#im at uni rn whoops

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

I drew! I have. finished that one. now I have. started another one.

i will go draw. watch me Not :P

[onlyjaeyun]

OKAY OKAY HAIII BABYYYYY :3 so let me start this off by saying that i actually need an emergency meet up with the triplets and jaeyun 🤞 because girl jaemin needs to get his ass whooped 👊 (jungwon is specifically needed for his taekwondo abilities pls and same goes for riki his height is an important factor☝️) second of all he was fUCKING FRESHMEN STUDENTS????????????????? (as a middle eastern i had to go to google) FUCK DO U MEAN BY 9TH GRADERS MAAM 😀⁉️ did my eyes actually see what they saw or is my google wrong. THEYRE NOT EVEN BARELY LEGAL THEYRE KIDS???????- so miss y/n when’s that police report for literal pedophillia going through ☝️ because what 😁 … ANYWHO i had to read chapter 7 again to remember everything and all i gotta say is i ship shotaro & y/n so hard rn🫶🏼 like giggling & kicking my feet in the air thinking about mister osaka🙏🏼. ALSO after sharing my theory for the reason of hoon & yn’s fall out— AHEM. after careful consideration and research, i believe that the reason why the upcoming chapter is gonna be a smutty one is because shotaro is gonna have a comeback, y/n is going to be all over him, sunghoon needs to blow off some steam because he’s been yapping for the past week bcs of jakyung and BOOM. hate-fucking season 1 episode 1, the source of my theory? the voices 😁. BUT if that’s not the case THEN they’re (hoon & y/n) are meeting up for a meeting w the other people about the new strategy or smth game related RIGHT so thAT could be a scene for hatefucking as well and IM SO SEATED 🧎‍♀️ really really excited for the new chapter my love 🤭🤭

anywho ! sending u so so much love zadie i hope you’re taking care of yourself well baby !!! sending u so many hugs & kisses <33

-⁉️

HI BABY NYKDNFLD I ALWAYS KNOW ITS YOU JUST FROM THE BEGINNING OF YOUR ASKS ILYSM 😭

moving on with the ask itself: would you believe me if i said the triplets already had an emergency meeting with the hyung line triplets to figure out a plan to get their revenge on jaems bc y/n refuses to 👀

and omg no not freshman as in high school but freshmen in university 😭 like first year uni students meaning 18/19 year olds but lets keep in mind he's 25 in CH so it's still very 🤕🤕🚩 important so sorry for not clearing that up that must have been a jumpscare 🤥

alright since i already confirmed the smuttiness of the next chapter i gotta say that i LOVED your train of thoughts but yk i cant say anything else or else i'll ruin the surprise 😗

thank you sm for your feedback baby, i love and appreciate you so much and hope you'll enjoy the next chapter MWAH!!!!🥰☁️🫧🤍

[winryrockbellwannabe]

hi aj!! it's been a while since I saw you on my dash (I think it's the time zone difference whoops) how are you? how's everything going?

Meg!!!! hi!!!! yeah, it's definitely the time difference, i have been posting later in the night (instead of first thing in the morning) bc ive been sleeping in and ignoring my alarms, whoopsie ahaha

I've been okay, uni has been a little overwhelming rn, but it's also being so fun, bc it's the first time in a while im actually excited for all my classes!! (and being able to pay attention to class - tho that's just bc of the meds lol)

i'm just a little scared bc we have tons of group projects and lab classes and lab reports, so it's so overwhelming to look at my planner and see that in a month i have so much work to do!! But i've also writing the realease date of movies and tv shows on my planner so instead of getting scared that my radiation test is in a month, i get excited that the Hunger games prequel AND the new Miyasaki movie are coming out in a month as well!

What about you?? How's uni going??? (Also, i don't think i've commented yet on your new blog theme, i love it sm!!!! is your new pfp a jjk character??)

[chososcamgirl]

HIHIHI IYA DAILY CHECK IN HRUUU⁉️

IVE BEEN LACKING ON MY TUMBLR ASKS LATELY BCUZ IVE BEEN GETTING MORE SUN IN (due to recent events) BUT IM HEALING AND THINGS ARE MAKING PROGRESS 🤗🤗 IM SOSOSO SORRY I HAVENT CHECKED IN ON U RECENTLY BUT IM GOING THRU UR PAGE RN AND TRYING TO CATCH UP🙏💯 (UPDATE ME ON ANYTHING/EVERYTHING THATS HAPPENED 🙏🐺)

IM TAKING A BREAK FROM SCHOOL RN BECAUSE I NEED TO MEET CERTAIN CONDITIONS TO BE ABLE TO COME BACK ON CAMPUS 😭😭 AND I MIGHT NOT BE ON TUMBLR AS MUCH SO HERES MY DISC (mikikoo.o) AGAIN IM SO SO SOOO SORRY FOR NOT CHECKING IN AND STUFF I PROMISE IM TRYING TO BE MORE ACTIVE 😔💔

I STARTED WATCHING MOB PYSCHO AND ITS SO GOOD OMG⁉️⁉️ TBH WHEN I GOT BACK INTO ANIME I THOUGHT I WOULD ONLY WATCH JJK BUT NOW IM GETTING INTO OTHER SHOWS🤗🤗

AND I GOT BACK INTO ARTTTT YAYYYY CUS I HAD A HUGEEE ART BLOCK BEFORE BUT IM GLAD IM DRAWING AGAIN 🙏🙏

ALSO YES I KNOW ANON IS OFF CUS THIS IS AN ALPHA ANON REVEAL 😈🐺 ALSO I WANNA GET INTO POSTING STUFF BUT IDK WHAT TO POST 😔💯

SO EXCITED FOR SJAP WEEKENDDDD OMFJENEBDNEJEBE ‼️‼️ BUT MAKE SURE UR NOT TOO TIRED ITS OKAY IF WERE EDGED 💗💗🤗

ALSO HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL PURPLE EYED ONIGIRI SPEAKING BF TOGE 🤗💗🤤

SORRY THIS ONE IS SO SHORTTTT ‼️‼️💯 ILL MAKE SURE TO DO A LONGER ONE TMRW + I BELIEVE I HAVE ONE IN UR INBOX⁉️⁉️ UNLESS I FORGOT TO SEND THAT ONE 😔😔

ALSO AOTD… NONE TODAY 😭😭 SORRY I REALLY NEED TO KEEP MY ASKS UP TO DATE 😔😔😔

QOTDDDDDD WHAT ARE U GONNA BE FOR HALLOWEEN??? (Idk if I did this one alr or not if I did then sorry 😢💔)

OKOK I HOPE U HAVE A VERY VERY SKIBIDI AMAZING DAY SIGMA ILYSMMMM TAKW CARE🤗🤗🤗 #BLESSUP😇‼️

MIKO!!! <333

hi lovely i meant to answer this last time but i completely forgot and the ask ended up glitching😭 hi hello how are you angel i hope you are well!! <3

btw NEWS GUYS!! miko is alpha anon🙂‍↕️ if you can’t tell already… HOORAY!! another anon revealed!!! i’m so glad you’re healing and taking precautions on getting better lovely! i’m so glad you’re here with us again :) ERM SO!!!! i’ve just been working LITCH that’s it. my life is so boring atm i honestly just want to start uni so i can have something more FULFILLING but omg i’m meeting up with my long distance friend VERY SOON so i’m sosososo excited like i miss her BAD😭 it’s been 551 days since we last saw eachother 💔

OOOOO okay i’ll add you on discord after i send this ask but that’s totally okay!! do what you need to do to get better🙂‍↕️ we’ll definitely talk more on there too! OOOOO mob psycho is def on my list after i finish aot and bsd🙏 i wanna start demon slayer again TOO rahhh so many things to do!!!! YAY FOR ART BLOCK BEING OVER!! blocks in general SUCK but the relief after is SO GOOD🗣️🗣️🔥 WHOOP i’m glad you can post pictures now.. heh… 😈

IM SUPER EXCITED FOR SJAP WEEKEND AND SJAP HALLOWEEN!!! i’m like shaking in my boots.. DONT WORRY ITS DEF GETTING POSTED THIS WEEK🤫🤫🙇‍♀️ also i litch missed my favs birthday too😓 the ONE day i wasn’t on tumblr it was his birthday KMS💔💔 HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY THO KING!! UR FINE!! DONT STRESS!! also i do not believe i have any other of ur asks in here 😭 UNLESS MY INBOX IS GLITCHED OUT BUT I’LL DOUBLE CHECK!!!

AOTD‼️ I AM DRESSING UP AS MAXINE MINX !!!! i am sososoos excited for it to debut i did a practice run and god it looks so fire HBY🫵

ILY TOO MIKO/ALPHA!!! <33 HAVE A SUPER SKIBIDI DAY😏😏

[rrxnjun]

IM SORRY FOR ANSWERING SO SUPER LATE LIFE GOT SO HECTIC ALL OF THE SUDDEN☹️

STILL WITH THE TAKE THE STAIRS FIC U GAVE ME LIFE WITH IT ACTUALLY IT WAS SO NICE TO JUST TURN MY BRAIN OFF AND READ IT SO I THANK U FOR IT!! and like actually need a jaemin in my life istg!! AND THE SAME GOES FOR THE TEASER OF UR NEW CHENLE FIC!!! IT ALREADY SEEMS SO FUN!! SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! 🥳🤭

I AGREE I WOULD ALSO RATHER JUST GOOGLE THE END OF THE SHOW!!

AHH I HOPE U FOUND SOME ARTISTS SINCE THEN!!! AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF UR DAY AND TRANSLATING FOR ME!! IM SURE U ARE VERY BUSY AS WELL SO THANK U SO MUCH I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!🥹🥹💝💓 and my god the lyrics are so☹️☹️☹️ it's just such a great song and now it even got so much better with understanding it!!!🥲

WELL IF IT DOES HAPPEN I WILL BE HERE XD parents smh /j (but like actually i understand them cuz traveling alone can be risky☹️) thank u i hope we will figure something out if it does happen🥹🥹

IM GLAD THAT U ARE DONE WITH ONE OF UR ESSAYS ALREADY!! AND I HOPE SINCE MY LAST ASK U STILL ARE DOING GOOD WITH UR SCHOOL WORK AND STUFF🥳

I LOVE UR POSTS THERE LMAO SO DONT BE SORRY and ofc i agree!!! zach was my fav from the why dont we boys🤭 OH MY I HAVENT HEARD ABOUT THE VAMPS IN AGES damn now i'm gonna go and listen to them😵‍💫(also saw that u turned into a treasure stan🫣 and ur take on jikjin!! it's such a great song glad u listened to it!!!)

(liebestraum anon💕 and sorry if i disappear again and for writing a lot i swear i will try and keep it short for once☹️)

AHH ITS TOTALLY OKAY!!!! cant say i didnt miss you but i ofc understand that u have your own life and responsibilities and such,, so dont worry about it🤍🤍 AND THANK U SM AGAIN!!!

DJDJSJ MY CHENLE FIC IS FUN BUT THEN IT GETS DEPRESSING REAL QUICK SO UHHH HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR SOME ANGST ;-; (also i started rewriting liebestraum. just thought i'd let you know<3)

im super glad u enjoyed my translation!! the lyrics are really screamable in my opinion,,, and i also hope i did them justice however i bet i did a better job than all of the ones i saw online :p its not the best artistic lyricism but i like it nonetheless DJSK sometimes u need simple songs to jam to.

travelling alone COULD be risky </3 me and my uni friends randomly travelled to vienna last week because it was warm out and we thought our seasonal depression was finally over and i love me some spontaneous decisions but also it was so anxiety inducing bc it was my first time going abroad with no supervision 😭😭 we had SO much fun but also the stress we were put through to find the bus platform back home ??? never again. was so bad that i broke my 5 month streak of not smoking bc i had to calm myself down somehow and then i was put through the stress of buying cigarettes in german when i caNT SPEAK GOOD GERMAN but 10/10 i would do it again and it made me more confident abt travelling with friends so i WILL drag my equally spontaneous uni friends to budapest as soon as i can. (please tell me they speak at least a little english there)

I AM ACTUALLY DONE W 4 ESSAYS NOW WHOOP WHOOP ‼‼‼ 4 MORE TO GO BUT IM DOING WELL NO STRESS SO FAR. HOPE YOUR SCHOOL IS GOING WELL TOO!

wait do u rlly bc i think im so annoying on there sometimes like girl chill😭😭 but ZACH WAS ALWAYS MY FAV TOO altho i did have a daniel phase. I havent listened to the vamps in ages either i should catch up or sum ;-;

omg dont mention the teumefication of bar i wont admit it to myself yet DHSKSK however jikjin is now my fav song and i fear seeing my 2023 spotify wrapped bc of it now. ive also been watching a concerning amount of treasure map and finding myself in love with jihoon but thats...not important rn.

ill be waiting for u liebestraum anon!!! dw abt sending long asks i always look forward to them🤍 hope your days are filled with joy mwah

[airikki]

controversial opinion: atla is not perfect and most certainly has it flaws and the reason why millennials criticize modern kid-oriented media by comparing it to atla is cuz theyre blinded by nostalgia and think their media is superior to that of gen z kids

No TV show, no movie, is ever perfect. A perfect piece of media does not exist. You may see posts or memes about how Avatar: The Last Airbender is perfect, but they’re all clearly jokes. Because not one TV show is perfect. ATLA certainly has flaws. There are some things that could have been better, sure, and not all fans agree the same on which aspects were good, or bad or unnecessary. 

Moving on. I’m not sure who you follow on here, but I personally have not seen millennials (or a trend of them) criticising kid-orientated media, or comparing it to ATLA in a negative light. Most millennials (or early Gen Z - us 22ish-18ish year olds) don’t use ATLA as the benchmark, but as the springboard. ATLA helped kid-orientated media become what it is today. It was a serialised animated show, aired on nickelodeon, aimed at kids, and it had a continual storyline, amazing animation, and themes not many shows were presenting to kids in the mid 2000s. 

It showed networks what kid-orientated animation could be, and inspired a generation of artists to go on and follow in their wake. Again, I don’t know who you follow, but many people I follow celebrate the animation of today - even if its target audience is kids. (Adventure Time, Gravity falls, Steven Universe, The Dragon Prince, Voltron…the list goes on). 

Not all kids animated shows are going to be loved by older generations, or appeal to them, and they shouldn’t. There was certainly many ‘eh’ cartoons I watched alongside ATLA when I was younger, that I have a nostalgia for but wouldn’t sit down and re-watch every year. Movies with Mikey did an amazing video called ‘Lessons Animation Taught Us’, and it looks at how nostalgia can alter how we perceive the media from our childhood, but also how it can have taught us important lessons or values that we did not appreciate when we first watched it. 

Were I to do a video like that, looking at ATLA, I think it would be the piece of media that taught me a lot without me evening realising. (It explores genocide, abuse, sexism, ableism, the effects of war, the importance of balance in your life and the wider world, respecting other people’s views…the list goes on… maybe you don’t agree with the portrayal of it, but it is there). I didn’t appreciate these when I was a kid, I just watched episodes (and not all of them) and had a fun ride. 

I totally understand how people can be possessive of the media they grew up with, and the often toxic environment that is adults who are in fandoms for kid-orientated shows. Maybe unfollow anyone who is like that, but ATLA, for me, is not something that is only good due to nostalgia. I cannot separate the nostalgia from the show, but I can look at it objectively for a bit, and see that it stands on its own just fine. 

TL:DR - you can have the opinion that atla is overrated, and maybe that’s fair, but I don’t think atla only has merit on the basis of nostalgia. I’m sorry if you’ve been unfortunate to see people criticise one media only to praise another, but there are many of us who don’t see atla as superior, just one of the many animated shows out there to enjoy.   

[callmertgamecrowd]

If ace attorney brain rot wasn't distracting enough, now one of my topics uses "AAI" as an abbreviation

[gayandvibin]

Planning for nanowrimo? Bold of you to assume I remembered that November is the next month in the year.

[lostdances]

.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

some funny volume thing came up on my windows laptop the other week where you could pick if you wanted it to sound like “rock music” or “live music” recordings etc.... and now i cant turn it off.  i selected the “rock music” setting.... so everything has an echo on it for some reason.... even through the speakers lmao. but it does make music sound so much better; but with the virtual uni event that im attending rn in another tab, that has an echo on people speaking as well lmao. how on earth did i get to these settings lmao whoops

[thefaultinourforcebond]

your gifs are so nice! how do you make your gifs? any app or website suggestions?

LIAR. They look mediocre!

I deleted photoshop a long time ago to make room for my uni softwares so all of my gifs that I’ve made in the past few years are made using...and i just know some of yall are going to be so horrified by this; imovie, whatever free photo/video editors i have in my phone and a gif converter.

This is how I make my gifs. Of course, different peeps has their own way of make them.

Step 1: Plan your gifset/what you want to gif.

Step 2: Download the vid in the highest quality possible.

Step 3: Put it in a video editor software. Take what you need. Adjust, speed, framing, lighting, colouring, all that jazz.

Step 4: Save and put it in the gif converter (My favourite because you can see a preview of your gif before saving)

Step 5: Pray. It the gif is wonky, the speed’s not right, go back to editing Step 3

Step 6: Cry, because the quality’s horrible and the colouring’s bad and everything is falling apart.

Step 7: Repeat Step 1 with a different idea or go back to Step 3.

Step 8: Whoops i forgot the watermark. Go back to Step 3. Or skip, bc im tired.

Step 9: Repeat Step 3 three to seven more times for a gifset.

Step 9: Oh shoot, I have to think of a caption.

Step 10: Arrange, tag like your life depends on it, post on tumblr.

I started making my own gifs bc i hate stealing/saving others’ gifs for my meta, header or reaction posts. I know some of my talented moots are appalled with me rn but really from the bottom of heart Nonny, thank you so much for the complement. I appreciate it. And thank you all who also enjoy my creations too <3

[friiday-thirteenth]

oh look friday’s ranting again but this time it’s abt school

why tf do i have to make decisions abt my future rn like bitch i just. im fucking. i have three more years of school after this one im pretty fucking sure i don’t need to worry abt what i want to do rn.

also. theres so few options to do shit in NCEAs? like. we have six subjects. three are already chosen at lvl 1 - english, mathematics, religious studies (whoop-dee-fucking-do we love catholic school) and then science is ‘highly recommended‘ which basically means you only get out of it if there’s literally no point in you continuing

and then i get two more subjects. there’s so fucking many to chose from. societies and citizenship, history, geography (ew but i am good at bullshitting answers), resistant materials (woodwork), engineering, design, accounting, outdoor ed, physical education and a whole shitton more and like. I only get two?

and it’s gonna be even more painful when maths splits into two (calculus and statistics) and science splits into. uhh. chemistry biology and physics? maybe one more idk. that’s in year thirteen and i-

bc i like maths, i like science, i like english, i like phys. ed and outdoor ed., i like woodwork, I like so many things and I could do them all without strain (yes ik there’d be strain i just mean if my brain either a) stopped fucking with me or b) i actually get diagnosed with whatever the fucks wrong with me then i’d be under regular pressure)

like rn. im passing maths with excellences. im passing english with excellences. science with excellences. everything else im like, top 3% of the class (even in pe bc like. I actually try and im not shit at it.) I’m fucking fine with everything (apart from my brain but meh).

i literally have to narrow down my future (and it is my future bc this does impact uni choices and shit) by the end of this year and i hate it

also the fucking audacity of them to focus around christianity and catholicism and not mention the shit the church did like jfc. guys you are being fucking stupid bc there are kids like me that can and will debate the teacher. I call teachers out when they’re wrong and ik that’s like. smart person being a fucking arsehole but if they’re wrong and it’s impacting a class then im gonna say something.

we can’t switch religious studies until year 13 and thats like. to theology, which would either be looking at ethics of christianity or religion depending on the year you get

like what the fuck guys i don’t want to do this i don’t want it

and also they’ve instituted this goddamn capabilities class that’s like, here’s all the expectations we have for you! complete them or we get to yell at you! and what the f u c k what the f u c k what the fuckity fuck fuck.

in conclusion school hell and wants to fuck up my life </3

[not-from-your-town]

tagged by @killjoysofthekorn​ thank youuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!

Are you staying home from work/school?: all my uni classes have moved online which is sweet (not really bc i liked being on campus and seeing friends there but whatever), so i’ve been studying from home

If you are staying home, who is there with you?: my parents, my sister and my cat (bb i love her <3)

Are you a homebody?: depends,,, sometimes i’d rather stay in and do my own thing at home but rn i really miss hanging out w/ my buddy chum pals. especially bc i found out a bar near me has guitar hero nights and now that’s all shut down :(

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?: I WAS GONNA GO TO DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL AND SEE MCR AND DEFTONES AND WEAR MY KNOCK OFF TRIPPS THAT HAVE BEEN IN THE WORKS FOR FOREVER BUT A WEEK OUT FROM THE EVENT THEY CANCELLED AND IM SO MAD BRO I WAS SO READY >:’(

What movies are you watching?: my parents and i are going thru and watching all the best picture winners, we’ve jumped around and skipped a few movies but the general idea is that we’re gonna watch them in order from 2020 to 1928(?), my faves have been Moonlight and No Country for Old Men, and the next film lined up is The Artist

What shows are you watching?: none (jk there’s one but im so scared of spoilers i haven’t told anyone lol (its like 10 years old, make of that what you will))

What music are you listening to?: OCEAN GROVE, my sick ass gunslingers playlist, Fastlove by George Michael, and Static-X

What are you reading?: oh god i started Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks in february with the intent of finishing that month and starting a new book in march but i have not fiNISHED IT YET WHOOPS

What are you doing for self care?: been going for walks with my sister which has been real nice, i’ve also been trying to shower and not let myself fall into “look i’m not going out anytime soon so i don’t have to shower as often”, might make myself a bath sometime soon ooh, i’ve also been trying to draw more ye ye

im taggingggggg anyone who wants to do this :)

[studyplants]

abc tag

rules: answer the questions, and tag blogs you would like to get to know better

- I was tagged by the lovely @bbangstudies 💖

A - age: turning 18 on the 28th!

B - birthplace: US

C - current time: 12:51 a.m - I can’t sleep rn because I was a Fool and drank caffeinated tea too late at night)

D - drink you last had: green tea (see previous response)

E - easiest person to talk to: my dog??

F - favourite songs: currently it’s georgy girl by the seekers, wenn du tanzt by von wegen lizbeth, and silverchair by whenyoung? my faves change like every 5 mins though

G - grossest memory: I Accidentally Sneezed on a Friend Once... not my proudest moment

H - horror yes or horror no: Im such a chicken ? I can’t handle horror movies whoops

I - in love: yes!

J - jealous: I try not to be

K - kiss or be kissed: be kissed :)

L - love at first sight or should I walk by again: walk by again!! getting to know ppl first is v important to me

M - middle name: it starts with a y... take a guess lol

N - number of siblings: 2

O - one wish: I really hope that my first year of uni goes well!! lowkey stressed about moving to another country

P - last person you called: my boyfriend

Q - question you are always asked: are you british? (no)

R - reasons to smile: art, friends, dogs

S - song you last sang: call me by blondie

T - time you woke up: 8:15ish

U - underwhelming experience: this summer oops i had rly high hopes for The Summer Before College

V - vacation destination: I’d really love to see more of Italy + travel around Germany and France to name a few! My list of ideal travel destinations could go on forever, though...

W - worst habit: I’m painfully indecisive and don’t handle criticism well

X - x-ray: i’ve gotten x-rays at the dentist if that counts?

Y - your favourite food: cheesecake, mangoes, shakshuka, pad thai

Z - zodiac sign: virgo

TAGGING: @studyquill @logarlthms @afternaomi @birdkostudies @study-like-you-mean-it @eintsein @obsidianstudy @studykouffee @post--grad

[ksjknj]

IM SORRY do you want me to stop i don't want to make you uncomfortable, ur excitement and kindness just makes u cute plus you've been putting up w my dumbass asks so there's that. ah that's so exciting that you're experimenting with your fashion!! 💕💕 joon would be so happy and proud awww how would you describe your style rn do you think? and gosh y e s they really are the best rap line, so intense and so passionate about music but such DORKS as well they're just. they own my heart 💞💞💞

uncomfortable?? oh no no no pls i’m lowkey loving it ahdks you’re too kind and sweet to me and are no way in hell making me uncomfortable i promise!! so no worries really i’m just extremely flattered (also what dumbass asks?? idk what you’re talking about i only know extremely kind and adorable asks so nO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE ON ABOUT SORRY)

ahsjdkds n thank you for saying that?? ‘m just sorta kinda trying to find myself .. bc with uni being extremely busy i just throw on whatever in the morning n i’ve been mostly wearing oversized stuff (which i love, don’t get me wrong) but i kinda wanna try the more ... nice stuff too? since it’s summer n really hot rn i’d say my style is A Mess ahjdk but i bought some pretty coats to wear once autumn starts so uhh i’m gonna try fancier things again? if that makes senee asjddks but yeah my style really is all over the place i’m in skinny black jeans and an oversized pink hoodie one day and in a fancy button up and black trousers next gosh i really jump from one to another so fast

THEY ARE !!!! GOSH I LOVE THEM TONS i’d include another pic right here god they’re wonderful and seeing them create all those songs... .wow. . .watch me listen to ddaeng on repeat for the next few days whoops

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim.