#im especially upset because the only fucking reason i got a ticket in the first place was because they needed to plow a lot

[remarkable-ghost]

county roads, take me home

[abyssalspamton]

Now that goncharov is on tumblr I thought I’d see people talking about this, but i havet and Im sick and tired of people looking over one of the main themes of the show!! I’ve seen people talk about how there’s so many clocks in the background especially in important moments, the ticking noises and chiming, etc. but no one’s fucking talking about it!!

Scroll if you can’t be bothered reading a fuckton about a stupid movie.

Goncharov doesn’t appreciate time, and he has a big problem with it. he’s CONSTANTLY late to things throughout the movie. I don’t CARE about the flippant responses he makes as ‘I’m never late, everyone is early’ or the such!! One of the first scene with him his him RUSHING to a meeting, before he enters the meeting room we’re left staring at a clock that’s slowly ticking away, before we cut to Katya telling him off for being late. In a flashback, about Goncharov’s father, we learn that they weren’t exactly poor growing up, but his father was a hard worker. Now im not defending him for being abusive or anything of the such, but we can see he got this from his father.

“You’ll waste your life away surviving” Goncharov’s father TELLS him this. We see how skinny, dead looking his father looks in these flashbacks. He may be a shit father and husband, but he worked his ass off to try and make his family ‘happy’ (obviously should’ve put that effort into not hitting his wife). And when his father says these words to him, Goncharov looks so upset!! He is not happy with this, he doesn’t want to, because he sees how much this has fucked up his father. And everyone just seems to fucking ignore the clock behind his head, like a fucking halo!! So what does he do?

He does one better, and gets himself into the mafia, slowly climbing up, so he doesn’t have to waste away to provide. He LEARNT how to fight by defending himself from his father, and eventually others, and how does he use what he learnt? To oppress people that have done the same to him, so he can grow higher and higher until he gets to the top.

We see throughout the movie that Goncharov constantly makes comments of “I’ll do that later, i got time” and things similar to it, pushing things off. He literally is late to multiple important events, Sofia’s that Katya invited him to, early on even with mario as well. He’s in the game of constantly doing things he THINKS he needs to do now, and not letting himself relax, the reason he’s late for meetings is him just not being motivated enough to get there! He’s just terrible all around with it!

In his goal to not waste his life, he’s still doing so. He’s pushing things back, time is money and money is time to him. So when he’s late to the boat party, not there for when it goes off into sea and Katya and sofia almost fuckingn die because of the russians, Katya realises how dumb this man is. The reason it happened was because he was late. He wasn’t on time. Katya takes offense to this, is upset that her husband wasn’t there to defend or help her. Yes she is a badass and didn’t need it, but she wanted it goddamnit!! So it’s not surprising when she decides to side with Mario, thinking that this will be better, since ���obviously’ Goncharov can’t deal with the russians himself.

When they’re DANCING beautifully together, they only start after the clock starts chiming! Katya is sure he’s not even going to show up until she turns around and sees him. “You’re late” Katya says, and her voice sounds so defeated, SO upset, but accepting. And what does Goncharov have to say? “What’s new?” 

That’s IT.

Andrey isn’t in a lot of these scenes, but he’s in one big one. meeting with him at the bridge, the clock ticking away above them like a bomb, and they have a sweet moment. Realising that they’re so similar, yet so different, a literal fence inbetween them, dividing them. From everything we’ve seen Andrey has been early to events, never late. When Katya tracks him down to his cousins piano recital he’s at the front. These tickets were not bought based on their spots, when Katya asked how he got such a good seat he literally says that he got there early!

When Andrey leaves, just a minute before the clock chimes, and suddenly mario is there. Suddenly we’re looking at the bridge upside down. Goncharov, with a gun pointed at him, knowing there’s nothing he can do, is ask why Mario hates him so, what problem does he have with Goncharov. “The trouble is, you think you have time.” 

And that’s it. The clock goes off, “But you don’t.” and he shoots him. Every moment Goncharov in this movie has spent telling people he’ll get to things eventually that he’ll always have enough time to get to it, every moment he’s thought that he’s SAVING time by the life he’s living. gone away, cut short with one bullet. And we’re left there, thinking that maybe if he wasn’t late to things, that if he didn’t take time for granted, maybe he would’ve survived. Katya wouldn’t have gone through with her betrayal, maybe Mario would’ve been easier on him.

Maybe he could’ve lived the lift he thought he was. A life better than his fathers.

I apologize for glossing over a lot of things, but god this is already so long. I’m sure other people have talked about it or picked up on it but god damnit!! It’s just annoying for people to say it has clock imagery for no reason at all. TIME IS A HUGE PART OF THIS MOVIE!!

[everyothermouse]

A lil group portrait of the time au adventuring gang!! Them <333

Basically tol fucked up as a kid and is now on the run from the law, but realized that since his life was so crazy he could live off of telling stories of his wacky adventures. When he met Jay he wanted him to come with him, and when he found out jay couldn't come cus he was virtually a demon/god/magic magnet he decided he NEEDED to bring him to capitalize on how it'd make more cool stories. And yeah it worked so since then he's been collecting wackos to aaa go crazy aaaa go stupid (and also bcus safety I numbers or whateva, pop and pip are also criminals and pastel and jay are crimes against god <3) more about each individual under the cut!

Doin them from left to right :)

Pastel: died when she was messing around with some friends and got stuck under a big rock and left to starve. But because of a fluke in the underworld her God decided to resurrect her, a right usually only belonging to saints. Because of this she's now poorly pretending that she totally did something to deserve being revived (she tells a different story every time someone asks, she thinks it's funny) to avoid being persecuted for suspected witchcraft. She met Jay when they were both drunk and they had fun fucking around in the city, and she spilled the beans to him that she was revived for no reason. She regretted it, but jay didn't kill her because even though he's religious he knew what it felt like to be magically cursed and have everyone be pissed at u for it. Also she's really funny with jay so tol begged her to come with them to add more Comedy(tm) to his memoirs

Pop: a time traveller and angel who is trying to hide both of those facts but only really succeeding at hiding the time travel thing. When they were a kid they traveled to this time with his friends Lustre and Cherrybomb, but when they were attacked by the vicious royal guard they weren't able to escape without leaving Lustre behind. Cherrybomb super repressed that memory, and while pop recovered from some minor injuries they vowed to never time travel again. Yeah they only kept that up until they were like 15, but they still couldn't bring themself to go back to when they left Lustre. But now they're 26 (well technically they're like 33 but in their time their supposed to be 26) living with their boyfriend cherrybomb and have years of time travel experience under their belt, and they're ready to go back. Except they can't go back because they created a travel block for themself by accident because of how upsetting the event was, so instead they traveled as close as they could, about 10 years in the future of the time. Now they search for any form of closure, all they need to know is what happened to their friend, and they will do whatever it takes to find this out. But angels aren't super welcome in the past, especially not with uncut wings, so it's not exactly easy for them to navigate this time period. But after a while of their search they met two lovely children (well young adults), a demon and a "cursed" (nowadays they call em spiritually gifted) and felt so bad for how much the world seemed to be against them they decided they could travel with them, just for a bit, to protect them. They tried not to get attached. They failed. They're in it for the long run now aren't they TwT also as they explore this time and learn more about the gods, they start to realize that they might... be the God of longevity???? Or at least an older version of them became them? Time travel is fucked man

Btw Lustre plays a big role in this plot, her hyper futuristic knowledge, 'blessed' white eyes, and strange God gifted clothing would all lead to him rising to a much different role than fugitive rather quickly, but they're not who this post is about ;) also I'm gonna go bottom to top for the 3 in the middle let's go

Lune: just a little guy :) lune is a young rancher/gardener who worships the God of the wood, who kind of goes missing sometimes and is lowkey the least loyal God but shhhh he loves them. Lune and tol were childhood friends (along with their pal cleo) but on one of their little excursions tol took something very important to a very powerful king, and refused to give it back. As retribution the king destroyed their entire town, and cleo put all the blame on tol, tol and lune both knew lune had to take the side against tol in order to not have the town turn on him. So yeah he moved with the town to bring up a brand new farm, long awaiting the day when tol would come home and say that things were OK and they could settle back in town together, hopefully with cleo too. That didn't happen, but tol did come back and peer pressure lune into part time adventuring with him! So yeah generally lune just runs his lil farm and prays, but when tol comes to pick him up he gets a chance to go be free to act batshit crazy, just like when he was a kid 🥰

Pipes: DEmon! One time lune and tol had a little squabble so lune was like 'im gonna get a new best friend and ur gonna regret this' and tol was like 'yeah right, u live with a bunch of criminals right now no one's gonna wanna be ur bestie dumbass' so lune just walked into a cave at night and dragged out this little nonverbal demon because demons who live alone in caves don't have high standards for friends. Even tho it was just a ploy to make tol jealous lune went super hard on it and now pipes is actually friends with the gang lmaoo

Tol: like I said with lunes, stole something important from a king as a kid, monarch got pissed, blew up the town, town got pissed at tol for it, and since then he's been on the run because he's too stubborn to give back the damn thing (they could have just attacked HIM for it, but since la queen decided to fuck with his town, his family, tol thinks he doesn't deserve to have it back.) He had to run from town to town and got into a lot of danger in his attempts at finding places to hide, but he lacks fear and tended to fight stuff off. As a kid he found that he could get enough pity to be welcomed into towns if he told people he had to fight a monster to get there, so he told stories at every town and camp he went to of his hardships. But as he got older, those he stayed with beckoned him to keep talking, and more and more people said they had heard of his adventures. And that's when when it clicked, his shining ticket to true freedom wasn't a place, it was his stories. They gave him food, shelter, fun, memories, a life. So he made it his mission to never settle down, to make his life as crazy as possible and to talk about it as much as possible, and if he ever ran out of energy to adventure, he'd spend the rest of his dying days writing and writing his entire life story. He thought this was a life he'd live alone, but one day he sought refuge in jays little lonely house because he thought it was abonded, luckily though Jay had just been praying for a second chance at life and decided that considering the timing, tol must be that second chance. So yeah jay patched him up, found out on his monthly supply route he was harboring someone very wanted, and took care of tol even harder because he didn't know or care why he was wanted, he just knew that anyone who had a drawing of them as a child on a wanted poster definitely didn't deserve it. So yeah they're besties now.

AAA I wrote out a really long description for jay but tumblr glitched and I lost it :'O ble here's a shorter rewrite cus I'm not writing out that whole thing again >:P

Jay: brought up in a church village,, he was born with the curse, which allows him to tap into magical properties very easily, and be very easily controlled, manipulated, and possessed by them. This allowed him to be very connected with his god (the god of longevity) but also meant he was often treated as a security risk and a monster by the adults of his town since he could let in evil spirits so easily. He spent most of his time praying and he became obsessed with acting on compulsions (repeated prayer, overscrubbing, scratching himself, touching religious things until he felt like he touched them "right") because he believed they were messages from God and would prevent him from becoming evil (look he was a teenager and everyone told him he was a monster his whole life leave him be.) He gets possessed twice, mage as a rep of the town is like "either have ur cursed removed or leave town forever" (uncursing is only hypothetically possible, it's hella dangerous) and he's scared itd sever his connection to his god so he leaves and he's upset bcus his entire life plan was built around his church, so now he's livin alone on a hill and leaving like once a month, he stays up there and sews and prays mostly, he sort of works on himself and becomes vaguely mentally stable, so he prays for a second chance at life since he lost his original path and needs a sign where to go, and then boom tol shows up and the rest is history. Now he has his own little family and things are going great :) other than the still getting possessed like once a week but shhhh

Pip: in between the entrance to hell and the religious central of the continent is a little town that sides with neither. They mostly fuck around and find out, and in this town lives a monster researcher and her less formal wife, pip! Pip is just a silly goofy little guy livin life, and when the crazy bunch shows up she feels like he's finally found her people :3 and for the first time the group gains a member who's begging to join them as opposed to the other way around

Ya and together they all go on wacky lil adventures with demons and monsters and monarchs and what not.

Tldr pastel is a funny lil dead guy, pop is a time traveller and the Adult of the team, lunes a lil farmer man, pipes a hobo demon they picked up off the side of the road, tols a little criminal demon adventurer, jays a religious weirdo who tol dragged out of his hermit hut, and pips an insane little guy

[willowistic22]

Red (Redfinch)

Despite their breakup, Albert still wanted to go see Finch perform in one of his concerts when Race asked him if he wanted to come. This is the perfect chance for them to talk things out again but words aren’t cooperating for either of them. With that, Finch decides to triy a different form of communication.

Words : 5233

Part : -

Warnings : Alcohol, cursing, cigarettes, angst in general

A/N : Woah that’s a crazy word count uhh,,,, hi i’m back with another fic. Another redfinch and for that we stan lol (well idk maybe yall are annoyed by all these redfinch fics but yknow what? i’m thriving off of it) But fr I’ll eventually get into writing other ships but for now have one more redfinch combined with another tswift songs (as you do) this time with Red. Wow we are so surprised who would have thought of redfinch being associated with the song red no we aren’t surprise :D This one specifically exists in my bandsies au. you don’t need to read that first to understand this (i think?) but it wouldn’t hurt if you checked that out as well:) Tbh i can’t decide whether i love it or hate it but at least i like it enough to post it. N ee wayysss enjoy!!

His brain is screaming about how much Albert shouldn’t be doing this. Comprising a list of cons that goes on forever. And although he thinks all of the cons his brain had written is logical, that one pro his heart wrote beside the long list was all it took for Al to say yes. All the cons will be worth suffering through if he finally gets to see Finch again. And maybe it’s for the better since he’s not doing well by distancing himself from the boy.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t black and white. Meaning that even if he did choose to follow what his heart wants, all the horrible feelings will still be there. And with every step he takes, inching closer to the entrance of the building, he’s getting even more terrified by the second. Thankfully, the line for the entrance is going pretty slow which gives time for Albert to calm down.

But it’s not helping. The line is crowded and full of fans, talking excitedly about the band’s awaiting concert inside. For some odd reason, he can only hear the conversations between fans that contain one specific name. He doesn’t hear anyone mentioning Romeo, Elmer, or Jojo’s name. Not even Crutchie, who he’s been told to be the fans’ favorite. Just the name Finch, being repeated all around him. With adoration and excitement lacing the name. The line is delaying the inevitable and the people around him makes him a bit overwhelmed.

“We can still turn around if you want. I’m sure they’ll find a way to give us a refund”

If he’s actually being honest, it was his best friend that got him to come. Race returned to their shared apartment a few weeks ago and rushed to ask Albert if he wanted to go see their friends performing tonight. Race knows about Al and Finch’s break up but it’s worth asking him first. And to his surprise, he said yes.

“No, it’s fine” Albert replied, “I’m fine”

“You’re picking your pimples right now”

“So?”

“It’s one of your nervous habits”

That piece of information really caught Al off guard. He didn’t think a tiny random fact about himself would actually corner him the way Race is doing now. Eyeing Albert through his glasses and raising his eyebrows despite his forehead being mostly covered by his beanie.

“Well… I-” Albert tried to come up with bullshit as fast as he could, “I like to do it on purpose too, alright?! My fingers just... get a little itchy!”

He slowly puts his hands down from previously reaching up to pick his face. And the line is still going slow, one step at a time. It’s not doing any favors for Al.

“Dude, it’s alright if you’re not ready to see him” Race continued, “It takes time, I get it”

“Race, I’ll be fine! How many more times do I have to tell you?” Albert argued, which finally made Race back down. And to make sure it’s no longer gonna be brought up, Al changes the subject, “By the way, where’s Specs and Mike? You said they’re watching too”

“They’re already backstage with the others for...  obvious reasons” Race answered casually, catching on to Albert's intentions to change the subject. “So is Kath, by the way. We’ll meet her in there though”

To that, Albert simply nods. His jittery movements turn into rocking his body on the ball of his feet while digging his lips with his teeth. Race tries to pretend he doesn’t notice, but he does. Albert knows he does. Although he’s glad he’s not bringing it up because it might make it worse.

He’d be lucky to know that he’s not the only one panicking over this. In the dressing room, an aggravated Finch throws his phone to the cushion of the couch after sending the last text to his friend Race. It sounds unlawful for Race to be ‘secretly updating’ Finch on how Albert is actually doing because it’s obviously something Albert doesn’t want to directly tell his ex.

Finch groans, placing his elbow on his armchair to support his head. The room is spinning in his view and he wishes it all to stop. Taking deep and long breaths to stabilize his shaky limbs. A little prayer starts playing in his heart, it follows the tempo of his fast heartbeat.

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

Finch opens his eyes and looks up to meet his bandmate sitting on the couch across from him. He hadn’t even been talking for a good hour because he’s too fixated with the first text Race sent him when he and Al first started making their way to the concert.

“Yeah, he’s in line” Finch replied, looking up to the blond boy who’s holding his bass.

“How are they not being mobbed?” Another voice rang. This time it’s not coming from one of Finch’s bandmates. It’s coming from Race and Albert’s bandmate, sitting next to the shortest member of Finch’s band on the couch.

Specs only ask that because their two bands have a long connecting history and their fanbase tends to be sort of the same in a way. With Specs dating Romeo and Mike dating Jojo, Race and Albert are bound to be recognized and mobbed by at least a few fans. Especially seeing that Albert is Finch’s former lover, although the fans know that as a rumor since the two never publicly addressed it.

“I’m assuming they’re wearing a lot of shit to cover their faces” Another answered, the other VIP of the show alongside Specs, Mike. He’s twirling his drink in his hand while the other keeps Jojo cuddled close to him, “I mean, Al’s head is really fucking bright!”

With the mention of that specific name, Finch sulks back in his armchair with a groan. He covers his face with his hands, hoping it’d make the world just stop for one second. He could hear a loud clean slap echoing the room, followed by overlaps of whispered scolding. If he had to guess, it was Mike who was the one getting slapped and scolded.

“This is a disaster…” Finch exclaimed to himself, still not lifting his face up.

“It doesn’t have to be unless you make it like that” this time a feminine voice spoke up. A voice he recognized to belong to Kath.

Finch hears footsteps approaching him. He feels the motion of someone softly kneeling down in front of him. His hands were gently pried open and he was met with Kath’s friendly smile.

“It takes time, but you gotta trust the process”

It’s not necessarily the words he needed to hear right now, but it still warms his heart to hear his friend still being there for him despite the sticky situation he has gotten them into.

Everything would’ve been just fine if Finch hadn’t been so pushy and upset over Albert’s decision. He was the one that decided to put his music career on hold to go get that engineering degree, which frankly seems pretty useless. Finch was so dirty for pulling the ‘you’re being selfish’ card at him when it’s not even his band at all. Race, Specs, Mike, Ike, and even their manager Denton were very supportive about his decision to get that degree. Heck, all their friends were! But not Finch. His boyfriend at the time. He argued like he secretly knew how the others felt about Al leaving when really there aren’t any secret feelings for him to know. All his arguments came from his own feelings.

However, he knows Albert’s ‘own decision’ was secretly coated by his father’s persuasive words. The whole ‘just in case the music career doesn’t work out’ argument was basically the copy and pasted words from his father. They both know it. Despite the arguments, it still seemed that Al was determined to fully focus on college anyways. Instead of following his fellow musician friends’ college path by getting a degree in the non-lecture-hall way, he followed his father’s words and actually attended his college classes in a proper campus.

In the moment, Finch was just too focused on Albert leaving. Maybe he was the one being selfish. He had only realize now that most of his arguments were because he didn’t want Albert to go. It’s too late now, since the last time they saw each other was when Al slammed the door of their apartment one last time with all his stuff and a plane ticket to Seattle. At that point, Finch was finally tired of all the arguing and told him that if this was his plan then he’s on his own.

The tears that came after were filled with sorrow and regret. Sorrowful because he missed him. Regretful because he only realized then that there was no valid reason for Finch to lash out in the first place other than for his own needs. The feeling is still present to this moment. And it’s currently the strongest right before a show because he knows he’s gonna be in the crowd.

“Look, we’ll let ya drown out your feelings with some booze later” Crutchie finally said, “But right now we got a show”

The band was all getting up from where they were seated, bringing whatever they needed to the stage. Crutchie gets some help from Jojo to bring his Bass till he properly sits on the stool on stage. But Finch stays perfectly still, holding Kath’s hand as if his life depends on it.

“I know I should talk to ‘im, Kath” Finch finally said, slowly joining the others in standing up. Kathrine follows along, eyes still fixed to her friend, “But… I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say to him”

“Then don’t talk” Mike suddenly inserts himself in their little conversation. He gets up and approaches the two, “Sing him the new single”

“You’re fucking insane, Mike!” Katherine instantly snapped.

“Alright, your mouth will be legally sealed shut till the end of the concert” Specs joins them only to drag Mike away. There were some protests from the boy, but it was totally shut down by everyone else in the room.

“No, wait. He’s got a point” Finch suddenly exclaimed, which quickly got the whole room to freeze in time.

He looks at his bandmates, all standing by the doorway ready to kill the concert. A half confident smile appears on his face and he says, “Let’s sing that single”

-

The concert is held in a bar like-venue with multiple floors, slowly being filled to the brim by excited fans. Their excitement bounces off the walls of the venue, creating an ecstatic kind of environment despite the tight space. The concert is going to start any minute now and while the fans surrounding him are shaking in excitement, Albert is shaking in a nervous fit.

“Still okay there, Al?”

Albert looked to his side, seeing his good friend Kathrine looking up to meet his eyes with concern. She had just joined the boys in the midst of the crowd after hanging out behind the stage with the band.

“What? Yeah, I’m okay” He replied, “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re squeezing my hand a little too tight”

Al had only realized he’s been holding Kath’s hand just now. His brain was too focused on his fears about meeting Finch again to the point that he hasn’t been paying attention to his surroundings. He gets bashful all of a sudden, cheeks going a bit warm, harshly pulling away from her grasp.

“It’s okay, you can hold my hand if you want,” Katherine said gently.

“Kath, I’m fine!” Albert said, “Why won’t you and Race believe me?”

“Because we know it’s utter bullshit”

The pair looked back towards the crowd behind them where the familiar voice originated from. There, Race struggles through a sea of people with two drinks in hand. Oddly enough, he still seems to stand the heat despite still wearing his face disguise. A white cotton mask, black-framed glasses, and a grey beanie mostly providing cover for his blond curls. While Al, seeing that the venue is pretty dark and speculations has led him to believe that the fans would be focused on the concert rather than the people attending it, had already put away his mask. However, his fears still made him wear his snapback and grey-framed glasses just in case.

Albert takes his rightful drink, and with a free hand, Race takes off his own mask and stuffs it in his pockets. He complains about the stuffiness from wearing the mask all while doing so, which made Kath laugh. It appears the Albert-scolding has been forgotten for the time being, as Kath and Race starts engaging in their own conversation, which Al doesn’t mind because he’d much like to down his beer quickly.

And then the concert finally starts.

An exciting intro starts playing as the band enters the stage. The wild crowd welcoming the band is deafening to Albert’s ear. Time freezes and everything in between fades away. All he sees is Finch, up on stage wearing a smile brighter than the lighting of the venue itself. He’s using his old dark green guitar. The same one he uses when he’s writing songs in bed or when he just feels like strumming the strings. Albert remembers the memoirs of all the guitar string scars he had earned throughout the years of knowing him. Some of them were even caused by Albert himself.

Lucky that Finch hasn’t noticed Albert has been staring at him the whole time. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of the boy since the start of the first song, shimmering under the spotlight with amazing vocals. Laughing about at his fellow bandmates’ antics on stage. Oh, that laugh. It gives him butterflies in his stomach like it was the first time hearing it.

He can feel two pairs of familiar eyes on him. But he’s too far gone to care. Albert really did make a big mistake for letting Finch go that easy. Because at the end of his previous college days, he still loves him and misses him dearly. His little Finchy. It doesn’t matter to Al anymore if Race and Katherine are eyeing him with sorrow or the whole world were to look at him weirdly for fixating his own eyes towards the beautiful boy on stage. He was his beautiful boy. Good lord, does he long to see the days when he got to call Finch his.

“Holy shit, I fucked up” Albert muttered under his breath, only Kath and Race could hear it, “I should’ve never had left”

His friends were definitely not expecting Albert to verbally exclaim his regret. They already knew from the start despite the redhead’s previous denials. But hearing him say it just makes it all more real. Even Albert himself was hit by a truck of reality just by loudly announcing it.

“Well, now you know” Katherine started, gentle voice on the same volume as his own despite the volume of their current surroundings being incredibly loud, “Go tell him that after the show”

“I can’t. I shouldn’t” Albert replied, fully turning away from the stage to properly look at his friends. A glint of sorrow and desperation flashes before his face, “I might make things worse!”

“Well, you’ll never know till you try” Race said, sounding a little hesitant at the start. He offered a warm smile at his friend and a hand on his shoulder, since there isn’t much he could do in the moment.

With a heavy sigh, Albert turns back towards the stage only to witness the biggest surprise of his life. Finch looked back. Straight into Albert’s eyes, it pierced right through to get his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He just realized the song the band was previously playing had ended and they were waiting for the fans to quiet down. While Romeo playfully over-dramatize his thank you’s to the crowd and gets scolded by Elmer and Crutchie, Finch was continuously staring at Albert. The hands that were previously used to play with his guitar hang idly because his center of attention wasn’t at his instrument right now.

It might just be some form of hallucination Al retained from the high, but Finch seemed to be smiling at him a little. Just a little curve at the end of his lips while he’s still staring back.

Albert doesn’t know how to interpret this other than to just stare back. Deep down, his heart is flipping in all kinds of ways and his thought process is no longer comprehensible. He’s trying to read the other boy’s emotions but it’s too neutral to tell. Other than the fact that he’s smiling a little at him but that still doesn’t give him a proper answer.

Eventually Finch becomes the first one to look away, seeing that the audience had settled down for the band. Albert’s eyes were still glued to Finch, retaining his focus back to the concert. He opens his mouth for a moment to say something into his microphone, although he unexpectedly stopped. The flow of words seemed to cut short. He saved himself by pulling himself away from the microphone up front and towards the rest of his bandmates. Judging from the body language, they seem to be whispering.

“What’s happening?” Albert whispered, more to himself rather than to his friends.

“I’m not sure…” Race replied, taking a step closer to where Al is standing.

The band kept the discussion short and quickly got back to their places. Finch seems to hesitate the second time he opens his mouth to speak. But this time, he gets the words out.

“Uhh… sorry ‘bout that. I uhh… I just got the urge to go a bit out of our fixed setlist and uhh… hope you guys don’t mind” Finch explained with a little giggle at the end. The crowd couldn’t care less and cheered on. Finch smile widens at the agreement, “We thought we’d give ya an early access to our newest single that hasn’t been released yet”

A euphoric feeling passed through the crowd as the cheering got louder. It baffled Finch so much that he laughed into his mic.

“Oh my god, they’re actually doing it” Katherine commented under her breath.

But Al’s ears were sharp enough to catch it. He snaps his head around to face the girl behind him, “Do what?”

Katherine was rendered speechless to that question, despite obviously knowing what’s going on. Albert turns to Race but he has no idea. He finally turns back to the stage where Finch’s gaze was already waiting to be returned by Al himself.

Without breaking the gaze, Finch speaks into the mic with a little smile, “It’s called ‘Red’”

It was Albert’s turn to be speechless. He had no knowledge of a new single since he’s mostly been staying away from his ex’s social media for the sole purpose of moving on, which he had failed miserably. And none of his friends had told him anything about a single that’s title was a secret language only Finch and Albert share, littered with all sorts of vintage romance.

“Holy shit…” Race exclaimed, “...I had no idea they were gonna play this song”

The opening of the song starts with Jojo lightly plucking a few strings of his acoustic guitar. The crowd goes wild once again, energy bouncing off one wall to the other.

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”

Crutchie sang the first line smoothly. At this point the other’s had joined in with their instrument. Finch fully ignoring the crowd and focused on looking at Al. Those blue eyes are trying to send a message to Albert and it’s being coded with the song they’re currently playing.

The song had carried on till it reached the chorus. All the instruments peaked at that moment and collaborated with each other to create a very euphoric sound. The crowd jumps along to the beat of the song along with a loud cheering, obviously enjoying the tune they have yet to listen to. Some were holding up cameras to capture this moment, most likely to later share it with the fans that didn’t get the chance to witness it live.

At this point, Finch had turned his face away from Al. There was a troubling look in his expression but it was quickly covered by closing his eyes as if he’s trying to concentrate on singing the chorus with the others. But Al is no fool. He knows that look on Finch’s face is when he’s trying to avoid something, and that something is him.

“Losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

But loving him was red”

The words moved something in Al. It was written in a way Albert recognized it to be Finch’s writing style. Every single part of the song. From the melody, the chord progression, even the lyrics. Especially the lyrics.

“Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword

And realizing there's no right answer

Regretting him was like wishing you never found out

That love could be that strong”

As Finch harmonized that line with Jojo, he stole a little sad side glance at Albert. The song returns to the chorus once again, Finch gets dragged with the beat and lightly moves his body along.

Albert gets captivated along with the music. He can feel the corner of his lips slightly rising up, which is pretty ironic seeing that Finch is singing a breakup song about them. Maybe because he’s relieved to hear Finch sing about how he’s not fully over him. Or maybe it’s because he gets to see Finch embracing the break up, which could potentially mean that he’s okay with it. But whatever it is, he’s happy seeing Finch like this. Or just seeing him in general.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head”

The chord progression’s pattern slightly changed. Finch sings his line into the microphone, closing his eyes as if to soak up all the intoxicating energy he gets from the crowd. Of people flailing their hands into the sky and a loud chorus of undecipherable shouting. But at the last line, he steals a proper glance back at Albert.

“In burning red”

The lyrics really says it all. There’s no more hidden message that Albert needs to decipher, as it's being presented right in front of him.

Finch takes over the next part of the song, shredding his guitar which makes the crowd go wild. At the moment, it looks like he’s feeling himself. Moving along with the motion of his fingers that creates each note.

“Oh, losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

'Cause loving him was red”

The song is supposed to be a punch to Albert’s guts, and yet he finds himself laughing at it. He catches a glimpse of Finch’s eyes, sneaking its way to look back at Albert every so often. And this time, he wears a smile while jumping along to the song. And it made Al smile back.

“His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street”

As the song ended, the fans went wild. The look on Finch’s face seems satisfied at the success of the single they have yet been released to the world, shining at the sight of a hype crowd. He steals one last glance at Albert with a little smile on his face. Albert would dare to say he’s being a bit shy. To that, Albert smiles back with a disbelief laugh escaping his lips before Finch pulls his gaze away from the other boy.

After playing a few more songs, the concert ended. There was only one thing in Albert’s mind, which was talking to Finch. Race and Albert quickly put their disguise back on before the crowd had realized who they were as they exited the venue. The three stay behind as the venue gets emptied, Race and Katherine making quick work with their fingers on their phones to contact their friends backstage.

Jojo was the first to respond to either of them. He said that Finch is smoking behind the venue alone. One could only assume that he’s not in his best state after spontaneously choosing to sing that single. But Jojo assured them that he’s still good to talk to. Crutchie then responded, saying that Specs and Mike can pick them up to get them into the backstage.

It didn’t take them long, but Albert wasn’t keen on seeing the others right now. After being pointed towards the back door, Albert was already off. Adrenaline coursing through his veins as he makes quick steps towards it.

He gently opens the door, to avoid surprising the boy in case he was nearby. Albert steps out to a parking lot, open-spaced with another parking lot above it as its roof. At a first glance it was completely empty, only a few lights turned on to keep the area lit. His eyes gandered even further and spotted the boy he was looking for, back facing Al and his body leaning on metal bars as he enjoyed the nightlife of the city.

Albert took a deep breath to calm his adrenaline, slowing down his walking pace. The area is eerily quiet. Only a few things that can be heard: his footsteps, his thumping heart, and the sounds coming from the streets three stories below them. With every step closer, he slowly unraveled his makeshift disguise. Shoving his mask and glasses in the pockets of his jeans but left the snapback on.

“‘Loving him was red’” Albert said to catch Finch’s attention, “Did you mean it to be that obvious?”

Finch didn’t fully turn his head around, only halfway so Al can see the little grin of amusement forming on his face. A little chuckle escaped his lips, causing his chest to pulse along before he continued, “Not really. But it has a nice ring to it”

Albert takes a few steps closer towards the metal bars, leaning his body on it like what Finch is doing. Now he can clearly see the half burnt cigarette on Finch’s hand. Al tries to make eye contact with him, but Finch is purposely turning his head the other way and giving Albert his head full of blond curls.

“You came back” Finch suddenly said, voice hushed and low.

“Of course I came back” Albert replied, “You didn’t think I’d fully leave like that, did’ja?”

“Well, no. It’s just that you seemed so hellbent on going to college”

Albert slowly nods at that, moving his gaze towards the streets below like the other boy. They sit in the silence for a few minutes. Hearing different vehicles pass by the street below them and honking from the distance.

“Finch, I’m so sorry I left ya like that” Albert suddenly started, fully turning his face towards him. He couldn’t find a way to word it and so he resorted to just telling him the truth. Finch stays quiet to let him continue, “I was an idiot to let ya go that easily and all because I was selfish”

“You weren’t actually being selfish” Finch said, smiling a little at his words, “You did it because you wanted to. And it wasn’t hurting anyone anyways”

“It did. It hurt you”

Finch turns his head towards Albert. Now their eyes are looking into each other closer than before. The closest they’ve ever been since their breakup. A mixture of unsaid emotions made the gaze feel so intimate and it terrifies Al a bit. 

“I hurt myself trying to get you to stay” Finch said softly. His next words got stuck in his throat. He gives his brain a few seconds to focus with a sigh out of his mouth and dragging his gaze away from Al, “I knew you never wanted to get that engineering degree in the first place which is another reason I didn’t want you to go. But at the end of the day, it was your decision to make and not mine. I lashed out on you and said you were selfish but… I was the one that was being selfish”

Finch turns his eyes back towards Al, his face looks more sorrowful than before, “I’m sorry”

A small smile formed on Al’s face, tilting his head to the side by a few inches, “It ain’t your fault for knowing me more than I know myself”

They leave the conversation at that for the time being. Letting the streets below fill the void of their silence. Both boys focusing their gaze towards the view they got from this height they’re on again. Finch and Albert left speechless at each other’s words.

Albert’s hands unconsciously reach up to his forehead, itching to pick a pimple like earlier. His next words almost got stuck in his throat but he was able to pull through just enough to get to his point, “Well, at the end of the day we uhh… we both fucked up. Fucked our relationship, that’s for sure-”

“Stop picking on your pimples, Al” Finch casually said. The surprise look on Al’s face got Finch to side eye him with a giggle.

Al pulled his fingers away, stuttering in his movements but still continued on his words with more confidence, “What I’m trying to say is… I want to try again as long as you’re willing to”

There was a good few seconds of silence that Finch used to just stare at him. Albert could only wonder what he’s thinking about inside that head, “So we just… what? Forget the breakup ever happened? Move back in together? You know I can’t just do that, right?”

“That’s not what I mean. We don’t need to rush things. I know you can’t do that” Albert said, “Just… let me start by making it up to you? Whatever you want. Just name it”

Finch didn’t respond instantly, letting the silence between them linger for a few more minutes. But it’s deeply agonizing to Albert’s ears. A blank space of two eyes locked in a gaze, and one is obviously dying to get out of it.

“Please, say something” Albert begged. Hands suddenly reaching back up to his face to pick on his pimples again.

With a free hand, Finch reaches towards Al’s hand on his face. He pulls it down to the bars, holding it in place to make sure it doesn’t repeat its mistakes again. The grip was firm, but warm and calming to Albert’s soul. It made him go blank for a good few seconds from being so touch deprived of Finch’s soft hands. He retains his sense of reality when their eyes finally meet again.

With a little smile forming on Finch’s face, he finally answers, “I’d like that very much”

[wsgeon]

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

[bionic-penis]

Since ive been dogging on it so much i will compile my thots on the new deh movie. I don't know anything about music or theatre or movies so this is coming from my perspective as just someone who enjoys things. Some other things that are relevant given the context of the movie is I grew up poor with a single mom and i suffer from depression and anxiety. Okay okay <33 bulleted bc I REFUSE to write smth well thought out this list will be SO petty maybe if the movie was enjoyable i would be nicer <33

Warning for spoilers!!

First off. They cut out almost all the songs that gave insight into how the adults thought and felt. These are SO fucking important to the story as it fleshes the adults out as more than just set pieces. "Does Anybody Have a Map?" was so important because it introduced the Heidi and Cynthia and showed how they were trying their best despite it all. Cutting this out, alongside with "Good For You" trashed any chance we had at understanding either of the mothers. The one saving grace for Heidi was the fact that they left in "So Big/So Small" but it was not enough

Speaking about "Good For You"... GIRL. LITERALLY WHY WOULD YOU CUT OUT THE ONE SONG THAT SEES EVAN HAVING TO CONFRONT HIS MISTAKES???

About Heidi... Her relationship with Evan makes me mad. It always has. He is such a dick to his mom and its not even in a believable way imo. There is NO resolution to this. Heidi just offers him advice and sings a song and thats it. They didnt even really fight!! Evan just said his stupid line about how the Murphy's treat him nicer and they part ways awkwardly. Another nitpick about this scene? It didnt have the iconic "ugliness" of the version that im used to. What I love about that version is how the actresses voice dips and sounds so shaky. I love how she doesnt sound necessarily angry, but heartbroken. She sounds devastated. And while I LOVED the actress in the movie she just didn't deliver that same emotion. It felt forced. And the whole scene felt inconclusive.

Its hard having a mom whos always working I understand and this could have been such an amazing moment to showcase that there is no guilty party in this situation. Just a mom whos trying her best and a son who just wants to connect. BUT DO THEY DO THAT? NO. THEY LIKE TO THINK THEY DID BUT THEY DIDNT. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU OH MT GOD THIS ONE PART OF THE STORY MAKES ME WANT TO EAT TWIGS IT MAKES ME SO UPSET 😭😭😭😭

Another thing is that all the songs seen so Evan centric. He sings most of them and I can only really remember two songs that he wasnt apart of

Which brings me to "Requiem"... Which I hated. And have a BIG nitpick about.

First off. Its just shot bad. Theres this moment where it goes from Zoe walking down the hall at school to Larry walking between cubicles to Cynthia walking down a grocery aisle. I felt nothing. The only good thing to come from this is when we see Larry walking down the same way just to return home to cry in Cynthias arms. This is the one moment that got me. The one moment that felt emotionally weighted.

This song could have been shot beautifully. Switching between perspectives and each Murphy's relationship with Colnnor but it doesn't. It lacks intimacy. Even when Zoe is driving her car pedal to the metal driving down an empty road it fails to connect deeply, especially when this moment is never brought up or expanded upon. Also its stupid because at the speed she was going she would have needed a LOT more time to stop than just the split second she has when the light turns red

Another thing about this car sequence?? No stakes. There are no other cars on the road. It wouldnt have even mattered if Zoe hadnt stopped in time. This is one core issue with the movie: there are no consequences for any actions the characters take. I think that id Zoe had ran the stoplight she could have gotten a ticket and opened up a moment for connection between the Murphy's

On more than one occasion we are forced to endure a montage of events that occur without context that I feel are meant to establish that at least SOMETHING happened but what this does is rush character beats AND, especially, Zoe and Evans relationship

Now I LOVE "Only Us" but one cool song does not a relationship make!!

Also the reoccuring montage of Evan falling out if the tree.... 😐

Its such a serious moment but my friend and I laughed. Yeah.... Fail moment.

The way they depict Connor is fucking disrespectful and I hate it and also its fucking awkward. The only reason i sympathised with him at all during the movie was bc he wasnt evan.

Zoe and Evans relationship have no weight

Zoes relationship with her parents have no weight

Evans relationship with Heidi has no weight

No relationship has weight

Ben Platt makes an awful teenager. I dont care how iconic his voice is as Evan. Awful decision to cast him. What was once an emotional exploration of manipulation and acceptance is now a grown man standing in the middle of the hall pissing off frosh, soph, junior, and senior alike

Also the scene with him in the locker room... What the hell... GIRL what senior has a pe class and also??? How have you lasted that long in the locker room we have been doing this for seven years get with the program

What these sequences of Evan standing around looking like That do is NOT establish his anxiety issues but rather make me more likely to shove him in a locker. Seriously. Its borderline stereotypical and makes me embarrassed to have anxiety

I have not even touched on all that upset me but that is enough talking about the bad musical movie for now. If u disagree with me no you dont amen

[stevethehairington]

It’s not just that he didn’t say “say two words on camera” he also refused to take a picture with someone who had a pride flag, despite the fact that they paid hundreds of dollars to take a picture with him

first of all, i didn’t hear about this one

second of all, i mean, look. i stand by my original view that celebrities aren’t entitled to their fans, they don’t owe them shit, they can and will and should say no if they don’t want to do something a fan asks them to do. does that mean we’re going to agree with their decision? no! celebrities aren’t perfect and sometimes they say and do things that aren’t always the best or don’t always fit our “perfect picture” of them, which oftentimes, leads to fans getting like super upset, which is a little bit worrisome because, really, we shouldn’t be holding celebrities such a high set of standards that when they mess up, when they make a mistake, when they act human, we think its the end of the world. and because of this, when fans that have “bad” experiences with celebrities report out these bad experiences, a lot of times they exaggerate and make it seem a whole lot worse than it is. 

also, i would just like to add that out of all the like stories of fans getting to meet james, my own experiences included, he’s been nothing but a complete sweetheart to everyone. like are we really going to let like one or two “bad” experiences (that, honestly, seem off base to me bc like. the video one those people were clearly harassing him with that. like. they were.) dictate how we see a person? and are we really going to “cancel” him over one or two not so great experiences? i mean come on people. that’s kind of ridiculous if you ask me.

i got a little off track there, so back to your original concern in your ask. like i said, i havent heard about this one, so i dont know the details of it. but. a couple things: first of all. idk how much photo op tickets were but based off the prices for entrance to the con (which were similar to the con i met him at) im going to assume that the photo op prices were similar to what i paid for mine. that being said they probably did not pay hundreds to meet him. regardless though, no matter how much you pay that’s shitty if they straight up dont take a photo with you. but im guessing thats not what happened. they probably got a photo regardless but it wasnt the photo they wanted so theyre butthurt over that. which. whatever. at the con i was at while i was waiting in line for my photo op the security guard there literally told us that the celebrities we’re meeting have every right to say no to whatever poses we want to do with them. 

also we don’t know why he said no to that. there’s a lot of different reasons why he could have said no and i think way too many people are quick to jump straight to homophobia as the answer and like. sorry to say this but that isnt always the answer? like ik thats sort of controversial to say, but as a bi woman myself i feel secure in saying that just bc someone doesnt want to do something lgbt influenced doesnt mean its because theyre a homophobe okay? and like i said, i dont personally know pj, but from what ive heard him say in interviews and panels and articles and stuff, he really doesnt seem homophobic. he’s had a lot of actually really thoughtful things to say about the lgbt community so. yeah. that’s just my opinion though.

i’d also like to point out, we werent there so we’re literally just taking the word of someone who was influenced by emotion when they posted about this so like. idk. emotion definitely does a lot to color an experience. and it can lead to people jumping to some pretty out there conclusion sometimes.

TLDR: i’m not going to let one or two “bad” stories in a sea of good ones (my own experience included) influence how i think of someone who is a human being that doesnt owe anyone anything. cancel culture is fucked and i’m sick of hearing about celebrities getting cancelled for stupid ass bullshit like this, especially when we only hear one (1) side of the story, which is almost always exclusively the so-called wronged fan’s side. we can only truly fully explain our own actions and trying to explain why someone else did or said something usually just leads to misattributions which can be very harmful.

and i’m genuinely not trying to start an argument with anyone about this so if you don’t agree with me great. good for you. that’s fine. please keep that to yourself and don’t try to argue with me.

[lankydoodlelukey]

the soul tattoo - fourteen

pairing: Luke/Reader (Y/N)

rating: PG-13: cursing, mentions of sex, etc etc 

word count:  a nice long 3k to apologize for taking two years to give you the next part of this story...

summary: If one day you woke up with a random tattoo on your body, you were destined to meet your soulmate soon. When (Y/N) finally gets her soul tattoo, she’s in for a shock when she finds out who her soulmate is.

masterlist // the soul tattoo season 1 recap

Luke’s POV

I expected my life were to get better the second (Y/N) was out of the picture. But I was wrong. I thought that if I made her feel the hurt I felt every time I saw her and Michael together, things would feel “even” between us. But as I lay in my bed, alone and staring at the ceiling, I wondered why I even felt this way. (Y/N) was not my soulmate, yet it almost felt like she was. I debated with this back and forth for hours. Before I knew it, it was four in the morning. We were to leave for the last leg of the North American tour in a few hours. I sighed. Why was (Y/N) the only thing running through my head?

--

Once the plane took off into the sky, I really thought that I would be in a better head space. Being on stage was where I was happiest. Seeing all the fans in the audience singing along to our songs and having a great time made each day of being in this band so much more worth it. I was excited to get away from all the soulmate drama. But when we hit the first city, I was distracted. I was missing my cues, forgetting lyrics, tripping over myself and completely forgetting the choreography we had during some of the songs.

 At first, I thought I was just having an off day, but it soon became a frequent occurrence at the following shows. I was off my game just because I couldn’t get a girl out of my damn head. It didn’t help that every time I tried to hang with the boys during our free time, they would all be on the phone facetiming with (Y/N). A few times, I even heard her ask for me, but I refused to see/talk to her. I couldn’t bear it. People were starting to notice that something was up. I had to dissuade everyone and just tell them that tour life was getting to me, but deep down I’m sure everyone knew that wasn’t it.  

The tour continued on for a month and a half. My soulmate had asked to come and visit me on tour, but I declined. I told her that I would see her when I got back. I still couldn’t understand why I was being pulled in (Y/N)’s direction and away from my soulmate. None of this made any sense. I felt like I was losing it. I found myself having dreams about (Y/N). In the dreams, she was my soulmate. We spoke about music and our dreams. With her I didn’t feel empty. I didn’t feel like an object. I felt whole.

The only person that knew about what I was going through on tour was Ashton. A couple of years ago, Ashton had thought he found his soulmate, but the job made it hard for him and his soulmate to be together. It was one of those rare cases, but both of their soul tattoos faded. They fell out of love quicker than they could fall back in love and restore everything. It was a hard time for Ash. There was a moment when he just wanted to leave the band because the pain was unbearable. We all convinced him that leaving the band wouldn’t help him. The boys and I were there for him during that hard time.

A week into the last leg of the tour, Ashton came up to me and asked what’s wrong.

“I don’t know, mate. My head is all over the place. I can’t get her out of my mind,” I said with a sigh. Ashton laughed.

“Luke, it’s perfectly okay to miss your soulmate!” He said, patting me on the back. I shook my head.

“That’s the thing, Ash. I wasn’t talking about my soulmate. I was talking about (Y/N),” I whispered. Ashton became quiet. He sat down next to me. We were in our hotel rooms, a couple of hours before our show in Atlanta. Calum and Michael were out exploring the city.

“Did you and (Y/N)…?” Ashton inquired. I scoffed.

“No, nothing happened. I would never do something like that, especially to Michael, or my soulmate, for that matter,” I said. “But, Ash. I’m telling you, the first time I met her, I just knew. I thought I knew when I first met my soulmate. But when I met (Y/N), I never felt anything like it before. It actually physically hurt me to see Michael with her.” I put my head in my hands and rubbed my forehead in frustration. “But I just can’t seem to find a reason why I feel this way. I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Ashton laughed. I looked up from my hands and gave him an agitated look. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just that… that explains everything. It explains why you’ve been such a dick to her and why you refuse to see or talk to her. And why you decided to turn into a rabbit before tour and fuck your soulmate so obnoxiously,” Ashton said with a hint of a tease.

“Will you shut up about that?” I groan, slumping in my seat.

“So what does this mean?” Ashton asked. “Is (Y/N) your real soulmate?”

“You’re just as lost as I am, mate,” I said.

“Well, we have about less than a month and a half till tour is over. We leave for Bali a week after that and Mikey just told me (Y/N) is coming with. Can you get your feelings in check by then?”

“Oh, for fucks sake. (Y/N) is coming to Bali too?”

“I would be surprised if she didn’t…” Ashton said, trailing off.

“Great. This is just great. How do you just forget your feelings for someone you feel so strongly about?” I ask aloud. Ashton sighs as he stands. He puts a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. If not, write a song,” he says with a shrug and walks towards his room.

I sigh. This is going to be harder than I thought.

---

(Y/N)’s POV

The boys are almost back! It’s crazy to think that almost two months has gone by. To getting my soul tattoo, to being Michael’s girlfriend, it’s clearly been an intense two months. Now the boys are days from leaving tour and we’re set to leave for Bali in less than a week.

I was nervous. A few weeks ago, Michael had asked me to join him and the boys and all their friends. We were facetiming one night and he just blurted it out. At first, I was skeptical of the idea, but since graduating university, I hardly took days off for myself. I worked my ass off every day. I told Michael I would love to go, but I had to find out from my boss if I could go before I committed to anything.

I first brought it up to (Y/F/N) and her reaction was different than I expected. I figured she was gonna dissuade me from going.

“YES! Oh my god! Yes, you should go. Bali is gorgeous and you’ll have so much fun. You deserve a vacation, dude. I’m so jealous,” she said excitedly.

“Why don’t you come with us?” I asked. “You’ve already met Michael and you guys seem to have gotten along. Plus, it’ll be fun if we went on this trip together. It is a friendcation after all!” If (Y/F/N) came with me, I would ultimately feel so much better. She would help put me at ease having to see Luke and his soulmate together. I knew that I really needed to decide what I wanted to do with Luke. Tell him the truth or let it be? Despite me trying to deny it, I knew I still liked Luke. Having (Y/F/N) there with me would also help stop me from doing anything stupid, especially when there was a 100 percent chance tequila would be involved.

“I dunno, dude. I’d have to call off a whole week from work.” I saw her mind working as she tried to mull over the idea of going to Bali. “I wish Michael had asked you a month before and not a few weeks before they leave.”

I grabbed her shoulders and shook them. “(Y/F/N), PLEASE! There’s no way I can go on this trip without you! The hotel will be free because the boys are paying. I’ll pay for your plane ticket! C’MON!!!!!” I exclaimed.

“I’ll think about it…” she trailed off. I collapsed into my pillows and groaned in frustration.

“UGH. Why are you like this?” I sighed.

---

I eventually convinced (Y/F/N) to come on this trip with me. Her now fiancé wasn’t too happy about the fact that we were going on a vacation with a bunch of dudes, so he decided to tag along too. I was a little peeved, but at the same time, this entire trip was basically a couple’s trip. Me and Mikey, (Y/F/N) and her fiancé, Luke and his soulmate, Ashton and Cal with girls they met on tour, and a few of their band buddies and their girls. It was going to either be a giant party or a huge orgy... I was hoping it was the former instead of the latter.

When I told Mikey of our plans, he was so excited. I had called him the second I got the okay from my boss.

“Wait, really!? You can come?” He asked, excitedly. I laughed.

“Yes, Mikey! I can come with you to Bali!” I squealed. I could hear him jumping up and down in excitement. I had already started Pinteresting pics of Bali and things we could do and outfits I needed to buy for the trip. Michael was already sweet enough to cover my flight tickets and hotel rooms.

Now two weeks later, the boys were finally back. I was physically and emotionally prepping for this moment since Mikey had asked me to join them on their Bali trip. I had decided that after this trip, I was going to tell him the truth about my tattoo. I was scared, but he deserved to know. It gave me a lot of anxiety not knowing how he was going to react. I went too long not telling anyone and that is a mistake I regret making. If this backfires and he’s ends being upset, then I’m just going to have to face the consequences. I deserve that.

I was at work when I got a text from Michael.

HELLO, I AM BACK IN LA. WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY AREN’T YOU NEXT TO ME, the message read. I giggled.

I’m at work u idiot. I’m off at five pick me up for dinner? I responded.

LOL MY BAD YEAH I’LL COME GET YOU THEN

WHY ARE YOU YELLING I replied.

IDK IM REALLY EXCITED IM SORRY AJJDNEFAOIJDOAIH

I laughed. My little goofball. The laughter was soon gone the second I remembered what I planned to tell him after Bali. God, I couldn’t do this to him. How could I let myself be so stupid and drag this along? I shook it off. It’s fine. Less than a week till Bali, I can do this.

---

Luke’s POV

We were back in LA. We leave for Bali next week. I was excited to be back, but I was a wreck. The entire last days of tour, I thought I was going to be able to get (Y/N) off my mind, but the closer the date came to getting back to LA, the more I had dreams about her. She was taking up my entire brain and I hated it.

The second we landed I called up my soulmate. We got in a good fuck. She thought I just missed her, but deep down we both knew that this relationship had become purely sexual. If anything, she was a distraction. I felt awful for using her, but I felt worse thinking about (Y/N) with Michael. My life had suddenly turned into a live version of Jesse’s Girl. But since (Y/N’s) coming with us to Bali, I had to have something or someone to get her off my mind. We all know I do stupid shit, especially when there’s alcohol involved.

I tried to convince the guys to just make this a boy’s trip, but they all complained that they had already invited their girls to come with us. It was too late and I had to suck it up. As much as my soulmate and I had nothing to talk about anymore, at least we had something we could do with each other. Each day I spend with her, I realize how much we aren’t meant to be for each other. Coming back from tour and seeing her again in person confirmed that, even if the sex was great.

After my soulmate fell asleep, I put on a pair of sweatpants and walked to my balcony. I closed the door behind me and called my mum.

“Hey mum.”

“Hi sweetie! How was the flight?” She asked.

“Just fine, mum. We’re back in our LA house right now,” I said.

“Oh, that’s great! How are you? You sound down, baby.”

I sighed. My mum always knew something was up without me having to say anything about it. “I’m okay. Things could be better. I’m still so conflicted about my soulmate. She just doesn’t seem like the right girl.” I look through the glass doors to see my soulmate fast asleep on my bed, her bright red hair sprawled out around her, a huge contrast against the pearly white pillows I had. She seemed so quiet and innocent when she was asleep – completely opposite to how she was when she was awake.

“Honestly, Luke, the second you told me about her, I knew something was wrong. I know you wanted to give her a chance, but you sound miserable.”

“I know. I feel miserable. Do you remember that other girl I was telling you about?”

“Oh, yes! (Y/N)! The one dating Michael?” She asked.

“Yes, that’s her. I still think she may be my real soulmate, mum.”

“Luke, sweetheart, I’m only going to say this once because I’m your mum. Get your shit together. If you’re unhappy with your soulmate, then break up with her. Just because she may be your soulmate, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be with her. I want you to be happy, baby. But you can’t do that if you force yourself to love someone we all know you do not love.”

“What… Mum!?” I was shocked, my mum was never forward like this.

“I’m sorry, love. You’ve been calling me about this situation for weeks now. It’s been two months since you got your soul tattoo. I know you think that you’re going to have this great big love like your father and I - I’m more than sure you’ll have it soon, but clearly this woman who’s claiming to be your soulmate, isn’t making you happy and that’s fine. That just means she isn’t the one for you. Tell her how you feel. In the long run, you’ll both feel better about it.”

I was quiet for a moment. I hated that she was right. But all of what she said was true. I was too afraid to face how I really felt. I denied everything wrong with my soulmate because I thought it was right, because some unwritten rule somewhere said that I had to fall in love with my soulmate. It’s very rare, but sometimes these things just don’t work out. I had to face the facts one way or another.

Once I got off the phone with my mum, I went back to bed. I was so caught up with jet lag when we landed, but once in bed, I couldn’t sleep. I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, just thinking. My soulmate was fast asleep next to me. I looked at her for a moment. She was beautiful and she was fun to be around sometimes, but deep down I knew she wasn’t my girl.

Hours later, I decided that after our trip to Bali, I was going to end things with her. I knew that that wasn’t how this whole soulmate shit is supposed to work, but I couldn’t bear another day being with her. I could tell that even the boys were starting to get irritated with her. They were just too scared or too nice to say anything to me about it. So that was the plan. Bali is in a few days. I just had to figure out how I was going to tell her and if I was going to confess my true feelings to (Y/N) after that.

---

yeeeeeet I finally gave you guys another part! I have to admit, I’m so freaking nervous about this. My heart is beating and my hands are shaking as I type this. I have written and edited and re-edited and re-re-edited this part and the following parts so many times. I knew that I couldn’t hold onto them anymore, so here it is. The only explanation I have for taking so long is this: life gets in the way and there’s nothing you can really do about it. Once time passed and I figured it was time to get back to this, a year had come and gone. I simply lost the inspiration to write. But here we are, two years later and I finally have the next 13 or so chapters ready for your eyes to read. 

I hope you love it. 

{r.h.} 

[doc-boredom]

sorry im kinda new to your blog and i dont really understand this drama or whatever with the people that keep sending you asks? are people mad at you for writing rpf or the shipping or something? i have no context for whats going on

Oh hello friend let me tell you

THE DRAMA

There’ll be a tl;dr at the bottom  but i really wanna tell this story cos it’s so funny to me

also read more because it gets LONG

So once upon a time Natalie got into a group called TWRP. Amazing wonderful LOVELY group of aliens (aliens and robot, technically? lore is silly fun and also part of this story so get ready to return to this) from the future of the 1980s -glorious chorus of heavenly angels in the distance- 

at the same time! natalie was also drafting up the VERY beginnings of her space pirate epic SWIFT LIKE MERCURY, the idea was this: Julian a space pirate, ding dong the reluctant alien space prince, but who would be in julian’s crew!? lots of suggestions were thrown around in YE OLDE DINGDULIAN CHAT back in august and none of them worked. maybe this wouldn’t be a fic, maybe it was all for naught.

and then the sexy sexy cone man hip thrusted his way into her life.

that IS to say I fell in love with TWRP at the NSP show i went to with my best friend. i didn’t know WHOMST the fuck they were so seeing them come out in stage in full costume HIGH OFF MY ASS was probably one of the most memorable things in my life. We drove back to the hotel, DD and Julian were streaming katamari, I bought tickets for ANOTHER TWRP show in my hometown that were twelve dollars and then I found 

THE WIKI

COMMANDER MEOUCH SOMETHING SOMETHING SPACE PIRATE

I was flabbergasted. NOT ONLY was there lore for this amazing band BUT here was the answer staring me right in the face. JULIAN WAS A FURRY, HIM HAVING A LION MAN AS HIS SECOND IN COMMAND WOULD BE PERFECT. i quickly told the chat (to which they all went ??? and didn’t quite take to it at the time) and then promptly CRASHED until the following morning.

so! i woke up, our CO adventure continued (we saw IT) and I started to discuss some plot ideas with the chat. At the same time I started to actually glance at the tumblr fandom. Oh wow! Everyone HAD THEIR OWN IDEAS! It was open to explore! How fun! They created face canons and personalities and stories for the boys and I’d be damned if my crazy plot making ass (who years before had looked at supernatural and said “crowley become the first cross road demon by making a deal with judas which killed judas and brought jesus back to life, thus creating the resurrection story” and was going to write a whole past lives destiel fic spanning back to ADAM AND EVE) wouldn’t take that and run. I made the post. TWRP IS GONNA BE IN MY OP FIC!!! I was so excited to start this, to make something amazing.

“dont put twrp in your OP fic”

I looked at the ask in COMPLETE confusion. wait! they didn’t even know HOW I was going to put them in! they could literally just be playing music in a scene! my petty scorpio ass felt a rage of which i had not felt in months. “fuck you.” it said. “NOW I HAVETO WRITE THE FIC YOU BITCH.”

(spite was one of the biggest driving forces in creating SLM and to me that’s why i think you see the story and the voice of it change over time because it became a thing of love but thaT’S NOT THE POINT)

so here i am having a grand ol’ time and im coming up with my boys and im like YEAH HELL YEAH and all my dingdulian friends are like oh hey i actually LIKE TWRP? and i got a PM from someone who will remain anonymous but who is a close friend of mine now

“hey, loving all the new stuff you’re bringing to the fandom!” they started. there was a bit more conversation and then IT happened.

“Just be careful about shipping.”

I looked at the message and another quickly followed. “nsfw gets weird too”

my scorpio ass, also fueled by love of all things sexual and romantic, looked at this with a growing sense of dread. I HAD ACTUALLY BEEN SETTING UP A SMALL SUNG AND MEOUCH SHIP. WELL SHIT! THAT HAD TO GO APPARENTLY?! I told my friends and we all rolled our eyes but we ACCEPTED IT. That’s what it was apparently.

Until I thought about Havve fucking Ding Dong with his robot dick while Sung held him in place and played up to DD’s praise kink

“oh no.” i said softly because that one fucking day dream planted the seed of needing to do something. sung would be so loving and so wonderful and who was i to let that just slip through my fingers! so i just approached cremedoodle (creator of WW, RR, and FF) and went “haha uh, what about ww chris and sung for a threesome in the fic crazy right”

and it wasn’t THAT crazy

especially when it became just WW and Sung

and god damn it were they in LOVE

“we can’t do this.” i said after a few hours of us coming up with all this ROMANTIC shit and some sexy shit too let’s be honest, it’s me after all. “oh god we’re doing this, aren’t we?”

so we decided to do it. fuck it. all caution thrown to the wind. the moment sung and ww “met” over the vid feed in chapter 6 i got a feeling of intense dread in my stomach. i couldn’t believe it, i was really doing this, they were really going to be in LOVE oh  my GOD.

no comments.

oh.

beach bonfire chapter where julian and dd point out how fucked sung was since he was obviously into ww 

no comments.

CHAPTER WHERE THEY WERE DRUNK AND MAKING OUT.

NO COMMENTS.

In that moment i realized something very sad but also very liberating.

the twrp fans that were all fucking awful weren’t reading my fic.

i wanted them to read it. i had put time into it. i wanted them to see my budding lore and like it, but at the same time the OP fandom was taking to it so well and enjoying TWRP so i said fuck it, ill take it.

We started to talk about Ring Rang and Phobos, sarah and I started talking about Meouch and Liara. it was going to be good, it was going to be fun.

and then i fucked up

that’s right

me

i came home from a crazy trip in MN and I was in a shit mood and I accidentally published Sung/WW fluff drabbles in the tag

I got fucking ripped a new one. i was a piece of shit for even ever thinking that was okay. “YOU’RE BEING DISRESPECTFUL! THEY’RE REAL PEOPLE! DON’T DO T HIS!”

yeah you read that right.

TWRP fanDUMB thinks that my adorable sweet Lepid Phobos, with his big eyes and his missing wings and his penchant for romance novels, my hyperactive sung with his star singing and his empathatic core WERE THE SAME GUYS ON STAGE.

This is literally what all of this drama is about.

It was in that terrible slew of fucking stupidity that I realized I didn’t care. It was TOO late at that point. They should have seen it sooner. They should have gotten me sooner. I had somehow slipped under the radar and I had beat them, in a strange sense, because not only did I care

i was going to keep doing it.

FAST FORWARD TO THIS YEAR (i know, this story is still going) i make a nsfw, i start posting my sung/ww extra chapters there because im too much of a pussy to put them in the fic still. my friend gets me to write a meouch/dd/julian fic. im just about to post a havve/sung thing when IT happens.

The fake screenshot.

a blog that posted jUST this and a post about the device (an album by the band) put this out into the open and deleted IMMEDIATELY afterwards. the fandom went into shitstorm mode. i cried on and off the whole day because i was being harrassed by anons and my friends were too. 

but the more i looked at it

the more i started to REALLY understand how it was fake.

not only does it not have the usual bubble to the right (it should show that twrp has seen the most recent message even if it’s their own) it doesn’t touch on the fact that the OP said something about lore? even to say “hey, lore’s cool! that’s not the problem” would make more sense

also

they never responded to any of my friends

sure they read it, but following a slew of desperate users trying to get answers they never made an official statement so my gay ass pulled out the wine and said YOU’RE GOING TO MOPE AND THEN YOU’RE GOING TO KEEP DOING YOU.

So we’re here now, with the fact that I know things about the band irl and the fact that I have shipping and people are pissed and I really don’t care. the info i know about the band i keep safe and SIMPLY SAYING A GENERIC WHITE DUDE NAME IS NOT REASON TO START A WITCH HUNT (not going to elaborate on this, this is only posted for the sake of anyone who is on the hate train who may be reading this) this is where fiction does not equal reality. i dont  look at havve and go AH YES THERE IS MURDER MAN, IF HE IS NOT MURDER MAN WHEN THEY GET OFF STAGE ILL BE UPSET because thats STUPID? Like literally the IRL band members created personas and lore that they then gave to the fans to expand upon and also sorry guys,,,, it’s the internet,, in the words of DD “it’s weird” but you can’t ask people to stop. it won’t stop. that’ll just fuel the fire

so yes, i like twrp shipping and i like shippng with my ocs and i like writing about how sometimes when you touch sung’s core it turns him on and about how meouch has a knot because im a fucking awful skanko but at least im having fun lmfao

so

TL;DR

shipping is apparently illegal and so is nsfw in the twrp fandom and i do both unapologetically and i hope i inspire  other people to start doing it more often. 

the twrp fandom is not like this anywhere else btw. this is just tumblr being tumblr, as usual. you’re not going to get brownie points because you didn’t let me write sung fucking his hot gf you absolute dumb dumbs, you’re not going to get anything from it except for an inflated ego which you’ll lord over everyone, so do me the favor of expiring in a trench and let the fandom do what it’s supposed to do

HAVE FUN!

[awakentolive]

I chose him because the guy I wanted didn’t choose me. Is it really that bad, is what I’m going through something I deserved?

*** TRIGGER WARNING***

I’ve been single for pretty much a year and a half from an abusive relationship. I protected him when he was the most harmful to me. All 24 years of my life I’ve NEVER had a black eye and so many busted lips and bruises until I met the guy! I’m dark skinned, I didn’t even know that I could bruise! We were together for over a year and I found out I was pregnant right before my escape so I stayed a little longer. And I say my escape because I’ve always been independent, he moved in with ME and was financially stable from ME. I took care of him when he couldn’t even take care of me mentally or physically .

He told me that he’d stop fighting me since I’m pregnant and he doesn’t want me to miscarry . It took ONE time while I was at my weakest because I was sick af my first trimester and he took advantage. All because I told him I was going to visit my mother who stayed hours away from me and I didn’t get to see her often and haven’t seen her in over a year. He’s the reason she moved away from me, she didn’t want to watch her only child, her only daughter get hurt and couldn’t fathom me always making excuses for my abuser. I never in my life thought I’d be the one to be that stupid, that naïve, I never thought that I would be HER. Then I was alone with only him in a city where I knew no one.

After that incident I left and spent my entire pregnancy alone while he was in and out of relationships with different women. Which brings me back to him cheating on me as soon as we found out I was pregnant. My morning sickness was extreme & we stopped having sex for a couple weeks and when I got on his case he goes, “it’s not my fault u turned into a boring bitch.” Although that still didn’t make me leave.

Sometime after i left, me and my abuser got on better terms. But of course, I left and when I left I moved hours away, he wasn’t able to attack me any more. We made plans that in my last month of my pregnancy he come to visit so that he didn’t miss the birth of our child. He came down for 2 days the month before my due date. I thought he was staying for the rest of my pregnancy but I was fooled. He didn’t tell me that he was leaving, I happened to find out by him leaving his phone and a text message coming through from a woman saying that she was on her way. So of course I went through his phone because there’s been incidents of women popping up at my house and I had to fight bitches in my house and at my doorstep on behalf of this mf. I found out that he’s been in a relationship with out me knowing and he left his woman’s house because they got into an argument and came to my house. BY THE WAY, I got him to my house in the first place because he told me that he got kicked out of the place where he was staying at due to his friend and his woman arguing and she got mad and put them both out, so I paid for a $200 Lyft to bring him to my new home. Just for him to leave 2 days later! After seeing that, I BEGGED this man to stay! Literally bawling and on my knees looking like the MOST pathetic bitch a person has ever seen pregnant and all! Imagine it , 8 months pregnant, on my knees begging my abuser to stay! either way, he didn’t stay.

Shortly after, I ended up going into labor an entire month before my expected due date, but yet everything still fell back on me. I wanted him to be there for the birth of our child so I bought him a train ticket to my city and a Lyft to the hospital. I don’t even know if he actually wanted to be there but he played it off my entire pregnancy saying he wouldn’t miss his child’s birth for anything in the world. Yet, here I am going out my way while in labor to make sure he was there. Once he got there, he went through my phone with out me knowing. He didn’t start anything during my stay at the hospital it once I got released, everything started happening all over again.

He planned on staying with me at my house for more bonding time, which I allowed because he is the father. Everything was fine for about a week, he cooked, he cleaned & did everything that I couldn’t do so that I could rest and recover. Once that week was up, he went through my phone again with out me knowing. He seen that throughout my pregnancy I’ve been venting to a close friend I’ve know for 6 years and once my baby was born I sent him a picture. That made him extremely upset, that I was telling my friend “our” business and sent him a picture. He started yelling and cursing at me saying that if I’m so close to him then I should’ve fuck him . He kept arguing me down and then threw an open water bottle at me as I was holding my newborn son splashing ice cold water on the both of us & proceeded to storm up to me attempting to choke me, Causing me to drop my new born baby. Luckily I was sitting so it wasn’t a far drop but a drop is still a drop to an infant! As he stopped he taunted me saying that I was going to call the police and blamed me for the reason he’d get taken away from his kids. He then left. Went back to where he came from...

5 months later, he hasn’t seen my son since , only through FaceTime calls. But me as a mother, still wanting my son to have his father, I questioned why he doesn’t visit our son in person. He told me because I no longer allowed him to stay in my home and he couldn’t afford to get a hotel room and he didn’t want to visit our child for only a day. So guess what. I suckered up. I allowed him to come. Yet I still had to get him here. That visit lasted all of a day before I wanted him gone but he refused to leave. He went through my phone again. This time my phone had been disconnected for a month and he seen that I reconnected with some one that I used to talk to years ago (2015). He got upset about me fucking a man in 2015 because they know of each other and had just ran into each other prior to his visit. This time he didn’t put his hands on me but provoked me to the point I felt threatened enough to put my hands on him. Then the roles reversed, he started to preach if he doesn’t put his hands on me then I shouldn’t put his hands on him! After 2 weeks, he left again... this time when he left, I heard nothing from him. I gave up on reaching out to him.

A month later, he calls me, not to inquire about our child but to tell me what he’s been going through just to get upset with me for not feeling any sympathy towards him. By the way, he’s been in a relationship the entire time since my child was born. But this particular day, his girlfriend went to jail. He called no later than an hour after she was booked.

At that moment I realized that any feelings he has towards my son is not genuine and he only uses the fact that we have a child together as an insight to what I have going on in my life. Therefore, I cut off all ties with him. I understand that I’m supposed to give the other parent the opportunity to make mistakes as for he is the parent as well and our child will make the judgment on their relationship. I’ve tried to enforce that but it didn’t work. I’ve accepted it and washing my hand with it. I also understand that my child will ask about a father and when that time comes I’ll try to enforce it again. But at this moment, my baby is far too precious to be getting the shit end of any body’s stick. Especially with him being at an age where he doesn’t even understand.

Now I’m here, a single mother TRYING to heal but having the hardest time due to the tragedy and dealing with PTSD but I can’t help but to think if this is what I deserved for being selfish? Trying to use one man to get over the next ? Btw, this isn’t something that he’s even aware of so his anger couldn’t have even came from that.. how do I get over this hurt? Im so lost and confused.

I just want to be myself again...

[survivorpacificislandallstars]

Ep. 9 - “WHY THE HELL WHY THE FUCKING HELL GOD FUCK” - Charlotte

Stevie just got idoled out by Andrew. I'm extremely upset by this. I was planning on working with Stevie through the entire game. Luckily I still have a lot of allies and I won't be targeted on my tribe since 1. I haven't been to exile and 2. I'm good at challenges. With Dan going to tribal, I am the person who's been to tribal the least this season. Honestly, I'm probably the person that's been to the least tribals in this series left, only with 4 in my entire PI career. So, I'm gonna make a list of the people I'm with least to most, since I never did a proper cast assessment. 19. Sam B - I want her out sooner rather than later. She screwed me over in Niue and she knows I was coming for her at our first tribal together. We made a pact that we wouldn't target eachother after that, but that's a load of bullshit. She's my number one target. Payback will be sweet. 18. Gage - I just met him, but he's higher on my list since he did well in the challenge. 17. Steffen - I'm petrified of Steffen. He's a cutthroat player and doesn't really take into consideration friendships outside the game. Or so I hear. The only game I've played with him was TAR and he screwed me over in that. He can go too. 16. Andrew - He just took out one of my closest allies, and he's working with Mitch. I want Mitch to myself. 15. Billy - I REALLY wanted to work with him, since it's been over a year since our last game together, Somalia. But I just don't think it's in the cards. He's way too close with Sam B and Steffen for me to get myself into that alliance. 14. Kevin - He's not that active so I don't think I can really rely on him. Sorry Kevin :( But hey, you're number 5 on our tribe! 13. Karen - This is a bit of a placeholder spot for Karen. I love playing with her, she's just one of two people I haven't been on a tribe with yet. I just don't know who she's with or what her plans are yet. 12. Dan - I worked with him in HOS, but he was super sketchy in Niue and he still managed to win. I also already broke an alliance with him by voting out Madison. I would like to work with him, but he's just too much of a wildcard for me. Honestly, this is where it gets hard because I'm pretty close with all of these people left. 11. David Robb - As far as I know, I'm working with him and we have a close working relationship. I just don't know how far we can go together before I need to cut him for my more important allies. 10. Van - Same as Andrew and same as Charlotte right below. 9. Charlotte - Once again, I would like to keep Mitch to myself. I won't be voting off Charlotte, but if she happens to leave, that's fine with me. 8. Sam G - Ok, I adore Sam. She is one of my closest people, especially when Drew is around. That's a three person group I can see making it far, but I can't go to the FTC with them. There is 0 way I win that. 7. Mitch - I see Mitch becoming very powerful if Andrew, Kevin, Van, Charlotte, and Drew are all here come merge. While I would love to work with him, but he's a savvy player with a bunch of allies. I don't think he would ever see me turning on him. But I will. 6. Jordan Pines - Similarly to Mitch, I see Jordan being powerful if him and his allies/friends make it to merge. 5. Chrissa - An easy final 2 I would have, if she makes merge. While I haven't been on a tribe with her yet, I know she'd drop everything for me. I just don't see her making it much further if she loses immunity soon. 4. Drew - He won't turn on me, and I don't see myself turning on him. Unless it was absolutely imperative to my game. 3. Sara - I love Sara so much they're such an icon. They offered to trade Pokemon with me i just haven't got to yet :( Hopefully she sends me a Rowlet and a vote from the jury when I'm at FTC with the next two people. 1/2. Ash and PunPun - TRUE ICONS! I love these two so so much. PunPun slightly more than Ash since I've talked to them more. Basically right now as long as we don't swap, us three + Charlotte control the Hōkū tribe. This is the dream final three right here.

Conf 16 (I Think): My dad Stevie died and now I have no one! What the fuck! oh my god! How dare Andrew do that to me! and now there is a swap so I feel pretty confident tbh like im with Sam and Steffen and Kevin so i feel pretty good?

Whelp, this was fun. I got out with all of the Nuie people, and Mitch who might as well be a Nuie person. On top of that they all suck at competitions! I can't wait to be the next person voted out because of a god damn tribe swap again :)

BYE I can't trust anyone on this booty ass tribe. I just killed Stevie, my father, and am now being reunited with Sam, my mother. So I thot I would have some 'splainin to do but Sam was cool. Seemingly. Then there's Drew who mind you - hand picked these tribes with the other exile people. Now, he probably knows I'm close to Sam, but if I'm being targeted he will also probably think she'd turn on me. Also, Dan would write my name down again in a second. And I'm friendly with Sara but she has no reason NOT to vote me. Really, the only person I truly trust now in this game is Billy. I wanna say the same for Steffen bc I love him and we pulled some wacky shit in Westeros but... He's too sneaky. If we lose I might be really really fucked. 

I. DON'T. FUCKING. LIKE. DREW. There I said it. He is literally shooting every idea I have for this vine challenge for his own. The fucker just wants to go to exile to get a shit clue for an idol I couldn't even find. Like your ideas are not original, or cute and you're really starting to piss me the fuck off. 

We won got second but we won, good i thought i was still on hoshi and lost, war flashbacks and all but so happy thank god for ste*fen for that one, as much as they thought it was too straight forward it was still good enough to win I'd like to also thank me for that vine submission i made, the song is so catchy. 

Hey it's me, your resident exile island whore and your boy who constantly fucks himself. Tribes have swapped, shit has happened, I've never been comfortable. I've been on exile island so much that people are probably going to come at me for having advantages and being a quiet threat, but I've been building my alliances of people I love who will protect me if I need. I need to let them know I'll die for them if I need to, because winning is just a perk. I like making friends. Oh! Did I mention my repeated trips to Exile earned me a ruby idol? Thought that was pretty cool, even though it doesn't guarantee my safety, but it's something I have. As part of my confessional, I need to talk about the people left in the game. Andrew - Not much of a threat and an ally I want. After saving himself with an idol he's going to be shook and looking for someone to trust, and I've given him no reason to distrust me. Considering I was exiled and not a part of... that, I can play it up that I wasn't planning on voting him and would've turned the vote on someone else (Which is the truth.) Ash - I don't... know her. I haven't been on a tribe with her, but I feel like she doesn't get very far in these games, so maybe she's not too threatening. I would like to use that and hopefully get her as an ally if we even meet up. Billy - He has made it to FTC multiple times. I know he can be a dangerous player and he would be very difficult to get out if we were to merge. I don't know if he can win, because something always seems to trip him up in the end, but I know that he would be taking up a spot in the finals that could be used for me or an ally. My hope is to vote him out tonight, but Jay is hesitant because he did the work for us, which I understand. To be honest, our story was... bad. If I had seen the direction it was going, I know I probably could have spiced it up and made it better, but it was a rushed decision. That said, I made this tribe to get Billy out before merge, and if this tribe doesn't do that, I'm going to be disappointed. Charlotte - Right now, she's my #1. She's my student of sorts, and I like to think of myself as her mentor. I've trusted her with information about idols, and with the fact that she's at work a lot, she's an easy target for a vote, which I don't want. If she gets to merge, she will not be a threat, and my goal is to help her get far. I love her as a person, and I can't see her turning on me any time soon, and her coupled with Jay gives me a good position on this tribe of 5. Chrissa - She's sweet, and someone I really enjoy being around. I haven't been around her a whole lot because of these ridiculous swaps, which is concerning, but I see her being a good ally if we're able to meet up again. She's not the best at challenges, and she can be odd, which will probably be a detriment. Her tribe is going to tribal, and I have a feeling that she might be their target, which sucks. I love Chrissa, and if I can get her on my side at merge with the group I have, we'd be set. Dan - He has literally won a season. He has a social flair unlike anyone I've ever seen. Dan is incredible. HE GOTTA GO DLKDSJSLDKJFS I was HOPING Whetu would go to tribal so Drew could pull strings and vote him out, because Dan has the social game to steamroll merge. He's been voted out at merge before, but that was when he started. Now that he knows how to play the game, he easily could beat all of us up if he's not out before merge. So... that needs to happen. Pronto. David - You know, I don't know how David plays in Survivor. I played briefly in Sri Lanka with him, and going to rocks really messed him up. He's hosted me in TAR. Other than that, I don't know how David plays. I feel like Drew or Jay could do better at roping him in if we needed, but for now I want to keep my distance and hope something works out. Drew - BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I love Drew and we never get to play together so I'm VERY glad this game is giving us a chance. We both came in on a challenge threat ticket, and the other people on that ticket are gone. And yet Drew and I are both in pretty good spots since we get to choose the tribes since we keep getting exiled. We're painting ourselves as huge threats, and I'm aware of it. I think Drew's aware of it too, so hopefully we can keep our asses afloat. He's my main ally for connecting with folks, alongside Jay. Gage - Gage has also won a game, and also made it to FTC before. He's an under-the-radar player, and he's going to be ignored in a season of people who want to constantly take the reins and struggle for power. Gage is a hidden threat, and I want to get rid of him before he gets rid of us in our war. If I go to exile and we get to rearrange the tribes, I am putting him with me and my alliance and I am kickin him. Jay - JAY another bitch I never get to work with in games. He is my furry bro and he is so great at the social game that he can coordinate our entire alliance and I don't give a fuc. He and I are already seen as a duo by other people, so I feel like I should keep my distance, which is difficult because I rely on him for playing the social aspect of the game while I just win challenges, go to exile, and get idols and shit. So hopefully Jay continues to work his magic and I get the benefits while not taking heat. Jordan - I have a sneaking suspicion that Jordan has the Hoshi advantage, because when I went to look for it, it was gone. He's been to exile a few times now, so I know he has the clues to get it. It's not an idol, but it's SOMETHING, and the more power Jordan Pines has, I know he has the ability to create chaos. But Drew and Jay trust him, so I'm not going to kick the floor out from under him and catch heat for it. I'll let him live while sneakily planting a seed or two that he needs to go out the back door before shit happens. Karen - I have recently been booted out by Karen. I know she has people up her butt because she's a social player. I would LOVE to have her go, because she can make FTC but... not really win? Which puts her on the level of Billy, actually. If she hits merge, she's a problem. I know these people like her too much to send her home though, so we'll see where this goes... Kevin - I like Kevin as a person, we hang out in the gorlley chat (shoutout to gorlleys) and he's chill. I don't know how he plays Survivor though, I know he can get pretty far into merge and be fine, so maybe he's someone I want to take along for the ride. Punpun - I love punpun. They always die SO early though, so I want them on my side so I can at least help some people get farther than they have before. I know they like me, but we haven't played a whole lot of games together, so who knows how they've changed their gameplay since we last interacted. Sam B - A SOCIAL ASS BUTTERFLY. Everyone loves her, and she can get DEEP into merge. Fuck, she's also Billy.  I want her to go, because she has ties to Steffen, Van, Billy... So many people. She needs to go because she'll also be hard to get rid of at merge.  I'm intimidated by her. Sam G - I love her. She's quiet and easy to work with, but I'm not entirely sure how hard she plays. I think she makes it relatively far in all games, she's made FTC in Burma F4 trash, so maybe she's more threatening than she lets on. Who knows. Sara - Another quiet person who I'm not sure how she plays! She's nice, and our conversations are good. I think I can keep her on my side for a while, and if she gets pretty far, I'd be okay with that. Steffen - Another BILLY ugh. I don't trust Steffen with an inch of my life because of what happened in Hawaii, but maybe things have smoothed over. I'm always cautious around him, though. Van - I LOVE HER She's my Spain buddy and I think I can get her on my side if we get rid of Sam/Steffen/Billy. She doesn't play revenge game, so I don't think I can worry about a lot of backlash if I'm the one to boot them out. And for fun, here's a threat ranking! And people I want as allies. Fun stuff. THREATENING. GO HOME NOW (in order of threateny goodness): Billy, Dan, Sam B + Steffen, Gage, Karen Be careful: Jordan, Sam G, David, Van, Andrew They like me, we're ok for a while: Chrissa, Kevin, Sara, Punpun, Ash? I love them and they love me: Drew, Jay, Charlotte Still laying low! But I'm doing my best to be aware of what's going on around me. 

Okay so first off, I'm going to need Jessica's home address, but it's just for a friend! I'm not going to pay her a visit and give her a PIECE OF MY DAMN MIND ABOUT GRADING OUR VINE STORY SO HARSHLY. Any who, it doesn't matter because MOMty and AlliMOM fell under the weight of my influence and enforced the ruled to save my ass. I made an alliance with Andrew and Sam G (HONESTLY IT JUST TOOK ME 6 MINUTES TO REMEMBER HER NAME Y'ALL) and I like it actually. Like realistically we're going to be split up next round, but it doesn't hurt having connections I guess. I gave them the clue to the idol too, which is cute.

We lost? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Our story was gold! Pure, rock solid gold! Hoku clearly doesn't know what the fuck "1 sentence" is! You were supposed to accompany each vine with 1 SENTENCE NOT A FUCKING PARAGRAPH YOU MORONS!! And Kyaal had 9 vines and there was no fucking effort like honestly what the hell are these judges smoking? Hoshi's did suck ass so like okay they can go to tribal but what the fuck? Ours had a real story to it AND we actually followed the rules! Hoku shouldn't have even been allowed to submit that since they had PARAGRAPHS NOT A FUCKING SENTENCE LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO! This is ridiculous and now I have to go talk to people and vote someone out and it'll probably Dan and I feel bad djdvdkdk unless it's gunna be me in which case whatever take me away from this ugly ass game WHAT THE FUCK DOES JESSICA MEAN GO OUTSIDE AND LIVE YOUR LIFE? LIKE SHUT UP I DONT KNOW HER BUT IM NOT A FAN BYE! I KNEW RICKY WOULD BE A FAN THOUGH SO SHOUT OUT TO RICKY FOR BEING MY FAVE <3

Dear Hoku, you can't put a comma in place of a period and still call it one sentence. Y'all can choke for not knowing your grammar and making us go to tribal because you're stupid. With much hate, Sam

"So anyways... It seems that this vote could go one of two ways, Sara or Dan. Andrew and I were talking about pulling in Drew and vote either Dan or Sara but Dan also wants to work with me and Andrew" WHEW I GOT THIS FAR AND SAW THE ANNOUNCEMENT I'M SHOOK WE DID THAT SUCKS TO SUCK HOKU SORRY NOT SORRY

When Dan gives me a clue to the idol and honestly I shouldn't have told him he was looking the wrong way skdvdkdkx I'm greedy and want all the idols for myself

I guess Chrissa is really out to snap my neck. If we're gonna blame people for this, well for one I'm not blaming myself because why would I do that, so I'm gonna blame Karen cause I think it was her fault for throwing Chrissa's name out so... :/ But queen Samantha, who Id die for in an instant, is gunning for Chrissa with me and we only need one more vote so hopefully it shouldn't be that hard to get Steffen and David but idk I just asked Steffen if he'd heard anything and he said no despite specifically agreeing with Sam to vote Chrissa so uh...something could be up

AUUUUUUGH This is so STUPID. Charlotte wants to vote out Van, Jay wants to vote out Van, and I'm sitting here wondering why they can't see the bigger problem here. Billy is a social threat. Van is a quiet cinnamon roll. We're cut from the same cloth. If I vote her out I'd lose a confidant. BILLY YOU'RE MAKING MY LIFE DIFFICULT AS ALWAYS. Judging from our conversation, Charlotte EASILY spilled to Billy that we were voting Van, so I'm chalking that up to a rookie mistake. I made myself look stupid by telling Billy I'd let Charlotte know. He already knows we've been talking. So he knows I'm a liar. And dslfkjsdss. He's going to ream my entire asshole for this later, I just know it. I'm pretty sure I'm making myself look like more and more of a liar. I just don't want Van to go home, I want Billy to go home. "I made this tribe to get rid of Billy and if that doesn't happen I'm going to be disappointed" What more did I expect from PI? Did I expect to not be disappointed? Why am I so stupid But I need to lay low. If Jay and Charlotte want Van out, that's on them. I won't fight their decision because I need to follow people if I want to go far. That's just how it is in most of these games. I know Jay and Charlotte won't turn on me if I don't give them a reason to think I'm sketchy, so I'm just going to wait it out and vote from the car on the drive down to San Francisco. Which should be fun. Hopefully things don't happen. Watch Van come online and defend herself and this entire conversation goes out the window because I'm a weak piece of shit. 

this is a pretty fancy new tumblr theme you guys got going in here i likey On a gameplay related note if I make it through this vote alive it'll be a miracle if I make it through this vote alive it means I've had to lose every bit of sanity and backstab some people who I trusted and probably trusted me. probably hello niue my old friend i've come to play your game again https://youtu.be/IZaYdwa8KMQ

Omg this round has been so crazy. Let me just start out by saying I did not contribute AT ALL to that vine challenge. I thought it was super cool but I was busy and I don't really like group challenges like that. Anyways, Steffen did the most, and I'm so proud of him. I'm somewhat mad that I asked about it being more than 1 sentence and they said "they are one sentence" and us being disqualified because they weren't, but it was still a great story and I'm happy to claim it for our tribe. Anyways, about this vote. So I trust Steffen for the most part. But I feel like my final 2 lies with Karen. I also love Kevin, so I do want to work with him. When we first lost this comp, Chrissa came to me saying that she wanted Kevin out. She also said that David was on board. However, when I talked to Kevin, he said that him and David were voting out Chrissa. So that leaves me and Steffen to basically choose which side we want to work on. We talked to david individually and he told both of us that he wants to vote out Chrissa. That makes it easier to vote her out, honestly. If he wanted Kevin out, and since we were already leaning more towards chrissa anyways, we still would have had to deal with him after the vote, but knowing that we can keep him on our good side is great. I think that I could definitely work with Kevin long term. I don't think I ever could have said that about Chrissa. So hopefully this works out. And omg !!! I got the merry go round idol for a second time. The first time was randomized (but nobody had previously used it so I'm pretty sure I was the first) but the second time it was given to me by ash. WHO I LOVE. Ugh I love Ash. But yeah, so I am going to give it to steffen. I know I had given it to steffen last time, but I was on a tribe with him so I felt safe doing so. Even though I trust Karen, we haven't actually been on a tribe together in a while. So I'm not sure where she stands with me. I do still want to work with her, though, so hopefully that'll work out. If we ever merge. We might just tribe swap until like final 6, I have no clue with the rate that this game is going. Tribe swaps every few rounds though definitely help my social game, so I guess I'm not complaining :) 

BILLY WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO GET ME OUT? GOD FUCK YOU ALWAYS GET NERVOUS AND TRY AND PULL OFF THESE MOVES WHY THE HELL WHY THE FUCKING HELL GOD FUCK

I've taken to talking to myself using both of my accounts in my chat...........it's been a day frankly......

me tonight