#im crying a bit on the bus here like hes been through absolute hell

[egyptianking]

Dele 💔

[hoezhatelola]

His Girl

Baji Keisuke x Reader

warnings: dom!baji, sub!fem!reader, toman AU, degradation kink, size kink, gun kink, NSFW 18+, fingering, cunnilingus, idfk what else to put here

a/n: this was kind of rushed but i was suddenly motivated to write a baji smut so here you go all you horny readers :)

sorry if this sucks, terrible case of writers block lately. btw everyone’s aged up !

__________________________________________

everyone who knew baji knew that he was a man who kept his priorities straight. those priorities consisted of toman, his few friends, business, and ever since two years ago- you. despite what everyone assumed, you were okay with not being his first priority. it was normal for you to stay up til the latest hours of the night, awaiting his arrival. it was normal for you to wake up with a cold, empty spot beside you on the mattress.

you never bothered him about what it exactly was that he did inside of toman, or what his so called “business” really was. you knew he was a bit shady, but at the end of the day, when he’s pulling you closer into his chest at 4 a.m., breathing in your scent and peppering kisses onto your forehead, it didn’t matter.

everyone from moebius to valhalla knew that you were his girl. of course, there had been a few instances in the past where baji had to get his hands dirty and correct a few guys for looking at you in the way that only he can look at you.

despite what had become the norm, tonight was different. you were cozy on the couch in the apartment you shared with your boyfriend, a blanket wrapped around your form that was covered with only one of baji’s t-shirts and your lace undies. you sipped on your hot chocolate, slightly jumping as a weak knock sounded on the door.

you got up and went on your tippy toes to peek through the tiny hole, and as you expected you saw baji, his scratched up face and tired eyes looking downwards. your delicate fingers took care of all of the extra locks baji had installed, and you opened the door swiftly.

“finally! i was waiting for yo-” you froze as you looked up at him, his usually narrowed eyes now slightly wider and teary. “baby? what’s the matter?” you took your hand, much smaller than his own, and grabbed his arm to pull him inside before closing and locking the door behind him.

“s too much.. can’t do it ‘nymore…” he muttered, his head now collapsing onto your shoulder. you ran a hand through his black locks as he stood up straight, peering down at you with that same, sad and guilty look. you planted a kiss on his jaw and cupped his cheek. “what’s too much, my love?”

he only looked into your eyes, not speaking as his brows furrowed and a tear silently fell, staining his cheek. he brought his face closer and your lips connected, his tongue rapidly entering your mouth and exploring it with dominance.

“mmh… w-wait, aauh..” you mumbled into his mouth, trying to speak to him. with prior consent, both you and baji had agreed on a safe word and so, naturally, protests such as ‘wait’ or ‘stop’ or ‘slow down,’ meant absolutely nothing to him.

he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist, his hands resting under your thighs and slamming you down onto the bed that you shared. you looked up at him with lust-filled eyes, and his expression darkened as he bent down and tore apart your thighs.

“look at you…” he chuckled against your skin, nibbling on your inner thigh and running a finger along your clothed slit. “such a fucking mess for me already.” you could tell he was getting a kick out of you feeling embarrassed, and it was his sick way of making you feel good.

he looked up at you once more and you nodded before he tore apart your panties, hungrily eyeing your glistening womanhood that ached for his touch. the first warm lick against your sensitive bud caused you to shiver, and after enjoying your reaction he utterly devoured your pussy. two of his skilled fingers entered your hole without warning, causing you to gasp and arch your back in ecstasy.

the pink muscle continued to suck and flick at your clit, your core immediately tightening, the coil nearly snapping. “s so good… gon’ cum s-s-soon.” you purred, and he gripped your thighs even harder than before, lapping at your folds and chuckling into your pussy, the vibrations causing you to snap.

the coil became fully undone, your orgasm hitting you like a fucking bus, your legs shaking and a loud moan invading your room. “that’s my fucking girl. such a good little cumslut, yeah?” you mindlessly nodded in response, lost in bliss. you snapped back to reality when a small click could be heard, and a cold metal was pressed between your thighs.

in his slender hand you saw his gun, and you jumped up, pulling away. “relax, it’s not loaded... just looks so good next to that pretty pussy.” he rubbed the edge of it up and down your slit, and as you came down from your orgasm you sure as hell were ready for more. you needed more.

“i want you…” you said, making grabby hands in the direction of his dick. the gun slid into your mouth as you whimpered in response. “suck.” he ordered, and you knew better than to disobey him.

“you want what? my big cock in that tight cunt?” he grunted in your ear and you nodded, gagging over and over again on his gun as he continued to push it down your throat. you looked up at him beneath your lashes, your cheeks hollowing as strings of saliva ran down his hand. “fuck… don’t look at me like that.”

he unclasped his belt and looked down at you. despite his rough tone and usual severe degradation towards you, his eyes were asking for consent, to which you nodded. he positioned himself at your entrance and slowly slid in, inch by fucking inch. once you were stuffed full of his eight inches, he huffed and leaned in to your ear, thrusting once without warning.

you mewled loudly, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as he chuckled, basking in the feeling off your velvety walls pulsating around him. “you’re a bigger whore than i thought… already screaming for me and i’ve barely,” he trusted once more as you moaned, “fucking,” and again he thrusted even harder, “started.”

“kei… s-slow down.” you gasped, clawing at his chest and leaving crescent shaped marks along his shoulders. “what?” he chuckled, “you want me to slow down?” he imitated you by slightly raising his voice before grabbing your neck and pulling you upwards, his lips now touching the shell of your ear. “can’t take my fat cock in that tiny little pussy, hah..”

baji paid special attention to the way your cunt sucked in his girth, groaning at the sight of your throbbing clit begging to be touched by him. he knew your body so well at this point that your walls had molded to shape him, that his eyes flickered to that one spot of your lower stomach, now staring at the bulge that gently bobbed up and down beneath your skin. hell, your pussy was made to take his cock so fucking well.

“f-fuck.. gah.. k-kei, im-” “close? already?” he cut you off. you nodded hastily in response, feeling that familiar warm sensation in your stomach that only he could make you feel. he pressed his hand down on your lower stomach, his dick twitching at the feeling of him inside of you. “fucking pathetic… you can barely last with me fucking your brains out, hm? you’re my dirty fucking slut, aren’t ya?”

you looked up and looked eyes with him, your expression begging to gush all over his length. “y-yes.. ‘m your sl-slut.” you choked on your own words, feeling the air knock out of your lungs as his tip brushed against your cervix and provided a pleasurable sting. baji felt your walls clench around him at his words.

“you dirty little whore… you like being degraded this much, hah?” you didn’t reply as drool seeped down your chin and tears of immeasurable pleasure pricked the corners of your eyes. “i’m fucking talking to you,” he said rather angrily, gripping your throat.

“s-sorry, ‘m gunna cum!” you said loudly, moaning into his sloppy kiss and looking into his eyes as he pulled away and squeezed your throat, cutting off your oxygen almost completely. “yeah? you’re gonna cum soon? gonna cum all over my big cock, right?” he replied with a question, and your vision began to blur.

the biggest orgasm of your life was now pooling in your stomach, and baji knew it too. a smug smirk crept its way onto his face as he cupped your breast and squeezed it gently with his free hand, the other one still lying on your throat. “y-yes… gon’ cum all o-over yer’ f-fat… agh.. cock.”

relaying back to baji that his cock was, in fact, huge was all it took for him to nibble at your shoulder and bring a thumb to your clit before rubbing sloppy circles over it. the coil then snapped, and your orgasm hit you like a crashing wave. you thrashed around underneath him, a pleasurable cry filling the room as your legs shook and he gripped your thighs, watching as your cunt tightened and gushed around him.

“that’s my girl… creaming around me. open wide.” he instructed, and you shivered at the nickname before parting your lips and opening your mouth. he pumped his length dry of all his salty cum that was now dripping down your chin, breasts, lips, and was on your tongue. “swallow.”

you then collapsed after doing as he said as he got up, collecting a warm wash cloth and a glass of water for you. he gently wiped you clean, planting small kisses across your body, all the way from your calves to your forehead. you had to admit, baji’s aftercare was good as hell. he then used a soothing lotion to rub circles on your back, legs, and neck, before handing you the glass of water and collapsing next to you.

your legs tangled together within the soft sheets and warm blankets, and your head was now on his chest as he tangled his fingers in your hair, running them through your locks. you looked up at him and planted two kisses on his jaw as he looked down at you in awe.

“you were so good for me.” he said, and wrapped an arm around your waist to pull you in even closer. the feeling of your warm, naked bodies resting against each other was enough to warm his entire heart, and the smile that you gave him as he kissed your forehead was enough to make his heart flutter.

“did you wanna tell me what happened tonight? you know… why you came back all scratched up and sad?” you asked, and he hesitated to reply before grabbing your hips and pulling you on top of him. his back now rested against the headboard, and he pulled you closer so that your foreheads were now touching.

“i wish…” he hesitated again, and you cupped his cheek in attempt to reassure him everything would be ok. “i wish we could spend more time together, so we could cuddle and go out that’s all.” your heart picked up the pace as your eyes widened and a smile spread across your lips.

“aah… you’re so adorable, kei.” you ruffled his hair and planted a kiss on his lips, his hands still gripping your bare hips. “i wish we could too… but i understand you’re busy.” his stomach dropped at your words, did you really think you weren’t more important to him than his ‘job?’

he took a hand and gently ran it up the side of your body, all the way to your cheek, staring into your eyes as if he was deep in thought. “you know you’re the most important thing to me, right?” you nodded in response, his heart aching at the realization that there was nothing he could do to improve the amount of time he actually got to see you.

“let’s just make the most out of the time we do have together.”

[helisol]

ye s, well

it basically came to me like a prophet receiving a vision from an angry god. you know. like brian david gilberts video ideas but with more slow burn.

no really i wrote all this down in my phone’s note app because some nearly coherent things popped up in my head every time i was on the train or bus these last few days.

(after-actually-writing-this disclaimer/note: this is 2000 words of slightly edited rambling about Bagginshield in the Afterlife. i had to put it in a read more.)

so the gist of it

the botfa goes just as in the movie with minor details altered. like bilbo kissing thorin just before he dies which inadvertently causes a ripple in time and space that makes the valar curious of them both. you know. minor stuff.

so bilbo goes back to the shire, the war of the ring goes down, and the hobbit/elf gang sails to valinor at the end. classic stuff, not much alternating of universes here.

but here’s where things turn into the “my city now” meme because DUDE DO I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT VALINOR AND HOW THE AFTERLIFE WORKS

like, I’m sorry mister jolkien rolkien tolkien, but just putting people into a hall to await being judged like a hospital waiting room? snooze, that’s boring!

so first of all, and you can fight me on this, Yavanna Made The Hobbits And You Can’t Change My Mind.

it just makes sense for her to have been very saddened by the destruction of literally all her work on arda through melkor’s poison, so she made living, growing things that could protect themselves from harm. as opposed to the ents, by the way, which were made by Eru to protect all the other living, growing things. it was a nice gesture of Eru to make those, but not quite what Yavanna wanted or had in mind, i imagine.

as with the dwarves, Eru wasn’t all happy about the existence of another race he didn’t make but you know, whatever, ‘I’ll just let this married couple have their own kids aside from mine, it’s okay’.

so he hands both the dwarves and the hobbits independent thought and free will, but under the condition (and here is where the afterlife stuff comes into play) that Aule and Yavanna be responsible for their mortal creations after their death. meaning that both races have seperate afterlives from the halls of mandos, MEANING THAT ITS COMPLETELY FINE FOR AULE AND YAVANNA TO BE LIKE “oh look honey, these two are so very in love and remind me of us, shan’t we do something about that?”

so. they do something about that. more precisely, they rearrange their afterlife-realms so they’re next to each other and someone with enough willpower could cross through the barrier. because listen, they’re valar, they can do whatever they want just for kicks.

okay so after that tangent lets get back to the meat of the matter: gay dwarves. I know not everyone has read Sansukh, a 500k word mammoth of a fic, and I don’t really intend to copy any of det’s canon, but their version of The Halls of Mahal really inspired me. basically the dwarven afterlife is one big hunk of a mountain/underground city where they’re free to live their days until dagor dagorath doing what they do best in the company of their families and friends; like smithing, crafting, building and other JustDwarrowThings.

meanwhile the hobbit afterlife is Basically The Shire and instead of being given the materials to build things, all the hobbits who go there get to grow plants and do their gardening. they don’t have to- just like none of the dwarves have to craft stuff- since there’s always enough food for everyone, but they are just allowed to do what they do best if they so desire.

now when Bilbo arrived in the undying lands he was still Old As Hell and im sorry to put it this way, he definitely kicked the can after like, a week of living there. not really so undying, them lands, huh. anyway Bilbo bites the dust and LOOK AT THAT he’s suddenly young again, and another LOOK AT THAT he’s standing in a very comfy, but Not Quite Bag End hobbit hole that has a note hung up on the front door. you wouldn’t think gods could have handwriting but hey, again, they’re gods they can do whatever. the note just tells him that yavannah made this place special and just for Bilbo but that there’s another home waiting for him. very cryptic there, lady. he doesn’t leave at first because hey, his family is here. there’s a lot of reunions and celebrating and food because its the fucking hobbit afterlife, what else would you expect

it takes him a few days of Regular Hobbit Life in his new home to realise ‘holy shit, this is so boring’ so what does a Fool of a Took do when things get boring and there’s a note urging him to do something?

HE’S GOING ON AN ADVENTURE

so Bilbo runs through the whole not-shire, meeting all sorts of people he outlived on the way (looking at you, Lobelia), as well as some elves. because elves can definitely just waltz through all the afterlives. they can walk on top of snow, you think they wouldn’t walk around wherever they please in valinor? rip to mankind, but they’re different.

he gets to the furthest reaches of it eventually, and lo and behold, what awaits him but the view of a tall mountain, an invisible barrier and a very flustered Thorin who is at his wits end as to how Bilbo even got here.

now for thorin’s part of the story we’ll have to start after the botfa again. he basically woke up in the darkness like an episode of naked and afraid, and started talking to Aule. his maker, who loves him to bits by the way since he made thorin, just tells him he’s free to go wherever his heart takes him. again with the cryptic messages from the gods.

so thorin, still very self-loathing and bitter because of his actions right before his death, sees this as Mahal’s way of saying ‘please don’t step foot in my halls u disgusting litle creacher’, when really he just meant ‘please do some well deserved self reflecting and then come inside to be with your family, they all miss you terribly’.

after his chat with the maker thorin just spawns in right at the front gate of the mountain and he has a choice to make. go inside or stay outside. and we all know Thorin’s proclivity for drama so he basically spends LITERAL YEARS just living in self imposed solitary confinement.

oh also tiny hc here, thorin was said to have taken “any work offered to him in the towns of men”, and they showed him in a smithy, but personally I believe they meant it when they said “any kind of work”. so basically thorin is a jack of all trades, master of some. he definitely has master-level skills in certain areas though, enough to build a vaguely hobbit-hole shaped house. why is it hobbit hole shaped?

oh right, the part where Thorin is absolutely enamoured with Bilbo.

"Go back to your books and your armchair, plant your trees, watch them grow. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”- HELLO? GAY POLICE? I’D LIKE TO REPORT A CASE OF ‘DWARF KING REALISING THAT THE HOBBIT WAY OF LIVING IS A REALLY GREAT ONE IN CONCEPT / WISHING HE COULD HAVE HAD THAT KIND OF LIFE WITH BILBO’

anyway it’s a long 80 years until Thorin does get to meet Bilbo again, and in the meantime we have one of my favorite additions to any Hobbit fanfic ever: Frerin

For the uninitiated, Frerin is Thorin’s brother. They also have a sister, Dís, but Tolkien never specified when she died and she was a bit younger than Thorin and Frerin so I reckon she’d still be alive as an old dwarf lady somewhere?

Anyway, Frerin. Oh boy. Sansukh, again, does an excellent job at turning Frerin into a character with a level of authenticity that gets real fucking close to Genuine Tolkien™, so most of my own characterisation of Frerin is based on that in Sansukh. With the important omission of the dwarves not being able to see the present/their still alive loved ones in middle earth through a magic mirror pool.

so Frerin takes it upon himself to leave the mountain in search of his brother because he really does want him back. but also because Mahal has had it with Thorin’s antics and suggests Frerin fetch him so he can finally reunite with his family. Mahal doesn’t talk to the dwarves a lot because he’s like an awkward and distant dad, but he does actually speak to them.

so Thorin is supposed to go see his family, which he does, but not immediately. it takes like, a solid year of just brotherly (and sister-sonly) companionship for him to open up about all his anxieties and regrets and THEN he goes into the mountain to cry in his mother’s lap. as you do.

however Thorin still feels like he doesn’t 100% belong with the other dwarves in there, so he frequently spends long stretches of time outside, building away at his house, thinking about Bilbo. the company goes out to visit him sometimes.

more details on the house tho, cuz it’s Important; it’s built halfway into a hill near the mountain, like a proper hobbit hole would be, but the lower levels are built into stone. look, he’s had 80 years to work on constructing this. it’s near perfect in every way for both hobbit and dwarf standards and could definitely fit the entire company and more inside.

now about the barrier. elves can pass through without a second thought because they’re shiny little bastards who just get to do all the cool stuff, but the other races can’t just hop between realms like that; they really have to muster up the willpower. which usually means they can’t do it because a drawback for both dwarves and hobbits is that they favor isolation from other races even in death, and as such don’t want to mingle with each other.

unless you’re Bilbo Badass Baggins though, who simply runs through the barrier to yell at Thorin for leaving him sad and alone for 80 years. he is that bitch.

there’s gonna be some legolas and gimli shenanigans if i can fit them in (cuz i dont know when exactly they sailed west together), possibly a mention of tauriel because bruh peter jackson did us dirty by not giving her any closure besides ‘lol i guess she’s banished from mirkwood??’ and Mairon. because. I also have some thoughts about him.

also Fili and Kili as pseudo matchmakers because every fic needs that

and did I mention there’s gonna be hozier lyrics for chapter titles

i said this was the gist of it but i somehow ended up at ~1900 words. well, more power to me.

[a-kayy47]

Learning to Live

I never knew how to be on my own until it was the only option I had. My childrens father had pushed me past my limits. I had let a lot slide in our relationship of the last 7 years, the drugs, the cheating, the occasional beatings, but when I came home and find him in OUR bed with his little tart of a girlfriend and drugs in the house I was officially done! That was our one agreement nothing was to come into our home and be around the kids. I silently thanked God for never letting me marry that man. As soon as I walked in and saw that I calmly turned and walked out and into my daughter's room and started packing her stuff. "Anna she doesnt mean anything to me!" Johnny said as he entered Rayne's room. I scoffed "Isn't that what they all say, Johnny you know Im not even mad anymore. We haven't loved each other in a long time and the only reason I've stayed is because I never thought I could make it on my own. But being on my own would never be as bad as watching the father of your children and a man thats supposed to love you do this right in front of you're face." I said folding Rayne's clothes and putting them in her duffle bag. "Come on dont do this! The kids won't understand." Johnny said grabbing my arm and trying to pull me up. "Let go of me Johnny!" I seethed. "You're not taking my kids away from me!" He said tightening his grip on my arm. "Like you spend time with them anyway." I remarked which earned me a backhand to the face. "Go ahead Johnny slap me around some more it wouldnt be the first time, but it'll sure as fuck be the last!" I said through gritted teeth. That earned me a black eye and a bust lip along with a few cracked ribs I'm sure of. After he was done he gotdressed and left for his afternoon shift like nothing ever happened.

Setting against my daughters bed holding my newly brused ribs all I could do was laugh, how could I be so foolish to stay in a relationship with someone like this for so damn long! I had no more tears to cry. I pulled myself up off the floor and went back to packing my daughter's duffle bag, if I wanted to have our stuff packed by the time the kids got home from school I only had a couple hours. I finished packing Rayne's duffle bags and set them by the top of the steps and moved to Jameson's room to start packing his. After I got everything packed I carried the 6 bags down to the garage and packed them into my Tahoe. After putting the bags into the suv, I went and sat on the front steps waiting for the kids to get off the bus.

Three o'clock rolled around and the bus stopped in front of the house. I watched my two beautiful babies get off and run full force towards me. "Hey momma" Jameson my seven year old greeted me as he sat down beside me. "Hey babies how was your day?" I asked trying to be as normal as I could before I completely up rooted their lives. "Good. Momma whats wrong with your eye?" My 5 year old daughter Rayne asked. She's always been the one to notice the little things "Let's go inside babe and I'll explain everything." I told them getting myself up letting out a wince from my ribs being moved.

"What's going on momma?" Rayne asked. Jameson and her looking intensely at me. "I hate to do this to you babies but...we have have to leave. There is a lot about your dad that you don't know and momma feels that this isn't a safe place for you anymore. So we're going to go on a little roadtrip." I told them holding back tears and trying to make this 'little roadtrip' fun. "Where we going?" Jameson asked. "Where do you guys wanna go?" "Let's go see Aunt Brit!" Rayne said excitedly. "Yeah, I miss her and we havent seen her since she lived in Georgia and thats been like 2 years ago." Jameson replied giving me puppy dog eyes. "Well I guess I could give her a call and shee where she living now and if she'd be up for some company for a while." I told the kids. "Yayyy!" The kids high fived and celebrated with each other. "Okay, Now I already packed your clothes so go grab whatever else you want to bring and put it in the duffle bag that's laying on top of your beds. And remember we wont be coming back here for a very long time so get the stuff you absolutely cant live without. While you guys do that I'll call Aunt Brit." I told them and they scurried up the stairs.

Setting at the bottom of the stairs I dialed Britni's number. After three rings I get an answer. "Hello" Brit greets me. "Hey B how ya been?" I asked almost on the brink of tears. Britni and I haven't talk for a couple years ever since she found out about me knowing that Johnny was cheating on me and using drugs to her I was a fucking idiot and derserved better and she wasn't going to sit around and watch it happen. Good thing she didn't know about the occasional beatings. "Annie?! That you?" She asks halfing yelling. "Yeah it's me, this a bad time?" I ask. "Absolutely not! Let me step out of the garage so I can hear ya better. So what's up? How's the kids?" "They're good. But I do have a favor to ask." I tell her getting straight to the point. "Sure, anything for you and those babies!" She told me. "I'm leaving Johnny and I have no where to go." I muttered out feeling ashamed that it's took this long for me to leave. "Baby girl you know you and those kiddos always have a place with me. I'm just glad you finally left that basturd! I'm working at a garage out in Cali and got a two bedroom apartment just around the corner from the shop. You come on out babygirl I got you!" She told me which brought a smile to my face. Knowing that someone that isn't even related to me could be there for me at the drop of a hat. But then again she always has been since kindergarten. " Thank you so much. You don't even know how thankful I am!" I told her. "Shut your mouth bitch and get your ass out here I miss you and the squrits!" Britni said chuckling. "As soon as they come down from packing toys I'll be on the road! We miss you too something fierce." I told her hearing footsteps coming down the stairs. "Okay, I'll text you the address to the shop cause I'm here 75% of the time." She said inhaling sharply. I figured she was taking a smoke break while talking to me. "Awesome love you babe see you soon!" I told her standing up and turning around to see the kids standing there holding their backpacks ready to go. "Love you to babe. I gotta get back to work keep checking in through." She told me sternly. "Promise." I told her and we ended the call.



"Well babes it sounds like we're heading to California!" I told the kids laughing seeing their jaws drop. They've never been further than Georgia and that was the last trip we took. "That's clear across the country!" Jameson explained. "It sure is baby we have a very long trip ahead of us." I told them walking towards the garage. Coming from West Virginia to California was about a 40 hour drive with no stopping. "Alrighty do you have everything you need or want?" I asked one last time before we got settled in the car to start our journey. "Yepp we got everything momma." Rayne answered. "Let's get buckled in then and get going."

By now it was already 5 o'clock and we haven't even left the county. I figured we better stop and fill up with gas and get some snacks and about 10 ice coffees if I was going to drive through the night. By the time we got back on the road I received a text from Brit with the address of the auto shop she was working. Brit may be a bit ditzy but there was one thing that bitch was good at an that was fixing cars. She had the life that I had always wanted. Getting to travel all over, not being tied down, now don't get me wrong I love my kids to death and would go to war for them but it was never in my agenda to have two kids and an a steady boyfriend at 25 but there I was watching my best friend living the life I had always wanted.

After about the fifth hour of being on the road the kids was fast asleep and that gave me time to drown in my thought. Was I really doing this? Where the hell had I grew the balls to leave? I'm on my own rasing two kids. I'm going to be alone forever, no man in his right mind will ever want a plus size single mom with baggage. I mean I'm not huge at least I don't think so but after having two kids and a love for some good food I'm about a good 16,18 jeans of course my big ol' ass and hips takes up most of the room. And if I do say so myself I've got a pretty nice full rack, and have two full sleeves of tattoos which I've always got compliments on. That and my long black hair with my olive complexion is what first attracted Johnny to me. Wait fuck Johnny dont think about that prick. After that thought is when I turned on my favorite station and started to drown out my thoughts.

Stevie Nicks' voice filled the vehicle and pushed all the negitive thoughts out of my head making me focus on her voice and the road. After another 3 hours of driving I decided it was probably a good idea to stop and get a hotel room for the rest of the night.

Pulling into the rundown motel parking lot, I looked back at my two sleeping kids and thanked the lord of giving me such wonderful blessings even though their dad was a dick, they was perfect. Getting out of the car I opened Jameson's door first and gentley nudged him awake. "Wake up baby." I whispered. "Mommy where are we?" Rayne asked waking up rubbing her eyes along with Jameson. "We're at a motel somewhere in Missouri." I told them unbuckling Jameson then moving to Rayne. None of us slept well in that shitty motel but it was better than nothing. The next morning around 10 we got back on the road. I drove for about 12 hours straight that day and only pulling over at a truck stop to sleep. It wasn't that I was really watching my money since I had been saving all of my tips from the salon for the last 12 months for this trip and working at one of the best salons in three county I made bank. It was the fact that I couldn't sleep in hotels, everytime I would fall asleep I would wake back up thinking that Johnny had found us. Not that he would come for me but he'd come for the kids. This driving for 8 sleeping for 8 had become a routine for us for the last couple of days. And was working pretty well.

After four days of driving and sleeping at trucks stops we was finally in Navada. "Alright kids, you can get unbuckled let's go in and get some snacks!" I told them as I got out. Walking in the the gas station I noticed about four bikes on the opposite side of the gas pump's and smiled it had been so long since I'd been on the back of a bike.

"Okay, now you can get whatever you want but remember you have to eat good food before your candy." I told the kids. As they went picking out their snacks I grab a bottle of water and a blue powerade. When I gathered the kids up I noticed two of the bikers were standing in front of us in line. 'Sons of Anarchy' I thought to myself taking in the kutte. Hearing a Scottish accent they drew my interest more, making me think of Brit she was always a sucker for a man with an accent especially a Scottish one. I watched as the men payed for their gas and cigarettes and walked back out to their bike.

Putting our stuff on the counter for the cashier to ring up and prepaying for gas I handed her cash and picked up our bag.

I got the kids settled into their seat and the snacks passed out then I went to pumping gas still kind of being to nosy for my own good. I couldn't help it though there was something about those bikers that drew me in. As I was eavesdropping I heard the sexiest voice I have EVER heard. Peaking over the pump to see where that husky voice was coming from I looked into the darkest eyes I've ever seen and from that moment on I was hooked. All I got was a subtle wink and I was weak in the knees. I finished pumping and got back into the car and immediately called Brit to tell her about this dark eyed mystery man.

000000000000000

"Talk to me. " Brit answered after the third ring. "Holy Shit I think I'm in love!" I said with a smile on my face. "What the fuck are you talking about? You smoking again?" She asked full out laughing. "Bitch this ain't funny I'm dead serious! We locked eyes over the gas pump, his eyes were so dark it was like he was looking straight to my soul!" I told her with excitement. Good thing the kids had their headphones on so they couldn't hear me gushing about this mystery man. "Chick you really are sex deprived aren't you." She replied to the statement. "Yes but thats beside the point, Im fucking serious. Plus he was with a MC, had Sons of Anarchy on his kutte, along with the other three that was with him. And his friend had an Scottish accent so I can bang dark eyes you bang the scot!" I said acting like we was in highschool again making a plan on how to bang these random guys we didnt even know. All I heard on the other like was Holy Shit and Britni laughing hysterically. "Whats so funny bitch?" I asked "Was you in Navada when you seen these guys?" She asked me. "Yeah why?" I replied confused as to how she knew that. "You'll see when you get here horndog." She said laughing and then hung up. I looked at my phone disgusted. What the fuck was this bitch talking about? Now not only can I not get this mystery man out of my head but now Im thinking about what I'll have awaiting me when we get there.

- In Charming

Brit's POV

Hanging up with Annie all I could do was laugh, Bitch had no idea what she was walking into. As I was walking across the lot from the garage to the clubhouse the guys that we had just been talking about pulled in. "Hey baby how was the run?" I asked my ol' man leaning in for a kiss. " Good as can be expected lovey." He answered in that deep Scottish accent I love oh so much. "Whats goin' on here?" He asked wrapping his arm around my shoulders and leading me into the clubhouse. "Well...there is something I need to talk to you all about." I said sweetly. "What did ye do know lovey?" He asked taking the shot of whiskey the prospect gave him. "You remember me talking about my best friend Annie and her kids? And how her kids sperm donor is a piece of shit and beats on her and is a druggie piece of shit?" I asked getting angry and clenching my teeth just thinking about what all he's done to her. "Easy there darlin' might blow a fuse." Tig joked. "I just hate his fucking guts. She deserves so much better." I told them. "Okay well what about her?" Chibs asked trying to get me back on track. "Well she finally left him and she'll be here." I was telling him before my phone interrupted me. "Well actually she's here now." I said with a little chuckle. "Listen don't worry she knows how this life works, we grew up in my Uncle's clubhouse so she knows the part and let me tell ya she plays it way better than me." I said laughing. "Well fellas I guess lets go meet the lass." Chibs said as Happy and Tig followed us out to the lot curious to see whonthis Annie was.

ANNIE'S POV

I pulled into the lot and it was stepping back in time. It reminded me so much of Uncle Tommy's clubhouse. "Alright darlings we're here." I said letting out a breath I didnt realize I was holding. "Mommy why are we here?" Jameson asked. "This is where Aunt Brit works. We have to meet her here first then we'll follow her to her house." I explained to both of them. While the kids were getting unbuckled I quickly checked my hair and put on some mascara and chapstick. I took one more quick glance in the mirror and saw Britni followed by three guys making their way toward us. I decided it was time to get out, as I got out I pulled the distressed demin shorts down a little in the front so they wouldnt look so short and pulled my shirt up a little so I wasn't showing so much cleavage. "Bitch!!" I heard as I was opening the back door for the kids to get out. I automatically got a huge grin as soon as I heard her voice I had been to damn long since I had seen my best friend. I turned around and immediately stopped when I seen him. It was him dark eyes from the gas station! I was frozen. My heart was pounding out of my chest! As I stood standing there like an idiot the kids took off running to Britni.

"Hey kiddos! You've gotten so big look at you!" Britni said talking a good look at them.

"I'm seven now Aunt Brit!" Jameson told her a little cocky. "Well you're almost a man!" Brit said with a slight chuckle. When I heard her laugh I snapped out of my trance and started paying attention to the exchanges between my children and the Aunt they haven't seen in years. "And look at you babygirl I can't believe how beautiful you are! I'm so glad you took after your mother and not your ugly ass daddy." She said laughing and looked at me. I just rolled my eyes and laughed. Why don't you kids go play over on the swing set while me and your momma talk?" Britni said looking at them. "Can we momma?" Rayne asked. "Go on." I said smiling and kissing both of them on top of the head before they took off running for the pay ground.

"How was the trip?" She asked pulling out a cigarette and handing it to me with a look knowing that I needed one. "It was good the kids were great. They're actually excited about starting over." I remarked taking a hit of the Marlboro red. "So you gonna introduce us to this beautiful women or what?" Tig said looking me up and down. "Shut up Tig you pervet fuck!" She told him. I couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Annie this is my ol'man Filipe or Chibs as most people know him by." She said with a smile plastered to her face. "Nice to meet you!" I said as I studied him a little better, then my eyes went wide! He's P the guy with the accent I thought to myself. " Aye, nice to meet ya lass I've heard lots about ya and thee rugrats." He said with a smile shaking my hand. Yepp that's confirmed, I thought to myself. "That pervet there is Tig." "Nice to meet ya doll." Tig said as he grabbed my hand and kissed it. Dark eyes just rolled his eyes at Tigs gesture. "And that's Happy the grouchy fuck." She said and looked at me with a shit eatting grin on her face. My heart stopped. I could not believe that he was here she knew exactly who I was gushing about! That bitch. "Hi." I said shyly. All I got was a head nood but that was good enough for me.

[alitoowell]

One year—365 days—and still I cannot find the words to do justice to the magnitude of gratitude that I feel, and will forever feel, for the magic that was October 22, 2017.  It’s funny because meeting Taylor was always in my mind as a possibility.  In that people DO meet her, so it’s possible.  But I always viewed it as possible, yet unachievable.  People would meet her, but they wouldn’t be ME.  Simply because the odds were too great of being noticed or picked from a crowd.  So I never planned out how it would go, or where, or what I would say, which left me even more absolutely floored when it happened.  Even a year later my brain cannot quite wrap around the fact that the woman who I’ve looked up to since I was 15, who’s music has been the soundtrack to my life for an entire decade, had me over at her house?  I got to hug her?  Dance with her?  And listen to her entire unreleased album and the stories behind it?  That seems unbelievable.  And it will always seem unbelievable because people. don’t. do. that.  But Taylor does.  My friends have been encouraging me for a whole year straight to type everything out, and I never quite got there.  The task seemed too great, I didn’t know where to start, or what words to choose to capture those memories adequately.  In one of those moments of frustration I realized I actually already had written nearly everything—in the no less than 63 messages I sent to my best friend Shaina less than 24 hours later on October 23, 2017.  Though it’s jumbled and not perfect in any way and contains the misspellings and keyboard smashes and all, here’s my Taylor story, a year later, as told the day after it happened—in message form.

~

I MET TAYLOR SWIFT SHDJEKJDKROF

I CANNOT BELIEVE MY LIFE

I HAVEN’T CRIED YET BUT ITS 4 AM AND I THINK ITS FINALLY HITTINGME

photo of wristband

SHE FUCKING DANCED WITH ME DURING LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO LIKE GRABBED MY HAND AND JAMMED WITH ME AS I WAS SHOUTING THE LYRICS GOODBYEEEEEEE

photo of merch

GOODBYEEEEEEEEE

Shaina: You’re lying

IM NOY IM NOT OH MY FOD OH MY FREAKINF GOD

PARKER THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK OF SOMETHING CUZ I WAS SHOUTING VIA TEXT ASKING IF HE WAS UP HOLT SHIT

Shaina: Ok. Spill. I’m shook.

Okay okay so I’m literally about ready to pass out I haven’t slept well since finding out last week and legit got two hours of afterwards last night, well this morning ahhh

And about to board my flight but I’ll try to type quick

So basically her team DMed me last Tuesday saying they’ve noticed what an amazing fan I am and asked for my information

And people have been making fake TN accounts and sending fake messages to be awful, and I thought it was fake because I never expected to ever be contacted

So I’m like in the gym parking lot thank god I didn’t see it while I was still at work

And I realize it has a blue verified check and that it’s legitimate and the last questions was have you ever met Taylor and I LOSE MY SHIT IM IN HYSTERICS IN THE CAR AND CALL MY MOM AND SHE THINKS I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT

So basically I’m a freaking ass mess because I’m 99% it’s for a secret session since at that point one had happened and we all assumed that there would be more cities, and I was almost positive they would NOT send that message to someone and not follow through and call and tell them SOMETHING

So I can’t sleep I leave my phone on cuz I don’t want to miss a call

It of course doesn’t come til the next day while I’m AT WORK

And they freaking ass knew my twitter and tumblr and asked for all my socials and I now know the people I talked to weren’t asked that so that’s weirddddd

Anyway so sure as hell it’s a ‘very special event’ and it’s all too secret and I can’t tell anyone except a parent for safety

And once I confirm I can get myself to LA she gives some instructions and said final details will be emailed  

And so that was Wednesday and I’m crying at work and their dinner was late lol

And I called my mom and was like this weekend Sunday book flights nowwwww

And then the quick version is for the next two days I was practically puking every day so nervous and the email wasn’t coming and I was like shitttttt

So finally on Friday I straight up call Taylor Nation back and get straight through and say my name and she’s like what’s up?! And she says they’re coming out later that day

And so I flew down Saturday and I rented my very first car and took my first legit solo trip in the name of Taylor freaking swift honestly I’m not surprised

And bless Briana’s fam’s heart they were out of town but let me stay in their guest apartment while they were away with no explanation so that was very nice and less stress for me

And then I had to sit from 3:30 Saturday until 5:15 Sunday in LA by myself unable to tell anyone and it was wilddddddd

Like I was like sweeeeeet I can get caught up in my journal!!!  Noooo I deadass sat there and felt like I was dying and about threw up hourly like how the freaking hell do you just casually chill when you know your damn outlandish never thought it would occur dream is about to happen and not only that but like on a times 100 scale?!?!

So basically I went to her damn house and we hung out by the pool and ate food and the weirdest part is I’ve been unable to eat and have been panicking all week but the second I got to the first check point and to her house even more I was just like chillllll like ayeeeee this is gonna be fun omg I’m so hungry and let’s eat all this food

And so basically it’s a listening session for the new album and we obviously can’t say anything about it or what she said about it besides like probs that it’s AWESOME OUTSTANDING IS GONNA SLAY THE WORLD AND SHES SO LROUD OF IT AND MY BABY DID THAT AND IM REAL PROUD

Okay okay but she like explained each song in-depth and was the cutest cupcake singing along fully jamming to everything and like looking at everyone the entire time and locking eyes as she’s singing ya feel

My flight is about to leave but I will continue later!!!!!

Shaina: This is insane I can’t believe it I’m beyond stoked for you safe travels and talk soon

Okay we not leaving quite yet sooooo I’m missing parts. So we are told we’re gonna go inside and sit down and I book it fast to get a spot on the ground like only two people sitting in front of me and there’s a red plush chair not even 10 feet away that she’ll obviously be sitting in and we’re all like sjedjekkdir

And I was wondering who all I would know there right!?? And was bummed there’s one girl I talk to frequently who loves Shawn Mendes and we know each other cuz she saw my Shawn poster on twitter and she’s from LA but I hadn’t seen her

And then someone pokes me and is like ALIIIIIIII AND ITS HER AND WE FLIP AND SXREAM SO LOUD THE WHOLE ROOM THOUGHT IT WAS TAY AND WAS PISSSSSSED AND SHUSHING US AND SOMEONES LIKE THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!! HAHAHAHA

Shaina: This just keeps getting better and better. How did you keep this a secret?!?!?!?

Shaina: How many people were there

AND SO ANYWAY WE ALL THOUGHT TAYLOR WAS GONNA COME IN FROM THE FRONT AND SIT RIGHT DOWN??? AND ON THE BUS SOMEONE WAS LIKE YOOOOO WHAT IF SINCE TONIGHT IT’S IN LA SHE BRINGS FRIENDS????? AND SO SHE OF COURSE INSTEAD COMES FROM THE BACL AND THE DAMN ROOM EXPLODES AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A DAMN GODWESS AND SHE’S LIKE HIIIIIIIII AND GRINNING AND ALSO COMES IN JACK ANTANOF (SPELLING IDK IM CURRENTLY OFFLINE SO I CANT CHECK), TWO OF THE HAIM GIRLS, AND RUBY ROSE AND THE ROOM IS LIKE SHATTERING

AND SO SINCE SHE IN THE BACK SHE STARTS MAKING HER WAY THROUGHHHHHH US AND IS GRABBING PEOPLE AND PEOPLE ARE STANDING UP AND HUGGING HER AND HOLY CRAP

Okay lololol shoot I just woke up and didn’t realize the rest of this story was notttt in constant caps like I’ve been using all day my bad my bad

And so she’s playing the songs in order off the album and I think it’s okay to say that her and jack are losing their minds because they’ve never gotten to experience our reaction to new stuff they’ve worked on when they’re together, and definitely not together and in person, so she kept being like this is so cool for us you have no idea and he’s in the back confirming lololol

And so anyway she gets to Look What You Made me Do and she’s like soooo how do we want to do this??? Do we want to keep sitting do we want to dance…??? And we’re all like DANCEEEEEE SHDHIEOKRKR and shes like okayyyy we’re dancing and Shaina this is deadass like straight out of a dream.  Actually wait no I couldn’t have imagined this, but she starts and I was anticipating part of this but not the whole thing…

So she obviously doesn’t just have us bopping along and staying and dancing on her own up front… she starts making her way into our basically tiny crowd and we’re so packed together that she’s grabbing people’s hands so she doesn’t fall as she goes. And she’s stopping and dancing with people and stops and stays dancing like staring at one guy and he’s going for it and not afraid and singing the lyrics dramatically right back to her….

And then she makes her way towards and wait for it

GRABS MY DAMN HAND AS SHE’S TRYING TO GET FARTHER INTO THE MIDDLE AND I’M LIKE OKAY OKAY JUST CHILL SHE JUST GRABBED MY HAND NO BIGGIE AND IM LIKE SHES GONNA KEEP WALKING LIKE THAT WAS MY MOMENT RIGBT?!?!

NOOOOOOOOOOO SHE STOPS THERE ONCE SHES BY ME AND IS DANCING WITH THE PEOPLE THAT ARE AROUND HER BUT HER BACK IS TO ME AT THIS POINT BUT IM STILL LIKE HOLY SHIT WHAT IS LIFE AND THEN SHE FREAKING ASS TURNS THE HELL AROUND AND IS DANCING! WITH! ME! LIKE! SHES! LOOKING! AT! ME! AND IM LIKE JAMMING OF COURSE AND SCREAMING THE LYRICS AND I LITERALLT DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN

And then Vanessa (my Shawn buddy) at this point has scooted up to me cuz everyone’s shifted and the people around me are like dude holy shit SHE DANCED WITH YOUUUUU

BYEEEEEEEEEEEE

Okay okay so after the whole album was played she gave us like the lowdown on the meet and greet portion and she passed out the target exclusive magazines for us to see while we waited and talked a bit about the making of them and why and things and she’s really pumped about them and they worked really hard to have them be affordable as possible and cut down the pages and things

And meanwhile like the whole night she’s so close that people would make comments and she’d hear and respond and it was so cute and amazing

Also I don’t think I’ve mentioned her outfit yet???  She’s been looking bomb at all of the other sessions and holy helllll she looked bomb like damnnnnnnnn she had on a black crop top and these high waisted and slightly folded down camouflage pants and these black boots and her hairrrrrrr this era is like natural curls and soooo damn cute

Okay okay so anyway we thought it was a greattttt idea to wait towards the end so we could stay longer and not go first and be done and sent home… yeah well it ended up being a not great idea because we ended up waiting two hours but I’m obviously not complaining one freaking bit

And she’s doing pictures in the other room so we can’t really see much for most of it but every so often we can see people talking to her and taking photos and it’s so cute it’d melt your hearttttttt

And so those of us that have bonded together at this point are like um shoooooot what pose and what the hell do I say to her??????? Like all week to my parents I was like ummmmm soooooo I’ve imagined this happening but like never thought it’d actually happen so unlike some people I had nottttt planned like a monologue of what I’d want her to know if I ever met her???? Like with Vance I was lost too but with my posters it was easier and I’ve seen him recently and yada yada but this is TAYLOR FREAKING SWIFT WHO IVE LOVED WITH MY WHOLE DAMN HEART SINCE I WAS FIFTEEN AND SHIT IM TEARING UP ON THE PLANE WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY TO HER WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO KNOW YOU’VE GOT LIKE TWO MINUTES WITH HER GOOOOO

And so we were all really curious if she’d somehow recognize us because people have been saying that they walk in and she shouted their name! And I’m like idk if that’s gonna happen but might as well see if not just ask if she’s seen anything idk idk???

So okay buckle up for like the greatest time of my entire damn life

So I walk in and hug herrrrrrrrrrrrr

And I wish to god I can remember everything she said but I was focusing so hard on keeping it together and saying my bit that I know for sure what I said and can put together mostly something the general sentiment of what she said if not it exactly. So we’re huggingggg and I say I think hiiiii it’s so nice to finally meet you thank you for having me I’m so excited to be here or something and she’s like awww thank you for coming!! And I’m like I have to know how did we all get picked, was it by you or your team or how did it happen?? And I don’t know what the first part of her answer was but she says so the people from LA have been picked for about a year, and the people from elsewhere (I’m guessing with exceptions) have been picked more recently like within the past few months so like now I know it has nothingggg to do with whatever we’ve been doing online recently…. It’s from at least when she first came back if not before and they realized we were active while she was away….

And so I’m like okay ali say something else so I’m like so I really like making concert posters and the first ones I ever made were for you and shes like aw thank you!! And I’m like I realized other people were making posters and I’d been a RA and I was like hey I can make some really bomb posters tooooo. And so I’m like the fist ones said ‘Taylor someday we’ll meet you even if it’s just in our wildest dreams’ and she grabs me and is like AND NOW WE’RE MAKING IT HAPPEN!!! And so I say after I got the phone call I was in my car listening to Ready For It and started bawling when she sings ‘in my dreams, I know I’m gonna be with you’ cuz I knew it was actually happening and shes like awwwwwww or something you get the idea

And so then I straight up start talking about my dad???

I’m like so my dad loves you and she’s like omg and I’m like no he adoresss youuu and is so sad he couldn’t come and she’s like awww tell him hi!!! And I’m like he loves your Out of the Woods piano Grammy performance and I say how I’d found him listening to it repeatedly and he wanted it on his phone. And she’s like he sounds amazing! And I’m like he is he’s awesome lol and I’m like actually and so him and I went and saw you at F1 last year and of course I’m like and I made signs for there too and so I describe them IN DETAIL like what they said, I realized later I told her I was from Oregon, because I said they were the states and the dotted line and the paper airplane and I think she really liked that??? And as if that all isn’t already insane enough at some point in there I mentioned how this month has been insane and how I’d met Vance Joy and it was my birthday and now this and she said something excitedly about that like ahhh so much excitement or idk something about it. And so she’s like so what pose would you like to do? And I’m like I’ve really been going back and forth between just hugging or doing something sort of funny (low key said that hoping she’d be like girl let’s do both but lololol it’s okay) so she’s like it’s completely up to you!! And I’m like um um okay let’s just hug so she grabs me and we take the freaking photo and ahhhhhhhh

And so Vanessa and I had it planned out and she had me go first and at this point I was like would it be okay if my friend and I got a photo with you together and she’s like of course!! So V comes in and hugs her and we take one photo together and she squeezes us together tight and then I hug her one last time and thank her and say I love you so much (lol I had to throw it in other people forgot it and have been upset) and then I walk out and they hand me my merch bag and are directing me to the bus but I’m like can I wait for my friend and they’re like sure. So she comes out and she’s like SHE KNEW MY NAME SHSJEKOFN and she’s like yelling and I’m like shut up and I grab her and I’m like shhh shhhhh hahahaha and so we walk to the bus and it’s the funniest thing cuz they’re just waiting for it to be full so anytime someone new walks on everyone’s like SPILLLLLLLLL

And then once it was full we went back got our things, exchanged details with people on that bus and took photos and whatnot and turned our phones on to the madness anddddddd so well thats the story of the best damn day of my life

~

Taylor, thank you thank you thank for giving me such incredible memories that I’ve blown up the phones of every person I know, and have talked every person’s ears off that I’ve met during these past 365 days, about how special they are to me.  Thank you for making it happen, thank you for holding my gaze so intently and being so genuine every second I was talking to you, thank you for bringing me some of the best friends I’ve ever had, thank you for being so prominent in the highlights of not only this past year, but this past decade.  I love you forever, babe.  Long, long live October 22, 2017.

[tiniechankai]

my favourite sailor moon season 1 episodes

since i’m rewatching the sailor moon series (again...) i thought i would rank all my favourite episodes from each season then compile them all together and see which episode is my absolute favourite of the entire show. considering i have no idea what my favourite episode is... maybe i’ll know now, hah. 

Episode 8 - The Girl Genius Is a Monster: The Brainwashing Cram School of Horror

so uh... as a stressed student i can relate to this a lot. the kids going into the cram school is me going into school every morning. this is definitely not my favourite episode of the season but the introduction to ami is really sweet, especially when people whisper about ami behind her back but then when usagi actually meets her, ami ends up being the sweetest girl. 

i also just love the fact that ami freaking owned everyone in that arcade on the sailor v game?? like wow feminism right there

Episode 10 - The Cursed Bus: Enter Mars, the Guardian of Fire

mars is my favourite inner senshi and she’s honestly so cool in this episode. this is probably the only episode in the entire series where she’s quite akin to her manga self, and while i love her in the anime, i think her aloof manga self is great too. it’s interesting to me to get a look into japanese culture through shinto. watching this as a kid i had no idea what was really japanese religion and such so learning about this was cool (i had like 4 sailor moon episodes and they were all the introductory episodes to the senshi). also the bus was really freaky and scary and just what the heck. rei’s reaction to jadeite is also quite funny (she basically has heart palpitations of him, and not the good kind)

Episode 17 - Usagi's a Model: The Flash of the Monster Camera

one of the few episodes that aren’t the finale that i can tell you that usagi kicks some legitimate ass in here. like what a badass! i can’t say i know the last time usagi has done this, hah. this entire episode includes everyone telling usagi she can’t be a model because she’s not a good enough person or she’s not pretty enough. i mean even mamoru is back being the asshole he is in this first season, even though he goes on about how she won’t be picked because she’s not pretty on the inside and what not (like wth dude you don’t even know her) but usagi is picked anyways (like everyone who signed up but... whatever) and then she is left alone to fight the youma and then she is to fight the monster by herself. she does so by cleverly using the mirrors. one of the saddest bits in the show is when he family is watching the tv while usagi is asleep in her room they talk about how they wish usagi was as great as the girl who saved the photographer’s life (sailor moon) but ?? do they not care about the factt that usagi was AT THAT PHOTOSHOOT?? GETTING ATTCKED?? i know they don’t know she’s sailor moon but heck she was there she might’ve been attacked. the tsukino household can be so annoying sometimes hfksdh i digress

Episode 20 - The Summer, the Beach, Youth and Ghosts

this is a genuinely hilarious episode. poor mitsuishi kotono, she spent most of the episode screaming at the ghosts lmao. i like this episode because we see the girls get up to their usual loud shenanigans (and hell i love me a beach episode). this is also a episode about a heavy topic of a girls’ father forcing herself into a duty she is too young to deal with. it gets pretty dark too and i can see why they didn’t put this into the dic dub (she literally starts CRYING and i get these sort of like... really bad rape vibes. I KNOW HE’S HER FATHER BUT IT’S SO GROSS). anyways, it’s really dark but has it’s funny moments as we focus on some other characters, it’s a really good beach ova. 

Episode 21 - Protect the Children's Dreams: Friendship Through Anime

this episode is so great, i really do love it. it might might be my favourite in the season. i just love these two friends a lot, especially hiromi as a character (the shorthaired one). hiromi deals with being jealous over her friend’s sketches in animating and it gets so bad that nephrite has to come by with his stupid self and ruin everything. anyone with low self esteem such as hiromi can relate to constantly feeling like you’re in the shadow of your colleagues, your best friend. nephrite’s episodes tend to be my favourite because we see that our actions, when we are selfish and snobby that it affects others a lot. even though i despise nephrite his episodes have become a favourite of mine. 

Episode 28 - The Painting of Love: Usagi and Mamoru Get Closer

one of the few episodes where mamoru isn’t a complete ass to usagi (i think?) and he’s actually kinda ... civil with her. he still treats her like a child but i mean she acts like one so... i like this episode a lot because you can really see the difference in usagi and mamoru with the help of this really cute artist lady yumemi. i also think it’s really funny how usagi even meets yumemi is because she’s going to call out mamoru for cheating on rei lmao. this episode is really nice just because it starts more heavily foreshadowing about mamoru and usagi’s backseat relationship.

Episode 31 - Love and Chased: Luna's Worst Day Ever

if you don’t like this episode then there’s GOT to be something wrong with you. this episode is pure crackhead goodness while we get a spoof of sailor moon’s own show with loveable luna and righteous rhett butler, luna’s love interest before we even knew artemis’ name. this episode is just pure gold and this might be my second favourite episode of the season, not gonna lie. when i saw the cat bone instead of tuxedo mask’s rose, i remember laughing so hard i couldn’t breathe. i love this show.

Episode 37 - Let's Become a Princess: Usagi's Bizarre Training

being princess hard. not my favourite episode for any particular reason other than it’s REALLY enjoyable to watch. i also just love how usagi sucks at literally everything i suck at and she is just so relateable in this episode. i also love how she’s not the only one who sucks at ballroom dancing, minako can’t dance and rei is too much of a dom to let the other guy lead. feminism!

Episode 38 - The Snow, the Mountains, Friendship and Monsters

this episode marks one of my favourites because it begins rei’s total understanding of usagi’s relationship with mamoru and this continues from this episode until SAILOR STARS (yes i know she was kinda understanding of usagi in episode 35 but she also slapped usagi so...) but this episode is full of clumsy usagi goodness and the great friendship of usagi and rei. 

Episode 43 - Usagi Abandoned: The Falling-Out of the Sailor Guardians

i love these sorts of episodes, and just like the previous one, we get even MORE usarei friendship moments and i’m LIVING for it. even the senshi think mars actually hates usagi but noooppppe she’s actually her bestie. this is a great episode.

Episode 44 - Usagi's Awakening: A Message from the Distant Past

ok so i don’t really like mamoru and usagi BUT i like serenity and endymion. this backstory episode is GREAT and i wish i had a short show based around fun at the moon kingdom because that would be great? i love sailor moon don’t get me wrong but i don’t like mamoru and usagi. cough. this episode gives off a more ethereal quality and is sucha beautiful episode animation wise. 

Episode 46 - Usagi's Eternal Wish: A Brand New Life

while the last episode was HEARTWRENCHINGLY SAD i can’t get over how sad this episode is. not even mentioning how awesome it is when the beginning of moonlight densetsu comes on when usagi pull out her moon wand. this episode rips me apart because while i dislike usagi and mamoru this dialogue just makes me so sad “Live a normal life. Find a cool boyfriend.” “Nobody’s cooler than you.” AND I CRIED. nobody’s cooler than you, the asshole who called me fat, stupid, and ugly for 30 episodes. but whatever, i’m still sad. and then usagi’s monologue at the ending (i’m not a big fan of kae araki as usagi but i still... love the monologue so much) and just wow. what a great ending. 

this was more episodes then i expected

[ravennest1342-blog]

BTS Fanfic Recommendations

Ok, so I don’t know if it’s considered weird to hype up other people when you write fan fiction and basically turn the attention away from yourself but IDK because I’ve been dying to share all my favorite fanfics with you guys! I hope you enjoy this, most (if not all) of these will be on AO3! A few will be from here, here being Tumblr. I’m such a dork, omg don’t look at me! But read! Read these beauties and leave me be!!!!! 😂Also, I’ll be putting warnings beside the ones that have smut/BDSM/or anything else that’s weird. A lot of these will have smut because for a long time I was really insecure about writing smut so I tended to read books that advertised it in order to know what the hell I was actually writing.

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The Songbird and the Sea

Author — MissterMaia (follow her on Twitter she’s actually hilarious and I love her)

Pairing — Yoonmin, with side Namjin and Taekook.

Rating— Mature (there’s smut in this so tread carefully)

Description — In a world where dominance of the sea is an endless battle between pirates and mariners, Park Jimin is content living in his little village on a small, uninteresting island by the eastern mainland. He wants nothing to do with the bloodshed of good and evil, the heartless killing of both innocents and condemned, the constant establishment and disruption of order. What he wants is peace, to live his life in the same town he was born in, to spend his days in the beautiful forest, and to use the powers of his Blessed Rune to nurture the home he loves so dearly. But when his island is attacked by pirates, Jimin will have no other choice than to do as they command and leave all thoughts of peace behind in favor of boarding the Agust, a pirate ship captained by the infamous Min Yoongi, Black Fox of the East.

My thoughts — omg, where do I begin? God this book was so beautiful. The character development! The plot! The ROMANCE! AH! It was such a perfect work of art! I never felt bored like at all and normally I get bored pretty easy on long chaptered books like this! She’s also getting the book published! (With different character names obviously and it’s like super edited.) I don’t know what else to say other than GO READ THIS!!! SHE IS THE QUEEN OF YOONMIN!! YOU WONT BE DISAPPOINTED!!!

Hidden Omega

Author — LadyPrussia

Pairing — Namjoon Centric

Rating — Explicit (there’s smut in this so tread carefully)

Description — At 21 Namjoon still hasn't presented leaving him as a dud, with the BTS pack having their own issues and not treating him like a real member a tragic event forces Namjoon's body to present as an omega. Is it really too late for BTS to win Namjoon's heart? Or will one of the 4 other packs steal it instead? Or maybe a darkhorse will appear.

My Thoughts — this book is great! Not only is it super long (over eighty chapters) and still being updated, but the character development is super refreshing. Forewarning though, the author has said that there is a good chance Namjoon won’t end up in the Bangtan Pack but a different one, and originally that made me upset, but with the way she painted the story I actually don’t care what Pack he ends up with; their all beautiful and it’s an amazing book! Lots of drama and angst for you angst lovers out there!

No Spell can Cure Shyness

Author — MissterMaia (seriously — I love her)

Pairing — Yoonmin, mentioned Namjin, Side Taekook

Rating — teens and up

Description — Yoongi really doesn’t expect the witchboy who sent him an accidental text to be the prettiest boy he's ever seen in all his life. Or the nicest. Or the kindest. Or just the best in every possible way. Painfully shy and (un)smooth as he is, Yoongi decides the best way to approach this Jimin person is in the form of a cat. A cat who can't talk. Great plan, Yoongi.

My Thoughts — The FLUFF!!! I can’t even begin to describe how much I love this book! All of this woman’s works are masterpieces that need to be appreciated! Yoongi is so shy it’s hilarious and he has the most extra reactions to like everything — and and I LOVE!!! YOU need to read it! Stop whatever your doing and go read it!

Saltation

Author — momora

Pairing — Yoonmin, side Taekook, and Namjin

Rating — explicit (there’s smut in this so tread carefully)

Description — Jimin had grown up watching his mother sort the point-oh-one percent beta defaults into the alpha-omega communities, but that doesn't make being a part of the statistic much easier. He'd be doing okay at this new omega thing if that watchful alpha Min Yoongi could stay out of the situation. He just wants to settle into his new life and finish his useless degree already. Instead, all hell breaks loose.

My Thoughts — This book is the one of the best a/b/o fics I have ever read in my entire life! Alpha’s and Omega’s live separate from Beta’s due to different instincts and Jimin was born in the beta community but presented as an omega. And it’s really funny because He keeps slipping up and doing/saying things that leave everyone else kind of like (0.0) The writing is fantastic! The characters are absolutely riveting as is the plot and the AUTHOR KEEPS TEADING ME ON TWITTER ABOUT HER NEXT UPDATE AND HOLY HELL IM BREAKING DOWN OVER HERE!!!

Jammed

Author — minverse

Pairing — Vmin, side Yoonseok, maybe Namjin?

Rating — explicit (there’s smut in this so tread carefully)

Description —The rational part of Jimin's brain screams at him to remember what his mother said about strangers and vans. But the rational part of his brain is no match for really bad whiskey and Kim Taehyung. ((au where Jimin gets stuck on the interstate in the middle of a blizzard and Taehyung lives in a van))

My Thoughts — this book! *wheezes from laughter* is so funny! Jimin is trying to make it to Yoongi and Hoseok’s wedding (which he is kind of dreading because Hoseok is trying to set him up with his own best man) and he gets stuck in a blizzard and boom there’s Taehyung! A renowned author that decided to live in his van and travel the world while writing his new book. This book was so funny you guys! I was dying, there was a smut scene and it was pretty great. The whole book was phenomenal and I loved it so much. Because I have literally no self control I’m gonna add a sneak peak.

NU ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin

Author — decompositionbooks

Pairing — Jikook

Rating — explicit (there’s smut in this so tread carefully.)

Description — The world didn't think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin's handbook on dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.

My Thoughts — this book was so good! Omega’s are really rare and Jimin is so against the stereotypes put on omega’s and he is CONVINCED that Jungkook thinks of him as a tiny child that needs protection and he’s such a little ball of rage and god it’s so funny and he’s so sarcastic and furious that he’s being forced into this cutesy image (that he refuses to admit he likes) and it’s so cute and hilarious.

In Your Eyes

Author — TrappingLighteningBugs

Pairing — Jikook

Rating — Explicit (there’s smut and light dim/sub in this so tread carefully)

Description — On nights where everything seems against him, Jimin wishes he could take Jungkook down a few pegs.

My Thoughts — I originally read this because I was trying to expand my view on what a dom!Jimin would look like for my Bunny Breath book but I actually really liked this a lot. The characterization was good, it wasn’t like most smut oneshots where the characters go at with like literally no push and seems to be mildly dubious consent. This was well thought out and I enjoyed reading it.

A Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing

Author — blimpish

Pairing — Junghope

Rating — Explicit (there’s smut so tread carefully)

Description — When Jeongguk decides it's time to live out his fantasy of being knotted, he determines that Hoseok is the best (read: least awful) candidate for the job.

My Thoughts — I read this book because I’m a hoe for Junghope. But it’s really good! I remember feeling mildly dubious about it until I got to this really funny scene when Jungkook (a beta) asks Jimin (an omega)if he knows any alpha’s that wouldn’t be weirded out bu having sex with a beta and Jimin’s just like “I know three but your not gonna like it.” And after that it’s a hilarious conversation of them deciding which of their friends would be the least cringe worthy for Jungkook to sleep with. Jimin admits that Hoseok is great and it goes from there. BUT THERE IS A PLOT LINE!!! ITS NOT JUST SMUT!!

Unfamiliars

Author— themarmalade

Pairing — Yoonseok (my library is mostly Yoonseok.)

Rating — Mature (I can’t remember if there’s smut and it’s a long book so I don’t want to go read through all of it. Fuck I totally will but that’s beside the point. Read the tags when you click on the link.)

Description — Hoseok rescues a kitty in a summer storm. Thanks to some weird magic, Yoongi is that kitty. In a tiny apartment full of plants and moonlight, a simple, aching happiness blooms. But with what Jungkook knows, how long can the happiness last?

My Thoughts — this is so cute! Yoongi is just minding his own business when he accidentally steps into a warlocks spell pentagram and gets turned into a cat by Jin, he positively freaks the fuck out runs away, gets picked up by Hobi and things go from there. It’s so cute and soft and ima go read it BYE!!!!

Bad at Love

Author — shooky__bear

Pairing — Yoonseok with side Namjin.

Rating — Explicit (there is smut and definite don/sub so tread carefully.)

Description —Yoongi was pretty sure he was straight. Pretty sure (And not remotely interested in love or Jung Hoseok.) Alternatively ; that fic where yoon thinks he's straight and he's a bit of a slut and keeps fucking girls tho he likes hoseok and seoks a Patient Loving Gay who waits and Supports yoon through his Gay Crisis.

My Thoughts — this book is full of so much emotion and general truth. I love it so much, I cried several times when reading and admittedly geared up at the end. Hoseok was so sweet and patient and he had to literally teach Yoongi that it was ok to trust him and crap now I’m crying.

Take Me to the Edge

Author — Nasobem

Pairing — Yoonseok

Rating — Explicit (there is smut and Don/sub undertones so tread carefully)

Description —Yoongi takes a pointed step backwards and glares at "Hobi". "What the fuck kind of name is that," he says, "and don't touch me." Namjoon makes a funny noise. Yoongi ignores it for the sake of eviscerating "Hobi" with his stare. It seems to be weirdly ineffective. Or Yoongi is hired to work Tech Support and Security for Jung Corp and it'd honestly be pretty chill if it wasn't for this one obnoxiously handsome dude whose life mission it seems to be to bother Yoongi until he breaks.

My Thoughts— I love this book. Yoongi is such an angry little bean and Hoseok literally just wants to make him happy — the Maknae Line are little shits but what’s new there? This whole book is amazing. I wish I could find a good Vmin/Vhope/Minjoon/Sugakookie book like this. *cries*

Our Burned Bridges

Author — tendershipping (nothing about her ships are tender! *sobs*)

Pairing — Vminkook (she’s the Vmin queen)

Rating — Mature (no smut but brutal themes so tread carefully)

Description —Agent Jeon Jeongguk is given a cover story and assigned to guard amnesiac Kim Taehyung. (Taehyung has nightmares most nights after he wakes, at first. He screams and cries names Jeongguk doesn’t recognize, always one in particular—Jimin.)

My Thoughts— I’m, I’m so EMOTIONAL!!! I read it and was a literal mess halfway through and IT JUST GOT MORE DARK and *chokes* Vmin we’re MARRIED and enter Jimin who seems so bitter and mean and sarcastic but he’s really just broken and angry about things and — go read this. It has a happy ending to so win win.

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I have been so active tonight shit. Idk why. You know what. I’ma wait till tomorrow to upload this.

Is it tomorrow? It’s tomorrow. Have fun with this wonderful list of my FAVORITE FANFICS (only the Songbird and The Sea is my favorite lol)

[michael-hearteyes-wheeler]

Bad Brains

[1] [2] [3] [4]

Chapter 5: Authority-Shmority

(AO3) (FF.net)

November 30th, 1987

If there was one thing that El learned while growing up in the city, it was always question authority.

Back in the group home, El had befriended a wild child named Kali. They became bunk mates,  partners in crime, and sisters. Kali was a bit older, and she took El under her wing. She was assertive, and demanded attention simply by entering a room. El would never forget the way she walked straight up to her on her first day while she cried alone on her bunk.

‘Don't waste your time crying over people who don’t deserve it. You are better than them, and that's why you’re here.’

From that moment on they were inseparable. Kali gave her the nickname El, but they soon called each other by their first names (and were the only foster kids to do so) because they knew that they would be in each others lives forever. She showed all of the best places in the city, she taught her how to steal candy without getting caught, all about the patriarchy, and the punk rock gospel.

When Kali got a bit older, she found a group of like minded people living on the streets and she convinced El to to run away and join them. For awhile it seemed like a good decision. They drove around in a cozy van, they slept in an abandoned warehouse, and protected each other. In a lot of ways, it was the most exciting time in Els life. They would vandalise buildings and train cars, they stole from war criminal oil tycoons to give back to the poor, they went to shows and spread their message everywhere they could. There was a political revolution happening on the streets, and El had a front row seat.

That was until her new found gang decided to take it too far.

Kali wanted revenge on the people responsible for the abuse she had been through, the abuse that they had all been through. While her anger was fully justified, it just felt wrong. It started with robbery, then moved to forgery, then arson, and before long even that wasn't enough to satisfy Kali’s rage. She wanted them dead.

It was when they broke into one man's home, that El finally decided enough was enough. She watched the way he struggled and begged for his life while he stared down the barrel of Kali’s gun. She saw the terror in the eyes of his daughters in the next room, and she saw the lust for blood in Kali’s. So she bailed. She caught a late night bus back to the warehouse they hid out in, and waited for them to come home. She knew they would be pissed, but at least her conscious would be clear knowing she wasn't around to watch Kali pull the trigger.

But they never came back.

She spent the night alone. Then another, and another, until the days turned into weeks. She was out of food and nearly frozen to death by the time the cops raided the building. That's when Hopper found her, and that's when her new life started.

After that, is was a blur of hospital stays, legal documents, court rooms, and then packing up what little things she had and moving in with Hopper. He let her buy new clothes, and bought her her very own walkman, and when they moved to Hawkins she got to have her own room for the first time in her entire life. Her counselor had said it was a miracle that she was adjusting so well, and that most kids in her situation would be either junkies, psychopaths, or both.

But El was a fighter. She was strong, and she refused to let her past dictate her future. She resented Kali for leaving her, but she understood why. She was a traitor, and hardly any better than the criminals that Kali fought. But she would never forget the lessons Kali taught her, about sticking up for the little guy, fighting injustice, and defending your beliefs at all times. For El it wasn't just about being angry, or loud music, or ripped clothes, it was a mindset based on making change for the better no matter what the cost.

Even now in Hawkins, El’s aggressive political attitude didn't change. Hawkins was painfully behind the times socially, and she wasn't about to let it slide. She rarely spoke up in class unless it was to tell off some sexist asshole in English, or argue the merits of women in history, or join in a heated political debate in social studies.

Or, as was the case today, telling her Gym teacher that is was, in fact, ‘total bullshit’ to make the girls scrub down the gym equipment in the musty old storage closet, while the boys got to run the track outside on one of the few nice days they had had in weeks.

“You should be grateful, girly.” Sneered a very smug Mr. Meloney, a heavy set man with beady little eyes and permanent bad breath. “You get the easy end of the deal. Someone's gotta clean the equipment, and don't curse at me.”

“But that is bullshit! I don't care about getting the ‘easy’ way out! It’s not fair, or right! Why don't we all clean, and then we can all go outside after?” She hissed, raising her voice. Most of the boys in class groaned, it was just another one of the freak girls stupid rants, but several of the girls hollered their approval.

“I said not to curse at me! If I hear one more thing out of you it's going to be detention. Now why don't you go sit on the bleachers and fix your makeup, looks like you have a god damn black eye.” He pointed a finger at her and several of the boys laughed.

She felt her blood start to boil, he had gone to far. She took a tentative step towards him and balled her fists. “I should give you a black eye.” She hissed through her teeth, her rage welling up into her throat. She reeled back and spit at him. “Fucking pig.”

Several of the girls behind her cheered. Mr. Maloney was a known creep. He made all of the girls feel uncomfortable and often treated them like garbage, clearly just because of their gender and his own sick issues. It was honestly a relief that someone like El started standing up to him.

“That is it Hopper!” He grabbed Els wrist and drug her out into the hallway, she squirmed but his grip was tight and it felt like it was going to leave a gnarly bruise. “Get your ass to the principal's office before I kick it there.”

She finally managed to jerk herself free and stomped to the front office of the school. She was going to be in deep shit when she got home but she couldn't help it. It was the right thing to do, and she wasn't about to let that perv slide.

She spent the rest of the period in the principal's office silently fuming as she was written up for detention, and Hopper was called.

At least her friends were supportive.

“You should have kicked him in the crotch.” Dustin said with his mouth full of sandwich.

“Yeah! Or actually punched him that would have been great!” Lucas agreed laughing.

“He's lucky I didn't. I wanted to, but that probably would have gotten me expelled.” El sighed.

“God he is such a creep.” Max shuddered. “He totally checks out all of the girls when they jog. It's disgusting.”

“He does!?” Mike and Will gasped in unison. El and Max both nodded with a grimace.

“That's what happens when you have a position of authority.” El shrugged. “Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Even stupid gym teachers.” She stabbed at her poor excuse for a salad, not really feeling hungry.

“What does that mean?” Dustin asked dumbfoundedly.

“It's a famous quote from British politician, Lord Acton.” Max answered nonchalantly. The boys turned to her sharply as if she had just spoken another language. “What? El talks about this stuff a lot. I thought you guys were supposed to be the smart ones.”

“It means that when you have authority you are likely to abuse it because no one can stop you. It's why most politicians are liars, and most teachers are assholes.” El added.

They all nodded and mumbled in agreement. It was kind of funny, watching El slowly open their eyes to the underground political agenda.

But her cop father was another story.

She knew the entire walk home that she was going to get an earful when Jim got off work. Until then, she was going to listen to music as loud as her speakers would allow and let off some steam from her shitty day.

She was sitting on the couch reading a magazine when he got home. Her stereo was blasting The Runaways, so she didn't hear him pull up, or walk inside, or stomp into the living room until he was looming above her. She jolted upright when he stomped to her stereo and shut it off without a word.

“Hey!” She yelled.

“Don't hey me! I have told you a thousand times not to listen to that crap that loud.” He was furious.

“God chill! I'm sorry, okay?” His tone, and her bad day put her in an argumentative mood.

“Chill? I get a call at work that you get detention and you want me to chill?”

“It wasn't my fault!”

“Oh it wasn't your fault huh? You call your teacher a ‘fucking pig’ and it wasn't your fault?” He was still towering above her.

“No! Because he was being a pig! He is a total perv and a dirtbag and I wasn't going to take any of his crap anymore!” She stood up, still much to short to be at his eye level, but staring daggers at him.

“Look, kid, you are in the real world now. And in the real world you can't just go around cursing and spitting at people like some kind of little street brat!”

“The real world!? As if I have been living some charmed fantasy life up until this point!? Give me a break!” She felt angry tears brimming in her eyes.

“That girl you used to pal around with filled your head with a lot of garbage ideas! You need to grow up!” He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. “Grow the hell up!”

“Get the fuck off of me!” She ripped out of his grasp and stomped up to her room, but he was close on her heels. She turned to slam her door but he stuck his arm in just in time to catch it.

“Don't walk away from me when I am talking to you! This is exactly what im talking about. You like to play pretend that you are this angry punk but you just run away from your problems! You are never going to get anywhere in this world if you dont drop the act and own up to your mistakes.” His words cut deep into her like a knife. He was right, all she ever did was run away.

Run away from her abusive father, run away from the foster home, run away from Kali, and run away to Hawkins. She wasn't tough at all, no matter how much makeup she hid under, no matter how thick her leather jacket was, or how strong her ideals were. Inside she was still just a scared little girl. So while he yelled at her, for the first time, she just stayed quiet and listened. Hot tears streamed down her face as she took his beratement.

“You are grounded for two weeks. That means no TV, no stereo-” He turned and ripped her boombox from the wall. “And no going out with your friends. You are going to go to school, and come home and study and get over this bullshit. Do I make myself clear?” He got in her face again and she turned to avoid his glare.

“I said, do I make myself clear!?” He yelled. She turned to face him, long streaks of black mascara running down her face.

“Yes.” Her voice was like ice.

He said nothing as he turned around and slammed her door closed behind him, her stereo in hand. She flopped back on her bed and pulled a pillow over her face so she could scream into it. She wanted to badly to go downstairs and yell at him some more, she had so much more to say, but she knew none of it would change anything.

So instead she just stared up at the ceiling for hours. Thinking over all of the things she hasn't let herself think about in a long time.

‘Where is Kali? I hope she is okay. Im sure she must hate me, but I would give anything to see her right now. No one understood me the way she did.

All I ever do is run away. Run away so no one can leave me first. So no one realizes that I am worthless. Worthless and unlovable.’

It started getting dark, and as the sun set it became clear that Hopper wasn't going to be making dinner. She didn't want to see him anyway. She felt like she was going crazy. She jumped off her bed and stormed back and forth, the anxiety in her gut rising and pulsing, not letting her sit down. Usually she could just tune her feelings out with music, or a movie, or a long walk through town.

‘That's it!’

She threw on a warm grey sweater and strapped on her favorite boots. She flipped the light in her room off so that he would think she was sleeping and she locked the door on her way out. She silently opened her window and perched herself on its edge, feeling the cool air wrap around her. Lucky for her there was a small potting shed just under window that she could use to jump onto, and from there it was only a slight drop to the ground. She set of in the direction of Max’s house, wishing more than anything she had taken up her offer to learn how to skate. It wasn't too bad of a walk, but it was cold and dark.

‘At least I don't have to worry about getting stabbed out here in the sticks.’ She chuckled to herself, wrapping her arms tightly around herself and pressing forward.

It was a little after 10:00pm when she arrived at the Mayfield house. She could hear the usual sounds of Billy, Max's brother, and her step dad arguing inside, but luck for her, Max’s bedroom light was on. She grabbed a handful of pebbles and tossed them up at the girls window.

A few second later Max was sticking her head out into the night air and looked around he darkness.

“Lucas?” Max asked in a harsh whisper. El burst out laughing and stepped into the light.

“Sorry to disappoint you.” El chortled. “Does he come throw rocks at your window often?”

“Ugh, no shut up!” Max rolled her eyes, blushing furiously. “Why are you here?”

“Hopper grounded me, so naturally I snuck out. Lets go to the park or something.” El kicked the grass and smirked.

“Oh shit dude that sucks.” Max shook her head. “Okay yeah let me get my jacket.” her head disappeared from the window, and a few moments later she was back, tossing her skateboard out and jumping down from her window.

They walked to the nearby park, well, if you could call it a park. It was really just a few swings, a small set of rusty monkey bars, and a big dusty baseball diamond, but it was all they had available. Max and El jumped up on the swings, Max kicked off with great force, sending her soaring through the cool air. El just sat, kicking at the dirt and lighting up a cigarette.

“Max, why does everything suck so much?” El griped, exhaling softly into the air.

“No clue. It’s like a global conspiracy.” Max chuckled, her voice raising and lowering in volume as she zoomed back and forth.

“If by global conspiracy you mean thousands of years of patriarchy then yeah, pretty much.” El leaned against the cold metal chain of her swing and took another long drag.

“Hey, I think I have an idea.” Max said digging her feet into the dirt bellow and kicking up bark chips and dust, skidding to a stop.

“What's that?” El said exhaling another long breath of smoke.

“I'll bet the boys have never snuck out before.” Her face was turned up in the signature ‘Madmax’ devilish grin.

“So?”

“So let's get them to sneak out with us!”

“I doubt they will be down for that.” El sighed, stifling the end of her cigarette against the chain.

“Please. Lucas and Dustin will do anything to prove they aren't dorks. Plus Will is kind of always up for anything, and I know seeing Mike would make you feel better!” Max swung sideways bumping into El. A faint smile flashed across Els face, and before she had time to think of a rebuttal Max was pulling her by the hand in the direction of the Sinclair house.

All it took was one well thrown pebble, and Max waving to get Lucas to climb down off of his roof and join the girls. He seemed practically giddy (and like this wasn't his first time scaling his roof to get down). He had his Supercom and he used it to call Mike and Dustin. Dustin called Will and within the span of less than half an hour, all six teenagers were congregated back at the park.

Max and Lucas decided to race each other to the top of the monkey bars. A challenge that Max quickly won with little effort. Her and Lucas got lost in conversation from their perch, giggling and whispers about who knows what as the rest of the party milled around the field.

Will and Dustin were deep in a debate about some X-men character, and running around the field reenacting scenes like proper geeks.

Mike and El made their way to the swings and seeing him really did make her feel better. Being around her friends always made her feel better because they were the first friends she had that didn't make her feel like she had to prove something just to be close with them. If anything it seemed the opposite. It was always the boys trying to show off and prove they weren't just small town nerds, and it was kind of endearing.

“Hey El?” Will asked from across the dirt playground. “Who do you think is more likely to be a secret superhero? Henry Rollins or Glen Danzig?”

El snorted, surprised by the question. She admittedly didn't know a lot about superheros, but she did know that the lead singers of Black Flag and The Misfits respectively were some of the toughest guys in the music scene.

“Definitely Danzig. He probably has like demon superpowers. Did you know he is only 5’ 3”?”

“Holy crap really? That shorter than I am!” Will belly laughed.

“And just like you he is tiny but powerful.” El giggled

Dustin and Mike watched them like they were speaking in tongues, but it was nice having someone to talk to about stuff like this. She never would have guessed she would find someone with decent music taste in farm country. Thank god for Will Byers.

After the riveting talk wore down, it became apparent that Will really was out of his comfort zone. So much for being ‘up for anything’. As it got later, despite his clear discomfort, Will was pretending not to be freaked out by every noise, and car that drove past. And why he was asking for the hundredth time if they were ‘ sure everything was going to be fine’.

“God yes Will! We aren't going to get in trouble!” Dustin sighed rubbing his brow. While everyone else seemed to be enjoying the thrill of being out after dark, the Byers boy was a nervous wreck.

“You can't know that! I'm just going to bike home before my mom or Jonathan knows i'm gone.” Will zipped up his coat and hoisted his backpack over his shoulder.

“You shouldn't go home by yourself this time of night.” Max hollered from her place on top of the monkey bars. “There are weirdos out this late.” She snickered, throwing Will an unnerving expression.

“Really?” Will asked, gripping his bike handles and looking terrified.

“No not really, Max is just trying to scare you.” Mike rolled his eyes, throwing the giggling girl an accusing glare. “But it's probably more safe if I go with you.” He reluctantly moved to stand up, but before he could, Dustin beat him to it.

“I'll go home with you. I live closer.” He sighed, mounting his own Bike. He and Will clicked the small duct taped head lanterns on. “And besides, I don't want to be the fifth wheel.”

“Um well, bye guys!” Will smiled, clearly relieved to be getting home.

“See you later, little Danzig.” El chuckled.

Everyone watched in silence was the two boys peddled off, trying not to think about the implications of Dustin's ‘fifth wheel’ comment.

“Well alright!” Max hollered, jumping off of the monkey bars in a swift leap. “I want to walk around the track.”

“I'll come with you!” Lucas said, a huge grin spreading across his face as he climbed down. His descent was just as graceful as hers, and in seconds he was jogging to keep up with Max as she sauntered towards the distant baseball diamond.

El and Mike watched them leave, and became aware of the silence hanging in the air.

“I guess they are probably going to like... Makeout or whatever.” Mike chuckled nervously.

El giggled and nodded. “Yeah probably. You know earlier, when I knocked on her window, she thought I was Lucas. I think they do this a lot.”

“Jeez.” Mike rubbed his neck. “I guess that makes sense, I always thought Lucas would be the first one of us to...” He cut his sentence short, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with embarrassment.

“To what?” El asked curiously.

“To... you know...” He kicked at the dirt. “Like kiss a girl.”

El turned to him sharply, eyes wide with surprise. “Wait... none of you have ever kissed anyone?” She gaped.

Mikes face turned a deep scarlet and he cleared his throat nervously. “No not really. Dustin said that he kissed some girl at summer camp last year but I think he is full of shit. It's not like girls are really into the whole dork thing.” He gestured to himself, forcing an awkward smile.

El was genuinely shocked. Granted, she had never kissed anyone either, but that was mostly by choice. She looked at him and searched for the right thing to say, but she just found it so inconceivable.

‘How could anyone not want to kiss Mike? Dork or not.’

“Well it's not like a big deal or anything, to not be kissed.” She cringed at her own words. “It's probably not even that great.”

“Yeah. Probably not.” They both chuckled dryly in the tension of the situation. Then what she said dawned on him. “Wait, you have never kissed anyone either?”

“Nope. No one has ever been cool enough to deserve it.” El giggled. It wasn't the entire truth, a big part of her never having dated anyone lay in the fact that she was terrified of opening up to someone else, but everyone being lame was a large factor as well.

Mike chuckled with her, and looked up to catch Els glaze, she was wearing a similar blush to his own and he felt the sudden urge to move closer to her.

El shifted on the swing seat, feeling compelled to move in closer as well. The pale moonlight beamed across Mikes dark eyes and freckles, making him look incredibly beautiful. She felt her heart catch in her throat as they moved even closer.

They were close enough now that Mike could feel the heat coming off of her body. Her hair was firmly slicked back to way it usually was, but her walk had shaken several of her curls loose and they twisted around her cheeks and ears. That, combined with the oversized grey sweater she was wearing made her look so soft and warm.

They were only inches apart now. They both hitched their breath, suddenly hyper aware of everything that was happening. Every sound, every breath, the whistle of the wind, the blue moon light, every slight movement towards the other. El’s eyes fluttered closed, as Mike tilted his head in towards her. She could feel his shaky breathe on her lips, and she realized he was just as nervous as her.

‘I can't believe it! I'm about to have my first Kiss! And with Mike Wheeler!’

But then something ripped through the silence.

Just as they were about to close the small space between them, Max and Lucas’s laughter filled the night, and they both jumped apart. The chains on their swings groaning from the movement. Lucas and Max came running from the far side of the field, Lucas trailing behind and both teens squealing. It didn't seem like they had seen anything, they were far too preoccupied in whatever nauseating form of couples tag they were playing.

Mike jumped up from the swing and smoothed out his shirt nervously. He was still sporting a deep red blush and a slightly goofy smile. El was sure she didn't look any better. Her stomach felt warm and like it was twisting itself into knots, she couldn't look him in the eyes.

“Lucas Im going to kick your ass!” Max laughed as Lucas, finally catching up to her, picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. Max slapped at his back but she was laughing too hard to actually be much of a fight.

He set her down once they reached the park again and she punched him hard in the arm. The couple walked over the the swings, both of their faces plastered with huge grins.

“Okay kids, I think it's time to go home.” Max said, slapping an arm down on Els shoulder. El sighed, her nerves still racing from her almost-kiss. Max was probably right, it was getting late and they did have school tomorrow morning.

The boys grabbed their bikes and everyone walked out to the road. While they did not live anywhere near each other, Max and Lucas both started walking off in the direction of Max's house.

“Um Lucas? Aren't you going home?” Mike scoffed at his friend.

“Uh... yeah I am I just want to make sure Max gets home safe.” Lucas and Max ginned bashfully at each other. “Because of the weirdos and stuff.”

The couple turned around and walked off again, trailing down Old Cherry Road and into the darkness of the night. Even when El couldn't see them, she could hear Max’s boisterous laugh.

“They are such dweebs.” El chuckled.

“Yeah totally.” Mike sneered. They stood in silence for a moment, not wanting to part just yet. “I could... walk you home if you want.”

El beamed up at the shaggy dark haired boy and nodded. “That would be cool.” She tucked a curl behind her ear, quickly adding with sarcasm; “So that the weirdos don't get me.”

They walked slowly down the hill towards the quiet side of town that El lived on. Mike pushed his bike next to him, hands gripped the handle bars. They both stole glances at each other, each time making them quickly look down at their feet. They walked almost the entire way in silence, both too completely lost in thought. El was still dazed that she had been so close to kissing someone, and she hoped he was thinking the same things. Every time she looked over at him her heart thumped loudly in her chest. She wanted to kick herself for being so gushy over him but she just couldn't help it, he was the sweet nerdy boy of her dreams.

In only 20 minutes, an unfortunately short walk, they reached Els home.  The lights were off inside, meaning Hopper had gone to bed. Mike didn't know what he had been expecting, but this cozy little farmhouse on the end of the quaint road wasn't it. El was just too surreal to live somewhere so... normal. They stood under the streetlamp for a moment, Mike marveling at the way she looked while bathed in yellow light, and El not wanting to walk away from him just yet. It was a strange feeling, like some kind of gravitational pull keeping her glued to her spot whenever he was near.

Eventually she figured she should say something. “Well this is me.”

‘I am such an idiot! He knows this is my house he just walked me here!’

“It's nice.” Mike said, hoping to drag the conversation out as long as possible.

“I guess i'll see you at school tomorrow?” She asked, looking at the ground.

“Yeah!” He said a little to enthusiastically. “Um... thanks for asking us to sneak out. I had a lot of fun.”

“I had fun too. Maybe you should start sneaking out more often, live on the wild side a little bit.” She said sarcastically. “Maybe you could even come throw pebbles at my window.”

Mikes eyes went wide and he suppressed the urge to smile like a dope. “Uh yeah! And maybe we can run around acting like dweebs like Max and Lucas.”

El giggled, trying to act apathetic, but desperately wishing he was serious. “Totally! And maybe next time i'll get to walk you home.”

“I would like that.” Mike smiled.

Suddenly it became apparent that they were standing just inches apart again. El felt her heart beating in her chest, and in an impulse she took another step forward, so close that they were practically embracing.

Mike looked down at her, and his voice caught in his throat. He wanted to tell her how much he liked her. How much fun she was to spend time with, how happy she made him, how he felt like he was alive whenever they hung out. But he just stared at her. Her beauty, her warm hazel eyes, her loose caramel curls, her soft rosy skin. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Even more than that, she was the most amazing girl he had ever met.

On impulse, acting against every instinct he normally would have had, he reached out and put a gentle hand on her cheek, cupping her face. Their sudden proximity made him feel almost dizzy, but everything about her made him feel dizzy. He let his bike drop to the road, and he placed his other palm lightly on her side.

El was stunned. She wanted him so badly to kiss her, but he didnt move. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder and inched even closer. It felt like an eternity as they held each other, and she realized that if anyone was going to make the move it was going to be her.

So she moved ever closer, and just as she was about to go in for the kill, he spoke.

“El?” His voice was a whisper, his breathe warm on her skin.

“Yes?” She leaned in closer.

“I... never gave you back your mixed tape.” He said it like some kind of admission of guilt.

El let out a sudden, short laugh in surprise and stepped back a bit. Her face quirked up in a half grimace, half astonished glower. “Oh... Um, It's fine. Thank you for remembering... I guess.”

“Uh yeah... sorry I kept it so long.” He fished it out of his pocket. “It was pretty good by the way. I mean I only got to listen to it once before my little sister stole my tape player.” He rubbed the back of his neck and cough awkwardly.

“I'm glad you liked it. I'll have to make you another one sometime.” El let herself frown fully. Had she misread the entire interaction? Was he really only concerned with her mixed tape? She wanted to punch herself for getting so flustered, and worked up and... hopeful.

“Well... um... Have a good night.” Mike mumbeled, scuffing his shoes along the ground.

El creased her eyebrows at him. Maybe she had gotten a bit carried away, and maybe she had gotten ahead of the situation, but she was damn sure that they almost kissed. Twice! She wasn't going to let him get away so easily.

She turned to face him straight up and down, and looked at him intently. “Mike. I like you.” He looked up at her with wide eyes, as if he had seen a ghost. “I mean it. I think you are nice, and sweet, and you care about people, which is super foreign to me. You make me laugh and you make me happy and I don't feel judged when i'm with you. I like you. A lot.”

“El...” He started, still bewildered.

‘Go ahead, tell me you don't feel the same way. Why would you?’

“El I like you too. A lot. You are so smart and amazing, and awesome. You don't let people push you around, or push me and the guys around. You are so strong even though you have dealt with a lot, and you are so so crazy intelligent. You know so much about things I had never even heard of. I like you so much.”

“Wow...” She breathed, not meaning to say it out loud, but realizing she had when he blushed.

El walked forward, and wrapped her arms around him in a sweet, yet encompassing hug. After a while they stepped apart, but remained close enough to feel each others warm breath as it clouded in the evening air.

“Wow to you too.” He Smirked. She punched him in the arm lightly, making them both laugh. She still wanted to kiss him, more than anything she wanted to kiss him, but there would be time for that another day.

El reached out and grabbed his hand, musing over how nice it was to watch the way their fingers laced together. “Goodnight Mike. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight El.” He squeezed her hand softly for a moment before mounting his bike and driving away in the direction of home. The whole way, smiling like the biggest dopey, dweeb anyone had ever seen. He understood every part of the face Lucas had made when he rejoined them on the park. He was head over heels for El Hopper, the Punk Rock badass from Chicago.

El watched him ride away, waiting until he was out of sight before she walked to her house. She decided to use the front door, assuming it would be much quieter than trying to clamber back up to her window. Her house was silent, but her ears were still ringing with the beating in her chest. She layed back down in her bed, and for the second time that day she muffled a shriek into her pillow.

Only this time, it was a scream of joy. Pure, innocent, unfaltering, heart-swelling, joy. She was head over heels for Mike Wheeler, the kindhearted nerd from Hawkins.

Tagging:

@el-themage @mileventwentyfourseven

[snapitseventeen]

best friends to lovers!woozi

I’m suffering real post concert depression right now and overwhelming love for my boy lee jihoon

alright let’s be real

jihoon’s a v shy person

and he also has no time for socializing and making new friends bc svt’s real busy

and he also produces and practices like 24/7

actually when does this boy sleep???

but alright let’s get to it

you and jihoon have known each other your whole lives

your parents and his parents both are high school sweethearts and best friends so of course they planned to get knocked up the same time and have kids the same time

t o tally norm i mean i would

he was born first so he automatically has the ‘seniority’ card my ass it was 2 weeks

there hasn’t been a day that you haven’t spent with him

of course i mean until he goes to seoul

b ut im just getting started so not yet

it was natural for you two to become friends honestly

everyone knew you were inseparable

you lived next to each other so when one of you woke up, you ran outside next door to wake the other ass up

usually u waking him up bc he’s a rock my head rock my head ok bye

you guys went through everything together

first fight

first grounding

first period if you’re a girl

first detention

first time you made one another cry

first family vacation

that one time jihoon beat up the dude who bullied you at 7????

and then he got accepted to be a trainee at pledis

you were devastated as fuck!!!!!

you two almost parted ways in bad terms

when he found out, you were the first one he told bc hello best friend!

you were honestly at shock like you knew he was talented and loved music like hell he sang and played for you all the time

but lowkey although you supported him 10000%, you never thought he would actually get in!

so your congrats was just sorta like “y-yay?”

jihoon was so disappointed at your reaction like he thought you would be screaming and bouncing off the walls like usual

so our bub got a bit sad and then you noticed and was like

“n o no noooonooo jihoon I’m so happy for you!!! you gOT IN YAY!!”

and then he did that eye smile and your insides just melted thank you

so you were helping him pack but you felt just like empty a bit??

like it didn’t hit you yet that your best friend of forever was leaving you and home for god knows how long

and so you just blurted it out one night like a few days before he was leaving

you two were playing video games when you put down the controller like “don’t go.”

jihoon was like “what????”

“to seoul, don’t go.”

he was flabbergasted like ????

and then you just started pulling things out of your ass

“what are the chances of you actually pulling this off???”

“jihoon this is dumb”

“just stay here”

oh and then this one triggered him

“what if you’re not good enough”

hiS FACE GOT SO COLD, he never looked at you that way before you were honestly a bit scared

he started yelling at you about his dreams and how you were supposed to support him and how he felt so betrayed and then

“you’re not my best friend. get out.”

and that’s how you ran out crying back to your house

you didn��t talk to him the next day, you actually couldn’t face him

but the day after that he was leaving and as much as you were scared to see him, you couldn’t let him leave without saying goodbye so you woke up and ran to his house in your pjs to see him eating breakfast with his parents

“oh y/n, jihoon was about to see you” his mom said with a smile

“make up already, we all know you two can’t stay mad at each other for long” his dad said as you and jihoon were walking upstairs to his room

it was quiet at first but then both of you started saying sorry at the same time and you kept talking so just like honestly it was a relief

you ended with a hug and a few tears saying how much you were both going to miss each other and how you’ll text and keep in touch

sadly you couldn’t accompany him to the bus bc you had a school thing so you said goodbye at his house

you guys did keep in touch of course but as the days weeks months and years went on with him not coming back home bc practice you eventually stopped texting and calling each other

you began pursuing your own thing - highkey you were a really talented volleyball player and you were happy your parents were your biggest fans and you actually thought you could do this for a career

when jihoon debuted you were so excited you were keeping tabs on him and his group bc hello you were his best friend!

you literally burst out laughing at his pink hair but you were also like “aw he looks so different nice job puberty”

you sent him a text on his debut day and he responded so fast you were a bit shocked tbh

“CONGRATS JIHOON I SAW YOUR VID ITS SO GOOD I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY MADE THIS SONG ITS SO GOOD I MISS YOU I SUPPORT YOU ALL THE WAY FROM BUSAN I ADORE YOU LOVE UR BEST FRIEND Y/N”

“I MISS YOU TOO YOU ACTUALLY LIKE IT??? THAT MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER I GOTTA GO BUT I MISS YOU AGAIN BEST FRIEND :)”

“oh by the way nice pink hair”

“shut up”

you guys didn’t talk to each other again for a while bc hello he’s a hot idol now

bUT THEN YOU FOUND OUT you got accepted to the most competitive volleyball team in seoul so ofc you had to go

the first couple months you were so caught up with practice that you never even thought of texting jihoon

and then he called you one night like

“you’re in seoul??? what the heck man why didn’t you tell me?”

“what how’d you know?”

“one of my members watches volleyball and we were all watching and i saw you and yeah”

and that’s how you ended up setting up a date and time to meet up with jihoon at his dorm with the other 12 members of seventeen????

you were honestly a bit scared like you knew his group, you knew enough about the members to know who all of them were, you actually really liked their music and it still amazes you every time you think your best friend produced this song???? but like whAT IF THEY DON’T LIKE YOU

and then you rang the doorbell dressed sorta nicely like -> (girl / boy)

and this one really tall guy with dyed hair opened the door

“oH YOU MUST BE JIHOON HYUNG’S BEST FRIEND? HE TALKS ABOUT YOU A LOT!! IM MINGYU!”

and then jihoon comes out and tells mingyu to let you in and to stop being annoying and

yOU ALMOST HAD TO DO A DOUBLE TAKE BECAUSE brO

LEE JIHOON

YOUR BEST FRIEND SINCE BIRTH

LOOKS SORTA REALLY FUCKING HOT

and like you saw his pictures from his comeback BUT

him in person WOW and he got taller than you so like ;)))

and likewise he’s like in his head shiT WERE THEY ALWAYS THIS ATTRACTIVE????

but you two greet each other in a big hug and his busan accent came out while talking to you and his members are just like :)))) “we’ve never seen him so hyper :))))”

and so you meet all his members and you guys eat for a bit and honestly you hit it off with them thEY LOVE YOU and when you and jihoon go to his room for some best friend catch up time some of the boys start pouting and whining and it’s really cute but jihoon pulls you towards his room with jeonghan mingyu and cheol and just locks the door

you two talked for the longest time it was like you were back in busan in his bedroom and that made you tear up a bit like you missed him a lot like the first year or two coping without him was absolute hell for you

you were the only person that he felt so easy to talk to like words flowed out endlessly and without that comfort in the beginning he was so lost

sadly you had to go back to your own dorm and so you said goodbye to jihoon and seventeen (not before you got their numbers and snapchats)

you still didn’t see jihoon very often, but you certainly did communicate with him a bit more

every time one of you had a break, you would send a snap and a little “hey loser good luck with adsfgfdj today”

you honestly didn’t know when you began to catch feelings for jihoon and same with him

like the rare times you two hung out together, the first thing you noticed was how good he looked no matter what he was wearing

you just like began noticing every little thing he did

you especially loved seeing him work at his studio or seeing him dance

his body just moved so fluidly??? like he wasn’t in the performance unit or anything but he was so good at dancing!!!

and his seriousness when working at his computer like you were in awe how did you not notice this handsome face since idk your birth?

when he caught you staring at him yOU BLUSHED SO HARD and he did that little smirk like “you okay there?”

you almost smacked him

that night you were in your bed just thinking about him like you were making theories and everything

“alright if he liked me this could honestly be the best thing ever. I know a lot about him and he knows a lot about me okay we grew up together we uSED TO BATHE TOGETHER alright mom and dad love him and hello aunt and uncle basically adopted me already-wait not adopted, that would make him seem like my brother hell no okay so-”

the day you both found out you liked each other was a wild ride

you got hella scolded by your coach bc you kept making mistakes at your game and you were just not having it so you went to their dorm a bit uninvited just like hoping they’d be okay with having your company for a bit bc you needed some lovin

you were literally about to cry and all the boys were like “y/n no!!!”

so they kept trying to make you laugh and that really made you feel better

and then they started being sly with you and jihoon bc you sure as hell know that they know about jihoon’s crush on you

“y/n who’s your favorite member???” jeonghan ha

“oh that’s an easy one!”

jihoon just expecting it to be him

“minghao!”

“yES!”

“what the hell???” jihoon accidentally said out loud

everyone was laughing like hard crore even you

and then baby just left to his room and you’re like ??????

cue seungkwan “u made him jealous y/n oh no!”

so of course you go after him and try to talk but he’s just in his room all stoic and a bit irritated just at the mere thought of you and minghao together

so you’re like “jihoon what the heck? it’s just a harmless topic”

“why don’t you like me??”

“don’t be dumb, we’re best friends-”

“exactly, that’s why I should be your favorite”

“stop being a baby”

“I’m not! just thinking about how you like minghao makes me wanna punch him”

and you like cross your arms and sigh bc even when he’s overreacting he’s still so fucking cute!

“it’s not like I wanna date him”

and he’s just like “whatever”

so you’re just pumping yourself up like thiS IT IT PERFECT TIMING DONT PUSSY OUT

“I mean, if they asked me who I would wanna date, I would definitely say you”

“what”

“what?”

he would be so shocked but also like :))))))

“-and I know this would potentially ruin our 19 year long friendship but-”

“shut up and come here” and he would pull you in and hug you so close like you would feel lightheaded a bit in a good way

and then he looks at your face and looks at your lips and your heart is beating so fast like you’ve been wanting to do this since you first saw him again and 

boom boom

“hey is everything-oH HEY!”

you and jihoon as a couple would be the cutest thing ever

jihoon hates pda with the guys but he LOVES it with you it sort of offends the boys a bit

he always holds your hand he loves being connected to you

really likes it when you give him back hugs tho

really appreciates when you force him off the computer and you two just lay down on the couch in his studio cuddling and you’re just stroking his hair

sort of addicted to kissing you too especially on the shoulder

it’s honestly perfect because you guys are just so comfortable bc hello again you’ve known each other since birth

the boys love you and they always count on you to take care of him when they can’t and vice versa

support 100000% he streams your games and you his performances

you’re his muse to everything you’re the reason he gets up every morning

tours are hell bc all jihoon wants to do is hug you and sometimes facetime is hard bc time zones but you both somehow make it work

you guys barely fight at least not big ones, you both understand it won’t be easy but you love each other so it’s okay

there’s a huge amount of trust which is so important when he travels

when he announces you to the public you get a fair amount of hate and he got so sad but you’re like “eh”

eventually the fans accept you and love you bc like you’re jihoon’s best friend and who better to be with him than someone he’s known his whole life???

omg when both your parents found out

your dad to his dad

“you owe me a car”

jihoon makes me so warm and this was longer than I thought it was gonna be but !!!

[daysofaheartbreak]

Day 2

i woke up this morning and cried .. today felt worst than yesterday .. it was just long and rough , first period went by slow as hell then i had to deal with the you ok ? and hugs and it was just too much. i had to leave class just to go cry in the bathroom .. the same thing happened in second period and i talked to my friend khalil about it and he told me that we were 16 and 17 , we got our lives ahead of is .. he made me laugh “ what the fuck is love ” he said .. like it hurts either way but he did make me feel better , he told me i was too pretty to cry and that made me feel a lot better .. but third period was the absolute worst.. i dont talk to anyone in my third period so it was like i would text him whenever i finished my work early and he would keep me busy but the mere fact that i couldnt talk to him hurt me .. like i went into the bathroom and i cried most of the class period. i felt my heart just aching.. after i got back to class i felt better that i just let it out i texted him that i had his jacket and stuff so he could meet me by the bus loop and i would give them back so my fourth period wasnt that bad .. i was ok , then lunch i talked to john and taylor about the situation and i cried a bit but it was like a cry of relief i guess.. i talked about it with them so , i felt relieved that i just wasnt holding that in .. so my fifth period was ok , i just chilled with lexi and talked to my friends trying to distract myself .. but 6th period i felt the depression creeping up on me i tried to shake it but i couldnt .. thete this boy that wants to talk to me so bad , but idk i just kinda want to find myself first then 7th period my head was gone again and walking home was just heart breaking .. everything reminded me of him , when he first walked me home and he said “ no matter what you still gonna be my baby ” like i just walked home and cried .. i came home and cried to my mom about how i felt like i lost my bestfriend… but then something i didnt think would happen happened.. he called … he called me he freaking called me .. of course i answered.. he asked if i was ok and i said yes .. he asked again and i bursted to tears and said no , he told me he didnt mean to hurt me and that he really didnt want to end things with us he told me that our arguing and us becoming distant was not the real reason for the end of our relationship .. he’s moving back to ny in the summer , his mom told him that sometime earlier this week and he wasnt sure how to handle it .. his aunt and his mom aren’t on the best of terms and i understand .. his life isnt as simple as it could be .. he was telling me how frustrated he was that he couldnt tell the future and he doesnt really know whats going on or whats gonna happen .. the pain in his voice just hurt my heart .. he told me thats why he didnt want to tell me it was a break .. like it all made sense on why we were becoming so distant from one another .. we talked some more and he kept referring to me as baby and babe and all these pet name .. i told him to stop .. i couldnt .. he apologized and explained that he really doesnt want to let go of what we have and he’s so attached to me he kept repeating please dont hate me , please dont hate me .. i said i dont hate you , im just angry with myself. he told me not to be angry with myself or blame myself for this because it’s not my fault , he told me that i didn’t deserve to go through this pain .. i feel like he was just as hurt as me .. he asked me how i was holding up and i told him i feel like i lost my bestfriend , i havent been eating , i feel like im falling into deep depression and im just lost , i told him i feel lost without him and things are just worse right now because i feel like im going through this by myself .. my friends dont really care and i thank god for my mom because thats the only person that comforting me and keep me sane. he told me i could text him anytime about anything and how he doesnt want my grades to start slipping because of this after that he went into more detail about him moving back and he doesnt know if hes coming back i asked him why cant we just be together until the time comes and he responded that he wanted to do it now so he could be here to comfort .. but i still need space i told him either way im fucked , im ending with a broken heart either way .. i said to him i know this is selfish of me but i want you to come back or stay down here and he said he wants to too and i was like i feel like thats so selfish of me because i deserve happiness but i know how happy he is in ny and i always tell him if youre happy .. im happy he told me not to feel like he played me because everything was real , everything was genuine he told explained that everything we said and we did was from the heart , everything was real and he explained how much he loved and cared for me and how much i meant to him .. he said he wasnt focused on building something with anyone else because hes too attached to me and he just needs to focus on school and what hes doing .. he told me he is always going to love me and he wants to keep me close because we have a bond and our vibes together are just amazing , he told me i was special and it’s not a lot of girls like me out there.. we made a few jokes and sat in silence a couple times listening to me sniffle and cry after everything we spoke more on how we were doing and putting up with everything , he told me he was really happy to see me tomorrow because i havent seen him since the break up .. he told me i make his day every time in second period , he told me being around him makes me happy .. and he kept asking me not to hate him and i repeatedly told him i didnt .. he told me he loved me and we said our goodbyes we were on the phone for a good 40-45 minutes and it didn’t even feel that way because time flies when i talk to him and talking to him just made me feel at home .. him telling me those things put me at peace .. i feel like i can actually breathe .. i feel better i’ve eaten for the first time in 2 days but honestly i feel like im going to throw up .. i texted him and told him thank you for having that conversation with me and how special he was to me and how i hope that goodbye wasnt our last i see him tomorrow and honestly i dont know if i should skip that class or not because im not prepared … depending on how i feel in the morning is the direction i’d go , the pain is still there but it’s hurts less. im just happy he explained to me what was on his mind because he doesnt do that .. im just at peace at this point i just want to focus on me and healing myself .. i dont want to give myself false hope or anything like that. we’re done. dont think otherwise.