#im fuckign sick why is he so boyfriend

[boyfhee]

i think he Wants me.

[wowwwhi]

make a gender neutral aita post, cas

ur wish js my command dudde

AM I (m?????? youre not getting my age what are you a cop) the asshole for leaving my husband (???? like 33 or smth hell if i can remember) bc he was entirely unhelpful abt matters regarding my boyfriend (im not even going to elaborate on either age or gender here WHY is this relevant riddle me that)

okso to preface this. the matters WERE death. likeeee. he died. that was the problem. dead boyfriend.

so. be me or whatever. leave home. meet a dude. lets call this guy uhhhh carl or something. have a crush on him (and be p sure hes got a crush on you too) so you start like mock dating. but its never that serious. meet dude number two. well call this one uh. richard. get a lot more involved with richard. marry richard. swear ur. undying fealty or whatever to him. the full extent.

important note 2: richard is like SUPER DEFINITELY a murderer. you did not investigate this at the time you juts thought he was cool and quirky and evil or smth but like he TOTALLY kills people. like. if you were to draw a cartoon murderer thats this dude. got that too?

so carl (who ur still dating btw) hates richard bc hes like 'ok that guy definitely kills people hes definitely a criminal what the fuck why would u marry him. and also wdym our relationship isnt that serious'

and richard who ur still married to is not the GREATESTTT fan of carl bc like. obvious reasons i mean.

but ur like guys shut up i can handle this

okay be me again. keep being me. continue. alr. realise youve married like the THE WORST DUDE EVER.

and then u fail to handle it totally. i MEANNN no i didn't. orr well you didn't. what the fuckass tense are we in rn.

and i dont mean the mruder. that too! but. likeeee. you got into this super fast uve never seen him mad yet or any of those other checks and now ur living in a HOUSE with this dhde

his dish managment is HORRIBLE hes superrrr patronisign (i am younger than him ill give u that much) hes got this habit of being smug abt evry fucjin thing and your always a lilllll bit worried the cops or smth are gknna show up at the door lookin for him

and its slowly becomign less and less uhhhh. hunky dory. if u will.

but ur copin. badly but ur coping.

and EEVEY time u try to bring up an issue he just pretends its not a problem or it doesnt exist or smt

ok.

and thn u wake up to the news ur boyfrienf carl (remember him?) has died .

stupdi accident he didnt need to get involved into. u probably could have talked him out of dying inthe first place kind of 'he didnt need to get involved in' situation. wasnt like. cancer.

so.

bring this up to ur husband over breakfast.

hes actually super understanding and really nice and you work through all of NO OFFUCKING COURSEHES NOT. HAVE U MET THIS MAN.

HES AN ARSE ABT JT. HES MET CARL LIKE AMYBE ONCE AND HES ALREADY ACTUNG LIKE HE KNOWS BETTERT HAN YOU ON THSI SUBJECT

grit ur teeth and bear it mostly bc u knw arguing is NOTTT gonan work. continue ur day as per usual trying to act like your FUCKIGN BOYFRIENF hasnt just DIED

proceed to actually get too sick of it and walk out on him without a word. astounding.

and hes all like 'oh this is ur fault oooh ur ruinign this marriage' and its like shut the FUCK up dude

ur husband then proceeds to absolutely spam u with calls and stuff and eventually u answer

then he makes u kill a bunch of people but were not getting onto that

[drabbles-mc]

being on tumblr the MOMENT the chapter drops??? it's a sign!!!

but when have you ever picked sense over instinct? <- oh my dearest Lips. the way i sense this might be, what the scholars call, foreshadowing

Side by side, yeah, going steady and steady going. <- the way i want to be soooo ����🥰🥰🥰 about this, but i have it on good authority that perhaps there might be some angst awaiting me this chapter

but I bet you ain’t got the tape for it all. <- i can hear this so vividly in my mind. i stay kissing Lips on the mouth in my mind always

and it would’ve maybe been nothing if Benny hadn’t made it something <- sksksk they're so real for being annoyed about this but also this might've been the moment that i well and truly fell in love with Benny sitting in that theater 😂😂 just one little blurb of Gina saying his boyfriend's in trouble and the man turned into a heat-seeking missle. hot.

Like watching a group of toddlers work out that if they folded their hand up, it could make a, what’a ya call it? A fist. Wow. <- IM WEAKKKKKKK 😂😂😂 god this is such a good nad accurate fucking roast of what these guys are out here doing. I'm yodeling into the abyss i love this so much

Guys being dumb fucks, and fucking dumb about it. <- i want to have their commentary/take on every single club-wide event in the history of ever. i feel like their voice taps in soooo so well to the nature of the fact that the movie was a comedy before it became a tragedy. i love it so much

you said, real loud so the conversation died a little, and you sure enjoyed killing it <- fuckign OBSESSED with this line to much. sure enjoyed killing it!!! sure!!!! did!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! idkidk there is something i love so much about how this dials into their current attitude and mindset. all of the frustration building

CORKY??!!!??!!!! CORKY WILL TAKE YOU???!!!! DAMN RIGHT!! WHY NOT!!!!! ohhhh the sick fucking grin on my face, mj. the sick twisted fucking grin at the mere thought lmfao

“Fuck you talkin’m bout,” he muttered, “fuck you will, Corky. Come on. Come on, Lips.” <- SKSKSK the man wasn't gonna let it fly. i knew that he woudln't but god just picturing that scene playing out in my mind's eye. so so fucking good. i love it so much. corky, my chaos king. i love him. EYE will let him take me home while Lips goes home with Johnny. we all win.

the way im picturing this visit to their friend's house to see the baby like a montage. nice music in the background and all. i love this for all of them. gotta give the baby a good squish and a sniff

Johnny turns up the next morning, Sunday, like he’d been coming by every day, or something, like he was coming by just to prove that you weren’t there still <- ohhhh something something it's the reverse of benny and Kathy. something something it's foreshadowing of canon and johnny going to the house looking for benny but he's not there. something something the porches in this canon do so much heavy lifting with those wooden planks

“I got a life too, you know. I don’t just sit around, waiting for you to swing by.” <- GET HIS ASS!!!!!!!

“Wrong fucking time to take off, Lips.” <- Jaws music has started playing in the background, i fear

He laughs. Well, sort of laughs, more like exhales with a smile weaselling up behind it. “No, we didn’t tell the cops. We handled it. S’all done with.” <- Johnny Fuckin' Davis, my friends. he really is That Bitch. i love him for it

He looks at you long enough to decide if you’re a person worth lying to or not, you reckon, and he settles on the right half of the debate. “Burned it down,” he says. <- BROOOOOOO!!!!! the lead-up to him telling them the truth??? chef's fucking kiss, baby. absolutely love that. i AM the hellmo gif with is a double entendre considering what we're talking about here sksksk

OH???? H I S BENNY????? DONT THINK I DIDNT CLOCK IT!!!! ITS BEEN CLOCKDE!!!!

You snort. “Great plan. Gang violence eradicated from America.” <- they're so fucking funny and real for this i can't

If Benny is what makes him tick, then God, keep it ticking. <-im??? actually fucking unwell about this???? certifiably so, I'm afriad

oh ym god this slow descent into a goodbye. the tension is suffocating me in a way that makes me want to melt into the couch (positive)

you got a mighty need to find out where that man of yours went. <- this and then the ending????? just reach directly through my ribs to take my heart out, actually. just do it!!!!! take me out back and shoot me. old yeller me. i cannot go on like this (i will be excitedly waiting for the next chapter)

white room - pt. 6

johnny davis x gn!reader, 18+, canon typical themes and language, 4.8k words, 6 of ? ao3 link | previous part a/n: hi <3 this felt like a whirlwind to write so i hope it translates

The car show-wheel show-fighting and drinking show, proved to be all those things at once, making ‘em all right when it came down to it; well, Kathy most of all. But she didn’t end up going, and by the time you were looking for that bike of Johnny’s in the dark, you were almost wishing you hadn’t bothered neither. She had the right idea after all, and she did warn you, or whatever, but when have you ever picked sense over instinct? 

It started off nice enough, of course, you know, drinking and eating and chatting, and couples fucking on the hoods of cars too shiny to be fucking on, and cigarettes burning like the world was getting rid of them—but you was liking it enough to not be minding about all that. Even felt good to be out somewhere new again, cause you’ve never had much of a social life since moving back here. And Johnny was handsy and handsome and quiet in all the usual ways he is, and you were feeling real good about that, too. Like you belonged there, and not only belonged there, but belonged there with him, with Johnny. Side by side, yeah, going steady and steady going.

And that Danny kid must’a thought the same thing, cause he did wanna talk to you, and he found a minute when Johnny had gone to take a leak to ask you some stuff—nothing real personal or anything, just stuff you’d expect a guy to be asking when he’s doing whatever it is he’s doing, you know? 

He said, “Can I put you down as Lips for this?” 

And I said, “Sure, can’t be the only one of these bozos having a boring old name, can I?”

And he pressed the little button of his tape recorder thingy, half-smoked joint on the edge of his lips, clinging on for dear life, and said, “Ah, I don’t know that anyone rolling with Vandals can be boring.”

“Is that what I’m doing?” you asked, cause he was right, in a sort of way, but you know. You like talking a certain type of talk when you’re getting to know someone, don’t you? Specially a someone with a fancy microphone sitting between his fingers like that. “Rolling?”

“You tell me,” he said, “that’s kind of the whole thing I’m after.”

“What? What people think they’re doing vs. what they’re actually doing, you mean?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “exactly.”

“Well, I could talk your ear off, right down to the bone, on all sorts of things like that if you want me too, but I bet you ain’t got the tape for it all.”

“Oh yeah?” He took a big drag, and let it out again, though the thing looked like it had nothing but paper left in it. “How’d you and Johnny meet?” he asked.

And you know, you promised Johnny, so you just said that you met him around.

“Around?”

“Yeah, around.”

And that you weren’t nothing serious, but weren’t nothing not serious, you know?

“How’s that work?”

“Just does.”

Nothing serious, but something sort of something, and you left it at that, all right, you aren’t one to be breaking nothing without meaning to—

“You don’t wanna talk about it?”

“No, I don’t mind talking about it.”

“But Johnny does?”

“Something like that.”

You’re just spending time with each other, you said, you and Johnny, you’re just getting to know each other and enjoying the fact, that’s all. You didn’t really say nothing about anything after that, every question that went a little too far, you shrugged off, you know, real professional about it, like they do at work when something’s close to the wire and purposely so.

“Johnny ever mention how things with him and Betty ended?”

“We don’t talk about that so much.”

Come on, right, your old thing and your new thing, that’s the kinda stuff no-one’s looking to mix up, and especially not someone like Johnny, you mean, well, what’s the kid thinking asking a thing like that? You had to say something, just to put him back in his place a little.

But then you really, actually, didn’t say much else afterwards, zipped up real tight, you promise—and besides, Johnny came back round about then, and Danny seemed to sense he was suddenly being nosey to a sort of person that don’t like being nosed to, and packed up real quick. Which was a little sad, sure, cause you would’a liked to hear him ask something the both of you could answer, but he just said, 

“I’ll talk to you another time, Lips.”

And that was that.

Wasn’t long after that they started fighting, which was all sorts of dumb, and made you really wish you had spent more time talking to Danny, or maybe even gone to find somewhere to take a piss yourself, because, God, what a mess that was. 

If it was any other guy, or bunch of guys, it would've really got to you, would’ve maybe even scared you, but, Hell, your boys were as misplaced as the other club they were scrapping, whichever way you looked at it. Something about someone accusing Cal of scratching some bike, something real small you know, and it would’ve maybe been nothing if Benny hadn’t made it something, but he came flying in all hot and swinging, and then the whole field was a mess. All punching and rolling and swearing. Like watching a group of toddlers work out that if they folded their hand up, it could make a, what’a ya call it? A fist. Wow. 

Real load of tools.

At one point, Johnny had three guys hanging off him, and if you weren’t rolling your eyes so much, you could’ve thought that was impressive, you know, holding his own like that. But it was all just nonsense, and you were getting no sort of attention or consideration or nothing. 

And like you said, if Benny hadn’t come in like that, and punched the guy when he was just talking to Johnny, only talking, the whole thing could’ve been avoided. They had no real reason to be fighting like that until Benny came in hotter than anyone with any sense would’ve, and he kept going like that, right up until his hand went through a window and the blood and the glass got all mushed up into some guys face—and that’s when Johnny finally had the brains to put a stop to it. 

Thank God, you remember thinking, somebody finally told the dog ’no’ before he bit down too hard. 

Never seen nothing like it, and what was weirder still? Afterwards the lot of them sat down with a crate of beers, and the guy that was accusing Cal of scratching, ended up sitting right there with him, laughing about some other story from another day. Like nothing ever happened, while their fists were still bleeding and their noses were going all black and blue. 

It’s whatever, right? Guys being dumb fucks, and fucking dumb about it. The way you look at it, it had nothing to do with you, still got nothing to do with you, and as long as they were only hurting other fools like themselves, you ain’t too worried about it.

But it did sort of bother you afterwards, how Johnny was with you. He went even quieter than quiet. Spoke to Benny a little, and to Brucey. Took a beer from you to hold it against his knuckles—though it wasn’t much cool by then—and that was sort of it. When you was sitting about the place later, he didn’t even sit by you; just took a lean against his bike and left you between stinking drunk 1, and stinking drunk 2, which is what you’ve taken to calling Wahoo and Corky, cause you’ve never seen them anyway different. 

You figured maybe he was tired. Or embarrassed. Or hurting from the scrap like an old man should be, but none of those things explained kind of ignoring you the way he was. 

You couldn’t make peace with it—you still can’t—and by the end of the evening, you were standing while they were all sitting, and Johnny was across the circle from you there, and he hadn’t looked up at you since the fire got started. Too busy drinking and listening to Cal telling some story about a pot smoker he knew back some time ago. Which really did start to bother you. Cause, what? The fire, or some story you’ve heard a million times, is more interesting to you, John?  

“I think I ought to be heading out now,” you said, real loud so the conversation died a little, and you sure enjoyed killing it. “Don’t fancy camping out here,” you said.

Then everyone was looking at you, but Johnny last, and no-one said anything until Corky said, “I’ll take you.”

Which would have sure enough been a death sentence, but did you more of a favour than he even knew, cause it got Johnny groaning and pulling himself up like it was the hardest thing in the world. 

“Fuck you talkin’m bout,” he muttered, “fuck you will, Corky. Come on. Come on, Lips.”

And then his arm was over your shoulder and your arms stayed crossed, cause for a second you weren’t sure you wanted him touching you like that, though that second didn’t last anywhere near as long as it should’ve. If you had any pride, that is. 

“So you do remember me?” you said, trying to be smart and cutting, in that petty way you can be, when things start stinging more than they itch.

“Huh?” he said. “What’s that?”

But he was already turning you toward that bike of his, somewhere out there in the dark. Red, shining, beacon that it is. So you decided to leave it. 

And maybe it was a punishment, and maybe it was just a coincidence, and maybe it was kind of sort of both—but after that, you went away for a little while. 

You got some friends a ways from here that just had a baby, well, you say just, but you’re hearing it’s—she’s—starting to crawl already, so maybe your just and their just ain’t really the same thing—but they had a baby anyhow. Two people that were stuck in the same company as you, and used to eat lunch with you, but two people people that got the fuck out of there when you didn’t, and made better for it, you know. Not that you hate your job, but it won’t be the end for you, and they took a highway to the start of the end; the good end you reckon, marriage, baby, big house with a fenced in yard, and you’ve never seen them since. 

So you go to them. Figure you owe it to them, for being the only ones there that were worthwhile making friends of, and owe it to yourself to do a little something or other every now and then. Can’t just be work, porch, Johnny, sleep, work, forever now, can it? 

You pack up a little case, and wrap up those baby suits that are almost definitely too small by now, and stuff the lot and yourself onto a bus that goes overnight, cause you really aren’t keen on staying up for long journeys on your own.

They’re real happy, by the way. And the baby’s a dream, round and squishy and smiling like she knows everything you don’t, and it’s real good seeing them again. Felt like sitting right there at the lunch table like they never left, and if you’re honest, the whole time you’re there, you never mentioned Johnny once to them. Cause they wouldn’t…well, why would you? And you find you don’t really think about him all too much either. It’s just baby noises in the day and drinking when the house is finally quiet. 

Which you think you needed, really, just for a change. Just you and them, you as you used to be, not even that long ago. Like opening the door to a neighbour who’s been away for a while.

You’re glad you went, and you’re just as glad to come back. Johnny creeps up on you on the bus home sorta, like, you’re trying to sleep, but you get thinking about him again, about how good it’ll be to see him. To kiss him. To tell him about your trip into the land of the normal people, where none of you guys are ever gonna belong.

But when you do get back, God, a week could’ve been a year. 

Johnny turns up the next morning, Sunday, like he’d been coming by every day, or something, like he was coming by just to prove that you weren’t there still, only to find you actually were there, and, fuck, he looks so different. You almost feel like you don’t know him when you clock him through the window. 

What it is, you see, is he’s not wearing his jacket, his colors. No leathers or patches. Got some blue shirt on and a white one underneath it, like he’s a, well, like he’s just some truck driver, or something. Some regular guy. And he’s not on his bike neither, he’s got the car, so when you’re opening that door it feels like you’re greeting a stranger.

A stranger who says, “Where’ve you been?” before you’re even off the step.

No hi, no hello, no thank God you’re back, I missed you so much, baby. Just, where’ve you been? 

“Around.” You hug your arms a little. What’s going on with you—is what you wanna ask him, but he cuts you off right as you open your mouth. 

“What’s that mean?” he asks, though he’s saying it like he doesn’t believe you before you even answer, like he’s mad at you, almost. 

And look, you know, you’re not really in no position to be petty about it, seeing as you took a trip without saying nothing, and he’s not being any ruder than he might’ve been some other time, but it grates on you. Gets your hackles up. It’s only been a week, right? Just a week. What the hell can happen in a time like that?

“It means I’ve been around, Johnny. Seeing friends up state.” He don’t look satisfied by the answer, rattling his keys in his hands still, lingering on the street down there. So you say, “I got a life too, you know. I don’t just sit around, waiting for you to swing by.”

You don’t mean it like a real insult, just a matter of fact thing, and he seems to take it as much. Which is almost as worrying as if he didn’t, cause he really doesn’t seem like the man you left behind the other weekend. 

“You could’ve told me,” he says, “could’a let me know.” And he is mad at you, you think, but he’s something else too, and he can’t even look at you really, just stares at your feet, at the step you’re waiting on. 

So you drop down onto the next one, to give him a little help. “I could’ve,” you say. Probably should of, but you don’t feel like saying that part, cause, well, you’re not perfect and you don’t try to be. Who is? Gotta give yourself a little leeway sometime, don’t you?

He clears his throat. Flicks his eyes up for half a second that you don’t miss. “I was worrying about you.”

“Yeah?”

“Wrong fucking time to take off, Lips.”

He says it like he means it, in more than a boyfriend grumbling about missing a few kisses kind of way, which makes you frown, and cross your arms, and say his name once to get him to finally look at you. “Something happen?”

He shakes his head, no surprise there. Always fighting it on a reflex. Then he looks down the street to the right of him, then at his keys, thumb toying with one of them, and then he nods. It’s small, but you see it. 

“You wanna come in?” you ask, and he makes a noise that’s Johnny speech for yeah, but I won’t be saying as much, so you turn back, up to the door, and he follows like he never has done before. 

*

“Sit down. I’ll get a beer.”

Johnny grunts, but does what you say—and you hate that. You really do, you have to make yourself look away from him and into the kitchen before you can think too much on it. It’s just more fucking clues of him being all outside of himself, blue shirt, tired eyes, slack shoulders as he drops into the couch, there’s something up with him, sure, but it’s more up than it ever has been, you know. And you hope this isn’t your fault. It really can’t be all your whole entire fault, right? 

Something happened, he said, something, not you, but something. And he was annoyed sure, but not cause you went away, only that you weren’t here when that something happened and he needed you to be, yeah? That sounds sort of reasonable, don’t it? Yeah, that’s all it is, you’re sure.

The fridge is empty, cause of course it is, but there’s a warm box of bottles in the back of the cupboard, so you take two of them out to him.

“Sorry,” you pass him one, “would’ve chilled ‘em if I knew.”

“S’okay.” 

He pops the cap with the end of one of his keys, and then he holds it back out to you, cause he’s figured out what you haven’t—that you didn’t bring nothing to open them with—and switches his for yours, then opens that one too. 

You take a swig at the same time. Him sitting, you standing. Looks real fucking weird from where you are, Johnny sitting in that beat up couch your Pops left behind. You never did think about what it’d be like to have him in here, and honestly, it’s sort of like nothing, but that sight, yeah, that’s a little strange. Johnny on the couch you opened Santa’s presents on. He’s right there in the middle, over the line where the two cushions meet, sinking in like he’s growing out of it, coming up like a loose spring, which leaves you no room as much as it leaves you plenty. 

“First time you been in here,” you say.

“Yeah.”

“You like it?”

He looks at you over the end of the bottle, lips poised for another drink. 

“Right. Yeah. Doesn’t matter.” You sit on the arm of the chair behind you, the big lounger that you eat, sleep, and live out of. “You don’t seem like yourself, Johnny.”

He makes you wait a little, rubbing his free palm over his face, scrubbing away at the look that won’t shift, but he does eventually tell you. Figures he can’t be sitting there saying nothing, when he’s already given you enough to know there’s something that needs saying. He says, “Benny got into some trouble.”

And of course, you say, “What sort of trouble?”

“The bad kind.” He shakes his head, making a noise like he’s got a word stuck and won’t let it out, settling on, “yeah, s’bad,” instead. 

“Well, is he alright? What happened?”

“Got into it with some guys.”

You scoff. “Ain’t that normal for him?”

“Got his foot cut off, nearly. Almost all the way. The ankle.”

“Jesus Christ.” Now you’re looking like a real asshole, laughing at a man getting his foot chopped off. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Johnny says, looking at the rug, “yeah. Bad.”

“Why’d someone do a fucking thing like that?”

He drinks again and wipes his lips on the back of his hand afterwards. “For wearing his colors someplace that don’t like it.”

You sit on that for a minute, because that makes sense, sure, in the world of men eating men, but from that to something going right through Benny’s ankle, is a Hell of a leap to make. Elevation takes a few steps, you know, two to tango—but from the look on his face, you figure this ain’t the sort of thing Johnny’s gonna be gossiping about. No retelling of the punches that led to the slices, that’s for sure.

“D’you know who did it?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he says.

“Did you tell the cops?”

He laughs. Well, sort of laughs, more like exhales with a smile weaselling up behind it. “No, we didn’t tell the cops. We handled it. S’all done with.”

He says it with finality. With a big, fat, DO NOT ENTER sign pressed over his forehead. Done with. Handled. Don’t ask me no more things about it.

Yeah. The warm beer’s feeling even warmer now, with how cold your palms are going. 

You’ve seen how clubs like the Vandals deal with arguments that aren’t really arguments, and you’ve seen how men act, when they catch a tougher man, out-toughing them. Handled never means what it would mean to regular folk, so you ask,

“What’d you do?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Johnny, what did you do?”

He looks at you long enough to decide if you’re a person worth lying to or not, you reckon, and he settles on the right half of the debate. “Burned it down,” he says.

Now it’s your turn to breathe like you’re laughing, but only, it’s in blind disbelief when it’s coming from you. “Burned what down?”

“The bar they was hanging out in. Their place. Their Spotlight.”

“Are you fucking crazy?”

“Benny could’ve lost his leg, could’ve been off the bike for good.”

“And you could’ve been in fucking jail, Johnny, what the fuck?”

His head shakes a little, and he sits back into your couch with the beer on the crotch of his jeans. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s done. Nothing happened and nothing will happen.”

You’re chewing on your lip, cause as much as you wanna tell him how stupid he is, how downright crazy and fucking irresponsible he is, you gotta play your next cards real neat. Cause this is the point, right? This is where the ship passes dock and you can either throw yourself overboard, or tuck in and hope the storm ain’t a bad one. 

“And the guys that did it?” you churn out. “Handled them too?”

“Does it matter?”

“My God.” You put your head in your hand, massaging out the vein that’s no doubt bursting free of the skin. Handled it. They handled it. Jesus, you knew they were sort of bad, sort of righteous, and you figured they dabbled with shit the same way all big groups of dudes dabble with shit—you mean, even the kooks your Mom surrounded herself with had secrets that you could’ve never imagined, if you hadn’t been right there to hear it from them. 

“You should’ve seen him, Lips,” Johnny says. “Was in a real bad way. Just for being one of us, y’know, he didn’t do nothing.” 

You take another drink, having forgotten it was even an option, and honestly, you can’t even look at him for a little while. You put your eyes on the label like you’re reading it, or whatever. He thought he was gonna lose him, clearly, thought his Benny was one tendon away from disappearing on him, and look what happened. How quick he went from Johnny Davis to Johnny Strabler. 

“So, what?” you say eventually. “You never wearing your patches again?”

“Nah, just when we’re on our own, y’know. Just for a little while.”

You snort. “Great plan. Gang violence eradicated from America.”

“Hey.” He says it so sharp that you look up at him. “No. Don’t say shit like that.”

“You gonna deny it?” you bite back. “I don’t see many chess clubs burning places down, Johnny.”

He doesn’t think you get it, doesn’t think your view of things is the fair view of things—you can tell by the way he’s frowning at you. “We look after each other,” he says, “wasn’t gonna let them do that to one of ours and get away with it.”

You shake your head, growing real tired of it real quick. It’s done, you suppose, like he said, everything’s all square—until some other guy pisses on their territory, that is.

“I don’t like it,” you say, which is putting it way lighter than he deserves, but you can’t think of nothing else to say. He’s set on it, the shit’s over with, and you weren’t even around when it happened. You didn’t come into it at all, really. 

“So you’re gonna leave again,” he says.

“What?”

“That’s why you went away, right? After the show?”

“I told you, I was visiting friends.”

“Without saying nothing?”

You shrug. He didn’t ask if you’d be around when he dropped you off that night, and you were still icing him out for being so indifferent with you—which, you might’ve asked him about now, if things didn’t go the way they have, cause if he was regretting you seeing him scrapping with a bunch of fools in the grass, then he sure got over that quick. Sitting there, drinking your beer, talking about burning bars down and ‘handling’ guys for hurting what’s ours.

“If you don’t…if you don’t want this—“

“I never said I didn’t want nothing,” you cut him off, real snappy with it. “I’m just thinking, is all. Jeez.” 

He nods, looking a little bit hurt, like a pup that caught Mom’s canine tooth, but you kinda think he deserves it. Just this once. “I had to do something,” he says. “Make a point.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“S’better that they’re scared of us.”

“Johnny,” you wince a little, “I really can’t be dealing with you saying things like that. It’s not—it’s not you.”

He hums one of his hums, and it’s not agreeing or disagreeing at all, it’s something completely flat. Undecided. Something he does just to save him from saying anything else. 

“Benny’s gonna be alright?” you ask, cause you’re trying to shake all the drops of the conversation off of you, tick all the boxes and shut it up for good. “He can walk still?”

“Yeah,” Johnny nods, then clears his throat, “Doc says it’ll take a bit, but, yeah. S’gone be alright.”

“Well, that’s something.”

Benny will walk again, meaning Benny will ride again, meaning Johnny really shouldn’t go doing something stupid again. At least not on that scale, you hope. You wish it wasn’t hooked up that way, but well, wishing never got you nothing so far. If Benny is what makes him tick, then God, keep it ticking. 

“You wanna go get some food?” you suggest, watching him finish the last of his beer. Cause he did say he’d been worrying, you remember, when he first got here, and maybe he really had been swinging by every day just to check on you. “Feel like I should at least make up for my, y’know, disappearing on you.”

And he really should make up for—

“Nah, I gotta head off.”

“Oh?”

“Gotta go get the girls. Said I’d take them shopping.” He stands, leaving the bottle on the floor by his feet, and wipes his palms down his stomach as he stretches. “Stopped by just to—yeah. I’m glad you’re back.”

You nod, standing too, in that awkward, expected of you way, that people do when guests are making an exit. 

“Glad you’re sticking around,” he says, “even with all the…”

“Yeah.” 

With all the violence and bullshit that should have you running for the fucking hills. But the way you see it, you spent all your childhood in those hills, and a long while after that too, and you really don’t feel like making your way back there anytime soon. First time in a long while that you’ve had somewhere flat to plant your feet. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you tell him. Meaning now, and in the bigger sense, too, which he gets. You can see it in his eyes, in the way he puts his arm up to touch your waist, cause you’re far enough that he can’t reach anything else. “Come by after you drop them home?” 

His eyebrow quirks a little. “Yeah? It’ll be late.”

“I’ll be up.” 

“Alright, sure. I’ll come.”

And you’re glad of that, cause as he leaves, he’s still sort of looking like a stranger to you—even more so than he did when he got in here—and you got a mighty need to find out where that man of yours went. Where he’s staying, somewhere under those new clothes of his. You’d wait up all night, for him to come back around, if it meant finding him again.  

____________

taglist: @drabbles-mc @hausofmamadas @cositapreciosa @raven-black102 @lyralu91 @hoodeddreams13 @businesscalamity

[zeltqz]

NO! DONT YOU BLAME YOURSELF!!! Let's all get all these mf men and deep fry them. Fr I'm tired of them, it's about time we raise the bar, THE BAR IS IN HELL AT THIS POINT!! Really enough blaming ourselves for their incapacity, if they are shit, then we have to let them know. I am aware most men will get violent if their precious masculinity gets hurt, but in cases when we are safe, we have to let them know. He didn't make you cum? You tell him? It didn't feel good? You tell him. He didn't find the clit and dry rubbed your left labia? You tell him!!!!! I'm tired or porn only being focused on dick dick dick, the man sticks it in you and boom pleasure. It doesn't work like that and they have no excuse for being ignorant and selfish . Ughhhhh!! Aftercare is so important!!! Why aren't they doing it whyyy. And if I hear one more pissy men saying that aftercare goes both ways then imma move his jaw 180°. Most of the times the guy just pushes you away if you try something or straight up tells you to get dressed wtf.

That goes for everything not just sex . The bar is in hell. No more preaching men for doing the bare fucking minimum, no more blaming ourself for not being " good enough" . He makes you cum? As he should. He does aftercare? As he should? He cleans and cooks? As he should? He brings yoh flowers? As he should? He is a decent human being? As he should!!!!

Ughh I swear these men make me want to rip my hair out.

Anyway I'm sorry your first time was bad bby! I hope you can find someone that deserves you and never never blame yourself again! It was his fault for being an ass and ignorant period.

Lova ya <3

NO REALLY IM SO SICK OF MEN LIKE1"?£!?"£ I DONT EVEN WANNA DATE ONE unless his name is haitani ran then no thanks i dont want you

but on a serious note men are so toxic nowadays like its fuckign SCARY and looking back at my younger self im disappointed because now i have a mouth on me and if i was in that situation back then i would tell him that i wasnt satisfied

but back then i didnt i was so introverted, still am but less introverted, so i didnt know how to communicate with him like that

PLUS i barely even knew him like i honestly forgot how i even met the dude i think it was at a party or a get together between mutual friends i cant remember

and the bar? omg the other day i saw a tiktok right of this girl saying how shocked she was when her boyfriend backed off her when she said she didnt want to have sex

and the girls in the comments were like "WHAT A KING"

LIKE WHAT"?£" THATS THE BARE FUCKIGN MINUUMMSDFHSDJ LIKE?!"? WHY R U PRAISING HIM FOR DOING WHAT SHOULD BE NORMAL? it just goes to show how men are just fucking things up for themselves that even the barest of the barest minimum is seen as rare

AND I LOVE U TOO ANON <333333

[gayspock]

SEARCH FOR SPOCK LETS GO GO GO GO

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

YOU OPEN WITH THIS SHUT UP THE WOUND IS STILL SO RAW I CANT TAKE IT

- IT BEING ALL WASHED IN BLUE AND SLOWLY COMING INTO COLOUR AS JAMES RECOUNTS HIS PARITNG SPEECH TO SPOCK ENOUGH I AM 21 YEARS OLD NOW YOU CANNOT REDUCE ME LIKE THIS IM GOING TO HAVE A FUCKIGN MOMENT

- sincerely i think im just too emotional today i truly am i have been for a while and i knew i was going to be rough today hence why im watching this (to cope) and yet despite knowing this im like screaming at myself for tearing up at the title sequence girl literally get a grip!

- you’re telling me im incapable of coping also, kirk, im going to lose my mind here

- “we paid with our dearest blood” he rellalty is dear isnt he. spock come back im sick of it. 

- big fan of this butt ugly alien dog that keeps snarling and looks so so bad but what a good boy. what a good puppy. mwah!

- AND IF MY GRANDMOTHER HAD WHEELS, SHE’D BE A BIKE!

- everyone obsessed with spock’s death yeah we all are, kirk, im fucking going cazy im losing my mind and i know the man isnt even dead and whoevers in his god damn quarters . GOD.

- also chekov just randomly speaking russian to scotty and scotty beinglike “what” and chekov doing it again me too

- bones is bones okay my king bones are you literally okay

-  i have been thinking for a while as i am one to do and i dont know ive always wanted a tattoo and stay with me here im thinking if i ever want one i have to sit with the idea for at least 2 years (since if i were to get one, i’d have to sit with it longer for that) and all these shots of the enterprise.... well. im being convinced moreso every day. no im not kidding this shit has rotted my brain severely

- sincerely though this has been the most ive felt in a while and god i love little liveblogs my little admission here i just like to feel a little less lonely watching movies dont you girlies

- are david and saavik going to be a thing. i think thats cute honestly bless their hearts. also kirk boys have a type i guess

- THE LOOKS THEYRE ALL BRINGIGOIDJGISJFHSJFHJSHJSHHGD. KIRK THE OUTFIT LOOKS LIKE IT SELLS FOR AN ARM AND A LEG ON DEPOP.  sulu im also like alarmed i love sulu’s outfit personally like king shit. BUT KIRK. LIKE I MEAN, YOUR PERFORMANCE WAS FINE, SHATNER: I BELIVED, FULLY, THAT KIRK WAS HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS. BUT ALL OF THAT PALES IN COMPARISON TO THIS OUTFIT. YOU COULD HAVE JUST ROCKED IN WEARING THIS, DAY 1, AND I WOULD BE LIKE AHA YUP MAN’S LOST  IT

- SAREK?

- KIRK, YOU BOYFRIEND’S DAD CAME TO FUCKING YELL AT YOU. HOW IS IT GOING MAN.

- this scene . . okay . okay (breathes) no offence but sarek getting kirk to relive it all and kirk almost crying and whispering no. now hang on girls.  (starts pacing around)

- NOT to unpack but sarek assuming that spock, rightfully, entrusted everything he was and everything he knew with kirk’s mind... that in his dying moments, spock would give it all to kirk.... okay. hang on. fuck off.

- “what you ask is difficult” kirk dont give me that horseshit and pretend like you’re dragging your feet, here. dont act coy. we know DAMN well the number of times and the amount of bullshit you’ve done to save both spock and bones and what they both have also done

“but if spock has an eternal soul, then it is my responsibility.” “yours?” “as surely as if it were my very own” LITERALLY OKAY THEN!

- AGAIN WITH THE OUTFITS. JIM WHAT YOU’RE WEARING IS SO CLOSE TO BEING OKAY BUT ITS ATROCIOUS. MEANWHILE IM A LITTLE OBSESSED, PERSONALLY, WITH CHEKOV AND SULU’S MATCHING LEATHER NUMBERS. GENTLEMEN. (NODS POLITELY... RESPECTFULLY)

- personally im actually all for mccoy/spock hybrid going to a bar .

- no hang on NO IM OBSESSED WITH THE MCCOY/SPOCK FUSION NONSENSE. “WHERE’S THE LOGIC IN OFFERING ME A RIDE HOME, IDIOT?” THAT’S PIRCELES TO ME. ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS.

- people say this about me in both the gay way and the mentally ill way and well that’s also the same with spoccoy (which is what im lovingly calling the fucked up trifle their brain is right now)  so well

- has.

- has star trek sworn before this?

- not sure why but this took me out in that sense LIKE DID MCCOY EVER SAY BITCH BEFORE THIS. AM I LOSING IT. AM I. SINCERELY. BECAUSE IT TOOK ME OUT. BITCH? BITCH? MCCOY, DID YOU JUST CALL SPOCK A BITCH?

- here’s the thing stay with me here . there are so, so few characters i headcanon as specifically not-gay do you know what i mean. and even now i say this that as a JOKE, and not really seriously: because the only reason why im here for straight sulu, is because i think it’s very funny to imagine tos sulu as straight, given how they specifically made him gay in aos and george takei was like “i sincerely wish you didnt.” like i do find that very funny. personally. but all of that being said, i reiterate i say that mostly in jest because right now... sulu, the outfit. the vibes. so immaculate. unparalleled.

[bloomtech]

( Alberto Rosende + NB Man + He/They ) isn’t that Carlos Tavor over there singing?  they’ve been in bloom for one year and I didn’t know they did that. somehow i know they’re a twenty-six-year-old stage tech. i’m pretty sure they’re bi with a strong preference for men and i heard they’re into hair pulling + oral fixation they’re staying at bloom court so maybe you stand a chance. ♡ penned by Terry & pacific & he/they/it

mic.off: Hey!! My name is Terry and I’ll be penning for Carlos and another baby ( hopefully ) sdlfkj I haven’t been in a group RP in a while and I'm very excited. I'm twenty-five and I’m an nb trans man as well as being gay sdljkf Carlos is a new muse that I have yet to write for so bare with me if he’s not totally realized. Here’s some info about him! Apologies I’m not the BEST at writing bios. There are two people mentioned in his bio Iris and Iris’ ex-boyfriend, both id’ totally love to see realized here in wanted connections if anybody is at all interested. 

Name: Carlos Alvaro Tavor 

Age: Twenty six

Sexuality: Bi with a heavy preference for men, he’s not at all opposed to being with a woman and is attracted to them it’s just basically easier for a man/male aligned person to get in bed with him or have a flirty romantic relationship than for a binary woman

Gender: NB man, he’s amab but like what the fuck is gender anyway?

Family and friends: Carlos has four sisters, one mother, three best friends back home and little to no friends at bloom. He tends to focus all his energy and attention into his job so even if you know him, he’s only been there about a year so it’s likely he won’t consider anyone a friend yet. His father passed away in an incident he doesn’t wish to discuss. 

Sexually: Carlos is a verse, he tends to prefer being the submissive one but most definitely enjoys dominating the situation as well. Top or bottom is fine real men get pegged and he has an oral fixation and loves giving head to his partners regardless of what they have going on. He’s kinda into dirty talk but if you try and get him to speak Spanish during sex he’s just gonna fuckin leave lskjdhfjsdfg he has no patience for that Latin lover bullshit

Bio: Carlos was born the youngest of five children and the first and only boy of his parents. His father died when he was about two years old and only he, his family and his best friend Iris really know all the details, he really clams up when asked about it.

 When he was four he met Iris, an Irish girl who would later turn out to be his very best friend.

 They were inseparable and saw each other through so many hardships, their families even becoming very close and Iris’ father and Carlos’ mother even grew closer as well. 

Carlos lived a pretty basic childhood if you asked hi. He picked up music from a very young age as a way to stay connected to his Cuban roots, learning the guitar, piano and how to sing. He could never get lessons because his mother was working three jobs to support five children ( his two oldest sisters also had part-time jobs while attending high school ) so he would never even consider asking. He considered it a blessing when he got his acoustic for his fourteenth birthday, crying when his mom told him she’d been saving up for it since he was ten and she saw him dancing around the living room strumming an air guitar to some of his favorite songs. He hugged his mom and promised to keep it safe and loved ( which he has, he still owns it to this day though it’s age is beginning to show a bit he’s never let any harm come to it ) 

When he entered high school is when things got, complicated. He was still a pretty average guy, he loved comics and videogames and anime, he joined band and theater as a stage tech. There he found his other calling, production. Turns out he was just as comfortable behind the stage as he was on it and was a natural leader with keeping things in check and order. Freshman year was also a big change for him because of Iris’ boyfriend, and not ... why you’d think. Or maybe exactly why you’d think cause he’s a giant gay cliche. He ended up being very attracted to the tall, intimidating heterochromatic jock. 

which was, scary. like really really scary because he felt he’d never really been THAT into guys before. Sure he’d thought guys were hot but .. so do most guys right? Yeah no.  Throughout his freshman year, Carlos quickly realized he was more in the middle of the Kinsey scale, finding attraction in men, women and pretty much everyone he met depending on the person. Iris supported him fully in this discovery, though never knowing about his massive crush on her then-boyfriend, and even helped him understand his gender confusion and pick up the non-binary label and they pronouns. 

Which, is why come junior year when Iris is doubting her own sexuality, Carlos had her back and helped her come to realize she was, in fact, a lesbian. Her at the time boyfriend was surprisingly perfectly okay and supportive and stayed close friends with them both which just made Carlos fall even more smitten with the stupid sexy het jock goddamnit. 

Enough about his highschool pining drama, Carlos graduated with honors and worked his ass off to get a full-ride scholarship to a moderately known performing arts school where he honed his skills both behind and on the stage as a performer for years. Graduating with a degree in music production with a minor in stage management. 

With the support of two of his best friends he launched himself into the world and was, immediately exhausted and sad. Playing bar after underpaying bar, working low pay low appreciation stage tech and management jobs he was almost ready to quit the music industry entirely were it not for his sisters and Iris especially. Eventually, Iris ex saw an advertisement saying bloomfest was looking for new stage crew and tried to convince Carlos to go saying this would be good for him and help him find a place where his talent and craft are truly appreciated. 

After talking it over with Iris, his mom, his sisters he found they all agreed and said he should go so, taking a chance his basic ass never thought he would he packed up his bags and moved to bloomfest as a permanent resident and employee. While he hasn’t been there long he’s made a name for himself as a reliable tech who will go above and beyond to get what you need and get it done even if he’s a bit grumpy about it. While his official job is dealing with stage tech, he spreads himself wherever he is needed in bloomfest and can often be found doing many odd jobs around in bizarre places. It’s just the kind of person he is. Helpful to a fault. 

Personality: He’s a bit grumpy seeming when you first meet him, but that’s just because of how little sleep the idiot gets. He’s actually an absolute puppy if you don’t upset him. Loyal to a fault, eager to please and always willing to make friends if it’s not getting in the way of his work. He’s a bit more, bitter towards musicians at Bloom fest simply because he’s jealous, and a bit sick of catering to the needs of over specific spoiled musicians and recieving no credit for his hard work or even a thank you. Don’t take it personal, if you have a good additude he’s likely to warm up fast. He’s always down to play flirt or real flirt really, he’s a fuckign flirt of flirts nobody is safe ( unless they say like hey im uncomfortable don’t do that then of course he’d stop but you get the idea ) He’s got a passion for music and creative arts, and a special love for comics, videogames and anime. Due to his oral fixation you’ll often see him with hard candy or gum or his batman shaped chewey necklace! He’s also FIERCELY protective of women so watch out for that cause he can and will punch you.

Strengths: Loyal, skilled, charming, kind, creative, hard working.

Weaknesses: Too trusting, quick to solving things on his own without thinking, stretches himself too thin, kinda snippy at times, closed off to really falling in love due to emotional traumas from his past, 

[cheezybiouwiou]

archived from that secret q account.

ghosty boiyou are my world, and no matter how shitty the world gets i can't imagine one without youJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou are a part of me, and i know whatever happens, you always will beJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii love you, but the more we're apart and the less i see you, the more i remember all the painJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhatever you say, what your family does, it affects me, and when im with you it will always be like that. i dont know if i can cope, and im breaking inside because i love you, but i know you've hurt me so much and i dont know what to feelJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisome part of me wonders if its too late. you broke me. you hurt me so bad, and ive forgiven you so many times for things youve done that you dont even know you haveJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii cant help but feel you dont love me anymoreJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii cant help but feel you dont careJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boingl it kinda hurts me that you care so much about him? i know not in a loving way, but like you caring so much about him makes me feel like you care less about me, idk maybe im just jealous and selfishJuly 14, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont want to read anything on this acc bc it will just bring up old pain. nd tbh if anyone found this there would be a lot of painJune 26, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilmao so i just found out the reason i'm suspended is bc my boyfriend ratted my mum out to his parents and my best friend ratted me out to him mum and the teachers and then my mum went ape shit and then they all pretended they didnt?May 5, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boireally fucking hurtApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiand u have the nerve??? u cant remember me or anythin and uve been in such a bad place what since december?? thats 5 fuckin months man that ive been workin my ass off to support u nd help u get through so u dont fuckin die and this is what i get back? honestly im not mad im just really really hurtApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiiodk now that u throwing this shit abck at me its like u blamin me? like boy u were so much worse than me already u were one of the ppl who dragged me into a darker place but i stuck w u bc i loved nd cared nd now ur saying it my fault that u cut and that ur more depressed? bitch i try fuckin hard for u man and this is what i get back? u say i dont care that u alwasy comfort me when i work my ass off to get through to u and help u, when u just then reject me anyways - and proceed to say i dont try and that you want the help?? if you want the help then fuckin accept it ive tried so hard for u man?? vbut u dont see it do uApril 15, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou dont actiually want to be with me do you?March 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou make me happy but im sad atm bc i dont wahnt you to dieeeeee nad i just want to be happy and you to be happyMarch 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou make me so happy but i know i dont do that for you. my own insecurities mean that whenever any1 jokes abt anything i take it as real,, im insecure abt everytihng so every joke from everyone hurts me,. i care too much abt what ypu thinkMarch 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont know do you want me??March 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilitearlly no one caresFebruary 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one wants me haha!February 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiha im so unwantedFebruary 23, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim not funn yim not smart im not useful im not talented im notmusical iumd fucjkign rpirdjbialedgesd im not a figood friend im nbot wirty i cant do anyithng im depresy wtihotutht e humoisr im eneddy im annoying i dongt get it im a fuckifng burden wso why are yioui still here whenvrber you see these things inothe rpsoelpe you hate htem gfor it wahyt fucking makles m efidferntFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boioyu literally dislike ebverything abtou me tyour jsut blind i dont get tiFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim evenrwyihtg you hate abtout this worldFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihs ill never be fuckign fgoos enoughFebruary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiha lmao u didnt see me crying uwuFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiu ran awya from meFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment 3 · Like ghosty boihehe im terrified of losing you for a different reason now but ig it doesnt matter bc u dont wannt me anywasyuFebruary 8, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii love you so much i just wnat to help i dont i can tlose youFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihow can oyu say you dont feel and say you love me? i know you feel, you just try not toFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont want you to hurt me but yousoFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment 1 · Like ghosty boiyou lie to me. you dont call it lying but it isFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwonder what it's like to be okayFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii can't carry this anymoreFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyin and yang, happiness always comes with sadness. if you have one you have to have the other. whats the point in feeling and living at all because even if you achieve happiness you will always have sadness. it is always htereFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boione day of warmth isnt worth a year of coldFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boihappinesss is fleetingFebruary 2, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhy am i always the one who hads to repaireFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii wihs oi culd he good enoguhFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiic ared about you but all you do is hurt meFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou just use me i dont understand i thought we were friendsFebruary 1, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boievent eh ppl eho care about me thinj uim worhtless, useless, dumb, stupid, weird, fucking djsfhalkdjfhreesstardsedJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhy do you keep reminding me of my insecuriteS? i think everyone does. i shoulf tlak to you about it, but i d onnt want to make you walk on eggshelslsJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment 1 · Like ghosty boiwer both yknow you cousdl do so m uch better htan meJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii see it in your eeys, i sese the dissapointment, the 'what the fuck', youer crazy, ur weird, ur rude, ur pathetic, why can yt you be normlak, youe fake, you re not ogod enogumJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiur gonna brkea up with me one dya becaues liets be real inm not oging to do it but you wilwl get sick of me you jsut put up with me atm ur blifnefd by emptions - despite that you can still see im fuvkignJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim just not finny or smart or nice or anyinthig gim jstu not good enoguh nd ikjwo i never will neJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiill never be good enough icoulndt even last a dayJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boilmfao i m actually fucking discusintgnJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii knwo im just annoying, no one realyt wants me aorundJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim getting sicjk of peoplke using meJanuary 29, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii will never be good enough, i will never be good aerat anythingJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim fugcking sfisdudcisigng im such asuhit firend i dont know anyithng i dony care abt eanyone arenough i dont remmebe ran ythonig im never good enouhgJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boidespite how i present muself i dont feelsihlike a girl i jhate hit it hahtkljeshrkljsdfxklsjg bJanuary 28, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou will never be able to see past being sad that im not talking, see that there may be a real reasoon, because you will be too self absorbed to even realise that im not okayJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boithing is though if i dont help you you you will get all sad and upset (despite ignoring me) and wont even give me the chance to give a reason why, beacuse the reason is im struggling atm as well and need support myself but youre too stubborn to get your head out of your ass and realise that i need help toJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou always ignore me its pissing me off you just use me for when you need me and thats itJanuary 27, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont think ill ever be good enoughJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boimonths. it took monthsJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boior is that just an excuse?January 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiits so goddamn sad how you always pull away, but now isnt the time to mention itJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii feel like you dont actally want me around idk it just hruts when you distance urself rom meJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one really truyts meJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boino one caresJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisighsJanuary 24, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiyou try and hel[p fuckignf ocus on yourself i want you to live ghoddamnihntJanuary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiwhats tyhe point in all this imf im judt going to lose you anyayJanuary 21, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii want to be better, and seperately i just want them to be happy nd idc howJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii never actually help lmao they were there for me yesterday when i was falling appart but i cant even help when they are sad or downJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boisighs now im wondering if im not good enoughJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii wish i could be enough, but i know i never will be. i know its not personal and i am not upset as such by it, i can accept it. i just am upset for them because i want to someone, something to be enoughJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii dont even know whats real anymore i cant tell what happened, what i thought happened, what was a dream, what i was hallucinating, what was flashbacks, what i wish had happened i cant even trust myself so how can i trust anyone elseJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim so done. im so tired with trying im so tired with everythingJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim so sadJanuary 16, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii got down bc of ehta they did but that didnt change anythgin they got fuvkin down otooJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boii never helpJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like ghosty boiim nfuckin uselessJanuary 3, 2019 ·Comment  · Like