#im busy getting ready for a second thanksgiving

[momentokori]

I throw the silly at you

they don’t really have a lot of lore but they work for this place called the future happiness foundation (it’s a therapy front for a cult who funnels clients into the cult) and work as a second level employee

if you have any lore ideas for them please do tell they deserve more lore and I’ve been yoinking ideas from moots

YOINK

Maybe they're someone who used to be super depressed and never believed in therapy to help, but they ended up going there because people told them to.

But instead of the normal plot line where the cult changed them they're putting up a front, trying to keep themselves safe while working in the cult. They're still depressed as hell, but no one really knows

[toxicanonymity]

i desperately need stepdad joel to be mean to me n call me dirty im begging please im literally on my hands and knees begging ready to take it ‼️‼️

Baiting stepdad into degrading you

380 / master / Ok, HYPOTHETICALLY:

Joel normally waits a little bit to open your Snapchat because he wants to be lubed up and ready for them. So while you're home for the Thanksgiving holiday, you could pleasure yourself, wait until you're almost done, and take a lewd video of yourself, knowing he's just two rooms down the hall. Your tits are out, your hand is between your legs - he can't see that part. But he can hear your vibrator and see the way your arm is rhythmically moving, pressing your tit into your cleavage. You tilt your head back, lick your lips, and moan softly. You send it. Then you take another one that you don't send yet - it's the same thing, but you're softly saying his name as you come. Keep the app open with that one on standby.

You know he's not busy and your mom is out, so it's only a few minutes before he watches the first one. As soon as he views it, you creep down the hall as quietly as you can. With your ear to the door you hear yourself softly moaning on repeat under the wet squish of his hand around his cock. Then when he starts moaning out loud, you send the second one. And you hear yourself purring "Ohhh Joel," which he told you not to say because he'd never stop hearing it. And now he's hearing it on repeat but he can't stop watching it. You hear him say "ah, fuck," as his strokes and moans intensify.

Then you push open the door. He doesn't stop, but his face is overtaken by anger. "What the hell are you doin' with this? What's your goal?"

"That should be obvious," you say as you lift your shirt up over your bare tits. You put your knees down on the bed and he says

"Don't you dare get on this bed." He's still jerking off even though he's pissed. He's angrily pumping his hard cock. "Comin' in here like a whore. Pathetic."

"Joooeel."

"Keep my name outta your goddamn dirty mouth."

You get on the floor next to him and he comes in your hair. Then you send him a snap from the shower to top it all off. He could've avoided all this by just going down the hall and fucking you 🤷

[deep-sea-horror]

YELL

[peralta-guaranteed]

Oh god loved so so much the best friend siblign AU and I wonder if, when u got time and u feel like it, would you write how the story goes, i imagine all the family quite happy bc the really get close to Jake they like him and love how happy makes Amy and the fact now he is one more of the family but a super mad and angry Jorge who doesnt like them so they fight for their love IM SORRY I JUST GOT SO EXCITED IT WAS AMAZING

aw don't apologise for being excited!!! That's always the best reaction to a fic or hc!! - in true Peraltiago fashion Jake + Amy decide to keep their... thing a secret for a while until they really figure it out, because they sure as heck did NOT go on three dates before that smooch fest at the diner, and tbh only the knowledge that Charles+Gina+Rosa are still snoring at the apartment back there keeps them from racing back and uh, making it official 😏 - (Jake thinks about his empty dorm room for a hot second but then realises that Charles might come back in the morning and there is NO WAY he's making Amy go through that) - they never manage to go on an actual date though because Amy is always busy with school (double major yooo), so mostly Jake just hangs out at Amy+Rosa's place... the same way he did before... except for when Rosa leaves and he can finally cuddle his non-girlfriend-girlfriend (titles have not yet been chosen) - they only go officially bf / gf when Amy gets hit on at a party (by Teddy) and immediately realises she actually has a NO THANK YOU response ready now as Jake rounds the corner with their drinks! "Sorry, I'm here with my boyfriend actually" she says and gives him a quick kiss and he's dumbstruck for a second but then immediately joins in - their friends find out before the family does, though, simply because they are shit at hiding so the trio ends up stumbling in on various moments. Charles sees them holding hands somewhere on campus and thank god he got the mildest reveal because even that almost makes him faint. Gina does not believe for one second that the hickeys on Jake's neck are 'bruises' from some sort of 'ultimate frisbee' mistake and basically pins him down until he tells her the truth. Rosa, rather unceremoniously, simply runs into Jake in her hallway. At 3am. Both in their underwear. Good thing they lived together before and were actually kind of used to that. - when Jorge finds out, he's not really angry,mostly just... confused. Like, what? Jake? And his sis? Aren't they.. friends? When did this happen? Also kind of not cool, dude, you shoulda asked your friend, her brother, before you- "Oh so now you get to have a say in what I do and don't with my life? Like we're back in the 50s?" No Amy that's obviously not what I mean I just-.... fine okay you can do whatever you want - Matteo is absolutely overjoyed when Amy tells him. Like YES, you go girl, get you some nice college slice of beef cake, if you hadn't I probably woulda tried my turn next Thanksgiving (this is all shouted into speaker phone when she calls him just to make Jake feel extra awkward... the not-twins are little troublemakers if they want to) - and, well, once Matteo knows, the whole family knows. The brothers are mostly happy about it (except for David but who gives a fuck about that), because yeah Jake is a great guy and they already involuntary tested him for all Santiago-related situations, but they're definitely going to test him a bit more the next time he visits (he's been re-invited to Thanksgiving before all of this anyway, and Camila was considering Nochebuena too because he told them how his family didn't ever really do Christmas so he'd probably stay at college during winter break... which is an absolute no-go in the eyes of the family matriarch) - to be honest, it's mostly Camila (and Victor) who have a bit of a problem with it. Yes, Jake was a wonderful guest, as chaotic as he was, and yes, he's become somewhat part of their family already, but that was as Jorge's friend. Being their only daughter's boyfriend, of which so far she has had only two before him, is a whole different ballgame. And what got overlooked as 'quirks' of his is now harshly judged as 'possible problems'. - so when Thanksgiving 2 : family harder with a vengeance comes around, Jake is absolutely terrified of making a bad impression. Even if he's already made an impression on all of them, several times, over the past two years. But still. He tries to be on his best behaviour (and is immediately teased and taunted for it by

the Santiabros) and at the same time tries to keep a friendly distance from Amy to be inappropriate (and is immediately rebuked by his girlfriend basically hanging off of him like a koala the entire time). - Victor takes him aside for the Shovel Talk after dinner, when the rest of the family is gathering on the porch like usual. Jake expects about 7 more Shovel Talks to come the next two days they're there, but this one is obviously the worst, because Camila joins in. He's pretty much this close to signing some sort of contract promising he will never even bend one hair on their daughter's head when Amy barges in and saves him by dragging him off to the porch swing. - And then Jake gets his Thanksgiving dream of Amy cuddling into him under the blankets while having a beer with the Santiabros, and the way he holds onto her to make sure she doesn't fall off the swing, and the way she falls asleep so quickly and so deeply in a way she never has when anyone else of the family shared the swing with her, makes the Santiabros realise that their Shovel Talks are absolutely not needed.

[hopelikethemoon]

Therapy Session (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Therapy Session Rating: PG Length: 2000 Warnings: Mild Angst. Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in January 1999.  Summary: Reader goes to therapy after the holidays.

@grapemama​​@seawhisperer​​@huliabitch​​@beccaplaying​​@rogrsnbarnes​​@thewallpapergoesorido​​​ @twomoonstwosuns​​@gooddaykate​​@livasaurasrex​​@ham4arrow​​@plexflexico​​​ @readsalot73​​ @hdlynn​​@lokiaddicted​​ @randomness501​​​ @fioccodineveautunnale​​  @roxypeanut​​@snivellusim​​@lukesrighthand​​ @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts​​​@synystersilenceinblacknwhite​​​ @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​​ @exrebelshocktrooper​​​@awesomefandomsunited​​​ @ah-callie​​​@swhiskeys​​​@lady-tano​​​ @u-wakatoshii​​ @space-floozy​​​@cable-kenobi​​​ @cool-ultra-nerd​ @himbopoes​​​@findhimfives​​​@pedrosdoll​​​@frietiemeloen​​​@arrowswithwifi​​​ @random066​​ @uncomicalhumour​​​@heather-lynn​​​@domino-oh-damn​@cyarikaaa​​​@ahopelessromanticwritersworld​​​ @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl​​​@yabby-girl​​​@xqueenofthecraziesx​​​@punkass-potato​​​@coredrive​​​@pascalesque​​​@theduchessofkirkcaldy​​​ @queenquazar​​​@sabinemorans​​​@buckstaposition​​​@holkaskrosnou​​​@yespolkadotkitty​​@fleetwoodmactshirt​​​ @seeking-a-great–perhaps @kochamcie​​​@jaime1110​​​@katlikeme​​​

Nancy carefully removed her glasses sitting them atop her desk before opening a drawer and pulling out a glasses cleaning cloth. “How were the holidays?”

You watched her hands as she wiped each lean carefully, inspecting them for smudges. 

“Surprisingly relaxing.” You offered, shifting on the sofa as your gaze flickered towards the clock on the wall. Javier had agreed to joining you for today’s session — at Nancy’s prompting. 

“You slipped your December session,” Nancy pointed out. 

“It was a busy month.” You pushed your fingers through your hair nervously. “But a good one. We went to Laredo for Thanksgiving, came back and went headfirst into planning for Christmas.”

“And how did Christmas go?”

“Really well,” You caught your lip between your teeth, hesitating for just a second. “Mitch and his family came down from Philly. It was good to see him again. All of them, really.”

“So you did follow through with that,” Nancy tilted her head, her eyes meeting yours briefly. “Did it bring any memories back to the surface?” She questioned.

“I…” You started glancing down at your hands. “There have been a lot of memories since October.” 

“And how does it feel to be addressing them again? Based on your session in November,” Nancy flipped open her notebook. “You repressed quite a bit of your childhood.”

“Yes.” You agreed. “But, Javier was incredible and let me vent about the past. He kept me grounded. He was so understanding.”

She nodded, making a note in the book. “How have you been managing the memories? 

You blinked, “I’m not running from them, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“I mentioned nothing about running.”

“No, but…” You frowned. “It’s just the impression I get. After the last session—“

“When it became clear that you avoided addressing deeply traumatic aspects of your life during your subsequent visits?” Nancy arched a brow at you as she replaced her glasses, peering at you over the rims. “Why is it that you see yourself as running from your trauma?”

“Because I’ve moved past it.” You said with an edge to your voice, “Would you prefer that I dwell on it?” You questioned. “It would keep me coming back, wouldn't it?”

Nancy made a note in the book, “Defensive.” 

You folded your arms across your chest, “I spent sixteen years living in the trauma and five trying to grow out of it.” You gritted out. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t second guess my actions out of fear that I’ve become her.”

“So you haven’t moved past it?”

“No, I—“

Nancy gave you a skeptical look. “It’s not uncommon to feel like your trauma is ever present, but you have to accept and address that. You can’t simply pretend it away.” 

“I have addressed it.” You retorted. “I’ve packed it up, stamped a label on it, and have it ready to ship.” 

Nancy shook her head, “Trauma is never fully overcome, it's a process you have to work at.” She jotted another note down. “You mentioned feeling like you’ve become her… Would you care to elaborate?”

You chewed on your thumbnail, looking away from her for a long moment. “I stress about motherhood. I’m consciously aware of doing everything the opposite of what she did while raising my girls. I want them to have everything I didn’t have.”

“Like what?”

“Love.” You answered without hesitation. “Javier and I love each other in a way my mother was never capable of loving her partners. And on top of that, I try to show them the love they deserve. That’s part of the reason why I ended up here to begin with. The way I felt after Sofía was born scared me.”

Nancy nodded, glancing down at the notebook. “The fact that you’re aware of your actions, would indicate that you’re not following the same patterns as your mother.”

“I hope I’m not.” You sighed heavily, looking towards the door as someone knocked at it. “That’ll be Javier.” You told Nancy as she got up to answer the door. 

“Welcome,” Nancy ushered him in. “We were just finishing our first half of the session.” She gestured to you, “Please, sir.” 

Javier sank down onto the sofa beside you, reaching over to take your hand into his. “How are you doing, baby?” He questioned, lifting your hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle. 

You shrugged, “We’re about ten minutes into — why I didn’t address the mother elephant in the room.”

He squeezed your hand three times.

“How have you been, Javier?” Nancy questioned as she sat down at her desk again. “How were the holidays?”

“I’ve been good.” He answered, shifting on the sofa as he got comfortable. “We went to see my pops for Thanksgiving, took the girls and the dog and made a week of it.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, glancing at you. “Did you tell her about your brother coming to visit?”

You nodded. 

“How did that go?”

“Really well,” Javier offered, shrugging a shoulder. “Christmas Eve we had friends and family altogether to welcome them, “Christmas morning was just family.” 

Nancy nodded, “We didn’t get to meet after the Halloween incident.” She flipped through her notebook. “How did you cope with the scenario?”

“How did I cope?” He cocked his head to the side. “Frankly, it wasn’t about how I felt during it. I was merely there to stand up for her.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. 

“But given what I was told, it seems that her mother antagonized you. How did that make you feel?” 

Javier cleared his throat, rubbing his hands together. “Not great, but after our relationship ended up in the public spotlight, I learned to ignore outside commentary.” 

You reached out and ran your hand down his back, “Rebecca knows where to strike.” You added. “She would’ve lashed out similarly to any man in my life. She knew that my father was my lifeline and she always saw any male figure in my life as a threat.” 

Javier nodded his head in agreement. “We worked through it. I listened, I comforted… everything you taught us to do after Sofía was born.”

Nancy hastily wrote in her notebook, “On a scale of one to ten, how well do you think the situation was handled.” 

He blinked, “Nine?”

You pursed your lips and nodded in agreement, “I’d say nine too.”

“Interesting.” Nancy hummed and your expression fell. 

“Interesting?”

“Nothing negative about interesting,” She assured you. “And how has your intimacy been? Has it suffered during this tumultuous period?”

You felt your cheeks warm as you shook your head, “No, it’s been good.”

“A few stolen minutes when the girls are asleep,” Javier added, staring at the ground.

“There was also the night at the ranch,” You pointed out, leaning your arm against his. That had been a risky endeavor, considering you were very much not alone. “And we were kid free for New Year’s Eve.”

Nancy nodded and took a few more notes before closing her notebook and looking between the two of you, “What are the faces for?”

You felt Javier tense beside you, “Nothing we’re comfortable with sharing right now.” You told Nancy, looping your arm through his. “Just rest assured that we’ve got intimacy covered. No dry spells here.” 

Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “Definitely no complaints here.” 

You fought the smirk that was playing at the corners of your lips. New Year’s Eve had been all of two days ago — and the memory of Javier writhing beneath you was still vivid in your mind. 

But that was not a conversation for therapy. 

Nancy hummed thoughtfully as she sat her glasses atop her notebook. “Continue addressing the situation head-on,” She advised. “You can patch the wounds of trauma, but they’ll still ache. Continue discussing it with each other.” She fixed Javier with a stern look. “I suggest opening up about your own mother.”

Javier shifted in his seat, “Alright.” 

“Have a lovely rest of your month,” Nancy said as you both rose from the sofa to leave. 

“That was—“ You cut yourself off, shaking your head slowly. “I shouldn’t have skipped December.”

“Hey,” Javier caught your hand, pulling you towards him. “December was crazy.”

“I don’t actually want to rehash things.” You told him. “Mitch and I had a walk down memory lane and that’s about all I can stomach for right now. Rebecca doesn’t get to live rent free in our relationship.”

He nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “If you don’t feel like you need to work on it right now, don’t.” 

You sighed heavily, digging your teeth into your bottom lip. “I didn’t even get to talk about starting at the university next week.”

“Still a good session?”

You shrugged, “It’s good to talk about everything with a third party. I cried my heart out in November, this month didn’t really have anything left to give.”

Javier interlaced your fingers and guided you out of the office building and down to the car. He was clearly trying to make up for you being disappointed with the session, because he made a point to open the passenger door for you. 

You loosely tied your hair back into a knot as you got yourself settled in your seat. “Thank you for coming today. You didn’t have to.”

He squeezed your knee briefly, before starting up the car and backing out of the parking spot. “Baby, I’ll do whatever I have to, to help you.” 

You smiled to yourself, looking out the window. “I’m really fine.” You assured him. “I’m not gonna spiral because of any of this. I did that in November and I’m not doing it again.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, giving a stiff nod. “What else did you discuss?”

“Uh,” You scrunched up your nose. “The holidays, Mitch, my mother. Rehashed some of the last session briefly.” You shrugged. “I felt like she was hoping I might unload. But I’m so done dwelling on the past, Javier.”

“Me too, baby.” 

“You know I worry about becoming her. About curbing those impulses when they strike.” 

Javier nodded. 

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek and sighed heavily. “It was only sixteen years of my life.” You reiterated. “I’m pushing forty. I’ve got my only family to worry about.”

“And you’ve done a fucking amazing job, baby.” He assured you. 

“It’s just bullshit,” You laughed harshly. “Isn’t it something that I overcame my hang ups when Josie happened? I never could imagine all of this,” You gestured vaguely between. “Because I had no reference of healthy relationships aside from Mitch and Darla. Not to speak ill of the dead, because I know my mother was a monster, but my father still left me with her. You know? And I just assumed it would… repeat.” 

“I know.” None of it was new information for Javier. 

“I mean, did Nancy want to hear me admit again that I still wake up in the middle of the night terrified that you left me?” You pressed your palms over your eyes and let out a frustrated sound. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He rubbed your leg. “How about pizza tonight?” Javier questioned, expertly changing the subject.

You perked up a little, “Extra cheese.” You said, snapping your fingers and pointing at him. “And you can order your monstrosity.”

“Blame Monica.”

“Pineapple doesn’t go on pizza, Javier.” You scolded him, but ended up snorting as you started to laugh. 

“Did you just snort?” Javier started laughing, slapping his hand against the steering wheel as he stopped at a light. “Baby!”

“Hey, pineapple… and ham pizza is a divorceable offense.” You managed to get out between laughs. 

“You wouldn’t.”

“Maybe not, but I can threaten it.” You teased, wiping at the tears that had slid down your cheeks from laughing so hard. “Thank you.”

“I love you,” Javier reminded you and you felt your heart warm at those words. Still, after all this time they made you swoon. What would you do without him?

[flyupandaway]

as usual im late to the party buuut!! 🍬&🦄 for adrian // 😵&💼 for soph // 💕&⛈️ for liam //🍯&💣 for maddie // 🏡&⌛ for viv // 🌼&🐢 for jonah!!

party doesn’t start until you arrive queen!!! ILY 💕 i had sm fun answering these 🥺

talk about your muse

Adrian

🍬  family headcanon

Adrian has never had a sense of family or home. He’s always been on his own, and up until recently, he’s liked it that way. He never really understood the value of family since he’s had to be on his own and look out for himself. He always had the belief that he had to look out for himself because no one else would. The closest thing he had to family was the guys who he would go to the casino with and that was mainly because he knew he could win their money from them so he kept them around. He considers his relationship with Dove as the first “family” he’s had (and later lil Annie going to join the family!!). 

🦄  physical health headcanon

Adrian struggles with alcohol dependency and there was a time a few years ago before he moved to Miami when he was drinking incredibly heavily and would black out for days at a time. He just didn’t feel like he had any sense of purpose and had nothing to do with his life. The drinking got better once he moved to Miami, got a job and started to win big at the casino. However, now that he’s out of the city, he has slowly started to increase his alcohol consumption and is again becoming dependent on the liquor, especially since he lives away from Dove and has nothing to keep himself occupied besides work.

 Sophie

😵 sickness headcanon

When Sophie isn’t feeling well, the only thing she will eat are french fries. She is convinced that french fries — and french fries alone — are the cure to any cold or flu. She pairs her fries with blue gatorade and red gummy bears. I feel like as soon as Milo notices Sophie feeling under the weather she stocks up on gummy bears and gatorade and is ready to run to McDonald’s at a moment's notice to get the fries. 

💼  work headcanon

Sophie normally falls asleep pretty early except on nights when she’s painting, drawing or working on her next project. She can stay up for hours when she’s inspired, oftentimes having to get dragged home by Milo to get into bed. She is typically a morning person but when she’s inspired and in the middle of working on something she turns into a night owl. She also gets very absorbed in her work, often losing track of time, forgetting to eat or the fact that she has to go to her second job. She’s definitely missed a few of her barista shifts because she was too busy painting away.

Liam

💕 love headcanon 

Liam doesn’t mean to be a player but he oftentimes gets himself into not the best situations, which started when he was in eighth grace. He had a crush on two different girls and thought he could get a date with both of them for valentine’s day. So he made sure to give a valentine to one and then the other to go see a movie with him. He strategically picked a movie in the afternoon and a movie in the evening, but he didn’t think about the fact that the two girls could run into each other in the bathroom—which is exactly what happened. Safe to say Liam got busted and also had a bucket of popcorn spilled on him, but at least it was after the afternoon movie date so it was just the evening movie he missed out on.

⛈️  sadness headcanon

While Liam hates being sad because it leads him to making impulsive, reckless decisions, he writes some of his best music when he’s upset about something or when he’s really happy. He’s written a number of songs about Grace during their arguments about how much he cares about her and doesn’t want to lose her, which just goes to show how special she is to him but also how stubborn he can get when he doesn’t want to apologize first or talk to her initially.

Madison

🍯 food headcanon

Madison wasn’t always as good of a cook as she is now. Her junior year of high school, Madison was trying to make a turkey for Thanksgiving in an effort to give her dad and brother a “normal” holiday after her mom left. The day was anything but normal considering the kitchen was filled with smoke, the turkey was still incredibly frozen and Madison almost caused a fire in the kitchen from leaving a cookbook open over one of the stove burners that was on. In her defense, Madison thought she’d turned a different burner on. Also, when she cooks for her dad and brother, Madison typically prepares whatever they want for dinner, so she doesn’t get to eat her favorite food that often, which is cheese raviolis. 

💣 stress headcanon

Madison has addictive tendencies just like her mother but instead of turning to drugs, Madison turns to work and picks up extra shifts. It isn’t unusual for her to go days without sleep when she’s feeling stressed and just run on autopilot in a way that she knows what’s going on around her but doesn’t feel like she’s in her body to experience it. It gets especially bad around her birthday, which is also a few days before her mom left. Since she’s usually the one taking care of others, she’s good at hiding her stress, although her brother is finally starting to catch on and he refers to her in this state as “Zombie Madison.” 

Vivian

 🏡 home headcanon

Given her involvement in her father’s business, Vivian is extremely paranoid about keeping things in her house. She recently rented out an apartment where she keeps most things related to the deals she is involved with, although the place looks normal. The house is what she uses when people come over or she’s hosting a dinner party for the “charity” she is in charge of. The apartment is where she keeps her money, weapons and other various items she needs for deals (and when deals go wrong). 

⌛ sleep headcanon

Despite her paranoia, Vivian typically sleeps great. Her confidence has especially increased lately after the hit on the Montgomery family since now she feels like she and her family are untouchable. She does get nightmares every couple of months though that have to do with when her younger sister was kidnapped years ago since her gut is telling her that things have been going too well smoothly. But she will never admit she has nightmares since that means admitting a weakness. As much as she cares about her family, her siblings especially, Vivian doesn’t do much to show it since she doesn’t want anyone to have something that can be used against her.

Jonah

🌼 happiness headcanon 

Jonah is happiest in the mornings when he takes Lucy on her morning walk and during the weekends when he volunteers at the animal shelter. He has always loved animals, dogs especially, and if he didn’t enjoy writing and working at his bookstore then he’d probably be doing something related to animals or maybe even go to vet school. He also set up bird feeders outside his apartment building and always carries around cat treats in his backpack if he comes across a stray. He is also an avid follower of his neighborhood's “lost pet” Facebook group because he hates when people are upset and doesn’t know what he would do if he lost Lucy. So he checks the group every so often in case he comes across an animal during one of his many walks with Lucy.

🐢 mental health headcanon

Jonah’s mental health could definitely be better. He carries around a lot of guilt over what happened to his girlfriend, even though it wasn’t his fault and it happened years ago. He has developed fairly severe insomnia over the years related to the accident. He also takes on other people’s emotions, especially sadness, which can be incredibly draining for him as he is going through his own sadness and grief. But he can’t help it because he wants to see those around him happy, even if that means putting himself in a worse position emotionally. He has a hard time saying no to people, and it’s not unusual for him to get stressed over the plans he’s made with friends because he couldn't’ say no but ended up double booking himself and has no idea how to do both things he agreed to.

[t0ngue-tech]

All Yours | Six

“’Y/n?”’

‘Hm?’ You answered with a low hum whilst tying your shoelace. There was a crack in Yoongi’s voice when he said your name so it concerned you.

You stood back up on your feet and turned to lock eyes with him. ‘Yeah?’

He opened his mouth to answered, but licked his lips instead. ‘I—nevermind. It’s—I kind of answered my own question in my head.’

There was a nervous chuckle that left his lips and you tried your hardest to not think too much of it.”

↠angsty fluff (lots of dialogue in this one yall) universityAU ↞

word count: 5.8k

↠series: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 7 | ↞

A/N: WHEEEEEEEW POSTING JUST BEFORE THE MONTH ENDS LMAO. this is a late thanksgiving gift huhu. i am so thankful for all of you who appreciate my fics because i know im not the best writer out there, but you guise help build my confidence huhu. this is totes long overdue and i really hope you guise enjoy this chapter. (i apologize if there are any errors, ya girl is exhausted so i might fix it up later lol) i love you guise so much ♡

⇓⇓⇓⇓⇓⇓⇓⇓⇓⇓⇓⇓

Morning.

How were you able to fall asleep perfectly fine until the morning?

When you awoke, Yoongi was sleeping peacefully with the front of his body facing towards the wall. This made it easy for you to roll out of bed without bothering him.

You stirred your coffee and yawned so deeply you felt as if your jaw was going to dislocate. Going to your classes was the last thing you wanted to do. Your body craved sleep and your eyes were still sore from crying last night. But going to class meant avoiding any awkward conversations with Yoongi, so you opted to go.

And yet, this also meant you were going to see Seung Ho, the guy Seolhyun cheated on Yoongi with. This was a class that you couldn’t skip because you desperately needed more attendance points to bump your grade up a little higher.

You tanked entire cup of coffee, ignoring how hot it was, and sighed. Maybe you were overthinking things. Seung Ho didn’t have any business with you so why would he confront you with anything regarding the situation in the first place. But he did know how close you were with Yoongi and if he put two and two together, Seung Ho would know that Yoongi talked to you about it.

It was only 7:30 in the morning and you were already ready to choke yourself with your hair, so you drank whatever was left of your coffee and gathered your clothes to shower.

The shower was able to destress you a bit, but as soon as you stepped out, everything came rushing back. You just needed to survive the day and then you could open up another bottle of wine to have before you go to sleep.

When you entered your room, Yoongi was curled up on his side, facing the door and scrolling through his phone with squinted eyes. He noticed you walk in and instantly sat up.

“Good morning.” He rasped, still half asleep.

“Good morning. Nice hair.” You smiled at the way some of his blond locks stuck out and curled upward.

Yoongi shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. “What time are you leaving?”

You stared at your phone and pondered for a few seconds. “Hm, maybe around 9:15? I need to go over some of my corrections  on my literature paper with my professor before I print it out.”

“Did you eat breakfast?”

“I’m about to.” You combed your fingers through your damp hair, shaking it a bit. “Care to join me? Waffles are on the menu.”

↠↞

The atmosphere felt different as you two stood in your small kitchen. Yoongi was preparing himself a cup of coffee while you were waiting for the last pair of chocolate chip waffles to pop out of your toaster. It was comfortable, yet heavy, but normal at the same time.

Yoongi moved naturally inside of your kitchen: going through your fridge to grab the bottle of syrup and even making you a cup of coffee, knowing you probably already had a cup as soon as you got up.

He propped himself on the sofa and carefully placed both of the coffee mugs beside each other. Your attention was so fixated on Yoongi that when the waffles popped out of the toaster, it scared the living hell out of you and made you yelp.

“Goddamnit.” You muttered, quickly pulling out the waffles.

“I don’t think there’s ever going to be a day where you don’t scared of something popping out of the toaster.” Yoongi laughed and sipped on his coffee.

“Is than an insult, Min Yoongi?” You trotted over to the living room with two plates of equally divided waffles on each.

“Yes it was, y/n.” He answered sarcastically and stole one of the plates from your hand.

To your surprise, you both had a lovely breakfast together. Yoongi vividly described the dream he had which dealt with freakishly large goldfish bowls and lagoons of chocolate that surrounded bowls. You jokingly advised him to never indulge in hot pockets before sleeping unless he wants more dreams like that one.

“Yeah, but at least the goldfish weren’t mutants.” Yoongi said entering your kitchen with the dishes.

“Still, nobody wants to see fish that big staring at you.” You commented. Why were you two still discussing his dream? You weren’t even sure yourself. But it was nice to know that you could talk to him as if nothing happened.

You stared at your closet for a few seconds, forgetting that you flipped your work schedule to work tomorrow instead of today—if you knew all of this would’ve happened, maybe you would’ve kept your original schedule.

“Are you staying here?” You asked Yoongi as he flopped back down on your bed.

“I might step out for little. I’m not too sure yet.” Yoongi replied, watching you stuff your pencil cases with a few more pieces of stationery.

“Should I leave you my key or are you going to go back to your dorm?”

“Actually—“ Yoongi took a second to think. “I’ll probably just stay cooped up in here.”

“Whatever sweetens your coffee, Yoongs. Just try not to eat all of my snacks.”

You stood in front of your mirror and ruffled your hair to give it an illusion of voluminous locks and behind you, you could see Yoongi sitting cross legged on your bed. He was picking at his nails, something he usually did whenever he was in deep thought. There were so many things that could be swarming inside of his head at that moment and you decided to not wreck your brain over it.

After staring at yourself in the mirror for what seemed to be ten years, you decided to switch out your coat for a hooded jacket. Since it was pouring last night, you wanted to be prepared just in case there was going to be an unexpected downpour.

You let out a deep sigh and slipped an arm through one of your backpack straps. “I should get going.”

Yoongi hopped off the bed to walk you to your door. It wasn’t necessary but you didn’t protest. He closely followed behind you and gave you room to sit on your floor to put on a pair of shoes.

“Y/n?”

“Hm?” You answered with a low hum whilst tying your shoelace. There was a crack in Yoongi’s voice when he said your name so it concerned you.

You stood back up on your feet and turned to lock eyes with him. “Yeah?”

He opened his mouth to answered, but licked his lips instead. “I—nevermind. It’s—I kind of answered my own question in my head.”

There was a nervous chuckle that left his lips and you tried your hardest to not think too much of it.

“Oh—kay. Then, I’m off.” You smiled at him and walked out, locking the door behind you.

↠↞

Y/n, you need to relax. If Seung Ho even notices that you’re acting a certain way, he’ll probably call you out on it.

It’s only been ten minutes since class started and you already felt your hands sweating. Seung Ho had already greeted you with his usual hey beautiful once he sat down and you ignored him as you always did.

The class was mostly quiet besides the students who asked the professor for help on some math problems. You sat at your computer, clicking away and solving the problems in your notebook in front of you. Once in a while, you would glance at Seung Ho to see if he was as focused you were—focused was a loose term considering how much bricks you were shitting.

What was Yoongi doing at your dorm? What was there to do there? Unlike their dorm, you didn’t have a gaming system and you took your laptop with you because you needed it for your meeting this morning. All Yoongi had was your television, his phone, and your snacks.

God, I hope he doesn’t eat all of my snacks.

You made a mental note to bring dinner for the both of you before heading back home.

50 minutes flew by at the speed of light. Everyone was stuffing their bags with their binders and signing out of the math website while the professor was reminding everyone about the objective due on Sunday. All you needed to do was rush out of the classroom before Seung Ho could say anything else to you; not even his see you next week, babe. You shuddered at the thought. It never really fully bothered you whenever he talked to you like that because he never made any advances towards you at all. But now that you knew what he did with Seolhyun, it disgusted you.

Like a god sent act of mercy, you were able to leave the classroom before Seung Ho did. Unfortunately, the devil works just as fast because you were able to walk about five feet from the doors and when you properly swung your bag over your shoulder, your pencil case flew out as well as a few of your pens.

“Fuck, fuck, fucking mushrooms on my pizza.” The choice of words that tumbled out of your mouth confused yourself and you creased your eyebrows together. You tried to gather your pens with haste and right when you were going to grab the last pen that almost strayed into the grass, Seung Ho stepped in to pick it up for you.

“Hi, y/n.” He handed you the pen and you grasped it in between your shaky fingers.

“Hey..” You breathed.

“I’m going to safely assume that Yoongi told you what happened.”

You almost argued with him by saying something like why the fuck did you get in bed with her in the first damn place but this wasn’t your fight. So you just nodded your head and avoided any eye contact whatsoever.

“Seolhyun wants to talk to him.”

“Yeah well, she can ask him herself.” Ouch, y/n. Too sassy?

Seung Ho adjusted his hat and pulled the sleeves of his flannel down to his wrists. “He isn’t answering any of her calls or text messages.”

“Can you blame him?” The sass spewed out naturally and with everyone walking by, you really didn’t want to have this conversation at that moment. “I need to get to my next class, Seung Ho-”

“Just tell him that Seolhyun wants to talk to him tomorrow. She just wants to have a chance to explain herself. Yoongi deserves an explanation.” You visibly exhaled a deep breath and looked at the time on your phone. “Please, y/n.”

You folded your arms and rolled your eyes. “Fine.” What am I? Their messenger?

Seung Ho gave you a weak smile and put his hands together as a thank you. He brushed passed you and you stood there knowing damn well Yoongi is going to stubborn and not talk to Seolhyun. If you were in his shoes, you wouldn’t want to talk to her either.

But you did kiss him, making Yoongi walk out of your dorm with the look of regret on his face.

You frowned and looked back at your phone. Great, you dragged your mood even further through the mud and you had three minutes to get across campus to your next class.

↠↞

It was a long day—a long school day at least. Lectures seemed a lot longer than usual and the breaks between your classes were supposed to relieve you, but it only made you feel more tired. You needed to pick yourself up a little, so you headed towards the university coffee shop where you found Hani flirting with Seokjin over the bar counter.

“My dumpling!” Hani completely abandoned Seokjin and rushed towards you. “How are you? You didn’t open up my text so I was worried.”

“I’m alright, Hani. Sorry, I’ve just been out of my head since this morning.” You sat down on the empty stool beside hers and Seokjin handed you a vanilla latte.

“I hope you don’t mind, I kind of bribed Hani to tell me some details because I couldn’t wait until your shift tomorrow.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Can you heat up two paninis? The spinach and the chicken one? Just take the payment out of my paycheck, I’m too lazy to grab my wallet.”

Seokjin did just that, leaving you and Hani to talk.

“So, is Yoongi still at your dorm?”

You nodded your head whilst taking a sip out of your latte. You also texted him during your last class just to make sure he was still there.

“Other stuff happened last night—no, no! Nothing like that!” You laughed at the way Hani’s eyes turned into moons. “I—I really don’t know if I have the right to tell you, but I love you and I trust you.” She nodded her head and anticipated your next few words. “Seolhyun cheated on Yoongi last night.”

Seokjin came back at the perfect time. The dropped the bag of food onto the counter with his mouth agape. Hani mirrored his expression and blinked a few times.

“She cheated-cheated?!” Seokjin exclaimed.

“Yeah,” You sighed. “She was having sex with Seung Ho when Yoongi walked into her room.”

“Yoongi saw what hap—oh my god.” Hani raised her fingers to her lips and remained stunned. You were just as shocked when Yoongi told you, so you understood when they didn’t have much to stay.

“I should get back to my dorm.” You reached over the counter and looped the bag handles through your fingers. “Thanks for these, Seokjin. I’ll update you guys if anything else happens.”

Hani hopped off her seat and opened her arms for you to enter. Her hug was warm and it was something you really needed. You wanted to cry and tell her how stupid you felt for doing what you did last night, but this wasn’t about you. So, you just smiled at the Hani and Seokjin, promising again to update them.

↠↞

The hallway was toasty warm compared to the cold air outside. You were so grateful to finally be back at your dorm where you could throw on pajamas and have your spinach panini—and have casual talk with Yoongi too. Speaking of Yoongi, you didn’t even have a chance to tell him that you bought a small dinner for the both of you.

Oh well, food is food.

You unlocked your door and found both Yoongi and Jungkook sitting in your living room. You first made eye contact with Yoongi and then with Jungkook who had sauce stained on his chin.

“Uh, hi?” You chuckled and slid your shoes off.

“Hey, y/n! Welcome back!” Jungkook lifted his styrofoam bowl up for you to see. “Beef broccoli?”

“Thanks, but I have mines.” You raised the bag that was clutched in between your fingers.

Yoongi beckoned you to join them on the sofa and Jungkook scooted over to make room for you to sit in between them.

“If I knew you were here, I would’ve gotten you a panini too.” You waved the chicken panini in front of Jungkook before passing it on to Yoongi. It seemed like he ate already judging by the second styrofoam bowl that was on your coffee table, but he still took it from you and unwrapped the paper.

“I thought Yoongi told you.” The both of you flickered your attention towards Yoongi who paused mid-bite.

“Sorry.” He mumbled after fully sinking his teeth into the toasted bread. “I literally have no idea where my phone went after I texted Jungkook to come over.”

“He left his phone in our fridge once.” Jungkook mentioned, scarfing down the rest of his food.

“There was one time where he left his phone in between the couch cushions at the lounge. I’m surprised it was there the next morning.” You laughed and Yoongi gave you the are you done yet look.

“Oh! He once—“

“Jungkook, don’t you have a study group to go to?” Yoongi quickly cut him off and flung the panini wrapper square in the face of Jungkook.

Jungkook took a swig from his water bottle and looked down at his phone for the time. Within milliseconds, his eyes grew wide and almost choked on his beverage.

Jungkook pushed himself off your sofa and messily gathered his things. He stuffed whatever trash was lying around into the plastic bag he got with his food.

“I’ll toss these out outside, y/n.” Jungkook shook the plastic bag around his wrist. He waddled over towards your front door where all of the footwear was neatly placed and stepped into his slides. “Bye y/n! See you later, Yoongi!”

He shuffled out of your dorm accidentally slamming your door because of all of the things he was carrying. You heard the muffled sound of Jungkook’s voice saying sorry! behind the door.

“He’s seriously the cutest. I understand why you love him so much.” You chuckled and scooted over to sit where Jungkook was sitting.

“Ehh, I don’t love him that much.”

You laughed at the look Yoongi gave you because you could already tell he was lying.

The room fell silent and you weren’t sure if it was the perfect time to mention Seolhyun’s name. There was no mention of her name whatsoever since this last night, so bringing her up too out of the blue didn’t seem right. Within the silence, Yoongi looked as if an idea had struck him and he fished in between the couch cushions and like magic, his phone was uncovered.

“Well, shit.” He breathed and you snorted with laughter.

“You didn’t even feel any sort of vibration or hear your text message tone at all?” You were at the brink of tears at this point and abdominal muscles were already forming over your stomach.

“No, I—” Yoongi continuously clicked on the home button as well as the lock button. “I guess my phone died?”

The confused look on his face made you laugh even more.

Defeated by your amusement to his confusion, he shook his head and retreated into your room to grab a phone charger.

“Now that I think about it, I did invite Jungkook over around two and I think my phone percentage was around fifteen percent?” Jungkook sat on the floor so he could keep his phone close as he charged it.

“And for four hours, you lost your phone?” You got comfortable and stretched your legs out onto your sofa.

“Yeah and what took you so long anyway? I thought your last class finished at three today.”

“My lab partner and I wanted to perfect our hypothesis and experiment—actually, I texted you this.” You chucked in disbelief and showcased your conversation with Yoongi.

[12:46] You: i might fall asleep in this library

[1:03] Yoongz: I already took two naps. One on your bed and another on your sofa

[1:35] You: i’m going to die in my criminology class

[3:22] You: hey, i’m staying back to fix up my lab. idk when i’m going to be back but don’t eat all of my food pls

Yoongi stared blankly at your phone and once his phone booted up, it vibrated on your floor like crazy. The sound startled you and you sat up to take a quick look at his phone.

There were a few twitter and email notifications, but the thing that stood out the most was Seolhyun’s name on his phone that he already changed to her first and last name. Yoongi remained quiet as he stared at the multiple text messages he received from Seolhyun. There were repeated messages of please call me back and talk to me. Yoongi shifted his body and you quickly looked away from his phone.

“Are you?” You cleared your throat. “Gonna call her back, that is.”

He didn’t turn to face you, instead, he took a deep breath mumbled, “I don’t know.”

On an impulse, your fingers reached up to gently graze a few strands of Yoongi’s hair. You continued to move up and massage his scalp with your fingertips. “Don’t you want to hear an explanation?”

“And listen to her rant about how I’ve been such a bad boyfriend to the point where she had to cheat on me?” There was clear anger in Yoongi’s words and you couldn’t blame him.

“Yoongi-”

“I don’t want to hear anything that she has to say, y/n.” Yoongi twisted his body around and with the lightest grip you had on the back of head, your hand was now resting on his cheek when he turned.

Your eyes felt like they were stinging with tears and you didn’t even know why you felt like crying. Maybe because it was the pain that Yoongi held in his eyes and see how fast he was breathing. Yoongi didn’t deserve this, and Seung Ho was right, he deserved an explanation.

“Seung Ho talked to me after class—Yoongi please just—just listen,” Yoongi rolled his eyes and you cupped his face with both hands. “I know you’re assuming that you’re going to hear her mention about you being a bad boyfriend and hey, maybe you won’t. But Seung Ho even said that you deserve and explanation and frankly, I agree.”

Yoongi focused his attention to somewhere else on the floor and you squished his cheeks and made him look at you. “This is closure. I know you’re done, but you should also get everything you want off your chest too because she needs to know how much you tried and how much it hurt to be the only one trying.”

The stern look in his eyes grew softer and it seemed like he was finally listening to you. Yoongi rested one of his hands on your knee and drummed his fingers against the fabric of your jeans.

“Fine.” He sighed and you softly smiled at him. “But only on one condition—you have to come with me.”

Your jaw dropped a little and your pace of your blinking grew rapid. “I—I don’t think that’s a good idea, Yoongi. Especially since, for some reason, you told her that you kissed me.”

“She’s not going to do anything to you. I won’t let her.” Yoongi’s voice sounded certain. “I just don’t want to be left alone with her.”

He grazed your knee and you tried not to flinch. You really didn’t want to be around Seolhyun, especially because she knows that the two of you kissed. But if it was the price to pay to let Yoongi have his closure, then so be it.

“O-Okay..” You said quietly. “I’ll go.”

“Thank you.” Yoongi’s voice was just as quiet as yours and his lips twitched upward into a small smile.

Honestly, if Yoongi continued to look at you the way he was at the moment, you would lose all restraint and kiss him again. Yoongi’s eyes held every star in the universe and you didn’t understand what made Seolhyun want to cheat on someone like him.

The sound of your text message tone made you two break eye contact; you were disappointed yet relieved.

“Everything okay?” Yoongi asked whilst standing up.

“Yeah, Jungkook just asked me if you found your phone yet.” You chuckled a little and tapped away at your keyboard.

“I guess I should text him.” Yoongi bent down to retrieve his phone. “By the way, sorry if I invited him over like it was my own place. I just asked him to bring me my bag with some clothes and my charger.”

“It’s no problem.” You answered. “You’re not heading back to your dorm?”

Yoongi set his phone back down and stuck his hands into his pockets. “U-Uh, no. Not tonight, if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” You breathed. “I”m uh, I’m gonna take a shower. I probably smell like chemicals.”

↠↞

That hot shower hit the spot. Even if the shower was the perfect place to stand in deep thought, you didn’t want to think about anything that had to deal with Seolhyun or Yoongi staying over again. You did promise yourself to not lose anymore self control because now was not the time to think about kissing him again or even cuddling with him. You caught yourself blushing as you dried your hair.

“Get yourself together, y/n. Keep your shit together.” You huffed quietly and unplugged your hair dryer.

When you walked into your room, Yoongi was changed into a gray tracksuit and was sitting cross legged on your bed. You spotted his backpack sitting on your desk chair which reminded you that your bag was still in your living room.

“You’re going to sleep already?” Yoongi called out.

“No, I have to make a few revisions on my paper.” You returned shortly, basically dragging your bag on the floor.

“Oh. Uh, well, if you’re done early, do you want to watch something on Netflix?” He averted his eyes away from you and found the loose thread on your blanket more interesting.

You chuckled at his shyness and took a seat across from him with your laptop tucked underneath your arm. “Sure.”

While you clacked away at your keyboard, Yoongi was absorbed in a game on his phone. He plugged his charger into the usb port on the side of your laptop, so he was lying down with his body at a 90 degree angle against your wall. It felt like nothing ever happened between you two because his presence was comforting.

After a few more strokes on your keyboard, you cracked your knuckles in front of you and sighed. “Done?” Yoongi asked whilst sitting up.

“Yeah, for the most part. I just hope this is the last revision I need to do.” You set your already heated laptop on your desk to properly cool. About 40 minutes had passed since you started revising and your back felt like it needed to be snapped in half like a glow stick.

“Let’s watch Coraline. It’s been a while.” Yoongi suggested and you didn’t complain, it was your favorite movie.

He took the liberty to take your laptop and set it up near the footside of your bed. You shared Yoongi’s Netflix account along with Jungkook, Jin, and Seolhyun; he was probably going to change his password soon.

The “continue watching” section was an array of genres ranging from anime to serial killer documentaries to food related videos. But Coraline always remained somewhere on that list. Yoongi didn’t know you rewatched the movie last week, but you didn’t mind watching it again and you especially didn’t mind watching it with him.

You were in the kitchen pouring some chips into a bowl and grabbing two water bottles out of your refrigerator when you heard the start up music of Coraline.

“I was so close to getting a yellow raincoat because of this movie.” You tossed a water bottle to Yoongi who already made himself comfortable against your head board.

“What stopped you?”

“My will power.” You snorted at the contradiction of your words and placed your head pillow onto your lap to sit next to him.

It was now farther into the movie, the chips were completely finished after two refills and the empty bottles were sitting on your desk. You were still sitting up with your legs stretched out to avoid your feet falling asleep. On the other hand, Yoongi’s entire body was already stretched out onto the mattress with his head sunk deep into the pillow.

“You know the first time I saw this movie, I really wasn’t expecting it to be this creepy.” You chuckled at the memory of you being a bit more terrified than your liking; it literally gave you a few sleepless nights after the first time watching it.

You waited for Yoongi to tease you or make some sort of sarcastic remark and it struck you as odd when you didn’t hear anything coming from him.

“I swear if you’re—” You turned your head to him. “Asleep.”

Yoongi had his head tilted towards your body and his hands were resting flat on top of his stomach. It almost felt like a crime to wake him up because he looked peaceful whilst sleeping, so opted to move as quiet and nimble as possible. You started to reach forward to pause the movie and with the subtle movement you made on the bed was enough to awake him.

“Finished already?” He tried to play it off and stretched his arms up and placed them behind his head.

“You’re not slick, Min Yoongi.” You scoffed and continued to clean up the mess around you two. “You literally took two naps today and you still managed to sleep while watching Coraline.”

“Are you surprised?” He shuffled his body to curl up on his left side to watch you clean up.

That answer was coming from the same boy who slept for almost a full day, had dinner, and then fell back asleep after letting himself digest for about an hour. All in all, I guess you weren’t as surprised as you thought.

Without exchanging anymore words, you put everything away into its respectful places and turned off your light with only the dim light from outside peeking through your curtains. Yoongi was still lying on his side with one hand tucked in between his knees and the other underneath his cheek. While your eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room, you could still see the whites of Yoongi’s eyes. You continuously told yourself to stay cool and to not show any signs of anxiety about lying down next to him. Everything between the two of you remained the same since this morning so just because you were going to sleep beside him doesn’t mean that it was time for the energy to change.

“Y/n?” Yoongi’s voice cut through your thoughts.

“Hm?” You hummed and sat down on your space of the bed.

“Can I—Can I ask you something?” As Yoongi stated the question, he sat up himself to sit cross legged towards you.

Your heart thumped against your chest cavity at the way he said can i ask you something? “Sure.”

The sigh he pushed out was audible and scooted closer to you. His eyes were darted elsewhere and the silence was weighing heavy around you.

“Can…” He started. “Can I have another kiss?”

Yoongi’s question knocked the wind out of your lungs and made your heart stop beating for a second. In what world would Yoongi be asking for a kiss because this had to be a dream. What made things worse was that you were actually giving it some thought and you were just telling yourself to get your shit together.

Now was not the time to be thinking about how soft his lips were or how lovely the dainty features on his face looked like. You especially didn’t want to think about how much you really wanted to kiss him.

Let’s be real; kissing him was a stupid and painful decision that you made on your own, but was it a crime to want to kiss him again? It had to be.

“Why..?” Your question came out as a tiny squeak and you were hoping you didn’t sound offensive or bothered by the idea.

“I just..” Yoongi rubbed the back of his neck. “I like the way your lips feel.”

You wanted to laugh at the way he started, but he spoke without a mere chuckle so everything else that followed deemed serious.

“I also thought about why you would’ve kissed me and I think I figured it out.” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “There’s also a lot I want to talk to you about. It’s stuff that’s been bothering me, but we can talk about all of that another time.” He sighed and made heavy eye contact with you. “I just really want to kiss you.”

This had to all be a dream; you would’ve slapped yourself to check, but now was not the time.

It didn’t feel right to kiss him. It didn’t feel right to want to hold his hand as you laid down next to him because he just went through an ordeal. Yoongi needed to rest, even if he had a good amount of rest today. He needed time to gather himself especially since he agreed to meet with Seolhyun to have closure. All you had to do was politely tell him that now was not the right time for this. But as sane as you were most of the time, you were selfish about some things sometimes.

And now was one of those times.

“O-Okay..” You breathed.

Even in your dimmed room, you saw Yoongi’s eyes light up at your answer and it almost made your lips twitch into a smile.

“I can kiss you?” He asked again.

“Yeah.” You reassured. “You can.”

Compared to yesterday, the entire world around you started to slow down. Yoongi shifted his weight onto one hand to keep him at bay while he reached up to run his fingers against your cheek before cupping it.

Your breath hitched in your throat as Yoongi crept in to close the gap in between you two. At first you were hesitant in closing your eyes, but just before Yoongi fully reached the flesh of your lips, his flickered to yours. The gaze he gave you was calming and instead of it helping you relax, it only made your more nervous. You could practically hear the sound of your heartbeat ringing through your eyes; probably loud enough for Yoongi to hear.

It felt like hours before you watched Yoongi’s eyelids flutter close and yours followed in suit.

The initial touch of his lips sent a jolt of electricity throughout your body and as his lips molded carefully into yours, you sighed into the kiss. You could almost feel your body grow numb, but was revived back to life as Yoongi’s lips moved shyly against your own.

Your hands were balled into fists on your lap until you gained feeling back in your hands. You blindly reached for his hand and once you found it, he eagerly accepted the invitation to interlock fingers with you.

After what seemed to be forever, the bliss of kissing Yoongi came to an end once he pulled back an inch away from your face. You opened your eyes to find him staring back at you and he chuckled. The sound was music to your ears because along with the short sound of his laughter, he smiled. He still had his hand resting on your cheek and before you could say anything or even exchange your own laughter, he gently tugged at your face to plant another kiss on your lips.

Excitement bubbled inside of your chest all over again and you couldn’t even stop yourself from cracking a smile as you kissed. You liked Yoongi for so long and so damn much that feeling this happy had to be a crime of some sort. And if it was, you were more than ready to accept whatever sentence was given.

♡ rae

[imakemyownworld]

When The Party’s Over pt.2

Part One

This is longish.

It is only a second part and Im setting some foundations for the fic therefore there’s not much of Ethan here but more of my (Bellas) struggles and relationship with Lucas. Somewhere in the middle of this I realised it was half biographical. I always had the strong urge to write about my own life and experiences as I never talk about them (as Bella) irl. I promise the next part will be all about E. :)

Also, if you do read this, please give me some critiques. I know it’s not nearly perfect and I would love to get some feedback. I just recently made this tumblr after being a fan of Gray and E for a good while now and I’m so happy I did. All the people I see here seem so genuinely interesting, funny, creative and nice. Thank you ! xx

Exactly one week has passed since I last saw Ethan. He sent me some messages but I didn't reply, I knew he was busy making a video and that he is going home tomorrow to visit his family for Thanksgiving. My family group chat was going crazy though. My sister who is living in Europe couldn’t book a flight and I wasn't replying to any messages. I just couldn't find the strength to do so, so I figured I'll just show up tomorrow morning, get through the weekend and come back.

I spent the rest of the day studying and scrolling through every possible social network then went to sleep ignoring every text I got.

I'm there in an hour. Xx I texted the group chat as I sat down in my car and turned the engine on. I skimmed through other messages. Ethan was complaining about something Grayson did and Ivy had boy issues. Did I want to see a text from Lucas? Sure, but I never expected one. It's Thanksgiving and everyone is with their families.

I met Lucas two years ago at a film festival in Los Angeles. I was there because I love cinema and Ethan managed to get me some tickets and Lucas was studying film at university near by. At that time I was probably at worst with my depression and anxiety as I just started taking classes at my university. He asked Ivy and me if we wanted to go to the after party and we didn't think twice about it. I never thought I would be someone who does drugs, I was always strongly against it. But he made it seem so normal. He was handsome, to me. He was skinny and every shirt was too big for him. Later I realised those shirts were fine before, but he lost weight. Still, there was something about him. He was mysterious, he loved photography and he talked about movies non stop. He acted cool but I could tell how passionate he is about things he loves. Both of us had something dark in us but neither one of us wanted to talk about it and we understood that about each other. From the moment we met and our friends started hanging out each other everybody already thought we were together. We would tease each other all the time while dancing and hanging around but since we were both kind of distant when sober we were scared to do anything about it. All until one night he kissed me. He kissed me like it was something we do all the time, but it wasn't. He didn't acknowledge it the next day and I remember freaking out about it with Ivy. Next time I saw him it took me every singe atom of bravery in my body to ask him about it. I remember it like it was yesterday. I called him and we separated from our friend group, we walked along the beach in Venice on a chilly summer night.

“Do you remember that we kissed?” I asked him in the middle of his sentence. He froze for a bit and then he made the grimace I couldn't decipher. 

“No” he said quietly “When?” he was looking at me and I could tell that he felt horrible. I tried to look as if I don't care and I was ready to brush it off.

“At the club, last weekend. It’s fine, I just wanted to clear that up. I wasn’t sure if you didn't want to acknowledge it or just don’t remember” I turned around to get back to where our friends were.

“Stop” he took my hand and I felt relief “Im really sorry. You know how I am, I go overboard sometimes and I do things...” he stopped talking. Do things he usually wouldn't? If so, I didnt want to hear about it. I pulled my hand from him.

“...do things I would usually be scared of doing” he said almost painfully. Knowing him today, I know how hard that must have been for him. After that things started heating up between us two. We were never together, we knew that would never work out as we couldn’t communicate normally when sober. But we silently cared about each other, even though we never said it out loud.

At that festival after party we were dancing when he handed me half of the pill and kissed my cheek. I looked at it for a while then looked at him. He was dancing and smiling, seemed so carefree. If someone told me a month ago I would be holding that in my hand I wouldn’t believe them. Even then it looked so wrong in my hand. And then I took it and it was the best night of my life.

We kept on partying like that every other weekend. We didn’t know much about each other but we also knew everything. We would take something then hook up and sleep for what seemed like hours, or minutes. Sometimes I was so out of it I didnt know if I was dreaming or not. We shared those times together, he was the only one I wasn’t ashamed to be around like this. He understood.

My dad opened the door for me and we hugged.

“Hello beautiful”

“Hi dad” he smelled like mom's cooking. I did miss them. “Smells nice in here”

“I feel like there's enough for the whole neighborhood”

I got in and the table was already set up. My mom hugged me and instantly started talking about my sister. How sad she is that she isn't here. I said something back quickly and sat down.

My parents were an unusual kind. They always had my back and supported me through everything as far as school and university go. But I was always the one who had to be home by midnight or not go out at all. I had to lie that I was having a sleepover so that I could go out and have fun with my friends. My mom still believes I never tried alcohol in my whole  life and Im twenty. We were also never the kind of family that talked a lot about feelings and things going on outside of school. I could never talk about boyfriends with my mom or fights I had with my friends. This caused bottling a lot of emotions through my whole life. Ethan had to beg me to talk with him to find out why I was miserable at times. He was the one person I would actually tell what was going on. I never got along with my sister either, we were just two very different people and I always thought: If I met her randomly I would never want to be her friend. Seems harsh, but she was selfish and stubborn, always only looking out for herself and not giving a fuck if she was hurting someone else in the process.

Lunch was actually amazing, my mom made my favorite meals. They crashed on the sofa soon after and started watching some terrible movie and I went to check in my old room.

I must have fallen asleep while watching youtube because it was dark when I opened my eyes. I came down to the living room and heard mom and dad talking in the backyard. I took my moms phone to check the time.

I miss you. It said. William.

My head felt blank for a second. I quickly turned the phone back off.

William was my moms ex boss. I sat down and my head started spinning around. I combined the pluses and minuses, filled in the blanks. Things started making sense. My mom became very sensitive to anyone touching her phone a while back. Before, she never cared about it. I gathered strength and opened the message. It was the only one in the conversation, everything else was wiped clean. I quickly marked it as unread and put the phone back. Fuck.Is my mom cheating on my dad? My head started spinning even more. Poor dad. Should I tell anyone? I can’t tell anyone we can’t even say I miss you to each other let alone Are you having an affair? My poor dad loves mom with all his heart, he does everything for her and she was never truly in love with him. My sister and I realised since we were teenagers that mom acts cold with dad. She doesn’t like it when dad shows her any kind of affection.

“There you are!” mom barged in and I almost jumped in my seat. “You okay? Mike and I were just talking about going for a walk, you’re coming too”

“Ugh, I just woke up” I wasn’t sure I’m mentally ready for that walk.

“Exactly, you need to stretch”

The whole walk I was thinking about my mom. The time when I thought my mom was always in the right was long gone, but this was on a whole new level. How can I take her seriously ever again? She lost all the credibility. How can she pretend to be happy with my dad? If I told him about this it would ruin him. If I told her...Nothing seems like the right option. I don’t want my family to fall apart. We are a bit dysfunctional, but this seems like a scene from a movie and I cant take it. I had to get out of there.

When we got home mom brought us pie and turned on the TV.

“Guys, I’m sorry but I need to get back today. I have a seminar to write” I was nitpicking the pie on my plate.

“Write it here?” dad proposed and it seemd like a reasonable idea “You can take my laptop”

“Yeah but I don’t have my books. Sorry. I might come by next weekend if Emma books that ticket” I smiled at them. It was so natural for me to act like this around them. I was hiding things from them my whole life.

My mom argued with me for a while but she soon realised my mind was set. When the movie finished I took some clothes from my old closet and said goodbye to them. I felt so sorry for my dad, I hugged him tightly and he even said I love you to my ear. I haven’t heard that sentence in months.

I dialed Lucas’s number while driving down the highway.

“Hey danger” he answered almost immediately.

“Hey. Happy Thanksgiving. What are you up to?” I tried to seem chill but my voice was almost cracking.

“Uh, not much. Classic Thanksgiving laying around”

“You up for a sesh?” I was always afraid of him declining me which is why I was rarely the the one to ask him stuff like this.

“What, now? What’s wrong?” he asked that in the most monotone voice but I knew it meant a lot coming from him.

“Lucas.” I sighed and my voice broke down at the end of his name. He was silent for a moment.

“Pick me up. Im sending you the location”

I felt relieved. We haven’t hung out alone in a while and I missed it. I needed an hour to get to him, he was at his parents place. The house was actually very pretty. I know his parents are divorced and his mom remarried, he doesn’t talk about them much but I get the feeling she is worried about him and he doesn’t like that. And now I’m dragging him out on a Thanksgiving weekend. Suddenly I felt even more terrible.

Lucas sat in the car and I was just looking through the windshield.

“Bro, what happened?” he took the aux cord and connected his phone.

“I just realised I dragged you out and you were with your family and it’s Thanksgiving.”

“Yes. Because I love spending quality time with my perfect family. Come on, there’s not a lot of dealers working on Thanksgiving you know that?” Soundtrack 2 my life started playing through the speakers. He loved that song and it made me depressed. After that, he never once asked what had happened, he knew better and I appreciated it.

“Dealers? I have everything in my flat”

“Not this” he smiled devilishly to me and typed in the address in his phone.

“So in one hour you managed to find the guy? Seems to me like you were just waiting for my call. What are we taking?” I was driving down his neighborhood. We were the only people on the street.

“Been waiting on this for a while. You’ll see”

The address wasn’t that far away. I parked and he left, came back two minutes later.

“Church?”

Church was the most trashy techno club in the area, it was a dump but it was always open and the atmosphere was always great.

We parked near the club and started drinking rum that he brought from his place. I was doing my makeup with the help from his flashlight and my front camera. I took the cropped top from the back of the car and put it on. I felt wrong to be happy at this moment but I was. I was with him and I knew we were going to have fun.

“You gonna tell me what it is now? You know I’m not doing heroin or anything like that”

“Jesus. Of course not” he pulled the baggy out of his pocket. “Ketamine”

I had zero clue what that is. Everything I knew about drugs came from Lucas.

“You’ll see later.” he says and I can’t believe I have so much trust in him to just get on with it but at this moment I don’t care. He takes out a pill from his pocket and breaks it in half.

“You have a whole pharmacy out there” I say and swallow the pill.

“Shut up” he laughs. We are both pretty tipsy by now as we start walking to the club. I pay for the entrance and we’re finally there. This is where I felt at home. How weird is that? The lasers, lights, annoyingly loud house music. The music I could never listen to sober, it drives me insane.

I opened my eyes to see Lucas sleeping next to me, sun was shining through closed curtains. I fell asleep again and I dreamt about last night. Dancing, kissing Lucas and him kissing me. I dreamt that I woke up and walked around the apartment. I showered. Was that a dream? I was asleep again. It was nighttime. Lucas and I were rolling around the bed desperate for each other, desperate to feel something, anything.

It was night when I finally definitely woke up. I checked the time on my bedside table. It was 3am on Sunday. Lucas was sitting on the window next to the bed smoking.

“Hi” I wanted to say but all I said was a weak I

“Morning” he turned his head to face me “Magnesium next to your bed. Drink it”

I took the glass from the bed table and wasted a good three minutes to take two sips. Lucas was looking at me the whole time with a massive grin on his face.

“I need to shower”

“You showered three hours ago” he said and I looked at him confused.

“So I wasn’t dreaming?”

He shook his head.

“Did we have sex? Like, in those three hours?” I asked not looking at him.

“What? No. Did you dream about that?” He threw the cigarette in the ashtray and went under the covers. I just looked at him and he smiled again.

“When did we get home?”

“Around 7AM. We slept through the whole Saturday. As far as I remember” he removed all of my hair from my face and made a bun out of it.

“I don’t even want to know what I look like”

“Do you remember the night out?” he prompted himself on the elbow to face me.

“I don’t know. We were dancing?”

“You..” he stopped and lied back down “I didn’t want to give you any more, of anything, because you had too much” coming from Lucas this meant something because I’m usually the one to stop him from going too far “So you just disappeared and..”

“What?” I hated not remembering anything.

“I dont know. You took something and you came back after ten minutes totally out of it. We stayed for and hour after that because you didn’t want to leave. After that I got us in an uber and we came here.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Look, something obviously happened during the weekend, I won't ask but you should know better than take something from strangers. You scared me” he glanced at me. I remembered the moment. I was acting like a brat. It must’ve looked ridiculous. I left him and found some girls snorting something in the bathroom. We talked for a while, I think one of them was coming on to me. I said that I was here with a friend but he didn’t want to give me anything so they offered. I had no idea what it was. What was I thinking?

“Im stupid” I told him about what happened “Im sorry. I found out that my mom is having an affair. But, I also suspected that for a while now. My mind was spiraling and I guess I overdid it”

We were quiet for a few moments.

“I’m sorry” he turned to face me and we stared at each other for a while.

“Is it bad that I love the high so much that I’m not at all regretting any of this? It’s the only time I feel happy”

“I don’t know” he answered “If you think I’ll reason you, you asked the wrong guy. I’m in the same spot” we both smiled, but his eyes were filled with sadness. I wonder if mine were too? We would only talk like this high. Our sober conversations didn’t exist, they were empty and meaningless. We hid behind walls that would come down every once in a while, and I cherished those moments. I kissed him softly and fell asleep in his arms soon after

I woke up at noon, Lucas was still sleeping and Im pretty sure he was missing a class, as I was. I wondered if he stayed because he wanted to or because he was taking care of me. I rarely got to see the sensitive side of him that I longed for. I would try and push his buttons sometimes asking him ridiculously touchy-feely questions and he would just laugh it off and tell me to shut up. But I saw in his eyes that he wanted to tell me things but didnt know how to. I knew for a fact that he didn’t have the best relationship with his parents ether, they didn’t speak about things and even if they wanted to I can’t imagine Lucas opening up to anyone, especially his parents.

I remembered almost all of last night. Lucas wasn’t having fun, he was mostly looking after me. I was usually the one giving him water, asking him if he was fine because he would look like a zombie. Sometimes I would only go out because I was scared that no one would be taking care of him. When we started hanging out we were both fairly knew to all of this but I could see how fascinated he was with all of it. I was too. My world went from black and white to technicolor. My, usually, messed up head that was overthinking everything and anything felt blank. It was just living in the moment, swaying on the dancefloor with the people you love.

But seeing him at his worst was painful to watch. It wasn't fun anymore, it made me see the dark side of things. When the high wears off you feel ten times more depressed and ten times more eager to go to the next party, and then the next one. Until your life just becomes waiting. Waiting to get high and drunk and feel things.

Realizing that made me never want to do drugs again, but that would last a couple of days. What scared me was that I knew that even after last night, when Lucas saw me at my probably lowest, he would never think about leaving it. It was captivating, appealing to him. It didn't scare him at all.

I was taking a shower when he knocked at my door.

"Bell, you have a visitor. I’m going out okay?" I soon heard a door swing shut. A visitor? I had come up with at least ten people who would come here after me not looking at my phone for three days straight and I was scared to see every single one of them. God, I hope it wasn’t Ethan meeting Lucas.

I dressed and got out of the bathroom to see Emily standing behind my kitchen counter. She wouldn't even be on the list of fifty people to come here. What was Ethans girlfriend doing in my apartment? And why didnt I clean up a bit?

[wulfiesessentials]

I first saw Turin last summer & thought it was a neat looking yarn. I proceeded to pick it up, feel it, examine it… then I saw the price tag.. eeekk 19.99. I carefully put it back on its shelf, as at that time I couldn’t see spending 20.00 on yarn I had no clue what I was gonna do with it. I found myself in-front of the display staring at this yarn every time I made a trip to Hobby Lobby. Then, I say around Thanksgiving.. The Yarn Gods granted me my wish. It was ON SALE 🙂 It was buy 1 get 50% second, plus their usually 40% off a item coupon. I did the calculations and to my delight I came home with 2 skeins of Turin 🙂

I decided on making floor mats with this yarn. It seemed sturdy enough along with being a pleasant feel on bare feet. Excited to get started I jump in full force. I was pleased to know that 1 skein makes a decent sized mat.

The rectangular mat measures Approx 26 X 19 inches… The round is approx 26 inches round. They are great for smaller areas. Ofcourse if you are wanting a larger mat you will need more than one skein. The skeins themselves do not look like that have alot of yarn to them… reason I had purchased 2 but while making the first mat, the yarn just kept spitting outta the skein.. Like I said pleasantly surprised.

The Technical Stoof…

Turin comes in a few different color schemes. There is 6 total. The yarn I choose was Granite

Net WT.. 17.6oz .. 270yds

75% Acrylic, 15% Nylon, 10% Wool … Hand wash cool water.. lay flat to dry

Recommended 10mm Hook/ Needle

The Good, Bad and Ugly…

This yarn is on the soft side. Colors are very nice and transition well. Did not run into any tied together “ends” in either skein I used, they were one continuous strand.

Above is a strand of the yarn for illustration

The outer fiber is spun onto a decent sized foundation strand. The outer fiber appears to be tightly woven but working with it you can feel it “slide” slightly on the foundation strand.

When working with this yarn.. I recommend knowing exactly what your going to do with it and/or have a pattern ready for it. Frogging this yarn was a living nightmare. It catches on itself and you must undo each stitch individually 😦  Hiding ends is also on the frustrating side as the outer layer of the yarn slides and bunches up on you as your weaving the end in. I found wetting and twisting the outer layer of the yarn slightly before weaving helped alittle.

Anything that requires pulling the yarn threw stitches, like hiding ends, making a magic circle( yeah does not work at all), etc, bunches up the yarn.

When all is said and done… I don’t hate this yarn, it was abit of a challenge and great learning experience. However, Im not sure I would say I love this yarn either. It got me out of my comfort zone which is great but truthfully, Id rather not deal with the hassel it creates…  If I need to replace or need more floor mats, I would buy this yarn, just for that reason but its not one that would be kept in stock on my favorites stash shelf.

If ya would like to give this yarn a try ….Below you will find the pattern for the Round floor mat…

Round Floor Mat Pattern

This pattern is done in the round, continuous rows. It is not your basic circle, as with changing of types of stitches used it requires a little tweaking.

The Border used with this pattern is the Crab Stitch (reverse single crochet)

The crab stitch gives a sturdy edge to this rug as to prevent fraying from use.

Abbreviations…

SC = Single Crochet

DC = Double Crochet

HDC = Half Double Crochet

Ch. = Chain

SM = Stitch Marker

What you will need..

12mm Hook

1 Skein of Yarn Bee Turin .. Your Choice of Color

Stitch Marker

Large Tapestry Needle & Scissors

  Pattern

Chain 4

Slip Stitch into First Ch.   (to form circle)

1.) Ch.1, 8SC into Circle .. ( you will be placing a SM in the first stitch made.. repeat this as you go around to keep track of rows)

2.) No Ch. , 2DC in each stitch around.

3.) 2DC – DC around

4.) 2DC  each stitch around

5.) *2HDC – HDC 3*, repeat* to * 10 times, 2HDC…..HDC remaining

6. & 7.) HDC around

8.) *2HDC – HDC 3*  repeat * to * around

9.) HDC around

10.)*2DC – DC 4* , Repeat * to * around, DC any remaining

11.) DC 4, 2DC, * DC 5 – 2DC*, Repeat *to* around

12.) DC 5, 2DC, *DC 6 – 2DC* Repeat *to* around DC any remaining

13.) 2HDC, HDC all remaining

14.&15.) HDC around

16.) 2HDC, HDC 58, 2HDC, HDC remaining

17.) *2SC – SC 4* Repeat *to* around.

Row 18 is your border… SC in first stitch of the round, CH.1, Then Crab Stitch around, Slip Stitch into Ch.1 , Fasten off, and carefully hide end.

Thank you for Visiting Today.. Any questions please contact me. Have a Great Week 🙂

  THIS PATTERN WAS MADE AND DESIGNED BY WULFIESESSENTIALS. YOU MAY MAKE AND SELL THE ITEMS MADE FROM THIS PATTERN, BUT PLEASE LINK BACK TO MY SITE. YOU MAY NOT ALTER, REPRODUCE, SELL OR DISTRIBUTE THIS PATTERN. DO NOT USE THE PHOTOS ASSOCIATED WITH THIS PATTERN WITHOUT PERMISSION.

  WulfiesEssentials is neither paid or affiliated with any persons &/or Business mentioned in this post. Any “review” is solely my opinion based on use of the Item mention in this post.

            Yarn Bee – Turin Review & Pattern I first saw Turin last summer & thought it was a neat looking yarn.

[chokememrstark]

The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 3

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2987 (Chapter 3 / 12)

Fic Summary: After a surprisingly decent Thanksgiving with his brother, Sam finds himself back in Stanford and hoping the strange feeling he had for the last week will go away again soon. Lucifer, whom he blames indirectly for his unpleasant situation, acts extremely cold suddenly, however, and things don't get better when Sam runs into the other in the restrooms suddenly. This unexpected encounter turns into more than an awkward situation, though, and Sam doesn't really know what to think of it.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Note: My lovely beta reader @brieflymaximumprincess called this a rom-com and even though I don’t believe it is, in my eyes, it does have certain elements of it. This is not the angst you know from me, not at all.

Yes, there is some drama, but there is also a lot of sweet and cute moments, much more than the dramatic ones. I guess you could say I accidentally wrote cute fluff? Because it was not intended, but here we are.

This fic is already completed and will be posted by the regular schedule from now on: Thuesday, Thursday and Saturday! So, enjoy ♥

Tagging: @shebahda   @sassysupernaturalsweetheart    @spnyoucantkeepmedown  @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @blakechaos08 @daddycasstiel 

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

The weeks until Thanksgiving went by rather fast and when there were only a few days left, Sam decided spontaneously that he would go back home and called Dean to pick him up. Not that he couldn’t drive, but he never got a car himself and his brother didn’t mind doing him the favor. In fact he was actually happy about Sam’s decision because he wouldn’t be alone with their dad. What Lucifer would do wasn’t really of Sam’s concern, though he wondered if his absence would cause those annoying effects to come back. Maybe it would turn out to have no effect at all and he could go back to his normal life, who knew?

Being back home turned out to be much worse than Sam had anticipated. The only reason he didn’t catch a taxi back to campus the first evening was Dean and the fact that the brothers had the days mostly for themselves. They visited some of Sam’s old friends and visited Dean’s roommates, which made for an overall nice time while they were away from their dad. The older one of Dean’s roommates was clearly a womanizer, the other a bit awkward and quiet, but they were really nice guys and Sam enjoyed those visits a lot. He found it kind of amusing how Dean acted around the younger brother - he clearly liked him, but refused to admit it.

Thanksgiving itself was a total disaster, as their dad once again drunk-raged about Sam wasting his life and his fortune and how all he was doing in his life was sucking the soul out of people. Luckily, around nine in the evening, their old man passed out drunk on the couch and Sam managed to enjoy the rest of the evening with Dean and a few beers. They had a lot to catch up on after all and it was much easier when he wasn’t verbally attacked by his dad.

Most of the time he was home, Sam felt a little lost though. Despite the fun he had - and sometimes the not so pleasant things - something just didn’t seem to be right. He blamed it on the fact that he had decided to come without planning much, but deep down he knew it wasn’t that. He was too far away from Lucifer and his body didn’t like it. Still, there was nothing he could do about this fact at the moment, so he tried his best to distract himself enough to not think about it too much.

When Dean drove him back Sam was almost sad to leave. Sure, home wasn’t a very warm and welcoming place for him at any given point, but for some reason it had still been a good time with much less pressure. He consoled himself with the fact that he would be back soon enough, during Christmas, and that what he was doing right now would lead to a better life in the future, which made saying goodbye to his brother a bit easier at least.

Sam used the last day he had left before classes started again to go over his notes again, mentally preparing himself for the next days. Part of him wished that Lucifer wouldn’t show up the next day, but the part that made his thoughts go back to the blond all the time was much stronger sadly. He hated how little control he actually had over this, but he was not ready to let it dictate anything if he was able to prevent it somehow. If there was any possibility, no matter how small, to not fall into this soulmate trap that would ultimately ruin his life, Sam would fight against it.

To start the week off perfectly, Sam nearly overslept and made it to class the last second. He rushed to his seat and avoided the professor’s eyes going over his students, but he couldn’t stop himself from a side-glance at Lucifer, who was already sitting on his seat. Today he wore a big black hoodie, not the biker jacket he usually had on, with the hood over his head and big sunglasses covering his eyes. Something else was different about him too, which was the swollen lip with a big red cut where Sam was used to seeing a piercing.

Before Sam could even fully take in how horrible Lucifer looked, however, he heard the strict and angry voice of their professor and almost flinched.

“Mister Milton! No sunglasses in my class, you should know that by now!” The whole room was silent and Sam was sure all eyes around them were directed at Lucifer at this point. “Loose them this second or you can walk right out again!”

Lucifer showed his disapproval by puffing through his nose, but still followed the professor’s instructions to take them off. Sam’s jaw dropped and a few people around them actually hissed when Lucifer revealed his face, but the blond quickly made them turn back around with a single glare. The whole left side of Lucifer’s face was swollen and covered with bruises and he had the worst black eye Sam had ever seen. It was extremely dark and painful to even look at.

“Damn, you look awful. What happened?” Sam asked before he could stop himself. Lucifer turned his head and gave him the same pissed off glare and he wished he would have just shut his mouth immediately.

“Why the hell would you give a shit?” Lucifer snarled and slammed the sunglasses onto the table.

“Sorry, I was just asking,” Sam quickly said and raised his hands a little in defense. “No need to get all pissed.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I got into a bar fight,” Lucifer said without much cogency and glared daggers through Sam. “Satisfied?”

“Yeah, s-sure,” Sam mumbled and turned away from Lucifer, blushing slightly. Damn, he didn’t know such a simple question would make the other so angry, but apparently he was in a really shitty mood. Sam decided to just keep his mouth closed from now on to not cause any further argument and tried paying attention to the professor.

This was without a doubt the most awkward lecture of Sam’s life so far. He didn’t react well to Lucifer being so obviously angry and grumpy, it made him nervous and jumpy, and he just couldn’t stop glancing over to see if he was about to go off or not. It was a huge relief when they were finally dismissed; Sam had never fled from a class that fast before. He actually needed a moment to calm himself down after escaping Lucifer’s presence, which was how bad it really felt.

After his next class, which was less mentally challenging than the first, Sam had an hour to himself because a teacher had gotten sick and he used it for a long, quiet meal. When he went to the toilet after that he got another weird surprise; he wasn’t alone and had the worst company imaginable. Lucifer stood in front of the mirrors when he walked in and cussed vulgarly and loud, which actually startled Sam enough to freeze next to the door.

“Fucking hell,” Lucifer hissed when Sam finally peeked around the corner to actually see him. He was doing something with his face that Sam couldn’t really see, but it was clear that it wasn’t fun at all. “Son of a bitch, stop fucking bleeding already!”

Summoning all his willpower, Sam took a deep breath and stepped forward and into Lucifer’s view. The blond immediately squinted his eyes and stared at him through the mirror, his expression anything but friendly.

“What do  you want?” he growled dangerously.

“Taking a piss if that’s allowed,” Sam scoffed and walked past Lucifer in a hopefully confident way. “I’m not stalking you, don’t worry.”

“You better not,” Lucifer grunted. “Just hurry and leave me alone.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Sam took unusually long to relieve himself, maybe because the atmosphere was so tense, but eventually managed to get done and walked over to the sink to wash his hands.

“May I?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Lucifer hissed again and stepped away from the sink with a furious face, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Hurry, will you? I’ve got something to do!”

Sam frowned when he saw the pile of bloody paper towels in the basket next to the sink and the streaks of what surely was blood too inside of it. Whatever Lucifer was doing, it looked bad. He washed his hands as fast as possible, but didn’t move away from the sink just yet. He knew it was probably the worst thing to do at this point, but he felt bad for just leaving the other like this.

“Want me to take a look at what you’re dealing with?” Sam suggested in the most calm and friendly way possible, to which Lucifer glared at him through the room.

“What are you, a doctor?” the blond huffed annoyed. “What do you even want from me?”

“Well, you’re bleeding and can’t stop it obviously,” Sam shrugged and pointed at the basket full of bloody towels. “I’m just offering my help, that’s all.”

“And why the hell would you do that?” Lucifer stomped over and Sam could finally see what was actually going on. It didn’t look good at all. Lucifer’s lip was bleeding badly, apparently somehow the cut had ripped open again and even now that he stood in front of him the blood dropped on his chin and on the floor. Now he noticed the cut on his eyebrow too, which was bleeding into his black eye that he pressed close.

“Damn,” Sam hissed and unshouldered his backpack. “Look, I know we’re not friends but you can’t walk around like that. You’ll scare everyone to death and I doubt it feels very nice.”

The brunet searched in his backpack until he found a box and pulled it out before dropping the backpack. He looked at Lucifer again for a moment, then opened the box and placed it on the sink.

“It won’t take long,” he mumbled and took a bottle out of the box. “Just let me help you, alright? Not that anyone calls the police or something.”

“Fine,” Lucifer groaned and licked the blood off his lip almost annoyed. Sam cringed at that, but didn’t say anything. “Just hurry, I need to get to class again soon.”

Sam nodded and grabbed a new paper towel on which he poured some of the liquid on.

“This is gonna hurt, but try not to move or punch me. I need to put this on or your lip will get infected and you don’t want that, trust me.”

Lucifer just looked at him, which Sam took as him understanding and continued his work. When he pressed the towel onto Lucifer’s face he could see the blond tense up immediately, but there was no flinching or punching - not even a word coming from him.

“Alright, hold this on for a moment, will you? And lean your head forward.” Sam said and waited for Lucifer to do so before taking his hands away. “I don’t think it needs to be sewn, but if it keeps ripping open it won’t heal. You didn’t keep those towels on for long, right?”

“Not really,” Lucifer mumbled and Sam nodded.

“Give it a few minutes, the pressure will stop the bleeding,” Sam explained. “I have some antiseptic balm here I can give you, put that on twice a day and it’ll heal within a week.”

“You’re good with this,” Lucifer admitted, not without a hint of surprise in his voice.

“Thanks,” Sam laughed and got another paper towel. “I had an epileptic friend as a kid and when he had a seizure he often fell and hurt himself. It got better, but I learned to treat small wounds because of him. Pretty helpful.”

“Not bad,” Lucifer huffed.

“Okay, let me see your eye now,” Sam lifted Lucifer’s head up a little by the chin, earning another of those cold glares. “You just press on your lip, don’t remove it yet.”

Sam carefully cleaned the blood from  Lucifer’s black eye, though not without hearing the blond hiss from time to time because even the slightest touch to his skin. Once he had disinfected the cut through Lucifer’s eyebrow, which was pretty deep from what he saw, Sam pressed a clean towel onto it as well and smiled weakly.

“Not as bad as your lip,” he said reassuringly. “But I don’t wanna see the other guy if you look like this. Is he still alive or…?”

Lucifer looked at Sam for a long moment with the same estimating and piercing glare, as if he wanted to intimidate him, but suddenly his expression changed and he looked more ashamed than angry.

“You’ll find out anyways, but if you tell anyone about this or what I’m about to say you’re dead, understood?”

“Yeah, sure?” Sam was very confused now. Of course this was the most he ever talked to Lucifer, but he had not seen this behavior yet.

“It wasn’t a bar fight, my dad kind of lost his shit on me yesterday.”

Sam didn’t know what to say or if Lucifer was kidding him or not, so he just stared at the blond while holding the paper towel to his face like a complete idiot.

“Didn’t see that one coming, huh?” Lucifer said after a minute of Sam staring at him like a weirdo, actually cracking a smirk where he didn’t hold his lip.

“It’s… unexpected,” Sam admitted, managing to return the smirk partially. “So, no murder? You didn’t beat anyone to death and will be arrested soon?”

“You’d like that, wouldn't you?” Lucifer huffed. “Hate to disappoint you, but no. We had an argument, one thing led to the other and next thing I know is that I’ve got his fist in my face.”

“Damn, what an ass,” Sam hissed sympathetic.

“Yeah, but it’s fine,” Lucifer shrugged almost amused. “I’m used to it and I don’t mind taking the beatings. Better me than someone else.”

“Your mom?”

“My brothers.”

Sam’s chest stung at those words, he couldn’t help it. Imagining Lucifer, the cold and rude punk that never had a nice word for anyone, as someone who got beaten up regularly was hard, but imagining him taking those beatings for his brothers was actually very sad in Sam’s eyes.

“How old are they?” Sam asked while taking the towel from Lucifer’s eyes to distract himself from just staring at him all the time. The wound looked much better, so he got the antiseptic balm from his first aid box and put it next to it on the sink.

“Six and ten,” Lucifer smiled weakly. Sam had never heard this tone in his voice and it made him realize how little he actually knew about his supposed soulmate.

“So, you’re the big brother?”

“Looks like it,” Lucifer shrugged. “I’m not the oldest, that bastard left years ago, but I can distract our dad from them, so that’s what I do.”

Sam felt horrible imagining this. He stayed silent while carefully taking Lucifer’s hand away from the towel on his lip to examine it, fearing that whatever he might say would come across as rude or cold. He was pretty shocked and had no idea how to feel about this situation or about Lucifer telling him that in the first place.

“He hates me so much, it’s easy to do,” Lucifer continued, almost proud. “No matter what I do, you can see the hate boil up in his eyes.”

“That sounds horrible,” Sam said and stopped himself from biting his lip from feeling so uncomfortable and bad.

“Maybe, but it’s better when I’m there, you know?” Lucifer answered and carefully tapped against his lip. It had stopped bleeding by now and he looked a little relieved. “I missed two years of college because one of my brothers got sick and he didn’t give a damn, but I don’t mind. He’s a shitty father and I gladly dropped out for that.”

“So, that’s why I didn’t see you around last year.” Sam was surprised, but kind of touched somehow too. That was actually a very nice and caring thing he did not expect from Lucifer. “Is your brother alright now?”

“Yeah, luckily,” Lucifer smiled sadly. “He had a few close calls and was in the hospital for quite a while, but he recovered. Now he’s back in school and I can continue studying.”

“That’s good,” Sam sighed in relief and nodded. “I’m glad he recovered.”

“Thanks,” Lucifer sighed and pushed himself away from the sink finally. “And thanks for helping me with this mess. What I said earlier still stands though, tell anyone about what happened here or what I said and I’ll end you.”

Back to his old self within a heartbeat, why was Sam even surprised?

“I’m not that kind of asshole, but thanks for the warning,” Sam huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest with a frown.

“Just so we’re clear,” Lucifer informed Sam with the same cold attitude the other was used to from him by now. “This doesn’t change anything.”

“I hope not,” Sam shot back just as cold. He grabbed the first aid box, brushing against the balm that rolled into the sink and walked out without looking back or grabbing the balm.

As he stomped over to his next class he wondered why he had suddenly felt so bad for Lucifer, after all he was still the same rude asshole he knew by now. And yet, something inside of him knew that this would change something, whether he liked it or not. For some unknown reason Lucifer had opened up to him about his life and he was sure that this wasn’t something he consciously decided to do.

[soaimagines]

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

Part Two of The Holly-Day Series

Part One: Happy Halloween

Pairing: Happy x OC Holly

Word Count: 3,115

Authors Note: Im sorry this is late! Life got in the way. But heres part two of the Holly-day series. Part three will be up for Christmas 💕

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Holly leant back in her chair in the office, her feet resting in the eye of the desk as she doodled in the notepad in her hands. She wasn’t the best singer in the world, but she could carry a tune and was working hard to perform both parts of ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’. Jax and Chibs were working in the garage, although they were spending more time talking about club business than doing any work. Holly’s voice grew louder as she sang the song and once she reached the chorus she was really belting it out. They could even hear her pens hitting the desk as back up music and Jax rolled his eyes. Chibs chuckle and they both walked into the office. Holly glanced up but continued singing. “I really can’t staaaayy..” She flung her ‘microphone’ pen out and held it to Jax who simply shook his head. Holly threw her hands up and shifted in her seat to sit up straight. “How rude, Jackson, just barging in here. Can’t you see I’m busy?” She pointed to a pile of paperwork on the desk that she had been ignoring all morning. Chibs laughed at that and leant against the wall. “Ye know it’s only November, Holly.” “What’s your point, Filip?” “The point is, stop singing fucking Christmas carols.” Holly gasped and held a hand to her best in faux hurt. “How dare you!” Jax smirked and shook his head and Holly cracked a smile too. “Well now that you boys are here you can tell me, What time are we meeting at the maze tomorrow?” Jax blanked and looked to Chibs, whose expression mirrored his own. Holly rolled her eyes. “Gems been talking about it all week! The corn maze?!” “Ohhh youre wanting to know if your boyfriends gonna be back in time huh?” Jax teased. Holly glared at him when Chibs jumped in. “A romantic walk, getting lost in tha corn.” “Seriously, boys. Grow up.” The boys were about to respond when the roar of motorcycles filled the lot and they all peered outside. Four bikes rolled in and Holly recognised them as Happy, Juice, Kozik and Bobby. For almost a fortnight the four had been away, helping out in Tacoma charter, though Holly wasn’t sure of the reasons behind it. All Holly knew was that the absence had most definitely been noticed. Especially of one in particular. Happy had been the forefront of her thoughts even more than usual ever since the Halloween Party she had thrown where she could have sworn they had shared a moment before Tig had interrupted. She watched longingly as he backed his bike up and imagined herself  running down from the office to greet him. How hed look up and grin while shed run in slow motion. How he’d run towards her and meet her halfway. How he’s lift his helmet off and toss it aside and she would leap into his arms, ‘The Notebook’ style, his strong arms wrapping around her. He’d say something like “oh how I’ve missed you, my one true love!” And pull her into a smouldering, earth-moving kiss while music played and the guys clapped and cheered and in the background, fireworks!... “Holly!” “Huh?!” She snapped out of her imagination to find Jax and Chibs smirking at her dreamy  flushed expression. “Jesus darlin, you might need a napkin for all that drool.” “Shut up!” Holly snapped and stood up. She grabbed a wad of paperwork and shooed them out of the office before slamming the door behind him. The commotion drew the attention of the new arrivals and Holly twisted the blinds shut before slumping back to the desk.

♔

Holly stepped out of the taxi, thanking the driver and walked swiftly to the front door. Knock-knock. Holly adjusted her grip on the dish in her hands and waited rather impatiently. After twenty seconds of no response she knocked again and this time she saw a light flick on through the window. Eventually the door cracked open and she saw Clay peering at her through the gap “Holly?!” “G’morning!” She pushed the door open with her hip and walked into the house. Clay looked baffled as he watched her place the dish and the bags on the counter. “You know what time it is?” Clay asked stifling a yawn. Holly turned to him and noticed his boxer shorts and black singlet, and from his tired expression she could tell he had just woken up. “Where’s Gemma?” “In bed, like a normal person at,” He glanced at the clock. “Twenty past five, Jesus.” “Oh no.” She walked away from him, leaving him staring after you with a mixture of annoyance and confusion on his face. She walked down the hallway and entered the main bedroom, rolling her eyes at the form of Gemma’s body under the comforter. She strode over to the window and ripped the curtains open for dramatic affect, although it was still dark out. “Rise and shine, Gem!” She sang. Gemma groaned and sat up. “Is this a nightmare or are you really in my room?” She asked as she reached for her glasses. “I thought you would have known better than to sleep in.” Holly tutted. She grabbed the robe hanging off the door and tossed it to Gemma. “Get showered, we have a schedule.” And with that she turned and walked back to the kitchen. After twenty minutes Gemma walked in to see Holly hauling the turkey out of the refrigerator. “Need a hand?” Gemma mused as she reached for her cigarettes. Holly glared at her. “Look who finally showed up!” Gemma smirked. “Oh sweetheart it’s far too early for your attitude.” Holly rolled her eyes and opened the dish of stuffing. She had stayed up late last night preparing it. It was an old family recipe passed down from her grandmother and she had wanted to make it perfect. She knew Donna used to make it for Opie and she knew it would mean a lot to him.

The next few hours went relatively smoothly. Gemma had finally gotten stuck in although Holly was still stressing about being behind schedule. Jax and Tara had arrived with the kids although Tara was no help. That was mostly Gemma’s fault, as she didn’t trust her to touch any of the food prep so Tara was stuck cleaning up after them. Holly glanced at the clock and called for Clay, who groaned immediately upon hearing his name. “Can you get the table ready?” Holly asked as she rolled out the pastry for her pumpkin pie. Clay frowned. “Why? We’re not eating for ages.” “God do none  of you care about things being perfect?! Just get the extra chair out at least. We need five for the kids table and twelve for the adults.” Gemma shook her head. “We need thirteen.” Holly frowned. She never counted wrong, not when it came to place settings. “Did you change the guest list?” She nodded casually. “Happy and his mom are coming.” “WHAT?!” Everyone stared at Holly, surprised by her outburst and she blushed deeply. “I mean it’s fine it’s just I didn’t plan for extra people and there might not be enough pie for everyone, and ahh..” Gem smirked and winked. “I’m sure you could share your pie with him, sweetheart.” Holly’s cheeks went an even darker shade of red and she tore her apron from her waist. “I need to.. pee.” And with that she ran to the bathroom, leaving the rest of her strange family in laughter.

♔

The house was filling up with guests, and Holly was in an even bigger frenzy now as she waited for Happy and his mother to arrive. She had never actually met Mrs Lowman, but in her imaginary life, where her and Happy were madly in love,  they got on well. The nerves were setting in well and truly and she wanted everything to run smoothly, even more so now. The only guests to arrive were Happy, his mother, and Tig. All the food was ready to be served but Holly was still pottering around the kitchen, double checking the dishes were presented to a high standard. “Here.” She looked up, to see Juice holding out a glass of wine and he laughed at her startled expression. “Relax, Hol. Everything looks great.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she smiled at her friend as he embraced her. Just then there was a knock on the door and Holly quickly finished the wine and made herself look busy. Juice rolled his eyes and beamed at the newcomers. Happy held out the door for his mother and Gemma hurried over to greet them. Juice and Holly smiled as they watched them hug and Mrs Lowman turned to face them. Her eyes fell on Juice and she looked him up and down. “My my.. You are looking good, my Juicy.” Juice chuckled nervously, avoiding Happys narrowing eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. He shoved Holly forward. “This is Holly.” Holly gulped, her eyes similar to those of a deer caught in the headlights and she adjusted her outfit. “Nice to meet you, Mrs Lowman.” She smiled. Mrs Lowman pulled her into a hug and planted a kiss on her cheek. “Please, call me Maria.” She stepped back and looked at Holly warmly. “I have heard so much about you.” “Oh?” Happy cleared his throat and stepped in, ushering his mother to the side where Chibs was waiting to greet them. Juice nudged Holly with his elbow. “Shut it, Ortiz.” Juice scoffed and raised his arms in defence. “I didn’t say anything.” He grabbed the bottle of wine and poured some more into the glass. “Thanks.” Holly sighed in relief. She reached for the bottle and walked away, chugging the contents and leaving Juice holding the glass he had filled for her with a dumbfounded expression on his face. It was going to be a long night.

♔

Laughter and banter filled the room as everyone filled their plates and took their seats around the table. Clay had finally gotten off his ‘lazy old ass’ (as Holly called it) and carved the turkey and Holly watched with a smile as she waited for all the guests to serve before she grabbed a plate. She scooped a variety of salads and casseroles onto her plate in small quantities and picked out the white meat of the turkey before turning to the table. Everyone was seated, and Holly scanned the table for an empty seat. The only chair left empty was between Opie and Happy, and Holly gripped her plate as she walked closer. She couldn’t help but feel she had been set up and by the cheeky grin Opie flashed her she knew she was right. Mrs ‘Call Me Maria’ Lowman was seated opposite her son and next to Juice, who looked uncomfortably awkward by the seating arrangement. Holly slid into her seat and laid a napkin across her lap. “Holly, Opie has been telling me you cooked all of this?” Holly blushed. “Not all of it, it was a joint effort.” “Well, food is the way to a mans heart.” Maria winked, sending Holly’s cheeks and darker shade of red and she turned to look at her son. “Hasn’t she done great, Happy?” Happy nodded and glanced at Holly. “It looks amazing.” He rasped quietly. Holly smiled and wished the ground could swallow her whole and she shot Juice a pleading ‘save me’ look. Thankfully he caught on and roped Mrs Lowman into a conversation, diverting her attention to ‘my Juicy’ as she called him. As the night went on Holly became more relaxed, mostly  due to the wine she was consuming but she found herself chatting comfortably with Happy. Every now and then his denim clad thigh would brush against hers and every time it sent shivers down her spine. She fought hard to keep her cool, despite the manic thoughts that were running through her mind and she even managed to hold a conversation with Maria. And just like in her imagination, they got on well. Maria watched from across the table as Happy and Holly chatted between themselves. She could tell there was something was growing between the two, if only they could see it for themselves.

After dinner Holly cleared the dishes, with the help of Lyla and Tara. She had just placed a stack of plates on the counter when Juice darted into the kitchen. “What the hell, Hol!” “What?” Holly asked, taken aback. “I’ve been sending you signals all night. Happys mom is in love with me!” Holly laughed and rolled her eyes. “We all know you're handsome Juice, but get over yourself.” “I’m serious! If you hadn’t been eye fucking Happy all night maybe you’d have noticed her stroking my Mohawk!” Juice hissed. Holly laughed, brushing off his comment and began scraping plates. Juice threw his hands in the air in defeat and walked out of the kitchen, muttering something along the lines of “its a curse, being this good looking.”.

♔

The night was drawing to an end and those that were left were lounging on the sofas, chatting amongst themselves. Holly had headed to the kitchen to clear up the rest of the dessert dishes and pack the leftovers into containers for the guys to take home. Juice was helping her, and he groaned as he watched her scoop a generous portion of sweet potato casserole into a Tupperware container. “I don’t ever wanna see that again.” “You didn’t like it?” Holly asked. Juice shook his head. “I liked it too much. There’s no more room in here, I’m so fat.” He poked at his sculpted torso and Holly rolled her eyes. “Take some. I know how useless you are at cooking and you’ll want it tomorrow.” Just as Juice began to protest the two were joined my Happy and his mother, instantly sending a blush creeping up Holly’s neck. “Holly, my sweet girl, thank you for everything.” “Anytime, Mrs Lowman.” Holly smiled warmly. “Maria.” Mrs Lowman corrected before turning to Juice. “And you.” She looked him up and down before glancing between Holly and Happy and cleared her throat. “My Juicy, why don’t you take me home?” Happy frowned. “I can take you Ma.” “Don’t be silly, hijo, you stay and help Holly clean up. Take her home.” Happy glanced between his mother and Holly, whose cheeks were blushing deeply. “Cmon, My Juicy.” Maria wrapped her arm around Juice and pulled him to the door. Holly watched helplessly as Juice threw back one last alarmed look before being dragged outside and then the door was closed; leaving Happy and Holly alone in the kitchen. Silence fell between them and Holly turned back to the leftovers. Happy moved to stand beside her and Holly gulped. “I can finish up, if you wanted to head off.” Happy shook his head. “I want to help.” He reached for a dish, at the same time as Holly did and their hands brushed against each other. The light contact turned her legs to jelly and she bit her lip, quickly busying herself with the rest of the dishes. Once they were done Holly stacked the leftover containers on the counter. “You ready?” Happy asked quietly. Holly met his eye, getting lost in the darkness of his pupils and nodded. They said their goodbyes, earning a round of smirks and winks from the rest of the guys and left the house.

♔

They walked down the steps in silence, although it wasn’t uncomfortable. Holly followed Happy to Juices bike and he passed her his helmet. She smiled and pulled it into her head and he watched her fumble with the buckle before smirking. “Here, let me.” Holly gulped as he stepped closer and tightened the strap beneath her chin and she couldn’t help but study his features. “Ready?” He asked, his raspy voice sending a shiver down her spine. She nodded and after he was seated she grasped his broad shoulders and swung her leg over the bike. The engine roared to life beneath them and she grabbed hold of his waist as the bike rolled out into the street. He rode carefully, taking the corners smoothly and Holly smiled contently. She studied the way his hands gripped the handle bars and his tattooed arms. Before long the bike rolled to a stop in Holly’s driveway and Happy shut the engine off. She swung off the bike and Happy did the same while she unbuckled the helmet. “Thanks for the ride.” Happy nodded and flashed her a rare smile. “Anytime.” In silence they walked to the front steps and Holly fumbled with the keys as she unlocked the door. Once unlocked she swung the door open and cleared her throat. “Thanks.. again. Did you wanna..come in?” “I should get going.” Happy said quietly. Holly nodded, hoping her disappointment wasn’t shown on her face. She moved to step past him but he reached out and grasped her wrist. Holly gulped as she turned to look at him, the gap between them nearly nonexistent. His jaw clenched and she watched as his tongue darted across his lower lip and her breath caught in her throat as he dipped his head. Holly closed her eyes and tilted her head towards him when the shrill ringtone of his cell rang out. He pulled away and whipped his burner out of his pocket. “What?” He rasped into the receiver. A blush crept to Holly’s cheeks and she made an attempt to step back but with Happys hand still wrapped around her wrist it proved difficult. “You should probably head over here.. soon.” She could hear Juice saying on the other line. “Is ma okay?” Happy demanded, his body instantly tensing. “What? Yeah, she’s fine. But she uh.. she keeps calling me her Puerto Rican prince and don’t get me wrong Killer, your moms great, but if you don’t get here soon imma be your new stepdad.” Holly bit her lip and held in her laughter, while Happy gripped the phone tightly. “I’ll be there soon.” He snapped the burner shut and slid it into his pocket. “I should go.” Holly nodded and smiled warmly. She said her goodbyes and watched as Happy turned and walked back to the bike. She watched the bike disappear into the street and stepped inside, closing the door behind her and she leant back against the sturdy wood. With a blush still on her cheeks and her heart full of warmth, Holly smiled to herself. She was thankful. Thankful that she had so much to be thankful for.

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[every-thing-is-an-illusion]

7-6-11

6 years ago. you became mine, but mine is such a loosely used term as you were never mine. Yes we hugged, we kissed, we shared memories, holidays and fucked. Talked about a future with kids and more. You're ex was always there so you never were fully mine, but I was fully yours.

It goes back to when we both cheated on our significant others, the way i turned when u went to give me a kiss on the cheek for being such a good friend when you shouldn’t have been kissing me at all. Was i wrong for tempting? trying to tear you away from someone who didn’t give u what you needed. most likely.

then that was the “kids” night at eve ultra lounge. Form party, you finally single and it was the perfect night out, not that I had many. The kiss we shared made my world spin, i remember it clear as day and nothing has ever been like that. 

we had problems, many problems, but I just wanted to make you happy. No matter what you use to hear, I never cheated on you. I feel more for you each day. to the point where its been 5 years of actually talking and u still come to my head in waves. your brother has grown up, and you're a completely different person. but let me get back to the story.

We went to college together. It was wrong of me to but such an emotional dependence on you. I know now it was the BPD, and you were whats considered a favorite person. I remember bringing you food when you were sick at work. when you fell out of my bed that one night and hit ur hip on the chair. How we slept together like a little couple everynight no matter what busy work we had in the day. I had our two hours of talking about our day, netflix, and holding you. I didn’t care if i barely saw you. Seeing u as the first thing i woke up to and last was more than enough.

I keep thinking back and thinking what I could have done differently, Maybe believe vinny, or try harder, or not get into a fight with your father that one night. Now I sit here, 5 years after we broke up, with still a strong hold on you in my heart. Maybe Im crazy for still caring. Maybe I really loved you.

I’ve loved after you but it was different. I haven’t  given myself fully to another person except you. I compare everything to how u made me feel. You were the one that got away, I always tell people its the others loss and to move on and I know im a hypocrite.  Maybe it was the fact that you were all I had. My support system. U knew my relations with my foster family kept getting worse. no other means of support. and when I lost you, I felt like I lost everything.

you didn’t believe I tried to kill myself after it and that was wrong of me to even try to do honestly. I remember laying my head down after taking half a bottle of sleeping meds to wake up grogy and having to go to new memeber education for ZBT. The nights I drank until i passed out in order to keep myself from thining about you, sleeping without you. Not to mention being throw out of my foster family house that summer right after.

I remember telling my brothers I stood up there in the house for work, but its not like I had anywhere else to go. The distance helped. We didn’t have the time to make many memories in platts, but we could have. oh we could have.

Timehop will show me pictures of us and it breaks me. Then moving back here. and seeing you 3 days into the school year. I was taking a grammar test for a tutor position and i didn’t even have to turn around....as soon as I heard that voice I knew and i was like. please no. 3-4 years and I still wasnt ready to see you again but sure enough it was you. That split second we locked eyes, destroyed me. My concentration gone, everything gone,

I wondered if you ever recognized me. Those scars werent there on my arms the last you saw me. I was a different person then and now. I remember I left before u did and I wanted to wait outside the door, but it wasnt right to do so. Ended up waiting outside under a tree just to get another glance at you. wrote my poem “earthquakes” to describe that overload of emotions. I never saw u again that day.

Untill later on in the semester, listening to hands like houses, the band you showed me. I caught a second at your face but knew it was you leaving the building. I messaged you, as if somehow you would wanna talk to me. just to be turned away but after all i left a bitter taste in your mouth the last time you interacted with me. I wrote pages upon pages of reasons why we could work and how I loved you but you chose someone else. Your first love because you felt it was your fault and you could fix it. I hope you had your closure cuz i never felt like I had mine. Saw you with him again, as if we were nothing. And now your not even with him, but you had that second chance. I wish I had mine.

The truth is thou. If you had an ounce of feelings for me, anything in your heart. You would of replied, reached out, something. Something like I did. You had everychance to see if there was anything left. I remember prom vacation in wildwood. How we fought because all you wanted to do was fuck and I wanted to enjoy the beach and make memories with you. I remember thanksgiving and meeting your little grandmother but also fucking u on the table before dinner. we were wild and free and just so full of life. Your brought the best out of me and I wanted so much to see you grow.

Your becoming a vet now, I wish I knew how that changed from journalist and working with the peace core. I hope you didn’t settle cuz u had every right to achieve your dreams. Honestly I wonder what the fuck happened to our pet turtles. always trying to climb on each other to escape the cage and then disburst when we came into the room. Your giant elephant i bought you, or the lady and the tramp dolls. All I have left is emails and pictures. I hate I threw it all away after we broke up.

The truth is thou. 5 years later and Im over here writing this, something you most likely wont ever see. something u wont even know about. You go to sleep not knowing I still feel this way. Even if you did, it wouldn’t change anything. because u don’t.  Your happy now. thats all that matters. Im trying to be to, but i havne;t been fully happy since you.

of course, as i go to post this, its 11:47. the time I asked you out, the time I would call you every night to wish u goodnight before I said it to u as u laid next to me. Our time. a stupid man made minute that u gave purpose. is it stupid of me to still hold significance to this day? 7/6/11  its my pinn for my card and my friend even goes, seriously, u and kims date? still. as if it was crazy. maybe I am crazy. after all, you were the first person to call my psychotic and you knew every part of me, so maybe I am. maybe Im alot of things, but I wish I was still yours...

[heartbroken-journals]

Dec 25 //10:28 pm//1 1/2 mo. after breakup.

where do I even begin with what has happened since my last post. we’ll for starters its been over a month since I last posted, and well a lot has happened. a few days before thanksgiving, my ex sent me an instagram video of him sitting in a parking garage feeling defeated and upset. I'm not sure what happened that day but im 100% sure he was out partying because I believe it was around 4 or 5am on a Sunday. I replied with a question mark and he replied saying that he has been a wreck and has been trying to find ways to not be, and basically wanted me to punish him by telling him that I hated him. all I replied saying was “when you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here”. on thanksgiving day, he texted me saying he was never going to be “read” to talk but that he was willing to try. he said he knows its shitty of him to not have relied sooner, but that he wanted to talk again. he then texted wishing me a happy thanksgiving. we talked a little bit here and there for the next few days. he said he had received the package and he was very thankful. I also received him package which was a world map 🗺 that I had asked for back in September. That weekend it was my friends birthday so we went out and during dinner, I got a text from my ex saying he missed me and then later began to text me asking me about last night and how the birthday went. I felt weird texting him like nothing happened. I didn't know what to say or do so I went a long with it because I too missed him and wanted to talk again. but he came to a point where I decided to end a text with something that you couldn't really answer to and that was it. 

that was the last time we talked up until yesterday Dec 24. on Monday night dec 23, he took off all our pictures off of social media, and fortunately I was out with my friends when I saw that, it hurt me but not as bad because I wasn't alone. Unfortunately it didn't hit me until I got home. I cried my eyes out and couldn't sleep all night. all I could think about was that my divorce was finalized and that he was officially single to the public eye. it hurt a lot. more than it should have, but I knew that when this would happen, it was going to cut deep, and it did. all night I thought about how hurt I was that he did that without even getting closure first. so I decided to leave things up to me. 

I sent him a huge text telling him how I felt the need to reach out to him, I needed him to know that I don't hate him. im just hurt and that I still love him. I needed him to know that I was thankful for the last 7 years with him and also for giving me the opportunity to be with someone else. I let him know how much I loved and respected him that I wouldn't tell my family or others about the cheating because I didn't want it to hurt his character. I wish it could have all be on FaceTime but I couldn't wait any longer. 

I wasn't sure of how he would respond or if he even would respond. it was hard for me to know what he would say. but he did respond, he said he was ashamed and couldn't face me to talk. he definitely agrees that we do need to talk and he will push aside his feelings just for that. he didn't tell me he missed me or that he loved me which I felt like he could have but chose not to do so. I understand it is difficult for him and that's fine. we agreed to talk this weekend, and we decided not to talk over text so it can all be said in “person”. 

Im nervous because part of me wants him to beg me to forgive him and ask for a second change, however the other part of me knows that he will never say that. its hard because im adding salt to my wounds by making myself think he could ever come back to me. I know he won't Daniel is very strict with himself and I know once he sets him mind on something its over. now I have to figure out what im going to say to him, I need to make a lift of questions and ask very specific things. I don't want to leave the conversation still having “questions” or “what if” thoughts. I need to know everything. 

right now im feeling sad because he isn't going to text me back, I know he's texting other people but not me. I also have to get it through my head that its over and he has no business texting me no obligation. I also need to understand that its difficult for him to do so. and also that I shouldn't have to feel this way. I need to move on. I need to look at the silver lining and know that if its not him its someone better and I should be excited and not sad about it. if I feel like he was my person and I was happy, imagine how much better its going to be when I do find my person. I know it doesn't make much sense now, but it will in the future. so for now I have to be strong and focus on myself and doing better for me. I got this. no ex of mine has ended up in a better situation with another girl better than me. 100%. so im still winning and im still better. I know my worth and who ever I end up with will be my equal. 

[free-rolling-burrito]

Story Time: Racist Client

Okay I know that if this gets ANY attention it’ll probably be negative because Racism is taboo but HEAR ME OUT,OKAY?

So my family,by heritage- is Hebrew/Jewish. Which means for me and my family history; that when my family came to America,it was to flee the holocaust. My mom is American born,and so am I. But we also look pretty white. So unless I tell people “hello my family fled the holocaust for being Jewish” or “my family is jewish” most people assume I’m English or something. (Don’t get me wrong,complaining about being white isn’t the point of this story,but this info is important to my story)

So one day,a few years ago now, I was working a quick Thanksgiving shift(I work as a caregiver). So my work had called me on the day I requested off and asked me to pull a quick two hours to help this lady (who we will refer to as Miss T from now on) get ready for thanksgiving with her family.

So I get there and clock in. I had been there before and she was known for being mean. Like,really mean. Making her caregivers stand there with their hands behind their back waiting on her in one spot during the whole 6 hour shift kinda mean.

Ms.T: I hope you can work quickly. I need my hair and makeup done in the next six hours you’re here. And a bed bath. Don’t forget to transfer me either,girl.

Me: Actually my name is *name* and the office sent me out here for 2 hours to help you get changed and transfer you.

Ms.T: I don’t understand why you can’t just stay over to help me.

Me: Because not only is it against company policy,but I have plans with my own family today.

Ms.T: Who cares about you? Ugh you millennials are all so selfish and lazy. Just hurry up and give me a bed bath.

Me: yes ma’am. *Gets supplies and starts giving her the bed bath she requested*

Me.T: NO NO NO YOURE DOING IT WRONG! You have to start with the left arm first then the right arm,then do the legs. I don’t want my legs washed first! Also you grabbed two wash cloths and I specifically always ask for 4 green ones. Those aren’t even green. And where are my wipes at? You need to wipe me down with exactly 8 wipes-

Me: *exasperated and not being paid enough to be yelled at for not caring about wash cloth colors* Look,Ms.T. I’m here for two hours- *looks at clock* now an hour and 20 minutes. If you want to be bathed,clothed,and transferred by then,I won’t have time to do this your way. Either let me do my job,or you can find someone else,with all due respect.

Ms.T: HOW DARE YOU. You know what? I don’t care. I’m calling your manager! And you’re staying those extra hours,whether you like it or not!

Me: like I told you,it’s against company policy,and I’d go without pay for it.

Ms.T: why should you get paid for this? *on phone,dialing my manager*

Me: because I could be at home with my family on my day off. But I came in today to help you. And since you insist on calling my manager and will be busy for the next few minutes,I’m going outside to grab my water bottle I left in there.

Ms.T: *my manager has picked up,and is listening from the point I said I was stepping outside for water* HOW DARE YOU? You don’t deserve water!

Me: pardon?

Me.T: You heard me!

Me: water is a human right. You can’t keep me from getting a drink out of my own water bottle.

Ms.T: YOURE NOT A HUMAN!!!

Me: excuse me??

Me.T: You’re white! And you use all your white privilege! You don’t deserve water you didn’t even work hard for it!! You don’t know what it means to have hardship! To be discriminated against!

Me: *quietly* actually I’m Jewish.. and I got made fun of a lot because of it •_•

My manager: ExCuSe Me you can’t talk to her like that!

Ms.T: this white little whore won’t stay over!! And she won’t follow my rules or instructions!

My manager: *meanwhile I have left and came back inside,listening to the conversation which is on speaker as I look Ms.T dead in the eyes and drink my water.* You can’t talk to our employees that way,especially as she is there doing a favor to you,and isn’t obligated to be there today.

Ms.T: *continues to be racist to me,then cries that my manager and I are racist for making an older black woman cry,as she starts fake crying over the phone*

So I basically ended up walking out to my car because I was boiling and didn’t want to lose my job. So my manager rings my phone and tells me to just leave because she’s being racist and won’t calm down. So I do. I get in my car,pull out of her driveway and park across the street,putting my directions home in my gps. Oh but it gets better.

Not 30 seconds later, Ms.T’s sister who also lives there storms up to my car and rapidly knocks on my car window. I crack the window a tiny bit.

Me: yes? What can I do for you?

Ms.T’s sister: GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THAT HOUSE NOW AND FINISH HELPING HER. SHES CRYING AND UPSET BECAUSE YOU JUST UP AND LEFT HER FOR NO REASON.

Me: no.

Ms.T’s sister: I WILL DRAG YOU BY YOUR HAIR BACK IN THERE.

Me: *rolls window back up*

Ms.T’s sister: IM CALLING THE POLICE ON YOU FOR HARRASSMENT

Me: *Drives away*

So yeah. Needless to say I wasn’t allowed back there ever again. Not that I’m complaining. Fucking crazies.

[g5b3ysjw-blog]

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[omgtaylortart]

So here it goes, November. It was around thanksgiving when I came down for a weekend in college and I went to walmart with my grandma. I had seen you before but I never paid attention because what was the whole point. Shit in fact I wasn't even aware you worked there. So i'm walking through the catfood isle and i'm reading snap stories to my grandma when I so happen to read yours outloud and I was like oops because before I knew it you were walking around the corner. That same night you hit me up and I felt so on top of everything. I wasn't sure who you were really or what you wanted from me but there was such a huge click with us I was feeling you instantly. I went on with my weekend and went back to college but there wasn't a second we didn't talk

Fast forward a week later when i fucked up my karma, You were supposed to come see me at college even though I was going to be home on friday so I didn't understand but I rolled with it. I sat there and hoped you'd show up but deep down I knew you wouldn't show up because I fucked up my karma. You wouldn't respond to me and you told syd your grandma died and you got called into work. Your grandma never died, work yes but never her. I was too stupid to realize that was a lie but who the fuck would ever lie about that.

Friday came and went and I ran into you at walmart where you said you were so sorry about what had happened and we could hang out as soon as I wanted to. I never felt empty or like you were lying to me, I thought this was sincere.

Monday night you asked me to hang out and I said yeah but I couldn't tell anyone where I was going to I used megan as an excuse to leave. She took me out of the house and took me to you, I lied to my family and I hated doing that but I thought it was going to be worth it and believe me it was. When I first got there it was super awkward because who the hell were these people and why was I hanging out with them, but nothing was better than seeing you in your purest form. I went on with the night and I felt as if i had found my people but I was so wrong. I left that night high on life. I let you drive me home drunk, probably not a bright moment but I was just so excited to be alone with you. I remember the words “So are we going to make this official or not” and I couldn't say yes to you fast enough.

As the weeks went on I hadn't found something this good in so long and I couldn't hold it in. We were so in love and you'd do everything for me. You'd give me your passwords, no secrets, just us. I was like how the hell did I find something this good. I let you in when I should have run.

I left my family on christmas, christmas when I could have been with my aunt who i never see, I chose you. Piece of shit. They were begging me and screaming at me not to go to you but I was so ready to prove a point so I went and hung out with you. We went to sean's house and I wanted to just be alone with you and I think you knew that because you wanted to “take me home” and hour early. We went for a ride past my house up in a party spot and stopped and talked about some deep shit, There we were letting each other in like we never have. Little did I know that most of what you told me was lies. Stupid me. You stopped at the bottom of my street by the mailboxes because I told you it was a good spot to just chill. We were just talking and you kept looking at me, you kept telling me that even in the dark, I was beautiful even if you couldn't see me well. You leaned in and kissed me and let me tell you I was not expecting that but I never felt so right doing something either. We went to my house because I had to go home and when I went to shut the door you leaned all the way over to kiss me again. All I thought was wow this boy is really into me, you werent, or maybe you were at the time. The night before you had told me you loved me. I believed you because in this night you couldn't have told me that enough. I should have known something was off by the way you weren't taking pictures of me like you always had.

Three days later I wanted you to meet syd, we had sat in facetime for weeks and had some of the best conversations together. She comes up here and we roll up to your house, which by the way I never ever judged you for where you lived. I never cared. I was so happy to be there and just have a chill ass day with the people who i loved. But you had to go lie and fuck that up because the week and a half after really made everything fall apart and I can't believe it. I got high, which means im hella comfortable around you. getting high around strangers is one thing but the guy you love takes a lot. I thought things couldn't be better, but maybe it was me. That night we really had a moment. When syd left and I was in trouble and we were alone. We talked about some more deep shit and I was like wow someones opening up to me. I was opening up to you too. Yeah maybe we made out a little but the most part of it was talking. You told me you wanted to meet my pops and you were the first guy I was okay with that. I never wanted to leave you that night,

Within that week I got some message from a girl I hate saying you cheated. You looked me dead in the face and say you didn't but you did. I cant believe that you have the pride to look someone in the face, the girl you were supposed to love. You looked right at me and said you didn't and I wasn't even sweating it , i knew you didn't. But you did. See here's the thing we never had a reason to not trust each other and I never had a single argument with you so I was none the wiser. I don't know if this was a grand plan or if you actually loved me.

A week later we were all going back to your place and nothing seemed wrong. Everything was in tact. Your friends were there and we were just chillin having a time. You were taking pictures of me so I was like okay we're fine. I was your background,your lock screen, and your watch screen , how do I dare look at you and say something was wrong. Fast forward into the night a little when things calmed down and we finally got keelan to leave your room. You were begging me to stay the night with you because you just really needed someone there with you. I honestly wanted to but I couldn't. You said “okay just lay with me i wanna hold onto you”. I don't know if you knew something was up but maybe you didn't because you begged me to stay??

We had sex.

I got home that night with syd and I was high off of everything and I couldn't help but think how could i ever love someone as much as i loved you. We snapped till like 3am and I crashed out but you told me how much you loved me. When I woke up is when something hit me because I sent you a goodmorning text and you never responded and then you went to work. I waited all day for a text from you and tried not to overthink it but you never did. I texted you that night and you said we were fine and you had just been busy. How could you ever lie to me that way. Man let me tell you I dont think ive ever felt this stupid in my life.

And I quote “I just am not in the right mindset to have a girlfriend right now im sorry”

“Are you breaking up with me”

“When i get my mind in a better place lets give this another go, Im sorry taylor”

I have never felt pain like this in my life, and It still hurts. Even with all the lies I found out after the fact. Things I don't understand why you would ever lie about it. I wanted to love you forever, I still love you. I was doing my best to give you everything and so were you. We were good together. But there you went in the blink of an eye without an explanation you just stopped loving me. The sex wasn't the reason. Maybe it was the guilt that you cheated on me. Maybe it was just you being a shitty person but I know for a fact that you loved me like no one had before. Where it went I don't know. I hope you have fun finding someone to love you as much as I did.

Everyday all of these memories flash before my eyes, I feel empty and it takes everything in me to not try to message you so I act like im petty instead. I don't want to be petty I want to love you but it registered to me that I can never go back but sometimes I just can't stomach this.

I don't like facing the way things happened and I wish I could turn back time and stay when you asked me too, I feel like things would have been different,

Then again, I think things would have been different if I had done a lot of things different.

I can't keep blaming myself but this is a bottomless pit feeling, a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time when you actually want to kill yourself, you did this to me

I lost my soul in your skin tones

Everywhere I go I keep myself busy with things to do but as soon as I stop I think of you, there is memories of you everywhere. I feel like i'm suffocating but in the wrong way.

This isn't the way things are supposed to be we became a we to get through things together.

I want to start over but sorry cant change time, i just wanna be your friend but there's some shit I can't forget.

I dont think im ready yet..

You look like yourself, but you were someone else on the surface.