#im emo about her at all times. my precious star baby.

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

WAUUGHHHH..... MY BABY... MY BELOVED.... HE'S SO... I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

i honestly just. i feel like ive said this so many times but this event was so lovely that even through all the silly little shenanigans and the oddity of the set-up and the ending and everything, there's so much... insight into who xavier is as a person, and how their relationship has grown so far? it's so vastly different from previous events because this one really feels like it... really, really means something 😭😭😭

already smacked in the face with how emotional the prologue and chapter was for me because of all the references, and then knowing how all of that continues on as well? all the way to the ending?

the WAY this goes all the way BACK, once AGAIN, to his lightseeker myth 😭 the way it's always been her, the way he always just. he's always thinking of her he's always looking at her he's always... EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MC... he doesn't care about ANYTHING.....

he doesn't care about the plushies, doesn't care about the game, doesn't care about being the hero because he ISN'T, he's tired of it, he doesn't want the responsibility he just wants a quiet mundane life with mc BUT THE FACT IS THAT MC DOES CARE. she cares about the plushies, and the game, and being the hero, and completing the game successfully.... SHE cares about justice, and the people, and she became a hunter for that reason......

and he knows that.

and his ultimate goal is to make her happy.

because she's all he cares about she's all he ever NEEDS and if he's the moon, the stars, the planets—she's the sun, the center of his universe, and he will gladly orbit around her and he'll do it. he'll do all of this for her, he'll go back in fucking time for her, he'll play along with the game and save the plushies for her... to the point that he convinces himself he's interested in it too, that it becomes genuine, because the more you think about something the more it becomes a little more real to you and that's what this is,

and it's all for her.

it's always been all for her, and it will always continue to be all for her.

“If your dream is to save the common people, then, my dream, is only you.”

and then it goes back to the mirroring, too, bc???? the way they're always mirroring each other? the way we know that mirroring shows empathy, and understanding, and signals that two people are connected in some way—and then it's even more than the words mc parrots back to him? bc he grounds her back to reality, reminds her to take care of herself, reminds her of the goal, reminds her the game isn't over and they have to get back before 6am to help the plushies—and she does the same. she grounds him, reminds him of their goal... she's always telling him to take care, to not push himself, to rest, to not sacrifice so much of himself just for her. it's the same words. the same actions. not just in this event but always. just like how she's always trying to get him to believe she can love ever version and every part of him in every universe too...... because he does for her.

and i wrote a whole entire essay bc this event made me emo with all the callbacks and i love him so much and he is so precious and i treasure their relationship so much and they

THEY ARE

THEY ARE EVERYTHING

im always reminded why im a xavier girlie whenever we get things like this 😭

This game and its event story that just throws in all these feels and characterization esp with the ending ❤_(:△」∠)_

These lines in the story just 🥺😭

He's always just so geniune with his words and earnest with his actions. The thing is, Xavier tries. and he really tries

And he's always there for her no matter what. All the way back in the Myth. It's so perfect how his Evol is Light. He's that shining, guiding star for MC in her dark moments (be it mentall or physically. Like even during the Warm Wishes Tender Moment)

(can I just say the way Xavier's sudden HUGE change in tone when he said "I don't know"... Well, on the CN VO that is. I wonder what was the meaning behind it, if there was. The EN VO had more or less his usual softer tone.)

AND THE WAY MC PARROTS XAVIER ToT!!! [insert some meta commentary here. Idk... my brain is not braining atm]

also also... his roar in CN... just... he sounds like a lil puppy ToT!!!! Like it almost sounds a little like "awoo" (but it's more of "aou")

And really... coming from the era of "Rawr XD"... I cannot hear him say roar in EN with that tone without thinking of that 😭 oops

[lonedayne]

cry with me over allyria thnx & pls

[outcast-thingz]

If I were a Haikyuu Manager

Fukurodani

Dear lord...

Okay we'll start with the girls, after I learn about Yukie's love for food I start bring in bentos in for her. (What can I say I like making and giving things, food, crafts, art, etc.)

Kaori and I get along. We tend to giggle a lot when we make conversation and fend off yukie when making food for the camp.

As always I shall protect the 1st years because they are precious. Granted there's only two but that's doesn't change anything!

"Hey Star! How is it fair Yukie always gets bento from you but we don't?" Komi asks with Sarukui and Konoha nodding in agreement behind him.

"Because she and Kaori gotta deal with and take care of you guys." 😑 me, "I'll tell you what. Win your next game and I'll bring in a treat for the team, yeah?" 😊

"If I were you guys I'd win that next game, ause if she brings in sweets oo-hoo-hoo~ " Yukie smiles with her eyes dazed and dream-like at the thought of food.

Akaashi, baby, sweetie, darling, dumpling, AHDHFKB Hello🥰 (thats meant in 100% platonic, I promise). Okay but for real, I'd be hesitant to talk to him because I wouldn't want to bother him. I'd like to think he's a bit of a book worm and so before practice we'll trade books. This helps when he's overthinking things because it gives me a topic to distract him with for a moment to give his brain a break. After a moment or two we can get back to when he was thinking about and we'll discuss the pros and cons laying everything out for his brain so it isn't as scary.

(Talk about needing to take some of my own advice here... ACHEM ANWAYS)

By this point you're probably thinking that wasn't so bad.. so why did she say oh lord in the beginning? Patience is a viture..

Ah.. Bokuto... *sigh* listen he's an amazing person really. I adore him and his personality. IN FACT! There is only one thing about him that bothers me.. and thats the intimidation that comes from his eyes. This is how first meeting him went-

"Ah, so you've met every one else then?" Akaashi asks I nodded my head

"All except the ace, I've heard a lot about him. Oh! Is that him?" I point to the white and black haired vb player.

"Mhmm. Bokuto!" He calles the ace over.

Bokuto turns and meets my eyes.

Ngl I N S T A N T fear. I hid behind Akaashi as the Ace bounds is way over like a puppy.

"Hey hey hey!!! Agaaashiii is that the new manager?!" Bokuto asks excitedly as he leans from side to side trying to see me.

"You're too loud, you're scaring her." Akaashi states bluntly.

*que emo mode* "oh.. im sorry, I'll just go" He begins to shuffle away. I step out from behind the vice-captian and grab a hold of the back of Bokuto's shirt

"Wait! I'm sorry Bokuto-" he turns around still in emo mode. I meet his eyes once again, "I-I.. I'm sta- I'm sta-... mm I'm Star. Its a pleasure to.. Uh.. m-meet you. ImSorryYourEyesAreJustVeryIntimidating."

It took him a few seconds to understand the last sentence but all the dots seemed to connect after he heard that. I swear to you the biggest, stupidest grin appears on his face as he picks me up in twirling hug.

"AWE! That was so cute!" He sets me down and closes his eyes, "how about I talk to you with my eyes closed!? Then you can't see them!" He suggested which made me laugh

He was serious about this, this wasn't a joke. In fact, he did it for the next two weeks. He ran into a pole and at the point I told him I'll just have to get use to his eyes and hoped he wouldn't be offended if at times I could look at his eyes.

(This intimidating eyes thing is something I have to deal with when watching Haikyuu which sucks.. cause I love his character but those eyes give off such an intimidating aura.. Oikawa too.. sometimes tendou but less so than the other two)

[writting-thingz]

If I were a Haikyuu Manager

Fukurodani

Dear lord…

Okay we’ll start with the girls, after I learn about Yukie’s love for food I start bring in bentos in for her. (What can I say I like making and giving things, food, crafts, art, etc.)

Kaori and I get along. We tend to giggle a lot when we make conversation and fend off yukie when making food for the camp.

As always I shall protect the 1st years because they are precious. Granted there’s only two but that’s doesn’t change anything!

“Hey Star! How is it fair Yukie always gets bento from you but we don’t?” Komi asks with Sarukui and Konoha nodding in agreement behind him.

“Because she and Kaori gotta deal with and take care of you guys.” 😑 me, “I’ll tell you what. Win your next game and I’ll bring in a treat for the team, yeah?” 😊

“If I were you guys I’d win that next game, ause if she brings in sweets oo-hoo-hoo~ ” Yukie smiles with her eyes dazed and dream-like at the thought of food.

Akaashi, baby, sweetie, darling, dumpling, AHDHFKB Hello🥰 (thats meant in 100% platonic, I promise). Okay but for real, I’d be hesitant to talk to him because I wouldn’t want to bother him. I’d like to think he’s a bit of a book worm and so before practice we’ll trade books. This helps when he’s overthinking things because it gives me a topic to distract him with for a moment to give his brain a break. After a moment or two we can get back to when he was thinking about and we’ll discuss the pros and cons laying everything out for his brain so it isn’t as scary.

(Talk about needing to take some of my own advice here… ACHEM ANWAYS)

By this point you’re probably thinking that wasn’t so bad.. so why did she say oh lord in the beginning? Patience is a viture..

Ah.. Bokuto… *sigh* listen he’s an amazing person really. I adore him and his personality. IN FACT! There is only one thing about him that bothers me.. and thats the intimidation that comes from his eyes. This is how first meeting him went-

“Ah, so you’ve met every one else then?” Akaashi asks I nodded my head

“All except the ace, I’ve heard a lot about him. Oh! Is that him?” I point to the white and black haired vb player.

“Mhmm. Bokuto!” He calles the ace over.

Bokuto turns and meets my eyes.

Ngl I N S T A N T fear. I hid behind Akaashi as the Ace bounds is way over like a puppy.

“Hey hey hey!!! Agaaashiii is that the new manager?!” Bokuto asks excitedly as he leans from side to side trying to see me.

“You’re too loud, you’re scaring her.” Akaashi states bluntly.

*que emo mode* “oh.. im sorry, I’ll just go” He begins to shuffle away. I step out from behind the vice-captian and grab a hold of the back of Bokuto’s shirt

“Wait! I’m sorry Bokuto-” he turns around still in emo mode. I meet his eyes once again, “I-I.. I’m sta- I’m sta-… mm I’m Star. Its a pleasure to.. Uh.. m-meet you. ImSorryYourEyesAreJustVeryIntimidating.”

It took him a few seconds to understand the last sentence but all the dots seemed to connect after he heard that. I swear to you the biggest, stupidest grin appears on his face as he picks me up in twirling hug.

“AWE! That was so cute!” He sets me down and closes his eyes, “how about I talk to you with my eyes closed!? Then you can’t see them!” He suggested which made me laugh

He was serious about this, this wasn’t a joke. In fact, he did it for the next two weeks. He ran into a pole and at the point I told him I’ll just have to get use to his eyes and hoped he wouldn’t be offended if at times I could look at his eyes.

(This intimidating eyes thing is something I have to deal with when watching Haikyuu which sucks.. cause I love his character but those eyes give off such an intimidating aura.. Oikawa too.. sometimes tendou but less so than the other two)

[brothalynchhung]

2019 overview.

this year.. was fucking two years in one. also a little late again but whatever. this is going to be long as FUCK. 

started 2019 in dubai

spent the first couple of days in Dubai on the beach

YOOO AS AM WRITING THAT IT FEELS SO FUCKING LONG AGO HOLLYY SHITT

went to London and just fucked around dt and chinatown lost that damn snake ring fml

I got drunk eating dumplings watching Jeffrey star in that bed LMFAOOOYOO LMFAOOOOOEGJEORIGHSREUG

got back to Ottawa and it was straight GRIND from the get go

back to my last semester of uni 

back to club m (omg.. I miss:( kinda lol)

started that govt job

back to social media marketing for Dubai

3 jobs + school basically

did that dumbass STUPID FUCKING govt job all the way in quebec that I woke up for and travelled for everyday 

would go straight to gym, work again, or school fml

wasn't entirely bad I kinda needed it cuz I applied to a million jobs during that time and did school work LMAO also printed a lot of important shit and got paid so whatever

CAME TO TORONTO IN MARCH W TRAND OMG I FORGOT THAT WAS 2019

SAW VINCE STAPLES!!

AND The fortune teller who like prophisized all this shit goddddd 

iconic if I must say

little did I know...

I miss movati fml lol

working at club Monaco omg ugh they gave me life honestly

fun times w trang cc precious Courtney mich JACK Amanda Raman donia even tho she annoying lol and whoever else I worked w jana jil Daria honestly I just miss Courtney LMFAO uhh jenn was cool too 

I'm never going to forget that place I swear to god I have so much loyalty and pride for my memories for that place im never going to take my experience there for

chilling with avid Vinny and like Alex a bit LMAO he would randomly ask to chill it was weird

that Chinese dinner and chat time thing in his car WHAT WAS THATTT

chilling like a scrub a cu with hector and that crew goddLMAO

avin vin rideau gang

visiting avid at nordstorm the Rui girl and Herman lol he was sofunny

MY BODY IS FOR ME NOT THESE BITCHES LMFAOO 

last class with strangle omg he was iconic honestly 

trang pargol fidede zainab mannnn honestly shoutout old Ottawa friends 

xinyii!! and jelly!! my last times with them

I miss Xinyi so much :( im so happy I got to see her before leaving she was so nice I wish her so much success 

remember working those last shifts at cm like.. yo I feel like things are going to change and my days are numbered.. I feel it. 

did interview after interview, applying EVERYDAY to escape 

the amount of focusing I did on applying around feb and April like I was just focused on working and getting out of there

did two interviews in like 2 hours always on the go always moving always working 

and then like clockwork.. at the govt job.. went to the bathroom knew? to bring my phone with me.. and then right when I left I got a call from mk went into that empty conference room and got the offer. cried. accepted. life changing

I honestly just left that place... went to cm and just.. resigned... put my two weeks in...

and it happened literally in my last week of the govt job..

like fate 

immediately went home told cc precious fam 

fam weren't happy 

BUT I FINALLY ESCAPED!!!! LOOKING BACK ON THIS BLOG AND EVERYTHING I FINALLY F I N A L L Y GOT OUT OF THERE THE BITCH ASS CURSED SHIT CITY NEVER GOING BACKEGIUEHGEIRUGH 

shout out precious for helping me honestly he helped so much 

found my place through hmida who held it down

that whole condo scenario LOL godddd my landlord a HOE

met zgy gvy at precious while I crashed a night

THE MILLIONS OF RIDESHARESSS GOODDDDDD

remember the one I took last minute from Yorkdale LMAO that one wasn't bad honestly I slept good

moving my things packaging them up. like yo.. lol

bringing the boxes from shoppers godddd LOL 

finally landed in Toronto with my place

waiting outside for 5 hours for my damn keys crazy with my suitcase lol... 

THEN FINALLY GOT TO MY FIRST PLACE!! MY FIRST RENTAL CONDO ALL ON MY OWN NO ROOMATES JUST ME

unpacking my things

like just finally having my own place mannn that was my dream for such a long ass time

getting around dt a bit getting used to tdot... 

crazy exciting 

then... 3 days in..

...

met that bitch that fucked me up 

met everything I ever wanted in a person? physically and interest wise and yet?

nothing? 

SO CONFUSED I MET SOMEONE WITH EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WANTED

first hookup? lost v? 

new city new job new life new home lost v new everything

in 3 days. 

my life crazy..

spent the whole time like until October till low-key NOW just thinking about it bitterly 

my feelings up and down I was drowning in obsession and confusion

I know I fucked it up but it was fucked up since the beginning

shook everything about what I thought I wanted in gl or a person

standards are definitely raised and all men trash and hoes Idgaf

I feel nothing towards nobody

my whole mind switched to money and power. 

gl I love you but you're not here and we got a lot growing to do so imma see ya ass in a couple of years 

anyways started working at mk!!! craziest 3 month probation thing I had 

HOWWW DID I DOOOO ITTTTTTT 

met so much people... holy shit.. zgy,gvy,hailey,gab,aisha,priya,rach,lisa,alex,DANIA, goddddd

clubbing.. mon., thurs... weekenddd... wake up... 8:30 work

how did I do it.... fuck lol

met a lot of hoes.. fucked with Sunday once more before he died bye bitch ass hoe.. Leo, sleeve, uhhh that's it I think actually

CABANNNAAAA

OMG I SAW SEAN PAUL LIVE ICONICC YOO THIS FUCKING YEAR LMFAOOOOO

omg YEAH I SAW NCT IN MY FIRST WEEK OF TO WITH PARGOL LMFAOOO YOOOOO

damn this year was crazy I keep forgetting shit

all the weird ass ppl I met at cabana omg the humber guy YOO THE ASIAN GUY WITH MY KEYS LMFAOOO ZGY FUCKLMFGIESH

omg tsf lmao and like yeah all the clubbing ppl in to fuck 

half and half like didnnt know if I liked it or not but it was crazy

still think about that Frans night the damn milkshake and food omggg

just spent summer exploring to trinity Bellwoods ossington like summer stories clubbing stories

managing my double life lol

SPIDERMAN OBSESSION LMAOOOO TO DISTRACT MY MIND FROM THAT BITCH ASS HOE LMFAOOFREJGIEURHSTESUIH THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAS A WHOLE WIFE AND BABY YOOO LMFAOOO

good distraction made work fun when I needed it during my last months of probation LMAO

omg going home during lunch and then back to work ICONIC

leaving the girls at my place and coming back for lunch LMAOOO god really iconic honestly showering and going back to work sleeping hoeing all that LMFAO 

omg the time I left Leo at my place YOO LMAO

still have that expensive ass sweater LMFAO WAT A SIMP

those drunk texts he sent Me in august and I punked him off LMFAOO 😩😂

men trash 

darren Chris rob goddd all those damn ppl I met the one guy who saved me during that blacTHE BLACKOUT CABANNA NIGHT GOD THAT WAS A MESS LMAO TITTIES OUT EVERYTHING but yeah he was low key useless I forget his name highboy but whatever

YOOO THAT GIRLS TITTIES I SLEPT ON NGEIRGHEUHUE ICONIC

I got catfishes twice 😩 the change bitch and the John bitch airehguerihserh FUCKKK LMFAO

AND THEN THE CHANG BITCH WAS TRYNA SAY OH U JSUT LOOK TO ARAB THATS WHY WE HAVNET TALKED AGAINL IKE BITCHHHHH FIRST OF ALL UR A WHOLE CATFISHFHERGUERBKSHETERU AHERUIGESRUYR LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

and then I catfish Sunday to punk him off for revenge and call him a thot and thought he was talking about me for catfish when it was just about another bitch he was hoeing with cuz he a hoe.. Jesus my life wild

SO MUCH SHIT THIS SUMMER UHERGHSREG

gained weight fml I don't even wanna mention it iDONT WANNA TALK

even if it is muscle I dDONT WANNT TALK ABOUT IT

the cabana pool jump... godd... walking home drunkregiuhersguhe fucK 

summer was crazy

nada and mama coming wow that was annoying I rlly can't do family even though I love them

getting high swimming the catfish racing munchies arguing with Alex LMAO 

eating out with Dania gab Lisa the normal ppl I met lool

a lot of stress of money and where I want to go I was in a hella rush idk why I think everything happening so fast made me not want to slow down at all but im finally slowing down 

priya end of the year rebel tiff stuff 

basically drowning in depress and regret around the end of summer cuz everything calmed down and I had the time to think and reflect about everything and yeah.. got super depressed

that bitch cc and her bullshit yo just fucking go bye

notice how there's like no memories with her like yeah there was but they were just annoying cuz she was annoying highkey

thanks for bringing my shit from Ottawa tho dumbass LOL eat a dick

THE HOT TUBBBB SUMMERSSS AND SUMMER NIGHTS 

omg all my emo ass walks at night to the port and water and trillium park in the morning aiohreughresehre writing with my journal god that was actually nice tho 

super peaceful so happy to live near the water highkey

always in between losing myself who am I what do I do now who am I like did I lost myself did I ever have myself

major existential crisis

how did I survive work god 

musicmusiscmusicccc

moviesmovesmoves

readreadread

actually I had a lot of night walking home from the club sad

omg remember the ovo guy fucking loser liar 

as usualllll 

RECORDRESCORSDCRECORDDSSS SO MANY TDOT IS PERFECTT

ugh what else fuck too much shit happened OH YEAH

my birthday with the girls and the bbq!! the cake!! omg so nice :((( so funny lol

that weirdo ass man that I still see in the gym sometimes god help me lol 

passing my probation!!!! and then like finally fitting in and feeling apart of mk and the “family” lol

CLARK KENT AND SCOTTISH MANS MAKING MY LIFE EVRYDAYYYYYugh love them

got a moomin from Scottish mans 🥺 love him

anyways got depressed drowning in obsession.. nothing surprising there 🙄 

got high and drunk like bottom of the barrel... 

right before pargol came LMAO 

oh yeah I went to Ottawa because yo I was going out of my mind about losing myself.. needed to go BACK to the place I hated to find myself

went back and it was like??? everything was the same.. still saw vin and avid and Herman at Rideau still had bbt with them 

still fucking around hector and that whole crew had Ivan his girl moe.. ribal..Kyle YO lol that weird ass club experience AS USUAL Ottawa clubs trash god

apple picking same year in a row wit z <3 and hamza and fams lol

saw the kids and got to be stupid again loool 

anyways came back to my actual life

like it just felt weird knowing that the place I had all my memories and experiences in like.. felt nothing

even the forest felt weird like I didn't need to be there anymore?

as much as tried to drown myself in obsession and my past and bad habits.. I couldn't?

im being forced to move forward and learned Sunday was the last experience it was just eye opening

after the emotional shit I sat down again and had a whole purging 

I never felt that bad and horrible and drowned in obsession since raglan..

like.. deleted the hidden pictures... the feeling.. like I've done this before...

that was the final straw..

you think its over just because I am dead but its not over..the games just begun.

never again. 

anyways I met Aisha!!! love her vibe with her heavy

introduceed me to the sugar shit YOOOO LMFAOOO

THEN WE STARTING PIMPIN AND MAKING EXTRA MONEY

NO MORE MONEY STRUGGLE 

GOT FUCKED OVER HEART TURNED COLD NOW WE FOCUSING ON MONEY CAREER POWER PLAYING THESE HOES FOR THEY MONEY AND RECLAIMING MYSELF 

weird ass fucking people but get the money and go 

stack up crazy and saving up this past few months 

and just chilling w friends and therapy sessions

scheming and planning for the future

therapy sessions

got close with Lisa

oh yeah BOLO!! UGH BEST GYM

ALSO OMG I FORGOT I SAW BROCKHAMPTON AGAIN!!! AND SOMEHOW GOT TO THE BARRIER AND LITERALLY HAD SO MUCH INTERACTION WITH KEVIN LIKE SINGING TOGETHER AND THEN HE CAME DOWN SAID I GOTCHU AND TOOK TWO PICS WITH ME FUCKGIERGEIUTHSEUH THAT WAS INSANEEE MY LIFE WILDDDD 

iconic holiday party and New Years with again like random weird ppl and my girls exemplifying how wild and fresh the whole experience of this year was 

at least I be waking up warm and clean in MY PLACEby myself with no bullshit 

just like.. got a new place new job new city basically live the life I always wanted? reading movies? new friends no problems? wtf how my life change so quick

new interesting experiences

getting drunk high dancing at my place out in these streets just meeting bare people all these new people and experiences holy shit... 

and like yeah im not where I want to be but this progress and process is FUN now 

everything a strategy and a move and love staying busy 

wish I had more free time tho I never feel rested my life fucking crazy LOOL

that weirdo bitch who thought he was dating me UGHHH BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL JUST FOR A CAR AND FOOD BITCHARE U CRAZY 

power trip crazy im so sorry jfc 

anyways block and move on

met Chris and we still talking for like 3 months in a row god... lol gunna see him Saturday idk was the HALE going on 

im like surrounded by hoes???? and I don't want it GOD I JUST BEEN FOCUSING ON ME AND MONEYFUCK EVERYONE ELSE 

idek what else maybe im missing shit but this whole year wild best year of MY LIFE though

idk what the fuck gunna happen in 2020 cuz my split lives and the chaos and playing hoes and always thinking about opportunity and abundance and money got my mind and moves all wrapped in strategy but we only ONNLY ONLYYY GOING UP from here no excuses lets fucking go I always say this but 2019 was fucking wild and you know what.. lets fucking go 2020 LETS FUCKING GO as long as I don't gain weight LMFAO lets fucking GO. money and power on my mind exclusively. gl imma see you in 2 years. focusing on bigger things but at least im OUT HERE and ESCAPED and we onLY ATTRACTING AND MANIFESTING ABUNDANCE