#im embarrassing myself even lookijg at it lmao

[farthertothemoon]

Howdy y'all. I wanted to apologize for the lack of keeping up here on Tumblr and any more private circles I know some of you in. I felt I owed an apology and an explanation for the long spaces of radio silence between my randomly timed actual posts.

Below the cut is a bunch of venting so if you choose to read it CW: financial, medical, political, and trauma mentions

I'm not really doing well at all. On top of financial, medical, political, and family stress, past traumas are resurfacing and kicking my ass. It's hard to get any sleep at night and to wake up feeling okay. I'm accustomed to PTSD and CPTSD nightmares, but they'd been dying down over time and I was actually starting to feel pretty alright? But now, with all the constant stress, they're coming back full force and it's just the cherry on top that really drains me of everything.

Classes in college will be starting up in less than a week. I barely have enough money to pay for the materials, let alone the courses themselves. I'm barely 20 and I'm so in debt from student loans and past and present medical bills it's not even funny. I genuinely don't know what to do. Everything piling onto itself is getting to be too much and I just want some rest. I don't want to get into bed at night just to relive the horrific shit I've gone through or on the off chance I don't have nightmares/don't wake up, it's 4 in the afternoon and that's an entire day wasted.

Anyway, this is all to essentially make excuses as to why I have been so not active here on Tumblr or with those of you I know more closely elsewhere. I know it's not fair to you and I sincerely hope I can get past this quickly not just because I feel some sort of obligation, but because I genuinely enjoy being on here and interacting with yall. I just felt I needed to say something, y'know? So to actually get to the point of this post: I'm sorry.

Thanks for listening if you for some ungodly reason read all the way down here lol and y'all stay safe ok? Safe as you can at least <3

Also if there are any typos, no there aren't I'm too tired to correct them lol