#im embarrasing myself but im embracing it instead

[twoleafsimmer]

remember that one post I did about having a vidcund bodypillow?

I'm actually serious lmao it arrived 😭

ITS FULL BODY TOO BTW 😭

(and yes also if anyone is wondering, this has a backside but we don't talk about that here)

[remembering-er-n-blog]

21/04/17

My pooper, my love, my bestfriend, and my partner in crime,

It has been a week since I last saw you, since you last held me in your arms, kissed me, held my hand, and told me that you love me, how we told each other that we mean the world to one another. It pains me to know now that it was your last night. I remember you picking me up from work as we danced amongst my friends as I finished. It already seems like it's been forever, pardon me my love but since the day we first got together, we were inseparable.

The truth is I keep questioning as to how I can move on from this. How can I move on from you. I understand now somehow, that I will never be able to do that. I will somehow learn to live around it, around the grief. It is not a matter of forgetting you that will help me, its embracing that you were a part of my life and how lucky I am that you were in it. I would often feel embarrased to cry as it seems nowadays I apparently have no control as to when or what causes that, but being blessed and surrounded by so many amazing people they have somehow taught me that it is okay to feel, because with that I am allowing myself to heal.

I don't think I can ever say good bye now that you are gone, because I do not ever want to forget, forgive me. Instead I will celebrate your existence, the love, the bond, the friendship, you and I shared. You were my best friend, my love and my all. The time we shared cannot measure and amount to that. I keep reading your message to me over and over again that day, why? I really don’t know why. As much as it pains me right now, I just want be reminded that you loved me as much as I love you. It really was such a beautiful message.

Just as when I thought that the world has ran out of miracles, I met you. I found someone I can truly be myself with and I am happy that you were open with me about everything, we shared our vulnerabilities, our strenths, our differences. Thank you for showing me what it truly means to be loved by you.

I miss you, and perhaps I always will. I am happy that in our last moments together I was able to show you how much you meant to me. I'm happy that you know that. I will forever miss waking up to having you as the first thing I see, and finishing a day whether it be good or not, I knew I was going to be okay because you were the last thing I'd see before I fall asleep. Im gonna have to remember to fill up my water bottle before i sleep from now on pooper! Who am I going to make coffee for in the mornings? That's a lie! You made me coffee, almost everyday. Almost.

I remember I passed a note from across the restaurant written “you are always with me, on my mind and in my heart”. I remember you telling me that it made you feel like a little high school girl with butterflies that you kept the note in your wallet. Carry it in your heart now and remember that always.