#im aware im a year late in answering this but i am also a snail at heart so EuAeuogh

[slasher-catcher]

I just saw your ace TikTok and 🥺🥺🥺 I'm a fellow ace and I loved it!!! Lmao people Don't accept we ace? WHAT THEY GONNA DO? NOT HAVE SEX WITH US Lmaoooooo

Ouuuu oh nOuugh Kevin's big mad that I don't, ,,

*checks notes*

.. oh my, do people actually have sex IRL?? I just thought that was special effects for movies 😨😱

[calamarispiderart]

I beg of you. More Benrey Mushroom headcanons please

answering this late bc its a big vague so ramblings a lil tricker to start off on but!!! hmm so.

w mushroom benrey, for the most part theyre like. yknow, theyre just...a dude? strange sure, but they do their job and they know what soda is and can count up to fifty and really, thats all you need right? reading and writing and pattern recognition and all that sort of thing--sure, most fungi dont seem to be able to do that sort of thing, generally, but when you have the control and experience built into your entire being from years of growing and dying and living and spreading and singing and falling apart to create--i dunno, i feel like adaption probably comes naturally at some point.

its all just a matter of time, really.

and like...benreys complex. theyre very well rounded, and ingrained, and dont question that phrasing but in many ways its, yknow, literal. most things are. everything is literal if you go about it the right way. dont question it. everything goes to metaphorical when you question it.

lots of things are metaphorical with benrey, too. like. how is a mushroom aware of a multitude? a collection of bodies all centered on the sentience of one being? well. a mushroom contains multitudes. it is grown of a complex structure, a network of cells and complex fractaling and biology and age that live for years or centuries or days, spread out under miles of being or a single piece of bread. not that benreys ever been bread before--bread is very difficult to control and use as a host.

benreys been a lot of things--theyve been a bug, crawling up a tree to settle and die. theyve been a bird, consumed and then consuming to become. theyve been a cat, speed and grace and stumbling over fences because a body once so familiar is now new (to them). theyve been a human. theyve been many humans. theyve been fish and dog and snail and worm and so many humans they can barely keep count. not that they were able to.

they learnt to count when tommy came by--they sat at a desk they only knew from muscle memory (very strange, and quicky being laced with hyphae,) and they were struggling with a phone they recognised but had never used. tommy, also strange and inhuman but in a very different way, gently took them to a different room and offered to help them count. they had puzzled out words and reading (barely) from the parts of the brains that had the right processors, but mushrooms, generally, do not have records of their numbers.

part of why they had been so many humans was, i think, because they had been caught. Black Mesa was a pattern they recognised, and though the scientests did not know this (at first,) Black Mesa was a place they had sung often in. they slowly filled the walls with mycelium during their stay, and by the time the resonance cascade had hit, Black Mesa was being held together more benrey than anything else. after a year, Black mesa became its own mycelium, and used the death that filled it to create life and an ecosystem of its own.

ive explained coomer before, specifically how he and his clones are their own mycelium network, so i wont go into that much hdbgdbs. idk if this is....anything, im just kinda rambling now hdbdhd. i am, planning on writing a fic for this au??

[danfanciesphil]

Can I ask for a Dan/Louise prompt? Just because I love their friendship to be honest and I'd love to read more of them interacting

I was really, really scared for a second that you were asking me for a Dan/Louise romantic thing and I was like.... hell nah, but no I totally agree that their friendship is EVERYTHING. So here you go, this was a pleasure. 

Got a prompt for me? Click here! (Please be aware that due to an abundance of prompts, your prompt may take a few days to complete - but thank you all for submitting so far!)

To: LouiseFrom: Dan00:34amo god louy am i such a twathelp me

To: DanFrom: Louise00:36am????What have you done now

To: DanFrom: Louise00:42am??????????????

To: LouiseFrom: Dan00:45amsrry... am quite drunk

To: DanFrom: Louise:00:47amDan, whatever it is im sureit’s not that bad

To: DanFrom: Louise00:50amWe are masters at embarrassingourselves, but we are alsomasters at laughing it off and getting through it somehow

To: DanFrom Louise00:51amThat’s what I’m here for. I’myour support for these situationsJust tell me what happened andwe’ll think of a way to fix it xx

Louise stares down at her phone, confused as it starts to buzz in her hands. She realises, belatedly, that it’s ringing, and sighs, flipping on her bedside light as she prepares to talk down a tipsy friend from what is sure to be a great overreaction to something trivial. 

She swipes the ‘answer’ button, and brings the phone to her ear. She opens her mouth to say hello, but a yawn interrupts her. 

“Sorry, Dan, just in bed, what’s-”

“I kissed Phil.” 

*

It’s 8am on a Thursday, and Louise is sat in a London café. As she sips her cappuccino, she looks around herself at the bustling atmosphere, still a little awestruck that she’s even here.

Normally, at this time on a weekday, Louise is sat in her car, crawling along at the pace of a snail as the train of exhausted parents trundle past the entrance to the local school. Darcy keeps her entertained on these mornings of course, her bright, sweet attitude livening up any morning.

Today, Darcy is getting dropped off by her Dad, after a lot of secret parental bargaining over the phone very late last night. 

At 6am, Louise dropped Darcy round to her Dad’s, lunchbox in tow, and then headed straight for the station. She caught the first train to London, texting Dan reassurances the whole way, just as she’s been doing all night. 

Now, she’s sat at a table in a Costa Coffee where Dan had told her to wait. She’s bought Dan his favourite coffee - a caramel macchiato - and a bakewell tart, as it’s unlikely he will have eaten a damn thing since last night, and he’ll be hungover as hell. 

It’s not exactly a typical morning. 

Just then, Dan pushes the glass door open, eyes frantically scanning the crowded coffee shop. Louise lifts her hand and waves, catching his eye, and she watches the tension drain from his shoulders. 

He pushes through the maze of tables towards her, and Louise stands, opening her arms for a hug. He practically lunges at her, squeezing tightly, his face buried in her hair. He still smells of vodka, and stale beer, and general unkemptness, but Louise holds him tight, not letting go until Dan shifts in her grip. 

He flops down into the seat opposite her, and she sits back down, surveying him worriedly. He looks terrible, in all honesty. Dan Howell is a pretty boy, there’s no point in denying something so obvious. He must know that not all of his subscribers are watching him for his premium content. He’s got that typical sweet, British boy thing going on - tall, with dimples and warm chocolate eyes. 

But this morning, he does not look his best. Not that it’s all that surprising. According to their text and phone conversations, Dan has not slept at all. He left whatever party he’d been at initially, and he’s been wandering around the streets of London all night long, refusing to go home no matter how much Louise told him off. 

His head droops forwards, obviously exhausted, and he notices the glass mug of coffee in front of him, his darkly circled eyes lighting up for a second. 

“Is that for me?” Dan asks - even his voice sounds like a husk of itself. 

Louise nods, offering a smile, and Dan practically snatches the drink up, glugging about half of it one go. 

“Have you not drunk anything?” Louise asks, her voice adopting a motherly quality. 

Dan shakes his head, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Does alcohol count?”

“No.”

Dan chuckles, darkly. “Then no. Not since...” He trails off, shaking his head. “I don’t know. About six in the evening yesterday?” 

Louise pushes the Bakewell Tart at him. “Does that go for eating as well?”

Dan groans, shoving the cake into his mouth. As crumbs fall from his lips, his eyes meet Louise’s, screaming their thanks at her. She sighs, shaking her head in pity. 

“Oh, Dan.” She sighs. “You ninny.” 

Dan swallows his mouthful, leaning back in his chair. He scrubs a hand over his face, looking miserable. “Don’t. I know. Trust me, I know I’ve fucked up. You can’t possibly think worse of me than I do.” 

Louise frowns, reaching a hand across the table. Dan stares at it for a moment, uncomprehending, then his brain seems to click into place, and he puts his own hand on top of hers. 

“Dan, I don’t think badly of you.” She says kindly, trying to maintain a gentle tone, as it’s so obviously what Dan needs right now. “I don’t think you’ve fucked up horrendously, I don’t even think you did anything wrong.”

“Lou, I kissed him.” Dan tells her, his voice dropping to a low level, as if he’s afraid someone might overhear. “Like, full on just planted one on him out of nowhere.” Dan shuts his eyes, as if the memory is replaying right in front of him. “The look on his face, Lou...” 

“Okay, back up, Dan.” Louise says, squeezing his fingers in her own. “Let’s break this down. What happened?” 

Dan sighs, his eyes fluttering open with reluctance. “We were... at a party.”

“Okay...”

“Just like... some friend of a friend,” Dan says vaguely, shrugging his shoulders. “We weren’t even gonna go, but we hadn’t seen that lot for months, so we thought we’d just, like, put in a quick appearance.”

“Right.” Louise says, nodding show she’s following. “But things escalated?”

Dan nods, frowning. He plays with the glacé cherry on the remnants of the tart. 

“This guy - the guy whose party it was - he’s really into craft beer.” Dan explains, sounding ashamed. “He works for some specialist beer bar in Shoreditch, and he had all these really fancy, strong bottles of beer...” 

Louise nods, sensing where this is headed. “So you got wasted.”

“You know what I’m like when I’m drunk, Lou.” 

In truth, Louise has only ever seen Dan drunk on a handful of occasions. She likes to think of she and Dan as good friends, as they talk almost every day via text, and they get on so well whenever they do see each other that it’s almost like the long, vast spaces of time between their in-person meetings aren’t there. 

Usually, Louise has experienced drunk-Dan at big, crowded events. VidCon parties, or YouTuber gatherings, or at the rare times she books a babysitter and manages to attend one of Caspar and Joe’s legendary parties. His drunkenness is absorbed into the mess of other people’s shenanigans, and she tends to overlook it. 

What she does remember, is that drunk-Dan tends to be a little more... tactile than normal. With everyone, but mostly with one person in particular. 

“You mean... you were draping yourself all over Phil?” 

Dan blushes, avoiding her eye. “I meant like... I usually get too flirtatious and over-confident.” Louise makes a little ‘oh’ sound, looking away. “But yeah, that too.” Dan confirms. 

“I still don’t quite understand...” Louise says, trying to connect the drunk-Dan in her memory to the one that did something as momentous as actually kissing his best friend without warning. 

“Well,” Dan sighs, pulling his hand out of Louise’s grasp in order to chew his thumbnail. “I guess it was always gonna happen eventually, right?”

This confuses Louise even more, and her brows knit together, attempting to make sense of such a strange statement. She comes up with nothing. 

“Wait, what was always gonna happen?”

Dan stares at her, looking equally confused. “Well... this.” 

“You kissing Phil?”

Dan gives her a weird look. “...yeah.” He pauses. “I mean, I hoped I’d be able to suppress the urge forever, but... I kind of knew it was unlikely I’d be able to do that. Especially as alcohol turns me into a sexual deviant.” 

Louise sits back in her chair, her mouth falling open. Can Dan be saying what she thinks he’s saying? A shockwave splashes over her, soaking her in pure astonishment. 

“Are you telling me you have feelings for Phil?” 

Dan laughs, which baffles her. Then he stops, staring at her. “You’re serious?” 

Louise shrugs, nodding. 

“What the- how could you not have realised that, Louise?!” 

“Me?! You’ve never said!” 

Dan shoves his face into his hands, groaning. “Oh my God. What did you think was happening all those times I rang you complaining about how hot he was?” 

Louise casts her mind back through the many conversations she’s had with Dan about Phil, trying to see how she could have missed this. 

“I just thought you were mentioning it generally!” She cries, shrugging. “I tell you how hot Zoe is all the time!” 

Dan looks up at the ceiling, barking a laugh. “That’s not the same! I mean- I’ve talked to you about having sex dreams about him for fuck’s sake.” 

Again, this does not register as abnormal. “So? I’ve had tons of sex dreams about my friends. I’ve probably had one about you at some point. Same as I’ve probably had one about Darcy’s fifty-year-old music teacher! That does not mean I have feelings for either one of you!”

Dan apparently does not share this point of view, and refuses to let this drop. 

“I called you crying about it one time!” 

“You’re not the most emotionally stable person, Dan. I just thought-”

“What about when I told you I wear his clothes to feel close to him!?” 

“You’re quite possessive over one another in general.” Louise replies, sipping the last of her cappuccino. “Everyone knows you wear each other’s clothes. I didn’t think there was much to it. You’re best friends.” 

“Okay, whatever.” Dan says at last, throwing his hands up in surrender. “Somehow you missed the fact that I’m crazily, obsessively in love with my best friend and have been since I was seventeen.” 

“You’re...what?” 

Louise and Dan hear the voice at the same time, and freeze, their eyes boring into one another. Heck, Louise is not in love with the guy, but even she can recognise Phil’s voice without needing to look. 

God knows what Dan is thinking right now. 

Slowly, painfully, Dan turns, his face white and sickly. Louise drags her eyes to the space behind Dan, cringing slightly as she takes in the sight of Phil, equally as exhausted, standing just to the side of their table. 

His hair is messy, as though he’s been running his hands through it. His eyes are also surrounded by purplish dark circles. He’s not dressed for a cold winter morning, in a shirt and tight black jeans - probably what he wore to the party last night.

“Phil...” Dan says, trailing off at once. “I didn’t... I’m so sorry...”

“I’ve been looking for you all night.” Phil tells him, sounding wrecked. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?” 

Dan shakes his head, mouth pressed into a tight line. “I couldn’t, Phil. I couldn’t bear it.” 

“Bear what?” 

“I couldn’t bear to hear you say you don’t...” Dan swallows, looking away. “That you don’t feel like I do. I was wrong to kiss you like that, I know. I just... you looked so... you always look so...”

Louise outright gasps when Phil leans in to kiss Dan. She claps a hand over her mouth, eyes wide in shock as she watches Dan’s eyes widen, then close. 

Christ, Louise thinks to herself, she really needs to pay better attention. These two have been crushing on one another this whole time? 

Phil draws away after a moment, and his eyes are shining with moisture. “Don’t run away this time, okay?” 

Dan sniffs, and a tear falls onto his cheek. He nods readily, seeming transfixed on Phil’s face. 

Phil smiles at him, tiredly, and finds his hand. Then, he turns to Louise, still smiling. 

“Sorry Lou, it’s really, really good to see you, but I think we need to get home.” Phil tells her apologetically. “Neither of us have slept, and we have... a lot of things to talk about.”

Louise nods, smiling broadly. Her own eyes sting with tears, her heart thumping with joy on their behalf. 

“Don’t worry, gorgeous.” Louise tells him, gesturing for him to go. “I’ll see you both soon. Go wrap each other up in blankets.” 

Phil nods, pulling Dan to his feet. Dan doesn’t resist. He allows Phil to lead him, like a trained puppy, speechless in the face of the situation. 

Phil reaches over to pluck the cherry from Dan’s plate before he goes, and deposits it into his mouth, smiling sheepishly at Louise. 

“Thanks for looking after him.” He tells her, and then gives her a small wave, leading Dan towards the exit, their hands still tightly clasped together.