster through all your pain. Tenya returned the smile but his own was laced with remorse and regret. He leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Get some sleep, (Y/N).. Okay?” 

Wordlessly, you fluttered your eyes shut.

“I love you, Tenya.. I do..” You murmured softly. You had tired yourself out from crying, and it was very late in the night. It took you mere moments to fall victim to your drowsiness and let Tenya’s warmth carry you into a comfortable slumber.

Tenya, however, was left awake and alone with his thoughts.

He wondered how he had ended up with someone like you. Someone who worried so much for someone like him. He couldn’t hold himself back or even live up to the rules he would make everyone else abide by. He was so unfit for the world he tried so hard to keep in order. He felt as though someone like you, who made perfect sense and cared so much, could really love him.

He wondered if it was even okay to be with you. He reached his hand forward, and brushed a stray lock of hair behind your ear. 

Was it really okay to have you worry about him? Was it really okay to be the man who had captured your heart for himself? Was it really okay for him to love someone like you as much as he did? Was it really okay if he let himself go just for you? Was it?

As he took a long look at you, he knew his answer. He knew it from the way his tears fell for your words, and the way he wordlessly took you in to take care of you. He was sure of his answer when his heart pumped at the same rhythm as yours.

He placed an arm beneath your head and pulled you closer to him, placing his head above yours. 

He knew it was okay to be with you. He was your happiness. And while you weren’t quite sure of it yet, you were the salvation he was looking for.

Tenya knew it was okay to love you because he knew it was the right way to feel when someone as special as you came along.

[matazz]

entries

diary entries of roy endoza

here’s some journal entries of roy endoza that i wrote for the duration of the campaign. for the most part, i kinda wrote these in my twitter drafts just to write down roy’s thoughts. sometimes to remember events that happened, and sometimes just to vent out roy’s feelings to myself. i ended up saving these on a document for safe keeping and i’m glad i wrote these.

‪entry 47‬

‪i miss milo so much. his laugh, his eyes, his smile. i would do anything to have that back.‬ ‪i know its my fault he’s gone. its only been a few months, but i’ll fix that; all of it. no matter how long it takes, no matter what happens. i’ll find some way to do it.‬ ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪i told ayce the biggest con in all of history.. but i confirmed he’s undead. i have more hope in my goals now that i know its possible. he hugged me bc he thinks we’re similar. i dont usually allow people to do that but i’m sad for him. i wish i could ask more about him. ‬‪entry 69‬ ‪i’m getting closer to ayce, unexpectedly, but good for me. i need his information.‬ ‪he talks to me a lot about his life; i think he’s become dependent on me which is easy for me. its hard for him to see i’m using him when i lie to his face.‬ ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back.

i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ((scribbled out)) ‪i havent had sex in a while. i’ve wondered this before but realized it was an inappropriate question to ask. i wonder if ayce’s dick works? it probably doesnt. this is so sad. i dont know how i’m going to fuck him if thats true.. yikes‬ ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ((lost)) ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪good evening. i saw ms winters. she was undead, just like ayce. she died a year ago. her soul was lost though. i killed what remained of her undead corpse. i assume she was trying to remain in this world.. i’m scared that this will happen to him too. maybe ill have to do the same to him. entry 101.2 i hope ayce's soul is able to sustain in his body for longer. i cant afford to lose him. entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. i assume its bc the gods know what i'm doing & are against it, so they're trying to give me more recoil than usual. but the last time i killed an undead corpse was in my house 6 months ago, and i promise that the last time i will use it is when i bring milo back. (torn note inbetween the pages: hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void

of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over.c (the rest of the pages with entry 102 are torn out) when i saw milo in the old house again just being his happy lovely self i felt miserable and happy at the same time. i love him so much, and i knew i missed him already but seeing him again just made me feel so much love for him all over again. it just makes me miss him more. it's hard not to cry thinking about what i've done to him. i wish he could come back. ayce's was hard to watch. i witnessed myrkul force ayce to choose between killing me and quri. ayce cried as he couldn't make up his mind, and then i watched as i fell into a void. i felt sick and i wanted to puke. i thought ayce found out about me. i thought he knew that i was using him for necromancy, but when i asked him about it, he told me that he thought i killed him with quri. i... personally don't have any reason to ever kill him so that was a bit sickening to think of. i dont ever want to kill anyone. i dont even have anyone i hate enough to want to murder. the only person i hate enough to want to kill is me. i know based on what i said before i guess it might have seemed that bad; but haha... i would never ever want to do that. putting people down at hospital was rough. god, putting ms winters down was rough and she was already dead. i love him, but it's probably better if we end the relationship and just stay as friends? he's already witnessed me still loving milo, and he thinks i murdered him... i'll try to clear up his misunderstanding, but it'll be hard to without giving more of myself away. this relationship has so many problems. entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 i’ve done so much in preperation of whats to come. Soon. i hope it works. i’m going to travel to solardome and investigate those readings. entry 124 suspicions

confirmed. miss winters is alive. she captured my biological father. a strange way to meet him. i cant see him as my father. i told her about the key, and we’re going to rearrange our circle. we’ll still use the spirit stones, just as a backup. i’m scared. i’m terrified. i dont know if it will work and i dont know what will happen if it does. i know the gods will be mad but i’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. i’m sure i won’t be a champion anymore. we’re doing this on friday evening, which means i’m no longer attending the gala. they don’t need my assistance anyway.

[brokenhayatim]

kaçamadım

my conversation with my sisters is sort of stuck in my head and the whole point of this video call was just a normal checkup so we all said one good thing about our week and i kept dodging and everyone kept pushing me to just say one good thing. and the amazing thing about my mind is that nothing comes solo, it’s always layered with something. once you scratch, it just continuously bleeds. so there i was trying to think of one good thing, and i couldnt event think of one. so naturally i purged the most basic trouble on my mind and it ended up being a 2 hour conversation with me stupidly breaking down and crying. but there was a moment in there that let the string loose. one of my sisters said that i had to be honest with myself, what am i afraid of? to which i replied that i was honest with myself and then stuttered with many pauses in between that i just didnt want to be attached to anyone. there was this odd silence. 

i hate being dependent on people, in any actual way. i hate taking people’s resources, when given to me, if i have nothing more to give back in that next second. it’s like chains that hold you down and they’re just so heavy and eventually you just get so tired. i dont like caring, trusting or loving people. i would immediately say i want to reverse but, then i think of people showing up for me in my moments of weakness or to care for me or to congratulate me and i cant stand that either. so what do i want? how would i expect someone to love me, what i need, when i don’t allow them to in every way?

“healing is hard” but i never realized how much it would take from you to simply move. i went to therapy for what, a year, and just thought i was good and fixed. how foolish that is now. bc it seems like i’ve done nothing in retrospect and i hate it. i hate that i thought myself to be someone better, stronger, wiser. i’ve painted this beautiful fantasy of growth in everyone’s head, starting with my own, when i’ve barely done anything. and then everything at the end just seems farther. and i’ve been told i dont give myself enough credit bc im somewhere along the path, but trust me when i say im not. i’m just real good at creating stories. i wish i didnt have to be reset every day. i wish something didnt have to hurt to make me feel okay. i wish so many things that i can’t get. what changes if i’m more afraid, more sad, even angry?

this week, somewhere between me sleeping and crying, i thought about how it feels for me. and its like that monster in your nightmares latching onto you, as you scream and twist, it gets stronger and even when it lets go as you quiet, there’s this touch of it all along your skin like this infection you can’t get rid of. you can scratch, you can cry, you can scream for help but there’s nothing there. its a nightmare. and there’s apart of you that becomes used to loneliness, the darkness that surrounds you in this nightmare to where help just seems useless. but you want it out of you so bad so you spend your hours curled into yourself crying for no one, but you. the next day you’re given this escape, this fantasy of not thinking of it for a while, so you take it and soon warp you reality on the calmness it made you feel. but the infection never leaves you. no matter how you think your healing. 

add: its interesting to recognize how many people i give half, or less, of myself to, then why? [war flashback to therapy]

add: im rlly bad at physical intimacy but when helplessness takes a real hot toll, sometimes i wish i had it. but like only for a second. then we never speak of it again yes. 

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

Sweet 99 headcannons

You guys. Im so sad that hes dead- so please cry with me as I create sad but sweet headcannons for our legend himself he deserved so much more.

But this also got really sad at the end.

-you met him through Echo and Fives and happyily at that

-you didnt like that he was bullied just because how he came out- wreak havoc with your jedi-padawan powers

-they still make fun of him sadly

-" You cant talk to him like that!" "Please! Look at him!" "I have! Whats there to point and laugh at?!"

-since Shakk-Ti is your master you spent most of your time on Kamino so you're always there to visit you best and only friend, 99.

-you often help him clean up and do it happily

-you both eat lunch together away from everybody

-your always telling him that one day when your a jedi master that you'll help change the way clones are treated

-litterally is a dad to you

-your still considered a youngling as you are a young Padawan, so when you have freetime you make bracelets you both have matching ones

-is constantly proud of you, you arent really social, so when you made friends with other younger clones and older ones he was all proud of you

-it makes you forget about the Jedi code to not form attachments

Wanna be sad like me yeah here:

You understood why when the Sepertist attacked Kamino, you forced to the front lines on the hanger bay to help fend off the droids.

"General! There's too many of them! Seek cover!"

"No! I can do this! Just! Contuie with the heavy fire-"

Pausing your heart dropped and your stomach turned. The world once filled with loud noise now filed with white noise.

"No..." she spoke her saber dropping from her hand as she held her head, feel the last breath from her own chest and the seering pain of blaster bullets.

They tried calling her name but she was having a mental breakdown in the middle of battle.

99 had been shot and killed.

Falling to her knees, blaster shots being stopped mid air from both sides.

"Get down now!" A trooper demanded, Y/n crying out in agony as all blaster bullets were forced back at the Sepertist droids.

"You killed him!" She cried standing to her feet the hundred or so droids who had not been killed were lifted into the air without a move of her hand.

"He's dead! He's dead because of you!" She shouted droids crushing into hunks of metal as they were thrown to the nearest wall with a throw of her arm.

All droids in the vicinity had been killed.

"General-"

She looked around tears still semi blurring her vision as she ran off, saber back in hand as she ran, and ran and ran, determined to find him.

Finally running into the barracks she seen him, laying on the floor.

"Y/n-"

"99- 99!"

Fives caught her mid way, holding her back.

"Let go of me!" She cried.

"Y/n!-"

She screamed at him begging to be let go.

"There's nothing you can do!" Fives demanded setting her down and holding her shoulders in place.

"But. I-" she tried to speak, "I'm a jedi! I can do something! I can do something! Anything!"

"Y/n!" Fives shouted as she stopped, tears running down her face, "You can't do anything. He's gone."

Falling forward Fives caught her, she crying out loudly as he attempted to soothe her.

-after that Shakk-Ti had sent you back to Corosuant, she knew you needed to get away from Kamino

-you become extremely stotic after the events, emotion a non-existent thing in your world

-when reassgined to Obi-Wan and Anakin for a time being, the clones thought maybe she hated them- the ones who didnt know what happened atleast

-constant nightmares after that day

-Anakin attempts to consult you, he knows how it feels to be in such anger and sadness and even recommended you an idea:

Walking into the 501st barracks the room became silent in uncertainty.

"I heard someone here does tattoos." Y/n spoke up.

They all looked at Tup.

"Uh. Yeah." He spoke putting the medical scissors on the tray of other supplies he was cleaning.

"Can I uh help you General?"

"I want you to tattoo something on me."

"Yeah. Uh where?" He asked.

"My temple."

The group looked at each other, "Kid thats a rough spot to get tattooed." Jeese spoke up, "I should know."

"Can you do it?" Y/n asked Tup as he looked at the others.

"Yeah. Mind me asking what it is?"

"99."

Fives perked up his head with Echo, but stayed silent.

"Thats it?" Tup asked

Y/n nodded, "and uh. How old are you? Just- seem a little young-"

"Im 17 dont patronize me." Y/n told him as Tup gestured for her to sit down.

The clones expecting crying from her but were met with utter silence.

"Uh. General. Mind me asking why exactly?" Jeese asked.

"I was close with a clone." Y/n spoke, "he was the last bit of human I really had in me. He's passed on now."