#im being so brave im so miserable but i got another job starting next week so SOBS. the income is needed

[suntails]

⚔️💀

[readymades2002]

maybe i should talk this through a bit idk there's a lot on my mind right now. maybe it would help. mostly i am stressing about work. i'm also stressing for That Boy, he very bravely and coolly stood up for himself today and asked to step down as department head despite being more nervous about it than i've ever seen him, and it worked out well and it's gonna be alright but MAN he has been so miserable in this position for so long <///3 happy for him and mad it came to this in the first place, you know. god i love him. have i said that before. i fucking adore this guy

im also stressed for my+my department's sake, we've got a MASSIVE fucking exclusive sale coming up next week and the way corporate's talking about it is so so so scary. this job is already so grueling and our store is super high volume and this sale is a biiiiiig event theyre pushing. ive been doing this job for over a year now and i feel like a frog that doesn't know it's being boiled. this department is growing super fast and being pushed very hard and still is not treated like a valuable department in its own right and its very frustrating. i adore my three coworkers though. love them to BITS i have no idea what i'd do without them. i want to arrange a movie night or something to hang out sometime but i have no idea how that would work with us literally being scheduled to work alternately all the time. like a department. whatever...OH i have another coworker i want to take to lunch sometime too. god reaching out to people is so hard im trying to get better at it but its so scary and i cant imagine doing it EEP ! anyway

my financial straits are dire. need i say more...theyre not AS bad as they could be but i've been putting money aside to save for some things and then dealing with what i have left and god it is not a lot especially if you are also helping other people with their financial circumstances. phwew ! i love the economy

ummmmmm i want to ask Boy if he wants to go to a concert with me soon. we are going to a different concert in august but he hasn't been to one in ages and he is a Music Enjoyer (try not to swoon all at once) and he's been working too hard to do it recently and he Needs It. but: i am shy. and also we are both broke. stay tuned. no harm in bringing it up </3 i have to keep reminding myself we do enjoy each others company mutually and i need to stop waiting for him to make the first move all the time to Prove that im not weird for wanting to hang out lol

my birthday is. oh fuck my birthday is in almost one week now. ive been trying not to think about it but its also hard not to. a quarter of a century...the cybersale starts on the same day so at least that takes the pressure off celebrating a bit but i honestly don't know if i want to do anything for it. bad last few birthdays+unceasing guilt over being alive is a bad combo for celebrating birthday. but also last year i didnt do either of the things i wanted because i wanted to put others' schedules and wants and desires ahead of mine and that felt awful and so maybe even if its not something big ill treat myself to something. not sure what yet. maybe multiple things if i can swing it financially. im thinking like...some kind of piercing+stuff for getting into rollerskating? itd be nice to have a hobby since im so burnt out on art. i love being outside and i could get places so much easier...its hard not to go "what if im bad and get embarrassed or hurt and lose interest" but ive wanted to skate for so long and it would be so nice...

oh i still want a spine tattoo so bad. my body hurts so much and i know thats the most painful a tattoo gets but id be so hot

ummm idk i think thats where im at right now generally. not very interesting but much to ponder. there's a lot happening in my brain.......very distracting. anyhoo thanks for your time

hrmmmmm feeling restless </3