#im coping w the fact that the show got canceled...

[chewwypepsicola]

final space doodles

[megalony]

Labour pains

This is a murderer! Ben Hardy imagine that will have a follow up part soon, I hope you will all enjoy it feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr​ @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​ @sj-thefan @omgitsearly​ @luckytrashgooprebel​ @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Part 2

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have a son together and are expecting another baby, but problems arise when (Y/n) is adamant she doesn’t want to give birth after the trauma of her first child.

Enjoy.

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"Hey baby, you're back early." (Y/n) pressed her lips to the top of Ben's head when she walked into the kitchen, surprised to see her husband sitting at the table nursing a cup of coffee. It was unusual to see Ben home from the club anytime before five in the afternoon.

She felt Ben's hand graze over her lower back before she moved past him and headed over to the counter, wanting to get herself a drink.

"James would be excited if you pick him up from school today since you're home now." Turning her head, she looked over at Ben as she turned the kettle on but a surge of unease flooded her stomach when she noticed that Ben had narrowed eyes and he was looking at her with an almost blank expression. He wasn't usually like this, especially not when he was home early. Ben normally clung to (Y/n) like glue and ranted about his day or asked what she had been doing. He was a cheeky sod and it was unusual to see him unsettled like this.

"How was the scan?"

"What?"

"The scan, you know, it's something you have to check on the little one." Ben motioned his hand towards (Y/n)'s stomach and she watched his eyes momentarily soften when he glanced at her stomach before he looked back up at her.

"Oh, it was good, the baby's practically perfect in every way." The smile on (Y/n)'s lips didn't quite reach her eyes when she noticed that Ben pursed his lips in a way that was never a good sign.

(Y/n) took her cup from the cupboard and set it down in front of the kettle, feeling the cup tremble ever so slightly in her hand from nervousness. She didn't like the way Ben was looking at her, he was staring at her like there was something pressing on his mind and it concerned her. It was almost as if he thought she had done something wrong but he wasn't sure.

"That's good, no problems?"

"No, nothing's wrong."

(Y/n) never liked when Ben looked at her like that or like he was disappointed or when he narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips and right now that was how he was looking at her. He made her feel nervous because she hated to upset him just like he hated to hurt or upset her in any way. Ben made (Y/n) nervous when he was like this with her and he knew it which was why (Y/n) couldn't keep secrets from Ben.

"You know I don't like it when you lie to me, sweetheart." Ben stood up from where he had previously been sat in the kitchen but he noticed the moment he advanced towards (Y/n) she shivered like she was suddenly afraid of him.

"W-what are you talking about?"

"The midwife rang, apparently you cancelled the appointment last week but haven't rearranged it yet and she's getting worried. Care to explain?"

Ben watched the colour drain from (Y/n)'s features like the blood was pouring out of a wound on her skin and he hated that he was making her nervous but he couldn't help it. She had lied to him and she was still trying to lie to him and Ben didn't tolerate anyone lying to him, especially not the person he loved and was married to.

(Y/n) suddenly found her mind drawing a blank, she could barely manage to lie to him about the scan but she didn't think what she would say if he caught onto the fact that she had been lying to him. There was nothing but the truth that she could tell him and that was something she didn't want to explain right now. She tilted her head down before daring to try and walk past him but she knew it wasn't going to work. Ben's arm reached out and secured around her waist and his head tipped down so he could look at her.

"Oh no, doll. You don't try and lie to me and then run away when you get caught. If I had got off work any earlier and said I could go to that appointment with you what would you have told me? That midwife seemed really concerned and you've missed more than one appointment. I haven't been to half of the scans for this baby so you tell me how many you've missed and why."

Ben was worried what would have happened if he could have gone to the scan after all because (Y/n) cancelled it a week ago and thought she could pull off lying to Ben about it. He was also worried about how many scans (Y/n) had missed because they were important, they made sure that the baby was okay and growing and developing properly and they made sure (Y/n) was okay. If there was a problem and (Y/n) was missing appointments then they wouldn't know if something was wrong.

"I-... I missed three appointments."

"Three? So you haven't been since I last went with you almost three months ago and you've lied to me about it? Why the fuck haven't you gone to any of them?"

Anything could have gone wrong in that time and (Y/n) had lied for three months about everything being okay and the appointments being fine. Ben wondered if (Y/n) didn't like the scans when he wasn't there because she never sounded enthusiastic. And he knew talking about the pregnancy wasn't something she was all that comfortable with but he didn't think it was anything as bad as this.

"Why does it matter? The baby's clearly fine you call them your little wriggler they never stop moving and kicking and it shows they're strong. And I'm fine, I don't need to go-"

"Doll there could be any number of complications and problems and you know it. You went to every one of James' scans when we had him even the two that I couldn't go, why is this so different?" Ben couldn't see why (Y/n) was so against going to a scan or why she seemed so against feeling close to this baby and this pregnancy.

Ben remembered very clearly when they were expecting James, (Y/n) had the usual nerves of a first-time mother but she had been so excited and eager. Ben loved the way she bubbled up with excitement when they went to each scan and she loved feeling James move and kick. (Y/n) had seemed so happy and ready and prepared herself and everything around her for when they had James. But this pregnancy wasn't going in the same direction and Ben knew it which was why he was getting worried.

(Y/n) didn't seem excited or thrilled or even all that happy about this pregnancy, all Ben could see was how worried she was becoming. Every so often when the baby kicked Ben would see (Y/n) smile and then suddenly her smile would drop and her eyes would gloss over like she had just remembered something terrible. It was as if (Y/n) wanted to be disconnected from this pregnancy no matter how many times she told Ben she was happy or couldn't wait for this baby.

If people talked to her about the pregnancy she seemed to sink in on herself and become uneasy.

There were only a handful of times where Ben could see (Y/n) was actually okay and happy about the pregnancy and it worried him. He knew (Y/n) had been happy when they had James and they had always talked about kids and he thought (Y/n) would be happy to have another baby.

"Doll, why aren't you happy about this baby?"

"I want this baby but I- I can't go through labour again."

(Y/n) watched the way Ben's expression dropped and his eyes seemed to darken in pain but when he tried to put his hands on her waist to pull her closer she pulled away. She swiped her hands under her eyes to try and rid the tears but more tears kept falling until her vision started to blur. When (Y/n) had James she couldn't bear the thought of having to go through labour a second time. Despite how badly (Y/n) wanted more children with Ben, what happened with James had scarred her too badly to want to go through it again. But now (Y/n) had no choice but to be put through that torture again and the thought was scaring her to the point she was willing to do almost anything to avoid it again.

"Oh doll... I know with James everything went to shit but this time it will be different-"

"You don't know that!" (Y/n) felt her chest starting to heave as her voice rose like her panic levels which were going through the roof the more she thought about it. Anytime she thought of labour she despised the baby she was carrying because it wouldn't be the baby who had to get hurt and go through the trauma, it was (Y/n). She had to endure it all for her child and the love she felt for her baby didn't feel like enough love to get her through the labour.

"Doll, it's okay to be scared."

"I'm not scared, I'm terrified! That midwife promised me everything would be okay and then you both let that doctor butcher me! I don't want to be hurt again for this baby I can't do it again I- I can't, Ben."

(Y/n) pressed her palm to her stomach but all she wanted was for the baby to disappear or already been born without the terror and inflicted pain that came with it. She didn't know how to deal with her upcoming labour because there was no way around it but (Y/n) was desperate to find a way because she couldn't get hurt again. If that doctor had never walked into her delivery room (Y/n) would have been fine, she would have coped with James' labour and would have gotten through it with the two midwives and Ben in the room with her. But from the moment he walked in he destroyed what was supposed to be a memorable exciting moment and he replaced it with terror and nightmares.

"Me? Doll I couldn't knock him out when he had James in his hands who wasn't breathing. And I didn't let him get away with what he did to you, that fucker can't butcher anyone else with mangled hands now can he." The anger in Ben's voice wasn't directed at (Y/n) and she knew that but she hated seeing Ben riled up like this. His muscles were tense and shaking and his breathing was deep and laboured.

James' birth hadn't been anything like Ben and (Y/n) had prepared themselves for.

He had been a week past his due date so labour had been induced but everything seemed to be fine right up until the last hour. The midwives had to call a doctor because James had become distressed and his heartbeat was dropping and all (Y/n) could figure out from their hushed whispers was that James was stuck.

When the doctor came into the room he had an attitude Ben didn't care for, he wasn't sympathetic and he didn't bother talking them through what was happening or tell them what he was doing. But Ben hated what he had done to (Y/n). She was a scared eighteen year old girl in labour who was getting concerned for her baby and he was crude and uncaring with her. He had to intervene and cut (Y/n) in order for James to be born and he gave (Y/n) no warning or indications as to what he was doing.

Ben could still hear the screams (Y/n) let out and the river of blood that soaked the sheets. He had butchered (Y/n) and when James was finally born he hadn't been breathing, one of the midwives had to take James from the doctor and get him to start breathing.

For a few dreaded moments in that delivery room Ben thought he was going to lose both his wife and son. (Y/n) had to have a blood transfusion from the amount of blood she lost when the doctor intervened and she blacked out more than once and then James hadn't been breathing and struggled for the first few days of his life.

"Doll, come here." Ben was slow and careful when he reached out for (Y/n) and pulled her into his chest, having had enough of watching her crying and feeling a desperate urge to comfort her.

(Y/n) buried her face in Ben's shirt but only for a few moments before she felt his hands gently cupping her face, tilting her head up so she was looking up at him. He didn't know how to stop her from panicking or fearing that she was going to be hurt in the same way that she was before but all he could do was reassure her that he wouldn't let anyone hurt her like that again. Ben would never forgive himself for not kicking that doctor out the moment he came in with the wrong attitude and an uncaring nature. But he wouldn't make the same mistake again.

"I know your afraid and I don't expect anything less, but we're eight months into this now and I'm sorry baby, I really am, but this baby is coming one way or another and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm calling that midwife back and getting you an appointment so she can talk you through this. You can't stop this from happening but at least you can be prepared and have some help."

No matter how many times (Y/n) said she didn't want to go through labour again despite wanting this baby, it was going to happen. There was no other way around it but at least if Ben took her to see the midwife then (Y/n) could have some help and support through this because she wasn't coping well at all.

The closer she got to her due date, the worse her anxiety was getting.

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"Okay, well baby's a little on the small side but that's nothing to worry about, the heartbeat is strong and they seem perfectly healthy."

Ben looked up at (Y/n) intently, watching the way she smiled at the news and looked down at her stomach like she wished she had x-ray vision to be able to see the baby. But he could also see the anxiety pooling in her eyes because this appointment only showed her that in less than a month she would be reliving her worst nightmare.

He reached over and gently grazed his hand against (Y/n)'s stomach for a few seconds before (Y/n) sat up and cleaned the gel from her stomach. Ben could see in (Y/n)'s eyes that she wanted to say something along the lines of I told you so. She cancelled her appointments because she was scared and wanted to act like this pregnancy wasn't happening and she knew from a mother's instinct that the baby was okay. This only proved that she was right but Ben would rather be safe than sorry.

"Now, Ben told me that you've been getting worried about going into labour, if that's the case then we can help and try to prepare you for that." The midwife took a seat in front of the couple as (Y/n) pulled her shirt back down over her stomach. The light seemed to dwindle from (Y/n)'s eyes and the smile faded instantly from her lips at the change in topic.

"Can you stop it from happening?"

The sarcasm in (Y/n)'s voice was drowned out by fear and it made the midwife's expression fall and a sigh pass through her lips. It was never a good thing to have to console a worried mother but this kind of worry was the worst because there was nothing that could be done to avoid this.

"I'm afraid all I can do is try to ease your worries and prepare you for labour. (Y/n) there are many mothers with this kind of worry and I'm here to help you, what exactly is it about labour that's worrying you?"

"No one prepared me last time, no one told me a doctor could come in and cut me like a piece of meat and let me bleed out and go through that pain. No one said he could rip my baby from me like that and then not bother to help him when he wasn't breathing. How can you help me, can you stop me from going through labour again because I don't want to do it. I can't feel that kind of pain again I don't want to!"

There had been a lot of people who talked (Y/n) through what could happen during her first pregnancy, but not one person had said that a doctor might need to intervene. No one said she might need a doctor to cut her up in order to get her baby out who was stuck and in distress. And nobody told her that the doctor wouldn't need her permission in order to do that, he could waltz in whenever he liked and take charge of her body and the situation.

"Doll calm down." Ben stood up from his seat and rested his hands on (Y/n)'s shoulders but his quiet words made no difference to her.

"No! No one is coming near me or this baby because I'm not going through that again." (Y/n) pushed herself off the bed she had been lying on but she didn't get two steps towards the door before Ben's hands were around her arms and he pulled her to a stand still.

"Doll I don't know what you want us to do... couldn't she have a C-section or something, then she doesn't have to go through it again?" Ben looked between (Y/n) and the midwife as he moved round so he was standing in front of (Y/n) allowing him to pull her into his chest. He knotted his hand in her hair, massaging his fingers into her scalp as his other arm wrapped around (Y/n)'s waist and it hurt Ben to feel how badly (Y/n) was shaking against him.

Her hands were fisting in his shirt tightly and he could feel her tears soaking into his shirt.

"C-sections are only if the mother is ill or unable to give birth naturally or if there is a problem with the baby."

"Then why didn't I get one before instead of him c-cutting me?" (Y/n) kept her face buried in Ben's shirt, not daring to look at the midwife because it wasn't her fault but her words were still making (Y/n) angry. Why couldn't she of had one with James when he became distressed rather than being sliced apart by a doctor who seemed to like hurting his patients.

"If the doctor had to intervene with your labour then I don't think there would have been time to give you a C-section. (Y/n) I can see how distressed the thought of labour is making you but this is your second pregnancy, most women don't need any intervention with a second baby. And although the hospital would be better, you could always have a home birth if that would make you feel any more comfortable."

"I don't want a home birth I don't want to give birth at all! I can't... I don't want to get hurt..."

(Y/n) tightened her hands in Ben's shirt but all she wanted to do was curl up and disappear. This baby didn't seem worth the pain that she would have to endure. James was worth the pain, he was their perfect boy but the point was (Y/n) didn't have a choice with that pain. Maybe she would have still endured it if she had the choice, she had loved James from the moment she found out she was pregnant and she would have gone through with that labour again for him.

But she didn't feel a connection with this baby because she was too afraid of how she might get hurt or become ill or even worse due to this baby. (Y/n) kept telling herself that when this was all over and done with, she would be okay. She would hold her baby and feel overwhelming love like she did with James and (Y/n) prayed to God that it was true. But (Y/n) didn't want to go through the pain to find out.

"Shh, shh doll it's okay. I swear no one's gonna hurt you this time, I won't let them touch you."