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fractalkiss · 1 year ago

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fic commentary/notes for the year you thought you were dying.

trying this thing where i do fic commentaries here instead of on dreamwidth since most of my recent dw posts will be private now.

influences:

there was this BL titled "my 40-year-old prostitute" in english or something like that that a mutual from twt recommended. look, it was good. im so fucking serious. the yaoi art was beautiful and sexy and it started out so well with compelling characters. but the translators ceased uploading translations by just chapter 2 in 2020 on [redacted] site. which effectively meant the premise never left me for months and i was so sad.

joke's on me tho all of this really became serious after i wrote tumblr ficlets of 1418 hooker au in response to some fun ask prompts in the summer, which are in my fic tag somewhere.

some quotes from more influences:

"It’s obvious that the range of people who sought out sex for money would change dramatically in a kinder, gentler world. [...] Sex work would also attract stone butches of all genders and sexual orientations—people who want to run the fuck but are not interested in experiencing their own sexual vulnerability and pleasure. Often these people are the most adept at manipulating other people’s experiences. They are more objective about their partners’ fantasies and do not become distracted by their own desires, since their needs to remain remote and in control are already being fulfilled. - pat califa, 1994, 2000

"You. What will you let yourself become for me?" - dorothy allison, her thighs, 1992.

the essay "her thighs" is about lesbian power play and so influential to me. i think dorothy allison is a very powerful writer and i love her poetry.

this is an allison excerpt from jane ward's the tragedy of heterosexuality:

i kept this in mind too while i was writing manuela's short backstory.

the process:

i wanted crazy thangs with the structure. i wanted most of the sexual intimacy to be revealed much later to the reader, after we go through mostly the companionship aspect of the service -- which i realise now is not crazy but a boring approach and would really change the story so i didnt do it.

sex pollen fic done this way is my fave tho. helenish wrote this sga fic called This Gun for Hire with sex amnesia in it where everyone is in denial in the aftermath about the kind of sex that was repeatedly happening. there are other fic examples (can't quite remember or have bookmarked) where the denial and delusion is so completely off the charts with a character in trying to get through the aftermath of the event without a freaky sex trope involved.

so i wondered if i could pull off that kind of blurriness and denial in the structure for a character who KNOWS what is happening but thinks they're still straight and will die straight lmao. but fernando in this story is just jaded, retiring and isn't cripplingly repressive.

the notes from my word tracker doc that i had to do to be able to write long fic. i laugh at this every time:

my projected word count for this was 20k, which was so off lmfao.

i put off getting them to have sexy fun in italy at one point because i didn't know yet what emotional point they needed to get to and what grounds they'd be on then. i wrote a bit of a very different scene to lead up to it, but then scrapped it. and then i wrote the auction night and the morning-after scene. tension and conflict (without having to use miscommunication as the necessary crutch) is always one of my most favorite things to write about so i was so glad i got to this point LOL. the payoff of reaching a compromise and then an emotional release later is so rewarding to me! i love that shit

emotionally i just knew i needed it to be like the mindy nettifee poem i grabbed the fic title from.

figuring out how to write lance in this fic was really hard ngl since i went into the story almost blind. cofi made me realise this blind spot when i showed her an early wip and i was like hold awn.... if i wasn't sending @strulovic broken drafts and doing lanceology consultations with her, i wouldn't have gotten anywhere in the story.

alonso being a divorcee irl is so important to each and every one of my agendas thank god for the gay uncle. i did a lot of google searching to be able to write fernando's approach to sex and relationships outside of the job. i knew what i wanted to take away, like the difficulties with intimacy that former workers have had, and still have after the industry sometimes. fernando scrubbing his hands clean at lance's place after the auction despite not having sex with the auction client, his views on wanting the sex with his ex-wife and other exes to be "acceptable and proper" in contrast to whatever he's done for work, and how the internalised homophobia warps this for him while he tries to play the gentleman with lance in italy (and lance being able to read through him and understand that fernando DOES want to fuck him nasty ‼️ though lance doesn't understand the extent of fernando's issue with it). there are also accounts where sex work gave a worker the experience, space and autonomy they needed to slowly heal from prior traumatic and/or abusive experiences. the research was very interesting.

relied on music A LOT. an honorary ldr song [hears collective groaning] that didn't get included in the fic playlist was Love song. lance was in that passenger seat beside fernando in their sleek '67 restored fiat on the way to umbria wishing and wishing to get railed.

ALMOST FORGOT TO INCLUDE: ferrari to mclaren 2.0 fernando was the print here. he keeps the ferrari depression beard ofc.

truly not an overstatement, i think this fic was what made writing smth as long as this quite enjoyable and bearable for me. dare i say fun! haha

#**#q

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aimfor-theheart · 1 year ago

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I started godmaker at 12 am. Its now 5 am and ive finished it with tears in my eyes. Im not the same person i was five hours ago 😭😭😭😭

Your mind,,,,, i love how youve just ran with all the potential with a premise so interesting. I love the way you write the x reader; i think its really unique style-wise and also how youve subverted the xreader trope (reader being the obsessive one instead of the character she’s shipped with)

I was shocked to see there are only 2 chapters left! I thought that there’s so much more to cover and explain but i have full faith you will be able to do so skillfully. Thank you for sharing your work! Awaiting your next update with 💕,

-ubepandan

ohh wow firstly, thank you so much!! for reading and then taking the time to leave me such a kind comment!! YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE STAYED UP THE WHOLE NIGHT THO FRIEND 😭 i hope you got your sleep back since!!!

and thank you!! i am really interested in Time and Prophets Etc. and honestly i love fleshing out my readers and making them absolutely wretched!! it is great fun for me to write!! and i’m so glad to hear that you’re enjoying it too! it’s always wonderful to write what i have fun writing and then find out that others are having fun with it too!!

you know what’s crazy….really, i’ve been debating and i think i can do it in one!! but who knows! i like the concept of an epilogue if i had a prologue

i’m just unsure how well i can pull off what i want hfkdjskaj i’ve been a little stuck on it—but once more, i really appreciate your support!! it means a lot to me!!

thank you again!!

#hope you’re doing well!#i will return to godmaker at some point…#cielo chats!

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spikesbimbo · 4 years ago

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Puppy Love

Paring: Hirugami x f!reader

Cw: NO SMUT, FLUFF ONLY, pregnancy/family mention, subspace mention, cheating mention

A/N: Gami brainnrot ever since @/chaotickatts said we were compatible, and thanks to @/kmorgzz for the idea

fun fact: i “stole” my first puppy and got a three year old purebred gsd for free, and also my former pug (rest in peace baby) (that i also go for free) and my best friends Pomeranian were also close as us.

I abuse the park trope

Summary: Walking dogs with the love of your life

Word count: 1.3k

You don't know what compelled you to let him have the little lap dogs to walk, or why you choose the biggest one, the heavy set lab, only 6 months old, dragging you around like a rope.

You two volunteered to walk the dogs at the shelter so they could get their kennels cleaned, you immediately finding the dogs that matched yourself personality, hyper and uncontrollable waiting to be ‘freed’ from the room.

The yellow lab, named honeybun, wouldn't leave your side, slapping his paw at you trying to get your attention, you immediately cooing at how cute he was.

“Hirooo, look how cute he is'' you said, batting your eyelashes at your boyfriend. You often day dreamed about adopting them all, getting a piece of land big enough to let them play in your yard, to which he supported saying, “let me get through vet school first” being in his fifth year.

You've been lucky to know him so long, becoming friends in middle school after you consoled him about his mistake in volleyball practice, not being able to walk by someone so noticeably but not visibly distraught, sitting beside him and letting him talk it out, noticing he doesn’t react well to disappointments.

He confessed to you in your 3rd year of highschool after you realized you liked him, then distancing yourself from him for a few weeks before he knew what was wrong. It happened to be some tv drama shit of him catching you in the rain after not seeing you for a whole two weeks, running up to you, to which you started running the other way before he caught you by your wrist and dragged you into him, your two making eye contact until the tension led you two to kiss, with the rain still falling, painting a perfect picture.

Being his friend first also came with the perk of meeting his family as friends, not lovers, which you were glad because they didn't mind friends but seeing that his family was so influential, they'd probably choose someone of the same class to set him up with.

But when he announced you two were dating they welcomed you with open arms, already loving you, his sister now calling you her sister in law officially, doing it to you behind his back before you two were dating, making you avoid his eyes for the rest of the day.

In fact she was the one who convinced Hirugami that you liked him, and that's why you were shying away from him, ultimately leading to your relationship. Bless her.

You turned your head to look at him snuggling up in the corner with the pomeranian and the pug, the two being inseparable, him already making up his mind on who to walk first. You wondered how you got so blessed.

He was such a pretty man, such a good person inside and out. You knew that he had admirers besides you, and you dont blame them. I mean looking at him right now, playing with the little dogs on his lap was enough to send your heart into overdrive.

You sometimes let your worries get to you, thinking he was with another person due to his mutable nature, even though he has given you no reason to believe that. But he always proved you wrong, putting you first, paying attention to no one except you, you being the sun to his earth.

You were brought back to reality by honeybun’s paw slapping you once again accompanied by a whine this time, letting you know he was getting impatient.

“Are you ready honey?” you said in a baby voice, not being able to contain yourself due to his cuteness.

You grabbed his leash, hooking it onto his collar along with Hirugami doing the same, the two of you walk out, him holding the door for you while you get borderline dragged by the big puppy you were walking. Him holding back his laugh, trying not to get his ass beat by you later.

You tried to walk alongside him, but you failed. Honeybun being distracted by every little thing, pulling you along with him. Everything in the park was interesting, the leaves falling were interesting, the sticks on the ground were interesting, the water bowl on the ground was interesting, he pulled you once again, Your arm was definitely going to feel sore tomorrow.

He finally stopped to pee, giving you a break. Turning your head to see your boyfriend behind you, a smile on his face as he walks closer to you with the little dogs sticking by his side. Lucky him.

Suddenly you felt you arm get pulled again but this time it was much stronger, so strong that it dragged you off your feet, you letting go of the leash, trying to see what this was all about, until you saw honeybun chasing a squirrel the fastest you ever seen him run. Luckily the park was fenced it.

You heard a mumbled giggle, followed by a laugh that he wasn't even trying to hide anymore.

“Ow” you started, standing up wiping your butt. “That's not funny” you continued, putting on a facade, your pout backing it. Did it hurt, yes. Did you care, no. But you wouldn't let him get away from it without babying you.

You loved how he took care of you, and he loved taking care of you just as much. If you didn't want to do something yourself, he would gladly do it. Your demure side coming out when he did, your innocent eyes gazing at him, putting you in an almost half-ass subspace.

He whistled and ultimately got honeybun back taking the leash in his hand, the yellow dog sniffing your butt, noticing your hurt, “You want me to take him?” he asks, rubbing your back. You look at honeybun, him sitting and his puppy eyes coming out almost in a form of sorry.

“Nah im good, as long as you'll be a good boy” you said, bending down enough to be eye level with the dog.

You two walked back to the shelter together, hand in hand this time. Honeybun trying his best not to get distracted. The little dogs still sticking by his side until they got back to their kennels. You two said goodbye to them, the little dogs enjoying the praise and petting, and then in the end getting to honeybun, him shoving his face into your neck, giving you kisses everywhere, thanking god you didn't have any makeup on right now, then switching his attention to hirugami doing the same. You two got up and said goodbye to the workers, waving at the dogs one last time.

“I miss them already” you said walking out of the building, sad that you couldn't adopt them all right now, he unsurprisingly felt the same.

“Pinky promise love, we'll get them all one day, with a big yard just like you want” he said wrapping his finger around yours, making your heartbeat a little faster, hoping that day would soon come.

You two drove home, the both of you loving staying indoors excited to finally rest. You ordering take out with “daddy's money” and some cheap wine from the gas station, putting on some romcom that y'all were flaming the whole time.

You two were laughing at every scene, making you choke on your food leading to him slapping the shit out of your back making it go away, eventually.

Saying something along the lines of “vet and med school are similar, i know what i'm doing”. To which you disagree because that one time you had a pregnancy scare, his first thought was to get an ultrasound instead of taking a pregnancy test. Luckily you weren’t.

Your eyes got heavy, your head now resting on his chest, the food being long gone, along with him caressing your body giving you forehead kisses every once in a while, putting you in a trance.

You were so lucky, having a spiritual and physical connection with him, emotionally bonding every chance you got. Not being afraid to express your wants and fantasies, knowing that he loved you unconditionally. You felt like you were in a dream, and you never wanted to wake up.

#hirugami sachirou #hirugami x reader #hirugami fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fluff #hirugami Drabble #haikyuu drabbles

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seungstarss · 3 years ago

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friendship over FRIENDSHIP FUCKING OVER IM TAKING THE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS BACK!!!!!

nah cause what in the actual fuck 😭😭😭😭😭 im deadass unfollowing u the instant i send this ask bc sei bestie ure a fucking psycho YOURE SICK you’re absolutely sadistic i can’t believe u just did that to me 😭😭😭😭 no cause i was v happy just reading ur other cute smaus and then ur crusty ass decides to recommend bet….. NO IM LITERALLY NEVER LISTENING TO U EVER AGAIN 😭 WHY WAS BET LIKE THAT. WHY WAS BET BUILT LIKE THAT. LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER HAD ME S C R E A M I N G AND NOT EVEN IN A GOOD WAY???? U WERE MAKING ME WANNA PULL OUT MY HAIR,,,, EVERYBODY WAS FUCKING INFURIATING AND BY THE END OF IT I LEGIR GAVE UP ON TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THINGS WERE HEADED BC ALL MY THEORIES WERE SO SO SO WRONG 😭 not me giving the best girl agenda to reiko 🤡 not me thinking heeseung would come out top 🤡 not me demonising luna/seoyeon when they rlly weren’t even all that bad 🤡 BYE. BYE. IM SHATTERED. ICB ALL THE CHARACTERS JUST YEETED AWAY YN LIKE THAT…… HEARTLESS MOFOS 😭 EVEN NICE BOY JAKEY TURNED OUT TO BE A FUCKING LOSER I 😭😭🤌

anyway youre fucking sick for this and i hate u so much 😭 but ok in all seriousness I ACTUALLY FUCKING LOVED THAT SO MUCH SEIIIIIIIU PLEASE R U KIDDING ME???????? I LOVE LOVE LOVE HOW ENGROSSING THE ENTIRE FIC WAS??? I WAS GENUINELY SURPRISED THAT U MADE THE FRAT BOYS INTO BAD GUYS BC NORMALLY WE ALWAYS SUGARCOAT THOSE THINGS AND HENCE WHY I KEPT THIMKING MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE SUNGHOON COULD REDEEM HIMSEFL…… BUT IM SO. SO SO SO GLAD U KEPT THE ENTIRE FIC SO SK SO UNPREDICTABLE?!?! I LOVE ALL THE FUCKING DRAMA???? THERE WERE SO MANY CHARACTERS AND SO MAMY LAYERS TO ALL THE RELATIONSHIPS THEY HAD W ONE ANOTHER I CANT BELIEVE U WERE EVEN ABLE TO KEEP TRACK OF THIS???????? OH MY GOSHHHHHHH IM IN LOVE W THIS FICCCCCCCC PLSSSSS 😭😭😭❤️❤️

SEI BESTIE U DID SOSOSOSOSO WELL!!!!!!!! i’m such a simp for ur work iDEK what to read on ur masterlist next 😭 but pls u rlly know how to make a good smau like ALL THE ELEMENTS WERE THERE???? it was so funny but intriguing and entirely unpredictanle and wild OMG I LOVED ITTTTTTTTTT I RLLY LOVE wicked characters so although the frat boys turned out to be assholes i kinda LOVED IT like it was so fun hating characters >:)))) I WAS GENUINELY ANGRY AT TIMES????? ALSO EVEN YN KINDA PISSED ME OFF TOO LIKE U RLLY SPARED NOBODY !!!! but ugh it was sosososososos good i can’t believe this has been missing from my life 😭

and omg U DID SO WELL ON UR WRITTEN PARTS TOO????? they added sm depth and detail and it was so nice w the way u weaved in all the dialogue too???? IM OBSESSED. WHY ARE U SO GOOD AT EVERYRHING PFFFTTT PLS IM SIMPING FOR SEI!!!! naur cos i rlly rlly enjoyed that omg thank u sm for the rec ;-; NOW I TOTALLY GET WHAT U MEANt WHEN U SAID THAT PEOPLE WERE SCREAMING AT THE CHARACTERS 😭 NAH CAUSE AFTER HEESEUNG DID WHAT HE DID,,, THE CONVO HE HAD W HOON WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN 😭 my lord i need to sit down i need to blankly stare at the wall for a hot minute while i try to compose myself

anyway bet goated sei goated taegyu goated

PLEASE MAI READING YOUR REBLOGS WERE SO FUNNY I CANNOT LIKE,,,, WHEN YOU WERE GUSHING OVER HEESEUNG I WAS LIKE GURLLLL 💀💀💀😈 BUT GETAUQTAAGAUA SOMETHING ABOUT MAKING YOUR CHARACTER SUFFER IS SO SATISFYING??? IM SO SORRY ETSHSTAUAG BUT YES REIKO WAS REALLY A SNAKE AND HEESEUNG. WE DONT TALK ABT HIM, HE'S UNSPEAKABLE. I WAS ACTUALLY ORIGINALLY GONNA DO A SPIN OFF FOR bet! HEESEUNG's BACKSTORY BUT I DECIDED NOT TO BC I GOT LAZY........ BUT LEMME JUST SAY HIS PAST IS TWISTED. (WHICH KINDA EXPLAINS WHY HE'S SO TWISTED AND ALL BUT AHAHAH I SHOULDNT TRY TO JUSTIFY HIM.)

BUT QFAHAFAH YES, I REALLY DIDN'T WANNA GO WITH THE TROPE WHERE THEY ALL FALL IN LOVE WITH HER BC??? IDK I'M NOT THE BIGGEST FAN OF REVERSE HAREM SAURRR... BUT I WANTED TO TAKE THAT IDEA AND TWIST IT 🤩

FSHAFAHA YOU ENJOYED THE WRITTEN PARTS HELP??? BET'S WRITTEN PARTS ARE OKAY, BETTER THAN REVELATIONS BC I FEEL LIKE I IMPROVED A BIT ON MY WRITING FROM REV TO BET (HOPEFULLY) BUT THIS COMING FROM YOU⁉️ THAT'S THE BIGGEST COMPLIMENT EVER

PLS I RECed BET BC I WAS ReALLY CURIOUS TO SEE HOW YOU WOULD REACT TO IT QTAHQTAHQ BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE FEEDBACK? ILYSM 😭😭😭💖

#mai ☆#maiverie asks ♡#mutuals ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭

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vanrouqe · 4 years ago

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PSsssssst I'd like to request a HC with the Tweels, Sebek, and Malleus with a kuudere gender neutral s/o?? Perhaps their first thoughts when they met s/o and how they came to like each other? A bonus if they see s/o smiling and how'd they react to it-- P.S I really like your writing style and hope you progress well in the future with future followers UvU ❤❤❤

mod says: psst i’d like to thank you for your request and kind words anon!! perhaps do stop by once again 💜 i must admit im not familiar with the trope, so i had google define me what it is. i went for a general headcanon approach, i hope it is alright :D

Having a kuudere s/o

Floyd Leech

No one expected that you and Floyd would get along. While Floyd's mood can be fleeting, yours was the complete opposite with your seemingly eternal stoic expression.

He would always try to elicit a reaction from you be it by teasing you with words or by tickling your sides. You were plenty different from his peers; who he was able to easily get reactions from, so from the get-go Floyd decided that you were boring.

The turning point of your relationship would probably be the first time a witty remark slipped from your lips and Floyd would make a big deal out of it. Did he hear that right? Has he finally earned a reaction from you? He would be buzzing, poking your cheeks now and then going "Ne, ne can you say that again?"

Floyd is needless to say, full of surprises—sudden back hugs while he rests his chin atop your head, planting a quick kiss over your cheeks or a sloppy one over your lips. While most of the time, you would only stare back at him there would be times when you would feel a bit cheeky to return the kisses and Floyd loves it when you do.

During his not-so-good days, Floyd was used to being left alone to deal with his bad mood, but that change ever since you came into the picture as he would completely bask in your comfortable silence.

When he comes up to you with a sullen expression, just hold his hand and keep him close to you. Your touches be it—absentmindedly drawing circular patterns over his hand, or placing soft kisses over his jaw would; most of the time, do the trick.

You may not be that vocal about your love but Floyd knows that through these little actions there was no doubt that you care about him. Actions speak louder than words.

Bonus: The first time he saw you smile was when he started repaying you back with kisses after you pulled him out of his bad mood. It would have been in the middle of him giving you eskimo kisses that Floyd saw you smiling widely and he instantly melted.

“Koebi-chan is soo cute when they smile!” He would comment, before cupping your cheeks and start peppering your face with kisses.

Jade Leech

No one knew that you two were a couple, not even Floyd or Azul. It wasn't until Jade offered to walk you back to your dorm; as you would usually stay at Mostro Lounge until it was closing hours, that Azul noticed that something was going on.

Neither you nor Jade can remember the exact moment. Initially, you and Jade were partners in Alchemy class assigned by Crewel. Since Jade is quite reserved himself, the two of you eventually came to a mutual understanding in helping each other out even outside classes. It was like a cliché love story, lab partners turned to love partners.

Subtle. No one would think that you two were a couple, unless they really paid attention. A lot of subtle touches—lingering touches while passing laboratory apparatuses, polite nods while passing by each other in the hallway or when you pay Mostro Lounge a visit, and sharing chaste kisses when nobody is looking.

Jade loved the subtlety of your relationship and his fondness for you just grows each passing day. You're just intriguing—being the one to initiate things while keeping a nonchalant expression. Linking your arms with his, interlocking your hands together while you lightly sway it side to side, and his favorite; when you stand on your tiptoes to give him kisses.

Jade would usually ask what you were thinking about. Surely, there's more to your nonchalance that meets the eye. Maybe you were feeling a little cheeky because you would answer You. Was that an attempt of you flirting? Or was that a genuine response? Nonetheless, Jade would chuckle and throw back a compliment.

Bonus: The first time Jade saw you smile; a smile that made his heart skip a beat, was when he had you taste test a new dish they were going to serve in Mostro Lounge. It was a rare sight to behold and Jade wanted to keep that moment imprinted in his mind, your smile being his little secret.

Sebek Zigvolt

If Sebek was being honest, getting in a relationship was the last thing in his agenda, yet fate seemed to have played him.

Since he was inexperienced with dating, he would ask Lilia and/or his peers, especially Ace for tips. Making matters difficult for him since you are part of his friend circle and Ace seemingly always made sure you can hear Sebek asking for dating tips.

Teasing. There would be lots of teasing in your relationship especially from your side. Sebek is pragmatic in his own way, which you found really cute. He even has pick-up lines scribbled down on flashcards that he kept in his front pocket.

You would pick them out from his pocket when he least expected it, reading the dating tips out loud to see his cheeks go pink. Though, seeing your facial expression remain neutral through the whole thing would make him think that he was on the right track. Maybe he should ask more advices from Lilia and Ace.

Sebek makes sure that getting in a relationship would not make him neglect his duties as Malleus' vassal. He wasn't even sure if looking for Malleus or patrolling the night with you even counted as an ideal date.

When you assure him that you didn't really mind and was glad to keep him company, Sebek would already be thinking of ways to pay back your thoughtfulness tenfold.

Bonus: “Will it be alright to kiss you?” Sebek had used a gentler tone, cheeks tinting a shade of pink. It would have been the first time that you saw him completely shy. “Lilia-sama said to always make sure to ask for conse-” He had continued before you cut him off with a kiss.

It would have been the first kiss that you two had shared and Sebek's cheeks just grew pinker as he felt you smile through the kiss. “Did that answer your question?” The smile on your face didn't falter and Sebek felt himself echo your smile.

Malleus Draconia

Maybe it’s a like attracts like kind of thing. Lilia had said something along those lines the first time he had seen you and Malleus together. Malleus took you to a stroll around campus as he rambled on about gargoyles while you indulge him, snapping photos with the ghost camera.

Communication is key. Malleus is reserved, much like you so whenever you interact its all short but meaningful conversations. Though that changed entirely as time passed by, with you opening up to the fae and vice versa.

While your relationship relied heavily on communication, there would be little moments when your hand would find their way to his. It would be the first time the two of you had any form of physical contact and Malleus would look at you, an amused look painted on his face.

Interesting—he found it both odd and interesting, how you keep an unreadable expression despite it being the first time you two were holding hands and Malleus was feeling cheeky enough to test your reaction; brushing his thumb over your knuckles before squeezing your hand tight which seems all for naught when you throw him the same unreadable look.

The way Malleus sees it, your nonchalance is your charming point. Sure he has come across different types of people from the years he had walked the world, but it was his first time dealing with someone like you, firsthand. He was surprised at first, but learned to deal with; and not to mention love, you and your expression that seems to contradict your actions, especially when you were feeling affectionate. But hey, he likes it when he’s able to shower you with love and attention and seeing your face break into a smile or hear your laugh was rewarding.

Bonus: The first time Malleus saw you smile was during the earlier stages of your relationship. You had asked him to take a photo using the ghost camera and he was more than happy too.

As soon as the polaroid came out of the camera, Malleus let out a soft gasp to see the smile on your face flicker and he couldn’t help but smile too. “You should smile more” He whispers, before leaning to place a kiss over your forehead, the smile still lingering on your lips.

#answered request #floyd leech #jade leech #sebek zigvolt #malleus draconia #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #floyd x reader #jade x reader #sebek x reader #malleus x reader

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stormyoceansmain · 4 years ago

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just a few personal considerations about midam from the 15x19 script (and like, the episode in general):

"MICHAEL: (sadly)" [captain holt.gif] PAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNN.

im actually glad they cut the burger joint part because 1) sometimes less is better, and even if they were there when adam disappeared i feel like it makes more sense for michael not to share that with the winchesters, because it's the last memory of adam he has and as someone mourning the person he loved, i don't expect him to be able to talk about adam so soon (to quote jane austen ''if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more''), 2) idk it just feels like lazy writing to me, like they couldn't even come up with something else for adam except eating when instead they could have thrown in that he went back to college or that he did pick up a little job, but then again.. they never did try much with adam.. [she said bitterly]

what im getting from that part though is that they went on dates (#confirmed) and that michael knows adam's orders by heart so he can try to cook them for him back home

on the contrary, i am a bit sad they took out the ''his essence was pulled from the vessel'' line because as i learned it (but im not an english native speaker so please do correct me if im wrong) 'to pull' sort of implies the use of a certain amount of strength or effort? idk i feel like they could have used a less loaded word, because adam's essence being pulled from the vessel makes me think of a certain implication. which makes me want to stand in a corner and SCREAM. which implication, you ask? well check out this post from @buckybarnz because i ain't got the strength to type that out (unless you want even more SCREAMING. AND CRYING.)

there's something to be said about the winchesters asking about adam and michael asking about cas and that thing is: one wss THEE archangel michael's lover and the other was THEE michael's true vessel's lover. sorry but THEY MADE that parallel. CONSCIOUSLY. which brings me to: i think there should have been a scene with michael and dean talking about adam and fathers and loss and how different michael was from the au one dean said yes to

"Michael stares sadly off in the distance." OH LOOK. MORE PAIN. [PUNCHES A WALL]

mr ''i feel almost naked without manacles'' and dr ''i guess the monster that ate me didn’t get that memo'' are FUCKING MADE FOR EACH OTHER THEY ARE UNITED IN SASSY COMMUNION

LOOK. LISTEN. jack has THREE loving fathers and i don't think adam and michael could, should, or even would want to fit in that spot, but this being said. PALS. FRIENDS. COMPANIONS. UNCLE MICHAEL MAKES ME SO SOFT. and i know he wouldn't be big on nephilims but COME ON. he was almost being nice to jack (for his standards) and jack eats. like adam. IT'S A BONDING POSSIBILITY IM JUST SAYING.

im gonna say it. the writers were cowards for not having lucifer at least mention adam. COWARDS. i also think we should have had a scene with lucifer, sam, michael AND adam, but let's not go there rn. POINT IS. the way that scene with lucifer and michael should have gone down is: lucifer taunts michael about their father. michael stays impassive through all of it. at one point lucifer brings up adam saying something like ''maybe dad would have appreciated you more if you had been able to get dean to say yes to you. instead you got this pathetic excuse of a vessel. what was that guy's name again? oh well, he's gone now. though i have to say, it's a pity i didn't get to know him better all those years we spent in the cage together." at which point michael just SNAPS. grabs lucifer by the throat and slams him against the wall, snarling, lights exploding all over the bunker. michael says ''you mention him again not even our father will be able to bring you back this time.'' and lucifer is all like [fake gasps] ''brother! don't tell me you cared about that human?!'' and then sam and dean have to separate them. I APOLOGIZE FOR MY TROPE LOVING ASS BUT THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD HAVE GONE.

i respect and appreciate all the midam shippers who think michael's actions made sense in 15x19, but im sorry, i don't think i will ever be able to see it that way. he said it himself, he sided with the winchesters when cas showed him god was a piece of shit. after that he spent DAYS with adam (and knowing them they definitely talked about the whole god situation thing). he didn't answer to the winchesters, but he didn't go to god or back to heaven either, he was happy just living with adam. but ''that was then, this is now'' because adam is gone and nothing is okay. and WHY would he ever go back to the man who took the one person michael loved? WHY wouldn't he side with the ones who are actually trying to bring him (and everyone else) back? MAKE IT MAKE SEEEEENSE because the 'he is lost without adam so he goes back to what he knows' doesn't really cut it for me tbh

sam mentioning adam at the end was a punch in the gut. first of all, because it seems to imply that he didn't come back with everyone else which FUCK OFF HE IS ALIVE AND WELL AND WITH HIS ARCHANGEL HUSBAND WHO IS ALSO ALIVE AND WELL. but also because listen. fuck the winchesters for the shit they pulled with adam, but im not gonna act like i would mind them actually giving a fuck about adam for a change. maybe i don't want adam to ever forgive them, but them caring would be nice (especially having some sam and adam bonding)

#.......why is this so long it was supposed to be just a quick post #im shutting up for at least A WEEK after this #and this is only about midam #not even gonna touch destiel that shit's too upsetting #anyway i need to go to bed i have like work and responsibilities tomorrow #midam feelings 24/7 is sadly not a job yet #adam milligan #michael #midam #spn #supernatural

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set-phasers-to-whump · 4 years ago

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hiding injury

prompt: hiding injury

whumpee: eddie diaz

fandom: 911

hi here is my fave trope ft. one of my fave characters!!! this kinda got away from me in length lmao but i loved writing it and im not mad ab how it turned out. i hope you enjoy!!!!

Something had felt...off about tonight’s victory. It had been in the way his opponent had looked at him, not the usual disappointment and anger that typically came with losing a fight, but something stronger, more violent. Eddie’d brushed it off. He’d had worse looks thrown at him.

He’s regretting having brushed it off right about now. If he hadn’t, if he’d just talked to the guy, calmed him down, something, he wouldn’t be here right now, hand pressed to a stab wound in his torso, leaning up against the door of his truck, feeling blood slowly seep through his fingers, warm and wet.

For a split second, his non-occupied hand reaches for his phone, but he stops himself before he even unlocks it. He can’t call 911. If he calls 911, then the 118 will discover what it is he’s been doing...they’ll realize that he’s dangerous, reckless, stupid, for having gotten himself stabbed, and he doesn’t want them to think that. He can’t lose them, not now. So no 911. He’ll be fine. He used to be a medic. He knows how to treat a stab wound.

He gets into his truck, left hand still firmly pressed to his torso. He fumbles around with the other until he finds a rag on the floor. Not bothering to think about where it might’ve been, Eddie balls it up and presses it as hard as he can into the wound, gritting his teeth to stop from screaming.

He drives home as carefully as he can, for the most part keeping a hand pressing the rag to his torso, but occasionally having to let go. His lap and seat are coated in sticky blood by the time he gets home.

For the first time in his life, he’s grateful that Chris isn’t there. There’s no hiding the blood coating his torso, legs, hands… He doesn’t know how he’d even begin to explain this to his son.

Eddie gets himself inside and into the bathroom, making a pit stop in the kitchen to grab some alcohol first - this isn’t going to be pleasant.

He stands in front of the mirror, dripping blood onto a towel he’d pulled quickly down from the rack. A first aid kit sits open in front of him. He takes a larger-than-probably-necessary sip from the bottle in his hand, then sets it heavily down onto the counter and gets to work.

First, he has to clean the wound. He grabs a bottle of saline solution, grits his teeth, and pours it onto his torso, hissing at the stinging feeling.

He waits for the pain from that to subside before starting on the more painful part of the task - the stitches. He pours some hydrogen peroxide over his supplies to make sure they’re clean - this cannot get infected - and then he takes a deep breath and begins.

In, out, in, out, in, out...it’s not a terribly long wound, which is good, because every stitch feels like getting stabbed again (which it technically is). He’s crying when he ties the thread off, and his hands are beginning to shake. He’s just glad they waited until he didn’t have a needle poking through his skin.

Eddie carefully sticks a gauze pad over the stitches, then gives himself a once-over in the mirror, hoping he’ll be able to say he looks pretty good for a guy that just stitched himself up.

But he doesn’t. His face is slightly pale and his eyes are red and there’s blood smeared all over his body like paint on a canvas. He can’t go to sleep like this, although sleep is about the only thing he wants to do at the moment. He’s got to clean himself up.

There’s no way he’s getting in the shower with his freshly-done stitches, so he settles for ruining several washcloths, cleaning his body with water from the sink. He can’t get all of the blood, because he can’t quite bend over without his torso pulling in a way that suggests more stitches will be imminent if he keeps doing it. But most of the blood is removed from his body, anyway, which is good enough for him. He strips out of his bloody shorts and puts them, the washcloths, and the towel from under his feet into the trash. He’ll take it out as soon as he gets redressed, so Chris won’t find them.

He puts on clean pajama pants, not bothering to run the risk of putting on a shirt, and grabs the trash, taking it outside to the can on the curb, pain thrumming through him with every step. That done, he returns to the bathroom and wipes his blood off of the counter, extremely grateful that none had dripped off of the towel and onto the floor.

He runs a quick check of the house, making sure there’s no blood on any of the floors (there is, but he scuffs a towel over it with his foot, which is not bloodsoaked enough to warrant the trash, but is instead tossed into the washing machine). He locks the doors, triple-checking to make sure they’re secure, and does the same with the windows. He doesn’t particularly think the guy that stabbed him is going to come after again (and even if he wanted to, it’s not like he knows where Eddie lives), but it never hurts to be cautious.

When all that is done, Eddie finally lets himself sink very carefully into his bed, placing a couple more towels under him in case his wound should start bleeding in his sleep. He prays it won’t. He doesn’t want to have to stitch his skin up again.

He wakes up in the morning, immediately checking himself for blood, which, fortunately, hasn’t seeped out of the gauze. There's a few spots on the gauze itself, but he needs to change it anyway.

It looks pretty good, Eddie thinks, eyeing the wound in front of the mirror. Not infected, stitches holding...about as good as he can expect.

He gets dressed, very painfully, and nearly dislocates his arm trying to get his shirt on without causing any stress on his chest. He makes a halfhearted attempt to make himself look like he didn’t just climb out of bed and head straight to work, but that is what he looks like, he’s sure.

Buck confirms this for him the second he walks through the station doors. “You look like shit, Eddie,” he says, bumping Eddie’s shoulder with his own.

Eddie gives him a smile that feels more like a grimace. “Overslept,” he says. Buck nods. “Chris was at that sleepover with...oh, what was her name...Olivia? Bet you expected him to wake you up early for breakfast.”

Eddie nods, surprised that Buck remembers where Chris is. He’d ordinarily smile at the fact, but currently can't bring himself to.

They head up the stairs to the loft, Eddie dragging along behind Buck significantly. Every step pulls on his stitches, and he feels like he can literally feel them starting to pull apart. Which he very well could be feeling, he knows. He just hopes he isn’t. They can’t know about this.

Of course, for them to not know about this, he has to act completely normal. Which is a task far easier said than done. As soon as he steps foot into the loft, Bobby’s tossing a container of oatmeal at him from the kitchen, with instructions to come over and help him out. Eddie catches the container with a barely concealed wince, and reluctantly goes into the kitchen to help Bobby, leaning up against the counter when he can.

“You okay?” Bobby asks him, as the team settles down to eat breakfast.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, though it doesn’t sound very convincing, even to his own ears.

Bobby nods, not pushing the issue. Eddie sees Buck look like he’s about to say something, but Bobby interrupts him by telling everyone what they’ve got on their plates today - cleaning the station. There are general groans from around the table, but Eddie’s never been more excited at the thought of mopping. He’s pretty sure he can do that, but rescuing someone from a burning building might push him a bit too far.

And if that’s the case, he shouldn’t be here. Not that he should be here anyway, he knows. Ideally, he should be at the hospital. But he can’t be there, and if he’d called in sick today they would have been concerned anyway, and worse, someone might have come over to check on him. So he’s here, gratefully grabbing a mop from the supply closet.

He turns around, mop in hand, and comes face to face with Buck.

“Look, I know we’re still...not on the most solid ground,” Buck starts, “but I am sorry, Eddie. I told you why I did what I did, and I understand if it’ll take you some time to process that, but…”

“It’s fine, Buck,” he says, as kindly as he can muster up the energy to do. “Really.” He means it, though he’s pretty sure his words lack the sincerity he feels.

Buck looks at him doubtingly, but after a second he seems to accept that answer, and then, before Eddie can stop him or back away or do anything, Buck’s hugging him tightly around the middle.

It would be just about the nicest feeling in the world if it didn’t make him want to scream in pain. As it is, he manages to turn the scream into a low groan, muffled into the fabric of Buck’s shirt.

Buck, of course, hears it anyway. He pulls back, arms on Eddie’s shoulders, scrutinizing him. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” Eddie says, trying to sound dismissive. Before Buck can say anything else, he adds, “we really should get to mopping.”

Buck can’t argue with that, so they begin their chore, though Eddie doubts that Buck is going to drop this.

Fifteen minutes of painful labor later, Eddie’s taking a break (hiding from the torture of the mop) in the locker room. Even the simple task had been absolute hell on his stab wound, and he can feel wetness beginning to seep through the gauze. He’s extremely grateful that his shirt is dark enough to hide the stain that is surely growing on it.

Knuckles rap at the glass. Eddie starts and stands up, turning around and coming, again, face-to-face with Buck. Can we talk? he mouths, and Eddie can’t exactly say no, so he nods.

Buck comes into the locker room looking somewhere between hurt and angry. “What’s up with you?” he asks.

Eddie turns his face away from Buck’s eyes. “Nothing,” he says, and Buck laughs humorlessly.

“Right, ‘cause that sounds so believable. Eds, you’ve been acting weird all day, you still look like shit even after Bobby’s breakfast, and I’ve caught you wincing at least five times in the past twenty minutes. What’s up?”

Eddie shakes his head. He can’t do this...he can’t let them know. Nobody can know about this side of him, this anger and this pain and this goddamn stab wound…

Which all of a sudden hurts a lot more. Eddie snaps open eyes he hadn’t realized he’d closed and sees Buck’s hand pressing into his torso, not yet touching the wound, but extremely close.

“Stop,” he whispers, but Buck presses on.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong with you,” Buck insists, moving his hand and pressing down directly on top of Eddie’s injury.

He makes a noise like a strangled scream, and Buck pulls his hand away suddenly. “What the hell, Eddie?” he asks, and then he looks at his own hands, which are covered in Eddie’s blood.

“What...the hell?”

Eddie shakes his head. Buck pushes him down onto a bench, and Eddie goes willingly. Buck pulls his shirt off over his head, jostling his arms, and Eddie doesn’t make a sound. His eyes have gone unfocused and his vision has gone blurry from tears he’s unwilling to let fall, but he can still make out the shape of Buck in front of him, knows what his face looks like without having to see it. Disappointed. Angry. Disgusted. He knows this must be how Buck feels. It’s how he feels.

A hand touches his face, cool and soft, and Buck’s voice sounds much the same when he says Eddie’s name.

Buck moves his hand back to Eddie’s torso, this time gently touching the skin around the wound, pulling back the gauze carefully. Eddie can’t stop himself from whimpering, which he immediately hates himself for, but Buck doesn’t seem to feel the same way when he apologizes and puts a soothing hand in Eddie’s hair.

“Eddie. Eddie, can you look at me? Please?”

Eddie focuses his eyes as best as he can and looks at Buck, who is crouched on the floor in front of him. “Eddie, what happened?”

He can’t hide it now...Buck knows, and they’re all going to know, know how weak and angry and in pain he is, and then they are going to hate him for it.

“Hey, hey, Eddie. It’s okay. I’m not going to be mad at you or anything. I promise. Just please tell me what happened so I know how to help you.”

Buck’s hand is back on his face, brushing away tears that he hadn’t ever wanted Buck to see. He takes in a ragged breath.

“Got stabbed.”

“Okay,” Buck says. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he says in return. It’s the only thing he can think of to say, and it’s not enough, it’s never enough, he’s never enough…

“You don’t need to be sorry, Eds. I’ve got you. We’ve got you.”

Buck shouts for Hen and Chim, and Eddie hears him explaining to them what’s happened. He tries not to pay attention, tries to ignore their voices. He can’t hear them. Can’t hear what they must think of him.

“Eddie?”

It’s Chim. He nods in response.

“We’re gonna take you to the hospital, alright?”

He nods again. He can’t fight them, he knows. He desperately hopes they won’t be too mad at him. “I’m sorry,” he says again.

“For what?”

It’s Hen this time, and he feels her hand on the back of his neck. He doesn’t reply, and this seems to be fine, because nobody asks him anything else, except for Buck, who asks if he’s ready and doesn’t give him time to answer before they’re all helping him up and onto a gurney, then pushing him into an ambulance.

Hen’s driving, and Buck and Chim are sitting in the back with him. Chim’s busy being a paramedic, though since Eddie’s already cleaned and stitched the wound there’s not a lot for him to do. He slips a pulse monitor onto Eddie’s finger and asks him how he’s feeling.

“Fine,” Eddie says, which is the wrong answer, obviously. Chim sighs and asks if he’s sure that he really feels fine, you know, with a stab wound to his torso and all.

“Fine. It hurts,” Eddie mutters, and Chim says a smug thank you that almost makes Eddie smile.

Buck grabs his hand from where he’s sitting next to Eddie, holding on tighter than can possibly be necessary, like he’s worried Eddie’s going to just fall away. Eddie wishes he had that kind of power.

“Will you tell us what happened?” Buck asks. Eddie shakes his head slightly. He can’t talk about it. Or, he can, but he doesn’t want to. Except some part of him does. He doesn’t say anything as he tries to figure that one out.

“Eddie, listen. I know you’re hurting right now. Because of Shannon, because of Chris, because of me...I know I haven’t been the best friend lately, but I have never stopped caring about you. Whatever happened, you can tell me. I promise I won’t judge you or be mad at you.”

“Same,” Chim adds, putting a hand on Eddie’s shoulder.

They won’t be mad, Eddie tries to tell himself. They won’t be mad. They won’t be mad.

“I was street fighting and it went bad,” he says, the words coming out of him in a rush.

“Okay,” Chim says, with professionalism. Buck, on the other hand, says nothing. He’s looking at Eddie with this unreadable expression on his face and he’s not saying anything, and Eddie thinks that this is it. This is something that can’t be looked past. This is the moment that Buck leaves him, for good.

“Okay,” Buck agrees, and his grip on Eddie’s hand tightens even more. “Thank you for telling us.”

They arrive at the hospital not ten seconds later, and then Buck, Chim, and Hen are walking beside him on the path to the doors, and when they reach the doors, rather than surrendering him to the doctors and turning around, they follow him in.

A few minutes later the four of them are crammed into a room that’s a little too small for all of them. Eddie’s lying on a table and the others are standing around him, giving the nurse a wide berth but anxiously looking over her shoulders. She’d told them there was no need for surgery and that he hadn’t lost enough blood to be in serious danger. She’d give him an anaesthetic, clean and stitch the wound, and then he’d be kept for observation for a couple hours. She had also pulled the other three away and talked to them about something Eddie hadn’t been able to hear. Him, most likely.

Buck, Chim, and Hen then clear out for the nurse, who smiles kindly at Eddie and asks whether he’s alright with receiving the local anaesthetic. He’d like to say no, that he’s fine, he’ll tough it out, but he is unfortunately now familiar with the feeling of stitches pulling through his skin, and he accepts the anaesthetic readily.

A few minutes later, he’s been stitched up far better than his at-home job, and he’s lying in a hospital bed trying to argue with the nurse about going home.

“It really is best if you stay, just until this evening, Mr. Diaz,” she’s saying, and he knows full well she’s right, but he hates it anyway. But Buck and Chim and Hen are standing behind her, eyeing him with looks that leave little point in arguing further.

He resigns himself to staying in the hospital for a little while. Buck, Chim, and Hen head back to the station and promise to come back as soon as they can. Eddie calls his abuela and asks whether she can pick up Chris from his sleepover. He tells her he’s been hurt on the job, nothing major, and he’ll be home that night. She says she’ll bring Chris by in an hour, and tells him he’d better not think he’s getting away with his shoddy explanation.

He tries to keep himself occupied as he waits for people to arrive, but time in the hospital passes extraordinarily slowly, and he finds himself bored out of his mind and kind of sleepy. He closes his eyes experimentally and finds it easy to drift off.

He wakes up to voices. Chris and Buck, he realizes, talking very excitedly about a new school project involving plants. Eddie smiles and opens his eyes.

“Dad!” Chris shouts excitedly, standing up so quickly he about topples over in his haste to give Eddie a hug. Buck catches him before he can fall and reminds him to be gentle, and then Chris is hugging him around the neck and saying he’s so glad he’s okay, and did he hear them talking about the new project? And does he think Buck can come over and help him work on it after school on Monday?

Eddie answers Chris’ questions as well as he can, and Chris seems satisfied with the answers, sinking back into his chair and grinning. Buck gives his hair a tousle and looks at Eddie. “You okay?”

Eddie nods. Now that they’re here, truly, the answer is yes. “I’m sorry,” he says, and he looks Buck straight on, hoping he’ll feel Eddie’s sincerity. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell anyone. I thought it would be fine. I just...I didn’t want you to know.”

“Know what?”

Eddie looks at Chris, who is looking between the two of them somewhat confusedly. He shakes his head. Chris doesn’t need to hear this.

At just that moment, there’s a knock on the door, and Eddie looks up to see Athena, with Harry and May in tow. “Bobby’ll be here as soon as he can,” she says to him. “And then you and I are going to talk.”

He nods. He’d figured this was coming. He’s just glad she hadn’t said they were going to talk right now.

“Hey Chris?” Buck asks, and Chris turns to him, grinning.

“Dad’s really okay?” Chris asks, before Buck can finish his sentence.

Buck nods. “He’s going to be just fine, I promise,” he says, holding up his hand like he’s swearing it. Chris giggles.

“Okay, Buck. Then...can I go play with Harry?”

Chris looks imploringly at Buck, then at Eddie, and Eddie catches Harry giving the same look to Athena. All three adults nod, and the two boys head out into the hallway, Athena and May following behind them. May closes the door behind her and smiles at the two of them, almost encouragingly? Which Eddie thinks is a bit odd. He’s broken away from the question by Buck slipping right back into their prior conversation.

“You didn’t want me to know what?”

Eddie takes a breath in, then turns his gaze to his hands, intertwined atop the blanket. He doesn’t think he can look at Buck while he says this.

“I didn’t want you to know how much it hurt. How angry I am. I didn’t want to tell you because then you would realize that I’m not enough, that I am angry and hurting all the time, and I’m not worth the trouble. I didn’t want you to know that about me. I didn’t...I didn’t want you to leave me.”

Buck doesn’t say anything. Eddie risks a glance up at him and sees that there are tears in Buck’s eyes. He hates himself for putting them there.

“Oh, Eddie,” Buck says, and his voice is as soft as anything. He grabs Eddie’s hand, rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of it. “Eddie, there is not a thing you could say to me that would make me leave you. That would make me stop loving you. I’m gonna be right here, no matter what. I’ll be here when you’re hurting, angry, upset...I love all of you, Eddie, not just the parts of you that you show to the world. All of you.”

He’s briefly interrupted by a whoop of joy from the hallway, a mix of Harry and Chris. Eddie looks back up at Buck, who’s smiling despite the tears on his face.

“And all of Chris. I’m not going to leave either of you, Eds. Even if I get mad at you sometimes. Even if I am mad at you for not telling me that you were hurting.”

Eddie’s crying too, now, and he feels Buck’s hand gently grab his chin, lifting his head so they lock eyes.

“You are more than enough, Eddie. For Chris, for the 118, for me...we all love you. We’re all right here. You don’t need to keep going through all of this alone.”

Eddie nods, feels a sob escape him, and then Buck’s holding him, incredibly gently but still grounding, running fingers through his hair and telling him, over and over, that he is enough. That he is loved. This just makes Eddie cry more, until finally he pushes Buck away, for once wanting to meet his eyes.

“I love you,” he says, and even after everything Buck’s said to him, he panics for a moment and wonders whether this is too much, and then Buck is moving towards him, slowly, looking at him like he wants confirmation that this is what Eddie wants, and of course this is what he wants, of course it is, and it must show in the look that he gives Buck in return, because the distance between them rapidly closes, and then he is kissing Evan Buckley, and Evan Buckley is kissing him.

“Eww!”

The two of them break apart in surprise, and Buck laughs softly, resting their foreheads together. The door to the room opens, and Chris, Harry, Athena, and May walk in.

“Kissing’s gross,” Harry says, and Chris nods. May whacks her little brother on the head. “What?” Harry protests. “It is.”

Eddie looks at Chris, for a second terrified that his son is going to hate him for this, but then Chris gives the most exasperated sigh that Eddie has ever heard come from a child, and he says, “I guess kissing’s okay.” Harry looks at him with betrayal on his face. “It’s still gross, mostly” he reassures, “but it’s not the worst. ‘Specially since we’re at the hospital. You’re supposed to kiss people better.”

Eddie smiles at his son, and he catches Buck doing the same, looking so incredibly happy and bright that it’s damn near painful to look him straight on.

“Yes!” May says suddenly, and she meets the questioning gazes of everyone in the room, looking up from her phone, where she’d been furiously texting. “Hen and Bobby and Dad owe me $20. I owe Chimney $20, too, though.”

Athena gives her daughter a look. “You bet on this?” she asks.

Eddie feels himself blush, and sees Buck’s cheeks darken, too. Had this been that obvious?

“Mom,” May starts, but Athena interrupts her. “And you lost to Chimney?”

May nods.

“And so did Bobby.”

Another nod.

“So we collectively owe Chimney $60. I can’t believe it. I swore I’d beat him. Ooh, he is gonna gloat.”

“Athena!” Buck yelps, mock hurt. “You bet on this?”

“It was a matter of time, Buckaroo.”

Buck smiles at her, and then turns his face back to Eddie. “A matter of time, huh?”

Eddie nods. “Apparently so.”

aghhhh thanks so much for reading this!!! i had literally the best time writing it and i hope you enjoyed!!!

#febuwhump2021 #febuwhumpday13 #hiding injury #911 #eddie diaz #hidden injury #field medicine #kinda #stabbed #hospital #cared for #my writing #i say things

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slidewhistlebj · 4 years ago

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TUA Season 2 is finally here! I think it was a really cool season with some really awesome potential, but there are some parts that I think really didn’t work and this is how i think they should have been fixed

(Spoilers for Season 2 of the Umbrella Academy. Obviously)

i think landing the siblings in different years was amazing, they got time to explore themselves and we could see their personalities through what they did

On the other hand, they didnt devote enough time to those storylines so it never felt like they had a solid purpose (for most of the siblings), it was more to show “time has passed”

How did Luther end up boxing under a gangster? How is he adjusting to no dad, no academy?? He was alone on the moon, He was left behind by his siblings in the academy, now he is alone and in a whole other *time* like i wanna hear about that!

Klaus has mansion and a cult and had a girlfriend benefactor lady?? Like: lets get into that! if the show wants humor that can be amazing

but it can also be really interesting and deep for exploring klaus’s need for both personal space (physically and somewhat emotionally) yet also his need for positive attention from whoever will give it to him!

More on that alone now track: the opening scene with their fighting was built to get us hyped

it fucking worked, that shit was amazing

but along with wishing that we saw more of their individual stories, i wish some of their growth had been gradual

like Klaus should have been showing off ghost stuff with his cult which is part of why they follow him which would set up his new ability to summon and conjure multiple ghosts at a time

instead of it being a throw away scene at the end where he gets caught

or Diego could have been shown in his ‘alone in dallas’ storyline to be trying to escape multiple times from the asylum and in that, figuring out his ability to start affecting other peoples shots at him, etc

Stuff like that would have been a great way to both dive into the characters *and* ramp up their abilities

Moving onto The Commission who i absolutely love so so much

Hell yeah u funky lil time-space assassins

I think that the Handler should have stayed dead

her return to the show while awesome (because she is played so well by her actress) continues this problem for the show of seemingly running in place where things dont have consequences like they should

I also think her return made a very campy feel to certain parts which is fine, the story should have fun! but it doesnt fit with the vibe very well with the other more serious plots

Imagine a storyline where the Handler is replaced by Carmichael, a competent replacement with no close personal relationship to Five

A head to head show down throughout the season of Five trying to outthink and outwit Carmichael and Commission Agents to get a briefcase

The misdirects!

The drama!

The action sequences and reveals!

More Screen Time for the Cool Ass Talking Fish 2k20!

All of which culminates in the board of directors scene but now with real weight behind it for the audience because we have been watching these two face off with one another for a season of build up

LET FIVE EAT THE FISH!

Giving that scene to the handler was the worst part of the whole season, u cant change my mind bros

This would also open up Lila to be more of her own person

Her storyline would change without the Handler there so that instead of being actively manipulated by the Handler, she has gone rogue from the commission to kill Five for her parents deaths due to previous planning and programming from her mother

(its only been 14 days for Five, a very normal turn around for him to desert, have the Handler tell Lila her version of the story, get killed, and have Lila get ready to take him down)

its generally the same plot, but Lila is more in the drivers seat

Going from tagging along with Diego in the hopes that Five returns for him to questioning some of her commitment to her mission as she spending time with them, etc

it could culminate in a reveal of her mother to Five and Diego and then a redemption where she helps them get a case from Carmichael in someway, looping her into the main plot in an important way with generally the same story

but skipping the pretty basic “obviously evil character is obviously evil but hero doesn't see it” trope that they fell into

I think that Luther’s arc in this season was awesome 10/10 gold standard

he was still him, but this storyline showcases the softer side of his loyalty and lets him grow from season 1 mistakes which is everything I hoped for

Comforting Vanya? Check

Being there for Five? Check

Being a voice of reason but still being a dumbass? Cheeeeeck

Diegos arc this season fell flat for me which was hard because he was such a main part of the plot

This whole season had a build-up trying to break down Diego’s need to be a hero (which they turned to a fucking 11 from last season?? he was not *this* intense last season, im not quite sure why they made the switch), telling him that he isnt / cant be the hero

I assumed this was leading to Diego having a big moment or sacrifice that proved that hero or not, he cares and the effort that he puts into all of these different things matters

But it just didnt??

He didnt stop the president from being assassinated, he didnt save vanya, at the farm he got trapped under a tractor

it just felt like the point was “haha see he isnt a hero”

which,,,,,,okay? What the point of that??

His involvement with the Commision was weird too, i didnt care for him being a part of that storyline very much, it just didnt add anything

Allison’s arc was just on the edge of greatness for me

it was an awesome choice to put in her in a position where she wasnt treated equally and show exactly what kind of person she is by how she fights back

her not using her rumors also seems very genuine and character based here like: 10/10 character motivations and work

My one complaint, like with just about all the partners in this season, is that she fell in love with a man and just had to leave him

which makes sense and they talk about it but like: she loves him, its hard to picture someone as loving and loyal as Allison just leaving her husband behind forever

Klaus’s arc just needed more *time*

He is a hella deep character but all of his story lines needed more time to be able to address that complexity

Show us more of the cult and his ghost powers being used there to trick and amaze and how he has been handling being cut off from the family again

I,,,,,,I understand,,,dave’s storyline

I get the time period

but fuck

that just hurts

I think Klaus not trying to rekindle his relationship with a younger Dave, but trying to protect him from the war was an amazing angle and it needed more time to get the full punch of klaus pulling out all the stops to save him but failing to really land it

Five

My Son

My Trash Boy

I feel like his job as ‘leader of the stop the apocalypse’ movement is good but that was his whole story this time around

He should have gotten more to play off of with the Commission (*cough cough* Carmichael) in his fight to get a briefcase instead of what felt like 10 hours of Five trying to herd his siblings and them just fucking up in someway or another

Five and Older Five was a cool dynamic and im glad they brought him in but again, it just felt like another long storyline attempt that didnt have a purpose as they ended the scene without the case or anything new

Ben’s arc was,,,,,strange

I love Ben and i think his interplay with Klaus is really cool!

But the writers made him fall in love which someone so they could give him a reason to want to possess Klaus which i feel like didnt need to happen

The possession was a good part of the season and could have been taken to some awesome places

It was rough and the ‘consent’ wasnt run entirely well but i think the possession is supposed to be on the line and not quite black and white

its Ben asking to take control of Klaus! That can be conflict! Thats good stuff right there! Ben is selfish! so is Klaus! thats a cool story to get into between them and see how they try to work it out

Ben wanting to connect with his other siblings after the small taste of being corporeal that he got and pushing Klaus for more and more of that freedom into possession territory would be A+ shit

and Finally: Vanya!

I think most amnesia plots are lazy and just a way to stall progress and reset a character so you can run a very similar plot again but this one seemed to genuinely grow Vanya’s character, even when she remembered

She definitely has more personality in this season

And while shes quiet, thats just who she is, she isnt as afraid to take space and speak up which is awesome!

And this stays when she gets her memory back which is very good, i dont want to see backsliding for no reason! Give me growth!

I have two complaints about her storyline though

First Sissy and Harlan

I love both of them and I think they are really cool characters!

Theyre pretty similar to vanya season 1, taking whatever is thrown at them which places Vanya in a more assertive position where she wants to protect them which i loved!

but their ending doesn't sit entirely right with me, just like Raymonds

These characters are in love and they all just leave each other so that the siblings can have a clean, no characters permanently added slate for the next season

it just makes me tired and i really want season 3 to have little to no romance if the only way the show can go about it is to do a love interest per season

My second problem gets its own section because it is the culmination of everything else i have said

episode ten

Vanya is strong af so any writer that wants big final fight needs to very carefully weigh out how to give each sibling their appropriately sized struggle so they get equal ability to contribute

Instead of doing that though, they did my least favorite trope: Evil Character secretly can do everything the heros can but better and without a problem or ***training***

It meant that they could do whatever they wanted with throwing commission agents at them because Luther, Allison, and Klaus were completely added on just to react to things

Five sort of got to do some fighting (<3 thats my lil geriatric 13 year old) but it was minor, he was mainly there to very obviously turn back time when the big bad shoot out happened

Diego got the most to do out of the siblings and it was suddenly knowing a new ability and doing it a little bit

I dont want a final fight to be trying to woo a bad guy to the good side because theyre too strong to fight

I want there to be stakes and drama as the siblings show off exactly what the season was all about, what they learned, how they grew together and apart, etc and to take down the big bad which could have very easily been the united front of the Commission instead of 18% Vanya, 15% Harlan, 30% Lila and the Handler, 20% the Swede(s), etc

Lila’s turn to good could have been to help them sneak attack the commission, maybe in their base so as to shrink the fighting to manageable bites for each character?

That would have allowed five’s killing of the board to draw the fighting to a close, a hard decision for him as he is trying to move away from killing but does so to save his family, always to save his family :’(

Luther could protect his siblings from hits like they showed at the beginning in a way that mirrors how he has been doing that emotionally all season

etc etc etc for all of the siblings so that they each get to show off and have their moment in the spotlight as heros

I loved the season even though i just ranted for like 3 pages, and it has some of the best one liners and line readings ever (”Thats where you come in Five” “Nope. No it isnt”) I just wish that some parts of it had been given some more thought / care so they could really show of the amazing cast, effects, sets, etc without writing in the way

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preservationandruin · 4 years ago

Text

Rhythm of War Liveblog, Part One Part Four (Chapters 12-15)

Onward! I feel like these posts are pretty long and don’t cover a lot, but then i remember that a lot of Part One every time is setting up what’s happening, and this one in particular we have an entire year’s worth of stuff to fill in, so I guess it’s warranted.

Kaladin hangs out with friends against his will, I remember that Adolin is a Horse Girl, Mraize talks about the interplanetary economy, Teleporting Fucker is a Legendarily Sore Loser, I have high hopes for spren necromancy, and Kaladin asks Zahel for advice.

We’re back to Kaladin, who is...not having a good time. He feels like he has to appear strong for Syl and the others, and not to let his problems affect them; he’s also hit hard by the feeling that Bridge Four is something that was in the past, not something that’s consistent and now.

“Hey,” Leyten said as they reached the tower entrance. “Rock! Got any stew for us maybe? For old times’ sake?” Kalaidn turned. The word “stew” pierced the cloud.

Rock can’t, he’s busy, and Kaladin goes to his rooms--which are sparse and empty, even though he has pretty good accommodations--and tries to self-isolate, which...mood. He starts going into what seems like a panic attack (paralyzed, curling into the fetal position, thoughts spiralling to what Moash was talking about) when the door is near-literally kicked down by Adolin and Syl.

(will i use this every time Adolin does things? probably)

Adolin manages to drag Kaladin out of his room, in what is--honestly--a pretty good way to do it for someone who is depressed--he makes the point that Kaladin doesn’t have to be happy, he doesn’t have to pretend to be happy, but he should be miserable around other people. And he does it in just...a very Adolin way:

“You spend too many evenings alone, bridgeboy,” Adolin said, glancing at the nearby exhaustionspren, then grabbing Kaladin by the arm--something few other people would have dared. “I like being by myself,” Kaladin said. “Great. Sounds awful. Today, you’re coming with me. No more excuses. I let you blow me away last week and the week before.”

I love that “blow me away” is Roshar-slang for “blow me off”

Kaladin tries to lash out and say maybe he just doesn’t like being around Adolin, Adolin dares him to say, with an oath, that he should be alone right now--and Kaladin can’t, because--of course--Kaladin shouldn’t be alone right now.

“Ha,” Adolin said, tugging him along by the arm. “Come on, Brightlord Master Highmarshal Stormface. Change your coat to one that doesn’t smell like smoke, then come with me. You don’t have to smile. You don’t have to talk. But if you’re going to be miserable, you might as well do it with friends.”

This is so good. I think on some level when you self-isolate, what people want (or at least, what I want) is to have someone willing and able to drag you out of it despite the fact that you don’t want to be around people--and I’m so glad that Adolin is that person.

Kaladin demands to know why Syl got Adolin of all people, despite that scene literally showing why Adolin was the perfect person to bring, and Syl responds that she needed someone Kaladin couldn’t intimidate...and, in the end, Kaladin ends up thanking her.

And then we go to Adolin’s favorite bar, where Veil is waiting, where the gang just start hanging out--and Adolin and Veil start talking about trying to set Kaladin up with someone. This is about the moment where I crowed in victory, because while I didn’t see this specifically coming up, Adolin and Veil being drinking buddies who are a) overly-invested in Kaladin’s love life and b) end up talking about attractive people together IS something I called at the end of Oathbringer. Bi Disaster Drinking Club lives.

(Casper, Adolin isn’t confirmed bi-- Listen. listen. give me this.)

“Oh, don’t be sour,” Veil said, smacking [Kaladin] on the shoulder. “You didn’t even glance at her. She’s cute. Look at those legs. Back me up, Adolin.”

I love all the Veil and Adolin banter we get here, because it only gets better--Veil asking for details of one of Adolin’s past relationships, Adolin trying to get out of it, Kaladin getting to enjoy time with his friends even when (maybe especially when) those friends are ridiculous. And then we also get another good moment of Adolin and Kaladin friendship when Veil goes off to gamble--Adolin asks Kaladin for advice for how to help Shallan with her own issues, but the advice Kaladin gives is also good advice for dealing with Kaladin, which Adolin knows and did on purpose. Kaladin asks why Adolin hasn’t become a Radiant yet, to which Adolin says that he’s not a good fit, he guesses--but the real reason, of course, is that Adolin refuses to give up Mayalaran.

Listen--by not giving up Mayalaran, Adolin is proving himself the Edgedancer she deserves and I will die on this hill.

And then things go back to being sad, because Rock is leaving--going back to his people to recieve judgement for breaking their rules by killing Amaram. He says he probably won’t be returning and hugs Kaladin, who gives him a few other members of Bridge Four as an escort--some of his kids, including Cord--the Shardbearer--stay in Urithiru.

I deeply suspect this will not be the last we see of Rock, because there’s no way in hell, but it was both touching and really sad at the same time.

We move back to Shallan the next morning, going through her day while Adolin is out horseriding; I can’t believe I nearly forgot Adolin is a Horse Girl, despite literally everything about Adolin being prime horse girl. Shallan gets a message about a spren coming to negotiate--probably one of Sja-anat’s spren--and she visits her brothers as well, sketching by their fire.

We get that she’s researched DID--or, the Rosharan understanding of DID--and the results haven’t been heartening, with people who have DID mostly being objectified and ridiculed. It also notes that memory loss is a common symptom, which Shallan notes she doesn’t really experience.

Mraize shows up at her brothers’ house, both as a threat--his cover is an older soldier who is known to be clumsy and could, in theory, injure someone around him--and to talk to Shallan. We get more of the goals of the Ghostbloods--they’re trying to set up an Investiture trade across the Cosmere. Which is actually super smart--investiture is pretty easy to come by on Roshar, which is the entire reason Vasher/Zahel is there. I can see Nalthis in particular loving a way to sustain their gods that, uh, doesn’t involve sucking out souls.

Mraize also basically confirms his mole is a lightweaver, which...I’m really hoping this isn’t the case, but I’m starting to suspect the mole is perhaps Formless, or a similar Alter of Shallan’s. She’s had some weird logic gaps that she doesn’t understand, and we just got the mention of alters maybe not able to remember what each other are doing.

Now, I really hope that’s not the case, because that’s a tired old trope with DID--the evil alter ego. It’s really tired and awful for people who have DID, so I hope that’s not the twist here.

Anyway, Mraize gives her her next job, which is going to find Restares--who is in the honorspren citadel of Lasting Integrity. Mraize says when she meets Restares, she’ll know what to do, and that once she completes that, she’ll get all the answers she could want from the Ghostbloods.

We go back to Venli in Kholinar; a new group of Fused are here for bodies, and Leshwi is worried about one of them in particular--one of the fannahn-im, Those of Alteration. We meet the Nine, leaders of the Fused who are in pillars fused to the floor of their chamber, which Venli points out is just dooming the people whose bodies they took to a horrible form of entombment.

Venli can feel Odium watching, which I responded to with “come on motherfucker, 1v1 me.” Listen, I would die, but what a way to go.

The Teleporting Fucker--Lezian the Pursuer--is one of the Nex-im, Those of Husks, who are the Ninth Brand. He doesn’t defer to the Nine and claims Kaladin has to be Fourth Ideal because he “couldn’t be defeated by an ordinary human.” Which is hilarious, because he was. You were defeated by an ordinary human whose powers were blocked. Kaladin is just that good.

Anyway, he claims he now has to go kill Kaladin because his whole deal is that he murders any human who kills him:

“Milennia ago, Lezian was the first Fused to be killed by a human. To avoid the shame of such a death, upon returning to life, Lezian ignored all orders and rational arguments--and went into battle seeking only the man who had killed him.”

So he’s a loose cannon who everyone goes along with because they can’t stop him and because he developed a legend around his stupid decisions? Got it. I’m really amused that this guy’s entire thing is just being Roshar’s Sorest Loser. Anyway, Leshwi disputes his claim and says that she has first dibs on killing Kaladin--Venli notes that Leshwi probably doesn’t even know that she’s trying to protect Kaladin.

Guys, I can’t believe Fused war tactics operate on the dibs system. Also, this feels just like a continuation of my joke that everyone in this series has a type and that type is Kaladin.

Anyway, then we meet the new lady who Leshwi is worried about--Raboniel, the Lady of Wishes. She was one of the Nine but stepped down to become more active; Leshwi talks about how she is a scientist without morals, whose plan the last Desolation was to release a plague that would affect Singers as well as humans and actually did, but fortunately didn’t have as great an effect as she hoped. So now biological warfare is coming onto the table.

Raboniel pushes to seize Urithiru to strike against the humans; she created the anti-powers Fabrial and now wants to reverse the “Sibling’s heart” to nullify radiants in Urithiru, although she notes that Fourth Ideal ones could pull through--and she wants to experiment on the Sibling, who is effectively a deadeye.

This is interesting, because we’ve already seen a deadeye start to respond to people--Mayalaran. Is spren necromancy going to get a day in the sun in this book? Please, please let spren necromancy through the power of friendship be a plot point.

Anyway, Leshwi offers Venli to Raboniel as an aide, while wanting Venli to spy for her on Raboniel’s plans; Venli is happy about being on this strike, because she wants to see if she can find someone who can teach her how to be a Radiant.

We also get this good note from Leshwi, which--to me--calls back the fact that there’s a whole narrative about if war can be honorable happening here:

“Extinction is the natural escalation of this war,” Leshwi whispered. “If you forget why you are fighting, then victory itself becomes the goal. The longer we fight, the more detached we become. Both from our own minds, and from our original Passions.” She hummed softly to abashment.

We get back to Kaladin, who pushed through the worst of his depressive episode (although I would note that this could support the idea that something Odium-y is making it worse; now he’s in the Tower, it’s Regular Depression which he’s better at dealing with). Sigzil has now been put in charge of administration for the Windrunners; Kaladin tried to make it Teft but Teft was like absolutely not, fuck you for suggesting it.

Kaladin goes to find Zahel, wanting to talk to him, and finds him doing laundry; on the way he talks to Rlain, who is overseeing people growing plants by gemlight and music, which is how the listeners used to do it. Rlain gets excited at the mention of an honorspren who will work with him, but when Kaladin explains the situation, he demurs--understandably.

“I will wait for a spren who will bond me for who I am--and for the honor I represent.”

Rlain--in particular Rlain, who knows the experience of being forced into partnerships and jobs you don’t want--doesn’t want a spren who sees him as a burden or something that they don’t want to bond, and that’s completely valid of him.

Anyway, Kaladin finds Zahel hanging up bright scarves in the laundry; Kaladin asks Zahel if he should join the martial ardents as a solution to what he should do next, noting that Zahel “couldn’t give up the sword.”

“Oh, I gave it up. I let go. Best mistake I ever made.”

YEAH, AND NOW YOUR SWORD SON IS TERRORIZING ROSHAR, VASHER.

Well, not terrorizing. Mostly it’s just with Szeth, who is...somewhere around here, probably. Somewhere Zahel is avoiding at all costs bc Nightblood would take one look at him and just start yelling.

Zahel spars with Kaladin, fully exploiting the colored cloth around them and his own style of fighting while talking to Kaladin about why he fights. In the end, he says he can’t sponsor Kaladin--because Kaladin still loves fighting too much for him to really be an ardent. Kaladin also notes that Zahel fights like Azure--Zahel irritably corrects that she fights like him.

God I really want to see Azure and Zahel on the same page. Vasher you can’t run forever.

There’s also a meta discussion; Zahel talks about the different levels of invested beings, and how he’s had to update it from the time in Warbreaker he did the same thing. He notes that for people like him:

“We’re spren masquerading as men. That’s why she takes our memories. She knows we aren’t the actual people who died, but something else given a corpse to inhabit...”

So that’s both interesting and rather somber; “she” in this case is of course Endowment. I’m not entirely sure what to make of this bit, other than that it’s sad and interesting in that it draws a comparison with the Fused, who do a similar thing but instead of taking the shape/personality of the corpse they’re inhabiting, kill it and replace it.

Also, I’m not sure Zahel is right, here, because Lightsong did remember his past as the story went on, and did remember emotional connection to people from his past. So there might be more there than Zahel is giving it credit for.

#row spoilers #row liveblog #the stormlight archive #venli and the long con #ghostblood activity

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mattygraygubler · 5 years ago

Text

our campus: chapter 4 (tom holland fanfic)

summary: frat!tom and reader go to the same college and y/n is tasked with being his tutor, they don’t really get along at first (because i love reader and tom hating each other trope)

warnings: none ?????

word count: 2.1k

a/n: so many texts and so much dialogue fuckin kill me also texts are bold

for a list of characters click here

to be added to the tag list send me an ask !

masterlist

✰✰✰✰✰

“I don’t know what you did to get her to give you a second chance, but I need to warn you.” Ally said. Tom turned to look at her, they had only ever spoken when necessary for theater stuff.

“Warn me?” He asked.

“Y/N can make your life either very, very good or very, very bad. She has most of the professors in this school wrapped around her pinky. And she doesn’t make it obvious, but she’s the smartest person I’ve ever met. She can really help you if you let her.”

“Well, thanks.” He said awkwardly and turned back to his stuff.

“One more thing.” Ally said. Tom turned again and raised his eyebrows. “Don’t you dare catch feelings.” “Seriously? No need to worry about that.” Ally scoffed.

“I’m serious, Tom. Don’t. She doesn’t need that right now.”

“Yeah, fine, I get it.” He said.

“Alright guys let’s get started.” Gigi said, signaling rehearsal was about to start.

* * *

It was finally Friday, and your phone was blowing up as you walked to the library. Class had gotten out late, so you were walking as fast as possible so you wouldn’t be late to your meeting with Tom.

if Y/N is ok with it its fine with me

i still dont know how i feel about this

pretty pretty please guys i really like this guy and he really wants me to go

You

what are we talking about i was in class

harrison invited em and all of us to the delt party tonight

and i said we shouldnt go bc of what happened

plus isnt tom a delt? wouldnt that be a bit awk?

You

honestly i couldnt care less. after the week ive had im gonna too blacked to even realize where we are

lets take it to a vote

aye

nay

You

im abstaining

the ayes have it! delt BABEEEYYYY

ill have harrison put us all on the list

You

glad we got that sorted ill see u guys at mine at 8

You walked into the library, checking your watch and seeing it was 4:02. You bit your lip. Hopefully he didn’t give you any crap for being late.

You walked quickly into hlab, and you knew you looked like a crazy person. Your bag was falling off your shoulder, you had a coffee in your hand and your water bottle tucked under your arm, and your phone in your other hand.

You scanned the room and saw Tom sitting across from Max, both of them had books out.

“Hi,” you said breathlessly. Max slid over a seat so you could sit across from Tom. “So sorry I’m late, crazy day.”

“No worries dar-” You heard him start to say darling, but stopped himself. “No worries. It’s only 2 minutes after.”

“How long have you been waiting?” You asked.

“Max and I have been hanging out for a while, not a big deal.”

“Speaking of, I’m on alc duty for tonight so I better go.” Max said, did his stupid handshake with Tom, and walked out.

Hlab was almost empty except for some freshman. Most people don’t like studying on a Friday, who could blame them?

“So I got a copy of your lectures from this week. What do you want to start with?”

“I don’t care.”

“Ok, what is currently confusing you the most?” He thought for a second before saying “Astronomy.” You nodded.

“Great, grab your notes and your textbook.” He pulled out a notebook and his laptop, opening the online textbook. You pulled out your laptop and a pen and highlighter.

“May I?” You asked and pulled his notebook to your side. You went through his notes, circling certain things with the pen and highlighting others.

“These are really good, Tom. I like how you put question marks next to things that confused you.” He laughed.

“Do I get a gold star?” He joked. You rolled your eyes.

“So phases of the moon.” You started.

“Wait a second,” he said after you had been talking for a while. “You’re telling me that the moon doesn’t actually, like, change?”

“It’s all shadows.” You replied. He nodded and seemed to finally be getting it.

“The phases will most definitely be on your next lab, which isn’t open note, so make sure you memorize them.” You said. “Let’s move onto stats.” He groaned. “What?” You asked.

“Statistics is so stupid. Letters and numbers shouldn’t go together.” You rolled your eyes.

“Stats is easy, I promise you. This is the first unit, all we’re doing is descriptive statistics and graphing. Let’s start with some vocab.” You said, highlighting certain words in his notes.

Once you could see his brain was about to explode, you moved onto writing.

“There’s not much to talk about, just email me your most recent paper so I can go through it and look for themes we need to discuss.”

‘“Themes?” He asked.

“You know, on going issues that need to be addressed.” He nodded and emailed you his paper, which you would read tomorrow. You heard your phone buzz and took a quick glance.

al dont be upset

then dont give me a reason to get upset

what is it

……….. It’s themed

are you kidding? were not freshmen, i dont wanna go to a stupid themed frat party

its blackout !!!! itll be fun i promise

You turned your phone back down and didn’t realize you had an upset look on your face.

“Everything ok?” He asked.

“Just arguing in the group chat.”

“Do you need to go?” He asked.

“No, no, just arguing about tonight.”

“What’s tonight?”

“Tonight is not related to political conflict, which is what we should be talking about.” He laughed.

“Do you ever have fun?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m serious, do you ever have fun, or do you just go to sleep surrounded by planners and textbooks.”

“That’s not funny. There’s a lot more about me that you don’t know.”

“Clearly.”

“So we’re starting off with socioeconomic issues over time and the class strugle. Did you read the Marx chapters?”

“Yup. Didn’t understand a word of it.”

“Ok, let’s get into it.” You said and began rambling about the bourgeoisie and the communist manifesto. Politics was your favorite subject, you could talk about it for hours.

You were having a really good discussion with Tom. It was global political conflict, and he was able to connect the themes to both America and England, which made you really pleased.

You were pulled out of your discussion when your phone vibrated.

pickin up panera anyone want anything

“Jeez it’s already past 6:30, I gotta go.” You said.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He said.

“No it’s not your fault, I get so into politics I lose track of time.” “I can tell.” He said as you both packed up your stuff.

“Wanna grab some food?” He asked.

“Sorry, can’t,” you said.

“Why, got a hot date?” He joked.

“Maybe,” you said.

“At least let me walk you to wherever you’re going.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Well where are you going?”

“Congression Hall?” You replied.

“Wait, you live there?”

“Uhm, yes? Me along with practically every other junior.”

“What floor?”

“8.” You said.

“Should’ve guessed.” He replied as you started walking across the quad.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Honors 8. I forgot you were in hc.” He was referring to the eighth and top floor of Congression Hall, which was reserved for the honors college juniors.

“Yeah.” You said simply.

“I’m on six, by the way.” He said. “That’s why I was curious. I’ve never seen you around there.”

“I’m not usually, I only really use it for sleep.”

“Of course,” he replied.

“I assumed you lived in a frat house.” You commented.

“Nah, next year.” He said with a wink. “Speaking of frat houses, there’s kind of this party going on at Delt tonight-”

“I’m aware.” You said, cutting him off.

“Ah, well, if you want I can get you on the list.” You smiled to yourself.

“No need, I’m already on the list.” You said.

“Oh?” He said, clearly embarrassed. “Because of delta nu?”

“Nope.” You said, not offering any other information.

“Well maybe I’ll see you there then.”

“Even if you do see me there, I will be pretending I don’t know you.”

“Why?” He asked, clearly offended. “I run that house.” He joked, trying to play off the embarrassment.

“No offense, but your reputation would not be good for mine.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well I have a certain reputation in the greek community, and if people see me with you they’ll get the wrong idea.”

“The wrong idea?” He asked as you walked in the lobby of your building.

“Well, see, the thing is,” you said, stepping into the elevator. He pressed the button for six and eight. “I have certain standards. If people see me with you, they’ll think I’ve…”

“Wow, you are really uptight, aren’t you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Certain standards? Jesus christ, you’re not the queen, Y/N. And I don’t have a bad reputation. But god forbid I don’t live up to your ‘standards.’” He said, storming off the elevator without another word, clearly upset. You sighed. Good job, Y/N.

Tom got to his room and threw his stuff on the floor, collapsing on his bed. His head hurt from all the tutoring, and trying to focus on not staring at your lips.

delt juniors

Tom

aight important question guys

Cal

whats up tommy

Tom

do you guys know a girl called Y/N Y/L/N? shes a delta nu

Joey

dan knows her ;)

Cal

fuck, Y/N? what are you doing with her?

Tom

shes tutoring me stop buggin

Max

i know her which u know shes in hc with me

Liam

oh danny DEFINITLY knows her

Will

who doesnt know Y/N? shes a hot commodity

Tom

what do you mean?

Cal

shes like the perfect girl next door, totally hot and so smart which just makes her hotter

Will

doesnt help that shes a huge fuckin flirt AND can hold her alc

Joey

dan is being suspiciously quiet……..

Dan

shut up joe

Liam

care to share with tommy your story with Y/N, daniel?

Dan

i hate u all

fine

i was like in love with her freshman year

and i thought she was into me too

and we made out a couple of times but nothing else

the second she found out i was in delt she stopped talking to me

like complete radio silence

Tom

wtf? Why?

Cal

she doesnt fuck with delts

thats like common greek knowledge

Will

maybe its because shes gonna be dchi sweetheart?

Joey

nah theres gotta be something else

Harrison

well i just put her on the list for tonite

Tom

wait YOU put her on the list?!

Harrison

yeah i invited her friend Emily Gold and she doesnt go anywhere without Y/N and these two other girls

Cal

Ally Park and Isabelle Miller

Harrison

yeah howd u know?

Cal

theyre like those cool girls from high school everyones obsessed with that are just out of everyones league

Tom

wow american high schools are so weird

Dan

tom if u wanna get with her i wont be pissed

Tom

nah like you said she hates delts, and after three tutoring sessions with me i guarentee i am her least favorite delt ever

Liam

theres no fuckin way she shows up tonight

she wouldnt be caught dead at a delt party

Noah

wait you said Y/N Y/L/N may come tonight????

DIBS

DIBS DIBS DIBS

I CALL DIBS

Cal

noah u seriously show up just to call dibs?

Noah

yeah bro have u seen her? if she comes tonight and any of you try to cockblock me i stg ill deck you

Dan

pretty sure tommy has rightful dibs to this one

Tom

nah fam she hates me so fuckin much

let noah try his luck

i doubt she’ll even show

Max

she’ll show.

Tom

what makes u say that?

Liam

max does know her best

Max

she and ally and emily and isabelle are ride or die. they circulate who picks what party they go to and if its emilys turn and harrison somehow conviced her to go, Y/N wont miss it

Dan

she hasnt set foot in a delt house since freshman year, you seriously think she’ll show?

Max

five bucks says she does

Dan

youre on

Noah

i just wanna make it clear

that if she does show

D I B S

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #frat!tom

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rezdogsyonder · 5 years ago

Text

Need (3)

Pairing: Professor!Rogers x Reader

Summary: The professor realizes just how mich he wants you.

Warnings: stalking, mention of blood.

A/N: This part will mostly be in Steve’s point of view. Kinda. I’ve decided reader wears glasses and idk why I wrote this, this way.

**********

‘Why am I doing this? I shouldn’t be doing this.’ Steve thought as he kept following her from a safe distance.

**********

He wasn’t following you at first; he stayed back in his office for probably an hour...or three. He didn’t keep track. He needed to turn in a book, a history book for revision, and comparison. He is writing his own book, telling what actually happened while in the Howling Commandos.

By the time Steve got to the library the sun was setting, and it was a complete ghost town inside. Only spotting two people on his way to his destination. One of them being a janitor. The top floor of the library is where he needed to go, it’s where the special collection is kept. Normally these kinds of books aren’t allowed out of the library, but being older than most of the books in their library has its perks.

Putting the book back in its respective place, and about to return the checkout card, that is when I sees you once more. Hiding out in the back corner, at a table that is covered in notebooks and colorful pens and highlighters. Looking so deep in focus, biting your lip, and flipping through papers only to turn back to your notebook.

Hair tossed up in a messy bun. Glasses hanging at the end of your nose. You look at little bit more disheveled than what he remembered from a couple hours ago. White V-neck t-shirt under a navy blue cardigan. You looked beautiful.

Deciding to stay, Steve began to look through more history books, encyclopedias, and records that would help with his little project. If he was going to stay he might as well get some work done too.

He sat at a table across a very long isle from you. A seat that made sure he could still watch you, without you seeing. If he had, to he could just scoot his chair forward and he would be out of sight.

Steve is there for another 40 minutes or so before he sees her putting all of her notes away. He quickly stacked everything and put it all in his bag, then walking out before she sees him. Waiting by the entrance for you.

‘Why is she out this late? Doesn’t she know this is a dangerous city?’

Then he realized. He shouldn’t be here, he could get fired.

‘Why am I doing this? I shouldn’t be doing this.’ Steve thought as he kept following her from a safe distance.

He was going to turn back, he really was, but she just seemed so vulnerable. How far does she live? ‘I’ll just make sure she gets home safe.’ He decides, but he truly know that now he’s hooked, and he’s not going to stop.

And he didn’t. He not only followed her home but he found out what apartment she lives in. First floor, not very safe, at least the windows to her home are high. Less of a chance of robbery. He also saw her roommate, he recognized her from the coffee shop. Watching her clean up her room Steve realized something.

He’s got it bad.

**********

He held himself back from following her again. Not really by choice. He didn’t see her at the library again. He also avoided the cafe she works at. Not wanting himself to get too close, too fixated. It has been three weeks though, and he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep himself from you. Of all of his classes, yours was his favorite.

You have his class twice a week, every Tuesday and Thursday. Both scheduled at 4:30. He has kept his distance and she has been nothing but a model student.

Steve needs a teachers assistant, and he thinks he’s already found her.

**********

The essays Steve had assigned are finally almost done being graded. Deciding to leave yours last. When he was done going through, your essay was nearly perfect. Maybe he was biased, but he really thought that you’re paper deserved an A.

A grade he rewarded to only six other people. He was going to write an A when an idea struck him.

He grabbed his red marker and marked the paper with a C, writing “see me after class”.

He smiled at his plan and quickly filed it into the bottom of the stack of essays to hand back as students began filing into his classroom.

It’s Thursday.

**********

You got to Mr.Lee’s class 15 minutes early as per usual. You like being a little bit more than punctual. This was one of your favorite classes to be in but to be honest you’d be glad when it’s over. Math made sense to you but it took work. A lot of work.

Last class, there was a test and you were dying to see how you did. Mostly because he said that this test will be just like the mid-term and a good chunk of the final. You tried really hard, going to the library more often than usual. Well, it isn’t a big accomplishment, you only go the the library once a week. For like 4 hours, but still.

You’re practically bouncing in your seat all class period, since the average score on the test for this class was 82% Mr.Lee thought that we can have a reward. It’s his top priority that his students are understanding his material, and that’s why you like this class.

We are currently watching a movie and those who wanted to leave could, but they would have to wait longer to view their score. You stayed because you worked too hard to wait any longer.

But finally the end of this class was drawing near, and Mr.Lee just checked his watch and was pulling out a big stack of papers. Trying to stay calm just in case your score was bad, and why did this class have to be so big?

He was finally get to you, and he set your packet face down on your desk. Did he put the other students tests face down? You weren’t even paying attention. Now that you have your test, you can leave the class.

Pulling out your phone you call a familiar number, “Wade?” You met him on you way to a book store last year, he actually saved you from being mugged when you thought it was a good idea to take a shortcut through a back alley.

“My common sense it tingling,” you hear him the material of his mask being moved around, “What did you do this time Y/N? Something that shows you’re intelligent I bet. That’s the main trope of your story’s character.”

“You know you don’t sense sometimes, but maybe! I took a test the other day and I’m scared to look. I was hoping a call to you would help calm my nerves.”

“Would an in person meet and greet help?”

“What do y—” you couldn’t finish your sentence before a body landed in front of you on the sidewalk. You let out a loud shriek, then you heard a voice.

“Holy fuck knuckles! That shit hurted.” And you realized who it was.

“Fuck I hate you sometimes.” You sighed.

“I’m hilarious so don’t hate. And that was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo,” he sits up at looks at you, “wanna kiss it better?” He says gesturing to his backwards foot.

You bend over and turn it back around, despite his cry of pain. Then you offer a hand so he may stand.

You looked down, “ah shit you got some blood on me.” It was only a drop, probably the size of a quarter on your white boyfriend cardigan. Wade pokes his arm and draws a smiley, using the dot on your sweater as an eye.

“Gross.” You smiled.

“Hydrogen peroxide will get that out.” You nodded and began unbuttoning it to take it off. Leaving you in your baby pink cami that was tucked into your high waisted back jeans.

“So... Wanna see my score?” You held out the packet.

“Ah... mhmm... yes.” He mumbled through his mask as he flipped through the pages. “Y/N I’m sorry to have to tell you this but it looks as thought you’ll have to drop out.”

You hit him, “Shut up, let me see.” You snatch it out of his hand before you finished your sentence. By it before you look at your score you smiled at him, “I guess your ‘inperson meet and greet’ did help.”

93%. You were struggling in that class and this will surely boost your grade back up. Squealing you jump at Wade, hugging him. He twirled you around.

“Celebratory chimichangas?” He put you back down and began walking, knowing you’d follow.

“Yeah actually I have roughly an hour and a half before my next class.” You said you you looked down at your phone. “Where should we go?”

“There’s this beautiful woman that has a restaurant somewhere that way.” Wade said point in a general direction.

You didn’t really believe him but two blocks in the direction he pointed was a small restaurant. You wouldn’t have noticed it if Wade hadn’t pointed it out. The lady that ran it was a sweet little old woman.

The food was great, and Wade was able to keep you occupied the entire time. You didn’t even realize how much time had passed before there was only 5 minutes before your next class started.

“Oh SHIT! Fuck IM LATE!” You scrambled pull out your wallet, but end up spilling everything. Wade starts to help you pick up everything that fell out, he stood up with five of your notebooks.

“I paid ahead of time. Sorry read ahead in the script. But let’s go!” He waved at the little lady behind the counter. “Goodbye, my princess.” And blows her a kiss.

“Come on we have to run, slow ass.” he starts pulling you to go faster.

“Jesus, I’ve never been late before. Oh my god.” Starting to get out of breath. About a block and a half closer.

“Really? Never would have guess that.” He says sarcastically. You two are back on campus, and you need to pass two more buildings.

“There! It’s right there,” you say running faster, you get to the front of the building. Wade hands you back your notebooks. You lean over trying to catch your breath.

“4:28. Why was it so important to be on time to this class?”

“Well turns out Mr.America is also Mr.Punctuality.”

“Cap is your teacher? I better skedaddle before he try’s to cut off another arm. Goodbye sunshine.” He taps your nose. “Boop.”

“Bye!” You waved and headed inside, going to the second to last classroom on the left.

You check the time again 4:29, you weren’t late. But it looks like the teacher is going to be. All that worrying for nothing. Not knowing that you were the reason for his tardiness.

**********

Mr.Rogers did show up for class but was about five minutes late. Other than that class went on like normal, you took your notes and worked. Used to the feeling of somebody staring at you, you didn’t want to know who thinking that acknowledging them will encourage them.

‘Wow she looks so adorable, pink suits her well.’ He thought as he watched her, but he began to grow angry as he realized that these boys were looking at his girl.

It was nearing the end of class, so he began passing out the essays. Saving yours for last. Today’s class was small, most students skipped his class once they realized that he wasn’t going to talk about Captain America or the avengers.

Once he got to you he placed your essay on your desk face down gently. He felt a little bad, turning around quickly so he didn’t have to see the disappointment on your face.

You forgotten about the essay, but you thought you had done well when you turned it in. You were having a good day, but this just ruined it. A big C on the corner of your paper. You felt tears beginning to well in your eyes but you blinked them away before they could fall.

You look at the clock and there is 2 minutes left, but the professor dismissed everyone already. You begin packing your stuff up, when you feel a little chilly. Sighing you pull out your cardigan and look at the smiley. Maybe you’ll call Wade again after this. You put it on hoping people will think it’s just a cute little design.

The class was now empty and you walk to the office connected to this classroom. It was more plain than you’d expect, and a lot cleaner too. Almost every other professor’s office you’d been to had been a complete mess. He was sitting behind his desk.

“You said to see you after class?” You say timidly. He gestured to the seat in front of his desk, and you take a seat.

“Yeah let me see that,” he holds out his hand and you lean forward to give him your paper, “I just needed to talk to you.” He crossed out the C and wrote an A right next to it, and stood up.

“What did you need to talk about?” You felt a little better with an improved grade, but a nervous pit in your stomach began to form. We’re you in trouble? He walked around and leaned against his desk in front of you, handing your paper back.

“I have been needing to choose a TA for the semester, and I was wondering if you would like to fill that position?”

“Oh my gosh really? I would love to! What would I need to do?”

He smiled, “Well, regular TA responsibilities like grading, tutoring or mentoring students if and when they need help, stuff like that.”

“Wow, thank you for this opportunity.” At this point you wouldn’t be able to stop smiling.

“It’s no problem. This job will suit you, I can tell.” He sighs and rubs the stubble on his face. “But, you will have to sign a few papers.” He slid walked back behind his desk and pulled a small packet out of his desk drawer. “This isn’t what you would sign with other teachers, but I’m sure you’re aware of my previous profession.” You nodded. “This is just protecting my privacy and it’s basically saying that you won’t do anything that would take away that privacy.” He slid the papers over to you, then putting a pen on top.

“Yeah, okay.” You didn’t read through it before signing, as Mr.Rogers just explained it to you. You put the pen down. “What now?”

Yes, what now? Steve thought.

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archer3-13 · 6 years ago

Text

fire emblem three houses famitsu article.

so, after parsing through the famitsu article as translated via broken google translate english, i have deduced that they are really leaning hard into the school management aspect for fire emblem three houses. of all things. like im not necessarily mad, im just a bit wary since this means the games really gonna have to knock it out of the park writing wise. anyways, other things of note:

1. class divides by gender are a thing to note again, and im not particularly a fan of this especially in a game thats trying to set itself up as more in depth and open in terms of unit customization. that said, so long as they provide alternatives that can fulfill the same needs or aesthetics as the mono gendered classes for the opposite gendered classes then i suppose i can accept it in this case. im still annoyed though - -..... the classes in case your wondering that the article mentions seem to be a fist fighter class and the dark mage of all things so im gonna hope for/assume that they have witches as a thing and like a female kungfu class? dont disappoint me game.

2. gauntlets do indeed have a brave effect but are not unsurprisingly locked to foot bound classes only. definitely interested in seeing how it’ll interact with gameplay once i get my hands on the game.

3. hidden talents. apparently if a units got a star or some sort of indicator next to one of the weapon skills in the learning screen (you know, the screen they showed that was for teaching scrubs how to ride horses and swing swords better) that’s a hidden talent for the unit meaning if you put the effort into teaching them that skill they’ll be hell of a lot better at it. upon closer inspection it looks like if your student has stars beside a certain weapon skill and you fill it all the way up, the student now starts receiving double the weapon exp for that skill.

4. school activities, or to meme here SOCIAL ACTIVITY!! basically force your students to participate in school projects i guess as part of a motivation system/learning thing? im not entirely clear on it but it basically looks like forcing people to do stuff. speaking of motivation though... upon closer inspection its kinda like the support system but your designating students to go pull weeds and thus build trust soo... maybe its how you grind supports? or their the supports themselves? idk, force children to perform manual labour and watch them grow closer like some sort of weirdo.

5. if they aint motivated they probably aint gonna do as well. motivation being the... motivation i guess to incentive players to participate in the social activity aspect of things. basically, if you interact and keep your students happy they’ll be more likely to learn what your trying to teach them like riding horses

6. personal skills, and boy are they as... boring as fates personal skills were - -. the main house lords get a flat exp multiplier (a 1.2 multiplier...) each and a lot of the other personal skills are in the vein of ‘plus 5 damage when alone’ or ‘plus 5 hit when standing near boys’ stuff like that. hopefully crests will provide more interesting effects? idk im just kinda tired of skills in main series titles being so underwhelming in fire emblem these days, once upon a time having vantage and wrath was actually really fucking scary. now bllppppthhtthhhhh!... well hopefully it wont be like that this time with other skills. oh yeah, class skills are a thing as always.

7. squads and formations. they do indeed seem to provide some pretty strong effects form what i can tell though i could be missing out on what they actually do through the broken english. what i can parse anyways, you can buy squads like weapons and equip them if you have a high enough rank, the difference being that squads actually level up themselves depending on how they do. squads provide stat boosts when equipped but can also decrease certain stats so a cost benifit situation there and you have to buy more people for a squad if you run out/low on them, that said the article guarantees that buying a new squad is expensive but replacing them is cheap which i guess means dont let your squads run out and keep em topped out? idk, the more interesting bit is the sleights or whatever their called. depending on the formation/squad or whatever you can essentially pull off a super attack such as attacking multiple enemies at once or even more criminally insane granting multiple allies a +5 to movement for a turn.

8. remember old professor dude from the trailer? hes apparently going to be obsessed with the crests in some fashion from what i gather which just endears him to me even more. he will be my best friend with his stupid monocle.

9. pony tail blue lions guy, from his personal skill being called ‘lone wolf’ im gonna guess that hes the navarre esque character of the game. glad to see the tropes still in place even with a game that seems to be trying to be as different as possible.

10. calendars! 12 month calendar, each month is apparently a ‘chapter’ meaning if it follows standard fe game length its probably gonna be about 2 and a 1/3 in game years ish?

11. really forcing the school stuff since apparently you have a teaching rank that determines how many ‘actions’ you can take and thus the more you interact with your students the more you’ll be able to do per in game week

#fire emblem three houses #fe16 #fire emblem #fire emblem 16

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yasuda-yoshiya · 6 years ago

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im so glad you decided to give utena a go! it's my favourite anime and there truly isn't any wrong interpretation of the events, themes, and characters. what are your thoughts on the individual student council members? as well as the black rose duelists, and the black rose arc itself? that part of the series always struck me as very important in the elaboration of themes that are important for the rest, even if its 'filler', lmao. and im glad you liked utena as well!

Utena is great! I’m very glad to have watched it. And I know what you mean about interpretations, haha; I’ve been looking up a lot of people’s meta and analysis about it since I finished watching it, and people really do approach it from so many different cool and interesting ways. I think it’s a really cleverly presented show in the sense that it doesn’t really directly push any particular lesson or moral to the story; it just sort of very accurately observes and portrays a lot of really relatable and recognisable social dynamics, and lets the viewer decide for themselves what they want to take from that. I really like it a lot!

Haha, gosh, that’s a lot of characters to cover! Well, let’s see how quickly I can sum them up… For the student council members, I really liked Saionji; I think they did a good job at balancing the portrayal of his sweet and childish side with his capacity for genuine ugliness when his insecurities cause him to lash out at people. He came across to me as someone who really did want a genuinely mutual emotional connection rather than just “possessing” someone (that exchange diary was very endearing in its ridiculousness) but didn’t really know how to go about that except by clumsily forcing it on people, which feels like a pretty relatable teenager thing.

Then there’s Miki…I felt like his fixation on his memories of Kozue and later Anthy as his “shining thing” was a pretty good portrayal of how idolising and putting people on a pedestal can also be its own way of dehumanising them, and I thought his episodes did a good job of showing how those sorts of feelings can easily get diverted into something ugly despite him being a basically gentle kid at heart. I wasn’t quite sure what to make about the stuff with his parents, exactly, and I felt like the whole plotline with Kozue was a bit all over the place, but I still basically appreciate the core of the character and what he adds to the series.

Juri was interesting! Her bitterness over Shiori felt like a pretty authentic and recognisable emotion to me; it’s certainly a very uncomfortable situation as a teenager to be in that position of having feelings for someone you know you’re not “supposed” to, and then having to put up with people giving you those empty platitudes of “oh, if you like someone then you should just tell them!!” without any real understanding of the situation. I thought her relationship with Shiori was pretty compelling in how messed up and dysfunctional it ended up being on both ends, but then her last couple of episodes with Ruka really didn’t do anything for me; it felt to me like he ended up sort of hijacking her plotline in a weirdly offputting way, so I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it in the end. I still like the character, but I felt like her overall arc had potential to be more interesting to me than it was.

Touga…I didn’t really like Touga very much! He honestly just came across as a very consciously manipulative asshole for most of the series, and the show’s eventual attempts to humanise him felt like too little too late for me. I think I can somewhat see and appreciate the idea of what they were going for in terms of a lot of his gross attitudes being a misguided attempt to emulate people like Akio as role models for what a “prince” should be, and that he was also a victim and a pawn of the system in the end, but on the whole I was pretty much inclined to agree with Saionji when he said “you’ve never actually cared about anyone”. Even after Utena supposedly made him doubt himself, he still seemed to keep acting in the same gross ways for the most part, which I guess was probably meant as an intentional deconstruction of the usual tropes in some respects (falling in love doesn’t actually magically make you a better person), but that still doesn’t really make me like him any more!

Nanami was just hilarious, haha. I expected her to be a really grating character from her introduction, but her comic relief episodes were so completely over-the-top ridiculous that they sort of wrapped around to being weirdly endearing in their way, so I couldn’t really actively dislike her. I also couldn’t ever bring myself to actually take her seriously as a character at all, though; bizarre comedy episodes aside, she seemed like a pretty standard clingy brocon character without a whole lot of nuance. But at least she was a very entertaining one!

Oh yeah, the Black Rose arc was really important, I agree! I wouldn’t really say it felt like filler particularly - I suppose it’s true that Utena and Anthy don’t do much in it, but thematically I think it does add a huge amount, and I enjoyed the way it established Akio as a sort of “wise mentor” figure in the background before really putting him into the spotlight in the final arc. It sort of made me sort of instinctively want to trust him even despite him being really obviously shady, which in retrospect was a pretty impressively complicated feeling for the show to be able to pull off. But yeah, the arc itself was really interesting! I think it was definitely a really effective and thematically important choice to put the focus on the “losers” of the system, giving a voice to people you’d expect to be background characters and giving them the chance to fight for themselves. I know Ikuhara said the Black Rose arc was inspired by him hearing someone on TV say something like “society is divided into the chosen and the unchosen; to be unchosen is to die”, and wanting to explore the feelings of the “unchosen”, and I think it achieved that pretty well; a lot of the Black Rose Duelists’ stories were pretty insightful in criticising the narratives behind that sort of artificial social hierarchy and what it does to people.

I think what left the most impact about it to me, though, was that it just had such a strong atmosphere! Those elevator therapy sequences really managed to be legitimately creepy and disturbing; the juxtaposition of the duelists’ big emotional breakdowns with Mikage’s weirdly impersonal, deadpan, scripted response struck a very effectively unsettling note for me. And the Black Rose Duelists themselves had such a cool and memorable aesthetic, too…it always felt really striking to me whenever we got to see them dueling, probably because most of them really aren’t the kinds of characters you’d expect to be fighting (as opposed to most of the student council members who have established fencing and Kendo skills), so it sort of added to the impression of these people who wouldn’t normally have any power within the system being given a chance to fight. So yes, on the whole I think it’s a really cool arc, with a really fantastic presentation in particular.

As for impressions on each of the Black Rose Duelists individually, hmm, let’s see…Kanae was a good enough introduction to the concept, but didn’t really leave that much impression. I felt bad for her being used by Akio, but she didn’t really get enough screentime for me to get invested. Kozue…I think Kozue never really clicked for me, honestly? Her being so creepily possessive of Miki was sort of offputting to me (this show already has enough incest, you know…?), and I felt like I couldn’t really get a good feel for her character or what drove her on anything more than an abstract level.

Shiori was really interesting! There was a compelling sort of raw desperation behind her panicked, uncomprehending response to finding Juri’s locket that really stuck with me; it’s sort of an ugly reaction but it honestly felt pretty sympathetic to me, I think? Like, if on the one hand your former best friend is totally off-handedly dismissing your attempts to reach out and make amends with her in person and acting like she never wants to see you again, but at the same time you find out she’s also secretly treasuring an old picture of you as her most prized possession and keeping it on her at all times…well, that IS actually pretty weird, you know?! I think most people would be at least a little creeped out by that. So Shiori’s kind of totally confused panic response and weird mix of vindicated elation and anger culminating in that accusing shout of “WHY DO YOU LOOK AT ME THAT WAY?!” honestly felt pretty real to me. I felt like they did a good job of conveying a real constant sense of deep-rooted self-loathing behind her more selfish and manipulative actions that made it hard for me not to feel sorry for her a lot of the time; it seemed to me like she was stuck in a sort of toxic cycle of trying to escape her low self-esteem by “deceiving people into liking her”, which inevitably just made her feel even worse about herself and just fed deeper into the initial assumption that no one would like her unless she deceived them, and so on, which was really painful to watch. I’m not surprised that she seems to evoke such visceral emotional responses from people within the fandom, because I think a lot of what she says and does really feels uncomfortably raw and real in a way that’s difficult to process. She’s a very good character in that way!

Tsuwabuki…well, he didn’t particularly grab me as a character, but I did actually enjoy his Black Rose episode quite a bit. I feel like it makes for a pretty strong illustration of just how little coherent and accessible information there really is out there for young kids trying to understand what sexuality and relationships are like, so it’s easy for people to end up turning to dubious sources and developing weird and messed up ideas about how things work and what “adulthood” actually means. It’s really no wonder that our whole cultural standards around that stuff have become so screwed up and dysfunctional when no one’s even really willing to talk about it.

Wakaba was great! I liked her a lot. She was a genuinely good friend to Utena and a good illustration of the unappreciated strength and value of “normal people”. The end of her arc with Saionji honestly made me really sad! I sort of wish there was a little bit more follow-up after her duel with Utena, though; I would have liked it if the whole thing had a bit more of a lasting impact on Wakaba and how Utena viewed her and their friendship, but it didn’t feel like that ever really happened, so her subplot felt a bit…unresolved, I guess? Well, I think it’s probably intentional that most of the characters besides Utena and Anthy don’t really get a firm “resolution” to their arcs - the potential for growth is there, but they still haven’t broken out of their shells yet, which is fine - but I think I would have at least liked to see her take a few more steps toward being able to see her own worth without needing someone “special” to validate her. (Akio can get lost with his whole “oh normal people only ever get to shine for a short time lol” nonsense, urrgghh.)

I liked Keiko too! Devoting a whole episode to a previously nameless bit character like that was a really cool way of hammering home the whole theme of breaking down the conventional assumptions behind social “hierarchies” even on a meta/narrative level. Keiko herself was interesting to me in the sense that her grievances and anger at having her chance at happiness “denied to her” when she’s no less deserving than anyone else actually felt legit sympathetic at first in isolation, but then you look at the unspoken assumptions framing that narrative and it suddenly becomes really disturbing (this person would make me happy, everyone deserves happiness, therefore I deserve this person).

Mikage…man, I really wanted to like Mikage - the basic ideas behind his character are really cool and fascinating - but I think his arc just felt too rushed for me in the end? It felt like we basically got dumped with his entire plot and backstory immediately before it got resolved, so I didn’t really have time to get emotionally invested in his story before it was already over. Revealing midway that half of his backstory was probably a lie didn’t exactly help things either, as I was left struggling to keep up with what was actually real and what wasn’t; I still don’t feel like I really have a handle on some of the basic points like why he actually set the building on fire or when exactly Mamiya died, which makes it hard for me to really connect with the character and understand what exactly he got out of the illusionary narrative that Akio constructed for him. Theoretically I feel like he should really be exactly the kind of character I absolutely love - someone detached from their own emotions who doubts their basic humanity, who keeps clinging single-mindedly on to his memories of the only people who ever made him actually feel something even after they’re long gone? Wow, sign me up - but the execution just didn’t quite do it for me. I feel like his story might have benefited from being more spread out across the whole Black Rose arc instead of shoved entirely into two episodes, so that we got more of a chance to get more gradually invested in him? As it is, I still think he’s a conceptually fascinating character, and I’ve read a lot of great meta about his place in the story and his parallels with Utena that makes him sound incredibly interesting, but I just couldn’t really feel it from the show itself.

Wow okay I sure did write a lot! Well, that’s my initial impressions on the Utena characters. I expect a lot of those impressions would change if I watched it again, though - like I said, I don’t think I really fully grasped the real aims and themes of the show until the very end, so I’d probably pick up on a lot more nuances a second time around. But those are my thoughts for now!

#revolutionary girl utena

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byeol-ssi · 3 years ago

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hello hello byeolie!! (i hope its okay i call you that!!) sorry for my late reply, i was catching up on homework this whole weekend!! but in general, my day went pretty good! i hung out with friends, played genshin, and then did homework! i have spring break coming up so im trying to get things done so i can just slack off during my break 🤣 but how have you been lately?

BUT YESS ME TOOO i have so much on my list because of tiktok its so bad 😭😭 especially when it includes the villainess or reincarnation tropes like TTT theyre basically asking me to read it at that point 😩 im excited for u to read insos law (no rush or pressure ofc!!) and that series got me into manhwa so i always have a soft spot for it hehe. for ibthr, literally same??? I FEEL LIKE I NEED TISSUES AS WELL BECAUSE EVERY TIME I SEE SPOILERS, ITS ALWAYS HIM SHIRTLESS LIKE ?!?!?! put ur shirt back on pls even tho im simping, its bad for my heart 😭

AND THATS OKAY!! yess we can learn together!! im slowly trying to figure it out 🤣 but my friend said not to worry about artifacts until im ar 45, since i wouldnt get good artifacts until then (if that makes sense), but i lowkey cant wait because my characters are somewhat weak because of the damage 😭 also since i reached inazuma, THE MOBS ARE SO HARD LIKE TTTTTT I GET THE BIGGEST HEADACHE FROM TRYING TO EXPLORE INAZUMA I SWEAR

raiden is coming soon, so im excited!! im not sure if i will get her without spending money LMAOO only because i always reach hard pity when im wishing, so we will see 😭 but for the quest, hmmm — i think i really like the liyue arch !! that was enjoyable (because childe showed up 😩) and i had fun fighting osial and stuff. for the character hangouts (as bad as it sounds, i hate doing them lolol) i liked venti’s the most! i thought it was pretty bittersweet and i also liked playing venti in the trial for the domain!! i hated zhongli’s tho because i did not like fighting azhdaha 💀 it took me a full 10 minutes just to fight him and i had the biggest headache after LOLOL. but for the zhongli question, i actually really like playing him!! his shield is very very helpful and i don’t have to dodge when playing 💀 i just full on tank everything since his shield really good! like when fighting azhdaha and stuff, the only reason i didnt die was because of zhongli’s shield 😩 i love his burst too because its just a random meatball flying out of no where 💀💀 although, i dont really enjoy playing polearms (because i have bad weapons and never pull any LMAOO) so i mainly use zhongli as a shield and burst support!

FOR SCARAMOUCHE NO ME TOO!!! HE IS COMING HOME TO ME (if he becomes playable) NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!! im crossing my fingers with you and hope he does 😭😭 as for the team comp, honestly as long as it works, i would be happy!! and you have diluc and venti, youre so lucky!! i love those two so much 😭😭 i really want venti, he looks so much fun to play!

for me, i run keqing, zhongli, and bennett! for the fourth person, im still testing out different characters and usually it changes depending on what enemies i face!! i switch between jean and kaeya a lot tho!! or sometimes i’ll run a xiao, jean, xiangling, and bennett when i feel like switching it up! 🤣 but ahhh i really want fischl since she helps a lot but i havent been able to pull her 😭 ive only been pulling thoma and as much as i love him, i want fischl 😭😭

SORRY I KEEP BABBLING BUT IM DONE I SWEAR 😭😭😭 anyways, have a good day/night(?) and i will talk to next time!! (also i never realized how long my messages are so to anyone scrolling thru, im so sorry 🙇🏻‍♀️)

— 💭 anonnie.

hello, hello, and yes, of course!! <33 no worries, and i'm glad to hear that you've been doing well! i've been doing okay, also trying to finish some work so i can squeeze in some writing and reading!

the titles are certainly getting longer with every newly released manhwa, it's getting harder and harder to write it down on my TBR 🤣 and that sounds so sweet, i'm looking forward to reading it sm! i can't really recall which my first manhwa was, but i think it was either doctor elise or raelina?

AND YES, THE AUTHOR OF IBTHR DEFINITELY WANTS US TO HEAD FOR THE HOSPITAL 🤧 i haven't caught up yet, but i did see a picture of him in tiktok with his buttons hanging on for dear life 🧎‍♀️

i was given the same advice! i just haven't found the time yet to fully commit to farming artifacts, and focused on doing quests until my levels went up 💀 and now i also have a little trouble finishing mobs and bosses.

RAIDEN'S BANNER IS AVAILABLE NOW, SO I'M CROSSING MY FINGERS THAT SHE COMES HOME FOR YOU!! hopefully at early pity, but nevertheless, tell me how your pulls go! hoping that fischl also tags along and comes home even without the up bonus!

i also enjoyed the liyue archon quest the most! and yes, i dislike fighting azdhaha too but i needed to farm him multiple times for my xiao 🥲 i always find myself hovering over the pull button on zhongli's banner during it's last day, but decide against it in the end just because i fear scaramouche will be announced.

SPEAKING OF SCARAAA 😭 i've been wanting crumbs so much, and i hope mihoyo ultimately chooses to make him playable! I'M READY TO OFFER THEM MY MONEY HSKASJA

venti was my first ever 5 star!! sobs, i got him waaay back when the game was first released, so he's always had a special place in my heart. AAA, YOU HAVE JEAN? none of my friends nor i have her, and i've always found her to be so pretty and she seems fun to play with, especially her em skill!! again, i'm hoping raiden comes home!!

I DON'T MIND AT ALL, i could chat with you forever!! thank you so much for this, and i can't wait to hear your news and talk to you again!! wishing you luck, love! <33

#RAIDEN WANTERS #WILL BE HAVERS #crossing my fingers for you 🤞🏻#we'll lure her with dango #✦ inbox notification.#sender ✦ 💭 nonnie

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